What if, as mothers, we genuinely invested time in creating something uniquely ours? Welcome, fellow moms! I'm your host, Emily, ready to walk alongside you as we uncover the value of expressing our interests and passions, beyond the incredible work of raising our children. Today, we're peeling back the layers on the fourth pillar of Shift - creating. Whether it's a hobby, a job, a side gig, or an outlet, we're awakening the creator within us, on a journey to purpose and fulfillment.
interested in SHIFT? Want a free call with EMYLEE? Grab a spot for a free call here
Find more information and Free resources HERE:
https://hernextstep.limitlessfemalecoaching.com/landing-page-her-next-step
Have a question about the program or something you want answered on the podcast? Come chat with me on instagram!
@Limitlessfemale
What if, as mothers, we genuinely invested time in creating something uniquely ours? Welcome, fellow moms! I'm your host, Emily, ready to walk alongside you as we uncover the value of expressing our interests and passions, beyond the incredible work of raising our children. Today, we're peeling back the layers on the fourth pillar of Shift - creating. Whether it's a hobby, a job, a side gig, or an outlet, we're awakening the creator within us, on a journey to purpose and fulfillment.
interested in SHIFT? Want a free call with EMYLEE? Grab a spot for a free call here
Find more information and Free resources HERE:
https://hernextstep.limitlessfemalecoaching.com/landing-page-her-next-step
Have a question about the program or something you want answered on the podcast? Come chat with me on instagram!
@Limitlessfemale
Hi, I'm Emily with the Limitless Female podcast. You are listening to episode 114, the Four Pillars of Shift, part 4, creating Woman welcome. If you're a mama who is feeling all the feels of motherhood the ups and downs of hormones and maybe even depression then you are in the right place. Limitless Female is your confident inner voice, helping you master your mood and create the epic life that calls you. My goal is to show you just how enough you are, so you can show up limitless in your own life. Let's get started. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, my favorite men, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm really excited to talk with you guys after the 4th of July. How was your vacation, you guys? I think we should start saying holiday, don't you think I feel like that's so much cuter. How was your holiday? Did you love it? We went to Colorado, so it was definitely much better weather, although I was so sick with altitude sickness like the whole trip dizzy, kind of felt like vertigo, but other than that, honestly, it was still such a fun trip. It was just so nice to get out of the heat. It has been like 104 with like 80% humidity here in Texas and while we still know how to have fun, we don't have a pool yet, so we're working on that one. I literally have a pool layout taped in my office motivating me to just keep trucking along. I love work. It doesn't feel like work, but it's like. My goal right now is I want to buy a pool for our family. So that's what's going on for me. How was your guys' trip? How was your guys' time at home? Did you guys do a staycation? Would you guys do special with your families for 4th of July? Because I don't hear a lot of like unique traditions, so if you have one, you guys should totally like leave it in the comments of the podcast.
Speaker 1:Speaking of comments, it's really a review. You guys can always just leave me a little note. But speaking of reviews, I'm going to read this one to you guys. It's actually from a previous client that she left in the review. She said I just had a major, successful confrontation solved with the tips you taught me. It was very nice to have those skills. I'm so grateful. Awesome, that was from Heather. I'm so grateful to have her as a client.
Speaker 1:You guys, and if you guys want to leave a review, it is a free way that you guys can support the podcast and also a way that you guys can help these cool tools, this awesome information, get out there to all the women of the world. You know those mamas that you hear walking around that are so overwhelmed or so frustrated with someone in their lives, or just feel completely stuck and you're like man, I wish they knew these tools, but I can't just go coach them. Oh my gosh, leaving review does that? Not only can you guys send them the podcast, but if that's too forward, you can just leave review, and the podcast apps will actually prompt those people to look at the podcast. So cool, right. There's also a new app that I'm on, called Cherry Picker, I think, or Picker app, and it will actually let you take a segment of a podcast and share it with somebody instead of like the entire podcast. So that's also a really neat way to share. But I would so appreciate. So, if you have a second, make sure you guys are following the podcast, for when I release ones that are not on the schedule which I actually have a few coming up in the next couple of weeks and leave review, because it's a free way to help. We love helping, right.
Speaker 1:But today I'm really excited to talk to you guys about the fourth pillar of shift. Shift is my group membership program where I work with you for an entire year, sometimes longer, and I help you overcome all these challenges of motherhood that seem to make your depression worse and it seemed to make it really hard for you guys to stay on top of your mood and to not react from your mood and not yell. This is the program, and it is the most amazing mental health program out there. I've never seen a program like this that is so comprehensive and so life changing so quickly, and so this program is created on four pillars. So the first three were confidence, connection like relationships, and coping or beyond coping. This one is probably one of my favorites, although I say that every single week, but this one is creating, and I think it's one that we put on the back burner.
Speaker 1:As mothers, we are so focused on creating our children's worlds right In the world, in our home, in the culture in our home, that we often forget to create our own world, to create from our own imagination, to design something new in our lives, to build something from scratch. That's not a baby, okay, and it is just as important as motherhood. I know when I say that it gets people kind of ruffled sometimes. Motherhood is the most important thing we will ever do. I believe that's true. Except, I believe we are the best mothers when we are also being the best version of ourselves, which means creating something.
Speaker 1:Now, creating can come in a few forms. It can come as a hobby, it can come as a job, like a JLB. It can come as a side gig, it can come as an outlet to something you do. I guess that's a hobby, right? But let me talk to you guys about a few jobs that I've had, because when I had a job, I usually didn't have kids Actually, I had kids for most of them, but there were a few things and I didn't have kids and let me talk to you about the difference in these jobs and the different ways I thought about creating or contributing to the world. So my first major job was working at Wells Fargo and I was a bank teller and I really liked it because I had to use my brain, I had to learn a new skill and I also really liked being good at sales. It wasn't because I wanted to trick people, but I really liked the way that Wells Fargo talked about sales as solutions. I really liked being able to influence Wells Fargo to hire me.
Speaker 1:My dad is such an amazing interviewer like interview we when he gets interviewed. He knows how to sell himself and I think there's a podcast where I talk about selling yourself but he knows how to do that. He knows how to sell yourself, which is what we're always doing. So I was selling an idea to our kids or to ourselves or to our spouse when we want to do something. So I loved the idea of selling myself to Wells Fargo and using their specific words.
Speaker 1:So, instead of saying the word sales, I had already gone to their website before my interview and I saw that they called sales solutions. So in my interview there was like 30 people it was a group interview. It was the on-campus bank location, which was awesome Because then you're already at school and it's super busy and you can make commission and I was the only person there that was using the word solutions because I already knew that's what they called them. So when they asked us about how do you think you would make sales, and I said well, first of all, we're not selling anything. We're providing solutions for our customers. So I just want to tell them where they're at now and what results they can get. Solutions, right, I'm not selling them anything, I'm trading something. I'm trading whatever they're going to give me for a solution. So I loved selling myself in that interview and then I loved providing solutions for my customers and especially you guys. The main one that I sold all the time was a free one.
Speaker 1:It was getting people to sign up for overdraft something or other. Did you guys have that on your card? I know people aren't a big fan of Wells Fargo anymore, but just for the podcast's sake I worked at Wells Fargo. So overdraft protection is when you go over in your spending and instead of your credit card, which catches the balance, getting charged like crazy amounts of money for interest and things like that, it just catches the balance and that's pretty much it, and there's no fee you to sign up for it, and so I love providing that solution for people coming to the bank because, as students, one thing that they did not do was keep a ledger.
Speaker 1:Most students are not really. They weren't really well-versed in budgeting and back then we didn't have smartphones the iPod had just come out man, I sound really old and so people were keeping track of their money with ledgers, but students were not. And the other thing was that the buildings on campus would charge your card but it wouldn't show up on your card and on your bank statement or on your bank website until about a week later, even though the money was going to come out. So students would think that they had the money in their account, but really it just hadn't been pulled out from the school buildings. And the last thing that made it a problem was that students were living paycheck to paycheck, whereas me and you we might have money in the bank, but as a student it was like I was going to the grocery store and I knew I had $30 in the groceries. That's it Like that's all.
Speaker 1:So when people came into the bank, it was really easy for me to sell this product of overdraft protection because it provided a real solution to a problem I knew they were going to have in the future. Sometimes it wasn't even a problem they currently had, and I didn't need to sell it because I knew it was such a great trade of value. They literally signed their name and I get to give them overdraft protection so that they don't go into debt. It was I mean, it was like asking for $1 and then me giving them $50. It was just the easiest thing to sell. Ok, you guys then flash forward. I worked at Dexy.
Speaker 1:So Dexy was actually a company that a friend of mine had pitched to me and it was an app she was building. And this friend, chrissy I still keep telling you guys I have to have her on the podcast. She is so amazing she's doing. Now she's down in Belize and she's opening up like a jungle resort. So every time I talk to you guys about her on the podcast, she is doing a new business venture. All of them have been successful. So, of course, when she told me about this app called Dexy, I was like, yes, take me with you, I'm coming. Like, whatever you need, what money, I'll put in, whatever I'm in, because she's so brilliant and committed.
Speaker 1:And as we went along in Dexy, it was really fun. I was reading so many books about the top 100 apps and I was learning to use all these different things, like make a mock up of an app and just all kinds of different things I'd never tried before and I was happy to do it. But as soon as we hired a CFO or no, it was a C, whoever actually builds the app. When we hired him, he was working 40 hours a week, where Chrissy and I, as mothers, we were squeezing in work hours here and there. So he would text us and I was constantly stepping away from my kids I still had little ones in preschool and I started to get really, really overwhelmed and I also realized that the only thing I brought to the company was my hustle and dedication and, of course, you guys that's just a thought.
Speaker 1:Like I'm intelligent, I can learn things, but it wasn't in my wheelhouse. They weren't skills I had already procured, which is fine, it's great to learn new things but I didn't have anything that I already brought into it. I'm good at sales, but I weren't selling anything yet. I didn't know anything about apps, so there wasn't a lot of fulfillment there. Okay, and there's a couple of things I learned about myself from doing the Dexie app was that I like to influence people, I like to have an effect on people, I like to connect with people, I like to work with people on a daily basis. And, third, I am vulnerable. I want my job to be something where I get to be vulnerable and it affects people greatly. Okay, and I also was keenly aware that there was no business I could keep and stay working on unless it was making money, because it just wasn't sustainable for me as a mom to just give away all my time for free to do those things influence people for good. So there's Dexie. I handed Dexie all over to Chrissy. She's doing amazing things with it and I wasn't working anymore.
Speaker 1:I had a successful photography business. I took pictures of families and all kinds of things and I loved the part where I got to kind of boss around people at weddings because not boss around and say that in a funny way, but like I love connecting with people, I love being silly. I like just ignoring the grumpy grandpa in the corner and smiling at the little girl in the front and kind of just being the authority in the room, being confident, not worrying what anybody's thinking and knowing that I know what I'm doing. I loved that part of photography but I didn't love. I felt like I stopped progressing and I was so busy with editing and all the clients that I couldn't really learn to be a better photographer and I really just knew I wasn't ever gonna scale that business. I just I wasn't interested in doing it and then I taught aerobics. I taught fitness classes, kickboxing, power pump and when I was cycling later on I was like maybe I should be a cycle instructor, but it did not intrigue me to cycle and get paid like 30 bucks a class or 20 bucks a class and maybe that sounds like you know I'm spoiled, but I didn't wanna trade dollars for hours and that's something I already knew was really important to me that as a mom, I could not trade dollars for hours.
Speaker 1:Okay, so this brings me to my main point here Is that when you are contributing, when you are putting something out in the world, if you're creating something and you wanna make money doing it, you are not taking people's money. It is a trade for value, right? You're providing value and the goal is that you'd provide value that is more than what they are paying you. Like you're over delivering. Like when I worked at the bank, it was so easy to sell overdraft protection because I knew that they were giving no money and I was giving them something really huge and awesome and that would protect them for this future problem that might arrive. Does that make sense? So the first way that we start to switch our mind as a trade for value instead of a trade for money. Is we stop trading dollars for hours? Okay, because when you do that, you think that your hours are what's worth money instead of what value you're providing.
Speaker 1:And if you guys notice, like with AI and all these things, you might not even be aware of the value you create for people in your life with minimal time. I see this all the time Women who have an amazing skill that they could create a business out of, or do for charity, or do for free, or share with the world, or teach people, or go on YouTube and teach people whatever you wanna do with it. They have a tremendous value but they don't realize it because it comes so easily to them they don't spend a lot of hours doing it. Perfect example I was hanging out with my nephew at our family reunion and I was trying to think of a topic where we could start to relate and I said, hey, are you very familiar with AI? And he's like, what? Yes, I'm obsessed with AI and I'm terrified of it. I'm like, really, and he's legit, you guys terrified of it, probably because he understands it way more than I do. But I was like hey, come over, show me how I can implement in my business. Come over here, it was so fun chatting with him and I told him dude, you could make so much money doing this. And he's like no, it's like no big deal, it took me five minutes. I mean, I did it in AI and I'm like it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter how many hours it took you to do it, it matters the value you're creating for other people who don't wanna learn AI. Right, it's a trade for value. So I just wanna start there with talking about the difference between dollars for hours and dollars for value.
Speaker 1:And when you recognize that you don't feel bad for asking people for money because you're not asking them for money. You're trading something. You're trading your solution, your results, for their money. And guess what? They would rather have your results than their money. What do you guys think? Is there anything in your world that you would rather have than money? I can think about a thousand things, like I'd rather have my computer than money. I know that because I gave money for my computer. Some things I love to pay for are like electricity. I would rather have electricity than the money it costs for electricity any day, right, running water, flushable toilets, flights, being able to fly somewhere, a running car, like there's so many things I'd rather have than my money, like gas oh my gosh, gas is amazing.
Speaker 1:Have you guys ever been in a situation where the gas stations are all closed? They have the bags on every single kind of gas lane and you can't get any, and the lines down the street. We had a hurricane in Houston. All the gas stations are closed down. There was no water on the shelves, everything was gone, and I guarantee you people would have paid even more money for those things that they were available, because that value was worth way more than the money they were going to pay for it, right? A life-saving bottle of water is worth way more than $5. So it's really important to think about the value you're providing, not the time it takes you, because if you're really good at it or you found a shortcut at it, it doesn't mean you charge less if the value is there, yeah.
Speaker 1:So now let's talk about when you put value in the world. It doesn't have to be in exchange for money, but the purpose of putting value into the world is putting something new that's never been there before, right? Or that you've never done before, something creative, something exciting, something that you've never had. It's creating something from scratch that's from your brain. And when you provide value, you guys, it's so much more fun to show up. So if you're trying to figure out a way to show up as a mom in a different capacity, to show up as a woman, not just as a mom, and you want it to be fun you don't want to just go get a job at the bank find something where you feel like you provide real value, not just time. It might not fulfill you just to go get a job in Google, but it might not. But when you find that you're providing value, it will be fun. And here's a really easy way to provide value for less time Find something that's in your wheelhouse, something you already have the skills for and the skills to learn further.
Speaker 1:So when I was working on the Dexie app, I did not have those skills in my wheelhouse. I was willing to work for it. I knew I could eventually learn it, but it wasn't fulfilling to me because I didn't, it wasn't in my wheelhouse, it wasn't something that my skills already leaned into. It was like completely opposite. So it wasn't as fun. If you want something to be fun, then you need to be at least be in your wheelhouse and then you will actually create value so much easier.
Speaker 1:And, like I said, providing value doesn't always mean you'll get money back, because you can get all kinds of things back, right, and it's an exchange for something. So when I think about my podcast, I do this for free. I show up on the podcast, I teach you guys tools, I teach you guys different principles and ways to apply the model and I help you guys understand your brain, and I do this to help you get results ahead of time. But I don't get paid for. In fact, it costs me money to produce the podcast. But the exchange of value is that I get to help people, which is awesome, and that I get to bring people into my little world, my sphere, right, you guys find out about me, you get to know me and that benefits my business, which is important because I can't keep helping people unless I have a surviving, thriving business.
Speaker 1:So money is not a dirty word. Money is, number one, a measure of the growth of what you're doing. Sometimes, right, there's lots of ways we can measure our growth, but money is one of those. And number two money allows us to keep doing the thing. If you love helping people, you need money to keep doing it. Right, whether that comes from those people or from a charity or from donations, you need money. You need something to sustain you to keep doing it. Or if you're helping people, you need time to help people. So, whether that's hiring someone to babysit or hiring someone to cook, then you've gotten yourself more time right. You've exchanged money for time. Now you have time to go help people. So there's always this exchange happening back and forth. So change your mindset about money being something bad to talk about. It is a great measuring thing. It is a trade of value. And find a wheelhouse, find your skills, lean into what you already know how to do so that it's fun to create. Now let's talk about why creating matters when it comes to our mood, because that's what this podcast is about.
Speaker 1:Because the present is the most joy-filled moment In the present. Our brain does not fear, our brain does not worry about the present and it never regrets the present. Our brain is so well-equipped at solving the current problem, like right now, as I'm speaking to you, my brain is offering me words, whereas, as I've thought about this topic and this podcast. Over the last week, words weren't popping in my head Fear, worry, confusion, uncertainty, like I don't know. Will it be good? Should I talk about this? That's what my brain offers me, and it does that because I don't have all the variables. I'm not sitting down with it written in front of me and the time we're moving, ready to offer each word. So my brain, in the present, it provides me solutions. That's literally. It Just solutions, solutions.
Speaker 1:If you've ever been really scared, I want you guys to think back to that moment and realize you weren't scared about that exact moment. You were scared about the next moment, or five minutes from them, or an hour from then, what could happen? But that moment you knew that exact moment you were OK. We also don't regret the present. We make choices currently with the information we have, which is why, when my clients struggle with the past, I always tell them to give their past selves more credit. Go back and ask yourself but why did I make that decision in the past? What information did I have when I made that decision? Because she had great reasons for making that decision. So yourself, in the present, she never regrets. She just chooses. She makes solutions.
Speaker 1:Your brain is meant to live in the present is the happiest place that it can be. Now, the thing that keeps us the most present, you guys, is creating. That is where fulfillment comes from. I have a podcast where I talked about consumption being the opposite of fulfillment, and that's because when we're consuming, we're not present. We're kind of off in this dream world. It's like we're daydreaming, right, we're watching Netflix or we're, you know, thinking about the future or the past, but when we're creating, we are fully present, which means we aren't the most able to access these really content, peaceful feelings.
Speaker 1:So, if you want to be present more often, create, sit down and draw, write a song, sing in the car, listen to a podcast, talk to a friend do the things that keep you present. Right now, I am so excited. I'm learning how to write an amazing TED Talk and I have so much amazing information. I mean, I look at this podcast and I'm like there's just so many good things to learn in this podcast, life changing tidbits, and I want to condense them into an 18 minute talk. And when I'm creating, I get fired up. I get so excited, I feel powerful, I feel unstoppable. All I can see is potential, because I am in the current moment viewing myself as I am, not my brain providing me with worry and fear and uncertainty about who I am. Not my brain questioning who I was, my brain literally observing who I am. So if you want to be more fulfilled, create, get present Now. This is one of my favorite favorite things to coach on in the program because it usually means you're out of the surviving mode and you're ready to thrive. And, honestly, I've seen that this goes so much faster than people expect always, than I expect Usually.
Speaker 1:About session three with my one-on-one clients. I would tell them have you noticed that you haven't brought up the thing you came here to get coaching on, more than just the first session? Because, honestly, sometimes all they need is one thought shift, one good question asked and everything shifts for them, and they don't want help with that anymore. Now they want to know how to run their business, or they want to know how to not be afraid of failure and go try out for that play. Or they want to know how to prove their marriage, or they want to know how to parent better. No longer do they want to learn how to stop doing something or how to stop feeling shame. We get rid of that so quickly in the beginning. We solve for it so much quicker than I ever expect and we get to move on to the creating part, where you get to be the person you are meant to be.
Speaker 1:So I love the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. She is the most beautiful writer. She has the most beautiful soul. Oh my gosh, I have to listen to her podcast, big Magic. It's so good. She coaches people on there and the way she talks to them. If I could take a piece of that and talk to you guys that way, but that wouldn't be me. But I love her compassion and her beautiful words. And in her book she has some amazing quotes and they fall, I feel like, under three different sections, three things that stop us from creating, which are failure, a fear of failure, judgment and perfectionism. Those three things really stop us from creating. So I'm going to read you just a few of her quotes and I think it's going to totally blow your mind.
Speaker 1:So, in case you guys didn't know, I'm reminding you that failure is a feeling, not a circumstance. It's not something that happens to you. It's a feeling and it comes from a thought that you didn't get where you wanted to go, that something wrong has happened. And I love it, because another word that we also feel like we have failed is frustration. When we are frustrated it's because we think a thought like I have failed.
Speaker 1:And Elizabeth says this frustration is not an interruption of your process. Frustration is the process, the fun part. The part where it doesn't feel like work at all is when you're actually creating something wonderful and everything's going great and everyone loves it and you're flying high. But such instances are rare. You don't just get to leap from bright moment to bright moment. How you manage yourself between those bright moments when things aren't going so great is a measure of how devoted you are to your vocation and how equipped you are for the weird demands of creative living. I love she said weird demands of creative living. That's so fun. Have you ever thought about that? The weird demands of being a mom, instead of the hard demands. I love the way she phrased that. The weird demands of being a mom with a bunch of kids. The weird demands of a mom changing diapers. The weird demands of a committed wife. They're weird. Sometimes Things get crazy around here, right, but I love that. She says frustration is not an interruption of the process, but it is the process. It's part of the process. Failure, you guys, is part of the process. It's literally part of your path to get there.
Speaker 1:I love this analogy that somebody gave in a talk in church. She talked about if your car breaks down on the side of the road and you're headed somewhere. Let's say you're headed to church and your car breaks down on the side of the road and you're fixing it, are you still headed to church? Yeah, because when you're done fixing that car, you're gonna get in and you're gonna keep going to church. You're still on your way, but it looks different. The timing has changed and so, if you guys expect failure, you will be much better equipped to run into things like your car not working or your kids waking up from their nap when you want it to be creative. Plan on it, plan on interruptions, plan on failure.
Speaker 1:One thing that I love to do that's really helped me with failure is to create a fail plan. So at the beginning of the year I'll write down like 30 fails for the year, things that my brain tells me. How in the heck would you possibly achieve that, where I cannot see the how? And I'll write that down, because if the goal is to fail, then I say, okay, well, I'll do that because I know I'm gonna fail, and my goal is to fail 30 times, and what happens is most of the time, about one third or maybe even two thirds of those things I actually achieve, and I get further than I would have if I didn't do it at all.
Speaker 1:On that note, let's talk about perfectionism. This is what Elizabeth Gilbert says A good enough novel violently written now is better than a perfect novel meticulously written. Never that is so good. And that's what happens is we try to shoot for perfection and then we get nothing. And if we do this fail plan or if we shoot for B minus work, we actually create something. So, instead of trying to create something good, just create something and do it for you. Do it because you wanna do it, for not anyone else's eyes, if you want. When you start, don't show anybody, just do it for you.
Speaker 1:I saw this program the other day and it was a guy who took up bouquet making and flower arranging floral what is the word I'm looking for? But he didn't show anybody them, he didn't sell them, he just learned it and he was doing it his own home making a bunch of them and he's like I just wanted to do it for me and they're not for anyone's eyes. And sometimes I love that. I love not posting it on social media, because I just want to know what I think about it and that's it. I don't really wanna know what anybody else thinks about it because, even if they love it, my mind guesses what they think, right, like maybe it's not good enough, maybe it's embarrassing, maybe people are like, oh, good job big deal, and so it's not really what they think. It's my projection, my guesses, my insecurities on what they think about it.
Speaker 1:And this brings me to my last quote, which is about criticism, which I think is one of the biggest reasons that we don't create, because it feels so personal to us. If we create it, it's like a piece of who we are. So my first piece of advice is that it's not your baby, it's not you, it's just you expressing yourself in some random way. If you make every creation, your baby, a reflection of you, a piece of you, then it's gonna hurt so much when people say what they're thinking. Okay, now, gratefully, we have tools that you guys have learned on this podcast about what to do with people's thoughts and feelings, and Elizabeth Gilbert puts it so well. She says recognizing that people's reactions don't belong to you is the only sane way to create. So she's saying there is that people's reactions don't belong to you, or they're not a reflection of you or your creations. Where do people's reactions come from? They come from their feelings. And where do their feelings come from? They come from their thoughts, not your thoughts, right.
Speaker 1:And if their thought is that's a horrible piece of art, or I do not like this book, or why is she singing in church, is that thought really about you or is it about them? It's about them, right. It's what they choose to make it mean, when they see you create and it's often not a thought like I hate that piece of art that makes them say, ah, it's all right. Do you know what usually causes people to tear you down or tell you it's not good? It's not a thought like I don't like it and they're trying to hurt you. It's a thought like I wish I could do that.
Speaker 1:And then a feeling of insecurity or jealousy which creates them to say something like that's not that great, to elevate themselves and put you down. So I do that with my clients a lot. When they feel like no, they definitely didn't like it or they definitely don't like me, I try to tell them, yeah, but what do you think they were really thinking when that created that action? Was it really like I don't like her, or was it like I don't like me? And so they felt insecure? And then they said something to try to counteract that right. They tried to change their circumstances. They try to change you, make you feel sad, and she puts it really well here.
Speaker 1:She said if people ignore what you've created too bad, if people misunderstand what you've created, don't sweat it. And what if people absolutely hate what you've created? What if people attack you with savage vitriol and insult your intelligence and malign your motives and drag your good name through the mud? Just smile sweetly and suggest as politely as you possibly can they can go make their own stinking art, then stubbornly continue making yours. And that's my favorite part of it and Bernay Brown talks about this a lot too in her books that if people have comments about what you're creating, they don't get to have a say because they're not in the arena. It's like you're in the arena fighting and they're one of the hacklers out in the crowd and they have all these opinions, but you don't care about their opinions, you don't want their advice because you're the one in the ring. You want to know what your brain is going to tell you to do. Only you know how to defend yourself. Only you know what the next move needs to be. How would they know? They're on the outside Right, so they don't get to have a say until they're courageous enough to get in the ring and create something themselves.
Speaker 1:And lastly, you guys, people honestly don't think about you as much as we think they do. You meaning the universal you. They don't think about us because, if you've noticed, we are far too busy thinking about ourselves. It's just how our brain works. And in her quote she says you are free because everyone is too busy fussing over themselves to worry all that much about you. Go, be whomever you want to be, do whatever you want to do, pursue whatever fascinates you and brings you to life, create whatever you want to create, and let it be stupendously imperfect, because it's exceedingly likely that nobody will even notice. And that's awesome. She's so good. I just love that. Like no one's even going to notice, so, as we think they're going to have all these opinions and, honestly, you guys, they don't care that much. Even if somebody one time said I don't think you're a good singer, guess what. They forgot that They've been thinking about themselves and their own insecurities and their brains, and worrying about their own regrets and their own fears and worries. Trust me, they're not thinking about you all that much.
Speaker 1:And I'm going to end this episode with one of my favorite quotes about creating, because I know, if you're a member of the LDS church, like I am, you often feel like the only creating that you were meant to do was with a child and to be a mom. And this is one of my favorite quotes by Thomas S Monson. And he said God let the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged and the cities unbuilt. God gives us the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved that we might know the joys and glories of creation.
Speaker 1:So creation goes so far beyond creating a baby, which is the most beautiful and crazy, amazing creation. You should be so proud and grateful and impressed with your body. But that stops after nine months and then you get to raise this beautiful child and help them grow. But the most important thing you can do to help your kids grow is to also grow yourself. The paintings are unpainted, the websites are unbuilt, the roads were unpaved. Things were meant to be created by you. We need what you have in the world and, even if it takes you 10 minutes, look around. Other people might not have that skill. So the value you bring by making them that thing or teaching them how to make that thing is worth more than the time it takes you to create it. I want you guys to recognize what skills are in your wheelhouse and then find something to create at least a couple of times a week to help you be more present, so that you can find more joy, so that your brain can observe yourself being exactly who you are, without fear of the future or regrets of the past.
Speaker 1:Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. If you are interested in learning more about the program, or if you guys just want to listen to my free brand new training, it is called Finding Joy Beyond Medication and Therapy. I think you're going to really, really love it. I have made it available, so there is a link in the show notes below. It's totally free. Go ahead and listen to that and I think it's really going to help you. Also, again, if you guys want to help support the podcast, a free thing you can do is just to follow and leave a really quick review. I would so appreciate it. All right, you guys have an amazing week. Bye, bye. If you have questions about anything you've learned here on the podcast or want to help with something going on in your own life, hop on a free coaching call with me. In just 30 minutes you'll have real tools for your unique situation. Go to limitlessfemalecoachingcom forward, slash workwithme, or you can find a link in the show notes below. Just or limit it. So grab one before you miss it.