WEBVTT 00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:08.480 This podcast is a ministry of Grant Parkway Baptist Church, helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:14.080 For more information about Grant Parkway, visit GrantProquay.org. 00:00:14.480 --> 00:00:15.119 Let's pray together. 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:21.679 Lord Jesus, we've come to confess that every other way of thinking about life and doing life is sinking sand. 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:29.280 It just doesn't hold up under the weight of a fallen world and a curious culture and a sinful people. 00:00:29.519 --> 00:00:30.399 We've all been there. 00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:34.399 We don't stand here as self-righteous, religious people think we're better than anybody else. 00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:37.840 No, we all had our time living that way. 00:00:38.159 --> 00:00:41.280 What the Bible talks about is our former way of life. 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:46.640 There needs to be a clear line of demarcation between who we used to be and who we are now. 00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:49.520 That's what it means to be born again. 00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:51.039 That's what it means to be saved. 00:00:51.119 --> 00:00:52.960 That's what it means to become a Christ follower. 00:00:53.119 --> 00:00:57.200 Is that I'm no longer the most important thing in my life, that my heart is changed. 00:00:57.359 --> 00:00:58.880 And what I believe is changed. 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:02.079 And because of that, I've changed. 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:06.239 And so, Lord, I pray for anyone here today that's never had that experience. 00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:09.519 That you would just let them hear the message of the gospel today. 00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:14.560 Holy Spirit, we're going to open up the Bible and we open it up because every time we do, you speak from it. 00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:16.719 So speak today in a language that we understand. 00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:17.920 We pray in Jesus' name. 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:19.840 And everyone said, Amen. 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:20.560 You can have a seat. 00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:24.640 If you've got a Bible, I invite you to take it and open it up to Ephesians chapter 4. 00:01:24.879 --> 00:01:25.920 Ephesians chapter 4. 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:28.959 And I want to talk to you this morning about gospel imperatives for marriage. 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:34.879 Now that sounds all big and heady and everything, but let me unpack what I mean by gospel imperatives for marriage. 00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:36.719 Imperative basically means command. 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:38.959 And I don't want to put you under the law this morning. 00:01:39.040 --> 00:01:42.000 I don't want you to think, oh great, I went to church and I got another to-do list. 00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:42.959 That's not what it's about. 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:48.560 So let me let me give you this analogy and hopefully it'll make sense as the sermon unfolds. 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:54.480 He's the one that said this. 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:56.799 And I think it's so applicable to today. 00:01:56.879 --> 00:02:00.560 But anyway, the way he described Christianity is like this: it's like a king. 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:04.719 He heard that an army was coming, an enemy army was invading his territory. 00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:10.400 So this king sent his soldier, he sent his army out to meet this invading enemy army. 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:12.080 And so they get into a battle. 00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:22.639 And so if the king is losing the battle, all of a sudden he sends back military commanders back to the castle to say, hey, the king's army is losing. 00:02:22.800 --> 00:02:24.240 We got to prepare for war. 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:30.560 So we need siege ramps over here, and we need archers up on the wall, and we need cavalry mounted up and ready to go. 00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:31.840 Fight for your life. 00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:32.639 Get ready. 00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:38.319 And so that's because if the king is losing the battle and the bot the battle is going to be lost, that's what he sends. 00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:41.840 He sends military uh uh uh officers back. 00:02:42.159 --> 00:02:52.800 But if the king goes out and the king's army wins, he sends back Ewangeleon, messengers, with good news to come back and say, the king is one. 00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:57.439 Enjoy the peace that's been accomplished on your behalf. 00:02:57.680 --> 00:02:59.039 Now, why do I tell you that? 00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:01.280 Because I'd been here as the pastor about six months. 00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:02.960 I just finished my ninth year. 00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:11.280 So I'd been here about six months, and a man came up to me right here after the service, and he said, You need to yell and scream at us more. 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:13.439 And I thought he was kidding. 00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:13.759 Thank you. 00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:14.560 That was my response. 00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:19.840 I chuckled, and he goes, No, we need hellfire and brimstone, or else how do you think these people are going to change? 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:22.960 And I try to describe to him that the king is one. 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:26.400 I don't, the reason we don't yell and scream is because the king is one. 00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:28.719 We're not, I don't talk to you like a military commander. 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:31.120 We need siege ramps and archers up here. 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:36.000 I come back as a Ewangelian, as a messenger of good news, that the king is one. 00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:41.520 And and and and enjoy and live in the peace that the king has provided. 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:45.039 And the man said, Well, I'm probably gonna have to look for another church then. 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:47.280 Uh-oh. 00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:50.639 It was the most peculiar experience I've ever had in my life. 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:52.879 And he just walked out the door, he's never been back. 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:56.080 So if you came today to be yelled at, you're in the wrong place. 00:03:56.560 --> 00:04:00.400 Because here's what I believe, and I believe this because I think it's the whole teaching of the Bible. 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:01.840 The king is one. 00:04:02.719 --> 00:04:03.759 The king is one. 00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:09.039 And so we don't have to fight and get ready and oh, but just, hey, the king is one. 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:16.319 And so I say that, so you won't hear me talk about the gospel imperatives for marriage because see, we're in a series called Broken Together, where we're talking about marriage. 00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:19.920 Marriage is not two perfect people that get together and just kind of figure it out. 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:24.319 And also, marriage, we ended last week talking about marriage is a reflection of the gospel, okay? 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:31.040 You you can't preach the gospel unless you defend the institute and the sanctity of marriage and our culture that it's under a siege these days. 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:35.920 And so, because we ended talking about the gospel, I thought it would behoove us to look at what the Bible says. 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:38.000 Here's some imperatives uh uh for marriage. 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:41.040 Because if you open the Bible and you just say, What's the Bible say about marriage? 00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:46.800 It says a few things, but really, if you believe the Bible, every command in the Bible is intended for marriage. 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:50.319 It's intended for people, for Christ's followers to live this stuff out. 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:52.959 And so I want to just give you an example of what I'm talking about. 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:55.199 Uh Ephesians chapter 4, verse 17. 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:56.480 This is what the Bible says. 00:04:56.560 --> 00:04:59.199 He says, Now this I say and I testify in the Lord. 00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:03.199 You must no longer walk as Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 00:05:03.279 --> 00:05:10.240 They're darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to the hardness of their heart. 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:16.480 They've become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 00:05:16.639 --> 00:05:18.639 But that is not the way you learn Christ. 00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:37.600 Assuming you have heard about him and were taught in him as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to the former manner of life, and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God and true righteousness and holiness. 00:05:37.839 --> 00:05:38.639 Verse 25. 00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:45.279 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:46.959 Be angry and do not sin. 00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:50.800 Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:58.800 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:06.879 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as it fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:11.199 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you are sealed for the day of redemption. 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:24.000 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice, be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:29.519 Now there's a lot of commands in there, a lot of be this and do this, but I just want to point out five of them. 00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:31.120 And then I'm just briefly today. 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:35.199 And then I want to come back and I want to just kind of sing a little bit and soak in what the Bible says. 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:36.079 Can we do that? 00:06:36.879 --> 00:06:39.839 So, what do I mean when I say gospel imperatives for marriage? 00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:42.560 I mean, here's some things that I that I think we need to hear today. 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:45.360 And the first one is simply this have a former way of life. 00:06:45.600 --> 00:06:46.720 Have a former way of life. 00:06:46.879 --> 00:06:48.560 Verse 22, look at what he says there. 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:54.879 He says, Hey, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt or deceitful desires. 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:56.319 So put off your old self. 00:06:56.480 --> 00:06:56.800 Why? 00:06:56.959 --> 00:06:59.439 Because that belongs to who you used to be. 00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:05.360 When I say have a former way of life, what I mean is that marriage is intended to be lived for the glory of God. 00:07:05.439 --> 00:07:08.800 And that's hard to do if you're a non-Christian, if you don't believe. 00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:13.360 If you're like, I don't, I, I don't get because then it's just man and woman. 00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:20.000 The only roles that you have, and the only capacity you have, is man and woman, husband and wife, mom and dad. 00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:25.839 But because I'm a Christian and my wife's a Christian, we have a capacity, and this is the capacity that gets us through the hard days. 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:27.920 We have a capacity as Christians. 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:32.240 And so the capacity, I bring the capacity of the gospel to bear on my relationship. 00:07:32.399 --> 00:07:37.120 For example, this past Friday had a crazy week this past week, was out of town for a couple days. 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:40.879 Um, and and Friday morning I just woke up and I was just frustrated with the world. 00:07:40.959 --> 00:07:42.319 And my wife said, Are you okay? 00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:43.439 You seem kind of surly. 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:44.079 And I said, Yeah. 00:07:44.240 --> 00:07:46.560 I said, I just she goes, Are you are you mad at me about something? 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:48.399 I said, I'm mad at everybody. 00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:50.480 And she kind of laughed and she said, What? 00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:53.199 And I said, it's like that great line from a Tim McGraw song. 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:58.160 He says, I got a life that most would love to have, but some days I just wake up fighting mad. 00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:04.079 And I said, and by the way, when I'm mad at everybody, all of you are on my last nerve, it's not your fault, it's my fault. 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:08.240 And she said, Okay, well, I'm gonna let you own that, and went on about her busy day. 00:08:08.480 --> 00:08:10.639 And then I was like, I'm not thinking, I'm mad at you. 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:11.759 I gotta think about this. 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:14.319 And so, give me just a minute, I'll come out with something. 00:08:14.399 --> 00:08:20.000 And then it dawned on me, our cat has been, I've kind of had this low simmering grudge towards my wife because our cat has been sick. 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:23.839 We took our cat to the vet, and the cat may have phenyl and leukemia and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:25.199 And so she said, You come up with anything? 00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:25.680 I said, Yeah. 00:08:25.759 --> 00:08:31.360 I said, I think if I wanted your attention, I would have to be a cat or a computer cord, because that's what you seem to look for these days. 00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:33.440 Bam. 00:08:34.879 --> 00:08:37.120 But here's the capacity of the gospel. 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:39.759 The gospel, as a Christian, I have to tell the truth to myself. 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:42.879 And my wife looked at me and said, Is there something you want to say behind that? 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:45.519 No, I just think you've been paying a lot of attention to that cat. 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:48.480 Are you saying I haven't paid attention to you? 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:50.080 No, I don't need your attention. 00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:51.840 Lie. 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:53.600 That's a lie. 00:08:54.240 --> 00:09:04.080 But instead of coming, as a man, instead of coming out and saying, Hey, I don't feel like you've kind of paid me enough attention this week, and so I'm kind of, it's easier just to kind of go, I'm mad at you. 00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:05.600 Because here's what the gospel does. 00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:08.639 The gospel walks me back and kind of says, What's going on here? 00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:09.519 What's going on here? 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:10.240 What's going on here? 00:09:10.399 --> 00:09:11.679 And I realized this about myself. 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:15.759 And I laughed on Friday afternoon when the tumblers and the lock all kind of lined up. 00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:19.679 Because people who disappoint me, who don't come through for me, I avoid. 00:09:19.919 --> 00:09:21.360 And so my wife wasn't coming through. 00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:24.240 It goes back to the fact that my dad abandoned me when I was a little kid. 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:26.399 And so he didn't come through for me, so I just avoided him. 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:30.000 So if I don't feel like my wife is coming through for me, I avoid her. 00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:32.720 I go in my room and watch basketball. 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:37.039 And she's like, please, Burr Rabbit, don't throw me in that briar patch. 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:39.360 You mean you're not gonna come here and talk to me the whole time? 00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:49.200 Now, here's why the capacity, here's why it's good that I have a former way of life, here's why it's good that I I I'm a Christian, a Christ follower, is because the gospel says you can't do that to your wife. 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:49.840 What's that? 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:53.039 I cannot make my wife responsible for what I feel. 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:55.919 It's not her fault, and it's not her responsibility. 00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:02.559 Some days I just wake up on the wrong side of the world, and I'm like, everyone drives like a just a goofball, get out of my way, use a blinker. 00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:03.679 Are you kidding me? 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:09.039 People that work at places that that somehow forget to run a cash register, I just find myself going, Really? 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:11.360 They pay you to be this stupid. 00:10:12.399 --> 00:10:15.200 I don't say that, but I think that. 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:20.960 And here's where I have to go, okay, okay, everyone's just not doing it right. 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:22.399 That's a statement about me. 00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:23.679 Not a statement about them. 00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:31.600 And so, when I say have a former way of life, what I'm saying is you need to ask yourself, has the God have I has my heart ever been changed by the gospel? 00:10:31.840 --> 00:10:35.120 Otherwise, you just go through life mad at everybody. 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:38.320 And so when I say have a former way of life, that's what he says. 00:10:38.399 --> 00:10:46.559 He says, hey, in verse 22, put off your old self, which which excuse me, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires. 00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:52.720 When I put off my old self, I have to remind myself, baby, I put off my old self so I can't punish people who I think are disappointing me. 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:54.960 That's not the gospel, that's not the truth. 00:10:55.279 --> 00:10:58.159 So my wife later on, she goes, You got anything else in you with my name on it? 00:10:58.320 --> 00:10:59.759 No, but I'll let you know. 00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:01.919 And she just laughs and says, Okay. 00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:07.440 And what she's doing is she's inviting me to, hey, hey, you, you, you, you're not 12 anymore. 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:09.600 And I'm like, uh, uh, okay. 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:10.159 Okay. 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:21.039 Hey, ask yourself, do I have the capacity to to love my spouse, to for men to love my wife like Christ loved the church, and ladies to relate to your husband as a church relates to Christ. 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:22.799 That comes from the gospel. 00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:27.840 If you don't have a relationship with Christ, I'm not saying marriage is impossible, I'm saying it's difficult. 00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:30.639 Because it's hard to forgive. 00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:33.440 It's hard to do what the Bible calls you to do. 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:37.360 Second imperative, gospel imperative for marriage, is speak the truth. 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:44.639 In verse 25, he says, Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:53.360 Remember a couple weeks ago when we started this series, we looked in Genesis how the Bible says, For this cause a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:56.240 Here the Bible says, as Christians, we're members one of another. 00:11:56.320 --> 00:11:58.559 We're members of the church, of the body of Christ. 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:02.960 And so we put off falsehood and we speak the truth one to another. 00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:05.279 Now here's what we're tempted to do as men. 00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:08.159 We don't speak the truth, we calibrate the truth. 00:12:08.399 --> 00:12:14.639 In other words, how much can I say without having to have more conversation with my wife than I want to have? 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:21.039 Because if it's 9:30 at night and I say this, we're going to talk to a lot about 11. 00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:22.320 So I don't say this. 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:23.679 I say this right here. 00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:24.799 That's not the truth. 00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:27.120 Anything less than the truth is a lie. 00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:31.919 And it's okay to say, you know what, I got a lot in me around this, but I don't want to get into it right now. 00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:32.879 Let me just say this. 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:33.600 Boom. 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:35.440 Now, ladies, let me say this to you. 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:39.600 Don't make your husband a liar by your response to his truth. 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:44.320 You're like, oh, that's like a word problem in algebra. 00:12:45.519 --> 00:12:46.080 What do you mean? 00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:46.960 Did you feel that? 00:12:47.039 --> 00:12:52.240 It was kind of like, well, that sounded profound, but I hope he understood that. 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:53.120 Here's what I mean. 00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:58.799 Like one time, my wife went out in the garage to get something out of the freezer, open the freezer, and close it, and it didn't close all the way. 00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:02.320 And everything in our upright freezer thawed out and ruined. 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:05.279 And she said to me, You're not frustrated, are you? 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:08.159 Yes. 00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:09.919 Yes, I'm frustrated. 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:11.759 And my frustration is circumstantial. 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:12.799 It's not personal. 00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:15.919 Don't just stand over me and go, don't be frustrated, don't be frustrated. 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:16.559 I'm frustrated. 00:13:16.799 --> 00:13:19.759 Matter of fact, I think it's necessary that I be frustrated. 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:21.200 This is a lot of money. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:25.120 We just wasted right here in the garage melting bluebell ice cream. 00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:26.879 You can't buy that anymore. 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:30.159 We've crossed a line here, woman. 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:31.919 The bluebell has melted. 00:13:32.879 --> 00:13:36.240 Well, it's there or not, you go out there and give me some more boob. 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:38.080 You're not frustrated, are you? 00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:38.639 Absolutely. 00:13:38.720 --> 00:13:41.919 See, what I mean by this, because if you say, because here's what we think. 00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:44.480 We think, we men think our wives can't handle it. 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:46.000 I gotta calibrate the truth. 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:47.840 I don't want to hurt my little lady. 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:50.480 Your wife's a lot more durable than you might think. 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:54.240 And by you speaking the truth, guess what it frees her to do? 00:13:56.080 --> 00:13:57.919 See, that's what we don't want. 00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:04.720 I'm just outdoors right here, ladies, because if we say the truth, then you might kind of go, you know what? 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:06.960 Mama got some words for you. 00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:10.799 Set your big self down on the couch real quick. 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:12.000 Let me get at you. 00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:23.840 But here's the thing: when the Bible says speak the truth, by the way, when way back in the beginning, I mean, I mean, in John chapter 8, Jesus said, You'll know the truth, and the truth will set you free. 00:14:23.919 --> 00:14:28.080 The purpose of the truth is to set you free, not to bind you up. 00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:34.320 Ask yourself, is there anything that I'm I'm I'm shading the truth about in my relationship with my spouse right now? 00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:36.080 I'm not being fully forthright. 00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:40.559 Speaking the truth is not being ruthless, it's being honest, it's being liberating. 00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:45.519 Third uh gospel imperative for marriage is verse 26 is look what it says. 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:47.039 Be angry and do not sin. 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:50.320 Do not let the sun go down in your anger and give no opportunity for the devil. 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:54.320 Third thing I would tell you is your pastor is you need to be angry in marriage. 00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:58.080 Some of y'all are like, I'm glad I'm here today. 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:00.799 And you say, Well, because my wife says, She goes, Well, you can preach that on tomorrow. 00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:02.799 I said, I'm gonna tell people I need to be angry in their marriage. 00:15:02.960 --> 00:15:04.799 Oh, you need to explain that. 00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:09.919 You need you you you need me to tell you how to be angry? 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:12.000 Maybe how to be angry, but but not be angry. 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:13.279 Because here's what we do in church. 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:18.080 We say, Oh, well, you know, Jesus died for us all to be nice and speaking nice round words. 00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:21.600 I'm telling you, you need to learn to be angry, but don't sin. 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:23.919 Because the Bible says, be angry. 00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:26.799 That's command language, that's imperative, but don't sin. 00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:32.159 Here's what destroys a lot of marriages our inability or unwillingness to be angry and not sin. 00:15:32.240 --> 00:15:34.879 And here's what you do: you give the devil a foothold. 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:36.399 That's what the Bible says. 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:38.320 And do not give the devil an opportunity. 00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:38.799 Why? 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:42.480 Because anger that's turned inward becomes depression. 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:58.159 When you I see a lot of people that struggle with depression, and I'm not saying everybody that's depressed is really angry, but a lot of people, the way they go on that path is they had righteous anger in them and they didn't express it, they swallowed it, and it just depresses you because anger longs for expression. 00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:00.799 Matter of fact, let me say something that's gonna sound crazy. 00:16:01.039 --> 00:16:07.440 Righteous anger, where you can be angry and not sin, righteous anger is a preserving element in our culture. 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:13.360 One of the reasons our culture has eroded like it has is that Christians don't know how to be angry and not sin. 00:16:13.919 --> 00:16:15.679 The people say, You're not angry, are you? 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:17.759 Oh no, no, I'm not angry. 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:19.759 Next time someone asks you, are you not angry? 00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:21.600 And you're angry, you go, Yeah, I'm angry. 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.000 I'm not gonna sin, but I'm angry. 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:30.960 I saw a couple uh that said, Tell me why you're here, and she said, Well, you know, I found out some things about my husband, and I said, Well, what are we talking about? 00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:31.840 It's hard to fix these things. 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:34.240 Well, he he he embezzled. 00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:35.759 I didn't embezzle to our money. 00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:39.600 Basically, this cat took$29,000 out of their savings account. 00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:43.360 They both work, they both contribute to their savings and their check-in and everything. 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:50.080 He took$29,000 out of their savings account, gave it to his brother in some business boondoggle that went legs up. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:51.840 He wasn't gonna tell his wife at all. 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:57.360 He hid the bank statements that came for about two or three months, and finally she found out she couldn't find it. 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:01.440 So she called the bank and said, Can I get a copy of our bank statements for the past couple, three months? 00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:04.640 Realized he took 29 large out and gave it to his brother. 00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:08.000 His brother lost it, all of it, went legs up. 00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:09.680 And he wasn't gonna tell his wife. 00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:12.000 And so they came to me and sat in my office and the lady. 00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:13.440 Here's why I'm not a good counselor. 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:15.519 You should not come to me for marriage counseling. 00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:22.400 This lady said to me in my office right there, well, I know I shouldn't be angry, but I just am. 00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:25.119 I need you to help me not be angry. 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:30.000 And I'm thinking in my mind, what Bible do you read? 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:33.440 And the guy looks at me like, Yeah, can you believe it? 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:34.559 She's angry. 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:39.200 And I said, I'm angry too. 00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:41.359 And you didn't steal nothing from me. 00:17:41.599 --> 00:17:46.240 And so I just tossed my Bible on the desk and said, Who told you you shouldn't be angry? 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:49.839 Well, our pastor said, you know, that anger is destructive. 00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:54.319 Can be, can be, but the the Bible, I said, Do you realize? 00:17:54.480 --> 00:18:03.839 And I turned to this pastor, I said, You realize the Bible, it says, be angry and sin not, and do not give the devil a foothold or an opportunity. 00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:09.279 I said, if you don't learn to be angry about this and get it out, you're gonna give the devil an opportunity in your life. 00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:17.759 Because here's what you'll do: you'll you'll you'll you'll remind yourself all the things you put up with that you're angry about, and you didn't get to express that, and then you reward yourself. 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:20.720 That's how you give the devil an opportunity. 00:18:21.039 --> 00:18:23.759 Well, no one knows how hard this is but you and me, God. 00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:28.400 And and so, I mean, no one has to know what I'm gonna do to pacify myself. 00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:32.640 And I said, So, why don't you tell your husband what this feels like? 00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:35.839 Let's just get the anger out so we can start the healing process. 00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:40.559 And she said, I don't think I've been allowed to be angry my whole life. 00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:44.480 And I said, Was your mother a very polite, appropriate woman? 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:47.279 And she said, Oh my gosh, my mother was Emily Post. 00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:49.759 And I said, I hate Emily Post. 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.400 And she said, So I can just be honest about what I feel? 00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:58.160 Hear that, beloved. 00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:01.599 I put my head on my desk. 00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:08.319 Here was a grown woman who, for the first time in her life, was saying, So I can be honest about what I feel? 00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:14.240 And I looked at the man and said, How does this woman get married to you and be married to you for how long? 00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:15.599 16 years. 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:19.039 And she's not been able to be honest about how she feels. 00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:24.240 Well, I don't know. 00:19:24.319 --> 00:19:26.559 I mean, that's that's that's just the way she is. 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.359 By the way, can you feel what's going on in this room right now? 00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:38.079 Jesus didn't die, ladies, for you to be well-mannered. 00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:45.680 Some of you men may wake up in the morning or in the middle of the night tonight, your wife's standing over you with an axe and a clown mask. 00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:47.519 Get up. 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:50.000 I've listened to the sermon six times. 00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:52.640 I found my inner child. 00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:56.160 She's got something to say to you. 00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:00.240 Fourth imperative, fourth gospel. 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:02.799 See, that's the Bible, the Bible, not the preacher. 00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.480 The Bible says, Hey, be angry. 00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:05.599 But don't sin. 00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:07.440 And do not give the devil an opportunity. 00:20:07.599 --> 00:20:08.000 Why? 00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:13.759 Because he loves to take that righteous anger and convince you that it's about you. 00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:17.200 I'm married to a woman who won't let that happen. 00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:22.240 When I pout like a little boy and think, you care more about that shit cat than you care about me. 00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:26.240 She's like, You got anything you want to say, or you just want to sulk? 00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:29.519 I'm not sulking, I'm watching basketball in my room. 00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:30.240 Okay. 00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:35.759 I even went as far as to say, I'm just taking some me time. 00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:39.359 Towards my wife just rolled her eyes. 00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:40.960 Like, whatever. 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:44.960 Fourth gospel imperative for marriages do not grieve the Holy Spirit. 00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:45.599 Verse 30. 00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:46.559 Look at what he says. 00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:50.559 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 00:20:50.799 --> 00:20:52.559 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:55.839 See, God so wants us to understand how to live. 00:20:56.000 --> 00:21:01.119 Listen to me, beloved, that he put this mechanism inside of us by which we can know when we do the wrong thing. 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:02.160 Did you realize that? 00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:03.519 It's the Holy Spirit. 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:05.839 God comes to live inside of you by his spirit. 00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:08.240 And you can know when you do the wrong thing. 00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:10.480 I mean, can you still feel when you sin? 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:20.400 And if you can't, beloved, you need to you need to check yourself because one of the evidences that we are Christians, that we've been born again, is that we have this mechanism inside of us. 00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:21.200 Do you remember? 00:21:21.519 --> 00:21:23.279 Here's the best way I know to describe it. 00:21:23.359 --> 00:21:24.640 Remember the game operation? 00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:25.359 Remember that? 00:21:25.759 --> 00:21:42.720 You got to get the little bone out, and if you you get the funny bone or whatever, and if you touch the side, it goes like, oh, and your friends, if you're like my family, competitive, just uber competitive women that have no mercy, like, oh, you touch the side, and they grab the tweezers, their turn. 00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:44.079 And I bump the table. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:45.680 Oh, sorry. 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:56.880 You know, some of you have gotten some of you think you think when you're trying to do the right thing and you sin and it makes that sound that makes an operation, which is what? 00:21:58.480 --> 00:21:59.680 You think, oh, do not grieve. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.960 The Holy Spirit, you think that the Holy Spirit, the God, when you sin, God goes, eh. 00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:05.680 What if? 00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:12.160 What if when you touch the sides or you sin, instead of going, eh, God just says, hey, the king is one. 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:15.519 The king is one. 00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:17.200 Why do you do that? 00:22:17.759 --> 00:22:20.400 Why do you lie to your friends at work? 00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:22.000 You don't have to lie. 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:24.000 You don't have to manage their impression of you. 00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:26.400 You don't have to fear them or need their approval. 00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:27.680 The king is one. 00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:29.519 You can tell the truth. 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:32.079 Why do you look at things like that on your computer? 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:33.039 You don't have to do that. 00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:34.480 The king is one. 00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:37.039 I am such a bad counselor. 00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:38.720 I told a man not long ago. 00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:44.880 Every time you look at something inappropriate, Jesus is sitting right there, and his feelings for you never change. 00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:48.319 And he just says the same thing over and over. 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:49.279 I've won. 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:50.319 I've defeated this. 00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:52.160 This no longer has power over you. 00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:54.559 And the man said, Well, then why do I do it? 00:22:54.640 --> 00:22:56.160 That's a great question. 00:22:57.759 --> 00:22:59.359 And I said, Tell me about how you grew up. 00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:04.640 And he grew up in a church with a military advisor for a pastor who told him to go out and fight the good fight. 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:09.119 Siege ramps, archers, cavalry. 00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:11.839 We're in the fight of our life. 00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:13.920 And I said, The king is one. 00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:16.000 The king is one. 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:18.079 The Bible says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit. 00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:22.400 I don't want you to hear, eh, I want you to hear, the king is one. 00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:26.319 The king is one. 00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:32.000