SPEAKER_00: You're listening to the VFC Sermon Podcast.
SPEAKER_00: At the end of this episode, please take a moment to download our free VFC Company school app where you can access all of our messages, sermon notes, announcements, and smaller places.
SPEAKER_00: Our app is the easiest way to keep up with everything going on here at VFC.
SPEAKER_00: We hope that this message helps you in your walk with Jesus and encourages you to belong, believe, and become.
SPEAKER_01: The first week we talked about Islam and Christianity.
SPEAKER_01: Then we talked about prophecy and false prophets.
SPEAKER_01: Then we moved on to Catholics and Protestants.
SPEAKER_01: There's been nothing easy this month.
SPEAKER_01: Been some difficult topics, but by God's grace, I feel like we are representing Scripture well.
SPEAKER_01: Today, we're not taking our foot off of the gas.
SPEAKER_01: We are talking about one of the most personal subjects that we could talk about, and that's divorce and remarriage.
SPEAKER_01: Reminder, we have four rules during this series.
SPEAKER_01: First of all, I am not targeting anyone.
SPEAKER_01: I will never target anyone from the pulpit.
SPEAKER_01: We discuss topics, not people.
SPEAKER_01: Secondly, give me time to formulate my point.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it takes a little bit to get to where I want to go.
SPEAKER_01: So calm down.
SPEAKER_01: I will say probably something that you want me to say.
SPEAKER_01: Thirdly, you have not only the right, but the responsibility to check up on what I say.
SPEAKER_01: Make sure that it's true.
SPEAKER_01: Verify each scripture, each statistic.
SPEAKER_01: And lastly, if you disagree or get offended, please reach out to me personally.
SPEAKER_01: I'd love to talk to you about it and hear from you.
SPEAKER_01: And so just email me at Eric at VFC Thomas Phil.
SPEAKER_01: Now all of our emails are first names.
SPEAKER_01: So Jamie at VFCThomasphil.org.
SPEAKER_01: I'd love to hear from you.
SPEAKER_01: Even if you've never been divorced yourself, divorce has affected everyone in some way.
SPEAKER_01: And it's painful.
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter what your contact with it was, it's always painful.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've been divorced, or maybe uh you're currently married to someone that had a previous marriage, or maybe your parents split up when you were younger.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're currently contemplating divorce yourself.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe some of you are just now realizing why your spouse brought you this morning.
SPEAKER_01: That would be awkward, wouldn't it?
SPEAKER_01: We hadn't gone to church in months.
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
SPEAKER_01: Going through a divorce is like having a kidney removed.
SPEAKER_01: Like you're gonna make it through it, but it's not gonna be the same.
SPEAKER_01: It's just different after divorce.
SPEAKER_01: Now, our culture is trying its best to act like divorce is no big deal.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, it's just part of life, whatever.
SPEAKER_01: There's even like this culture that's celebrating divorce.
SPEAKER_01: Have you guys heard of the happy divorce cakes out there?
SPEAKER_01: This is the thing.
SPEAKER_01: Like when you get divorced, you have a party with your with your bros or your girlfriend or whatever, and and you have a happy divorce cake.
SPEAKER_01: I ran across these.
SPEAKER_01: Here's some of the things that were written on the cakes I saw.
SPEAKER_01: I do, I did, I'm done.
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty clever.
SPEAKER_01: Here's one for the nerds.
SPEAKER_01: May divorce be with you.
SPEAKER_01: That was clever.
SPEAKER_01: This is my favorite.
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of bad.
SPEAKER_01: Says, hey honey, I'm finally taking out the trash.
SPEAKER_01: That's intense.
SPEAKER_01: That was a that was a rough breakup.
SPEAKER_01: Now here's the deal.
SPEAKER_01: Those are all really clever.
SPEAKER_01: Divorce isn't funny.
SPEAKER_01: It's not.
SPEAKER_01: It's it's painful.
SPEAKER_01: It affects us so deeply.
SPEAKER_01: I realize this is a very personal topic this morning.
SPEAKER_01: So if at any point during the message you begin to feel condemnation, I want you to understand condemnation is not from God.
SPEAKER_01: Romans 8.1 says, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: God will give us conviction.
SPEAKER_01: He will change our behavior, he will challenge our thinking.
SPEAKER_01: But it's always to lead you to Christ, into his presence, not to make you feel bad in shame.
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
SPEAKER_01: You probably heard your whole life that half of all marriages end in divorce.
SPEAKER_01: You heard that before?
SPEAKER_01: It's not quite true.
SPEAKER_01: Good news is divorce is going down in the United States.
SPEAKER_01: Right now, around 35 to 40 percent of first-time divorces, of first-time marriages end in divorce, and that's lower than it's been.
SPEAKER_01: Partly that's because marriage rates are going down.
SPEAKER_01: People aren't getting married as often, and so they're not getting uh divorced as often either.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've also heard that the divorce rate among Christians is the same as non-Christians.
SPEAKER_01: You ever heard that one before?
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not true.
SPEAKER_01: That was based off of a study done decades ago that it was self-identifying Christians.
SPEAKER_01: So they didn't actually check to see if someone was a Christian.
SPEAKER_01: It's just if they checked the Christian box, then, and almost everyone did, then they had the same rate of divorce, right?
SPEAKER_01: Um the latest research shows that Christians who regularly attend church services have up to a 50% lower divorce rate than the general population.
SPEAKER_01: So congratulations, you have just invested in your marriage if you're married, by being here this morning.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Now, during these talks, uh, elephants in the room, we like to talk about the messy middle.
SPEAKER_01: The messy middle.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna approach this the same way we've approached every elephant in the room, this series.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna embrace this messy middle.
SPEAKER_01: This is when we hold two truths, sometimes they seem like opposing truths, two truths in tension with one another at the same time.
SPEAKER_01: It's like uh finding uh that this church sits on the corner of 19 and 202.
SPEAKER_01: 19 is true, 202 is true, and that's how we find the most accurate and precise truth.
SPEAKER_01: All right?
SPEAKER_01: It's also like uh depth perception.
SPEAKER_01: You know, you can look with one eye and see, but it takes the other eye to see the depth, right?
SPEAKER_01: And so that's how it is with the truth as well.
SPEAKER_01: Now, we don't balance the truth with a lie.
SPEAKER_01: That's watering down the truth.
SPEAKER_01: We balance truth with truth in order to pinpoint the truth.
SPEAKER_01: So let me give you two statements this morning that are both true that we need to embrace regarding divorce and remarriage.
SPEAKER_01: And here they are.
SPEAKER_01: First, marriage is sacred and God hates divorce.
SPEAKER_01: That's the first truth.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is sacred and God hates divorce.
SPEAKER_01: But secondly, divorce is not an unforgivable sin, and a past divorce does not define a person.
SPEAKER_01: That's true as well.
SPEAKER_01: So we need to learn how to hold these two truths together at the same time.
SPEAKER_01: If you only focus on that divorce, that God hates divorce, you can make people who've been divorced run from the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: But if you only focus on the message of grace that God can forgive, you might forget that God gets to tell us what to think about marriage.
SPEAKER_01: So we need both of these truths.
SPEAKER_01: So I got a question.
SPEAKER_01: Why does God care if a couple gets divorced?
SPEAKER_01: Why does God care?
SPEAKER_01: Why is this the thing?
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you fall in love, but then you start having problems and you're struggling.
SPEAKER_01: And then and then this book written centuries ago is telling you, well, you can't get out of it now, too bad.
SPEAKER_01: Like, why does God care?
SPEAKER_01: Why is there an opinion on divorce?
SPEAKER_01: Good question.
SPEAKER_01: It's because marriage is God's idea.
SPEAKER_01: God came up with marriage, not the United States, not the state of Georgia, not any other governmental system.
SPEAKER_01: It comes from God.
SPEAKER_01: We can read about it in the very beginning of Genesis, Genesis chapter 2, verse 24.
SPEAKER_01: This, what?
SPEAKER_01: The creation order.
SPEAKER_01: When Adam was formed and then Eve was formed.
SPEAKER_01: This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
SPEAKER_01: That word joined in Hebrew, it can mean glued.
SPEAKER_01: You ever use glue?
SPEAKER_01: If you use good glue, you need to be really careful.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because it's going to bond to you.
SPEAKER_01: And you're going to work really hard to unglue yourself.
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's what marriage is.
SPEAKER_01: You are joining two people into one.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is oneness.
SPEAKER_01: Guys, marriage doesn't come from a courthouse that started in the garden, it's God's idea.
SPEAKER_01: That's important to acknowledge because the creator of a thing has the right to determine the boundaries of that thing.
SPEAKER_01: Since God created marriage, he has the right to determine what happens within marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Now, marriage is not simply a legal contract.
SPEAKER_01: It's how we treat it today.
SPEAKER_01: According to Scripture, marriage is what's called a covenant or a forever promise.
SPEAKER_01: It's something that you make forever.
SPEAKER_01: That's why in our wedding ceremonies we say things like, till death do us part.
SPEAKER_01: If that doesn't give you pause, you didn't listen.
SPEAKER_01: That's intense.
SPEAKER_01: How many things do you commit to until you die?
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, when I'm signing the you know, the ticket after going out to eat, I put in the tip, I put in my signature, it doesn't say you promise to pay this until you die.
SPEAKER_01: It's not there.
SPEAKER_01: So this is not just a contract, it's a covenant.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ in the church.
SPEAKER_01: It's what Paul tells the Ephesians, Malachi 2:14.
SPEAKER_01: God talks about a husband's wife being his wife by covenant.
SPEAKER_01: See, marriage is supposed to be a safe place where someone has committed to you for their lives so you can be loved.
SPEAKER_01: You can make mistakes, you aren't cast out because the forever promise has been made to you.
SPEAKER_01: God wanted us to experience his unfailing love, his everlasting grace through marriage.
SPEAKER_01: So that means marriage isn't just the contract that we can cancel when the terms become inconvenient.
SPEAKER_01: The other reason God cares deeply about divorce is because divorce is death and it hurts his children.
SPEAKER_01: I spent a lot of time in counseling with couples who were going through divorce or recently divorced, and I noticed something really early on.
SPEAKER_01: I noticed that the feelings, the emotions, the reactions they had during that time period were strikingly similar to someone who just experienced the death of a close loved one.
SPEAKER_01: They were going through the same stages of grief.
SPEAKER_01: Because if marriage is oneness, divorce is death.
SPEAKER_01: You know, when you stand in front of God and you say there's a husband and a wife, and you say, Okay, Lord, make us one, and He does, now there is not just husband and wife separately, there's husband and wife.
SPEAKER_01: They're now one.
SPEAKER_01: And if you were to separate the two back into one, that's death.
SPEAKER_01: That's death.
SPEAKER_01: The one that existed no longer exists.
SPEAKER_01: In Malachi, God uses violent imagery to describe what happens when the covenant of marriage is broken and divorce happens.
SPEAKER_01: It's Malachi 2.16.
SPEAKER_01: For the Lord God of Israel says he hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence.
SPEAKER_01: It's a bloody mess.
SPEAKER_01: And if you've been through it, you know what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01: It's difficult, it's hard, it's painful.
SPEAKER_01: Now, notice God isn't saying he hates divorced people.
SPEAKER_01: He's saying he hates what divorce does to people.
SPEAKER_01: God hates betrayal, he hates abandonment, he hates watching children get caught in the middle.
SPEAKER_01: He hates watching two people who once loved each other tear one another apart over who gets the house.
SPEAKER_01: God hates divorce because he loves people.
SPEAKER_01: You've seen shows like Law and Order, where often it's boom, boom, someone just did the sound.
SPEAKER_01: And usually the beginning of the show, you know, there's maybe a dead body on the ground, and the coroner comes and establishes time of death, and then they zip the body up in the body bag.
SPEAKER_01: So that's appropriate.
SPEAKER_01: That's appropriate because it's not appropriate to leave a dead body out.
SPEAKER_01: But if you zip up a live person in a body bag, you've just committed murder.
SPEAKER_01: And so it's really important that we understand.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get to when there are times for divorce, and there are.
SPEAKER_01: But before we get there, you need to understand like we don't kill living things.
SPEAKER_01: You don't bury something that God is still building.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the other reason that God cares about divorces, because divorce is often the wrong solution.
SPEAKER_01: No, like I said, there are times to get divorced.
SPEAKER_01: We're about to cover that in a second.
SPEAKER_01: But they're the exception.
SPEAKER_01: They're not the norm.
SPEAKER_01: Usually it's the wrong solution because we've incorrectly diagnosed the problem.
SPEAKER_01: You guys have heard this.
SPEAKER_01: Statistically, remarriages have higher rates of divorce than first marriages.
SPEAKER_01: Often because we take our baggage into our next relationship and simply repeat the same mistakes.
SPEAKER_01: So the solution wasn't divorce, the solution was personal growth.
SPEAKER_01: It was figuring out how to make this work.
SPEAKER_01: Guys, can I let you know?
SPEAKER_01: Every marriage gets tested.
SPEAKER_01: Every single marriage.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, in the first year.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know a single marriage that's lasted over seven years, ten years or more, where the couple had at some point and looked at each other and said, So, this is it.
SPEAKER_01: Are we done?
SPEAKER_01: It's hard, it's not easy.
SPEAKER_01: James 1, 19 through 20, though, says, you must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
SPEAKER_01: Now listen to this.
SPEAKER_01: Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
SPEAKER_01: You can't fix your marriage by getting angry at that person and leaving them.
SPEAKER_01: That's not how it works.
SPEAKER_01: Divorce, now listen, divorce is often an emotional reaction instead of an intentional response.
SPEAKER_01: Every marriage has difficult seasons, but don't confuse a difficult marriage with a dead marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Those are two different things.
SPEAKER_01: Some marriages don't need a funeral, they need a fresh start.
SPEAKER_01: They need you to start working on them.
SPEAKER_01: They need counseling.
SPEAKER_01: They need repentance.
SPEAKER_01: They need forgiveness.
SPEAKER_01: They need boundaries.
SPEAKER_01: They need somebody to stop trying to win every argument.
SPEAKER_01: They need someone to say, I'm sorry, I was wrong.
SPEAKER_01: They need someone to put the phone down.
SPEAKER_01: That would be me.
SPEAKER_01: Right, babe?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe your marriage is struggling this morning and you're considering divorce.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, I want to encourage you, make divorce an absolute last resort.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we're asking God to change our marriage and he's trying to change us.
SPEAKER_01: Don't be too quick to throw away what God put together.
SPEAKER_01: That's why we say, what God has put together, let no man put asunder.
SPEAKER_01: That's the King James way of saying.
SPEAKER_01: Don't split up what he joined.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: Now, with that said, let's just talk about, according to Scripture, there are times when divorce is appropriate.
SPEAKER_01: So when is it permissible to get divorced?
SPEAKER_01: Again, God created marriage.
SPEAKER_01: He gets to determine when it ends.
SPEAKER_01: And even though God hates divorce, Scripture gives us two clear biblical allowances.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the first one.
SPEAKER_01: It's sexual immorality.
SPEAKER_01: Matthew 19, 3 through 10.
SPEAKER_01: Let's just read the passage.
SPEAKER_01: It says, Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him, Jesus, with this question.
SPEAKER_01: Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?
SPEAKER_01: Haven't you read the scriptures?
SPEAKER_01: Jesus replied.
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
SPEAKER_01: I want to shirt this like what does the Bible say?
SPEAKER_01: Anytime anyone asks me, I'm like, hey, what does the Bible say?
SPEAKER_01: Jesus says the same thing.
SPEAKER_01: Haven't you read the scriptures?
SPEAKER_01: Jesus replied, they record that from the beginning God made them male and female.
SPEAKER_01: Now, he's quoting the verse we already read, Genesis chapter 2, verse 24.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 5, and he explains, this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife.
SPEAKER_01: And the two are united into one.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 6, since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 7, he gets pushed back.
SPEAKER_01: Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?
SPEAKER_01: They asked.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 8, Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard heart.
SPEAKER_01: But it was not what God had originally intended.
SPEAKER_01: And we've already seen what God wanted, God wanted man and a woman to join together, be fused together, glued together permanently.
SPEAKER_01: That's the design.
SPEAKER_01: And then Jesus says this, verse 9.
SPEAKER_01: And I tell you this: whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful.
SPEAKER_01: And then verse 10, I left this in because it's funny, because it's how we respond when Jesus says something difficult.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus' disciples then said, Well, if this is the case, it's better not to marry.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't like your boundaries, man.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so I'm not gonna play.
SPEAKER_01: I don't like the rules.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that wells up in our hearts, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, although the words translated adultery in most translations, the word used here is pornea, which is a general term for all sexual immorality.
SPEAKER_01: It includes adultery, but it includes more than just infidelity or cheating.
SPEAKER_01: Now, also notice this Jesus gives permission to divorce here, but not a command.
SPEAKER_01: If your spouse commits adultery, you don't have to get divorced.
SPEAKER_01: I've had the privilege of walking literally dozens of couples through overcoming infidelity.
SPEAKER_01: And every single one of them that put in the effort are still together today.
SPEAKER_01: And they're doing well.
SPEAKER_01: If I talk to someone and there's been a breach of trust and they're like, well, you know, if they would have been a better spouse to me, then I wouldn't have had to.
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, you got a problem, man.
SPEAKER_01: That's an issue.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: That's not repentance, that's defensiveness.
SPEAKER_01: So, if you have biblical grounds for divorce, you can choose reconciliation, or you can choose to get divorced.
SPEAKER_01: I found personally, this is just anecdotally, it's not the word of God, it's the word of Jamie.
SPEAKER_01: I found more often than not, in the long run, it's better to salvage the relationship if you can.
SPEAKER_01: Even though you might have biblical grounds.
SPEAKER_01: Now, another biblical allowance for divorce is called abandonment by an unbelieving spouse.
SPEAKER_01: Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians when he says that Christians should not divorce their unbelieving spouses.
SPEAKER_01: He says in 1 Corinthians 7 15, but if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go.
SPEAKER_01: In such cases, the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.
SPEAKER_01: So if an unbelieving spouse chooses to abandon the marriage because of your faith, you're free to let them.
SPEAKER_01: Go.
SPEAKER_01: You aren't required to spend the rest of your life chasing someone who's decided they don't want to be in covenant with you.
SPEAKER_01: Now, let me add this too.
SPEAKER_01: So Jesus says, adultery breaks the covenant, you can get divorced.
SPEAKER_01: Paul says abandonment by an unbeliever breaks the covenant, you can get divorced.
SPEAKER_01: As your pastor, I'm going to add a subset of abandonment here, and it's abuse.
SPEAKER_01: Continued unrepentant abuse is abandonment by an unbeliever.
SPEAKER_01: It breaks the marriage covenant.
SPEAKER_01: Because someone can abandon their marriage without ever leaving the home.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: So let me be really clear.
SPEAKER_01: If you are being physically abused, separate immediately.
SPEAKER_01: Get somewhere safe.
SPEAKER_01: If you have kids, they're in danger, get them somewhere safe.
SPEAKER_01: Tell somebody, call the police if necessary.
SPEAKER_01: Don't protect an abuser's reputation at the expense of your safety.
SPEAKER_01: Now, women are not only the only victims of domestic abuse.
SPEAKER_01: But, guys, can I tell you something?
SPEAKER_01: If I find out one of you is putting your hands on your wife, I'm gonna get about five of the biggest guys in this congregation.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna show up at your house and we're gonna invite, we're gonna invite you to try that on us and see what happens.
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you.
SPEAKER_01: It will not go well for you.
SPEAKER_01: So, abuse requires immediate separation, an opportunity for genuine repentance demonstrated by behavioral change, not just, I'm so sorry, baby, you made me do it.
SPEAKER_01: Uh-uh.
SPEAKER_01: If there's no repentance, that is abandonment.
SPEAKER_01: Because no believer in Jesus beats their spouse.
SPEAKER_01: And it's time to get divorced.
SPEAKER_01: All right, let's move to the second truth.
SPEAKER_01: So we've covered the fact that divorce is God's idea, right?
SPEAKER_01: And that uh God hates marriage is God's idea, and God hates divorce.
SPEAKER_01: Here's our second truth: divorce is not an unforgivable sin, and a past divorce does not define a person.
SPEAKER_01: Guys, when Jesus forgives sin, he forgives it completely.
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have a weak and partial forgiveness.
SPEAKER_01: He completely forgives.
SPEAKER_01: His blood is effective for all sins, including the ones we may have committed in our marriage.
SPEAKER_01: If you were selfish, if you were unfaithful, if you gave up too quickly, if you were the reason the marriage ended, I need you to hear me.
SPEAKER_01: Repentance doesn't rewrite your history, but it does mean that your failure doesn't have to be your identity.
SPEAKER_01: You don't wear it like a name tag.
SPEAKER_01: Hello, my name is divorced.
SPEAKER_01: 1 John 1 9 says, if we confess our sins to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
SPEAKER_01: Now notice God doesn't just forgive, he also cleanses.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus doesn't leave us permanently stained by the worst thing we've done.
SPEAKER_01: He forgives and he removes and he doesn't deal with us according to our past.
SPEAKER_01: Paul is writing the Corinthians, and he's listing a bunch of pretty bad sins, some sinful acts, adulteries in the list as well.
SPEAKER_01: And then he says this, 1 Corinthians 6, 11, and such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
SPEAKER_01: You were like that.
SPEAKER_01: At some point we were all like something other than what we are now, right?
SPEAKER_01: You were like that, but you've been justified.
SPEAKER_01: What is justified?
SPEAKER_01: Justified never sinned.
SPEAKER_01: It's like it never happened.
SPEAKER_01: You've been justified.
SPEAKER_01: Our faith doesn't deny our past sin, but it does change our relationship to it.
SPEAKER_01: There's a huge difference between saying I committed adultery and I'm an adulterer.
SPEAKER_01: One is an action, one is an identity.
SPEAKER_01: We do not take on any other identity other than the identity found in Christ.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes repentance can lead to reconciliation, and when it can, we have an obligation to pursue that.
SPEAKER_01: Other times what was broken can't be put back together.
SPEAKER_01: Grace doesn't always restore our circumstances, but it always restores the person.
SPEAKER_01: So that brings us to one of many big questions surrounding divorce.
SPEAKER_01: Can a divorced person remarry?
SPEAKER_01: I believe the Bible clearly permits remarriage when someone has been biblically released from the previous marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Now, there are other pastors, denominations, people who don't agree with me on this.
SPEAKER_01: I just let them be wrong.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Let me show you some scripture here.
SPEAKER_01: Matthew 19, 9.
SPEAKER_01: We already read this.
SPEAKER_01: Remember what Jesus said.
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you, whoever divorces his wife and remarries someone else commits adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful.
SPEAKER_01: Well, then that means that's an exception to that rule.
SPEAKER_01: If a person divorces their spouse because of unfaithfulness, they don't commit adultery by remarrying.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: That was only, the remarrying and adultery was only if it was an unbiblical divorce.
SPEAKER_01: Are you with me?
SPEAKER_01: So to put that burden on someone is ridiculous.
SPEAKER_01: If it was a legitimate divorce, then you don't have to worry about it.
SPEAKER_01: Remarrying is fine.
SPEAKER_01: In the same way, Paul says the same thing, 1 Corinthians 7.15, about our other exception.
SPEAKER_01: If the husband or wife who wouldn't a believer insist on leaving, let them go.
SPEAKER_01: In such cases, the believing husband or wife, listen to this how it's worded, is no longer bound.
SPEAKER_01: There's no longer a covenant for you to break.
SPEAKER_01: So if you're called the freedom from that past marriage, then that freedom includes the freedom to remarry because you can't commit adultery on someone you're no longer bound to.
SPEAKER_01: Are you with me?
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Bottom line, if you were biblically released from a previous marriage, you can biblically enter another marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Now, what if your divorce wasn't biblical?
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you were selfish, maybe you committed adultery, maybe you gave up too quickly.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you weren't following Jesus at the time.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you look back now and you're like, man, I totally blew that.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, you know what you do?
SPEAKER_01: You do what all Christians do when we sin.
SPEAKER_01: You repent.
SPEAKER_01: You confess it.
SPEAKER_01: You don't redefine it, you don't pretend that it wasn't sin.
SPEAKER_01: You confess it, you received God's forgiveness, and you follow Jesus moving forward.
SPEAKER_01: If you're already remarried, now listen, people get weird sometimes.
SPEAKER_01: Literally, when I was studying this week, someone said this.
SPEAKER_01: I wanted to like choke this dude out.
SPEAKER_01: They were like, if you didn't get divorced for biblical reasons, your first marriage, and you're in a second marriage, you need to divorce your current spouse and then try to get back with, even if they're already married.
SPEAKER_01: I was like, dude, where is my hammer?
SPEAKER_01: That is the dumbest thing.
SPEAKER_01: You don't solve sin with sin.
SPEAKER_01: You don't put back together a broken covenant by breaking a covenant.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: And so, look, if you've been divorced for unbiblical reasons, if you're still single, reconciliation isn't possible, and you desire to get married, let's talk.
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk.
SPEAKER_01: Let's make sure that you're free from what happened, that you're not going to make the same uh mistakes again.
SPEAKER_01: Scripture also says marriage is a good thing.
SPEAKER_01: He who finds a wife finds a good thing.
SPEAKER_01: You can't ignore that part of scripture.
SPEAKER_01: That's part of it as well.
SPEAKER_01: If you're if you are already remarried and your first marriage ended not for biblical reasons, don't go back to that.
SPEAKER_01: Don't you we don't move forward by looking in the rearview mirror.
SPEAKER_01: You follow God from where you are now.
SPEAKER_01: Confess it, repent of it, move forward.
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
SPEAKER_01: All right, here's another big question.
SPEAKER_01: Can a divorced person still minister?
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01: Being divorced does not disqualify.
SPEAKER_01: Some of you are like, wait, what?
SPEAKER_01: I'm about to show you in scripture.
SPEAKER_01: Being divorced does not disqualify you from Christian service, and divorce does not permanently destroy your ability to minister.
SPEAKER_01: As a matter of fact, in some cases, it actually gives you the credibility to minister to someone going through something similar.
SPEAKER_01: But let's look at scripture.
SPEAKER_01: First of all, some churches won't allow someone who's been divorced to serve as a pastor, elder, or deacon.
SPEAKER_01: This usually comes from 1 Timothy chapter 3, where there's a list of qualifications for an overseer, and one of the things is that they should be husband of one wife.
SPEAKER_01: The Greek phrase here is literally a one-woman man.
SPEAKER_01: It's requiring monogamy and marital fidelity.
SPEAKER_01: It's not about your marriage history.
SPEAKER_01: How do we know that?
SPEAKER_01: Because there are other qualifications on the list.
SPEAKER_01: You know, leaders must have self-control, they must be respected in their community, and they must not be quarrelsome.
SPEAKER_01: I know some people.
SPEAKER_01: If we interpret those qualifications as saying you must have never failed in any of those situations, any of those points in your life, everyone will be disqualified, including every overweight preacher.
SPEAKER_01: Including this one.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, come on.
SPEAKER_01: If ministry is attained or earned by good behavior, Scripture says there is no one without sin.
SPEAKER_01: No not one.
SPEAKER_01: Guys, I'm a pastor not because I scored highest on the Jesus test, or I never make a mistake, or I understand everything perfectly.
SPEAKER_01: I'm a pastor because God called me.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: 1 Timothy 3 doesn't exist to find technicalities to keep people out.
SPEAKER_01: It's to ensure that people serving in leadership possess the maturity and character necessary for that role.
SPEAKER_01: Now, do y'all remember the Samaritan and woman at the well?
SPEAKER_01: You remember the woman at the well?
SPEAKER_01: Jesus says that he has water, living water to give, and she'll never be thirsty again.
SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Yeah, I want that.
SPEAKER_01: John 4, 16 through 18.
SPEAKER_01: Go and get your husband, Jesus told her.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 17, I don't have a husband, the woman replied.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus said, You're right.
SPEAKER_01: You don't have a husband, verse 18, for you've had five husbands.
SPEAKER_01: And you aren't even married to the man you're living with now.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I'll meet people, they'll find out I'm a pastor, and they get kind of scared.
SPEAKER_01: Like, does he see my soul?
SPEAKER_01: No, because I'm still here, you know?
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know all of your sins, right?
SPEAKER_01: That Jesus is operating on Jesus' level, right?
SPEAKER_01: Because you you've been married five times before and you're shacking up.
SPEAKER_01: That's how I heard it growing up, with someone currently.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus continues, we're gonna skip some verse 28 through 30.
SPEAKER_01: The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, come and see a man who told me everything I ever did.
SPEAKER_01: Could he possibly be the Messiah?
SPEAKER_01: Verse 30.
SPEAKER_01: So the people came streaming from the village to see him.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 39.
SPEAKER_01: Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, He told me everything I ever did.
SPEAKER_01: I find it interesting, first of all, that Jesus called those five husbands husbands, not just the first one.
SPEAKER_01: But I find it interesting that he acknowledges her previous marriages, confronts the sinful situation she's currently in, offers her living water anyway, and then uses her to reach a whole community.
SPEAKER_01: Her past marriages didn't disqualify her.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus didn't pretend that her marital past didn't exist.
SPEAKER_01: But he didn't allow her marital past to define her future either.
SPEAKER_01: It's the same with you.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus is not like, well, they've been divorced.
SPEAKER_01: I can't possibly use them to preach the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: The Samaritan woman did it.
SPEAKER_01: We have a biblical example.
SPEAKER_01: Look, just because if you've been divorced, I hope you get freedom in this.
SPEAKER_01: You are not a second-class citizen in the kingdom of God.
SPEAKER_01: You have been redeemed.
SPEAKER_01: You are called by a new name.
SPEAKER_01: And if someone tries to hold your past over you, just take it and say, Hey, I gave that to Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: It's not yours.
SPEAKER_01: It's not even mine.
SPEAKER_01: You know, when God bought you, he bought your past too.
SPEAKER_01: You don't have access to it.
SPEAKER_01: It's his.
SPEAKER_01: So if you're married, let me talk to you for a second.
SPEAKER_01: I want you to fight for your marriage.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I want you to really go for it.
SPEAKER_01: I want you to really contend for your covenant.
SPEAKER_01: I want you to get counseling before things are falling apart.
SPEAKER_01: Like you do maintenance on your car before it's broken down on the side of the road.
SPEAKER_01: I want you to do what's necessary.
SPEAKER_01: Repent when you're wrong.
SPEAKER_01: Be honest.
SPEAKER_01: You are wrong sometimes.
SPEAKER_01: So am I.
SPEAKER_01: Admit it, quit it.
SPEAKER_01: Forgive when they're wrong.
SPEAKER_01: Don't rub their nose in it.
SPEAKER_01: Don't abandon something God may still want to heal just because you're walking through a difficult season.
SPEAKER_01: A struggling marriage doesn't need to end, it just needs work.
SPEAKER_01: In fact, Tiffany and I are teaching a class this fall at VFCU called Happy Marriages.
SPEAKER_01: If your marriage could use a tune up, if it's already great and you want it to become better, we'd love for you to join us.
SPEAKER_01: Starting in a few weeks, Sunday nights.
SPEAKER_01: You'll get to hear all the stories of the stupid stuff I do.
SPEAKER_01: If you are single, pray for your future spouse, but while you're praying for them, become the kind of person they're praying for.
SPEAKER_01: Act the way you want your future spouse to be acting right now.
SPEAKER_01: Don't spend this season desperately searching for someone to complete you like a romantic comedy movie and dating anything that breathes.
SPEAKER_01: You can use this time to spend with the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: It's literally what scripture says.
SPEAKER_01: If you're single, you have a great opportunity.
SPEAKER_01: Use your singleness to pursue Jesus, to grow, to heal, to serve, to become healthy, and get so close to Jesus that someone has to go through Him to find you.
SPEAKER_01: And in the right time, He'll give you that spouse.
SPEAKER_01: If you're divorced, take an honest look at what happened.
SPEAKER_01: Maybe the divorce wasn't your fault.
SPEAKER_01: But maybe there are things you contributed to the dysfunction.
SPEAKER_01: Own them, learn from them.
SPEAKER_01: Let God change you.
SPEAKER_01: Don't carry those same habits forward, those same old wounds into another relationship and expect a different result.
SPEAKER_01: You can't change your former spouse and you can't change what happened, but you can't allow God to change you now.
SPEAKER_01: That's what you have control over.
SPEAKER_01: If you do eventually remarry, become the kind of person your future spouse will be grateful they married.
SPEAKER_01: If you're single, by the way, you are in a relationship.
SPEAKER_01: It's just a long-distance relationship, it's in the future.
SPEAKER_01: You're in a relationship with your future spouse right now.
SPEAKER_01: You can't text them.
SPEAKER_01: You can't FaceTime them yet.
SPEAKER_01: But you're in a relationship with them, they're out there.
SPEAKER_01: Act like it.
SPEAKER_01: Lastly, if you're remarried, hold tightly to the covenant you have now.
SPEAKER_01: Don't spend your life looking backward and wondering whether God will bless this marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Invite him into it.
SPEAKER_01: Honor him with it.
SPEAKER_01: Learn from what happened before.
SPEAKER_01: Don't repeat the same mistakes.
SPEAKER_01: Be grateful for another opportunity to love someone well.
SPEAKER_01: And whatever your story has been, be faithful with the marriage you have now.
SPEAKER_01: Guys, current culture tells us if you're unhappy, leave.
SPEAKER_01: Religion tells us if you're divorced, you're damaged.
SPEAKER_01: Neither one is true.
SPEAKER_01: Scripture allows us to hold two truths together.
SPEAKER_01: Remember, marriage is sacred and God hates divorce.
SPEAKER_01: And divorce is not an unforgivable sin, and a past divorce does not define a person.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, if you've experienced divorce, I want you to listen to me.
SPEAKER_01: God is not finished with you.
SPEAKER_01: If you caused a divorce, repent of your sin.
SPEAKER_01: Receive forgiveness and learn from what happened.
SPEAKER_01: If someone abandoned you, don't carry shame forward into your next relationship.
SPEAKER_01: If you're single, honor Jesus with your singleness.
SPEAKER_01: If you're remarried, honor Jesus in your remarriage.
SPEAKER_01: Guys, marriage is sacred and grace is real.
SPEAKER_01: Those truths aren't enemies.
SPEAKER_01: Together they give us a fuller picture of the heart of God.
SPEAKER_01: He takes covenant seriously, but he also takes grace seriously.
SPEAKER_01: So fight for your marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Well, there's a marriage to fight for.
SPEAKER_01: If you're in physical danger, get somewhere safe.
SPEAKER_01: And if you're the one destroying the covenant, stop it.
SPEAKER_01: Repent, get right, do the right thing.
SPEAKER_01: God can make all things new.
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
SPEAKER_01: Here's my question.
SPEAKER_01: Are you trusting God with your singleness and your marriage, wherever you are, past, present, and future?
SPEAKER_01: Are you trusting God?
SPEAKER_01: Have you invited God into your past?
SPEAKER_01: Have you invited God to how you are right now?
SPEAKER_01: Have you invited God into the future?
SPEAKER_01: That's a question only you can answer.
SPEAKER_01: Let's stand for prayer.
SPEAKER_01: Did y'all write that down?
SPEAKER_01: Hey, uh, we have one more elephant in the room this month.
SPEAKER_01: Next week, Cynthia is gonna discuss the tough topic of unanswered prayers.
SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be really good.
SPEAKER_01: You want to hear that one?
SPEAKER_01: But for a moment, let's respond to this.
SPEAKER_01: Close your eyes.
SPEAKER_01: Ask the Holy Spirit the question I just asked you.
SPEAKER_01: Think this thought in his direction.
SPEAKER_01: Am I trusting you with my marital status?
SPEAKER_01: Single, divorced, married, remarried.
SPEAKER_01: Are you actively inviting the Lord into it?
SPEAKER_01: Ask him that and pause and wait for a response thought.
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Lord.
SPEAKER_01: I want to lead us in a prayer where we submit this part of our lives to the Lord all over again.
SPEAKER_01: If you will, pray this after me.
SPEAKER_01: Say, Father, thank you for creating marriage.
SPEAKER_01: The idea that two should become one.
SPEAKER_01: Lord, it can be hard.
SPEAKER_01: So I'm asking you for help.
SPEAKER_01: In my current state of marriage or singleness, I am inviting you into it.
SPEAKER_01: I want to do things your way.
SPEAKER_01: Holy Spirit, I give you permission to convict me and correct me in this area of my life.
SPEAKER_01: I fully surrender to you and your ways.
SPEAKER_01: In Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to the VFC Podcast.
SPEAKER_00: If you live in the Thomasville area, we would love for you to connect with us in person.
SPEAKER_00: For more information about our weekly gatherings, including service times and directions, you can visit us at VFCThomasville.org.