Getting Your Sh*t Together

Conditional Statements & Recovery

September 03, 2020 Cynthia Season 3 Episode 1
Getting Your Sh*t Together
Conditional Statements & Recovery
Show Notes Transcript

Hey, y'all, hey! Welcome to Season 3!!!!

This month, the episodes are going to highlight National Recovery Month. For those who may not have heard about it, this is a month where we highlight the strength and courage pertaining to sobriety.

Today, we're going to tackle conditional statements!

Those pesky if/then lies we tell ourselves to keep ourselves stuck in familiar patterns.
I've used them for years, still do and I have to be aware when I see myself going down a familiar path to double-check if I'm trying to put a conditional clause all up and through this piece. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 
If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

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Unknown Speaker :

Hello, my name is Cynthia. Welcome to the latest episode of getting together a podcast where we discuss what it's like to get it all the way together or at least attempt to one day at a time. Hello, this is Cynthia and welcome to season three. Can't believe that it's season three already gang. It's been a crazy wild ride, but I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. This season I'm going to focus on just a lot of just healing and growth within recovery. Of course, I'm gonna still talk about the nitty gritty specifics of it, but I really want to talk about hope and healing and all that warming gooey stuff. So I hope that you enjoy it as much as I have. There will be plenty of interviews. There will be plenty of listener questions and things of that nature. And just To give a quick rundown of me to those who are new to the show, if you are new welcome, and to those who've been listening for a while. Hey, guys, what's up? My name is Cynthia, I live in Brooklyn, New York, I'm in my 30s. And I'm approaching my second year of recovery. I started this podcast when I was about seven or eight months sober. And I just been going every sense just to get stuff out of my head to just connect with people that were similar to me and just to find and hone in on who I am as a person and develop my voice. And this has really helped me do that. And it has blossomed into something that I did not see coming, but I'm so thankful for it at the same time. Today's episode, I'm starting this in September, and it's National Recovery Month, so I'm going to try to keep it very recovery focus for September at least. But today's episode is going to be on conditional statements. I was the queen of conditional statements. For those who are not familiar with what a conditional statement It's usually like an if then statement. So I'll give an example. If today is Wednesday, then yesterday was Tuesday. That's a very simple one. But when it comes to recovery, I think just in life in general, you know, I feel like I use these just in general, I didn't, I wasn't aware of how much I use conditional statements until I really sat down and got serious about being in Crabtree, but I would say things well, if I did, okay, let me talk. Let's see, let me give another one of my personal ones for my life. Let's see if I did pick up the phone. Or if I did answer the text message, then he and I would still be talking, you know, something like that. I would always try to say like, well, something that my action did, of course, influenced what the result was. And it usually was a negative thing because my mind was quite negative, but it could have been anything. I use a lot of conditional statements when it came to my drinking just to kind of give parameters and say, Well, I don't have a problem. Because I'm not doing this. So I would say things like, well, if I don't start drinking at noon, then I don't have a problem. If I don't drink all weekend, then I don't have a problem. If I don't drink before work, then I don't have a problem. If I don't drink by myself on a Friday night, then I don't have a problem. And that kind of gave me permission to just run amok as long as I kind of played around those parameters. Right? So if I didn't drink before noon, then I was an alcoholic. That meant that okay, I decided way to noon, and then once noon came, I fulfilled my end of the bargain, and I could go crazy, which I did. And that's what I use to rationalize my my drinking. I mean, as anyone knows on the show, I have an issue with alcoholic addiction, alcohol addiction, but that's what did me and but I have a quite addictive addictive personality. For most of my life, really, so anything that I felt like okay, this is how I can control it. This is how I cannot be one of those people. And I used those statements to kind of make myself feel better because truthfully conditional statements is really trying to make you feel better about what you're doing at the time. Yeah, I knew I was indulging a little too much like a little, a little a lot too much Let's just be real but but I use those statements in order to make myself feel better in order to say I'm not as off the chain as are off the rails as people want to think that I am or what I think that I am like, this is kind of how I can maintain it and be okay, so, but then the thing is, with conditional statements, you can change them at whim. It's not like you lock yourself into a conditional statement, and then that's it. You know, you can change them. You can conveniently forget them. You can add more, you can take them away. You can say like, I'm fine. I got that under control. So it's Not really something that you can really use to guide your life. Because you're at the mercy of you, you can only take them as seriously as you want to. Right. And usually, when you're in the thick of it, like you can have one bad day, there's been plenty of times like, especially when, towards the end of everything, I let so many of my conditional statements go, I got to the point where I was just like, these conditional statements, like all that doesn't matter. And I'm fine. Like, I'm good. I still have a problem. I can still control it. I'm just having a bad day. I'm just having a bad day. I'm having a bad week. I'm having a bad month. I'm having a bad series a month work sucks right now, you know, so you start making these excuses to combat your conditional statements. So you're actually in a fight with yourself. At least I was. I don't know anyone else out there. understand where I'm coming from. When you have like those fights with yourself. You're like, why am I arguing with myself and I could just make the choice and just be done. But it's like, you know, I felt like I was having his fights with myself because I knew deep down that what I was doing wasn't helpful for me. But that's what I knew. That's what I thought I enjoyed. That's what made me feel better because I was numbing myself. But the conditional statements don't hold you accountable really, because I got to the point where I drank any before noon, I got to the point where I was drinking before work. I got to the point where I was drinking by myself all weekend and I look forward to Friday because I knew I could sit go home to my apartment with two bottles of wine and drink, or whatever I was drinking, if I was drinking wine, I was drinking, Baka whatever I was drinking that day, I feel like that stuff that just leads to more disordered thinking, taking you off of being the focal point. And you're just trying to say, well, as long as all these offensive statements are being met, then I'm okay. And you're really not taking stock of like what's really going on. And that's really what it was. It was just a clusterfuck truly, it was just like this cesspool, this tornado this hurricane, both combined, of just me just not wanting to be accountable and own my stuff and really look at what I was Doing the fact that you have to have all these if then statements in order just to feel like you're doing something okay or beneficial to you, I think that's something you probably should take stock in. So if you're having issues around conditional statements, or you see yourself doing that a lot, these are some of the things that I used to do in order to break myself of this habit. And it's a pain, right? Because you have to consciously stop yourself. And usually, you know, we all want to just go through it, go through the motions, go through the day and not take stock and not step back and be like, well, what was that about? But truly, I will say, This helped me when I first learned about conditional statements. And this I learned this actually in recovery in a 12 step program. when I really started thinking about it. It made so much sense about how I viewed myself in relation to everything around me in relation to what I was doing in relation to the people I was with. I had to write them down and just be like, if and then like, go back to like what I used to say to myself, I did a lot of that for when I was drinking, like the three that I rattled off really quickly. Those are things that I told my That's the things that I would live my, that was my code in order to allow me to drink. And it's sort of like, Well, yeah, you had a code, you have parameters, but it's like, I only wanted to live up to those things. I mean, there was more, but those are like the three main ones. I lived up to those things. And then after I went nuts, so it's not like, okay, I use those to guide me to have a healthy relationship to alcohol. No, I just lived up to those things. And then once I met them, or I felt that I met them, then that gave me excuse to go balls to the wall like insane and just not care. I don't have a problem because I can control myself in this aspect of it. When I finally realized that wasn't the case. I was still out of control. I just wanted to have silly rules around it. I had to start writing them down. I had to start being very conscious of the fact of how my mind was wired and how when you're in the deep throes of addiction, or if there's something that you really, really really want to do, your mind will come up with any possible Reason or excuse in order for you to feel like you can do what you want, even at your own detriment. So in order to really help push past that, you have to sit there and write or say it out loud or tape yourself, or whatever you need to do video, record yourself, video yourself whatever you need to do. I said tape. Oh my gosh, who even owns a tape anymore? Who dated myself guys dating myself again? Anyway, but you need to just get it down and in whatever format that you need to and look at it and then really hold yourself accountable. I cannot stress accountability enough. Because if you can't hold yourself accountable, you can't expect if someone tries someone else to hold you accountable that you'll take it seriously. Like it really starts with you. Right? And you can't hold anyone else accountable until you work on holding yourself accountable truthfully. So it's really you're the foundation, you're the building block here, but it's like you need to look at it and be like, Is this true? If I do this, and then I do this, if I don't drink before noon, then I'm now Holly. Is that true? Is that a true statement? You know, look at what you do afternoon once you meet that requirement, is it crazy? Do you manage your alcohol? Do you still get blitzed? You know, I still got blitzed doesn't matter if I started at noon didn't matter if I started at 10 didn't matter if I started at four in the afternoon, the end result was still the same. And I think that's how you have to look at it what is the end result even once this condition is met in my life, and you can apply it to anything really you can apply it to food you can apply to money you can apply to Sachs you can apply to so many things this condition the statement and just look at if then and then what's the end result after I felt like I made I meet this condition. And I think it really helps give an insight into who you are and how you think which how you're wired and what motivates you. So I think if then motivated me because then I felt like I was free. do whatever I want it because I can control it. So and an aspect of being an advocate means that you can't control what you're doing. But obviously I didn't couldn't control it, because then I would go and proceed to get splat get obliterated, and get smashed, you know, but I didn't really put it all together until I got clean and just realize how conditional statements can still keep you in that very destructive place. Because you think you're helping yourself, but you're not because it's not really changing your behavior. You're just putting a rule in there in order to enable your actions. So you feel less guilty, you feel like less, you know, feel less like you're doing a bad thing. So in closing, conditional statements, if then, if you see yourself doing a lot of stuff like that, if I do this, then this means this is true, or this won't happen. Then I say, take stock of it, write it down, record yourself, whatever it takes for you to kind of get it into your mind and then really look at the end result. Does it still happen either way Do you still get out of control Do you still do something that's self destructive? Do you still do something that's hurtful to you. And really just be honest, you don't have to share it with anyone. You don't have to say it out loud to anybody else. This is all for you and for your own healing. But this is something that you really have to take notice of in order to really get to the bottom of this and not sugarcoat it and not try to like get out of it. But yeah, conditional statements, once you realize that that's what you're doing. You're like, man, I was fooling myself all along. And I thought I was being slick. And you're not, you cannot run to self destruction. You can't outrun disordered thinking, you can't outrun it, you have you can out train it, you know, you can learn your patterns, you can learn what to do, when you see them creeping up. You can learn to be honest and accountable, and all that stuff, but you have to put the work in, you know, and I hope that you do because it's really beneficial. And then you're really and then you can start seeing it and other people but I say before you start seeing other people don't worry about that. Worry about yourself. Put yourself first. But yeah, that's it for this week's episode. I'm happy to be back. I missed you guys. I cannot wait to share with you this upcoming season and anytime that you have a question about anything, please let me know slide into those DMS email me. Also if you think someone would benefit from this episode, please share it with them. I would love that and if you are moved, I'm always open to people leaving me reviews and stuff like that on those podcasting platforms but no pressure either way. Until next time, my friends have a great one. Enjoy the rest of this crazy, crazy year and we will talk next week. Take care Bye