We're Both Ready, We're Both F*ckable

In the latest episode of Not Well, hosts Bobby and Jim deliver an eclectic mix of personal anecdotes, cultural observations, and insightful discussions, making for an engaging and entertaining listen.

The episode opens with Bobby sharing his foray into the world of "puppy fatherhood." The arrival of his new puppy, Pam, has introduced him to the whirlwind of sleepless nights and the demanding schedules that come with pet parenting. Through tales of mishaps and moments of pure joy, Bobby brings listeners along on his journey of adjusting to life with Pam, offering both humor and heartwarming reflections on the bonds formed with our furry companions.

Jim returns from his adventure in French Lick, Indiana, with stories that are as enlightening as they are entertaining. His newfound fascination with horses and the peculiar insights gained from local encounters provide a backdrop for a broader discussion on travel, personal growth, and the unexpected lessons learned from stepping out of one's comfort zone. Jim's reflections on the legacy of Helen Keller add a layer of depth to his narrative, highlighting the historical and personal significance of his trip.

The episode then shifts to tackle some of today's hot topics, starting with a dive into the curious trend among parents of allowing children to swear in specific household areas, like the bathroom. This sparks a lively debate on modern parenting, societal norms, and the spaces we carve out for freedom and expression within the confines of our homes.

Exploring the idiosyncrasies of small-town life through Jim's eyes offers listeners a glimpse into the charm and challenges of navigating social dynamics in conservative Indiana. From the bizarre world of local casinos to the feeling of being an outsider, the discussion opens up a window into the complexities and contradictions of American small-town existence.

Music takes center stage as Bobby and Jim dissect the latest Grammys, offering their take on the highs and lows of the ceremony. From Dua Lipa's standout performance to the debates surrounding Beyoncé's notable snub for Album of the Year, the hosts navigate the intricacies of the music industry, its controversies, and the subjective nature of awards and recognition.

This episode of Not Well is a rich tapestry of stories and discussions that span the spectrum from personal to public, trivial to profound. It serves as a reminder of the diverse experiences that shape our lives, the cultural moments that define our times, and the shared humanity that connects us all.

Listeners are invited to join Bobby and Jim on this journey, offering an opportunity to reflect, laugh, and maybe even challenge their own perspectives. Tune in to Not Well for a ride through the captivating landscape of life and culture, where every listener is sure to find something t

Transcript

0:00

A daughter to take care of. We have a daughter to take care of. Yes. Oh, she's on camera. She's a little baby. Oh, big yawn. Big yawn. If you fall asleep. You can go night night. Go night night. I just don't know how to get you cozy. Yeah. It's like, are you warm enough? She's seen that green hat, I think. She wants a nipple. She just wants her daddy. My favorite already. She's not stupid. She knows you have the money. Can you shut the door? Love you. Love you. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. It's the, it's the, it's for the show. It's for the show. Where's the lie. Now, are you in the camera? Cause I feel like you are. No, it just moved. It just moved. It was not. I was like, wait, something's wrong, but we'll be good now. Okay. will be good. Okay, yeah, we're both in now. We're both in, we're both ready, we're both fuckable. Well, I mean. Some of us. Some of us are fresher than others. Some of us, I'm not fuckable at the moment. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Not Well, I'm Bobby. I'm Jim. I'm a father. And I'm freshly back from French lick Indiana. Ooh, I always think of licking pussy. Like French pussy. Well, little do you know. Well, there's some things I can't wait to talk to you about this because there's two items that I want to discuss. Number one is your obsession with horses now, including the weight limits. And number two, all of a sudden Helen Keller comes up and she's been at Salt Lake or where the fuck you been? She's been at Salt Lake, Indiana. So honestly, there's a lot to unpack today. Yeah, we'll just get right into it. Get right into it. Where do you want to start with you being a father? I'm a father now. I got Pam on Friday. I haven't slept since in three days, and I'm just getting used to a puppy schedule now. Um, I forgot that it's a schedule. It's only been a year and a half, but I did forget that they can just wake up at 2 a.m. and need to pee. And you're like, oh, I got to let them out or they're going to pee everywhere in the crate and I have to clean that up later. It was that moment that you just saw exchange. Yeah, it was the I can't put her back in the crate. She's been there all day. But please like her. Take her so I can do this. Yeah. And then I'll take her so you can do what you gotta do. It's like, uh huh. Oh yeah. That's at first. And it gets better really quickly. Like it does. Like I remember June, like you can put them in the kennel then. And then they, yes. About six months in, you're like, okay, go relax. Go chill. I gotta go leave the house. But like with a puppy, I didn't even want to leave the house. You don't want to leave the house. No, it's very, um, I've been. Wait, during the day. So I go to work, so I wake up early for her. Michael stays up late, so he's staying up later. And so she gets like four hours in the crate overnight, five hours. I wake up at like 5.30, taking her out, playing with her for about an hour. Then I put her back in the kennel, then either I'll come back home at lunch, or Jackie came over today. So if Jackie's home, she said she'd come over. Oh, then she's not in the kennel that long. No, so she went out, it's like a four hour chunk. That's all that's good. So that's all we need right now. Until she can control her bladder, which won't be till a while. So yeah, it'll be a great break when we go to Park City. It's gonna be nice to relax for a week, like totally gonna feel. And of course, I'm gonna be with a bunch of moms. I'm gonna be like, gummy. I'll be like, having a child is sort of like, you didn't even have to push out your pussy. I always say it. I know. I don't know how I'm like around my sister. And I'm like, I know you always have to make sure you have something packed away. And like, Oh, I shouldn't say anything. They have to have like four outfits at a time. But it's not fair that you can't also sort of like I want Paul Turner to leave. Oh, I know. Like, why do I not get to take a week? That would actually, when we got Penny, I just accidentally had like eight days off after. So I had a whole week off to just be like, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny. And then you get them on a routine and it's fine, but like I had three days, an hour. You're back to work, you're, yep. This is just, you're like this. But at four months, which is in seven weeks from now, not counting, she can go to puppy camp. So I can do that two days a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's going to be okay. Yeah. That's how June made it through. She has to get her vaccines and she already get them on Monday. She got it last, not this past Saturday, but the Saturday before. So she can do this Saturday for a second round. And then I'm going to try to get her a third round before, cause Shauna said I could do 14 week shots. Um, but like where I'm taking her for Park City to like do her little puppy kindergarten, they don't do nose to nose with other dogs and stuff. They just like, it's basically human interaction more than anything. That's better. So yeah. Honestly, because I don't want her I don't care about she likes dogs. I need her to like people. She needs to like people That's all you can avoid other dogs easily, right? Like you just don't go to a fucking dog park You don't play when you walk you pull them to the other side I seem to get along with June and probably the neighbor dogs, but exactly go don't play Now, I don't know if you've seen this trend, but it's something I want to talk about. I feel like I'm having an allergic reaction. I'm looking at your eyes. I'm nervous. Yeah, I don't know what happened. All of a sudden, I'm starting to itch. Sudden onset hand, paw, and mouth disease. Yeah, like maybe I just got. Did you get COVID? Actually, my eye was itching earlier today, too. A little COVID-y to me. Oh, I wish I had COVID. Well, this would be the time. I'm going to say COVID. And it's before the trip. And I have a dog. And so you could be off and accidentally have COVID. Maybe I do. So there's these kids, this parent trend, and I'm not saying this because I think it's funny, but what I want to say is, but you're worried about drag queens and that's all I'm going to say. Okay. I love it. And we're going to just go ahead. But we're worried about drag queen story hour once a week for like half an hour at a church This is called the bathroom rule. You know how you like flipping people off with your finger and you like saying bad words. So here's the new rule. When you want to flip someone off or say a bad word, you can only do it in the bathroom. Okay. Nobody can see yet in here. So if you feel like flipping off, flying your bird and letting them bad words come out of your mouth, you can come to the bathroom and do it in here. Okay? So I'm going to give you a few. I'm going to walk out and I'm going to let you do your backboards in here. Okay? Fuck you. Fuck you bitch. Yeah, fuck you bitch. Okay. That's a little bit much. Fuck. Fuck. Yes, So you just gotta, you gonna have to just cuss in the bathroom. You can't cuss nowhere else but the bathroom, okay? I'm finna walk up, and you get all the cuss words Okay. Bitch! Cuss, bitch! You're like a motherfucker. Like, like a motherfucker. Like, motherfucker. You can say all the bad words you want, okay? Fuck. Motherfucker, motherfucker, motherfucker. Help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help. Bye-bye. Bitch, motherfucker. Bitch, motherfucker. Bitch, motherfucker. Bitch, motherfucker. Bitch, We're worried about drag queens, but yet we're gonna let our kids go in the bathroom, we're gonna let them cuss, and we're gonna post it on our social media. And then we're gonna film it. And it's so creepy because, like, child predators love watching kids do things. Right. And act like adults. How do you feel about... So, it's looking a little... But did you used to cuss, though? I would not post... Oh, no. We were not allowed. I grew up in a house, we weren't allowed to say, oh my God. We had to say, oh my gosh. Geez was not allowed because it was like a short word for Jesus. So you couldn't say, oh geez, cause that was Jesus. Is that how geez? Who knows? We think, in my family, we couldn't say something sucked. Yeah. Suck was really bad in my house. So you could say it stinks. Even that was like, we were not allowed to say sucks. Sucks was really bad. We were not allowed to say fucks. What? We weren't allowed to say that we hated something because hate was too strong of a word. Hate's a strong word. So we could not say we hated it. And we would be like, we really, really, really don't like it. It's like, no, I hate you, you dumb bitch. Like, why can't you be honest? Why do you make me lie? I was like, no, that dumb kid down the street, I hate him. I don't ever want to see him again. You don't hate him. The Lord doesn't hate him. It's like, why? Why doesn't the Lord hate him? He deep pantsed me in third grade. Like, I hate him. He's embarrassing me every day of my life. He kicked me in the balls in fourth grade. Like, I hate him. And not in a good way. Hmm So do you so we used to go on the back of the bus and cause me like fuck you bitch like motherfucker But it's interesting like I was never in the in crowd, so I don't know You just always want to play the victim. Um, yeah, so I wasn't really part of the mainstream. I wasn't either. I got made fun of. I got called probably Big Bird. No, that's what I would say. Stretch? No, my nickname was Bimbo or Bimbish. Bimbish. Like a bimbo. You know how people say their himbos? I was Bimbish. Like dumb bitch, but Bimbish. Like a dumb bitch, dumb bimbo bitch. I mean, I kind of like that Bimbish. Actually, people love calling me Bimbish. Like, it was like, Bimbish. I'm like, what's up? And I'm like, and then I remember like people like did where people in your school, like when you're a kid, did you like masturbation was not, Oh, no one. Like if somebody masturbated, you were like, you are fucking sick. You're a loser. Yeah. Everybody did it. Oh yeah. Like guys would not even talk about it. But if they, I jerked off. Right. And it's like, I'm like, okay, now my question is where do the kids learn the finger and where the parents, I guess. Yeah. Oh yeah. But like, why are they so all of a sudden they're like, okay, you have a free pass. And they're like, Motherfucker, and it's like, where are you? I'm like, what? Did they all watch the same show? It's probably just the parents. It has to be the parents. Has to be. First of all, we've all heard our dad say shit. My dad never said fuck. I've never heard him say fuck, but I've heard him say shit. Aren't you scared bringing me around your parents? Oh, I was terrified of bringing my friends around my parents. Cause I knew they were all like college. I was like, well, it's like, I was like, just so you guys know, we don't have very reserved. We don't, we never watched any movies with sex scenes in them. I remember you're like salt burn. You're like the character in salt. We're in the, um, we just didn't do it. No, you're like at school, you had your ears pierced and you had your fucking, but you go home and honey, it's. Oh, I was so prim and proper. Like we accidentally put on Bridesmaids once, or we didn't, it was on TV and my sister and I were sitting with my dad and we were both like out, I was out of college, she was out of college. And my dad was sitting there like, oh my God, remember the scene in the beginning? Oh yeah, it's really awkward. It's awkward. It's an awkward scene to see with like adult older people. With your dad, you're like, well. She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and you're like. Yeah, and my dad's like, What is this? It's adults. Get over it. We're all adults. So that ruined the movie. So I'm like, let's go to a funny part. And then it was still like, not funny because he hated that part. I don't picture your dad like that, though. Give him a few beers. Exactly. He needs a few beers. And that's what I'm saying. I don't think either one of them are like that, but they just do that. They like put it on the front. That's the prim and proper way to be but that's where I think like instead of having your kids going to the bathroom Why don't you just be real with your fucking kids and say listen don't say the fuck word at school Yeah, but like I'm gonna use it. I don't know I just think it's really weird that we're so fake with our kids growing up and I get it you're trying to raise them in a good environment, but like It's true. You drag their asses to church, you drag their shit all over the place and then you don't follow through. What we need to teach them is how to code switch because I think you do need to learn the respectful way of talking in the world, the societal way, the proper cultural way in order to interact in business situations or meetings or anything like that. In general. In general, because you don't need to say fucking bitch this, bitch that while you're shopping for groceries. Like that bitch over there told me it was only $2. Like you don't need to say that. Just say like, well, I thought it was $2, but that person told me, you know. But bitch, don't lie when we found your weed. But don't lie to your kids. Don't lie to your kids. When we find your weed, and then you're like, oh, those are workers. That's a very specific story. It was. It was part of my childhood. When you find, oh. We found a one hitter. Oh, I love that. That is one thing that I'm like. That's one thing that bothers me about parents. Parents act like they didn't ever do drugs. I remember my mom was like, your father did marijuana in high school. Don't you remember, dear? And my sister was supposed to be horrified, and my sister just started laughing. And I was like. I talk about so many things this past weekend when we're all together. Like your family, your parents too. Oh yeah. Yeah. Good for you. Fuck it. I was like, just so you guys know. Yeah. Like, That's a thing. I think actually happening in the world, watching like, sorry, watching you evolve from being a unicorn head to fully embracing who you are to now. Always. You were a throwback. You were a unicorn head. Not everyone listening now knows that used to be a unicorn head. Jim used to be Jim, the unicorn. And I would not show my face on here ever. It was illegal. And all of a sudden now he's like showing up to rallies and showing his face all over the place. I really am showing up. You're showing up and showing out. So we see we can't all be allies like me. You are a really great ally. You just I think you pick too much ally ship, though. You're like, yeah, today I'm going to march for string cheese. It's like, why? I know, because my friend who's suffering hot straight guy. That's the problem. Let's be real. I will be an activist for anyone attracted. Any hot straight guy, you're like, yep. What's the cause? Okay. Yeah. NFL players need better shower. Okay. Yeah. Let's go. we need to conserve water, but also shower together. Okay. Oh fuck. Rub my back. Um, oh, that's so specific. I also just want to tie in this and then you can go to a subject. But speaking of parents, there's a mom in, I want to say Florida. I'm sure it's Florida. Maybe it's not, but takes her kids to private school, private, like Christian school drops them off. The bitch had an advertisement for her only fans on the back of her car. Literally and now she can't drop off and pick up her kids. Oh my god, but you're gonna send them to the private Christian school, but you're gonna but you are Model, so it's got like the moms for Liberty woman. Who's bisexual? Filming video. She's like lesbians are disgusting and it's like but you are a full-blown you're as full as You're worse than half the less is out there. I'm right and So I'm just a little concerned for our straight community. I'm really, really, I'm hoping. It's not adding up. Nothing's adding up. Like you want this for your kids supposedly, but then. So I found this out to piggyback. Do you know now in Ohio that you don't have to pay tuition to private schools because of this fucking act they passed? I guess we have a levy or something. No, it's like a statewide act that no matter what school you send your kids to, it's going to be paid for, including religious schools. So my niece and nephew go to a Catholic school. What about lunch? Do they pay for that yet? No, they don't want to pay for that, but they'll pay for a Catholic school. Because my sister was like, oh yeah, we don't have to pay tuition anymore. And I was like, what do you mean? Because they want people to go to And I asked her, I was like, and that's all fine and great for this particular school because I survived Catholic school, I know it's fine. But I was like, but a lot of people don't want to pay for religious education, that it's not their religion. I said, what if a bunch of Somali Muslims opened up a private Muslim academy for only young boys? and they took a trip back to Somalia once a summer. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, that's paid for. That would be paid for because it's a private school. Do you know, I had a real wouldn't want it. People would change the law. White, white Christian men in the state house would change. So you heard about Iowa. I had a really like fucked up moment there, but you hear about Iowa state house that any religious article has to be respected. And so the church of Satan brought their little thing. And now everybody's pissed off at some guy arrested. He's going to shoot everybody. I thought to myself, why don't We as gays just get smart and become a religion. We should start a church of homosexuality. Yeah, like you can't talk to us like that. We're protected under. We are a church. We are a non-profit church. Why not? Because we're so, we hate religion so much. No, we can pray to whoever the fuck you want. But literally we should do that. Okay, RuPaul's our Jesus. You can do that. Like Mormons just made up a religion. They came to America and they were like, Yeah, there's a whole other book of the Bible. His name is Joseph was like, yeah, I found a book in my backyard. So let's try a salty area just so he can marry other women like it. Again, that's a religion. That's a religion. Everybody people respect it. People are like the Mormons are good. Yeah, it's like, why can't we have a church like that? Where we're like, this is our religion. You have to respect that communion. You have to sorry, but that's what I don't want to do it. Yeah. So if we did declare ourselves a religious institution that we could like hang the pride flag in a capital and they would freak the fuck Oh, it's not an extremist group. It's a religion. I like, Oh no, now it's not okay. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, not that religion, Christian religion. It's like, okay. So why don't you just say it's about that? And honestly, I, again, I would respect you so much more. You straights, honestly, if you would, if they lived by it, white straight Christians, if you would just absolutely be who you are, but don't fake it and don't do shit behind everyone's back. Like we know you're doing and you're all fucking corrupt. It's gross. You're gross. Like I know so many of these Bible verses in their bios on Instagram. And they're going around fucking everything in sight. They're blacking out on the weekends. And then it's like, but then they want to live Sundays. They're like show off their chain with a cross and the tattoo cross. But I know what they're doing every other day. And I'm against abortion. But yeah, they've had their girlfriend get three. Yeah, it's like, guys, It's always the Christians. Just stop pretending. It's always the Christians getting abortions. That's what's fucked up. Oh, you want gay people not to adopt. Okay, so you don't want abortions, you don't want adoptions. And I knew two girls in high school who only did anal. Yeah, no because they said that it wasn't right sex. It's not and I'm like Yeah, Megan, it's a Megan Megan Megan. It's still a sign. That's what I would say. It's still it's like calling a spade a spade or what is it called? Call a spade a spade. It's sex like you're getting in your body. Oh And you know you're fingering your pussy while it's happening. Oh yeah. Or he is. There's no way he's just like, pull down your pants. Fingers don't count. And I'll go in the back. So you make all these rules up. Boy, are you going to write a new book that says like, fingering's okay. This is a religion. I can't. I can't. It was religious girls too who decided like, only vaginal counts as sex. They were both religious girls. It's just like the soaking for the Mormons. It's like they like are absolutely inserted, but if they don't thrust, it's not sex. Oh, I forgot about the soaking. Girl, bye. Like, get the fuck out of here. I was watching the Grammys last night. I have some things to say. Okay, bring it up because I didn't watch and I'm so confused. Okay, so first of all, Heather McMahon was on the red carpet, on E!, as a fashion, like John Rivers used to do. Wait, she did it for something before this, too. Yeah, and then they brought her back to the Emmys, so she's probably gonna be a regular now. Oh, the Emmys, and then she did Grammys. Yep. Okay, good. Okay, she needs that. First of all, no offense to Laverne Cox, like, good for you, girl, but you suck at interviews, and you're just like, so, me and my husband, or my boyfriend, and I'm like, nobody cares about you, girl, like, ask the questions. I know, it is. And Heather would be like, oh my God, this and this and this. I love you, here we go again. Yeah, like, oh, and I was at Radio City Hall, and you signed the book, And I was so nervous and you said you were nervous in the book. It's good because she's saying because she's really and she's and she's real. She's a pot. Yes. Yeah, like Laverne is an actress to me like Lauren just act and she acts like that when she's like, she's like so stiff and rigid. I'm like, yeah, like this needs to be Heather's full-time gig. Like we don't need Laverne anymore. Laverne. You're the second. Sorry. We want Heather, but there were some things that I saw that I was a little interested in number one. Dua Lipa killed it. Okay. Number two, Taylor Swift used her time to market, which I, I, it's so bizarre to me. I want a fucking break from Taylor Swift. We all need a break. Take a sabbatical Taylor, because we're tired. It's so funny though, because I feel like other me what? No, I used to be like that. And now I'm kind of like, Look what you made me do. I don't know, I think it's like just, but I get it. I'm just exhausted. I'm kind of tired of it too. Okay, someone at work today was like, Taylor has a new album coming out. I said, she has a new album coming out every three months around the clock. It hasn't been, it's every three months we get a new album. Well, now it's a real new written one. She's fucking releasing, re-releasing new, old, it's all the same story. Now the re-release is for the rape. It's all about breakups. No one cares. Yeah, it's tough. It's boring. It's tough. I don't think she has any life experience to write about. Well, not anymore. All you're doing is walking around being rich. You're constantly touring and writing and re-releasing old albums, writing new albums. Like, what do you do during life? Like, do you have life? Do you just have a life? Well, you just fly the planes around. She's going to football games for fun. I don't think she has any normal moment. Left probably not and that's kind of like how politicians are. It's yeah, that's why I become so that's why I feel like she's it's like at that stage now, but you don't know really what's going on because you want to act like did you see the title like the title something about like the something poets and I was like She's not a poet first of all Like no, just no she's been brought up in the culture of I hate Taylor Swift. She's not a poet for me. I'm kind of like being rebellious with them be like yeah fuck you yeah taylor do it let's do it taylor but for a lot of people i understand why it is quite annoying a religion i don't really listen to her though i just kind of like it because it pisses everybody off so i'm kind of like yeah here we go it's fine it's like i don't really care about her and i don't i'm just tired of her like because it's constantly brought up and the people are obsessed with her will not shut up about it it's like Go enjoy it. That's fine. I want you to enjoy it. But when I go to a concert, I don't necessarily need to tell every person I know about the concert. Yeah, it's it's like I went to Beyonce. I'm not walking around being like I was at Beyonce this past summer about that. Whereas everybody else is like, I went to Taylor. Did you see Taylor? I actually gotta just say, I think I'm just over the entire industry and the whole thing of it. It's a pretend. Because then all of a sudden, so there's a few things. So Jay-Z won like something of the year and he goes up there and he's blabbing around looking at his ugly ass self. Blue Ivy's up there. Yeah, he looks so messed up. He's so ugly, I don't get it. But he made a good point. About the album? Yeah, it's like, oh. I get it. So she's good enough to win the most awards for you guys. But not the album of the year. She should've won for Lemonade. That's where she should've won. That's when she should've won. That's the one she went on. Renaissance is also an amazing like I don't say like people don't make great complete album. So yeah, I don't think she was very strong in it at first But I think when she came out lemonade in the it was like, oh, wow, like it was like more than every genre Yeah, all the songs connected. She made a visual album. Like it was so good. I think to myself like what? And then you put that but I've Harry Styles one, right? But yeah, and that's a thing. It's like very Subjective it is no matter what it is whoever wins. It's subjective. I Decision so but only like nine black women have won since the 1950s when it was started album of the year None have won in the 2000. We start writing better album. So it's been 24 years now. I'm lazy ass bitches None of no black woman. So it's like it is a little funky a little for me. It's a little racist, but here's my thing Use your platform in your time to thank your fans and you this is your word. Why are you talking about your fucking wife? Oh Well, his fans might be pissed about it. Most black people are. And also, and I listened to NBR today, that's how I found this out. They also don't air any of the rap performances or when the rap album of the year gets awarded. They didn't air best African music award, even though it was like the inaugural year or something like, so they don't really show the black artists at the Grammys either. Actually, that's really kind of the performances. They don't show the black artists. They just show like, well, we saw we saw. Yeah. Yeah. So regardless, the whole thing is very fucking bizarre. Like, for example, the in memorandum or whatever, if a member or whatever, like, when they like, yeah, we have Stevie Wonder who I'm like, Oh, he died. I don't remember that he died. He's alive. He's alive. I don't really care, but he starts talking about I don't remember who's talking about he's blind, right? Yeah, yeah, and when you and that's his big thing. Here's the thing and this is no offense. I feel like Like how are you calling me at 551? Okay, so like so Stevie Wonder comes out he saw he's talking about it, but he was like doing this weird I don't remember who's talking about which would be very Oh Jimmy Buffett. No. Oh, no I Tony Bennett, but it's so awkward because he's like, You know, and again, I'm not trying to make fun of our certain crappy capables. It's like, sorry, but like, I really don't think you should put somebody who cannot see or hear as the leader of something like important where you have to read and see. Come on, come on. Yeah, they're like, he's like, and then, well, because he can't remember. And I'm like, oh, you're 90 years old. So literally he's trying to like, they're like, terrible. The person behind the monitor is like, just read the words. He started at the wrong time. They played the wrong fucking clip. It was terrible. So then to top it all off, Sinead O'Connor died. Oh, I saw that. So then Annie Lennox comes out with a fake, but this is what I don't understand. I'm like, girl, first of all, you're 80. I didn't realize she was that old. She's old as fuck. She comes out and she's like, has a tear painted on her face. And I'm just like, we can't even be genuine about tears. Like we're literally just, she's like, what's the song that she sings? It's a print song. Originally. It's a really good song though. Something in, Oh, so in April or sometimes it snows in April. Literally just made that uh, that's a real song from Prince. Oh, it's purple or what's called. I'm telling you I'm delusional And then the icing on the cake for me was that one bitch I can't think of her name right now, but she came out and flipped around in her little I mean, it was so, I can't even. Oh, I'm horrified. I gotta find a picture. I love this. Like what trash? I was fucking horrified. Whoever this is, I can't even think of her name. Uh, Joni Mitchell. Oh, I know. That's how she is now. She comes out. Girl, that's how she's been. Girl, what are we? No, no, no, no, no. Why are we in an old lady? Because Brandi Carlile has been like. Reviving all these old bitches' careers. So she has been performing with Joni and like Joni won't come out. Is there a cat there? No, that's my dog. Oh God. I freaked out. I was like, did Joni bring a cat? No, but I just was so horrified watching the performance. Did you see it? I mean, it is like scary now. I actually was like, and people are just like looking like, yay. I was actually horrified. She smoked too many cigarettes and like, she can't sing anymore. Like her voice is gone. Watch. She probably had throat cancer and I'm like making fun of it, but I just can't with this. I know we're well, do you remember when they wheeled out Liza Minnelli? This is exactly like this is actually Yeah, I got you it's like you don't need But they wheeled her chair she's like this in the chair and she's like oh And it's just showing her at first you're like are we at grandmother old time grandmother times like reading hours when she's like Then they turn her fucking chair on the chair spins around and she's like this crip keeping I know and I'm like lady She looks like she's holding She looks like she is dead Probably brought her This Scepter, that's what it makes me feel like an hour to her good you were a great musician at her time But like at some point we've got to show a little bit of integrity and stop wheeling these people out. It's not good and in I Liza Minnelli was fully demented. Lady Gaga's like, I got you. She's like, I'm a little nervous. I know what I'm doing. My mom was a coke addict. It's like Liza. So are you? So are you? Because your brain's fried. Um, so anyway, that's, that's the Grammy's in a nutshell. So it was very, that's why I didn't watch. Cause it's always like, there's always just like performance, performance, terrible performance, terrible performance. I will say Dua Lipa and Miley Cyrus's performance. Yeah. Miley Cyrus performs. I feel like Miley is this sleeper amazing. She's a sleeper. She's not getting enough recognition. She finally won her first Grammy. Oh, really? Yeah. This was her first. But think about her. I think about her road, though. I mean, we had like, think about how like about her trajectory, though. It's like all these 80 songs that she did, like are so good. So this is where years a few years ago, this is where she figured it out. She figured it out that she can be a retro R&B. And so, I mean, yeah, I saw that. I mean, she I love the hair. It's like 70s, like it was like I was like, I mean, that's beautiful. And at the end she throws down the microphone. I mean, it's just, she's a full rock star to me now. Now what else you got? I got some topics. So, all right. All right. So I went away this week with family when we left on Friday. Oh my crack. It's only a four and a half hour drive. He's not here. No, She died right before the Grammys. At the Hilton. Yeah, it's kind of a sordid subject. So I went with family to French Lick for a half hour drive. It's in the middle of nowhere. You kind of feel like you're in Hocking Hills because there's hills everywhere. But it's beautiful. You show up and you're like at this resort. You walk in. I mean, you saw pictures, right? That's beautiful. Gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous. You're such a bitch. No, it is. It reminds me of, um, like Caesar's palace or like, it's a very grand. Yeah. Yeah. Very grandiose. Very built in 1840s though. So it's not like Caesar's palace. It's like, it's like the, it is like that place that I went in West Virginia. Um, Briar Hill, Briar Park, Greenbrier, Greenbrier, I masturbated in the indoor showers at the pool in the indoor pool. Wait, that's interesting because anyway, anyway, um, Well, I mutually masturbated with Michael. Oh, I was like, who was that? Greenbrier? It was like a, we were like, oh yeah. Wait, did they have curtains on the stall? It was like, so you left your curtain open or you were in the same stall? We were in the same stall and then like, Oh, that's weird. You freaks. We're freaks. I know I did that with, well, yeah. Anyway, Myrtle Beach, me and Matt after our massage, um, in the hot tub. So the Um, yeah, well, it only gets emptied every time and cleaned. So it's like, really? Yeah, because it was like a tub that they fill with hot water. Gotcha. Gotcha. But it's a big tub for two. So it's not dirty, dirty whore. Okay, one thing I just want to it was a family trip. It was great. We are all there. We're having fun. But one thing I forgot about is family. No, When you're outside of Columbus and you go to a more conservative state, I felt like such an outcast the whole time. Everyone was staring at me. These nails, honey? Those nails, honey. People would just be talking and then stop talking and be like, well, if you'd like, I'm sorry, you're homosexual. I'm like, you just stared at them and then restarted. Now show the camera your nails. And now we have Halloween. Not Halloween, Valentine's Day. God So did you feel the stairs like you felt like or do you think that people were just curious? It was real. No, it was like evil. A lot of these are like the classic. Yeah, I mean there are Trump voters, you know, this is Southern, Indiana. What do you expect? They have more KKK members in Indiana than any other honestly I feel like there's a lot of dick sucking in Indiana. I'm now there were several people on Sniffy's right like in my resort all private sniffy several cocks out And I did see a couple men in the pool area that I do believe were eyeing. Oh yeah. And so I was like, Oh, I'm sorry. You're with your family, but I can't do anything about that. Sorry. You're looking at me. Yeah. Like what do you want me to do? Hey, hi. Hey girl. Hey. I've got a hole you could eat, but you're busy with your son in the hot tub. Have fun with your family. Have fun with your fucking family. God, you have this hole. So yeah, it's a little awkward being in the small town environment because other than the resort, it's very small town. I hate that too. And I just have advice for people from small towns. Leave. Well, other than leave, I want you to realize that what you think is the best of something, of a category, is not the best. So we got a shuttle ride from the resort to this place called Chicago's Pizza. It was a pizza joint. Not only best pizza, they said, the shuttle driver was like, it's the best stromboli and the best ham and cheese sandwich you'll ever have. So my stepson gets a stromboli because it's the best. And we were just told this. It comes out, it is dry, crusty sub bread, like Subway bread, but dried and crusty. No sauce on it. And then crumbled sausage, but it's that sausage that is like little tiny BBs. Not the, not the, like ground, ground to the point where you don't have to chew it. Like ground to the point where there's not a single piece is a bite. It's all just like little crumbles, like little, yeah. And then there was one melted cheese slice and then like a tiny bit of red sauce on top of the side. I was like, that is not first of all, it's not a Stromboli. It's a sub sandwich that was sausage. Like that's not Stromboli. Stromboli is like braided or put together. That's Indiana Stromboli. But that was I don't listen to the pizza. Same with the pizza. So I don't listen to people when they're like ego here. I know. No, but I will. Yeah, but she lives in this town and it's like, so you thought I was like, okay, we'll trust her. So just repeat what you just said. Yeah. She lives in this town. So when you're from a small town, your best pizza is not the best. You know what I will say there are some really good small-town restaurants, and you hit those jackpots And you're like there's a pizza place. I think called the pizza place. I believe in New Lexington where Matt's from okay? This is like pizza amazing. Oh my fucking god. Nobody will even know about it. It's not on the map That's what's now fucked up think about how many good pizzas are out there that nobody knows about cuz they're in these small I love when you find a good bar pizza you're at a bar somewhere in some small town how to make pizza and then you get like that little tiny or a big Big, thick. No, like the big slices that are like doughy, but like. Oh, so. And then another thing I noticed was casinos are great. But in Las Vegas, right? So I've been to the casino here in Columbus twice. It's not bad. It's not bad, but it's not Vegas. Now this casino in French Lick is not even Columbus. Like it was. It's probably Punta Cana. There were games, but that people there. will really make you appreciate your life. They will make you appreciate your looks, your weight, your personality, your smell, your lack of smoking, your taste, your money, your access to funds. money to be at this place? You would think. So these people snuck in. These people, you could just come to the casino to go there. So people from around the area go there. Yeah, this is how they do it. And you will see these people that look like they took their welfare check and put it right into the slot machine. Because I'm like, how does this person have $500 credits? I don't ever get the either and then I walk by later and they're at $230 and like 45 minutes and I'm like Oh, so that 500 went down literally slots is just why are you putting in $500 into a slot machine? The max prize is 13,000 like you're wasting 500 to get 13,000. I mean, yeah, it's a big prize, but you're are you gonna get it? It's just the lore of it's not the same. It's not as like special like after I spent like I think I spent $60 I was like I'm done like I don't want to spend anymore like you can get really addicted and You can I know but I'm not addicted but well, well, I got the edge. You had the edge and you scratched and I kept Strange Wow That pussy's itchy Now I do like your mustache still keep it going people loved it there. Yeah, it's like kind of a hot look I'm sorry, but sniffy's guys like it. I'm sorry, but it's a good look because you can grow it. So you need to do it Like especially for Park City like it needs to be full bush. Okay, and everything else shaved Yikes, okay. I think it'd be hot. I'm gonna be a mountain man. That's what I'm saying lumberjack I talked to slutty too, by the way Three weeks into that I was like and you need to do gays gays gays again because I'm tired of seeing it Yeah, we're not getting any gays gays gays. Yeah, it's gonna be so gay in Park City. So I can't wait Park City's coming up. That's what we're really excited about I'm kind of freaked out same. I don't I don't even want to think about packing, but I know I have to oh We're already freaking out. It's like I know It's actually three weeks from Saturday. Oh Oh, we're flying in Saturday. I'm not even getting into late Saturday One dog here one dog there He's tired. Let me see if I have anything else written down. I know I have a sundry to conclude like overall the weekend was fun Family had a blast like my parents, of course, they showed up with like three or four bottles of champagne saying the word suck whiskey We didn't say suck. They brought other vodka. So my parents have all the drinks I love that they drink so much when they're like in the room. They suck. Oh Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, we're Catholic. Like you always can drink. That's true. Drinking's what Catholics do best. That's why I like funerals so much. Like, let's get drunk. I've always loved the after party, babe. One of the first times I got drunk as an adult technically was at a viewing. I don't think I've ever been hung over a funeral. Never. I'm always like, Oh, this is fucking terrible. The wake or the viewing the day before is like the start emotionally. And then my family's like, do you want to go to dinner? Let's get margaritas. It's so weird. I'm like, I just saw a dead body. I have drinks after seeing a dead body. Yeah. Yeah, like I just thought that body. I'm not really looking for mozzarella sticks right now. Like, sorry. I had some Arby's mozzarella sticks yesterday. I was going to say, do you guys want anything? I was like, well, I just had brunch, but I had brunch. I had a poached egg. Only in southern Indiana can you go from this classy little, I had a poached egg to Arby's. It was so fancy. And then I was like, I'll have a mozzarella stick. And it was probably the best thing we had all weekend. It was one of the best. Sometimes cheap food is good. The German, no, we went to a German restaurant. It was really solid. Now, how did you eat that? Because you don't like me and a lot of I had space. So I had Hunter's gravy on it, which was mushroom gravy. I had shit, cat cases, Spitzel, which is the cheese space. So talk about Germans two weeks in a row. Well, we like we like the Germans. And there's a reason they're paying. It's the pink. It's the pink. I'm sorry. Sorry. I know. Oh, my God. I did. We talked about it. I just listened to that episode of my car on the way here. And I got it was at that part. And I was like, I was like, I'll wear the star of David. I was like, I'll wear the pink triangle. Like lock me the fuck up. I want them to know they can use me. And I'll see if I'm in that camp. I'll be like, daddy, do whatever you need. You'd be like, do you mean shine your boots again? Yeah. My tongue. You're a literal bootlicker Now that is a kink so we don't want to kink shame. We're in trouble. Do you have any sundries? I do a sundry I do have Okay, one other. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go honey. I need to talk about I just wrote this down and this is just a quick quote from talking to people at work and You either end up with the bad boy type and get fucked great, but get treated like shit, or you're with a nice guy who can't fuck you, but you'll have someone compliment you and treat you right. This is literally every relationship. I just want to say that. Whoa, wait, read it again slower. Okay. You either end up with a bad boy type and get fucked great. Like great. Like you get fucked really great. Everything's hot, but you get treated like shit. Or you can end up with the nice guy who can't fuck you, but you'll have someone compliment you and treat you right. What do you want? And that's the fucked up conundrum. And this is why nobody can stay married. Uh, that's just a random thought. There you go. The next thing I need to discuss really honestly, and this could be a sundry, maybe, maybe this will be my sundry, but I also just need one more comment. Okay. They are supposedly, now this is gonna be a little psychotic, they are supposedly getting rid of the lead apron that they put over you at the dentist when they do the- X-rays. Yes, and I have a problem with it. I love that motherfucking- The weight, the weight. What is that? It's so like, oh, it's heavy. When they put it on, I'm like, oh good night. You need a weighted blanket. I need a weighted blanket, that's what I was told. I have one on my couch. Does it really do the trick? It makes me feel so safe. When you put it on, And this way to blink I have is not even like for heating like it can eat. It basically doesn't make you hot because some way to blankets make you and wait it wrapped and you're like, this is just a weighted one. And it's like, I love it. If there's a rainstorm and you get under your blanket. Especially you after a gummy. Oh, honey. I'm it's over. I'm already waited. You're it's over. I'm already like stuck on the couch Well, you're less weighted than you I am less bloated Waited we did so even to the point where I realized that I like that feeling so much when I was five I got stitches in my chin and when I went to the hospital, they put me in a papoose they called it Oh Do you know what that is? No, but it keeps you warm. It's like a booster seat. Yeah. It's like a little, they, they like strap you in. Yeah. So I can't move. Yeah. So I'm just laying there with this like big thing. Oh, you probably fucking loved it. And they put the stitches in. So a couple of weeks later, it's time to get my stitches out. We go to the regular doctor that's right next to the hospital. And I refused to get my stitches out because I wanted the fucking pupus. So my mother had to take me over to the hospital. I don't know how she did it. She's like this motherfucker. The doctor, I think the doctor was like, He was actually kind of cool. He was like he was like just hurry up like let's just take him over put him in the poo-poo I think I went to a regular room. He just like might have a sensory processing disorder. So that's what I'm wondering Maybe I am also a little we are just sorry, but we all have features like that. I I mean, I like, why do I like to watch cooking videos where I, it's in Japanese, it's in Japan and it's like a little town and they're making ramen and chopping vegetables and boiling things. And then I'm like, this is ASMR. And I've watched so many that my YouTube is just recommending them. Like it's obviously weird. I know because it's like, that's my whole feed now. This is my life. I'll put it on the TV. And Matt's like, so are you going back? He's like, are you going back to Japan? I'm like, or are you getting like cruise ship reviews again? And I'm like, Yeah, I'm watching cruise ship reviews. There's really weird shit that train reviews. Yep. We're like people just right I know these this one guy rides trains and does reviews. Oh, Matt should love that Well, he does most time but he likes more narration and history Oh, but mine is just like a video and like sometimes subtitles. Like I love like this is comfortable. I do love the the washing the When they're watching like rug, yeah. Yeah. Oh I'm like, oh yeah, my God. So anyway, don't get rid of the fucking, I want the goddamn lead. Yeah. Tell your dentist, keep the lead. But apparently they've gotten so good at the radiation that it's just right in your mouth. It's directed better. So anyway, you can do your sundry first since I've talked for 45 minutes straight and then I'll do my sundry. Wow. My sundry is, so I went to pick up prescriptions today. This happens all the time to me. And I'm using the drive-through lane, and you know, there's usually at least two or three cars, especially if you go around after work time, which is fine, that's normal. Everyone's getting off work and has to run errands. So I go there, I'm waiting, and I finally get to second from the front. So there's one car in front of me talking to the people in there. 15 minutes later, I'm still second from the front. because she got confused. She didn't know one prescription had expired. How long has it been expired? Oh, you can't see how long it's been expired? Well, did you communicate that to my doctor? Well, I guess I have to call the doctor. Well, what if they're closed by now? How much does this one cost? Yeah. Well, did you run it through with that card, that special discount card? Well, If you're not ready to get up there and pick up your fucking prescriptions and pay and then leave immediately, then don't go through the drive-thru. Go inside. Go inside so you can talk to the human face-to-face and figure it out. But honestly, even that, you need to sign up for a consultation and they don't need to help and let them go to the regular line. Right, don't go to the regular line. I can't believe this. This should not be $500. The normal response is, I got a text message saying your prescriptions are ready for pickup. I went there, I said I'm ready to pick up. Birthday, last name, address. card in the thing, handed back with everything. That's it. It literally took me less than two minutes. These people are arguing about prices in the pickup line. It's like, first of all, what are you doing holding up the line? My meds, what's it called? Cover my meds or whatever. GoodRx. Good rx. I love hi. It's better than your insurance, right? Um, I tell people that all the time. I'm like, they're like, this was so expensive. I'm like, try good rx. HSA makes you not, you don't even need your work. You get a better deal with, with good rx and pain with your HSA. I know. Um, I 100% agree with that. They need to have their own consultation area. They need to have like a, there should be a separate line for insane people. Yeah, literally. So my sundry is about the guys that were in Porta Vallarta, the bears, uh, beef dip. Now, did you hear what happened? No, but I know people who went, so I could ask them. Okay. Well, I need you to ask your friends. And if you went to there, please respond to us. Um, apparently somebody shit in the pool, like a shit was floating around. Oh my god, what pool Montemar? I don't fucking know what pool probably the final notice Yeah, but I know it was talked about on the other bear channels for like P town bears. We're like Guys, we don't have this kind of incidents at Pete's. I'm like, yeah, cuz you ruined the pool for everyone I don't even know if they can ask down Like I don't know if they just like poured chemicals in I don't know I I don't know what you do and that's do you supposed to drain at all? Let them do what they wanna do, but I'm done with the pool. I'm so glad I'm a twink you're having a beef dip literally like you're literally and also you're dipping in someone else's What did you do like sneeze and fart and well? That's what I'm concerned about like what did you have a fuck date coming up? So you didn't want to have time to do an enema. Yeah, did you do one? I don't have time to get a shower all the shit in the pool and rub my hole clean it up. Oh, there was some other jet. There's like oh, yeah Oh, it's better Listen, gentlemen. Why? Don't poop in the pool. Especially like a bear beef dip is not. A bear poop? Like a bear poop is always big and dirty. Like there's no dainty bear poop. It's chunky. It's floatable. Because these are big guys, they eat a lot. Like what's coming out is a lot. And this is on Friday, it's like on Saturday actually. So this is a full week of just like. They're hungover from Friday night, so they have the hangover shits. It probably wasn't as solid as we should have been. Plus they had a big brunch, plus they've had a lot of alcohol, a little bit of ketamine, They're shitting a lot and a lot of deck, which surprises me because shitting a lot. It must be some bottom that just lost his bowel control. It has to be like, I just got fisted or just got fisted. Maybe it was, they're like, sorry, I didn't know my rectum was floating around the water. Just dropping shit everywhere. Cause I just can't feel anything. Don't mind my prolapse. I had a long night. So my, my, my Sunday is more of a PSA. Don't fucking poop in the pool. Don't poop in the pool, especially if you're an adult, but also don't do it if you're a kid, but in the pool, Anyway, all right, well, I've got to go get to my daughter. So this has been another episode of Not Well. Make sure you call us 614-721-5336. If you want beef, quake, beef dip. It sounded like a quake. It was beef dip. If you went to beef dip, give us a call. Give us a call. Tell us about the poop. Tell us about the poop. We want to know about the poop. 614-721-5336. She's not doing so well at gmail.com. Leave us a review, comment, or tell your friends. Share your friends. Share your friends. Share your friends' dick pics with us. Send it to your friend. You're one for one friend. These people don't have a lot of friends As I snort in the microphone like also I'm down 27 pounds everyone have a great time I'm gonna go not eat now. Goodbye. Goodbye Dinner time