WEBVTT 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:04.000 This podcast is a ministry of Grant Parkway Baptist Church. 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:07.599 Helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:13.199 For more information about Grant Parkway, visit GrantProquay.org. 00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:18.160 If you've got a Bible, I invite you to take it and open it up, if you would, to Song of Solomon, chapter 5. 00:00:18.399 --> 00:00:20.000 Song of Solomon Chapter 5. 00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:24.079 If you don't have a Bible that's rolling your row, I'm on page 562. 00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:25.519 Page 562. 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:28.000 And if you're our guest today, let me say thanks for being a part of this. 00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:33.439 I know some of you, you're a guest today, but it's not your own, uh it wasn't your idea that you'd be a guest. 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:34.640 Here's how you got here today. 00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:36.719 You ask your mom, what do you want for Mother's Day? 00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:39.039 And she said, I want you to go to church with me. 00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:40.960 And here you are. 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:42.560 And so uh relax. 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:44.240 No one's gonna beat you with a guilt stick. 00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:47.600 Well, actually, we're in a series entitled Uh Marriage Matters. 00:00:47.679 --> 00:00:58.880 And today, uh we started off a couple weeks ago talking about the creation of marriage, how God designed marriage to meet the needs of a man and a woman, but also God designed marriage to meet what God intends for civilization. 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:01.119 It's called the cultural mandate back in Genesis. 00:01:01.280 --> 00:01:05.840 Last week we talked about the contents of marriage, five or six things that should be in every marriage. 00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:09.359 And then this week I want to talk about the conflictual nature of marriage. 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:11.280 The conflictual nature of marriage. 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:16.959 Now, you may hear that and kind of go, that's not a very positive kind of uh a sermon topic, our title right there. 00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:21.519 But if you take two people, a man and a woman, who are radically different, amen? 00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:22.799 Yes. 00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:30.319 Like last night, our 16-year-old got home from a school dance, function or whatever, and piled up on the bed with us at like 10 45. 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:33.519 I don't know about when you were growing up, but I never went in my parents' bedroom. 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:35.920 It was just, it's just, we never went in there. 00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:37.200 Our kids live in our room. 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:45.359 And so I'm trying to watch basketball playoffs, and I got my 16-year-old laying in the bed between my wife and I tell me about all the social politics of high school. 00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:48.239 And I'm like, hello, I don't care, okay? 00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:50.159 High school is overrated. 00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:51.280 That's a mud hole. 00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:53.200 Go to college, it's like the ocean. 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:55.760 I don't care who likes who and who broke up with who. 00:01:55.920 --> 00:01:57.680 And my wife's eyebrow went up. 00:01:59.280 --> 00:02:03.200 Which meant when this kid leaves, you're gonna get a whooping. 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:06.000 And I'm like, bring it on, conky dong. 00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:07.120 I ain't scared of you. 00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:08.319 I worked all day. 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.840 You were at a woman's planning, women's ministry planning retreat, okay? 00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:13.680 You think it's grass mode itself? 00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:15.439 I didn't say that, by the way. 00:02:15.599 --> 00:02:16.960 But I thought that. 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:23.120 Sometimes I look at my wife like, you have no idea how hard it is to do all the stuff that I do. 00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:24.879 But I don't say that either. 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:29.120 But anyway, in case you're wondering, uh, this was my week this week. 00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:30.319 My week was funny this week. 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:38.800 I was talking to a friend of mine, he's talking about his family, and he and he said, You know, my brother, and he said, You know, my brother's like, he said, my brother got locked up, got taken to jail, and you get one phone call. 00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:42.000 He said, My brother used that one phone call to order a pizza. 00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:46.000 And I was just like, awesome, awesome. 00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:46.560 Okay. 00:02:46.800 --> 00:02:49.360 Also met with a couple that doesn't go to our church. 00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:53.759 They came to see me for marriage counseling, and the guy just said, we just need to get divorced because we're not making each other happy. 00:02:53.919 --> 00:02:55.280 And I said, Well, wait a minute. 00:02:55.360 --> 00:02:58.400 He goes, She can find somebody to make her happy, I can find somebody to make me happy. 00:02:58.479 --> 00:03:02.080 And that that's just because I said, and then all in response to they walked in, sat down. 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:03.280 I said, Tell me why you're here. 00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:05.680 Well, we're here because we need to get a divorce. 00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:06.719 And I said, Really? 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:07.919 I got one right here in the drawer. 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:09.199 I can pull it out and sign it and make it. 00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:10.639 Are you serious? 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:12.400 And I said, Why do I want to get divorced? 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:16.960 Because I'm not happy, she's not happy, she can find somebody else to make her happy, I can find somebody else to make me happy. 00:03:17.039 --> 00:03:18.000 How long have you been married? 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:18.960 Five years. 00:03:19.599 --> 00:03:22.639 Took you five years to figure out that you don't make each other happy. 00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:28.560 And then I dropped this bomb on them because if you're visiting, I'm like Pastor Sunshine, I'm full of happy thoughts. 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:34.879 I said, Let me just say this to you: the goal of marriage, what if I just told you this? 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:37.360 The goal of marriage is not to be happy. 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:40.800 And the man looked at me and said, Then what's the point? 00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:46.560 And I said, matter of fact, if you need somebody outside of you to make you happy, you're probably not right with God. 00:03:47.919 --> 00:03:50.400 And then all of a sudden the PA announcer made this announcement. 00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:52.080 Please hold on to the bar. 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:54.080 The ride is about to depart. 00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:56.800 Please secure all loose articles. 00:03:57.199 --> 00:03:59.919 And I just said, I'm not, I'm not saying that because I'm a preacher. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:02.240 I said, but she's not designed to make you happy. 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:11.199 I'm not saying you can't be happy in marriage, but you've idolized each other and you looked at each other to have like a godlike status, to fix everything that's wrong with you. 00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:14.479 There's things that are wrong with you that only Jesus can fix. 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:18.560 And the woman said, uh, can I smoke while we have this conversation? 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:21.360 Because I mean only God can fix this man. 00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:24.639 And then I dropped this other happy thought on him, and I'll tell you why I'm telling you this. 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:33.040 I said, by the way, before we get started, I do not believe there's a marriage relationship in the world that cannot be repaired if two people are willing to work. 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:36.160 And the guy went, We'll see. 00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:38.639 And the woman said, I'm listening. 00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:40.000 And off we went. 00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:43.199 And one of the things I found out about this couple is they don't know how to fight. 00:04:43.439 --> 00:04:44.399 They don't fight well. 00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:49.920 And so when I talk to you today about the conflictual uh nature of marriage, I want you to walk out today. 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:52.720 By the way, when I say the word fight, that's not a bad word. 00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:54.319 Uh, some people don't like that word. 00:04:54.480 --> 00:05:06.720 You've got to just learn to do conflict in marriage, otherwise, uh it's just gonna be you're gonna have a lot of unspoken words and you're gonna say things in a disagreement with your husband or wife that aren't that you don't want to say. 00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:09.120 You're just like, oh, I wish I could get that back. 00:05:09.279 --> 00:05:10.079 Let me say this. 00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:16.319 Marriages that don't engage in healthy conflict seldom offer opportunities for full disclosure. 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:21.839 Marriages that do not engage in healthy conflict seldom offer opportunities for full disclosure. 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:22.639 What do you mean? 00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:26.959 Some people, you have to get them angry for them to tell you what they really mean. 00:05:27.279 --> 00:05:28.879 You're like, I don't agree with that. 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:30.079 Have you ever heard this phrase? 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:33.519 Somebody asks a question and the person goes, You really want to know? 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:39.439 What you're saying is, I usually lie or shade the truth, but if you get me mad enough, I'll tell you how I really feel. 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:43.120 And sometimes in conflict, your spouse finally feels released. 00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:47.920 You've wounded them enough, they can just open the floodgates and go, You really want to know? 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:49.600 I'm not saying it should be that way. 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:50.879 I'm just saying it is that way. 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:58.639 However, I will just say this: when done right, conflict produces this deeper understanding of yourself, your spouse, and your relationship. 00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:00.639 It's that phrase, when done right. 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:04.959 And so instead of me standing up here and plathering on about, oh, here's some things to do when you get it. 00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:10.800 I just want to look at a couple in the Bible that gets into a fight, how they fight and how they make up. 00:06:10.879 --> 00:06:11.199 Okay? 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:12.000 Can we do that? 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:15.360 And then you can get out of here and go eat egg pie for Mother's Day. 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:16.639 That's what quiche is, by the way. 00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:17.839 It's just egg pie. 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:19.920 You can call it quiche all you want. 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:21.360 It's just a big egg pie. 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:22.000 There you go. 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:24.079 Just ruined the brunch for you right there, didn't I? 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:25.360 This is what the Bible says. 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:26.240 Here's a picture. 00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:29.759 The Bible's not afraid of just the nitty-gritty details of marriage. 00:06:29.839 --> 00:06:31.839 This is a picture starting in Song of Solomon. 00:06:31.920 --> 00:06:39.439 And by the way, let me say this: the book of Song of Solomon was so racy, so graphic that Jewish males were not allowed to read it until they turned 13. 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:43.360 Your kids are like, and page one. 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:47.120 Yeah, because it just lays it out there, by the way. 00:06:47.199 --> 00:06:50.480 A second thing I want to tell you about Song of Solomon is its poetic language. 00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:58.319 Not like two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, but it kind of says things in a way that's poetic, but it's it's very real. 00:06:58.560 --> 00:07:05.439 Third thing I want to say about Song of Solomon, a lot of people think it's allegorical, or it kind of refers to Jesus and his bride, the church. 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:07.279 Hey, there's things this couple say to each other. 00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:08.800 I don't want Jesus saying to me. 00:07:08.959 --> 00:07:10.240 It's a little creepy. 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:22.560 Like at one point he said, we won't read that part today, but on their honeymoon, she's standing before him in her wedding gown, and he looks at her, and he, before he puts a hand on her, he describes her from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:28.480 And when he gets to her belly button, he says, Your navel is like a goblet full filled with sweet wine. 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:35.680 There's a phrase you never thought you'd hear in church. 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:42.000 Your kids do not want to hear you say to your wife today, baby, your belly button's like it's full of good beer. 00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:45.199 Matter of fact, lay down here on the bar, let me pour something in there. 00:07:45.279 --> 00:07:46.560 Let's see what happens. 00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:55.839 A man talks to a woman like that in the Bible, and some of you are kind of going, rock on, and some of you are like, skip forward, please. 00:07:56.639 --> 00:08:00.319 The conflictual nature of marriage, Song of Solomon chapter 5, verse 2. 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:03.759 The woman speaks and she says, I slept, but my heart was awake. 00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:04.639 A sound. 00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:06.240 My beloved is knocking. 00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:07.199 Open to me. 00:08:07.279 --> 00:08:07.600 This is him. 00:08:07.759 --> 00:08:11.279 He says, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one. 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:15.439 For my head is wet with dew and my locks with the drops of the night. 00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:18.720 And she says, he says, basically, hey, I've been working all night. 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:19.759 I'm coming home. 00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:21.600 I want to be rewarded for coming home. 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:22.879 That's what I've been thinking about. 00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:25.519 Verse 3, she said, I had put off my garment. 00:08:25.680 --> 00:08:26.800 How could I put it back on? 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:28.720 He's like, We don't need a garment. 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:29.279 Oh, who? 00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:30.959 I put off my garment. 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:32.320 How can I put it back on? 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:33.840 I had bathed my feet. 00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:35.279 How could I soil them? 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:38.960 My beloved put his hand to the latch and my heart was thrilled within me. 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:44.399 I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, and my fingers with liquid myrrh. 00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:49.519 On the handles of the bolt, I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. 00:08:49.759 --> 00:08:51.840 My soul failed within me. 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:52.639 He spoke. 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:56.080 Excuse me, my foe, my soul failed me when he spoke. 00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:58.399 I sought him, but found him not. 00:08:58.559 --> 00:09:01.840 I called him, but he gave no answer. 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:04.320 I'm going to divide this chapter into three sections. 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:06.960 The first section we just read is what I call the fight. 00:09:07.120 --> 00:09:09.440 The fight, verses two to six of chapter five. 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:20.799 Basically, now let me kind of I I didn't give you the other piece of information that when you read this section, you gotta realize that back in then it's kind of like remember, did you ever watch I Love Lucy on TV? 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:25.039 Remember that uh uh Lucy and Ricky slept in separate beds? 00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:28.000 Yeah, my how far are we fallen, huh? 00:09:28.240 --> 00:09:34.639 Uh but but but in in the biblical days, men and women, husband and wife slept in what they call separate sleeping chambers. 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:37.519 He had a sleeping chamber and she had a sleeping chamber, like a bedroom. 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:42.240 And so basically what happens is this man's been out working, he says, my head is wet with the dew of the morning. 00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:43.279 I've been working all day. 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:50.720 He comes home, he goes basically to his wife and she said, he says, Hey, and she's like, uh, I I've I've already taken off my my gown. 00:09:50.879 --> 00:09:51.759 Should I put it back on? 00:09:51.919 --> 00:09:53.200 I've I've already washed my feet. 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:55.279 They would wash their feet before they would get in bed. 00:09:55.440 --> 00:09:56.559 I've already washed my feet. 00:09:56.720 --> 00:09:57.919 Shall I soil them again? 00:09:58.080 --> 00:10:00.480 Which is Hebrew for saying, I have a headache. 00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:04.480 That's exactly what happens here. 00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:06.399 He's kind of like, what about it? 00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:07.679 And she's like, not at all. 00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:12.240 And he's like, oh, instead of kicking the door and like, eh, a man's got news, you gotta be taking care of your man. 00:10:12.399 --> 00:10:18.320 Then what he does, he just kind of leaves, because when you read in there and it says, she says, I touched the handle and it was dripping with myrrh. 00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:24.240 Basically, he leaves his cologne on the bolt, on the doorknob, so to speak. 00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:29.120 And so when he gets a no, she gives him a no, he gives her a yes. 00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:34.960 Because she goes and touches the doorknob and she's kind of like, Mmm, Javon Muskoyle. 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:38.159 Whew! Where's that journey album? 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:40.639 Let's get that bad boy out and get some music going here. 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:44.159 That's exactly what happens, and all of a sudden, she's like curious. 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:46.559 She opens the door and she goes outside looking for him. 00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:49.440 She walks out and she goes, basically, where is my man? 00:10:49.519 --> 00:10:54.720 Because I gave him a no and he left me a yes, and I'm changing my no to a yes. 00:10:54.879 --> 00:10:56.240 That's what the fight's about. 00:10:56.399 --> 00:11:02.399 It's subtle, but hey, he wants one thing, she wants another, and this was what produces it all. 00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:05.600 Three things I want you to notice in this little section that we call the fight. 00:11:05.759 --> 00:11:08.480 Number one, how he deals with not getting his way. 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:10.879 How he deals with not getting his way. 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:15.039 A lot of marriage, men and women, involves you not getting your way. 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:17.279 It's not sexy, it's not romantic. 00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:20.960 They don't tell you that in premarital counseling unless you come to see me, and I tell you. 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:22.639 Marriage is about compromise. 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:25.919 Marriage is sometimes she's gonna win, sometimes you're gonna win. 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:30.480 One guy asked me one time, he goes, Well, how do you know that you're marrying the right person? 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:34.000 You get as excited when she wins as you do when you win. 00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:35.919 And he went, Oh. 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:38.159 Yeah. 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:42.720 Because if it's all about you winning, it's not gonna be enjoyable for her. 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:44.320 And so, what happens? 00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:46.000 How he deals with not getting his way? 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:47.840 Basically, he anoints the obstacle. 00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:58.559 He comes and he kind of jiggles a doorknob and it's locked, and she says from behind the locked door, sorry, already in bed, already fed the kids, already walked to let the dogs outside for the last time. 00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:00.320 We're shutting her down here, buddy. 00:12:00.399 --> 00:12:03.200 Okay, I'm I I want a glide pattern to go into bed. 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:06.639 I'm gonna watch a few minutes of Jimmy Fowlon and I'm going to sleep. 00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:12.639 And the guy's kind of like, all right, and he leaves his calling card on the doorknob. 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:14.480 You say, Well, what do you mean? 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:15.440 That's what the Bible says. 00:12:15.519 --> 00:12:16.799 I'll read it to you again. 00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:25.279 He he says in verse 5, I rose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh and my fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the bowl. 00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:26.000 Uh-oh. 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:30.720 See, second thing I want you to notice is his standard is not his wife's behavior. 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:32.799 His standard is not his wife's behavior. 00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:36.480 He doesn't go, oh, well, you're treating me this way, or I'm gonna treat you back this way. 00:12:36.639 --> 00:12:39.200 He gets a no and he leaves her with a yes. 00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:46.559 Third thing I want you to notice is simply this is that anger creates outward change, but understanding produces inward change. 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:52.559 Anger, if you want someone to change outwardly, in other words, to pacify your behavior, get angry. 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:54.080 Get mad. 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:56.480 That's why so many couples fight, but they never change. 00:12:56.559 --> 00:13:05.360 Have you ever noticed you you can fight, you can get in this big blow up, but yet nothing, the real the issue never changes because anger produces outward change. 00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:12.240 I remember when I was a kid, my dad would get mad, and we'd all like, oh, whoa, whoa, okay, and we'd all start trying to pacify my dad so it wouldn't be angry anymore. 00:13:12.399 --> 00:13:14.879 Here's the deal: anger is a secondary emotion. 00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:18.639 In other words, if this is anger, there's something back here behind the anger. 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:25.679 And if all you do is respond to your spouse's anger, you're not dealing with the issue that caused him to get angry in the first place. 00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:28.480 And Solomon, and his wife's name is Shulametha. 00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:32.320 The way he he understands it, hey, getting angry just creates outward changes. 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:34.559 I could get angry, men, let me tell you something. 00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:39.759 You can get angry in your marriage with your wife and get your needs met your entire married life. 00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:42.480 In other words, anger becomes the leverage that you use. 00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:47.519 You almost threaten, you know, I'll tell you what, and your wife's like, oh, well, oh, well, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:51.919 And you never, ever, ever have a healthy marriage relationship. 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:54.559 Because anger produces outward change. 00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:57.360 Understanding produces inward change. 00:13:57.519 --> 00:14:00.399 And that's what Solomon does in this little section right here. 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:03.120 Section two is simply what I call the facts. 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:09.759 I'll pick up reading where we left off in uh chapter 5. 00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:10.720 This is what happened. 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:12.639 She got up and looking for him, verse 7. 00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:14.559 She says, She says, I called him verse 6. 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:16.000 I called him, but he gave no answer. 00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:16.720 Verse 7. 00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:18.879 So she's out walking around the city now. 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:26.799 The watchmen found me as I went about the city, and they beat me, they bruised me, they took me away my veil, those watchmen on the walls. 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:33.519 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him, I am sick with love. 00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:37.679 Now, what's happened is that when a city back then, a city would just kind of shut down. 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:42.399 If you grew up in a small town like I did, they roll up the sidewalks at five o'clock, okay? 00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:43.600 Nothing is open. 00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:49.840 And back then, cities were just kind of shut down at night and they were fortified by a wall, and the watchmen were the men up on the wall. 00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:56.720 And so they see this woman and she's got a veil over her face, and she's walking, and they think, hey, somebody's trying to break in. 00:14:56.799 --> 00:15:02.320 Our enemy's trying to break in, disguised as a woman, so they find her and they rough her up and they pull the veil off and they go, Oh, it's a woman. 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:04.000 And she's like, I'm looking for my husband. 00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:04.799 Have you seen him? 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:07.200 And then she sees some of her girlfriends. 00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:09.440 And this is what happens in verse 9. 00:15:09.919 --> 00:15:16.559 She says, Hey, if you find my beloved to the washman, you tell him I'm sick with love, verse 9, these women speak up. 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:18.720 What is your beloved more than another beloved? 00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:20.799 Oh, most beautiful among women. 00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:25.360 What is your beloved more than any other than another beloved that you thus adjure us? 00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:28.559 Translation, what is such a big deal about this man? 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:29.919 I mean, it's a man. 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:31.759 Just go get another one, okay? 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:33.279 This one's gonna be this way. 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:34.799 Just go get you another man. 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:39.679 It's a couple I referenced earlier that I saw this week, who I was like, How did you get my name? 00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:48.720 Well, I work with a guy and he's got a friend that comes here, and all I knew is your name was Neil, and I'm like, uh-oh, uh, uh, okay, that that that's fine. 00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:53.440 And my favorite part was the guy at the end pulled out his checkbook and said, What's this cost me? 00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:55.519 What? 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:58.879 Well, I think I should pay you for this counseling session. 00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:00.639 We don't charge for this here. 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:02.639 We're not like a professional counseling service. 00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:03.679 I'm a pastor. 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:09.039 Well, I'd like to pay you because I got more out of this than that guy we've been paying downtown. 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:10.559 It's okay. 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:11.919 Those people are smarter than me. 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:14.159 I just have to say it short and sweet and to the point. 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:16.559 And one of the things that I said to him, I said, here's the thing. 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:19.759 You could divorce your wife and go find somebody to make you happy. 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:20.559 And guess what? 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:27.600 You take all your problems in that relationship, it's just a matter of time before you're not happy with her and you're looking for someone else to make you happy. 00:16:28.159 --> 00:16:34.799 And I said, the greatest thing you could do is marry one person and stay with them to the day you die. 00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:40.639 He goes, Well, I mean, I mean, for her, and I said, You think she enjoys being married to you? 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:45.279 See, if you're a professional counselor, you can't say that. 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:50.000 But if you're a preacher, you can just say, You think this is enjoyable for her? 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:52.320 And the wife's like, I've got to have a cigarette. 00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:53.759 Please, can I smoke? 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:55.279 And I went, Are you nervous? 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:57.200 She goes, No, this is so enjoyable. 00:16:57.360 --> 00:17:01.519 I just want to just, oh, if I could just have a bourbon and a cigarette. 00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:04.960 I'm like, a little heavy drinking for a woman here. 00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:06.079 It's 10 30 in the morning. 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:07.680 She goes, You haven't lived with him. 00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:11.039 But I told him, I said, here's the deal. 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:13.519 And I told him, I'm going to tell my people on Sunday, by the way. 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:16.799 This woman gets up and she goes looking for this man, and she runs into her girlfriends. 00:17:16.960 --> 00:17:18.880 Her girlfriends are like, Oh, what's the big deal? 00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:19.680 Just get a man. 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:21.119 I mean, kick that one to the curb. 00:17:21.200 --> 00:17:23.680 And she's like, You don't understand about this man. 00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:25.519 So this brings us to section number two. 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:26.559 First, we have the fight. 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:27.759 Secondly, we have the facts. 00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:34.400 In the midst of being angry, in the midst of a fight, these women say, What is your beloved more than another beloved? 00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:36.079 Oh, most beautiful among women. 00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:38.640 What is your beloved more than any another beloved? 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:40.160 That you thus adjure us. 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:43.119 In other words, that you tell us, help me find this man. 00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:44.160 What's the big deal? 00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:51.920 Shulamut, the wife, speaks up in verse 10 and says, My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. 00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:54.160 His head is the finest gold. 00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:57.200 His locks are wavy, black as a raven. 00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:00.240 Remind you of anybody. 00:18:02.799 --> 00:18:10.960 His locks are wavy, black as a raven, his eyes are like doves beside streams of water bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool. 00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:13.680 There's a phrase you're not gonna write in your Mother's Day card. 00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:29.359 His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet smelling herbs, his lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh, his arms are rods of gold set with jewels, his body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. 00:18:29.519 --> 00:18:37.200 His legs are alabaster columns set on bases of gold, and his appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. 00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:42.160 His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. 00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:48.000 This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. 00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:49.440 Chapter 6, verse 1. 00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:54.400 These women respond back, where has your beloved gone, O most beautiful among women? 00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:56.559 And does he have brothers? 00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:02.559 Where has your beloved turned that we may seek him with you? 00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:05.039 All of a sudden, what's a big deal about this man? 00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:09.200 She describes him, and they're like, Where is this man that we may seek him with you? 00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:11.519 We don't believe such a man exists. 00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:13.119 Now, ladies, think about this. 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:17.599 In the midst of a conflict, she talks this way about her husband. 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:24.799 Some of you are like, Okay, we got the point. 00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:25.680 Keep going. 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:30.480 She doesn't pick up her cell phone and tell her friends, you won't believe what this pig did today. 00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:32.559 They're like, hey, what's the big deal? 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:33.599 You're looking at this guy. 00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:34.400 Here's the facts. 00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:38.079 Here's what she says about this man in the middle of a disagreement with him. 00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:43.039 Number one, she says, first of all, I'll just put them all up on the screen and just kind of walk through them that he's attractive. 00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:46.799 That's what she talks about when she says, My beloved is radiant and ruddy. 00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:48.240 That's Hebrew for red. 00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:50.319 He's distinguished among ten thousand. 00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:54.480 In other words, I walk by ten thousand men to find this man. 00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:58.880 His head is like the finest gold, his locks are wavy, black as a raven. 00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:04.799 Verse 12, his eyes are like doves beside streams of water bathed in milk, setting beside a full pool. 00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:06.640 He's peaceful, basically. 00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:07.519 What do you mean? 00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:09.519 His eyes don't narrow in anger. 00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:15.440 Men, there's a look that you can get on your face that causes fear and uncertainty in your wife. 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:17.039 You should never be that way. 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:25.119 You should never, ever speak or act in a way that causes your wife not to feel safe around you. 00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:26.799 That's the next thing, verse 13. 00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:30.319 His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet smelling herbs. 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:32.799 His lips are lilies dripping liquid myrrh. 00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:34.559 His lips are lilies. 00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:38.720 Lilies are a picture of gentleness all through the book of Song of Solomon. 00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:41.680 And then she says, His lips are dripping liquid myrrh. 00:20:41.759 --> 00:20:46.319 In other words, this man speaks in a way to me that I'm not afraid of. 00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:50.240 His lips drip liquid myrrh. 00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:53.200 He's very safe, he's very complimentary. 00:20:53.519 --> 00:21:00.799 And then he, verse 14, his arms are rods of gold set with jewels, his body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. 00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:04.079 A woman that talks like that is not afraid of her husband's hands. 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:06.720 He never lifts his hands in anger at this woman. 00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:08.720 And then she gets to verse 14 and 15. 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:12.319 She keeps going, his legs are alabaster columns set on bases of gold. 00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:14.960 His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. 00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:16.319 That's the phrase right there. 00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:18.480 Choice as the cedars of Lebanon. 00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:22.640 You don't understand that unless you understand that that was like the finest of the fine. 00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:24.559 That's like incredible, rare. 00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:29.359 If you watch, there's a there's a show on, I just went blank on the name of it. 00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:32.240 Basically, when these people cut wood, Axemen. 00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:32.960 Axemen. 00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:34.240 You ever seen the show Axemen? 00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:35.519 I think it's on the History Channel. 00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:39.279 And you got some guys that they their timber company is up on the Great Northwest. 00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:42.640 And then you got this Yahoo over here in Louisiana called Shelby. 00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:44.400 There's a little man on there, Shelby. 00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:45.599 He's a crazy man. 00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:47.279 He finds these submerged logs. 00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:48.480 And I remember I first saw it. 00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:51.119 I was kind of like, you make a living doing this? 00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:52.000 Or come on. 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:58.640 Sure enough, they're pulling one log out, submerged, Cypress log, did it bend, yeah, and the guy sells it for$6,000. 00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:03.119 And I'm like, I wonder if my wife could do that during the summer to bring in some extra income. 00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:06.079 Because you just got to find them, finders, keepers. 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:08.799 You find them, tow them up, and then these buyers come and they buy. 00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:09.200 Why? 00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:10.480 Because they're looking for wood. 00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:12.240