Breaking the Cycle: Larry Hagner on Healing Father Wounds and Building an Epic Family Legacy

In this episode of the L3 Leadership Podcast, Doug Smith interviews Larry Hagner, founder of the Dad Edge, about his mission to create legendary marriages, epic relationships with kids, personal financial mastery, optimized health, and leadership within families. 

Larry shares his personal journey growing up in a dysfunctional household, the challenges he faced in his early fatherhood, and his moment of transformation when he decided to become a better dad. He discusses the importance of continuous learning, the impact of community, and how to overcome common struggles like impatience and anger.

00:00 Introduction and Epic Podcast Intros
01:00 Larry's Childhood and Family Struggles
04:46 Reconnecting with Biological Father
07:50 The Turning Point: Becoming a Better Dad
09:09 Creating the Good Dad Project
15:26 The Power of Community and Mastermind Groups
22:41 Dealing with Anger and Impatience as a Parent
24:40 Confronting the Misunderstanding
26:03 Weathering the Storm Together
28:22 Implementing Family Systems
29:35 Mission-Oriented Parenting
35:09 Rite of Passage for Sons
36:34 The Importance of Leading by Example
36:52 Staying Present and Focused
39:11 Top Advice for Dads
46:36 Connecting with the Community
48:17 Final Thoughts and Farewell

The L3 Leadership Podcast is sponsored by Andocia Marketing Solutions. Andocia exists to bring leaders’ visions to life. Visit https://andocia.com to learn more.

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Transcript

0:00

Larry Hagner, welcome to the L3 Leadership Podcast. We were just chatting. I became familiar with you and your work through a mutual friend, Jake Herbert, legendary wrestler, who I had the honor of growing up with and seeing him wrestle in high school. Super fun, awesome guy. And I love the work, man. And I have to be honest with you, after listening to your podcast intro, I wanted to just quit my podcast, man. You have the most epic, epic, epic intro ever, man. And in it, you just talk about your mission with the... Anyway, you talk about your mission. love this. say creating legendary marriages, creating epic relationships with our kids, mastering our personal finances, optimize our health and become leaders in our family. So I'm in man. I'm sign up. Tell me more about that. Like what is this passion for dads and what got you started with that? Man, thank you so much for that. And by the way, it's an honor to be on your show. Uh, just to be a part of your guest catalog is awesome. So thank you for that. You know, I would say, man, to be honest, like when did my passion for dads start? I would definitely say probably when I was a kid. And what I mean by that is I didn't really grow up with the most normal circumstances, but then again, there, what I've learned after doing this work, there is no normal. Like there is like, In fact, I almost think normal is abnormal. Like, wow, you came from a functional family. That's weird. Like, know what I mean? Yeah. but you know, it all really started, I think my mom and biological father got married pretty young. I think they were like 21 and then they four years into the marriage, it took them a bit to get pregnant. They had me at 25. So four years into it. Then right after I was born, uh, I think just it hit the fan and it was a bad divorce. And my, my mom and biological father got divorced. And my dad left, he was gone. And I never saw him, didn't have any recollection of him whatsoever. In fact, here's kind of a funny story for you. When I was four, I still remember this. I still remember the preschool I went to. I remember my teacher and all that. Everybody says the video camera doesn't really turn on to like five or six, but I do remember bits and pieces of that. I remember dads coming to pick up my friends from preschool and some dads would be in a suit and some dads being jeans, some dad, whatever. I knew what a dad was. I knew he didn't have one. no pity whatsoever because in my mind I was like, my mom just hasn't found our dad yet. Like that's like literally I thought moms find them eventually and then bring them home. Like my mom hadn't found ours yet. No big deal. So here's the funny part. My mom told me one day and this was like, it was right around the time I was four and she's like, Hey, so I'm having a friend over for dinner tonight and he's a really special friend of mine. He's a, he's a work friend and I really want you to meet him. That was basically my mom's way of saying, I started dating someone at work and it's time for you to meet him. So, dude, this guy comes walking in my house and I had never, never knew a guy who came in my house. And this guy like walks in, he's wearing a suit, just like I had seen in school. He's a three piece suit, double Windsor tie, feather hair, mustache, briefcase. He was a white collar data software engineer for a company called CityCorp at the time. And this guy walks in and I like look up at him and I'm like, that's a dad. that guy right there, that guy's a dad. And literally I shook his hand in the first thing I asked this guy, he's like, Larry, it's nice to meet you. I literally just looked up at him beaming and I go, are you gonna, you're gonna be my dad? And dude, this guy like was like, like looked at me like, what? And my mom, I think my mom actually like gasped like, you know, and, but, but he like laughed awkwardly, but you know, that six months later they got, they got married and I was just like over the moon. I was like, that's awesome. Our family is complete. But I'll tell you the first year was pretty cool from what I remember. But after that, like up until I was 10, like four or five years was horrific. They drank a lot. He was very abusive. My mom was very abusive. Cops were called to my house. They would beat each other up. He would beat me up. It was crazy. Uh, when I was 10, they got divorced and there was a part of me when I was 10, I was in fifth grade. I was like, this really sucks. I don't have a dad. My friends have dads. I don't have one anymore. Um, but at the same time I was also relieved because I was like, there's going to be no more fighting. There's gonna be no more hitting. Like I'm really kind of happy about that. But I also knew what the birds and the bees were. So I started asking my mom questions. I'm like, Hey, wait a second. Like this dude came around when I was four. Where, who, do I have another dad out there? And that's when she laid it on me. She's like, yeah, you do. She goes, I was actually married for four years before your dad came into the picture and adopted you. Cause my dad did adopt me, my stepdad. And I was like, what? I was like, where is he? Like, Where does he live? What does he look? What's his name? And she's like, I don't know where he lives. Here's the wedding album. This is what he looks like. And I was like, wow. So two years go by. Here's the funny thing. Just for the sake of time, I won't go into the detail, but I met him and it wasn't on purpose. was a total accident. I met him when I was 12. He lived three miles from us. Had no idea. He was remarried, had two year old, another one on the way. And as soon as I met him, like we hit it off and I saw him every week for like six months and I was like, this is the best thing ever. I started calling him dad. I went to his house every week. He came to my little league games and then after about like five or six months, he started to kind of like pull back a little bit and I didn't really understand what was going on. And one day I picked up the phone. like, Hey, is there something going on? Like, I just feel like something's not right. I asked that in like a 12 year old way and I don't, I gotta be honest with you, Doug. I don't remember what the words even were. All I remember was It's me. It's not you. Sorry. Can't do this anymore. And dude, I, I had a really, really, really, really bad spot at that age. So like kind of gave up on school. I emotionally overate. My mom continued to date dudes, you know, like they were just so toxic and failed the eighth grade. Actually I do eighth grade twice, which was nuts. Went on to a good high school. My mom continued to date. Um, I went on to college, graduated, my mom got married one more time, three times, it was a revolving door of just toxic men. Then when I became a dad or I'm sorry, when I became married and this is where the story kind of just finalizes, I was 30. I'm in a Starbucks just found out we were pregnant, married to my wife, Jessica, who I've been married to for 22 years. met in college. I'm sitting there for a team meeting because I was a medical device sales at the time. I look up this guy catches my eye. I look up at him as he walks in. He didn't see me and I was like, Holy crap. There's my dad hadn't seen him since I was 12. I knew exactly who he was. He hadn't changed much. And one of the people on my sales team saw the look on my face and she's like, are you okay? Like you look like you've seen a ghost. like, like, I'm sorry. was like, I, my dad just walked in here and we, she and I were also friends outside of work. So she knew that story. She's like, which one? And I go, The one I haven't seen since I was 12, my real dad. She's like, Oh my God, where? And I was like, he's right over there. And she's like, what are you, what are gonna do? What you gonna say? What are you gonna say to him? I was like, uh, nothing. And she's like, what do mean nothing? I was like, I'm not going to say anything to him. It's been 18 years. Like the guy didn't want to be a part of my life then. Why would I, why? I was pretty bitter about it. So she took it upon herself to just get up and walk over to him and bring him over to the table. Yeah. And I was like, my God, this is really surreal. So we shook hands. One thing led to another. That was 20 years ago. We've got a great relationship and we have for the past two decades. He's still married to the same woman has been for 46 years. I have two younger half brothers and we have, we get along great, but I'll tell you all that experience, all that abuse, all that craziness, abandonment, whole nine yards trauma. I was like, I'm not going to do this to my kids. And I was doing it to my kids. Not to the extent that I experienced, but I wasn't a great dad. I wasn't very patient. I was pretty trigger happy with my anger. I wasn't really great at playing with my kids. Like I was on a scale of one to 10. I was maybe a good 2.2, something like that. And this stuff really hit the fan when my four year old who's 17 now stepped out of line. I spanked him and I swore to myself, Doug, that I was not going to hit my children because I was hit a lot. And when I hit him, unfortunately I hit him so hard he fell. I was like, Oh my God, what'd I just do? And then I went to go pick him up. So I was like, Oh my God, what I just do. And he rolled over and saw me coming at him like this. And he literally just was like this, like put his hands up, close his eyes, like don't hurt me. And I was like, Oh my God, what am I doing here? Like I was devastated, man. It's still hard for me to talk about to this day. Cause I still see that kid's face and that was it. That was like, I'll never forget that evening because I was sitting in my office, tears running down my eyes. I'm on my computer. I'm on Facebook because I was just like, I just wanted to distract myself from what I did. And I saw this button in the corner. It said, a page. And I don't know what it is. was your faith based person. So can talk this way. Um, I really think that there was some divine intervention there. And that was like, this thing pops up. It says, what do you want to name your page? And I just typed out the good dad project and I was the project. That was me. I was like, I need help. I need to learn. I got to figure this out. Never did it for a following. But that page became like my running journal of things that I was learning so I could keep record of it. And every day my goal was I'm to learn one new thing today. Marriage, parenting, patients, mindset, whatever. I'm just going to learn, put it right here. That page got a quite a bit of a following. And then I was like, I think I'm going to start a blog because that would be cool. And I just did it for my own therapy. And then in 2015, I was like, I think I'll start a podcast because I just want to talk to people. Never did it for a following. never did it for to be an influencer or anything. And it took about a year and a half. It was actually after I met Jake, our mutual friend, and he started introducing me all these like pro athletes. That's when the podcast really got some legs and also it just completely exploded. And I was like, I can't even believe people want to listen to how bad of a dad I am. Like, you know what mean? But that's how it all started. Yeah. man, there's a million places I want to go with that. I certainly want to talk about what you've been learning throughout that journey. But I just want to go back like, like you said, it's abnormal in today's culture to have a healthy dad and a good family. More often than not, either, I mean, the fatherless epidemic, I don't have to tell you the stats. It's crazy what it will do. And I'm just curious, you know, throughout that journey, For those listening who may not have a father or like you said, had a toxic father, passive, whatever, what advice would that be? And maybe they're our age in their 30s, now looking back, maybe they have a father wound. What would your encouragement be to them to heal from that and to move on so it doesn't keep them bound the rest of their life? I don't know if you could tell, like just hearing that question, I tend to get a little triggered and I'll tell you why. Um, the worst thing a man can do is just continue that pattern. Right. And the funny thing about it is it's very elusive, very, very elusive. I'll tell you what I mean. So when I first became a dad, I was like, I'm not, I'm not going to be an angry dad. I'm not going to be an impatient dad. I'm going to be a gentle kind dad. Right. But like, here's the funny thing when we're focused on, and those last two things that focus on what I want versus what I don't want. I didn't want to have a distant relationship with my kids, but I had it. I didn't want to be an impatient father, but I was, I didn't want to be trigger happy with my anger, but I was. All these things that I was focused on not being, I was actually starting to become because what we focus on grows, what we focus on expands and what we resist does persist. So like the brain doesn't hear no. And if you don't believe me, just don't think of an elephant, no matter what you do, don't think of an elephant sitting in your front yard with a pink hat, no matter what you do, don't think of that. And you can't help but think of that. The brain doesn't hear, don't think that or don't do this. It only hears the thing. So once I started learning and healing and repairing my own relationships, even the relationship I have myself getting over my own trauma. That's when things start to be better. And what I'll tell you, there's one big, huge monster audacious thing that stands in the way of our growth. And it's three letters. Ego. Your ego will protect you and keep you from your greatness all day long. And what I mean by that is I don't need any help. I should be able to figure this out on my own. If I need help. Doesn't that mean I'm weak? If I need help getting over this trauma, like I'm not a man. There would nothing is further from the truth. I honestly think if you want, if you're a dad and you had trauma growing up and you had some craziness growing up, it is actually more important. Dire to your journey that you get around other like-minded men who have a very similar vision as you that don't have egos that are humble, that will share their experiences. that will help you with strategy that you help them with your experience with your strategy and you're open to learning and healing and getting through it. Because trying to be the tough guy, I don't need that, I'm weak. That's exactly what you're going to run into. Not the tough guy. You're going to be on your death bed. And this is not a threat. It's the absolute truth. You're going to be on your death bed being like, shit, I wish I would have did it different. And I didn't. I was too proud. I, my ego is too big. didn't ask for help. And because of that, I didn't get to live the life that I really, really wanted. That's where that's the thing that men are missing in my opinion. Yeah, so I don't know how familiar you are with like AA and the steps, but it sounds like you're breaking, but like the first step right is to like admit you're powerless. Like it sounds like your moment for that was when you, know, spanked your kid or whatever and hit the, like, was that, that was the moment that broke your ego? Cause, cause I think for so many minutes, like it's hard to break that until you hit rock bottom. Like, do you think people have to hit rock bottom and have an experience like you did to be able to, be humble enough to be taught? Unfortunately, I think for a lot of guys who are stubborn, like I was stubborn. was thick headed. I, you know, I was an idiot and you know, you have mastermind, a mastermind group. have a mastermind group and the thing, one of the big, it's crazy. You're asking me this question. Cause the, one of the biggest reasons that I created that is because I'm like, Hey, let's create, let's create an environment where men don't have to hit rock bottom, where, where they can actually be like, Hey, before things get really bad. I'm going to go get in front of, I'm going to be proactive actually. It's almost like, I don't know if you remember this or how old you are, but like, I remember when Valvoline instant oil changes came out and before everybody's bringing their stuff to the dealer and like, you have to drop your car off and come back for it and all this other stuff. And then Valvoline came in and they're like, Oh no, we can have you in and out in 15 minutes. So it just made things really, really efficient for the people who needed that. So like you didn't have to overhaul anything or your your engine like didn't have to come on to tell you like, there's just like, in and out. That's one of the reasons we created the Alliance is because it's like, Hey, you're going to need some help along the way. Every guy does. So we're going to leave this door open. And anytime you want to come in, learn some things, anytime you want to step back out and you've had enough go right. Or come back if you need to. We've had guys over the past 10 years who have come in and out five to 10 times, like just depending on what's going on in their life and what they need. So yeah, that's, that's I think men need to do that. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. You know, for me, a data point that I share often is the number one way that children get out of adverse circumstances is they have to have someone show them another way. And most of us, to your point, it's like, most of us have only seen one model of family. And, know, I sharing my story with you earlier. Like for me, it was like my father-in-law and a youth pastor that came into my life and they showed me an entirely different way that I couldn't even imagine possible. And that was just my first taste of community like that. And man, I believe everyone needs to be in an Alliance or a mastermind group. The vision we cast with L3 is every man or leader, man or woman really, needs a place where they're fully known, fully loved and fully challenged. So fully known is like, hey, I can fully be me and admit when I mess up, because I do all the time and I'm going to be fully loved because hey, we're all messed up and we're going to love where we're at. But then lastly, fully challenged, like we're not afraid to get in each other's faces and call each other out when we're being idiots. or that we could do something better. I just couldn't agree more. Can you talk about the community aspect of what you've done and just some of the power that you've seen in those relationships? Yeah. You know, I think, um, I think that's what makes her breaks men. It's our, it's our circle. It's, the, I, can I share a story that I think might really hit this home for both of us? Are you familiar with Aaron Walker? Yeah. Yeah. Hey man, Doug is so good to see you. For those of you guys who don't know Aaron Walker, that is how he talks. He's in his sixties. yeah. Yeah. good. That was pretty good. I love Aaron. He is a, he, is a proud Nashvilleian. He, he became a millionaire when he was 27 years old. He didn't need my money, you know, in his mastermind. Like he's, he's worth millions, but I got connected to Aaron through podcasting. He at the time, I think was in his fifties when I met him, I was in my thirties and I looked at this guy. was like, man, this, this guy's, this guy's really got a good handle on things like family and faith and marriage and like, And then he told me about his group, ISI. And he was like, you need to be in a mastermind. was like, what the heck is a mastermind? I was like, it sounds like snake oil, Aaron. Like, what is this? He's like, it's a virtual mastermind. And basically you'll be part of a group of other men, business owners who are Christians as well. That's one of things he did require in that group, Christian businessmen. He's like, we talk marriage, parenting, business, wealth, health, all those things. And I'm like, okay. I was like, that sounds weird to me, but okay. And I was like, how much is this Aaron? He's like $500 a month. I was like, $500 a month. Like I think that was my reaction. was like, for what? And he just like laughed. and he was a dude, that guy was in a mastermind with Dave Ramsey, Ken Abram. and there was another guy, I can't remember, uh, Dan, Dan Miller. Yeah. And, uh, he's like, I've been in a mastermind with these guys. Like all of these guys came up with each other. You don't think all, all these guys had something to do with each other's success and mine. I was like, okay, maybe there's something to this. So like, was like, all right, I'll try it for a month. I got it. He's like, all right, man, 10 AM on Mondays. I'll see you there. I was like, okay. So I got in there and I was like, what is this going to be about? After that first 60 minutes, I was like, where has this been all my life? This is the best thing I've ever experienced in my life. Like these dudes are opening up everything about their business. their marriage, their parenting, their weaknesses, their strengths. every, like I've really felt like every answer to every question I ever had was in that room. And I could not get enough of it. I was there for a year. I, it kind of killed me to stay. just didn't have, or to leave, but I just haven't, didn't have the bandwidth anymore. And then I got with Aaron. was like, dude, I really want to start something like this for dads. He's like, I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get that. So like, started it in 2016. I was like, what do I do? And he was like, I want you to reach out to 15 people, tell them that you're creating a program. This is, you charge a hundred bucks a month for it and you get feedback and you just see what they think. And I started that and I could not believe the experience that I had, the experience my guys had. And here's the funny thing. I don't know if you ever experienced this, but I created a three month program. After three months, the guys were like, well, now what do we do? I was like, I was like, uh, leave bye. Great. It was awesome. Right. And they're like, well, how do we stay? And I'm like, I don't have it. I don't have anything. Here's the funny thing. I go, the only thing I can possibly think of is just, you just redo it. And they're like, okay. And 70 % of them redid it. Not twice, not three times for they stayed for a year. I'm like, guys, like we got to think of new stuff. And then that's when I started the Alliance, which was the Alliance is we teach a different skill every month. We focus on one of those areas every month and we teach our guys that we've really made it now evergreen. But that was that was my first introduction to all that. I had no idea that Aaron was the catalyst for all that. So that's incredible. want to talk, yeah, I want to hear, mean, obviously you've been doing this for, it sounds like 10 plus years now. So congrats on that, man. You're making a huge impact. So take me back, like you realize you started this Facebook page. You're like, I need to learn how to be a good dad. I want to hear some of the best things you've learned, systems, et cetera. But you made an interesting point. You talked about anger and impatience. And when you're saying that, I'm like, we were just talking to high five kids now under eight. I am extremely impatient and man, I find my anger coming out more than I would like it to. Well, I shouldn't say it's completely not unhealthy, but I am curious, like in those two areas specifically, being impatient and anger, how did you deal with those and how have you learned to effectively overcome those issues over the past decade? Maybe we should record another episode in 10 years when I've got that figured out. I thought you were gonna give me something good man. I was ready. I was like alright I have my notebook out. No, man. So your struggles are my struggles. You know, I mean, and, and I'll tell you, have I gotten better about them? A hundred percent. Am I perfect with it? my God, no, not at all. I still fall on my face every day, but, here's, here's what I will tell you. let's talk about, um, patience, right? Well, let's even talk about anger, anger and patience. You know, what is the kryptonite for those two things is playfulness and humor. So like, You want to hear kind of a crazy story? This is like not even 24 hours old. All right. So we had a bit of an incident last night. Very, very rare. I've actually, think I've maybe seen this happen one other time in my life, you know, under my own roof. My kids, all four boys, shockingly somehow get along pretty well. I wouldn't say they're like best buddies, but they get along and they, you they'll play together and that kind of thing. But it's not like they hang out like that kind of thing, but My 11 year old really pissed off my 18 year old and he made a comment to my 18 year old's girlfriend and my 18 year old lost his mind. So my oldest son's girlfriend was asked by my 11 year old, can you change the channel to this or that whatever? don't know what they're watching. And she did. And he's like, good girl. And my 18 year old went nuts, grabbed him and beat the snot out of him. He. punched him in the head, slapped him in the head, threw him down on the ground and then kicked him. I ran over and I didn't know what my son even said and I grabbed him, like bear hugged him. I was like, what are you doing? And I did it that calm. was like, what are you doing? And he's like, he said this. And I was like, what did he say? And I took him aside and cause it was a scene. I go, what did your brother say that deserved something like that? And he's like, he said, good girl. I was like, so what? So what? was like, you beat him up like that? Are you serious? And he's like, well, you don't know what that means. was like, apparently I don't. What does it mean? He goes, it's a sexual term. I was like, like what, like a pedophile or something? He's like, well, you know, it's like if somebody does something for you, say, good girl, good boy. I'm like, I go, Ethan, I go, I could be wrong. I don't think he meant it that way. I don't even think he knows what that means. And he's like, I think he does. I was like, well, the fact that you don't know, Yeah. you're wondering and you beat them up like that is inexcusable. I was like, you and I are going to talk about this tonight after your girlfriend leaves. Me, you, your mom and your brother are going to sit down and we're going to talk about this. We're going to hash all this out. First of all, we're to figure out if your brother actually knew what that meant. Then we're going to figure out, um, how we're going to make this right. I was like, the other thing too, I was like, your girlfriend witnessed you beating the snot out of a child. You don't think that that was a red flag for her? in some way, or form. We need to talk about that too, Ethan. He's like, Oh, I didn't think, you know, so anyway, we then went outside because right now as you and I are recording, we're having some really gnarly weather here in St. Louis. And yesterday we had like 45 mile per hour winds and our furniture was going nuts. Like, like it was ending up in like neighbor's yards. So I said, by the way, while I have you here, I need you to help me move this patio furniture before it ends up in Dave's yard. So we ran outside in the wind and we're like grabbing this giant furniture. We're going up and down the stairs. We're like humming, like the Rocky theme and we're like laughing our asses off as we're doing it. And it literally lightened all that. My son still knew he did something seriously wrong, but it lightened that tension a little bit. Right. It didn't ruin the like an incident like that is, is a game stopping night. Like everybody goes home, you go to bed, everybody we're gone. We're done. But that situation after. I dealt with it, did need some lightning and some humor and some playfulness. And we got that. And I said, and then we came back in, everything was okay. It wasn't okay. There was still that in the air. And then the girlfriend left and I was like, all right, sit down and you sit down. So, and we were able to handle it. Great. I actually got a photo of my kids hugging each other. And my 11 year old really did not know what the hell he said. He's like, he's like, my friends, we say that, but He's like, I swear we did not know his anything sex stuff. He even said that he's like, I didn't know his sex stuff. But anyway, so playfulness sometimes will save your rear end, you know? And I'm not saying don't discipline. He still got disciplined, but you can lighten an environment and someone's experience and even getting in. I'll be really honest with you, Doug. I put my arms around my son to hold him back. I wanted to bum rush tackle him. Hahaha to the ground for beating up his brother the way I saw, but I didn't, you know? So like, think that that type of approach can help us, but that's it. Yeah. No, thank you for sharing for that. I mean, it's, the simple lessons. mean, playfulness and humor. I love that. Um, and I was trying to think through stories of my own family where that's been true. Um, I am curious, like, I don't know if you're a systems guide by nature, uh, Patrick bet David, he said you want system away from changing, you know, your life in a certain area. And I, found that to be true when it comes to, leading my family team. I'm curious, like when it comes to the way you and your wife lead your team, have there been systems that you put in place or. Things that have been helpful for you that's changed the game. 1000%. So here's the interesting thing about like, and when you explain this to people, they're just like, oh my gosh, I never really thought of it that way. Like how, how broken or how unorganized the family system really is, or even a dad system or like a parent system or whatever. There's all kinds of SOPs and systems that we use in business. We don't use them in family, but you can, if you just view it through that way. like, for instance, um, This one might be shocking. know, if you're struggling as a dad, like if you're like, man, like I just can't, I just keep messing up or I keep slipping or I keep doing this or keep doing that. How much time have you taken to learn? Like when you ask most men that like whatever they do for a living, if they're a cop, they have spent over 990 hours training to be a cop. If they're a dad, they're winging it, right? But you can learn. like, I'll give you an example. First, I'll talk about me for a long time. Now I have followed a system that has really helped me show up big in five areas of my life. My business, my marriage, parenting, fitness, and just who I am and my character. Every Sunday in those five areas, I actually identify three missions, 15 missions per week. that I'm going to go execute. Now here's what I'll tell you. Let me pause for a second. Why do I do that? I do that because most men and most dads, most human beings who are adults are reactionary. We react to the things that come our way and we tend to travel down the path like, Hey man, I need this from you. like somebody calls you, you pick up the phone, like, Hey, I need 15 minutes of your time. Okay. You know, it, we're constantly getting derailed off of the things that we're trying to accomplish and do. And I'm sorry to say, but my marriage is more important than whatever you, whatever you want to talk to me about a coffee. It just is period. Right. Me spending time with my kid is more important than me texting a guy that I went to high school with. Sorry. It just is. But unless I don't keep that front and center, I'll never do it. I'm staring at a whiteboard. You can't see it, but it's huge. Every Sunday I sit in my office for about 45 minutes and I plan out these 15 missions and exactly what I'm going to do. I also make a list of all the other things that need to get done. Those go to my assistant or I delegate those, or I just simply delete them if they're not important, but it's an entire brain dump on my whiteboard. And then I literally follow it to a T and I execute. so that that's what I do now. I'll tell you from a mission standpoint, or from a system standpoint, you have five kids. have four. mean, dinner alone can be stressful and maddening. and very triggering that alone. Right. So one of the things I by the way, I have no financial interest in the company that I'm going to talk about. I just love it. It's the skylight calendar. Like every business needs a system or like a CRM. Right. Well, every family, in my opinion, you're welcome. Skylight needs a skylight. And that's because like every single person is color coded, has a calendar. They know exactly what what's going on. know exactly what's going on. Everybody knows exactly what's going on with everybody else's life. Everybody's short. is this? So I'm not familiar with the product. No, no, I just wrote it down. So yeah, tell me more. I'm loving this. you probably have seen it. It's been around for a while. The Skylight calendar is, it's like a frame you can hang on the wall or it's a little 15 inch that you can just put on your counter. But basically it's a digital calendar and every person in your family has a color code and their name. So like if Lawson has fitness class at 8 a.m. on Friday morning, I can go to the Skylight calendar and be like, oh, he's got a fitness class that day. Okay, cool. Whatever we have going on, grocery lists. chores for the kids. Like you put their chores in there. My kids know they come home before they do anything. They check the chore list and they're like, okay, I got empty the dishwasher. As soon they do it, they click it. Confetti pops off. They just love it. Yeah. It's like, on, bro, I'm buying this as soon as we get off this. Dude, I'm telling you, So we're going to be coming out with an app probably within the next year or so. And we're going to be combining a lot of different technologies to make a family app that's going to work somewhat similar to that, but have way more robust resources in it for dads. So. That's what that's what we're working on. But that thing alone, man, that's a system that I think every family, I truly believe that should be in every family's house. really do. Yeah, we do. My wife and I do a weekly family team meeting every Saturday for an hour and a half. I never want to do it, but I'm always glad for the outcome. My wife would rather do that than go on a dinner date, which is hilarious. She needs all the information. But this skylight thing sounds interesting. The mission thing I love, can you give me an example of some of the missions? You don't have to go through every single category, but I'm just curious. This week, what's on your mission? Yeah, for sure. Okay. So I'm looking at it right now. So I have this week, I identified four missions for myself. So number one, I took my 17 year old on a ride of passage, um, about two years ago, and we left this ride of passage with six arrows and each arrow identifies a certain characteristic trait. So he has to earn those until he's 18. And one of my missions is I had to write him a letter because he just earned his fourth one. And I'm going to be giving it to him tomorrow night. So that's one of them. the other one was, I was going to buy concert tickets for my 19 year old's birthday. Did that. Cause he and I are going to go to Nashville. We're going to go see Aaron Walker. I'm kidding. but we're going to, we're going to go to Nashville and see breaking Benjamin. Um, my, uh, my nine year old, he is a words of affirmation, love language kid. He loves. loves notes in his lunchbox. So I wrote him a note. did that yesterday. And then my final one was to work out with my 11 year old. He came up to me a couple of couple of weeks ago and he's like, Hey, I really want to be stronger for football. Can you, can you help me? Can you help me get stronger? And I'm like, I would love to. So like we worked out yesterday. We're going to be working out again this Sunday, but work out with Lawson on Wednesday and Sunday. That's my fourth mission. I love that so much. Talk more about the rite of passage. Where did you get that? I know several friends that do that, but I'm just curious. I, you know, I really do think that that's something that has gone away with our society. And I think it's something that every young man boy absolutely needs to go through. took my two oldest through two different ones. I took my oldest one through the squire, which is a Bader's Cullion runs that one. Um, it's more of a 15 hour experience kind of S it's ran by like Navy seals and stuff like that. So it's, it's, it's a little intense, totally, totally doable though. It's not. They're not trying to kill you. They're, they're, they're trying to give you an experience that, and they're teaching you something with each evolution that they put you through. It's, it's fantastic. I loved it. the other different writer passage was called dangerously good men. That's what I took my 17 year old through. That's the one with the arrows. when I have a previous client, we actually helped him formulate that, business, and that organization. But, Bill Winchester is his name. He's up in Oregon and I think he runs about three of those, but it was, it was fantastic. Um, not Not nearly the intensity or the experience of the Squire. That's not what that one was about. This one was more like, hey, this is how you bond with the son. This is what's really important to raising a good boy into a good man. And there were a lot of really, it was great to experience both. Yeah, I three boys, but they're all under four. So you're getting me fired up for my future though. You mentioned earlier, which I love the way you articulated, was like, hey, in the evening, a text from a high school friend is way less important than connecting with my kid. And yet, and again, one of my things that I'm continually working on is distraction. It's so easy for me to get distracted with social or my phone or whatever. What have you done intentionally or what are best practices you've heard about just being present and not... letting, know, wasting your life away with all these things that really are nowhere near as important as your family. So there's two things. Number one, there's a great company. I'm like giving all these companies like some serious great air time, but like there's a company named Aro and such a great product that they came out with. And it's just these two dads that came out with it. They've been on the podcast twice and phenomenal product. But basically what it is, is it's a box. It's like a decorative box. totally looks like it should be sitting there on your counter. They say it's wife approved. That's great marketing. Yeah. And it's got four chargers in it and it opens and then it closes. And then it comes with an app. And then the app actually measures your time completely and totally away from your phone. So not a phone on a countertop, not a phone in your pocket. I'm talking about you have no idea if somebody is trying to call you, text you or anything like it's completely off of you. And then what it does is it'll help you gamify and create a point system. And then you can get your whole family involved, be like, all right guys, hey, if we log 10 hours of our time in the next three weeks, we'll do a pizza party. So like you can get the whole family involved, which is cool. So that's, that's how you can kind of tactically do it. I actually have a, um, a training on this called full presence training. Uh, if you go to the dad edge.com forward slash presence, not the gift, but presences and being there. Um, I actually train you, um, how to be. more intentional with your kids, like literally how to train your mind to be more, to have your shoe or your feet in your shoes, like fully present in that moment with that kid. Because I mean, let's face it, you don't have to have a phone in your hand for your mind to wander all over the place. But the way I train guys in that it's 15 minute training and it's free. It's, don't have pay for it, but like literally just being able to lock in with your kid and just tune the rest of the world out. So good. How many episodes have you done? I 1,304. I just checked this morning. That's incredible, man. I'm at like 420 and that's, feel like that's been a journey. yeah. So, so 1300 episodes, I'm sure what's the top three pieces of advice that you've gotten about being a great dad that's really changed the game for you. You're like, when this person said that it changed everything. I mean, there have been, there have been some incredible ones. There's one guy though that, and he's like, you we've, I bet we've been blessed with some amazing guests. mean, we have Matthew McConaughey on and Greg Olson and Nikki Six from Motley Crue, like lots of really interesting people. But one piece of advice I'll never forget, like literally I remember hearing him say it and I was like, my gosh, really? His name is Figs O'Sullivan. pigs. I love it. right? He's from Ireland, but he lives in Hawaii. And Figs is a licensed family therapist. He's written a few books and he came on the podcast and he's, he said this statement and I was blown away by it. And that is the quality of a relationship and the connection in a relationship has very little to do with trying to execute the relationship flawlessly and mistake free. It's actually in the repair. And I'm like, what? I was like, say that again. What do mean by that? He's like, Everyone's going to make mistakes in a relationship. That's not so much important. It's how you repair. So if you can repair correctly, quality of the relationship feels great. No matter how many mistakes are made. And I was like, are you serious? He's like, yeah. And that is, dude, that's a hundred percent true. mean, I've been with Jess for almost 30 years. There's been a lot of mistakes made, but we've always learned, we've always repaired really, really well. And we've, we've always one of one way to repair is never ever. throw in a person's face what they did to you before. Like past transgressions, they're gone. We don't bring them up anymore, period. That's one of the rules, right? We've never done that to each other. And I'll tell you, like, I can't even sit here and tell you the wrong stuff she's done to me. I can't remember it. And I don't, I'm sure she probably remembers some of my expiring really. But yeah, that was definitely one. Another one. Man, this one really got me. I'll never forget this. I think this is what I'm about ready to share and it's not mine. And unfortunately I can't remember the guest, but it was so freaking moving when he said this and I talk about it all the time. And that is if you want your kids to go out and live an extraordinary fulfilling life, he's like, do you want that? And I'm like, yeah, of course I do, man. He's like, are you living that? And I was like, I was like, I'm like, well, what do mean by that? He's like, well, where do you think that they're going to learn it from? was like, I was like, I was like, give me an example. could tell we were on the cusp of like something really great. And he's like, he's like, all right. He's like, here's the situation. He goes, you got guys in your crew, like in the Alliance and in the mastermind that quit. And I'm like, of course. So why do they quit? And I was like, a lot of them just quit showing up. to calls, like to their sessions, their group, they just be like, they just kind of like stop going. And he's like, and then they get tired of not, of paying for it. And they're not going anymore. He's like, yeah. He's like, does their life get any better? I was like, not, not that I can tell. He's like, do they complain about it? I was like, sure. Yeah, they do. He's like, you know, he's like, think about this. He goes, do you have kids who play football or basketball or anything? I was like, yeah, I a football player. He's like, does he go to practice? I was like, he never misses a practice. Like the kid will go with walking pneumonia to practice. He's like, is he, is he a starter? was like, yeah, he's the starting center on his football team. He's like, has he seen you give up on things? I was like, I was like, I'm, really stubborn, like really stubborn. Like I have a hard time giving up on anything. He's like, well, there's a good chance that he probably learned that from you. Like you didn't, do you have to tell him to get up at four 30 in the morning and go to weight training? I was like, no. He's like, do you have to remind him to go to practice? said, no. He said, probably because he's learning that from you. goes, the reminder that I have for all men out there is when your kid comes to you and it's like, the coach isn't playing me dad. Like I'm not getting playing time. And then you look at your kid dead in the eye and you go, are you showing up? Are you showing up to practice? And then when, when you do show up to practice, are you going through the motions? Are you showing up? Which one is it? And they're going to learn how to show up from you. He's like, so if they see their dad quit on like something like that edge Alliance, cause he ain't showing up. And then suddenly that dad is in that kid's ear of like, you need to go to practice. That dad needs to take a really good look in the mirror and be like, brother, you better walk the walk and not talk the talk because your kid is going to follow suit with whatever you're doing. And one more, one more thing to really hit this home. I'll, I'll never forget this one. my God. Cause it was so uncomfortable, man. I was at the Squire with Baderose Cullian. There were 30 dads, 30 boys. They took the boys and they did kind of like an evolution with them. And then Baderose and a couple of the Navy SEALs took the dads into a room. And Baderose stood in front of all of us and he goes, I'm going to share a couple of observations with you guys. Some of you will like it and some of you won't, but it is what it is. And here it is. He's like, I see a lot of in-shape kids here. Mmm. a lot of really fit dads and it's really funny that the fit dads have the fit kids. And he goes, and no offense guys, but there's a lot of fat guys here with a lot of fat kids. And he's like, so if you don't want a fat kid, get your ass in shape. I was, everyone was like, holy crap. But it's true. It is very true. If you want your kid to go out and be an executor, like a Savage, they gotta see you doing it. They have to, otherwise they're not going to do it themselves. Hey, and I don't want to pry here, but I did see a post. think, I don't know if it was the end of last year from you. You were showing before and after. It looked like, man, you've had quite a finished journey over the last, I don't know if it was a year or so. Was that part of the catalyst for that? I mean, fitness has always been a really important thing to me, but I've kind of like ebbed in flow with, with like being fit and then kind of fat and then fit and then kind of fat. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to be 50 this year. I'm not, I'm not fat. I'm not going to be fat anymore. I'm done being, I'm done being out of shape. So 253 days ago, I was like, I'm not drinking alcohol anymore. I'm just, I'm done with that. I, not that I had a problem with them, just like, this doesn't serve me done. Started training really hard. really enjoying it. And I mean, I've been training like that. I've been training for 30 years on and off, but I'm, like, you know what? 50 is going to make my forties look like nothing. That's what I'm going to do. And, and I'm just really, really excited about showing people what's possible in their fifties. Like you can, you can still have it just fine when you're 50, as long you're not trashing your body. Yeah. Well, hey, as our time comes to a close, we've talked a lot about a lot. The two recurring themes that I keep hearing in my head are number one, you said you got to learn if you're a dad. And the only way you can learn is if you're intentional and really get around other people that can show you another way. And then two, the power of community. You have to be doing life with people and you've created an incredible community at the dad edge. Can you just talk about people who are interested in how can they connect with you? You've mentioned a few free resources, but what are the main ways they can connect with what you're doing there? best way is, I, I am, I don't have bots or AI or a team that answers DMS. If you want to talk to me, send me a message. I swear to God, the reply you'll get will be me. Um, unless you go to the data edge Facebook page, somehow, some way someone in my team put an auto respond to there just saying, Hey, thanks for connecting. We'll be in touch. I have no idea how to turn that off, but you will get a message from me, Instagram, Facebook, whatever. Just, just, I'm not hard to find Larry Hagner. Um, also just tons of resources for you over at the data edge.com. Um, few free trainings in there for you, a couple for marriage, uh, one for parenting. I've got a patient's course. I've got a course on, marriage as well. Uh, it's called, uh, um, 12 weeks to an extraordinary marriage. Um, and then, you know, if, if you're, if you're one of those guys, you're like, yeah, I don't, I don't want a free resource. Just point me in the direction of the mastermind. That's really where I want to go. The data is.com forward slash mastermind. We have two pathways there for you. If you're a business owner, We have something called the Data Edge Boardroom. We've had that for eight years. If you're not a business owner, the Data Edge Alliance, that one's for you. That one's been around for almost 10 years, but those are our two programs. Well, hey man, I've loved the conversation. I'll have you have the last word, but I just want to thank you on behalf of everyone that you've impacted. I can't think of a better cause to give your life to than investing in dads and men. So thank you on behalf of everyone you've reached for helping them become better dads and husbands. It's changing the world. And with that said, yeah, anything you want to leave leaders with as we close. I would just say, you know, if you want to be a good leader, just always just be a student of leadership. Like the best leaders in the world are the ones that always view their journey is never done and always learning. And that's I'll be learning until I'm, literally six feet under. Like I will never, I always say I'm, never going to be the master of probably anything, but I will be the master of learning. Good man. Well, Larry, I've loved the conversation. Thanks again for all you do and hopefully we can do it again sometime. Yeah.