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this afternoon's talk is gonna be somewhere in between. Hasidic philosophy, a little bit of pop psychology and somewhere in between over the past couple of years, something that we all knew about years ago has become more popular. And it's called the Big Five. And soon I'm gonna explain to you what's in front of you, and we'll do that exercise. We're gonna talk about that exercise. But before I do that, I want to give you an idea about relationships in general. If I had to think of five things what five things can help every single relationship you see, our relationships are so die First. There's so many kinds. Some of our relationships are based on unconditional love. Or at least they should be according to the Torah. Pure chaos vote. The ethics of our fathers calls this love Ah ha va Gina to Louis, a bit of our a love which doesn't depends on anything. The first kind of love. Think about this for a second, a love that really, truly doesn't depend on anything and thinking your minds of the kind of loves and the kinds of relationships you've had in your life that really was a love that was not a tit for tat love. It wasn't you do this for me, and as a result, I'm going to love you. It was truly a love that didn't depend on anything. Then does your family and each relationship in your family is going to be different. For example, you need toe honor or respect your parents love and be a giver. Perhaps sometimes be a receiver, hopefully more of a giver than a receiver. I hope if you have Children, it's a different type of love. Love for a child kind of goes through the process of life's. At some points were more givers at some points from or receivers and sometimes in between. It's a fascinating dynamic and relationship. The love between parents and Childs, your siblings, you trying to be arrival with them. And then there's the extended family. What we call the Jewish people, the tribe. The tour wants us to love each other unconditionally. That's a huge word. The word unconditionally that is the actual mitzvah of Hrbaty's Well, the love of a fellow is the love of the fellow unconditionally. It's a word that I think is so overly used and so wrongly used and sometimes not used at all. The unconditional word. There's also other types of love. There is conditional love, which the Tom Wood or the mission of calls of a ship to Louis a bit over, which is the working relationship? Let's say, Ah, coworker, your boss, your neighbors, even the government's. You're not obligated to love any of these people, but you need to get along with them. There needs to be what we call in Halifa Dar Fe Shalgam getting along a way of peace. There needs to be this process of which, for these relationships that we have a peaceful feeling towards these relationships. So what do all these relationships have in common? What do they all need to improve? One thing that I could think of is the word conflict they need to improve conflict. Every single relationship has or could have some kind of conflict, and psychology would call it a rupture and a repair. It's only through rupture and repair that relationships actually can thrive. Every single relationship needs a rupture in order to exist. This that's a very difficult thing because you would think of a relationship is the opposite of that. Why would a relationship need a rupture to exist? But that is the dynamics of relationship. And if you're gonna look at your relationships and I hope that you have in your mind, perhaps think of a particular relationship you've had in your life and think of what kinds of rupture you had in that relationship and what kinds of repair you had in that relationship and how you did it. Or maybe you rupture that relationship and never repaired. Or maybe you ruptured it and didn't realize you were actually rupturing that relationship. Something to think about. You have to write this down. I need some time. It's not shoppers yet. Some place. Okay, If you got it, you got it. So what do you think of when I say the word conflict? Does it give you a good feeling? Does the word conflicts give you a bad feeling? Does it make you uncomfortable? Are you the kind of person that can embrace conflict? The first thing and maybe the most important thing that I want to say here this afternoon Is that not one of the five things that I'm gonna talk about in a few minutes, I will say the conflict is good and I think that we are trained to think this way in North America. Our society has trained us to run away from conflict, to be scared of conflict, think conflict. No way. There's absolutely no way. I don't want conflict in my relationships. I don't want any conflict in my life. I just want to be able to relax on the beach. I just want to have a good time. I'm on vacation. I came here for a vacation. I didn't come here for conflict and all of a sudden, shark in the water. You said it was a shark in the water. What was supposed to be something exciting? It's something that is not. And that is one of the great mistakes that people when they look at relationships, look at it as a mistake. And that is the conflict is crucial. Rupture and repair is going to be potentially the most important thing you're going to need in a long term relationship. No, I'm not a psychologist. I'm a rabbi. So what does Judaism? What is the Torah? Teach us about conflict? The tourist says that conflict is how we grow. Conflict is collective thinking. It just depends most of the time on how we manage it. You know, a movie has three parts. The set up the conflict and the resolution. What do you ever watch a movie without conflict? Think about our entertainments, every single movie and very often, especially in certain genres of movies, were watching those movies vicariously, living through other people's lives or their reflecting our own lives. And every single movie, every single one of those narratives and stories is going to have a conflict as the central theme of the narrative. As a central theme of this story, there are two Tom wants in the Jewish tradition, as I'm sure most of you know, the Jerusalem Tom Wood and the Babylonian Talmud. Today we study and depend mostly on the Babylonian Tom would. Why? Because it has more conflict in it. Everybody is always disagreeing. The jute Jerusalem Tom would. It's just too serene. It's not interesting, it's not exciting to us. And so what became the debate of the yeshivas and the debates of the atomic aacm of the of the Scholar and Judaism is going to be the conflicts within Judaism. That's what we have. That has been what's ignited our sparks in our souls for millennia. So I'll go back to my initial question. Why is conflict so importance in a relationship? I think that it's healthy because it's human nature. Every strength that a person has also contains a weakness and vice versa. Every weakness contains a strength. So, for example, someone who is really neat, someone who's really organized someone who is always on time. Those are all considered to be quote unquote good traits. But they also imply a weakness. Because can this person be flexible if there always needs And they're always on time what happens when a curveballs thrown into their life? What happens then? Are they able to be flexible? Can they let go every so often and have fun? Or is everything having to be so calculated in their life? Would you want to go on vacation with them? Sometimes you know those people that, like your your post army trip coordinator in Israel, you have those 5 30 in the morning. Come on, come on. We have to get a Passat. The command. Come on. A great. Do you want to go on vacation with that person. Is that exciting? Is that a vacation? So every single thing that perhaps you're going to see is a strength also within. It contains a weakness, and you have to make sure that you choose your strengths properly because they will also have within them weaknesses. So when you're looking for a partner or you're looking for particular traits in a person, you may want to think about this. What is the treat that I'm really looking for? Because within the traits that I'm looking for, that particular strength that I think is so important and I can't live without may also have with in its on a weakness that I can't live with. So maybe if you want to go see the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore or Broadway show all in the same day, you may want to find someone who is super organized. But what's interesting about this person who's super organized? This hypothetical person, obviously, is what happens when they have to deal with someone who's difference someone who's different at home or at work or at school anywhere. The first thing that you have to understand is that you need them and they need you When it comes to a long term relationship, the most important thought that I would put into a couple's minds or into someone looking into for a long term relationship into their minds is that a relationship solves one problem in one problem on Lee. And you need to have more losses then, not when it comes to this problem. And that is it ends. Loneliness. Sure, Now, as long as you have more advantages, as long as there's more reasons to be lonely than not to be lonely, you're never gonna want to endure loneliness. And it actually, if you thought about and it's not for right now. But is another. I think that I could do where we can talk about loneliness and how important it really is in your life. But as long as loneliness is not the greatest challenge in your life, as long as you don't want to empty out half of your closet, sleep on one side of your bed, said at one share at your table, and truly feel that there's truly truly something missing in your life because sometimes people have to do that. People have to feel so lonely in order realized there's something truly, truly, truly missing in their life. The next thing, if you need to teach them if you're looking for a fixer upper, some people, when they open for houses, they want to have a house that is done turnkey. Walk in gorgeous. It's perfect. And some people they're looking for the deal. They're looking for the fixer upper. Now, what's fascinating is unless you're a person in the business of flipping houses, most probably the fixer upper is gonna cost you more money than the turnkey because you don't know how to take the fixer upper and make it into a turnkey, and probably you're gonna be paying full price for it. And so most people who are looking for a fixer upper they're making a huge mistake because they don't have the resource is to be able to deal with a fixer upper. You need to know the right contractors. You need to know the rights people. I mean juice. Let's talk about it. We are not blue collar. We know how to get estimates. I know some of you know how to use a hammer in my house my wife uses has her own toolkit. I'm not the one I have two left hand. She does all the repairs in the house and that's great is part of our relationship. We love it. But unless you have the right tools, you're gonna have a very, very difficult time with your fixer upper unless you have the right resource is you have a very, very difficult time dealing with this fixer upper. What happens? What happens when your boss or your professor leave something a bit up in the air? Are you gonna freak outs because you couldn't deal with it in advance? Are you gonna be able to wing it because you need to? Sometimes do you need to constantly be someone who was organized who has it all together? Or do you want to be someone who's a little spontaneous? Now the fact is that we're all complicated. People are complicated, people are very, very complicated. There are so many different kinds of conflicts and we all think that are conflicts are unique. Nobody else has this in their life. This is I am the only one since the beginning of creation that ever had this problem. Nobody can even relate to my problems. My problems are so me that no one if I even try to explain that you couldn't figure it out. How often do I hear that? I want to tell you. I'm sorry to tell you. I hope I'm not the 1st 1 to break the news to you. But your conflicts are not so unique when I hear sometimes people get annoyed with me because I hear something like, uh, ok. And I put I say, That's number 42. That's number 46. That's number 65. I could put a number on all of your conflicts and all of your issues. They're not unique. You're not unique. And you're not special. How does that feel? Okay, good. I'm happy that you say that not everybody thinks that some people feel that their unique and special You know what? If you feel that your unique and special that you'd be unique and special, it's also okay. That's for the people who didn't want that rupture for my goal. For those of you who know me and have heard me before is to rupture our relationship because only through me rupturing our relationship. Can we come to real change to second order change? That's what we want. So I want the rupture in our relationship. I want to challenge you. And if somebody you know, if they truly care about you, if they're trying to match you, they don't care about you did. Trying to get your magic. Oh, yeah, I'm like that too. Yeah, I am too. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I also have a nose. This is amazing. Oh, wow. I can't believe it. You two Whoa! Mismatches mismatch. Er's are people care. They care enough to make a rupture in your relationship. Do you want to be a match, Er, or do you want to be a mismatch? Can I ask you some more questions? Are we good? So far here? I started talking about five issues. There are five issues that people and every type of relationship tend to get into long term conflicts about. And those are what we're gonna call the five buzzfeed issues for this evening. It all began in 1919. There's a young American psychologist. His name was Gordon. Out Ports. Ever hear of him? Gordon Alper paid a visit to none other than Sigmund Freud. Output was telling Freud about his journey, He said. He was out of train and there was a little boy who was obsessed with staying clean and didn't want to sit next to anyone. He didn't want to touch anyone. Albert wondered if the boy's mother had some kind of dirt phobia, and then it had rubbed off on this young child and he's going on and he's telling this hotel and Freud looks at him and says, Actually, you never saw this boy on the train. That little boy is you and you are having your inner child's and some kinds off unconscious episode that's causing you to see this as part of your repressed childhood. And Albert, this young American psychologist felt that Freud was full of it because he saw the story. He was trying to analyze it, as psychologists usually do, he said, Why do you dig so deep? Why do you have to look at behavior and describe fundamentals as this repressed childhood? And so output changed this whole thing? Unfortunately, his research didn't becomes popular S. Freud's, but I do believe in recently, through some professors at the University of Toronto recently. His research has become very, very popular, and they call it the Big Five. And what he spoke about is there's five different types of character traits. There's fundamental characteristic, and Khan shifts motives. And there was also some Harvard researchers Robert McCrae and Paul cost a that have spoken quite a bit about this as well. The five traits are the following current conscientiousness agree ability neuroticism open to experience an extra version. What you have on your chairs is the following what I'd like you to do. I am going to show you right now. Here through actual science, this was created by Dr Albert himself. It's not a very well known test. I did not quote somewhat changed it to help you a little bit, but I'm going to show you where you are on the spectrum. So as I explain each of the things, I want you to know where you are, because if you have a spouse, you're gonna want your spouse to do the same thing. Now people say opposites attract opposites don't attract so foolish men and women by nature offices. It's not. I don't know what that means opposites attract, actually, similarities attract. That's what contraction isn't that the point. Similarities attract. So what we're gonna look at is we're gonna look at who you are on this spectrum. And we're also going to look at what is the kind of person to be with who is your compliments. So what I want you to do is that want you to put pick from 1 to 5. Five means you disagree with the statement. Sorry. One. Yes. There's pens all over the place. Yes, there's papers here. One is that you disagree. And five is that you agree in order for this to work three. Even though three is there we are. Most people are inclined to use the three because you don't know. I want you to make a choice. Go two or four, not three. Take your time. Okay. So if you look at your pages, whatever you've gotten through, you're gonna find that you have somewhere between zero and 40 and all. Event. So you're gonna realize the 20th smack in the middle. If you did anybody get zero on anything, anybody got a 40 anything? So what's so let's talk about the 1st 1 e the easiest extra version. What do you think the opposite of being extroverted is? So if you're a zero urine introverted, your 40 your anywhere in the middle of the sea or more towards extra order more. This is this is pure science right here. No, let me. I'm gonna go through each and every one of them. I want to go through the 3rd 1 first. Conscientiousness. What is the opposite of conscientiousness? Slacker? Lack of direction. That's what it's called professionally. The opposite of conscientiousness is lack of direction. You're going to see Look at your look at your number three at your number 20 is somewhere in the middle. Zero is on one side, 40 on the other side, and you're gonna be able to see everything in between and where you fit. I just want to tell you, if you're 27 conscientiousness, you're probably gonna want to find somebody who's like a 16 17 or 14. It's on the other the other side, because you need both of them. Otherwise, it's not going your relationships. Not gonna be too exciting. It's very go and blend. It's OK if you're on one side there's nothing wrong with that. But the point is, is that you have to know who you are in order to see who you are in a relationship. This is really gonna help you. I do this with couples all the time, and it's amazing for couples to be able to see their similarities and how they both add such an incredible dynamic to their relationships. So let's talk about conscientiousness and lack of direction. Conscientiousness means someone who's organized, someone who's on time, someone who self disciplined, like the high, like the hypothetical person I spoke about before. And the scientists call the opposite traits lack of direction, meaning that Oh, that boy, he lacks direction. What are you saying? That I'm going to say that someone who has a lot of direction is gonna go crazy being married to someone with a lot of direction? Because who's steering the ship? My friends, that's all I'm saying. It's like irresponsible will be different. Irresponsible is a learned trade, not in nature. It's nurture, not nature is a big difference. And thank you for clarifying that. I'll talk about that as well, but there's nature and nurture. We're talking here about nature. Obviously, what you're gonna be writing about yourself is going to be a little bit of nature or nurture both because that's where you are today. You're a mix of both nature and nurture. But today we're gonna call what you're writing about yourself, your nature, not your nurture, someone who's agreeable. It's someone who always agrees. Someone who gets along with people, their diplomatic. They're polite, they're nice. The opposite trait is disagreeable. They're antagonistic, someone who always disagrees. Someone who always says no, there are mismatch er there. Blunt. They're moody, and maybe they're a little bit of a curmudgeon. If they're not too tall, we'll get to that at some point, Then we have neurotic. Yeah, I think the researchers are really bad. They went there. They went to Neurotic. They're going after our poor Jewish mothers. Neuroticism no, is how emotional someone is, as in emotional, unstable or anxiety or anger. Depression, impulsiveness, thin skin, thick skin, lack of self confidence, self confidence. And the opposite of that is emotional stability. Then we have the last one on the bottom, openness to experience. It describes someone who is intellectually curious, really into aesthetics. Maybe he likes to read fantasy or SciFi, has a wide interests and hobbies and ideas. Likes to try new things all the time, wants to explore the world. And the opposite of that is closed to experience a person who likes routine, someone who wants to go to the same restaurant and order the same thing every single time. And they've been getting the same thing at the same time in the same way for the past 15 years. And if you don't serve it like that, Oy vey is Mir because they like it. Their choices of entertainment would be a lot less abstract. And finally, I'm gonna go to extra version, which is number one. I don't know if any of you noticed whether I'm an introvert or in extroverts, you could probably see. I want to tell you it's pretty obvious. I scored a 40 on extra birds just to give you an idea. So which means if you want to know if I'm on vacation right now, we're not. I'm on vacation because this is what I enjoy to do to relax. This is me relaxing. There are some people like that. Some people it will be the greatest fear to stand up here and talk to you and some people. This is how they go on vacation. Those 40 extroverts, I guarantee you should not be married to people who are 40 extroverts because that is not a recipe for success. I'm not saying it won't work. I'm just showing you something that is an interesting idea of how to look and how to find that particular person. Someone who gets energized by talking to people doesn't like being alone. Generally assertive, too. That's an extra birds bigot energized by being around people. The question between extra Vernon, sure where people think. Oh, I like to be I like I'm extroverted. I'm out. They're not going now. Our society is created, forced extroverts, a lot of introverts who have no choice but to be extroverts. And actually we're to someone who actually truly enjoys being with people they get. They get the recharge. There's the rial battery recharged by being with people. An introvert is the exact opposite. If you're the kind of person who after you do a weekend like this, you need to like not looking anybody for two days. You're an introvert, That's okay. We call that an introvert. You get recharged with a good book, staring into space and being around people tends to drain. These types of people will imagine if you have to introverts what's gonna happen, they're never gonna get out. And if you have to extroverts, they're never going to stay in. So you need that balance in a relationship of the extroverted introvert that's the most obvious of the five and the most obvious to notice right away. Like, for example, I can for sure with it, with maybe a minute or so of speaking to I can't tell if you're an extrovert and introvert. It's very easy how you how you position yourself, how you look, how you deal with various things. I'm gonna take questions in two seconds. Now I'm gonna read everyone's mind. You just pegged yourself into these five personality factors in your page. You decided where you are. You decided where you fit. Even as I was describing them. Even if you did get to the end, you already know kind of where you fit in the spectrum without even doing this whole exercise because you were already we're kind of pegging yourself as I was talking. You were seeing Where am I? Where do I fit? How do I work this thing through? So now can all the disagreeable people please stand up? Come on, don't be shy. If you're disagreeable, can you please stand up? Of course. No one standing up. This is agreeable. People are for sure not going to stand up if I ask them to stand up because they're disagreeable. Which means if anybody would have stat, if anyone would have stood up When I said that, you actually would be saying that you're really truly agreeable because you're trying to be Remember we spoke before about the mattress and the mismatch er's you're trying to match me disagreeable people, Possibly there. Probably disagreeable. But they're right, because what happens is that disagreeable people are trying. Teoh, you got this. It's a psycho. A vicious cycle. Now we know a lot more about your relationships. Don't worry. That's it. You see way. No, a lot more about your relationships. Now, Now you know, even know more about. I'm worried to say this because no one's going way how you fit into a particular how you peg yourself is going to help you understand who you are and how you relate to others. So see, if you got a high score, it means finally, you know, finally, after all these years, you confined to go home to Mommy and say it did well, right? Yeah, I see. What I'm really trying to point out is that the words the scientists have chosen to describe the five factors are really judgmental. And they make us favor one side on the scale versus the other, like who wants to be labeled as disagreeable or antagonistic? That's not fair, like it's almost like these scientists are trying to peg us in the same hole that societies trying to peg us, for example, societies trying to force us to be extroverts. And here once again you have a great example, though it's one that is very helpful to you. But I want to make sure that you understand the language here is also not helping you. At the same time, I would rather there be other language that will be associate ID with this, because it would help you. If you're in the other side. Let's say you're a disagreeable person that would help you understand what that means to be disagreeable, because I'd rather that they be positive statements instead of negative statements. The problem is, how do you have to positive statements that are opposite for me, which is the way the tour can do it. So I think perhaps we can recreate them and Judaism and Kabbalah and Hasidism. We have our own terms to refer to these personality factors. We call them Sophie Roads or me doubts, not factors. So forget about disagreeable or antagonistic. Four seconds. Is there anyone comfortable with identifying themselves as the governor? A type? Yeah. You see why air we more comfortable, even though Karura should be seen as a negative trade, if not, because if you know what before represents, you know it's not truly a negative traits. These terms No, they're not at all. None of this appeared are negative at all, And that's why I think it's important to understand the difference between this Albert research, which is amazing, that what they call the Big Five and you can look them up and you look up more about them. I think they're very helpful in relationships, but they're not helpful as because there is a negative association with half of them. Where the Sophy wrote, Maybe in my humble opinion, a little more accurate, so I'll give you an example. Agreeableness is generally refer to express it, a fest said type of person, the person who always sees the good in others give or a is one who holds back more, is more judging when they associate with that person. And that isn't always a bad thing. We need to learn to recognize when somebody is different than us in terms of one of these five factors or one of these meat oats, and to appreciate that they may have something to teach us. The festive person needs to learn how to say no festive people because you're not truly infested if you have. If you never said no, if you've never said no, you've never said yes. Now, if you always agree, then you never really agree. You're just not being your own person. Talk about to Paris. There was once a rabbi who was seeing a couple with so much conflict they were ready to divorce. The woman stood up and said to her husband's, and he said. The rabbi answered your rights. You probably heard this before and the man said You're right And he said, You're also right, Rabbi, We can't be both rights. You're also writes. They say someone who is open to experience makes a very good leader. They say that's a very good thing to have. But let me tell you, if we all scored high on open to experience, nothing would ever get done. We'd all be out there just exploring. And in July, let's see what happens. I want to tell you of every single person on my trip between here, Montreal and here We're open to experience. We would not have gotten here for robots, I guarantee you. So you need to have people who are also closed to experience to say, having a Let's go, We got to get there. Oh, that's an interesting place. Let's stop there. Oh, that's interesting. Let's stop there. And before you know it, two days past, you haven't gotten anywhere. That's great, but you need both of those people in the relationship. Openness to experience is what we call Fatma. Hamas doesn't mean wisdom. It means intellectual conception. A certain kinds of ability to create new ideas and things. Let's bring back ethics of our fathers. Let's bring back here care votes in Maine. Cosma and Vina Mein Pena and Plasma Sosman needs Bina To the person who has closed to new experiences is the being a person the processor, the person who could develop new ideas but not make them up. That's why Bean also means to build in Hebrew. By the way, Openness to experience Hama has a bit of correlation with being politically liberal. Be nice, somewhat correlate with being politically conservative. A couple of days ago, I made a big mistake. I made a big mistake on Facebook. Maybe some of you were checking me out. Who is this guy? Berna, they say, is big. You know, you say this thing. I think you probably were checking. Maybe you saw something Una tangents. Matchmaking or should do him is so different today because of Facebook. I can't even give out names anymore because the second you give someone in name, they know everything about them. Everything right? They went on Facebook and they looked him up and all of a sudden they could tell you everything about them because they look through whatever pictures they have or whatever else things they have on their own even know what even want to know. So I do a lot of blind dates now. They get there and they get the name right before they get there and the and the picture right before they get there. And they have at least five seconds or 20 seconds to kind of figure out. Who is this person on? What's the point of this? The point is this so they can't spend the three days before they figure out why it's not gonna work out because we become self fulfilling profits. We say it's not gonna work out. And guess what? It doesn't work out for the 40th time. I'm sorry to say this. Maybe it's going to hurt you, but we are the common denominators in all of our failed relationships. We are the common denominators and all of our failed relationships. So I wrote something like this the other day. I wrote Jerusalem was the capital of the Jewish homelands. Well, before the U. S. Was even a thought. There's no need to be apologetic or even political about it, Mr Trump. I don't always like your antics and methodology, but your statements today moved me to tears and so incredible to hear the truth that we hold so near and dear to our hearts. Spoken from one of most prominent on the world podiums, I pray that lovers and haters only see the good in your words, and this helps usher in an era of true peace. So I'm a rabbi, and this was a personal feeling, a profoundly traditional issue. I did my best. Everyone is talking about how the political climate today is so polarized, especially especially here in America. In Canada, we don't even understand some of what's going on here. But it's become so polarized, and I wonder why. I think personally, it's because we've stopped seeing each other as people. We stopped trying to understand why our opponents are the way they are and to see the good and what they're saying people to be a political ah, 100 plus comments on Facebook War ensued. I didn't get involved or talk about the political opponents like they're bad people cause they're not. They're just like you, but a little bit difference. They want mostly the same things, but they have a different approach to getting the same results. And maybe these people are wrong. Or maybe at least you think the wrong. How about getting up and talking about how much you appreciate what the other person is saying, how it's coming from a good place before disagreeing with them? How about realizing that God gave you two different personalities that result in two different perspectives? And that happens for a specific reason. So back to my Facebook post, can we Can we, as Jews embrace our Jewish brethren like this? Yes, they may do things differently. Different streams of Judaism. We may disagree. Wait. We may even disagree strongly, but can we see the good in it? Should we talk about all the anti Israel Jewish factions? Okay, you may know that I'm the chaplain at Concordia University, which in Montreal they call it Gaza. You. It's a very anti Israel there, even amongst many juice, very anti Israel. Actually, This year, the president and vice president of Students for Palestinian Human Rights revoked Jewish. Somebody last year organized an anti Israel Passover seder where they were placed everything that about Jerusalem and the Seder with Palestine. I was there, I attended it. They screamed next year in Palestine as part of the Seder. So asked me a question. How do you interact with these people? How do you relate to somebody like this? How do you find a relationship or a connection with someone like this? I used to be shocked. He used to shock me to my core. But today I realized the only answer is relational. We must start having conversations. We must start focusing and building relationships, all types of relationships. We have become anti relational people. We think that all our friends are the numbers that we have on Facebook and the likes that we get on Instagram. And we don't think of our friends as the people who were really interacting with. Think about someone who's agreeable. You probably want to get to know them because they're gonna agree with you on a lot of things. And that's nice. It's gonna make you feel good. Think about someone who's extroverted or emotionally stable and open to experience or or conscious. They're probably going to be really rich and successful, right? Maybe they will maybe. But what about a police officer. How about a baker? They may not necessarily be a good husband or wife. Neurotic people. I hate that term because we all have Jewish mothers. It seems like a negative term. It's not neurotic. It's just carrying on a very riel importance, very important, exciting way because we truly care, right? You know what I'm talking about? The word is such a stigma. They're Mitos people, which means there a motive. Mitos People are more sensitive. They're more understanding, and a little drama isn't such a bad thing. There's someone who I know well who has a boring emotional life. They have a very flat effect, and they married. He married someone much more emotional, him more neurotic because he wants to keep things exciting in his life because he's blocked and she's not. And he likes that. Some people really like that. He needs that because he is high on open to new experiences. He may be blah on the emotions, but he's not blonde, the open to new experiences. So you look at those guy to say those are the guys that need to be with the mamas. Besides, without neurotic people, we wouldn't have Woody Allen. No, seriously, So much art. So much comedy, so much music, so much literature would be missing from our world and without introverts, as at die social as they may be. Let's be honest, we'd probably be stuck in the Stone Age. There would be not science. There wouldn't be technology. We'd be missing so much more from the world. We need each and every one of us. We need each and every one of you with your unique talents with your unique abilities. There is no one that came into this world before you. There is no one that's going to live after you. And there's no one that living here during your lifetime that has the same unique purpose as you. This was something that was so fundamental to the river. I want to tell you before we get started here tonight and into this weekend, if there's one thing that I can share no matter where you fall here on the emotional or attached to this attached spectrum, we are here this weekend to be inspired. The only way to be inspired is to come with open hands wanting toe, learn something new. Why did you experience something new wanting not having expectations. I came here with zero expectation. So whatever happens is gonna be incredible. Sometimes we put our bar up over here and we end up down here. But if we put our bar up over here, we'll get somewhere in the middle somewhere. And I want you to close your eyes for a moment or just stare into space. I don't care how you do it and think about what do I want from this? How am I going to be able to experience second order change something dramatically different this weekend that ever had before? How am I going to be able to experience something that finally is gonna maybe shake me up? Maybe allow me to look at the world through someone else's eyes through a lens that I haven't looked at before? Because the truth is that I'm sorry to say it again. I am the common denominator in all of my failed relationships. So what I've been doing until this now, until this point, I haven't There hasn't been enough of a challenge for me to make a change and what I pray and I wish you before we go on to our next moments. What I pray and I wish is that a sham should bless each and every one of you with the ability to be able to accept. Oh, that will be I experienced this week this weekend to be able to If you're a mismatch er, to be a match If you're a matter to be a mismatch, if you're close to experience to be open to experience If you're open to experience, they will close to experience. Be able to take it all in and hold it. If you're in extroverts, become a little insure talk a little less. If you're an introvert, become a little more extroverted, talk a little more. And with those blessings in the West, things that are coming from being in the Shona from being in this environments for the next 24 25 hopefully, maybe even 36 hours with the red, this profits and with the help of a sham, will be able to be very successful this weekend. Right now is gonna be shops we're going to We are going to like handles. We're gonna have fun afterwards. Were never opening session. I know a lot of you have questions for me off here all weekend. I'm not going anywhere of your questions.