SPEAKER_00: This podcast is a ministry of Grant Parkway Baptist Church.
SPEAKER_00: Helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God.
SPEAKER_00: For more information about Grant Parkway, visit GrantProquay.org.
SPEAKER_01: If you've got a Bible, I invite you to take it and open it up, if you would, to Song of Solomon, chapter 5.
SPEAKER_01: Song of Solomon Chapter 5.
SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a Bible that's rolling your row, I'm on page 562.
SPEAKER_01: Page 562.
SPEAKER_01: And if you're our guest today, let me say thanks for being a part of this.
SPEAKER_01: I know some of you, you're a guest today, but it's not your own, uh it wasn't your idea that you'd be a guest.
SPEAKER_01: Here's how you got here today.
SPEAKER_01: You ask your mom, what do you want for Mother's Day?
SPEAKER_01: And she said, I want you to go to church with me.
SPEAKER_01: And here you are.
SPEAKER_01: And so uh relax.
SPEAKER_01: No one's gonna beat you with a guilt stick.
SPEAKER_01: Well, actually, we're in a series entitled Uh Marriage Matters.
SPEAKER_01: And today, uh we started off a couple weeks ago talking about the creation of marriage, how God designed marriage to meet the needs of a man and a woman, but also God designed marriage to meet what God intends for civilization.
SPEAKER_01: It's called the cultural mandate back in Genesis.
SPEAKER_01: Last week we talked about the contents of marriage, five or six things that should be in every marriage.
SPEAKER_01: And then this week I want to talk about the conflictual nature of marriage.
SPEAKER_01: The conflictual nature of marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Now, you may hear that and kind of go, that's not a very positive kind of uh a sermon topic, our title right there.
SPEAKER_01: But if you take two people, a man and a woman, who are radically different, amen?
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
SPEAKER_01: Like last night, our 16-year-old got home from a school dance, function or whatever, and piled up on the bed with us at like 10 45.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about when you were growing up, but I never went in my parents' bedroom.
SPEAKER_01: It was just, it's just, we never went in there.
SPEAKER_01: Our kids live in our room.
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm trying to watch basketball playoffs, and I got my 16-year-old laying in the bed between my wife and I tell me about all the social politics of high school.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, hello, I don't care, okay?
SPEAKER_01: High school is overrated.
SPEAKER_01: That's a mud hole.
SPEAKER_01: Go to college, it's like the ocean.
SPEAKER_01: I don't care who likes who and who broke up with who.
SPEAKER_01: And my wife's eyebrow went up.
SPEAKER_01: Which meant when this kid leaves, you're gonna get a whooping.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, bring it on, conky dong.
SPEAKER_01: I ain't scared of you.
SPEAKER_01: I worked all day.
SPEAKER_01: You were at a woman's planning, women's ministry planning retreat, okay?
SPEAKER_01: You think it's grass mode itself?
SPEAKER_01: I didn't say that, by the way.
SPEAKER_01: But I thought that.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I look at my wife like, you have no idea how hard it is to do all the stuff that I do.
SPEAKER_01: But I don't say that either.
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, in case you're wondering, uh, this was my week this week.
SPEAKER_01: My week was funny this week.
SPEAKER_01: I was talking to a friend of mine, he's talking about his family, and he and he said, You know, my brother, and he said, You know, my brother's like, he said, my brother got locked up, got taken to jail, and you get one phone call.
SPEAKER_01: He said, My brother used that one phone call to order a pizza.
SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, awesome, awesome.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: Also met with a couple that doesn't go to our church.
SPEAKER_01: They came to see me for marriage counseling, and the guy just said, we just need to get divorced because we're not making each other happy.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_01: He goes, She can find somebody to make her happy, I can find somebody to make me happy.
SPEAKER_01: And that that's just because I said, and then all in response to they walked in, sat down.
SPEAKER_01: I said, Tell me why you're here.
SPEAKER_01: Well, we're here because we need to get a divorce.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Really?
SPEAKER_01: I got one right here in the drawer.
SPEAKER_01: I can pull it out and sign it and make it.
SPEAKER_01: Are you serious?
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Why do I want to get divorced?
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not happy, she's not happy, she can find somebody else to make her happy, I can find somebody else to make me happy.
SPEAKER_01: How long have you been married?
SPEAKER_01: Five years.
SPEAKER_01: Took you five years to figure out that you don't make each other happy.
SPEAKER_01: And then I dropped this bomb on them because if you're visiting, I'm like Pastor Sunshine, I'm full of happy thoughts.
SPEAKER_01: I said, Let me just say this to you: the goal of marriage, what if I just told you this?
SPEAKER_01: The goal of marriage is not to be happy.
SPEAKER_01: And the man looked at me and said, Then what's the point?
SPEAKER_01: And I said, matter of fact, if you need somebody outside of you to make you happy, you're probably not right with God.
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden the PA announcer made this announcement.
SPEAKER_01: Please hold on to the bar.
SPEAKER_01: The ride is about to depart.
SPEAKER_01: Please secure all loose articles.
SPEAKER_01: And I just said, I'm not, I'm not saying that because I'm a preacher.
SPEAKER_01: I said, but she's not designed to make you happy.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying you can't be happy in marriage, but you've idolized each other and you looked at each other to have like a godlike status, to fix everything that's wrong with you.
SPEAKER_01: There's things that are wrong with you that only Jesus can fix.
SPEAKER_01: And the woman said, uh, can I smoke while we have this conversation?
SPEAKER_01: Because I mean only God can fix this man.
SPEAKER_01: And then I dropped this other happy thought on him, and I'll tell you why I'm telling you this.
SPEAKER_01: I said, by the way, before we get started, I do not believe there's a marriage relationship in the world that cannot be repaired if two people are willing to work.
SPEAKER_01: And the guy went, We'll see.
SPEAKER_01: And the woman said, I'm listening.
SPEAKER_01: And off we went.
SPEAKER_01: And one of the things I found out about this couple is they don't know how to fight.
SPEAKER_01: They don't fight well.
SPEAKER_01: And so when I talk to you today about the conflictual uh nature of marriage, I want you to walk out today.
SPEAKER_01: By the way, when I say the word fight, that's not a bad word.
SPEAKER_01: Uh, some people don't like that word.
SPEAKER_01: You've got to just learn to do conflict in marriage, otherwise, uh it's just gonna be you're gonna have a lot of unspoken words and you're gonna say things in a disagreement with your husband or wife that aren't that you don't want to say.
SPEAKER_01: You're just like, oh, I wish I could get that back.
SPEAKER_01: Let me say this.
SPEAKER_01: Marriages that don't engage in healthy conflict seldom offer opportunities for full disclosure.
SPEAKER_01: Marriages that do not engage in healthy conflict seldom offer opportunities for full disclosure.
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
SPEAKER_01: Some people, you have to get them angry for them to tell you what they really mean.
SPEAKER_01: You're like, I don't agree with that.
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever heard this phrase?
SPEAKER_01: Somebody asks a question and the person goes, You really want to know?
SPEAKER_01: What you're saying is, I usually lie or shade the truth, but if you get me mad enough, I'll tell you how I really feel.
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes in conflict, your spouse finally feels released.
SPEAKER_01: You've wounded them enough, they can just open the floodgates and go, You really want to know?
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying it should be that way.
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying it is that way.
SPEAKER_01: However, I will just say this: when done right, conflict produces this deeper understanding of yourself, your spouse, and your relationship.
SPEAKER_01: It's that phrase, when done right.
SPEAKER_01: And so instead of me standing up here and plathering on about, oh, here's some things to do when you get it.
SPEAKER_01: I just want to look at a couple in the Bible that gets into a fight, how they fight and how they make up.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Can we do that?
SPEAKER_01: And then you can get out of here and go eat egg pie for Mother's Day.
SPEAKER_01: That's what quiche is, by the way.
SPEAKER_01: It's just egg pie.
SPEAKER_01: You can call it quiche all you want.
SPEAKER_01: It's just a big egg pie.
SPEAKER_01: There you go.
SPEAKER_01: Just ruined the brunch for you right there, didn't I?
SPEAKER_01: This is what the Bible says.
SPEAKER_01: Here's a picture.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible's not afraid of just the nitty-gritty details of marriage.
SPEAKER_01: This is a picture starting in Song of Solomon.
SPEAKER_01: And by the way, let me say this: the book of Song of Solomon was so racy, so graphic that Jewish males were not allowed to read it until they turned 13.
SPEAKER_01: Your kids are like, and page one.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it just lays it out there, by the way.
SPEAKER_01: A second thing I want to tell you about Song of Solomon is its poetic language.
SPEAKER_01: Not like two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, but it kind of says things in a way that's poetic, but it's it's very real.
SPEAKER_01: Third thing I want to say about Song of Solomon, a lot of people think it's allegorical, or it kind of refers to Jesus and his bride, the church.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, there's things this couple say to each other.
SPEAKER_01: I don't want Jesus saying to me.
SPEAKER_01: It's a little creepy.
SPEAKER_01: Like at one point he said, we won't read that part today, but on their honeymoon, she's standing before him in her wedding gown, and he looks at her, and he, before he puts a hand on her, he describes her from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.
SPEAKER_01: And when he gets to her belly button, he says, Your navel is like a goblet full filled with sweet wine.
SPEAKER_01: There's a phrase you never thought you'd hear in church.
SPEAKER_01: Your kids do not want to hear you say to your wife today, baby, your belly button's like it's full of good beer.
SPEAKER_01: Matter of fact, lay down here on the bar, let me pour something in there.
SPEAKER_01: Let's see what happens.
SPEAKER_01: A man talks to a woman like that in the Bible, and some of you are kind of going, rock on, and some of you are like, skip forward, please.
SPEAKER_01: The conflictual nature of marriage, Song of Solomon chapter 5, verse 2.
SPEAKER_01: The woman speaks and she says, I slept, but my heart was awake.
SPEAKER_01: A sound.
SPEAKER_01: My beloved is knocking.
SPEAKER_01: Open to me.
SPEAKER_01: This is him.
SPEAKER_01: He says, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one.
SPEAKER_01: For my head is wet with dew and my locks with the drops of the night.
SPEAKER_01: And she says, he says, basically, hey, I've been working all night.
SPEAKER_01: I'm coming home.
SPEAKER_01: I want to be rewarded for coming home.
SPEAKER_01: That's what I've been thinking about.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 3, she said, I had put off my garment.
SPEAKER_01: How could I put it back on?
SPEAKER_01: He's like, We don't need a garment.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, who?
SPEAKER_01: I put off my garment.
SPEAKER_01: How can I put it back on?
SPEAKER_01: I had bathed my feet.
SPEAKER_01: How could I soil them?
SPEAKER_01: My beloved put his hand to the latch and my heart was thrilled within me.
SPEAKER_01: I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, and my fingers with liquid myrrh.
SPEAKER_01: On the handles of the bolt, I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone.
SPEAKER_01: My soul failed within me.
SPEAKER_01: He spoke.
SPEAKER_01: Excuse me, my foe, my soul failed me when he spoke.
SPEAKER_01: I sought him, but found him not.
SPEAKER_01: I called him, but he gave no answer.
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to divide this chapter into three sections.
SPEAKER_01: The first section we just read is what I call the fight.
SPEAKER_01: The fight, verses two to six of chapter five.
SPEAKER_01: Basically, now let me kind of I I didn't give you the other piece of information that when you read this section, you gotta realize that back in then it's kind of like remember, did you ever watch I Love Lucy on TV?
SPEAKER_01: Remember that uh uh Lucy and Ricky slept in separate beds?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my how far are we fallen, huh?
SPEAKER_01: Uh but but but in in the biblical days, men and women, husband and wife slept in what they call separate sleeping chambers.
SPEAKER_01: He had a sleeping chamber and she had a sleeping chamber, like a bedroom.
SPEAKER_01: And so basically what happens is this man's been out working, he says, my head is wet with the dew of the morning.
SPEAKER_01: I've been working all day.
SPEAKER_01: He comes home, he goes basically to his wife and she said, he says, Hey, and she's like, uh, I I've I've already taken off my my gown.
SPEAKER_01: Should I put it back on?
SPEAKER_01: I've I've already washed my feet.
SPEAKER_01: They would wash their feet before they would get in bed.
SPEAKER_01: I've already washed my feet.
SPEAKER_01: Shall I soil them again?
SPEAKER_01: Which is Hebrew for saying, I have a headache.
SPEAKER_01: That's exactly what happens here.
SPEAKER_01: He's kind of like, what about it?
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, not at all.
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, oh, instead of kicking the door and like, eh, a man's got news, you gotta be taking care of your man.
SPEAKER_01: Then what he does, he just kind of leaves, because when you read in there and it says, she says, I touched the handle and it was dripping with myrrh.
SPEAKER_01: Basically, he leaves his cologne on the bolt, on the doorknob, so to speak.
SPEAKER_01: And so when he gets a no, she gives him a no, he gives her a yes.
SPEAKER_01: Because she goes and touches the doorknob and she's kind of like, Mmm, Javon Muskoyle.
SPEAKER_01: Whew! Where's that journey album?
SPEAKER_01: Let's get that bad boy out and get some music going here.
SPEAKER_01: That's exactly what happens, and all of a sudden, she's like curious.
SPEAKER_01: She opens the door and she goes outside looking for him.
SPEAKER_01: She walks out and she goes, basically, where is my man?
SPEAKER_01: Because I gave him a no and he left me a yes, and I'm changing my no to a yes.
SPEAKER_01: That's what the fight's about.
SPEAKER_01: It's subtle, but hey, he wants one thing, she wants another, and this was what produces it all.
SPEAKER_01: Three things I want you to notice in this little section that we call the fight.
SPEAKER_01: Number one, how he deals with not getting his way.
SPEAKER_01: How he deals with not getting his way.
SPEAKER_01: A lot of marriage, men and women, involves you not getting your way.
SPEAKER_01: It's not sexy, it's not romantic.
SPEAKER_01: They don't tell you that in premarital counseling unless you come to see me, and I tell you.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is about compromise.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is sometimes she's gonna win, sometimes you're gonna win.
SPEAKER_01: One guy asked me one time, he goes, Well, how do you know that you're marrying the right person?
SPEAKER_01: You get as excited when she wins as you do when you win.
SPEAKER_01: And he went, Oh.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Because if it's all about you winning, it's not gonna be enjoyable for her.
SPEAKER_01: And so, what happens?
SPEAKER_01: How he deals with not getting his way?
SPEAKER_01: Basically, he anoints the obstacle.
SPEAKER_01: He comes and he kind of jiggles a doorknob and it's locked, and she says from behind the locked door, sorry, already in bed, already fed the kids, already walked to let the dogs outside for the last time.
SPEAKER_01: We're shutting her down here, buddy.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm I I want a glide pattern to go into bed.
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna watch a few minutes of Jimmy Fowlon and I'm going to sleep.
SPEAKER_01: And the guy's kind of like, all right, and he leaves his calling card on the doorknob.
SPEAKER_01: You say, Well, what do you mean?
SPEAKER_01: That's what the Bible says.
SPEAKER_01: I'll read it to you again.
SPEAKER_01: He he says in verse 5, I rose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh and my fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the bowl.
SPEAKER_01: Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_01: See, second thing I want you to notice is his standard is not his wife's behavior.
SPEAKER_01: His standard is not his wife's behavior.
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't go, oh, well, you're treating me this way, or I'm gonna treat you back this way.
SPEAKER_01: He gets a no and he leaves her with a yes.
SPEAKER_01: Third thing I want you to notice is simply this is that anger creates outward change, but understanding produces inward change.
SPEAKER_01: Anger, if you want someone to change outwardly, in other words, to pacify your behavior, get angry.
SPEAKER_01: Get mad.
SPEAKER_01: That's why so many couples fight, but they never change.
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever noticed you you can fight, you can get in this big blow up, but yet nothing, the real the issue never changes because anger produces outward change.
SPEAKER_01: I remember when I was a kid, my dad would get mad, and we'd all like, oh, whoa, whoa, okay, and we'd all start trying to pacify my dad so it wouldn't be angry anymore.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal: anger is a secondary emotion.
SPEAKER_01: In other words, if this is anger, there's something back here behind the anger.
SPEAKER_01: And if all you do is respond to your spouse's anger, you're not dealing with the issue that caused him to get angry in the first place.
SPEAKER_01: And Solomon, and his wife's name is Shulametha.
SPEAKER_01: The way he he understands it, hey, getting angry just creates outward changes.
SPEAKER_01: I could get angry, men, let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_01: You can get angry in your marriage with your wife and get your needs met your entire married life.
SPEAKER_01: In other words, anger becomes the leverage that you use.
SPEAKER_01: You almost threaten, you know, I'll tell you what, and your wife's like, oh, well, oh, well, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
SPEAKER_01: And you never, ever, ever have a healthy marriage relationship.
SPEAKER_01: Because anger produces outward change.
SPEAKER_01: Understanding produces inward change.
SPEAKER_01: And that's what Solomon does in this little section right here.
SPEAKER_01: Section two is simply what I call the facts.
SPEAKER_01: I'll pick up reading where we left off in uh chapter 5.
SPEAKER_01: This is what happened.
SPEAKER_01: She got up and looking for him, verse 7.
SPEAKER_01: She says, She says, I called him verse 6.
SPEAKER_01: I called him, but he gave no answer.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 7.
SPEAKER_01: So she's out walking around the city now.
SPEAKER_01: The watchmen found me as I went about the city, and they beat me, they bruised me, they took me away my veil, those watchmen on the walls.
SPEAKER_01: I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him, I am sick with love.
SPEAKER_01: Now, what's happened is that when a city back then, a city would just kind of shut down.
SPEAKER_01: If you grew up in a small town like I did, they roll up the sidewalks at five o'clock, okay?
SPEAKER_01: Nothing is open.
SPEAKER_01: And back then, cities were just kind of shut down at night and they were fortified by a wall, and the watchmen were the men up on the wall.
SPEAKER_01: And so they see this woman and she's got a veil over her face, and she's walking, and they think, hey, somebody's trying to break in.
SPEAKER_01: Our enemy's trying to break in, disguised as a woman, so they find her and they rough her up and they pull the veil off and they go, Oh, it's a woman.
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, I'm looking for my husband.
SPEAKER_01: Have you seen him?
SPEAKER_01: And then she sees some of her girlfriends.
SPEAKER_01: And this is what happens in verse 9.
SPEAKER_01: She says, Hey, if you find my beloved to the washman, you tell him I'm sick with love, verse 9, these women speak up.
SPEAKER_01: What is your beloved more than another beloved?
SPEAKER_01: Oh, most beautiful among women.
SPEAKER_01: What is your beloved more than any other than another beloved that you thus adjure us?
SPEAKER_01: Translation, what is such a big deal about this man?
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's a man.
SPEAKER_01: Just go get another one, okay?
SPEAKER_01: This one's gonna be this way.
SPEAKER_01: Just go get you another man.
SPEAKER_01: It's a couple I referenced earlier that I saw this week, who I was like, How did you get my name?
SPEAKER_01: Well, I work with a guy and he's got a friend that comes here, and all I knew is your name was Neil, and I'm like, uh-oh, uh, uh, okay, that that that's fine.
SPEAKER_01: And my favorite part was the guy at the end pulled out his checkbook and said, What's this cost me?
SPEAKER_01: What?
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think I should pay you for this counseling session.
SPEAKER_01: We don't charge for this here.
SPEAKER_01: We're not like a professional counseling service.
SPEAKER_01: I'm a pastor.
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'd like to pay you because I got more out of this than that guy we've been paying downtown.
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
SPEAKER_01: Those people are smarter than me.
SPEAKER_01: I just have to say it short and sweet and to the point.
SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that I said to him, I said, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_01: You could divorce your wife and go find somebody to make you happy.
SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
SPEAKER_01: You take all your problems in that relationship, it's just a matter of time before you're not happy with her and you're looking for someone else to make you happy.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, the greatest thing you could do is marry one person and stay with them to the day you die.
SPEAKER_01: He goes, Well, I mean, I mean, for her, and I said, You think she enjoys being married to you?
SPEAKER_01: See, if you're a professional counselor, you can't say that.
SPEAKER_01: But if you're a preacher, you can just say, You think this is enjoyable for her?
SPEAKER_01: And the wife's like, I've got to have a cigarette.
SPEAKER_01: Please, can I smoke?
SPEAKER_01: And I went, Are you nervous?
SPEAKER_01: She goes, No, this is so enjoyable.
SPEAKER_01: I just want to just, oh, if I could just have a bourbon and a cigarette.
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, a little heavy drinking for a woman here.
SPEAKER_01: It's 10 30 in the morning.
SPEAKER_01: She goes, You haven't lived with him.
SPEAKER_01: But I told him, I said, here's the deal.
SPEAKER_01: And I told him, I'm going to tell my people on Sunday, by the way.
SPEAKER_01: This woman gets up and she goes looking for this man, and she runs into her girlfriends.
SPEAKER_01: Her girlfriends are like, Oh, what's the big deal?
SPEAKER_01: Just get a man.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, kick that one to the curb.
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, You don't understand about this man.
SPEAKER_01: So this brings us to section number two.
SPEAKER_01: First, we have the fight.
SPEAKER_01: Secondly, we have the facts.
SPEAKER_01: In the midst of being angry, in the midst of a fight, these women say, What is your beloved more than another beloved?
SPEAKER_01: Oh, most beautiful among women.
SPEAKER_01: What is your beloved more than any another beloved?
SPEAKER_01: That you thus adjure us.
SPEAKER_01: In other words, that you tell us, help me find this man.
SPEAKER_01: What's the big deal?
SPEAKER_01: Shulamut, the wife, speaks up in verse 10 and says, My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand.
SPEAKER_01: His head is the finest gold.
SPEAKER_01: His locks are wavy, black as a raven.
SPEAKER_01: Remind you of anybody.
SPEAKER_01: His locks are wavy, black as a raven, his eyes are like doves beside streams of water bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool.
SPEAKER_01: There's a phrase you're not gonna write in your Mother's Day card.
SPEAKER_01: His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet smelling herbs, his lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh, his arms are rods of gold set with jewels, his body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires.
SPEAKER_01: His legs are alabaster columns set on bases of gold, and his appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars.
SPEAKER_01: His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable.
SPEAKER_01: This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.
SPEAKER_01: Chapter 6, verse 1.
SPEAKER_01: These women respond back, where has your beloved gone, O most beautiful among women?
SPEAKER_01: And does he have brothers?
SPEAKER_01: Where has your beloved turned that we may seek him with you?
SPEAKER_01: All of a sudden, what's a big deal about this man?
SPEAKER_01: She describes him, and they're like, Where is this man that we may seek him with you?
SPEAKER_01: We don't believe such a man exists.
SPEAKER_01: Now, ladies, think about this.
SPEAKER_01: In the midst of a conflict, she talks this way about her husband.
SPEAKER_01: Some of you are like, Okay, we got the point.
SPEAKER_01: Keep going.
SPEAKER_01: She doesn't pick up her cell phone and tell her friends, you won't believe what this pig did today.
SPEAKER_01: They're like, hey, what's the big deal?
SPEAKER_01: You're looking at this guy.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the facts.
SPEAKER_01: Here's what she says about this man in the middle of a disagreement with him.
SPEAKER_01: Number one, she says, first of all, I'll just put them all up on the screen and just kind of walk through them that he's attractive.
SPEAKER_01: That's what she talks about when she says, My beloved is radiant and ruddy.
SPEAKER_01: That's Hebrew for red.
SPEAKER_01: He's distinguished among ten thousand.
SPEAKER_01: In other words, I walk by ten thousand men to find this man.
SPEAKER_01: His head is like the finest gold, his locks are wavy, black as a raven.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 12, his eyes are like doves beside streams of water bathed in milk, setting beside a full pool.
SPEAKER_01: He's peaceful, basically.
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
SPEAKER_01: His eyes don't narrow in anger.
SPEAKER_01: Men, there's a look that you can get on your face that causes fear and uncertainty in your wife.
SPEAKER_01: You should never be that way.
SPEAKER_01: You should never, ever speak or act in a way that causes your wife not to feel safe around you.
SPEAKER_01: That's the next thing, verse 13.
SPEAKER_01: His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet smelling herbs.
SPEAKER_01: His lips are lilies dripping liquid myrrh.
SPEAKER_01: His lips are lilies.
SPEAKER_01: Lilies are a picture of gentleness all through the book of Song of Solomon.
SPEAKER_01: And then she says, His lips are dripping liquid myrrh.
SPEAKER_01: In other words, this man speaks in a way to me that I'm not afraid of.
SPEAKER_01: His lips drip liquid myrrh.
SPEAKER_01: He's very safe, he's very complimentary.
SPEAKER_01: And then he, verse 14, his arms are rods of gold set with jewels, his body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires.
SPEAKER_01: A woman that talks like that is not afraid of her husband's hands.
SPEAKER_01: He never lifts his hands in anger at this woman.
SPEAKER_01: And then she gets to verse 14 and 15.
SPEAKER_01: She keeps going, his legs are alabaster columns set on bases of gold.
SPEAKER_01: His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars.
SPEAKER_01: That's the phrase right there.
SPEAKER_01: Choice as the cedars of Lebanon.
SPEAKER_01: You don't understand that unless you understand that that was like the finest of the fine.
SPEAKER_01: That's like incredible, rare.
SPEAKER_01: If you watch, there's a there's a show on, I just went blank on the name of it.
SPEAKER_01: Basically, when these people cut wood, Axemen.
SPEAKER_01: Axemen.
SPEAKER_01: You ever seen the show Axemen?
SPEAKER_01: I think it's on the History Channel.
SPEAKER_01: And you got some guys that they their timber company is up on the Great Northwest.
SPEAKER_01: And then you got this Yahoo over here in Louisiana called Shelby.
SPEAKER_01: There's a little man on there, Shelby.
SPEAKER_01: He's a crazy man.
SPEAKER_01: He finds these submerged logs.
SPEAKER_01: And I remember I first saw it.
SPEAKER_01: I was kind of like, you make a living doing this?
SPEAKER_01: Or come on.
SPEAKER_01: Sure enough, they're pulling one log out, submerged, Cypress log, did it bend, yeah, and the guy sells it for$6,000.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I wonder if my wife could do that during the summer to bring in some extra income.
SPEAKER_01: Because you just got to find them, finders, keepers.
SPEAKER_01: You find them, tow them up, and then these buyers come and they buy.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because they're looking for wood.
SPEAKER_01: They make this exquisite furniture.
SPEAKER_01: I tell you that because the cedars of Lebanon were like that.
SPEAKER_01: Matter of fact, uh Solomon at his wedding, when he came, he came, he was surrounded by like 30 or 40 warriors, each with a sword, and they carried him on a sedan chair.
SPEAKER_01: You ever seen, like in the middle, in way back in the pyramid days, they would carry these people sitting on a chair that have poles.
SPEAKER_01: That's called a sedan chair.
SPEAKER_01: When I come to staff meeting on Tuesdays, the staff carries me down the hall on one of those.
SPEAKER_01: No, actually, I do.
SPEAKER_01: My friend David Rogers had a sister named Sarah.
SPEAKER_01: You ever, and once you get married, I don't know if you realize this, but once you're married, you go to weddings, yeah, it's a family friend or a fraternity brother or sorority sister.
SPEAKER_01: But once you're married, every wedding you go to, you compare to your wedding.
SPEAKER_01: No one was doing this at Sarah Rogers' wedding because that girlfriend's like artistic, whatever, left brain, whatever that side of the brain it is.
SPEAKER_01: They got married at a ranch up in North Texas, right as the sun was going down.
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like six people coming in tuxedos and standing there and kind of going, hey, everybody.
SPEAKER_01: She came walking up, surrounded by 30 of her friends carrying lit torches.
SPEAKER_01: And they were worshiping as they came up the road.
SPEAKER_01: And you could hear them before you could see them.
SPEAKER_01: People were turning to each other in the guest list and kind of going, our wedding stunk.
SPEAKER_01: So they come walking up over the hill carrying torches, and then in response, he and his wedding party, these just awesome guys walking up, and they're worshiping, kind of echoing back.
SPEAKER_01: And you're just kind of sitting there, and grown men are weeping, kind of like, I don't know why I'm crying, but Solomon's wedding.
SPEAKER_01: They got they got that idea out of the Bible.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, if you're single, I mean, everyone's come down the aisle and had their little get married outside and bring torches.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, someone's like, what are we gonna do, what what's the food gonna be?
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna take our shirts off and eat roasted turkey legs.
SPEAKER_01: What else you do after this?
SPEAKER_01: We're not gonna sit around and have finger sandwiches and punch.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna like gut a wild hog and put that sucker on a spigot.
SPEAKER_01: But that's what Solomon's wedding was like.
SPEAKER_01: He came with a riding a sedan chair that was made out of the cedars of Lebanon.
SPEAKER_01: And she says, as a frame of reference, because they've already been married, she said, Hey, as rare and exquisite as the Cedars of Lebanon is, that's what my husband's like.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 16, his mouth is most sweet.
SPEAKER_01: He is altogether desirable.
SPEAKER_01: And then she says, This is my beloved, and this is my friend.
SPEAKER_01: It's balanced.
SPEAKER_01: This is my beloved.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes she needs you to be her beloved, and this is my friend, and sometimes she needs you to be her friend.
SPEAKER_01: Let me give you one or two questions I'm gonna give you to walk away and talk about in marriage this week.
SPEAKER_01: Which does your spouse most need from you right now?
SPEAKER_01: Do you need to be their beloved or do you need to be their friend?
SPEAKER_01: Because it's not always it's not always being their beloved.
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people, it's an immature view of marriage that kind of says, boy, it's always we relate to each other as lovers and beloved.
SPEAKER_01: No, it's it's sometimes it's being friend.
SPEAKER_01: I tell my own children, I tell my daughters, hey, marry a man you enjoy talking to because more than anything you do in marriage, you'll talk and listen.
SPEAKER_01: And they look at me like my six-year-old said the other day, sixteen-year-old said the other day, Well, that's real sexy.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is not always sexy.
SPEAKER_01: Not every day in marriage is a journal entry.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you come, you come home and you look at each other and you're like, How was your day?
SPEAKER_01: It was great.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna be able to pay the mortgage this month because I went to work and you went to work.
SPEAKER_01: What's for supper?
SPEAKER_01: Not every day do you come home and it's kind of like, oh, I read this thing in the Bible and it changed my life.
SPEAKER_01: I come home sometime and my wife's, how was it?
SPEAKER_01: God's great, beer's good, and people are crazy.
SPEAKER_01: What's for supper?
SPEAKER_01: It's not every day.
SPEAKER_01: I love my wife, got a great marriage, you know.
SPEAKER_01: She's like, You want to go for a walk?
SPEAKER_01: Only because I know you want to.
SPEAKER_01: I've since learned not to say that.
SPEAKER_01: Because then about two blocks from her house, I know you don't want to be here.
SPEAKER_01: Where'd you get that idea?
SPEAKER_01: Because you said moron, only because you want to.
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't have to always want to do stuff in order to do it.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I just do stuff because I know my wife enjoys it.
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean it's bad.
SPEAKER_01: It just means it wasn't on my radar.
SPEAKER_01: If I had my way, I would sit in a dark room with a book light and read all day.
SPEAKER_01: Y'all are like, that is so selfish.
SPEAKER_01: My wife likes to come up to me and hug me.
SPEAKER_01: And she just hug and hold on.
SPEAKER_01: I do the three pats, like, okay.
SPEAKER_01: And she just holds on, and I'm like, left hand, and she just holds on.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay, this is creepy now.
SPEAKER_01: No, I just never get tired of hugging you.
SPEAKER_01: I was done about a minute ago.
SPEAKER_01: My daughter walked in and said, Dad, let's get a hug.
SPEAKER_01: I'm all hugged out, but okay, here we go.
SPEAKER_01: Am I saying that's bad?
SPEAKER_01: No, it's just different.
SPEAKER_01: I I I don't, you know.
SPEAKER_01: So my wife said the other day, she was like, Every time I hug you, you groan like I'm killing you.
SPEAKER_01: Like, ugh.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01: I think that's kind of my, you know, it's like men when they hug three pets, I'm not gay.
SPEAKER_01: Turn loose.
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't work on your wife.
SPEAKER_01: I pat my wife, she's just.
SPEAKER_01: And every once in a while, my wife will say to me, see, this is what women need.
SPEAKER_01: We need non-sexual touching.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I was driving home today hoping you'd say that.
SPEAKER_01: Now, am I saying that's bad?
SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
SPEAKER_01: It's just, I just don't think, hey, let's stand in the kitchen while our dogs are barking and our kids are staring at us awkwardly, like, what are our parents doing?
SPEAKER_01: Slow down.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I start swaying.
SPEAKER_01: Like to mix it up.
SPEAKER_01: Why do you tell?
SPEAKER_01: Hey, that's part of my wife need me to be her friend.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not just her beloved, I'm her friend.
SPEAKER_01: Marriage is a mutually satisfying friendship.
SPEAKER_01: It is.
SPEAKER_01: A lot of the things involved.
SPEAKER_01: But she says, This is my beloved, and this is my friend.
SPEAKER_01: He's balanced.
SPEAKER_01: Then we go into chapter 6, verse 2.
SPEAKER_01: After the women say, Hey, where is this guy?
SPEAKER_01: We'll help you look for him.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 2, she says, My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the bed of spices, to graze in the gardens and to gather lilies.
SPEAKER_01: She knows exactly where he is, which I find interesting.
SPEAKER_01: Why is she looking for a man if she knows where he is?
SPEAKER_01: A lot of men, if a man's got a garage or a shop when he gets in a conflict with his wife, he just goes to the shop.
SPEAKER_01: Just bang stuff and just kind of wait.
SPEAKER_01: I've got a neighbor who's got a TV in his garage.
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what's that for?
SPEAKER_01: When the old lady gets on my nerves, and I was like, Huh, he got a couch out there and a refrigerator.
SPEAKER_01: Like, y'all get on each other's nerves a lot.
SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01: I just come out here and watch TV till I'm just kind of cooled off and I go back in.
SPEAKER_01: That's what Solomon's like.
SPEAKER_01: He had a place he went to, she said, Where is he?
SPEAKER_01: I know exactly where he is.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because even when we're in a little tiff here, my man's consistent.
SPEAKER_01: And she goes on and says, In verse 3, I am my beloved, my beloved is mine.
SPEAKER_01: He grazes among the lilies.
SPEAKER_01: And then she shows up.
SPEAKER_01: And look what he says in verse 4.
SPEAKER_01: You are as beautiful as tears, O my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners.
SPEAKER_01: Turn your eyes away from me, for they overwhelm me.
SPEAKER_01: You listen to country radio these days, Blake Shelton's got a song that says, My eyes are the only thing I don't want to take off of you.
SPEAKER_01: That's what he says to his wife right here.
SPEAKER_01: Turn your eyes away from me, for they overwhelm me.
SPEAKER_01: And then he begins to describe her from the top of her head.
SPEAKER_01: He says, Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
SPEAKER_01: Clearly, this woman needed some conditioner.
SPEAKER_01: Your teeth are like a flock of ewes that have come up from their washing.
SPEAKER_01: All of them bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young.
SPEAKER_01: She had all her teeth, which is good.
SPEAKER_01: Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil.
SPEAKER_01: There are sixty queens and eighty concubines and virgins without number.
SPEAKER_01: My dove, my perfect one, is the only one, the only one of her mother, pure to her who bore her.
SPEAKER_01: The young women saw her and called her blessed, and the queens and concubines also they praised her.
SPEAKER_01: Now what is he saying?
SPEAKER_01: What is he saying when he says, Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down from the slopes of Gilead to graze your flocks on the on the mountain, on the side of Mount Gilead?
SPEAKER_01: That was like reserved for people that were had prominence, they had resources.
SPEAKER_01: And by the way, when he says your teeth are like, you know, freshly shorn used, basically the point that poetically they're making is that she's smiling.
SPEAKER_01: That's how he sees her teeth.
SPEAKER_01: She's smiling.
SPEAKER_01: And he he, by the way, he never moved.
SPEAKER_01: Neither one of them moved from here to here when they describe each other.
SPEAKER_01: And then he says, Your cheeks are like pomegranates behind your veil.
SPEAKER_01: And then there are 60 queens and 80 concubines and virgins without number.
SPEAKER_01: And then he says, My dove, my perfect one, is the only one.
SPEAKER_01: Anytime you teach the Book of Songs of Solomon, people come up and go, Wasn't Solomon the one that had all them wives and concubines?
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01: And he says, right here, hey, there's concubines, there's all this stuff available to me, but you are my only one.
SPEAKER_01: There's something that causes about you that causes you to stand out.
SPEAKER_01: See, this is the way, by the way, these are two people that are in a fight.
SPEAKER_01: And here's my point.
SPEAKER_01: Usually when we get into a disagreement, in a conflict, or in a fight, whatever you call it with your spouse, you say things you wish you could forget.
SPEAKER_01: These people say things to each other they want them to remember.
SPEAKER_01: Last section will be done this morning.
SPEAKER_01: It's just to finish.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 11.
SPEAKER_01: You still with me?
SPEAKER_01: Verse 11 of chapter 6.
SPEAKER_01: Now, oftentimes they talk about nature in terms of their relationship.
SPEAKER_01: And that's what she's doing in verse 11.
SPEAKER_01: She says, I went down to the nut orchard to look at the blossoms of the valley to see whether the vines had budded, whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
SPEAKER_01: Translation, I want to see if there's any romance left.
SPEAKER_01: Before I was aware, my desire set me among the chariots of my kinsmen, a prince.
SPEAKER_01: These women speak up.
SPEAKER_01: Return, return, O Shulamite, return, return that we may look upon you.
SPEAKER_01: Why should you look upon the Shulamite as upon a dance before two armies?
SPEAKER_01: What's he talking about?
SPEAKER_01: When he says, as upon a dance before two armies.
SPEAKER_01: Or some translations say, as upon the dance of two camps.
SPEAKER_01: Remember the story of Jacob and Esau?
SPEAKER_01: Jacob deceived his father and got the blessing that belonged to his older brother.
SPEAKER_01: Remember that way back in the book of Genesis?
SPEAKER_01: And then he fled and he went off and he and he basically prospered.
SPEAKER_01: Deceitful people don't always get punished immediately in the Bible.
SPEAKER_01: He deceived his brother.
SPEAKER_01: He goes off and he prospers.
SPEAKER_01: And is so much so that his brother-in-laws were like, hey, Dad, that guy's getting all, he's making money, we should be making it.
SPEAKER_01: And so the father-in-law is like, you gotta go.
SPEAKER_01: Takes all his stuff and he's got to go back.
SPEAKER_01: God told him, Go back to your homeland and basically face your brother.
SPEAKER_01: And so he's scared of his brother because he's like, My brother, I deceived my brother and stole the blessing.
SPEAKER_01: He's probably gonna kill me.
SPEAKER_01: And so he divides his people and his property into two camps.
SPEAKER_01: And he says to them, before he divides them, Now listen, if you hear, if he attacks us, you hear the sound of war, I want you to flee so you'll survive.
SPEAKER_01: But if you hear the sound of peace, come and we'll celebrate together.
SPEAKER_01: And so he separated them and then he starts sending these peace offerings of animals and possessions and all this stuff to kind of appease the wrath of his brother.
SPEAKER_01: And as he visually sees his brother a long way off, he bows down seven times to the earth.
SPEAKER_01: He'd walk a little bit and he'd bow down, just acknowledging, I, man, I you and I both know that I did you wrong, and I am so sorry, and I'm hoping that by all this stuff.
SPEAKER_01: And finally, when Esau sees him and they meet, Esau says, Hey man, you're my brother.
SPEAKER_01: I've forgiven you.
SPEAKER_01: And they celebrate and they reconcile, and the other camp hears it, and both camps begin to dance.
SPEAKER_01: And all through the Bible, you'll you'll you'll see this reference to it's a place called Makanaim.
SPEAKER_01: Makanaim.
SPEAKER_01: It means in Hebrew, two camps.
SPEAKER_01: That's what they named this place where they met and reconciled.
SPEAKER_01: And so when these people look upon uh Solomon and his wife and they reconcile, they say, Why should you look upon the Shulamite as upon a dance before two armies?
SPEAKER_01: In other words, as upon the dance of two camps.
SPEAKER_01: This is reconciliation, it's always what God has in mind.
SPEAKER_01: And so when you get into conflict in marriage, the goal is not winning, the goal is understanding.
SPEAKER_01: And so when reconciliation happens, it's like the dance of the two camps.
SPEAKER_01: There's a story in the Old Testament where David and another Abner were at odds with each other, and they sent 12 gladiators into a ring, and God struck them all dead immediately.
SPEAKER_01: As if to say, that's not the way I want this to go.
SPEAKER_01: And David says, Let's have a feast and reconcile.
SPEAKER_01: As at the dance of the two camps.
SPEAKER_01: That's why I say to people, and that's why I say to everyone of you in this room, there's not a marriage in the world that is beyond reconciliation if two people are willing to work.
SPEAKER_01: Stand to your feet, let me speak a blessing over you.
SPEAKER_01: Hold your hands out.
SPEAKER_01: God, your father, is in heaven, and his name is to be hallowed, and his kingdom is to come, and his will is to be done here on earth as it is in heaven.
SPEAKER_01: One of the means, one of the vehicles by which this is accomplished is through that person you refer to as mom.
SPEAKER_01: Depart now and call her and remember her.
SPEAKER_01: In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
SPEAKER_01: Bless you, you dismiss.