S3-E2-ACCIDENTAL JOURNEY
INT. THE MEETUP - 18 - 2.2
LOCATION: SCALLYWAGS BAR
ALEX, SHARROW, KRIS and SOPHIE meetup with ZED at
Scallywags bar. They get eyed up by a girl who comes over
to request that they can hang together for safety in this
part of the BC. SOPHIE gets up and shows off her dancing
skills. They all decide to go off to a private party
hosted by one of SOPHIE's rich friends and 'Dirty
Larry's'
THROBBING MUSIC
ZED
Hi guys, it's pumping in here
tonight! Oh, ALEX why do you have
a field dressing on you arm?
ALEX
Oh, we had some over active
interest from some dudes at the
last bar. We had a lively
discussion.
SHARROW
ZED replace large bar fight for
the word "discussion".
ZED
Oh, so when you guys go out, you
really go out, right?
SOPHIE
They sure do, they came to my
defence, they are genuine war
heroes, and they need a drink ZED.
What have you been drinking?
ZED
Oh, I stick to beer, I don't like
spirits they make me sick.
SOPHIE
OK then. KRIS will you give me a
hand at the bar please.
KRIS
Sure will, I'm picking up the tab
this evening remember!
SOPHIE and KRIS walk away chatting, to get the drinks.
ALEX
Is it me or did that chick at the
bar just check us out.
SHARROW
You sure it's not your paranoia?
ALEX
Probably, maybe its the dry
feeling in my throat. So ZED, you
ready for a big night out?
ZED
Well, I was, but judging by your
recent track record I'm not so
sure!
SHARROW
Relax ZED, she's harmless to her
friends, its just everyone else we
need to worry about.
ALEX
Yep that chick is definitely
staring at SOPHIE. I'm going to
ask SOPH if she knows her?
SOPHIE and KRIS arrive with a tray of beers.
GLASS TINKLING,
BEERS
SOPHIE
Cheers everyone, thank you for
standing up for my honour.
ALEX
Any day SOPHIE my pleasure. Now I
don't want to freak you out and
don't look, but that chick over at
the end of the bar has been
staring at you. Do you know her?
SOPHIE
She seems kinda of familiar, but
nothing immediately springs to
mind. You sure she is staring at
me in particular.
ALEX
Trust me SOPHIE, yep I was right
she just stared again.
SHARROW
Oh don't look now, she's coming
over. Oh!
ALEX
Two fights in one night this is a
bonus.
SHARROW
Simmer down Genghis, lets see what
she want's before enacting full
combat mode.
I young girl rather timidly walks over
MELODY
Hi guys' what's up, sorry to
intrude.
SHARROW
Oh, its no problem!
MELODY
Looks like you guys are having
fun. Say look this isn't a chat up
line or anything, but it's SOPHIE
isn't it? I think we were at a
party?
SOPHIE
Yeah (hesitant), maybe (slightly
puzzled). I'm not sure I lead a
fairly, umm 'active' social life.
Sorry I can't remember the name.
MELODY
Oh, it's MELODY. Yeah definitely
I'm sure now. I think I saw you
at the T ranch about a month ago.
Dancing on those barrels?
SOPHIE
Oh, yes, I vaguely remember. I
was quite high at the time, on
those barrels I mean.
ALEX
So not out of you head then?
SOPHIE
No ALEX, I was concentrating on my
balance, thank you!
ALEX
Oh yes, you balance, of course!
SOPHIE
(Embarrassed) Ah right, yes! Good
gig, little preoccupied at the
time.
MELODY
Yeah you sure was (giggle).
Anyway look guys, just wondered if
you going to the big party
tonight? We thought we might just
tag up with you guys. Just that me
and the boys (Interrupt)
ALEX
You mean the ones that are waving
and laughing?
MELODY
Yeah, those boys, I didn't want to
come over, but they were too
scared on account of the RCBS tags
and the, (pause) ah bandage. They
said you looked like you could
handle yourselves. We thought that
you might also be going to the
Badlands area.
ALEX
OK! I see, sure SHAS can I talk to
you? In private.
SHARROW
What! Their just a bunch of young
kids. Threat analysis zero!
ALEX
Yes, but just look at them if they
were any younger they would be
suckling!
SHARROW
ALEX don't be such an old bastard,
just remember when you were young.
Anyway we are almost just kids
now, remember! Act your age.
ALEX
Yeah but, well, How do you know
that they are not underage.
SHARROW
Your kidding right. This is the
BC, they put alcohol in the kids
experience club milk. Look I
never thought I would say this,
but take a chill pill. Enjoy the
twenty year old body you have.
Lets just let them tag along, have
some fun, get to know them and
slide on down and feel the flow.
Lets be the teenagers that GANDER
and RUDI have ordered us to be.
Just following orders right?
Anyway SOPHIE will keep them in
check, they're her friends right?
ALEX
Yeah sure, so if she is going to
look after them, why is she
dancing on that little stage?
SHARROW
Stage? Jeez what she doing up
there? Oh, wow, she sure is kinda
sexy with that little hip wiggle!
Look at ZED she has him
mesmerised!
ALEX
Like a Cobra and its food source.
SHARROW
Yes but she has such a large and
open heart, I think there is room
for all of us inside.
ALEX
Rainbows and unicorns to you as
well. OK, don't say I didn't warn
you.(Intake of breath) Will you
let MELODY know we're OK with the
tag along.
SHARROW
Sure
SHARROW walks over to the end of the bar, where MELODY
has retreated, with her boy friends.
SHARROW
Say MELODY, we would be delighted
if you tag along with us, no
problem at all, safety in numbers
and all that.
MELODY
Oh, thank you, I was getting
worried.
SHARROW
So how bad is the place we're
going to?
MELODY
Oh it has quite the reputation.
SHARROW
Well, OK then. We will signal when
we about to leave.
MELODY
Great, then, thanks!
SHARROW walks back to the RCBS contingent
ALEX
So how did that go?
SHARROW
Well, she was relieved?
ALEX
Sounds interesting!
SHARROW
Yes, apparently the party is at a
rough venue!
ALEX
This night just gets better and
better.
SOPHIE comes off stage, to wold whistles and applause.
SOPHIE
(Giggle) Totally, oh that was fun.
You are going to love dirty
Larry's, it's a re-possessed
industrial unit on the edge of
'reclaim' territory. It's wild
man!
ZED
Your such a good dancer SOPHIE!
SOPHIE
Thanks ZED, that's really kind.
ALEX
So, ZED this party, that we are
going to, what's the venue like?
ZED
Oh, it's a dive, but its a rich
kids dive. Fake rundown wreck,
that sort of thing. It is run by
a real dodgy character though. I
wouldn't smash that place up.
There would be lots of
consequences.
ALEX
Sound like real fun.
SOPHIE
It's being hosted by a party
friend, she's a hoot. Always out
of her rich kid head though. Its
frequented by the university
crowd.
ALEX
Great!
KRIS
Oh (rubbing of hands), here we go.
Just like old times, (pause) I bet
they'll even have those horrible
plastic cups! I'm loving it
already!
SHARROW
ZED are you OK. (finger clicking)
ZED wake up. You were drifting
off there.
ZED
(Slightly inebriated) I'm like
totally OK, just had one two many
beers, that's all. I'm going to
stick really close to SOPHIE, to
protect her!
SOPHIE
Oh that's so sweet ZEDDY, but I'm
really already over protected, so
don't you worry. Just focus on
not being sick OK.
ALEX
SHAS do we have those sick bags!
SHARROW
No of course not!
ALEX
Great! OK lets get moving. Its
time, if we stay any longer we'll
be carrying him! (Pause, then
shout) Taxi!
INT. HOT MESS - DIRTY LARRY'S - 18 - 2.1
WIERD INDUSTRIAL
MUSIC SKITISH A.I
D.J.
SHARROW
Jesus, it's a bar full of dudes
that look like the movie dumb and
dumber, and their all off their
little college kid heads!
ALEX
Well, they better not come of
here. Oh look I think one is
heading this way.
SHARROW
ALEX down!
SEXY BOY 1
Hi guys, such a good party. Did
you see that chick over the reflow
tank, totally out of it. I want
whatever she is having.
SHARROW
Are you sure?
ALEX
SHAS he's sure. Don't encourage
him!
SEXY BOY 2
Oh, you dudes are so cool, you
must have come from Antarctica.
(Peers in closer) OH, shit, I
think you're currently way
suboptimal, probably hexo cyclic.
What a bummer man. Hay, have some
of this neural jammer juice,
that'll pep you up!
SHARROW
Great a cocktail just what I need.
I don't think I've heard of that
one before?
SOPHIE intercepts the plastic cup.
SOPHIE
Nop! Not for you tonight!
SHARROW
Wow what is it?
SOPHIE
Potent hallucinogen, very dodgy,
probably won't agree with the
little nanities. You dig?
ALEX
SOPHIE She digs, mind you I did
see some pictures of SHARROW at a
rock festival back in the day, she
was definitely hexo something at
the time!
SOPHIE
Oh, you have got to show me those.
SHARROW
ALEX if you show those pictures to
little miss 'I'll video
everything, so that I can
embarrass you over and over'. I
will never talk to you again!
ALEX
Is that a promise, please! SOPHIE
I will make sure you get them
first thing! They are very
'enlightening'.
SHARROW
You two, stop ganging up on me,
chill out!
KRIS
This is so much fun guys, I love
it when you two get the old banter
going. Hell I've missed it all
these years!
SOPHIE
Oh Look there's little Piglet, I
don't believe it. (Raised voice)
Piggy, Piggy over here!
KRIS
Piglet? WTF!
SOPHIE
You'll see!
PIGLET
Guys how you going? (Snorting
sound much like a piglet as his
laugh) (Stoned)
SOPHIE
So what you on!
PIGLET
Shit, I don't know just grabbed it
from the bar. It's so good I'm
wired man, at ten thousand volts
man!
SOPHIE
Piggy baby, what new, your always
wired!
PIGLET
Yeah I know right, (Chuckles)
ALEX
SOPHIE, you know this guy?
SOPHIE
Duh, of course, he got a first at
experience school, biochem, likes
to experiment on himself. Let me
show you. PIGLET what you on?
PIGLET
Oh, 'Super Dumbers'. I Ran up a
nice little hydroxygenated
triteriponoid. I need to crank
down on the ethanol dehydrogenase
man, its a regular beer hangover.
SOPHIE
KRIS, observe!
KRIS
Sure!
SOPHIE
Piggy, whats the cube root of
2362?
PIGLET
Oh, thats easy. Six point nine,
(burp) point nine seven (pause)
point nine seven one (pause)
urghhh!
SOPHIE
'Dumbers' not working then?
PIGLET
No not really! I think I need
another!
PIGLET moves away.
SOPHIE
We'll let him dig his way out of
that trap then.
ALEX
What trap?
SOPHIE
Newtonian approximation, its a
bitch. (Laughter)
ZED
I want some of those dumbers.
SOPHIE
Well, you certainly in the smart
camp, so go for it!
ZED
Thanks SOPHIE! Gulp. Oh I think
they are starting to take affect!
SHARROW
I may not need the 'Dumbers' at
all. Just comes naturally to me!
Lets go through into the next room
see its even darker in their! ZED
you OK?
ZED
(Whinnying) I want a pony, with a
rainbow! A long flowing rainbow.
ALEX
I have no idea what is going on in
that head, but I think you need to
hold his hand SHAS, because I'm
not doing it!
They move into the next room.
MUSIC CHANGES
SOPHIE
Oh look its STACE, she's is so
naughty!
STACE
(Drunken voice) SOPH, SOPH, is
that really you?
SOPHIE
Oh, Hi STACE (gives a hug,
slightly vague)
STACE
(Looking at the group) What's this
bunch of oldies SOPH you losing
your touch? It's like, downer city
man? Have you joined a sect?
(Pause) Oh maybe I'm just on a bad
trip. SOPH are you really there!
SOPHIE
STACE yes its me!
STACE
Oh, wow, fancy dress then! You
guys got serious vibes. Anyway
(swilling a drink expansively)
what I was trying to say is....
(she forgets and tails off) Oh
never mind, just stay in the
corner, no scowling, enjoy anyway.
She sings quietly to herself, then comes to again.
SOPH, I think the theme is working
don't you. I said lets make a
dumb juice party, but these dudes,
well, they just went and sucked on
some dumb before they got here.
It's a bummer. Juice just went
right past dumb straight to
genius. They just don't get it!
Drifts off an starts singing softly again!
Say VINNIE meet SOPH. You got a
drink SOPH. (Peering drunkenly)
Oh who's are your scowly friends
SOPH.
SOPHIE
(Slightly annoyed, so speaks as if
to a small child) STACE, this is
my 'partner' SHAS and her friends,
we're here for a good time.
STACE
(Whispered) Oh of course SOPH,
look at him, over at the fish
tank, he is really a nice guy only
pretends to look like a bum. Dunno
SOPH what you think. I wanted him
to get wasted before the others.
SOPHIE
Acknowledged STACE. So no upper or
reverse agonists then?
STACE
Oh no, not got round to those yet!
ALEX
KRIS, you understand any of this
stuff?
KRIS
Some, it's how the kids speak
nowadays.
ALEX
I'm only getting the odd word
mainly drug related I think!
KRIS
This is weird, ALEX, my attack
unit is detecting electro magnetic
impingement.
ALEX
Your what, is what? (Pause) Oh
yeah, mine too.
KRIS
My attack unit is detecting
impingement!
ALEX
ZED why is there a jammer
operating in here?
ZED
Lah lah lah! Little rainbows and
unicorns, all dancing and
whirling.
ALEX
Sometimes I really worry about
him, something not quite right!
SOPHIE, why is their a jammer
operating in here?
SOPHIE
Oh thats normal. Stops video spies
and drones, its standard!
ALEX
OK, so we are not under attack?
SOPHIE
No definitely not. Stand down!
ALEX
OK
SOPHIE
Say STACE, your bad boy, I think
he's cute when he's stops
drooling.
STACE
Yeah, switch off the big old
brain, I get in the pants, you
dig.
SHARROW
I think I really need to switch
off my brain.
STACE
That's the spirit, switch off the
brain, fuck like a bunny, dig the
joy of grunt. Here grab a free
can.
SOPHIE
You sure SHAS, its very potent!
SHARROW
Oh, f** it! Look after the rest of
this evening, I think its about
time I start to let my hair down.
Come how bad can it be? What's
it's called?
STACE
Neural death.
ALEX
OH, I'll take two and one for ZED
over here, I think he starting to
sober up.
ZED
(Whinnying) Horses and rainbows,
oooooh! I think I need something
to drink!
KRIS
Count me in, if only to dull his
singing!
ALEX
OK, neural death all round then!
SHARROW
Who's going to get us home?
KRIS
Who said we're going home! I have
a boat docked and it's ready to
go. It's not called 'Vision within
a Dream' for nothing'?
INT. ACCIDENTAL JOURNEY - 18 - 3
LOCATION: KRIS's Space Yacht.
They manage to bully their way past the guards due to
KRIS's captain status, and enter the yacht. KRIS closes
the window shields for privacy and decides to have fun
with one of the hangers on called FROGMAN in the pilot's
chair. She accidentally knocks one of the controls, and
the ship auto undocks and starts to execute an automatic
navigation program to Vesta without her realising. They
all fall asleep in their drunken state.
SLICK AIRLOCK DOOR
OPENING
(All dialog to be inebriated)
KRIS
Do you think they noticed?
ALEX
No, Not at all, no chance.
KRIS
So why did they double check our
passes.
ALEX
Cos their dicks thats why. Say
SHAS do you think those guards are
dicks?
SHARROW
Over zealous perhaps, dicks, no I
don't think so. (Pause) Look I'm
going to turn in. My head is
spinning bad.
KRIS
Use my cabin, I'm going to play in
my chair!
SOPHIE
That sound like fun. Say SHAS you
need company?
SHARROW
No I'm good SOPHIE, I'm just
feeling queasy, I'm hitting the
sack immediately. See you later.
SOPHIE
Yes of course, I'm just going to
stay up a little longer, I'm
trying to out whit PIGLET.
ZED
(whinnying) Horses, I'm running
with the horses. flying free,
wooooeee!
KRIS
Is he going to be right SOPHIE.
Sounds like he is having a
gymkarna with himself.
SOPHIE
Here ZED, here boy, come here boy,
now sit here.
ZED
Whinnying, (Horse noises)
SEAT BELT STRAP
NOISE
SOPHIE
Settle down. There thats good, all
saddled up! (Giggle) I'm heading
back KRIS looks like you need
space!
KRIS
(Inebriated) Look at the chrome!
This is the switch for the
windows. This is so cool. I've
got special blinds.
KRIS settles in chair swills some drug juice and
stretches.
LEATHER CHAIR
SQUEEK
KRIS
Ohh, this chair is sooo very,
comfortable.
SWITCH CLICK AS SHE
STREACHES
SOPHIE moves through corridor to back cabins and closes
the door.
KRIS
This is the sound system, I've got
cool jazz
JAZZ MUSIC SWELLS.
INT. RUDE PROXIMITY ALARM - 18 - 4
LOCATION: KRIS's Space Yacht
ALEX is fighting teddies with red eyes in her
hallucinogenic state, whilst SHARROW attempts to wake
her. In the meantime a proximity alarm is bleeping.
They all slowly wake aided by coffee from SHARROW to find
they are drifting in space with no fuel, whilst an
unknown ship is stalking them.
PERSISTANT LOW
LEVEL ALARM
ALEX
(Panicked groaning) I can't fight
them anymore. The marching teddies
are coming. Ahhh, they've blinded
me. Can't fight anymore. I'm
blind, blind. (flailing of arms
then movement)
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS,
THEN HEAD BASH AND
CRASH TO FLOOR.
QUIET GROANING, AND
MUMBLING OF EVIL
TEDDY BEARS
ALEX
There coming from all directions,
Can't fight them. Take that you
bastard. Don't you look at me with
those nasty red eyes . Ahhhohhh!
DOOR OPENING
SHARROW
ALEX, ALEX stop this! Wakeup, you
idiot!
ALEX
(Half awake) I can't fight them,
I'm blind SHAS. They blinded me,
the bastard teddies.
SHARROW
Oh really!
ALEX
They are coming again, coming.
Stay away you bastards. Stay away
from me and my friend. (Accidental
slap of SHARROW)
SLAP AND PHYSICAL
MANHANDLING
SHARROW
Owwh. Dam it ALEX. (Mumbled to
herself) I should know better than
to approach a dangerous animal.
SOPHIE get over here I need a hand
with ALEX. SOPHIE Wake up!
SOPHIE
Owee! That hurts, anyone got some
anti-dumb. Ohhhh, my head. (Burp)
Ohh, wheres that antidote?
SHARROW
Is it the funny shaped green
bottle with the pirates sign
crossed out in red!
SOPHIE
Yep that's it, I nicked it from
the party, it's essential for the
next day! So how do you know that?
SHARROW
I had it in my pocket!
SOPHIE
Well, hand it over then.
(Sipping) Oh I needed that!
(Pause) Say why is ALEX grappling
with the mop handle.
All very good questions.
SHARROW
Well, don't get close to her.
She's still under the influence
and dangerous! (Pause) Let me see,
where did she drop her utility
pouch?
SOPHIE
Is this it?
SHARROW
Great, I think she always has
some?
RUMAGING IN BAG
SOPHIE
What?
SHARROW
You'll see! Yep here it is.
SOPHIE
Oh, that's a bit extreme isn't it?
SHARROW
Look I've already taken one hit to
the face. We need to wake her up.
SOPHIE
Yes but pepper spray?
SHARROW
I'll only give her a little
squirt!
SHORT SPRAY
ALEX
Owww! There attacking with acid on
their claws. Alien
teddies....Ahhh (Pause)
(Coughing), Oh, no wait, what the
f****
ALEX claws at the knickers and looks out with very
dishevelled hair.
SHARROW
Bad dreams?
ALEX
Ahhhh, I think so. I was winning
in the end.
SHARROW
Are you sure, that's not what I
was seeing!
SOPHIE
(Laughter) Yeah, the mop handle
definitely looks the worse for
wear!
ALEX
Mop handle? Oh shit! SHAS I had a
real bad nightmare, marching
teddies, all singing, with little
beady glowing red eyes. It was
horrible. (Pause) So what's that
alarm noise?
SOPHIE
We don't know. One things for sure
we are in space. We have very low
spin gravity. Haven't you notice
you mag boots are on?
ALEX
Yeah, your right, I guess been in
space so many times I just don't
notice anymore.
(Pause) Shit that's not good
though. Not good at all. So where
is Captain KRIS?
SOPHIE
(Giggle) Captain KRIS is one with
the control console, in close ah,
'consultation' with a crew member!
Looks like she had the same sort
of night as you.
ALEX
What, was she fighting teddies
too?
SOPHIE
No, you idiot, she had an attack
of the FROGMAN. (Laughter)
SHARROW
Well, look, we need to get this
lot sobered up and then determine
our status. The window shields
are locked, but we are definitely
in space. It looks like we are
running only on emergency power.
Which is a worry, that won't last
forever!
SOPHIE
SHAS I'll go around the flight
deck and act as doctor.
SHARROW
Thanks SOPHIE, good idea. Looks
like ever one needs either the
antidote or a strong coffee! I'll
fire up the galley machine. Now
ALEX take a swig of this horrible
stuff, its the antidote to the
drugs you were gulping down last
night!
ALEX
OK, but I think I need the head.
Not feeling great.
SHARROW
Well, take this first, it might
help.
SOPHIE
SHAS, can you get me a coffee too
please! (Pause) KRIS, KRIS wake
up!
GENTLE FACE
SLAPPING
SHARROW
Rog on that SOPH, coming up.
SHARROW goes through the back to the galley.
KRIS
Ohhhh! Ohhh! My head. Ohhh, what a
night. I had a horrible nightmare.
SOPHIE
Was he in the nightmare?
KRIS
What FROGMAN, ohhh no!
SOPHIE
Yes.
KRIS
Oh dear God, now I'm messing with
undergraduates!
SOPHIE
Well, never mind that. We need to
ascertain our position and status,
and be quick about it. We are in
flight, in space.
KRIS
What the hell! How did that
happen?
SOPHIE
I don't know? But get you mag
boots on. I'm I your mother? Why
don't you ask the COMPUTER
KRIS
COMPUTER status?
COMPUTER
(Nothing)
KRIS
What the hell! COMPUTER respond!
COMPUTER
(Nothing)
KRIS
Its switched off. Oh, I hit the
master bus resets, that's why we
have no power.
SOPHIE
Look, you get this boat up and
running, I'll drag FROGMAN to the
back and fill him with antidote
and coffee. Do you want a coffee?
KRIS
Oh, my god SOPHIE, YES! My throat
is so dry. Oh, shit gravities
really low. You're right, how the
hell did we get out of the ship
dock?
SOPHIE
Well KRIS I think you should get
the COMPUTER up and ask it, silly!
SOPHIE grabs FROGMAN and leads him to the back to sober
up.
FROGMAN
I feel sick, who are you? Where am
I? Oh shit what a night.
SOPHIE
If anyone else says that I'm going
to hit them!
TIME PASSING SOUND.
ALEX
SHAS, I have vague memories of
substance abuse, questionable
decisions and even some very kinky
dancing.
SHARROW
Sound like a normal day to me!
ALEX
Ho! ho! very funny! How come you
weren't shit faced too.
SHARROW
Well, actually I was, but SOPHIE
accidentally gave me the antidote
bottle, which I thought was more
'DUMB' I was taking sips from
that. So once we all got on board
I started to sober up. I just went
to KRIS's cabin to sleep it off.
ALEX
(Shouted toward the control room)
KRIS let me sober up and I'll come
and help you!
KRIS
(Distant) OK. No problem. ALEX I'm
fighting to get the ship systems
booted!
SHARROW
(Shouted) I'm not an expert at
these things but, should we have
an urgent sit-rep and turn off
that horrible sound?
KRIS
(Distant) Yes, yes, Look I have my
hands full. I'm in the middle of
a full system wide reboot.
Everything was down, power was
disengaged. Looks like we still
have a little spin gravity.
(Clicking of switches) Computer
respond. (Silence)
ALEX moves through to control room
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
ALEX
Looks like someone had disengaged
the radio isotropic backups, look
over here!
KRIS
Yes, yes thank you. Captain
obvious!
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
SHARROW joins ALEX and KRIS
SHARROW
(Whispered to ALEX) She's tetchy
this morning!
ALEX
Well, she has a head full of
gumbo, not a good look. Speaking
of which were is that coffee you
promised?
SHARROW
Oh shit, yes, OK coming up!
ALEX
(Whispered) SHAS, before you go,
watch this! (Louder voice) So
KRIS how come the computer was
dead?
KRIS
Now don't you start as well!
(Pause) Where the bloody hell is
that coffee!
ALEX
Bit grumpy this morning ain't we?
KRIS
Oh, shut up, you two, let me work!
SHARROW
(Giggle) 'I love the smell of
napalm in the morning'
ALEX
Yeah, lets hope it doesn't go
bang.
KRIS moves a final switch and things start to power up.
She moves back.
KRIS
I need that coffee, now, please,
please!
SHARROW
(Giggle) Not feeling so perky are
we KRISSY KRINGLE. OK Going to get
your latte.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
KRIS
Shut it ALEX don't say a word!
ALEX
So, how come we were dead in the
water? I wonder who did that?
KRIS
Oh, OK don't you start. Yes I
know its my fault!
ALEX
Just wanted to be sure you knew,
that's all. Wouldn't want your
captains' head to be swelling up
and all.
KRIS
Yes well, I think I might have
(exaggerated) 'accidentally',
knocked the console with my feet.
SHARROW returns with a hot coffee
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
SHARROW
OK, get this down you.
KRIS
Oh, thank god! (Sipping)
CUP BEING PLACED
KRIS
Right! I think we are ready for
the last stage before we get the
COMPUTER back up. OK here goes!
SWITCH CLICK.
SOUNDS OF SHIP
WAKING UP
ALEX
So, I hear electronic buzzing. Is
there anything else I can do?
KRIS
No, just stand back this will be
the last step.
SWITCH CLICK
POWER UP BLEEPING,
VOICE COMPUTER
VOICE SAYING BOOT
BOOT, WAIT WAIT,
OHH.
KRIS
COMPUTER engage star tracker we
need to know location. Confirm
please.
COMPUTER
Confirmed. Tracking, this will
take a few minutes. Proximity
alarm, I detect a ship closing.
KRIS
COMPUTER, kill the alarm please.
ALARM STOPS
KRIS
ALEX I really need the bathroom.
Can't wait! Can you take over
please. See if you can identify
that approaching ship.
ALEX
No problem.
KRIS
COMPUTER engage new voice
recognition, permission alpha,
Tango, Zulu 37892. ALEX just read
from the screen it will take a few
seconds then the ship is yours,
command permissions. I really need
to go.
KRIS rushes off to the bathroom.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
ALEX
(Speaking under breath) Ok let me
see. (Clearing of voice) "But in
the case / Of my white fountain
what it did replace / Perceptually
was something that, I felt, /
Could be grasped only by whoever
dwelt / In the strange world where
I was a mere stray." (Bleep)
COMPUTER
Thank you voice print accepted.
You commands please?
ALEX
COMPUTER raise screens all ports,
attitude correct stabilise. Status
report propulsion systems.
SERVOS AS PORTAL
SCREEN RISE THEN
ATTITUDE COLD GAS
THRUSTERS
SHARROW
How's it going?
ALEX
Great, thanks. SHAS can you ask
KRIS what her yachts call sign is?
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
SHARROW
KRIS, KRIS can you hear me? What's
your call sign?
KRIS
(Muffled, cleaning teeth!) sisky,
hmmm mango hmm!
SHARROW
What?
KRIS
(Distant muffled voice) Whisky,
Bravo, Delta, fifteen ninety,
thats' one five, nine-a zero.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
SHARROW
OK ALEX, its Whisky, Delta, Tango
Fifteen ninety.
ALEX
Thanks. Computer scan for radio
traffic on all channels and set
transponders to standard signals.
COMPUTER
Traffic detected on channel
general alarm.
Radio noise then cuts in with some swearing and arguing
amongst controllers.
PIRATE 1
Unidentified ship, please prepare
for boarding.
ALEX
Ah, approaching ship, this is,
Delta, Sierra, Tango, ah, fifteen
ninety please echo back id? What
is your transponder channel?
PIRATE 1
Delta, Sierra, Tango you are in
breach of space traffic
regulations, and your ship has had
no active transponder. I have
registered multiple code
violations. I am authorised to
board and ascertain situation for
possible seize order.
ALEX cuts radio.
ALEX
SHAS, get KRIS, our situation has
got dramatically worse.
ALEX turns on channel.
ALEX
Ah, its a roger on that, we have
had ah, serious technical issues,
which are now fully resolved. We
have no need for immediate
assistance. Ah, Whisky, Tango
Delta 1590 out!
ALEX turns radio off.
ALEX
Where's ZED, SOPHIE?
SOPHIE
Resting in one of the equipment
lockers I think.
ALEX
OK, find him sober him up pronto,
and tell him to find any sort of
telescope or optical magnifying
device. We need to take a look at
this approaching craft. I have a
really bad feeling about this.
SOPHIE
OK.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
ALEX
SHARROW I think you better go back
and help KRIS recover, we are
going to need her on bridge very
soon! I'm going to try determine
our flight status. COMPUTER Fuel
capacity and general status
please.
COMPUTER
Primary Reaction Control System at
5% capacity, shutdown due to
ullage limits. XENON capacity
empty, mode maintenance shutdown.
Lorenz power system, flagged with
maintenance interlock. Secondary
RCS system, status green.
ALEX
Green did you say green!
COMPUTER
Yes, secondary RCS system green!
ALEX
Well, OK then, lets fire that up!
COMPUTER use secondary RCS to
stabilise us relative to
approaching ship. Thrust to extend
time to docking as long as
possible please. Use automatic
star finder system to assess
position and reactive inertial
systems. Power up radio isotropic
generators both primary and
secondary to provide power to
critical systems in standard order
of criticality. Oh one exception.
Keep power to galley.
A rather dishevelled ZED appears with shirt hanging out.
ZED
Owwwhh! SOPHIE said you needed me.
ALEX
I sure do, but not in you current
state. Go to the galley and get
some coffee down you.
We need to get a look at an
approaching ship, I think it is
suspicious. Use anything to hand
or any ship systems to get a good
view. They say they are the
authorities, but I have my doubts.
I need to ascertain their vessels
capability and general status.
Got it?
ZED
OK, roger on that, will do. Ohhhh.
My head hurts!
ALEX
Wait until you see the pictures!
ZED
You've got pictures?
ALEX
No, you dolt, just winding you up.
Now get moving, I think we are
going to be boarded probably in
about half an hour. I'm trying to
extend that time, but this ship
has no fuel.
ZED heads off towards the galley.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
ALEX
COMPUTER run a passive
observation, all frequencies on
the approaching craft. Make sure
it is passive. No radar we don't
want to look like we are targeting
weapons.
COMPUTER
Confirmed.
METALLIC FOORSTEPS.
SOPHIE
ALEX, So what can I do to lend a
hand?
ALEX
Actually there is something! Can
you keep these dudes on the radio
occupied with chit chat?
Don't tell them anything about us
or KRIS, or indicate that we have
powerful friends and allies. Also
nothing about the RCBS OK? Our
call sign is Whisky, Bravo, Delta
fifteen ninety, just hold them off
for as long as possible. Keep it
nice, chilled and professional OK.
Don't upset them. I'm going to
rustle up the troops and sober
folks up. I think we are about to
be boarded possibly by the
authorities. Although I'm starting
to wonder about that. Something
about the way they talk on the
radio. SOPHIE just be your usual
chatty self and use your feminine
wiles!
SOPHIE
Got yah, female whiles coming up!
ALEX moves back to the galley
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
SHARROW
Oh hi! I thought you were flying
this boat?
ALEX
Well, I was trying, but the tanks
are bone dry. (Pause) Look we
going to be boarded, we need to
sober up fast, so get the coffee
production cranked up to max and
tidy up the folks so it doesn't
look like we had a Roman orgy here
last night.
SHARROW
(Giggle) But we so did!
ALEX
Yah I know, one for the memory
banks (laughs) That SOPHIE is a
bad influence.
SHARROW
I know right (Giggle) ALEX, I
actually got drunk!
ALEX
Amazing! Good for you SHAS!
(Pause) Look I don't know why but
my sixth sense is playing all
hell, there something about this
unknown craft.
SHARROW
OK. (Pause) What should we do?
ALEX
I think we have to play dumb, I'm
going to see if I can find any
weapons, but I think we are
massively outgunned. Oh, might be
an idea to get folks in their ship
pressure suits just in case. It
wouldn't hurt to tell them to grab
some utility ration pouches
either. (Pause) Now let me see if
I can find KRIS?
SHARROW
In the washroom!
ALEX
That bad ha!
SHARROW
Looks like it!
ALEX
KRIS you decent?
KRIS is in the washroom splashing water on her face and
sorting her hair!
KRIS
Almost human again. Come in!
WASHROOM DOOR
ALEX opens the washroom door and laughs.
ALEX
Turned back into a princess then!
KRIS
Just about, a little to close to
FROGMAN for my liking! I wont be
forgetting about this one for a
long time!
ALEX
That makes two of us. (Pause) So
KRIS why are the tanks all drained
of fuel.
KRIS
Oh, that's easy. I suspect they
had been drained for safety
reasons. I asked for some
maintenance from RUDI. It's
standard practice. Can't work on
propulsion with full tanks. We
also probably burnt any residuals
on our crazy journey out here.
ALEX
We don't even have electric
thrust, what the hell is that
anyway.
KRIS
Oh that's a vacuum energy driven
Xenon drive, powerful as all hell,
but sucks up the juice, hence the
Lorenz generators.
ALEX
Well, there down as well, so we
are running on the radio
isotropics!
KRIS
Oh, that's not great, so we are
power limited then?
ALEX
Looks like that's the case! I
have the ship running a low vector
on the secondary RCS thrusters,
trying to prolong the time of our
boarding. (Pause) Phew! I'm
thirsty, just wait one minute
KRIS.
ALEX moves back to the galley.
ALEX
SHAS I'm as dry as... a very dry
thing over here. Any chance of a
large coffee?
SHARROW
Of course. Look take this, you
need it more than me.
ALEX
You sure about that?
SHARROW
No, but your flying this boat so
take it.
ALEX
Thanks. KRIS I'm going up front,
I have SOPHIE playing hooky with
the guys in the approaching ship.
Anything could happen!
KRIS
Well they better watch out! I'll
be with you soon.
ALEX walks to front of yacht SOPHIE's voice grows louder.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
COMPUTER
I now have location confirmed I'm
putting the details up on the
screen.
ALEX
Oh, (Pause) oh shit! That's a hell
of a long way away from New
London! Great! Just peachy!
KRIS
That doesn't sound so good!
ALEX
No help from the folks back home!
We are a frigging huge distance
from New London, and we've picked
some serious velocity.
KRIS
Let me have a look. (Pause) Oh,
shit! ALEX it looks like we are
going need that rendezvous with
our 'friends'.
ALEX
That's exactly what I have been
trying to avoid. I have a really
bad feeling about this.
KRIS
Oh, is this is the legendary gut,
that I recall!
ALEX
Oh, you remember it!
KRIS
Yes I remember the horrible
smells!
ALEX
Thanks!
KRIS
Look ALEX now my brain is starting
to work again, I had another idea.
ALEX
Thank goodness for that! Some one
needs some brains around here!
KRIS
So, I'm thinking that a narrow
beam laser might not be such a bad
idea.
ALEX
What you've got a laser canon. I
wouldn't think this boat would be
big enough.
KRIS
No you dolt! A message laser.
ALEX
Oh, how disappointing.
KRIS
Well, we need to get a message
back to base, without these other
guys picking it up. If we set up
a narrow beam, their vessel is off
axis by a few degrees. We can send
a signal back to RUDI and GANDER
to the beam transponder. You
Can't see a beam as it passes by
in a vacuum, can you!
ALEX
Well, no, of course not.
METALLIC FOOTSTEPS.
ALEX
Oh ZED's back. Now I might be
wrong but I don't like the look on
his face.
ZED
I can hear you know that don't
you!
ZED comes in to the control cabin.
KRIS
So whats up ZED?
ZED
Well, these dudes chasing us. I
don't think its the authorities.
They are not running any external
lights, which is definitely off
protocol. I grabbed a night sight
and enhanced the view. It's
strange.
ALEX
I what way ZED?
ZED
Well this ship, it looks kind of
beaten up to me. There are marks
on the nacelles. The cops, always
have clean ships, mainly due to
fat backhanders and gerrymandering
over maintenance contracts at the
docks. Anyway, this boat is
definitely not well maintained.
ALEX
Good work ZED. Well KRIS I think
we definitely need to get our
emergency messages away. ZED will
help you with that, he's a
technical wizz.
KRIS
ZED wanna play with some powerful
laser beams?
ZED
Need you ask?
ALEX
Oh, before you both dash off.
KRIS, what armaments do we have on
board?
KRIS
Ahhh. I've been meaning to mention
that.
ALEX
Oh please don't tell me we are
completely unarmed!
KRIS
Yes, I was planning to purchase
some weapons from RUDI but I have
not got around to that yet.
ALEX
Great, this day just gets better!
SHARROW
Look ALEX the lack of weapons
might be a good thing. I don't
think we would be able to outgun
these guys. I think the only
chance we have is to be compliant
and play the waiting game. Wait
for our chance.
ALEX
Yep, I hate to admit it, SHAS, but
you know me, I had to ask. It's
just that I feel kinda naked
without a gun. OK, then, I better
go and relieve SOPHIE on the
radio, I left her yakking to our
potential boarders. What could
possibly go wrong?
INT. MISSING SHIP - 18 - 4.2
LOCATION: Gander's office.
JACINTA reluctantly reports that she has discovered that
the yacht is missing along with KRIS and party. She
reluctantly goes to inform RUDI of the situation.
GANDER
They went where?
JACINTA
Well according to the watch and
the logs, they all came in to bay
alpha one as a party, at 3:20
night cycle, with KRIS and she
ordered the guard to allow
boarding. The guard were
initially reluctant.
GANDER
Didn't they have the brains to say
no!
JACINTA
Well, yes but, unfortunately you
made KRIS an honouree officer in
the RCBS, so technically they had
to follow orders.
GANDER
Oh, shit! (Pause) So let me get
this straight. They come in
inebriated, KRIS orders the guards
to allow her on the ship. Shortly
after the doors close, and they
initiate a main lock cycle and
just fly off into space.
JACINTA
Well yes, that's about it.
GANDER
Trackaminia! Does RUDI know?
JACINTA
NO, she is still asleep!
GANDER
Well, I think you need to get her
up immediately.
JACINTA
Yeah, I was afraid of that!
GANDER
Oh, I think you also need to
inform BOY, he is your chain of
command. So I don't suppose you
know where they have gone?
JACINTA
No, not a clue. They didn't
mention anything to the guards.
From all accounts they were as
high as kites. You might need to
check with your contact at space
traffic control.
GANDER
Well, that's as may be, but I
can't just call him up, it takes a
meeting and a transfer of funds.
Details you don't need to know.
(Pause, whispering to herself) Oh,
this is bad, very bad. Well,
don't dawdle, off you go and get
you arse kicked!
JACINTA
Thanks!
END