WEBVTT 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:07.599 This podcast is a ministry of Grant Parkway Baptist Church, helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:13.279 For more information about Grant Parkway, visit GrantProquay.org. 00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:22.719 Oh, Lord Jesus, it's it's good that we remind ourselves of that refrain from that great hymn, This is my story, because you're a God who tells the story. 00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:31.920 The Bible opens up by saying that the earth was void and formless, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and but the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:38.479 And then it says this, and God said, And God said, and ever since Genesis 1, verse 2, you've been telling a story. 00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:41.119 It's the only story big enough for us to live in. 00:00:41.280 --> 00:00:46.320 And you've been telling that story in power as we just sang about that Christ resurrected in power. 00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:47.920 You're not a God of permission. 00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:53.119 You don't come today and ask us for permission to tell us some things we may or may not want to hear. 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:56.000 You come in power, and your word is powerful. 00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:00.799 It never goes out and comes back void, but it accomplishes the purpose for which you sent it. 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:05.359 And so there's power and there's purpose in this room, and there's people in this room. 00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:12.400 And so tell the story of marriage to these people in power, God, and use everything at your disposal to do that. 00:01:12.560 --> 00:01:13.439 That's our prayer. 00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:17.359 It's the crying need of our day and our age and our culture. 00:01:17.519 --> 00:01:19.040 We pray this in Jesus' name. 00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:21.280 And everyone said, Amen. 00:01:21.439 --> 00:01:22.400 You can have a seat. 00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:26.239 I invite you to take your Bibles if you would and open it up to page one. 00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:29.359 I want to just begin at the beginning because I'm not very smart. 00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:37.040 I know that men get stuff and we don't read the directions when we go to put it together, and it just kind of comes out looking like modern art sometimes. 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:38.719 Uh marriage can be that way. 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.040 If you're our guest today, we're beginning a new series today. 00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:42.159 We told you last week. 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:45.359 Uh the series entitled Mary is entitled Marriage Matters. 00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:46.719 Marriage Matters. 00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:50.000 And uh we're gonna talk about matters that pertain to marriage. 00:01:50.079 --> 00:01:54.079 Uh, and there are certain things that are germane to marriage, but today I want to talk to you. 00:01:54.239 --> 00:01:57.280 We're gonna talk about matters that pertain to marriage in the next couple of weeks. 00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:02.959 But today I want to use this first Sunday in this series to establish the fact that marriage itself matters. 00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:04.239 You say, what do you mean? 00:02:04.400 --> 00:02:08.400 We live in a day and age and in a culture where marriage doesn't really hold. 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:15.680 It used to be held in high esteem and value, but here's kind of the uh uh the the past couple weeks, I don't have to go far in my life. 00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:21.039 The past couple weeks I've had conversations like this with people who come to see me for marriage counseling. 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:22.800 They don't go to our our church. 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:28.719 By the way, somebody came to me one time and they said, Hey, I'm thinking about coming to see you, but I don't want you to use me as an illustration. 00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:30.319 I'm like, I don't use people in my church. 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:39.680 I see a lot of people for counseling, they'll come to my church, and and and and I'm not trying to make light, but I'm just trying to give like like this about 10 days ago I had a conversation with a couple. 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:49.680 They said, Hey, we're thinking about getting married, and in the course of uh of talking to them, uh we're just talking, and and the guy said this, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm married. 00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:51.520 Because my first question was, Why are you here? 00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:53.919 And he says, Well, you know, she wants to get married, make it right. 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:56.479 And I said, For something to be made right, it means it's wrong. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:58.479 What's wrong in your relationship right now? 00:02:58.719 --> 00:02:59.680 Well, nothing's wrong. 00:02:59.759 --> 00:03:02.800 Uh and then he kind of got all bowed up, and I was like, ooh, I like this. 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:03.520 I'm interested. 00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:04.800 It's about three o'clock. 00:03:04.879 --> 00:03:06.240 I'm sleepy at the end of the day. 00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:07.439 Let's mix it up here. 00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:09.840 Let's take our shirts off an arm racle or something. 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:12.319 And he said, Well, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm married. 00:03:12.400 --> 00:03:13.919 And I said, What do you need to tell you they're married? 00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:16.479 He goes, I'm married, I'm already married to her in God's eyes. 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:18.400 And this is somebody actually believes this. 00:03:18.560 --> 00:03:20.319 He says, I'm already married to her in God's eyes. 00:03:20.400 --> 00:03:21.120 I said, What do you mean? 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.360 The first time we slept together, we joined our bodies. 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:24.400 That's what marriage is. 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:28.719 I said, Have you joined your body with another woman before you've joined your body with her? 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:30.879 Uh, well, I mean, I mean, yeah. 00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:31.439 Yeah. 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:33.120 And so, how many times have you been married? 00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:38.960 And by the way, if you, if you, I'm just chasing your definition to its logical conclusion. 00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:44.159 If you're saying, hey, marriage is who I had sex with, then you married the first woman you had sex with. 00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:45.919 How old were you the first time you had sex? 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:46.800 14. 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:52.800 And so, if in your definition, you married that girl, you were with him, you're 14, you've been committing adultery every since. 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:54.560 And so this is an adulterous relationship. 00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:57.759 So you're not just living in sin sexually, you're living in adultery. 00:03:57.840 --> 00:04:00.800 And the Bible says that adulterers don't inherit the kingdom of God. 00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:09.360 And the lady sitting there slipping a Coke Zero that I gave her, and she just looked at me and said, I told you it wasn't gonna go well. 00:04:12.159 --> 00:04:13.919 And why do I tell you that? 00:04:14.159 --> 00:04:17.360 Because here's the thing I don't want it to not go well for you. 00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:18.720 I want it to go well for you. 00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:20.720 There's three different kinds of people in this room. 00:04:20.879 --> 00:04:25.839 There's people in this room that aren't married, and you think you're gonna get married, it's gonna fix everything. 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:29.839 Yeah, that's married people laughing at you right now. 00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:30.720 Okay? 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:37.519 Then the second kind of person in this room is the person that is married and is just kind of like, oh, this is awesome. 00:04:37.600 --> 00:04:38.800 We've been married 10 minutes. 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:50.959 Woo! By the way, I'm gonna give you some things right out of the Bible that are really foundational and instructional, and I'm gonna use big words today because I just like to use big words every once in a while, so you know I got a degree. 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:54.079 Uh but let me tell you, here's three stages of marriage. 00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:55.360 First of all, we shouldn't get this. 00:04:55.439 --> 00:04:59.199 There's idealism, there's realism, and there's maturity. 00:04:59.839 --> 00:05:03.920 Idealism, when you first get married, like, every once in a while, my 16-year-old likes to give me marriage advice. 00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:07.360 Oh, Dad, do you and mom fall asleep on each other's chest like in the movies? 00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:08.800 No, nobody sleeps like that. 00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:10.000 It's not comfortable, okay? 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:13.439 And I want I don't want your mom like laying on me because she's hot. 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:14.319 I'm like, get off of me. 00:05:14.399 --> 00:05:15.920 I'm time to go sleep. 00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:21.120 The only time a man wants a woman laying on him, he doesn't want to sleep. 00:05:24.639 --> 00:05:26.319 How you like them apples? 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:30.319 And so that that's that's idealism. 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:31.439 Idealism, you think. 00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:32.639 This person is gonna fix me. 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:34.319 No, this person's not gonna fix you. 00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:40.319 They're gonna expose how broken you are, how selfish you are, how how just greedy you are. 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:41.279 That's idealism. 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:43.839 Second stage of marriage is realism. 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:45.199 Honeymoon's over. 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:49.199 The greatest day of your marriage is the day you wake up next to a stranger. 00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:58.399 One guy over here was like here's what I mean. 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:03.759 You think, I know you think, oh, this person's my idealism is where you use the phrase soulmate. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:06.879 People married a long time, don't use the word soulmate anymore. 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:08.000 This is my soulmate. 00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:12.560 This is the woman that makes me crazy, makes me want to drink and think bad thoughts. 00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:16.000 I love her, but she makes me crazy sometimes. 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:17.519 That's what you think. 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:18.720 But enough about my wife. 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:21.120 Anyway, uh it's great. 00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:23.519 I never looked at my wife and thought, that's my soulmate. 00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:27.920 My wife, every once in a while, I go to things I don't want to go to just because my wife says we're going. 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:30.240 And I'm like, oh, we're going. 00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:33.040 And she'll come and go, we're leaving in 30 minutes. 00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:33.839 You better get dressed. 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:34.399 Yes, ma'am. 00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:35.519 I'm gonna get dressed. 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:37.199 That's marriage. 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:39.040 You don't always win in marriage. 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:42.319 There's idealism, there's realism, and that's when it's hard. 00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:44.959 Some people it's two years in, some people it's five years in. 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:49.199 It's that five to uh about 11-year window, it's just a grind. 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:54.480 You start having kids, and you're just like, oh man, there's no way you can be as tired as me. 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:59.680 And your wife is at home, got that kid glued to her, and you walk in and she's just smoking. 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:01.439 Here, get this kid up off of me. 00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:04.639 Y'all better back off of mama and go to Chick-fil-A for about an hour. 00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:06.480 I'm about to kill some fools. 00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:08.879 And you gotta work through it. 00:07:08.959 --> 00:07:12.639 I remember when we had started having kids, I traveled and preached all over the country. 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:14.879 I was on the road 185 days a year. 00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:19.120 I remember coming home, I'd been in a camp with like 2,000 teenagers. 00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:20.879 It was like a cesspool of hormones. 00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:22.480 I came home and I walked in. 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:24.319 I was like, I'm so tired, man. 00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:26.639 And I was like, we're looking for my wife. 00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:28.560 Our oldest was about 18 months old. 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:33.199 I walked in, and this is my wife was sitting on the kamo and being straddled by a toddler. 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:37.040 She looked at me and she said, Did you go to the bathroom by yourself this week? 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:43.199 And all of a sudden, I just couldn't tell her how tired I was. 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:46.160 I just said, Here, sweetie, get off of mommy. 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:52.720 My wife, I went out in the living room, started playing with my kid, walked in, my wife just laid down, face down on the bed, sound asleep. 00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:55.920 I was like, I think we're gonna go Chick-fil-A, have a little play day. 00:07:56.079 --> 00:07:56.399 Okay. 00:07:57.759 --> 00:07:59.839 That's just that's realism. 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:01.600 And then maturity. 00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:04.720 Maturity is when you just settle in and go, hey, this is the person. 00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:09.040 I woke up with a stranger, and that's not a bad thing because the person you married, they changed. 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:11.360 You might as well go on the highway and pick up a hitchhiker. 00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:15.360 I know when you first get, oh, we know each other so well. 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:18.399 I just think silly rabbits tricks are for kids. 00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:20.959 You do not know. 00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:22.240 You know them to a certain degree. 00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:24.639 How many of the people in this room have been married more than 20 years? 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:25.920 Let me see your hand. 00:08:26.160 --> 00:08:27.120 Look at me. 00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:31.920 Based on how well you know your spouse now, do you think you really knew him back then? 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:33.120 Thank you. 00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:35.679 Because I say to people, hey, you might as well pick up a hitchhiker. 00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:39.360 They look at me like, you have such a negative view of marriage. 00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:42.000 No, I've been married 21 years. 00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:51.360 Greatest thing I ever did was not just get married, but marry the person I married because it has shaped marriage is the crucible of conformity to the image of God. 00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:52.799 There's nowhere to hide. 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:53.840 It ain't sexy. 00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:56.000 She's not impressed, it ain't magic. 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:58.240 She's done seen all your tricks. 00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:00.000 Bam. 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:02.639 See, men love. 00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:06.639 Men, you can be a boy to a lot of women, but you can only be a man to one. 00:09:08.559 --> 00:09:10.879 So, let's get to the Bible, huh? 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.679 Uh you're like, hey man, that guy's a little jacked up today. 00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:18.480 No, there's matters that pertain to marriage, but then I want to establish, I just want to establish that marriage matters. 00:09:18.559 --> 00:09:19.840 And here's what I want you not to do. 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:22.320 I don't want you to listen to the lens of your marriage, because we all do it. 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:23.840 Oh, pastor preached on marriage. 00:09:23.919 --> 00:09:25.840 I got a good marriage, let's check out make a grocery list. 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:26.399 No, no. 00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:32.000 See, there's a robust and rigorous dialogue happening in the public square about marriage, the definition of marriage. 00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:39.840 Congress is voting, states are voting, and Christians are silent because you cannot enter into the dialogue and speak from a God-informed worldview. 00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:44.399 And that's what I want to do today is I want to talk about the creation of marriage from the Bible. 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:46.399 Genesis chapter 1, verse 26. 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:47.840 The Bible says this. 00:09:48.240 --> 00:10:00.879 Then God said, Let us make man in our image after our likeness, and let us let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:03.039 So God created man in his own image. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:07.679 In the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them. 00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:22.799 Excuse me, he created them, and God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the heaven, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:24.320 And we'll just stop right there. 00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:27.360 I want to say three things about the creation of marriage. 00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:34.879 And the first one is obvious but radically consequential, and it's this that God created, we're created in God's image. 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:37.039 You're created in God's image. 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:45.919 When the Bible says, ladies, right there, a lot of times some people will ask me, when it when he says, starts in verse 26, come, let us make man in our image. 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:48.320 That's not man as in male, female. 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:51.600 That's the Hebrew word Adam, and it refers to mankind. 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:55.440 Let us make humanity, let us make people, not just men. 00:10:55.679 --> 00:10:58.399 Let us make people in our image. 00:10:58.559 --> 00:10:59.679 You say, what's the deal? 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:06.080 When we fully grasp what it means to bear God's image, to be made in the image of God, two things should happen. 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:09.919 You should be struck by the majesty of this statement. 00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:11.679 Oh my gosh. 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:14.080 I'm made in the image of God. 00:11:14.159 --> 00:11:20.320 And at the same time, you should kind of grasp uh the tragedy of your unrealized potential. 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:22.559 I'm made in the image of God. 00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:24.639 Now, what am I doing with that? 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:30.000 Those are these two contrasting and sometimes conflicting realities. 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:31.759 Uh you say, what do you mean? 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:33.440 Six ways, what do you mean? 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:34.480 You're made in the image of God. 00:11:34.559 --> 00:11:36.320 Let me give you six ways we're like God. 00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:38.559 Six things about God, and we'll just put them all up at once. 00:11:38.720 --> 00:11:40.480 Number one, God is creative. 00:11:40.799 --> 00:11:41.840 God is creative. 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:43.600 Secondly, he's spiritual. 00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:48.320 God is spirit, John says, and his worshipers must worship him in spirit and truth. 00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:49.519 God is not a person. 00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:51.679 God is spirit. 00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:52.399 He's spiritual. 00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:53.759 Thirdly, he's intelligent. 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:55.039 He's intelligent. 00:11:55.279 --> 00:11:56.960 Fourthly, he's communicative. 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:59.039 He's communicative and he communicates. 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:03.440 Psalm 19 says, day after day or night after night, the heavens pour forth speech. 00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:06.639 There is no realm within which their voice is not heard. 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:09.360 God cannot not communicate. 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:19.279 All the way back in the beginning, and we started in verse 26 of Genesis 1, but if you go to verse 2, the Bible just kind of describes what there was, and then it says, and God said. 00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:22.320 And God has been speaking ever since then. 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:23.679 He's communicative. 00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:24.080 Okay? 00:12:24.320 --> 00:12:26.480 The fifth thing about God is He's relational. 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:27.679 He says, Come let us. 00:12:27.759 --> 00:12:28.559 That's the Trinity. 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:30.799 There's relationship in the Godhead. 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:32.799 And then number six is he's moral. 00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:34.960 It's about ethical aughtness. 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:38.559 Morality is like art, it involves drawing a line somewhere. 00:12:38.720 --> 00:12:49.039 At some point in your life, and some point today, and what I'm asking you to do is to put the pen down on the paper or the pencil down on the paper and draw a line as it relates to your understanding of marriage. 00:12:49.120 --> 00:13:04.399 As a 20-year-old single person, as a 16-year-old single person, as a person that's been married a long time, you ought to draw some lines and let the Bible define what God intended when God created and instituted this thing called marriage. 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:06.799 Because you're made in God's image. 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:10.639 Now you're probably thinking, great, I thought this was a sermon about marriage. 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:13.840 Why are you telling us this stuff about six ways we're like God? 00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:16.799 These things are true about God and they ought to be true about us. 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:17.919 Here's why. 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:23.279 Because we do marriage out of the context of our needs and not our identity. 00:13:23.600 --> 00:13:29.360 We do context, I mean, excuse me, we do marriage out of the context of our needs, not out of our identity. 00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:34.639 The Bible says this is who you are, and this is how you're like God, and therefore this is how you should act. 00:13:34.799 --> 00:13:46.639 But when you do things at, when you do marriage, you come at marriage from the place of need, and let me just say this: this will have a little, you should have another little list, not just your sermon notes, but just crazy things about marriage that are actually true. 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:50.080 Marriage is not the place you go to get your needs met. 00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:55.440 Marriage is the place you go to meet your partner's needs. 00:13:55.759 --> 00:13:58.000 That's the way God designed marriage. 00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:02.879 Marriage is not intended because if you're in a marriage and you, because here's the thing. 00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:09.759 Because if you think marriage is where I go to get my needs met, then you're always evaluating your partner, your spouse, your husband or your wife. 00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:11.600 You're not experiencing them. 00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:14.240 You always got a scorecard about how they're measuring up. 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:15.120 Are they doing good? 00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:16.159 Are they doing bad? 00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:18.480 Did I get enough of this and enough of that? 00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:25.120 But the Bible says, and Bible, it's all through the Bible, hey, that the goal of marriage is that you meet your partner's need. 00:14:25.360 --> 00:14:28.960 You meet I meet my wife's needs, and therefore she doesn't have to worry about her needs. 00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:30.159 So what is she free to do? 00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:32.799 She's freed up to take care of my needs. 00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:38.879 And so there's this relationship where these two people don't just need each other, that they enjoy each other. 00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:43.200 And so we come at marriage out of the context of our needs, not our identity. 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:55.759 And so what happens as a result of that is that you end up keeping score, and it's comparison, this kind of thing of, hey, hey, and it's like two seventh graders on the high dive, and you're daring the other one to go first. 00:14:56.080 --> 00:15:00.480 In every relationship, somebody has to initiate, I'm gonna meet your needs. 00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:02.960 And men, the Bible says that's our privilege. 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:10.399 It's not a responsibility, it is a responsibility, but it is a privilege that I initiate meeting my wife's needs. 00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:13.120 And my wife's needs are not my needs. 00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:17.279 There's a lot of times, as we'll see in just a little bit, my wife's needs are nothing like mine. 00:15:17.360 --> 00:15:21.039 Like every once in a while, my wife will say, Well, just sit on the couch and tell me about your day. 00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:22.639 And my day was so crazy. 00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:28.399 Sometimes it starts with a breakfast meeting at six in the morning and ends with an elder meeting, at which I get home at 11 o'clock at night. 00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:32.240 And she'll say, She'll wait up for me to come home and tell her about my day. 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:33.440 And she'll say, How was your day? 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:34.000 It was great. 00:15:34.080 --> 00:15:35.759 The sun rose in the east and set in the west. 00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:36.960 What's for dinner? 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:40.080 And she looks at me and goes, That's all you're gonna give me? 00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:41.279 That's all I got. 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:42.320 That's all I got. 00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:44.559 I have 14 words and I just used them right there. 00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:45.840 That's all that's left. 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:50.240 And she just kind of smiles and is like, okay, well, let me get you something to eat. 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:56.240 And after I eat, she just backs up, changes course correction two degrees, and comes at me again. 00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:00.080 And asks the same question a different way. 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:01.679 We're on to you, ladies. 00:16:01.919 --> 00:16:04.639 You're gonna keep asking the question until you get what you need. 00:16:04.879 --> 00:16:08.799 So I just learned to say after 21 years, what do you need from me right now? 00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:09.759 I'll give it to you. 00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:12.320 You ain't gotta beat it out of me, you ain't gotta steal it from me. 00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:13.759 I'll give it to you. 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:18.480 And sometimes I go to bed, I hear you out there, amen, women. 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:23.679 Sometimes what we want to hear from you is you saying that back to us. 00:16:23.919 --> 00:16:25.519 What do you need from me? 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:27.360 Well, it's a short list. 00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:35.279 Now that we've taken care of the food need, let's move on to other things. 00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:38.000 But it's 11.07 at night. 00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:39.919 What's your point? 00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:44.240 God, you're created in God's image. 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:46.480 And you say, What's the big deal? 00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:49.279 Two responsibilities for that being creating God's image. 00:16:49.440 --> 00:16:53.679 Number one, your first greatest responsibility that comes with this is to know God. 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:55.840 It's to know God, is to know what God is like. 00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:59.600 Now I say know God, I don't mean just not like become a Christian. 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:02.879 I mean like I'm not talking relationship, I'm talking intimacy. 00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:06.960 Just as it's Paul in Philippians 3 when he says, I want to know Christ. 00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:08.079 He's already a Christian. 00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:09.279 What's he talking about? 00:17:09.440 --> 00:17:15.039 He's talking about moving from the surface level of knowing God into kind of the deeper things of God. 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:23.200 He says, I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings so as to somehow become like him. 00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:33.440 In other words, when it gets hard in marriage, you men and women, you've got to have a deeper, intimate relationship with God that it doesn't just strain your relationship. 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:38.799 You don't turn on each other and you become two ticks and no dog, and it's just, oh, this, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:44.240 Because the deeper and the more intimately you know God, the more you can endure in the name of suffering. 00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:51.440 And there's gonna be points in marriage, especially when you get to that part where you're adult, you got adult kids, and you think, okay, I'm done raising them. 00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:52.720 No, you're not. 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:55.440 Them adult kids is crazy. 00:17:56.160 --> 00:18:02.000 And then you got that going on on the back burner and on the front burner, your parents need you to parent them. 00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:07.519 And so you're parenting your parents, and you're turning back around and trying to say to your adult kids, really, are you doing that? 00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:09.359 Is living together the best idea? 00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:11.039 You weren't raised that way. 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:17.119 Hello! And so you got all your energy is dissipating on both ends. 00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:20.799 And it's easy just to look at each other and go, You don't need anything from me, do you? 00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:23.279 The answer is yes, you do. 00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:27.039 You see, being made in God's image comes with one responsibility. 00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:29.839 The greatest responsibility is to know God. 00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:31.119 You say, What do you mean? 00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:32.960 Let me just read from Acts chapter 17. 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:35.119 You don't have to turn there, it'll come up on the screen. 00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:36.559 Acts chapter 17. 00:18:36.640 --> 00:18:37.680 Here's what the Bible says. 00:18:37.839 --> 00:18:40.400 Paul is talking to these really smart men. 00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:42.319 They're called the Aropicus. 00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.640 Kind of a gathering of all the intellects. 00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:51.200 And so Paul, standing in the midst of the Aropicus, said, Men of Athens, and I perceive that in every way you're very religious. 00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:58.640 So for as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription to the unknown God. 00:18:58.799 --> 00:19:01.839 What therefore you worship is unknown, this I will proclaim to you. 00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:04.160 Translation, let me tell you what God is like. 00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:08.480 You people are religious, and you're just going through the motions with these empty rituals. 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:10.880 Let me break it down to you and tell you what God is like. 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:26.559 And he says this, verse 24 the God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:28.160 See, it's not about need. 00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:31.599 You don't come to God because God needs you to come to him. 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:47.359 He gives to all mankind life and breath and everything, and he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on the face of the earth, having determined the allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God and perhaps spill their way towards him and find him. 00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:58.000 It is actually not far from each one of us, for in him we live and move and have our being, as even some of your poets have said, for we are indeed his offspring. 00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.400 We are made in the image of God. 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:08.400 We are not here because of a chemical biological reaction that took place because of a physical reaction between our mom and dad. 00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:10.480 We are his offspring. 00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:11.680 That is the truth. 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:13.839 Here's the consequence in verse 29. 00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:25.279 Being then God's offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and the imagination of man. 00:20:25.519 --> 00:20:35.039 One of the most fundamentally consequential truths that you and I need to embrace today in America is that I am made in the image of God. 00:20:35.279 --> 00:20:50.240 Therefore, I cannot think, I cannot allow culture to squeeze me into its mold of the way it thinks about God, because what they do is that God is this configuration of the art and the imagination of God, of man. 00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:54.640 And so God is whatever you need to be, the art and the imagination of man. 00:20:54.799 --> 00:21:00.480 So if my God's a God of love, then my God would never deny me anything that would make me happy. 00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:02.079 Here's another thing about marriage. 00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:05.039 Marriage is not the place you go to be happy. 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:13.119 Fight the power. 00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:14.079 Yes. 00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:15.680 That's exactly right. 00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:18.240 Marriage is the place you go to be holy. 00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:22.799 If you marry the right person, it's like holy sandpaper. 00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:32.400 And some days you love that, and some days you just think, I wish you didn't know me so well so you couldn't call me on stuff. 00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:34.799 Yeah. 00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:36.559 Absolutely. 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:39.119 The two responsibilities being made in God's image. 00:21:39.519 --> 00:21:44.160 The first one is to know God, and the second one is to be like God. 00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:46.880 That sounds like, oh, great. 00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:48.240 A lot of responsibility. 00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:51.599 Here's all the little happy thoughts about marriage, unless you should write this down. 00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:55.680 Marriage is not about duty, and it's not about delight. 00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:57.759 It's not, you know, either or. 00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.599 It's not duty or delight, it's both. 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:03.440 The Bible says this in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 1. 00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:04.640 Be imitators of God. 00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:06.319 No pressure there, huh? 00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:08.240 But the sentence goes on. 00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:09.599 The verse goes on. 00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:14.319 Be imitators of God as dearly loved children. 00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:21.599 In other words, God is so pleased with you as his dearly loved child, you can just put all your energy into being like him. 00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:27.839 See, when you and I do marriage based on our needs, it's all duty. 00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:34.160 But when you do it out of our identity, that God is creative, spiritual, intelligent, community, relational, moral. 00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:41.119 But if you do it out of your needs, what happens is you end up in a non-creative, unspiritual relationship where dumb decisions are made. 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:46.799 You stop communicating, you isolate, and you make immoral choices to self-medicate your bad marriage. 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:50.960 That's what happens in a relationship. 00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:52.240 You say, What do you mean? 00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:53.119 Look creative. 00:22:53.200 --> 00:23:04.079 If you've been married longer than five months or much less five years, ten years, twenty years, ask yourself, what's the last thing, ladies, your husband planned for you that totally caught you off guard? 00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:08.640 You say, What do you mean? 00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:10.720 You're made in God's image. 00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:12.720 We get to represent who God is. 00:23:12.960 --> 00:23:17.519 Second thing the Bible tells us about the creation of Mary is number one, we're created in God's image. 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.359 Secondly, we're created different. 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:20.720 We are created different. 00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:24.079 Here's what the Bible says in verse 27 of Genesis chapter 1. 00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:26.240 So God made man in his own image. 00:23:26.400 --> 00:23:28.240 In the image of God, he created him. 00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:31.440 Male and female, he created them. 00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:34.400 Now just you don't have to write this down, but hear this. 00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:39.839 There are not six words in the English language that you could use to say more than those six words right there. 00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:43.920 Male and female, he created them. 00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:46.880 Enough said. 00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:52.000 Sometimes I'm talking to my wife and I look over and she's crying. 00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:53.279