Angel and May

Angel and May are two worn-out private investigators from LA. Events take a turn and they embark on a journey which will take them across time and space to the asteroid colony "New London". They hole up in a dodgy pub run by a crazy drag queen. What could possibly go wrong! They say the skies are the limit, but here they're just the beginning!

All Episodes

Angel and May

G01-E02 - Hierophant

January 29, 2023 • Bernard Houston / Melanie Blizard / Jean Spencer / Kylie Franzmann / Luke O'Neil / Mitz Clifford / Rachael Bird/ Robert Gettons / Vivien Braybrook • Season 4 • Episode 2

Send us a text

A rusty bunk hole brings forth surprising poetry and new friends!

Support the show

Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.

G01-01 - THE HIEROPHANT

SUMMARY
Storyline is about the arrival in New London of GANDER
(DAVID Kosciolek) age 33 on the 6th of May 2052 (23 years
before the main Angel and May series) and the slow climb
up the slippery pole of power in the Bencubbin. This
first instalment details the time up to his/her purchase
of the Retrograde Inn from the Bencubbin Mafia.
The next scene introduces BLACK BEAR and his
establishment. Gives some background to the Retrograde
and JACINTA and puts GANDER in the same bunk room as
COBO.

GANDER first meets COBO who naturally quotes poetry.
They seem to get on and after agreeing to grab some food
together they come back to BLACK BEARS for a game of
cards.

GANDER and COBO arrive back at BEARS and go to the small
Lounge and Bar area which is like a sleazy speakeasy.
They intend to play cards. GANDER wants to get some cash
from COBO, COBO wants to test the mettle of his new room
mate.

GANDER, BLACK BEAR and COBO move down the street to
MOMO's Palace, which is clearly a house of ill repute,
but one with some elegance. Replete with beautiful
curtains and furnishings and huge glass chandeliers, not
to mention stunning girls and boys. They play a blackjack
and GANDER beats the house. COBO and MOMO pick up that he
is card counting, but let it run to see how good he is.
They find out that GANDERs uncle was the famous KOBOLD, a
card expert worshipped by COBO and he has passed his
knowledge down to GANDER. BEAR is beaten and retires and
falls asleep. GANDER shows COBO some tricks

INT. BLACK BEARS ON DUNFERMLINE - BEAR'S HOLE
(BEAR, GANDER, GANDER (AS DAVID), JACINTA)

This scene introduces BLACK BEAR and his establishment.
Gives some background to the Retrograde and JACINTA and
puts GANDER in the same bunk room as COBO

GANDER follows JACINTA through several back alleys

GANDER
This wasn't in the tourist video!
What's this area called?

JACINTA
Encke's division, lots of small
lanes. It's dodgy, unless you're
local. Even then, one would never
travel alone. If I were you, I'd
stick to the well lit larger roads
and avenues.

GANDER
Is that your sister ahead? Why
does she keep taking cover in door
ways, she moves like she is being
shot at!

JACINTA
Habit, and she's funny, she
doesn't like strangers!

GANDER
You should both be at school!

JACINTA
Who is going to pay for that,
there is no public education on
the habitat.

GANDER
Shit, that's really f***!

JACINTA
TANNSTAFL, its typical around
these parts!

GANDER proceeds across the square and down the alley
until he stands in front of a huge ugly half cylinder of
pitted metal and plasti-crete, showing the repairs of
decades of poor maintenance. The front was covered in a
big sign spelling 'Condemned' in a mockery of tattered
shreds.

JACINTA
OK we are here, BLACK BEAR's this
is it.
Try not to piss the BEAR off, he
has a temper! He doesn't like
Earthworms.

GANDER
Great. Well thanks, pleased to
meet you and your sister and thank
RUDI! Will I see you again?

JACINTA
Possibly, in the hospital!
(laughter) Only kidding! You
might if you hang around here,
we're a local fixture!

GANDER
Good, next time we can chill, get
ice cream or something!

JACINTA
(laughter) Jeez, what are you on!
MOMO says they rot your teeth!
Never had one myself!

GANDER
Oh. My god, you've never had ice
cream!

JACINTA
No, milk is expensive around here!
OK got to go, see you Earthworm,
TANSTAAFL!

GANDER Kicks the side of the metal shell several times
with a hollow bang. Suddenly the seal hisses and the
metal door opens. GANDER is dragged inside.

GANDER
How the hell do I get in? I can't
see a bell. Hello! Hello anyone
there?

BEAR
All right, all right Earthworm,
take it easy you don't have to
puncture the seals. Oh, shit you
look like a zombie! What's the
matter with you, why all the
blood. Come in, you'll wake the
whole neighbourhood, can't you
just push the button, like
everyone else?

BEAR then sees GANDER's face and is impressed by the cuts
and bruising!

BEAR
Shit, we've got spoiled goods! Not
a pretty sight, come over here,
under the light, oh and try not to
bleed on the carpet. You're going
to need first aid! Let me get my
kit.

GANDER
Thanks, had an interaction with
some locals, one that wasn't in
the tourist brochures.

BEAR
(wheezy chuckle) It happens,
especially around here!

GANDER
Ah, sorry didn't see the bell, it
was hidden in the graffiti and
with this eye! Is the (Pause)
owner around, I was told to ask
for him.

BEAR
BEAR you mean, he may be
available.

GANDER
I was instructed to only deal with
BEAR.

BEAR
Jeez, you're a dumb arse, I'm
BEAR! Now stop with the bleeding,
and hold this patch over your eye!

GANDER
Oh, that's good! (pause) don't
take this personally, I was told
to say these exact words by a
friend who gave me the name of
this place. I quote she said to
say, "he is a fat f*** and he
needs to pay his bills".

BEAR
(Laughs asthmatically) Oh, that's
right, I do need to pay my bills.
I'm a bad boy! (Laughter) I'm
going to kick that RUDI. Of
course she's actually speaking for
that old bitch MOMO! I take it
your not going to follow my
example. You will pay your bills
won't you?

GANDER
Of course. Look I've only met
this RUDI once and I have no idea
who this MOMO is at all. I'm just
a dumb messenger. Is there going
to be a large deposit required?

BEAR
Depends. (Grunt) Hold still. Let
me take a look at you. OH, that
cut, its nasty, should probably
have stitches. I have combat glue
so that's going to have to do for
now!

MEDICAL BOX,
SCISSOR FIRST AID
SOUNDS

BEAR
I should probably take a big fat
cheque looking at you, you might
not last!

GANDER
You should see the other guys!

BEAR
Sure, but they beat you good! See
that guy over there, on the
pavement, he forgot to pay his
bill. That's where he lives now.

GANDER
Why is he carrying a sign saying
BLACK BEARS the best accommodation
and the best price!

BEAR
(Laughter) Well how else is he
going to pay of his debts!

GANDER
I get the message, but I'm not
super flush with cash, got cleaned
out by the ship crew.

BEAR
Yes, I know! RUDI told me. She
said I was to trust you, said your
looking for your Dad. Anyway,
I'll charge the minimum for now,
when you get more cash we can
revisit OK!

GANDER
Yes, thank you, that's very
generous!
Sounds unusual for the Bencubbin.
I was told it was a jungle.

BEAR
It is, but not everyone is a
predator! Look at this place, it
might look like a shit hole on the
outside, but its camouflage! The
accommodations clean, the waters
plentiful, and there are no bed
bugs.

GANDER
The notice says its condemned!
Won't the authorities eventually
come and knock it down?

BEAR
Really! Perhaps that's also more
camouflage? Now, look up and stop
yammering, That's ugly. Nasty
bruise!

GANDER
Throwing axe, glancing blow!

BEAR
Obviously, otherwise you wouldn't
be here! Look over there at
camera. Smile. The door networks
have to learn the face so you can
get in.

GANDER
Sophisticated!

BEAR
No not sophisticated, essential!
Security, always worth investment,
you never know. This whole place
is full of thieves. OK lets pop
into the front office sort out the
details. So your an Earthworm,
that much I can tell, but what do
we really have here?

GANDER
What do you think you have?

BEAR
I think I have a beaten up visitor
who lucked out and met the one
person they needed to. Did she
get that little street rat JACINTA
to clean you out?

GANDER
She tried to, but I told her to
swivel. She did come around and
protect me. Otherwise I wouldn't
be here!

BEAR
(Laughter) Impressive, she must
like you. Did she do her knife
routine?

GANDER
Yes, she's a regular yakuza!

BEAR
(Laughing) Yeah that's right,
she's a darling, deadly though!
She must like you!

GANDER
Right! Sure!

BEAR
Gospondin, not going to lie to
you. RUDI called and said she
thought you were solid, otherwise
there's no way you'd have got
through that door. She said she
thought you might have some moves.
Looks like she was right. Going to
need a name for the books, need to
fill out the government forms!

GANDER
DAVID, DAVID Kosciolek.

BEAR
Lovely, now what colour is your
crackle? Earth credits or New
London script?

GANDER
Earth credits until I can change,
is that OK?

BEAR
I'll take them but there is a
small surcharge?

GANDER
Should I change to NL script as
soon a possible?

BEAR
Probably a good idea? Earth cash
is not popular, and shouts, "come
and get me"

GANDER
OK, I have a few NL credits I
changed them at the docks.

BEAR
Hang on to them for the time
being, good for casual purchases.
If you need some more, see me,
I'll get a much better rate.

GANDER
OK, got that!

BEAR
Look Mr Kosciolek, I'm going to
have to take something for a
security deposit but it doesn't
need to be cash.

GANDER
I have a watch, its not much but
it has sentimental value?

BEAR
Lets have a look. Oh a Seiko
Asteron. Charming but not
particularly valuable.

GANDER
Well not to you, but my Dad gave
it to me! Means a lot.

BEAR
I'll pop it in the safe, Don't
worry I'm not going to nick it.
I'll look after it!

GANDER
Thanks!

BEAR
I get it, we've all been there.
Funds low, want to make what you
have last. Its an old story. I
may be a wheezy old bastard but
I'm not a complete dick!

GANDER
Well hopefully I'm not going to be
here that long, just easy in, find
my Dad, then easy out.

BEAR
(Wheezy snort) That's what they
all say Gospondin. "Just staying
for a few weeks!" Son this place
has a habit of getting its claws
into you!

GANDER
Well, not me.

BEAR
(chuckle) So how do you plan to
find this missing father?

GANDER
No idea really, I've just arrived,
and need to sleep on it.

BEAR
Well, you be careful. One wrong
question and you'll have a knife
in the gut. To investigate this
place you need a lot of local
knowledge. Even the cops stay out
of these parts. Now I think you
might benefit from a streetwise
room mate. That's unless you want
a Duchess?

GANDER
Duchess, of course not, besides
how would I pay for that.

BEAR
As I thought, so its a share then.

GANDER
BEAR there is no hidden agenda, I
really am just looking for my
father! He sent me a single word
as his last message.

BEAR
What was it?

GANDER
'Retrograde'

BEAR
What, just "Retrograde". There is
a mob casino called the
Retrograde. Just down the road.

GANDER
Yeah, RUDI said it might be a
lead.

BEAR
Well, you tread very carefully
around that place, they don't like
strangers. Especially ones form
Earth who ask questions.

GANDER
So you know it then.

BEAR
Of course its three blocks over,
old place, been there since first
fit out. Now back to the matter in
hand where shall I put you (BEAR
looks at a well worn old book)

LEAFING OF PAPER

BEAR
Let me see, no not that one, could
be messy. Ah here we are, perfect
match. I think you should bunk
with a chap called MILTON COBO,
third floor room fifteen. He's
dodgy but in the right way!
You'll see.

GANDER
Doesn't sound promising?

BEAR
Well, you look a little 'arty'. I
hope you like poetry? (Wheezy
chuckle) You should perhaps learn
some prose before meeting him. It
will make the whole process go
down much easier.

GANDER
Poetry, in this place?

BEAR
Now, now. Localisation I call it.
(laughter)

GANDER
Sounds ghastly. OK, what's the
damage?

BEAR
Five credits a day.

GANDER
Sounds criminal, but let me see
the room, and I'll think about it.

BEAR
Well, don't think to long, there's
always option B.

GANDER
Let me guess, the street.

BEAR
Yes, my friend out there, could do
with a companion (Laughter)

BEAR leads through a maze of small corridors to a small
door.

BEAR
That's the paperwork done, ah,
I'll show you the room.

GANDER
Oh, this is cosy!

BEAR
Like a Japanese brothel, but it
slows down any raids!

GANDER
Get many?

BEAR
No, I pay my protection! Its just
along here

BEAR
What do you think? Its small but
perfectly formed, think caravan!

DOOR WOOD OPEN

GANDER
Trackamina, its a shoe box, for
children's shoes! I don't know
BEAR. Five for this, this is worth
three, max!

BEAR
How the hell do you know what this
is worth, you're on a space
habitat, we don't have the luxury
of planet spread. Its a steal at
five, take it or leave it
Earthworm.

GANDER
Look I may be a Earthworm but I'm
rapidly 'localising', it hasn't
even got an electronic lock on the
door. Its got a stinky incense
burner, and lots of old socks.
Four or I'm walking.

BEAR
(Chuckle) Yeah RUDI was right,
feisty, you'll fit right in! OK
cobber five and I'll provide
security, guaranteed.

GANDER
Security?

BEAR
Yeah, the locks are dodgy, but I
will guarantee security. No one
will touch your stuff, otherwise
they have to deal with me. I have
a (cough) certain reputation.

GANDER
Four and half tops (Pause) because
I have to put up with a poet.

BEAR
(Laughter) Ok "Hoist with my own
Petard" (laughter) Earthworm I am
too old to argue! But you better
pay on time.

GANDER
I'll do better than that I'll give
you a week up front on top of the
deposit.

BEAR
Done! Put it there! You have the
top bunk. He's out at the moment
so that will give you a chance to
settle in! Use that locker on the
left. Like I say, space-fly be
cautious this is a dangerous
district, but you had one lucky
break today, so perhaps that's a
good sign.

GANDER
Well I don't feel lucky. I feel
bruised.

BEAR
(Laughter) Like I say welcome to
the Bencubbin!

GANDER
Sure! Perhaps you could help me
find my father?

BEAR
Maybe I can, maybe I can't, lets
just take one step at a time. Why
do you want this father of yours
anyway? Does he owe you credit?

GANDER
Well kind of. The bastard dumped
me and mum years ago. Owes me life
of credits.

BEAR
It happens kid. You'll find that
the toast always falls butter side
down. Now like I say don't go
poking around. If you do, missing
a father, will be the least of
your problems.

GANDER
So how the hell am I going to find
him then?

BEAR
I suggest you check out your room
mate. If anyone can weasel out
information its that crafty poetic
son of a bitch.

INT. BLACK BEARS ROOM 3-15 - ROOMMATE
(COBO, GANDER, GANDER (AS DAVID))

GANDER first meets COBO who naturally quotes poetry.
They seem to get on and after agreeing to grab some food
together they come back to BLACK BEARS for a game of
cards.

COBO
Who the hell are you, I thought
this was a non share room.

GANDER
Ah, sorry, you'll need to speak
ah, Mr BEAR about that. My name is
DAVID.

COBO
No Shit (Laughing) do you have a
moniker?

GANDER
No, not really!

COBO
Well, you'll have to get
eventually! You look a little
"Aladdin Sane"

GANDER
(Sigh) Really, I have no idea what
you're talking about.

COBO
(Letting out air) Mr BEAR, good
one! That greasy fat bastard, he
set me up! Well, let me tell you,
you better have clean habits and
wash behind your ears, its my only
non negotiable. Tell me, do you
like poetry?

GANDER
I guess so. I'm of Russian
descent so of course poetry is in
the soul. The more romantic and
darker the better! No Disney shit!

COBO
You'll not be getting any of that
from me young man. (Clearing of
Throat)

A friend like you is hard to find,
one that touches you deep inside.
You've given me strength to carry
on, you've offered your hand to
hold on.

GANDER
(Whispered) Jeez, ah, yes well ah,
thank you.

COBO
Don't mention it young man, its a
pleasure to meet someone who
appreciates literature!

GANDER
Yes!

COBO
Names Milton, Milton COBO. I go by
the moniker COBO. Welcome to my
room. Its modest but clean. Tell
me, ah DAVID, do you like tea?

GANDER
I'm Russian, of course I like tea!

COBO
Splendid!

GANDER
Could I have it black with some
sugar please!

COBO
Absolutely! I like a little milk
myself, but it must be put into
the cup first. I'm very
traditional. (Pause) So just
arrived?

GANDER
Yes, today, from Earth

COBO
Wow, so you found your way to this
shit hole, in a day. Impressive!
You sure know how to slide down
the slippery pole, backwards.

GANDER
Lack of funds will do that, I'm
afraid!

COBO
Yes, its an occupational hazard
around these parts!

MAKING OF TEA

GANDER
(sipping tea) Ah! That's good,
that bloody ship, I don't no what
was in those air filtration
filters, but it just sucked the
taste out of everything.

COBO
Here you go! Thankfully habitats
have a more natural oxygen,
nitrogen balance. Makes for a
much more pleasant stay!

GANDER
(Clearing throat)Thank you ah Mr
COBO, much appreciated!

COBO
Call me MILTON dear boy, please,
after all we are living together.
That's a very interesting look
your wearing, the scuff marks and
bruising. Is that part of you
makeup?

GANDER
No, caused by over familiarity
with some locals!

COBO
Oh dear me! That sounds so
romantic, like Byron and the
tragic's.

GANDER
Oh this wasn't romantic, just
dramatic.

COBO
Really dear boy, please you must
sit, and tell me all about it.
Your look, just magnificent, such
a rebellious streak!

GANDER
Yes well don't go getting any
idea's, its just that I like to
stand out!

COBO
Oh you do certainly stand out dear
boy, especially around here. I
mean, you are a true artist. Now
just in case you are getting the
impression I'm like that old flap,
Quentin Crisp, let me disabuse you
of that idea straight away.
I may be flowery, but that doesn't
mean I'm gay! Oh, and you can drop
the pretence of liking my poetry,
I know that old wheezy f***
downstairs told you to listen in
rapture. I'm not stupid, and you
won't buy me that easily!

GANDER
No, no, Mr COBO, I really do like
poetry, but I have dark and
obscure tastes.

COBO
Oh, darling, you have no idea how
that intrigues me. Perhaps you do
have hidden depths. (Moving
closer) Yes there's definitely
something there.

GANDER
What a lot of cobblers!

COBO
Yes, I think, oh my!

GANDER
What, what can you see?

COBO
A piece of cake, from 'Cafe
Vulcanic' stuck in the corner of
your mouth.

GANDER
You bastard, you had me going! You
know RUDI!

COBO
(Laughter) well, I thought I
should break the heavy atmosphere!
I feel some prose is required.

Nymph of the garden where all
beauties be,

Beauties which do in excellency
pass

His who till death looked in a
watery glass,

GANDER
Shit, that's supposed to lighten
the mood, sounds terminal to me!

COBO
Well, I like it. (Pause) So what
do you make of the locals

GANDER
What apart from the street gangs?
The Kids, terrifying! Where the
hell do they live?

COBO
Under the local whore house, well
as many as can fit, the local
madam has a kindly heart!

GANDER
This place is weird! I can't
makes sense of it yet. Its like
the rough end of many cities, but
also has some very interesting
twists!

COBO
Yes it does. Now have you eaten?

GANDER
No, I'm starved, but cash is a
little tight. Any ideas?

COBO
I few. Look If you wait a second,
I can change and will show you
where I go. Perhaps we can have a
meal and talk further?

GANDER
Its not going to be expensive is
it. I'm not joking when I say I'm
short of cash.

COBO
I see. Well you are in luck, dear
boy. I have spent a few weeks
sampling the local cuisine!
Followed by some light
entertainment playing blackjack.
Don't worry this one is on me!

GANDER
Thank you I appreciate the offer,
those bastards on the ship cleaned
me out!

COBO
I see, system seven I suppose! Do
you play cards?

GANDER
I have been known to, ah on the
odd occasion.

COBO
Good, perhaps after eating we can
enjoy a convivial few rounds back
here.

GANDER
Sounds like a plan?

COBO
You're not a cheater are you?

GANDER
Never, I don't need too I have
lady luck on my side!

COBO
Really, where was she on the way
here?

GANDER
Well, believe it or not, she
turned up in the form of JACINTA.

COBO
Well, I don't believe in luck, we
all make our own luck.

INT. BLACK BEARS ON LOUNGE - THE SETUP
(BEAR, COBO, GANDER, GANDER (AS DAVID))

GANDER and COBO arrive back at BEARS and go to the small
Lounge and Bar area which is like a sleazy speakeasy.
They intend to play cards. GANDER wants to get some cash
from COBO, COBO wants to test the mettle of his new room
mate.

COBO
BEAR are you joining us, we plan
to play some blackjack!

BEAR
I think I might pass MILTON,
you're too sharp for me. I'm
still recovering from last time!

GANDER
So Mr BEAR are you saying that
MILTON, cheats?

BEAR
I'm not sure! Lets just say he has
a lot of good luck! MILTON if you
clean out this poor lad, I'll
increase your rent!

COBO
Rents are fixed at a maximum by
the city BEAR, so don't try that
one! Relax, I was going to throw
the lad some good hands.

GANDER
Don't mind me, Throw me all the
good hands you can scrape
together. I probably need all the
help I can get?

BEAR
Are you sure, boy, this ones
tricky!

GANDER
Well, I guess we'll find out won't
we? So I get the feeling that you
two know each other?

COBO
Just some, ah, shared adventures
in the past. Events that forced
us together, that sort of thing.

BEAR
(Wheezy chuckle) that's one way of
putting it. MILTON, go easy on
the lad, he has no funds. If you
clean him out, I'll not get the
rent!

COBO
I will dear boy, just a few
friendly rounds, for pleasure,
nothing else.

GANDER
Right! So you want to play black
jack? Who is going to be the
dealer and where's the table.

COBO
BEAR any idea's?

BEAR
I know that MOMO likes to deal,
she says it reminders her of her
youth. She's good at it too.

COBO
Will she pop over?

BEAR
To this hostel, no way! Why don't
we see, if she will host us? I
think she has an antique table!
Makes things so much more classy!

COBO
Great! OK then, make the call.

GANDER
Doesn't RUDI stay at MOMO's?

BEAR
Yes, its the warren house
underneath MOMO's Palace.

GANDER
Cool, this is going to be so much
fun! (Rubbing hands together)

INT. MOMOS PALACE - UPPER LOUNGE
(BEAR, COBO, GANDER, GANDER (AS DAVID), MOMO, MOMO'S
RECEPTIONIST, RUDI)

GANDER, BLACK BEAR and COBO move down the street to
MOMO's Palace, which is clearly a house of ill repute,
but one with some elegance. Replete with beautiful
curtains and furnishings and huge glass chandeliers, not
to mention stunning girls and boys. They play a blackjack
and GANDER beats the house. COBO and MOMO pick up that he
is card counting, but let it run to see how good he is.
They find out that GANDERs uncle was the famous KOBOLD, a
card expert worshipped by COBO and he has passed his
knowledge down to GANDER. BEAR is beaten and retires and
falls asleep. GANDER shows COBO some tricks.

GANDER
This doesn't look that classy?

COBO
Back entrance, private, away from
the punters!

MOMO'S RECEPTIONIST
Gentleman & Mr BEAR I'm surprised
your back so soon! Especially
after last time.

BEAR
Yes well, it was a simple mis
understanding dear, the items just
fell into the pocket. Now is
Madam MOMO available we have
arranged for a small card game in
the upper lounger area.

MOMO'S RECEPTIONIST
Yes she called down. May I take
your suit seals?

RUDI
Oh as I live and breath! Look what
the cat dragged in! One Earthworm
with two street lice, what a
combination!

COBO
RUDI sarcasm is the lowest form of
wit and its beneath you. Now is
this how you treat your guests?

RUDI
Guests! JUDY can you arrange for
security to check all their
pockets, last time Mr BEAR had a
valuable silver lighter in his
pocket!

BEAR
That was an accident!

RUDI
Sure! JUDY tell them to be extra
careful, especially with those
hidden pockets in their jackets!

COBO
BEAR really, you are the limit.

RUDI
Yes, he really is! MILTON why do
you hang around with such a street
urchin? I thought you were better
than that.

COBO
Well dear you really can't chose
your family, and to be blunt the
brutal honesty of his petty
thievery is like a breath of fresh
air. (Pause) Ah here she is, like
lady Astor, so young, so elegant!

MOMO
Thank you! Thank you gentlemen!
Now, as I wade through the thick
platitudes, just a warning! If
you so much as look at the
silverware, a life time ban awaits
you! Plus I will refuse to honour
any outstanding chips. Mr BEAR I
believe you need to settle your
account, so any negative balance
will be deducted when you cash in,
thank you!

BEAR
Madam, that's not fair!

MOMO
Fair, smarh! I tire of the tedious
nature of your soul Mr BEAR, I've
heard it all before. Gentlemen
and Mr BEAR, the lounge is ready,
will you please all come up. RUDI
dear, your scowling is so
unbecoming, you'll get nasty lines
on your face!

RUDI
Better to have frown lines than to
be cleaned out by this unsavoury
lot. DAVID watch your step, these
two are criminals of the worse
kind!

COBO
I really don't know what to say,
that's a terrible slur on my
character.

RUDI
Well its not a slur, if its true.

MOMO
RUDI dear please go down to the
bar and ask the similieare to send
up the other champaign please.
The one I mentioned the other day.
Make sure I have a bottle of the
"Moet Chandon" whilst the guests
can have the "house" vintage!

RUDI
The cheap stuff you mean.

MOMO
RUDI, please, sometimes you can be
so rude.

GANDER
Yes RUDI, be a darling won't you.
(Chuckle) Thanks for JACINTA bye
the way, very helpful!

RUDI
Arghhh!

They move upstairs where a high quality black jack table
awaits.

MOMO
Gentleman I have arranged for the
casher to give us all a small
number of low value chips. We
wouldn't want for things to run
away would we!

GANDER
Ah, excuse me, I'm not sure if I
can pay for these. I have just
arrived and I'm not sure how long
I'm going to be here.

MOMO
Don't worry dear, RUDI mentioned
you, and the quest for your
father. I may seem rather remote,
but deep down I do have some
romance left in my soul! I like
this sojourn, for this 'lost
father', its pure Hollywood
darling! DAVID, your father,
occasionally played at this
establishment, he has some
outstanding credits. Due to
special circumstances, the nature
of which I will not go into at
this moment, I believe they now
belong to you. I have just
transferred his account.

GANDER
Circumstances! What? Please Ms
MOMO, I want to find out more
about him. Is he OK?

MOMO
Sorry, I can't say for sure, and
now is not the time. I propose
that we talk at length, tomorrow.
For the time being lets just enjoy
the cards shall we?

CARDS BEING HANDLED

MOMO
Gentleman, we are playing
Blackjack! As we have a nine
position table, and as I'm feeling
generous. I will allow you to play
up to three positions.

COBO
MOMO, I want to check the shoe. I
don't trust you!

MOMO
Really MILTON you are the limit.
That's a cheap shot, why would the
house need to cheat, especially
against you! If you must, go
ahead, but you have hurt me
deeply.

COBO
Oh, come on, cut the theatrics, I
just want to make sure we have a
good game.

MOMO
Well, I suppose, if it makes you
happy. Besides I don't need to
cheat, even if I loose, the girls
will eventually recover the
revenue! (laughter)

COBO
How many decks do you have in the
shoe?

MOMO
The full eight, I don't want the
house to be cleaned out! Before
you ask I'm also not paying any
bonuses especially to you lot. No
Chicken dinners! No surrenders,
late or early allowed. Once the
first free bottle of Champaign
runs out, you'll have to pay for
your drinks, I'm not a charity.

BEAR
Pist, MILTON, Perhaps we should
have stayed at my place.

COBO
Nonsense BEAR, look at this lovely
place, look at these clean tables,
it's like a second home, we even
have a string quartet.

MOMO
This is a classy establishment, we
value the finer things!

COBO
(Clearing of throat)

Treading on sand in uncharted land
hoping to quench the craving of
parched hearts.

MOMO
You can stop that too, otherwise
I'll have you put out!

COBO
Madam, you said this was a palace
of culture!

MOMO
Well, not that kind of culture!
Now are you going to play cards,
or are you going to flounce around
all night?

COBO
It will be my pleasure to extract
as much as I can from this house
Madam, I'm just warning you.

MOMO
Sure! If there's any counting or
cheating, I'll bet that I can do
it better than you. So watch out!
MILTON really, behave! We have a
guest, lets not show ourselves up
shall we? Take your seats
gentlemen and lets play blackjack.

TIMEPASSING

GANDER
MOMO I'm going to split. Hit me.
Ohhh! Split again! Oh how
marvellous! I believe I say
"Winner, winner, chicken dinner"!

MOMO
No chicken dinners here! Are you
sure you've not played this
before, DAVID?

GANDER
Oh no, this is my first time!

MOMO
Well, that's an impressive pile of
chips, and your prospering, whilst
playing three positions! An
unlikely scenario for a beginner!

COBO
Yes, very strange. You have been
unaccountably lucky for a first
timer! I'm not sure I believe you!
Poor old BEAR was cleaned out
rapidly! Look at him in the
corner, he looks so "dejected"

GANDER
Yes most unfortunate, its not
personal. Besides I'm not playing
Mr BEAR, I'm playing against the
house, as you well know MILTON.
It must just be beginners luck.
I've have never played before.

COBO
Really?

GANDER
Ms MOMO this is a such a fun game,
but I think I will cash out after
the next round. I'm getting tired.

MOMO
I bet you are, finding the
counting exhausting are we?

GANDER
Counting what do you mean?

MOMO
All this play acting its starting
to become very boring to me!

COBO
Well from where I'm sitting, I
think your running a classic
counting scheme. The results sure
look like that. As far as I could
tell you did it from the very
first hand. I signalled MOMO, she
signalled back, she figured it as
well, but I just wanted to see if
you could keep it going.

MOMO
Yes, he's right. Don't worry I'm
impressed and I'll let you keep
the chips. Its good to see a
professional at work! I also liked
you father, although he was a
bloody scoundrel, his heart was
always in the right place. Damm
it! I'm getting soft in my old
age.

GANDER
Jeez I'm getting all teary with
you two talking about old times.
I was having so much fun. (snort)
If you could see your faces! Yes,
I was counting, but shit, you
deserve it! Blackjacks for
suckers. I prefer Holden, now
that's a game! What! Stop looking
at me like that! My Uncle taught
me. He was a card "enthusiast",
wrote a couple of good books. He
had a code name two.

COBO
Why was that?

GANDER
Oh, he used to win and didn't want
people to track him.
Always played for cash or gold.
He was an expert of composition
based strategy. In order to play
he had to became a master of
deception. I think there were
several contracts placed against
him. Used to play in Mafia
sponsored games. Like I say, they
never got close though, looked
different every time. He was good
at his hobby.

COBO
Hobby! What was these books
called?

GANDER
Well he used the moniker "Kobold"

COBO
(Spluttering, and gasping) Your
kidding me! You're saying this
uncle was "the great Kobold"?

GANDER
Ms MOMO, I have to ask, is MILTON
always this slow on the uptake.
Does he suffer from age related
dementia?

MOMO
That's the least of his problems
dear!

GANDER
I see! No wonder he looses at
cards!

MOMO
Yes, he is sometimes very slow on
the uptake. From what I observe
he consumes far too much of my
expensive alcohol!

COBO
Madam, really, there is no need to
be so direct!

MOMO
DAVID that book of your Uncles has
been in his inside pocket for
years. He called it his black
bible!

GANDER
Ah, I see, so your saying, this so
called poet is really a grifter! I
get it now! (Laughter)

COBO
Really, this is the limit! For
once I'm speechless! Madam I
thought you were a friend!

MOMO
Well, think what you like, but you
can't argue with the truth!

COBO
Let me get this straight. I am
sharing a room with the nephew of
the late and great "Kobold" he of
"Composition Dependant Strategies
and other methods for improving
your play"

GANDER
The very same! I see what you
mean MOMO, he is rather slow on
the uptake!

MOMO
Yes I know dear, but his heart is
in the right place.

COBO
So you are telling me his real
name was Kosciolek. Huh after all
these years! Well bugger me!

GANDER
I'd rather not, particularly with
your drunken unwashed state.

COBO
Its field camouflage, just to fit
in.

GANDER
Sure!

COBO
So let me get this perfectly
straight. Your Uncle, the great
Kobold, taught you to play cards?

GANDER
Yes, and yes, we played regularly.
I also got very enthusiastic for
magic in my teenage years so I
have a few other tricks on top of
his stratagems. I try not to use
them, it smacks of desperation.

COBO
Oh, my heavens, MOMO this is an
amazing opportunity.
DAVID this is fantastic! Oh you
must show me, show me what you can
do!

MOMO
Oh, my god! DAVID, I think you
have a new groupie.

GANDER
I'm not signing any autographs and
its late and I'm tired!

MOMO
I think you'll have to show him
something, otherwise he'll not
sleep! I'm fascinated as well to
be honest!

GANDER
OK, just one little trick then.
Give me some cards.

Sounds of some shuffling, card clicks and flicks all
cools stuff.

GANDER
What's that in your collar.

COBO
What? Well I'll be dammed. You
cleaver little bastard! I didn't
see a thing. Oh, thank you God
this is fantastic. DAVID you and
me could clean this place out big
time!

MOMO
Now just a minute!

COBO
No I mean the Bencubbin. MOMO I
would never do that to you, you're
a friend.

GANDER
(Sigh) If you could see what I can
see, in your swivel eyes, you
might be as disturbed as I feel.
It always sounds great, it always
does, but in the end the grifter
gets caught! And after my recent
experience it also sounds
extremely foolhardy and dangerous.

MOMO
DAVID, take this man home and put
him to bed, maybe in the morning
he will see more sense. I will
say this, and I speak from
experience, as I've seen a few
grifters through this place.
MILTON may not look like much, and
he has this horrible poetry thing,
but he is good at what he does. He
has that rare combination of
careful planning and audacity. I
think you might be needing his
skills if you want to reclaim some
of your father's legacy.

GANDER
And what would that be?

MOMO
Tomorrow, come over for high tea
and I'll tell you what I know!

GANDER
I'm not a child and this is
serious.

MOMO
I know dear, but I'm tired too,
and he's starting to drool!

GANDER
Ahh, yuk!

MOMO
Will you be free, perhaps, at 10
spin-ward tomorrow?

END

People on this episode

Melanie Blizard

Host