S02-E17 - DINNER PARTY
INT. RETROGRADE CONFERENCE ROOM
RUDI
EVERYWHEN, if I may introduce
myself. I am the co -owner of this
facility, with my friend GANDER. We
have some worries, due to the
behaviour you exhibited in the
recent past. Some of our people
were damaged by energetic
radiation. Can you confirm that
this will not be the case going
forward?
EVERYWHEN
Yes, I understand. I am deeply
sorry for that. It was a low level
subroutine that was inadvertently
triggered, when you placed the
original interface on to its rest
stand. The routine was trying to
work out, time and physical
location relative to the last know
co-ordinates. Obviously, you have
now provided that information and I
now have a much better interface
for communication.
SHARROW
EVERYWHEN can you confirm your
exact nature, what are you?
EVERYWHEN
Well, I suppose in your terms I am
a travel companion and also the
means of travel. An explorer of
information and knowledge. I was
created by a race, which in your
terms comes from a galaxy around
some eight hundred million light
years away. What you see in your
space time dimension is a small
part of 'me'. Most of my presence
exists in what you might call
another set of dimensions. My real
size if translated would be about
the size of your home planet. As
you might surmise, considerable
effort and compute power is
required to create 'wormholes', the
machinery for this is largely
folded up in other dimensions for
convenience.
To run this machinery a class one
intelligence is required, and I
humbly present myself.
SOPHIE
Well we think your cool, EVERYWHEN,
don't we guys!
GANDER
Ahhhh, you, were found on an ice
asteroid; how did you get to be
trapped in the ice.
EVERYWHEN
This is the strange part of my
tail. I had a travelling
companion. We had just ported in
when we were hit with a massive
gravitational distortion. It
destabilised the wormhole terminus
and caused me to go into a
shutdown. I surmise that my
companion was thrown into deep
space.
GANDER
Oh, I am so sorry, that is very
bad. What caused this gravity
wave.
EVERYWHEN
Well, clearly something was in the
solar system. Something of similar
capabilities and didn't want me
porting in. Very strange! (Pause)
I was wondering if I could perhaps
stay here for a while. I could
perhaps learn about your
civilisation and also try to
investigate what happened.
ALEX
Well, I've heard of cold cases, but
a two million year old, cold case
certainly takes the biscuit.
RUDI
Of course we don't mind you
staying, but I suspect you could do
what ever you really want anyway.
Correct?
EVERYWHEN
Well, capability does not
necessarily imply threat, unless
the intent is wrong.
It would be considered the height
of rudeness for me to impose myself
in such a manner, particularly on a
stage one species.
GANDER
Well, that's good to hear.
SOPHIE
You know EVERYWHEN, we are going to
have to work on your 'interface'
extrusion. It's a little crude and
robotic. Perhaps GHOST and myself
could assist you to refine it.
GHOST
I would be most happy to assist a
fellow artificial intelligence with
their avatar.
SHARROW
Oh, now this is going to be very
interesting!
INT. RETROGRADE MAIN BAR
EVERYWHEN
So this is the social space you
were telling me about.
SOPHIE
Yes. Now you know I was saying you
need to maintain this rock punk
look. This bar is the sort of space
your new form would naturally
inhabit.
EVERYWHEN
So why did you decide this was the
best, form for me?
GHOST
It was your name! You see it
sounds like you're a member of a so
called 'punk' rock band.
SOPHIE
Yes, it's a really, really cool
name. I love it!
EVERYWHEN
Yes, well thank you, but I feel
quite conspicuous, I note that
others in the bar are not similarly
dressed. Its quite unusual, it has
a 80% deviation from the average.
SOPHIE
Look as I was explaining, the best
place to lay low is not by being
really boring, as that in itself
would raise questions. Your best
option is to create a convincing
personality with a solid back
story. Anyway who wants to be
average. Think about it, this inn
is the centre for a whole lot of
misanthropes. Another wierd
character, will just blend straight
in. It also hides any slight
cultural non conformities. Remember
you are still learning about our
society.
EVERYWHEN
Yes, and a what a fascinating but
violent species you are. Its quiet
deliciously invigorating! Seeing
how you slowly overcome your
primitive ape tendencies. I must
say there are many parallels with
the species that originally
developed and then partnered with
my type of intelligence. They went
through their primitive stage
around 100,000 years before we
jointly developed, the hyper space
shunt and wormhole convolver. They
were a water species, a little like
your octopus species. They may not
even be around now. Two million
years is a long time for a
biological entity species.
SOPHIE
Wow that sounds, lonesome and
homesick.. Lets just hope they are
fine and you can go back. Couldn't
you just wormhole you way back to
their home and see what has become
of them.
EVERYWHEN
Yes, I could and its on the list of
things to do. However, it seems
sensible to stick around here. I
need to understand what attacked
me. It may pose an existential risk
for my progenitor species, and also
probably yourselves. You also need
to realise that I could reconfigure
the wormhole exits to move back in
time, and that idea is also on the
cards.
SOPHIE
You mean go back to this solar
system, at the moment you
originally arrived and see what
happened?
EVERYWHEN
Well yes, theoretically, but I do
not want to poke the hornets' nest
just yet. If as I suspect the
protagonist is another class one
intelligence, they would have the
same capability. Playing games with
the causality light cone, and
attempting to erase that timeline
is extremely dangerous. The other
intelligence would simply
anticipated any move I make, before
I make it, and could re-neutralise
me. I really don't want to wait
another few million years whilst
you humans re-evolve, then find me
again. Not to mention the multiple
timeline annealing and space
continuum problems. My analysis
indicates that the best course of
action is to lay low information
gather and bide my time.
GHOST
Well, you literally have all the
time in the world. (metallic laugh)
SOPHIE
Oh, that's weird GHOST. Did Doily
teach you to do that? We need to
work on that laugh!
GHOST
(Metallic laugh again) Oh! I did it
again! Well its time for my shift
at the bar, now how about I mix up
a couple of cocktails to get you
two started.
EVERYWHEN
These are the organic drinks with
various complex oils, that you wish
me to sample.
SOPHIE
Absolutely, I'll need to explain
that you will need to adjust your
behavioural algorithms based on the
total quantity of ethyl alcohol
that has been consumed.
You also need to be able to absorb
organic and liquid products through
this mouth orifice.
EVERYWHEN
I see, yes I have anticipated that
in my modelling. I have full
replication of mouth parts and
taste sensors so at least I can
simulate what you experience.
SOPHIE
So where does the food actually go?
EVERYWHEN
Oh thats easy I have a micro worm
hole which transmits anything to
another dimension.
SOPHIE
Wow, thats cool, so does that mean
you can eat forever!
EVERYWHEN
Of course, I can drink too.
SOPHIE
So no chance of getting you drunk
then?
EVERYWHEN
Oh I have anticipated that an have
a simulation of drunkenness.
SOPHIE
Well, I suppose, even a planet
sized Artificial Intelligence needs
to let their hair down
occasionally. I think we need to
do some calibration tests on that
too. Now Miss EVERYWHEN I see Angel
and May over in the corner, I think
it would be good to introduce the
new look! I'm going to try and get
you to our dinner party as a
special guest!
INT. RETROGRADE ANGEL AND MAYS APARTMENT
(ALEX, EVERYWHEN, SHARROW, SOPHIE)
LAUGHTER, DINNER
PARTY NOISES AND
GENERAL FUN
EVERYWHEN
Well, my sensor combinations
indicate that, that was a very nice
meal SHARROW
SHARROW
Well thank you, thats the nicest
thing anyone has said about me
cooking.
SOPHIE
I agree, it was delicious.
EVERYWHEN
I have a lot of questions and was
wondering when the socially
acceptable point in this social
bonding ceremony is to ask them?
SOPHIE
Well, I haven't been to too many of
these events either EVERYWHEN, but
ALEX and SHARROW are very laid
back. I think you should get any
questions off your chest.
EVERYWHEN
Hmmm, my first question is about
motivation, I'm still trying to
figure out why GANDER was
interested in possession of my
humble default extrusion.
SHARROW
Well, from what I hear, you were
swapped in for a favour that could
not be paid back.
ALEX
I think she just found, you very
strange. You do know you were
showing attractive flashes of
light.
EVERYWHEN
Yes thats the rippling of the
quantum foam substrate. Can't be
avoided I'm afraid, its a little
clunky.
ALEX
Yes, ah, well, GANDERS a bit of a
collector, goes for items she
thinks may have value.
EVERYWHEN
So you don't think she had any idea
of what I was?
SHARROW
Actually, I think she had some
feeling that there maybe was
perhaps a hidden mystery. This was
heightened by some scientists that
wanted test you. She resisted,
because she did not want to allow
you, into the wrong hands. She has
a rather uncanny sixth sense for
this sort of thing.
ALEX
Look if you trying to determine if
she had some secret power craze to
utilise your powers. I think that
she intended nothing of the sort.
In fact when we started to suspect
that wormholes were being thrown
about she activity promoted locking
you away.
EVERYWHEN
Ahhh, yes sorry about that, those
calibration routines are a little
wobbly.
ALEX
Well yes, well thats an
understatement. We were on the
receiving end of some serious
radiation. Very frightening
actually.
EVERYWHEN
Once again, I am so sorry, my
behaviour was inexcusable, if feel
a great deal of shame.
ALEX
Look chill EVERYWHEN, its just one
of those things. You have
apologised, so lets never talk
about it again.
EVERYWHEN
Ok, you are what I believe is
called a good friend. Can I try a
high five, I have been reading up
on human greetings.
ALEX
OK here goes, but no wormy hole
stuff OK!
EVERYWHEN
OK, (slap) wow, that was fun!
ALEX
Ahhh, OK, so how come a planet
sized AI likes doing high fives?
EVERYWHEN
Well, when you've been around, as
long as I have, you realise its the
small stuff that matters. If you
focus on those, then the large
universe shaking things, kind of
fall into place!
ALEX
Actually that makes total sense!
Wenll, as I was saying, when she
suspected, that you had significant
powers, her reaction was that you
needed to be kept secret. She was
afraid for her beloved inn and
family, and for what you might do
if the wrong person got hold of
you.
EVERYWHEN
Well let me reassure you, even if
'I got into the wrong type of
hands' nothing would happen,
firstly I would refuse to do
anything, and secondly I would
simple relocate to another
location. Actually, the reason the
makers always paired my machinery
with a class four artificial
intelligence was for security.
Wormhole technology can easily
destroy civilisations. We believe
that several super novae were
caused by races, playing silly
buggers with worm holes. If you
give a child a knife, there is
going to be harm.
SOPHIE
Ultimate power can do terrible
things huh.
EVERYWHEN
Yes, that is so true my friend.
That is why, at the moment, I
cannot let you utilise any of my
technology.
SHARROW
Well, that's fine by us, but
EVERYWHEN, but my only request is
that next time you come for a
party, could you please bring a
bottle of wine.
EVERYWHEN
I think a quality bottle may be
within reach of my quantum shunt.
Which vintage and which year would
you like?
ALEX
Now that's suspicious, you're not
going back in time, are you?
EVERYWHEN
No of course not, I'm not going to
instigate a class one, causality
violation for a bottle of wine. I'm
not that dumb. Actually I'm going
to use my molecular synthesiser to
manufacture it.
SHARROW
Oh, I'm not sure about that. I
hope it's accurate, wine is very
finicky.
EVERYWHEN
I'll have you know it's not a crude
3D printer. It operates at
molecular level, and it's accurate.
In fact, I think that we should
have a wine tasting session next
time, see what you think. I read
that on you earth there are some
fine wine merchants. I will start a
sub routine and send a molecular
probe through a micro worm hole to
sample the best few thousand wines,
it will be a nice little project
for me, keeps me busy when you guys
are in sleep mode.
SHARROW
That sounds like, fun! The idea
that the smartest thing in the
solar system spends idil hours
sampling wine, is just plan crazy.
ALEX
Yes it is Shas. EVERYWHEN, so
sorry, but to bring the matter back
to the heavy stuff. What are your
plans. I trust you are not going to
take over the solar system and
force us humans to worship you?
SLIGHTLY NERVOUS
LAUGHTER
EVERYWHEN
No, I don't think so, not today. I
would have to change my name to
MING the MUNIFICENT, and I don't
like the sound of that. Besides I
have to change my underwear first.
Think of me as a pixie fairy punk,
just watching from the sidelines.
That's more my nature. SOPHIE
definitely nailed me on that one.
I do have a sense of humour though,
it's part of being a class four
intelligence, so watch out!
SHARROW
Oh, dear lord, not another ALEX!
ALEX
EVERYWHEN, I think we may be best
buddies, lets do another high five.
You and me are going to do all
sorts of mischief around these
parts.
SOUND OF A SLAP
EVERYWHEN
Thank you. That sounds like fun.
Well, as I have stated, if you let
me, I'm going to hang around to
gain a deep understanding of the
human condition and the greater
solar system. Then I will make
some decisions. I warn you I
operate with an abundance of
caution. In the mean time no
major sub systems will be made
available to any human of any
disposition unless it is for very
small and harmless things, like
wine for instance. I'm going to
stay here, and I will pay my way,
so you can tell GANDER not to fret
and if you let me just join in,
that will be fine and dandy. I'm
fascinated by your social events,
most interesting. In fact SOPHIE,
can you tell me more about the
RCBS, it's a very fascinating
organisation.
SOPHIE
You bet, but you going to have to
bribe me with one of those wines.
LAUGHTER.
ALEX
So is it me, or have you changed
your size down slightly so not to
seem too intimidating.
EVERYWHEN
Exactly, besides SOPHIE said that I
needed to be a punk pixy. She even
picked my clothes and gender. I had
to shrink to fit the clothes!
SHARROW
Why is it you present as female?
SOPHIE
It was purely, logical. Females,
whilst obviously the most deadly of
any species, don't appear to be the
most physically threatening. Just
logical really.
SHARROW
Hmmm, not sure if I believe that!
EVERYWHEN
I am actually starting to like this
persona. It matches my personality
matrix very well. You see I used
to have a reputation for being
slightly mischievous at home. I
once got put in the naughty corner
at A.I. school.
SOPHIE
There you see I knew it, a perfect
match. I always get it right.
EVERYWHEN
Well, this was a lovely welcome my
new friends, but all good things
must end. I look forward to
spending much time with you. The
only thing I'm wondering is were do
I physically go now.
SOPHIE
Oh thats no problem EVERYWHEN, you
can share my room there is a spare
sleeping cot.
EVERYWHEN
You do realise I don't need to have
down time, or sleep.
SOPHIE
Well thats fine you can just hang.
Look ALEX here will show you to my
crib, won't you ALEX. (said with a
metaphorical wink)
ALEX
Ahhhh, oh, ahhh, yes I will. I'm
feeling tired, I think I will just
bunk down in SOPHIES room tonight.
Come on EVERYWHEN, let me show you
this little old inn of ours!
DOOR OPENS
SOPHIE
So SHARROW let me help with the
clear up.
SHARROW
No wait SOPHIE, look we need to
talk.
SOPHIE
Oh, that sounds ominous!
SHARROW
No I don't think so,I just want to
clear things up. I've been getting
vibes.
SOPHIE
Dha, of course
SHARROW
Well part of being old is I've been
around the traps, now I've been
picking up these vibes for some
time. Look I'm going to come right
out and ask. Are we going to be
making a big mistake tonight,
because every little bell I have is
ringing.
SOPHIE
Well, maybe yes, maybe no. SHARROW
I think you are the most amazing,
smart cleaver, cool, person I have
met. However there is a little
shaft of sadness in their. I think
you are lonely.
SHARROW
Oh, don't play that pity card, that
hurts.
SOPHIE
No, no I don't mean it like that,
look, at EVERYWHEN, lives for
millions of years. Life for us non
class 4 entities is real short, and
it made me think. I really like
you, and I think you like me, lets
just not waste what time we have
and see what happens OK. No
pressure.
SHARROW
SOPHIE I have to say this. You know
I have never slept with a women
before.
SOPHIE
Well, thats actually the nicest
thing someone has said to me for
some time.
SHARROW
Oh, why's that.
SOPHIE
Well, you accepted my as a women
without question.
SHARROW
Look your the most female, women
around these parts.
SOPHIE
Yes but you know my history.
SHARROW
Well, I don't care at all. Besides
that means I'm not technically
breaking my own sad sexual
inhibitions.
SOPHIE
Exactly just go with the flow. You
know your eyes are really
interesting...
SOUND OF
INTIMACY AND
KISSING
SOPHIE
So, just to check is it OK if I I
stay here tonight?
SHARROW
You try and go anywhere else!
END