WEBVTT 00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:08.720 This podcast is a ministry of Grand Parkway Baptist Church, helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:09.519 --> 00:00:14.320 For more information about Grant Parkway, visit GrantProquay.org. 00:00:14.880 --> 00:00:15.919 You can be seated. 00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:20.559 My name is Lance Williams, and I'm the Spiritual Formation Pastor here at Grand Parkway Baptist Church. 00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:24.559 It is my privilege to be able to continue on in this series on community. 00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:27.039 And as we do so, let me just kind of catch everybody up. 00:00:27.199 --> 00:00:31.359 I know that we've got a lot of visitors here in our second service at 10 o'clock. 00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:33.920 So let me just catch everybody up where we've been this summer. 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:38.159 Over uh the month of June, we talked about um we talked about the gospel, right? 00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:39.759 And these are our core values over the summer. 00:00:39.920 --> 00:00:40.880 We talked about the gospel. 00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:43.920 And then this month, in the month of July, we're talking about community. 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.000 And as we've done so, that first Sunday in community, we talked about the value of community. 00:00:48.159 --> 00:00:51.439 Not just that we value it, but it's valuable for our lives. 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:58.000 And we in that first week, we talked about and we really discovered how it is that Jesus defines community for us. 00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:06.159 And he defined it basically like this: for where two or more are gathered for the purpose of glorifying and making Jesus' name great. 00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:06.719 Okay? 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:13.280 So that was as simple as it became, and then all of a sudden we started to journey together last week in the growing community. 00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:17.359 And if we had to boil last week down into one or two statements, we could boil it down like this. 00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:20.799 Are we becoming a people, a growing community? 00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:27.519 Are we becoming that growing community that puts the things of God above the things of man, or are we doing the opposite? 00:01:27.760 --> 00:01:33.439 And we saw that great example of when Jesus rebuked Peter for being and acting like Satan. 00:01:33.519 --> 00:01:38.719 And how is it that we act like Satan when we put the things of man above the things of God? 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:42.400 And so if we're going to be a growing community, we've got to have the right priorities, right? 00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:44.400 Seeking first the kingdom of God. 00:01:44.560 --> 00:01:47.359 And then everything else kind of gets put in its proper place. 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:59.120 And then today, not just that it's a valuable thing, not just that we're growing together in community, but oh, today we talk about our individual relationships and the value of spiritual friendships. 00:01:59.359 --> 00:02:06.480 And so as we look at that today, I want to talk to you today about four commitments, four baseline commitments of spiritual friends. 00:02:06.719 --> 00:02:10.000 When I say the word spiritual friends, many of you just got really confused. 00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:10.879 And that's okay. 00:02:10.960 --> 00:02:18.479 It's not a word or phrase that we use very often, but it is a word or a phrase that the community of God has used for centuries. 00:02:18.560 --> 00:02:21.919 And a lot of people have written about spiritual friendship. 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:27.199 Uh matter of fact, so much has been written that there's way too much for this sermon, and so I cut a lot of it. 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:31.919 But if you want resources and information, I can guarantee you I've got plenty of them. 00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:39.120 And so please come and find me if you want to read a book or two on spiritual friendship and on community, and specifically about what it looks like to be a friend. 00:02:39.280 --> 00:02:45.199 Um so when I talk about this, um, I got a lot of what I'm gonna say from a mentor and a professor of mine in seminary. 00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:46.319 His name is Barry Jones. 00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:57.360 And so I forgot to mention his name in the first service, and I wanted to make sure that I mention his name because a lot of this comes from dialogue with him, conversations with him, sitting at coffee with him, and just being his friend and him being my friend. 00:02:57.439 --> 00:02:59.199 And so a lot of this comes from him. 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:08.400 But having said all of that, when I'm talking about spiritual friendship, I'm talking about just that inner circle of people that you know and trust and can entrust yourself to. 00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:11.199 And that may sound weird that you kind of have an inner circle. 00:03:11.280 --> 00:03:17.120 It may sound kind of like favoritism, but let me just kind of point all of us back to the way that Jesus lived. 00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:20.319 He had an inner circle, and they were called his disciples. 00:03:20.400 --> 00:03:22.879 He didn't treat his disciples like he treated everybody else. 00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:30.400 Instead, he kind of gathered them to himself and explained parables to them, things that the rest of the crowd didn't get, but that wasn't good enough for him. 00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:40.719 Instead, he had an even uh a closer circle of friends, his inner circle of James, John, and Peter that he invited into things with them that the other guys didn't get. 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:41.039 Okay? 00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:43.120 They got to be on the Mount of Transfiguration. 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:45.520 They were there at the Garden of Gethsemane when he was arrested. 00:03:45.680 --> 00:03:52.000 I mean, he had an inner circle of people, of men that he trusted, and when they let him down, he let them know it. 00:03:52.400 --> 00:04:04.879 That's what he did in the garden, and that's what he does for them at the end here as we open up our Bibles in John chapter 15, as he kind of talks about and introduces this idea of what friendship really is. 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:20.160 And as we as you guys are turning there, John 15, verse 12 to 17, let me just say this that a lot of us think that friendship or friends are those people that you hang out with in college and you hang out with before you get married, and you hang out with before you kind of start having kids. 00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:39.839 But let me kind of reorient all of us that if we're gonna be the husbands and the wives that we're called to be, and if we're gonna become the parents that we're called to be, the only way that we're gonna be able to do that is if we have those really close spiritual friends to help us become the husband or the wife or the mom or the dad or the whomever that God is calling us to be. 00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:45.360 That only happens when we have this kind of inner circle group of friends that will help us along the way. 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:47.279 It's the only way it happens. 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:59.680 It says one uh very popular Christian counselor said, he says, the reason, and he's a counselor, the reason therapists are so busy is that there are so few spiritual friends. 00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:10.720 How could we change as a people if we just became and were these four things that we're gonna look at out of the scriptures? 00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:22.160 And so as I we look at John chapter uh 15, verse 12 to 17, um, we're gonna start there and we're gonna be introduced to the value of friendship, and then we're gonna kind of jump off of all kinds of different places in the Bible. 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:22.879 So hang with me. 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:25.360 If you've got your Bible, we're gonna use it for sure. 00:05:25.439 --> 00:05:28.800 Um, and if you don't, and even if you do, don't worry about catching up with where I'm going. 00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:30.800 Instead, everything's gonna be up on the screen, okay? 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:34.879 So don't freak out, but we are gonna be in John 15, verse 12, which I'll read now. 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:36.000 It says this. 00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:54.000 And if we look at the context, we'll understand that this is Jesus' last night on earth, and he's got his buddies, his eleven now remaining guys, that he's uh got with him, and he is telling them what it looks like to be a follower and a disciple of Jesus, and he says, Hey, you gotta abide in me, and you when you abide in me, you will bear much fruit. 00:05:54.160 --> 00:06:03.839 In the middle of that that sermon, so to speak, he says this, verse 12 This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:08.800 Greater love has no one than this, that someone laid down his life for his friends. 00:06:09.279 --> 00:06:12.720 You are my friends, if you do what I command you. 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:23.279 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my father I have made known to you. 00:06:23.519 --> 00:06:34.879 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask in my name, he may give it to you. 00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:40.800 These things I command you so that you will love one another. 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:50.959 So no matter where we are in this friendship thing, no matter if our life says we value it, no matter if our tongues say we value it, Jesus clearly valued friendship. 00:06:51.199 --> 00:06:57.759 It's the very thing that he kind of redefined for his disciples when he said, Hey, I'm not gonna call you a slave anymore. 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:01.439 I'm calling you my friends, my peers, co-heirs. 00:07:01.519 --> 00:07:03.519 Remember, the Bible says co-heirs with Christ. 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:07.040 There's a mutuality here that now I expect of you guys. 00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:09.120 And he redefines who they are. 00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:13.439 And I read all of that and explain all of that because I want you to know this. 00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:20.160 As introduction to this thing called friendship, it was reserved for two people in the Old Testament. 00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:22.720 And Jesus says you're his friend. 00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:27.360 Friendship with God was reserved for two people in the Old Testament. 00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:33.120 And if you are a follower of Jesus, he says that you have that kind of special access to God. 00:07:33.279 --> 00:07:36.959 And those two people in the Old Testament are Abraham and Moses. 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:38.240 And that's it. 00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:45.360 There's no one else with certainty that the Bible says they were a friend of God other than Abraham and Moses. 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:48.720 So you think about Moses, and you think about a guy named Abraham. 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:51.279 They talked with him, they spent time with him. 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:57.839 I mean, Moses came down from the mountain and he spent such good quality time with God that his face literally glowed. 00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:02.879 That's the kind of access that we have now with God through Jesus. 00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:13.360 So I want to just kind of invite us to think about the value of this before we even describe the four major and baseline components and commitments of spiritual friendship. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:18.879 So that's just an invitation before we start to dig in all over the place of the Bible out of John 15. 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:22.720 And so now that we've got that, let's look into these four commitments of spiritual friends. 00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:24.800 The first one is this presence. 00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:31.839 If we're going to become friends, if we're going to come become the people that God's called us to, the first commitment is presence. 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:33.519 What do I mean by presence? 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:38.799 I'm not talking about the gifts that you wrap and unwrap, although if you are here and you've got some, I am available. 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:42.399 Instead, what I'm talking about being with someone, presence. 00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:46.159 There's two basic components that I can kind of just spool out for this. 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:51.279 The first one is this it is presence means putting aside my agenda. 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:55.600 You have friends that just you can put aside your agenda with them? 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:58.639 And you know that they're putting aside their agenda with you? 00:08:58.879 --> 00:09:00.320 You have friends that will be able to do that? 00:09:00.480 --> 00:09:04.960 Paul Waddell, again, it's part of the research for these types of sermons. 00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:11.519 Um, he's a Catholic scholar, and he wrote one of the best books I've ever read on friendship, and it's called Becoming Friends, oddly enough. 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:17.120 And he says this about what true friendships really are, and then we'll dig into that passage up on the screen. 00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:18.639 But he says this about friendships. 00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:22.879 He says, true friendships are not relationships we control. 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:25.279 Get that into your brain now. 00:09:25.440 --> 00:09:31.600 True friendships are not relationships we control, but they are adventures we enter into. 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:32.720 Got friends like that? 00:09:32.879 --> 00:09:34.080 They're just adventures? 00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:36.399 No longer are you controlling or manipulating? 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:37.440 He goes on to say this. 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:44.000 Indeed, friendship is more a surrender than a conquest, more a loss of control than a calculated plan. 00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:53.679 Friendship is a matter of, now this is going to be the staple for everything else, mutual affection, reciprocal love, care, and concern. 00:09:55.120 --> 00:09:58.799 And we hear that and we go, okay, I've got one of those if we're married. 00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:01.200 And it might be my spouse, maybe. 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:10.000 But maybe God's called us to gather and create and create these types of friendships with more than just our spouse. 00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:23.440 Certainly not our kids, but those that God has sovereignly placed along our path as we're bound for the promised land, those people that will join us on that journey towards Christ. 00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:31.919 These are the people that God's calling us to intentionally pursue so that we can, number one, be just be present with them. 00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:34.159 It means putting aside my agenda. 00:10:34.240 --> 00:10:35.360 What may be your agenda? 00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:42.320 Your joy, your agenda maybe to fix their problem or to fix them that they just really annoy you or bother you. 00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:43.840 Can't have that agenda. 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:46.240 That's not the kind of spiritual friend that we're talking about. 00:10:46.399 --> 00:10:50.720 Instead, there is just a presence there that says, Yeah, I know you're all kinds of jacked up. 00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:53.200 And oh, by the way, so am I. 00:10:53.759 --> 00:11:09.120 No agenda to fix, no agenda to manipulate, definitely not an agenda to judge, not an agenda to escape when things get hard, or just to kind of sweep everything under the rug until all of a sudden the rug becomes a mountain in the middle of the living room and everybody's going, I don't know what the deal is with that rug. 00:11:09.600 --> 00:11:12.080 Been sweeping things underneath there for years. 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:31.440 No, your agenda's got to be set aside, and we've got to accept one another just as we are, because if we're gonna just go where where we need to go, this is where relational manipulation goes to die, is inside of these types of friendships where we first commit to presence. 00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:37.519 Um it kind of happens for me randomly, and so my wife is a great instrument of my sanctification. 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:43.519 Uh what I mean by that is that she reminds me that I am not who I am yet or who I should be yet, and I've got a long way to go. 00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:48.960 Uh just Friday night, we were out to dinner with some friends, and um she saw me not committing to presence. 00:11:49.039 --> 00:11:52.480 She knows that I believe these things, she's heard me preach and teach on these things before. 00:11:52.639 --> 00:12:01.200 She saw me kind of violating my own basic principle here of not being all there for the people that we were at dinner with, and she gave me one of these. 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:03.759 Alright, you got that tap? 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:06.159 Anybody that's married knows that tap, okay? 00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:08.480 Uh and so she kind of gives me one of these and she saw me. 00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:09.759 I was staring out the window. 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:10.639 I don't know. 00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:13.679 I know exactly what I was doing, and I know exactly because I know. 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:17.360 And I was all of a sudden I felt the tap, and I go, oh, I can easily justify this. 00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:18.320 We're fine. 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:22.159 And what she was telling me was, hey, re-engage there, big boy. 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:23.679 They're right in front of you. 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:25.519 Just come on back to the table. 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:35.200 I don't know where you are in the parking lot with your brain or with your eyes, I don't know what you're thinking about, but come on back to the people that are sitting right here in front of you because they need your presence as much as you need theirs. 00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:36.159 So come on back. 00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:41.519 I don't care if you're tired, don't care how long you've been up, don't matter what your day was like, come on back, they're right here in front of you. 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:43.840 A commitment to presence. 00:12:44.320 --> 00:12:51.200 And we see this uh in we'll we'll look at two different um friendships of David, the first one being with Jonathan. 00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:57.519 Um if we know anything about Jonathan and David, we know this great unbelievable passage from 1 Samuel 18, 1 through 4. 00:12:57.600 --> 00:12:59.919 And if you've got your Bible, you can move back to the left and go there. 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:01.600 But if you don't, again, it's on the screen. 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:05.600 And it says this about this first friendship that we'll look at with David. 00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:12.320 Um it says, um, so so if we look at the context here, what we'll find is that David just got done slaying the giant, literally. 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:15.279 He just got done killing Goliath. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:23.039 Um, and it gets kind of bloody from there that we kind of skip, like when they're telling this story back here or in the new children's building, when that gets done, they're gonna skip this part. 00:13:23.120 --> 00:13:27.679 But David brings the head of Goliath and brings it to Saul and was like, I am bad. 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:29.200 Okay? 00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:39.279 And he goes in and Jonathan sees this, and here's the context of all this is David has already been anointed king, and yet Saul is on the throne still. 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:46.000 Now, if you're Saul and you have a son named Jonathan, and Saul is the king, Jonathan would be the rightful heir to the throne. 00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:46.799 Yes? 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:50.639 Okay, but David is the rightful heir to the throne because God said so. 00:13:50.799 --> 00:14:00.480 So if there was anybody that would have some jealousy or manipulation or an agenda at all, it would be Jonathan with David, because David's in his spot. 00:14:00.639 --> 00:14:02.080 But this is what Jonathan does. 00:14:02.159 --> 00:14:05.759 When he sees all this going down, he goes to Jonathan, or he goes to David and he says this. 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:13.200 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:16.559 Now, you dudes in the room, does that freak you out or what? 00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:17.679 Okay? 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:18.559 It shouldn't. 00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:24.080 Absolutely it does, but that's probably because our of our what our culture says is okay and not okay. 00:14:24.159 --> 00:14:37.360 And so the Bible's given us a really good example of man to man, beautifully heterosexual, like phileo type of a love, brotherly love, where Jonathan is knit to David. 00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:39.200 You got that kind of friend? 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:41.919 And Jonathan loved, and this is what it looks like. 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:45.519 Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:47.840 He is fulfilling the great command. 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:49.919 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. 00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:53.679 And oh, by the way, love your neighbor as yourself. 00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:55.840 He's fulfilling that. 00:14:56.559 --> 00:15:01.120 And Saul took him in that day and would not let him go back to his father's house, and then keep going. 00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:03.519 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David. 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:04.960 Hey, where you go, I will go. 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:06.240 Your people will be my people. 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:07.919 Your God is going to be my God. 00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:08.399 Okay? 00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:10.159 Wherever you go, I will go. 00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:13.519 There is a commitment here to presence. 00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:19.200 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, and because he loved him, why? 00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:20.480 As his own soul. 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:32.480 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him, likely a royal robe, his identity, and he gave it to David, almost anointing him and confirming the anointing, gave it to David. 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:40.080 And oh, by the way, the things that kept him safe, he took his armor off, he even gave him his sword and his bow and his belt. 00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:52.399 There is a self-sacrificing nature to just being present with someone else and committing to what God has said about the other person. 00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:56.720 It has yet to come to fruition, but you know there's something greater coming. 00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:00.799 And so you commit to that at whatever expense to yourself. 00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:04.240 That's the first commitment, a commitment to presence. 00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:13.679 And as he goes on, if we were just to keep reading in 1 Samuel, we come up two chapters later, and this is what is said about this relationship. 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.200 Jonathan says to David, 1 Samuel 20, 42. 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:30.399 He says, Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us, friendship between us in the name of the Lord, saying, The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring forever. 00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:32.480 I love the way he puts it. 00:16:32.879 --> 00:16:36.320 The only thing that's going to come between us is the Lord. 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:39.200 There's not one thing that I'm going to nitpick about you. 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:43.600 There's a presence there and a commitment there that only the Lord will come between us. 00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:47.039 And how did that work its way out with David and Jonathan? 00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:55.039 If we know anything about the context of their friendship, we know that Saul all of a sudden turns mad and begins to try and kill David, pursues him for years. 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:58.799 And David runs and runs and runs and hides in caves. 00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:02.320 And how is it that David is able to stay alive for so long? 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:11.599 It's his present friend Jonathan, the king's son, that goes to David and says, Hey man, there's trouble coming. 00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:12.640 You need to move out. 00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.720 Hey man, uh something's about to happen. 00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:17.680 You need to go, maybe you need to go east or maybe west. 00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:18.880 Saul's coming. 00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:21.680 He alerts him of the danger ahead. 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:26.000 He reports to them the latest nude of what's going on in the kingdom, and he warns him of what's going on. 00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:27.680 He encourages him in the truth. 00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:29.119 Don't we need this type of friend? 00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:31.119 Don't you need this type of friend? 00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:38.640 Just see danger coming in your life and report that to you and go, hey man, something's coming in your life and you need to know what's going on. 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:42.400 So let me just kind of be present with you and encourage you here. 00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:45.279 We need that kind of friend. 00:17:45.599 --> 00:17:48.400 And here's what it continues to say about presence. 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:55.519 If we're going to commit to that, not just that we kill our own agenda and what we think we deserve, but presence means we're also reliable. 00:17:56.400 --> 00:18:02.720 Many of us have seen great, potentially great friendships fall apart because of a lack of reliability. 00:18:03.279 --> 00:18:05.839 This is what Proverbs says in 1824. 00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:13.279 It says, one who has reliable friends soon, excuse me, one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin. 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:17.519 But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:21.759 Spiritual friendship means that we've got to stick and stay. 00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:30.799 There is a presence that comes with becoming the friend that Jesus modeled for us and then he calls to build with others. 00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:39.920 Not just that, do we kind of commit to presence, but we also, our second commitment of spiritual friendship is that we've got to commit to honesty. 00:18:40.240 --> 00:18:41.119 Honesty, right? 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:46.640 This is one that probably a lot of us like to be the truth teller, and none of us like to be the truth receiver. 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:49.839 Whew, I know I'm one of those guys. 00:18:50.319 --> 00:18:52.400 Hey, give me the crusty, honest guy. 00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:55.039 I don't want to be the guy that has to receive that. 00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:57.920 But this is what the Bible says. 00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:00.720 Um, well, before I get to that, let me just say this. 00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:08.559 If we're gonna speak the truth to one another, and the Bible clearly says Old Testament and New, repeat it over and over again, speak the truth to one another in love. 00:19:09.279 --> 00:19:15.200 If we're gonna be able to do that, the only way we're gonna be able to do that is if we first commit to presence. 00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:15.920 Okay? 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:26.799 We first commit to the other person and we communicate to the other person, hey, I'm for you, I'm with you, I love you, and oh, by the way, you got some spinach in your teeth. 00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:31.200 I mean, what however it works out, we need we need spinach in your teeth, friends. 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:32.319 This is what this is all about. 00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:44.000 It's kind of a silly example, but when you go to lunch and you leave with spinach on your teeth and you work the rest of the day, go to a meeting or two, and you got spinach in your teeth, and no one tells you you got spinach in your teeth, you will value the spinach in your teeth, friend. 00:19:46.400 --> 00:19:50.079 But here's what the Bible says in Proverbs 27, 5 and 6. 00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:58.160 If we're gonna commit to spiritual friendship, if we're gonna commit to honesty, it says this better is open rebuke than hidden love. 00:19:59.200 --> 00:19:59.920 First part? 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:06.079 So you can sweep as much stuff as you want under the rug, and that says that is not as good as just an open rebuke. 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:07.680 It says, hey man, not gonna tolerate that. 00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:08.480 That's not okay. 00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:12.480 Friendship, parenting, wife, husband, whatever. 00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:16.319 Whatever relationship we're in, this this the the the truth remains. 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:25.279 Better is open rebuke than hidden love, and then faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:30.559 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:35.200 If we are going to be friends, we've got to be willing to wound one another. 00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:37.599 Now that's something that's not very popular. 00:20:38.079 --> 00:20:45.519 We've got to be able and willing to just kind of just stick the dagger in a little bit, twist it, just and not because you're gonna get any satisfaction in that. 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:47.680 See, remember, the motivation here is love. 00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:51.839 The motivation here is self-sacrificing and other building. 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:58.240 And you've got to be able to wound one another so that we can grow and become the men and women that we have been called to become. 00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:00.720 Now, here is the great danger in all of this. 00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:01.599 Okay? 00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:06.640 Is that we start to speak truth to one another to prove a friendship. 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:10.319 Let me kind of illustrate it like this. 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:17.119 Um, you you there's a huge difference between I love you and therefore I speak the truth to you. 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:20.319 There's that, which is good and right and appropriate. 00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:30.400 There's that kind of way to do it, and then there's the other way that you've maybe experienced, and you kind of go, hey, I'm gonna speak the truth to you and therefore prove to you that I love you somehow. 00:21:31.119 --> 00:21:37.200 The first way is the way that God's called us to do this is because I love you, now I will speak the truth to you. 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.640 Instead of I'm gonna speak the truth to you to prove somehow that I love you. 00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:43.200 One works and one doesn't. 00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:45.599 And that's just the way God has designed it. 00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:51.119 And so there's got to be absolutely a huge difference between how we do this. 00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:59.759 And so, if we get to this whole truth telling thing and honesty commitment, um let me just kind of point you also to um how God. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.599 Has designed for this to go. 00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:05.039 That there should be gentleness and respect when we do this. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:15.599 Proverbs 24, 26, just a couple of chapters before this main passage here, it says this whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips. 00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:23.039 Whoever gives an honest answer shows a sign of affection and of love and of commitment. 00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:24.960 That's who gives an honest answer. 00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:27.200 That's what it looks like to give an honest answer. 00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:32.079 There's this, there's just there's just intimate fellowship, there's this sign of love and affection. 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:40.559 And so if we're truth tellers, which I'll go ahead and call myself one, uh if you've ever been in a small group with me, then you'll go, man, I do not like that guy for very much longer. 00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:44.079 I used to like him before we were close, and now I'm not so sure. 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:50.720 Uh the last small group that I led, I mean, we were three or four meetings in, and I said, Hey, when you talk, other people come out. 00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:53.839 Can I hear what you're what you have what you think about the subject? 00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.000 Oh, I'm offended. 00:22:56.400 --> 00:23:00.880 And he came up to me three days later, he goes, I don't want to tell you, man, I was so angry at you all weekend long. 00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:02.000 But you're right. 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:04.559 Like, okay, I wasn't trying to be right. 00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:10.079 I was just trying to maybe invite you into trusting yourself rather than all these other sources. 00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:21.839 Um, but there's gotta be some, there's gotta be that, and hopefully, I don't know if I did it right that time, but hopefully I'll get it right one day where we when we give an honest answer, it's it's an affectionate uh type of an answer. 00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:30.960 And so here's my question to myself first, and then to you Does the way you speak the truth to people feel more like a punch in the face or a kiss on the lips? 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:34.000 Oh, y'all don't like me now. 00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:35.279 I can see it. 00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:40.720 See, honesty is face-to-face, but it shouldn't always result in a bloody nose. 00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:44.000 Sometimes it should, but not always. 00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:46.240 Um, and so we've got to have more gentleness than that. 00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:56.000 And here's what I'd say to that: that we've got to quit letting our flesh apply the scripture and instead continue to yield to the spirit when we go, okay, I'm gonna now speak the truth to you. 00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:57.440 And here's how that looks for me. 00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:07.839 I got four months worth of, I don't know, whatever I got against you, and now I've just heard a sermon on speaking the truth, and so I'm gonna take my four months of offense and come after you at lunch. 00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:09.920 Okay, that's not okay. 00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:12.079 That's again, ooh, speak the truth in love. 00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:13.759 Ooh, well, look at all this truth I got. 00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:14.319 Here we go. 00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:24.079 Well, here's the deal there's a mutual reciprocal of that you're gonna have to kind of yield, and so if you're gonna do this spiritual friendship thing, if you just want to be. 00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:26.960 Well, I don't have a word for it. 00:24:27.119 --> 00:24:29.839 I do have many words for it, but none that I can say right here. 00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:33.119 If you just want to be that guy, then go and just speak the truth. 00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:38.559 But if you want to have mutual friendships, spiritual friendships, then you've got to receive as well as give. 00:24:39.839 --> 00:24:41.519 And so here's kind of the question. 00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:44.319 Well, and here's how it works its way out. 00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:49.200 I said there was Nathan, there was uh Jonathan and there was David. 00:24:49.440 --> 00:24:53.119 There's also another uh friendship of David's, and his name was Nathan. 00:24:53.359 --> 00:25:00.000 And if we were to read in 2 Samuel 12, we would see this gentle but very firm rebuke of David's character. 00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:20.079 Because yes, David killed the man, uh the giant named Goliath, but not too long later, he did some pretty heinous things, like saw another woman, another man's wife, took her into his own home and committed adultery, and then when she became pregnant, began to just cover up and just kind of go, oh man. 00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:21.519 All right, we gotta do something about this. 00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:22.319 I know what I'll do. 00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:23.519 I'll kill your husband. 00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:24.480 What? 00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:26.400 And so he kills her husband. 00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:30.160 This is King David, the man after God's own heart. 00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:37.039 And he does that, and then all of a sudden, he just kind of goes on and acts like nothing's wrong and continues trying to establish a new normal. 00:25:37.119 --> 00:25:38.960 Meanwhile, who knows what Bathsheba's going through? 00:25:39.039 --> 00:25:40.400 We don't really get that part. 00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:46.799 But we know that she's pregnant, we know that she just buried her husband, and now she's married to a stranger who is the king. 00:25:47.039 --> 00:25:51.200 And all of a sudden, Nathan comes into the picture in 2 Samuel 12. 00:25:51.440 --> 00:26:05.119 And as the story goes, God sent Nathan to David to rebuke him, to tell the truth to him, to have an honest reflection of what his heinous sin was going to bring about David's kingdom and David's son. 00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:06.799 And he delivers that bad news. 00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:18.559 If there's anybody that would have been afraid of being honest to his friend, I would imagine it was Nathan who just saw his friend kill somebody else for not being in the right place and not being married to the wrong to the right person. 00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:21.279 So Nathan comes and he delivers the bad news. 00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:25.279 And when he does so, I love this is why David is a man after God's own heart. 00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:33.200 Because in verse 13 of 2 Samuel 12, it says, David responded and he says, I have sinned against the Lord. 00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:37.759 You don't hear anything about a quabble or a quibble, but I mean she was pretty. 00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:38.799 I mean, she was naked on the roof. 00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:39.920 What do you want me to do, David? 00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:41.119 I mean, come on, buddy. 00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:43.039 No, none of that. 00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:46.480 Instead, instant ownership of his sin. 00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:47.759 He repents. 00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:49.599 And he couldn't get away from the consequences. 00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:51.119 The consequences stayed with him. 00:26:51.359 --> 00:26:55.200 But he repents, and that's what created this man after God's own heart. 00:26:55.279 --> 00:26:56.640 But notice how it happened. 00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:13.599 Nathan goes to him, and it's a very gentle but very firm rebuke, doesn't call him names, and just kind of comes into his life and puts a mirror up to him and reminds him, much like we all need, reminds him, your heart is deep and your heart is dark, and you need to repent. 00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:17.039 Otherwise, you are going down a road that you don't want to go down. 00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:22.319 We need people that will stand in front of us and just go face to face with us. 00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:26.480 For me, it comes in unexpected packages sometimes. 00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:30.240 Sometimes my kids, sometimes my wife, sometimes you, sometimes whoever. 00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:37.759 My wife and I were out to dinner with some friends long ago, and we were talking about spiritual things and kind of hanging out, and we were at carabas for crying out loud. 00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:39.039 I mean, I love me some carabas. 00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:48.960 I have me some chicken brine, and I was enjoying that goat cheese and that chicken and whatever special sauce they have on there, and those, those, those sunrise tomatoes, and a nice Caesar salad, and I'm enjoying all this. 00:27:49.200 --> 00:28:04.240 We start going into spiritual things, and the girl, my wife's friend, um, that y'all probably know, though I'm not gonna say her name, she just looks at me and she, not in these words, but basically says this so um, so that pride and arrogance that's in you, now is that gonna be a part of your past or part of your future? 00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:11.359 Hang on, there's a there's a shiv in me somewhere, I know. 00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:13.839 And she just smiled. 00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:16.480 Just wanted to know what you were thinking. 00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:18.720 Be part of your past or part of your future. 00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:20.720 Well, I appreciate you asking that. 00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:22.079 No, I don't. 00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:25.759 But you know what? 00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:30.559 Now, there's part of me that was like, hey, can you tell your husband next time and have him deliver the news? 00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:32.160 Because that was offensive to me. 00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:36.319 All of a sudden I become spiritual somehow, like that spiritual, because it's not. 00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:40.559 But the reality is all of a sudden I get to this and I go, okay, I can look back on that. 00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:41.680 I wasn't even offended. 00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:43.759 I was actually I was very thankful in the moment. 00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:47.920 Um, and I I don't think I repented in the moment, but I was like, you know, that's a great question. 00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:48.960 I need to consider that. 00:28:49.039 --> 00:28:50.400 Thank you for pointing that out to me. 00:28:50.559 --> 00:28:53.680 Uh but here's the deal I wouldn't trade that conversation for the world. 00:28:53.920 --> 00:29:02.720 I wouldn't trade those relationships, that person that's committed to me, and I they know I'm committed to them because they also know if they're gonna say something like that to me, they better be ready if I got something for them. 00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:03.519 And I don't. 00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:08.319 I don't have just something held back going, oh well, now that you're saying that to me, here I got something for you. 00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:09.039 Not at all. 00:29:09.119 --> 00:29:10.400 Instead, I just considered it. 00:29:10.559 --> 00:29:13.119 Thank you, appreciate you, prideful and arrogant. 00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:14.480 I got the message. 00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:16.880 We need that. 00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:22.000 We need those kind of people that just sit across from us at a table and just go, hey, have you considered this? 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:23.839 You're going down a wrong path. 00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:28.319 And if you consider this for the future, you're not gonna be who God wants you to be. 00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:33.839 We need that commitment to honesty as well as a commitment to presence. 00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:37.839 And so a little practical application for our commitment to honesty is this. 00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:39.759 Do you have a spiritual friend? 00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:41.039 Maybe it's your spouse. 00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:43.680 You should, by the way, your spouse should be in that inner circle. 00:29:43.839 --> 00:29:44.160 Okay? 00:29:44.319 --> 00:29:47.200 They should be, in my opinion, I think they should be your best friend. 00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:48.400 Some of you may disagree with that. 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.000 I don't really care, I'm not gonna fight about it. 00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:52.880 But so I really do agree, I really do believe that. 00:29:53.119 --> 00:29:56.640 So maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's somebody else that you're golfing buddy or whatever. 00:29:56.799 --> 00:29:57.920 This is a practical application. 00:29:58.000 --> 00:30:05.680 You go to them and you just basically just you need to ask the Lord, do I need to say anything to them for their betterment and at my expense? 00:30:05.839 --> 00:30:10.640 Remember, it's just not full bore, you know, opening up the valve and just kind of being honest with people. 00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:15.119 It's something for them so that they can grow, usually at my expense. 00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:16.960 And then here's the better part. 00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:21.759 Then ask them, what can I receive from you so that I can grow? 00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:25.200 And not just being a truth teller, but a truth receiver as well. 00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:29.440 See, that's the commitment, a reciprocal commitment to honesty. 00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:44.319 Not only are those two things absolutely viable and valuable for our spiritual life and the reality of committing as spiritual friends, but we also need this, and it's kind of this intimate dance between truth and the third commitment, which is encouragement. 00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:46.960 We need encouragement. 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:50.559 We were created for encouragement, to need it. 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:51.920