Getting Your Sh*t Together

Are you Restless or Triggered? How to deal with both!

October 08, 2020 Cynthia Season 3 Episode 3
Getting Your Sh*t Together
Are you Restless or Triggered? How to deal with both!
Show Notes Transcript

I can't believe it's October! It's National Mental Awareness month, so I want to focus on that as much as possible. As someone with depression, I like to be as transparent as I can be with all the things, especially as I started to navigate my life in recovery.

Today's episode is on learning to identify whether you are restless and triggered! Yes, to some (including myself), I often confused one with the other because of how I thought it shown up in my body. 

But friends, friends, friends -- when I started to learn myself and actively started to work on what I needed, only then was I able to see the differences.

In my opinion, restless = more interpersonal (something that is happening within you that unsettles you in some way). 

In contrast, being triggered is usually when something from the outside impacts you that causes you to go on HIGH ALERT in some way. 

Let's dive in, shall we? I will go over both, how it shows up for me and things I do NOW to circumvent the HELL out of it. Always a WIP, y'all. Always.

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Hello, my name is Cynthia, welcome to the latest episode of getting together a podcast where we discuss what it's like to get it all the way together or at least attempt to one day at a time. Hello, and good morning. This is the latest episode. How are you guys doing today? few episodes into season three, How are you liking it so far, I'm always interested in wanting to know what you guys want to hear about and discuss. I learned just as much from doing the research and sharing with you guys, as I hope that you're learning listening. Today I'm going to dive into something that probably be a relatively short and sweet, but I just kind of wanted to talk about it. Because if you're in the north east, or I guess wherever you are in the world, maybe you're kind of easing into the fall weather. I know here in New York, it was hot, the summer 80s 90s hundred with humidity on top of it. And then now all of a sudden, it's like in the 50s and the 60s and airs cool and crisp in the morning, which I love. It's probably just a great sensation and leading us into fall, which is actually my favorite season. I love the fall. And also I think I love the fall because it has made me thinking about like thinking about where I was at the beginning of the year where I am currently where I hope to go for the remainder of the year. It's a very introspective time for me. And I I would like to know if it's the same for you. But I think the fall to me is similar to spring, but probably more so for me to fall think of like rebirth or rejuvenation even though everything's kind of dying out or hibernating. Or going into hibernation, if you look at it from what you see around you visually. But today I wanted to talk about when it comes to the fall, something that kind of resonates with me, it's like this feeling of restlessness, you know, I have like, I get this restlessness in my bones type of thing. And I want to talk about that versus being triggered. Because I think it can register the same to you and your body. Maybe I know it does for me sometimes. But I and I thought at times I didn't know the language between the two. So I would consider myself like I was restless when I really was triggered I was triggered when I really was restless, you know, so I didn't know the differences. And it can sometimes there's always overlap. But you know, there's that's life things overlap. But I think I wanted just to take time to really kind of talk about the differences between the two, give you some examples of how it's showing up for me, and then some things to think about as you move forward in your own life. So when it comes to being restless, this is kind of how I would categorize being restless. It's kind of a feeling, sometimes it's a feeling that you just have that you just it's hard for you to explain it. But I urge you to always sit with yourself, if there's something you can't explain and figure out what it could possibly be, even if it's just a couple of guesses. But the feeling of being restless can feel like there's something missing, you know, you feel unfulfilled, and you don't know why you feel like there's something more out there for you. Maybe I know restlessness has come up with me or come up for me when it comes to like my job feeling restless in my work, not saying my work isn't hard or complex or making it complicated. But feeling like you know, is this what I'm supposed to be doing this it for me, I'm not feeling energized by this. And I do believe that as much as it's nice to have a paycheck like, you know, so that that's great. But I feel like we spend so much time out at work and our work or at work that it's really bothers me that there's so many of us that are just like, this is not what gets me excited every day, you know. And I also think that kind of leans itself or leads itself into a lot of the things that we kind of go through on the sidelines. Because, you know, we feel like we're not showing up as our best selves or authentically how we want to show up in our lives. But that's a story for another day, I would say being restless is definitely around that. Like maybe you're feeling a little sad, maybe you're feeling a little angry, or bitter. Like your friend tells you something really great that they're rocking and you're happy for your friend, but the secretly underlying you're like you secretly resent them or you're bitter or you try to make it about you. I know I've done that. I know I've had that done to me. And I think that's a little bit of feeling so out of sorts with your own life. And I know for me a lot of restlessness, like I said before had to do with my career, how to do with how I saw myself and not feeling confident really in my abilities and what I want or, or or are admitting to myself that that's what I really wanted or that I deserved. I think that can kind of play into it because you kind of hide it, you suppress it and it doesn't go away. And it kind of always kind of stays like everything I talked about stuff stays underneath the surface until we're ready to confront it. And then our and then if we're even if we're not ready to confront it, sometimes it eats out and a situation, usually something that we're triggered by which is kind of like how I say like your restlessness can feed into triggered and vice versa. It's like a delicate delicate tightrope dance walk. I don't know how that's delicate, because I would never ever tight rope in my life, because that's just not something Cynthia is ever going to do. You know, but yeah, restlessness is kind of like that, you know, I get it a lot with my career, my writing me as a person, and they kind of can mess with you. And I go through a lot of this right now in the fall, truthfully, like right now, like, I'm in a big, big melting pot of this. And I really have to start and take some time for myself and write it down and figure out ways to go about it. I know that I'm restlessness when it comes to like my body and my activity level, because it's not the same. So I need to figure out ways to do it. And I've been trying different things. And I feel okay with try different things. But, but you know, you need to keep fine tuning, this is kind of what I want to get at, like you have to find to adjust, you know, see what kind of scratches the itch for you. Because it could be the first thing, it could be the 20th thing, I guess I want to just specify that, like, this isn't necessarily a got a quick be a quick fix. It could be to be seasonal, but if you're on a journey in a path to change, like this is something you're gonna constantly, not constantly but it's something that's going to show up for you more than you would like it to. And then on the flip side, there's being triggered. And being triggered is more about when something gives you like an emotional, visceral, physical reaction. So being triggered can be caused by a traumatic experience that you've had, it could be songs, it could be odors, it could be colors, and you'd be a person, it could be a place, it could be a thing, you know, something that isn't necessarily tied to you directly. It's something that reminds you have something that's happened to you or something you went through experience, oh, yeah, it's happened to you. But the it's an outside element, causing you to kind of drop in and go back to that point in time, right? Something that you experience in your world outside of you that Matt triggers or it kind of impacts or changes your emotional state, it can cause extreme overwhelm, distress, anger, fear, so many other types of things that can kind of happen. It's it could be something a traumatic event or occurrence, right. So it can be anything that your body your mind deems traumatic to you. Right? And that causes its own set of frustrations because you kind of go into this activity of you have that flight or was or the flight or fight. And I think Well, most of us were very frigging feeling triggered, it kind of shows up that way. In a way I know for me, depending on what the trigger is, it will depend on what my reaction to it is, I could go withdrawn, that high self destruct fight, it's like, you know, there's a lot of different things that come into play. But that even still, I wouldn't necessarily say it's the same thing about being restless, restless, I think it's more internal for you something that's going on inside of you that you're feeling off, you don't feel calibrated, you don't feel like yourself, you feel like something's missing, it's very much an introspective internal thing. And when you're being triggered, it's typically something that's in your environment. Like I said, it could be so another person, it could be a toy, it could be a song, it can be so many other variety of things, but it's something that is impacting you from externally. And I think knowing when it's happening to you is so key, right? Not easy. And I think as humans, we're mostly emotional creatures. Sometimes we can be reactionary when we want to or not. So sometimes you're not going to be able to catch it. Sometimes it could be a new thing that seeps in and you're just like, what the fuck? So I always want to say like, you know, give yourself that level of grace. Give yourself that level of I'm still figuring out and still learning, I'm still dialoguing with myself, I'm still writing stuff down. or however you keep things like to the forefront of your mind to be like, I have to watch this, you know, keep that with you as you're going through everything. Because all I will say is that just be aware, start being aware of your little habits or little things that set you off and be accountable to yourself and be forgiving of yourself. If you're really trying your best to work through it. I know for me, I have to often take a step back and just be like, what was that? Why did you do that? Cynthia? Is that the best way for you to go about it? Is that where you want to be? Are you putting your best? Are you moving forward towards your best self? Are you stagnant or are you regressing and sometimes I say it out loud. And I know when it comes to trauma, there's a lot of other sensitivities. That you ever take into account, I would say if you something like that, that you're very triggered, I would say talk to someone, hopefully a medical professional or someone you trust. If you're feeling restless, examine yourself. But yeah, you can also spit ball that talk about it with someone or a friend and just be like, this is kind of where I am. Do you have any insight? This is what I think have? Do you have anything that's a similar experience? You know, you never know what people can relate to you on would be surprised. But I do think if you try your best to get it out of your head, even if it's just writing it down, and you and it's with you somewhere, getting it out. So you can see it in a different medium. I think a lot of this stuff helps when you get it out of your head and get it into some other context, not saying you have to talk to other people, talk to other people, if they're healthy, and have your best interest or have, you know, like I said, their therapist or someone that works in that discipline, great. But it's also good for you just to be able to articulate it for yourself. So then you know, and then you can start drawing like correlations between things. Like if I do this, then I think this is what happened. In the fall, I realized that I start getting this edge of something that things need to change. Maybe I should look at some things that I'm currently doing. Is there something in here that doesn't add to my life? Is there something that I want to try? So maybe how do I fit it in, you know, I'm triggered. So maybe I should try to talk to someone about this. But maybe if I can't talk to someone, I know that if I write it out, get it out of my head and articulate it for myself, then I can kind of see where the pattern is and how repetition happen. And it's I have to rewire something, if I have to put myself in a better mental state before engaging in something, if this is just something that's happened. So and something similar has happened, this is kind of what I can do to come back from it. It's like that type of stuff. And like I said, even if it's written down and you have like a mental, then you have a break, because I think a lot of it when we hold stuff in our head, we forget our bodies, don't forget, but we do and and then it'll happen again. And then you're right back into that space. So you write it down. If it happens to again, then at least I like to read stuff. So that helps me remember in certain aspects. So if I write it down, it helps me to write it down and then read it. And that's kind of like how I learned things is like, right, I have to do it. And then I have to revisit it by reading it. I don't like listening, auditory is not really my strong suit. But it's like writing stuff down after it happened. And then going back and rereading it in some kind of way has always served me best. And then I'm like, oh, okay, now I remember, I remember how I felt. So kind of helps me kind of move forward. And I always will say this is a side tangent. But you know, you guys, I have been known for a little side tangent every now. And then when I talk to people, when I mentor them and stuff like that. One thing that I always stress is that you should learn how you learn. And I know I said learn twice in a sentence. And that isn't probably grammatically correct. But I love to say you should learn how you receive information, how you process it, and how you hold it in whether it's visually it's by it's like, by doing it auditory, like, you should learn that because if you learn it, and there's tests online, I may throw one into the show notes, learn that, because when it comes to you being restless, or triggered, or pretty much anything, then you'll know kind of like what you lead with. And then you can put your stuff into the medium that helps you the most I for me, I learned best by doing. And then my second one is like reading. So I that's why I write it down or do something physical in a way. So it's usually it's writing it, and then I read it. So then I'm like, okay, it usually sinks in, I can hold it retain. And I think that's one of the reasons why I have a really great memory. But that's been one of the key things to lean into that make it as easy for you as possible. Because going through this figuring out I'm restless or triggered. What do I do about reading restless being? Is it the same to like, if I'm triggered? is how do I you know, like there's so many questions and other things, you're going through your head, learn that and then filter what you're going through and what you're doing through that lens. And then that will probably set that will set you up for more success to be able to keep going forward. And sifting through the stuff and learning about yourself and learning how you see the world learning how to like overcome things that happen to you as much as possible. You know, it's been a game changer. And it took me forever to draw the correlation. So I really hope you explore that for yourself because it's epic, my friends. So yeah, I think that's kind of really what I wanted to talk through today. changing of the seasons can come up with restlessness and also be triggering for certain people. But restlessness is more of like an internal thing something that's your you're not calibrated the way that you feel you should be or something's off or missing and versus triggered, which is usually some type of outside source causing you to experience or go back to a traumatic experience in your life sometimes overlap. But I think it's really benefits us when we can kind of know and go between the two And also figure out the best way for you how to kind of start learning to adapt and address them. Like I said, learn the style of how you process information and how you see the world filter your responses and your activity through that lens to better help you set you up to be able to really kind of see like, okay, these are the tools This is my toolkit that I can use when I'm feeling that's that kind of that way won't always be perfect, you won't always get it right and things will change as you go through it. That's life, but you'll be able to at least pull on something to be able to help you get back onto the track, like pull you off the rails quicker or more quickly than you were able to before. That's it for today's episode. If you have any questions if you think anyone in your life would benefit from this, please share it out. there's anything you would like to hear, reach out to me I always respond which whatever medium you find me on Twitter, Instagram, Gmail, or email, I'm here for it. Until next time, my friends, take care. Have a great one. Talk soon. Bye