The Gay Guide to Ditching Religion, Avoiding Reacherhood, and Navigating the Selfie World

This week is a doozy and at the end we completely loose it and almost unalive our self laughing.  Quick side note, call our voicemail and tell us what's making you not well. 

First things first, we had to talk about our viral Tik-Tok Video where Jim goes off on religion (not actual christianity). 

We believe that religion is misguided and harmful, and that those who believe in God are misguided and likely hate others. We also mocked certain aspects of Catholicism, such as the concept of transubstantiation and the idea that unbaptized children go to purgatory or limbo. We argued that those who worship God are missing out on fun and joy in life, and that God would be disappointed in their actions and choices. Overall, we were critical of religion. 

We move on to a more serious subject. The settler and the reacher in any relationship. Bobby recently saw a post on Reddit about someone who was trying to meet someone else for over a month and was constantly texting them, even though they weren't responding. Jim thinks this person was likely a "pathetic little twink gay boy" and that this behavior is indicative of a dynamic in relationships called "settlers" and "reachers."

In this dynamic, one person in the relationship is the "settler," meaning they are considered more attractive or desirable compared to their partner, while the other person is the "reacher," meaning they are less attractive or desirable and constantly shower their partner with attention and affection.

I think it's important to recognize this dynamic and try to avoid being a "Reacher" in relationships. Instead, it's better to play it cool and not overly text or shower your partner with attention.

Jim talks about the origins of a selfie. 

Selfies have become ubiquitous on social media, and many people seem to love them. But are they really worth all the hype?

Jim despises selfies, citing their annoyance with the proliferation of these photos on social media. Bobby suggest that selfies may originally have been used as a way to prove one's presence at a particular location. For example, someone might take a selfie before heading out into dangerous territory or while participating in an important event. Alternatively, people might take selfies as proof of being alive after losing contact with friends or family during an emergency situation.

Both Bobby & Jim express frustration with those who constantly post selfies online and wonder why we can't just start speaking out against this behavior. Perhaps when enough people do so, it will finally give pause to those who are addicted to self-promotion through photo updates!

Transcript

Bobby: 0:00

But not well. I'm Bobby.

Jim: 0:01

I'm Jim. And I'm Antichrist. And I'm

Bobby: 0:05

very ready for Christ

Jim: 0:07

yeah. Well, you do look like you're ready for, you. Look like you're ready for Christ to come all over your tits.

Bobby: 0:12

And honestly, can you imagine a load from Christ?

Jim: 0:14

It'd be holy. It would be like holy oil, water. You're like, oh, there are probably. Garments out there with Christ, come on them. And they are

Bobby: 0:23

considered sacred. Do you think he has a big load? Like is it like a stringy load or is it like a fat load? Like a

Jim: 0:29

i It's, or like a fat, like compact bullets of come like, not ropes. Not ropes,

Bobby: 0:35

not ropes. He like just big posh. Yeah. You know. You know what my favorite kind is when they. First, like, you know how the first like, Ooh, fuck.

Jim: 0:43

Oh. And then it's like, oh yeah, I like the squirt though up first, like behind their ears type. Yeah. It's shooting back's. It's shooting.

Bobby: 0:51

Like that's, they're leaning back and they're like, and then I'm like, Ugh. Because come,

Jim: 0:56

then it grows like, um, yeah, like too much come from me for me. Like it go cu goes a long way. A little cu goes a long

Bobby: 1:04

way. A little cu goes way too long. And honestly, it's just one of those things where we gotta work on, it's

Jim: 1:09

hot for the first five seconds. Oh, this is so hot for everybody to

Bobby: 1:12

come on. Somebody like, I know I don't get that. Maybe I'm not an alpha male or

Jim: 1:15

something. I think it's the ultimate disrespect. That's why they want fucking disrespect me. Yeah, they, they wanna spit on you, they wanna slap you, they wanna come on you. And honestly with tits like those, why wouldn't you want them to be? And if you didn't have, if you had tits

Bobby: 1:26

like these Babe,

Jim: 1:27

babe, um, you're screaming to become done. come dumpster if you will. Um, I, so I can't remember the last time I came on someone. Well ask Matt, I guess, cuz I, honestly, I don't, uh, I'll admit something. Do you come anymore? Well, first of

Bobby: 1:42

all, first of all, uh, masturbation update, uh, still haven't done it this week. Uh, didn't do it last week or before? Before that, I'm like at like five weeks I think without.. Yeah. Uh, I actually talked to Michael about today. I was like, I really think I have a problem. Like, it's not, I, I really, these are

Jim: 1:54

interested at all, which is like fair. Well, I'm also on a of the world around you, like, why would you be interested in, but

Bobby: 2:00

I'm also on a drug that like, does this like it, it does dull

Jim: 2:04

your sex organs. Okay. But thankfully it keeps you alive from being to class. Yeah.

Bobby: 2:10

I'm. What did they say? The kids say,

Jim: 2:13

I'm not gonna go

Bobby: 2:14

off the ropes. No. The kids say like, I'm not gonna un un. What do they say?

Jim: 2:18

They say something. No, I tried to unlive myself. Unlive. That's it. Okay. There you go. Thank you. You're not gonna unlive yourself. You're going fat ass. Oh. Oh. Well when? But you're going fat ass. And with voices like that in your head, no wonder you wanna unlive yourself. Well, and that's the thing, it's like, um, oh, cuz you can't get banned if you say unlive. But if you said something to kill myself, then they're like, banned. So then it became a thing. Uh, so who is this little

Bobby: 2:42

hottie on the front this week? We have Jesus. Oh, that's Jesus.

Jim: 2:46

Yeah, I did, I did. Well then I a c

Bobby: 2:48

Sign me up. Sign us up for this. Now. Oh my God. I wonder, do you think if a Christian straight guy, do you think he would take a load from him?

Jim: 2:57

Oh, absolutely. I think so too. If Jesus came back to earth and was like, if you wanna be a true follower, you're gonna take a load. These men would line up with their mouth open on their knees. I actually

Bobby: 3:07

think they'd be, they'd be like, oh, you are real.

Jim: 3:10

I feel like they're, yeah, they might, they might honestly be like, wait, I was just doing this for my wife. I was kidding. Wait, whoa, whoa, . I was just doing this to get pussy. Like, yeah, I love Jesus. Honey, honey, honey, come over here with me. Well, you really

Bobby: 3:20

struck a nerve. Um,

Jim: 3:21

but also, oh yeah. What happened? Um, we kind of

Bobby: 3:24

went, I had a little rant. You had a rant last week, and I actually knew as you were doing it, I really knew this was like gold because you were just,

Jim: 3:34

I'm. I thought it was the same old bullshit. Like this stuff went, no, this is playing in my head all the time where I'm like, fuck these Christians. The

Bobby: 3:40

thing is, is that I want to clarify something. Um, go ahead. There was some comments on the, so the video has gotten like, like

Jim: 3:47

crazy news, way too many, tens of thousands of

Bobby: 3:48

likes. Way too many, like 45,000 likes. Like we're gonna be at half a million. Probably soon. Well, regardless, like everybody agreed with it though, on TikTok, so it's a weird very, like we were like, people were like, amen. Oh my God,

Jim: 4:00

I wasn't sure. People are going, yeah, we've been thinking this forever. We

Bobby: 4:03

fucking, I'm determined that Gen Z, there's only 10% that are Christian. No. Or even have any kind of belief other than like

Jim: 4:09

crystals and fucking, and they're probably even like the good kind of Christian. They're, yeah. They're not the one that's like, Hey, they're probably like, fine. I had a moment today.

Bobby: 4:18

Tell it, share it. Should I? Are we going?

Jim: 4:19

This is the intro. Let's go there, honey. Let's go into it. Well, I'm worried about you. Your Christian roots are showing you need a new die.

Bobby: 4:28

I think there's a misconception coming from here, and I want to clarify,

Jim: 4:31

clarify, clarify. I love that word. You just invented it.

Bobby: 4:34

We are not against people who believe in God. Jesus. Oh no, no, we are not against you. What would, why would we be believe. Us, us alone. That's all we want. Honestly, leave us alone. I don't, I don't give a fuck about whatever you do. I'm not mad like, but just say

Jim: 4:49

your prayers. Go into your confession. We're not making fun of you cuz you believe in, in this space. Go drink some of Christ's blood on a Sunday. And

Bobby: 4:56

by the way, if you are Catholic, uh, you are literally,

Jim: 4:59

you're literal that, so you're literally slash eating the body, body and blood a dead human. And you're also drinking the blood of dead human in honor of him. But fine, if that's what you want to believe and that's fine. Good for.

Bobby: 5:10

But don't come at me with your rules. Then based on

Jim: 5:13

your, if you wanna say that Unbaptized children go to like a purgatory or limbo forever, and they just have to suffer there for eternity and never get to be reunited with their families in the afterlife in heaven. If you wanna believe that. Go ahead. I can, we don't want to fucking hear about it. Why would we wanna hear about that? I'm gonna

Bobby: 5:29

say, I really think God's probably like a fucking queen bitch. Like he is like, God's over it. So lay honey mama. And they're gonna be like, what? And he's gonna be like, you guys are the dumb ones. Yeah. You guys worshiped

Jim: 5:38

me for no reason. Literally, God's probably like the most boring people, worshiped me. The most boring hate people on the planet. Why do you think there's floods? They have all, why do, there's hurricanes in all these like poor towns. You have all this possibility of having fun. The people that worship God don't have any fun. Nope. Their idea of fun is saying the rosary, whereas God's chosen people are out, sashaying away, dancing away, cat, kitty, cat, maybe drinking a little too much, maybe fucking someone having a little fun with their body, using your actual genitalia that he provided. He gave us a body for what? It lasts like 80 years max. And what do you want us to do with it? Sit around and pray. Maybe you can shove it up my pussy and close it back together. Exactly. I think, uh, so that's what I'm worried about. Like the worshipers of God. God probably hates, I'm just gonna say that.

Bobby: 6:21

How, what? Can you imagine the

Jim: 6:23

gag in the Yeah. They're gonna get up there and he's like, well, you wasted 80 years by the way. I gave you a long life. You were not just with you to anybody. You weren't nice to anyone. You hated all my things. You read all

Bobby: 6:32

my books and ship book. Cool. You weren't nice.

Jim: 6:35

So you found one line in Leviticus. You didn't listen to anything Jesus said, but, and you cheated on your wife and you cheated on your wife, but I'm glad you really prayed every Sunday in church. Good for you. Can you imagine? God

Bobby: 6:47

probably hates that somebody said this and I'm just gonna repeat it, but like you imagine the thing about the universe. Think how the speck of fucking nothing we are okay. Mm-hmm.. And now imagine this. God is so angry about people who wanna suck dicks that have dicks cannot. I don't get how you. Justify

Jim: 7:03

that universe. Do you see how big is 14 billion years old? And you think someone who lives for 80 years out of 14 billion years, that's so sad, is the focus of God's mind and he's, he's, oh, I really gotta, it's, I really, yeah, it's that gay hate, it's direct Hate that specific one. I hate

Bobby: 7:18

him if he is real. I just is

Jim: 7:20

real. If he is Israel. Well, and I don't like, we fucking hate Israel. So why It's called Israel, is he., I have no idea. Like in Hebrew it's called, is Jesus real? Israel can fuck off. Yeah. I mean, honestly, there's some problems and

Bobby: 7:32

they made some shitty ass

Jim: 7:33

comment until they get rid of apartheid and actually recognize that Palestinians are human beings. Israel can fuck off. But did you see what

Bobby: 7:39

happened? Where they they who called out? Oh, Italy called out the United States and I was like,. Jim: Oops. Yeah, cuz we're just like sending billions of dollars over to this country called Israel. This so-called country. It's a disaster. Israel, how many elections can you have in four years? Ask Israel. They've had a million Prime Ministers. They're a disaster, right? Where's Yugos? Was that his name?. Yugoslav never got killed, didn't he? Killed in a truck by a Palestinian

Jim: 8:05

intermission. Well, happy Hanukkah to our Jewish listeners. Happy Hanukkah. We don't hate Jews, we just hate Zionists. So that's that. And that's all we have to say. Um,

Bobby: 8:15

okay, so here's the thing, guys, ladies and thems, and they, the voicemail popped off this week. Okay? Wait. The first time ever, like a real, like, we got some real fucking calls. No. Legit, you are gonna, oh

Jim: 8:27

my God. Wait, what?

Bobby: 8:28

No, you're gonna die when you hear this story. Like, this is what

Jim: 8:31

we want. I've never, we've

Bobby: 8:32

never had like, And caller said, caller, when we get to you, I need you to contact me cause we want you on the show. Um, oh my God. But what I wanna say right now is that if you need to give us a call, you can call us at (614) 721-5336.

Jim: 8:44

That's 6 1 4 7 2 1 5 3 3 6.

Bobby: 8:47

We want to hear your stories cuz the story , I

Jim: 8:49

mean, oh my God, God, the first real. So your, so we

Bobby: 8:52

finally got a voice, so your thing went viral and then I posted a video of us in the number like that says like, you know what, make this show better if you guys. And so we got these calls. The first call might be the best call ever. Like I don't even know if we can top it. Like it might, this might be the first and the last voicemail that we received, because we got two, but, oh, this first one is like, you're gonna be like, are you? I'm sorry.

Jim: 9:17

You really are. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm excited. I'm freaking out actually. Yeah, it's great. Um,

Bobby: 9:23

okay, so I also want to talk about, we're gonna be doing a Pepsi Coke challenge. Dave's back

Jim: 9:30

in town. Um, Dave's back, uh, let's bring that up. Oh, I don't like you. Poor Dave. I mean, not poor Dave. He's living his best life. He's living his best life.

Bobby: 9:38

He's living in a better life. Del Delray. Uh, or with Le or

Jim: 9:41

We, he's with Le Delray. And, and Elden. Delray. Bobby: He's with Lane and Yeah. I'm like, we, what was that? Where is he, isn't he from Marina Delray? Oh, whatever. He's, he's in la. It all rhymes together. But he's, I said, Lena, I said, Lena Delray. Lena Delray. Wait, what is her name? Lena Del. It's Lena. Lena Delray. Oh, okay. So why is that wrong?

Bobby: 10:03

I don't know. It sounds weird. Um,

Jim: 10:05

so isn't it Lena Delray? I don't, are you freaking me

Bobby: 10:08

out? Lena, I don't wanna do is get high by the beach, by,

Jim: 10:11

by, in my blue jeans. All of her songs are the same. I'm a new asshole.

Bobby: 10:17

I got new button.

Jim: 10:18

Sorry. I love new button. You're so high. I love it. So we're

Bobby: 10:22

gonna do the Pepsi challenge now. What is that? The Pepsi challenges where you put, okay, so Laverne and Shirley, are you trying to make me throw up? I'm already prone to it. Well, I'm hoping it helps your stomach. Um, Pepsi and milk together. It's a thing. Apparently. It's really fucking good. It's a thing. Laverne and Shirley used to like promote it on their show. This was in the seventies when they didn't make things. This is real. This

Jim: 10:43

is real. There's a commercial. So this was like before

Bobby: 10:45

diabetes. I think there was a commercial with Lindsay Lohan and she's like, Polk or something. So I hate Pepsi first of all too. Like I fucking hate Pepsi. So I'm not really, I'm

Jim: 10:54

fully team hate, I hate Pepsi, like

Bobby: 10:57

Pepsi. I'm sorry. You wanna talk about the devil?

Jim: 11:00

Oh my God, Pepsi is so close. PepsiCo and I have an uncle who only drinks Diet Pepsi. That's so weird. And like if you, my mom used to drink Diet Pepsi. If you, if you go to the store and you're like a family vacation, he's like, where's the Diet Pepsi? I don't want Diet Coke. And you're like, God damn it, no one drinks Diet Pepsi. What's, yeah, I, I can't, no one drinks regular p I don't know anyone who drinks Pepsi. Pepsi. Period. Do you know people who drink Pepsi? I mean, they must have cereal. Well, it's always available. They had a Kardashian being like, look, I'm solving racism by giving a. A Pepsi. So it's like Pepsi must have money. Oh, they were? So who the fuck is drinking Pepsi? It's disgusting. It's so gross. If you've drinking , if you drink Pepsi and you think you're solving racism, fuck off. Fuck you. You

Bobby: 11:40

didn't even know the Kardashians.

Jim: 11:42

Oh, no. You are the Pepsi generation. Come and have a Pepsi Day. Come on, come on. Come on and taste the Pepsi wave. Come on, come on. Come on and have a Pepsi Day Wrap. Thirsty. Smile around Pepsi. Come on. Come on. Come on. Is this like an egg cream? I feel like my grandma used to get egg. So this

Bobby: 12:16

is it. Um, Larene Shirley

Jim: 12:18

Dad supposed to shake it, like mixing it off. This is like such. Cheers. Cheers. Wow. Stop. Hey. I mean, of course it's good. I feel like we're in flavor. Not like soda Shot. It's like a white, it's like a white poor person. Um, Coke flown. It's a poor person. Coke Flow top. It's like even an help right over that. See rich person Coke Flow. Okay.

Bobby: 12:51

I, it's actually like really good. It's just trying to. Open your throat and just chug

Jim: 12:57

it off. If you're from Georgia, you could chuck it. It just say, so Pepsi,

Bobby: 13:00

but like cream. Oof. Wow. Bobby, that was so rambling. Fuck. That

Jim: 13:05

was awful. It is good though. Yeah. I'm not mad about it.

Bobby: 13:08

I'm not. It's better than regular Pepsi.

Jim: 13:12

Drink your milk kids. I don't want milk. Milk's for babies. Yeah, babies. Well, yeah. Well, I happen to know that milk helps build strong bones, so drink. Well, Mr. Miller told me he never drinks milk. Look at him. Yeah. Hi kid. Oh, that's not good way. Barbecue sauce. Ew. Hi. We're from not well and we are not Well . Merry Christmas to you and your family and, and your family. And they.. Honestly. I was j No, no, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do, I was just about to, you can't say anything guys. Yeah, I was just about to launch, uh, a war against Christmas. Um, wow. Um, okay. Because

Bobby: 14:08

No, here's, I'll do it. Here's the thing. Okay. This week I decided to peruse on Reddit. Okay. It's really kind of soft, but it's like cheap.

Jim: 14:17

Yeah. It feels like a. Like a hooker from Goodwill.. . Listen, if you're not a

Bobby: 14:22

Goodwill Hooker, what are you? Yeah. Um, okay, so I got on Reddit and I saw this post that said, Ugh, I hate when guys do this. And he's super hot too. Been trying to meet him for over a month. Now. Now, now . Now. Now ma'am. Now we'll put this up on the screen.

Jim: 14:40

So, Trying to meet someone. Hi. For over a

Bobby: 14:45

month. Stop texting cuz he is not texting you back. Oh, okay. Oh, and post his actual

Jim: 14:50

text. Oh, she says, I'll see what I can do. She said I'll be ready. Hey, how's your day? Three days

Bobby: 14:54

ago. Two days ago. Two

Jim: 14:55

hours ago. Oh, it's so desperate. Okay. Does she not realize there's other dicks out there? Like a lot? Oh, this is a guy, this is a gay male. Oh, it makes more sense. Okay. Right. Okay, honey. I was like a straight woman would never do this. No. Yeah. This is total gay man. Yeah, but like a gay boy, a pathetic little twink gay boy would

Bobby: 15:12

do this. And that's what I'm concerned about. So I read this and I go, I'll never have true love. I said, what do we, what do we gotta do to like get these, get these kids on board? And I have a guide and there's a thing. I don't know if I can read, so you might have to take over for me, but I can talk about

Jim: 15:26

it. Okay. This says the two people in a relat. The settler and the reacher. The settler.. The reacher. This sounds like . I think we're had manifest destiny. Destiny. That's true. The settler and the reacher. Right? Keep going. Something racist is about to happen. Okay. What am I talking about?. Bobby: I love, you're my fucking, I know. Okay. Okay. What am I talking about? What am I talking about? One person in the relationship settles for the other who is involved in a relationship with someone out of his or her league, the settler. In every dating environment, whether it be casual, exclusive, or hell, even an engagement, one partner is the settler and the other is the reacher. A quintessential example of this is a very attractive woman. Oh, with an extremely unattractive guy that likely happens to be a very sweet. Now the good looking girl is clearly the settler because she certainly, at least looks wise, could do much better than her current boyfriend. However, and this is important, he already knows he is reaching with her, so he's constantly showering her with love through compliments, gifts, general lovey stuff, and attention. The important thing when dating is to know wind, to push and wind. Relax. Relax. Hell. I can admit that I overly text, Facebook message, old call and all that shit. I want to talk to the person I'm with because it's new and exciting, which, which. Unfortunately, from time to time establishes me as the reacher. The most important thing in dating is to play it. Cool. Now,

Bobby: 17:15

I got this from an article, but then also I thought it was

Jim: 17:18

in your voice, and I was like, you fucking idiot, I kept reading. I'm like, I mean, you say

Bobby: 17:23

unfortunately. Yeah. I don't know why this whole,

Jim: 17:25

however, I thought this is important.

Bobby: 17:29

So here's my sounds.

Jim: 17:30

I'm gonna come voice. So you're saying like there's always a reacher and a Yes. A

Bobby: 17:34

greeter and every relationship. Even probably like friendship. Even probably like, you know, here he goes, there's

Jim: 17:40

I knew there was a fucking insult coming. Oh, I'm the reacher. What? I thought you were gonna call me. The reacher. The reacher. Oops. No, I don't like you. I feel like I'm the always the one reaching to do things. Huh? Weird.

Bobby: 17:56

Huh? Oh, really? You've been reaching, huh?

Jim: 18:01

If I could find a way.

Bobby: 18:06

Okay. Anyway, so yeah. In every relationship there is somebody. So this guy, okay guy. This guy was gonna be

Jim: 18:11

reacher like this. Yeah. Well, this isn't the page with, I'm gonna be up here on the, okay.

Bobby: 18:17

The reacher in this situation is it's not good, and this text chain is not good. This is an example of what not to do because this is not

Jim: 18:28

well texting. This is bad.

Bobby: 18:30

Okay. It is so bad. So my first rule is don't ever text first. Okay. If you seem like you could be the reacher, the key to bag of hot settle. Is to act like they don't exist, but giving them just enough to be interested. These are like my real points. Wait, wait, wait,

Jim: 18:44

wait, wait, wait. Did you type that you say this?

Bobby: 18:47

Yeah, this is me. Okay. I was gonna say, do you wanna read it?

Jim: 18:49

This is changing into you. I realized, I was like, this is me here. This part

Bobby: 18:52

has to be you. I wrote all these. This is my advice to all you singles out there. This is all my this out there. Okay. My

Jim: 18:57

Bobby's advice, here's what I recommend. Don't ever text first. If you seem like you could be the reacher. The key to bag a hot settler is to act like they don't exist, but giving them just enough to be interested. Oh, fuck, fuck. Two. Don't be clingy in person or text. Allow the person to feel space. The minute you start being too much, you are done. And that's on God. Number three, stop making excuses for people and not texting back. We all use the restroom, and in 2023 we can all send a text in 2.5 seconds. If they can't text you back within eight hours of your initial text, then they just aren't that into you. Sorry. Four, stop thinking about the honeymoon phase and get real. This is a phase that lasts just a little bit. Chronic daters know this and it's why they have a new relationship every three months. It's not the fun part. It's a part where you know enough about a person but not enough to despise their flaws. If you are serious about dating, you have to look beyond the hot person and see what is under the hood . Number five, always be yourself because the truth comes out.

Bobby: 20:07

Now that's on fucking God. And that's the rule. Did you not see how beautifully written that was and

Jim: 20:14

how it really like it read for me, I would say, well, you read for me, I'm, it's read for Phil and I read you, so to

Bobby: 20:22

the Reddit guy, this is wrapping up my subject of the week, um, to the Reddit guy. Listen, okay, stop doing this tech situation. It's embarrassing. I'm sorry. It sucks. Become a settler. That's all I gotta say. You wanna be the settle.

Jim: 20:40

Have Am I? I don't. No. I feel like, no, I'm talking not us. I'm talking about, you know, who's our other people? Well, right, those are rumors.

Bobby: 20:47

Yep.. Well, and the truth.

Jim: 20:52

Oh my God. Did I just drop something? Yes, queen. This fell, this lamp. Okay. Light people really are the fucking, why did you think of Maybe just shove it up my pussy. Like the more I read that I was like, so yeah. Yeah. It's

Bobby: 21:07

really kind of a weird, so I'm sure all of you are having the same moment, like we're just kinda like you're looking at all your relationships going, the reacher

Jim: 21:13

ran settler, but you wanna be the settler. I'm the settler, but. I know I can vividly remember being the reacher. Um, let's just put it that way. Like, well, same. I was a reacher. Full Travis fledge. I was like, Corey, sorry. Hey, hey, what are you doing Thursday night? Hey, this text chain was me. Yeah, what's Friday night? Did you wanna hang out? Did you wanna go to brunch? After we s Hi, do you wanna have a sleepover? How are you? I mean, you Okay? Hey, how was your day? How so? Like, listen. They don't respond, and I'm not with those people. You

Bobby: 21:40

never text twice in a row. That's a rule.

Jim: 21:43

Do that. Wow. And honestly, once it's separated by 24 hours, he doesn't like you. I'm just gonna say that like they're, they're never, they're never so busy that they can't look at their phone when they're pissed in a 24 hour period. Right. That's exactly what I said. So if they don't respond to you in a day, they're not interested, move on. I know you think they looked at you and they gave you a wink at the bar. They hate you. They don't want you. And that's, they demonstrate it through their actions. That's what Bobby does with me. When I don't get a response in 24 hours, I know he is being a cunt.

Bobby: 22:12

Well, actually you do say, you're like, Ugh, I haven't heard from you. I'm like, oh, I saw, I see the text. But then you're also, but meanwhile, I'm like, oh, are you still okay? But meanwhile, I've been messing you on fucking Instagram, so it makes no sense.

Jim: 22:24

But anyway, if you want to cut to it, you go to a text. Do you send an Instagram message to the people you love? No. It's the people you hit on. That's what Instagram's for. Okay. Well, I have a

Bobby: 22:34

Snapchat.

Jim: 22:35

Snapchat. Oh, that's right. I'm old. It's your subject. I don't even know if you have one's. What? It's um, I do have a subject. Okay, go. Now, this involves a little trick of the imagination. You have to go blank. You have to like, forget the rules of the world. Okay? Forget life. The conventions, all the things we've just come to accept. So imagine pictures, imagine paintings. Even we started with paintings before the camera. We see beautiful landscapes. Okay? Then we get pictures, we get cameras, we go out to the natural. Areas. We take pictures, put them on the wall. Look at that beautiful photo. Now, income selfies. Okay, what are selfies? Because I started realizing, I'm like, so there's all these options for beautiful photos, beautiful pictures. And then people are taking pictures of their face going, mm-hmm.. And they're like, and you see them doing selfie and you're like, or in the mirror and, and then I'm on, I'm on Twitter and I'm, I'm trying to look at Dicks and I'm trying to find porn, I'm trying to find porn, but what I find are a lot of, so fuck my dad. All right. I find a lot of selfies and I'm like, wait, they're hot. And then I'm like, no, but why are they taking that photo of themselves? I think I really something and. I'm just asking what are selfies for? Why do so many people fucking take them? I don't do them. Do you do selfies? You don't. Well, no, but here's the thing, never. We don't do selfies. I think what it's started though, people get selfies

Bobby: 23:56

and post them, but I think I know what happened. Okay. This is the origin of it. When cameras started getting big, they were too big to do a selfie. So when they got to a point where you could turn it toward yourself, you were always having yourself in it, but it wasn't your full self. It was like most of you, but then really it was like the Eiffel Tower, but you wanted to show and prove to people that you were there. So it becomes a proof is the pudding kind of thing. So when you're on Facebook and you're like, ah, a full tower, if you don't post that, they're, they're not gonna believe you're not there. You know what I

Jim: 24:22

mean? They're gonna say, oh, you weren't there. I do agree that a lot of people, Just take trips to like say like I was there and like literally post a photo and you're like, and be like, oh, that doesn't look like a natural photo. And it never is. But I also don't fully agree. I think though, that we've had the ability to take selfies for over a decade now and people are still fucking doing it and posting photo after photo of a selfie on Instagram and I'm like, At this point, when does that get, get boring? It's when does that get boring for you? Why are you doing the selfies? Why are you doing,

Bobby: 24:50

why are you doing them? Vanessa Italian? I'd say, what the fuck are you doing? Um, yes, that country-ish. Um,

Jim: 24:56

honestly, okay, that's a spaghetti western, um,

Bobby: 25:02

now. I just don't understand it either because we've seen every angle. Yeah, we've

Jim: 25:07

seen 'em all. We've seen every moment. And you know you have those Facebook people, you've fallen, some of them are our friends, but we just don't say anything. Right. But it's time to start saying something. Oh, every picture

Bobby: 25:16

I think I'm declaring this is now. And we're gonna start telling people, please stops posting the same goddamn picture every four hours. I don't care that you're at the food hall. I don't care. Don't that you're in the fucking stadium. I don't give a fuck that. You're in class. I don't fucking care. Doing this. It's stupid. I get a selfie once in a while, like, oh look, I'm on the edge of the earth. Okay, take a goddamn selfie, but quit posting the same fucking angle. And you know, you're using a filter too. You fucking whore. I hate everyone,

Jim: 25:46

honestly.. I do hate a selfie. Um, I, that has got me fired up. Selfies are particularly bad because there's a class of people who do it and then they all, they do fit together even outside of the selfies. You're like, yeah, they should be friends. And they. It's an attitude. If you're gonna post a selfie, it's an attitude. There's a difference of opinion here. Uh, . It's true. And I feel un-Christian now, so I think we should move on. Okay.

Bobby: 26:12

Well if we're gonna move on, we just need to say public service announcement. Please stop taking those pictures. I'm not kidding. Thank you. Wow. No, I don't like you. That's the truth. Desante Shante, you stay.

Jim: 26:25

Yeah, no, the French. Oh, cheers.

Bobby: 26:27

Sonte some fell. Uh, new, new segment. It's about to start. Hello, it's the sweet and sour of the week.

Jim: 26:34

Please. The gays just know how to do stuff, you know, they're always obsessed with me. If any of you girls say anything, come to me. I'm gonna beat the shit outta you. They're trying to murder me. Trying to murder me, please. This case now trying to murder me.

Bobby: 27:09

Jennifer Cooler.

Jim: 27:10

Mm. She's so in. She's the fucking God. Jennifer Coolidge. She is. So, but she is so in. But don't you love her though? Yeah. Like seriously. And as Tanya, she's a gay icon. And then period. She didn't even ask for it.

Bobby: 27:21

Didn't ask for it. But now I, you know what's weird? I saw her on a Target commercial. She's in, she's the girl. She, yeah, she's in, she's the

Jim: 27:28

girl. And she's been saying 60, like at least I don't remember Stifler's mom.

Bobby: 27:32

She's Stifler's mom. I never saw that movie. You know what I'm talking about? So you may have seen that. Nope. American. Yeah, you see dicks? Wait, actual dicks? Are you kidding me? I knew that would get him. I mean, he has to fuck by. Oh, now a sudden he is gonna have the whole series finished by tomorrow morning. Um, and I

Jim: 27:54

didn't see a single dick. Um, so Jennifer Coolidge, she's, so, we just love

Bobby: 27:58

her. I just wanted to say she is the sweet of the week,

Jim: 28:01

but for what?

Bobby: 28:03

Her performance in the white Lotus finale. There you go. Okay. And if you haven't seen it, we're not gonna spoil it, but.. Well, you'll have, she's

Jim: 28:11

comfortable in her own skin. That's what I would say. I love that about her though, honestly.

Bobby: 28:15

Oh, cuz she's, no, cuz she's bigger and she's like, fuck it, I'm hot. Like she knows she's hot and she's a plus size

Jim: 28:22

person. She's Plus in the same way that Yes. She's big. Oh, I didn't realize that.

Bobby: 28:34

No, she's like a big girl. Okay, I love that. No. Yeah, so like I love that. That's why Stifler's mom, it was kind of funny cuz you're like, whoa, sister first's, mom's hot. Was she a big girl?

Jim: 28:44

Oh, she was big in Stifler's

Bobby: 28:46

Mom movie. Oh yeah, she, that's her. I just love her. Okay, so that was that. Now the Sour of the week unfortunately is something you were gonna talk about earlier, and this is why. This motherfucker. Okay Now, and this

Jim: 28:59

ladies and gentlemen is the problem. We have the owner of one of the largest social media platforms in the world who has short order after taking ownership to suspended the Trust and Safety Council. Implemented decisions using bot driven Twitter polls, and now is the main promoter of misinformation about a virus that has caused the passing of hundreds of thousands. Of Unvaccinated America.

Bobby: 29:27

Make some noise for the

Jim: 29:28

richest man in the.

Bobby: 29:53

Well, we don't wanna spend too much time on the sour, but here we go. Like

Jim: 29:57

this guy, he keeps, I seen banned a journal Twitter today was he banned journalist from Twitter. Cause he doesn't That didn't agree with that. Didn't agree with him. Mm-hmm., it's, I'm gonna play a video, says he likes free speech, but it's like only for him. Yeah. He's like a new Donald Trump free speech. He's the new Donald Trump. Yeah. Like totally like.

Bobby: 30:15

It's just the way he is if you want to, you know what I mean? Um,

Jim: 30:22

I just don't like him. And that was a great episode of not Well,

Bobby: 30:24

no, because you know what, he, he just sucks.

Jim: 30:27

So he's the sour. Okay. He's in the sour week. The video will tell. What about the Chappelle Show? I have a video. Video, so

Bobby: 30:34

you're gonna get it all. He's a pussy ass bitch. He's

Jim: 30:35

not a bitch. Talk about why he sucks so much ass I was in

Bobby: 30:40

a mood today. Okay

Jim: 30:41

girl, you listen and here's why your lions are like to die for voicemail. Four, not well. Voicemail, great to voice. Voicemail, I guess. Yeah, it was a voicemail. I left a voicemail straight to voicemail. It's great to hear

Bobby: 30:56

from you. Yes. I delightful to hear from you. How nice to hear

Jim: 31:00

from you. Hey, not well. My name's Katie. I'm 33. There's a lot of things making me. But specifically about six years ago, I made friends with this girl when we were in the hospital actually, cuz we're nuts and that's fine. We vibe, we bonded. Um, she's been through a lot. She's about maybe seven or eight years younger than me. Um, but we're both like in our mid twenties, early thirties. And she wanted to date this guy and I told her like, Hey, just so you know, my friends that I grew up with know this guy. He has herpes. It's not curable. Fucks in any way. Raw, gets herpes, dates him for two years, writes him in jail, blah, blah, blah. He, he's in and outta jail all the time. Never for something cool, by the way. Well now I'm dating his friend, and by dating I mean fucking raw. I mean, we don't go out to Applebee's or anything like that, but it's irritating me. that, hi, her boyfriend basically flat out told mine, um, you know, about his side chick and everything like that. Well, then her boyfriend kills the side, chick tries to make it look like an overdose. The police are investigating it, and I hear about this and I, I call a reporter as a missing person. She was never reported missing until I called., uh, we called the police to come talk to us. Um, you know, I've told her so many things that this guy has lied to her about, about having herpes, about all these things, and now I'm telling her, Hey, the guy you're dating your boyfriend messaged my boyfriend's baby mom and said, That somebody was driving around with his side chicks corpse in the car, and then she was found dead for real. So like what's making me unwell is that somebody who I thought was such a close friend, who I considered almost like a little sister, daughter vibe, would believe this guy who's lied to her. Over somebody who's been her friend for, you know, six years and who has done nothing but be kind and go out of my way to look out for her. And it, it just, it makes me feel so unwell, I think,

Bobby: 33:12

to break. I mean, shit. So basically what I'm, the gist of it, the synopsis of it for me was she had a friend that was like in her early, like in her twenties, and this girl's a little bit older, like eight years older. They vibed. I don't know what happened in the hospital.

Jim: 33:26

The hos, that

Bobby: 33:26

was not, it was, there

Jim: 33:27

was something we met in the hospital, but that doesn't matter. Not stole, I think. Oh, that's not ran. Hospital ran off hostile. Oh, I heard hospital

Bobby: 33:33

like meant maybe, I don't know. And listen. Yeah. So then this girl. Somehow started dating this guy that was in jail, but not for cool things. And he had herpes . Oh my God. So he fucked this girl's friend. When the girl, it's just, there's so much, there's just so much involved in that . What I wanna say is, first of all, thank you so fucking much for this

Jim: 33:57

voicemail, . I'm not sure you know what the voicemail's

Bobby: 33:59

about. I need you to call us back and I need. You need to be on the show. Yeah. I, this is the first and best fucking message I've ever heard in my life. This will be

Jim: 34:08

hard to top there is this will be impossible. And I had to edit

Bobby: 34:10

that out by the way, minute of it. Cuz there was parts that she told me that she was like, but can you cut that out? Cause, and I'm like, oh my, oh God. So. Uh, the voicemail's popping. So, uh, if that doesn't shock you, that's fine, but like, that's the kind of shit we're getting. So I think you, like not being able to put two fingers in your pussy is a great thing to call us and, and, and bitch about. You know what I mean? So, thank you.

Jim: 34:31

So are you talking to someone personal to you?

Bobby: 34:34

No, but I just really think family. I just, I just. I can't. So then all of a sudden we have a second fucking call and I was like, oh my

Jim: 34:42

God. Okay. Hello, my name is Brad. So the topic I would kinda like to discuss is ghosting. Obviously ghosting is a big topic, but this one was a little bit to me on the extreme side, which kind of left my mind me in a little mind fuck for two days. So a little backstory. I recently moved to Columbus. From Cincinnati back in June. So you know, I'm new to Columbus and I'm at the bar. I'm at the bar getting a drink, and this guy comes up to me and he says, which I thought he was attractive as well. He goes, wow, you're really beautiful. Where's your boyfriend? I was like, I don't have a boyfriend. He's like, oh, you're lying. Tell me, where's your boyfriend? I was like, I don't have a boyfriend. Would you like to exchange contact information? This is kind of towards the end of the. I'm assuming maybe he got drunk enough to come and say hi. I don't know. I hit him up the next day, you know, and then we're kind of conversing. He makes plans with me to have dinner. This is gonna be on a Wednesday, cuz we met out on Saturday. I end up kind of rescheduling cause he, he wasn't gonna be free until later. And then, You know, I didn't wanna meet up at nine o'clock at night during the week. So we rescheduled for that Friday and then throughout the whole entire week, you know, he's texting me, he's sending me pictures of himself, you know, and asked me to send him some back. These are just like pictures of her face. No news or anything like that. I was kind of excited cause you know, I don't really go on dates or anything often, so here comes Friday, you know, I hit him. I had hit him up. He had also sent me a picture of himself that day. I asked him what time we were getting together and he was like, well, he said he had to make a work trip and that once he got back, he'd hit me up.

Well, it comes like 8: 36:14

00 PM.

And then he comes 8: 36:16

00 PM and never hear anything. So I text him and my message doesn't go through, so I'm like, oh, shit about, there's some bullshit story about my phone died, or I didn't have whatever. Well, here comes the next day. You know, my message never got delivered via iMessage. So I end up having my friend text the number and it goes through, delivered immediately. And so basically I got blocked and ghosted, and it was a mind fuck for a couple days because a. Actually excited cause I found him attractive, but mostly because he was the aggressor. He approached me, he's the one who made plans with me. He's the one who texted me the whole week. He's the one who sent me pictures of himself the whole week. He's the one who made the plans. But yeah, he goes to me. So yeah, so I was kind of like a little mind fuck for a couple, for a couple days. But yeah, that's. That's Michael's two story. I hope you enjoy Bye.

Bobby: 37:02

God. Now this is Brad

Jim: 37:04

Lee. He sounds hot.

Bobby: 37:07

We met him at the uh, remember when we came here and recorded drunk after the da, the Dwight Flynn

Jim: 37:13

Festival. German festival. Yeah. Yeah. Forever go. But also it was probably two months, but yeah. I remember we met Bradley. He's

Bobby: 37:20

cute. He's cute. Yeah. Very cute. Oh yeah. Um, he wants to be on the. And I'm like, okay, well, so I kind of wanna like see if maybe we can do like a segment where we can do like, yes. Where we follow his dating maybe or something

Jim: 37:30

and can like to scoop and we need to hear more stories like this. Like, I wanna know, do you ever find the one, do you ever find the one? Yeah, like

Bobby: 37:36

Bradley's obviously, like he just moved here. He's a catch. He's a catch. He's actually like hot. Um, I mean he is sorry the

Jim: 37:44

way, I mean you don't what I'm actually me actually he's hot. Yeah, no, he is.

Bobby: 37:50

Bradley, we're gonna have you on the show. We just gotta figure out when, maybe after the first of the year, because I mean, we've got holidays and shit. We don't have time for this . You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna set up a new studio, couple days and shit. Yeah. Oh, you're just sit in the middle right here. Bradley

Jim: 38:04

would fit in the middle. He would.

Bobby: 38:06

And we'll, I want him to fit on my line. Sit in the middle. I want sit. Another thing. Thank you for

Jim: 38:10

calling that we couldn't show on the YouTube.

Bobby: 38:13

We put it on our only fans.

Jim: 38:15

I'm kind of wondering, I'm

Bobby: 38:16

kind of wondering, there's people that make, okay, Bradley, literally $40,000 a month that are ugly. Does anyone

Jim: 38:21

want to collab, um,. Bobby: So anyway, we'll have Bradley on. We'll get the scoop on that. I actually really wanna call the guy, if we could call him and be like, why did you, uh, ghost him? Why'd you ghost? Let's just talk about it. We don't say your name, but we wanna know why. We really should, we should investigate. So I'm thinking like we'll have Bradley on. Okay, we're gonna do an investigation. We're also gonna like go through his journey of dating. He doesn't know this yet, but guess what, Bradley? Brad, we need to hear. We wanna hear the stories. We wanna know what's going on. We wanna go on a date. How was the date? Oh my God. When he goes on a date, we need to, no, we need to spy on him one date and we'll record. Okay, we'll record at the fucking table, including in the bedroom. We'll follow them to the room.

Bobby: 38:55

Okay, good. With little flies on the wall. Sundress., you don't have

Jim: 39:00

any? Let me think. I'm sure I do. I have one and

Bobby: 39:03

it's really kind of rough. I think I already said it though, sort

Jim: 39:06

of. Okay. Okay. No one

Bobby: 39:09

gets it. No one will ever get it. If they have a belief, it's literally impossible to change someone's mind. That's why I'm going to try to stop. I'm the one that ends for hurt because I don't understand why people can't come to grips with who I Wait.

Jim: 39:22

What are you reading? This is my sundry. Oh, you wrote this. Oh, I thought you were reading like someone wrote in and read this. No, no, no, no. This is why I'm

Bobby: 39:35

Oh no. My

Jim: 39:36

son was horrible. And then I was like, wait, what the fuck are you reading? I'm sorry. Bon

Bobby: 39:42

story short. I'm tired of fucking justifying the fact that I'm a goddamn alive. Forgot them alive. I am. I'm fucking sick about, what are you saying? I my

Jim: 39:52

son. You have to justify that you're alive in this boom.

Bobby: 39:56

Like being gay is scary and people don't understand the turn. Okay. No, I talked about it at the beginning though. That's why this is a problem. Do you know what I mean?, I already talked about this. Jing Shain, , Shamin. Um, so anyway, no, but seriously, my sundry is like, I don't, like, I'm tired of explaining to people who can't.

Jim: 40:19

The grammar.

Bobby: 40:23

I'm tired of saying I'm

Jim: 40:24

smart people who can get, I'm like, I'm gonna tear you a new asshole. Just don't fuck my dad. Right? No. Fuck.

Bobby: 40:43

Oh, honey. Oh honey. But this is where you shine right here. So how to explain this is your shine right here. So this is your shine. Oh, okay. Yeah. I spit two like accidentally

Jim: 40:53

beer. So this is a brief one, a brief sundry. Uh, boxers are briefs. I am getting sick of. There's little posters on the walls and hallways sometimes, and. Cards, a lot of like cards, birthday cards. It's all about uniqueness. Um, I'm getting sick of people. You're welcome. I'm getting sick of people who think they're unique. I have friends doing it right now where I go on their Instagram story and what do I see? I see, oh, they're eating at a restaurant that we've all eaten at and they're posting five times. Next slide. Oh, you're at that desert place that we all go to. You're not unique as what he's saying. What I'm trying to get to is I'm sick and tired of hearing it.

Bobby: 41:35

Well, now everyone has red hair and freckles. Do you know what I mean? Like everything's like a fucking Oh, wow. Oh no. She's so different. No, but like, Nope.

Jim: 41:43

You know, you get the friends are like, they went to Iceland, they went to Tulum. They went to Monaco. And you're like, you've been to one of those places. We, we get it. You're really gonna throw me under the bus like that. Well, I'm just saying honey. Crickets. I got rid of that button You got? Yep. You got rid of it. A shame on you. I feel like. So I'm just done with that whole concept of like, you're probably not unique like you think you are, your mom told you are you got a little like. Blue ribbon and third grade don't even, people are like,

Bobby: 42:12

now, like, here's a, it's

Jim: 42:13

everyone wants so bad to be unique and so they're dying, dying. Their

Bobby: 42:16

hair, different colors, people, TikTok and they have like 800,000 followers and it's cause they have a birthmark across their head., and I'm not fucking, I'm not fucking kidding. That doesn't

Jim: 42:25

sound

Bobby: 42:26

real. It's legit. She has a whole fucking thing. She laser and is like, there's like, there's like fucking like, um, scabs all in her face. And she's popular because she has a birthmark and. Here's what I wanna say though. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying though, is like now it's like, I have folliculitis like . Okay. Like that's supposed to be like you, and then you show your, you're like proud of your folliculitis, . My folliculitis doesn't do what yours does, but, uh, it's like, no. It's like if I always just show my hole as Tylenol Idol. Okay. Like, that'd be like if Neil's, I was like, actually

Jim: 42:58

that could be your ticket out of this dub. I'm look

Bobby: 43:01

at my dirty hole, my third hole. I might be, I might be different, but I have another hole.. Yeah. Above my asshole, not. Under like where

Jim: 43:09

I, why is this what gets you famous on TikTok, like your PI Idol? Can you imagine Mr.

Bobby: 43:13

Pi? We're gonna follow up with your ran about Christians with my P Idol ass, and that is what makes us sweet and sour

Jim: 43:21

and goodnight and good. Well to you.

Bobby: 43:23

Oh, you hate me. Uh, don't forget I don't, you hate me. Oh fuck. Oh my. Wait, where's like my fake? Where are your puffs? Oh yeah. Where's my fake tit though? Okay, you're on it. Um, make sure you give us a phone call,

Jim: 43:37

okay? Because pun good luck. The call is free.

Bobby: 43:41

Six one four seven two one

Jim: 43:44

five three three six six Hot Auto.

Bobby: 43:48

Now let's see if you can top the first week of real voicemail. I was like,

Jim: 43:53

I don't top it bitch. We're not dis encouraging. We're

Bobby: 43:56

not. No. This is encouragement. Like I dare you to top it. Dare you to top me. Thank you for listening. Have a good week. Merry

Jim: 44:03

Christmas and happy Hanukkah. Well, we wanna see what it is it right now. Happy holidays. Yeah, we should just go with that. It's safest. I mean for, you can't even say Merry Christmas anymore without getting banned from, of course,

Bobby: 44:17

Twitter. My fight earlier it was, I was listening radio and they said, you can't say snowman anymore. It has to be snow. They

Jim: 44:25

like, it's like, where do you live in what reality at? That's not real. No. Even a non-binary child wouldn't be like snow. They, they're gonna say, snowman, it's, it's just like dumb. But that's what you have to say. All right. Well you're an asshole and I don't like you,. Bobby: This has been another episode. Not well. Thank you for calling or thank you for . Thank you for coming. Um, I'm hot. I'm in the Santa suit. We gotta go. Merry Christmas and goodnight. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukah. Ooh, happy Hanukkah. Hanukkah to you. We wanna see Merry Christmas all fucking and all the chase shoes. that was, we wish you and Merry Christmas. We wish you and Merry Christmas. We wish you made Christmas and I happy. It's kinda good. It's kinda like it was so fucking good, sexy, or I kinda wish I had this with my voice., you imagine if this is my voice and this is my body. Like can you fucking so on your chest like I'm little. Baby girl put title. It's like nobody thinks it's tight. You know what I mean? Like you don't look, swear my size and go, he must be tight and you know it's fucking true. Oh my God, that hole is loose. You literally can look at something and go. That ain't tight. That ain't tight. Bitch. Oh my God. I mean for real though. Your nose. This is not good, . Okay. Thank you. Do you know what I'm feeling right now? Uh, unwell like girl unwell. You know what's making me unwell? My baby's daddy told me and said that there was a corpse in the car. And my friend, I. Sister, my God, I'm dating her boyfriend's best friend. He goes to jail, but like, Oh, my fucking got my, oh, I gotta, oh. Breathe. Oh my gosh. Oh, no, no. I'm crying. I'm crying. I am unwell.. Oh, oh, fuck me. I, oh no. Wow. I feel like I've been torn apart. Oh fuck. That sounds like I am fucking dead. I can't look. We gotta go. Thank. To listen and watching. Bye. Can't I? Fucking can't. I can't breathe. Oh, I literally cannot breathe. Oh, I'm crying. I'm actually crying. It's gonna be like, You gotta make some trouble now to gimme something to cry about before you try to get free. You can't get no.