Bobbin for Apples is How I Got This Neck

Laugh till you cry with Not Well Podcast as they discuss everything from speedos to public figure titles on Instagram. Don't miss out on their newest episode – which includes gay commandments that some of you will disagree with.


Many people believe that there are seven basic commandments that all LGBTQ+ people should live by. These commandments include: honesty, love, respect, integrity, compassion, self-awareness, and accountability. Each of these principles is essential for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+, and they can help make everyday life more fulfilling and enjoyable.
But who are we kidding? This is not our list of Commandments. We come up with the real list which includes poppers, straight friends and good looking men. Unless you're straight and looking good, in which case, we salute you!

We talk about how messed up Christianity is that we believed a 13 year old girl saying she was virgin and then she had the son of god. I mean, how crazy is that really when you think about it?

As a result, we also discuss the dangers of religious indoctrination and how it can have serious repercussions for LGBTQ+ people. You know how we get passionate about our christian upbringing how how we felt it was all wrong. We then discuss why Bobby is over pride and Jim can't stand when people have "public figure" on their social media bios.

We also want to hear from you. How do you fluff to be ready to put on a speedo? What would jesus do?

If you could single out one rule from the LGBTQ+ commandments, what would it be? Leave a comment and let us know!

All in all, this episode was really fun and engaging. We love how it dives into some of the more controversial topics that can arise when you're LGBTQ+, but at the same time, we know that a lot of people will disagree with some of our choices. That's okay though! It's always great to have a conversation about these things and to get everyone thinking critically about their own beliefs.










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Transcript

Jim: 0:12

Three Zero. Live dog. I'm Jim I am precise, smart, witty, sharp tongue Collie. I like craft beer and I'm a wine lover. Sounds like I'm an alcoholic. I'm Bobby. I'm dramatic, a fucking stoner psychopath that thinks that the world's ending every day. And together we are simply not Well, that sounds like robotic grooming. Turtle walk anything? Well, I'm Jim. And I'm Jesus. Oh, I'm Mary. I'm stripper Mary, the trans Mary, trans Mary. Oh, my God should be a trans Mary, trans Mary, Jesus would never have that. Jesus wouldn't allow it. He wanted a mother and a non binary parent. And I want to say Happy pride to all the muscled white men in speedos. Particularly just them because if you look on Instagram, that's all you see. That is all you say. I'm literally like, I've never been in the speedo crowd. But everyone else is I kind of want to be in the speedo crowd and I should we just get speedos and be like, I don't even have one. I have a speedo brand because my body is different than others. So I can't get like the answer your question. What brand do you? Correct? Speedo? Like the brand, like what they use in the Olympics. Oh, see, you're an Olympian. approached me out of ever had a moustache like this. You can't drink? How are you going to do this? How did Jesus drink? So through his pores Speedo? Yeah, cool. Cool. Cool. Yeah, I just don't even know. I've never tried one on I don't know, like how the bits would fit. I don't know differently than you think. Okay, most people's ducts actually get smashed in, like inside just as more a divider than you think. So it's like, okay, it's wearing underwear. So it gets pressed up against it. But you see all the pictures of people with their dicks. You get to see all that I'm like, I'm out of head and I'm seeing a lot. Okay, so normally it's not that's what

Bobby: 2:26

you get. We're conquering underneath it so you can keep it a little bit fluffy, calm. Don't let that's Jesus's Tip of the Day. Jesus loved conquering. Mary didn't because she didn't touch a cock apparently.

Jim: 2:38

I'm a virgin. I only get fucked by Holy Spirits. Oh. And that was my dad. Okay, and your dad is a spirit.

Unknown: 2:50

So

Jim: 2:50

last long, I'm telling you right now, I can't imagine being married and having to tell your mom. Mom. I'm a whole I'm not a whore. I didn't sleep with anybody but I'm pregnant. Her mom's like, um, Dave, we've been there done that a lot. We've all accidentally fucked the local carpenter and ended up pregnant like back then they didn't have protection. The local Carpenter was like Hotter Than Hell, honey. They probably were they're probably really ripped. And just like hairy. I mean, I even today, honestly, not as merry as Jim. Mary has learned her lesson in that post. He's retired.

Bobby: 3:28

Well, I mean, we start off well, we wanted to be here for the beginning of the show for Bobby and Jim, because we wanted to talk about how the gays have been attacked in the news lately. Looking good. It's not looking good for the gays. And the buys. And it is Pride Month. And let's talk about well, let me just play magically with my hands because Jesus this nation and makes the other sound back.

Unknown: 4:00

When a little army of men with shields and other riot gear was spotted near a pride parade in Idaho on Saturday, authorities soon linked the men to a relatively new white nationalist group and charged them with conspiracy to riot in 2020, to hear in the New Testament, here in the book of Romans, that they are worthy of death. These people should be put to death. Every single homosexual in our country should be charged with the crime, the abomination of homosexuality that they have. They should be convicted in a lawful trial. They should be sentenced with death. They should be lined up against the wall and shot in the back of the head. That's what God teaches. That's what the Bible says. You don't like it. You don't like God's word.

Bobby: 4:48

So as you can see, there was a fucking white nationalist group that just just decided to get like a U haul like a bunch of lesbians and try to attack pride.

Jim: 4:57

And there were about 31 of them, I guess. other color was though, they will never get us. Oh. How did you? It's so funny looking at these pictures like they look like are bullies from high school grown up? Okay, all of them. So what are your opinion on okay? You could tell they were terrorists you just looked at them you're like boom, boom boom into the Yep, they're all pretty ugly. I'm fuckable some not, not most not and he said some I would say they were like touring and I was like there was three that I'd be like I might you. I mean, probably let me because he's getting out of them really looks tolerant. Now minus that's one thing. I was like, Nope, none of these people. And my first impression was like, genocide. Quoi inbred. Now, some of the eyes are a little close together some of the nose. Yeah, I mean, I I mean, my father planned it that way so that you guys wouldn't procreate with your brothers and sisters. But when times get tough, our Lord made it so that you didn't have to fuck your cousins and brothers and sisters. But here you are brought in I guess they do. Yeah. So shout out for those fuckers. So just imagine being at pride in the U haul shows up and then a bunch of people come out to beat you. Yeah, that's what we're dealing with here. Yeah, that's I know if they had actually gotten there. Well, I don't know what would have happened. They probably would have killed people. You think? Yeah, another Pulse nightclub?

Bobby: 6:15

Do you see what Fox News says though? Where were they? How are they so quick with that, but they weren't so quick. With black lives matter. I'm like, I hate every single fucking person on Fox News. Like, if you watch Fox News, if you're on Fox News, I don't give a fuck if you're the liberal spectator. Well, the liberal No. The liberal commentator. Okay. I'm proud of you. I mean, Pete goes on there. P

Jim: 6:39

IA said pika. I was like, Pico. He will be the next president. I will make sure that happens. Just pray to Me. I was like, not married. What do you think about the other guy who was on the pulpit? And that is just a little pastor telling us to be shot against a wall all of us now they want to line us up and shoot us in the back of the head because that's what the Bible is in if you don't believe that, that you're not Christian. Now, mister. I have to say we are part of the Bible. Like we are actually got these in the Bible. I don't know. Show me the line where Jesus talked about homosexuality. Oh, is there one? We're waiting. There isn't one. Wow, you didn't you didn't decide to talk about in all that time. 33 years on the planet. You never once brought it up. Did it bother you, Jesus. Honey, I'm a carpenter. So you know what have you. What honey, a loved one. You work to the woods. And I love pussy and you've died on the woods. I died on the cross. I built the cross for myself. Cute. It's like a little thing. So I pulled up. Oh, it's just it was sanded. Oh, yeah. Honey. I mean, I had the best breath on your back as you laid there and the nails hurt a little bit. But other than that, well, and I put it in the palm of my hands. No, I think it when the earliest actually. Yeah, right here. Yeah, because I don't have any marks. Now stigmata here, honey. They say in order for someone to hang up there. You have to go through the risk because it's stronger. And if you went through the handy we just tear through those.

Bobby: 8:01

Do we really? Okay, well, yeah, I think that actually really did happen. I don't know how well they stood on the crosses. But yeah, I just ripped off and died. Um, yeah, I don't recall I passed out. I was a little bit drunk on whiskey mine.

Jim: 8:14

Oh, your own blood, my own blood and my own body. We have pastors in modern day America are calling for gays to just be trialed and killed. And somehow they have people in their Audience screaming Yeah, yeah. Like, how, you know, it's just like, so we're gonna just encourage killing groups of people we don't like Absolutely. And why don't you like them? Oh, because you have a book that says, oh, like them, I guess. Right. And a little made up book cool. Little did they know I would not be writing that kind of stuff. They don't read it. They don't read my watch. They don't read it. They end up going down on Grindr, and then they do finding a little local church boy, but I'm the creator of all so I know that this fits into the greater thing of like, we're banning drag branches for children and like drag queens reading books, because drag queens are definitely the scariest thing in our territory right now. But not the guns. We want to ban a drag queen but not guns. Like, oh, when is a drag queen harmed a child? Never. When has a pastor harmed a child? Oh, yeah. Your little minions have harmed more children than any dragon wasn't harmed back in my day. It was and you guys are just a bunch of liberals. Actually though the Ancient Greece Yeah, we fucked everyone up. We fillet a fact that they got the bathhouses together and then they like live was the thing where like, your best friend's son could maybe blow you

Bobby: 9:39

on the streets of made up the Bible because they're scared because really all men want to be with men. Yeah. And their tray apparently for whatever reason we want population control which who gives a fuck about the population? I don't get it. I don't I don't get it. They're like, we need to populate you. Oh, that reminds me, okay, I'll find the story. But there was a some kind of speech by a senator or something encouraging teenage girls to have babies. What? Yeah, kinda like Handmaid's Tale like Don't worry. Don't be more like me marry like you marry you were 13

Jim: 10:10

they tell you it was awful. Your Pussy is not really that pop out babies as a young team,

Bobby: 10:15

and that's good thing I was immaculately concepted conceived. Well, I know Joseph was hung like a horse, so if you would at least fuck him, you would have been able to fucking know what it's like to have a goddamn baby. Sorry, dad.

Jim: 10:27

God, you whore. I am a whore. Don't talk about your mother like that. Now, next topic, please. Next topic. We're gonna talk about what this fucking mask on? No. Oh, we didn't even talk about monkey pox just slightly. Yeah. There's been a video I've watched someone called the gay doctor on Instagram who had monkey pox and he's talking about it. I wonder if I'll let me play video play that.

Unknown: 10:53

Do you want to learn about monkey pox because I got it. A couple of days ago, I woke up with some swollen lymph nodes. And then throughout the day started to become increasingly fatigued throughout some chills and then started to break out in some weird spots. Spots look like this. And they're on my face, my neck, my arms, my back. As you can see, my lymph nodes are very, very swollen as well. I have been super fatigued, I slept for about 15 hours today. And I'm still kind of having trouble keeping my eyes open. I did go to the ER and they swab some of the lesions and sent them away for confirmation. But we're pretty sure that's what this is. I was discharged home because treatment is mostly supportive care unless you're immunocompromised. So I'm just going to rest and I'm supposed to isolate until all of the lesions have crusted over and fallen off. Cases are most definitely on the rise, especially in bigger cities. And it is spread by close person to person contact. The smallpox vaccine is being offered as prevention for some people who have been close contacts of those who have it. But there's very limited supply so it's not super readily available right now. I wanted to post about this to spread awareness and remind people to check their bodies, especially during pride month when there will be lots of large gatherings with lots of close human contact. I also want to do away with any stigma or embarrassment that anybody might have about getting any form of disease, these things happen. If you're worried you might have this, please talk to a medical professional as soon as possible. With this being a relatively new thing, the recommendations on treatment isolation will likely be evolving. And so make sure keeping an eye on the news and watching out for case rates in your area. Gonna get back to getting some arrests. I am hoping for a speedy recovery. And I'll give you guys another update sometime.

Jim: 12:49

Oh, so basically it looked like he had like weird zits on his body. Oh, well, he's that he's very tired. He slept like 16 hours had to shave. Oh, Jesus. They're about to put me on the cross. They want to clean me up. Look a little better, actually. This way. Oh, so yeah, monkey pox is going around. Great. Yeah. And tell us what monkey pox is. You know, like, it's a part of like smallpox, bam, Iris and it's not killing anybody. Not yet. It hasn't been less than 1% You know, mortality rate. And there is a vaccine we have a vaccine for it. It's like there's not a lot of it. I think we have some in the stockpile the national stockpile we do now we're gonna get it No, because we're gay. So until a straight person dies from it, I'm a little concerned that we won't be vaccinated. I mean, I don't even care that you need like close contact. That's the other thing about worried about getting that it is pride month guys. And that's probably going to be an issue but now I've had some close contact recently. wasn't gonna say anything. Oh, what if you touch me through Monkey Park hand? Oh. You can fix yourself. I have locks. You have leprosy? Polio. Baby. No will be used today. So yeah, I don't think we're gonna get monkey pox as long as you're not like rubbing an open sore of someone who has it which I guess if you don't check their groin, you might not be sure when you're down there gagging on their dick. Yeah, like how do you not know there's not like bumpy ease? I don't know. We're not let them just like big like zits kind of on his arm. Like I'm looking at your skin. You got a I feel like I've been diagnosed Oh, you have to feel like colitis. Hence, the pilonidal cyst that Jesus gave me. My father gave us it gave us just ubitx Mary's whole is pure. Stretched at all. This whole honey. I mean, Jesus slid right out. No, he did. Now this mount Mary. Mary difficulty Mike's sounds like Jesus is high on his own product. Now when I put that on the earth, I decided that I wanted everyone to be able to enjoy it. And we have people like these fucking So like what is wrong with everyone made a play that made everyone happy but we're supposed to not smoke it I want you to do is suck fucking smoke and here we are that's what you made us for suck to suck buck in a smoke fuckin smoke slug pocket small inhale the hair. Microphone is just like oh my God, not you. Yes, yeah, yes. Mary Mary. Okay, so we do need to have a discussion because I broke some rules last week. Where are you going into like drama? Yeah, sure confessional. Yes. Okay. I had a little issue I went out on a Tuesday. Oh, Jesus. And you know, Tuesdays for you and me Tuesdays are the worst night for us. Because if we decide to go out or get fucked up, if we go hard, Tuesdays or Tuesdays are for going hard or home, hard, hard home, getting hard at home. blocked, so I went out to the local watering hole union. So we had a Long Island. So you know what happens on a Tuesday I met this guy from West Virginia. And we're just chatting it up. I come to realize he doesn't have underwear on. So naturally, Mary goes and grabs Skok Mary was on the thigh Mary felt a little higher. Mary suddenly fell a snake head and it was a snake in the garden. Did you eat the apple? I ate the apple. Your story is mixed up. But wasn't our snake that said eat the apple Eve did that. Not marry right? Well, girl, you're all from one person anyway. Yes, from Adam's rib. So I felt the snakehead I got a little excited. He felt my snake. Oh, I'm sorry. Even Jesus jokes. He's not from what I've heard. He felt my snake hole. And so I'm with you. This is on the patio by the way. So that was and I realized other people I was like, oh, people can see. So as you're getting your little snake hole, fondled what snake but underclothing so it's fine. Okay, I'm gonna take this away from here. So here my little partner Matt was there and Matt was being a little partner Matt was being a whore. Let's put it out this Joseph. Joseph. My partner Matt. Joseph was, you know here you know, hey, to you. Do you want to maybe we invite him over? So I was like, Oh, wow, look at you a little little horror, little horror Fox. Kitty Cat. Little Silverfox if you will. So yeah, we invited this guy over we had a little West Virginia fun little in our bedroom, and that's what they call going down the hauler. And I went down to the hauler, and I went in the hauler, okay, and how's the mat when in the holler? She goes real deep in the holler and deep deep in the holler, holler and how did the hauler treat you? Really? Really well and actually after the end of it, he said something funny he said his name was Larry Larry's. Which sounds like West Virginia name. I kept calling him the Cable Guy. Imagine that getting topped and being called the cable man. So at the plug in, because I always fashion myself a top. But I just like bottoming too much. I was like, Well, you don't have to be a top or Larry. You can oh well God we have to have side fucking privilege here. You don't have to be a top or a baton. You can do it vibrators. Which You're welcome. Mary. Go there have to say so then. So that happened Tuesday. That's why I went got STD test today. That's my week. While you let your brain to help in smart, healthy and smart, especially with monkey pox, but then last week, I got a new toy. And do you want to explain what you heard about the toy I heard about a toy from a dear friend of mine. And it's a vibrator that has an attachment that you put on it. And let's just say in 45 seconds, it will put your partner to sleep. And Matt is a happy camper if he outed me. He doubted me and I had it out I was like this is let's just try it up here because this is this won't do anything off 30 seconds later rockhard put the attachment on you honestly could like and done. You literally could come in like five seconds of actually like want to try just to do it to see how fast I wonder if it can be 50 it is already hard. It's like 15 If you're soft, soft is 45 to a minute max. And it's like longer to find new best friend at home because mine too. When someone needs a little. I'm gonna cuddle you and I'm gonna cuddle here. And actually, I want it done to me. Oh, I love it. I've been doing it to myself all week. Oh, it's anyway. I mean, it's great, especially in our pros. Lakhani. Now you don't have to do any motorman. It's like I just recommend a vibrate at all men, women days babies any One pot not the by cities but cats dogs horses Teddy cats. Everyone would love a good vibration other than children because we're not grooming them. We don't you will grow your child and so yeah they're like oh you're grooming our children we don't like we hate your children are loud and annoying. I don't hate anybody I'm Jesus. Well, but Bobby hates children right? So that was my week my adventures I had some fun adventures doing all that all that what were your adventures as well I had some adventures I was gonna say I went on a little vacation I went in the air and flew around I forgot when I love to talk about where I don't know why go to it now what's really funny to me is my addiction first we went to a coffee addiction to addiction marijuana. Oh no, let me get serious here. I love it. Oh no. Like visa partners and then go and Grand Am Okay, um See you have an addiction.

Bobby: 21:16

See? I can't remember so well regardless. So we go to I bring my edibles on the plane. Dr. TSA, it was really great. First time I carried on over really usually just pack them away bed. Oh, it's pack them away. Wow. I was like,

Jim: 21:30

so we don't know anything about that. I'm just like, okay, yeah,

Bobby: 21:33

like I know people who like literally don't even take them out of the bottle and they're like, it says like marijuana huge on and they're like, hey, and it's like, my partner fairly embarrassing. Honestly, I love Coldplay. It was actually one of the best light shows I've ever seen in my life. Am I other than my crucifixion than My Crucifixion? Um, okay, so but the problem that I had beforehand before going, was the fact that it was in the upper deck. Now, I don't know if we've talked about this before. Oh, I don't do heights. I don't quite see the upper deck. I

Jim: 22:08

can just picture you bowling bowling off the balcony. Well, anyway, so I get up to the upper of Jesus. And I'm going. You just had we're looking down like no, so

Bobby: 22:17

I was like, okay, so they actually it wasn't as bad as another because it's a newer stadium. They had it seemed like my foot feet had a little more room than normal. So I didn't feel like I was like about to fall. I can't with that feeling of like I'm looking so down an angle like I am walking up. My knees are shaking. And my worst part for me when you get to a stadium is crawling over everyone to get to your goddamn seat. Oh, of course. They're in the middle of the road. No, the row, back middle

Jim: 22:41

we need so upgrade like honey, and let this happen.

Bobby: 22:47

You know, it was honestly I had a great time. No, I really had a great time. But I had to take apple in order back to the addiction. So I get there. I'm like, I'm gonna go ahead and pop an edible now like immediately, so I pop it I'm like literally freaking out for 30 minutes, but then I get a little shimmy on my shoulder. Oh, man, honey, I

Jim: 23:06

felt fine. You fall though. Right? So a little confidence. So I was like, Oh, honey bear, buddy. And I was like, okay, everything's great. It's so fun. I saw her. I love her. She's like, incredible. Guitar sings wraps piano drums did it all in that concert. All of it the thought like she just went from thing to thing and I'm like, What is going on? So then single one of them so that it all starts kicking in and here comes Coldplay? Oh no. So I like you're in heaven and I've been sitting this whole time because standing up is like the end of the world for me as at this point on the upper deck like no standing when the music starts everyone stands in the upper deck they can't see you Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Jesus Christ that you stand when you're on the floor seats you don't stand in the seats up right? That's trash No. Well no everybody was doing I think co plays a little bit. Yeah, they're a little like my pop. Yeah, like I really looking for other reasons like there besides but

Bobby: 24:06

like I really liked the songs you didn't know why I was like, I think I'm so special with these songs and actually, like, so many fucking people relate to this song that it's like, yeah, and then I think it's like for me, that's when you know it's good music. It's perfect. So I go to stand up on the concert starts so we have these wristbands I had lights flashing. I was like Flash Ba doo doo caca you.

Jim: 24:57

And our plastic waste. No, actually it's worse. likable okay thank everything they're like riding bikes for the electricity I just had to do a little strike a lightning strike riding bikes it was very environmentally like one fan like those it doesn't

Bobby: 25:17

yeah like they're like an actually ride the bikes while we wait to come out I used to ride the elliptical to try to generate power and it generated like no was generated an hour me an hour so COPPA comes on like I said, I go to stand Okay. edibles baby fully cooked I've been drinking to like all afternoon. All afternoon gay bars drunk. I've been drunk. Oh, fuck, I stand up. And I'm doing this car and I'm like, oh, okay, like seizing my knees were shaking. Oh, but then I will. So then I go to sit back down. I'm like, Nope, not gonna happen. So I just said, I'm like watching and luckily the people in front of me were shorter, and they were kind of sitting to the side. So I was able to see what I wanted to see. Anyway. So I got to stand back up a little bit later. And the same feeling happens and I'm like, What the fuck is happening? I then realize it's not my marijuana. It's the fact that the goddamn stadium is shaking.

Jim: 26:03

No, no, no, no, I'm leaving. I'm going down into the this concession stand area like I literally was going and that I mean, I was. So like, my knees were shaky. You should not be that's not free. I know. That's I you and I would be walking down the street running down the street rolling right to the hot dog stand because

Bobby: 26:31

that hot dogs and honey and it's cheap. And in that place that I went. You would know. Now so then the next day? My Yeah. So anyway, the concert finished. I priced it up a total of six minutes on the upper deck. Before we left and it's fine. I enjoyed the show. It was great. Everybody, of course, I'm staring going. Everybody's just looking at me. Like I'm fat like not because I'm like, you're like I'm here.

Jim: 26:53

I'm high. I'm so scared and I'm high. Like Like, they're like, Okay, fatty.

Bobby: 26:59

So that happens. Everything's great that night goes on. I'm old. So we go to bed. We've got the next day we decided we're gonna go to the pool before we go to the airport. Okay, so we have a flight at like seven o'clock. We're like, let's go. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And we're like, let's go to the pool and like, have some beers. So I'm having beers. I'm also I had another bowl. Shocker, because I'm talking about my addiction. So I get in the pool. And I'm like, first of all, I'm very self conscious lately, but actually, like I said, have your tits. Not even the Ted's is one of the belly. I don't want my belly anymore.

Jim: 27:28

I'm kind of dammit. So same, it's fine, but it's just like that. And I just started getting this over the past year. Weird. Well, Mary, you need to stop eating fat fog. Can't.

Bobby: 27:40

I know. It makes me happy. It makes us all happy. That's why it happens. So but I'm in the pool. And Michael comes over and he's like, we have like three more hours. Like it's so awesome. Like I know, mid I'm like very punchy. Just very.

Jim: 27:55

We literally got a picture at this moment. Yes. So yeah, so I was feeling wouldn't let you take a picture unless he was feeling punchy. Oh, I was punchy honey, punchy, punchy, punchy, honey.

Bobby: 28:05

So then Michael comes back over and goes we need to get serious. I go what I'm telling you. It's like does that mean mid edible kick in? I'm like, okay, so we were puns. I

Jim: 28:15

was like, I'm like, wait, what? Am I in trouble? He's like, our flight was canceled. Oh, no. And you're high and I'm like, absolute panic. I go. Oh, I go. So then it's like a funeral. I can't laugh but I'm laughing and I'm he's like, you don't care because you're high. I got in trouble. I got in trouble. Oh, I love this shit. I can picture it. Oh, I was like, his LCD is kicking in. He is so Oh, what are you really concerned because of his new place of employment? He just hadn't. It was still new though. It's right. But it's also something you can't control. It's like if someone's dog died.

Bobby: 28:52

Just have proof. Where's the receipt that your dish is a bring ruffian carry Rafi and this is my dead ducks. In freezer. Oh, damn. So then I decided as I'm high to spring into action as I do, because this is where I'm strong in our relationship. I'm very strong. And that's why I do my job. I'm a project manager. So I get right on the horn here. Then I get right on the horn. Okay, and I get read on southwest.com Because I'm like, we've got to put another flight because they rebooked us on Delta know for the next day. Absolutely. With a connection in Detroit a fucking high right. I'm like, Are they insane? Right, so I wasn't we weren't gonna get home on Monday until like four. Yeah, and I was like Sacketts can't No, no, this isn't gonna this is gonna work for us. So I decided to go on Southwest I found a flight bought it. My son just bought us tickets to go home tomorrow. So just working out without getting where we need. So that's me. Hi, though. Like,

Jim: 29:44

I can be fun and funny. I can be shaky and weird. It's my ability to like even when I can. If I need to get something done. Oh, say my voice. Like we gotta be somewhere at this time. We're going. It's really weird. You have a natural Mossad. You have a 777 sense for booking flights, booking flights training should be making should happen though like, yeah, in the event and this is part of my trauma but in the event of something that right now, okay, well anyway, so that was my weekend part of your what's part of your trauma we need to hear I don't remember what I was even talking about for the past. I mean, once we go into the trauma, I mean, I was just like, wait. Oh, no, I'm dizzy. Okay, so now what I want to do but before we get Bobby and Jim in here permanently, Yeah, cuz I gotta take this week off. I can't erase. I'm like, pushing it like this on like, I keep going. Like, I would like to do the gay commandments. Oh, okay. And I know we haven't studied our commandments in a while so we're gonna have to go. We're gonna have to figure them out. I think we can remember there's something about poppers. Yeah, thou shalt always sniff poppers will always sniff poppers and share with nice straight friends. And they'll ask questions they're gonna ask what you're doing and what are those and why do we like them to that? Yeah. shall share thou shalt share poppers thou shalt take at least five loads per Pride weekend. And I mean take I'm not talking give that doesn't count you know, giving them mouth or whole. What about body? I can't remember any protocols you Yes, mouth or whole body chest tits work as well. You can take loads on your tits, but five per Pride weekend minimum. And that's the whole month of June. Okay? Giving you weekends off because you're tired. There's no time. There's no time to be tired. When it comes to a load honey hide. You can take a load you have no you just lay there speaking of

Bobby: 31:37

pride, Thou shalt not only Thou shall have at least a minimum of eight drinks during Pride season every day per day. And that's why I'm training that's why we have myself I'm doing above boob lay Mary's drinking boob lay because she has acid reflux. We're doing a little test

Jim: 31:53

here. She made a little mistake for 12 days in a row and that's approximately what day we are on in June of thou shalt stop drinking when needed. Tuesday June 14 2022. Even Mary's watches speaking to her that was God with some first Yeah. Thou shalt disparage your good looking bodied friends. Thou shalt not covet your brother's boss. Oh it's it's a tight Oh no. It's a tight what? Who is your brother's boss? You don't have a brother? I said your brother's boss. You don't know my brother's boss. Y'all know me I'm looking at your freak out shout out shout knock covet thy neighbor's deck oh yeah me too across this smoking bitch Okay, I have an addiction you're on the you're dying on the ground. I am on the cross now. About shall enjoy the company of lesbians. Now. No, that is that man to follow that it's a commands make sure you have some yard work or some woodwork to get done and hanging out with lesbians thou shalt and thou shan't vi call my daddy calling my name call my daddy by the name. That's literally I've noticed is all my straight friends. We'd like to be queer this month and I'm sick of it. All of them are like did day to day look at me I'm gay to no Get the fuck out. You're not you weren't welcome you're not invited. The A doesn't stand for allies like I'm gonna make it clear it's a sexual. Yeah, it's not it's not allies like I just sorry, honey. I love them. And they have a time in place and they got me through high school. But I don't need them this month to be like look at me. No not get me. Um, it's not for you. Well, just like bouncing off that that really quick. I actually got really fucking annoyed at Pride. Happy cry. It's per alright. Oh, I'm not even using the microphone. It's Oh. Well, we're having this pa ride. When I'm sick and tired of his pride. Oh, no, really just straight like Oh, but like,

Bobby: 34:26

here's the thing. Here's why I'm annoyed though. Okay, tell me. I'm annoyed because I'm tired of all the people like having to do pride logos. You like like it's kind of embarrassing at this point. Like everything has rainbow it's like so if we all support uh, yeah, why don't we just like why are why are we still haven't had to break up pride rally. Why are we mad at drag queens?

Jim: 34:48

Why are we upset with drag many drag queens are like grand cartoon characters for these kids. My kids think they're like Disney characters. Like look at the big eyes and the frozen outfits. Also, they let us actually it's love drag. I saw a tick tock a woman drag queens like I'm a cisgendered female and I'm a drag queen. So yeah, there's a straight man RuPaul I think doing drag, or allegedly he's not Medallia Daya is that the name? I don't fucking know Medea. Yeah. Yeah, I just think it's like clearly we're not in a place where everyone's accepting but like the companies or they want to be the companies are acting like no, they will not be there. They just fit in.

Bobby: 35:24

Like I was at. I was at the airport. It was like Bobo Hartsfield International Airport is pariet celebrates per ride. I'm like, why the fuck do I even care that like airport, like getting

Jim: 35:35

to the point where like, those Chevron sounds like it but it's like, I'm a little more worried about literally legislation passing right now in this week in the statehouse of Ohio, like, that's what I'm worried about. You can keep your fucking logos like stop funding the politicians who are doing this to us. And honestly, like actions speak louder than words. So

Bobby: 35:55

hey, girl, I mean, seriously, that's like a legit legit. That's legit. It's legit. So anyway, that's right. Like you don't hate pride, pride. I want us to be respected. But like, if you're all gonna act like we're all good, then why are we not good? Right? Like, good. So everybody's for pride now. Okay. Well, okay, what are you doing on the other month? What are you doing? Like you said, with legislation, all that stuff. So that's where I funding I keep getting a little bit more. No, because every year I see more and more, and I see like people with like, Rainbow this and I'm like, I'm kind of annoyed. And I'm gay. Like, yeah, and now I also had an existential crisis. Oh, well, because I thought about it. I'm like, I think I'm actually just like, a really bad gay you are.

Jim: 36:34

It's fine. It's fine. There's no good or bad gay shops, you know how when you're scrolling, you always like, if you like search location, you click a little for you page or whatever, and Instagram and you see things come up. And then you see that you like, click a picture, actually, ooh, that's a cool place that they're in. Okay, so I clicked on this person's picture. And in the bio, it says, and, you know, this is like, what do you put your career or like what you do? Okay, it says, public figure. Now, this person has 3500 followers, and live somewhere in Mexico. And we've definitely never heard of them. I'll tell you that, like, I looked through the pictures. I'm like, have they been some cards ever been on a TV show? public figure. And so then I started paying attention to that. I'm like, let me see how many people put public figure a shit ton. There are people with 2000 followers who say they're a public figure, because they're a trainer when they're writing this on what on their Instagram bio, they put public figure instead of like, CEO of this place, or like, Doc physician we do. You can Yeah, you can? Oh, yeah. From what I've seen, anyone can put public figure and they're not a public figure. But I guess it tricks people into thinking there's something that's all fame is they go all fame is is those tricking you into thinking there's something special? I'm like, public figure, what? You got 33,000 followers, you are not a public figure. That's like saying maybe in your hometown. So that's just one thing I've seen on social media. The other thing that's really bothering me, oh, no, I'm going here's our grinding honey grinded gears right here. People who put their Venmo or cash map in their bio, these are the people that are just you're like, What are you? What service? Are you giving me that I would ever fucking just give you money? These are not entertainers. By the way, there are entertainers who have their cash app in there. Sure. I'm like, okay, like, if you're giving me a service drag queens where I see them at a show. And if they don't put their like, QR code up? Sure. And I don't have cash later on, like, oh, I wouldn't give them I wouldn't pay them. $5. Okay, I'll give them cash up. But these are people I see who literally just sit around and do nothing and don't post any cool pictures. They're not being entertaining aren't being entertaining. There's no reason I would give them money. And then it's like, Cash App. Why are you putting your cash app here? People just throw their cash app out. Like they just deserve money.

Bobby: 38:50

Have you ever seen Have you heard the story of a lady that went on a ride? And she said we're trying to fill up and go across the country and she ended up they like had put on the car and they were driving and people donated like $10,000 I'm sure and they were not like for what? Right? Like if you remember the potato salad guy here, but the potato salad guy, the potato salad guy raised? I don't know if it was I don't think it was a million dollars. I think it was $100,000 or something like that for a sweet potato or Sweet Potato Potato Salad party. That was like the gag like he was able to raise that much money to then have a and he was from Columbus and so I went but my mom knew about it. Like everybody knew about it. You went to a potato salad, because he raised the money for like there was like a Kickstarter or whatever. You know, I'm saying Kickstarter. So like, I don't understand. First of all, we need a new road caster. Do I need to put my

Jim: 39:40

cash out? You should? Because no, everyone's doing it and I'm just like, but who's paying to it? Like who are the people that are like I'd give$10 to this shit. Oh, salad party. Let me donate 100 Like how do you get to $10,000 or 100? Again,

Bobby: 39:57

everything's about it's a feeling seen and being part of something bigger than you are. So like, they want to be a part of that. You want to be able to tell all your friends I went I went to the you did I went to Coldplay and you did and so I have superiority of you. So that's what makes them honey now with those seats well actually with those seats that proves that they're very popular.

Jim: 40:19

Right ride ride. Oh, yeah. Famous, very interesting. Play called. I don't even know that. I'm like cold some. Did they do anything for per ride? They're pretty gay as it is. Yeah, if you break up with Gwyneth Paltrow, like you're gay. Well, I think if you're with I mean, if we're really getting serious, she's got that goop thing going on. We're talking biking. No, I'm like, you're busy. I just don't understand like, what's happening with her? I don't I'm either CERN for all the celebrities from our era. I'm actually considering just got married. Have you seen all the pictures of her with all these? like drag queens? They look like drag queens, but it's like, oh, no, Kathy Helen on the far left. I was trying to figure out who the the old blonde Harris was there. Just Versace. Donatella, I believe I'm not saying these people weren't even there for you when you were in a fucking jail cell at home. Okay, you're locked up in your father's basement and now you're making out with Madonna your wedding? Also, do you think that the guy they said that her ex husband like he looks legit. Did you hear that? Oh, I saw Jason. I feel like it's a lie. I think it's all against age. We're gonna go it's all a simulation. We're not gonna go into it. You know? I think it might be time for though Yeah, oh, here we go. I'm getting rushed. I'm sorry. You can't even find don't even chop chop me little honey. I'm getting nervous because pretty senior week journal is gonna be your whole life. If you're addicted. Oh. Oh, no. Hi, thoughts.

Unknown: 41:56

A little too late. 30s. I never take it and memories really?

Jim: 42:01

Weird. Yeah. But think about it. Think of them. It's never like you're in your 20s or you're like in your overlay. It's either you're you're it's always that or you're almost 40 Or you're like become my grandpa. I don't know. It's so weird. You're right. Yeah. So I was like, I don't feel like I'm being seen very much in Hollywood.

Unknown: 42:18

Time is going so fast. Like I look down and let back up. Or has done you want to high on your future

Jim: 42:42

and then you think ahead and you're the future? No idea. And I've been just going with that and let my brain go. Well, actually, you're probably on the couch high. You look up I'm like, then you're just doing nothing. Then you look up and you're like it's it's going through though. Reality is a little weird.

Bobby: 43:07

Think what I was trying to say. Or the Allies now. Okay, is that I really wanted to be emo. Like, I was emo and I was scared. Okay, here's, let me just explain. Oh, really? Oh, you hate me. It's fine. Um, so basically what I was thinking is when I was in high school, or when I was in elementary school, I wore vans and I was like a skater kid. I wanted to be a skater, okay, like this, but I also was an athlete. So in seventh grade, when I went to basketball camp, I had my skater shoes. I didn't even have tennis shoes. i Great now I'm like, okay, so So I'm running around the track with this guy. And he's like, Well, you probably call it a gay. He's like, why are you wearing vans? That's gay. Those are so stupid, blah, blah. So then I was like, Well, I can't wear vans then. So I went got athletic shoes. So I wear athletic shoes. Well, then, like, email came along. And I wanted to be email, but I didn't want to like so I'm always like, trying to like, I've always my whole life,

Jim: 43:59

tried to Napal ego is going out the window and you're like, I know what I'm going to be next. Exactly. You're going to be trans. No, I'm

Bobby: 44:05

going. I'm going I'm going into a straight. Yeah, I think that you should go that's actually the train. That's that's the gig. And that's the god there's plenty of vaginas around for you like, no. But anyway, I think like I always don't have a role. No, I always try to like, I could have a role. And if I and I feel like I am now yeah, the human I am today is way different. But like, you could easily influenced me a long time ago, and just been like, oh,

Jim: 44:29

well, I like that. You're easily persuadable. And that's also probably part of my trauma. Trauma.

Unknown: 44:36

I literally don't give a fuck anymore about people as problems and how I need to help fix them. I always say it's everything. My job. Our work is fixing everyone else's shit.

Jim: 44:48

I think I was angry at that point. You were feeling it? Well angry. You probably do. You're a fixer. You fix the flight situation. You're a fixer. I am. I'm a fucking fixer everything. What do you say about me? II, you're a fixer, you always say why do you keep having these people around you that have like drug problems or other problems that you're trying to help? I'm trying to fix you for fixing people. We're just both fixers. Oh, fuck no, I don't like that makes sense. Actually, really, we can do this. We can make it work. We can fix it. We can do it. We can do everything. Oh, weird. This last one is interesting. I hate

Unknown: 45:21

being in public now. Kind of ironic really.

Jim: 45:26

A bit ironic. Because I'm such a public figure a little too ironic. So yeah, that's my I'm actually you do hate being in public? I do. I fucking Hey, boys. Like do you want to go here? Come out here. Now. Why don't you just come to the pool? Why don't you do this? It wasn't obviously not. I'm not going to dinner. I'm not Yeah. Yeah. Like it's it's not good for me. You know what I mean? Hate the public. I hate the public. And I want to like about it. Actually, you don't. I mean, honestly, like, I'm worried that pride here is going to have an event. I'm just going to predict it now. I'll probably be done. So you want are you going? I mean, it's Pride weekend. You're gonna go out in the heat in this gun. Oh, no. Silo, actually. It's only gonna be 78 next Saturday. Good. We'll probably do the parade. I've been. I've been many times. You can be scared, honey. I am now in this climate. I am too. But what are we gonna do get killed? Then it's gonna happen now. Later on. It's gonna be funny when you're dead. And I'm like on the podcast like Bobby died. Remember how he doesn't like go into public? He's dead now. So this podcast is going to transform. I'm well now I will get so famous. If you die now shot and killed. I know that would be like, Oh my God, you hear that episode on that podcast? That we wish I predicted now you're? Oh, I don't want to predict that. Okay, well, but actually, the other thing that I realized this weekend, and this is going to blow everyone's fucking litter old. I secretly in my head. Don't think I'm really ever gonna die. I see that. Does that make sense? I can tell. Like I get I'm like, I'm scared. And then I'm like, but it's never gonna happen. Is that not fucked up? But I was like, analyzing this was like, wow, you're fucked up. No, that's natural. Is that what everybody does? Everyone avoids the avoidance of it all feel like we just aren't ever going to die. But we're all afraid to say oh, we don't talk about like, Oh, that's terrible. Oh, God. God bless her soul. Jesus Christ. Dion. I don't know. It was just we don't think of our own death very often, if ever any person that talks about it, but then I'm a public figure and that's fine. Thank you. You're a public figure. Um, geez, I was Jesus.

Bobby: 47:38

you'll ever meet hottest lesbians here. Jim. Go go get her. I forgot her name. Courtney. Go get Courtney. Oh, Courtney's here. Hi, y'all. Oh my god, Courtney. Hello, y'all. Hey, so tell us about your last weekend. Did you have a garage sale?

Jim: 47:54

I had a garage sale with my partner Becky. Oh, Becky and I moved in last week. You know, we did a little project on the house had a bunch of extra furniture. We wanted to get rid of Becky to Becky B. Becky B Becky T Well, we got rid of her. So yeah, we had a great weekend, went down to Slammers had some pizza. Courtney's getting well country coordinates from the country. I like Courtney. He is from the country. She was born there raised bob for apples. Oh, honey, where do you think I get this neck? All this practice? We love bobbing for apples where I'm from. It's why I'm a lesbian. That's what they said in high school. Wow. She was a champion. The Apple bomber can go up and down nonstop. She wasn't quite a fisher person, but she can bottle some apples. Fisher Fisher like well, let's say a fisherman but then Courtney, I was like how did Courtney get a fish Courtney? I was like Courtney doesn't do anal. You had a lot of eggs but like Shana Fisher and her pus, which I actually find out that you can you can share in your pussy. Have you ever heard it? You can call your pussy because of a fisher? Well, that's actually a fistula, but I have I yeah, I'm sorry. I have heard of that. Wait, so not only that, but I've seen Wait, can you wait? Yep, yeah, yeah, you can also shit out of your dick. So if you ever have brown stuff coming out? Yeah. That's because of shit cut into my other. It's connected fucking way out of your view. Could he? Oh, you could get it? Yep. I could because I feel like my body's prone to holes and bombs. Yes, exactly. That's what I was saying. Like you have a natural away with it. I'm a natural. You could form a connection. I'm pooped connection. That is horrifying. Oh, I know. Courtney. Courtney hasn't had a half. What are you doing for work lately? Well, I've been picking up a few jobs here and there. I'm a site manager. We're at the local Holiday Inn we're building right off Interstate 75 exit 34 in Tennessee. So that takes up most of my time. Otherwise I'm bartending. Oh, local billiards Hall looks it's called pussy lakes and if you come in I'll give you a discount. Okay on the pissy Lex looks? Well, I had somebody actually say that they really want you to do some interviews with people. So I think maybe we're gonna have to get court court me, Courtney. That's right. spelled like the little patellas hear her. Oh, that's a big word for you, Courtney. Now, I took her up on a farm and the horses have them you have them.

Bobby: 50:40

So we're gonna get Courtney out on the streets and we might be able to do it soon. So Okay, thanks, Courtney. By if you're watching us go listen to us. If you're listening to us, go watch us.

Jim: 50:52

And happy pa right. sundry sundries successes. I've got a trip coming up next week. Sunday. We got to plan ahead. We got to plan behind we got to plan somewhere. Put it in your pussy but in your policy. We're never gonna have it centered around here. Oh my God. We are going to have a state senator. That can be our theme. Soon as Senate a senator. Would you trust us senator? Sunder hair I love Courtney's cornea I'm so jealous. We're gonna gel it oh, well just be Courtney as a senator you're gonna run for Senate. Okay, I love it. That's a good idea. Courtney for Senate we could do a whole campaign this fall do a whole campaign right now. Courtney for Senate don't even get me started girl. I'm running for Tennessee Senate. Great. You're gonna like 65 texts later I'm like, Oh my God. And then Courtney like she didn't then like go and do. We're gonna do with commercial indoor commercial and like, I'm gonna get a sponsors. Six views later. Oh, you said it girl. No, actually, we're like, Canna gotta Yeah, now like I says YouTube's coming around. YouTube is coming around as we've gotten a little bitty bobbidi Boo is doing a great job with the editing. Because I love watching all my friends were like, Oh, we watched the YouTube so everyone listening just watched your listen. Yeah, and I'm gonna link it in this like, this is great. When you're in the car. I get it. I get it. i They both about I like listen a little bit on. I wasn't worth watching. So it was worth Honestly, you're getting more content when you watch. Yeah, saying you've got to see these because you can see what oh, it's the bodies. So that's we're in here. You can actually see what Jesus and Mary looked like. We're wearing tank tops. You can see our guns. You see my tits, like, hello. I don't really have any sundries other than like, I'm really tired of the fucking airlines. But that's just another I'm getting concerned. I'd be concerned if I was flying. So if you're flying, make sure you call ahead because I don't know what you think calling ahead is going to do?

Bobby: 52:56

Well not call either. Attention. Yeah, just check your flight before you go. Before you leave for the airport. Check your flight. Say this actually ever sundry about airplanes? If you have a fucking child. Okay, first of all, first of all them facing forward. I don't want to look at your goddamn kid's face. Okay. Wow. Because I don't want to be accused of grooming. Second of all, when the flight attendant comes around and says you need to sit down to your son. Yeah, you don't facilitate a sit down. I will. Literally trying to climb over the seat to back to his grandparents and I'm in the row behind the grandparents. I'm watching this kid I go. Actually, I do look at dad. And if I go, No. Oh, I love that. I like a weird on. I was like, Who? I'm

Jim: 53:37

like a 37 year I do too. Yeah, I'm tired of running around. Listen, if you're not going to discipline your kids, I will. I will tell you that right now. I have no trouble doing it. I'm like, stop. I'll say stop running. If I'm sitting in the little waiting area, and they're tripping over bags and jumping on. Oh, running around. We're getting old. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck either. It's what are you gonna say to me, it's gonna be strange to learn how to take care of your kids. Otherwise, you turn up like Bobby. Okay, so take care, honestly. And as we discussed, I'm actually a public figure. So guess what? I said right there to public figures. And a little house, Mary and Jesus two public figures.

Bobby: 54:17

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Are Jesus Mary and not Joseph to public figure? I don't know. We're gonna work through it. Yeah, so get your kids in fucking order. Okay.

Jim: 54:30

And stay away. Stay away. And we hope that this

Bobby: 54:35

isn't an episode that when a crisis happens, because I don't know what we were not aware of it kind of hopefully everyone's alive. Yeah. So anyway, thank you for joining us, Jesus and Mary. Love you, Courtney. Thank you, Courtney, for coming on. We live in a queue. Get her out of here, please. Out.

Jim: 54:52

She smells like raccoon. She sounds like Oh. Well, okay. Thank you. Bye, I guess bye bye. Hey, now this is I guess you just slowly Honey This is the after show you'll see on YouTube like I I love our like I love it the end

Bobby: 55:14

You know it's funny I was showing my coworker this and he was like you don't act like that here and then go I actually don't really act like that. A lot of places I said we both turned into like Bobby and Jim like it's almost like a character not really but like it's like the same but I let go of all inhibitions as Bobby on here. Where I have to say like anything, right? I'm like, but then in real life I'm like, I'm not gonna be like, Oh, honey. Yes, I'm kidding. I never screw

Jim: 55:42

you don't I don't I don't know we're actually kind of like boring and like we play darts. Sticking face reflux that's good honey. Have you ever have a problem? I'm going to stop weed because you're stopping now. Yeah, I'm like, what are you gonna do? As you try to tell the Chico's and listen, those are so good. I have that where you are and the Can You mean are the actual