SPEAKER_00: This podcast is a ministry of Grant Parkway Baptist Church, helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God.
SPEAKER_00: For more information about Grant Parkway, visit Grantparkway.org.
SPEAKER_01: Let's pray together.
SPEAKER_01: Lord Jesus, thanks for uh just for the opportunity to be uh in your presence, Father.
SPEAKER_01: Uh this is a bloodbought privilege.
SPEAKER_01: We don't take it lightly.
SPEAKER_01: And so we ask Holy Spirit that you would do what Jesus said you do, and that's lead us into the truth.
SPEAKER_01: Uh you said that uh uh be of good cheer.
SPEAKER_01: Uh in that whole discourse in John 14, one of the things that calmed the disciples' heart is that you were leaving, but your spirit was coming.
SPEAKER_01: And you said, Jesus, of the Holy Spirit, that he would lead us into all truth.
SPEAKER_01: And so we just ask your Holy Spirit to do what Jesus said you would do, to glorify the Father by leading us into all truth, to glorify the Son by kind of illuminating the Bible, making it make sense.
SPEAKER_01: And so, uh, more than lessons and principles, we need revelation and understanding today.
SPEAKER_01: Uh, this is not paint by numbers, this is spirit-led finger painting to the glory of God.
SPEAKER_01: We ask you to do that now in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_01: And everyone said, Amen.
SPEAKER_01: You can have a seat if you've got a Bible and invite you to take it and open it to Deuteronomy chapter six.
SPEAKER_01: Deuteronomy chapter six.
SPEAKER_01: And uh, we begin a new series today entitled The Gospel and, where we're looking at different topics through the lens of the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: And the reason we're doing that is because we are uh spending some time over the course of this summer uh looking at our core values.
SPEAKER_01: We have four core values as a church that kind of guide and direct and clarify what we do.
SPEAKER_01: And they are gospel, community, mission, and blessing.
SPEAKER_01: And so, and in the month of June, we're just gonna look at the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: And then next month, uh, Lance Williams, our spiritual formation pastor, will preach the entire month of July.
SPEAKER_01: Uh, somebody stopped me and said, Hey, are you leaving again for the summer?
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, that's the plan.
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, I was on sabbatical last summer.
SPEAKER_01: I will be here, but I'd love for you to hear from different voices.
SPEAKER_01: Lance is over uh spiritual formation, and our core value of community is kind of fleshed out in that.
SPEAKER_01: So I said, last summer, I said, Hey, why don't you take the month of July and just kind of unpack that?
SPEAKER_01: And so we're just gonna look, and then in August, we'll look at mission.
SPEAKER_01: What do we mean by mission?
SPEAKER_01: Not missions, but mission, living intentionally as God's people in this world.
SPEAKER_01: But today we're gonna begin this series, the gospel and, and I want to talk about the gospel and parenting.
SPEAKER_01: The gospel and parenting.
SPEAKER_01: And I just have a couple of introductory thoughts before we start reading in Deuteronomy chapter 6.
SPEAKER_01: And the first one is this if you've ever looked for in the Bible for like, what does the Bible say about parenting?
SPEAKER_01: There's not a bunch, there's not that many verses where the Bible says, this is what parents do, this is what parents don't do.
SPEAKER_01: And here's the reason: because the whole gospel is about parenting your kids, not just a few select principles you can pluck out and apply.
SPEAKER_01: Second thing I I want to say is simply this.
SPEAKER_01: Uh, I can't say everything there is to say uh uh about parenting in one sermon, and I don't want to, but what I do want to do is say a few big things.
SPEAKER_01: Big, not as in profound, but big as in consequential.
SPEAKER_01: I want to say some things that I think uh that they should guide your parenting, not just while your kids are in your home or whatever, but some of you have adult children and you're not done parenting.
SPEAKER_01: You're you're still gonna be parenting them.
SPEAKER_01: Third thing I want to say is what I said to the Golsons earlier.
SPEAKER_01: The goal of parenting is is to parent your children in such a way that they stand before God on judgment day and they're not surprised by God's nature.
SPEAKER_01: In other words, that God, it doesn't surprise them that God's holy because my mom and dad were holy.
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't surprise them that God's just because my mom and dad were just.
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't surprise them that God is authoritative because my mom and dad were authoritative.
SPEAKER_01: You did not transgress my mom in front of my dad.
SPEAKER_01: You did not do that.
SPEAKER_01: Your kids need, you need to give your kids, your kids the gift of that.
SPEAKER_01: And it would help to give them the gift of that if you weren't afraid of them.
SPEAKER_01: If you really believed that, you know what, I'm I'm responsible.
SPEAKER_01: I'm in charge of this and because I'm gonna stand before God and give an account for the way I parent my kids.
SPEAKER_01: But also, uh, along with merciful and just and authoritative, uh, your kids need to stand before God and understand that God is enjoyable because my mom and dad were enjoyable.
SPEAKER_01: That there there was a joy in God that I don't find in anything else because I live with a man and a woman called my parents, and they, for whatever reason, they really enjoyed each other and they really enjoyed God.
SPEAKER_01: One of the reasons our kids are so curious about sin is because they see us live the Christian life in a way that's not compelling.
SPEAKER_01: It's all lecture, it's no lab.
SPEAKER_01: There's no fun to it.
SPEAKER_01: You don't have a theology of play.
SPEAKER_01: It's always do, do, do, do.
SPEAKER_01: There's no drift.
SPEAKER_01: It's always we gotta be pressing forward.
SPEAKER_01: There's no leisure.
SPEAKER_01: There's no, hey, let's just enjoy ourselves.
SPEAKER_01: That's not that that's legalism, not Christianity.
SPEAKER_01: I just want to love you enough to tell you that.
SPEAKER_01: And your kids aren't interested in that.
SPEAKER_01: And as soon as they get an opportunity, they're gonna cut and run wild.
SPEAKER_01: Because, not because they don't believe in God, not because, but but but because that's not what their heart was made for.
SPEAKER_01: And so I just want to read, starting in Deuteronomy chapter 6, verse 1, this is the way the Bible talks to parents and children about this whole thing.
SPEAKER_01: He says, now this is the commandment, the statutes, the rules that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God and your son and your son's son.
SPEAKER_01: No pressure.
SPEAKER_01: There's three generations that you're impacting by the way you parent, by keeping all of his statutes and his commandments, which I commanded you all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.
SPEAKER_01: Hear, therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
SPEAKER_01: Let me just pause right here and just point out the obvious fact that God's intent for his people is to do good to them, that it go well with you, that he may multiply you greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey.
SPEAKER_01: Verse 4 Hear, O Israel, the Lord your God, the Lord is one.
SPEAKER_01: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might.
SPEAKER_01: And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children.
SPEAKER_01: You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
SPEAKER_01: You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
SPEAKER_01: And when the Lord your God brings you into the land that he swore to your forefathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you, when God does what God said he was going to do, because God always does what God says he's going to do.
SPEAKER_01: And when he does this with great and good cities that you did not build, and houses full of all good things that you did not feel, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant, and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
SPEAKER_01: It is the Lord your God you shall fear.
SPEAKER_01: Him you shall serve, and by his name you shall swear.
SPEAKER_01: You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you.
SPEAKER_01: For the Lord your God in your midst is a jealous God, lest the anger of the Lord your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth.
SPEAKER_01: You shall not put the Lord your God to the test, as you tested him at Massa.
SPEAKER_01: You shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God and his testimonies and his statutes which he has commanded you, and you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you, and you may go in and take possession of the good land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers by thrusting out all your enemies before you, as the Lord has promised.
SPEAKER_01: When your sons ask in time to come, what is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?
SPEAKER_01: In other words, is there a method to the madness, Mom and Dad?
SPEAKER_01: Why do we do this?
SPEAKER_01: Your kids are gonna ask questions.
SPEAKER_01: Don't be afraid of that.
SPEAKER_01: Then you shall say to your son, We were Pharaoh's slaves in Egypt, and the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand, and the Lord showed signs and wonders great and grievous against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household before our eyes.
SPEAKER_01: And he brought us out from there that he might bring us in.
SPEAKER_01: He brought us out that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers.
SPEAKER_01: And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God for our good always, that he might preserve us alive as we are this day.
SPEAKER_01: And it will be righteousness for us if we are careful to do all this commandment before the Lord our God as He has commanded us.
SPEAKER_01: You say, What's that got to do with parenting?
SPEAKER_01: Everything.
SPEAKER_01: Everything from starting with your heart to the goodness of God to the trustworthiness of God.
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to say everything, I just want to say a few big things.
SPEAKER_01: The gospel and parenting.
SPEAKER_01: When we look at parenting through the lens of the gospel, I want to say three things to you today.
SPEAKER_01: And number one is live the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: It's just mom and dad, you got to live the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: And everything I read and studied in preparation for today, the one thing was said over and over and over by experts and psychologists and therapists and Christian writers and thinkers, but most of all, the Bible, the common denominator between success and failure, seems to be the spiritual depth and sincerity of parents, especially the spiritual depth of a father.
SPEAKER_01: The common denominator in families that thrive and flourish and kids that go off to college and don't go off the deep end, kids that go off to college and they find a church and they plug in and they engage, is that they live with a mom and dad who live the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: They're not perfect, but they, like I said earlier, the goal of parenting is for your kids to stand before God and have a sense of they're not surprised by what God's like.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because you lived out the gospel in front of them.
SPEAKER_01: And they saw that.
SPEAKER_01: Our job as parents is faithfulness.
SPEAKER_01: God will handle the result.
SPEAKER_01: But what happens, see, when we're faithful, God is clear.
SPEAKER_01: A couple things that happen when you just say, I'm gonna be faithful.
SPEAKER_01: We're not perfect, we're not gonna apologize, but we're gonna be faithful and we're gonna flesh out the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: A couple things happen.
SPEAKER_01: Number one, God is clearly seen by your kids.
SPEAKER_01: God is clearly seen by your kids.
SPEAKER_01: They don't have a misunderstanding.
SPEAKER_01: They don't go off and say, Well, my God's a God of love and then engage in sinful behavior.
SPEAKER_01: They don't do that because they've kind of seen, because they they were parented by you, mom and dad, or you, mom, if you're a single parent, or you, dad, if you're a single uh dad.
SPEAKER_01: They say, hey, I got a real clear mental image of this God, and I I don't want to screw this up.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he is so good and so enjoyable that peer pressure is not a problem.
SPEAKER_01: Sin kind of loses its appeal.
SPEAKER_01: Not because, oh, that's bad, and I might get pregnant, or I might I might have a wreck while I'm texting, or I might drink and drive and hurt somebody.
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
SPEAKER_01: No to all these lesser affections because God is so good, He's so enjoyable.
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't come out of a kid unless they really clearly see what God is like.
SPEAKER_01: Second thing happens is Christianity is attractive.
SPEAKER_01: Christianity is really attractive.
SPEAKER_01: You ever wonder why, as your kids get older, they get to be about 16, they lose their interest in spiritual things?
SPEAKER_01: You ever wonder why we take more kids to junior high camp than we take to high school camp?
SPEAKER_01: It's just it it happens.
SPEAKER_01: And we just sit down like, oh well, that that just happens.
SPEAKER_01: Kids will be kids.
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
SPEAKER_01: For that kid, Christianity kind of lost its appeal somewhere.
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like it's eroded into what they call moralistic therapeutic deism.
SPEAKER_01: Where they they kind of know, but they just kind of thumb their nose and go, I know what the Bible says, but I'm not gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01: That's not Christianity.
SPEAKER_01: Not not at all.
SPEAKER_01: The other thing that happens when kids clearly see uh what when we're faithful, uh the world doesn't get a foothold in the heart of your kid.
SPEAKER_01: It just doesn't.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Not because they're perfect, but because their heart is full.
SPEAKER_01: Their heart is just their obedience is about satisfaction, not determination.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the biggest mistake I see parents make is they try to create through legalism what can only be experienced through the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: They try to modify their kids' behavior and set them on a schedule from what they eat to they gotta go to this tutorial and that class and this and that and blah blah blah blah blah, and and and and and and your kids are just waiting, they're just kind of counting down where they can just spit the bit and get out of your house.
SPEAKER_01: Because here's the deal all the king's horses and all the king's men cannot change your kids' heart.
SPEAKER_01: Legalism tries to create with a bunch of no's what can only be created and experienced with one yes to the God of the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: It just I'm not saying don't have rules, I have rules.
SPEAKER_01: Clearly, I don't think I'm strict enough.
SPEAKER_01: Because in this past week, and my kids my kids always tell me, my oldest one, especially, all my friends they tell me all the time, as your parents are the strictest parents of all of our friends.
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, please bring me a trophy.
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for that.
SPEAKER_01: But clearly, because just this past week, between Friday and Saturday, I did two funerals, and at one funeral I met a 97-year-old man who helped raise his grandson, and I said, What's the best thing you did?
SPEAKER_01: He goes, He got a line.
SPEAKER_01: I just choke him.
SPEAKER_01: And I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't.
SPEAKER_01: He said, I would just get my hands around his neck and just shake him and just go, now stop it.
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, let me write that down, and there you go.
SPEAKER_01: And then yesterday I did a funeral of a man who was like 73 years old, and one of his grandkids got up and said, One of my favorite memories was swimming in the pond while you stood on the bank with the 22 and shot the snakes.
SPEAKER_01: And I thought I didn't hear that right.
SPEAKER_01: So I went up to one of the grandkids and said, Now tell me again about this.
SPEAKER_01: And he said, Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01: I said, Well, he would shoot the snakes and then go, it's safe to get in.
SPEAKER_01: No, we would get in and swim, and my grandpa would be up there on the bank shooting snakes around us.
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: Clearly, we gotta loosen up a little bit here.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Did you ever get scared?
SPEAKER_01: And she smiled and said, No, my grandpa was always a good shot.
SPEAKER_01: Have you been to Chick-fil-A right up here?
SPEAKER_01: There's parents who want their kids going there unless they swab them down with hand sanitizer and stand in there and watch them.
SPEAKER_01: I just think, golly, man up, ladybug.
SPEAKER_01: Legalism seeks to create through control what can only be experienced by tasting and seeing that the Lord is good.
SPEAKER_01: Live the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: And I say live the gospel, I don't mean be the most religious, uh boring, mean-spirited, uh, fear-based person.
SPEAKER_01: No, living the gospel makes you winsome and wild and free.
SPEAKER_01: You should come home from work every once in a while, dad, with your shirt off, carrying your briefcase.
SPEAKER_01: And your kids like, what are you doing?
SPEAKER_01: I was just coming home and I rolled my windows down and just cranked up at the radio, and I got carried away.
SPEAKER_01: I heard an old Aerosmith song, and it took me back.
SPEAKER_01: Where's your mother?
SPEAKER_01: I want to kiss her on the mouth.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: You think, oh, you're a kid.
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not kidding.
SPEAKER_01: Let me ask you a question, mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01: What's the last thing you've done that caught your kids off guard?
SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing.
SPEAKER_01: They know everything you're gonna say, they know everything you're gonna do, and they do the cost-benefit analysis.
SPEAKER_01: They they they they crunch the numbers.
SPEAKER_01: If I do this, what are they gonna do?
SPEAKER_01: They're gonna ground me?
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01: See, living the gospel creates space in your kids' hearts for the wonder and the curiosity about God that can only be satisfied by knowing God, not following your rules.
SPEAKER_01: Second thing you do is understand the nature and the consequence of conversion.
SPEAKER_01: Understand the nature and the consequence of conversion.
SPEAKER_01: The biggest mistake parents make is you just assume because your kids come to church and because they prayed some prayer and they were seven, that they know God.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying that they don't.
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying don't assume that.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus says this in Matthew 11, 27 no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal Him.
SPEAKER_01: Why do I tell you that?
SPEAKER_01: Because let's stop acting like our kids kind of own the gospel and that they can just kind of they have this voucher for salvation in their pocket.
SPEAKER_01: They can pull it out and cash it in whenever they're done sinning.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible's clear.
SPEAKER_01: God is sovereign, he owns salvation.
SPEAKER_01: If you look in Revelation, they're around the throne of God and they're singing, salvation belongs to our God.
SPEAKER_01: God is sovereign over salvation and he reveals uh himself to people.
SPEAKER_01: That's the only way.
SPEAKER_01: That's how people that grow up in non-Christian homes and are hellions and just wayward, all of a sudden, they're gloriously converted.
SPEAKER_01: But it's also the same way that a kid can grow up in a great home and be sent to Christian school and be around great things and his heart be dead to spiritual things.
SPEAKER_01: Here's why.
SPEAKER_01: God just never revealed himself to that kid.
SPEAKER_01: And you can put all, you can tape all the fruit you want on the tree.
SPEAKER_01: That's not the issue.
SPEAKER_01: The issue is their heart has never been transformed.
SPEAKER_01: God is sovereign in salvation, but he uses means, and the primary means that he uses in the lives of your children is you, mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01: It's you.
SPEAKER_01: There's no pressure there.
SPEAKER_01: That's just a great opportunity.
SPEAKER_01: We got to get out of this bad habit because what we do is we let our kids get into the bad habit of claiming the benefits of salvation when they're younger, when they're six, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, and then putting off the responsibility of salvation as they get older.
SPEAKER_01: When it comes time, when they're younger, we just, oh yeah, well, I'm just so relieved because my kid finally prayed the prayer.
SPEAKER_01: We went down on Easter, our whole family, and we just joined.
SPEAKER_01: And they get to be 16 and 17 and 23, and they're far from God.
SPEAKER_01: There's no desire for the things of God, and they criticize the church, and they got opinions about the Bible, and there's no naturally occurring affection in their heart for spiritual things, and you keep going back to what they did when they were eight.
SPEAKER_01: What they did when they were eight wasn't real.
SPEAKER_01: If when they're 23, they don't give a rip about God.
SPEAKER_01: That's not biblical conversion, it's not the Bible.
SPEAKER_01: You don't find people like in Mark chapter 10 when Jesus heals Bartimaeus, the blind guy, you don't find him in chapter 12 going, Jesus, remember me?
SPEAKER_01: I'm the blind guy from chapter 10.
SPEAKER_01: I know you healed me back there, totally changed my life, but I'm blind again.
SPEAKER_01: No, it is a mistake to let your kids claim the benefits of salvation when they're younger, and then put off the responsibility of salvation when they get older.
SPEAKER_01: Because what's really happening is it's becoming obvious that our kids' hearts never really were changed by God.
SPEAKER_01: Too many parents can't hear me, too many parents burn up all their energy trying to create what isn't there or compensate for what actually is there.
SPEAKER_01: Instead of just saying, you know what, I don't know if my kid knows God.
SPEAKER_01: I love my children.
SPEAKER_01: But when I read the Bible, my my my kid's life doesn't square with what the Bible thinks.
SPEAKER_01: If you've got to keep always going back to what they did when they were little, before they had a car and they had freedom, to if you've got to always go back there to find assurance for the fact that, oh, they really are Christians, despite the fact that there's nothing in their life that bears fruit or testify to that, that ought to concern you, mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01: And you ought to love your kids enough to say, you know what, when I watch you live, I don't see, I don't see the kingdom of God being manifested in you.
SPEAKER_01: I I I'm not hating and prepare for your kids to say, Well, you can't judge me.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not judging you.
SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to love you enough to tell you there's something there.
SPEAKER_01: And it's not the biggest mistake we make as we focus on our kids' behavior.
SPEAKER_01: The issue is is their heart.
SPEAKER_01: And this was never driven home to me more than years ago.
SPEAKER_01: I was traveling, and Sam Perry, who used to be the worship pastor here, he and I were going to Birmham, Alabama to speak at to do an event.
SPEAKER_01: And we were walking into Hobby Airport, and we walked up, and there's a guy laid out on the on the ground, and somebody was on him doing chest compressions.
SPEAKER_01: And there's about four or five people, and we're like, I'm I'm I'm I I got through security first and I'm going because we're kind of got about 30 minutes before our plane leaves.
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I gotta get there.
SPEAKER_01: And I just stopped, and there's it just happened.
SPEAKER_01: The guy just collapsed.
SPEAKER_01: And and and the lady was kind of walked up and standing there, and there's about four or five, and it went to six or eight, to ten, twelve, and and this one lady, she turned around while they're doing chest compressions, and she looked at us and says, It's his heart.
SPEAKER_01: No kidding.
SPEAKER_01: Really?
SPEAKER_01: And and and and and and and I walked on to the gate and I realized, oh, our plane's leaving 30 minutes early, so it's fixing the board right now.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, I gotta go get my buddy.
SPEAKER_01: So I sprint back to the airport to get Sam and Jack, the guitar player, to say, Come on, our plane's leaving.
SPEAKER_01: And we walk back by and I said, Oh, by the way, there's a guy who had a heart attack up here.
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to see this because he was kind of pale blue when I went by.
SPEAKER_01: And we come by, and now there's 50 or 60 people, and there's Southwest Airlines employees holding blankets up to kind of partition this off.
SPEAKER_01: And the same lady is turning around and telling the whole crowd, it's his heart, it's his heart.
SPEAKER_01: And now he's gone from pale blue to deep purple, and they're working on him and they're going, we need a stretcher down here.
SPEAKER_01: And the same lady's walking in a circle, going, It's his heart, it's his heart.
SPEAKER_01: I just want you to know it's his heart.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I can see that it's his heart.
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I turned to Sam and said, Well, we we gotta get on the plane.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna miss our flight.
SPEAKER_01: This guy is not gonna make it, okay?
SPEAKER_01: I'm not a callous person, but but but we gotta go.
SPEAKER_01: Got on the plane and I reclined in my seat and I prayed for this person, and all I could hear in my head and in my spirit was, it's his heart, it's his heart, it's his heart.
SPEAKER_01: And I want to say to you, mom and dad, the issue is not your kids' behavior.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying don't care about your kids' behavior.
SPEAKER_01: You cannot not care.
SPEAKER_01: That's just part of being a parent.
SPEAKER_01: But if you want their behavior to change, focus on their heart.
SPEAKER_01: Ask God to reveal himself to your kids.
SPEAKER_01: Stop praying to your kids.
SPEAKER_01: Stop pleading with your kids to make a decision as if that lies within their natural uh abilities.
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't.
SPEAKER_01: Unless God reveals himself to your kids, their heart's never going to change.
SPEAKER_01: Paul David Tripp said this.
SPEAKER_01: He says, if my heart is the source of my sin problem, then lasting change must always travel through the pathway of my heart.
SPEAKER_01: It's not enough to alter my behavior or change my circumstances.
SPEAKER_01: Christ transformed people by radically changing their hearts.
SPEAKER_01: If the heart doesn't change, the person's words and behavior may change temporarily because of an external pressure or incentive.
SPEAKER_01: But when the pressure or incentive is removed, the changes will disappear.
SPEAKER_01: And you say, What do you mean by God radically altering the heart?
SPEAKER_01: The Bible says it like this in Ezekiel chapter 36, verse 27.
SPEAKER_01: God says, And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit.
SPEAKER_01: And I will put a new spirit within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh, and I will put my spirit within you.
SPEAKER_01: And listen what God says.
SPEAKER_01: And I will cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.
SPEAKER_01: Parenting is not about getting your kids to obey the Bible.
SPEAKER_01: No, no, that's God's responsibility.
SPEAKER_01: God says, I will cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.
SPEAKER_01: To the consequence of a changed heart.
SPEAKER_01: That's why when it comes to parenting, it's the heart.
SPEAKER_01: It's not the behavior, it's the heart.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus says, out of the mouth proceeds the confines of the heart.
SPEAKER_01: Proverbs says, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
SPEAKER_01: And focusing on the heart and parenting, it's kind of like the return of the space shuttle.
SPEAKER_01: When it comes back, it orbits around the moon and it gets up momentum and it kind of all of a sudden it breaks out of that orbit and it slingshots back to the earth.
SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
SPEAKER_01: They're not generating any new energy.
SPEAKER_01: They got nothing on board to say, full throttle ahead.
SPEAKER_01: No, they are on a glide pattern back.
SPEAKER_01: And all they do is kind of make some trajectory corrections to ensure that they are on target to arrive home safely.
SPEAKER_01: I will never forget watching a documentary where one of the guys that flew the space shuttle, he just talked about it.
SPEAKER_01: He just said we're just whoom, boom, and we're building up momentum.
SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden, we slingshot out of that and we are headed for home.
SPEAKER_01: And all we do, it is gliding all the way from coming back around the moon.
SPEAKER_01: And we just kind of glide in.
SPEAKER_01: And there's a few little corrections that we make.
SPEAKER_01: That's parenting.
SPEAKER_01: Once your kids' heart's been changed, you don't have to create energy and make them interested in church or student ministry activities or reading their Bible or obeying.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because God gave them a new heart and He said, I'll put my spirit in you and I'll move you.
SPEAKER_01: I will cause you to walk in my statutes.
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to do that, mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01: You don't got to flip on the lights and tell your kids, hey, we're going to church.
SPEAKER_01: Come on, don't you want to go to church?
SPEAKER_01: They got donuts.
SPEAKER_01: Is that what Jesus died for?
SPEAKER_01: Your kids to always need some external motivation?
SPEAKER_01: What's inside of you, students?
SPEAKER_01: Let me just talk to you.
SPEAKER_01: What's inside of you that's propelling you forward?
SPEAKER_01: If there's nothing inside of you, it's your heart.
SPEAKER_01: It's the issue is your heart.
SPEAKER_01: It's not your mom and dad aren't cool.
SPEAKER_01: It's not that, oh, Aaron, Aaron doesn't talk like I like, or I don't like you, Pastor Neil.
SPEAKER_01: No, God says, I'll cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.
SPEAKER_01: See, once your heart is changed, you're just on a glide pattern for home.
SPEAKER_01: And there's some trajectory changes that need to be made along that.
SPEAKER_01: You need to sit down with other believers and then say, hey, what are you doing dating that guy?
SPEAKER_01: He's not a believer.
SPEAKER_01: And you don't get offended by that because they're just asking you, hey, to live the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: You profess to know Christ, act like it, live like it, date like it, or don't date like it.
SPEAKER_01: Go to college like it.
SPEAKER_01: Go to ninth grade like it.
SPEAKER_01: Go to middle school like it.
SPEAKER_01: That's what I mean when I say understanding the nature of conversion.
SPEAKER_01: Understand the nature and the consequence of conversion.
SPEAKER_01: Here's why, because a lot of parenting is us trying to put into our kids and require of our kids what God's not done in their heart.
SPEAKER_01: Thirdly and finally, just play offense.
SPEAKER_01: Play offense.
SPEAKER_01: Got some football coaches in here, and this is probably on dangerous ground, but I never understood this.
SPEAKER_01: I remember growing up as a kid, my dad was a Dallas Cowboys fan, and back in the days of Tom Landry, the hat and the coat and the folded arms on the sideline and all that.
SPEAKER_01: And I just, if the Cowboys won, my dad was in a great mood.
SPEAKER_01: If they lost, he was mad for two days.
SPEAKER_01: And here's something the Dallas Cowboys, I think they invented this.
SPEAKER_01: It was called the prevent defense.
SPEAKER_01: They would get up by 21 points, and then they would just go into prevent mode.
SPEAKER_01: They would just kind of, instead of pressing the cornerbacks, pressing the receivers up on the line like five yards, they'd be 15 yards off the guy.
SPEAKER_01: And they would just run out there and turn around, catch it, and they just, hey, about five or six 10-yard passes, we're down the field here.
SPEAKER_01: And that's what parents a lot of times do.
SPEAKER_01: We just want to prevent.
SPEAKER_01: We want to protect.
SPEAKER_01: We don't want our kids.
SPEAKER_01: We say, hey, if I can't send my kids to that school, I'm going to protect them from the world.
SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_01: You cannot protect your kids from the world.
SPEAKER_01: Matter of fact, this is what you're going to email me about.
SPEAKER_01: It's not your job to protect your kids from the world.
SPEAKER_01: It's Neil N-E-I-L, not A, N-E-I-L, at grandparkway.org.
SPEAKER_01: It is not, and I'm going further.
SPEAKER_01: It's not biblical to try to create a bubble where your kids don't get contaminated by the world.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, there's non-Christians on the little league team.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you got invited to a sleepover?
SPEAKER_01: Are all those people Christians?
SPEAKER_01: Do those mom and dad have alcohol in the home?
SPEAKER_01: Do they vote Republican?
SPEAKER_01: Hey, in your kids' heart, they're mocking you.
SPEAKER_01: You are a buffoon.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal.
SPEAKER_01: I quote you an expert named Tim Kimmel.
SPEAKER_01: He calls it fear-based parenting.
SPEAKER_01: And he says, fearful parents raise fearful children.
SPEAKER_01: That's fear-based parenting.
SPEAKER_01: When I say play offense, what I mean is prepare your children to enter the world and conquer it.
SPEAKER_01: Not concentrate on protecting them from the world.
SPEAKER_01: Yes, protect your kid.
SPEAKER_01: By all means, remember, uh, protect your kids.
SPEAKER_01: My kids will tell you, my dad's very protective.
SPEAKER_01: He didn't straight.
SPEAKER_01: My daughter went to a debate team, get together at a lasagna house down town center.
SPEAKER_01: You've been in town center on the weekend?
SPEAKER_01: All kinds of, I told my wife, I'm gonna go eat at a lasagna house and just kind of scope them out across the restaurant.
SPEAKER_01: She's like, you can't do that.
SPEAKER_01: That'll embarrass Madison.
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
SPEAKER_01: So I went to Starbucks and got binoculars and peered out across there.
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: No, I didn't.
SPEAKER_01: I said, go have fun.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because my daughter's heart's been changed.
SPEAKER_01: It's so I can't protect her from the world.
SPEAKER_01: I don't want her to get how's the how's the world gonna come to Christ if we're all huddled up in our little huddles with all our Christian friends?
SPEAKER_01: How are we gonna be the fragrant aroma of Christ to those who are perishing?
SPEAKER_01: It's not going to happen.
SPEAKER_01: Some of you, if you're not careful, if you don't repent of fear-based parenting, you're gonna quote unquote raise your kids and they're never gonna have to share their faith because they're always surround safe people.
SPEAKER_01: I would just quote you this before you email me.
SPEAKER_01: Read John 17, verse 14 to 19, where Jesus said in his high priestly prayer, he's getting ready to leave this world.
SPEAKER_01: And he says, He's praying to his father.
SPEAKER_01: He says, I have given them your word.
SPEAKER_01: That's a great goal in parenting.
SPEAKER_01: Give your kids the word.
SPEAKER_01: I've given them your word.
SPEAKER_01: He's praying for his disciples, and he says, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world.
SPEAKER_01: You as a parent, you gotta just embrace that.
SPEAKER_01: Not everybody's gonna like your kid.
SPEAKER_01: And what makes that they have a frame of reference for that because they see that not everybody likes you and it doesn't bug you.
SPEAKER_01: You just kind of go, Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus said it'd be days like that.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus said, Matter of fact, Woe be unto you if men speak all manner of good about you, because that's the way they spoke about the false prophets.
SPEAKER_01: He says, I've given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of this world.
SPEAKER_01: Just as I am not of the world, I do not ask.
SPEAKER_01: I do not, Jesus, Son of God, God concarni, I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.
SPEAKER_01: They are not of the world just as I am not of the world.
SPEAKER_01: Sanctify them in the truth.
SPEAKER_01: Your word is truth, as you sent me into the world.
SPEAKER_01: See, God sent his son into the world.
SPEAKER_01: You gotta do the same thing, mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01: You've got to send your kids to that hellacious palace of degradation called Texas AM.
SPEAKER_01: And you can't go with them.
SPEAKER_01: And there's sinners there.
SPEAKER_01: I just said that because some of you Aggies are in here.
SPEAKER_01: In the next service, it'll be Baylor.
SPEAKER_01: And then the third service it'll be UT.
SPEAKER_01: Wanna hit for the cycle.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I hear all you T simps out there.
SPEAKER_01: As you sent me into the world, so I've sent them into the world.
SPEAKER_01: And for their sake, I consecrate myself that they also may be sanctified in truth.
SPEAKER_01: See, your kids are set apart in the truth, their hearts filled up.
SPEAKER_01: There's no room.
SPEAKER_01: It's what Jesus said to his disciples.
SPEAKER_01: He says, The prince of this world is coming soon, and he has no place in me.
SPEAKER_01: You want to parent your kids where they can be in any environment, and they're not moved by peer pressure.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you want to smoke, you want to drink, you want to do this, you want to get you want to hook up that person?
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm good.
SPEAKER_01: That's not a part of my life.
SPEAKER_01: That is radically evangelistic to your kids' lost friends.
SPEAKER_01: This world doesn't have an answer for that.
SPEAKER_01: Set your kids apart with the truth by doing three things that I'm done.
SPEAKER_01: Number one, you teach the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: You do it by teaching the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: Not just sitting down having family devotions.
SPEAKER_01: I know a lot of families have family devotions and their kids can't stand it.
SPEAKER_01: Their kids are just like, this is the most phony.
SPEAKER_01: Come on, man, really.
SPEAKER_01: Teach the gospel doesn't mean just word, it also means deed.
SPEAKER_01: Secondly, modeling the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: That means, men, you love your wife like Christ loved the church.
SPEAKER_01: If I want to know what kind of job I'm doing, loving my wife, I don't want to ask my wife.
SPEAKER_01: I ask my kids what they think about marriage.
SPEAKER_01: Because that tells me if I'm modeling the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: And thirdly and finally, you just center your home on the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: You say, What do you mean?
SPEAKER_01: Let me say it again.
SPEAKER_01: You center your home on the gospel.
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean you have Bibles everywhere.
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean that you all of a sudden you have kids.
SPEAKER_01: Now we're going to have family devotional.
SPEAKER_01: Let's all sit down in the living room, and Papa is going to get the King James Bible and read to us like Paul on Little House on the Prairie.
SPEAKER_01: Proceed, head of household.
SPEAKER_01: Deuteronomy 6 says, as you rise up, when you lie down, when you're going out, when you're coming in, every once in a while I call my kids in the living room and go, hey, you're so wicked and fallen by nature, you should be burning in hell right now.
SPEAKER_01: But instead, God's revealed himself to us and he's given us money.
SPEAKER_01: We can go eat in any any restaurant in town where you all want to go eat.
SPEAKER_01: And they're just like, woohoo! And we go eat.
SPEAKER_01: I look at them when the food comes and say, We don't deserve any of this.
SPEAKER_01: But our great and generous God wanted us to have it.
SPEAKER_01: So we're going to eat and be grateful.
SPEAKER_01: Somebody asked me one time, they said, Do you preach to your kids?
SPEAKER_01: I said, No, I live in front of them though.
SPEAKER_01: I love their mom.
SPEAKER_01: I told them the other day, your mom's like cobbler.
SPEAKER_01: I could take a spoon to her and just eat her up.
SPEAKER_01: And this was the look on their face.
SPEAKER_01: And my 10-year-old said, That's wrong on so many levels.
SPEAKER_01: See, centering your homes on the gospel isn't this spiritual dirge.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's let's love Jesus so much we're miserable.
SPEAKER_01: Why do I say center your homes on the gospel?
SPEAKER_01: Because most of us center our homes on our kids.
SPEAKER_01: Their lives and schedules and interests kind of rule the roost.
SPEAKER_01: So what what do you mean, gospel and parenting?
SPEAKER_01: Let me just finish where I began.
SPEAKER_01: The goal of parenting, according to the Bible, is to so live that when you're stick when your kids stand before God on judgment day, and they will, but they're not surprised by who God is.
SPEAKER_01: They're not surprised by his nature.
SPEAKER_01: God's holy.
SPEAKER_01: God's a God of wrath.
SPEAKER_01: You transgress his law, he will lay the wood to you.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not afraid of God, but I have a deep abiding respect for God.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because I have a deep, abiding respect for my father.
SPEAKER_01: I transgress my father.
SPEAKER_01: I remember reading John Patton, he's a missionary to the New Hebrides Islands, his autobiography.
SPEAKER_01: He talks about his dad walking him 17 miles to the train station.
SPEAKER_01: And they had agreed the night before where he would stop, and his dad had to turn and walk back home before dark.
SPEAKER_01: And Patton says he walked on, he looked back, and his dad was standing on this hill.
SPEAKER_01: And he said, I was overcome with emotion, and I just darted down this alley because I didn't want my dad to see my dad, my dad to see me crying, going off to college.
SPEAKER_01: But he said, I vowed early and often, starting in that alley, to never sin against such a father.
SPEAKER_01: That's parenting.
SPEAKER_01: Your kids they read the Bible and understand what God's like from the Bible, but they're mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01: Stand to your feet if you would speak a blessing over you.
SPEAKER_01: So would you hold your hands out?
SPEAKER_01: God is the ultimate father, and he sent his son into the world.
SPEAKER_01: Love and raise and prepare your sons and daughters to be sent into the world, to be used of God, to redeem what's been lost.
SPEAKER_01: In the name of the Father and the Son, the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
SPEAKER_01: Bless you, you're dismissed.