WEBVTT 00:00:08.800 --> 00:00:11.759 You're listening to the VFC Sermon Podcast. 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:22.320 At the end of this episode, please take a moment to download our free VFC Company school app where you can access all of our messages, sermon notes, announcements, and smaller places. 00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:27.039 Our app is the easiest way to keep up with everything going on here at VFC. 00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:34.399 We hope that this message helps you in your walk with Jesus and encourages you to belong, believe, and become. 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:55.759 The first week we talked about Islam and Christianity. 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:59.280 Then we talked about prophecy and false prophets. 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:03.520 Then we moved on to Catholics and Protestants. 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:06.000 There's been nothing easy this month. 00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:12.799 Been some difficult topics, but by God's grace, I feel like we are representing Scripture well. 00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:16.799 Today, we're not taking our foot off of the gas. 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:24.640 We are talking about one of the most personal subjects that we could talk about, and that's divorce and remarriage. 00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:27.920 Reminder, we have four rules during this series. 00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:31.359 First of all, I am not targeting anyone. 00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:34.400 I will never target anyone from the pulpit. 00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:37.040 We discuss topics, not people. 00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:39.599 Secondly, give me time to formulate my point. 00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:42.959 Sometimes it takes a little bit to get to where I want to go. 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:44.239 So calm down. 00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:47.760 I will say probably something that you want me to say. 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:54.560 Thirdly, you have not only the right, but the responsibility to check up on what I say. 00:01:54.799 --> 00:01:56.799 Make sure that it's true. 00:01:56.959 --> 00:01:59.920 Verify each scripture, each statistic. 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:04.000 And lastly, if you disagree or get offended, please reach out to me personally. 00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:07.680 I'd love to talk to you about it and hear from you. 00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:12.400 And so just email me at Eric at VFC Thomas Phil. 00:02:13.199 --> 00:02:14.719 Now all of our emails are first names. 00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:16.960 So Jamie at VFCThomasphil.org. 00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:18.800 I'd love to hear from you. 00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:27.759 Even if you've never been divorced yourself, divorce has affected everyone in some way. 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:29.759 And it's painful. 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:34.000 It doesn't matter what your contact with it was, it's always painful. 00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:42.560 Maybe you've been divorced, or maybe uh you're currently married to someone that had a previous marriage, or maybe your parents split up when you were younger. 00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:47.199 Maybe you're currently contemplating divorce yourself. 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:51.840 Maybe some of you are just now realizing why your spouse brought you this morning. 00:02:55.439 --> 00:02:57.439 That would be awkward, wouldn't it? 00:02:58.080 --> 00:02:59.759 We hadn't gone to church in months. 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:00.319 Oh. 00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:07.039 Going through a divorce is like having a kidney removed. 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:12.000 Like you're gonna make it through it, but it's not gonna be the same. 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:14.719 It's just different after divorce. 00:03:14.879 --> 00:03:19.120 Now, our culture is trying its best to act like divorce is no big deal. 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:21.280 Hey, it's just part of life, whatever. 00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:25.759 There's even like this culture that's celebrating divorce. 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:29.680 Have you guys heard of the happy divorce cakes out there? 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:31.039 This is the thing. 00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:40.240 Like when you get divorced, you have a party with your with your bros or your girlfriend or whatever, and and you have a happy divorce cake. 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:41.360 I ran across these. 00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:44.080 Here's some of the things that were written on the cakes I saw. 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:47.120 I do, I did, I'm done. 00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:49.199 That's pretty clever. 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:51.520 Here's one for the nerds. 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:53.840 May divorce be with you. 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:56.879 That was clever. 00:03:58.400 --> 00:03:59.759 This is my favorite. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:01.599 It's kind of bad. 00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:05.199 Says, hey honey, I'm finally taking out the trash. 00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:09.599 That's intense. 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:12.080 That was a that was a rough breakup. 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:15.520 Now here's the deal. 00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:17.600 Those are all really clever. 00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:20.000 Divorce isn't funny. 00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:21.920 It's not. 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:23.600 It's it's painful. 00:04:24.639 --> 00:04:27.279 It affects us so deeply. 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:30.639 I realize this is a very personal topic this morning. 00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:38.079 So if at any point during the message you begin to feel condemnation, I want you to understand condemnation is not from God. 00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:44.240 Romans 8.1 says, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:47.040 God will give us conviction. 00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:50.639 He will change our behavior, he will challenge our thinking. 00:04:51.839 --> 00:04:59.839 But it's always to lead you to Christ, into his presence, not to make you feel bad in shame. 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:00.720 Amen. 00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:05.040 You probably heard your whole life that half of all marriages end in divorce. 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:06.160 You heard that before? 00:05:06.399 --> 00:05:07.279 It's not quite true. 00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:10.560 Good news is divorce is going down in the United States. 00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:20.160 Right now, around 35 to 40 percent of first-time divorces, of first-time marriages end in divorce, and that's lower than it's been. 00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:22.639 Partly that's because marriage rates are going down. 00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:27.600 People aren't getting married as often, and so they're not getting uh divorced as often either. 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:33.519 Maybe you've also heard that the divorce rate among Christians is the same as non-Christians. 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:34.800 You ever heard that one before? 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:36.160 Absolutely not true. 00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:42.720 That was based off of a study done decades ago that it was self-identifying Christians. 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:45.600 So they didn't actually check to see if someone was a Christian. 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:52.399 It's just if they checked the Christian box, then, and almost everyone did, then they had the same rate of divorce, right? 00:05:52.639 --> 00:06:02.000 Um the latest research shows that Christians who regularly attend church services have up to a 50% lower divorce rate than the general population. 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:06.879 So congratulations, you have just invested in your marriage if you're married, by being here this morning. 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:07.360 Okay? 00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:14.800 Now, during these talks, uh, elephants in the room, we like to talk about the messy middle. 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:16.079 The messy middle. 00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:21.040 We're gonna approach this the same way we've approached every elephant in the room, this series. 00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:22.639 We're gonna embrace this messy middle. 00:06:22.720 --> 00:06:32.319 This is when we hold two truths, sometimes they seem like opposing truths, two truths in tension with one another at the same time. 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:37.439 It's like uh finding uh that this church sits on the corner of 19 and 202. 00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:43.199 19 is true, 202 is true, and that's how we find the most accurate and precise truth. 00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:43.759 All right? 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.959 It's also like uh depth perception. 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:52.240 You know, you can look with one eye and see, but it takes the other eye to see the depth, right? 00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:54.800 And so that's how it is with the truth as well. 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:58.000 Now, we don't balance the truth with a lie. 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:00.319 That's watering down the truth. 00:07:00.399 --> 00:07:05.519 We balance truth with truth in order to pinpoint the truth. 00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:13.279 So let me give you two statements this morning that are both true that we need to embrace regarding divorce and remarriage. 00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:14.319 And here they are. 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:18.720 First, marriage is sacred and God hates divorce. 00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:20.319 That's the first truth. 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:22.560 Marriage is sacred and God hates divorce. 00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:28.639 But secondly, divorce is not an unforgivable sin, and a past divorce does not define a person. 00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:30.399 That's true as well. 00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:35.839 So we need to learn how to hold these two truths together at the same time. 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:46.240 If you only focus on that divorce, that God hates divorce, you can make people who've been divorced run from the Lord. 00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:53.279 But if you only focus on the message of grace that God can forgive, you might forget that God gets to tell us what to think about marriage. 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:57.120 So we need both of these truths. 00:07:57.920 --> 00:07:59.199 So I got a question. 00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:02.800 Why does God care if a couple gets divorced? 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:04.160 Why does God care? 00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:05.279 Why is this the thing? 00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:10.160 I mean, you fall in love, but then you start having problems and you're struggling. 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:18.480 And then and then this book written centuries ago is telling you, well, you can't get out of it now, too bad. 00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:20.879 Like, why does God care? 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:23.839 Why is there an opinion on divorce? 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:25.360 Good question. 00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:28.399 It's because marriage is God's idea. 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:34.320 God came up with marriage, not the United States, not the state of Georgia, not any other governmental system. 00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:35.840 It comes from God. 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:40.080 We can read about it in the very beginning of Genesis, Genesis chapter 2, verse 24. 00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:41.039 This, what? 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:42.320 The creation order. 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:44.960 When Adam was formed and then Eve was formed. 00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:52.960 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:55.840 That word joined in Hebrew, it can mean glued. 00:08:57.759 --> 00:08:58.960 You ever use glue? 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:02.000 If you use good glue, you need to be really careful. 00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:02.639 Why? 00:09:02.799 --> 00:09:04.639 Because it's going to bond to you. 00:09:04.879 --> 00:09:09.279 And you're going to work really hard to unglue yourself. 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:12.080 Well, that's what marriage is. 00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:14.240 You are joining two people into one. 00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:15.279 Marriage is oneness. 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:23.279 Guys, marriage doesn't come from a courthouse that started in the garden, it's God's idea. 00:09:23.919 --> 00:09:31.440 That's important to acknowledge because the creator of a thing has the right to determine the boundaries of that thing. 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:37.679 Since God created marriage, he has the right to determine what happens within marriage. 00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:41.360 Now, marriage is not simply a legal contract. 00:09:41.519 --> 00:09:42.879 It's how we treat it today. 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:49.120 According to Scripture, marriage is what's called a covenant or a forever promise. 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:50.559 It's something that you make forever. 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:55.279 That's why in our wedding ceremonies we say things like, till death do us part. 00:09:56.000 --> 00:09:58.960 If that doesn't give you pause, you didn't listen. 00:09:59.440 --> 00:10:00.639 That's intense. 00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:04.879 How many things do you commit to until you die? 00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:16.960 Like, you know, when I'm signing the you know, the ticket after going out to eat, I put in the tip, I put in my signature, it doesn't say you promise to pay this until you die. 00:10:17.360 --> 00:10:18.480 It's not there. 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:24.000 So this is not just a contract, it's a covenant. 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:29.440 Marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ in the church. 00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:32.399 It's what Paul tells the Ephesians, Malachi 2:14. 00:10:32.639 --> 00:10:37.759 God talks about a husband's wife being his wife by covenant. 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:44.480 See, marriage is supposed to be a safe place where someone has committed to you for their lives so you can be loved. 00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:51.039 You can make mistakes, you aren't cast out because the forever promise has been made to you. 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:58.720 God wanted us to experience his unfailing love, his everlasting grace through marriage. 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:06.000 So that means marriage isn't just the contract that we can cancel when the terms become inconvenient. 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:15.759 The other reason God cares deeply about divorce is because divorce is death and it hurts his children. 00:11:16.559 --> 00:11:24.720 I spent a lot of time in counseling with couples who were going through divorce or recently divorced, and I noticed something really early on. 00:11:25.360 --> 00:11:37.600 I noticed that the feelings, the emotions, the reactions they had during that time period were strikingly similar to someone who just experienced the death of a close loved one. 00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:40.480 They were going through the same stages of grief. 00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:47.039 Because if marriage is oneness, divorce is death. 00:11:48.480 --> 00:12:01.600 You know, when you stand in front of God and you say there's a husband and a wife, and you say, Okay, Lord, make us one, and He does, now there is not just husband and wife separately, there's husband and wife. 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:03.200 They're now one. 00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:09.440 And if you were to separate the two back into one, that's death. 00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:11.440 That's death. 00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:17.120 The one that existed no longer exists. 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:26.960 In Malachi, God uses violent imagery to describe what happens when the covenant of marriage is broken and divorce happens. 00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:28.639 It's Malachi 2.16. 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:34.159 For the Lord God of Israel says he hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence. 00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:36.399 It's a bloody mess. 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:39.039 And if you've been through it, you know what I'm talking about. 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:43.360 It's difficult, it's hard, it's painful. 00:12:43.600 --> 00:12:48.159 Now, notice God isn't saying he hates divorced people. 00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:51.519 He's saying he hates what divorce does to people. 00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:58.080 God hates betrayal, he hates abandonment, he hates watching children get caught in the middle. 00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:04.080 He hates watching two people who once loved each other tear one another apart over who gets the house. 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:08.000 God hates divorce because he loves people. 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:18.159 You've seen shows like Law and Order, where often it's boom, boom, someone just did the sound. 00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:33.840 And usually the beginning of the show, you know, there's maybe a dead body on the ground, and the coroner comes and establishes time of death, and then they zip the body up in the body bag. 00:13:34.639 --> 00:13:36.320 So that's appropriate. 00:13:36.559 --> 00:13:41.919 That's appropriate because it's not appropriate to leave a dead body out. 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:51.600 But if you zip up a live person in a body bag, you've just committed murder. 00:13:53.919 --> 00:13:56.240 And so it's really important that we understand. 00:13:56.559 --> 00:13:59.360 We're gonna get to when there are times for divorce, and there are. 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:05.279 But before we get there, you need to understand like we don't kill living things. 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:11.840 You don't bury something that God is still building. 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:22.320 Here's the other reason that God cares about divorces, because divorce is often the wrong solution. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:24.639 No, like I said, there are times to get divorced. 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:26.320 We're about to cover that in a second. 00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:27.759 But they're the exception. 00:14:27.919 --> 00:14:28.879 They're not the norm. 00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:34.000 Usually it's the wrong solution because we've incorrectly diagnosed the problem. 00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:35.600 You guys have heard this. 00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:41.840 Statistically, remarriages have higher rates of divorce than first marriages. 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:48.720 Often because we take our baggage into our next relationship and simply repeat the same mistakes. 00:14:49.039 --> 00:14:53.519 So the solution wasn't divorce, the solution was personal growth. 00:14:55.759 --> 00:14:58.399 It was figuring out how to make this work. 00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:00.399 Guys, can I let you know? 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:03.200 Every marriage gets tested. 00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:05.759 Every single marriage. 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:08.080 I mean, in the first year. 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:19.519 I don't know a single marriage that's lasted over seven years, ten years or more, where the couple had at some point and looked at each other and said, So, this is it. 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:22.159 Are we done? 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:24.960 It's hard, it's not easy. 00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:35.759 James 1, 19 through 20, though, says, you must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:37.039 Now listen to this. 00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:41.519 Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:48.480 You can't fix your marriage by getting angry at that person and leaving them. 00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:51.120 That's not how it works. 00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:58.879 Divorce, now listen, divorce is often an emotional reaction instead of an intentional response. 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:06.480 Every marriage has difficult seasons, but don't confuse a difficult marriage with a dead marriage. 00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:08.639 Those are two different things. 00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:13.279 Some marriages don't need a funeral, they need a fresh start. 00:16:13.440 --> 00:16:15.279 They need you to start working on them. 00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:16.399 They need counseling. 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:17.279 They need repentance. 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:18.240 They need forgiveness. 00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:19.840 They need boundaries. 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:22.879 They need somebody to stop trying to win every argument. 00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:28.399 They need someone to say, I'm sorry, I was wrong. 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:30.720 They need someone to put the phone down. 00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:32.399 That would be me. 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:34.639 Right, babe? 00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:35.679 Yeah. 00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:43.120 Maybe your marriage is struggling this morning and you're considering divorce. 00:16:43.360 --> 00:16:50.320 Hey, I want to encourage you, make divorce an absolute last resort. 00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:57.919 Sometimes we're asking God to change our marriage and he's trying to change us. 00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:04.480 Don't be too quick to throw away what God put together. 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:07.839 That's why we say, what God has put together, let no man put asunder. 00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:09.680 That's the King James way of saying. 00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:11.680 Don't split up what he joined. 00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:12.240 Okay. 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:20.319 Now, with that said, let's just talk about, according to Scripture, there are times when divorce is appropriate. 00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:23.599 So when is it permissible to get divorced? 00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:25.759 Again, God created marriage. 00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:28.079 He gets to determine when it ends. 00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:32.720 And even though God hates divorce, Scripture gives us two clear biblical allowances. 00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:33.759 Here's the first one. 00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:35.680 It's sexual immorality. 00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:38.559 Matthew 19, 3 through 10. 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:40.240 Let's just read the passage. 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:45.200 It says, Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him, Jesus, with this question. 00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:50.160 Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason? 00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:52.000 Haven't you read the scriptures? 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:52.960 Jesus replied. 00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:53.440 I love that. 00:17:53.519 --> 00:17:55.839 I want to shirt this like what does the Bible say? 00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:59.200 Anytime anyone asks me, I'm like, hey, what does the Bible say? 00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:00.240 Jesus says the same thing. 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:02.240 Haven't you read the scriptures? 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:06.799 Jesus replied, they record that from the beginning God made them male and female. 00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:12.720 Now, he's quoting the verse we already read, Genesis chapter 2, verse 24. 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:20.240 Verse 5, and he explains, this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife. 00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:23.839 And the two are united into one. 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:32.079 Verse 6, since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:34.000 Verse 7, he gets pushed back. 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:41.119 Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away? 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:41.759 They asked. 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:47.119 Verse 8, Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard heart. 00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:50.640 But it was not what God had originally intended. 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:58.079 And we've already seen what God wanted, God wanted man and a woman to join together, be fused together, glued together permanently. 00:18:58.160 --> 00:18:59.440 That's the design. 00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:04.000 And then Jesus says this, verse 9. 00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:12.640 And I tell you this: whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful. 00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:18.160 And then verse 10, I left this in because it's funny, because it's how we respond when Jesus says something difficult. 00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:22.880 Jesus' disciples then said, Well, if this is the case, it's better not to marry. 00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:27.440 Oh, I don't like your boundaries, man. 00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:30.640 Oh, so I'm not gonna play. 00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:32.640 I don't like the rules. 00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:35.599 I mean, that wells up in our hearts, doesn't it? 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:47.519 Well, first of all, although the words translated adultery in most translations, the word used here is pornea, which is a general term for all sexual immorality. 00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:53.440 It includes adultery, but it includes more than just infidelity or cheating. 00:19:53.680 --> 00:20:00.960 Now, also notice this Jesus gives permission to divorce here, but not a command. 00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:04.720 If your spouse commits adultery, you don't have to get divorced. 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:11.519 I've had the privilege of walking literally dozens of couples through overcoming infidelity. 00:20:12.079 --> 00:20:18.000 And every single one of them that put in the effort are still together today. 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:19.920 And they're doing well. 00:20:42.559 --> 00:20:50.880 If I talk to someone and there's been a breach of trust and they're like, well, you know, if they would have been a better spouse to me, then I wouldn't have had to. 00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:52.400 I'm like, okay, you got a problem, man. 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:53.519 That's an issue. 00:20:53.839 --> 00:20:54.319 Right? 00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:57.279 That's not repentance, that's defensiveness. 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:06.960 So, if you have biblical grounds for divorce, you can choose reconciliation, or you can choose to get divorced. 00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:12.720 I found personally, this is just anecdotally, it's not the word of God, it's the word of Jamie. 00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:20.240 I found more often than not, in the long run, it's better to salvage the relationship if you can. 00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:23.680 Even though you might have biblical grounds. 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:30.480 Now, another biblical allowance for divorce is called abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:37.519 Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians when he says that Christians should not divorce their unbelieving spouses. 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:45.119 He says in 1 Corinthians 7 15, but if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:53.279 In such cases, the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace. 00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:59.680 So if an unbelieving spouse chooses to abandon the marriage because of your faith, you're free to let them. 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:00.559 Go. 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:07.519 You aren't required to spend the rest of your life chasing someone who's decided they don't want to be in covenant with you. 00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:10.559 Now, let me add this too. 00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:15.119 So Jesus says, adultery breaks the covenant, you can get divorced. 00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:19.440 Paul says abandonment by an unbeliever breaks the covenant, you can get divorced. 00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:25.599 As your pastor, I'm going to add a subset of abandonment here, and it's abuse. 00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:36.079 Continued unrepentant abuse is abandonment by an unbeliever. 00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:38.559 It breaks the marriage covenant. 00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:43.440 Because someone can abandon their marriage without ever leaving the home. 00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:44.559 Right? 00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:47.599 So let me be really clear. 00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:52.160 If you are being physically abused, separate immediately. 00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:53.599 Get somewhere safe. 00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:57.440 If you have kids, they're in danger, get them somewhere safe. 00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:00.799 Tell somebody, call the police if necessary. 00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:05.759 Don't protect an abuser's reputation at the expense of your safety. 00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:14.799 Now, women are not only the only victims of domestic abuse. 00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:19.279 But, guys, can I tell you something? 00:23:20.079 --> 00:23:29.519 If I find out one of you is putting your hands on your wife, I'm gonna get about five of the biggest guys in this congregation. 00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:35.920 We're gonna show up at your house and we're gonna invite, we're gonna invite you to try that on us and see what happens. 00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:38.880 I'm telling you. 00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:44.960 It will not go well for you. 00:23:45.680 --> 00:23:55.839 So, abuse requires immediate separation, an opportunity for genuine repentance demonstrated by behavioral change, not just, I'm so sorry, baby, you made me do it. 00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:56.720 Uh-uh. 00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:01.039 If there's no repentance, that is abandonment. 00:24:01.359 --> 00:24:05.039 Because no believer in Jesus beats their spouse. 00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:08.880 And it's time to get divorced. 00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:13.039 All right, let's move to the second truth. 00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:17.680 So we've covered the fact that divorce is God's idea, right? 00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:22.720 And that uh God hates marriage is God's idea, and God hates divorce. 00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:31.680 Here's our second truth: divorce is not an unforgivable sin, and a past divorce does not define a person. 00:24:32.319 --> 00:24:38.079 Guys, when Jesus forgives sin, he forgives it completely. 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:44.480 He doesn't have a weak and partial forgiveness. 00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.119 He completely forgives. 00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:52.799 His blood is effective for all sins, including the ones we may have committed in our marriage. 00:24:53.359 --> 00:25:00.640 If you were selfish, if you were unfaithful, if you gave up too quickly, if you were the reason the marriage ended, I need you to hear me. 00:25:01.599 --> 00:25:09.839 Repentance doesn't rewrite your history, but it does mean that your failure doesn't have to be your identity. 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:15.119 You don't wear it like a name tag. 00:25:15.359 --> 00:25:17.839 Hello, my name is divorced. 00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:30.960 1 John 1 9 says, if we confess our sins to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 00:25:31.119 --> 00:25:34.960 Now notice God doesn't just forgive, he also cleanses. 00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:41.279 Jesus doesn't leave us permanently stained by the worst thing we've done. 00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:49.359 He forgives and he removes and he doesn't deal with us according to our past. 00:25:50.799 --> 00:25:59.519 Paul is writing the Corinthians, and he's listing a bunch of pretty bad sins, some sinful acts, adulteries in the list as well. 00:25:59.759 --> 00:26:14.160 And then he says this, 1 Corinthians 6, 11, and such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:15.519 I love that. 00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:16.960 You were like that. 00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:21.599 At some point we were all like something other than what we are now, right? 00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:25.039 You were like that, but you've been justified. 00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:26.079 What is justified? 00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:28.240 Justified never sinned. 00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:30.400 It's like it never happened. 00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:32.559 You've been justified. 00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:39.839 Our faith doesn't deny our past sin, but it does change our relationship to it. 00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:46.559 There's a huge difference between saying I committed adultery and I'm an adulterer. 00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:50.160 One is an action, one is an identity. 00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:54.319 We do not take on any other identity other than the identity found in Christ. 00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:03.440 Sometimes repentance can lead to reconciliation, and when it can, we have an obligation to pursue that. 00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:07.519 Other times what was broken can't be put back together. 00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:15.440 Grace doesn't always restore our circumstances, but it always restores the person. 00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:23.039 So that brings us to one of many big questions surrounding divorce. 00:27:23.359 --> 00:27:25.680 Can a divorced person remarry? 00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:33.119 I believe the Bible clearly permits remarriage when someone has been biblically released from the previous marriage. 00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:38.640 Now, there are other pastors, denominations, people who don't agree with me on this. 00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:41.680 I just let them be wrong. 00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:44.079 Okay? 00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:47.920 Let me show you some scripture here. 00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:49.680 Matthew 19, 9. 00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:50.400 We already read this. 00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:51.279 Remember what Jesus said. 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:57.279 I'll tell you, whoever divorces his wife and remarries someone else commits adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful. 00:27:57.359 --> 00:27:59.839 Well, then that means that's an exception to that rule. 00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:06.480 If a person divorces their spouse because of unfaithfulness, they don't commit adultery by remarrying. 00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:07.119 Right? 00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:13.359 That was only, the remarrying and adultery was only if it was an unbiblical divorce. 00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:14.400 Are you with me? 00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:19.680 So to put that burden on someone is ridiculous. 00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:25.440 If it was a legitimate divorce, then you don't have to worry about it. 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:27.119 Remarrying is fine. 00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:32.240 In the same way, Paul says the same thing, 1 Corinthians 7.15, about our other exception. 00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:36.400 If the husband or wife who wouldn't a believer insist on leaving, let them go. 00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:43.279 In such cases, the believing husband or wife, listen to this how it's worded, is no longer bound. 00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:46.960 There's no longer a covenant for you to break. 00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:07.200 So if you're called the freedom from that past marriage, then that freedom includes the freedom to remarry because you can't commit adultery on someone you're no longer bound to. 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:08.240 Are you with me? 00:29:08.799 --> 00:29:09.119 Okay? 00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:17.200 Bottom line, if you were biblically released from a previous marriage, you can biblically enter another marriage. 00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:21.200 Now, what if your divorce wasn't biblical? 00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:26.000 Maybe you were selfish, maybe you committed adultery, maybe you gave up too quickly. 00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:28.480 Maybe you weren't following Jesus at the time. 00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:31.920 Maybe you look back now and you're like, man, I totally blew that. 00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:34.400 Hey, you know what you do? 00:29:34.640 --> 00:29:36.880 You do what all Christians do when we sin. 00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:38.079 You repent. 00:29:39.039 --> 00:29:40.319 You confess it. 00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:43.440 You don't redefine it, you don't pretend that it wasn't sin. 00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:47.920 You confess it, you received God's forgiveness, and you follow Jesus moving forward. 00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:52.640 If you're already remarried, now listen, people get weird sometimes. 00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:55.119 Literally, when I was studying this week, someone said this. 00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:57.119 I wanted to like choke this dude out. 00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:11.440 They were like, if you didn't get divorced for biblical reasons, your first marriage, and you're in a second marriage, you need to divorce your current spouse and then try to get back with, even if they're already married. 00:30:11.519 --> 00:30:14.640 I was like, dude, where is my hammer? 00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:17.039 That is the dumbest thing. 00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:18.880 You don't solve sin with sin. 00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:24.720 You don't put back together a broken covenant by breaking a covenant. 00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:25.680 Right? 00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:40.640