Episode 382 - "Transformational Weekend for Men"

Welcome back to the Restoring the Soul podcast with Michael John Cusick. In this episode, Michael is joined by two longtime friends and fellow journeyers, Justin and Aaron, who share their transformative experiences at the Restoring the Soul Men’s Intensive Weekend.

Together, the trio dives into what makes this weekend so different from the average men’s retreat. From the healing power of anonymity—where first names replace job titles and last names—to the profound brotherhood that develops among men seeking freedom from shame, brokenness, and the barriers that keep them from intimacy. Justin and Aaron reflect on arriving desperate for change, confronting their fears, and discovering a safe space to be truly themselves. Both men describe the event as life-changing, recounting how it ushered in lasting transformation not only for themselves but for hundreds of others.

If you’ve ever wondered what it means to encounter deep healing and genuine, spiritual safety among brothers—and why these men keep returning to serve others year after year—this episode offers an honest glimpse into the heart of the Men’s Intensive Weekend. 

For more information or to register, visit Restoring the Soul Men's Weekend

Transcript

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Hi, everybody, it's Michael. Welcome back to the Restoring the Soul podcast. Today we're going to be talking about men transforming, men who are transforming. And specifically we're going to be talking about the Restoring the Soul Men's intensive weekend. We hold this twice a year in Monument, Colorado at a place called the Hideaway. It's a Christian bed and breakfast which has hosted many, many ministries over the years. And for 12 years now, we've been heading down there and we do the men's Restoring the Soul intensive. And just last fall, we celebrated the 20th actual weekend where we've now had over 500 men come through this intensive weekend where men experience profound healing from brokenness, trauma, compulsions, barriers to intimacy in marriage, men learning how to connect. And in many ways a big focus of that is coming to understand our shame and the lies that have come against us. And in a community experiencing something that's not just more information or insight, but really an experiential time of kind of unloading the baggage that we all carry. So it's my delight today to have two men who are friends of mine, men who have participated in this weekend many years back, but also men who have come along as a result of their experience of transformation at this weekend and they've been serving as part of the staff giving back in different roles. So I want to welcome to the podcast my two friends, Justin and Aaron. Hey, guys. Hey, Michael. Thank you. It's great to have you here. You're very welcome. We're going by first name only today because at the weekend itself, we go by first name. And you know, one of the interesting things that we also talk about at the weekend, and I'd love to ask you guys to comment on this, we don't tell people a lot ahead of time what's going to happen because it kind of unfolds in a way that the surprise of it, which is 100% safe physically and emotionally, is part of the impact of it. But at the beginning, we give a bunch of kind of guidelines and agreements, and one of them is that we tell men that you can't talk about what you do for a living or what your last name is, whether you're a school teacher, a plumber, a professor, or a professional athlete. We come together as men just being guys on a first name basis. So, Justin, I'll start with you. What has it been like for you to be in an environment with other men for 66 hours Thursday to Sunday where you don't have any sense of like, what this guy does or where they come from, or whether they're in ministry or a pastor or just an everyday guy like all of us, man. It is refreshing and scary at the same time. Michael, I. I think that it is such a defense mechanism to be able to walk in and size people up for me to be able to go in and go, hey, I do X. What do you do for a living so I can know where I stand. Am I. Am I more successful? Am I less successful? Where am I in the hierarchy of men that exist in the world? And so to come into this place and not be able to do that is actually really important. And it was something I didn't love when I came to the first weekend because I wanted to be able to tell people what I did for a living, because I hung my hat on that a little too much. And so it's been really refreshing and a really sweet thing. Thanks. Aaron, how about you? Yeah, I'd say the same. Very comforting to just be another one of the guys just entering to that type of work. And to me, it made it feel a lot more safe just being one of the men that's here to work and. But it also kind of intimidating because you just don't know. And it also brings to the surface the thing that I do hold with pride on what I do and how, you know, whatever helpful, successful I am in my world outside of this. So it's. It's very challenging, but also surprisingly safe and comforting. You know, I'm. I'm one of the leaders of this whole thing, and I'm the architect of the weekend. And I always tell the staff, which you guys are part of that. I, in 2005, attended a men's experiential weekend like this. Although we've created our own processes and protocols and content and myself and a man that was an associate pastor at a large church, he and I were driving up to this event. It was about an hour and a half away, and we're about five minutes away, and we're kind of lost because it's in the very remote part near Estes Park. And I said, so how you feeling about this weekend? There was a long silence. And I said to him, I'm scared shitless. Are you scared? And he goes, oh, man. I was afraid to say that. Now, I don't mean to be cavalier for those that know, are not into cussing, but sometimes you just, you know, if I said I was scared, poopless, it wouldn't actually communicate the fact that here I was a therapist, a Christian leader. At the time, I was an ordained minister. And I'm making the statement that there's something in me that needs more or that wants more. And I was strongly encouraged by my wife and my counselor to go. And I don't know what's going to happen because it really brought up my control issues. Can either of you relate to that? Like, actually before getting to the weekend? Well, I would just say, man, sometimes as Steph, we talk about how some men come with the gift of desperation. And I came desperate to the weekend. My world was blowing up when I came to the weekend and I needed a place that was going to have effective long term change in my life. And I was scared to death. And also I had to be there. My world could not continue going on the path that it was going. And so, yeah, it was terrifying. And that's okay. And it was worth it. Yeah, absolutely. I agree. I'll never forget flying into the airport there. And I remember driving from the airport all the way to the hideaway in tears because I didn't know what I was going to. But I do. I did know as life as it were back home couldn't continue. And it's like I knew I was going to meet God, but I didn't know what was going to happen. And. And so, yeah, stopped a few times. So see if I could see the highway and clear my eyes out a little bit. Got back in the car and went straight back into tears. So absolute unfolding of, yeah, whatever I knew I had experienced, I knew I was going to something. Walking into something new. Thanks, Aaron. You know, I'm going to just riff a little bit here about how this is not just your average men's retreat. In fact, we make it a point. And sometimes the staff jokes with one another. They'll look at me and say, hey, Michael, the retreat, I mean the therapeutic experience. Because this is not a men's retreat. It's a clinical therapeutic experience where I'm the leader as a licensed therapist. And then there are at least six licensed or trained therapists that go between the large group experience and then breaking into what we call soul groups. Those are five participants. There are 30 men total. So we have six of those soul groups. And each of those groups is led by a licensed or trained therapist under my supervision and then a lay leader that's been through the weekend. And of course, both of you have been lay leaders or that trained therapist participating in the groups like that. And it's always just a huge blessing to have you in that capacity. But because this isn't a retreat, this is not where you're going to come and hear four talks and then get your journal and go off into the woods and maybe write a couple notes and then have a prayer session and then do some guy things, you know, and then go home and hope that your life is different. But it never really is. The big impact of this is that we do experiential work. So I don't give sermons, I don't give hour long teaching sessions. We do experiential work face to face in these big and small groups. And what we do is we identify our woundedness. And so many men, just like they often come to therapy, will say, I really don't have any woundedness. So the way that we get into that is by saying, well, what's working in your life right now and what's not working? And every man has something that's not working. And below the surface of that is something that's a much deeper issue that we believe God wants to address. So can either of you, and let's start with Justin, then go to Aaron, just talk about how maybe that too was something, if not a surprise, something that you walked away with an expectation for what it would be like compared to your average men's retreat and what this actually was. Yeah, Michael, I think that, that I came in, like I said, I was desperate, but I had very little hope. I had tried all the things I'd read, books, I had gone to men's retreats, I had done the things to try and get some sense of control in my life, getting some sense of how do I live the holy life that I want to live, that I just can't seem to figure out how to live. And so I, I came into the weekend with kind of low expectations, honestly. And once I got there, it, it blew me away. It was different than anything I'd ever experienced before. It was, it was far more like. I mean, it was a therapeutic weekend. It was a lot of different kinds and techniques of therapies and it was the most healing weekend of my entire life. I can look at my life and I can say before I went to this weekend, here's who I was. And after I went to it, I am a different person. And that's why I've been so honored and excited to continue to be a part of it, is it was more effective in changing my life than anything else I've ever been a part of. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. That's amazing. And you know, the cool Thing is that as we've walked together as friends, I've been just delighted and grateful to see that transformation. And I know that you're not just giving a hyperbolic endorsement for the purpose of making this sound positive. I've seen that change as I see in so many men that show up and really say, I'm going to. I'm going to jump in. Aaron, what about you? Yeah, I would agree. It is absolutely. I remember who I was before and who I am now. And since that first weekend to every weekend, I have a pleasure of attending. And I'm different after the weekend. Life still happens, but still kind of coming to the weekend. It is just that reminder and that refresh and that reset of what I know to be now like home. And having that weekend the first time, I knew, yeah, if. If I could come back, I would. And if, however, I could be a part and continue in this journey, in this way of life. Misunderstanding. Yeah, I'm all for it. And so, yeah, lifeline for me for sure. So, Aaron, I'll ask you first, and then we'll move to Justin. What keeps you coming back? And obviously, there's a limited number of staff positions, and those positions are chosen and available based on your life experience and the kind of work or ministry that you're involved in and just where your heart's at. We also pray about that. But you've been a part of, as has Justin, staffing a number of them. And what keeps you coming back? And then. Yeah, I'll just ask that. Okay. Well, first thing that comes to mind is brotherhood. It's nothing like it. And it's like my soul enjoys being around men who get it and being around men who are just. Just creating a safety of, you can follow art, you can have it all together, or, you know, a mix of both. It's just the brotherhood is like nothing else. And it's like water. It's like water to my soul, man. Every. Every time I get to be in the room with. With the men both attending and the men I know from reoccurring weekends, just staffing, it's just refreshing. Completely so refreshing. Justin. Yeah, I think, man, I think Aaron nailed it. It's so much about the relationships that you build there at the weekend. Some of. I mean, I've made friends in 66 hours that feel deeper to me than anybody I've ever known in my life in some ways. And, you know, I joke that I'm Presbyterian, we don't do miracles very much. We do bourbon and thoughts. And I come to this weekend and I literally see miracles happen each time I see men break open from decades of being bound up and they allow themselves to be known and they allow themselves to be loved. And it is, it is transformational in a way that changes people forever. Yeah, I'm just getting excited because the weekend is coming up February 19th through the 22nd and I'm excited to be with you guys face to face. Aaron, if you're available, we always get together the day before and we do something relatively adventurous, at least as adventurous as the 61 year old man can do. But I'm looking forward to that. But man, there's that moment. We all talk about it and you know prayerfully that at four or five o'clock when we kick things off on Thursday, men show up and it's as if they're covered in fear and shame and heaviness. Whatever they're bringing in and whatever gets stirred up and we anticipate that. And some of it is pretty raw. People with issues all over the map. And then Sunday at noon, when men leave, they look completely different. Their eyes are filled with light. I remember one brother who, he was a first responder and his head was hung down and he was wearing a hoodie and his hands were shoved into his pockets. This is a couple of years ago. And he could not look up at me. He was carrying that much heaviness. And that man had a light in his eye and was standing up straight and could make eye contact and he had joy. And if people are listening and this sounds too good to be true, or if it sounds like we're selling snake oil, this is all because we create this safe environment. And Justin and Aaron, you've both heard this and probably used this. The men who have attended have said weekend after weekend, this is the safest place I've ever been to be myself. And that's really the beginning of change. Right? Because in the Christian life especially, and if we want to grow, we have to dare to risk and trust to actually be ourselves. And that there's a place where that's welcome as opposed to I'm going to be myself and I'm going to be shamed, exposed, fired, divorced, etc. And how we learn to be intimate and connected with our own hearts, with others and with God is taking that risk to be ourselves. And when we do that, amazing things happen. Yeah, 100%. So guys, I'm so grateful for you sharing. And one of the things that I had as an agenda in talking with you is we have not done a podcast for quite some time about the men's weekend. And I've never actually had podcast participants on, with the exception of Tony Anderson, who did the weekend and then ended up producing the the movie Heart of Man as a result of that. So I love it for people on the podcast to hear stories of transformation and change. But I do want to do a pitch, and that is we have 30 spots. We have historically sold out anywhere from a month out, from a couple of weeks out, and we have nine spots remaining. So if someone's listening and you are the spouse of someone who you think needs to go, or if you're a caregiver, a therapist, a pastor, a spiritual director, a soul friend, someone that you think needs to go, or maybe you who are listening, there's nine spots left. Just being upfront, Full disclosure, the cost for this is $2050, 2050. And if finances are an issue, we can work with you and offer a scholarship to make it possible for you to come. Over the last many years, we've offered scholarships from people who can't pay at all to people who need just a discount, maybe to cover their flights and that kind of thing. But the beautiful thing is, and I say this at every weekend, is that every man who comes is really there by divine providence. So we're not going to wrap up just yet because I've got a couple of more questions and would just like to hear your heart on a couple more things. But if you're listening and you're interested in finding out more about the men's intensive weekend at Restoring the Soul, the website is restoringthesoulweekend.com that's restoringthesoulweekend.Com so we'll end with this question. Justin first and then Aaron. Or actually, let's go Aaron first and then Justin, because last time we got to keep it balanced, right? Last time, I think, Justin, you went first. Aaron, if a guy came to you and said, hey, I heard about this, why should I come and attend this men's intensive weekend having been a participant, having now staffed it a bunch of times, what would you tell them? I would probably do this, kind of stand and kind of vacillate because it's, I don't want to be creepy. I don't want to be overwhelming, but it is also the truth for me. It's, it's the closest I've ever felt to knowing being with God. And also it is the, the most clear and concise I've ever felt about myself, who I am as A man why I'm here, and the newfound joy you see in another man's eyes by the time that Sunday afternoon comes. And to experience it both sides on some of my roommates the weekend I came, and to experience it over and over with different guys who staffed it is like lights and being turned on emotionally, physically, spiritually. It is a light in a dark tunnel. And I have often found myself trying to either suggest or, you know, give a God a website without sounding too creepy or too spiritual or kind of like, I don't want to be spooky, but I've just found nothing else that connected my soul to my heart like the Weeknd. And so I would say some version of that and probably stutter spammer and try to back off of the creepiness, but also try to just relate, like how wonderful of an experience in the weekend is. It's incredible. And there's really no real words. It's like you just gotta go. And so that's why. That's how I would try to explain it. Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate both sides of that. Because, you know, you don't want to come across like an Amway salesman where here's this product that's going to change your life, you know, and you've got to commit to it. And because we're all aware that, you know, there's. There's programs and social media and everything saying this overused phrase, this is life changing. But it has been life changing even for me, to see men go from having no light in their eyes to having that joy that you just spoke of. What about you, Justin? What would you tell a brother or another man? I think I'd say that this is 66 hours. It's less than. I don't know, what is it, three or four days? Whatever it is there, it can't be everything. It's not everything to everybody. If what you're looking for is a guy's weekend to learn three techniques to better love your wife or lead your kids, this is probably not the thing. This is not that every man couldn't benefit from this. But what this is is this is where you go to find your heart. If you are someone who goes, man, when I was seven years old, I don't think this is what I thought my life would look like at 43, then this is probably a pretty good place for you to come because. You. Know, life's short and we only have so much of it ahead of us. And we. We got to wake up our hearts and we got to learn to be connected and to allow God to love us and to allow ourselves to be known and loved. And it will. If that resonates with you, if you hear this and that resonates with you, sign up, try and get one of those last spots. If you can't get in this time, come next time. It is, is incredible. And like I said before, it is just the most effective thing I've ever been a part of and seen lives changed in a short period of time. Beautiful. Beautiful. Hey, I just want to interject for anybody who's listening and I guess this will be a permanent thing because this podcast will be around. If you have questions about the men's intensive weekend at Restoring the Soul, email Michael M I C H A e l@restoringthesoul.com Now, I don't personally get all of those emails. They go through somebody who helped me navigate my email. But that question will get answered. And if I have the opportunity to respond personally, I will. Now the other thing is that we've had a whole host of our alumni and staff say, hey, I'd be willing to talk to some guy who might say, is this a cult? Is this some weird, you know, experience that's a little bit woo woo. Is this going to be spiritually safe? You can also reach out to us and we can put you in touch with an alumni who will tell you how it changed their life. So I bring up this topic and you both know that I'm famous for saying, here's our last point, which I think 10 minutes ago I said, here's our last point. I'm going to bring up another point. I just use this phrase spiritual safety. And we know that this weekend is Christ centered. We know that it's God saturated, to use Eugene Peterson's old phrase. But it's also a very spiritually safe weekend as well as emotionally safe. And I'd love each of you to comment on maybe what this was like for you. But there are people that come to the weekend and we've had men from the ages of 21, I think our oldest guy was 81 who came to the weekend. And people who come that they grew up going to Sunday school with flannel graphs and Jesus and Bible stories. And you know, they love the Lord and they're deeply committed. And then there's people that are deconstructing their faith or who have deconstructed their faith, or people who have spiritual abuse where God and Christianity has been used to either harm them or to manipulate them. And I work very hard to make this a spacious place for people to bring wherever they are spiritually and really to know that God wants to meet them in the middle of that and that God doesn't have any agenda for their life other than to make them whole, more and more able to receive his love and then to pour that love back out because of the freedom. So can either or both of you just comment on the spiritual safety and, and kind of the DNA spiritually that you've experienced? Yeah, I'll say that. I think there is a broad group of people from all Christian backgrounds who have come to this, some from non church backgrounds from things. And what they're going to do is they're going to come in and they are going to experience and hear about God's deep and rich love. And um, it has been healing and it has been inviting and it has been different than a lot of my church experiences where I heard about how God would love me if I stopped doing this or if I started doing this or if I did this a little bit more often or this left less often. And instead I've heard about God's love and it has encouraged me somehow. Just hearing about God's spacious, beautiful, big, wide, deep love has made me be someone who does that a little bit more and stops doing those things quite so much and stuff. So it's been really, really healing and it's a scary thing to step into a situation like this. And we acknowledge that and we don't want to gloss over that and we move as slowly as people need to move to here to work with that. Yeah, I agree. Just the intentionality to the sensitivities of every individual is something I picked up on without even knowing the details of actually how it works. And my first weekend I could see that. And I'm one that I am church, church boy. I am a little Baptist, a little church of God in Christ, a little charismatic. And it was very, just warm to experience God and people experiencing God in this way. And like Justin talked about that love, that and actually being able to feel it and it not seeming like some unreachable untouchable goal or aspiration, but you could, you could feel it in the, in the room with the guys leading. And just over the next, those two days, it being more and more real. And so even the processing of like this is actually evident in the conversations I'm having and these moments that I'm experiencing in, you know, how we break down the weekend. And as the weekend goes on it just becomes more and more real. And experiencing that and seeing that I had a roommate who wasn't as churchy as me from, you know, the conversation we would have in our rooms at night. And I knew that, but I also knew we were both changing. We were both at, by that Sunday morning, waking up that Sunday morning, we both had gotten what we needed for our souls. And yeah, I can see that and sense it and feel it throughout the weekend. And so both there for different reasons, um, but both got a refreshing debt, you know, we both needed from God and from the men and yeah, wonderful criminal. I love that. I love that. You know, we talk about sacred attachment and some of the content of that with the guys and some of the material is kind of a foundation for how we do life and faith. And one of the comments that I've gotten and sacred attachment is a year old today, literally, literally today is the one year anniversary of it. I hadn't planned it that way, but one of the comments I most often hear is, you know, this really put words for what my heart hungered for and how I wished and thought faith could be. But where is this being lived out? And what I want to say is that if you're familiar with sacred attachment, this idea that our relationship with God in Christ is that there is this sacred attachment to this branch and vine indivisible unity where we can live and understand in a physical and body felt way that love has us. The weekend is a place to experience that, that we can live in a sense where our brokenness can be healed, where there's a place where our spiritual lens is not that we're bad, but that we're broken and that we belong to a God whose passion, whose mission, whose very first sermon was quoting Isaiah 61, who said, I've come. God has set his spirit on me so I can bind up the broken heart, set captives free, enter into every place of brokenness. Where there's mourning, I'll bring the oil of gladness. Where there are ashes, I'll bring beauty. Where there's captivity, I'll bring freedom. And this is just a place where you can really bring yourself. And all of you is welcome. So, Justin and Aaron, thanks for taking your time on a Friday afternoon. Thanks for sharing your hearts. Thank you for continuing to come back and be a blessing to me and the 30 men that each time participate. The weekend is called the Restoring the Soul Men's Intensive. The website is restoringthesoulweekend.com. there are nine spots left. I'm hoping and praying that those nine men that are meant to be there that are divinely appointed that you'll be listening to this podcast and sign up. We do this twice a year so that for whatever reason, you can't come February 19th to the 22nd. We're doing it again next September, and then as long as I've got breath in me, we're going to keep on doing this. So, guys, thank you so much. I'm looking forward to seeing you on February 19th, or actually on the day before as we get together for staff and blessings to you both. Bless you.