Tariffs are just economic cock-blocks for dumb straight bros

Quote of the week: " I am just trying to avoid anyone here who has been inside me" 

 In this unfiltered unhinged instant classic episode, Bobby and Jim kick things off by embracing a doomed mission: pretending to be straight bros. Spoiler alert—it’s hilarious and painfully bad. Their half-hearted attempt to discuss “smashing pussy” quickly devolves into a crisis of identity and nostalgia, sparking deep memories of hiding who they were and re-living past traumas, but with their signature humor and sass. From there, it’s a high-speed jump into the absurd, as they share unhinged rants about Aldi’s suspiciously moldy produce, America’s unhealthy obsession with trauma porn, and their recurring political nightmare—the state of democracy and anti-trans legislation.

Between deep dives into existential dread and biting humor, the duo talks about Roman bathhouse fantasies (because, of course), reminisces over pagers and the “texting” culture of yore, and dissects Stephen Hawking’s aesthetic choices with zero chill. Bobby laments how dogs ruin spontaneous trips with their bougie pet camp needs, while Jim recounts his IV therapy adventure after a wild night out. The pair bond over fat kid moments—like stuffing their faces with stuffed crust pizza and sneakily devouring McDonald’s double cheeseburgers before anyone notices. Sprinkle in wild, late-night escapades at AWOL’s jock night, and you’ve got one spicy, laugh-out-loud ride.

Transcript

everybody and welcome to the show. I'm Bobby. I'm Jim. We are coming out of the closet as total straights. Bro. Bro. Did you get any pussy this weekend? A smash and pussy. Did you smash some puss this weekend? I smashed some puss. I watched the Bengals win. Bro. I don't know if they actually won. They... I don't know either. I was too busy banging chicks. Oh, come on. It's so bad. It's so bad. And praying to Jesus. I can't do it. I can't either. It's really hard to just not be myself. Why Why we not? I can't do do do do actually makes me... It gives you... It's like, I don't like trying to pretend even. Right. Like it gives me anxiety. It took me back. It's like, remember when you had to do this all the time? Sup, yeah. What's up girl? Poor Bobby. You were at like the radio station spinning some records and you were like... Nah, I I just be really quiet. Yeah. That's the way to hide. Hey. Hey. Yep. I ain't fucked up. I'm not. Well, I kind of am. The world's fucked up, as you know. And And not going to fucking dwell on it, but we needed to like... No, No, No, At least least it. It was one of those 10 p.m. nights for me, because I was like, oh, I know where this is going. I knew right when it started coming in. I I like, this just feels off. I I like first it's the red and then the blue wave comes. I'm like, no, this is... No, No, not. I I I this is different. I could tell this is different. It's It's no, this time it's all red. I can tell all the straight men in my life voted for her. And people just didn't vote for her, because why would... Yeah, one month. month. month. month. was nothing too much to vote for. Oh, well, let me just play this clip really quick, then. Nick Fuinta. Hey, bitch, we control your bodies. Guess what? Guys win again. You will never... You know, I never control your bodies. Your bodies are choice. It's a masculinist influencer. Oh, you've been the Frencher talking about it. I got the French version, but this guy, this is what we're going to be dealing with. That's what we're going to have to listen to, because guess what? He's going to get beat. Honestly. I would love for him to come try. We're going to start kicking ass. ass. know what I mean? Yeah. Well, then I saw this last night, and I want you to read this stuff for the crowd. It is the will of the people to say faggot and retarded based department. And this one said yes. So then I'm like, okay, all right. Okay. Then I'm looking easily the two best slurs of all time. Yes, duly noted, proper government policy right here. So literally we're just going back to our childhood. If If show headed back. Yep. Get in faggot. We're making America great again. Smiles. Let's bring it back. I'm scared to retweet this, but I wholly agree. First of all, it is my God given right. I intend to use it. Dad gum had me laughing. I want to steal this one. I mean, it is crazy. Wow. Yeah. So welcome to America 2020 2002. Maybe even 1999. 2022, 2002. This is pretty. No, honestly, this is literally literally is 1990s. This is pre 911. No, right. We actually kind of bonded then it was like, okay, we like gay people too. Like Like are nurses and shit. Right. And then they were like two years later, like let's pass a national. Yeah. Gay marriage. Yeah. And so. And it went in the back to where we're really glad to be going back to where it's still in the Ohio State Constitution. Oh, I know. We're never, it's over. So So where, so yeah, I think there's going to be a lot of changes in the next couple of years here. I think there's a lot of people that are fucking stupid though too that are going to realize, oh, I don't know what a tariff is. I do kind of want the prices to go up for them. They're going to go up for everyone, but fine, we just won't buy anything. We'll buy what we need. Here's the other thing though. They don't want anybody to blame themselves. They are in control of everything. And it's all right. It's a great economy already. Right. So if anything, it's going to just stay good. And then inflation's like 2% again. The stock market's great. Honestly, I hope it crashes. I do too. I'm ready. I I I I I I don't give a fuck. Let's go. Prove me wrong. But let me tell you boys and girls, we're going to have to start charging you because of tariffs. Yeah. We're going to to to to the consumer... It's It's a month required. Yeah. We're getting our voiceovers from China and we're going to have to pay the tariffs now. And we have to pass it on to the consumer because that's how tariffs work. Literally. So let's go ahead and shout tariffs. Like... Tariffs, tariffs, tariffs. You You You That's what... I mean, I can't. Yeah. They do just sound fun kind of though. It is a good word. Like, oh, we're going to do tariffs. I'm going going fucking put a tariff on you, bitch. I'm like... It's like, tariff me, daddy. They're They're we voted because of the tariffs. We wanted the tariffs. And And like... Do you know what a tariff is? They can't even spell it. You're going to lose your job. There's a no way. There's There's There's There's it to pay you. And then you think they're going to to this to America, these jobs? Nobody wants to fucking fold a flat chute. Sweat... What is it called? Sweat pants? Sweat shops? Oh, no. We don't have sweatshops here. I'm sorry, but there's just certain things like, no, people do not want to make flags here. Like, I was watching this show about like making a plastic polyester flags. No one's going to want to pay the prices that come with tariffs because we're used to getting shit on Amazon for cheap. This is just going to drive us back into inflation by the the We're not going to do... Oh, yeah, no. Because what's going to happen is the stuff that's here will be higher because it's already here. And And all these American... American... for that $10 shirt, it's going going be $20. $20. And And going to be like, what are you going to to then? H H gone. How are you you to blame? What are you going to blame? You're probably going to to Biden so... How are you you to blame? No, they will... Biden's the one that left us this economy. Which, by by way, like I... Yeah. Do you see that clip I sent you? The beach? We finally beat Medicare. Like, let me play this for you. Just Just we can remember because we've blocked this shit out. I just want you to know. I really want to... Yeah. We've blocked this part. It's the clip of him saying we finally beat Medicare. Which is... It was about... It It the end of a rambling answer. answer. I talked to Nanyahu in Saudi Arabia and you're like, I'm sorry, what are you talking about? Yeah, I mean, honestly, I think he's a great American. I think he did a lot for our country, but I think he kind of fucked us over. Yeah. By waiting till last minute. And And showing his ass. It should have been 2022 and he's like, I'm not running. Right, period. I'm not going to run. I'll be 82. Right. But But we're stuck with another 80-something year old as soon. Literally. Now it's like... Wait till he goes to now. You thought Biden was bad. This motherfucker can't even speak. Listen, you're good. Time's coming up. We finally beat Medicare. Thank you, President Trump. Fuck! Did you know? He looked up and saw the timer so he knew time was coming, so he's like, I have to make a closing statement. Look. We finally beat Medicare. Thank you, President Biden. President Trump? I mean... He did beat Medicare. He He it to death. Now that's why people voted for him. I'm sorry. It's true. Trump says things that are like... Once Once was said, that was over. It was over then. We We We Medicare. I looked over on the couch. I looked at Matt. I I like, this is the best we got. We knew we were fucked. But that was in June and we literally were like, yeah, Trump's gonna win. I had a little hope. So we did. We were like, Trump's winning. But But Kamala came around. Is that her name? I was saying I'm saying saying wrong. Kamala is right. Okay. Because I was saying I'm saying it wrong. Well, some people say it wrong still. Kamalia? Kamalia. That fucking Indian... No, No, Kamala. I'm wrong. Actually, she gave me a little hope. And honestly, I like the way she speaks. But But I don't know. The people have spoken and I want to just honor that. Let's honor them. I know what I'm talking about. Let's see. We're all like, let's go. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's Let's what happens. They're like, we don't want the Department of Education. You know what? I have a cousin who I know voted for Trump, or at least her husband did. And they have an autistic son who has a lot of special needs that they get helped with through these grants and Department of Education. Oh, yeah. It's like, what, you want to get rid of it? Yeah. I mean, that to me is like really... You You to get rid of it. Let's see what happens. I hope your son's schooling is still around. Back to 2007. I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps. And I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and Iraq, everywhere like such as. And And believe that they should... Our education over here in the US should help the US, or should help South Africa. It should help Iraq and the Asian countries. So we will be able to build up our future for our children. Thank you very much. For our children. For our children. That's going to be the Department of Education now. That's going to be be kids coming out. Can you just say something? Do you want to know a funny side story though? She's like actually like a crazy Trump person of course. Of course. Because Because she's from. But she became like briefly suicidal after all of of of of it was bedtime. So then like there was a Republican congressional candidate I think in South Carolina or somewhere in the country who played that clip. Like in a commercial or like on stage. stage. you want to go back to this? Yeah. And she like called him out and then other conservatives were like yeah, don't make fun of her. I found out Plain Lady's a Republican too. So I had to unfollow her. Plain Plain Remember the one that was like cycling? She's like I motherfucker. I remember that I loved her. What did she say? The Lizard people or something. Yeah. She's like you are not right. What is I don't remember. I I care because I blocked her out. We did. Because I'm not going to and also let's let's just I'm going to do a PSA and then we're moving on. Yeah, exactly. The PSA for me for you and you can give a PSA for you. Yeah. PSA for me to our listeners is this is democracy. This is what happens. The people have spoken. So look around you. Don't look at Trump. Look around you because those are the people that are voting. And And way you can handle this is let's not be public about the fact that we're just unfollowing people. Let's just unfollow. Yeah. We don't have to talk about it. You You have to do. I I if no explanation because that just makes it. We don't want to show them that we're pissed. Like we were we need and at the same time I don't even know if I am pissed. That's kind of where I'm kind of in the middle of like well I guess if the people spoke let's see what happens. I'm just want to end up with let's see what happens mode. I'm not mad. Like I'm mad but I'm not like going to be like oh fuck I'm going to go storm the Capitol. It's like this is democracy. This is what it's about. Literally. So I guess we let dumb people run. It It been America. That's how I feel is like people are like oh my God I can't believe it's so far. We're not going to be able to protest when there were pro-Palestinian protesters on campus at OSU or Columbia. We were attacked by police. Like Like had police come in arrest. You can't fucking protest now. Welcome to America. That's why it's like all of these things are afraid of. I'm hearing a lot of people being like I'm walking around and I just look around and I'm afraid like you know like does anyone I guess we're not even people anymore. That's what Matt's been saying because he's like thinking about being gay and it's like okay but wait like Sabrina's been walking around for over a year now watching her people be killed by American bombs and money and she can't even get anyone to say anything. She's like oh yeah I saw those pictures. That's horrible. It's complicated. Yeah that's such a just a tragedy. It's like no it's a genocide that we're funding so she's walking around trying to talk to people like how could she connect. That's how she's felt for over a year. So we just have to like adjust our thinking on this. This is not a sudden big change. No it's really not. It's It's It's change at all. It's actually what's supposed to happen. It's underbiting them four years. We've had over 400 anti-trans laws passed in the states. That's underbiting. That's what's been happening. It's already been bad. It's just the group you're in you might have had privilege and not realized it. When also this is this is also part of the it's been bad. I don't really like it going back to the states to be honest because I'm center thinking like well I don't really like the state of Ohio like what am I doing then like if you wanted to be like we're new states and let's just become why are we United States then like if you're going to bump back federal laws that have been in place for a fucking 60 years like bitch. I know. So anyway it's yeah this is a time for you to get off your goddamn phone and start talking to people. Yeah Yeah Yeah to make a community. Do you know what I found out though? Oh AOC which I'm sure yeah she's kind of an outsider right. Yeah well in her district people voted for Trump and her. Right Right saw that. Did Did see what she and people said it's because you're outside of the establishment. People are done with the government. Yeah Yeah It's like honestly this could be a chance for us all to kind of be like hey we don't like this motherfucker and we're going to really fight against him. Corporations and billionaires controlling. That's all it is baby. They They voted for Trump. It's like Elon Musk when you go through the list it's like. Well you you he made 65 million billion dollars. All All All right in a day. In one day. Because people are like yeah Tesla. It's like oh boy. Wow this is how you get rich in America just be dumb. And so no offense to our dumb listeners but that's what I'm going to be starting to do. Yeah. And I just think it's a continuation of everything we've done. Like I don't think Trump's an anomaly. I think he is the most American president we've ever had. Yeah like look look around you. We are a group of racist people we're fine with genocide like we're dumb we like being dumb no one thinks it's. We like yeah like European cities have these world renowned universities everything was about the university going to school getting education America's like. Fuck that we're not going to have a department. Home schooled and we're going to get rid of the department like. No fluoride. That's America it's always been like that. We burn the witches at the stake. Which is we're afraid of people having knowledge. We're really. I know America's not. A great when you read the Constitution I don't feel like that's what they really thought it was supposed to be like. Yeah I don't feel like that. It doesn't. But it it As people. The will of the people. Then you remember that they first presidents would rape their slaves and have right babies and legitimate that they would not be able to go to the like those people wrote that document with all that pretty language and you know just so to to to it liberty in the pursuit of that but they were not good people and so that's what but I think that's America when I almost want to at our core are we just really bad people like period yeah no I think America's been the most. We're selfish in the world. I can can you that we're the most selfish nation in the the We take take take take take take take take set off more nuclear bombs and killed more people that yeah like all we do is take. We attack attack attack make up reasons for wars yeah. America's been bad so really Trump just fits in line with that and continues the project. I I what I can see is let's get some real candidates in here that are not a part of the establishment but like our smarter. Yeah we could work. You know what I'm saying. All right. So that's our government talk. I'm done with it. We're done. We're like don't get us wrong like to me I'm worried about like my rights and shit but I'm also going to just like fight it like that's what you do. This is democracy. Right. So I recently went to Aldi's. Ew. Don't worry it's not sulfur. And yeah that's how it felt. Like Like know I mean it's fine but when we got a new one it's like okay I'm going to like give it a chance because I had always growing up my mom would not shop there she got bad meat from there one time and was like I'm done. She She like quarter it's like weird. Oh what. Oh yeah for the fucking part. Matt likes it because he goes and collects the quarters like he found a cart in the he was like free quarter. I was like oh my god get me out of here. And you're worried about it. Like girl. I know. It's like what can you buy with. And Aldi shopping cart. cart. know what you can buy like a York peppermint patty from a Mexican restaurant and you're checking out. Yeah. You reach into that little thing. That used to be five cents and now they're 25 cents. It was was was when I was a kid. I'm not kidding. It It a quarter at Elva Caroll recently. So it's inflation like no more peppermint patties. But yeah I go into Aldi's I'm looking around I'm like oh organic produce like okay so we bought everything molded in like two days. It was like in the fridge too we didn't leave it out on the counter like I think it's already bad when they're selling it and that's why why cheap. They're like you need need eat eat tonight. tonight. tonight. tonight. tonight. it and they're like we gotta get rid of of of I think you're true because I actually think people who buy the produce from there eat it the same day. Yeah so Aldi's is a no for me for most things. There There some things like charcuterie would be easy because they had tons of cheap cheese. Yeah. Whichever one loves cheap cheese. I don't know if I'm selling it anymore. No to me I just can't get into it you know what I mean. I told Matt I said there's gonna be some brands I miss like because we were like could we shop just here and you could but like there's only one or two varieties of a chip. There's just not a lot of options. And it's it's it's Q's. It's like what barbecue Aldi chips. It's literally literally It's like stuff but they're trying to still sound like it's Doritos but it's not. It's like on burritos and you're like I'm sorry. There are so many things like that. I looked at it and I'm like wait that looks just like oh it's not. Okay yeah it's like they just changed the name of the little bit of crackers of animals. It's It's okay. Am I I Animal crackers in my soup. Okay. That I can literally throw animal crackers in my mouth and let them melt and I love it. A little weird. I have a comment to make. I have a quote from somebody this week and I because I laughed my ass off and then I was like I'm gonna write that down and say it. I'm just gonna say it. I need to avoid all the people who have been inside me. And I was crying. Why did you say that? Because some guy was in there and he was like looking around looking around. It's one of Michael's friends from Bear Happy Hour. I don't know why I can't think of his name right now but. Bear Happy Hour New York. No there's one here apparently. Oh god. Okay. That's why I'm like. Sorry. I haven't been if you. Michael's been six times I've been zero. He would. He would love it. Well it's a social environment. It's on Wednesdays when he has half day. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm bears at AWOL like every other night. Like I don't think Happy Hour would be any different group of people. It's just just hour. It's just regular hour and it's the same people. Yeah. That's. So. So you have to avoid people who've been inside you. Just the way that he said it though was so. Why did he say that? Because he was like looking around like watching his back and I was like what's going on. He's like I'm just trying to avoid the people that have been inside me. I'm I'm But how many of the people there would have been inside me. I don't know but he just did discuss he's been fisted and I feel like we should talk to him maybe. We bring back gas when we change the format. You want to think. You thought we were gay before. We're bringing fisters in. How long has that recent? That's I don't know. Oh I just got like an uh oh feeling. Why I thought you wanted to fist somebody. It It It Oh well and and and it probably is for most people. I'm not going to kink shame but do you think girl. No of course not. Do your thing. It's It's gross. So. Whoa girl. It's not. It's not gross at all. I have another story. Okay go. So I was on a walk and I was looking at all the flowers and I thought do you know what. Sorry. What was that. It's not so free. It's baked potato babe. Oh my god are you doing the chili baked potato thing again. Yeah. It's only four points or something. Yeah it's really not bad. It's still not bad. It's actually not that big because the baked potato zero. I think. Well it depends on what program you're on. No one can tell you possible zero. The The The one I love that plan. I I know anyway. They're like zero point plan. They're like yeah it's all zero because it's whole grain. I'm like eating probably 1200 calories of pasta. I'd rather just have a little and then a little sauce. I'm I'm oh it's only three points for the sauce and I'm like no it was like 1200 calorie. I would eat so fucking much. After like a month I was like I'm not losing any weight. In fact I get. Here's the thing. If it wasn't for semi-glutide I don't think I'd ever lose weight. No because those. It's just just trap. Weight watchers is a trap. So hard. It's a trap. You're like here's 28 points. Ice cream's free. It's like guess what you're going to eat ice cream. But yeah. Like it's free. I forgot about fucking weight watchers. I brought it up. Anyways so I'm on a walk and I'm like looking around. I don't know what the birds in the bees means. That phrase like what is the bird and what is the bee. Is the bee the man or the woman. Is the bird the man or the woman. The bird lays eggs so it has to be the woman. But birds and bees don't get together. The birds and the bees to me and the way that I interpret it is that. Did you actually get a speech with this like with the birds and the bees. I didn't get it. I want to know what's passed down to family. Oh I I Fathers to son. Fathers to son. Well my. You want to know about my. Mother Mother Mother Mother to daughter. My talk was not you know I don't know about the birds and the bees it was like do you know what sex is and I was like you lay naked on a couch. He's like no. You lay an egg and get on the. Lay naked on the couch. I I that's how you had sex and rub your bodies around. Did you see people do that. No. I wonder why you thought that. But Ashley. So what happened was hose water girl and her brother were doing this little thing and a two they're like shimmy shimmy and they were shimmy they're like humping each other but it was like playful for you're just they were. So So mean. Right. Like I I like yeah like whatever and I came up I was under water and I was like what the fuck. And I came up and I said you guys look like you're having sex. Well lo and behold those little fuckers told their mom and so then they told my dad and my dad had to go walk me in the back. I'll never forget it was was awkward to walk me in the backyard. I I he had his arm around him. He's like so what do you know about sex. I'm like oh no. Oh no. That feels like I'm eating in trouble. Yeah. I I no and it was like it was a very kind moment. It wasn't like I was scared or anything but it was just it's just awkward for everyone like so just so you know the thing that's between your legs right you pee with. Oh well now start getting hard and shoving into a vagina. Yeah. You're ready for sex. It's like it's like horrifying. And then all of a sudden they're showing it was a bad idea at eighth grade. I'm like I've never seen my that's all they told us about. They were just like STD sex means you're getting an STD. It's like meanwhile I've never had one in my entire life. But can I admit something or maybe. Yeah. As a gay though were you like secretly. Oh yeah I was ready. You You to see the dick though. Oh yeah. I was like go ahead and show me that pubic hair. Yeah. Like I don't I'll look at anything. Oh even infected ones. I thought you meant in the video. No I'm talking like you go to like puberty class they're like this is gone around like well at least like there's a dick. I still wanted to see the dick. You still want to see. Even the infected ones but I was more excited for like the reenactment videos. And this will change and that will change and this part will grow and this. Like bull. And I'm like yeah I was always like. Then all the girls got tampons and we got. No the girls were taken to a separate area and given tampons. They They told anything about sex. They They just told about periods. And we were like they didn't learn about. I asked them I was like what did you guys. Did you talk about condoms or anything like because we didn't. And they were girls were like no they just gave us tampons. And they like laughed because they already knew everything else because obviously like they'd learned from their mom's or someone just wait till Trump's America they'll be no they will be actually they will like show you how to do sex like we need babies. So So 14 it's required. There could be some things that could be good out of it. Sorry. Because yeah we could be like. We have to repopulate. We have to assist or like we got to pop. Leave. We have to teach the men the other men how to have sex. It's just so then you could train the straight boys and what do you think the Romans did girl. Uh huh. Let's go back to Roman times. Let's make America Roman time. Make America Roman again. Make America Rome. I mean honestly. Like the death house. The The The bath houses were so fun. Honey Honey going to the bath house with the boys. It's like fine honey. You just go and you're like. Yeah you just jerk off all day and you go home and you're like like Because Because another man's seed was. And then the women just go to work and they just do the shit in the kitchen they feed you and then you don't have to fuck them because you're only fucking them for babies other than that you're jerking off with your buds. And as long as you've had a couple sons you're good so you can jerk off with your buds. Keep Keep off with your buds. So that does sound fun now speaking of things like naughty like that I do have something I have have have have have have did we answer it though? Answer what? Birds in the bees. Yeah I know I don't think so. I want my my interpretation of the actual like bird in the bee. Yeah situation is a bee has a stinger. Oh and a bird lays eggs so like if a bird were to fuck a bee. So So a bee stung an egg. If a bee stung an egg. It's kind of like just saying like it's not real. It's not real. It's an awful thing that's why I'm saying. Actually Actually Actually want to like. It should be like the flower in the bee like the bee is the pollinator the male. Sure sure. Brings Brings seed. Remember this and then the flower. That's why I'm like. Yeah this wasn't an English thing. This is America like the birds in the base body is like probably the 60s. It was probably terrible. So it was was when the Brady Bunch time when the the and the bees are active in the spring. That's when all the babies are born like the mammals babies. So maybe like rabbits. So it's like about springtime. Yeah like awakening a newborn. I just think it's a dumb thing because I'm not because I don't know about it because I think it's dumb. Okay. Now I was at a urinal the other day like three or four days ago and there was a guy to my left struggling to get his pants like damn it. I was like you know I'm like like you're not trying to pay too much attention right. But I'm like he's struggling and he wants me to know sorry he's struggling or something like that and I'm like okay cool get your dick out. This is like a moment I felt this just now. Oh Oh god. So in undergrad we would do this game that you've probably done Edward 40 hands. Oh my god. And And And And at least two of my friends needed help getting their fly down so they can pee. And And the one Jordan album. Oh yeah. Oh I Jordan always like got a little like jokie like I can't let you do it right. But then would let me do it right. And then hey turn around you know blah blah look stop looking at my cock while he's standing there like this with this right. And I'm literally like oh my god. I remembered that at that moment so I'm seeing at that urinal I'm like oh fuck. I was like I'm looking person was yeah he was fine. I'm like I'm gonna have to go over there and help him get it out is what I was like I almost offered I almost offer me some help bud. You can set it like straight. We need some help over there. It's so straight with this. You need some help sonny. I like the nails. I do like the nail. Do you like the fall now. I said I need fall so it's like a leaf. Yeah I like it. I really like it a lot. It's not too like it's been really it's like abstract. It's changed for you. This is a simple change. It's a calm. Yeah. When are we gonna keep painting our own chrome in the Trump era. Oh yeah. Good. Now more than ever. Maybe you should paint him. That's what Matt said he's like worried about. He's like I'm worried about putting out the flag. I I like Matt we're putting out the fucking flag. Let them kill us like I don't care. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. I'm having fun. Literally put me in a camp. My mom goes you'd like to go to a gay camp. We kind of would. We We it would be a new day within a day. We'd be like clothing optional. Come swim in the creek. Clothing optional we're all going into the oven tomorrow anyway. So just take those clothes off boys. Get that cock out. I'm just saying we would love it. Like Like deport us. Send me to Aruba. They all put us in California. They're like okay and they're like bye we don't want you in our. That's fine. We generate all the income for the country. Do you understand if we the gay if the gays left all these red states they'd be done. Do you know if anybody votes blue I mean no. But I'm not trying to say that there aren't some Republicans out there but the majority of people who are voting blue are the ones that are running this country. You know that. Like all the red I'm like right so all the cities where all the money is made are in the blue. They don't know what you want to get rid of. Fuck California. I'm like you take California out and you're poor. Yeah because they're the 10th largest economy in the world. So a state in the United States which is a part of that. So okay take them away. Let's see what happens. Such as as as maps. So we're done with that though because we have tons more to cover. I have stuff to cover too bitch. We've been going I have more. Um. I have some embarrassing stuff. Oh I have a question. Yeah. What's a chew die. That is a such a good question because I see it all the time but normally it's the video where I click and it goes to a link like a separate and I hate it so I don't ever click it. I always see like it's always like a random chew die. It's like a big dick like what should we Google it. It's always like something pornish. But I don't know. I I it might be and I always see a banana. But it's not always a it's usually does seem Asian in a way. Okay. What's the deal with chew die. Chew die. Chew die means sex and Hindi. The tags are for reaching Indian users. Oh because it is always that's why I'm saying it seems Asian or Indian maybe Southeast Asia. Oh I thought it meant something else. Well. But what is it. Why do they type it. It means porn or what do you say it meant. Answer like other. It means sex. Chew die means having sex and Hindi. Hindi. And Indiana and Indie. Gary Indiana. Cool. Cool. We We about Hindi sex. I just always thought it was like something like oh he's got a big dick. That's what that means. And I wrote that down. I I like I don't know what a chew die is. A chew die. Chew die. Chew die. Chew die. Chew die. die. die. I I I So do you want to know something shameful I learned recently. Oh no. I finally I felt like so gross actually. So throughout our marriage Matt has always showered after me. Always second. And I always thought it was because he wanted more time to scroll on his phone without me or like I didn't know why he needed a break before he showered. So like if we like went on a walk. We We our day. Or Or And then we eat dinner and then we're like because we're hungry right away so we don't shower first and eat. So we eat. Then I'm like okay are you going to shower and he'll be like you go. And so I always have showered first. And it's weird I try to figure out I'm like I can't figure it out. Well I figured it out a couple of weeks ago. Masterbation. Because I asked him I was like why don't you go shower. I'm still cooking. So while I'm cooking I haven't even eaten yet you're done eating. Why don't you just go shower first. And then he said fine but and I was like what. He showers after me because he wants to be able to rinse the hairs out of the bathtub and the shower. Like I like leave hair apparently. More than one piece I think. I'm not actually a fan. From my chest probably this black. Right you have a very hairy chest. So So one or two of these might land. I don't have any hair on my head so it has to be my body hair. So he doesn't want you to be. It's It's It's It's He doesn't want you to. So but if he's worried if I shower second that like that hair will stick to the wall or the curtain or like wherever I'm in the shower. This is on fucking hands. I was like I looked at him I was like wow. I almost think I felt so I was like hey. Well my nasty black hair. So if you actually actually sound kind of gross when I talk about it but. Well humans are gross. We We really I don't really want hair on. So I'm like fine because I don't really want the hair there either. In a way I I I'm so nasty. It's like great. Great. OK. I'll go shower first every time. I have to shower first now because now I know now I know why I'm like I have to. Fucking interesting. Yeah I'm gross. So wow. That's my fucking life. Now I want to talk about the last time we were together because last time we were together we went to a brewery and. Oh wow yeah. You forgot about all this but this was two weeks ago but guess what. We're going to talk about it. So we were out and about having a day and we were going to a little little say if you will and by the way Tequila really is my new drink. Yeah get a little tip say. So So Paloma. So we found out there's thing called don't tell comedy. Which is so good. And And was like really interesting. So we first of all we were at a brewery that overlooks a climbing wall situation. That That weird. In In In of in the back of a park. In the back of a. Like my driver didn't even know where to go. My My was like so panicked. Are Are in a park. I I like yeah we're in a park. It's over there. You You that big building. So we were looking to keep turning off the lights and turning on. I'm like what's going on. So we look out and we see a scientist don't tell comedy. So I Google it. We're like oh my god it's going to it's in it's in 30 minutes. Let's go. So we buy tickets. We then decide after we were flirting with the straight guy for about a fucking hour. He was so cute. In In a hot way in a hot straight way. And And gave us free koozies. Yeah. Yeah. So we got a six pack and because it's bring your own beer and we went over sat down and wish we had baked goods. I had a big good, by that I mean, I was baked, and he had a big good, literally. It was a brookie or something. That was on my, my edible head, I remember, mid-show, and I was like, You were like falling for like, listen, Jim goes away, he goes to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom, and then all of a sudden I come back and you were like this. The girl was talking to me, and I couldn't really hear, and she was like, I was taking him forever, and I was like, yeah, I know, and I leaned forward, and I like, my whole body started going forward with the chair. And I was standing like, oh, I said, what's going on? And you were just like, oh, he's back, and I played it off like nothing. I'm like, oh, so that happens. We are in this crowd of people that was so fucking awkward, boring. They didn't participate, no one was like, yeah. Like, everybody was like, judging, it was like wrestling bitch face. The comedian asked a question, like no one was answering, you know. And then they'd point at someone, and then maybe someone would be like, oh, I mean, I work for a, and then they were like, we were the only people having fun. I fun. crying laughing. I was crying laughing. The whole fucking thing. You actually said something at the end when you were a little bit tipsy. I do. What did you say? You go, yeah, you said something. No, I was like, tell me how that would go, or something like that. Something weird, and he goes, what? And I'm like, don't get me. It's him. It's him. I don't fucking know. And he laughed it off. And he loved it, and then we talked to him. Then we talked to the comedians. One was a bisexual that is friends with my cousin, which go for her. How, of course. Of course. And it's the same family too. That family is just full of queers, celebrities. That's true. Like there's no people. So anyway, we did that, and I thought it was really fun. That was so fun. And then we went to AWOL, where we decided it was jock night, where we became complete whores. Yeah. By that I mean. No, it was pretty. We were like stripping our, I feel like. Unbuckle our pants. You know what I feel like? I have a memory of one. Can I? We have a. I feel like we got them. I don't know if our dicks were out, but I feel like we were. I had a dream. That's why I thought. That's what I thought that we were standing in a circle. And we were like, we were just. Oh, with underwear on though. Right. Yeah. We were like, sort of. Yeah. It was like, we were kind of like, and then people behind us and I had my ass out like. Yeah. All of a sudden you turned around and I was like, oh yeah, I had the ass out. I just shut off. I was like, oh fuck. So, um, and then we both died the next day. Oh yeah. I had to get it. I. It was bad. Tell us what you did. I had to go get IV therapy. And how did that go? Because honestly. Because I had a massive bruise. Look at it's barely. It's still there. Do you always bruise easily like that? I do bruise easily. I've always been worried about my blood counts. So that's why you couldn't be a heroin junkie. I could never be. Oh, my arm would be black. It'd be like, do you have any heroin man? Hey. Hey. Too bad I love Percocet, which is basically the same thing. Um, you're a drug addict. So I got my IV fluid. You got IV. I got Tordol. I got Pepsid. I got Zofran. These are medications. Zofran, Zofran. It was like, boom. I was like, I feel better. Isn't it? I didn't think it was real. Oh, I felt better. I didn't think it would be real. I was like, it probably won't feel any different. Stop it. I, when I was done, I stood up. I was like. Can you go before the bar? I'm ready to go. Yeah. Like you can do it free. I was like, I'm ready to go eat because I couldn't eat. I couldn't even drink fluids. Stop. This is. I was throwing up water. Do you Do you this is real? Like I Like sip water and throw up. So I'm like, and then afterwards I went and got food after the IV fluids. I felt so much better. Where was this at in Granville? Yeah. In Granville on fifth. So I need to go next time. You can You can I have a membership. How much? Yeah. Okay. We got to talk about your needle usage lately. I mean, speaking of needles like in your face and your arms. In my hole. So I can finally bottom again. Are you getting injections in your hole? Oh, fuck that. fuck of. I'm not doing it. What? I think I'm old, obviously. Yeah, but you're not. You're a newfound bata. Well, I'm hot. Right. I've kind of already lost that vibe. The problem is I lost the vibe because I'm not on vacation. Exactly. So nothing is really great until you're away from your goddamn responsibilities. I have I have I can't I can't Yesterday, yeah. So, Brine asked about that. She was like, so you're not like dating or doing it. I was like, no, I'm not even interested. No, we're in a phase. I'm in a phase where I'm not. I don't care. I'm in I'm in where I don't really care. I go in these waves where I'm like, oh, I'm on a way down here right now. Oh, I'm way down too. But like, yeah, like before the trip and then going to PV was like. What is What Yeah. That's why, yeah. Oh, it's sad. It really is sad. And it was like such a, I really. But I've been in a, yeah, we've been in a crest or what? A crevice. What's the, how does a wave work? There's a crest. There's a. Crisendo. Valley, the valley. But yeah. Or in that bottom pit that nobody wants to go to. That's where we're at. Pit of despair where we don't have any sexual feelings at all. And don't worry. It's not going to get any better because when I work, it's dark. And when I go to work, it's dark and I work in an office with no window. I can't believe you can't even see outside. So I literally, I kind of actually depressed. No, I actually need the light, I think, because I'm not getting any vitamin D. Except for the D. Speaking of. That bottom and the like, I mean, no, I'm not getting any fucking vitamin D. I'm bouncing. Now I do have some other things. I do too. So you just keep moving. Okay. Oh, and we have a voicemail too. I wrote this down. The baseball player I jerked off with was on Accutane. I think we talked about this together. Do you remember this? Yeah. And because we saw somebody in the crowd that were like, like, and there's nothing wrong with being on Accutane. Let's just say this. It's saved a lot of people's lives and skin. I think it's like very dangerous or something. It's very dangerous. My mom used to be on it actually when she was, she had adult acne at 30. And I remember they used to have it like it was like a liquid. No, it's like, I think it's very bad. Like if, especially, like she used to put it on her face, like would like the baby. In a weird way. Well, it looks like we're going to have to. That's the new way. Is that you? Was she on it while you were in her? Did you hear my breath? Yeah. I was like, is this a horror movie? And then I looked at it and I saw them fucking candles. I was like, Satan is in the room. And I thought, I felt a cold chill too. I feel a cool chill. Do you feel a cool chill? It's probably come from here. Right. Oh, a little chilly. So yeah. So I remember that. No, but we can use Accutane as like a birth control. Right. That's when it gets bad in the dark times. Yeah, that's where we're going. But wait, my mom used to be on it and she had like, I remember she had a little bottle and it had like a skull on it. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Like literally it's like terrifying. Like, why is this in her house? Especially with- Like is Acne bad or is that bad? And so, you know though, their faces are usually really swollen red. It's really kind of, it's almost like, it looks like it hurts. It looks like it hurts. Yeah. Period. Now, this I wrote, my inner fat kid moment. Oh. You know how we have- Let's do it. We have, okay. So what is your item that I think I know yours? I think it's a big bowl of ice cream. Okay. But like where you have a moment where you're like, oh, I'm so fat, like I'm so fucking fat right now. Like in a positive or negative way? Like kind of like- No, in a neutral way. Or do you not give a fuck? This was like, I was eating something, I was like, this is my fat kid moment. We know- Romeo stuffed crust pizza. Any type of stuffed crust pizza. Stuffed crust period. Stuffed crust period. Cause you're like, I don't need it cause there's already cheese on the pizza, but like when you get to that crust part and you can dunk it, you can dip it. Yeah, it's better cheese. Like why are they putting that cheese on the fucking- This fucking cheese filling? Yeah. Why is it not on the pizza? It's so much better. Cause I'm dipping it in capone sauce, that spicy sauce. Oh God. Yeah, you just went, oh God. Like sex and sex and so have I ever told you my like, my ex fat move? What? About when I go to the drive-through and I pick up McDonald's for people. Yeah. I'm gonna be like, okay, I'm gonna go to McDonald's. I'll pick up and I would go and I would get, actually at one point I was eating- Do you get your rewards? Oh no. Cause you get the rewards if you apply it. No, I would order, oh, I'm just gonna get a big Mac meal and kind of have a double cheeseburger and I would fucking down the double cheeseburger on the way home. So, fat. Did I tell, I feel like I've talked about this before. I didn't know that. So I used to like go and I'd be like, oh my God, I think I've done this before too. That's why I'm like, I know I've been like- It's a real thing. When I get greedy. And I'm like, I've done it where I'm like, well, they're paying. I've literally done that with like nuggets or something. And nobody knows that you have that extra amount so you can't feel shamed. You're like, fuck it. And then they find the wrapper later and they're like, what's this? Like, I don't know. That's a fucking fat kid moment. I remember like taking it out to the like trash can in the garage to throw it away so they wouldn't see it in the, if I ever brought something home. This is an is an or like what? I would like go in the garage. Do you need an extra spurgert? No. Yeah. And like put it deep in the trash. And throw it over the seat. You don't need to know how much it costs. It's just more expensive now. Wow. I just had a fat kid moment. I had a moment. But what's your most recent fat kid moment? Oh, it's definitely ice cream. Like you'll get a big bowl of ice cream and just sit on the couch and it's like gone. And you're like in bliss. My favorite thing right now. Right. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Actually, here's what I've been really doing. It's really bad. This is probably why I'm not gaining or losing. And I'm sick all the time. I will get vanilla ice cream and I'll load it up. Okay. Put it all, I mean a lot. Bacon, chives, sour cream. No. Vanilla ice cream. Okay. Then I've been buying edible cookie dough and making my own cookie dough ice cream. So of course it's not little chunks. So of course it's a giant fucking chunk of cookie dough. Yep. Each bite is a cookie dough. Not done yet. Then I'm like, well, I need something crunchy. What do I do? I put corn flakes on my ice cream. Guess what? Oh, that's smart. It's so good. Guess what else though? I'm not done. I need peanut butter. So let me scoop a... And sometimes you want to talk about getting greedy. I do like a big giant glop and I'm like, this is more than the ice cream. Like, I mean it's... Then if I'm really feeling spicy, you put a little Hershey's serve on top. This is already over a thousand calories. Like I just can't even... It's like 1500 calories probably. Horrifying. Because if you do like two, three scoops of ice cream... Oh, and I don't fuck around ice cream. And then peanut butter's 220 for two tablespoons. And then cookie dough itself is at least... It's 160. So we have added up. Like we're probably at a thousand plus. I'm like a Ben & Jerry's Supreme. But this is also my... That sounds so good though. But I feel like it's my... My high bar. Like when they allow us to have like high bar, like I need to have a bar that's like for high people, but then you get the ice cream. Like you want the high supreme, whatever. And then they... Wow. Wait, where's that from? I don't know. I just made it out. At like a bar? Yeah. Like pretend like it's a... Like say we... This is a good idea. We open... I'll open up like a weed lounge or something. And then they're like, what do you want? And they got ice cream. The menu has like the ice cream with the corn flakes and all the... It has all these things. And I'm trying to get all the stuff that I do. I like that. Yeah. Because when I'm high... That's smart. I think you're a genius. Yeah. Thank you. And I think it goes when I'm high. Like I'll do gummy worms and popcorn at the same time. That's really a good mix. That is a good... Okay. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Let me just make sure I have some more. Okay. I'm fucking down. I'm down. Oh my God. I have something. Do you know how RB's got its name? RB roast beef. Oh, you already knew this. No, I did. I just said it RB. Bitch. Well, I had to guess something. Well, that was the right answer. Instead of calling it RB, like the letter R, the number. The letter R and the letter B, they spelled it out. I didn't know that though, until you just asked me. I mean, that's your fun fact of the day. That's weird. I know. That's like the arrow in FedEx. It makes you like, you know the arrow. Yeah. No. Do you not know? Say it again. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. I think my edible's really hitting right now. Yeah, I'm trying to help. I'm like, I can't speak English anymore. Like it's pretty much, I'm done. I fucking know. Where's my ice cream? Literally, that's why I just thought. I was like, I kind of want to throw up right now. I can't eat. You can't eat. Okay. The arrow right there in between the E and the X. Yeah, it's always been there. Stop. People do that on purpose. No, that's real. No, it is. Oh, yeah, yeah. Subtle. But you don't realize you're seeing it ever, but then when you know, you know, and you can't unsee it. They're going forward. I see I see the time. They're delivering packages. I cannot fucking believe that. I've never seen that before. Yeah. Isn't that weird? They're coming forward. They're going to take it to there. They're going. They're moving places. And they are. And they are. God bless FedEx, which I prefer UPS. No offense. The men in the brown, like they're, oh my God. Marquis is our hot UPS driver. Penny loves him. We are obsessed with him. I actually snapped a picture of him once. Like that in a creepy way. And I posted on Instagram and like the responses I was getting, people were like, who the fuck is that? Well, you've seen people like, yeah. So UPS all the way. UPS Marquis. Shout out to Marquis. You make a shit ton of money. Yeah. You know, that's a really good. It's a good. And you have pension. And you have a union. Yeah. I know people who they're, oh, he was a UPS driver and they're living rich and like not doing anything. No, it's No, it's Yeah. Oh, for sure. Six figures. I mean, anything. Minimum. Yes. I had an opportunity to work at UPS and I said no. Yeah. Cause once you're in there, you have to start at the bottom. You really have to start. You have to start doing the trucks. And you have to learn if you don't lift correctly, you will never move to the next position. That's true. Isn't that crazy though? They make you go through the whole process. Even if you're like a really smart person, they're like, well, you're going to go ahead and start loading trucks right now. You're going to see what it's like. And do it the right way. Because how are you going to manage somebody and you never done it too? That's the other thing that I would like to make a comment about. Isn't that a good. That's a shout out to all. That's like a great sundry. Is it? Is it? Okay. Now I'm going to help us here. Help us out. Okay. Help us out Jack. I'm going to say. Oh, this was, I had to say, this is a little aside and then we got to get to a meaty topic, but I love a meaty talk. Did you know that man, which is just the sauce? Do you know what man, which is? Yeah. So it's like a sloppy Joe. Yeah. So you just put it on the ground. I thought it was a full can of sloppy Joe and you could pour it and it's like a sandwich. You put right on the bottom. So did I. It's only a sauce. You have to add meat to man, which because Matt bought man, which and I was like, oh, you could make sloppy Josie. Like I don't have any ground. And I'm like, what are you talking about? You have a can right here. He's like, no, he's like, it's just a sauce. I was like, what? Wow. I mean, cause I know I will say this actually brings up our color. Her mom used to make the best sloppy Joe's. Do you want to listen to the voice mail? Yeah. Are we too late for it? Or is it? No, no. We're going to give them what they want. The people miss us. They miss us so much. Oh, shout out to the people that write me on Instagram and tell me that they enjoy things. Like I put out an episode last week of the founding fathers and I did a whole AI situation. You probably have not even heard it or thought about it. No. But it is a entire like it's I pretended like the founding fathers were writing letters back to the current people. And it's like, when I started this, oh, you should listen. It's so good. I love it. So somebody wrote me though. That's so funny. And he was like, I really appreciate that. I was like, oh my God, I was like throwing a fucking dart in the dart in the dark. Is that what they say? Yeah. I don't know. Chuda. It was a shot in the dark. Chuda. I was like, I was being creative. I was trying to be respectful. I was trying to be like just like factual and cause I was talking about democracy. And I was like, it was actually really good because I gave AI some of their old speeches. So I goes to Thomas Jefferson. I gave you. And I said, okay, now that you know his style, I want you to act as Thomas Jefferson in the future, writing us, telling us like as if he's been watching us. Like God. Anyway, back to sloppy joes. Hold on. I gotta get this Google voice up, honey. This is. It's really bad. So we started a little, no, I just need a snack. I think I'm shaking. We're almost done. Now you're good. Hey, Bobby and Jim is back in. So I'm feeling a little nostalgia with a not so happy birthday coming up in a couple weeks. I was around, you know, some Queens a couple of weekends ago and I was trying to explain to them how like our generation invented texting because we did. Okay. We did. And saying, you know, how the pager, the numbers, you know, corresponded. Oh, Diane, I know you used to be obsessed with your pager. They were, you know, trying to text you or page you. You have codes. Also to like music, right? It was cassette tape. And then it was cassette tape that you can record music. Oh, right. So your camera's on over there. You can record it, record on it. Then it was CD. Oh yeah. I loved burning CDs and limo air and all that. And you know, pop it and get caught. Then it was Napster. Napster girl. You're really, we're going down nostalgia route. I was I seventh day. And I love kids. Like they haven't so easy. Like all the things that we had to go through. Like, what's wrong with them? I just want to talk about all things nostalgia from, you know, girl, grown up. Hope to have a good day. Love you. Bye. I like that. I did too. Because actually it's, I don't think we've ever really, we do talk about the past, but like nostalgia, nostalgic stuff kind of like, so I remember people with pagers. I wasn't allowed to have a pager of shock. And so I remember though, Diane specifically would, they would text each other through the pager. So everything was like code. So like one, two, one, or one, three, four, one, three, or wait, one, four, three, one, four, three was like, I love you. I almost heard like a whistling sound. Right now it's not good. We've got to get through this. It's not good. You're like, I want a snack. I'm not going to make it. Click, click, click, click. It's fine. One, two, three, one, four, wait, one, four, three. I love you. That was like the code. Oh yeah. I like that. That's how texting I feel like started T nine. I feel like I need to wet my whistle. So literally that's how I feel. I'm like girl, girl, that drive mouth girl, little girl. So yeah, nostalgia. And honestly, I didn't think about it, but the kids do have it fucking. Easy. They don't do anything. I know you. We had to wait by the radio. Do you know to make a playlist would take me 20 minutes because I had to take all the MP3s, put them in order and then you have to like play them because I didn't title them. So I was like, what one is this? Oh, that's, I want that number four. And then I'm like, let me write that. Oh, you have to type the title in after you moved the file. It was a mess. And then you like had to connect your iPod by cord. It's not nothing was cloud. There was no cloud. Yeah. There's no like not really. No, no Bluetooth. So then you're connecting. Plug it into the kit. So embarrassing and waiting for them to load over. I remember taking your CD player. I had a CD player in my car that was a tape player. Yeah, yeah. You put the tape in to play the CD. I don't fucking know. The fuck is that? I know that was the weirdest thing to me. I was like, so we just so it just transferred to the CD player. And remember it had to have like the bounce protector. Oh yeah. It was like because you're in a car and skip protection and never skip. My dad was like, I got the five minute skip protection for like for Christmas one year. It was like a big deal. So they had better skip protection. They better have it. Oh my God. You don't skip protection. That's but that's like, wow. How times it and now they're literally just on their spot of my music. You just type it in. There's the song at three. Three. You can have a I make you a playlist in zero seconds. Make music with AI. You just did. Yeah. I mean, it's not always the best crickets. Slutty little mouth. Yeah. So nostalgia. No, I mean, yeah. I think we covered it. Like listen, listen, I have some kids these days going to get it together. No, it's true. They have no Riz. What is that? I don't know. I think it's a word or riff. Okay. Right riff. Okay. It's a word the kids are saying. Here's a little thing I wrote about something I've been trying to watch season three of because I just forgot to watch it when it came out, the bear. I said, like, is all of this just trauma porn jerk off suicide season three starts with like regrets and a funeral. It's actually not that great. I feel like, yeah, your brother committed suicide. We learned that in season one. Why in season three are we like watching him like bent over? I can't get into it. He's like, He's know because it's not great. Do you feel like, which is fine if that's the goal, but it's not for me. Do you feel like there's like, so I'm thinking about stuff, right? Hammington Hill. It's coming back. All right. All these things. They're very dramatic and tragic. Yeah. But yet they're what wins awards and what people want to see. So again, I question our society really like, okay, so is this what we're addicted to? We're addicted to trauma. We are. Oh my God, we are. We're obsessed. We always, and then you think about 9-11. That's why people love it. They jerk off to it. They're like 9-11. Did you see the documentary? Do you remember that day? Where were you? Remember how it felt? Now we need to go to war to prevent this from happening. It's like, oh, God damn it. You really went the wrong direction after 9-11. But yeah, we're addicted to the trauma. People love it. People love trauma. And as you grow up, people can't give it up. So they repeat the same cycle. They can't give up their trauma. That's what we're trying to do. So do. what's happening in the show for you. It's like we're doing the same thing over and over because that's all we know. I'm like, they're just watching. Trauma. Trauma. Trauma. I'm watching the bear. I'm like, what's the next trauma? They're going to yell at each other and then they're going to yell at each other. Then he gets mad. Then they bring up this topic. Then they bring up that. Then they fight again. Right. So I'm watching the bear and I'm like, I mean, I get it, but it's ideal with this in the regular world. It gets played out. Yeah. But the thing is, is that we still watch because again, we're doing the same thing. We're addicted to the trauma. Which, yeah, you need to watch that movie I told you about. Okay. My old ass. Okay. It has Aubrey Plaza in it. Oh, I would like that. Oh my God. She, oh my God. I cried a little. Oh, I need to see it. Okay. My old ass. It's like one of those coming of age movies. But like it's also. Oh no. As an older per, like can I just tell you the premise? Okay. So there's a Gen Z girl that's about to leave for college in like three weeks or whatever. Yeah. And she takes a lot of mushrooms. Okay. And she trips herself into then sitting next to her 39 year old self who's Aubrey Plaza. Oh, wow. So then they're talking and they're like, you know, it's just interesting hearing the, and then she was like 39 and the younger girl was like, God, you're middle age ass, like you old ass bitch. My old ass. So it's sort of like cheesy in a sense that like, you know, but it's like a cool way to look at your old self and the way that Aubrey Plaza was playing it. Like, oh, you might not want to do that or don't do this. Don't do that or do this. It like takes the fun away from life. Whereas life is supposed to be kind of fucked up. Yeah. In order to keep it. Yeah. It's like you have to. Are they mistakes or are they lessons? I honestly, I, as I get older, I'm like, everything's a lesson now. Right. That's why That's really taking this election differently this time. Yeah. It's a lesson. I mean, I guess it's been eight years. Oh my God, I just had a full blackout. I cannot wait to watch that on video. I just go. I just pulled a Joe Biden and that was another episode. I was like, he's done. I literally was like a Joe by and we saved Medicare. We finally saved Medicare. We finally saved the last thing about that. Can we talk about the fact that the affordable care is the same thing as Obama care, but people don't realize that. They want the affordable care. They want affordable care. We want that affordable care. That gave me Medicaid. But fuck Obama care. Fuck Obama. Okay. It's like, but that is Obama care. You just made up Obama care because you're a psychopath. They called it Obama care to try to make it sound bad. Then there was this something I mean, it was crazy. But anyway, anyway, I'm going to spoke Mandarin. Mandarin, yes. Shit Mandarin. Oh, no, honey. She is on. You know, we're seeing Trisha. Journey. We're seeing Trixie and Katya this weekend. Speaking of, what is this going to be like? Like, I don't know what it is. Podcasts. Okay. Oh, okay. We're going to sit down and just talk. Oh, I love it. It's going to be great. I'm ready to hear people talk. We're ready to hear them talking. Oh, they're going to be so witty. It's like, yeah, yeah, they will be. Oh, that'll be good. It'll be funny. I want to be really high. So I didn't like surprise surprise. Tipsy. Tipsy. Um, sundries. Fuck it. Fuck it. Sundries. You illegal start packing your bags now because you're the fuck out of this country. Well, my sundry is to piggyback off something Caleb here and posted about restaurants need to bring back regular menus like be like no more QR menus, which I'm fully in favor of. Get rid of this fucking shit. I'm tired of getting my phone out. I'm tired of staring at it. But going off that, I also want any type of outdoor restaurant that stays open in the fall to have blankets available because I went to the little tins and they had blankets that they have like gave you so you could sit there with it over your legs wrapped around and you're staying warm because you know, it's like 60 degrees and it's like a little cold, but not a lot. A little chill near. So I want blankets everywhere. I know they haven't met Chento too. Chento. Have you been there? It's like that Italian place. It's basically just I have never been. Oh, it's in German village. It's a camera Mitchell. So it's, you know, you know what to expect. So it's the same sauces and yeah. Yeah. A lot of butter now. So aha. So that's my sundry blankets. I want more blankets everywhere. You just want blankets everywhere. Honestly, everywhere. If I'm cold, I want to be able to be like, that's why we have our blankies. We have our puss blanks, which are pusses are smaller now. My puss is so small now. Yeah. I'm like, no, I that picture. I was like, I thought, and I was skinny. When you were in the chair, by the way, I was skinny. I remember that was a skinny point, like a 15 pound down, you know, when you were see sign. It's crazy. It's kind of crazy. You're skinny. I'm skinny. My sundry, this is going to actually come as a surprise, but sometimes, and I guess parents will relate to this, but my sundries dogs. I love them. Right. I love my girls. They're my girls, but they're kind of a pain in the dick sometimes. And so an example would be we went down to Cincinnati for a football game. My cousin, coaches for whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just one night. One night, but puppy camp can't handle it. They can't do it. What? Yeah. They were booked. We can do our luxury one. I'm like, no. And also how much money have I spent here that you can't just like fit in? And what's luxury? Oh, there's a camera on them and they have an indoor pod. It's like, they don't need that. No, they don't care if you're watching. Look at Pam. She shits her kennel. I mean, it's fine. But like it was so annoying that we went there and then just for that, we had to go come home for the dogs. Right. And it's like, we wanted to stay the night. Like we wanted to do a night in night in that's why you drove back. I wondered why you were like, it's been a long day. I've been up since six. I was like, what? Yeah, we drove down. We woke up at six and then we left here at seven. We got there around like eight, 30 or nine. We walked around. Yeah. Oh my God. I didn't realize that. I was like, was yeah. So yeah, dogs are a lot more work than people. So like it's yeah, like I want you to, I just want to say that it would be so much easier if you didn't have dogs or if they could just be like a little more self sufficient like cats where you can leave a cat alone for two days. Like I honestly wish our dogs could like open the back door and go potty. Dog door. I think we need it. But not in this neighborhood. Yeah, wouldn't do that here. I don't wouldn't do that here. Maybe at my well, maybe I wouldn't do it at your house either. No offense because of the rats. And I'm going to put it out there too because let me just say something. Our girl Charlie XCX has seven fucking God damn nominations. That's amazing for the Grammys. But it's really interesting. She posted something like two days ago and it's her in a video that she made, I think for her fans, but it was like a story. And in the story, it was two years ago. She said, you know, it would be really interesting. She's like, if I won an award or actually if I just got nominated for like one of these awards, it would just like, I think it'd be really cool. But what? So she's like spoken to this since that's why I'm saying all of our, uh, we love the brand, everyone. We love everything. Sign us. Cause we got to get out of here. Yeah. Bad. Like I'm, it's time. Like I'm tired of my job. I'm tired of the same old shit. It's just like, okay. That's why I played Powerball last week. I was like, why am I wasting $20 on Powerball two days in a row? All I need to do is hit once a month. And then I was like, I just spent $40 in a week on lottery tickets that I know I will not win. But you never know you won $29 million. One in 29 million. It's like, do you know that's how kind of something is so terrible. Why am I doing that? When I'm having a panic attack about something that could ale me or kill me, I think to myself, well, that's actually like, the odds are not that'd be like me being scared about winning the lottery. Like, right? Not girl. Your odds are so low. Literally, it's so low that like you actually have to consider yourself lucky in a way. Like, right. I mean, seriously, like some diseases, like, oh my God, like you dodged the bullet. We dodge bullets every day. Oh yeah. Just not getting the fucking ball. L.S. or something, which I hope I don't get. I'm worried I've had some weird movements in my finger here, like where it goes. Like, oh, mine does that. It's called it's called mouse finger girl. Okay. It's because we're constantly on our. My mind falls asleep. I'm glad you talked to you because I was like, what if I get a L.S. Like that's the Lou Gehrig's. Like I was like, I'll be dead. No, I can't. Stop. I can't talk about it. I can't breathe. So I would be like, if I see this, I'm just saying if I die, you'll know. Yeah. Sometimes it does it. Like it'll go. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. It kind of moves like. It's not a L.S. I'll tell you that it's mouse finger. I look up for circulations. I know I hear you. Oh, great. Now you're I'm going to push you. I told I the word. Jesus fucking Christ. Now take me to the hospital. Now I'm going to have to push you around in a fucking wheelchair. I'll be like, is his generator still on? Like, no, you won't even be able to do that, bro. No, I can. It's slowly. Yeah. No, you're going to be worse and worse. Oh, you're going to push me around when I have like a trach. Because they get they have to have a machine breathe for the mess. We are absolutely making like Stephen Hawkins. And I can only communicate with like your eye twitches or like, oh, yeah. What did Stephen Hawkins use? Like a computer that was connected to something. Oh, yeah. Remember him? He was like, you're like, he's like, oh, he's married. And he's like, do you remember his bottom teeth? Like, listen, no offense to him, but those bottom teeth. Those are bulldogs. Shave those down. Shave them down. French bulldog teeth. Put some Put in. Like, I can't like, I know you can't move your whole entire body, but bitch, if your your main event's going to be your face, we got to get rid of those bulldog yellow teeth on the bottom. I've never heard someone like critique Stephen Hawkins face. Yeah, like, we are going to get like it needs critique to be a smile, but you're ugly as fuck. And I don't think the glasses glasses needed an update. The ALS is it's not what's making you ugly. The bossy square 1980s computer glasses. Like the Bill Gates Microsoft. It was just a lip. You got it's just the mouth for me. If you really can just go like, and you watched the family guy clips of Stephen Hawkins. Well, hold on. Yeah, I got to. Stephen, that's how well on the show is with. Yeah, they should have been like, I have to look at you. He's not chewing with those. And I don't know. Is that did he eat? No, did he eating to I mean, this was him. I just it's just it's hard to remember. Like, I'm literally like, I felt, I think I was afraid as a kid a little bit. So I was like, is this he never had good teeth though. Well, he's British, of course. I mean, honey, really bad. Wait, is there pictures of him before he had. Just some idiots drinking across the field. You are all working at my penis. You didn't plan on it. It's happening. In a fascinating new discovery, the first directly observable instance of a black hole, which appears to be located just outside our solar system. Trisha Takanawa has the story. Tom, I'm standing here with Stephen Hawking, the first white man I've ever met. Who knows math better than me. Mr. Hawking, what does the discovery of this black hole mean to you and your research? I am overjoyed. This is the growing achievement of my career. It validates the work of my lifetime. It certainly does. Do you, Tom? All right, we're clear. I'm telling you, man, this stick is getting so old that chairs. Hey, Steve, surfs up. All right, see you, bitch. Oh, can you imagine? If she wants a little boon, that's all I talk about. I talk I I talk I I talk I I talk about. So why would you be a good candidate on the back of the red? I would be perfect for your soul because I know how the doctor needed a lady. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That feels so good. Spilling my mouth. Brian, I am glad you could come to my. This is so unant. Let me introduce my wife, Helen. Oh, it's easier for God to put out that she's a graduate. Helen, don't start with me in front of our guests. Do you think I like hitting you? I am sorry you had to see that. All right. Well, this has been another episode of Not Well. Make sure again, you join my Etsy page and buy some shit for me, especially in Columbus, I have some really good pictures up there and call us 647215336. We still haven't heard from Thatcher, so I'm assuming the worst. Anything else for you? We're good. No, we're closing out. Girl, close it. Good night. Goodbye. Farewell. They got their fucking money's worth this week.