WEBVTT 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:10.320 But the real issue for you is that you're not comfortable being loved like this because this is how God loves unconditionally. 00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:16.480 And we would rather love with conditions than be loved unconditionally because it gives us the illusion of control. 00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:24.399 This podcast is a ministry of Grand Parkway Baptist Church, helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:29.359 For more information about Grand Parkway, visit Grandparkway.org. 00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:35.359 Amen. 00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:36.399 Let's pray together. 00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:43.119 Lord, we've come to praise that which is eternal, not to get caught up and hung up and bogged down in that which is temporal. 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:53.920 And so when we say, Praise the Father, praise the Son, praise the Spirit, three in one, we are worshiping the God who was and is and is to come, the only God that ever existed and always will exist. 00:00:54.079 --> 00:00:59.039 So we're on the right track and a good trajectory when we worship the God who is truth. 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:02.799 And so, Lord, we need the truth today to set us free around this topic of love. 00:01:02.960 --> 00:01:04.959 More than a theme, this is a reality. 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:12.640 And not just a reality, it's an invitation today for us to get our head and our heart around what it means to be loved by God. 00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:19.599 And so that we love other people in such a way that the only explanation for the way we love them is that God so loved me. 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:21.760 This is why I love you the way I do. 00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:25.439 God, make that happen in this room by your spirit and from your word. 00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:26.799 We pray in Jesus' name. 00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:28.799 And everyone said, Amen. 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:29.599 You can have a seat. 00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:32.959 If you got a Bible, I invite you to take it and open up to 1 John chapter 4. 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:34.640 If you don't have a Bible, don't sweat it. 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:35.920 It'll come up on the screen. 00:01:36.239 --> 00:01:37.359 1 John chapter 4. 00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:39.920 I want to talk to you about the Advent of love. 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:41.120 The Advent of Love. 00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:43.200 Today is the fourth Sunday of Advent. 00:01:43.359 --> 00:01:46.319 And each Sunday has a theme, and the theme today is love. 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:47.359 And so I want to talk to you. 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:50.239 The word Advent means arrival or coming. 00:01:50.319 --> 00:02:03.920 And so when Jesus was born and laid as a babe of the manger, it changed every person who's ever professed to love anybody because a standard got erected by God that the word love is now evaluated against. 00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:05.680 Which is why the Bible says things like this. 00:02:05.840 --> 00:02:09.520 It doesn't say, for God loved the world, it uses this little two-letter word. 00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:10.879 I want you to understand today. 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:15.360 It says, For God so loved the world, so loved the world. 00:02:15.439 --> 00:02:16.719 And we'll get to this in just a minute. 00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:35.280 But when the Bible says it's a big difference in for God loved the world, and God so loved the world, when it says for God so loved the world, it's saying that something happened, an actual event occurred that you can point to as a demonstration of the fact that not only God loves you, but the degree to which He loves you. 00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:41.759 And one of the things I'm going to tell you today is that the most threatening thing you will ever experience is unconditional love. 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:44.960 Because most of us, we experience conditional love. 00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:47.199 I love you if, well, I love you. 00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:50.639 And unconditional love is very disorienting. 00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:52.719 And so I want to just get into the text. 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.479 I want to make about five or six points. 00:02:54.560 --> 00:02:59.280 And at the end, I'm going to say, let's just kind of marinate in these juices and think about what the Bible said. 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:04.400 And so I want to read from 1 John chapter 4, starting in verse 7: the advent of love. 00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:07.599 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God. 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:10.560 And whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:14.800 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 00:03:15.039 --> 00:03:18.400 In this the love of God was made manifest among us. 00:03:18.560 --> 00:03:23.199 That God sent his only son into the world so that we might live through him. 00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:24.560 And this is love. 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:30.240 Not that we have loved God, but that he's loved us and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins. 00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:34.560 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.240 No one has ever seen God. 00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:40.479 If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:45.120 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us because he has given us of his spirit. 00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:50.560 And we have seen and testified that the Father has sent his son to be the Savior of the world. 00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:56.240 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:00.319 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:04.639 God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:12.879 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is, so also are we in the world. 00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:16.560 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. 00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:18.399 For fear has to do with punishment. 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:21.199 And whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 00:04:21.360 --> 00:04:23.360 We love because he first loved us. 00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:28.240 If anyone says, I love God and hates his brother, he's a liar. 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:34.160 For he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:39.279 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 00:04:39.439 --> 00:04:43.360 Now, when it talks about brother, must also love it, whoever loves God must also love his brother. 00:04:43.439 --> 00:04:46.240 It's not talking about the person sitting next to you that you're related to. 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:47.839 That person's implied in that. 00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:51.120 It's talking about the way Christians love each other in the church. 00:04:51.199 --> 00:04:52.800 Uh, because here's the confession. 00:04:52.959 --> 00:04:56.480 Sometimes it's easier to love strangers than it is to love your own flesh and blood. 00:04:56.639 --> 00:04:56.959 Amen? 00:04:57.680 --> 00:04:58.000 Yes. 00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:00.639 Some of you are like, yeah, I got the knucklehead sitting right next to me. 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:02.000 Preach to him today, Pastor. 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:07.519 Uh and sometimes it's easier just to say, we're just gonna love our family and not gonna love anybody else. 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:08.800 Uh, that's idolatry. 00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:11.040 And so you can fall off the horse on either side. 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:15.519 And so I want to make some points from the text this morning uh and then invite us to think about it. 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:19.279 The first point the text makes is simply this: love is evidence of conversion. 00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:20.959 Love is evidence of conversion. 00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:26.160 Everybody in the world knows at least one verse in the Bible, and it's a fragment of this one right here, verse 7 and 8. 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:30.959 Oh, it God, I'll know that my God's a God of love. 00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:38.480 And that sounds comforting, but it's deeply consequential because being born of someone implies a likeness to that person. 00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:39.759 Let me just say it again. 00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:43.279 Being born of someone implies a likeness to that person. 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:47.120 Uh uh when I'm out with my youngest daughter, people, I mean, we'll be separated. 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:53.439 We're in Home Depot the other night getting some wood for a service project, and God walked by me and walked by her, and he went, I know who kid that is. 00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:54.160 Absolutely. 00:05:54.399 --> 00:05:56.399 Looks like me because she's born of me. 00:05:56.560 --> 00:06:05.839 Now, when the Bible says, uh that when I say love is evidence of conversion, he says, let us love one another for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:08.879 That doesn't mean if you're a loving person, that makes you a Christian. 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:14.079 That means that there's a capacity for love that you only find in a relationship with Christ. 00:06:14.319 --> 00:06:17.120 And here in the text, John is saying the same thing. 00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:28.399 He's saying, asking the question, how can you and I be born of God, born again, and not bear a striking resemblance to our Heavenly Father, who is love in the way that we love? 00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:29.600 Let me say that again. 00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:33.839 The text is asking this simple question, and it's why I say that love is evidence of conversion. 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:41.600 It's kind of saying, hey, how can you be born of God and not bear a striking resemblance in the way you love people to the way God loves people? 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:46.160 This is the requirement and the weight of the command or the statement that God is love. 00:06:46.319 --> 00:06:50.959 Anyone who's love has been born of God because love is evidence of conversion, okay, beloved? 00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:55.040 The second thing the text says to us is simply this is that love is demonstrated. 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:56.319 It's verse 9 and 10. 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:58.240 Love is demonstrated. 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:02.720 Both verses begin with these this phrase, in this, in this. 00:07:02.879 --> 00:07:03.439 Verse 9. 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:09.680 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only son into the world so that we might live through him. 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:12.000 Again, we might live through him. 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:13.839 Why was the love of God demonstrated? 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:16.160 Because love to ourselves, we would get it wrong. 00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:24.160 And so God goes on the record, he demonstrates, he says, in this, and then and excuse me, in verse 10, he's the same words, in this is love. 00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:30.000 Not that we have loved God, but that he's loved us and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins. 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:32.000 Now, why is love demonstrated? 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:32.800 Two reasons. 00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:35.680 Number one, verse nine, to give us a different way to live. 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:37.360 To give us a different way to live. 00:07:37.439 --> 00:07:39.519 Hear it again from the Bible, okay? 00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:42.560 In this the love of God was made manifest among us. 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:46.639 That God sent his only son into the world so that we might live through him. 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:49.519 Let me say this to you on the authority of God's word, okay? 00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:56.480 Regardless of who you are, what your year has been like, what you've done, what you did this weekend, there's a different way that you can live. 00:07:56.720 --> 00:07:58.319 None of you is beyond the pale. 00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:00.160 It's not too late to live differently. 00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:10.399 Because in the incarnation, by Jesus, by God taking on flesh and blood and moving into the neighborhood, coming into the world, being born of a virgin in a manger, he demonstrates love. 00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:13.680 And the one first reason he does it is to give us a different way to live. 00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:18.800 And then in verse 10, he says, to give here's the second reason to give us forgiveness for how we've lived. 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:22.000 For give us forgiveness, to give us forgiveness for how we live. 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:22.879 Look at verse 10. 00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:23.920 And this is love. 00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:26.399 Not that we've loved God, but he loved us. 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:27.759 How do you know he loved us? 00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:31.680 Because he sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins. 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:33.360 Now there's a word you didn't use this week. 00:08:33.519 --> 00:08:34.080 Amen. 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:35.120 Propitiation. 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:39.440 Now, some of you heard that and thought, I hope that guy knows what that means, because I have no idea. 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:40.639 Actually, I do. 00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:47.039 Propitiation means this that the wrath of an angry deity has been appeased or satisfied. 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:48.320 Let me say that again. 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:53.919 It means that the wrath of an angry deity has been appeased or satisfied. 00:08:54.080 --> 00:08:56.000 Well, are you implying that God is angry? 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:56.799 Look at me. 00:08:56.960 --> 00:08:57.600 Yes. 00:08:58.000 --> 00:08:58.320 Yes. 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:02.399 At our men's breakfast this past week on Tuesday, I taught from Psalm 7, okay? 00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:06.159 And in Psalm 7, God gives this condition and he gives this consequence. 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:09.919 He says in Psalm 7, if a man repents of his sin. 00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:14.879 See, God, we've lost the word sin because we don't have a standard anymore, an objective standard. 00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:15.919 Everything is relative. 00:09:16.080 --> 00:09:18.399 And so it's like, you got your truth, I got my truth. 00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:21.519 And if I get to define the rules, I will never sin. 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:30.960 And what's happening is we're slowly, because the Bible says the wages of sin is death, we're slowly killing ourselves in the name of political correctness and personal empowerment. 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:32.240 But that's a whole nother sermon. 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:33.120 We'll get to that later. 00:09:33.200 --> 00:09:33.759 Amen? 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:35.600 I can tell you can't wait. 00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:37.519 You're like, dude, it's Christmas. 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:38.799 Be nice to us. 00:09:39.039 --> 00:09:40.799 Now, back to this reality, okay? 00:09:40.960 --> 00:09:42.639 Psalm 7, God says, here's the condition. 00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:46.080 He says, if a man repents, and then he says, This is what will happen. 00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:48.080 Oh, excuse me, if a man does not repent. 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:54.799 If a man does not repent, the Bible says that God has already put his arrows of his righteous indignation on his bow. 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:58.559 Now, for all you hunters out there, God does not have a compound bow. 00:09:58.799 --> 00:10:00.080 You know what a compound bow is? 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:05.279 It's that nice thing with the pulleys, you pull it, and then it kind of relaxes, and there's not that much tension on the string. 00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:07.440 You're kind of like, you can hold that thing all day. 00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:09.600 God has an old school bow, okay? 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:12.960 He pulls that back thing, that thing back, and it is constant tension. 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:16.080 It's like, I taught archery at camp for a summer. 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:21.440 And when the kids were done coming to my little station, because we were out in the in the forest, I was like, yeah, this is great. 00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:24.639 Have rednecks with bows and arrows with no accountability. 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:29.200 Me and my buddies would pull that thing back as far as we could and see who could hold it the longest. 00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:34.799 And eventually your arm would start to quake and quiver, and pretty soon this hand's cramping, and you're gonna let that arrow go. 00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:37.759 Whoa! And so we would just kind of hold it. 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.320 I think five and a half minutes was the record. 00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:41.440 And it wasn't me. 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:44.480 I mean, after about two minutes, I'm like, poing, let's go. 00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:48.720 The Bible says, I want you to get this picture in your head because here's what you've been told and taught. 00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:54.320 If you ever darken the door of a Baptist church, God hates the sin but loves the. 00:10:55.360 --> 00:10:55.840 Yes. 00:10:56.080 --> 00:11:00.320 And in that equation, let me ask you this: whatever motivates the sinner to stop sinning? 00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:04.080 Nothing. 00:11:04.480 --> 00:11:07.360 Nothing, which explains many of your lives. 00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:09.360 Hey, God loves me. 00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:10.639 Why would I give this up? 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:13.759 But the Bible comes along, check me on this and see if I'm making up. 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:18.799 Psalm 7 says, hey, if a man does not repent, the arrow of God's righteous indignation is already on the bow. 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:20.000 He has drawn it back. 00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:23.840 Now, I don't say that if you're visiting today, I'm not a boogeyman preacher, okay? 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:26.000 I don't come in and try to scare you to death. 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:28.000 Heads are bowed and eyes are closed. 00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:29.360 I love you enough to say this. 00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:33.279 If you're transgressing God's law, judgment is coming your way. 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:35.039 And here's the good news, okay? 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:36.240 Here's what love does. 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:38.720 You say, well, why hadn't the arrow found me already? 00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:45.600 Because the only thing that tempers the righteous indignation and God's fixed displeasure with sin and sinners is the mercy of God. 00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:52.240 The Bible says, like this in the New Testament, He is not willing that any should perish, but all should come to the day of salvation. 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:55.279 It is the mercy of God that tempers the justice of God. 00:11:55.519 --> 00:12:00.559 But the mercy of God does not and will not cancel out the justice of God. 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:06.240 God is never going to feel different about sin and sinners. 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.799 And you say, Well, why do you tell us that? 00:12:09.039 --> 00:12:09.600 Verse 10. 00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:12.240 And I say, to give us forgiveness for how we live. 00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:15.919 He says in verse 10, and this is love, not that we have loved God, but that he has loved us. 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:24.159 And he sent his son to be the propitiation, the sin-atoning payment that makes peace with God available for our sins. 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:26.639 This is what I mean when I say love is demonstrated. 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:29.759 Third thing the text says to us today is that love has a standard. 00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:30.879 Love has a standard. 00:12:30.960 --> 00:12:31.919 We're about to get personal. 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:33.279 You still with me, okay? 00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:34.799 You want to get personal this morning? 00:12:35.039 --> 00:12:38.240 You want to stay ethereal up here and just give you some Jesus information? 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:40.399 This is gonna make you want to fight at lunch. 00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:42.000 You sure you want to go there? 00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:48.080 Some of you are like, I ain't biting on any of that Johnny Cash in your black shirt. 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:51.360 Anyway, when I say that love has a standard, here's what I mean. 00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:58.879 It's verse 11, beloved, if God, here's that phrase, so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 00:12:59.039 --> 00:13:00.399 No one has ever seen God. 00:13:00.559 --> 00:13:04.000 If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 00:13:04.159 --> 00:13:07.600 Now you should ask yourself, why does he say verse 12, no one has ever seen God? 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:09.039 What's that got to do with anything? 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:10.720 We're talking about love and blah, blah, blah. 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:12.799 And he goes, Man, no one's ever seen God. 00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:19.279 Here's why that's in the Bible, in in the book of 1 John, because there was a sect of people, a group of people called the Gnostics. 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.519 G-N-O-S-T-I-C-S. 00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:24.320 It's from the Greek word gnosis for knowledge. 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:28.240 The Gnostics were like, hey, we're smarter than everybody else, okay? 00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:29.919 Uh you don't understand us. 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:32.000 And they would say, hey, we've seen God. 00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:34.159 We've had these incredible visions of God. 00:13:34.399 --> 00:13:38.639 Therefore, we can treat people like dirt and it doesn't matter because we've seen God. 00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:41.440 And John comes along and says, Hey, no one's ever seen God. 00:13:41.519 --> 00:13:42.799 Now, why do I bring that up? 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:47.200 Wouldn't Christianity be so much easier if you didn't have to live it out in front of people? 00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:53.919 If you didn't have to forgive people that sin against you, don't use a blinker. 00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:58.080 The people that you got a present for and they didn't give one back? 00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:00.960 Yeah, you have to forgive all those people. 00:14:01.279 --> 00:14:02.720 So here's my policy, by the way. 00:14:02.799 --> 00:14:07.200 Every once in a while, people in my church give me a gift, and I say, hey, I can't give everybody a gift, so I give no one a gift. 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:08.240 You want this back? 00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:10.559 And my wife's like, Why do you say things like that? 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:12.320 You are socially awkward. 00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:18.000 I don't want them to get their feelings hurt and be bitter because you didn't get them something for Christmas. 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:22.960 And she's like, You've got to stop coming out in public, okay? 00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:23.840 Just stop it. 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:27.120 When I say love has a standard, again, look at what the Bible says. 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:28.720 In verse 11, he says this. 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:33.120 He says, Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:38.879 When the Bible says if God so loved us, it's because it referring to a demonstrated behavior. 00:14:39.039 --> 00:14:47.120 It asks the question, if God loved us like this, then what does it mean to all the people that we say we love? 00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:47.519 Okay? 00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:49.679 Now here's where I want to get personal in two ways. 00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:54.080 First, I want to talk to you if you're a student, if you're a child and you have parents or whatever. 00:14:54.240 --> 00:14:55.120 Let me just say this. 00:14:55.279 --> 00:15:02.159 If you're not where you should be spiritually, if you're sitting in this room right now, because when your mom said, you ask your mom, what do you want for Christmas? 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:08.639 She said, I want you to go to church with us as a family when you're home from college and you rolled your eyes, like, oh my gosh, relax. 00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:10.159 This will be painless, okay? 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:21.200 But if you're not where you should be spiritually, if you're not doing things you should, or if you're blatantly doing things that you know are wrong, but you're just not gonna want, you just don't want to stop. 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:22.559 Uh let me demonstrate. 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:26.559 We're not picking on you because most people in this room have been there before. 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:27.440 Watch this. 00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:32.960 If you've ever had a period in your life, adults, where you just thought, I know this is wrong, but I'm gonna do it anyway. 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:33.840 Say amen. 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:39.679 See, kids, you're surrounded by sinners today. 00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:41.360 Good news for you. 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:43.679 Now, I'm not minimizing that at all, but I'm just saying this. 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:45.759 Again, remember, love has a standard. 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:48.799 And what we want to do is we always want to move the standard. 00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:51.440 We always want to lower the standard, okay? 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:53.200 Get that in your head. 00:15:53.360 --> 00:16:01.679 Love has a standard for God's so loved us, and so we have a mark and a way of determining what love looks like. 00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:06.799 And so if you're here and your parents are on your back and you're like, hey, just let me be an adult, okay? 00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:08.320 I'm 20. 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:11.039 Thank you. 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:12.000 Just pause there. 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.679 That's what my 20-year-old told me. 00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:15.840 Dad, I'm like a grown woman. 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:20.399 You see, I'm grown and I pay my own bills. 00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:23.200 If you're grown, why am I paying your bills? 00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:25.679 That's just the way it goes in my house. 00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:27.440 I'm sorry, honey, it's in your house. 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:31.519 But anyway, I'm not mocking you for being 20 or 21 or 23 or whatever you are. 00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:32.320 I'm just saying this. 00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:40.159 If your mom and dad are on your back about whatever, you're asking them to lighten up and let you be an adult, make your own mistakes, that's what you're saying. 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:44.240 But what they're hearing is they're hearing you say, I want you to lower the standard. 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:48.320 And basically, what a parent hears is, you want me to stop loving you. 00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:49.919 And they can't. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:52.159 And so, therefore, they're not going to. 00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:53.679 Because love has a standard. 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:57.120 Your mom and dad are never gonna come off the standard of the way they love you. 00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:01.120 And so, what you're gonna have to do is get away from this unconditional love. 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:03.120 You're not mad at everybody in your life. 00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:10.480 You're gonna have to get away from this unconditional love because it is hard to continue to sin in the context of unconditional love. 00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:13.359 It's why the prodigal son has to leave home. 00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:14.960 Remember the prodigal son? 00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:18.000 He says, Dad, give me my share of the estate, give me my inheritance. 00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:19.680 I'm sick of you and your stupid rules. 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:21.519 This is the 21st century, okay? 00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:22.880 No one believes the Bible. 00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:25.039 It's just a book written by a bunch of men, okay? 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:26.480 So get out of my way. 00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:30.000 I am a social progressive, leave me alone. 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:36.640 And he's so bothered by the unconditional love of the father, he has to go to a far country. 00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:40.640 And yet, when he falls flat on his face, where does he come back to? 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:43.119 The unconditional love of his father. 00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:48.799 And so I just want to say to you, if you're in the room and you got people that are on your back, it looks like you're mad at everybody. 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:56.160 But the real issue for you is that you're not comfortable being loved like this because this is how God loves unconditionally. 00:17:56.319 --> 00:18:02.400 And we would rather love with conditions than be loved unconditionally because it gives us the illusion of control. 00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:04.160 Let me say that again. 00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:11.599 We would rather love or be loved with conditions than unconditionally, because it gives us the illusion of control. 00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:18.960 In counseling, uh uh probably three weeks ago, a meeting with a man, and he kept, he didn't say control, but used a bunch of different words. 00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:24.240 And about 17 minutes in, I said, Can we agree upon how important control is to you? 00:18:24.319 --> 00:18:26.319 And he went, Oh, absolutely. 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:27.440 Absolutely. 00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:29.759 And I said, How do you define control? 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:32.559 And he said something to the effect of, I'm a boss. 00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:37.039 I act like a boss, I conduct business like a boss, I get things done. 00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:38.880 I am a boss. 00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:41.920 And this is why I'm not a counselor, I'm a pastor. 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:43.519 I laughed in his face. 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:45.039 That's terrible. 00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:46.319 You should never do that. 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:48.000 I think coffee came out of my nose. 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:51.680 I'm like, I'm sorry. 00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:53.920 And he's like, What are you doing? 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:55.599 I'm laughing at what you just said. 00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:57.039 That's hilarious. 00:18:57.279 --> 00:18:59.200 And he's like, That ain't funny. 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:00.079 Oh, it is funny. 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:02.559 And I said, Would you like to hear my definition of control? 00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:04.160 He goes, Whatever, go ahead. 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:06.079 I mean, if you if you need to, knock yourself out. 00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:09.359 Oh, I don't need to, because I'm not, I don't have control issues like you do. 00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:13.039 So if you want to be enlightened, let me know. 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:14.799 I'll flip the switch. 00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:15.599 Bring it. 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:16.559 Come on, dude. 00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:18.559 I said, here's what control is. 00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:26.480 Control is this, it's the belief that I am the only person working on and responsible for the outcomes of my life. 00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:28.960 Are you really sure you want to live in that world? 00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:31.839 Because it's a really small, ever-shrinking world. 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:33.920 Well, what about you? 00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:41.519 Oh, I live in a world where the God of the universe is responsible for the outcomes of my life, and all I have to do is obey. 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:44.960 And so it's not control, it's freedom. 00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:49.599 The opposite of control is not out of control, it's freedom. 00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:54.000 I gotta admit, your definition sounds better than mine. 00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:55.119 That's because it is. 00:19:56.960 --> 00:19:58.640 Why do I tell you that? 00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:03.200 Because a lot of times, students, you're not mad. 00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:05.759 You just want conditional love. 00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:10.079 And people that love you unconditionally, it's convicting, so you gotta get away from them. 00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:16.319 Uh, here's the second thing I want us to take away from this point, and this implicates me and every married person in this room. 00:20:16.400 --> 00:20:18.000 Uh, I I need to make this distinction. 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:20.160 We're talking about being loved, there's a standard. 00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:24.640 Uh uh to be loved unconditionally is not to be loved perfectly. 00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:26.079 Let me say that again. 00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:29.599 To be loved unconditionally is not to be loved perfectly. 00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:33.440 People can love you unconditionally, but they cannot love you perfectly. 00:20:33.519 --> 00:20:39.680 So when they fail in the ways that they love you, it does not become a basis for pulling away in your marriage. 00:20:39.759 --> 00:20:42.400 Uh, especially if you have issues like I have abandonment issues. 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:44.079 My dad abandoned me when I was a kid. 00:20:44.240 --> 00:20:49.920 Uh people consistently said things and they never followed through with them. 00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:55.440 And so I get married, I've been married to the same woman for 27 years, delightfully satisfying person. 00:20:55.519 --> 00:21:00.559 Uh, and about the first 15 years, and still to this day, every once in a while, it manifests. 00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:03.599 Because I don't try to remember it, I just remember it. 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:09.279 My wife would say something as small and as insignificant as, hey, would you like me to put on some coffee for you? 00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:10.960 I was like, Oh, that'd be great, thanks. 00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:15.920 And 20 minutes later, I'd walk out and I'd look like she'd be watching TV, and the coffee maker's not going. 00:21:16.079 --> 00:21:21.279 And I would walk over and just get the water, she'd go, Oh, babe, I completely forgot, and I would go, I got it. 00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:23.519 I got it, which asked my wife. 00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:27.039 When you see my wife, hey, hey, when Neil says, I got it, what do you say? 00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:30.319 Oh my gosh, I could cut his arm off so he could never go, I got it. 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:33.039 Because what I'm saying is, is that this is terrible. 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:35.279 Get ready for the terrible confession of your preacher. 00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:40.319 What I'm saying is, I don't need you, just like I didn't need anybody else growing up. 00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:45.039 I never said that, but my wife's like, I hate the words, I got it. 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:47.039 Because what it says to me is that you don't need me. 00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.400 Hey, you're the one that originated the idea and failed to follow through. 00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:51.920 Don't blame it on me. 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:55.599 And my wife would go, that's just your internal orphan in there. 00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:57.519 I'm gonna kill him one day. 00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:58.960 No, you're not. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:01.519 He's alive and well in here. 00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:06.079 Until this was the breakthrough in my marriage where I realized, oh my gosh, I'd do that. 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:08.720 My wife would make this statement because she would forget something. 00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:10.640 I'm not making it ask her. 00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:11.920 It could be any little thing. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:14.559 Hey, give me a diet coke out of the fruit refrigerator. 00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:15.440 She would forget. 00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:17.200 Go in the kitchen. 00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:19.279 I mean, it's 12 feet from my couch chart. 00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:20.400 We live in a big house. 00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:25.359 And she would come back and sit down, and I'd just be thinking, see, if you loved me, you would remember stuff. 00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:26.960 But I wouldn't yell. 00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:28.480 I wouldn't raise my voice. 00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:29.839 I was so nice. 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:35.279 I would wait a few minutes and then I would just quietly slip in the kitchen and meet my own needs. 00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:37.359 Because you cannot be trusted. 00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:38.720