S3-E1-SCALLYWAGS
INT. GRAND ARRIVAL - 18 - 1
LOCATION: A&M OFFICE
A message is received from KRIS to say she is arriving at
short notice in a new space yacht. SHARROW informs
GANDER so they can prepare their own space dock.
A&M OFFICE AMBIENT,
COFFEE MACHINE
HISSING
SOPHIE
ALEX where is your best buddy
EVERYWHEN? I haven't seen him for
a few days, you guys are like
normally glued on?
ALEX
Yeah, well he is away. It was a
bit weird actually. On Tuesday he
came up and said he had some
investigative errands to run, and
that he need to shrink the
interface to keep a very low
profile and go miniature. He said
not to worry doesn't directly
affect New London or so he thinks.
SHARROW
That sounds heavy. Did he say
where he was going?
ALEX
No, but he said we would be the
first to know once he confirmed
some things.
SOPHIE
Intriguing! Having him around is
actually comforting. Its good to
know a planet sized A.I. Armed
with god knows what, is on our
side.
ALEX
Yes but I suspect it would take a
cataclysm to make him do anything
to help us.
SOPHIE
I don't want to alarm you guys but
I've been watching the door
camera's.
Have a look at this dude. Been
hanging around outside the door
with a funny hat. Do you think
it's suspicious.
SHARROW
What do you mean the hat or the
man?
SOPHIE
Ha, ha! Very funny.
SHARROW
Let me have a look. OK let me see,
oh, it's just old JED, I think he
is the father of one of the market
traders down from Encke's
Division. He comes up here just to
have a secret smoke. He is
harmless, just people watching.
SOPHIE
People watching, who has time for
that? I wonder if I will ever be
like him, letting life just pass
by. I think its kinda sad. What
happened to his partner?
SHARROW
Well apparently, apart from the
nagging, she passed away a few
years ago. From all accounts she
was a right old battle axe.
Perhaps that is why his is just
chill'n now.
SOPHIE
How on Earth do you know all this
stuff?
ALEX
Oh SHAS noticed him a few weeks
ago, 'people watching' its what
she specialises in. Then she
started to make some enquires with
GANDER. There was a suspicion that
he was surveilling our front door.
It's just what SHAS does naturally
SOPHIE.
SOPHIE
Oh, I didn't mean to be rude
SHARROW, Sorry!
SHARROW
Relax, ignore her she's just
winding you up!
SOPHIE
Thats a relief, I thought I had
dropped another social clanger!
COFFEE BEING MADE
SOPHIE
You know, the weird thing is, that
you two are way older than old
'JED', so technically you are both
allowed to people watch as well.
That explains SHAS's behaviour. I
understand now, its a sad old
person thing!
SHARROW
Don't I know it! Well if I start
to hang around doors in the
Bencubbin with a cigarette, let me
know will you.
SOPHIE
(Giggle) Sounds like one of those
old film 'blacks's' you keep going
on about.
SHARROW
It's not film 'black', it's film
Noir SOPHIE. Remind me to
introduce you to 'The Maltese
Falcon' sometime. Lots of good
detective tips and its looks
great. Its in black and white.
SOPHIE
What, are you saying its no shades
of grey in the moving pictures?
Is that why it is called a black?
I would get my money back, sounds
like you've been cheated with a
cheap copy.
SHARROW
No, you don't understand, it does
have shades of grey as well, it's
mean't to be like that. The 'noir'
refers to the mood, as much as the
print. It's from a time when they
couldn't do colour.
SOPHIE
How sexily primitive.
ALEX
SOPHIE don't listen to her. You
don't need to see it, it's not
going to help you for today's
detective work, just too primitive
like you say. No drones or mini
cams.
SHARROW
Yes, but general principles still
hold true. Not to mention that
the outfits are really cool.
(Pause) Anyway back to the
original conversation, just let
the guy be SOPHIE, he is not a
problem at all.
SOPHIE
I bet ALEX wanted to go out and
kick arse I can see she is getting
twitchy. Oh look A-Ray is about to
get that annoying fly.
A-RAY SOUNDS THEN A
SNAP AS THE MOUTHS
CLOSE.
ALEX
Well that solves that problem
then. You know he's been a lot
less aggressive these last few
weeks.
SOPHIE
Oh that's easy to explain, it's
those pictures I stuck on the wall
of other A'Rays in various
different pots and poses.
ALEX
Ah, A-ray pin ups! Go buddy!
(Pause) SHAS take a look at this.
I'm trying to get this miniature
camera drone to work, I can't get
it to focus.
SHARROW
Let me look. I don't suppose you
have looked at the manual?
ALEX
No of course not.
SHARROW
Well what do you expect! Let me
see focus settings page twenty
two. (Pause) Oh you dope, look you
haven't fitted the lens corrector.
SOPHIE
You know SHAS sometimes I can't
stop thinking of you as like the
'Mum' I never had. It's sexy when
you take control!
SHARROW
Oh, my God now we have the Oedipal
thing happening
ALEX
Dammed, with faint praise there
SHARROW. Got yah!
SHARROW
ALEX, just focus on the focus, so
to speak!
SOPHIE
Oh SHAS I didn't mean to offend
again!
SHARROW
It's OK SOPHIE, ignore her she is
just in a 'difficult' mood today.
SOPHIE
Yeah, totally (giggle). Well, I
just mostly ignore your comments
anyway, because lets face it, your
like so out of touch and just
plain old kill joys. I like to
maintain my happy space.
ALEX
Wow! Massive hit to the out field
and the crowd goes wild!
SHARROW
Really, SOPHIE do you think that
of me like that? Thats upsetting,
a little harsh perhaps.
SOPHIE
Chill SHAS, no of course not, just
winding you up, and its working.
(Giggle) Do you think you and me
would be hanging together if you
were such an old curmudgeon. I
actually think it makes you all
the more sexy! I love it, its good
to get another perspective on
life. Besides hanging with you is
always so much fun. My life has
never been so exciting. You guys
are like danger magnets, you just
attract what ever shit is going
down.
SHARROW
Well, I'm not sure I like the
sound of that!
ALEX
Well as I keep telling you, danger
is my middle name.
SHARROW
Yeh, the next middle name is
usually disaster!
DISTANT BLEEPING
NOISE
ALEX
Whats that! Are we under attack
(Pause) again?
SHARROW
Simmer down, take a chill pill. I
think its coming from the server
room. Probably just ZED causing a
small fire again!
WALKING AND OPENING
SERVER ROOM.
BLEEPING LOUDER
ZED
Oh! (Pause puzzled look) Hi guys,
what's up? (nervous like he has
done something wrong)
SHARROW
(Shouting) Whats that bleeping
noise! What's that bleeping. ZED
take the headphones off!
ZED removes headphones.
MUSIC IN HEAD
PHONES
ZED
What bleeping? Oh that bleeping.
Its coming from behind the server
racks. Oh!, It's the a-casual
box, let me see.
SOUNDS OF KEYBOARD
ZED
The only thing that it could be is
the urgent message warning.
ALEX
So do we need to change the
batteries on the damn thing?
ZED
No you dope, it runs off the mains
power, its a priority message
warning, totally normal, no panic.
Guys look you need to set up some
interrupts in your implants so
that these things are pushed to
the front of the display. You
shouldn't need an audible bleep
nowadays.
ALEX
Well, you always say that but I
like the settings I have. I like
to keep things (pause) simple.
SHARROW
Ain't that the truth. Let me see.
Ah ha, ah ha Oh! Now thats a
surprise!
ALEX
Good surprise or bad surprise?
SHARROW
Good surprise. Its KRIS she's
coming to visit! She says she has
a new ship, she will be here
tomorrow afternoon.
ALEX
Shit, thats quick I thought she
said back in a few months, whats
changed?
SHARROW
Well, the message is already five
hours old. I'll bet she has been
in transit for a couple of weeks.
It's a secret surprise visit!
(Pause) ZED next time the box
bleeps, can you physically contact
us just in case we are too stupid
to get the message.
ZED
Oh OK, (sigh) Sometimes looking
after you two, well its just like
looking after my dear old granny
or something.
SHARROW
Yes ZED, I know we appear like
complete dip shits, but please
accept, we do have some redeeming
features. Plus its not a good idea
to insult your employer.
ZED
Yes I know that, but sometimes I
just can't hold back.
ALEX
Buddy I was just like you, about
seventy years ago. My advice is
just keep you mouth shut. Look
where it got me, I was out of CIS
and running a run down agency
before you could snap your
fingers!
SHARROW
It wasn't that bad!
ALEX
Well, you know what I mean, anyway
ZED, its a good skill to learn.
Keep the trap shut!
ZED
Yeah, I suppose. Its not that I'm
not grateful, but sometimes I just
can't hold back my frustration.
ALEX
Yeah well that makes two of us,
but as much as I hate to admit it,
we kind of like having you around,
so just accept us as old farts
right.
SERVER DOOR CLOSE,
NOISE GOES DOWN
BLEEP AS SHARROW
SENDS COMMS
SHARROW
Gander hello are you there, hello!
GANDER
Yes hello, hello! Oh hang on this
wretched ear piece has just fallen
out.
SCRABBLING NOISE AS
EAR PIECE BEENING
INSERTED
GANDER
Hello , ok
SHARROW
GANDER Hi! I have some good news
for a change.
GANDER
Oh, that unusual. What is this
exciting and somewhat rare good
news?
SHARROW
KRIS has sent a message via the a
causal link that she will be
entering New London airspace
tomorrow. She is hauling out with
some new experimental ship, she
has been underway for two weeks.
Apparently its super fast and has
a Lorentz drive or something. She
has requested private berthing at
our dock.
GANDER
Lorentz, isn't that experimental,
very fast, uses vacuum energy or
something like that. We must get
our Dr CHEN to take a look at it.
I wonder how she got hold of that?
SHARROW
No idea, but you can ask her
shortly. I'm sure she will show
you around and tell you the full
story. Anyway I'm more excited
to see KRIS again, we really
didn't have enough time to catch
up when she was last here.
GANDER
OK, thanks for letting me know. I
appreciate it. Now I think this
little surprise needs some calls
to be made. Were going to need to
tidy up the vacuum bays and make
some room for this experimental
craft. I need to call RUDI to get
her up to speed. Thank you and
over and the out!
INT. WELCOME PARTY - 18 - 1.1
KRIS arrives in a very flash space yacht, obviously very
expensive. Gander and RUDI are amazed and slightly
jealous.
They roll out a grand arrival ceremony and KRIS is
introduced to SOPHIE and ZED and other member's of the
team.
LOCATION: Vacuum BAY Alpha
SOUND OF SHIP DOCK
OPENING, REVERSING
BLEEPING ETC.
PEOPLE TALKING AND
BAND REHERSING
ALEX
Wow, will you look at that little
beauty! Now that's what I call a
sports toy!
GANDER
Well, good looks are not
everything, sometime an ugly brute
is what you need. With lots of
guns and armour.
ALEX
Yeah totally, but come on GANDER
don't you wish you had something
like that.
GANDER
Well, I will admit, it has nice
feminine curves. I think the name
implies pleasure.
ALEX
Whats it called, I can't make it
out from this angle.
GANDER
Its called 'A Vision in a Dream'.
ALEX
The what?
SHARROW
'A Vision in a Dream', from the
poem.
ALEX
Sorry not helping SHAS
SHARROW
SOPHIE you studied Coleridge
didn't you?
SOPHIE
Oh, yes. (Giggle) It implies lots
of naughtiness.
ALEX
OK clever clogs, what are you two
on about.
SOPHIE
Well 'A Vision in a Dream',
implies a pleasure palace built by
Kubla Khan. Coleridge wrote a poem
of the same name after an opium
fuelled dream about Xanadu which
was the summer place of Chinese
emperor Kubla Khan.
ALEX
Ah, I get the idea, its a party
boat.
SOPHIE
(Giggle) Oh yeah baby!
CHEN
Well I don't care about all that,
I want to see what's under the
covers, thats what interests me.
DOILY
Yeah me to, going to take a
spanner to that beauty!
SHIP POWER RUNNING
DOWN
SHARROW
All in good time. You should all
be ashamed of yourselves eyeing up
the boat for what you can steal.
Its KRIS we should be focussing
on. You are all like a lot of
mercenary vultures waiting to pick
over the pieces of a dead body.
RUDI
(Clearing of throat) I should not
need to remind you SHARROW that in
fact we are mercenary vultures!
DOILY
Yeah, with big smelly feathers and
a big beak as well! Car caw, car
caw!
DOILY flaps imaginary wings and walks around.
ALEX
(Whispered) SHAS She's finally
lost her marbles.
DOILY
I can hear you, thank you. (Crow
noise) I have not lost my marbles,
that Lorenz drive is research
level mil. spec. We need it! That
ship is sexy as all hell. I'm
going to have me some seduction
and lift its little old cover
right open.
SHARROW
Well I didn't mean to offend, but
you do sound a little harsh.
DOILY
Not harsh, just curious!
ZED
I want to have a look too, I've
been reading up on it. Quite
fascinating.
RUDI
Yes all of you and all in good
time. Now lets welcome our guest.
BOY is the band ready?
BOY
As well as it will ever be Marm! I
don't think more practice will
help!
BRASS BAND WARMING
UP
RUDI
Yes I see! Well, its just for
effect anyway. You might as well,
get them fired up! Perhaps
enthusiasm will make up for lack
of skill!
BAND STARTS PLAYING
BADLY, HISSING OF
PNUEMATICS AS STEP
UNFOLDS. FOOTSTEPS
ON METAL
KRIS comes down the steps.
KRIS
Hello. Oh! (The band fires up)
RUDI
KRIS great to see you again,
welcome to the Retrograde.
(Whispered) I apologise in advance
for the band.
KRIS
Oh, well, they look like they are
having fun!
RUDI
It gives them something to do I
suppose. I hope you don't mind
but we've set up a small reception
in the officers mess, would you
care to join us?
KRIS
Of course RUDI, I would be
delighted. All this pomp is
slightly 'unexpected'. I feel
like a visiting head of state or
the Queen of England.
RUDI
Well we have this regimental band
so we need to use it for
something. Don't take it too
seriously. (Low voice) We don't
often get visitor's! Also you are
rather important nowadays.
KRIS
Well, if I get to big for my
boots, I give you permission to
kick me up the arse!
RUDI
Well I will take that as an order.
(laughter)
BRASS BAND PLAYING
KRIS walks over to ALEX SHARROW and ZED
KRIS
ALEX, SHAS good to see you, come
on get over here give me a hug!
SHARROW
(Hugging, close in whispered
speech) Great to see you again, we
have a lot to chat about. Coming
down those steps I half expected
the imperial wave, I nearly burst
out laughing but I didn't want to
upset RUDI.
KRIS
Yes I noticed!
SHARROW
She is pulling out all the stops.
Lots of news since we last saw
you.
KRIS
So I have heard!
SHARROW
Yes, I'm sure you have! Well
GANDER and RUDI are all fired up
because they think STANK is going
to push back. I'll fill you in
when we get back to our office.
ALEX
Hay, come over here. What are you
two concocting? Come on KRIS give
me a hug!
KRIS
ALEX where's your gun, you going
soft in your extreme old age!
ALEX
Yeah, all soft and squiggly like a
block of Tungsten. Now don't
move, I have an shoulder holster.
KRIS
Thats more like it!
ALEX
Now, are you going to come quietly
or will I have to make a citizens
arrest?
KRIS
The later! (laughter)
ALEX
Ok I give in! (Laughter) Now come
and greet the children! (Laughter
ALEX, KRIS and SHARROW). Where is
your crew bye the way?
KRIS
Oh there no crew, just myself!
ALEX
Thats taking a risk isn't it?
KRIS
Not with my love boat, you should
see the tech. Level 3 A.I. Plus
multiple safety features. It also
has a pleasure dome fit out!
ALEX
Well I'm thinking you gone soft in
the head in your old age as well.
KRIS
Oh no, I don't think so, my
fearsome warrior. This is my
holiday boat and we are going to
party.
ALEX
Now you're talking, SOPHIES going
to love you. SHAS has been dying
to introduce you two. Oh here she
is!
SHARROW
KRIS this is SOPHIE she's our new
assistant. We've told her all
about your past adventures and she
is now part of the Angel and May
team. In fact she is technically
your replacement!
KRIS
Oh, very pleased to meet you.
ALEX
Yep and she doesn't give us so
much lip either!
KRIS
Oh, doesn't she now. Well I need
to correct that then.(Laughter)
(Whispered) Look don't take no
crap from these two jokers, I was
the only thing that kept the old
agency going and don't let them
tell you otherwise.
SHARROW
KRIS meet ZED, he is our technical
and IT expert.
ZED
(Slightly flustered) OH, hi,
pleased to meet you. I like your
ship.
KRIS
Well we'll get to have a play
later. By the way, has ALEX
driven you crazy yet? Tech is not
really her thing. She even had
trouble with the phones in the old
days! Unless its a weapon system,
or spy gear, it was a no go zone.
ZED
Pretty much the same I would say.
I thought it was me!
KRIS
Absolutely not!
ALEX
Hay, stop ganging up, its not bash
ALEX day, thats tomorrow! KRIS,
we've got to look around your sex
boat, looks very 'Barbarella' if
you know what I mean.
KRIS
Oh thats for sure, got a few
tricks up her sleeve. It's a
regular love machine for sure.
(Laughter) Look let me go and
greet GANDER and RUDI keep them
happy. After all they are our
hosts and they look so lonesome
standing over there. Remember who
runs this place! Plenty of time to
look around later.
FOOTSTEPS METALLIC
MULTIPLE
INT. CHEWING THE CUD 18 - 1.2
KRIS has a private meeting with RUDI and GANDER in which
they discuss their strategic cooperation and STANK. KRIS
has brought some whisky for GANDER.
LOCATION: Officers mess.
KRIS
GANDER and RUDI so nice to meet
again. How are you both keeping?
RUDI
I'm well KRIS, but quite a lot has
happened since your last visit.
KRIS
So I hear. Look, sorry for the
short notice, I wanted to test
this yacht and also meet face to
face, there has been some
developments at my end as well.
GANDER
Ah, that sounds ominous. (Pause)
(Cough) So, KRIS how long are you
going to be around, not that we
mind of course.
It's just I don't want to have the
mad rush we had last time. I
think it will be good to get to
know you better and to think about
what we are going to do about
STANK and his nasty bunch of
thugs.
RUDI
Yes many thanks KRIS, there is
just no substitute for personal
meetings no matter how good VR is.
Light speed delays make things
very difficult.
KRIS
Well I was hoping for a good chat
about my thoughts but if I may
just delay that for a few days.
This is suppose to be a couple of
weeks R&R. I really need a break,
it's been I difficult six months.
I was hoping to stay at the inn
this time, and have a few days
with ALEX and SHARROW before
getting stuck into the heavy duty
stuff. I trust thats OK with the
both of you. If we have to move
before then, things are worse than
I thought.
GANDER
Oh, well no problem with that. Of
course it will be my pleasure to
host you free of charge, I will
give you the first class suite.
I'll get one of the Cherries to
grab your bags and set you up.
KRIS
Great! Many thanks for your offer,
but I will pay the normal rate, I
never sponge off my friends.
GANDER
Well I'll drink to that
VZDROGNULI!
CHINK OF WHISKY
GLASSES
KRIS
You know this whole place peaked
my curiosity last time, so I
really want to explore New London
and also the Bencubbin.
RUDI
Well I wouldn't go wandering
around by yourself in the BC. I
suggest that you always go with
someone who is armed. That is,
unless your GANDER of course.
(Whispered) No one will touch her.
(Laughter)
GANDER
Yes, they call me 'Red Mercury'.
I'm like a lump of Kryptonite to
most of the low lives around here!
(Laughter) Actually thats not
true, I always have a very
discrete security detail from the
RCBS tail me, just in case.
(Laughter) Look lets not talk
about all this gloomy stuff. Now
I have 'acquired' a genuine bottle
of this single malt, would you
like to try it?
KRIS
Oh yes please. Remind me, I made a
few purchases for your collection,
its in the hold. We can get it
tomorrow!
GANDER
AFIGENNYI!, That's very exciting, I
look forward to that.
INT. BOYFUN - 18 - 2
LOCATION: The Indigo Lounge
KRIS is hanging with SHARROW, ALEX and SOPHIE in an early
evening bar in the Bencubbin. KRIS says she want to let
her hair down and have some fun. Unfortunately an idiot
from SOPHIE's school past, who is fixated on her, comes
over and starts hassling SOPHIE. ALEX defends SOPHIE's
honour and knocks out a number of teenage thugs who want
to beat them up but in the process suffers some injuries.
BAR MUSIC WHOOPING
PEOPLE HAVING FUN
KRIS
Well Isn't this fun!
SHARROW
Well, KRIS I guess it is, if your
twenty. Arn't we a little over
the hill for this sort of thing?
KRIS
What are you talking about, I've
had body anti senescence and retro
growth thereby, which cost a small
fortune, so it's about time that I
took of the covers, dusted down
the apparatus and went on a good
old road trip.
SOPHIE
That's the spirit KRIS well, we
are going to spin some tires
tonight my friend! (Laughter)
SHARROW
Oh, I'm not sure about this!
SOPHIE
Relax, let me do the driving.
SHARROW
That's what worries me!
ALEX
So KRIS, as I recall, and I do
keep tabs on this sort of thing.
Its your round. By my calculations
you been keeping your pockets dry
for fifty years gurl. So mines a
very generous scotch on the rocks
and I'm sure my friends will have
the same. My mouth is dryer than
GANDERS sense of humour!
KRIS
Well who's got a long memory then,
but do we want to get wasted so
early?
ALEX
Dah! You bet yah! We've had serial
killers, crazed mercenaries, plus
ZED's poetry, all trying to do us
in. On top of that, I've been
dealing with an excess of baking
by unnamed third parties not a
million miles away. KRIS its just
exhausting. I personally deserve
to go on a bender and nothing is
going to stop me. Any way I need
to road test this new young nubile
ALEX body and see how much damage
it can take. Purely for
scientific and combat testing of
course.
KRIS
Well in that case, I'm under
orders, (waves to barman) barman!
WHISKY GLASSES AND
ICE RATTLING
SHARROW
Oh, my god SOPHIE, Let this be a
lesson to you. What you are about
to see will be a dangerous
sequence of gratuitous self
harming, risky decisions, leading
inevitably to embarrassing
degradations covered with the cold
icing of humiliation. Just make a
note, for the future. Tomorrow
when they are both like half shot
gristly bears. I will don my
saintly robes and chirp up with
admonishments, whilst
simultaneously administering
bloody Mary's all around. I should
get canonised as a saint.
KRIS
Hah, I heard that SHAS. Well let
me tell you, no one likes a smart
arse, particularly with a
hangover. SOPHIE don't listen to
old "SHASabia" here. She has
always acted as the unwelcome
brake to our 'exploratory fun'.
SHARROW
Unwelcome but arse saving!
SOPHIE
Don't worry KRIS I figured that
out, but I have locked my implants
to record mode, because this is
going to be an anthropological
study for sure.
KRIS
SHARROW what have you done, you've
created a monster! (laughter)
WHISKY GLASSES AND
ICE RATTLING
SOPHIE
Yep, now smile for the camera!
KRIS
Cheers! (Slightly drunk) So tell
me SHAS, how did you find this
dive?
SHARROW
Oh, it was ALEX. She said that her
buddy EVERYWHEN did a check. He
determined that this was the best
venue to start a bar crawl with a
high probability of a pick up.
You must meet EVERYWHEN he is
(pause) 'different'.
KRIS
Why is he not here tonight?
SHARROW
Oh, well apparently he is away on
a mission. All very Hush hush!
KRIS
Oh how intriguing! (Pause) Now,
I'm going to the bar and setting a
tab, cos its the rich bitch thing
to do!
ALEX
That sounds like a plan. You know!
(Slightly inebriated) The trouble
with EVERYWHEN is that he takes
his job too seriously. Yes he was
right about the bar, but he didn't
tell us about the hookers and that
it had nasty sticky tables.
KRIS
Local colour thats what I want.
I'm sick of boring corporate
hotels.
ALEX
Well this ain't boring, just
sleazy right. Mind you the old
Retrograde that ain't boring
either but at least the tables are
clean. Kinda weird now you
mention it, but the Retro, it's
starting to feel like home.
KRIS
SOPHIE you OK, you look like your
getting a hot flush.
SOPHIE
Oh no its not that, its just
there's a guy at the bar. I used
to go out with him, he was a big
mistake. He keeps looking this
way. Oh shit, shit, he's coming
over.
CLIVE
(Inebriated) So SOPHIE I see you
found a new crowd, moving on
again, like you always do.
SOPHIE
No CLIVE, just moving on from you.
I see you're hanging around bars
again. What's the matter, having
trouble finding new victim's to
bully.
CLIVE
You got a loose mouth bitch. Well
I never got the chance to say a
proper goodbye.
CHAIR SCRAPE
SOPHIE stands up , chair moves back. CLIVE grabs her arm.
SHARROW immediately stands up.
SHARROW
Leave her alone, and back off,
you'll only get one warning.
CLIVE
Who the hell are you. This ain't
non of your business.
SHARROW
Well, I'm making it my business.
CLIVE
Well you don't scare me.
CHAIR SCRAP THEN
KARATA CHOP,
CHOKING SOUNDS
ALEX stands up and immediately almost without too much
effort does a chop to the larynx. CLIVE starts chocking
and falls to one knee.
ALEX
Yah, I'm making it my business
too!
CLIVE
Argh, argh. (Dry raspy) Fuck you
bitch!
BONE CRUNCHING AND
NECK TWISTING
ALEX
What's that noise SHA. Can you
hear it, sounds like a toilet
flushing.
CLIVE
Arghh, (gasping breathing)
MATE 1
Hell yeah, thats what I'm talking
about
SOPHIE
Oh guys watch out his mates are on
the way over.
ALEX
Oh great, this place is awesome,
EVERYWHEN didn't mention that we
were going to get a full floor
show with dance routines!
BAR FIGHT SOUNDS
ALEX
I was saying to him it was about
time we had a good old fashioned
bar fight.
SOPHIE
ALEX watch out he's throwing a
bottle. (Pause)
BOTTLE FLYING SOUND
SOPHIE
Ah you caught it!
FIGHT SOUNDS
MOANING AND KARATE
ALEX
Naughty, naughty!
ALEX throws bottle back and it breaks on one of the bad
guys heads.
GLASS CRASH ON HEAD
BAD GUY 1
Ahhh!
SHARROW gets up and moves and throws BAD GUY 2 after
ducking a poor punch.
BODY THUMP ON FLOOR
SHARROW
That was disappointing really,
like a sack of old potatoes. Now
do yourself a favour and stay
down. Ehehe ahhh!
KICK TO BODY ON
FLOOR
SHARROW
ALEX look out!
Three bad guys rush ALEX and throw her through the window
with a great crashing noise.
ALEX
Argh!
CLIVE
Argh! I'm done, I'm done!
BAR DOOR OPENING
THEN CROWD CHEERING
SHARROW
You guys stay down!
ALEX
Wow! Refreshing. Now anyone else,
need a good kicking.
ALEX is standing in combat pose holding a small broom,
looking very threatening. The bad guys back off nursing
their bruises.
SHARROW
Ah, so now you decide to join the
party?
BAR MUSIC FADES UP
SHARROW
A broom, really?
ALEX
Well, I had to improvise!
SOPHIE
SHARROW I really love you. You're
so strong, when you loose you
temper.
ALEX
Why thank you SOPHIE! (Pause) Yes,
well, a little light broom work is
always welcome. Now has anyone got
a field dressing, there appears to
be a small amount of glass in my
arm. Ohh!
POLICE SIREN
INCREASING
SHARROW
Oh, my God, that looks
'invigorating'! Let me see.
(Pause) OK, lets move it before
the cops arrive. ALEX take this
tissue and slow the bleeding,
there's a Pharmacy across the
road. Try not to bleed on me.
SOPHIE give her a hand will you!
INT. WALKING WOUNDED - 18 - 2.1
LOCATION: Pharmacy
ALEX is patched up in a pharmacy across the road and they
decide to split before the cops can arrive. KRIS finally
realises that SHARROW and SOPHIE are an item. They decide
to go off to Scallywags to meet up with ZED.
SHARROW
Could we have a hold-fast dressing
please.
ROBO-SERVER
Certainly madam. That will be
seven credits please.
SHARROW
Thank you.
ALEX
You know you don't have to be so
polite to the robot-servers don't
you!
SHARROW
Well, I like to keep up my manners
and not be so rude. The poor
things are only doing what they
are programmed to do. Its a form
of modern day slavery and I don't
like it.
ALEX
Ouch! I didn't realise it was such
a touchy subject with you.
SHARROW
Well, it's disturbing to my Karma.
Now stop fidgeting and stick this
on. (Pause, ripping of tape sound)
hang on, hold still, let me do it.
Pull up your shirt. Oh thats a
shame the glass cut the sleeve.
ALEX
Well worth it SHAS, that guy was a
real ass, needed a karma reset, I
think I may have started the
process. Maybe next time he won't
be so forward in being backward.
SOPHIE how did you meet such a
creep?
SOPHIE
Oh, he was at experience school,
kept asking me out. In the end I
went out once, to break the bad
news. Big mistake, he didn't take
it well and he has been a royal
pain in the arse ever since.
SHARROW
SOPHIE believe me, those types of
guys are best just avoided at all
costs.
SOPHIE
Yeah, well I've been trying and in
those days I was younger, less
experienced. It's just he was too
dumb to pick up on the 'fuck off'
message. I think he got fixated.
Perhaps in the end he saw me as
some sort of threat to his
diminished and droopy manhood. Bad
times for sure. (Pause) Ohh! ALEX
come here let me get a jiffy wipe
and clean you up, your making a
real mess of your blouse, its the
first female thing I've seen you
in.
KRIS pulls SHARROW to one side and says quietly
KRIS
Say SHAS, am I picking up some
vibes here, or is my gaydar
malfunctioning, are you two, like
an item. I thought you were
straight?
SHARROW
Ah Yes, ah, well that's a story!
ALEX
KRISSY KRINGLE my friend, they are
like rabbits on heat.
SHARROW
ALEX, don't you start, shush.
SOPHIE can you stick a cloth in
her big mouth?
ALEX
KRIS you should see them go all
gooey in the office over those
clothes websites. It's like an old
commercial from the fifties. It's
something, all right. Not sure
what, but its definitely
something. They even bake
together. I'm expecting an
outbreak of quilting very soon.
KRIS
Ahh!, That's so sweet guys!
(Pause) Well I like her SHAS,
she's a lucky find. So good for
you girl. ALEX you're just an old
sour puss. SOPHIES so positive and
bubbly. Reminds me of, oh let me
see (pause) oh yes myself, in my
youth.(laughter)
ALEX
Oh here it comes the 'in my youth
speech'. Mind you, SOPHIE's not
nearly as kooky as you, and you
definitely had the madder hair in
those days, but I don't recall any
gratuitous baking outbreaks.
KRIS
Yep no baking for sure(laughter) I
still miss that mad hair, for some
reason the anti senescence drugs
straightened it out!
ALEX
KRIS help me, I'm starting to
sober up!
SHARROW
So what now? Do we call it a night
and head for home? It's only nine.
ALEX
You're kidding right? The night
is young, we are only just
starting!
SHARROW
What about the gash in your arm.
ALEX
Oh, its a minor detail, just
collateral damage. Anyway I
arranged with ZED to meet him at
'Scallywags' so I think we should
just head off in that direction
before I completely sober up.