You are not alone my friend. I know sometimes it feels like you are struggling silently with an invisible illness that only you can see. I know it can look like you are flaky or unreliable but really you are just sick. I know your future feels uncertain. You feel like you aren't of any use.... I know.
I've been there, heck, I am there. Chronic Illness, pain, or mental health struggles sometimes feel like that. But I promise, you aren't alone.
I created this episode so you know I get you. And, to help others understand you.
I've also added some tools to help you right now.
You are loved, you are enough, I got you.
Emy
interested in SHIFT? Want a free call with EMYLEE? Grab a spot for a free call here
Find more information and Free resources HERE:
https://hernextstep.limitlessfemalecoaching.com/landing-page-her-next-step
Have a question about the program or something you want answered on the podcast? Come chat with me on instagram!
@Limitlessfemale
You are not alone my friend. I know sometimes it feels like you are struggling silently with an invisible illness that only you can see. I know it can look like you are flaky or unreliable but really you are just sick. I know your future feels uncertain. You feel like you aren't of any use.... I know.
I've been there, heck, I am there. Chronic Illness, pain, or mental health struggles sometimes feel like that. But I promise, you aren't alone.
I created this episode so you know I get you. And, to help others understand you.
I've also added some tools to help you right now.
You are loved, you are enough, I got you.
Emy
interested in SHIFT? Want a free call with EMYLEE? Grab a spot for a free call here
Find more information and Free resources HERE:
https://hernextstep.limitlessfemalecoaching.com/landing-page-her-next-step
Have a question about the program or something you want answered on the podcast? Come chat with me on instagram!
@Limitlessfemale
Hi, I'm Emily with the limitless female podcast. You are listening to episode 126. What if my chronic illness never goes away? Woman, welcome. If you're a mama who is feeling all the feels of motherhood the ups and downs of hormones and maybe even depression then you are in the right place. Limitless female is your confident inner voice, helping you master your mood and create the epic life that calls you. My goal is to show you just how enough you are, so you can show up limitless in your own life. Let's get started. Hola, friends, welcome to the podcast. You haven't seen me in a while. I have some updates for you.
Speaker 1:I'm really excited about sharing this podcast with you today because it is all about chronic illness and I'm hoping that from this episode, you will either feel like somebody sees you and gets you, or you will feel like you have some new thoughts to think when you're struggling with any kind of chronic illness. And, of course, my goal always is to help you drop the shame and be comfortable enough to admit to yourself, whatever you're going through, that it's a thing right. That it's a thing outside of who you are and your worth right. That, oh, I have chronic pain, or I have chronic headaches or I, you know I have depression or I have anxiety and that's okay. That's not who you are. It's something that you're you're going through, that you're dealing with. You're so much more than those things. But isn't it nice when someone describes it just how it is for you and you feel like, okay, I'm not the only one, like they get it, and I've had a few people do that for me recently and it just like made me feel so understood and I've been wanting to do this more on the podcast here and there. But I struggle with like, is it gonna be positive enough or at least helpful enough, right? But I think there's a place. I think there's a place for letting people know that you, you know how they feel and where they are, and you know that's not always right when someone's sharing with what they're going through, because you know that's when you get to be that sounding board for them. But a podcast is a great place where someone can share with, with you. Know you what it's like to be someone going through something? And you can feel heard and seen and maybe relate. And if you don't relate, maybe you can better understand somebody that you love that has some kind of chronic illness.
Speaker 1:I've coached many, many women who have chronic illness, chronic pain or a chronic mental health issue, and I have myself gone through a lot of chronic issues and Maybe it's the words, not a lot of them but I have my own chronic health, pain and issues. Actually, that is why I have not been on the podcast for so many weeks. Honestly, you guys, I don't know if this podcast is gonna come out like with a little bit of humor or if I'm gonna cry because that's how close to the surface All my feelings are, but it's. It's been a roller coaster this year and I just feel like it could be really useful to be vulnerable, and I have found that that is a little bit hard for me. I always pride in myself, thought like I am so vulnerable and open. It's easy for me to get to know people, but I have found that since becoming a life coach, it's a little bit harder because I'm trying to find that line between being useful to other people and not adding my you know, my struggles, my burdens, onto their stuff, right, like being professional. But my podcast is different. I kind of love that opportunity to do that.
Speaker 1:So the first thing I want to say you guys is that Sometimes we think of things in such finite terms. We really are black and white thinkers. I think that that's the lower brain in us. That's the easier way to think about life. Right, like? If it doesn't create energy, if it doesn't like, if it takes energy from me, like exercise, it's no good, right? If it doesn't show me results right away, it doesn't matter. Our lower brain wants us to think that, you know, because it's thinking about survival, so it doesn't have time to experiment, it doesn't have time to Apply the scientific method and have a hypothesis and see if it works, and give it six months. You know your lower brain, your lizard brain, is worried about, is worried about survival, and that's it. It's not worried about progression, it's not worried about learning, it's worried about survival. And so it's not going to give you the time and space you need to figure out if a medicine is working or to, you know, give you time to try a new, you know exercise class, or to give your friend a second chance. It's not gonna do that. It's gonna offer you thoughts that are gonna make you make finite decisions and tell you that things are are black and white and I I feel like With chronic illness, your brain is gonna offer you a lot of finite things, like you can't do that right, or this is it, or this is how it's always going to be, and a lot of times that leads to us Quitting things.
Speaker 1:And I want you to know quitting is not a circumstance. Okay, I'm talking about it because that's the way people think about it, like it's a thing that they do. Quitting is not a circumstance. We cannot take a test on somebody and everyone agreed that they quit. Some people might be like, well, they just moved on to a new thing, or they progressed, they were beyond what they were doing or they chose not to do that anymore, and somebody might look at them and be like they quit. That's why we know it's actually a Thought, it's a. It's the title of our story that we create, which is I quit. So it's not a real thing, you guys, it's a lie. Your brain tells you that you either are a quitter or that you have quit, or that you need to quit, and that's the only solution. And the reason I bring that up is because I want to encourage you to stop quitting and to start pausing. Okay, start pausing, call it a pause, call it taking of the day off, call it a hiatus, a break, right, but quit using the word quit I know that's kind of ridiculous, but Quit, saying that you quit or that you need to quit or that you are quitting.
Speaker 1:In that same vein, I feel like we can also think about things in terms of endings. Endings feel intentional, right? So when a book ends, whether there's a cliffhanger or not, it's an intentional thing. And Whether you completed a goal or not, you can intentionally decide that that wasn't ending. And you know how I know it's intentional. It's because if you didn't go back, it's an ending and if you Chose to go back, it's a pause. Right. So you get to decide is it a pause, is it a break or is it an ending? And because it's intentional and you chose, there's no such thing as quitting.
Speaker 1:Quitting implies that you gave up early I and I don't know about you but there's no such thing as when you're done trying to do something. I feel like a lot of goals we think have like this finite end, like a weight loss goal or building a house or learning a skill. The truth is, when you get to that end of that skill, deciding it's the end will be a decision, because how many times have you reached a goal and then decided that you wanted to just lose 10 more pounds or that you wanted to add on something to the house? Or, in our case, we built a house and there were a lot of things we couldn't finish right, that we had to be like, okay, let's take this off so we can reach the budget, let's change this, let's not put this door on, let's not do the landscaping. Does that mean that we quit or did we decide to end building the house there? Did we reach our goal or not? So whether or not you reach a goal also will always be a decision. Okay, this doesn't mean that we don't reach amazing heights and do incredible things. Actually, it means we do more incredible things because we stop feeling all the shame around quitting, especially when it comes to stopping doing something because of a chronic illness, because of your depression, because of your anxiety, because of your Crohn's disease, because of your thyroid disease, any chronic illness that ails you.
Speaker 1:I want you guys to look at your progress in a different way, decide is it a pause that I'm taking or am I choosing to end this thing? And I also always like to say I'm ending it for now because I have found and I was telling my little guy this a minute ago he has been sick for like three or four weeks. He got flu B and then he got strep, which I both. I got both those as well and he was crying. He just had his first day back at school today and he's still kind of tired and he's like I'm so bored, I just want to do something athletic and I'm so lonely.
Speaker 1:And I told him, like I have learned one thing that everything always changes. Right, even things that I think are are as they always will be. Everything always changes. And I remember, you know, wanting to build a house and be stable and be staying the same place. But then it dawned on me that even if my life stayed the same, everyone's life around me would continue to change. So even this idea of getting settled and having this like finite future, everybody else's circumstances also change around me which affect my life. So that's why I told him that things always change because you also can always expect to feel better. You know, if you don't feel well, things will probably change. And if you feel well, things will probably change. You'll probably have a day where you get sick. But I take comfort in that because no matter what feeling I'm experiencing, whether it's hard or easy, or challenging or fun, I know that life will change and bring me new things. And you know, when we're struggling with chronic health, I take hope in understanding that no-transcript, everything always changes. It will never be finite. I will never always be this way and you know. That's another tip, you guys, is to take out words like always and never from your vocabulary.
Speaker 1:So let me dive into what it feels like to have a chronic illness, and maybe you guys can relate or maybe you can better understand somebody else in your life. But to me, having a chronic illness is having the fire under under you for your dreams and wanting to live today like it's your last. But you're too tired or sick or sad to do it. It's missing another doctor's appointment because you were too sick to go. It's politely apologizing for being late again at your appointment Because you had to pull off to the side of the road to use the restroom, like at a gas station, or you never could leave your bathroom at all.
Speaker 1:That's been my experience with Crohn's. It's feeling completely alone because no one can see how much you're suffering. You're not wearing a cast, you don't ask for dinners because it's ongoing, it doesn't end, it continues to pop back up. It's feeling like you are a heavy burden on others if you share, because you know that this is not a one week or two week or three month thing. It's being fine one minute and then in immense pain the next. It's an underlying low grade discomfort. During every happy milestone, holiday or family vacation, it doesn't take a day off or a break or, you know, pause for celebrations.
Speaker 1:It's constantly waiting Waiting to get better so you can get pregnant, waiting for this to get better so you can get on this medication, waiting to lose weight so that then you can do this to improve your physical health. I remember specifically being in a chiropractor's office when I can't remember which child it was, but hearing her say to me you just need to wait till this gets better and then you can start trying for your next baby. And I just remember tears streaming down my face because I was so tired of hearing the word you just need to wait. And I know that my experience of having kids did not take long. You know, in most people's eyes, but for me that's what chronic illness feels like. It feels like a lot of waiting, you know, like waiting for a diagnosis, waiting to feel better, waiting to have this part of your health be better so you can treat this part of your health. It's just a lot of waiting.
Speaker 1:It's feeling like a high hypochondriac when you only get through symptom three and your doctor stops you and offers a medication to cover just one of those symptoms, like a migraine medication, and it's wondering what if this is just the beginning of the rest of my life? What if I'll never figure out what's going on with me? What if my kids remember their childhood with me in bed all the time? For me, it's been learning to detach my identity from what I do. I had to really figure out who am I outside of what I can do, because all of us believe that who we are is what we do all day long. And I had to figure out who am I if I'm just a talking head, right, if I can't get out of bed or I can't go do a Spartan race or I can't be at church to sing or all the things that you think make you you? It was having to learn who I am outside of what I do, which is really challenging but so worth it.
Speaker 1:Because you guys, you are going to keep changing. Even if you don't have a mental illness or chronic illness, your body will always change. You will get wrinkly, people will move away. You know you will get hurt or break an ankle and be unable to do the things you used to do and you are something besides what you do. Chronic illness is going all out on days you feel good and completely wearing yourself out because you are so happy to be feeling good. I know I saw this in some clients and I related with them so much because on days that they were feeling good, you know they would go full throttle like outside, running, lifting weights, all these things, and my husband would always say to me you know you don't have to lift like the same as everyone around you and I'm like what are you talking about? Like that's not fun to go half speed to me, like that was just seems like torture. My husband used to tell me to go on walks and I'd be like that sounds horrible, like for my personality, I want to be training for something. I want to be running. I think I consider myself hardcore. So it's been this whole shift, trying to figure out what's best for my long term health and my body and making that fun because that's what's actually best for me.
Speaker 1:You know, getting rid of the ego, man. Does chronic illness get rid of your ego? You know you can't think about what you'll look like or what people will think about you, or because you know, with chronic illness sometimes you gain weight, you lose skills. You know sometimes you're not as active as you see yourself in your mind and you have to get rid of that ego so quickly in order to find joy, because it has to be about something other than what you can do and has to be about who you are at your core. And that even goes for serving. Chronic illness is being unable to serve others a lot and it can really easily feel like you're just not doing your part, you're just not enough, especially when it comes to in the home right.
Speaker 1:As mothers, we see ourselves as we are just supposed to. We just have to serve our kids and our family. We need to be available. There is no other way. There's no, you know, backup. But the truth is, if you are supposed to be whole and perfect and well, you're not going to be able to do that Well, for your kids to be turned out well and to be happy. And your kids were supposed to have this perfect childhood with a well mom. They would. They would have that and yet they don't. Why is that? Now I've given you all these thoughts that come out of my brain when I do a thought. Download All of these beliefs that my lower brain offers to me and that it feels like to me, so that you can better understand.
Speaker 1:But I want to offer you, guys, some what ifs that will serve you. I want you to know that you can use the same brain power and energy that you use to think thoughts like what if this is just the beginning and things are just going to go downhill? What if I never get better? I want you to know you can use that same energy and you can ask the same what if? Question, but in a positive way, because the truth is you guys, your future is 50 50. It has not happened yet.
Speaker 1:The likelihood of you getting better tomorrow or the next day is just as high as likelihood of it being hard, the likelihood of you feeling relief or finding a friend or getting a test result that tells you why you feel the way you feel. It's just as likely, right, because it hasn't happened yet. There is no upside to catastrophizing your future based on your current health. There is no preventing the future by believing that this is probably how I'm gonna feel the rest of my life. It doesn't serve you in any way. It doesn't stop it from happening.
Speaker 1:So I wanna offer to you some what-ifs that might serve you Now. These are meant to get you curious about all the possibilities in the future, not just the negative ones that might come along with a story you've curated right, like with the title that I had, which was what if everything's downhill from here? This is to help you get curious and to start to see the other side of the story. Now, if any of these thoughts don't feel good to you, you can just drop them. Remember, they're not facts. Okay, these are just things that serve me and that I hope will serve you.
Speaker 1:But if you don't like one of these things that I say, or you don't like something I say, just take what you like and leave the rest. Right, they're all just thoughts I'm offering to you. All, right, what if I loved him as he was and not who I want him to be. I love that for my husband. What if you're so much more than what you think, create or do for others? What if this is the beginning of discovering who you really are? What if you could change someone's life without taking a step outside your life or your home or your family? What if this is good for you? What if you wanted everything you had? What if you let your kids become who they are instead of what you need them to be? What if you're not alone? What if there's an army of women who understand you and love you? What if you are the only one who can do the things you are going to do? What if this is temporary? What if you can handle this? What if you were made for this? What if?
Speaker 1:I hope that this podcast gives you guys some hope, some empathy, some love, and that you guys will know that I am gonna keep showing up. You might see some pauses here and there as I go through my own life experience, but I have something really amazing to give you. I will not stop. I know that the tools I get to teach you and the coaching I have done has been so incredible and impactful, and you guys have told me that it's helped you and changed your life, and I can see it. I can see the changes every single week, the things you guys try, the uncomfortable positions you put yourself in, the way your marriages change, the way your kids just find joy in who they are, and I just can't stop. I won't. So you might see a pause here and there, but just know I'm not done. I'm here.
Speaker 1:And if you guys want more or you guys have a topic you really like, in Spotify there's actually a question section. I think it's a comment or question section instead of review. So leave a comment about what you want me to talk about. Leave a question, something that has to do with grief or chronic health issues or mental health, or how do have a family and be a mom when you're struggling with mental health, anything that you're going through. It can be as specific and narrow or as broad as you want and put it in the comment section in Spotify, or you can even put it in the review section in Apple Podcasts, and I will make a podcast for you, my dear, because you matter, you are enough, besides anything that you think or that you do or that you create or that you show up for anyone else.
Speaker 1:Outside of all that you have worth and value, outside of how much you can serve or what money you can bring in, or what hobbies you have or what skills you've learned, you are something incredible and you matter. All right, love. We'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye. If you have questions about anything you've learned here on the podcast or want help with something going on in your own life, hop on a free coaching call with me. In just 30 minutes you'll have real tools for your unique situation. Go to limitlessfemalecoachingcom forward, slash workwithme or you can find a link in the show notes below. Spots are limited, so grab one before you miss it.