Angel and May
Angel and May are two worn-out private investigators from LA. Events take a turn and they embark on a journey which will take them across time and space to the asteroid colony "New London". They hole up in a dodgy pub run by a crazy drag queen. What could possibly go wrong! They say the skies are the limit, but here they're just the beginning!
Angel and May
G02-E02 - Knight of Cups
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THE TAROT INTERVENTION - G02-E02-KNIGHT OF CUPS
GANDER-KATERINA singing about her lost father much to the
amazement of MILTON and RUDI.
In the Knight of Cups, a knight rides on a white horse
and holds out a golden cup as if he bears a message from
the heart. Over his armour, the knight wears a cloak
covered with images of fish, the symbol of water,
consciousness and creativity. His helmet and boots are
winged, a symbol of an active and creative imagination
and an appreciation for beautiful things.
Unlike the Knight of Wands or the Knight of Swords, the
horse in the Knight of Cups is not charging forward but
instead moves slowly and gracefully, giving an air of
calmness and peace. The horse represents power, energy
and drive and the colour white is a symbol of purity,
spirituality and light.
The background is mostly barren, except for some trees
far away and the river that flows through, symbolising
the power of the emotions and imagination to create a new
life force, even where it may seem that there is none.
INT. SHADOWPLAY LOUNGE - THE SECRET HOBBY
(MAXWELL, MILTON COBO, RUDI)
This is the scene where MILTON COBO follows GANDER-DAVID
to a gay club and discovers RUDI propping up the bar.
They both then find out GANDER-DAVID's secret hobby,
being a DRAG performer.
The interior of the "Shadow Play Lounge" is a record of
the history of gay rights, with walls bedecked in
pictures of past DRAG queens and original pioneers of the
civil rights and gay rights movement in the USA.
The dance floor is the centre piece, a small square of
polished wood with a small stage. Off to one side is the
area for the band, which is a unique selling point of the
bar. The place has a lived in and world weary feel.
The stars of the lounge are the drag performers, and
their presence is larger than life. The stage is a canvas
for creativity, and a constant stream of shade!
RUDI
MAX, over here, hit me again! I
need something to sooth my throat?
MAXWELL
Really? Try not to get
embarrassing!
RUDI
It was something I ate over at
Dingwalds!
MAXWELL
Sure! Go easy on that shit, it
rots yah gut! Oh and you might
want to avoid that place.
RUDI
Why, it's been there for years!
MAXWELL
Never trust those bastards, I
heard they had been acquired by
the GAMBINO's a month ago.
RUDI
Shit, they're really slowly
getting a death grip on the
Bencubbin.
MAXWELL
Tell, me about it! You know we pay
protection.
RUDI
Nanofrag, I didn't know that. I
hate those bastards. Well I won't
be going there again. My only
defence was that I was desperate,
after a long day of sucking up at
the cafe.
MAXWELL
Yeah I get it, fucking exhausting!
Mind you, this job just as bad, I
have to suck up to you!
RUDI
Nanofrag to you too Gospondin!
Thanks for reminding me how shit
both our lives really are!
MAXWELL
Yeah, but at least here, I get a
floor show!
RUDI
You call this a show?
MAXWELL
Well, it makes the time go by!
RUDI
I suppose thats true!
MAXWELL
Now, I'm warning you, don't get
boisterous, I really don't want to
exit you!
RUDI
You and who's army! Thanks, Mum!
Now nanofrag off and put your
apron on, like the good gay boy
you are!
MAXWELL
(Laughs) You love it really!
You're in for a treat tonight, we
got a new queen, she's only been
here five minutes and she's
already pissed off PETTY LABELLE.
You should have heard the cat
screaming coming out of the
changing rooms. Gonna be good for
sure!
RUDI
(Laughter) Nothing better than
drag queens grappling, nastier
than a box of cut snakes!
MILTON COBO arrives wearing a beard and long coat! He
slides in besides RUDI
MILTON COBO
If you will turn your head, you
will observe that a gentleman
artist is standing in your
immediate posterior! (Cough)
A gentleman caller, polite and refined,
With manners and charm, he's one of a kind.
He arrives with a smile and flowers in hand,
A touch of class that's truly grand.
RUDI
Oh, crap, its you!
MILTON COBO
Whilst I do not want to be a
ghastly snooter on your libations,
I observe that you're a little
young to be a barfly! So I'm
presuming you have other motives
for being here?
RUDI
(Chuckle)Yeah, anaesthesia! Whats
with the beard? Jeez MILTON, you
look like Topol!
MILTON COBO
Didn't mean to startle, but folks
say I have a certain presence
especially when in disguise!
RUDI
Really! First the barman's been
giving me jip, and now you slide
in, like a cheap dilettante!
MILTON COBO
I can assure you, my intentions
are purely professional.
RUDI
(Snort) That's what they all say!
Your not running another con
against the gay community, are
you?
MILTON COBO
No of course not! Well not here. I
am considering one, but its not
happening yet!
RUDI
Isn't this place a little 'spicy'
for you, thought you'd like wood
panels and whisky?
MILTON COBO
I do, but I'm also partial to a
little opprobrious drag! Always
good fun! Anyway, I'm on the
clock, following a mark.
RUDI
Really? Thought you'd just done a
big job? Surely you can't need
more cash already! You're out of
luck in this place, these guys are
scraping the bottom of the barrel!
MILTON COBO
I'm not that dissolute! However to
refinance, I have on occasion,
found myself in need of gems, from
the most unexpected metallic
recesses, rather akin to
extracting the proverbial needle
from a haystack. But I can assure
you, this is not one of them.
RUDI
So your not roping the mark then!
Interesting. Its got to be
something, I know you!
MILTON COBO
With patience tested, I endure,
As nature's rhythms slow and pure.
Then, a tug, a fleeting wish,
I've caught a gleaming, silvery fish.
RUDI
I'd almost forgotten how annoying
you can be. So your fishing hah!
MILTON COBO
Sort of!
RUDI
So who is due for your hook?
MILTON COBO
If I told you, I would have to
kill you!
RUDI
Just try it! I would grab the
false beard and you'd be out that
door pronto!
By the way this whole 'BLACK BEAR'
look, is so transparent and off
piste, it won't fool anyone, and
it might attract 'undue'
attention.
MILTON COBO
Ah, I didn't actually consider
that aspect. I was just trying to
hide from the mark?
RUDI
Well, you might get more than you
bargained for! If your looking for
straight chicks in this place,
you're going to be disappointed!
Unless you count the drag queens.
Mind you I know that PETTY LABELLE
likes a man in a rain coat, I saw
her once around the back!
MILTON COBO
Fret not, dear RUDI, for in the
world of eccentricities and
whimsy, where I sojourn with
boundless enthusiasm, even the
depths of the metaphorical barrel
hold treasures yet undiscovered, I
will deal with any PETTY LABELLES
RUDI
(Laugh) So you've not seen her
then! Let me know when she
approaches you I want to watch!
MILTON COBO looks around for the first time taking in his
surroundings.
MILTON COBO
Well I must say, it may claim to
be the 'premier' gay venue in the
Bencubbin, but it has the air of a
venue which has had too many close
calls with sacrifices and burnt
offerings.
RUDI
(Laugh) Must be the blowback from
all the shading!
MILTON COBO
Well then, the only course of
sensible action is to celebrate
this audacious venture with a
drink! Barman, I'll have what
she's hav'n!
MAXWELL
You sure?
MILTON COBO
No, but if it shuts her up, its
worth the ulcer.
MAXWELL
Coming right up!
RUDI
So MILTON, (pause) seriously, who
are you following? I might be able
to help!
MILTON COBO
Like I say, No es asunto tuyo!
RUDI
So you know Spanish, I'm not
impressed!
MILTON COBO
I'm preparing myself for the shot
of tequila!
RUDI
That's what they all say, just
before the trousers come off!
MILTON COBO
Viva México!
RUDI
Just so you know, I'm talking to
your bunk mate, we might be going
into business. I mentioning this
because I don't want to cut across
what ever horrible scams you're
inevitably planning!
MILTON COBO
I see. Well thank you for that!
You might just want to hold off a
little!
RUDI
Why?
MILTON COBO
Oh shit, I suppose I have to tell
you! There is something going on,
I have suspicions, but I'm not
sure exactly. You know I've done
one job with DAVID and it went
well, but somethings not 100%
RUDI
Really, he seems solid to me!
MILTON COBO
Well, people, they're complicated,
as you know! Which circles back to
why I'm here!
RUDI
Really, so you think DAVID is not
OK, his not CIS is he?
MILTON COBO
RUDI, I don't think so, but I
honestly don't know. I followed
him here!
RUDI
So, he's gay, so what, you can see
his make up!
MILTON COBO
It's not that. But perhaps
unreasonably, I don't like those
I'm close to, having secrets. It
ruins the capers and makes me very
nervous. I have to feel I
understand someone, one hundred
and ten percent.
RUDI
Well, good luck with that. I don't
think you can ever understand
someone even one hundred percent.
MILTON COBO
Agreed! But now he wants to kill
all the Gambino's! Which, whilst
we all secretly harbour that same
ambition, we are not so rude as to
express it in the open! It
indicates a rather over ambitious
goal! It might indicate a certain
disconnection with reality.
RUDI
Well, he might be a bit gonzo, but
I really wish him well with that
quest! MILTON they killed his
father.
MILTON COBO
He now has this crazy idea of
winkling the GAMBINO's out of the
Retrograde. He wants to resurrect
it as the centre of the community!
RUDI
Well you can't say he is not
ambitious, but thats not going to
happen in my life time!
MILTON COBO
I'm now held like a rannygazoo,
trying to conjure up some grift to
achieve that impossible goal. That
contrivance, together with this
mystery, is giving me con-mans
block.
RUDI
Have you tried a laxative?
MILTON COBO
Very funny!
RUDI
You not going to get him killed
are you? I like him, he may be a
rube, but his heart is in the
right place!
MILTON COBO
Needless to say young RUDI, I
have to balance this symphony of
eccentricity, against the stink
soup of life in the Bencubbin. So
yes, I'm am being extra cautious!
RUDI
Well, those GAMBINO bastards have
zero sense of humour. One of the
old street buggers stumbled into
the bar last week. Some of the
warren kids found him dead in
Reigate Alley later that night.
MILTON COBO
Unfortunately I'm not surprised!
Young VINCENT is trying to impress
his Grandfather.
RUDI
He's a nanofracking billiken, I
really hate him!
MILTON COBO
Well, don't do anything stupid. I
might call on you to assist in
taking them down. If I can figure
a way, which won't get us all
killed!
RUDI
Thanks! Say I also heard a rumour!
MILTON COBO
Rumours, my dear RUDI, are the
liquid currency of society. One
must approach them with the same
skepticism as a man who stumbles
upon a magician's show, but do
tell!
RUDI
Well, I heard that the GAMBINO's
are into some sort of black cult.
MILTON COBO
Really! What sort of cult?
RUDI
I don't know exactly! Human
sacrifice, devil worship, black
magic, that sort of shit.
MILTON COBO
I'm not saying that I don't
believe you, but rumours are but
fleeting actors on an ever
changing stage.
RUDI
I heard it from two different
sources, completely unconnected.
MILTON COBO
That might add credibility. I
could see that they could like
that! They're Catholic, quite
religious, in an evil way! They
love ceremony too. So I postulate
that it's a small step over the
threshold to the dark side! I
guess they have to work extra hard
at their praying, because they do
love their sinning so much!
(Pause) I know that their parish
is St Mary's.
RUDI
Have you heard the one about the
Retrograde being haunted by the
ghosts of the Maritsuba?
MILTON COBO
No! Thats interesting?
RUDI
Kitchen staff hearing voices!
MILTON COBO
Serving the wrong sort of
mushrooms on the steaks!
RUDI
I'm serious MILTON, there have
been rumours for ages.
MILTON COBO
I wonder if we could use that?
RUDI
What! Use Ghosts to throw the
GAMBINO's out of the inn! Who you
gonna call! (Laughter)
MILTON COBO
Scepticism, my dear RUDI, is the
guardian of one's intellectual
citadel! I will have you know that
a number of successful cons have
used the dead! Nothing like the
relative, coming back for revenge!
RUDI
Devil worshipper's might just
welcome some more spooks. Arn't
they all part of the same dead
club?
MILTON COBO
Some seek redemption, a release from pain,
While others linger, forever in chains.
Ghosts of love and ghosts of woe.
RUDI
Oh shut up, oh, theres action on
stage.
INT. SHADOWPLAY LOUNGE - SHOWTIME
This scene shows the fabulious Katerina for the first
time, who performs an amazing cabaret number.
MICROPHONE SET UP NOISE
MILTON COBO
Jeez! Is that Petty Labelle? She
looks like she has been poured
into her clothes and someone
forgot to say 'when'?
RUDI
(Laughing) A more accurate
description than you might
believe. She likes her sauce and
sausage's!
MILTON COBO
I bet she does!
PETTY LABELLE
(Slightly distorted microphone
voice) One, two, one, (cough)
Wellcome to the Shadow-play
Lounge, Thursday is, as you know,
newbies night. This is where we
welcome fabulious new gurls to our
stage. Tonight I am pleased to
announce that we have, the sultry
seductress of Budapest, the
Hungarian Vampire Vixen with a
viper tongue. Give a big hand to
our newcomer the fabulious
Katerina!
CROUD WHISTLES AND CHEERS
GANDER-KATERINA shouts from stage left.
MILTON COBO
Yeah, I thought so!
RUDI
Holy crap, it's DAVID.
GANDER-KATERINA
PETTY, darling, I must say, your
outfit tonight is (pause) bold, to
say the least.
PETTY LABELLE
Bold is my middle name, darling.
Unlike some here, I don't need a
GPS to find my fashion sense.
GANDER-KATERINA
Well, honey, you do know fashion,
(pause) but I'm not sure it knows
you.
CHUCKLE FROM AUDIENCE
GANDER-KATERINA
Your's is like a Picasso painting -
intriguing, but I'm not quite sure
what I'm looking at.
AUDENCE LAUGH
PETTY LABELLE
Darling, Picasso just wishes he
could've painted me. As for you,
KATERINA, your style is so last
season, even the clearance rack
wouldn't take it.
AUDENCE LAUGH
RUDI
Now she's pissed, this is going to
be good!
GANDER-KATERINA
Last season? Sweetie, my style is
timeless. It's like vintage wine -
it only gets better with age.
Unlike some queens, who... let's
say... peak too soon.
AUDIENCE GASP
RUDI
Oh shit, thats blown it, it's
going to be a cat fight.
PETTY LABELLE
Well, KATERINA, I may have peaked,
but at least I've got my own show.
What's your claim to fame, hosting
a bingo night at the retirement
home?
GANDER-KATERINA
PETTY, dear, hosting bingo night
is just my side gig. My real
talent is making queens like you
disappear.
PETTY LABELLE
Disappear? Please, honey, I'm like
glitter - once I'm here, I'm here
to stay.
AUDIENCE GETTING RESTLESS
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Get on with it, you fat old bags!
PETTY LABELLE
(Gasp) Who said that? You coward!
Oh its you ROGER dear, I'll see
you later!
AUDIENCE CHEER
PETTY LABELLE
But enough about me; let's not
overshadow your... well, attempt
at glamour KATERINA.
GANDER-KATERINA
You're right honey, I wouldn't
want to overshadow you, after all
your behind does most of that. So
folks we'll be on in just a minute
we're setting up the band.
AUDIENCE GASP
RUDI
That laid down the gauntlet!
(Laughter) This is going to be
fascinating!
MILTON COBO
It might be fascinating to you,
but I'm sleeping in the same room!
RUDI
Are you threatened?
MILTON COBO
Yes absolutely, our young DAVID is
now a fierce DRAG Queen! I stand
no chance with my poetry and
refinement!
RUDI
(Laughter) You've met you match
you mean! I think its a Darwinian
response. Fight or flight!
MILTON COBO
It might be, but I'm suffering
cognitive dissonance!
RUDI
I told you, you need a good
laxative! Well, it sounds like you
need a medical intervention of
some type.
MILTON COBO
I do not. It's just that when
you've been with someone for a
period, you think one way, then
suddenly you have to think in
another way!
RUDI
For heavens sake Grandpa, boo,
hoo, welcome to the modern world!
MILTON COBO
Actually, I think she's bloody
amazing, but its still unnerving!
RUDI
She's got definitely got the
moves.
MILTON COBO
Its hard to reconcile, just look
at those legs! They stretch for
miles.
RUDI
You dirty old bugger!
MILTON COBO
Just making anatomical
observations and enjoying the
show!
RUDI
You're absolutely right about the
moves! Think about it, it's
really difficult to change your
whole demeanour! Takes
professional training, like ballet
or martial arts.
MILTON COBO
Obviously, our DAVID has, what
ever it takes.
RUDI
MILTON, people always
underestimate DRAG. The looks,
take patience and money, that's an
expensive wig, the clothes. He's
only been here three weeks, how
the hell did he swing this gig,
and get all this stuff together?
MILTON COBO
Well the makeup's covered, because
he wears it most of the time.
RUDI
Drag makeup is not street makeup,
world of difference! What about
all the other stuff?
MILTON COBO
I don't know! He must have another
stash somewhere!
RUDI
Probably! What raised your
suspicions?
MILTON COBO
I can't put my finger on it
really. Just some of his
movements, some things he said.
The make up, I just thought it was
an Earth-side fad at first, but
its's obviously more than that.
RUDI
There is a current trend to
revisit the 1980's whole gender
fluid thing. I think its hard to
draw any conclusions from that!
MILTON COBO
Also he kept popping out, I think
thats why I decided to follow!
Curiosity!
RUDI
It kills cats!
MILTON COBO
Well, not this one! So, back to
the problem of the stash! I still
can't work out where it could be.
You've seen my room.
RUDI
I wonder if JACINTA may have
helped, she lent him a small sub
locker. She's always looking for
some cash. I hate to say this but
you really do sound like the
'husband' in a bad relationship!
MILTON COBO
RUDI, I like DAVID, but not enough
to sleep with him.
I will admit though I'm slightly
hurt, I can't believe he did this
behind my back! Doesn't he trust
me?
RUDI
You've only known him for three
weeks. See it from his point of
view.
MILTON COBO
Sure I get that, but still, I feel
a little hurt!
RUDI
In the gay community, folks have
to be doubly sure. Some people
just react weird. He couldn't know
how you would take this.
MILTON COBO
I get that.
RUDI
Look, it's probably a measure of
how much he values your
relationship. He didn't want to
ruin it!
MILTON COBO
You make a good point!
RUDI
Of course I do! Now shut up and
lets take in the show I think the
bands ready!
TUNING SOUNDS FROM THE BAND
GANDER-KATERINA
Hello everyone, thank you for
welcoming me to your community. I
would like to start by singing a
very special song. A song from my
heart! This is a song from my
father. I found it in a file after
his death.
GANDER-DAVID proceeds to sing the song "GIANT EMOTIONAL
STONKER" by Bernard with great sex appeal and with an
ecstatic crescendo, then quickly exits the stage to
wiping tears to tumultuous applause.
GANDER-KATERINA
(To the band) Hit, it FRANKIE!
INSERT LYRICS HERE
LOUD APPLAUSE AND WHISTLES
INT. SHADOWPLAY LOUNGE - UNCONVENTIONAL PROSPECTS
(DRUNK, GANDER-KATERINA, MAXWELL, MILTON COBO, PETTY LABELLE,
RUDI)
This scene is where MILTON COBO realises that GANDER
KATERINA's drag abilities can be used in enabling the con
greatly enhancing the prospects of success.
RUDI
Jesus, that was just amazing!
MILTON COBO
Yes, most unexpected! I found I
was having moments of,
introspection and sentimentality!
I think I even saw a tear, or two
dampen your moist eyes?
RUDI
Yeah, well stop looking at my
eyes, its creepy, you're old
enough to be my father!
MILTON COBO
You're too sensitive my dear RUDI,
I was concerned! At least it shows
you're human! I must confess, I
couldn't help but feel a profound
connection to the subtle tones, as
if it held the secrets of the
universe within its golden
lyricism!
RUDI
Nanofrag! You do go on!
PETTY LABELLE
The amazing Katerina, ladies and
gentlemen.
GANDER-KATERINA
Thank you my friends, I will see
you again soon!
PETTY LABELLE
Between you and me, I'm not saying
Katerina is just a pretty face,
but she took a personality test,
and it came back negative.
AUDIENCE BOOS
GANDER-KATERINA
(From side of stage) PETTY, Honey,
you must be devastated, they've
gone and closed the buffet. With
those big hands, you'd have really
got your money's worth!
PETTY LABELLE
(Scream) You shady bitch!
AUDIENCE CHEERS!
RUDI
(Laughing) Good one KATERINA, and
the mortar bomb of shade goes
poof! MILTON, he can sing, dance,
and throw some shade! Ladies and
gentlemen he's the complete
package! The vampire from
Budapest!
MILTON COBO
RUDI you know at one point, I
seriously thought he was dealing
drugs.
RUDI
How would you know what he was
doing?
MILTON COBO
I paid JACINTA to put on a long
tail.
RUDI
(Laughing) That must have been the
easiest money of her career, paid
to provide the stash, paid to
follow the mark. It's win, win!
She's a sneaky bitch!
MILTON COBO
Yes, granted! I need to speak to
that little snipe, she didn't
mention a thing, and played me for
a fool.
RUDI
It's the way of the streets, and
the warrens! That's just JACINTA,
don't take it personally MILTON.
MILTON COBO
You would be amazed at how fast
the cash disappeared. I quoth "No
problems Earthworm, I'll keep an
eye on your bunk mate. When are
you getting married?"
RUDI
Well, to be fair she was telling
the truth! She did keep an eye on
him! Anyway, why were you so
concerned?
MILTON COBO
I have a soft spot for the lad,
especially after the business with
his father and our little caper
together. I didn't want to see
him fall in with the wrong types!
RUDI
So, am I the wrong type then? I
hang at this club regularly!
MILTON COBO
Absolutely, but thats not what I
meant. When JACINTA reported
back, she said that he was going
to "The Shadow Play Lounge"
RUDI
That is correct!
MILTON COBO
Yes but, things started to fall
into place in my head.
RUDI
Like a broken piece of china! Well
now we know the truth!
MILTON COBO
The good news is my grifting sense
is still intact, I thought I was
loosing my mojo! (Throat clear)
My silver coins turned to rusty lead,
As trust in my tricks began to shred,
My schemes unraveled, their lies laid bare,
MILTON's empire all crumbled in the air.
RUDI
Oh, god, is there no stopping you!
Shush, he's coming over. Look cool
pretend to laugh at a joke.
MILTON COBO CHUCKLES
They pretend to be chatting as GANDER-KATERINA walks
over!
GANDER-KATERINA
I thought I saw you two! First
date?
RUDI
No, I just found out about his
wife.
GANDER-KATERINA
Wife, is MILTON married?
RUDI
No, you twit, I meant you!
GANDER-KATERINA
Ohh, I see! (Weak Laugh)
RUDI
Nanofrag dude, you're amazing,
fabulious, on a number of levels.
GANDER-KATERINA
Well my name is the fabulious
KATERINA!
MILTON COBO
You could have told me DAVID, I
was worried about you!
GANDER-KATERINA
Blin [Dam]! I didn't mean to upset
you.
RUDI
KATTERINA don't worry about him.
Besides he thinks he's your dad!
Oh, sorry DAVID, I didn't think, I
didn't mean anything. My bad!
GANDER-KATERINA
Relax I'm not that twitchy, and he
does look old enough, add to that
the general beardy vibe!
MILTON COBO
DAVID, you break my heart! I may
be in the bloom of my autuminal
years, but to be dubbed 'old' is
quite upsetting!
RUDI
KATERINA, ignore him, he does go
on and on. He also has a bad case
of poetry. How do you put up with
him?
GANDER-KATERINA
(Laughter) It gets easier with
liberal does of Ambian! Well
either way I'm glad you know now!
It's a pain in the butt, sneaking
around.
MILTON COBO
I now understand why you were so
attuned to MAJORETTES shoes. I
didn't figure you might want to
wear them!
GANDER-KATERINA
Well, they were very expensive!
MAJORETTES a lucky girl. I hope
you thanked BUNNY for his help!
MILTON COBO
Don't worry he got his cut. We go
back a long way.
GANDER-KATERINA
So 'Daddy Bear', when, are you
going to buy me some nice shoes?
MILTON COBO
(Laugh) Thats never going to
happen!
GANDER-KATERINA
Oh, you're so cruel!
MILTON COBO
I did get you diamonds, and
diamonds as we all know, are a
girls best friend.
GANDER-KATERINA
True! (Cough) MILTON should we be
talking about this in front of the
lady? (laughter)
MILTON COBO
Lady! RUDI is no lady DAVID. Think
of her as a street soldier, a spy
master, working for MOMO, and the
top person running the warren
kids. That's about right isn't it
my dear RUDI?
RUDI
Thats the first thing you said all
night that I can agree with!
GANDER-KATERINA
Really? I thought she was just a
waitress!
RUDI
Waitress, I'm going to have a word
with you later! (Pause) So tell
me, how did you get into DRAG?
GANDER-KATERINA
Its a long, long, story, involving
crinoline, face paint and many,
many, unfortunate encounters! My
Uncle, the great KOBALD, your hero
MILTON, was as gay as a goose! He
was an inspirational influence!
MILTON COBO
Pushing at an open door I think,
but that explains a lot!
GANDER-KATERINA
Gay and also very good with cards,
a fascinating and profitable
combination!
MILTON COBO
Ohh! I just had a really weird
flashback of him in a dress,
playing poker, with old cowboys!
GANDER-KATERINA
Your mind is a wonder to behold.
Wide and shallow, like a soup
dish! Stop with the images!
MILTON COBO
Sorry, just enthusiasm!
GANDER-KATERINA
Anyway, he used his winnings to
set up a nightclub, of course it
supported the community in a
number of ways. It was a dark and
stormy night, when one of his
queens, twisted her ankle. There
was no one else, what to do. Oh,
the show must go on!
MILTON COBO
Let me guess!
GANDER-KATERINA
Yes, your correct! He asked if I
might like to step in. I think he
sort of knew anyway. I had spent
too much time in the dressing
rooms! From that moment the
fabulious KATERINA was born.
RUDI
And thank goodness for that, we
are all the better for her
presence! (Laugh)
GANDER-KATERINA
Thank you! As a sideline I also
did a little magic show in DRAG,
kept the old dears happy! Hence my
interest in the art of illusion.
RUDI
That I would have loved to have
seen!
GANDER-KATERINA
To be honest it's hard being DAVID
sometimes!
RUDI
I could see that! The contrast
must really do your head in!
GANDER-KATERINA
Sort of, perhaps thats why I'm a
little muddled up.
BELLS RINGS
GANDER-KATERINA
Oh bugger! I'll chat later. MILTON
I'll see you, in bed, Dad!
(Laughter) Nice to see you RUDI
we'll catch up soon.
BELLS RINGS
GANDER-KATERINA
One minute call, got to go!
GANDER-DAVID walks up to the stage door with a very sexy
saunter, several of the punters whistle.
RUDI
(Laughter) That one's going to be
trouble MILTON, she's fucking
amazing.
MILTON COBO
I was thinking that it could be
very useful, being able to change
genders at will.
Drunk comes over to the bar and slides in besides RUDI.
DRUNK
Barman, whisky! Hello luv, bit of
tight squeeze.
RUDI
Theres plenty of space down the
end!
DRUNK
But I like it here!
RUDI
Well, I don't want you here!
DRUNK
Did you get a gander at the tits
on that queen!
RUDI
(Sigh) No, I didn't, you keep your
eyes off her!
DRUNK
Fuck you! I'll look at what I
want, when I want!
RUDI
Take your hand off my leg, now!
DRUNK
You like that then, a little bit
of a rub?
RUDI
MILTON, sorry about this, if you
will excuse me for a minute, look
after my space.
CRACKING BONE SOUND FOLLOWED BY GROANING
DRUNK
Arghh! Fuck you!
RUDI grabs the hand of the drunk bends it backwards and
walks him out to the street.
MAXWELL
Don't break the doors, RUDI,
please.
RUDI
Just removing the garbage. Now you
nanofrag off, and if I see you
around here again, I'll hurt more
than your hands.
DRUNK
(Shouted from street) You can't
ban me, you're drunk too. What's
good for the goose is good for the
gander, your discriminating!
RUDI
Nanofrag off, you bastard! If you
keep on I'll get the bar to call
the cops!
AIRLOCK DOOR
RUDI moves back into the bar taking her place besides
MILTON COBO.
MILTON COBO
What is it with these fucking
liner crew guys? They have as much
subtlety as a flaming fusion
torch!
RUDI
Well, I think that old bastards
fusion torch is spluttering in the
street!
MILTON COBO
What's good for the Goose is not
good for the Gander huh!
(laughter)
RUDI
(Laughter) Yeah! Absolutely
fucking right!
