Angel and May
Angel and May are two worn-out private investigators from LA. Events take a turn and they embark on a journey which will take them across time and space to the asteroid colony "New London". They hole up in a dodgy pub run by a crazy drag queen. What could possibly go wrong! They say the skies are the limit, but here they're just the beginning!
Angel and May
A03-E19 - Nightmare Falero
Stank plots revenge, whilst across the solar system, devious plans to steal a painting are unravelling.
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S3-E19-NIGHTMARE FALERO
INT. THE NUDGE -1 - 1
LOCATION: STANKS HQ TOP FLOOR OFFICE
STANK is pacing in his office talking to his sidekick
SHERBERT. He is trying to decide how to seek revenge on
the Friedlanders and RCBS for costing him his mine in the
battle for Kettonridge. He decides that he needs a long
term sneaky approach, where third parties will do his
dirty work for him.
STANK
MELANIE could you bring some of
those sweet meats please?
MELANIE
(Intercom) Yes, of course Mr STANK
would you like the chillies as
well.
STANK
Yes Melanie of course, thank you?
SHERBERT
Chillies?
STANK
The heat helps me think?
SHERBERT
Ah!
STANK
Now let me have a look in the
humidor, I need a good cigar.
Hmmmm, I think a Davidoff today.
What will you have SHERBERT?
SHERBERT
If its alright STANK old fellow, I
would really like a 'Monte Cristo
No 2', they are really very fine.
STANK
Yes you have good taste FRANK, its
one of you more redeeming
features. Have you tried the Romeo
y Julieta, I'm starting to warm to
it.
SHERBERT
Ah, Churchills favourite cigar,
how befitting a great leader.
STANK
Flattery is a crude weapon FRANK,
don't over play your hand. Now
where was I. Oh yes! So explain
to me again FRANK, why we managed
to lose the whole mine to what
was, according to my sources, just
a bunch of kids from the Bencubbin
in New London.
SHERBERT
Well, they weren't exactly just a
bunch of kids, MILEU. They
presented as a highly trained, and
surprisingly well equipped small
mercenary regiment.
STANK
(Slam on the table) Dam it, I
don't want excuses FRANK, you were
the one who recommended the
Friedlander's. They turned out to
be useless! So much for Germanic
efficiency!
Door opens with a slight hiss.
STANK
Ah! Thank you MELANIE, could you
put them over by the bar.
STANK views MELANIEs petite figure and waits for her to
leave.
STANK
Did you know FRANK that girl,
knows twenty ways of killing a man
with her small hands!
SHERBERT
What, you mean MELANIE?
STANK
Yes MELANIE, she is deadly.
Several poor performers have
discovered her special skills.
SHERBERT
It's hard to believe.
STANK
Believe it! Now tell me about
those Friedlander's!
SHERBERT
Yes I must admit they were very
disappointing.
Annoyingly the colonel was quite
dismissive when I said they should
expect not to get paid. He
threatened me, waived the
contract.
STANK
Oh, did he now! Well we will sort
him out. That fat Germanic
'Hurensohn' he needs a lesson in
humility.
SHERBERT
Oh really STANK calm down. Are
they worth the trouble!
STANK
Are they worth the trouble? Do
you now how much they cost me?
Then there is the matter of face.
Of course they are worth the
trouble. Don't be such a pussy.
Did we settle any of their
invoices?
SHERBERT
No, I was holding out on the first
payment. I froze the two
outstanding payments, as soon as
it looked like they were going to
capitulate. So at least that's
some consolation.
STANK moves over to the bar.
STANK
Yes I suppose that is. Whisky
FRANK?
SHERBERT
Ah, yes thank you MILEU
STANK
Look Frank, this is so much more
than finance and mines. Its now
personal. Reputational. I have
to react. I need to neutralise
this nest of vipers in the
Bencubbin and perhaps stick a
knife into the Friedlander's at
the same time. Who do we have
locally?
SHERBERT
VADGAMA. The bastard Russian bear,
he said that the outfit that beat
the Friedlander's was called the
RCBS based in the Bencubbin.
STANK
Oh, my god that idiot. Well, I
don't think I can expect too much
from him. No, I think we cast our
eyes upon the bigger picture. We
need to set in train a series of
events. Events which will rain
down like a hammer blow on New
London and those bloody annoying
mercenary regiments. We can then
use the situation to empower our
local operatives to take
advantage. Russian bear or no
Russian bear.
SHERBERT
One step removed?
STANK
Yes, you know that is how I like
to operate. After all why should
we do our own dirty work, when we
can get others to do it for us.
This mob, of children. Is it
legal?
SHERBERT
Well, yes, but barely. Run out of
a very dodgy location I believe.
STANK
So do you think we could get the
local authorities to make life
difficult for them.
SHERBERT
Probably, almost certainly.
STANK
Ah, let me think. (Draws deeply on
his cigar). Sweet meat Frank?
SHERBERT
Ah, Yes thank you!
STANK
Whisky?
SHERBERT
Single malt please,
'Glenlmorangie'. Do you have the
'Dornoch'?
STANK
Good choice, on the rocks?
SHERBERT
Yes please.
STANK
Now where is it? The trouble with
have a very large collection is
finding the correct bottle. Ah
here it is.
WHISKY GLASS WITH
ICE
SHERBERT
So you were thinking of using
proxies?
STANK
Yes absolutely. You know it would
be really good to fire up the CIS,
get them out to New London. They
could clean out that rats nest at
some collateral damage to
themselves. Neutralise two
agencies at the same time.
SHERBERT
Well, they are not known for their
subtlety are they?
STANK
No they are not. Think, broad
brush, big stall. Hmmm! (Suck on
cigar). Mind you it's going to be
difficult to get them out there,
lots of consumables, and requires
a big budget. We need something
to really poke the hornets nest.
SHERBERT
Well, I can't think of anything
off the top of my head.
STANK
No, sadly nor can I. I think,
this is one to sleep on.
SHERBERT
Yes. (Pause) well if there is
nothing else. Should I be heading
back to Mars?
STANK
Yes I think so FRANK. What ever
this operation is going to be will
take some planning and evolve over
time. No need to rush, revenge is
a dish served cold after all.
SHERBERT
Well, you're certainly good at
that. Look at the state of Mars.
STANK
Well, thank you Frank, I
appreciate that! Yes it is a mess,
but one from which we are
profiting. (Pause, then intercom
noise) MELANIE could you call
FRANK's transport please, we are
about to finish.
MELANIE
Yes of course Mr STANK.
STANK
Well, we may have lost a mine, but
one mine is not significant. We
need to win the war FRANK,
remember that. So get back to
Mars and keep the money rolling
in. I'll call if I require
assistance.
SHERBERT
Very good MILEU, very good.
HISS DOOR OPENS,
MUSIC SWELLS
STANK
(chuckles evilly to himself)
Leans back closes his eyes and turns up the music.
INT. NARRATOR - 10 - 1.1
LOCATION: Retrograde - Small Bar
SLIM sets the scene for the long con caper that is about
to unfold.
SLIM
So some months later and
essentially with no connection,
with what we have just heard, a
middle aged man is hanging upside
down on a rope in an industrial
airlock. Now hanging on a rope in
space is a common thing, but this
is inside a space habitat with
spin gravity. This is not normal
and to be honest down right
nefarious. Well, why he got to be
there, and why he is about to be
cut down, well its a complicated
piece of a jigsaw puzzle that
involves a small relatively
insignificant watercolour
painting.
But its a story that has more
twists and turns than a tumble
weed in a storm.
INT. BAD DAY AT THE OFFICE - 10 - 1.2
LOCATION: Industrial airlock.
Milton Cobo is hanging upside down on a rope. He gives a
short monolog.
CREEKING OF ROPE.
COBO
Sometimes no matter how much you
plan a caper, the fickle finger of
fate inevitably points at you.
This is one of the downsides of a
life of crime. The other is you
have to deal with people who, well
under normal circumstance you
would never meet and could be
described as, criminals. I am
starting to think that perhaps I
might be getting to old for this
lifestyle. (Pause) Like most
things that end with you hanging
upside down in a deserted section
of a very large space habitat, it
started with a really good idea.
TIME PASSING
INT. MISSED RENDEVIOUS - 10 - 2
LOCATION: Retrograde Inn - Ganders office.
GANDER and RUDI are discussing an old friend who is due
from release from jail. GANDER decides that she must go
to pick him up to for-fill an old promise.
RUDI
Gander have you seen this little
thing on the web?
GANDER
RUDI you know I don't have time
for such distractions. I have a
small business empire to run.
RUDI
Well, you will definitely want to
know about this.
BLEEP
GANDER
Oh, yes that is interesting! When
is he getting out?
RUDI
Well I made some enquires,
discretely of course, and its next
week.
GANDER
Oh that's interesting, and so
soon. I thought he had a couple
more years.
RUDI
Well apparently his sentence has
been commuted for good behaviour.
GANDER
MILTON, good behaviour! Unlikely,
more likely he found a way to turn
the parole board.
RUDI
Well, he will be a free man soon.
GANDER
Well I did promise to meet him
personally and he has kept his
trap shut so, we owe him. Could
we get over there in the fast
picket? Do we have time?
RUDI
Yes we can but we will need to be
quick, the orbits are becoming
less favourable by the day.
GANDER
Well, I suppose I should go. Are
you OK to keep an eye on things
for a couple of days.
RUDI
Of course no problem. How much
money does he owe you?
GANDER
A fair amount but we do go back a
very long way, so I am good. It's
not just money he backed me when I
was fighting the mob to gain the
inn. It's not really about the
money. So is DOILY available to
fly the picket to meet with
MILTON?
RUDI
I'll have a word, I think off the
top of my head, she is back from a
pirate base run. That place is
proving useful. I have a team
doing a complete survey of all the
abandoned tunnels. There is a
surprising amount of space and we
keep finding more.
GANDER
How are the doors?
RUDI
Closed and bolted and hopefully
hiding our heat signature.
GANDER
Very good, OK I will go and pack
an over night bag, thank you RUDI,
you know we do make a pretty good
partnership!
EXT. NON EVENT - 10 - 2.1
LOCATION: 16 Psyche - Asteroid Belt Jail
GANDER and DOPILY wait outside the release door of the
jail, but COBO does not appear! GANDER Investigates and
bribes the guard. She finds that COBO was released the
previous week and they have missed him. She is not please
because of the wasted fuel and time.
GANDER
So which door did you say he will
come out of?
DOILY
Well, the fella I bribed said they
always come out of gate B on
Tuesdays at 10:00 am.
GANDER
What's the local time?
DOILY
Let me see, New London minus 4.5
Hours. He should be coming out
very shortly. Like ah now!
GANDER
Oh, look I can see the doors
opening.
DOILY
It's not that fella, is it? He
must at least seventy!
GANDER
No DOILY don't be daft, he looks
like, (Pause) well an actor, or a
priest. Bearded, solid looking,
handsome in fatherly way. Well at
least he was last time a saw him,
prison can take its toll on a man.
DOILY
Well, its not her then.
GANDER
Shit she looks tough, I wouldn't
want to meet her on a dark night.
Its not that one either, he
doesn't walk like that. He is a
proud man, walks with his head up,
not broken down like that poor
fellow.
DOILY
Well, that looks like its it for
today.
GANDER
No really? Have we got the
correct date?
DOILY
According to the information
provided by RUDI, this is the big
day.
GANDER
Trackamina, I do hope we haven't
been on a wild goose chase. Well,
we will wait five minutes and then
I suppose we make a call to RUDI.
DOILY
Its about the only thing we can
do. Its not like we can walk up
and demand to speak to him.
GANDER
No but it gives me an idea. We
could perhaps bribe a guard and
check what's happening.
DOILY
I'm not going in those doors, they
give me the creeps.
GANDER
I guess its going to have to be me
then. Do me a favour DOILY open
these blessed doors of this cheap
cab, I think the child lock is on.
DOILY
Well, you didn't want to spend the
credits, although I thought the
Champaign was a nice touch.
GANDER
Arghh!
CAR DOOR -
FOOTSTEPS GRAVEL
GANDER
Excuse me officer, could I just
have a moment of your time please.
I'm waiting for a prisoner and I
can't find him. Look could you
have a look at this photo.
GANDER hands a folded photo of COBO with a small credit
note hidden inside.
GUARD
Madam please you really shouldn't
be here. Stand back please we want
to close the doors. Ah, oh, a-hmm
let me see. Yes he is familiar let
me check the book.
PAPER RUSTLE
GUARD
Yes he was released two days ago,
you have missed him madam, very
sorry.
GANDER
Argh blast it. Oh not you sir,
sorry I have come a long way, its
a big disappointment.
GUARD
Sorry about that nothing I can do
I have a contact address
registered, its in New London.
GANDER
Let me guess, is it called the
Retrograde.
GUARD
Why yes it is, how did you know.
GANDER
That's where I have just come
from!
INT. PRODIGAL SON - 10 - 2.2
LOCATION: Retrograde - Main Bar
GANDER arrives back from a difficult journey in the
picket ship only to find COBO sitting in the Retrograde.
She can't be angry with her old friend and whilst they
enjoy a beer together COBO tells her of an idea he has
for a long con which will give him the means to pay back
the monies he owes her. This involves selling several
forged paintings to a marks that have previously bid for
the work but lost. The painting was reported stolen in
the local press. Unfortunately they don't know from who
the artwork was stolen from. They do however know that a
previous bidder is a shill for STANK. The sale of a
forgery to STANK greatly appeals to GANDER so she
supports this proposal and stumps up the money for the
forger to make an initial single copy to test out the
proposition.
RETROGRADE DOOR
GANDER
GHOST where is he?
GHOST
Are you referring to Mr COBO?
GANDER
Yes, where is the conniving sneak?
COBO
Madam, are you by chance referring
to me?
GANDER
COBO I have chased around half the
asteroid belt looking for you!
COBO
I feel the need for some prose: Oh
homecoming Queen? Why do you lie?
When someone's mean why do you
hide? Hey Homecoming Queen are you
alright. I'm doing fine just dying
inside. Did so good at hiding for
most of your life.
GANDER
COBO stop the prose, come over
here and give me a hug before I
change my mind!
COBO
Of course, madam, of course.
GANDER
So how are you?
COBO
Well, it was a nice holiday I
really quite enjoyed the rest. I
played plenty of cards and enjoyed
scamming most of the staff out of
their pay. Some of them became
quite good friends. I even let
them win sometimes because they
were kind to me. However it did
start to get repetitive. The long
con juices are hard to stem and
they are rising now madam. I feel
one is on the horizon.
GANDER
Oh do you now?
COBO
Madam an artist needs to practice
his art. Anyway I need to pay you
back, its been bothering me and
the only way that's going to
happen is with a con.
GANDER
Well, I suppose there is no
avoiding it. GHOST setup a
Champaign over in booth one. I
need a drink before I hear this.
GHOST
Of course Ms KOSCIELOK.
COBO
Ms KOSCIEOLOK how delightfully
formal.
GANDER
(Snort)
SOUNDS OF CHAMPAIGN
IN AN ICE BUCKET.
COBO
Ah, a comfortable seat, those
government benches are hard on a
mans posterior.
GANDER
What about the inmates?
COBO
Oh, I quickly neutralised that
opportunity, with a splash of cash
stolen from a guard. After that
and as I built my winnings I had a
complete security team on the
payroll.
We found that one of the guards
had a predilection for women's
underwear. After that I moved to
a better cell and things became a
lot more comfortable.
GANDER
Sounds ghastly. So drink this and
forget about the whole unhappy
experience.
COBO
Ahhh! Thank you GANDER, much
appreciated.
GANDER
So come on lets hear it!
COBO
What!
GANDER
You know!
COBO
Oh you mean the caper, the con,
the beautiful story. (Prose) "The
place I was robbing was right on
the beach. We moved a bit closer
to be within reach. I spread out
a blanket, this could be fun.
GANDER
MILTON!
COBO
OK, OK, I'm sorry that you don't
appreciate a fine piece of prose.
So this caper involves an art
work. A particular painting called
"Twin Stars" by Luis Ricardo
Falero.
GANDER
I confess that I don't really know
of him.
COBO
He is a Spanish painter late 18th
century.
GANDER
I wouldn't have thought he would
be that valuable.
COBO
Well, he is a middle tier artist.
What is of interest is that he is
the favourite artist of a
particular man. A man with whom
you may have crossed swords.
GANDER
That would be a long list my
friend.
COBO
Well look at this auction
catalogue record. What is of note
is the particular sale
registration.
GANDER
Oh, that is interesting. What
would that ghastly monkey of a man
want with such a fine artwork. He
is a thug for STANK interests.
COBO
I venture that he is acting as an
agent for the true buyer.
GANDER
Oh you mean STANK.
COBO
Yes, probably. It was STANKS man
that messed up my last con. I
want revenge GANDER
GANDER
So do I, but he is a dangerous
adversary with almost limitless
funding. However anything to stick
the knife into him in a devious
manner will get my support.
(Pause) So this painting, its a
romantic and erotic piece. Rather
dark though. Why would it be in
New London!
COBO
I have no idea. Its very rare for
fine artworks such as these to be
off Earth. Look at the insurance
value.
GANDER
Two hundred thousand credits. Is
that expensive?
COBO
Very, but as you say its off
Earth. If a buyer wants an item he
will pay almost what ever it
takes. I know that STANK or rather
his sect.
GANDER
Sect?
COBO
Yes he is a magi in a dark circle.
Black magic, devil worshiping,
possibly human consuming, group of
nut jobs. You know all that silly
stuff. I have heard very
disturbing rumours, there was this
contact in jail. Anyway it was
reported that their church has
several Falero's hanging in the
crypt.
GANDER
Ah, I see, someone wants to finish
his collection.
COBO
Exactly.
GANDER
Hang on, you said he purchased it
in the auction?
COBO
No he failed in his bid, but it
was the multiple people who he was
bidding against him, that is of
interest.
GANDER
I don't get it why would multiple
parties be interested in an
obscure Spanish painting?
COBO
It shows who is in the market for
the painting. This man wants to
buy the painting too.
GANDER
What! Not Francis CULM the dock
yard butcher, he is as bad as
MARCO. They are both fucking
psychopaths!
COBO
Yes and this particular psycho is
our target. We are going to sell
him the painting.
GANDER
How can we sell what we don't
have?
COBO
Oh yea of little faith! It is true
that we don't have the painting,
yet! Now have a look at this very
interesting article in the
Asteroid Times.
GANDER
Let me see, I need my glasses for
these active paper rags. Ok "Twin
Stars" is a painting by Falero it
measures 41 by 22 centimetres and
is brush with watercolour, with a
base of off white paper. It was
stolen in the early hours of the
morning. Authorities say the gang
was clearly experienced and well
informed.
COBO
Correct. So what is the
significance of that?
GANDER
Well, it means it was done by a
professional gang and probably
stolen to order.
COBO
Exactly. I have just come out of
jail, a painting almost
immediately goes missing. So we
have an event which has created
the opportunity to sell the
painting to a buyer without going
through prober channels.
GANDER
But it doesn't say from whom the
painting was stolen and like I
said we don't have the painting!
COBO
Correct, but do you remember MAD
HESSE.
GANDER
Oh no, not that crazy forger.
She's difficult to deal with.
COBO
Yes indeed! Well I think I may be
able to persuade her to make a
copy for us.
GANDER
I don't want to pay out a small
fortune to her. Monies tight at
the moment MILTON, even tighter
after the wild goose chase you
lead me on.
COBO
Relax she used to have the hots
for me! She finds my prose
sexually stimulating.
GANDER
Well, the last I heard she swings
both ways, your dulcet tones may
not be sufficient any more MILTON!
INT. FORGERY -10 - 4
LOCATION: Mad HESSE's Studio.
The best forgery artist in New London is a crazed
bisexual who used to have a crush on COBO. They also hear
that she likes strong women so they drag ALEX along to
act as a lure.
ALEX
So GANDER let me get this
straight, you want me to go with
Mr COBO here, to a female forgers
studio as an additional inducement
for her to paint a painting.
GANDER
Yes that's about it.
ALEX
Are you out of your cotton picking
minds? Why me?
GANDER
Well, she likes strong women, and
we think your presence will aid in
our ability to persuade her to do
the job.
ALEX
Ahh, I don't think so.
SHARROW
Now ALEX don't be unreasonable.
ALEX
Well, your not the lure, being
dangled out over the water.
SHARROW
No, true, but we owe GANDER a lot
of favours. Besides how bad can
it be.
ALEX
I'm not sleeping with anyone.
SHARROW
No one expects you to sleep over,
maybe just act available and
friendly.
GANDER
I tell you what any monies I
recover from this caper, will be
subtracted from your loan, how's
that?
SHARROW
Its very generous GANDER, now ALEX
come on its just a house call.
Look I tell you what I'll come
with you.
COBO
Thank you miss. Ahh, I think it
might help if SHARROW dresses down
kind of manly and ALEX if you
could perhaps put on a dress and
make up?
ALEX
A dress and some makeup. I'm not
going in DRAG.
SHARROW
Look your being irrational, with
your new young body you look fab
in a dress.
SOPHIE
Can I do your makeup I always
wanted to make you pretty. I've
been itching to do it, ever since
I met you!
ALEX
SOPHIE, you're not helping!
SHARROW
Do you really want to upset me,
SOPHIE and GANDER?
ALEX
Well no, not at all, that sounds
like a particularly painful
combination, but your all ganging
up on me!
SOPHIE
Sister you have no idea. I think I
have a dress that will suit this
occasion perfectly.
ALEX
Oh all right, go get it! So what
is this mad forger women like?
COBO
Well, (Pause) unusual. I think
she is going to like you!
INT. MAD HESSE - 10 - 4.1
LOCATION: Mad HESSE's Studio.
Unfortunately HESSE takes an instant shine to ALEX, much
to her dismay. She offers to produce a copy of the
painting but only for a kiss from ALEX, who is naturally
repelled by HESSE. Sacrifices must be made.
COBO
HESSE so nice to see you.
HESSE
MILTON COBO as I live and breath
your looking very well. Where have
you been in my life MILTON?
COBO
Detained madam on government
business. Most regrettable.
HESSE
Well I missed you. You can't meet
a decent thief nowadays, there all
gangsters, they have no class. Not
like you MILTON, (pause) cream
cake.
COBO
On thank you no HESSE, a have to
watch my figure.
HESSE
If I had my way I would attach
electrodes to their little
testicles and switch the current
on!
When they are quite cooked, we
could feed them to the crows like
we used MILTON. Good times, we
had good times.
COBO
Ahem!
HESSE
This current generation they are
all the lowest form of simple
villains. (Pause) Ohh, and who are
these two lovely girls that you
brought me MILTON?
COBO
These are my colleagues SHARROW
MAY and ALEX ANGEL.
HESSE
You sure they are not just you
play floozies MILTON, I know you!
COBO
No Madam, they most definitely are
not. They are private detectives.
Now please HESSE can we focus. I,
have come here to kindly request
that you produce a watercolour for
us, its a Falero, Twin Stars.
HESSE
Falero, I haven't done one of
those for many years. They must
be going up in value. Its quite
small as I recall. Watercolour,
off white paper, Spanish school!
Hmmm!
COBO
Can you do it?
HESSE
Of course I can do it. Are you
questioning my artist ability
MILTON?
COBO
No, no HESSE of course not.
HESSE
Five thousand credits.
COBO
I don't have five thousand credits
Madam. Perhaps you could do it
for me and I will pay later.
HESSE
What do you think I am, a bank!
COBO
No, sorry, look I have just been
unavoidably detained, I have few
credits to my name HESSE I asking
for a favour, for old times sake.
HESSE
Well OK then, just this once, for
you. But I want a kiss!
COBO
Of course madam my pleasure.
HESSE
No not you, her!
Pointing at ALEX
ALEX
What, Ahhhh!
HESSE
I'll not do it unless I get a
kiss.
COBO
Please ALEX, I will owe you.
ALEX
Humph, arghhh!
HESSE
How sexy. Lovely name ANGEL so
biblical and you have such a Joan
of Arc figure dear. Come here let
me kiss you
GHASTLY KISSING
SOUND FOLLOWED BY
JAWS MUSIC
ALEX
Arghhh!
END
