I love Christmas because you could be a fairy and get away with it

The "Not Well" podcast episode "I love Christmas because you could be a fairy and get away with it to up" offers a deep dive into a myriad of topics, all presented with a unique blend of humor and insight. The episode starts with a nostalgic trip down memory lane, reminiscing about Christmas memories, and the colorful experiences of New Orleans, setting a tone of nostalgia mixed with humor. This personal touch is a hallmark of the podcast, as the hosts seamlessly weave their life experiences into broader discussions.

The episode also touches on serious issues faced by the LGBTQ community, particularly focusing on the challenges of aging within this demographic. The hosts discuss this with a candid openness, interspersed with their trademark humor, making it both engaging and thought-provoking. This part of the conversation reflects on societal changes and personal growth, offering listeners a chance to reflect on their own experiences.

Relationship dynamics, especially in the context of modern life, are another focal point of the episode. The hosts explore the complexities of relationships in today's world, delving into how social media and technology influence personal interactions. Their discussion is both humorous and insightful, offering a unique perspective on how relationships evolve over time.

Additionally, the episode covers the nuances of various cultural and holiday traditions, including Kwanzaa and Christmas. The hosts' discussion on these topics is not only entertaining but also educational, providing listeners with insights into different cultural practices and their personal significance.

Overall, this episode of "Not Well" is a perfect blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on a range of topics relevant to the LGBTQ community and beyond. It's an episode that engages its audience with laughter, while also encouraging deeper thought and understanding of the complexities of modern life.

[00:01:48] 45 year old gay guys.

[00:02:35] Desperation in online dating.

[00:11:54] They can't do a goddamn thing.

[00:14:35] Straight guys and bulge communication.

[00:19:22] Decorating the house for Christmas.

[00:23:05] Jesus is the one.

[00:23:06] Christmas wafer tradition.

[00:26:34] Divorce and forgiveness.

[00:30:07] Believing in Santa Claus.

[00:31:59] Genius parenting hacks.

[00:32:01] Christmas morning traditions.

[00:34:44] Christmas traditions and surprises.

[00:39:35] Awkward family hugging dynamics.

[00:40:01] Cholesterol and health concerns.

[00:46:03] Dealing with terminal illness.

[00:47:54] Christmas connections and traditions.

[00:51:17] What is Riz?

[00:54:20] Pilonidal cysts and sexual preferences.

[00:59:03] Irritation and its effects.

[00:59:04] L

Transcript

 What? This week on Knotwell! We talk about Christmas memories. Also talk about sucking cock in New Orleans again for the fourth week in a row. Palatka clock. We call my mom and ask about Christianity. Big presents and little presents. Yeah, we go over the entire Christmas holiday season. Hobby was really high. Jim had three drinks in a 42nd span. We're like, pile that with cyst dimples. Talk about Uber versus the Uber driver rejects Lyft. If you have a Chase Sapphire, I'm going to punch you in the throat. Have a very merry Christmas season. All of this and more this week on Not Well. Oh, fuck my little. I'm telling you, it's fucking crazy. Yeah. Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Not Well, I'm Bobby. And I'm Jim. And you just got finished celebrating your Christmas, your presents under the tree. Hanukkah's over. Hanukkah's over, it's over. Kwanzaa's right in the process. We're mid Kwanzaa. We're mid Kwanzaa. Mid Kwanz. And it's about to be a new year. A new year, a new me, a new year. Bobby's year of 40th. My 40th birthday. All the 1984 babies are freaking the motherfuck out right now, and it's not a lie. It is kind of weird to think how old I thought people, even in their 30s, when I was a teenager, I'd be like, my uncle's like 37. Ew, you're old. My parents over 40, I was like, absolutely, they're old. Oh, my my people are partying with Lou. Yeah, like yeah when they would go in on trip or so like well We went out and with our friends.
SPEAKER00: I'm like you're 45.

SPEAKER_01: What do you mean? You have friends at 40? Like aren't you old and 40 fucking 5 Jesus and that's young now. We're 40 now. I'm like, I love 45 It's like really young really fresh really fresh cocks. Actually, I do like 45 year old Honestly, like 45 year old gay guys don't give a fuck and they're hot and they usually you're at one scratch your back. Oh That's true. They're aggressive. Well, they know that they have to please, because they're old. It depends. If you're old, you've got to do all the work. See, I like taking the role of these little boys hit me up on Sniffies, these 21-year-olds, and they're like, Daddy, I want to service you. And I'm like, service. Serviced, complete. Well, maybe we're just people who get serviced. I don't know. Well, honestly, and again, your face. Maybe that's why my personal bias has led me to being a serviced person. Yeah, I am definitely a servicer.

SPEAKER_00: I'm not a serviceman.

SPEAKER_01: I don't, I do secret service. You kinda do, you're like, oh I'm always, I'm never the chaser and it's like, honey. I'm not. You chase when it counts in the bedroom. Well I know how to chase by getting chased, if that makes sense. Like you know how to like switcheroo it? Yeah. You're like, oh no. Oh my god, you're chasing me. You don't talk to them but they're chasing you but you're actually chasing them because you're not talking to them and that's your, you're doing it. I like that, as long as you're in control, honey. Honey, the chaser's always in control. Blink twice for help. Her taste is always in control. The chaste is always in the control. It's kind of weird. I guess it's kind of both. Yeah, I think about it You're kind of trapped in a cycle. It's a big cycle. It's a big and you're high So a little bit so we are here to speak to you 6 1 4 7 2 1 5 3 3 6 We really care about your feelings and your thoughts Honestly, honestly, I don't know where the fuck you guys have been. Could this face lie? Could this pussy lie? Oh You are not the father. You are not the father. This pussy's lying. Break this pussy. I have a few things that I really have to bring up. OK, so something last week I noticed that we didn't talk about. Oh, my God. I hope you pull up something that I was thinking about, too. I want you to read this tweet from Demon Twunk, who is a local Gay. Yeah. Okay. Okay, hold on. What are you doing? Okay. What is happening? No, I'm gonna, is this the one that he says, did you see his tweet yesterday that was like, this city sucks, nobody wants to eat my asshole? And I'm like. Okay, let's start from the beginning though. So I see Demon Twunk is a local gay who's like so-so whatever. Look him up, I mean, support him or whatever. It's great, Demon Twunk 9. And this is a tweet that we had. This is what I was gonna talk about today. Look at the time, look at the time. 7.49 a.m. Oh my god. This is one of my subjects. Honey, don't worry. I got you. Was finally ready to get fucked yesterday after a few weeks of not being able to. Then I discovered a hemorrhoid right on my hole that developed over the previous night. Could my luck be any worse as of lately? Who's not wanting me to bottom, ready to unalive myself? Okay, so this is a tweet. I have similar things that I've been seeing. Okay, this tweet you've seen from… We're talking about gay tweets. Danny W261, my date tomorrow is canceled because he got a date with someone better. He told me this as he thought I'd appreciate the honesty. On that note, good night. I mean, yeah. But here's the thing that I'm concerned about the gays and… 729. 749 AM. We're talking about hemorrhoids. I'm just gonna go to my ex right now and I'm gonna tell you, it's like insane. These people are like, well, I got stood up again, my pussy just isn't good enough, and I'm like, oh my god, this is desperation. I really feel like this is the Gen Z therapy, is to go on X and just post the most ridiculous things that we're supposed to feel sorry for you about. Who trying to cuddle and take a fat nap? A fat nap. Feeling festive and breedable. Okay. Holiday cheer isn't the only thing that needs spreading around here, and it's a whole picture. Like, literally. Right. It's a hot hole, but… It's desperation, it's screaming. It's screaming, guess who got a haircut yesterday? So why is this the pick for guess who got a haircut? It's a pretty good but, I think. It's not, I mean, it's fine. Oh, who's that? This is Demon Twunk who posts about his hemorrhoid. Oh, he's kind of cute. I mean, yes, but guess who got a haircut yesterday? Right, that's that girl. As a true agent of chaos that I am, I just ordered an espresso martini at 11 a.m. at a coffee shop. Then like five people there that originally had coffees verbally said something like, who cares if it's early, and ordered an espresso martini too. Okay. I mean, this is getting out of hand. Yeah. I feel, I don't know, I just feel bad, and that's. I kinda do too, to be honest. Because these people are so. If you ever want just a subtle sweetness in your coffee, I really suggest adding a tad bit of honey. Taco Bell closing early, Taco Bell closing after waiting in line for 25 minutes is the most homophobic thing I've ever experienced. Would you get on your knees for this? It's like they're so looking for validation constantly. No, I know, that's the problem, that's my main problem, is it's like. It's validation. Five days ago, dreading the work day. I think we need to have a chat with our younger generation about what is worthy of being forever remembered in the internet archives. Which of your thoughts is really worthy of that? We need filters, we need filters. I wish I could go read my Facebook right now, I'm sure there's something amazing. Right, and that's why we have experience in this. We used to go out on a weekend and have 357 pictures posted on Facebook albums within 24 hours of the party, and they'd all be there. Even the bad ones, the blurry ones, the ones that are racist. Look at us here, oh my God. And it's like, We just did that every weekend. I was like, we went out and it's just like us doing things that are illegal charge for you. And you're not learning from our mistakes. And that's, we stopped doing that for a reason. Our parents still do it. The 60 year olds. Oh yeah. They adopted it. Now they're like, God damn it. I'm breaking up with her again. I'm like, Oh God, these old people are like off their fucking rocker. I just feel bad because I'm like these like 20 year olds have these cringe Twitter or exes. Yeah. And I don't know why I'm like it's it's cringy. Are you being ironic? And it's actually funny. We don't get it. It's almost satirical. It's like, yeah, everyone hates me. I'm just ugly. But here's my whole I'm the agent of chaos. Whole pick. Yeah, it's like agent of chaos. I actually 100%. I don't know if I wrote it down feeling, but this is exactly what I want to talk about, though. It's like these posts are like somebody who was like, I was broke up with again. Yeah, I guess it's my luck. And it's like, it's not your luck. You're just not someone anyone want to date. You're not datable. Give daddy that hole. OK, not to be super corny or vulnerable on my porn account, but when can I have a boyfriend? That's my favorite category. There's nobody to date here. I'm like, well, there's a ton of single people. Somebody said that today. They were like, there's plenty of single people today. You just aren't finding them. There are a decent amount of people here and on other socials I follow that I have seen posts about their birthdays that I assumed based on looks alone were older than me, but I'm finding out they're like five or more years younger than me. I can't even follow that thought like I don't even know what you were thinking It's I'm not sure why you posted it if you you know at pause before you type I just do you want I'm wondering what happens do these people sit down and just I'm gonna start thinking and typing Or do you think they save that and then later? They're like I've got to post this thought What do you think they're doing? I think that they're, again, this goes back. Do you think it's a right away, like they have that thought, like, everyone's younger on here than I think. Everyone on here. They want to stay, it's all about the clicks, it's all about the likes. So they're like, if I keep talking, people will keep, oh, get more engagement. So it's like they're taking their personal lives and turning it into a business. When you look at how many likes they get, though, that's the problem. You get like 11 likes, you get zero comments, and zero comments to that. But it's like your example. But they still post it. Haircut. Haircut, but then a nude picture. You would have a lot more attention if you just posted a picture of your haircut and said haircut. Amen. Because you're not. These people are desperate. It's desperate. It's desperation. It's cringe. We might talk about being desperate on here, but we're not like actively being desperate, if that makes sense. We're not going to project our desperation onto the internet. No, we're not like, nobody likes me. I guess I'm just a loser. If you want to suck my cock, DM me. What? It's crazy. There are apps for that, by the way, like you don't have to go on X to like figure out. And can we? I hate the word. I know we have this call Twitter. Yeah. Fucking sorry. We're all on Twitter. Like he's burning Tesla to the ground. I just I mean, this could happen all day long with the people I follow. It's like literally. I mean, these people are just fucking nuts. Like. It's just topping just sounds fun every night. I get it now It's like okay Hubs came out of the bath bathroom with just a t-shirt on and called him my little pooh bear And he didn't like like it, but I thought he looked cute and was about to push him on the bed anyway I'm probably making my own lunch today God I'm talking about stream of consciousness while on drugs like it's not a good combination It's not like honey and take your take your don't oh my god. I'm having peanut butter for lunch So what first of all is that like poop first of all what does that mean? Why are your lunches being made? Well, and that's another desperation desperation. I can't do anything without my husband The ham on a bread There is a big difference for me about people who are like partners and people who are codependent. I need to talk about it because I work with someone who he is codependent with his wife. Which means he can't do anything without her.

SPEAKER_00: They can't do a goddamn thing.

SPEAKER_01: I'll have to ask Carol. I'll have to ask my wife. for something about going out to dinner with friends. I'm like, why would you have to ask a week out? There are things that you have to ask your partner. Big things, like trips. Sure. Well, actually, thankfully with my partner, I planned the entire NOLA trip with you without telling him to ask her. I was just like, and by the way, I'll be gone for these four days. By the way, I'll be gone and I'm going to be a fucking whore. Well, that's just expected. I'm going to be skinny and just like slutty. You really, I'm going to have to watch you. I'm bringing my drone too. I'm going to have to watch you. Yeah, watch me get fucked. Another topic I wanted to go over today. Christmas memories. Because a lot of people listening just had a Christmas. I want you to go back to a not so good Christmas memory. And I'm sure you've had one because you're from a broken home. Broken ham. Broken ham, broken bones, and broken home. You're like broken ham. It's a broken ham. We break the ham. I need to have a puff puff. Christmas memories though. I mean, there are a lot. I want to say something. Yeah, because you're old. So you've had a lot of Christmases. And honestly, I'm old and I've got to think back now. It's like, OK, I was because I was going back to childhood. Let's go to childhood. I'm going to childhood. What age, just say an age and maybe we can like. I'm thinking like nine or 10. Why am I thinking nine or 10? Yeah, it was a great time. I think those are the years. I was the oldest of four. I loved decorating every year. We were rich. I felt like Christmas was a time for me to escape real life. Like I just had to, all I could do. Cause you could be a fairy and get away with it. You're like, yes, the Christmas, but like he's just in the spirit. Because I didn't have to go to school and get bullied. So I had two and a half weeks off at a time. I feel so bad for you. Right? I know. Like was it brutally bad? Oh yeah, bullying was so bad. Every day was called some name or excluded or yeah, so I would go to school and I loved I loved learning though So it was fine. I read well, you had to but then you were like I got to get out of this bitch So I got and I did and now I have enough control that I don't have to be around anyone like that You know at me now when I think of all the gays that's working like an office situation where they have like a homophobic boss Yeah, or a supervisor who doesn't really like them. I Well, actually mine liked me. I think Ryan wants to fuck me. Then I think I'm like that would have been me if I hadn't gotten like a secure job Yeah, I mean it's tough because you really you have to be self-sufficient if you're gonna be full and I decided again construction is more of a Man's man's man's man. I'm selling these people. I'm like, yeah Pussy, it's like you have to joke around.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's so gross. I remember that.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like oh, yeah, she's fucking hot. Uh-huh. Uh-huh Was so boring so gross the guys are so boring guys are boring. Did you see her? Did you catch that game yesterday? I mean, do you think that some guy today saw me in this and was like a big game today? Big game today who day and I was like standing in line waiting for a coffee. Yes. I I was like No, I actually gave him a confused face and his wife was like, honey, honey, honey, that's a statement. Yeah, I was like, oh Oh, the bangles this cuz I forgot I was wearing. Yeah, cuz I just threw it on. I didn't have my coffee yet I'm tired. It's like 11 a.m. Pussy's just raw My pussy is raw from being fucked by my loving husband and I wore this out and literally forgot I wore it So yeah, the straight guys are boring. They all all of them care about games and gambling and Women's tits? I don't even know. Stacey's tits and that shirt. There's nothing interesting that I've learned from a straight guy. Now we will say the same thing about bulges, so I wonder if they would say the same thing about us, if they could hear our real thoughts, because gays are very secretive in our conversations. If they could hear my real thoughts, I would have been arrested in Target. I mean, gays can look at each other though. It was. I know when there's something hot by just looking at you. Barnes and Nobles, oh my. That's the gay look. No, you look over and we're both like, I know which bulge you're looking at. We've learned to communicate without communicating throughout all the years of, this is the gay trauma. We just go, I'd be like, oh, well, I see something I like. And you're like, yep, I saw it too. And it's like, cool. I like that book over there. We literally would be like, it's great day today. The weather is wonderful. We saw an awesome dog. We saw a penis head. Yep. And we saw it usually on a straight guy who's unaware that he has a hot, big, fat cock. He's like, his wife dragged him out to Barnes & Noble, he's in his like sweatpants with no underwear because he forgot that he was actually going in public. They always do that. They're stupid. They're always like, oh we're going out today, we have to shop? Oh fuck. And then they just put sweatpants on. Freeball it. I saw three guys freeballing it at Barnes & Nobles. Why are you at a bookstore? Well, because they're being dragged around by their wives. And I know that they're like, well, I have to do this so that she makes me dinner. I hope that I get fucked later. He's begging. He's like, if I do enough boring things with my wife, she'll fuck me. She might get in the mood. I have to do something romantic. Maybe I can slip a finger. At most. At most. Most nights, it's no. Think of most straight couples. They're like watching a movie. He moves closer and like puts his hand. She's like, not tonight, I'm tired. Can I just tell you that- And it's like, they're underappreciated. I was actually speaking to some straight people that I know, which we at work. Like, literally, like- You're fucking once a month. Women never fucking come with guys fucking them. Oh, I was- Yeah. Ever. So if you think your girl's coming because you're fucking her- She's not. It's more than like, 90% of women cannot come with just a dick. It's like 10% can come with a dick only. Like 10%. Most women- Now there's other things that are- Are gonna need that clit rubbed. That clit vibrated on there while you're fucking. Then she'll be into it, but you're too embarrassed and too, I can't please my woman. Yeah. You're like too concerned. Insecure. Yeah. Insecure. No, they're like, I'm not able to like make my woman. It's not meant to make your, what your woman's like head of the penis is on the clit and the clits outside the vagina where your dick is. So if you're not touching the clit, when I was fingering girls, I was going all the way in and they don't want it in. They want out. You got to do the thumb. It's probably touching her goddamn cervix. I had no idea right you're going in the uterus like causing an abortion, right? I literally you're an abortion abortion. I was like You're totally soft like you're not even having fun. It was So bad, it was so bad. I was like, what were you thinking when that was happening? You're like this is supposed to be fun. You know, what's crazy, too When I used to hook up with girls, I feel guilty after Because you lied. Because I was a liar.

SPEAKER_00: You were lying.

SPEAKER_01: You had no fucking intention of lying. Your brain was like, ew, gross.

SPEAKER_00: I was just doing it for the show.

SPEAKER_01: I tried to give her feelings. For the applause, applause, applause. But it's true. Back to codependency. Christmas memories. Oh, Christmas memories. Okay, that was the marijuana. Okay, so, we're gonna go to Christmas memories. So, being nine or ten, Christmas time was a good time then, because I still believed. Right. I just rhymed. I didn't mean to. Great time. Being nine or ten, Christmas time was a good time then. Oh, I like that. We could write a book for Christmas. Honey, what's in this seltzer? Anyways. Pussy. Anywho. So, as a child, we would put up all the decorations and I just got so- When did you put up decorations? All four kids, we would sleep in the same room. But when was it, though? Like, when did you start decorating the house?

SPEAKER_00: Weekend after Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_01: Okay, perfect. That's the official deadline. Like, I don't know why people are doing anything earlier than that? Now, I don't want to mention names, but she listens to the show and she will definitely come probably storming into my office when she hears this, but she doesn't decorate until like, and I think her family waited for the free trees and that's fine. Like we're okay with that. When? Christmas Eve. Like this is when she was growing up. So now she's like delayed. Some people don't decorate though until like literally a week before and I'm like, what's the point? No, I wouldn't do it because that's the time when I'm like, well, this is wrapping up. Okay, so you know like by Christmas Day, you're like well, it's over. I almost want to be done in a minute.

SPEAKER_00: It's over.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's now Real or fake tree growing up fake. We had a real one one time the knee everything These goddamn needles were all throughout the house and it is just like you said the vacuum. Yeah, it starts to fucking die and it's like oh Water the tree it's gonna caught catch on fire. You're like and that is scary It's like you have a living thing that you killed that you put that's right next to the the vent the heater So it's drying it out and then you have lights strung on it and you have electricity It's like who came up with this like wait Well, they used to have candles on the tree and that's the part where I'm like in Germany. They would have fucking candle now. Oh Yeah, actual live candles on a tree That's been dried out in your living room. So like so fires were a thing around Christmas This is why I'm in the fire industry due to honestly honestly speaking of Christmas His nails are gel nailed I saw Holly I saw this you didn't look close enough I know you're just like begging your fucking codependent on my words of affirmation. I'm codependent. So OK, so we got real. So when I was like 9 or 10, I started realizing every year the big present was going to be a bike. And I'm not blaming my parents, but every year it felt like every year. Looking back, it still feels like every year, a bike. Really? And I would be like, how many bikes did you go through? Got a fucking bike. Oh, got a bike. weird i only got like two bikes in my life three but what was your big gift every year because every year you have to get a big gift and then you get a bunch of little gifts right yeah or did you get like several media well so one year we did really well my parents were big gift little gift people so we were little gift people and then you had a like a Big gift like it kind of like either a big or two mediums or something. Yeah. Yes, like one year was really good for us Tell me one year. I got a Five disc changer boom box that I wanted that had extended speakers, you know when it used to be like wire They were like not wireless, but they had a wire but they were far apart and you were like hide underneath your baseboard Living so I got one of those that's pretty good. It's really good. Yeah, and then that same year I got like There was one year that we did really well. Okay. Now, Christmas… I love it. What traditions do you have that… Did you ever do… Okay, so as a Catholic, did you ever do the platka? I think I talked about this before, the bread, the weird wafer bread. No. What is this, platka? Yeah, platka. The platka bread, the night before. We would do platka.

SPEAKER_04: There's opłatki. That's plural for opłatek, a thin rectangular wafer.

SPEAKER_02: My most favorite tradition is the aquatic, where you share the Christmas wafer before the meal and you go around the room with a wafer, you break off a piece of theirs, they break a piece of yours, and you reconcile any differences you may have had throughout that year and wish peace and happiness and all the prosperity for the new year to come so everyone starts in a fresh.

SPEAKER_01: You'd pass around, you'd be like, you'd say some prayer like, Jesus is the one, What the fuck is plotka? I know I've talked about this before. You have talked about it, but I don't know what, I don't remember any of it.

SPEAKER_00: It's so bad.

SPEAKER_01: But I know you like, is it Polish? Are you guys fucking Polish? No, it's fucking Catholic. No, but yeah, but Polish or Poles are Catholic. Catholic. I'm just trying to figure out why is the word plotka, and what the fuck is it? It's bread. Okay, so at Christmas, you're supposed to take this Christmas wafer, okay? Oplektik. Okay, that's in there, okay, but we also okay, I'm sorry, but Eastern Europeans to me it's like canceled I just the whole place like all of it Ukraine Yeah, before we're taking in the Christmas Eve meal, this is at Christmas Eve, we would sit around and you would be like, the eldest member holds the large wafer and breaks off a piece to begin the ritual. This continues until everyone at the table, finally each member gives wishes to every other family member consuming a piece of wafer. It's really so cheesy. I'm like, a piece of wafer? Wait, you have to do it until it's gone? So my dad would break it off and go, there was like some part. Would you go around once or like? Once, it was like a card that came with it and you'd be like, Lord, thank you for this year and amen. Crack and then he would pass my mom. She'd say the same thing crack and then I'd have to read it out crack and my sister and then we go like an ear wafers that were just kind of sad though that like secrets I'm trying to get no action. I'm trying to get into your parents mindset Well, like why were they doing that? Because did they go to church a lot? Well, I love it that we moved out. You go to church. Yeah, we went church every Sunday. Okay, we did too, but I just wasn't sure Yeah, so it was like a thing like my dad was like we gotta do it cuz my dad was like so concerned about hell But I don't think he's anymore, but that's what I'm this I just don't understand how we have you're forcing me to go to CCD class every goddamn Sunday and then Senior about but now you don't even go to church, right? That's my force means like so so why did you force me to? That's what they need to ask themselves. Actually, that's a good question. Well, that's how I feel about religion. I'm like, why are we making kids do things? This would be my mom's answer. Bobby, it's just what we did. Should I call her and ask her? It's just what we did, Bobby. It's just what we did. Yeah, because I'm confused. Okay, so we were just talking about church, okay? I already know what your answer is going to be, but I want you to say it. So why did you… Make us go to church. Like, why did I have to go to CCD until I was a senior? Senior in high school?

SPEAKER_04: Because we wanted to instill religion in your life.

SPEAKER_01: Why?

SPEAKER_03: We believe in Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01: There it is. There it is. And there you are, folks. But now your dad doesn't even go to church. But nobody goes to church anymore.

SPEAKER_03: I'm going tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's a C. Well, that's Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve. That doesn't count.

SPEAKER_03: You're a C and E. C and E. Okay, so I personally struggle because I'm Catholic, but the Catholic Church doesn't recognize that I'm not married anymore.

SPEAKER_01: That's true. And I'm gay, so they don't recognize me. Well, now you can get blessed. You're not even a human. You can get blessed now. That's true. You can get blessed.

SPEAKER_04: That just came out this week.

SPEAKER_01: Yes. Thank God. Thank God. Okay. Cause I thought you were going to say, well, my answer for what you were going to say was, Bobby, it's just what you do. It's just what we did when I was growing up. We all went to CCD until we were senior. Like, yeah. Now, why do you think that you don't go though anymore? Cause of the Catholic, cause of the divorce.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah. I struggled with that with the Catholic church.

SPEAKER_01: Was she always Catholic? Yeah. She was Catholic. Yeah. Yeah. My aunt, same way. Does she go to that divorce? No, she doesn't go anymore. Interesting. That's an interesting topic too, but like it's kind of wild cause it's like all about forgiveness, but yet when you get a divorce, she could get it in an old. Okay. Well that's all I really want to know. I'll call you back in a little bit. I'll call you tonight. I love you. I love you too. Thank you for answering that question for us. That's good.

SPEAKER_04: Well, you're very welcome.

SPEAKER_01: What are you cooking right now? Anyway, or what are you doing? You look skinny too. Oh, your neck. She's skinny.

SPEAKER_04: Um, yeah, I have my hair up cause I'm cooking. Um, I'm making lasagna. Well, actually I'm making the sauce today and then I'm going to make the lasagna for Easter, Christmas Easter.

SPEAKER_01: Do you remember what we used to do on Christmas Eve? Go to church. But what we do before that we would have dinner and what happened at dinner?

SPEAKER_03: A pot roast.

SPEAKER_01: But what happened at dinner though? There was always something we did that was like very,

SPEAKER_03: A wafer?

SPEAKER_01: Yes. I was just talking about, this is how this all came about. As we were talking about Christmas traditions and I was like, we used to like break this wafer and say like some prayer. I love it. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we got it from church.

SPEAKER_01: So church is the one that… So church would gave it out? So it came with instructions like pass the plaki around. Did you go to a Slovakian church? No. Like Roman Catholic? Yeah, Roman Catholic. But why would they give that out at a Roman Catholic church? That's like an Eastern… Eastern European. Huh. I don't know. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_04: That's something to Google, I guess.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. So yeah. Okay. Okay. I've never been to a church. Well, thank you. All right, love you. Love you. Bye. So we got our answers. I love that. I know. That was actually good. That was a good little segment. I like that she's just like, no, it was from the church. I have no idea. I thought it was like. I remember we got like the thing and it would be like. I thought it was something your dad had from childhood. Wait, just kept bringing this bread around? Okay, so Christmas Eve, we do the plaka, we do a pot roast. Okay. And then we would go to Christmas Eve mass, which I was always never thrilled about. I know. But it was better than going in the morning. And that's what I, My family was always a Christmas day mass people, and it was so annoying because it'd be 10 a.m. You just woke, well, we would try to wake up at like seven or eight. Were you allowed to? No, we were always sent back to bed. Because all four siblings, we would all sleep in the same room, me and my sister in the bed and my two other ones on the ground, where they'd come in in the very early morning, 5 a.m., and we would wait, and then we'd be like, well, it's like, what time is it now? It's like 6 a.m. You know, you're not looking at the anticipation. By the way, remember this? We didn't have phones. We had to look at a clock on the wall. I was like, it says six. Yeah. So it's just like a different world. And then we would tiptoe down the hall, because we would go across a foyer that would look down the stairs going down. So we had to cross this hall to get to my parents' bedroom, which was on the other side of the foyer. And then we would ask. And my dad would be like, go back to bed! It was always go back to bed. Until it was 7.30, he would, I think, make his break. We were weird. We had interesting things. I know. Yeah, I'm noticing. No, but it was actually, I really do like our Christmas tradition, but go ahead. So then they would be like, let me go see if Santa has all the presents out and we can go down. So my mom would go down and be like, I think they're all here. Or like, they're here. Because we couldn't see that they were there. I got you. So every year we were like, were we good enough to get presents? Honestly.

SPEAKER_00: It was such a fucking feeling though, when you believed it. It's the best fucking feeling in the world.

SPEAKER_01: I don't know why. I can't believe people don't let their kids know about Santa. It's the best tradition. And then there were years where we would go, every Christmas Eve, we would go to my mom's parents here in Upper Arlington, Grandma Kaler. And so we would always go there, get a huge bag of presents. Each grandkid got a massive bag. Like a stuffed bag. Filled with shit. filled with shit, like clothing, toys. No, just a big, the things inside were wrapped, yeah, also. I know my grandparents must have spent way too much time on this shit, and money. And that's what they should do, to be honest. So then we would leave Christmassy for my grandparents around like 7 or 8 p.m. and be like, well, we gotta go home and get to bed because Santa's coming. So we would drive home, we would look for the red light in the sky for the Rudolph, we would listen to Christmas tunes and sing along. Like, I'm not even, my family was like, we like put Christmas songs on the radio.

SPEAKER_00: We wish you a Merry Christmas.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, the whole, except my dad who's driving, I'm like, ugh, especially when it's snowing. Oh, fuck. You know, he wanted silence when it would snow. Shut up! Right, to be safe. Oh, he was like the dad on like, Christmas Story. Yes, literally. He actually kind of looked like him too. You want to fuck him and then so then we would get home and there were like two years where Santa came early So we got home at like 10 p.m. On Christmas Eve and the presents were out. So I literally To this day somebody to bring a man. No, they didn't pay it like they asked our neighbors I found out they asked our nice neighbors to bring to put all the things out and And I literally, when you were a kid, we would come through the front door, we'd park in the driveway and be like, let's go inside, quick, let's check. And be like, oh, he didn't come. But two years, we'd be like, hey, he came. Oh, that's fun. I had like 30 Beanie Babies out, I had all these toys out. That's because your parents were like, we're not waking up early, bitch, open them now. And I'm not even fucking kidding, genius. Genius, actually.

SPEAKER_00: Think about it. It is kind of genius.

SPEAKER_01: Like why are we doing a morning thing? Because we would stay up till midnight. We had two hours with all our toys and everything and then we'd wake up, you know at like 9 a.m the next day. You can still wake up early and go play with your toys already because it's not a big deal. Or let the parents sleep while we go downstairs and play at 8 a.m. It's smart. I think that should be a new tradition. All the presents should be their Christmas Eve. I kind of agree. That's my shout out. Like what was your Christmas tradition? So presents why you would wake up and we'd have to wait for everybody to be awake So we would wake up and oh, you wouldn't wake them up cuz I got woken up. I think we all said they'd be like No, we used to wake up I think my parents were like eight o'clock or something But they we would I would know cuz I'd be laying in bed waiting for them to open their fucking door so the minute they did I'd be like you're listening like Like I wasn't already awake for fucking right you're like I've been waiting. Oh, yeah Like so we would have to then my mom had always always made like a breakfast casserole, which was so fucking Oh my god, like I don't know what she did to it whenever my mom made a breakfast casserole. It was good. Oh It's bizarre. It's my aunt's recipe. I have to get it from her. It's like, it's interesting. Cause I was like, this is the best. It's like a bready. Yeah. I don't know. It actually does have like bread. I think it's weird when you look at pancake or something, the batter. Oh, yours had the batter. I think we had like slices of bread, like cubed. And then you put the cubes in with egg and cheese and vegetables and sausage. And you're just like, this is so So we would we would have that going in the morning. My mom would like put it in and we'd go do stockings So we'd all doop-de-doop stocking it up doop-de-doop stocking it up and then a thing breakfast is ready We'd all go sit down and eat breakfast. Oh, you do wait. Oh, yeah, this is torture. I kind of liked it I would like it too because it's like you're getting it now when you got your actual presence Did you guys all let go fucking ham hock or Oh, I? First of all, they were never wrapped, which I appreciated. Oh, that's nice. None of our presents were wrapped, so they just would put the shit out, but she would spread it out, so you would look from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing, then go back to that thing and then look over it. Did everyone have like a tag? No. No, and then my mom would be like, no, they'd be in piles. So like one kid, one kid, one kid, one kid. So all four kids had their own area, but you would miss things. Cause she would be like, did you see this? Oh my God. That was my favorite thing. Wait, there's something else. And I'd be like, wait, my mom would be like, there's something behind that. And I'm like, It's a fucking GameCube. It was always the big present. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And it was always the best thing in the world. Like the big family present. Oh yeah. The family present. The family present was always the best thing. Always the best. So like, your stockings you did before breakfast, before presents, we had to wait on our stockings till the end.

SPEAKER_00: Ooh, interesting.

SPEAKER_01: Because the one year, we go to our stockings, we lift out, and there was a luggage tag. A Mickey Mouse luggage tag. It was a Disney trip. Love it. We had a Disney trip when you were- I freaked out. For Christmas? Well, we went after Christmas, yeah. But planned, you knew about it at Christmas, and you found out, right. I was dying. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? We're going to Disney World! And my siblings didn't get it at first. Well, because you're the oldest, so you knew. Well, because some of them got a Harry Potter tag. They were like, how old are you? Because we also went to Universal Studios for like three days. How old were you when this happened? Because when did Harry Potter come out? Yeah, I was in like fourth or fifth grade So I was like a fifth or sixth grader when I guess I don't I don't know when Harry Potter came Yeah, I guess I wasn't into it. So, I don't know Well, I went to high school in 2001 and this was before that Late 90s is when Harry Potter came out 97 98 98 Interesting. It's just been a long franchise. You know what I mean? But right and now that I've seen his cock in equinox I just can't see anything cause hot and me and Sabrine went and saw him on Broadway front row It's and he's hot. He's hot in person still. Oh, I'm sure he seems nice. Like that's the thing It's like that's hot nice guy with a hot cock. There's nothing better. Nothing better. So yeah stockings for us were first So then you would eat you would eat your breakfast and then you would just then we then we distribute. Oh Mom. Oh. Dad. Sister. Wait, because they would have tags on and you would be like, this tag says you. My mom can rap, bitch. She can rap. Well, that's the thing. Maybe my mom can't rap. Honestly, I would. I think I might have a mom who can't rap. But that's almost better. Which is better. It's less stressful. But it's nice to unwrap a present. It is. I'm sorry, but there's something about tearing it. Well, some people will do like. But I'm not a terror. not wrapped, anything wrapped is from the parents, because some parents would like do the mix. I like that, that's a good, yeah, cause you wanna mix. Cause I don't wanna be a parent and get absolutely no appreciation for your presents. No, and the thing is- You're like a 10 year old and I'm like, do you like what Santa brought you? And they're like, yeah, Santa's the best. I'm like, it's me. I wanna fuck Santa. Like it's literally me. So literally, my parents had a slip up one time. My mom wanted this like necklace. Oh no, oh no, oh no. My sister was very my sister's very intuitive like she's just very she's that person that will like and call you out immediately About being upset or sad or anything. Whatever it is. She's picks up on it. So I might be autistic Probably slightly because she definitely looked at fans a lot That's it. So basically what happened was my mom opened this gift and was like, to mom from Santa, whatever. And she opened it up and it was a necklace. She's like, oh my God, it's the one I wanted. And my dad said, yeah, when I went to the store and da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And then my sister goes, literally perks up immediately. And she wasn't even paying attention. She goes, but it's from Santa. And my dad's like, oh, well this one was at that store, so I had to help out. This girl store. Yeah, like my dad was like, well, he asked me to help because it was at a store. I will say I just had a memory that I forgot about literally up until this moment. There it is. My grandparents used to call and pretend like they were Santa and Mrs. Claus. We had no, they were actually really good at it. Like we would have no idea. It was the sweetest thing. I love that. I really wish we had a recording because they'd usually call. Oh my god. He would usually call. You should have a recording of that. That's so sweet. It was so sweet. I just don't wear that. What a memory. I know. All of a sudden you pick it. Well, I just had that feeling too because my grandparents one year, my dad's parents, who are more quiet and hard to connect to because they're just more traditional. Yeah, they hate faggots. They probably hate faggots. They love me and Matt. Yeah, it's time. She's blacked out. Merry fucking Christmas Merry fucking Christmas Okay, so your story. Okay, so like your grandparents would call and that's just so it was so adorable One year, my dad's grandparents, who basically can't connect as well, they're just not good at it, they're very traditional, they're quieter, they're very kind though, but they just don't really know. Sweetheart, you're like me, do you like me or not? Yes, that's right. And my grandpa wouldn't hug us, he would always shake my hand. Once I turned 11, he'd be like, He would be like, I hate that. What do you want to drink? We got a whiskey bourbon, a beer Sprite. And I'm like, I'm 11 grandpa. I told him that one day I told I I'm 12.

SPEAKER_00: He's like, you need to start drinking.

SPEAKER_01: My mom heard him and was like, he is 12 and shit. So I was like, yeah, I can't have bourbon yet, I'm 12. But he just didn't care, he grew up, he's from the South. He's from the South. My Polak grandpa, I don't think he hugged either. And he would be like, Merry Christmas.

SPEAKER_00: And I would try to hug him.

SPEAKER_01: I'm like, listen. My mom's side is a hugger, my dad's side is not a hugger. Okay, I'm sorry, but even if you're not a hugger, it is so awkward when you don't want to be a hugger. I'm sorry, if you're family, just give me a goddamn hug. Literally, my mom's dad, my grandpa on my mom's side would give us a kiss on the forehead whenever we left. God bless you. But every time that was his thanks. You liked it.

SPEAKER_00: It was good.

SPEAKER_01: It was good. And in the morning be like, good morning, how are you? I think we should do that because now I catch myself like, well, at night, Matt and I, we try to say I love you every night. Yeah, you want to say goodbye. Because I think it's literally we're old enough. I'm like, you could just die. I could die. No, I literally think about it, and I'm like, what if that's a night where I don't say I love you, and I go to bed and be like, I don't remember the last time I said I love you, and it was like two days ago. So every night we should say it before bed. Love you, love you. But do you think before you go to bed, like, this could be the night? Oh yeah, I think it all the time. Does everybody think that? I need you to let me know. I just got my cholesterol back. My LDL is 185. Oh yeah, we gotta get John Wegovia again. It's so high. Look, it's definitely level. I know. Yeah, it's bad. So what are you doing? I had a bad week. Well, I'm not telling him because I already tried this. He won't put me on a statin because I'm too young, because I'm not 40. I'm just going to go to a lipidologist. I'm going to go to a doctor that specializes in cholesterol, and I'm getting on a medicine. Why is your cholesterol so high? Familial, my grandpa had a cabbage like when he was 60. A cabbage? Which is like a bypass surgery where they take veins from your leg and turn them into arteries on your heart. Because they're so clogged it like blocked them all? Yeah, to bypass the blockages in your heart arteries, they make a new way for the blood to flow with a vein. Wow. Yep, yeah that's right. That's pretty wild. Right, so he had that and he's a miracle. It's kind of scary though, like your cholesterol is high and you're skinny, you're like a skinny fat. Right, okay. And I have high blood pressure. Like I'm on blood pressure medicine, I'm about to be on cholesterol medicine. I'm gonna have a heart attack when we're 50. Maybe we should do more. Maybe that's why you're so scared about aging because for me we just usually diet cancer around 80. Oh We never really had young. Oh, well deaths not really young. Well, they haven't had one your size in a while It's some skinny. No, I can't even fit in this chair even but like I know I can tell No, you are you used to fall over that? Yeah, I know. It's an airplane especially first class I'll be like, this is so, this is a bigger first class than normal. They'll be like, no. I'll be cold. I'll be like, it's so cold. We have to take a detour from this, but like, first class is so good. I know. You feel like a human. Isn't it sad that you feel, it's good because you feel like a human. You're like, I fit in the chair. I can spread my legs out. You actually feel comfortable. You bring me a drink. Like basically you're just at Applebee's and you feel like you're in heaven. But on a plane, Applebee's is heaven. We're like, oh I can fit my chair. Oh my leg. Oh, wow. And even for me, it's not really that. No, it's not even that. Oh, but I can still move my leg a little bit. At least I can do this. Because in the Southwest, I'm like this. And I can't move the whole time. Southwest is out. Those are terrible. It's terrible. I'm not doing it. I can't line up. I don't want to line up A58. Yeah, I'm kind of sick of that too. B52. And then you get in and you're like, oh, I'm a middle seat person now. Or I don't have a full row, so I can't sit with my two friends. That stresses me out. It's kind of old. The stress of not assigning seats. Then you don't wanna be a little bit late so that like, if I'm flying first class and I'm in a connection, I can be a little bit late because I can just hop on the plane and sit in my, well actually I need the overhead space though, that's also, but I'm sick of that, we'll get into that. You're right, you're right. That's just stupid. But to wrap up, to put a bow on Christmas. To put a bow on that Christmas present. Yeah, I mean we had some good ones, we had some bad ones, and now I don't really believe in it. I do wanna know though, I still get, Christmas feeling every year. I usually once I see decorations once I see light. I don't feel it this year. I Didn't well, we didn't feel it over 20. I remember 2020 was a year. You were like, I don't feel like it's Christmas I feel like it's just come you were talking It came really fast. I had it this year. You're right It went from August to now to the new it's raining. So that's gonna be a three degrees. I mean, it's 50 C before we know it Christmas. Oh It's very warm. That's the other thing the East Coast to don't have they don't have snow right and they usually have snow They're all like this isn't like New England Christmas is ruined. Yeah, we fucked up the planet so bad, but don't worry. It's not it's not We didn't cause it we're just flying first class for fun But you know what? I don't care. There's certain movies too. Do you have a movie that makes you feel like Christmas? I have a confession. I have a few. Home Alone. Home Alone. Elf. Michael loves Elf. I never got into it. What you have to do, and this is, you have to pretend that Will Ferrell is fully that character. You can't think of his other funny things, or he's being goofy just to get a laugh. You have to be like, no, he's literally like an elf who doesn't know anything. And be that person. Be like, I don't know, and then. I like the Santa Claus, it's always a classic. I have one that I think if you watched it tonight you would cry, and we're gonna talk about another movie that makes you cry. Four Christmases. No. What is it? And it's so cheesy. I can't wait. I might know it. It doesn't make me cry, but almost. The Family Stone. Oh, I cried on that. Have you seen it? You've seen it. Okay. Oh, that was so rude. You're also a faggot and you're also an interracial interracial and a faggot everything but that's why that movie is kind of like cringe to a lot of people because it's like trying to check all the boxes like We can't just have a gay son. He has to be deaf and an interracial He's also like yeah, it's like it's and he's cute too, by the way, but uh, yeah, I mean, it's cute But that movie I love that movie because I get her frustrations Jessica Parker. Yeah, she's like JP. Oh, I think she's like why am I here and she like ruin she like breaks things She ruins things but all the while she's just trying to like she can't feel comfortable in this situation It's a weird house or weird.

SPEAKER_00: She's trying to fit in.

SPEAKER_01: She's trying to figure it out So it's a lot of stress on her but then the fact that that the mom has cancer takes me, like it's over for me. Do you remember when the dad, and I think the brother, are talking on the bleachers, looking out at the white snowfield, knowing that she's gonna die. They're like, the mom is gonna die, this is it. That took, it takes me out. I can't watch that work. My mom had cancer when I was in high school, breast cancer. And we thought she was going to be fine. And she was like, stage two, like, it's okay. And I remember when the doctor comes out after the surgery and tells my dad, No, it's actually stage three B, or like close to stage four where it's spread beyond what we thought. And my dad broke down and started sobbing, and I've never seen him cry like that until that surgeon came out and told him that, and I'm just sitting there like. That's trauma. Okay, so my mom might die. And so when I watch this movie of them realizing, and the husband is telling the boy like. It brought you back. Yeah, like mom's not doing so well. She's not well. It took me to that moment. So when I see this movie, even though the rest of it may be cringe, I love this movie. It's not cringe. I think it's a really good movie. And it's like the classic, it's a Home Alone house, the New England Christmas. You can feel the like awkwardness that they all know she's going to die. They all know he's acting like it's not happening, right and it's like that's so real life And then they show at the end the next year and she's not not there. Oh, that's the part For me movie that's not Christmas, but it ends on Christmas Stepmom. Oh, I didn't know that. Have you seen that movie? Oh one time and it was so rough for me to get through, it was sad. It makes me feel like all these things.

SPEAKER_00: I love Julia Roberts, Julia Roberts is in it. Wait, it's her, it is her.

SPEAKER_01: I love her. So I should watch it because it ends on. It's so Christmas, yeah, it's so good. Susan Sarandon, I want to smoke weed with her. And that's so funny because that scene I just mentioned in Family Stone where they're on the bleachers, they were getting high. Yeah. They were getting high. As a family member, I wish my dad was. There's moments like that where you're like, you have a connection. In life, you don't realize how connected you are to your parents or your siblings, but then when that moment happens, you're like. You see it and you're like, I had a moment like that with my, that I'll never have again. Never have again. You can't force that moment. A full connection. That's what Christmas is about for me. I feel like we have these. The full connection. I think you have opportunities to have a connection, a real deep connection. Don't be afraid. This is two weeks in a row. I know you're right two weeks in a row. We're here at least six squad cars going down It's kind of scary. Oh, hopefully you guys enjoyed your Christmas. I think you did. Hopefully you're ready for your new year Without New Year tradition. Do you have anything that you do for that New Year's for us? We were always in Florida as one does we always went to Naples every every year after Christmas We went to Naples. Did you go to Naples on y2k? Yeah Wait, was I in Naples then? No, I was in Tampa Bay. Oh, that's like Bahia Beach. Bahia Beach we went to also. I'm not kidding. Wait, in 2000 we went. You went to Bahia Beach too? It was nice. It had great beaches. It was cheap. It was cheap. That's when my parents could take us there. We went to Bahia Beach like three summers in a row. Wait, is that on? Wait, where am I getting this? Okay, I'm having like weird, okay. You're having a moment. We'll move on. Yeah, New Year's is just interesting for me because I always reflect very hardcore. I used to call my parents really like drunk and be like, I love you. And now I just don't really carry a text. I'm just like, happy New Year. Like I'm done. It's not as special to me because it's kind of scary to me. Especially the state of the world. I feel like for me, it's mostly scary on New Year's Eve when I'm like, and another year. And another year just melted by. Like I. fully remember February 2023. Like I remember looking back, I'm like, my trip's coming up to Italy in May, I've never been to all these cities. Isn't it weird how it goes from like February to now again? And I'm like, to now. Yep. And I think the problem is because it's both like colder months, your mind can easily jump to it. You're like, oh yeah, we're in this fucking season, we're in this season, we're in this season. But summer you're like going to the pool on the weekend, you're doing this, you're going on these trips. The days are getting longer. Starting now. Thank God. Was that my belly or yours? I said. It'll it'll be on the recording. We'll see. I have some stuff written down that I need to talk about, but Happy New Year for everybody. Like go. I have to pee. OK. Riz is when I got it. You got to hear this because I just saw something. Gen Z is unhinged. There's a new word. I don't know if you've heard of it. Cringe. Why don't you sit down? I'm like Gen Z is so fucking cringe. That's their word. But they are cringe, they don't realize they're cringe yet. They will, in like 15 years. In 15 years. When the next generation takes over and you're like, I'm almost 40, we're gonna be like, fuck you. Gen Z's gonna be like, these fucking alphas. This is what X is looking at us like, they're like. Right. Motherfucker. Riz, it's R-I-Z-Z, have you heard that word? No. Okay, people are saying, like there's a, on TikTok there's a trending thing. Riz. Rizmus, they're calling it. Here's what Riz is.

SPEAKER_00: Have you ever wondered, what is Riz? A lot of young people use it on social media. Well, Riz as a noun means the ability to charm a love interest. Oh. While the verb means- Charisma? Charm someone with your words or actions. I've heard of it. Some people even say the word Riz comes from charisma. You're so smart.

SPEAKER_01: So you can have Riz or- I just saw this on TikTok while I was looking at it. Trying to fuckin' play a video while you were gone? It's really… I… Like, really. What are we doing? Riz. I'm gonna Riz you up, bitch. Like, what? Should I get that as, like, a… I can't. Wait, should we get shirts that say Riz on them for New Orleans? Like, um… should I just pictured how embarrassing it will be if Gen Z sees us on a Riz t-shirt and they're just like mmm and then they're like wow the Millennials have got what it's like our if the Millennials are onto it it's no longer cool so we need Riz t-shirt wait do we have a word that's kind of similar mm-hmm like A lot of the internet, a lot of the, yes, a lot of the internet phrases and rap phrases that happened in like 2009, 10. Yeah, but what about our generation's R.I.S.? I'm trying to think of it. If we can think of it. No, and how I'm trying to think of it is what are phrases that I say and Matt doesn't get because he's Gen X. And there's a lot. Like on fleek was one of her words. Oh god This is so cringe now on fleek woke Bay glow up high-key Adulting basic Yeah, high-key FOMO go shook. Yeah shook is I mean a lot of these are cancelled ghosting. Keep it 100. Would that be our Riz? Keep it 100. Keep it 100.

SPEAKER_00: Extra. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: Flex or mood or flex lit. I really want to find the equivalent bay. Yes. Low key AF turnt, mood, lit, sus, salty, bruh. These are all like other words. Hunty. I don't feel like this millennial as much as Gen Z. Slang words, and you're really looking them up so you could be cool. You're an idiot as hell So what I want to do is get a shirt that says Riz equals and whatever our word was be like Riz Riz should be our next word. No, but Riz equals Lit bitch. I like that kind of like call out Jim. Riz bitch Riz bitch. Oh, you're so Riz. Well, we're lit or like something where we like lit is a millennial.

SPEAKER_00: We need to clap back.

SPEAKER_01: It is very we're going to figure it out. Gen X like Matt's. They would not get it. They say religion. You're about to say religion. Race. No, and Gen X is like, what? Gen X is the most boring- No offense, but- I'm like, we're getting lit, and Gen X is like, what's that?

SPEAKER_00: Gen X is the most boring, fucking- All of them committed suicide.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're all- Like, they all committed suicide. They were like, Kurt Cobain is so cool. I'm like, eh. Well, and AIDS. AIDS too, yeah. Was it more AIDS or no? It was a lot of AIDS in Gen X. A lot of eights. A lot of eights from those seventies, eighties. Yeah. And it's just like you were 20 when it was 90. So you were getting fucked. No, really? Riz. I wrote a lot of shit down. I need to say Marley and me is devastating. Told you that bulge buddy cock ring. That's what I got you for Christmas. One of your presents. And I just want to let everybody know it's like called bulge buddy. They're on Etsy, which is interesting. I got it in like three days. They shipped it right away. And, um, they, there's a lot of hungry cocks out there. It lifts your cock though more than just keeps blood in there. It gets a little blood in there, but it still flows, it doesn't hurt, and it's soft. Well, that's what I worry about, because when it really digs into the balls, you know how there's tubes connecting your balls to your penis area? You're wondering if those are getting cut off. Yeah, and they run up inside your body from your ball sack, like the tubes. And I think the tubes are getting squished. Yeah, it's I I always worry panic too, so I fully pay well You know, I'm really afraid of secretly is twisted balls. Like, you know, like when balls get twisted my friend origin. Yeah Oh II what your friend out of his ball removed? Yeah He lives in Columbus. Can you give me a name? No. I have to make a comment, though. I will. OK, so as you know, I've had my ass surgery, my pilonidal cyst surgery. I was like, girl, it doesn't look like it. Now, I have something I realized that I do when I'm looking at people naked and in porn. When you're usually spread out and you're like, oh, and they're looking back, I look for any evidence of pilonidal cysts. or pylenal surgery. How can you tell though? I'm kind of freaked out. What does that mean? I'll show you. I'll show you right away. I'm like, I still don't even know. How do you get a cyst? You're naturally born with it. Let me just like, why did you have a cyst? Wasn't it your own hair? They can't actually decide what it is. They don't know for sure. They're like, it just kind of happens. Usually it's hairier people. It's like you, it ends up being like an infected pore that then like opens up and it roots into your body. It's disgusting, it's terrible. But why is it bad, because it drains things? It's bad because it becomes an abscess, and then it will never go away, and it just continues to swell up, and then it'll keep digging out a hole, basically, into your… I don't think it could kill you or anything that way. But does it drain pus? Oh, it can, yeah. Some people, that's what they have, it's constantly pussing. Mine didn't do that. Mine never flared up until I got the surgery, and then I started flaring up, and I was like, oh yeah. Oh my God. Listen, when I used to get… When I get lanced, when I would get unlanced, I'd have to wear a fucking pad and I'd tape a pad to my butt because every time I sat down then, since it was already fresh open, I would die. I would literally die. If I like pull down my underwear and there's pus on it, I'm out. Okay, let me just see if I can find it. I'm just trying to… I can't do it. I'm posse pussy. I can't do it. I'm just trying to find, like, I always look in this area right here. So he has a wide enough clef, so he's not gonna get it. Oh. Okay? Okay. But you'll see, on some people, if I can find an example of it… It's not see it. It's Do you have an ass pick without a hole and now I don't like my asshole though. Oh Well, not I don't need to see the hole. I just need to see the cleft So he is a so he doesn't have anything but you look right in this region right here And if he has like a pile it'll cyst you'll either see a scar or you'll see a little pinhole. Oh Oh, actually I've seen lines there. Lines. Yep. So I'm lines of holes. I mean, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's fine. I'll for sure. I never realized. Yeah, it's this is weird. But this is like part of my trauma. I was thinking I'm like, I always look for the pal and idle. I know this is really great for our listeners. I'm like sitting here like, well, I just want to find a picture of a palinidal, like, situation. So have you ever seen anybody with- It's not even been a week. Have you ever seen anybody that have, like- Yeah, that extra dimple. Yeah, that's a palinidal cyst. That's a sinus. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, that's a palinidal cyst sinus. Okay, so anyway, I don't know if you know about a pilonidal cyst, but if you do, and you're fucking somebody and you see a little swollen area or little pinholes, they have a pilonidal cyst in the works. They must be common then if you're just finding pictures everywhere. Oh, every time I see, I'll start sending them to you when I see them. Yeah, because I'm kind of like, what is that? No, every time I'll be like, oh, he has a pilonidal cyst and it's ready to go. Weird. Okay, well, cool. Fuck it up. Get your hole fucked. Get your pilonidal hole fucked. Get them all fucked. If you have a pilonidal though, it is true. Is there a chance of it coming back? Once you have one. Why did you say that quickly? Because I always think I have it. I'm like, please let me pretend that you don't have another one.

SPEAKER_00: So it'll get irritated.

SPEAKER_01: Like the area will still get irritated. I had surgery in 2018. 2018 I had surgery. I don't know, I'm getting anxious. Six years, yeah. But how does it come back? What do they say? So when I shower, I shower like this now. When I go to wash my hair, my head hair, I lean forward like this and wash my hair like this. because I don't want hair. So for the listeners, I was leaning forward. I leaned forward and let the, I know it sucks, but I don't, since I had the pyelosis, that's how I washed my hair. So the hair gets trapped around it or in it. It's a thicker hair. So if it gets in the cleft and then digs a hole, that's how it happens. I think, I think, cause I have really strong hair. You have ever seen like barbers that get like, like they get breast bumps and they're like, it's really an ingrown hair. Cause somebody's hair is buried into them, buried, buried up in there. Now sundries. That's how Cleveland says it on family. Buried. Buried. This hair is buried in my skin. Sundry. I just want to I'm not going to say it's good or it's bad. It's about Lyft and it's about Uber. Oh those two. Now, those with the Chase Sapphire card now all of a sudden want to just take all lifts. I do too. I do. I know. You can get five times points or something. I'm like, okay. It's really annoying because now I take lifts all the time. Lift is. Let me just tell you something. How many lift cars have been in that smell like litter box? Cigarettes The seatbelts are like burnt from cigarette marks and it's like they try to clean it and it's like not good enough I'm saying they literally stink. They always blast the fucking heat and you're like a 2010 Corolla and you're like I could have had an Uber and at least had like, I just. For me, I feel like Lyft, it's all the drivers that Uber rejects. Like, I feel like it's the people that are like, oh, hell no. They're like, oh, you have a minivan from 2020 or 2010, I mean. The number of cloth seats I've been sitting in that smells like dank and it's just like, this minivan. You get in and they're like, blasting the heat, all the windows are closed. And I'm like, can I roll down the window? Because I'm going to throw up because I can smell your skin. I'm about to throw up curry. Your skin is heating up in the heat and I get, and why is that? I don't know. Like I guarantee if you got in my car right now and I Uber'd you somewhere, it doesn't smell. But then when we get in these lifts, it's like, It smells like they're driving with no shoes on, and they're sitting on swamp ass. The leftover lunch is in the passenger seat. It's just not cute, and so when I know, I know. Do you have a Chase Sapphire? No. That's your new way of being like, I'm not riding with you. No, literally, I know now. I know now, it's mostly Lyft. You should never fly Lyft. But I can literally. That's what I'm like. Don't ever fly lift. Don't fly lift. Oh my god you mad if they start an airplane. It's like all they do it's spirit. It's tuna salad spirit. It's like here's an old plane that still has cigarette burners from 1950 that's about to go off the wall. Spirit smells. I flew to Vegas on a spirit and it was the lost lands like festival goers returning home to Vegas. They hadn't showered in four days. Ew. Spirit smells like shit. Honestly, so the lift for you is out like but I know the minute I get my fucking car even if I don't know you have a chest chase off fire if you I'm like somebody's like yeah, I'll get the I'll get the car you're like I'm like this is a lift the minute I sit down I'm like this is a lift because it smells like kitty litter in here and smells like poop and I have to sit in this car Drunk a little bit like maybe a little you're already on the way to throwing up, right? These things and it's like, oh, you know, so I'm drinking this really kind of easily now I'm proud of you It's because we go, he's running. I need to be up. You're still losing weight, though. So who gives a fuck? Oh, yeah, because I've had it. Right. You're skinny. One thing I will say is both of us are not lift people. And I want whoever's listening to recognize that. And what are you going to get in New Orleans when we get there? A fucking lift? Oh, no, no. I don't actually get lifts. I just keep getting reminded by Chase that I should be using lift. But the one time I used lift like three weeks ago, I was like, I'm not using lift. This car had been pulled out of the junkyard by the like magnet hanging like and maybe they're nice Nice people, how are we gonna figure it out? I don't know cuz they pulled you can't interact with them. Yeah They have their air pods in that's someone on the phone and I'm like fucking annoying I'm like, who are you talking to? Yeah, I'm like sitting there like are we is this they're like, I just picked up the white boy I'm on the way to the drop site like am I getting kidnapped or murder me like what's happening? They're like, he's too thick for murder, right? We're not gonna be next one. There's so many layers of blood How many times we've been saved because of my fat ass just sitting back there leather like he's too much like this We can't hide that body. That's a lot of chopping. It's a lot of It's a lot of chopping. It's a lot of grinding. When you have a mini machete, you can't really. You're never gonna get through this bone. I drink milk my whole life. I drink milk my whole life. I drink my neck my whole life. So anyway, if you take Lyft, it's fine. I'm not a bougie bitch, but I just can tell you right now, I can tell you if it's a Lyft or an Uber. And in my family, we have the Chase Sapphire card, and we are using Lyft, and I am not thrilled. Also, quick question, when you go out of town, do you ever take, I always get like a better car. Yeah. Okay. Honey, we're getting Uber Comfort, we're getting Uber XL. Whenever I've traveled with you, I order XL on purpose and it's worth it. Because think of all the times we've traveled. We get XL. You know we do. You know. You know. You know we do. We do like it. I'm trying to think the last time we did though. It's been a while. It's been a while. If I don't show up to New Orleans, you'll be taking a Lyft, bitch. And I'll be taking an Uber. I've never fucking taken a Lyft. I'm like, $80? Fine. It could have been $20, but I'm like, I'm going to live probably. Sorry, sorry. Uber is about one and a half to two times more than Lyft, but it's worth every penny. It's absolutely worth it. It's worth every penny. You're giving me the heebie-jeebies right now. When I think about people who order Lyft, too, in my life, there's people in my life who are like, just get Lyft. And there we are. I mean, exactly. The proof is in the plotka. The proof is in the plotka. A little Haleakala. Now you, Sundry, I mean, I just ripped it out of you. I ripped out your, I got you all going. You got me ripped and roaring. Got you ripping roaring. What about, think about like New Year's or like anything bother you about that? Like New Year, New Me and that's like two weeks later, they're out of the gym and not working out anymore. Short North actually has recently been on my mind. OK, so I just have to say it for our Columbus listeners. Short North is the new ghetto. Ghetto! And we've kind of felt this way over the past several years, since COVID really, it's picked up. But now we have Mel turning into a DraftKings. It's a gambling spot. We have Parlay at the end by Goodale, which is a gambling spot. We had a Republican come in and buy Axis and Union right next to Town Hall where they hold fundraisers for Trump at Town Hall. And it's just giving like fully straight, fully ghetto trash. And that's the short north. So when I moved here, so let's just talk about when I moved here.

SPEAKER_00: So 2011. For me, 2013, like 10 years ago, 10 to 15.

SPEAKER_01: When I went to short north when I first got here, I was like, it was kind of scary Like yeah, fully we were in there like all the gays were down there doing their thing making it But if you left the gay bar if you left the union axis area, oh, yeah short don't walk to campus And I did that one time I was like, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah I always stopped at North Star. Oh Six years ago. I remember going to that even yeah. Oh Michael I went into that liquor what? We used to live oh, yeah, yeah But I was I went into that liquor store and came out and thought I was getting mugged immediately They finally posted a security guard because the homeless people New Orleans because they're like Welcome to New Orleans, by the way, like we're gonna have to be diligent because if you have a drink they you cannot no no But you're gonna have to this is gonna be hard for you because you like to talk to people and you're like what? No, no, no, he's taking their a hardened criminal. Yeah, like no no, no, no, no, like I'm gonna have to keep you in line I just guarantee you but I can tell Just like in Vegas when you were like to those bodybuilder guys like even though that was funny and fun We did get a good picture in New Orleans. Oh, there's people like that all over and then they'll like put their gun like it's not You're gonna be so scared. I can't wait. You're really building this trip up for me. I'm so excited It's all about the dicks. Um, now, what were you saying? So What were we talking about? You fucking hijacked, okay, so. I did hijack a little. So what I feel is that we took that scary short north and the gays gentrified it, and now that it's been semi-gentrified, the straights are taking over. And it's like all these people from out of town are like, oh yeah, you gotta live in the short north. I'm like, you're from Austin, why are you here? You didn't even know. I'm like, you didn't know anything about Columbus, you just knew the short north was where you had to move. So the straights have taken it over. Thankfully, COVID came in and bit them in the ass and made it dangerous. So COVID has made short north fully dangerous, but the straights are still coming in and being like, this is our place now. The straights are about to be shot up. I think the next two years. Since the Republican took over Union Axis, since DraftKings is coming in, there's gonna be plenty of straights, but it's still gonna be dangerous. Have you ever seen Park Street? They're in trouble. Oh, Park Street. Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00: Park Street got scary. Here's what happens, because that's where the straights were. Because the straights were at Cantina.

SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what happens is the gays go in, and they find a cheap building, and they make a bar, and then all of a sudden there's like gallery hops. And it's nice. Oh, and then there's a new restaurant that all the gays go to, and we start building up the area. Then the straight friends come in. Straight like the straight accepting friends come in. We're like, yeah, cool. You're welcome Let's get going they bring their friends, but then they start turning it into over once the Republican straights come.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's over.

SPEAKER_01: It's over That's what I'm saying the short north for me. The neighborhood is gone. It's done. It's used to be a gang It's now flipping it to like yeah, and I know somebody who just moved here and they work down there and She enjoys it, and the thing is, if you're a straight person, but if you're a straight person, you're not going down there thinking this is the gay neighborhood anymore. When I go to Atlanta, Midtown is the gay neighborhood, I don't give a fuck what you say. When you come here and go to Short North, it's not really gay anymore.

SPEAKER_00: It's not. It used to be so gay.

SPEAKER_01: You used to have rainbow flags everywhere. Oh, it used to be gayer than fucking hell. Dick Blick, I mean, Betty's, it used to be all kind of shit. It's sad. Now it's all corporate. Havana. Yeah. Babe, it's over. So the new areas are, I don't even know where it's like now downtown again. It's downtown again. It's coming back. It's coming back with all the breweries right there. But, um, so then eventually the straights will, they'll be downtown. They'll be back and then they'll, they'll take it over and then we'll have to go back to short North to be so run down that we'll have to go back in there and then they'll be like, we're going back. It's, they follow us around. It's annoying. I'm done with the straights following, that's my sundry. I'm done with the straights following me around and figuring out my lifestyle. Like, don't come for our lifestyle if you don't know what the style is. Good. And that's our sundries, and that's our episode. What else do we need to say? Happy New Year, we hope you enjoy this new year. Like, literally, it's coming up. Like, New Orleans is in four weeks, or less. Less than. Three weeks on Wednesday. It's the 22nd, or 23rd, sorry. I don't know what day it is.

SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we have three weeks on the Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we have three weeks, so we're fucked. Okay, so three weeks from now, so I need the wandering werewolf or whatever. Yes, I'm Lonnie Derek on D hot Derek Have you even reached out to the wanderer? Mm-hmm. No, he doesn't like us. I don't think daddy. Yeah, he does He followed the woodlands. Okay, so I'll reach out. So we just need to reach I'm like, hey, we're going to New Orleans I'm in a podcast like you need to like we're gonna like play with them and then break off because they would come together cuz they're friends right and he lives in right and And then I would have Derek's limit of B, and you'd have- I'd break off with that bearded guy. He's hot. Oh, he's hot. His dick is pretty. Wait, dick? I haven't seen that. Dick's out? You haven't seen Wolfpack? Wolfpack's dick is out? Where is it? Oh, does he have only fans? Oh. Oh. He's hot though. regardless he has a well regardless well anyway if you want to go there just go and meet us up meet up with meet up with us i really if you go to new orleans and you're not from there and you come because we're there i'll pay for a dinner for you we'll go out to dinner i'll let you sleep with now now now Not have sex, but sleep in it. I have a king bed. Let me rephrase that, because then somebody's going to show up and I'll be like… We didn't say we would stay and dine with you, but we'll take you to dinner. We'll feed you. We'll drop you off at a dinner. We'll have a hurricane with you, okay? Yeah, that's a good… let's do that. Or we'll have a beignet. Or we'll have… Okay, that's… we're having that. Or we'll have a shrimp. See, I know the big hovey is, like, not as strawberry nut, because I'm hungry. Good, you should be. No. I'm really bad. I want to be so skinny and stupid now. As long as it's not New Orleans, I don't care. No, New Orleans, I'll be… No, I'm gonna still be correct. I'm not gonna shove shit because every time we go on a trip The reason why I get so sick is because we eat we drink we eat we drink So now I'm gonna be like, okay Let's just like not eat everything in sight and also drink everything in sight and then we can just live life and I can get dick And we can get dick we can touch penises. We'll have our new this whole trip is about dick. I knew it It is well remember last week. I was now they have your newfound freedom. We have to just focus on your dick Well, and also I have like the new microphone. I have the new We're gonna film it We're gonna fill that could be in our pocket out of gay bar and you whip it out and it happens like and it has night mode That's like really good So I could just like kind of I want it to be filming me getting my dick sucked in an alley Like absolutely and I are there alleys like that. Oh Babe, oh, no. It's so It's so like, it's just a place where it's like, it's like adults, it's an adult playground. Adults misbehaving. And the straights are dumb there too. We better see straight cock. I'm just saying that. Should we make sure that we better see straight cock? We need to see, we need to get beads. We need to have beads so we can offer them to these men. Or shots, like I could buy little liquor bottles and be like, I'll give you a shot of vodka if you show your cock. Can we do that? What if we get them like titty stickers? You don't like that idea? Yeah, but they're not gonna drink. They want alcohol. Like, no offense, but I'm not gonna drink a random drink from somebody on the side of the road. No, like a mini shot bottle that has a lid on. Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_00: It's not opened.

SPEAKER_01: Okay. So then they crack it open and we're like, here, take this shot. And it's like pineapple rum. I thought you were like, so we're gonna pre-mix them at the hotel. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Which I wouldn't buy cuz I'm not trash, but on an airplane. I would buy it for me It would be cute if we had like a little model Sure say like a cock for a shot. Yes cock for a shot. Yeah, I Shot for, take a shot for, pick your. We need to like somehow get it to. Free shot for free cock or something like that. Yeah, free your cock for a free shot. Yeah. Or something. Okay. Free your cock for a free shot, I love that. I mean. Cause then they like, we're like, we'll walk around with them on a necklace and be like, here. Free your chicken, it'll be a chicken, like a cock. Yes. So it's not like so inappropriate. For a shot glass. And then for a shot and then have like, yeah, a little airplane bottle or whatever. Girl. All right. Well, thank you so much. Hope you enjoy your new year. We'll see you in the new year and goodbye. Goodbye. Have a good weekend.