Drag Queens, Drive-Thrus & Disaster: The Ultimate 'Not Well' Journey

Welcome to this week's hilarious and disastrous episode of "Not Well" with your favorite dynamic duo, Bobby and Jim. Starting off with a recording mishap, this episode is full of chaos, laughter, and a hint of existential crisis.

Fresh from a boozy St. Patrick's Day happy hour, Bobby decides an edible is just what the doctor ordered. As they realize their recording mishap, the conversation turns to Bobby's upcoming trip to a gay campground called Camp Buckwood in Indiana. Jim warns Bobby to watch out for Mike Pence and "Mother" while he's there, and they banter about milkmaids and lead paint makeup.

Jim spirals into a deep, dark place as he laments the difficulty of meeting new people in Columbus. He's convinced that everyone moves away and lives amazing lives, but Bobby reminds him that life is monotonous. They discuss astronomical bar tabs and why they should pay for themselves instead of a group of people.

The conversation shifts to old women talk shows like Drew Barrymore's, with Jim insisting that she's old. Bobby reminds him that maybe he's just getting old, too. Speaking of mortality, they share their current adult situations about choosing their end-of-life options.

The topic takes a sharp turn into the realm of student council and singing for old people at the nursing home. Bobby admits he's actually scared of old people and special needs individuals, while Jim shares his own nursing home horror story involving cleaning old people after bathroom breaks.

They reminisce about the good old days when Nina West and her drag mother, Virginia West, were regulars in Columbus. They even discuss a new restaurant in Grandview where Virginia now works, and marvel at her crazy life and sleep schedule.

The episode takes an emotional turn when "Mike" calls in from Florida, mourning his friend who died in Cleveland. He talks about his husband, a lawyer who spends too much money. Bobby thinks he sounds hot, but Jim thinks he sounds sad.

Jim goes off the rails, discussing bachelorette parties infiltrating obscure gay bars and how it's offensive, but also acknowledging the need for equality and safe spaces. This leads to a tailspin about his desire to move and feeling trapped in his current life.

The show takes a humorous turn as they play a Twitter post from a local Columbus man who wants to be humiliated by other men. Jim hits the metaphorical eject button, insisting no straight guy will ever like him, and Bobby suggests he write poetry again to reconnect with himself.

They wrap up with sundries, with Bobby talking about bad service at fast food drive-throughs and Jim discussing Gen Z dressing up like '90s kids. In the end, "Not Well" delivers a wild ride full of laughter, nostalgia, and a touch of introspection.

Transcript

[00:00:00] I being vulnerable. I being vulnerable. You gonna recording this whole time? This whole time? Wait, why didn't record something's? I think it's this whole time. Wait, it started recording. Was ra fine? You stop. You broke down after that. No, I told a lot of other things. You did not. Oh shit. Erase everything.

Okay. Turn off. Yep. Yeah, . Well, it's a good thing my edibles been kicking in, so it'll probably even more fun to be honest. . Well, I do have it on the, I do have. Okay. So if you're, okay, I don't know what version you're watching, but, uh, or listening to, you might just heard our shitty voices, but that's because I accident, deleted on the fucking roader because I don't know.

I It was recording though. That's the fair. To be fair. To be fair. It was seemingly Is it now? Yes, it's red. Okay. It was recording. I was watching it. That's the thing we only missed a little bit, but then I deleted it at all on accident. . So here we are. Hello everybody. Welcome doing the [00:01:00] episode of Not Well.

Again, I'm Bobby again. I'm Jim. And we, uh, you can call us at six one four seven two one five three three six six one four seven two one five three five three six six. We really want you to call us. We want you to, yeah, like wanna feel it. We wanna later let, if you hear this now, give us a fucking call.

Please call us cuz we actually have a, you're gonna hear from Mike, okay. And Mike has a good call. Like Mike has a good call. Mike sounds hot. Mike sounds. I know. Is that why I think he's hot? Yep. Do I like sad? You like a sad boy? You wanna I do. I'm like sad over him. You wanna cheer out on this? No, I don't wanna do anything sad.

I'm like, oh, we're depressed and we're just gonna lay here and watch movies. That's literally, that's literally Bobby's life. Oh. I'm just like, you would just match with him perfectly. I don't wanna go anywhere. I don't like crowds and people. I went tonight. I know. I was proud of you. I could not believe you left the house.

I was like, why I, I leave the house every day. No you don't. Yeah. Go to work. To go to work. No. I sited at another place for 12 hours straight a day. A boring place that you don't even like. Right. So when I [00:02:00] come home, I wanna be home. He, you're about to be home for three days in a row. Two all three nights.

Two. Why did you just shake your lip like that? Don't what of a quivering lip. I was want eat some pu pussy. Wanna eat some pussy Puy. Puy pussy. Get a pussy. Um, so do you wanna go back to, wanna listen to Mike or is that, are we gonna start? We gotta listen to Mike. Oh wait, okay. Wait. I can tell. Oh man, you really fucked up.

We really fucked up this. I didn't though. I was watching it. You did? Well, I didn't fuck it up, but, well, it's on the camera, so why is it it so bad? Right? It's bad. Fine. I don't know. Um, but I do wanna just say just in case, cause I want good audio. I hate bad audio. It's trash. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sometimes it matches the pod

Maybe if we had our audio matched. Oh no. It's like we need to go down two. Shit. Audio seven 20 P. Um, yeah, it's like, I don't know if it's the video they're listening for. I mean, I have, right now it's like [00:03:00] 2,400. K or something. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like the highest one on YouTube. They, no one wants that.

Honey. You can see our pores. Um, I just wanted to say that we're yours are huge. So , I feel like they kinda are today. They really are. I'm looking over like stop. Okay, so, um, we did discuss, um, I'm going camping, Michelle. Yeah. By myself and I'm going to Camp Buckwood in Indiana, so that's great. Um, and Mike Pence is gonna come milk you and I want him to, because you have mother's milk, I think mother's milk probably tastes sweet and salty.

Oh God. She is a little like a curvy queen. She's a busty queen. She's a curvy busty queen. I love the word busty. Like busty is so gross. Dude. That's like, so 1940, like she's gonna bust out. It's so like French milk made, like from, but if you were Marie Antoinette's time, that's how I, but that would be us.

We'd be like, we would wear corsets and have our pits out. We'd have the be like, oh fuck me, Charles. We would have lead paint on our faces and just be like, oh, king Louie. Yes. Oh my God. Is that what they did? Is we, we wee they put lead paint on their face. That's why [00:04:00] they all died early. They all got cancer.

Yeah. All that makeup was lead. Lead paints. Wait, so Oh wow. So they were painting themselves, like, we're worried about little kids, like eating lead off the walls and like old apartments, but so do you They used to paint themselves in lead paint. How bizarre. It's, do we all die? How bizarre do we all die of like, so we would get old, like, we would like all of a sudden be like, oh, they get bone marrow cancers.

She's sick, she can't move now. And then you like wither away from the cancer and then just kills you. You're 40. Wonder if it's better. 40. Probably was because like no chemo, like I'd rather die hot than wither away at 80. Like, look at me. I'm at my peak. Well, I've passed my peak. I already had a friend who died this year.

I had if cousin and a friend die this year, so I don't need you to Yeah. But they both killed themselves, so it doesn't really count. Well, okay. I mean, I'm not talking like kms. We're talking about people who like died of natural causes. You're like, my friend killed himself. Well, the way you're talking about it, you're like, I just don't need to be all, I don't wanna be raggedy honey, you're already there.

That's what I said. I'm pasted my peak. Right? So there's not like I'm ready to wither [00:05:00] away, but not like, I'm not gonna go like, do drugs to do it. No, you're not gonna do aer. You'll just wither your way through the bars until you're blocked out and then you'll, your skin will her away. Like an old fuck. Do you know what I'm talking about when you see people who are like, no.

Huh? Like a drinker. You know, they're a drinker by their face. Mm mm-hmm. . Yeah. I see that all the time. Every time I'm at a bar with you.

He's like, that's, I spent a hundred dollars on my tab last weekend. I'm like, yep, you did. Yeah. I don't know how that even fucking happened. No, but I spent 80, so it's like, what's going on? Hi, we, we need to stop buying drinks for each other, but we also had your boyfriend with us and like one other person got a couple drinks.

Yeah. And so I think we need to stop buying other people drinks. Yeah. We walk in and focus on each other. Well, we walk in and we're like, we own this batch. And we're like, I'll take three high noons. And then every time you go up, you're like, three more, three, three more, four more. And they're like, three more.

Then you're like, Griffin. They're like, we know your name. I'm like, yeah, I know. [00:06:00] I don't like that. Like every time you go up, they're like, that's 30 more dollars. So that's why we, I mean, it's not hard to add. I'm like, just pet and my fucking tap. I don't even know what they're charging me. And then at two 30 in the morning and you're like, what's that?

What you don't know doesn't kill. What doesn't kill me makes you stronger. Take a little longer. I don't need Kelly Clarkson songs anymore. Oh, you're over that phase. You're past that phase, honey. You're in a new era. What is, what's your new era? I wanna know West What is up with all these old women having talk shows Like Drew Barry Mo by Bearman.

Jerry Moe, what's her name? Drew Barry Moore. Barry Moore. Sorry. I can't, I wanna be on her show. I can't keep track of these people who like used to be famous. This, she's not old. They're not. She's my age, truly. She really? Literally, she looks, or maybe 60. Oh, she's not over 42. What? Alexa? How old is Drew Barrymore?

Drew Barrymore is 48 years old. Oh, well maybe she's older than I thought. So she's 10 years older than you. Okay. So [00:07:00] 48. Okay. Which still isn't that old. I, but I'm just saying like they all have talk shows now. There's this new podcast called I Cannot, have you heard of that? Or I Cannot. And there you two old women, they're like,

You know what I can't do? I cannot do these moms on Facebook. Who? Yeah. And they're like these old ladies in. I love it. They're actually kind of good. I think they're Bart Stool too. Of course.

We're blue mouth . Um, um, so we, we met some of our fans out tonight. Some of our fans do not remember meeting them at the CBC Brewing. Who robbed the builder and its coders? Oh, I don't think they're our fans. Well, we met them. Um, we met some new g Well, not new. We know. I know who Robos Honey. . Oh, it's so sad.

Like we're just at that point in life. Like we have Well, we were sitting there and you were like, we met some people. No, we didn't. We've known them. There's no one new to meet here. This is Columbus. Welcome. Everyone you could wanna meet is in some other [00:08:00] city. They've all moved away. To bigger and brighter things, but here we are.

We're still here. We're still going to the same four queer bars that we've always gone to and the crowd is just getting older and older and older. But life is fun. We're having a great time, but we're still the young ones, you know what I mean? And we're not, by the way, it's just really wild how you go from 18 to 38 and it seems like that.

Yeah. And I hate that. My parents would always say that, and they're like, yll. See, the older you get, the faster it goes. Well, yeah, but also like it really is weird when you think about it like 18, you're like, I have a whole fucking life to live. 38. You're like, well, we gotta figure it out now. Like, like I, on my kitchen table at home, I have advanced directives to fill out.

Do you know what those are? That's like when you can't make decisions. Like it's like what you'd want to happen. What are you gonna say? Like when I'm on a fucking ventilator and dying fucking ventilator. Yeah. Now you'll be like, [00:09:00] That just sounds like a little ventilator. Oh, I, okay. I was like, wonder you're mouth.

No, I would, so, yeah, I have to fill it out. What do you want me to say? What are you gonna do? I don't wanna be on a ventilator. Oh, honey. Put me on the, put me on all the life savings. You would probably be the one, you'd be the Terry shot. You're like, I can see a balloon lock. And they're just like, keep feeding him through a tube in his nose.

Yeah. He's so smart. You're like, look, he's smiling. I'm like, it's bad. It's like from the Goonies. It's, and like, Michael's like pouring like high Noons down here. He's trying too. He's he's trying to choke me, but I won't go down. He's like, he's drunk. Yeah. He's having a great time. He has had three high noons tonight.

This how you used to act at the bar at two . I mean, it's just like, it's bad. It'ss like, don't want to happen. That's like living honey. If I can't talk to you and I can't eat, I'm ready to go. Like, I'm good. Bye-Bye. and that's on God. And that's not to be offensive to people who are like, no. Like my daughter lives a great life and she's on tube feeds and [00:10:00] she's on a trach and she has a machine.

We're not talking. She breathing for her and she's wheeling around in a wheelchair. She's having a great life. I'm like, first of all, is she? But second of all, more power to her. Like, good for you. But it's not mom work, honey. It's not for me. It's not for me. So I used to always think that too. And I know this is gonna sound really terrible and this is probably like the debate that's been happening also.

We need to end it. Oh, . What's that end? What? I think we should have like a stop point where we're like, you know what? It's been a year. They've not recovered. They're not coming back. Well, and that's the thing, it's like you almost need like a, there needs to be a law book or something like that. Yeah. Like they're, this is not good for.

They're not having fun. Like you want to pretend they're having fun cuz you're their mom and you're like, oh my God, it's so weird they're not having fucking fun. It kind of meant something and I'm probably gonna be in trouble. I don't care. It's gonna sound aless as fucking, I don't care. Okay. I actually have a really big fear of old people and special needs people.

No, like as far as like, that's just no . I mean, why I had to go, I told you this story before, how I had to sing at the um, nursing[00:11:00]

I know, I know. Cause I had to do it too. Oh my God. See, Christmas carols. At the fucking nursing home. Oh, I student council. I had to be literally a warfare. Cause you had to, to be straight, you had to be straight. You had to be, you were straight. So you're like, I'm fucking imagine. Oh God. Ye they're like, take me to my bed.

I shit myself. Take me to bed. I don't wanna listen to these little faggots sing Christmas carols. Oh, come Molly Ye. It's like, but then they would look, hold on though. I'm gonna tell you the part that's fucked up. So then we're singing and every time one would try to come,

every time one would come up to me, I'd have to.[00:12:00]

Where would you go? Where would you even go? You're like, oh, I need a, I wanna miss a little, I want a dinner roll. Where's the dinner roll? Matt? To ring around the room. Run around the table. Yeah. So I go, so they would come here and I'd go, Hmm? Like, walk away. And I swear this woman was following me. She had a foggy glass eyes.

Nice. So that ho holy. And I'm sterly like if they're, if I'm at my age now, I'm annoyed. So I can only imagine I'm 80 where I'm like, you're just here. Cause you have to be my, my kids don't even like me. I don't even to know where my grandkids are. Like they've left me here at that age. I just wanna watch like Will and Grace reruns.

Oh yeah. I mean, literally like, let me die, let me, I'm in peace. If I'm sitting in a chair somewhere and I'm surrounded by people I don't know and never knew. And you just wanna let me shit in a diaper all day. Like, don't come sing songs to me. Don't, [00:13:00] don't come sing songs to me. Did you get that or was that just, you go again every episode.

You wanna molest my titties? I do. I like feeling those. They're getting plum honey. I know. Literally I'm getting so egg cups sick. I'm getting so thick. Honey, you're only thick when you get to these Cs. Baby . What do you wanna fuck me? Sometime fuck. Okay. Like I have to admit something. Um, I also had to go like, hang out with old people a lot as a kid because my mom was an occupational therapist, so like regularly she would be like, um, guys, we're gonna go to dinner with.

Do you even remember Bill Naps? The restaurant called Bill Naps? Mm. We didn't have, it was around Columbus. So like, we took awful. We took this old man to Bill Naps once, and it's kinda like a Bob Evans ish place. That's what it sounds like. I'm terrible. I remember like his teeth fell out. We had to like help feed him and then like we had to wheel him back into his [00:14:00] house and like there was like an aid to like take him back in.

And I just as a kid was like, what is going on? Like, I don't even know this guy, but it was like nice. You're like, oh, we're being nice to him and like he's having a life and like he's friends with us. And he, honestly, he did light up like he loved it. So I guess this ends on a happy note, but like, he was really happy with it.

But like it's just, but it's just, as a kid I was like, what are we doing? Like why? I mean, I just remember singing Come holy ful and I'm telling you. And so they always had to have something. Then I didn't know at the time what this was, but , like, someone would be like, cottage cheese, huh? Huh. Like a tick or whatever.

Or somebody would be like, the one lady would go, oh my God, what would she do? I had a pseudo bulb affect who would just laugh inappropriately. Mm-hmm. And be mm-hmm. . And then, and then it'd be normal. And then you'd just be staring at them like, yeah. And so I did socials and then I went to music [00:15:00] class and we played the record.

So why are we making fifth graders sing? Come All Be Faithful. First of all, what does that mean? But like side of all, I know single bells. . Yeah, . I was like, I, it's just like weird. Like we always wanna mix the old people and like, oh fuck, they don't want us there. We don't want to be there. They don't, I don't think a lot of us, I don't think, I don't want like, nursing homes.

I can't imagine putting my parents on. Cause I'm gonna be like, ew. The reason like we're afraid of them is because they are scary. Like, I'm just, well, it is, it's end of life. It's at that point, it's like a life. It smells like shit . It does. I'm so sorry. They always smell like shit. They try to act like a dozen.

I'm like, are they just shitting on the walls? Like what? Like why is it such a pungent smell? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't get it. I'm sorry. I don't fucking care. They can all, and listen, I worked in a nursing home for two years. I had to give showers. I had to, oh my God. My cousin had to do that.

She had a white people. I wiped people and let me just, you wiped an asshole before. Let me tell you how it goes. Oh. So like, you're like, oh yeah sir, let's help you to the toilet. You're a veteran. Thank you [00:16:00] for your service. Next thing you know, you've gone through four washcloths wiping their shitty asshole and it won't stop

Like I would keep gra grabbing washcloths and be like, Ew, I'm gonna fuck. Like I, it takes a special fucking person. And then I'm like looking at the washcloth and it's like brown everywhere. And I'm like, do you spell your hand after? Why would I smell? I didn't need to. I smelled it in the air. Then I would give them a sh and then after wiping them, I'd give them a shower.

So we're doing a shower and he's like, I remember this one guy was the creepiest guy to give a shower to like, make sure you get that area better. Shit. My cunt, no, he be, he would beg me. To get the area better, ak his dick and balls. And I'm sitting there like, you are fully getting molested. I'm like, so already rub, let gaslighting, I've rubbed it.

I've already rubbed it with like a soapy washcloth. I think you're as hard as you're ever gonna get in your life for the rest of your life like this. Is it at least for this [00:17:00] week? No, for forever. Because when you're like 85, like you don't really get hard. You just kind of like, that's it. Um, you just feel something, a tingle, but, and he'd be like, keep rubbing there.

It's still dirty. And I'm like, it's not still dirty. I've rubbed it too long and I'm ready to get outta here. He'd be like, it's cold in here. Turn on the heat. Why are, and it's old, it's so hot and sweaty. I'm like dripping. I'm actually covered in like steam. But they want it hotter because they're cold.

I'm sorry, but like old people, like they're children. We need like robots to do this shit. Well, and then we will, we have AI coming. Like literally I'm, I keep thinking about it. I'm like, . Why do we put people through this? They to make it nice. If your families can't take care of you, it might be time. Like I'm just, I'm, sometimes I wonder if I'm just wondering like, okay, you're good.

But when done you to that point, say you're 90 years old, I'm done. Like , I not even, I don't want an 18 year old just outta high school [00:18:00] kid giving me a shower and using a washcloth to wipe my balls. An asshole. Yes. You fucking would. . Oh my God. You're like, oh yeah, . Oh my God, you're such a pervert. Oh, I'm sorry.

All of a sudden we're, now we're innocent over here. Is that right? I, I don't want shit play when I am 90 with some 18 year old. Why would I want that? Wiping my asshole with a washcloth. Oh yeah. With the fifth washcloth. Cause I harder, I need to stretch too much corn the other day. Why does corn poop? I don't get it.

What? Why does poop and corn always have to be associated? It's gross because there's always corn and poop. If you eat corn, cuz we're not cows, we can't break down the fiber. Mm-hmm. , oh would do you want to be a cow? You look like one, but you're not, you don't have the digestive track of a cow. A cow. Don't make fun of anything.

I make fun of that makeup. I wish those shoulders matched them hips, but they don't . So Jade was thinking it, I'm thinking, and Jade said it. I mean, I just, there has to be like some, [00:19:00] like we need to make some laws about the old people. Like I think it's time and honestly it's just starting Florida. Um, it's already starting.

Maybe it's old there, but maybe that's it. Maybe they're all just gonna, I feel like maybe that's why they're all voting for this though. There's also a new, there are anti woke. It's like, no, actually they just wanna be respected as old people. But like guess what? We don't want to, that's where I want to go to nursing homes.

Why? It's one big nursing home if you really think. But it kind of smells like, no, the whole state smells like, have you tasted the water in Florida? I can't talk about Florida water. Like remember Wilton Manors? Like, let's just say that. Okay. Let's just say like the gays who go to Wilton Manors, it is, they're nursing home gays.

No. Or their, I'm sorry, but they're, they're future. They're nursing home gays. They're future nursing home gays. Wait, oh my god. Is there That would keep wiping, keep wiping. No. What would be so fucking great if we could fi like I know there's the old gaze on Instagram. Oh. But if we could find like two older guys that are in the nursing home that are gay.

Yeah. And sassy and one's fat and one's little Or us medium. Us . Yeah. I say little honey, there ain't nothing little, it's like, it's like you're [00:20:00] fitting in that Nina West shirt and that's surprising. Cause a lot of people can't fit in. Nina West . I don't even know where that bitch is. Um, she's not putting makeup on.

Right. And doing some fucking show. Yeah. I hope she's getting paid. Honestly, she should be getting paid for how much? She says she gets harassed by like conservatives. Cause like, it's not worth it. She's, she's doing a, unless she's a millionaire, it's not worth it. I think she's like, I'm getting death threats.

I'm like, well I hope you're a fucking multimillionaire because Do you think she ever misses it here? No, she doesn't miss Columbus. Uh, you think, I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks thanks. Sometimes I wonder if you, when you make it, do you wish you could go back and I haven't been able to experience that yet.

I'm like, what if we made it do dear? It's a dream. Fast forward to the future. Fast forward and here we are. Fast years old. The good part, like remember when Nita was, we used doing walk down the road. I do remember, I remember when she would cross the street from Union doing a little show at Union Go to [00:21:00] Access to do a real show.

And then it was like a blast and it was, and then she's never in Columbus. Now you're like, Nina, I'll tell you 2015 now her drag mother is like the general manager of a bar that he doesn't even own in Grandview. And you're like, okay. The logo is horrible. It's called like DWS and it's just like lowercase d, capital W apostrophe s in a circle.

Like it's serving me 1995. It's serving me, me trashy bar food. Yeah, it's serving me like, what are we doing? Like we don't need to do, it's serving You stole the menu from a dead guy. It Ruby's or whatever. Rob, I don't even know what it was fucking, they took his menu, but I know they did. It's like they just changed the name.

I read it online and I was like on the 614. That's it. Yeah. It's like we're doing cheap flatbreads and like fried food. Like we can't do anything different. And that's fine. And that's fine and that's fine and that's fine, but it's not fine for Grandview. I'll say that. Like these are the places that don't last for Grandview.

Well, and honestly they're starting to creep into there and that [00:22:00] means like I live there. . We're not gonna go to just a regular old bar food type place. Like we have a lot of restaurants there. A lot of really good places created. Well, they're pretty south though, on Um, yeah, they're actually, technically they're closer to, like, they're technically in Columbus.

They're technically in Columbus. They're like closer to that campus site. So I can see anything north of Third is actually Columbus. So, and they're in Columbus. And that might work and that's probably gonna work for, they are across the street from a BW three. So I shouldn't say anything like, if BW three s can last there, I hate that when people talk Lowercased Capital.

Wro BS can last there. Yeah. Like, like maybe, maybe. And we're, we're happy for you. And we're happy for, I just don't know why, um, Chris wouldn't be the owner. I don't know why Chris, I don't know why had new jobs. I'm not sure why, why a realtor is the owner of somewhere with your name on it and also owns another place.

Stands other place. Like why wouldn't, why wouldn't, if it's your name, it's gotta be on cocaine. Oh yeah, she's, there's gotta be, she's absolute arm powerhouse like this bitch. But think about, okay, let's just think about this [00:23:00] though. Okay, let's talk about Virginia. What? Virginia, West Virginia. Woo. Wakes up 7:00 AM Okay.

Okay. Goes to her day job. Grabs a bottle of Jameson. Not, no, it's, it's like, it's like this said seven. That's like, no, this bitch has like, what's the really good orange juice? That's not like Baileys. No. Like it tastes really like real, it's a really good orange juice brand. Tropicana, no dark competition.

Simply orange. Yes, simply orange. And I picture her with one of those simply orange degos. Oh, like an individual bottle Seven. Yeah. Yes. 7:00 AM Yep. Yep. This kisses the dogs goes, goes to the day job, which is, and where were a loan officer for a mortgage that she does now. Mm-hmm. . I mean, it's so sad. Now that's her first job.

So she's also owned by Misty Lynn. So, Where do you think they met? Um, yep. There it go. So then you go sit at your office and you're like, yes, queen, I can hook you up. Yes, mama. You probably don't work a full eight. I'd say you probably work a six, maybe a five hour day sleep with a very long boozy lunch.

Yeah, well that's where very long boo lunch. [00:24:00] We, we be able to go to sleep cuz we have time to take our afternoon cat now like honey A because we're gonna spend the night until 2:00 AM at a bar dancing and host dancing. Dancing the night away. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And you're gonna do it every day. Every day.

And on the weekends you're gonna do like morning gigs too. Um, we're, it's a straight shot to cirrhosis. Like we are not gonna end life. Well, we're gonna be like, wipe the balls again. Wipe 'em again. Honestly, that's when they'll put us in camps for real. They'll be like old man. Yeah. They'll be like, this is when all those people came out and all these queers lived here.

I just like don't know how it's gonna end. Well, like I'm just trying to picture like how many us, how many partners are we need to burn through before we're just like, you know what? Like we gotta stop. Like this is not good. Yeah. It's not healthy. It's not healthy. It's not living, it's not giving like how many businesses.

But you know what, uh, congratulations. We're looking forward to see the next venture. Um, we got some voicemails to listen to. Okay. So the first [00:25:00] one is Mike, who's calling in, giving us a story but didn't really give us a lot of background. Okay. The second one is him again. Oh. So I'm gonna play these. I'm gonna put a little, like, let's do look something fun like a little cartoon or something along Saun.

Yeah. Okay, then I wanna finish this one though. I'm drunken pissed. My name is Mike. My age is 47. It's very difficult to say that. Um, uh, one of my best friends in the whole world. Was from Columbus, uh, from, uh, Cleveland, Ohio. I've never been Ohio. Sorry. Oh god. I'm a choir. Uh, the reason why I started crying was because this friend of mine from Cleveland, he actually passed away a couple of years ago, and, uh, his name is Marty.

I love him so much. Sorry, God damnit. Uh, fucking [00:26:00] so I have anxiety issues and uh, I'm also kind of a sexual freak. I am having a midlife crisis, I guess if you want to say that, but, uh, I'm on, uh, anxiety medication and I was on something for depression and it. Had too many side effects and I couldn't handle that.

I can't remember the name of it. Uh, but I know Bobby, you have the same issues. Um, so basically, uh, yeah, my husband spends too much money. He, he is an attorney and he thinks. He's a billionaire, and I just wish like he would spend money doing more fun things than just owning a very expensive BMW and going out to eat, like planning trips [00:27:00] and things like that.

Uh, I don't know why I want to rush this all in in two minutes. Like you have a limit on how long you play the calls, but I just didn't want to piss you guys off. And I really wanted you to play my voice over the podcast because I think that would be super cool to hear myself over the radio. I thought about playing, uh, starting my own podcast and shit like that.

Anyways, uh, you guys are hilarious and real, and I love you. And that was it. Uh, give me advice, please about whether I should say or should I go. I have a really good life, uh, more than I would being single or with anybody that didn't spend money, like an idiot. Um, . And I don't want to say that I'm a user, but [00:28:00] maybe I am.

So, okay. So I, I think I understand what's happening here. He's for the, he's in it for the money, honey. That's the way I read. Yeah. And like, I get that, but, but I, same thing, but my issue is 18 years. That's where I'm like, and I don't even care if you have like a break and like you're back with him. Once the break happens, it's over.

No, it's not that. It's that like, why over all this time are you going back to the same person for the money? Because there's a lot of people with money out there. There's a lot of people you can find. There's something, maybe this, maybe you find exotic about it. Maybe this attorney is the easy button though, where you're like, you know what?

I need some more money. Easy button. Like, I like you again. I do want to know why you're still with him. If you're crying about it all the time and you also aren't sexually satisfied and you wanted to, that might be the relationship. Like you mentioned, , I don't think it's a medicine, um, because the medicine might make you less sexual, but it's not gonna make you unsatisfied.

Like you might [00:29:00] be less sexual, but when you have the encounter with the person you love and want to have sex with, you should be happy with it. Oh, you're not? Okay, great. Well, we're all just like Bobby. No, actually our bodies, no. I think I'm addicted to anonymous. . Okay, well that's something separate. Okay.

We, we were talking about Mike, we were just talking about Mike. Not you, . I know, I know. You're like, I'm actually, I like, I like young Anonymous dick. I'm like, that's not what we were talking, talking about. We were responding to the voicemail. No, I know . So let's do that first and then we'll talk about you and your problems.

Dear God. He has therapy tomorrow morning. He's like, he thinks it's like tonight. Oh, great. So I think Mike needs to like, have a long, difficult chat and mentally prepare yourself. Mike, what do you Here we fucking go this drunk high bitch. Okay, listen, I'm trying to give like good advice. No, I am. Oh, okay.

Like, well that's good to know. Like, oh my God. As if I didn't know that already. Oh fuck. I'm like, wow. Yes you do. Um, [00:30:00] hashtag Yahoo Chat. You're the only one keeping it alive at this point. . So. Wow. I mean, I'm just like, wow. like, what the fuck is happening?

I might get outta this dick. Yeah, yeah, we know. I can't wait to play that back. So basically, Mike, like I think you need to have a chat with your partner because it's been a long fucking time. There must be something worth it. There must be something drawing you back. I hope it's not just the money, but you do need to figure out like, why are you not having good sex?

If that's what you're interested in. If you're not interested in sex and you don't need to have sex, fine, great. He said he was a freak. But you're a freak. And you're a freak. So that's where I'm a little worried if you can't satisfy and get your needs met somewhere else with other people, cuz he doesn't want you to, then you have to talk to him if he doesn't care.

And you can go do whatever the fuck you want. And then Wilton manor's Eagle, whatever the fuck. Go ahead and do it. Have your fun, and then just go home and have your Sunday dinner with your [00:31:00] attorney, man. Let him drive you around in his BMW and pretend you're a rich bitch. . But otherwise, yeah, I would have a talk.

You need to have a long talk and I get why you're crying because it's gonna be hard. It's been too long that you're with this person. You're this unhappy. You shouldn't be you at this point in your life. You're 47, you don't have that many decades left. We were just talking about that. You, you literally have like two good decades left.

Yeah. Until you're in a fucking home . So go figure it out before you get your ass wiped by some teenager. It's actually kind of true, real quick. That happens with six different washcloths cuz your shit is mixed with prune juice and corn . You need to talk to your partner and figure this out. Fill out your advanced directives.

Can I make something? Um, I think you need to do what I'm doing and go on a solo retreat and get away from everything for a moment. , sit in the woods and jerk off and think about what you want. I think you gotta get right with yourself. That's okay. That's what I'm really trying to say. I'm being serious right now.

Okay. No, I'm hot like giggly. Okay. I'm being fucking serious. [00:32:00] I think. You need to find out who you are. Mike. I think you're struggling figuring out what your identity is and you don't know what it is without him, and that's why you keep going back to him and that's why he's attracted to your, like he knows you.

But do you know you and

I need a tissue. Wow. . I'm just trying to fucking give advice here to Mike and all you're doing is for To Mike . To Mike. Mike had to leave two voicemails, so I don't want to hear it. Like Mike is a, some precious little princess to Mike. Mike loves me. Okay, well, well, Mike is a, a good guy. like you even fucking know who he's, Mike's a good guy.

Um, thanks for calling. Make sure calls again. 6 1 4, 7 2, 1, 5, 3, 3, 6, 6, 1, 4, 7, 2, 1, 5, 3, 3, 6, 6. Mike, give us an update. If anything happens. Mm-hmm. . I want to know [00:33:00] more though. So when you hear this, I want you to call us back and tell us sober. Sober. Yep. I wanna hear the sober side first. And I want you to get a good, get a good, I want you to get a good cry out before you call.

And if, and that's not offensive. I don't mean that offensively. I just mean let the emotions out. I actually think it really touched me that he opened up like that , and then you immediately laugh. Um, I think you look really touch me open up like that. I feel like I'm like, um, yeah, like Vagan , like, um, sing with sing Janice Joplin.

Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. You died of a heroin overdose is what you look like. And we're trying and we're trying to, this looks like I'm bloating in the, I'm bloated in the river. Floating in the river. Oh my God. The sci fuck me, like the river. Okay, let's talk about some things we really wanna talk about.

Yeah. I have a list. So shut the fuck up. Pussy. A little pussy boy. [00:34:00] Pussy boy. Pussy pussy. Pussy boy. Pussy boy. I want to see a pussy boy. Pusy pussy boy. Pussy. Pussy, pussy. Puy pussy boy. We're pussy boy. Pussy pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. Boy, that was good. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna put a beat to that later. Yeah. I was like, pussy boy is a good song.

I have a topic that we really need to talk about, like, I know we've talked about it before. Oh no. Okay, so this has been resurfacing, um, recently. I'm using, I'm getting And you're getting resurfacing. I'm getting It's resurfacing. Resurfacing. Bubbling up. It's bubbling up. Picture it. I am getting a little bothered by the women coming to awol.

So last weekend we were there on a Saturday new talk, and I saw like, you know, one non-binary ish woman ish. Person and I'm like, whatever. Who gives a fuck? Like have fun. Then I see an entire fucking bachelorette party show up and literally seven women [00:35:00] in like sundresses and little Nashville hats and boots walk across like the outdoor bars.

We don't into the and into the barracks, and I. , what are you doing here? Like in what reality were you like, this would be a great place to have fun. I wanna go in there with sweaty naked men and see what, see what's what. The equivalent would be like gay men going to your wedding and then partying at your wedding while you're trying to get married.

Like doing meth and snorting cocaine. Be like your reception with your mama, mama, with your parents, and with your aunts and uncles that you haven't seen since the third grade. But though you come into our space, but then you come into AWOL and it's like awol. What's going on? It's not union like. I would just say it's not union like tonight.

The theme is blackout. It just means the lights are low, which they are always, always low. It's just weird to me that we're like suddenly seen more and more totally female presenting women, like straight women showing up to awol, clearly ci, straight women. [00:36:00] I'm just starting to wonder, and like, I hate to say this because I'm totally trying to break the binary, but like, are there gonna be any spaces at all where there are gender differences?

No. And. I know the women are also, the women are trying to escape the. People too, because like the straight men are also raping them and like molesting them at the straight bars and like incessantly hitting on them. So maybe they are trying to find a safe space where they're like, this is fun to just have a drink.

I get it. But like, but, but an entire bachelorette party, like seven, that's a rat, like seven vinegar rat. Literally seven vinegarette women are showing up in like marching into the barracks. I remember to like curl a little crimpy hair. You remember that? I pointed, I was like, what is this? Like meanwhile, I'm trying to, I'm literally trying dodge my arch enemy who has a really fucking terrible haircut and I'm trying to hide my heart on.

Which I haven't had one in like years, so I'm really like struggling here. I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God. Then I look up and I'm like, there's this women, it's gone. Like I lost my erection. Just like that. When are we gonna have our [00:37:00] safe spaces back? I don't know. But then I'm like, but then we want equality.

It's like, but then we want equality. I just want like on the weekends and we hate straight men, but we want to fuck that. Yeah. If that's the problem. Honestly, I want, honestly, I think we're in trouble. I want a toxic straight man to rail me and the more, is that bad? No. Like I want to be defiled by, oh, the same.

A lacrosse player. Like want, I wouldn't be sexually, oh my God. I want you to put me in a truck. I want to be in the locker room. Of a college football team, and I want to be cocked. I want to have the come raining down on me, oh my god, rain. And I want these men to call me a slut, a little faggot. Like I want them to choke me.

Oh my God. I want them to choke me. But then I also would like to have our spaces by ourselves. , um, what are you looking up right now? Uh, you just reminded me of something I heard Okay. Today that you sent me. Okay. I'm Justin Peterson from Columbus, [00:38:00] Ohio. I'm a shit eating useless faggot with a tiny cock.

And I have nothing better to do than to be dominated by men. Any ages, any shape, any sizes. Justin Peterson, I'm a she eater with a useless cock. Please write me a Justin Peterson 2 22 gmail.com. Thank you, sir. Make me regret this video. He works at Huntington Bank. You're welcome. And you're welcome because I sat next to the CEO of Huntington Bank at a dinner, at the art museum One, not that guy.

Oh, the CEO of Huntington Bank. Not him. Oh. Remember when I went to the art museum? Very fundraiser? Yes, I do, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I sat by the ceo, but I had no idea. Yes. Until the end of the dinner. And they were like, you did really well next to him. And I was like, what do you mean next to him?

They're like, that was the ceo. And I was like, oh, I thought he was a janitor. I [00:39:00] literally was like, well, he's a fat fuck. I don't give a fuck . Oh, shoot. I shouldn't say that. He's the ceo. He's the ceo. No, but literally I had no idea. And I was just like, yes, yes. Queen bitch. And he's like, tell me what Covid was like.

I'm like, I, I gotta go. I'm like, I don't really care, but like, if you want to donate money to my pussy, it needs reconstructed now. Okay. So like, who was that? Justin Peterson. Because I found that and sent it to, you know, cause I thought you would like that I told him to call me. I would If you have, you've had a recent fetish for Tiny Dicks, which he wrote me back and said he wanted to be on the show, but then he came right back after that.

So I'm trying to get him back in line. You better. I wanna humil him. Oh no, not the, okay. Justin Peterson wants humiliated, right? So let's get him on the show. Because he's in Columbus. We are more likely to get him, we're not likely to get some hot guy with a semis small dick that you are obsessed with on Twitter here.

Uh, so let's like dump fat [00:40:00] one and let's focus on something we can do. Okay. So also we go, I emailed that email and come to find out I got rejected. It came back as, uh, undeliverable and I'm like, is it a full box? Like why? So then I go to his Twitter, he has a Twitter, and he has another email on his Twitter.

So I clicked that and I emailed him and I said, Hey, I was gonna say, Hey faggot. Cuz he was like trying to get me to, but I was like, no. I was like, you know what? Really be humiliating you to call us and leave us some message and so thousands of people can hear you and how pitiful you are. Something like that.

No, we need to get him on here and piss on him together. Like offscreen obviously. And then like, and I can't pee. No, we're both pe put we'll put an fold thing on so you can't see and I can't see each other. And then we just start peeing and he's in the middle. Oh. It's just kind of gross to me. Uh, I mean, I he wants to be peed on.

What do you wanna shit on him? He wants to eat shit. No. Yeah. I'm, I'm gonna shut, I'm gonna Cleveland steamer him. Hmm. I don't understand how you can't [00:41:00] pee in front of other guys, but you could shit on someone. I actually couldn't do either. I don't know. I, I think I could pee on someone. Here's the problem.

I How could you not pee on someone? Oh, I, I mean, I. You mean? I have. Okay, so that's all he wants. There's another baby. She's gone tomorrow. I feel like you're lying or you've gotten really uncomfortable for no reason. No, I don't know what I'm kind of, I'm kind of lost. Remind me. Just high. Okay. We're talking about Justin, that guy on Twitter who says he wants to be humiliated.

Yes. Yes. Mom loves himself. Justin Shit Eater. He's in Columbus, Ohio. You played a video of him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So why wouldn't you be able to pee on him? Um, I can't pee on anyone. Why then be shy? They want to be peed. Like, I don't understand. Yeah, I guess like they're, even if you dribbled on them, they would be like, okay, that's good.

I like to be imp peed on. Huh? They're not asking for a steady stream. They're not asking, they're not like, they're [00:42:00] not asking for consistent. They're not looking at you like, how dare you give me such, that's only 10% . That stream is nothing they want to be pissed on. I'd rather spit on 'em. I mean, I'm sure they'd allow you to be.

I'm sure they would accept. All of a sudden I can't do anything . Oh no, you're so high. I know. It's, you're so high. This is the best, the best episode I've ever done in my life. Myk. . The best episode I ever done in my life. Okay, honey. Like she is shit. She's working, she is twerking. Um, I just wanna say one thing.

Um, yeah, check your notes first. Diplo, is that who it was? Who said he was gay? Gay. Diplo, but kind of gay. Gay, yeah. We gotta talk about Diplo. So, yeah, tell me, tell, tell the story. Diplo, like I couldn't name a single song by him. I can, well, can you tell me the tune of my, I don't know this song Now Diplo is semi attractive.

He looks like he's 50 plus, but basically what he said was, he's not not gay. [00:43:00] And he said that, yeah, I've accepted blowjobs from guys, but it's not really gay if you don't look them in the eye. Now. Now, what's your experience been with that? Because I've met a lot of guys who would believe that I'm gonna make a controversial and I'm gonna say they're gay.

If you're making house music, yeah. You're gay. You've touched a dick. Like period. Grizz is openly by Grizz. Um, who's gri? Let's say Aviche. Aviche killed himself. Oh, well he was bi, well, I don't know, say he died of something, but it's also like, oh no, he killed himself. They drug overdose or something, right?

Like, yeah, like, mm. Okay. So all the house music people really are, it's a little weird. You're probably gay for gay people. Basically gay people in dumb clubs, dumb straight people who want to be gay. Like, they're like, we're going to a club and we're gonna grind on each each other. He kitty, he cat, cat, her kitty cat cap.

We're straight like, mm. So when I hear him say, oh, I'm kind of gay, gay, or whatever the fuck you are, I'm like, no shit. You make house [00:44:00] music and you like, stand up in front of like all these fucking, I I can't. I know he's guy. He's guy's guy. I feel like if you've guy, I feel like you make electronic music, you've had to at least had a dick in your hand or mouth.

Well, he said, I mean, he said, he's like, yeah, I've definitely gotten blowjobs from guys. And that's, but the, I questioned, well, that's where you're like, just blow. Are you straight then? No straight. Hey guy, I just wanna tell you something like, and I've, it's been a long process for me to realize, but the straight men in my life who are friends with me, I truly believe that they would not be able to stay hard if I were trying to like, touch them or suck them off.

Like, I just knowing these straight guys, like they're not, it's like when I look at a full woman presenting woman that I don't know, that I'm not attracted to their personality and it's just like, I don't, you don't see them as attract, like, you're not like sexually turned on by them. And so like [00:45:00] these straight guys are not looking at us and like, oh yeah.

Like if a mouth, they're, they're not thinking like a mouth is a mouth. Like, let, if they just sucked my dick, they would, I would get hard for them and come for them. , they don't give a fuck. They're not looking at these, they're not looking at us like, oh yeah, we're hot. Like, I'm sorry. I hate to like burst. I know you think like all straight men are turned on and a mouse amount hold the hole.

I just don't think the straight guys that I know are literally not attracted to gay men. Like they're not Okay. And so I, I'm not saying the word attracted though. I think it's more like sexually aroused. I don't think they're sexually aroused by men. I think they, not even the, I think they'd feel like a little bit of stubble at during a blowjob and be like, that's it.

I'm, I'm out. But is that their heteronormal, like uncomfortable, like societal problems? No, because like I don't really seek out. Very pus, feminine pussy people. And I'm not, I'm not like going out like I wanna fuck a pussy. There are women that I would have sex with, but like, I know, so, okay. But I know because I know [00:46:00] them, because I've known them for a while.

I don't wanna know you if I'm fucking you. I don't wanna know that. Wait, what? Let's, let's tell Michael that, but that makes sense. No female. Mm-hmm. . Okay. Um, well, we'll tell Courtney, but , I just feel like you're just a guy. I, yeah, because you're like telling lies, but like I just know that the straight men in my life, Are not turned on by gay men.

We want to pretend they are. We're like, oh, a mouse, a mouth. They'd fuck my hole. If they didn't know and it was dark, they would fuck my asshole. No, they would feel hair and be like, Nope, this ain't it. Um, there's hair and girls' assholes. They'd be like, those are balls and not pussy lips. So like absolutely soft.

Well, mine you might think's just a really saggy pussy. And they could, but like, they're like, I just don't, I honestly feel like, wow. That's why I feel like, okay, well if Diplo was like getting a blowjob from a guy and liked it. Yeah, but I think he, you're, he's not straight. Okay. But let's, he's not straight.

Okay. Okay. But if you're in like a party atmosphere, so maybe the straight guys you don't, you know, wouldn't do it. Cuz [00:47:00] they're not in that party atmosphere anymore. It's not just the straight guys I know. That's what you said. I'm just repeating. Okay. So yeah, there are straight guys who are for fine, for fuck sakes.

There are, there are gonna be straight guys who are completely fine and get off with exhibitionism and like shut off their dick. Right, right. And like, fine with like a touch. And even like getting hard, be like, but I, you're partying all the time. Fucking hard, hard to see and doing all this stuff. You're not, you're gonna look at a man and go, sh yeah.

Suck my dick. I think, I guess, I don't know. Yeah. I just, I've not gotten that vibe from a single straight guy that I've gotten to know deeply. Hmm. Like, I'm friends with straight guys and I just like, I talk to them and it's like, not there. Like, that vibe is not really, they are not really, they don't flirt that way.

Well, they don't, I mean, I've heard stories about two of 'em in particular. . Um, a lot of stories. Oops. So I don't want to hear your bullshit. I'm sorry. I'm like ruining your fantasies, but No, you're like, I really feel like, but guess what, you are the one that always said, you're like, [00:48:00] guess what he said to me today?

No, I'm not talking about them specifically. Oh, there's another guy. Okay. Okay, got it. I got it. Not every, okay, so wait. You do have straight guys then that you think want to fuck you? I do have straight guy friends. Straight guy friends who I don't think are fully straight. Yes. But like, oh, okay. There are others who I talk to.

I'm like, I who? I feel like who? I've talked to you. Who? Who? Oh, the po pow. Oh no, I can, yeah, that one I don't like. It's not a single, there's not been any indication at all. Hi. If you're a straight man and you're a straight woman, we want you to call the show. Okay, go ahead. I think they should. Yeah, they should.

I need to hear, I want to know like our, have you ever felt a single fucking thing? If you're saying like, oh, I'm a hundred percent straight, I want to hear from you. Be honest, but we, we won't even identify you. We won't even, don't say your name. Just call the fucking number. Six one six four seven two one five three three six.

Just fucking call and say, Tell us or [00:49:00] no, like, have you ever had an inkling, a tingle, and anything where you're like, your penis, penis got hard at all? I, I, not even hard, but like you thought, like I just, in the right conditions, I could jerk off with that guy and like, I would like to look at him jerking off.

Like I just, I actually have not met a straight guy who says he's fully straight and who I feel is fully straight then I've never met a straight guy that tells the truth.

So if you're straight, please call in. If you're a straight woman and you have men in your life that are straight, that would be honest. Like, I'm so tired of people being so like, they're like, oh, I'm not a, I'm not da, da da. And then they're like, freaks and you're like, why don't you just be yourself? Yeah.

I just hate everyone. . Okay. Okay.

are you okay? I just thought about. That's so sad. . I literally just like realized, I was like, it's so fucking sad. . [00:50:00] My God, you're so depressed. Well, I'm just like, wait, you, so everything that, yeah. Like I had to remind you gently about the people that you've said to me. Yeah. I said the money. I thought of the, and then I found like, well, I just was like, I just started like, I just slowly realized like everything that I, everyone that I think is attractive is fully not into me or my, like my friends or like will never just openly come out and be like, yeah, I want to fucking do that.

Like, let's have fun. Like most of the people I see that I'm like, wow, that person's attractive. Like 99% of them are just like completely off limits. And that's like the life of being queer is you look around you and you. Oh, well, everyone else has a chance and can go on Tinder and swipe for like four hours in a row, but I have to go to the same fucking bars, the same places and look at the same faces that I've looked at for 10 years and just think, oh, there they are there.

That's them again. Well, [00:51:00] I had one interaction with them that was favorable. The rest were just like trash. And I don't know, I'm not really into them because like the six other people that have hooked up with them have talked to me about it and said it was really boring. But I guess it's fun and we have so many opportunities and the brave new world of 2023, it's just like boring to be queer now.

It's like really? It's exhausting. Like I'm tired as fuck of it. Oh, I wanna go to a, I want to go to a new city. I told Matt this the other day. I'm like, I'm ready to move. Same. I want to find another city where there's millions of other queer people that I've never interacted with, never hooked up with. I wanna find them and I wanna have chances, I wanna have opportunities.

Children walking around here, going to bars here, it's like, Oh, hey. Hey you. I've known you for eight years. Isn't this fun that we're here again at the same bar we've gone to for eight years? I'm having a blast. Oh, you're married now too. That's great. We're having fun. Yeah. It's being gay is like living in a small town.

It's [00:52:00] Right. So I think people in small towns gonna understand this too. Like there are people in my small town that I grew up in that are still living the same life they've been living since I knew them. It's so sad. It's like, it's so, and, but it's sad for us to, they're gonna Publix, they're getting their subs.

Yeah. Oh, honey, they're gonna mm-hmm. Pub sub girl pop sub girl. We're gonna have some chicken tenders. We're gonna go to the fucking pool like church every Sunday. Like it's Right. Lit football game every Friday night. On Friday nights high school. Saturday nights college, Sundays. N F l baby Jesus. Thank you.

And NASCAR on Sundays. Mm. Jesus. Mm. So anyway, um, yeah, I get it. That was really very, so that's why I'm sorry. I'm just tired. Like I'm tired of this. Why don't you stop? But what are you tired of? Like, why don't you just like, Oh, can't, can't stop alone. Stop. Wait, what? Say it. No, I'm just ready to move. I was talking to Matt about this past week.

I'm like, I don't, I just [00:53:00] don't know. You don't like Columbus anymore? No, not really. Why though? Just cuz you see the same people over. But I think it's anywhere you go. Yeah, I know, but I think that you can't change your, I think in a bigger, I think in a bigger city you see different people every time you go out.

Sure, sure. That's the only thing. That's where I like Chicago, New York. Yeah. Do even like San Diego, it's like they're the eighth biggest city in the country. Right? Like they have millions of more people and so you like go out and you're like, oh, I haven't seen them before. Like there's a chance. I feel like I see new people every time I go out.

Okay, well maybe I just need to look better. Well, next tomorrow night I will look. I will try. harder. I just don't think that you've had a, like, it's very surprising me that you're saying that though, because I feel like every night we go out, you, you can, you slay and lay honey. Okay, I like that. Yeah, but you wanna move.

That was like a truthful moment. Are you drawn? Like what's happening? Just No, I'm just like, I feel trapped again. You know how you like go? No, I'm going in cycles. Yeah. And I'm talking to Matt and he's like, well, what if I build my train layout in the basement? Oh no. And then I'm like, [00:54:00] come, how am I gonna do it?

I'm like, so literally, if you build your train layout, we're never gonna be able to leave here. That's what he's thinking. Because he's like, well, if I build it and we're gonna move in five years, there's no point in building it. And so then I have to be like, well, I mean, what? What do you want me to say?

Like, I just don't wanna be tied down. I want to be able to pack up and move whenever I want to. So I've been having the same feeling. That's why I. Sell this house. Yeah. And buy a deck rv. Oh yes. And just travel the country and work remotely. That's how I feel like I wanna run. I'm trying run like I can literally get a job in any city in the country, any single city in the country.

Right. So could I? Yeah. So, but instead it's like, well let's go drive down six 70 again. I'm in the same city I was born in 35 years ago. Trying to say something though. 35 years ago. This is the problem cuz you are hitting your I'm 35, you're here and I'm in the exact same city I was in when I was born.

But I'm telling you, at least you're not. Yeah, but it's, you're not . [00:55:00] You moved like you already made a big life change. You had something better. Hmm. You found someone better. You had more fun. You've built a life. I'm like literally in the same exact spot. Yeah. I was born in three miles from it. Here I am.

What's gonna change in the next, next 30 years? Then you need to go. . Right. So what's holding you back? Interest rates. my fucking stepson who still hasn't graduated high school, so I have to like wait for that. Isn't that like in six months or less? Yeah, it's okay. So we're, so that doesn't count much, but interest rates are not gonna be better.

Like, I can't afford to move any of the cities I want to move to are gonna be unaffordable or I'm gonna have like a one to two bedroom. So you're, you feel trapped. I'll have, I'll, I'll have a one to two bedroom house. Why can't I be okay with that? That's what I keep fucking Well, I, I have gotten okay with it and I will, I'm sure in like three weeks, but like, it's just like this feeling the past week for me has been like, I am fucking trapped here.

And so [00:56:00] whenever Matt does something where I'm like, he is making me more, because he can't do anything else because this is his life. Mm-hmm. , and now he wants to build something in a house that can't be unbuilt and easily moved. We're trapped here even longer. So I feel like that he needs to, I feel that feeling of being trapped so that train can't be set up or he can do it, but he has to realize that he can easily be taken down or move, moved somewhere else.

I think that you would mm-hmm. , he cannot build up. Okay. Sorry. Maybe that's it. Maybe. I don't know. I'm just like, I feel well, I'm getting that uhoh feeling again. Okay. Uhoh, uh oh. Hmm. It's interesting because although I did move away from my hometown, like it still feels like life really just gets boring.

Oh, no. Like, I'm gonna admit it. Like we're all searching for that feeling that we had when we first went to Disney World. We're looking for that first time we came. Yeah. The first time we ever had a dick in our mouth in a truck. I am. I'm looking for like, you walk into a bar, it's all the first time. It's 30 people you've never seen before, [00:57:00] and you're like, yeah.

But even then it literally, literally hook up with any of them. And then you're like, I can't wait to go to that restaurant. I've never been to, I can't wait to go to that beach. I've never been to, oh my God. There's, look at, we can go walk through this park. Yeah. And like we've never been in this park before, like ing Oh.

The weather is 75 degrees every day of the entire year. There's no winter, there's no fall. . I'm talking about Sandy. I know, I I hear you. But it's just like a little bit like, so that's out there. Like people live like that. Yeah. But also, but also I realize grass is green side. You're chasing things where like the people who live there are also unhappy.

Right. They're gonna be like, they, they wanna come here also. They're like, I wanna move. They're also bored. Yeah. They're like, I wanna move to Ohio. I want to be quieter. I don't wanna go by the beach. I tired. And that's when like, after a week or so, it comes back and I realize like, this is just life. Mm-hmm.

You have to accept where you are in life and move on. It's how it is. I but what, when that feeling is here, it's like, [00:58:00] holy shit. Now have you thought I could have a different life? Now we're not sponsored by better health, but have you been thinking about talking to a therapist maybe? Um, I think that might be good.

Yes. I, it wouldn't hurt, but I just, I mean, fire yourself. I only get like five free sessions. It's time in my work. The way you des I think it's time. I don't think I need one. Like I think I can manage it. Hmm. . But I think you could, I think you could bounce it off somebody other than people you know, and you'd get a different perspective because I think you, you're, yeah.

Do you not, this is like, this is what sucks. I'm so sorry. This is why I'm miserable. , I'm dead. You're like, do you better help like me? And you won't be where you'll be miserable. The thing is, we're always searching for something. We're never gonna have ever, ever. I think we're all miserable . Oh my God, it's so sad.

Oh my God. We're all like, this is great. I'm married. We're all lying. I have a great partner. We are all lying. I'm happy. [00:59:00] And then it's like when you get down to it, you're like, God, this fucking sucks. And don't act like you're all like, oh, you're just way better because No, the people shit talked to you about the same shit.

Okay. I know. Actually, I'll say it out loud. And they're like, I'm like, no, we say, you just told me last week the same thing. We say it out loud, but then the people are like, no, I'm very, I love being, of course, I love Michael. I love my three kids. Of course I love my life. My three kids are great, and my husband who's never home, I love them.

You're like, nah, you really don't fucking love them. And you're tired of being a mom, but okay, sure. Your, your tits are saggy. Your pussy don't work and you are constantly busy. You never get eight hours of sleep. Nope. Nope. You don't. But I think this is also like, but sure you have a great life, but we're wired this way though.

Like this is survival. Is it? Yeah, I really do think so. I don't think life is to keep moving this way. Keep moving. No way. It was, I think like 4,000 years ago, you didn't have to worry about this shit. Well, no, you just got murdered because you were never trapped. You had an, you were fighting to survive all the time.

Sure, yeah. And so like going to bed every night, you're like, wow, we got fed [01:00:00] today. My kids are alive. It's only eight o'clock at night. But a plague didn't kill us. Like some random viral illness that we're not even aware of. It didn't kill us. Like, what a great life. Like, we're still here now. It's like, yeah, we're fucking here.

We're fucking here. Here we go again. Nothing's ever changing. Everything's the same. We're never gonna be having that energy again of life. Like here we are. Do you have a hobby, like a creative hobby other than this? Um, yeah. What? It's kind of died out. Well, I used to like enjoy reading. I used to enjoy playing games, but it's been months now.

What about like artistic wise? Uh, learning languages was my favorite thing. Okay. Uh, do you ever create anything. Create. Yeah. Like, have you ever, like I used to write poetry. Okay. Ow. Okay. . Yes, I did. So what about, I have a lot of books. I trying to get back into that because I think what you need to do is connect yourself right now because you've gotta get back to the, excuse me, I'm going through puberty.[01:01:00]

You need to get back to your core. You need to get back to who you really are. And I think that might be why I'm always doing stuff like have my keyboard, I started making music again because you're, you're d desperate for that self connection. Right? I'm so you're like, new project, new project, new project, new.

Next. What, what can I prove that I can do next to myself? What about when you run out of things to prove? Well that's, that's why life is so hard because then I do, and then it's like, oh, but now I can do, okay, I'll spend a thousand dollars and I'll do this for whatever. Oh, this is so fun. Oh, and I'm always trying to fight to be self-employed.

I'm, I don't know. It is. I can see that. . Well, since I met you, you've started like five new projects and you're like, wanna have 15 companies. But it's like you're right, but you're always trying to do something else to prove you have that ability to be that way to myself. Yeah. You're like, I can do this, I can do that.

This goes back to when I, I can do that. This is why I hate being gay, because this goes back to when I didn't wanna do stuff that gay people did, like art and all this kind of shit. So I suppressed my [01:02:00] talents until I got older and then I still suppressed. I'm like, Ooh. Like, we should both be in drag. What was that?

I don't know. Okay. That was creepy. It was the, no, I heard like voices. It was a, it was, it's one of those little things over there. No, like we should both be doing drag or something like that. That's very queer, but like also very creative. Well, if we weren't but we're afraid of it, it's fine. Like it's fine.

Yeah. No, it's not. Okay. This is the vulnerable thing though. This is what I'm saying. This is why I'm gonna the campground, like, that's great. Well, we're not gonna play that game again, huh? You can't. That's great. You're like, why? Okay. That's, you're really gonna do this. Right? That's great. No, honestly, though, I think I want to give you advice to just connect with yourself again and maybe write some poetry and see what happens.

Okay. I'll try. But I have a really good sundry and I, I know we're like running over, but sundries, I have one that's really good. Okay. I was so fucking pissed off today. Cause I've eaten like a fat fuck. Um, I know you need to go first, but I was in the burger. Let it out. Have it your [01:03:00] way. Have it your way.

So I'm at fucking Burger King. Getting a fucking gross ass burger. I should just got a fucking whopper. The classic. No, go the mouth. The possible whoppers good. It's really good. I do not, this is a bitch sundry. I, I don't know if I've ever said this either. If you're in the service. And a particular in line, like in a fucking drive-through.

Ah-huh. and I, I look at you and I say, Hey, how are you doing today? And I say, thank you so much. Have a good day. You better fucking say something back to me. Do not just look at me and then shut the window . I almost, oh my God. No, it's fucked up. No, it is. I get it. Like it's a shitty job. You're not really wanting to do this.

Okay. Right. But you're not being rude. That's the problem is like, okay, you have a shitty job, but like, if you get someone who actually wants to connect with you and be like, yeah, like, have a good day too. [01:04:00] Right. Respond, like, just anything. Like, thanks you too. I mean it, you don't have to try. You could've been like, grab the bag and drive away.

You could've been like, and I notice it, where's my fucking ketchup leave? But it really bothers me. I know. Like to the core where I'm like, you motherfucker, and I don't know why happens to me at Starbucks. Okay. I, I'm like, thank you. . When I get a drink, I'm like, thank you. And then there nothing gets said. I always say, please and thank you.

And like, oh. I'm like, no. Literally I just acknowledge that you made a drink for me. I'm thanking you. Like do you, do we drink too much? Nod your head or be like, you don't see me at all. Like I'm just like a robot ordering a drink and you're a robot making a drink. But that's what it is. That bothers me.

Right, right. It bothers me too, like we should be talking to each other, other like, yeah, and, and especially when I'm like, yeah, how are you doing today? I mean, I'm not literally, I'm not asking you unless I'm really asking you and you, Hey you, if you're having a bad day, tell me. I don't care. Well, that's the thing that I'm just ready for that connection again.

Yeah. If you wanna be like, I'm having a shitty day. I fucking hate [01:05:00] being here at work. I'm like, I get that. I hate being at work too. Like I'll just tell you like Right. Yeah, right. Me too. But here we are like, here's $3 for a fucking hamburger. Right. And I'm just, just gonna get a cholesterol medicine and then I can lose weight.

Ozempic, you're gonna lose weight. Right. . You don't even need to. Honestly, honestly, I'm hot as fuck. Um, yeah. I'm so sick of it at this point. It's like, for what? Like you're losing weight. For what? Uh, cause I think I'm dying. Look at, look at the people around us. Like I'm scared. Who you're trying to attract?

Chris Farley. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, you have to, he did a lot of cooking. Cocaine. I have a good heart too. He did a lot of cocaine. G like, everything's fine. He's literally doing cocaine in bed and died from cocaine. But I'm just. I'm just gonna swallow my tongue on accident. My sundry is, I am tired of the number of types of jeans that people are coming out with because I walk in and I'm like, you know what?

Fuck it. I'm gonna go to Abercrombie and see what they [01:06:00] have, even though I'm old. No, they've got nineties, regular nineties slim, nineties athletic, nineties loose. They've got regular, slim, regular, skinny, regular athletic, regular, loose. We're, we're relaxed, whatever the fuck. They literally have 12 types of jeans and I can't figure out based on which color I want, which jean is gonna be available.

So you have to find your type. You have to find your size and your fit. And it's like all I want. I like, the last time I went in, I was like, I want a dark jean. I want like a dark, like classy looking jean, first of all, all of them have tears in them. Where do I have to shop? Where they sell jeans that don't have tears in them.

When I wanna look for like a dress jean, like, oh, I'm gonna go out there. I wanna wear like a button down shirt, untucked and like a dark jean that fits well. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . But isn't skinny because like, I know Skinny's not in, I'm old, but I'm not that old. But they don't have it. They have like nineties and then they have like a dark that's like in a relaxed fit.

Can we get like a nineties [01:07:00] slim? Dark jean combo with no rips. That's also in my waist size because yes, I'm fat. I'm like a 33 30. Like we, that doesn't exist. Like I'm not a 32, I'm not a 34, but I'm also like, my length, I like a 30 because it hits right above my shoes. You can't find my size anywhere. Now. I know I'm talking on deaf ears here because you're over here like, thank you.

I, Mr. Her big and tall, and I, well, I can't even from, I can't even go to the store. No, I know it's embarrassing, but like, I just am wondering, am I that far out of the mainstream that like, we can't make jeans in my size. Like the whole, the things that you want, the nineties thing has got to go. Like I understand that Gen Z is like, this is cute.

I wanna pretend that I'm from the nineties, even though I was born in 2004. No, fuck you. Like the nineties weren't cute. The nineties where Britney Spears wearing like a waist that was down to her pussy lips. [01:08:00] Who? Her pussy lips were out when she went to the Grammy's. Pu. See her? Jessica Simpson. Pussy lips were out.

Mandy Moore pussy Pusy lipsy lips out out. So we don't want the nineties to come back, but y'all wanna pretend like the nineties were some cute mom jeans, loose clothing type of thing. It wasn't nineties were ugly. We had fucking jelly gel slippers on. Like it was I disgusting. My sister's feet would stink so bad.

Wearing jellies. No outfits. Jellies were nasty. Fuck. But all these kids these days, these Gen Zers are like, oh, the nineties were so fun. We wore windbreakers and mom jeans. No, they didn't. Well, here's the thing, the kids is the kids. In the nineties we didn't wear that shit and it wasn't cute. It wasn't cute on our parents.

It wasn't cute on us. So stop trying to pretend that the nineties were great. Tamagotchis were cool. game Boy. Colors were cool. Color. No, the clo the clothing was not cool. So stop. Let's stop, stop selling it. I don't wanna buy it. They don't have my size anyways. . [01:09:00] I just fe I feel like, I don't know. The theme of this episode is like, are we fucking old?

We're old, yeah. And we're old. Uh, so now let's go watch a bunch of 20 year olds dress up in, uh, makeup, drop in hair, , I'm sorry, Sasha's older than both of us, and she's gonna win it all. Well, so I don't think I have a different feeling than you. Um, you think Antra Atras a dark horse, but she's probably a dark antra and Sasha should wa youth mistress.

Yes, and I'm fine with Misre. Mistress brings it is every fucking time Mistress. Mistress and Sasha have been mis dark horse. Actually, mistress and Sasha have not been in the bottom ever. Right? Right. Exactly. That's all you know. That's why IRA's third, that's why I said that. She's been in the bottom like three times.

Yeah. But she can fucking, when she is in the bottom, she proves that she does. She's in the top. She, no, those three to me should all be the winners. Mm-hmm. , that's argument theater and I, I literally, they don't fight with each other. They all respect each other. They understand the art of drag. They understand the art of drag.

I literally, I'm of, I keep, I've had dreams where I've met Sasha and Mistress in person. Oh. And I'm [01:10:00] a, I like it goes great. That means you're gonna meet 'em. By the way, every time I have dreams like that, I meet, it's weird. I've had two dreams where I've met Sasha, one where I've met mistress and like, they're amazing.

Are you sure? They're like, nice. Are you sure it wasn't me in a dark wig? . You could be mistress. Well, I'm a little thinner, I think. Oh, now you better now you better now. Yeah. You are on the top. The top. You are thin. You think I'm really top heavy? No, no, no. I don't think I am. I meant on the top, like you're thinner than mistress up here.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't have that. So I'm not saying top heavy. No, I know, but I'm, I was just like having a moment. Sorry. Uh, anyway. No, I think mistress is like thicker here on this part. Like fat. Same here. Yeah. Like the fat and thicker here. Yeah. Whereas you're like thin, thick, thin. Yeah. And she's like thick, thick, thick.

That is weird. Cause I am fattom belly, but that's it really. It's only belly. I'm so, but it's also, it's not side, it's, it's a weird part. It's only front an which, that's how I am. So I [01:11:00] don't care. Like, I'm literally like thin. It's weird. Belly ass is like, cause I don't even have like, I mean, it's weird. I have a little back.

You don't, I don't have, but you don't have a big, like you can't grab it. Wow. See, you learn something new every day. Folks. Especially if you listen to us every Wednesday, nine o'clock every Friday, YouTube. If you don't watch us, you should. And if you don't, don't listen to us. You should. Yes. And w , we're really happy people.

Um, we're not, we're not stuck in life. We're not feeling trapped. Um, we're they happy? We had a St. Patrick's Day celebration. We had a few cocktail, no . We had a few beers and we had a few cockies. We, because I was like, which we're trying to get your nail tech on the show. Carmen needs to come home. Carmen, my nail tech Carmen is the Lit tech.

Is Carmen San Diego. Where's sun? That's my tip. Hold on. [01:12:00] Carmen is your nail tech. Yeah. San Diego is where you wanna move. Oh no. I feel like it's like a, that's fucked up. Like you need to go to Carmen San Diego. Okay. Well I need to take another vacation. I need to take another ed. Anal. I don't because my lips are dry.

Um, alright. Well everybody thank you for listening and make sure you share and blah, blah, blah. And have a great week. And have a great week. Bye. Oh no. Are you mad? No.