Episode 287 - Kevin Triplett, "From Brokenness to Brotherhood"

Welcome to another episode of Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick. In today's conversation, we connect with Kevin Triplett, whose powerful transformation journey moves from despair to redemption. Kevin opens up about how he navigated through life marked by racism, struggled with addiction, attempted to find validation in the wrong places, and finally found solace in God's grace.

Kevin's deeply personal journey reminds us that our brokenness is not a barrier but a bridge to an abundance of freedom, joy, and wholeness. He demonstrates his strength in vulnerability by sharing his darkest moments and how they became catalysts for change—a change that has not only touched his life but has nudged him to contribute to men's healing journeys. Join us as we delve into Kevin's self-discovery, faith, and redemption story.

As the holiday season unfolds, consider embracing a new beginning for healing in the upcoming year. We are excited to announce that registration is available for the Restoring the Soul Men's Intensive Weekend from February 22-25, 2024, in Monument, Colorado. As a way of saying "thanks!" to our podcast listeners, we're offering an exclusive $200 discount on the regular price for those who sign up before December 25th. To take full advantage of this special opportunity, visit restoringthesoulweekend.com, navigate to the registration page, and use the code 'weekend24' during checkout.

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Transcript

MICHAEL CUSICK: 0:00

I am in the restoring the soul studio today. And I'm talking to my friend Kevin triplet. Kevin, welcome back to the restoring soul program.

Kevin Triplett: 0:11

Oh, it's good to be here.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 0:12

Hey, you were on this podcast one time before with our friend Tony Anderson, who both of us were saying he's one of our favorite people. But you and Tony, were involved in the movie called The heart of man. And some of our listeners may have heard of the heart of man or seen the movie, which is closely linked to our ministry. What has that been like? It's a couple years now, since the movie, the heart of man has been out, which is a story of redemption and men getting their heart back from the bondage of addiction and sexual brokenness. But what's it been like for you a couple of years out now to have been a part of that.

Kevin Triplett: 0:49

You know, first and foremost, I guess it's open doors. I mean, it's like an automatic door open to talk to men, about our brokenness, and about the true character of the Father. Because I think that comes out to me more than anything else in that movie. You know, watching this past RTS weekend, that's probably the ninth or 10th time I've seen it. I see something different every time every time I watch it. You know, there's times i times when I'm watching it, I'm thinking, What in the world was I thinking? How did I agree to this? And then I think of the men that have told me over and over again, how my testimony of it has given them hope. And then I know that that was, that was the absolutely the right thing to do.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 1:39

Yeah. So when you say what was I thinking? That's because you're not teaching the Bible in a traditional way in this saying, Here's what this passage means you're sharing your story. It's a story of brokenness, and compulsive addictive behavior and sin. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Kevin Triplett: 1:57

When I say, what, what was I thinking I, I zoomed back to the Hollywood premiere of the movie, where I'm sitting between you and my wife, Elena, and the screen goes up, the theater is full. And I'm being exposed. I'm being exposed, you know, the darkest corners of my life are being laid out on screen. And I remember the first scene that I that I show up, I'm starting to talk, and I didn't realize I was doing it at the time, but I was sinking down in the seat. And I was trying to get as small as I possibly could. I remember my wife reaching over and grabbing my arm and pulling me back up. And I'll never forget that. I mean, it's like I'm thinking, you know, the things that I'm talking about the adultery, the betrayal, the lies that was towards you, you are the main victim. And here she is sitting next to me. And it's just a testament to her. It's a testament to our Father, and the grace, and redemption and hope all those things put together, what

MICHAEL CUSICK: 3:09

a picture of here you are together as a couple with this story of redemption that had happened and has continued to play out in that that story of redemption and healing. And with the healing that happened in order for you to actually be able to share your story in the movie. There's this shame that washed over you. And we've talked about how shame is such a powerful part of all of the ways that our addictions and compulsions play out, especially sexually because there's this in the Christian world, of course, that's just something you don't do. And to do that, publicly, to do that, and to speak of it in a movie, and to be in Hollywood. And so I don't actually remember you sharing that about the shrinking but that's a powerful image that that part of the healing process is rising up and, and being your full self and reminds me of Psalm three, where it says, God, you bestow glory and honor and me and you're the lifter of my head, you know, so that what your wife did was to pulling you back up. That's a picture of what God does to us as sons in Psalm three.

Kevin Triplett: 4:17

Man, that's exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened. Thanks for bringing that up.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 4:24

So you were there in that movie, sharing your story? Because we met at a surfing for God weekend intensive. And we started the surfing for God weekends in I think 2013. And you came to the second one that we did, at a very rustic camp in Colorado. We've now upgraded to a different facility. But I met you there at that second weekend. And you've obviously agreed to talk about your story on this program and podcast. So you were there as a participant. And can you share a little bit about what was happening in your life and what had happened to get you to that weekend?

Kevin Triplett: 5:06

While How much time do we have

MICHAEL CUSICK: 5:07

seven hours? On our podcast? Okay, awesome,

Kevin Triplett: 5:11

awesome. Well, where do I begin, I guess, being in you know, I've been in law enforcement for over 30 years as a military. Prior to that, and I grew up about 40 miles west of Chicago, born in Chicago, grew up in Aurora. And that was, we're in the midst of this integration, right? Trying to get rid of segregation. So I could have walked two blocks to school with my friends in the neighborhood, which by the way, was one of the only one of two neighborhoods that my dad was allowed to buy a house and when we moved to her, and but I had to get on a bus and go a couple of miles of school and with with kids, that were different than me. And they, several of them made it known that I was different than my color. My skin was different, right? I had friends that I wasn't allowed to go to their house, if I was, if I was invited to a party, I couldn't stay, I couldn't spend the night. As I was growing up, I had buddies who told me flat out, you know, I know my sister, she, she digs you, but that's not going to happen, you know, you're not going to date her. And I thought, wait a second word. I'm good enough to be your friend, but I can't date your sister. So I started, I began putting on a mask, you know, I performed and, and I tried to be better than who I was. To the point where as I got older, and even even through my marriage, I needed that affirmation and acknowledgement, acceptance, the validation, I begin to get that from other women through through affairs and, and pornography, anybody that tells you that pornography is about sex, they need to dig a little bit deeper. I mean, if you if you can look at a pornographic image and not put yourself in that fantasy, then you're not doing it right. You know, something, something's wrong. So I carried on these after multiple affairs, multiple affairs, I ended up crossing boundaries, where I would find myself in a relationship with a single woman, or if she had a boyfriend or she was, you know, bad relationship, or, you know, getting ready to get divorced. Finally, to the point, I crossed the line where I found myself in violent affair with a friend of mines wife, in which we were in small group with at church of all things. Our kids played together, we live, you know, two, three blocks away from each other. We were we were close. And I crossed the line. And it was found out and I knew that was it. I moved out of the house. There was no fixing this, absolutely not fixing this. There was an internal affairs investigation opened up at work against me. My neighbors were interviewed, there was videotape taken from hotels, and this was, I thought, this was I had killed John F. Kennedy. The investigation was far reaching. And to my wife's credit, she she sought counsel at at our church, and a pastor told her, you know, can you hold off getting a divorce for a year? And she said, Yeah, I'm not in a hurry. She says, Yeah, can you do this, you know, take care of yourself, take care of the kids, I have four kids, three girls, one boy, and to take care of the kids, make sure they're there. They're safe. They're there. They're good. And we'll work through this. And so I remember being in a hotel. I was living in a hotel for a few months, and I had my gun bag next to me. And I thought, Man, that seemed like a really good option at the time. I mean, no one would have to worry about Kevin betraying them or lying to them or screwing up their life, you know, they would be better off without me financially. And all these lies started coming to me,

MICHAEL CUSICK: 9:11

like, they were lies that you much later identified as lies, but they, they felt like all that was true at the time, right?

Kevin Triplett: 9:21

Oh, that was my truth at the time. Absolutely. That was my truth at the time. But you know, I had enough presence of mine or I would say, the Holy Spirit told me to call Elena and I hadn't spoken to her in weeks, but I called her and I asked her, I said, I know you don't, you don't want to have anything to do with me. You may not even want to talk to me, but would you please come take my gun? He said, Yeah, I'll do that. I'll meet you down in the parking lot. And let her down in the parking lot. I gave her my gun. We didn't say two words to each other. I went back up into the hotel room and I melted into the carpet. And you know, I've never audibly I heard God speak to me. But in that moment, if I could have opened my eyes, I could have touched Jesus, I know he was in the room. And he told me everything's gonna be okay. He didn't tell me that I was gonna keep my marriage, I was gonna keep my job, that my kids are gonna like me again. You didn't need to tell me any of that. But he just said, you're going to be okay regardless of what happens. And that's when I started to move forward. And I began going to celebrate recovery, called nailcare night at our church, who in the leader was Jay now, friend, a good friend of mine. I owe a lot to that man. But he, he encouraged me he was involved with restoring soul and the intensive weekends. And he brought five of us out there that second time from our church. And the thing I remember about that weekend, and this is where my life turned as this is where it turned the corner, I remember was after dinner meal, I somehow ran into you. And you looked at me and said, Kevin, you are suffering from ethnic shame. And in a moment, everything makes sense. Everything I've done my whole life had made sense to overcome that ethnic shame me not accepting the person that God created me to be skin color, and everything. And man that that really, that's really when my my, my journey began, and things turn the corner. I'll

MICHAEL CUSICK: 11:36

never forget that moment. And when you recently, this past weekend, when we were together, monument, you re shared it with me, I, I heard different details on how I've told the story. And my wife always says, I embellish stories, but I think I just mostly get the details wrong. But I like your version where it was in the dining hall. And, you know, I remember conversation after that. But if I could just summarize your story that you shared you, you started out as a black man, feeling this less than this, this you're not one of us, you're on the outside, you're you don't belong, you're different, all of those things, which layer by layer kind of covered you and shame. And then you, you came up with this sense, this belief that I need to be something other than who I am. So your your imposter that you became was a strong, tough, powerful law enforcement and army guy, and you're a big man, and you've got a booming voice. And that's kind of your identity, but then finding validation from women. And I've so appreciated how you've talked about your skin color, so vulnerably, in conversations with me, but the universal issue, despite that difference, is that it's a shame on the inside, and the shame was fueling you. And it's so powerful how, you know, you're here you are in a hotel room with your gun bag. And you're so hopeless that you just want to end your life and can't find a reason. And then God, quote shows up. And I always have ambivalence about that phrase shows up, right? Because he's already there. Right? But but makes his presence really real. And then you actually reach out to the person who you've heard, which seems like the last person in the world that you want to reach out to. And what a picture of you handing over this, this thing that you would use to hurt yourself. And she's taking that from you, you know, that long before forgiveness, and long before being able to go to couples counseling. She carried and took that thing which you would have caused great harm to yourself and therefore greater harm to the family. So I wish we did have seven hours to talk but you came to that weekend. And it really significantly touched you as you said, things came together. But then it wasn't like okay, one and done. I did this event, I went to porn camp, as we used to call it, and I'm good to go. But you went back home and you really dug in with counselling and groups and continued celebrate curry, tell me about that, and what your journey was like since then. Right?

Kevin Triplett: 14:24

We had a good core group of guys that came back, you know, that learn the same principles and had began to understand that this wasn't about, you know, white knuckling it and just doing things better or trying to put a string of some days of sobriety together that that it was about a new way of living a new way of looking at the father and and and believing not just knowing what God says about us, but believing that that we are careers that nothing can separate us from His love, right? I mean, I've always read that and I've always been Knowing that my head, but it didn't get down into my heart until that weekend, it taught me to know that God's love for me wasn't based on my behavior. That's when Grace really showed up. And, and, you know, we had a good core group back here in Illinois, with care night, and we, my church care and I began to branch out and they needed other leaders. So I had decided that man, I'll try to lead another group at that at a satellite church and, and that spawned in another group and another set alight church and, and it just continued to grow. And using using the material from searching for God, it's guys will think about I love about that book. Because I don't care how many times you read it, you you, you glean something different every time from it. I mean, I see things a little bit differently, I get a little more out of it. And I hear that over and over again, as the guys go through it multiple times.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 16:07

That's so amazing to me, as we've talked through the years that what you received in your healing, not just at the weekend, but with, you know, your pastor, and Jay and other people kind of being a support net for you. But the way that you went back and dug in and then to be leading and pouring into other men out of this brokenness and out of a place of hey, what, what in the world would I have to offer, and companies see that you have a lot to offer, because we really are powerful in our weakness in our weakness, we are strong. So you have led surfing for God groups. And as I mentioned, at the top of the conversation, you have come in been a volunteer staff member for different times. And you've done everything from been a part of the groups to, I think, part of the work crew or just kind of jumping in wherever but your presence is that of coming alongside of men. And what is it like for you to go back to the weekend, where you experience healing, and then to get to be a part of that and see other men change. And I know this past time, it was particularly powerful for you because for the first time, we showed the hardest Man movie there,

Kevin Triplett: 17:22

right? This this, this came to me, you know, after the weekend, and I feel like it's, it's a beautiful heartbreak, to be at that weekend. And to, you know, I, you I was given the task of being the century has been come, they come into the camp or the retreat center, and I greet them. And when they come around that corner with their bags, there's this look of despair and hopelessness and brokenness. And jeez, it's it's like, it breaks my heart. But the beauty for me this past weekend was seeing them on Sunday, at noon, when they left, and they left different people, different men, I mean, the almost glowing, and in some ways, and it wasn't because of this, there's this mountaintop experience, although we're looking at Pikes Peak every day, right? And I mean, we were there in the mountains, it's getting away from the noise, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, allowing yourself to be seen, you're almost taking on this, this new language of looking at life looking at yourself, and, and the character of the Father. This weekend was special. And like you said, watching the movie, it just kind of tied everything together all these things that we've been talking about for the last two and a half days, it just tied everything together.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 18:53

You know, we've used this phrase around here for a long time. And I think it might be in surfing for God. But when Tony Anderson and company did the movie, they had these cool posters for the movie and the phrase was on there, your brokenness is not a barrier. It's a bridge. And we talk a lot about at the weekend. And so when you talk about men coming in having this despair and hopelessness and brokenness and shame, at that moment, they're thinking, you know, maybe this, maybe this weekend is going to, you know, help, or maybe it'll give me some tools to be able to not sin, but it becomes something so much bigger than not sinning. And it becomes this new way of living. As we talked about, where the very brokenness that we have, it's not that we try to make the brokenness go away. It's not that we try to climb over it and get past it. But that it's that the brokenness as we allow ourselves to be known in that brokenness, like you did at that second weekend, where there was so much clarity and healing think that as we trust God with the brokenness, and as we trust other people with the brokenness, and as we're in it, then it becomes the bridge to the life that we long for the abundance, the freedom, the joy, the wholeness. And that's so different. Because you and I, in our journey, and certainly in my years of trying to get free for my sexual addiction, it was, I don't even know what freedom is. I just want to keep trying to get this out of my life, because I hate it. And I hate myself. So part of the secret sauce, if you will. And I have a question in here somewhere is that as you stand there, and you meet those men, and then see them 66 hours later on Sunday, and they're really different. And I agree with you that it's not just a camp, hi, you know, you can see something in them that's really different. And even a couple of weeks out now, as men are part of the 12 week aftercare, I'm able to touch base with some of them. And they're like, Yeah, I mean, life has returned to being hard, but I'm a different person. What would you say to the man who comes to the weekend, and says, Okay, now the weekend's over? What do I do to live this out? How do I live differently? How do I live this new way?

Kevin Triplett: 21:20

Wow, that's, that's, that's a great question. Because I've connected with a couple of guys since the weekend, and just trying to see how the reentry was was going into the, into the real world. And I was asked that question. And I said, and one of the first things you got to do is, is find a group of guys that you trust, that are willing to journey with you, right? That are safe. And that are that are more than, you know, having a beer and watching football, you know, checking out the newest, coolest bourbons. Yeah, it's gotta be more than that. You got to talk about real stuff. And when you start to, you know, more than talking about how you know, things that you don't like about your wife or girlfriend, it's got to be more than talk about the real stuff just being real, it's infectious. If you go back into that group into your circle of friends, and you, you're able to, I guess what I'm saying is vulnerability breeds vulnerability. If they see it in you, they're going to come around, wow, man, it's safe to talk about this stuff. I'm not the only one.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 22:31

And there's, there's so much noticed, like I have that once you start to share your story that men come out of the woodwork, so to speak, like, Whoa, really? You too. But then there's more this sense of like, how what do you have, that I don't have that gives you the freedom to talk this way. And that's where the Christianity quote, religious part of it feels like, well, no matter what I believe to be true, what I experience is all of this shame and brokenness and doesn't feel like God could love me. But part of how this all happens is getting this new perspective that we are loved in our brokenness. And that's why you and I are able to be so bold about it. So but have you experienced that that as you share, and as you invite other men that that, as you said that vulnerability breeds more?

Kevin Triplett: 23:20

Oh, absolutely. I remember the weekend after the movie premiered here. I walk in the church, the guy greeting me at the door that I've seen, literally hundreds of times, he shakes my hand, he pulls me in my hand, I'm dealing with the same stuff. It's like, let's talk about this man. You know? Yeah, it's, it's been amazing. To see that we are we are not alone. And it's not some odd thing. And I think part of the thing that allows me and and I'm sure yourself to be vulnerable, is getting a grasp of what your true identity is, your identity isn't dependent upon where you live, what kind of car you drive, your, your the title at work, how much money you have in the bank, who's sitting next to you, what kind of clothes you wear, how smart you are, how many letters you have, have after your name, that's not your identity. If you get a hold of who Christ says you are, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. And that's where I got to be. It's like, it doesn't matter what you think about me. Do I care? Sometimes? Yes. Does it hurt my feelings sometimes, maybe. But at the end of the day, the thing that I have to be concerned about is what Christ thinks for me. It makes it a lot easier to be vulnerable and to be open when we get a hold

MICHAEL CUSICK: 24:43

when you get a hold of that. And when I get a hold of that, as we often say there's nothing to hide and nothing to prove. Right? So you can actually we can actually dare to be the real youth. You can dare to be 11 with black skin, and I can dare to be Michael with all of my neurosis and idiosyncrasies and things like that. And that's what freedom is right? Like, freedom to be me.

Kevin Triplett: 25:10

Freedom, freedom, there's no better freedom than being you being the person that God created you to be. That person is waiting to be waiting to live. He's already inside, men waiting to live. And, you know, it's funny this weekend, one of the one of the things I got picked on this past weekend, my leader of our group, Ben Wilson, he, in our small group, he said, one of his prayer requests is that God would give him a dream, that he would give them dreams. He's, you know, he's, he's at an age where, you know, he's had a career, he's married, his kids are grown. Like, what next guy gives me a dream. And I thought, man, and that's it. God give me you know, we're same age, we're kind of in the same place that guy give me a dream. And through this weekend, God just kind of say, Kevin, this is what this is, what you're supposed to do, this is what you were made to do, is to bring along other

MICHAEL CUSICK: 26:11

bring that 1,000% Because men look at you, and on the outside, you're this military, law enforcement strong, you know, muscle guy that I would never want to cross you if you weren't my friend. And yet, you're one of the most tender, humble, vulnerable guys, that I think what disarms people is not your strength, or your physical presence, but your your ability to be so open, and like, Hey, this is what God thinks about me. And here's my story. And it was pretty messed up. And there's hope. And that is disarming. And I especially appreciated just how vulnerable you were, as we showed the film. And then as you talked afterwards about what that was like, and some of that will just have to remain between you and me. And the people that attended. You know, the the weekend intensive, through restoring the soul used to be called surfing for God week intensive, because when the book first came out, it was almost exclusively men that had a sexual addiction, porn addiction, they had had affairs, etc. And over the years, we don't screen people and say, You can't come unless you have a porn addiction. But more men have come, because they found the book helpful in other ways, or because they've worked with one of our counselors, and maybe they have, you know, trauma in their history, whether sexual trauma or other trauma, maybe they grew up in an alcoholic home. There are there are men who have struggled with depression, there are men who and this has become actually more common guys who say, you know, I don't have an act of addiction, and porn has never been an issue. But somewhere along the way, I lost my heart. And I lost my joy. And I don't feel like I ever had an ability to intimately connect with my wife and others. And I just kind of hide in my job and stuff. So I'm excited that the folks that attend are coming with a broader set of issues, because that just allows more people to get help and healing. But as you've been a group leader, what do you find is the sweet spot for the kind of man that you like to see coming to the weekend looking for a certain kind of change or impact.

Kevin Triplett: 28:32

You know, I would say the man that is, he's just done, he's fed up with living life, the way he's been living, and that he's he's ready to do some work, do some hard work. It's not it's not easy, not easy stuff. But he's ready to do some work, and ready to allow his heart to be examined, ready to take off the mask, and allow guys to see them, see them for who they are. One of the first things I said when we sat in our small group of five guys to leaders set the seven of us, I said, you know, we're only here a couple of days, but by the time you leave here, we will have created a brotherhood. And man, I mean, I'm no prophet, trust me. But man did that. That happened in the in the truest sense. You you gain this this brotherhood, and there are guys that I did a group with two years ago. They still meet every Tuesday night on a zoom me Wow. There's guys there is a guy from a group from my group that came to my he came from Kansas City to my birthday, you know, so it's stuff like that happening. You know, I've gone down to St. Louis to visit guys from you know, a mutual friend of ours Aaron from from the group, he's come up and visit stayed weekends with me. I mean, that's the type of those are the types of relationships that are that are made on this weekend. You And, and that's what's

MICHAEL CUSICK: 30:00

life changing, right? It's, it's like it's one, it's one thing to go to assembler. And I obviously believe in that because that that relates to healing. And it's one thing to go to a weekend. But there is this brotherhood there, and men are starving for that, especially during the pandemic and quarantine and people pulling back from churches. Because most of the time, it's, and I don't mean to be cute here, but like, show up for pancake breakfast, here a devotion from a pro athlete or some big name, speaker. And then hopefully, that will fire you up enough to go home and, you know, get your crap together to be a good Christian guy. And that what that leads to is what I call in surfing for God, the lather, rinse repeat cycle. So I love how you said that the kind of guy you like to see is somebody who's done. They're just like, hey, what I've been doing isn't working, I want to do life differently. So I always pray Kevin, that, you know, we can fill 30 spots, right? We can do social media and marketing, all that. But it's always cool to see how it's like, these are 30 men that are handpicked by God, that they're there. providentially they're like, do it and like, when my life fell apart and 94 how it was providential how the people that needed to be in my life were there. So I appreciate you taking the time to talk about your story. I'm excited to be on this journey with you. And I'm grateful for what God's done in your life with you into Lena and your marriage and your family. When there was such despair and hopelessness and you've got a big old smile on your face, and when every time I see you and give you a hug you you've squeezed the stuffing out of me as my kids would say and, and that's that just that's just the passion and joy that you have of being alive and being forgiven and having a redemption story. So thank you.

Kevin Triplett: 31:57

No, thanks for having me. Can I? Yeah, one minute. Yeah. You know, you talk about going through all of this. And a good friend of mine. He's a worship pastor at my church. He saw my daughter backup, my oldest daughter that my life imploded a week before my oldest daughter was to get married, and I was uninvited to the wedding. But I ended up going I got invited, everything worked out fine. But I just about ruined her wedding, right? Because half the people that that were supposed to come to the wedding, knew that the other couple and knew us. And so just a couple years back. My buddy sees my daughter at a Starbucks. And I hadn't seen him in a while. And she asked, yes, sir. How's your dad doing? He's doing good. And yeah, he says, How's everything working out for him? He says, You know, I would go through all of that, again, from my dad to be who he is today. And I thought, Man, I can barely say it without man getting emotional. But that was a powerful testament to, to what God can do. If someone allows him to, you know, someone that opens up their heart does the work and allows God to wow, this thing.

MICHAEL CUSICK: 33:12

I've heard wives say something like that. Giuliana said things like, you know, we discovered something in our story of brokenness to redemption that we wouldn't have otherwise gotten but I've never heard that from a daughter to or about a dad. That's powerful. I would go through it all again. Just for my dad to become who he is. Now. That's That's amazing.