WEBVTT 00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:08.880 This podcast is a ministry of Grand Parkway Baptist Church, helping people know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:13.919 For more information about Grand Parkway, visit Grandparkway.org. 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:24.160 Father, because you're worthy to be uh you're worthy, Lord, to be praised with our every thought and deed. 00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:31.679 So we want our every thought and our every deed this week to be an expression of worship to you, to make much of you. 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:34.159 And so, Lord, glorify yourself through us. 00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:40.079 We understand very clearly that we are the vehicle, we're one of the main ways that you tell your story through. 00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:45.039 The gospel radiates through us, or else it gets misrepresented by us. 00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:54.399 And so, Lord, my prayers that both God and the gospel be fully on display in our lives this week as a result of what you're gonna say to us from your word this morning. 00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:59.039 We pray this, we ask for this, and we expect to receive this in Jesus' name. 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:01.039 And everyone said, Amen. 00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:01.840 You can have a seat. 00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:05.200 If you got a Bible, I invite you to take it and open it up to Ephesians chapter 4. 00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:11.519 Ephesians chapter 4, and if you don't have a Bible, there's one on your row, I'm on page 978, 978. 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:13.120 And we've been in a series called Better. 00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:14.000 We're winding down. 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:16.159 We got just a couple more Sundays in the series. 00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:20.400 Uh and today, and by better, if you're visiting, well, what do we mean by better? 00:01:20.480 --> 00:01:22.640 We're just looking at different things we want to get better at. 00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:26.480 And today I want to talk to you about getting better at hard conversations. 00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:28.879 Getting better at hard conversations. 00:01:28.959 --> 00:01:34.719 And by a show of hands, how many in this room have ever had to have a hard conversation with somebody in your life? 00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:35.920 Could I see your hand? 00:01:36.159 --> 00:01:36.480 Yes. 00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:37.840 Now, put your hands down. 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:42.239 And by a show of hands, yes, some of you are like, my wife's hands up, I should put my hand up too. 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:48.400 Uh yes, by a show of hands, how many would say that conversation did not go as well as I think it could have gone? 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:49.519 Could I see your hand? 00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:51.599 Yes, yes, my hand's in the air. 00:01:51.680 --> 00:01:54.560 Uh, and so the Bible actually speaks to this. 00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:57.599 And so we're gonna read a passage in Ephesians chapter 4. 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:00.480 I'll start in verse 17, read all the way to verse 32. 00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:10.719 And what I want you to notice in the Bible is that Paul is writing to the church at Ephesus, uh, very pagan culture, very sexy, immoral culture, very dog eat dog, very every man for himself. 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:12.800 Uh, I'm gonna get mine kind of culture. 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:14.800 Uh, remind you of any any place you live? 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:18.719 Uh anyway, and Paul's writing to these people, and here's what Paul does. 00:02:18.800 --> 00:02:20.319 And now look at me for a second, beloved. 00:02:20.560 --> 00:02:25.759 Uh the Bible never just comes out and says, hey, do this, and and I'll tell you why later. 00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:26.879 Uh Paul doesn't do that. 00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:30.879 What Paul does is Paul says, hey, this is who you are, identity. 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:34.159 And so, because this is who you are, this is what you do, activity. 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:36.159 You'll hear that and see that in the text again. 00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:37.919 Identity, this is who you are. 00:02:38.080 --> 00:02:42.319 The Bible never asks you to act to act outside of your identity. 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:44.240 Here's who you are, identity. 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:46.400 And so, because of that, here's what you do. 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:48.319 Here's how you live activity. 00:02:48.479 --> 00:02:48.800 Okay? 00:02:49.680 --> 00:02:54.800 Let's look at up Ephesians chapter 4, verse 17, because we think about getting better at hard conversations. 00:02:54.960 --> 00:03:02.879 Verse 17 says, This, now, this I say, and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:09.680 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:15.439 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 00:03:15.599 --> 00:03:17.599 But this is not the way you learned Christ. 00:03:17.759 --> 00:03:34.639 Assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life, and is corrupt their deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. 00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:38.159 Therefore, see, he's been reminding you of our identity. 00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:43.520 And now he says, Therefore, which means what I'm fixing to say is predicated on what I just said, activity. 00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:49.840 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:51.439 Be angry and do not sin. 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:55.039 Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. 00:03:55.199 --> 00:04:02.319 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 00:04:02.879 --> 00:04:10.479 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as it fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 00:04:10.639 --> 00:04:14.400 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:21.360 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:28.079 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 00:04:28.560 --> 00:04:33.279 Now, uh the the the basically there's three things, three big points the text makes this morning. 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:35.120 And let me just point to the first one. 00:04:35.279 --> 00:04:38.959 Number one, the Bible tells us this morning to get better at hard conversations. 00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:43.839 Uh uh the first thing we have to understand is that the Bible holds the Christian to a higher standard. 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:47.040 The Bible holds the Christian to a higher standard. 00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:48.480 You say, well, what do you what do you mean? 00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:49.360 Verse 17. 00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:56.000 Now this I say, and I testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do in the futility of their mind. 00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:58.240 It's in that phrase, as the Gentiles do. 00:04:58.480 --> 00:05:05.199 A Gentile in in the biblical days, it referred to somebody that wasn't not a Jew, uh, was not a very religious person. 00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:14.079 Modern-day vernacular, we would say, hey, I urge you uh and testify in the Lord that you must no longer walk as an unbeliever, as a non-Christian. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:17.839 When he says walk, he doesn't mean just walk, but your manner of life, the way you do things. 00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:24.319 The Bible says right off the bat, Paul says, hey, you don't get to live like people that don't know God because you know God. 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:29.040 And the Bible holds the Christian to a higher standard than it does everybody else, okay? 00:05:29.279 --> 00:05:33.360 It's always been that way, beloved, and it will always be that way. 00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:34.879 Let me remind you of these words. 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:41.360 If you want to see the degree to which the Bible holds us to a higher standard, hear these words from Matthew chapter 5, starting in verse 21. 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:42.639 This is the Sermon on the Mount. 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:49.279 One of them considered by unbelievers and believers alike to be some of the greatest ethical teaching in the history of the world. 00:05:49.519 --> 00:05:51.680 I would say it's just the Bible, okay? 00:05:51.839 --> 00:06:00.480 But Matthew chapter 5, verse 21, Jesus says this You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgment. 00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:04.720 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:11.600 Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the counsel, and whoever says, You fool, will be liable to the hell of fire. 00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:18.560 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. 00:06:18.720 --> 00:06:21.920 First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:31.279 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:35.279 Truly I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:40.959 Now, if there was one thing you talk to people that don't go to church anywhere, uh just just a little survey here. 00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:45.839 If you ever talk to people that don't go to church, there's two or three things that they say, the church is always about this. 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:50.879 One of the things that you talk to people about church, they say, the church is always about money. 00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:51.680 There you go. 00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:54.000 Right here in Matthew, I knew you would say that. 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:55.519 Here's why I ask you the question. 00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:58.639 Because right here in Matthew chapter 5, verse 21, don't miss this. 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:05.680 Jesus says, if you're there at the altar presenting your gift, and there you remember your brother has aught against you, or your brother has something against you. 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:08.720 It doesn't say, uh, oh, you got something against your brother. 00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:09.360 Look at me. 00:07:09.439 --> 00:07:12.639 You cannot think of all your relationships as just half of the circle. 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:19.519 I remember hearing this when I first became a Christian, and well-meaning preachers and teachers would say, I can only be responsible with my half of the circle. 00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:21.040 It's not what Jesus says. 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:28.560 Jesus says, if you're there at the uh at the altar and you're presenting your gift, you're giving your offering, and there you remember somebody has something against you. 00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:33.439 He says, Leave your gift and go and be reconciled and then come and present your offering. 00:07:33.680 --> 00:07:41.120 Translation, Jesus comes along and says, Hey, I place higher value on reconciliation than I do you writing a big check to the church. 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:42.720 So here's what I'm gonna ask you to do. 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:43.920 Listen very carefully. 00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:49.680 If you, as you sit in that chair right now, you may think, hey, I got something I gotta be talking about to this person. 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:53.519 It may be that or you may be like, I'm good, but they may have something with me. 00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:54.240 That's enough. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:55.680 Here's what I do not want you to do. 00:07:55.839 --> 00:07:57.680 I do not want you to give an offering today. 00:07:57.839 --> 00:08:00.560 If there's somebody you need to be reconciled with. 00:08:00.879 --> 00:08:02.399 And it's not original with me. 00:08:02.480 --> 00:08:05.680 That's hot out of the mouth of Jesus right here in Matthew chapter 5. 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:06.160 Why? 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:08.639 Because the Bible holds the Christian to a higher standard. 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:10.879 It always has and it always will. 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:11.360 Okay? 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:14.240 Now, some of you may be thinking, that's fine with me. 00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:17.040 I'll just hold on to this for a long time. 00:08:17.519 --> 00:08:18.480 Let me tell you something. 00:08:18.639 --> 00:08:23.040 One of the evidences that you really are a Christian is that sin bothers you. 00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:24.879 It bothers you. 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:25.920 It will gnaw at you. 00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:31.120 If it doesn't gnaw at you, you might want to ask yourself some bigger, deeper questions. 00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:35.279 Now, you say, What do you mean the Bible holds a Christian to a higher standard? 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:41.279 Paul makes this opening statement in verse 17, then he goes on, verse 18, talking about Gentiles, people that don't know God. 00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:48.720 He says they are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to their hardness of heart. 00:08:48.879 --> 00:08:57.200 They've become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity, but that is not the way you learned Christ. 00:08:57.360 --> 00:09:04.960 The Christian has been illuminated, reconciled to God, involved in the life of God, given a new heart that's provoked by God's commands. 00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:07.360 Therefore, we are held to a higher standard. 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:08.879 That's just the way it's always been. 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.200 Second thing the text tells us is that the gospel by nature is nonconforming. 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:16.000 The gospel by nature is non-conforming. 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:21.679 We have to start with this understanding and therefore embrace the fact that we're the ones that have to conform. 00:09:21.840 --> 00:09:24.480 When I say the gospel is non-conforming, look at me. 00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:28.000 The Bible is not going to conform itself to your willingness. 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:33.919 The Bible never kind of says, hey, here's the ideal, but if you're just willing to do this, that's okay. 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:34.879 No, no, no, no. 00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:41.519 That's our culture, and that may be may that may be even what you hear in some churches from some preachers and some teachers or whatever. 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:42.799 That's not the gospel. 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:46.399 The gospel is by nature non-conforming. 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:50.399 That means that you and I are the ones who have to conform to what the Bible says. 00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:52.399 You say, I uh what do you mean? 00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:53.840 Look at verse 20 again. 00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:55.679 But that's not the way you learned Christ. 00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:56.879 Exclamation point. 00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:01.279 Paul raises his voice and he says, Hey, that's not the way you learned about God. 00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:02.639 That's not who God is. 00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:04.080 And then he unpacks that statement. 00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:23.200 Verse 21, assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life, and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. 00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:24.720 Ask yourself this question today. 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:34.639 When it comes to dealing with people, having hard conversations with people that rub you the wrong way, do you relate to them more out of your old self or more out of your new self? 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:36.080 Does that make sense? 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:36.960 Do you know what I'm saying? 00:10:37.039 --> 00:10:38.399 I say old self and new self? 00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:43.679 Old self, uh, and then you'll see this kind of all through the New Testament, this old self and new self. 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:44.639 Here's why. 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:47.840 The Bible says this in 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verse 21. 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:51.840 Some people nowadays say, well, you know you can't really know who who is a Christian, who isn't. 00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:52.799 That's a private matter. 00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:53.759 That's not true. 00:10:53.919 --> 00:10:58.559 The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5, if any man's in Christ, he's a new creation. 00:10:58.799 --> 00:11:00.399 Old things are passed away. 00:11:00.559 --> 00:11:02.720 Behold, all things become new. 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:07.840 Now, when it comes to dealing with people, some of us can flip the switch and we can fall back into our old self. 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:11.840 Like this happens not as much as it used to, because I think I've gotten better. 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:16.879 But like when I'm driving down the interstate, there's two lanes, you know, going both ways, usually two or three lanes going both ways. 00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:18.720 But when there's two lanes, there's two lanes. 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:23.360 There's the right lane, and then there's the passing lane, or the lane that Neil drives in. 00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:44.960 And so if you get in the fast lane, as it's called, and you drive like 56 miles an hour, and the speed limit's 70 or 75, I'm gonna be on your back bumper like bump draft or like NASCAR, like, hello, and people that are just driving along, talking, and eventually the right lane clears out, and I can pull out to my and right when I put my blinker on and pull out to the right, my wife's like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. 00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:45.840 You're a bigger man. 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:48.799 Here's what she says, you're a bigger man than that, Neil McClendon. 00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:51.679 And I think to myself, no, I'm not. 00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:53.600 No, I'm not. 00:11:53.759 --> 00:11:55.440 Now, I don't do what some of you are thinking. 00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:56.720 Some of you are like, what do you do? 00:11:56.799 --> 00:11:59.039 I don't, it doesn't involve gestures or anything. 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:00.799 I just, I'm more subtle than that. 00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:05.600 I put the blinker on, I pull out, I get right up beside him and just look over at him like, really? 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.320 Hello, there's a world around you. 00:12:08.399 --> 00:12:12.799 And I'm at speeds just for about three or four seconds, just looking at him, like, really? 00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:15.519 And the whole time, you're a bigger man than that, Neil McClennon. 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:16.159 No, I'm not. 00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:17.039 I'm really not. 00:12:17.279 --> 00:12:18.320 This is what you got. 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:19.519 No, she's right. 00:12:19.679 --> 00:12:20.960 That's my old self. 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:21.440 Okay? 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:22.879 That's who I used to be. 00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:25.519 I was an angry, likes to fight guy. 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:26.799 That was me as a non-believer. 00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:27.679 That's my old self. 00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:29.360 Now, here's where I gotta be careful. 00:12:29.519 --> 00:12:32.879 When I get around my family, my old self wants to pop up. 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:36.960 Like I gotta go to a funeral this next weekend and be around my family. 00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:38.320 Sorry, rascals. 00:12:38.399 --> 00:12:42.000 My mom was in Phoenix this past week, and me and my two brothers was a chip in. 00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:44.799 We have a sister that was born, lived about 35 minutes, and died. 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:47.840 My mom's always wanted to get a little tombstone for Dana's grave. 00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:49.279 And so I was like, mom, come on. 00:12:49.360 --> 00:12:50.799 So we all chipped in. 00:12:51.120 --> 00:12:52.559 We all chipped in. 00:12:53.679 --> 00:12:55.200 We all wrote checks. 00:12:55.440 --> 00:12:56.559 Two of us wrote checks. 00:12:56.879 --> 00:13:00.799 The third one, who always says this, oh man, I started looking at the numbers and I can't do it. 00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:03.360 He's got more money than me and my other brother put together. 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:05.120 He just didn't do it. 00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:11.759 And my old self is kind of like, I tell you what, let's come out here in the backyard and let's take our shirts off and just go at it, all right? 00:13:12.159 --> 00:13:14.320 Now, I would never initiate that. 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:18.480 Yeah, you heard it. 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:21.759 Smart person out there is like, initiate, yeah, yeah. 00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:25.759 I wouldn't initiate, and there's a part of me, now, am I saying I would do that? 00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:26.240 No. 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:28.000 But I could just, I'm just being honest. 00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:33.440 When I get around my family that are ruthless and dog eat dog, I'm like, oh, you want to see ruthless. 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:36.879 Y'all think because I'm a preacher, I'm all soft, you can get up on me. 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:39.039 I'm about to bust one of y'all in the mouth. 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.039 And then we can just flip this coffee table over and just see what happens after that. 00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:48.799 Yeah, we get about an hour out, and my wife's like, you start getting kind of redneckish. 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:51.840 I'm gonna protect my family. 00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:54.000 You don't know these rednecks like I do. 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:56.240 Hide your purse and lock the van. 00:13:57.919 --> 00:13:59.679 Don't leave that purse out in plain sight. 00:13:59.840 --> 00:14:00.720 She's like, Really? 00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:01.440 Really? 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:03.200 Yes, yes. 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:04.000 Here's why. 00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:06.159 Because druggies need drug money. 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:09.120 And that's some of my family. 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:12.399 Now, is that an excuse for me to be hard to them? 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:13.200 Not at all. 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:19.679 But in our dealings with people, you gotta you you ought to be able to distinguish, and I'm not giving you an excuse and license, oh, look at the preacher, he doesn't. 00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:24.159 I don't act on that, but I can feel when I'm tempted to act like my old self. 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:25.519 That's not who I am anymore. 00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:28.399 The Bible says, hey, you put it, you put that away. 00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:29.679 You used to be done. 00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:32.080 It's corrupted by your deceitful desires. 00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:35.519 And put on the new self, which is created to be like Christ. 00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.600 When it comes to your dealings with people, do you revert to your old self? 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:47.519 Or do you deal with them the way Jesus dealt with people who, by the way, on the cross looked up to heaven and said, forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing. 00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:52.159 Third thing the Bible tells us is the gospel by nature is clarifying. 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:54.559 The gospel by nature is clarifying. 00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:56.879 What do you mean, verse 25? 00:14:57.039 --> 00:14:58.559 Because he talks about our identity. 00:14:58.639 --> 00:15:10.080 He says, hey, you put off your former way of life, which is corrupt through deceitful desires, and you've been renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God and true righteousness and holiness. 00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:14.320 Therefore, because this is your identity, this is your activity, this is how you live. 00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:20.000 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:25.679 Then the Bible, when I say the Bible is it by nature is clarifying, or the gospel is by nature clarifying. 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.080 The gospel is means the good news. 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:33.039 The good news of Christianity, whatever the Bible teaches about anything, that's the gospel. 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:34.879 So when I say gospel, that's what I mean. 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:43.679 So the good news is that I'm not trapped and relegated to be in the way I've always been towards people, to be ruthless and manipulating and controlling. 00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:44.720 I have to do that. 00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:45.279 Why? 00:15:45.440 --> 00:15:50.480 Because I have a God that loves me and He's at work in my life and He's at work in other people's life. 00:15:50.639 --> 00:15:54.240 I don't have to control them to get what I want or think I need from them. 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:57.360 I can trust God more than I trust myself. 00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:05.120 And so when I say the gospel is by nature clarifying, here's how the Bible speaks to us and kind of tells us, here's how you handle hard conversations. 00:16:05.279 --> 00:16:07.200 The first thing it says is speak the truth. 00:16:07.759 --> 00:16:08.399 Speak the truth. 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:09.279 Look at verse 25. 00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:12.159 It says, Therefore, having put away falsehood, look at me. 00:16:12.399 --> 00:16:15.279 The Bible just assumes you've already put away falsehood. 00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:20.000 Therefore, having put away falsehood, it doesn't say put away falsehood. 00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:23.120 Having put away falsehood. 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:25.600 The Bible assumes, let me ask you a question. 00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:27.200 Can you feel when you lie? 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:29.519 Yeah. 00:16:29.759 --> 00:16:32.320 If you can't feel when you lie, that ain't a good sign. 00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:35.360 You should be able to feel it and be bothered by it. 00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:35.840 Here's why. 00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:41.440 Because the Bible says, hey, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor. 00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:43.679 And here's the motivation for speaking the truth. 00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:45.759 For we are members of one another. 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:47.440 We are members of one another. 00:16:47.600 --> 00:16:49.840 In other words, we're both part of the body of Christ. 00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:52.799 If you're talking to another believer, that's the motivation. 00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:54.559 So, first of all, how do we do this? 00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:55.600 We speak the truth. 00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:58.480 Secondly, be angry, but also be intentional. 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:00.559 Look at the next verse. 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:03.679 He says in verse 26, be angry and do not sin. 00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:05.599 Do not let the sun go down on your anger. 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:06.640 Be angry. 00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:13.440 The Bible never says, hey, hey, ladies, when your husband gets mad and it's righteous anger, don't say, Oh, hey, don't get angry. 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:14.960 No, no, don't be angry. 00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:15.440 Too late. 00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:16.319 He's angry. 00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:19.759 No, it's very invalidating when you say, hey, don't be angry. 00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:23.039 And by the same token, men, when your wife gets angry, don't say, Don't be angry. 00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:28.319 My wife helps me with this because when my wife gets upset about something, my first thing, now, babe, be careful. 00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:29.119 Oh, oh, really? 00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:29.920 Really? 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:32.880 You can get passionate about something, but I can't? 00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:34.799 Well, it just doesn't look right on you. 00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:39.119 I've said that out loud to my wife. 00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:46.079 And she just smiles like, oh, it's really fitting for men to get angry, but a woman gets righteously angry and you go crazy. 00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:51.839 It's like when a woman's strong in the marketplace, we got words for that, but a man's strong in the marketplace, he's a leader. 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:53.440 Well, now you're off the reservation. 00:17:53.519 --> 00:17:55.039 We're talking about other things. 00:17:57.119 --> 00:17:59.519 No, the Bible never says don't get angry. 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:00.079 Look at me. 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:01.759 The Bible says be angry. 00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:05.359 America is like it is because Christians don't know how to be angry. 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.319 He says, be angry and don't sin. 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:11.039 And also don't let the sun go down on your wrath. 00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:12.559 In other words, be intentional. 00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:14.079 If you're angry, act on it. 00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:14.480 Okay. 00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:16.799 Anger is like the check engine light on your dashboard. 00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:18.559 It's telling you something's wrong under the hood. 00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:22.000 So if you're angry, you can't avoid that and push that down. 00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:25.279 Third thing the Bible tells us is don't create space for the devil. 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:27.599 What do you mean? 00:18:28.480 --> 00:18:30.160 He says, be angry and do not sin. 00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:32.160 Do not let the sun go down on your anger. 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:35.839 Same sentence, verse 27, and give no opportunity for the devil. 00:18:36.079 --> 00:18:42.400 When I say don't create space for the devil, that word opportunity, the Bible was originally written in Greek, translated into English. 00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:45.440 And so that word opportunity is the Greek word tapas. 00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:46.160 Tapas. 00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:48.400 Now, when I say tapas, don't get it confused. 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:53.359 Tapas, some of you think tapas, that's like if you go to a Spanish, a real Spanish restaurant, they serve tapas. 00:18:53.519 --> 00:18:55.759 All that means is you're gonna go home hungry, man. 00:18:56.079 --> 00:18:56.960 That's all that means. 00:18:57.119 --> 00:18:58.160 It sounds all sexy. 00:18:58.240 --> 00:18:59.759 Oh, we're gonna have tapas for dinner. 00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:01.759 You're gonna hit up Whataburger on the way home. 00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:05.680 It's just little small servings of delicious food, and you're like, that's it? 00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:07.519 Oh, would you like to order some more? 00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:09.200 That was like three nachos. 00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:10.559 Of course I want some more. 00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:11.440 No, no, no. 00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:14.559 Tapas in the Greek, it's that we're gonna English word opportunity. 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:18.559 This is tapas, a space marked off, an opportunity for acting. 00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:27.440 Now the Bible says when you get angry and you don't deal with it, you let the sun go down on your anger and you stay angry, listen to me. 00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:30.400 He says you're not just given an opportunity, like, oh, well, what are the chances? 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.839 You're a space marked off and an opportunity for acting. 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:42.319 You are giving the high ground to the lowest enemy you'll ever have, to the most ruthless individual that's ever existed in the history of humanity. 00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:51.359 And you are just marking off space and kind of saying, hey, this area is reserved, and he will build a stronghold there, and he won't destroy them, he'll destroy you. 00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:57.119 So when the Bible says, Hey, don't be angry and don't sin. 00:19:57.200 --> 00:20:01.119 Don't let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity for for the devil. 00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:03.599 That's when he says, Hey, don't create space for the devil. 00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:06.240 Fourth thing he says is talk to, not about. 00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:08.240 Talk to, not about. 00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:09.279 Look at verse 29. 00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:16.960 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for the building up as it fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. 00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:18.640 And let me back up verse 29. 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:20.559 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. 00:20:20.720 --> 00:20:22.400 By the way, look at me. 00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:25.279 This is not a f this is not forbidden profanity. 00:20:25.359 --> 00:20:27.440 And I'm not saying therefore profanity is okay. 00:20:27.599 --> 00:20:28.240 No, no, no. 00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:30.160 You wish to God it were that simple. 00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:32.559 Because most of us are like, hey, man, yeah, that's not me. 00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:35.359 You know, some people are like, hey, I still struggle with that on occasion. 00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:35.599 Okay. 00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:36.559 I get that. 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:37.839 This is worse than that. 00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:48.480 When the Bible says, hey, talk to, not about, he says, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for the building up as it fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:49.599 Hear that last part. 00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:51.680 That it may give grace to those who hear. 00:20:51.839 --> 00:21:03.039 There's I was a communication major in college, and in college there's a theory called triangulation, which means basically if I'm here and the person I have an issue with is here, I don't come to that person and talk. 00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:08.559 What I do is I go over here and talk to this person, and I get it all worked out, and I never talk to that person. 00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:10.079 That's called triangulation. 00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:11.839 In the Bible, that's called sin. 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:12.799 Here's why. 00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:24.720 Because when he says in verse uh verse 30 there, he says, uh, excuse me, verse 29, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for the building up as it fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. 00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:30.079 How am I giving grace to the person I need to have the hard conversation with if they never hear the conversation? 00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:35.279 What you're doing is you're corrupting how this person feels about that person. 00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:39.279 That's what in the Bible says, hey, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth. 00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:42.480 It's not saying, hey, don't, don't, don't cuss like a sailor. 00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:44.480 That that the Bible speaks that in other places. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:47.920 And in this place, it's saying, hey, you are corrupting how this person feels. 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:50.079 It's a game I call relational Red Rover. 00:21:50.160 --> 00:21:54.240 It sounds like this Red Rover, Red Rover, let Susie come over. 00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:57.519 And you want Susie to feel the way you feel about that person. 00:21:58.240 --> 00:21:59.359 And here's what happens. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:05.440 In God's eyes, you're gonna have to give an account for the way you've corrupted this person's thoughts about that person. 00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:13.839 Now, when I say talk to, not about, I'm not I'm not neglecting the fact that sometimes you need to process out loud with a trusted friend. 00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:18.960 Some of you have come to me, I see people all the time, they're like, hey, I gotta talk to this person, and blah, blah, blah. 00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:24.720 And I always end the conversation by saying, All right, when could I call you and ask you if you've had this conversation? 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:26.960 One guy kicked in front of my desk. 00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:28.400 I didn't ask for that. 00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:32.559 Well, you think just processing out loud makes it okay? 00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:34.160 That doesn't do anything. 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:37.440 You just kind of bleed off some of the pressure. 00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:39.119 But the core issue is still there. 00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:40.559 Well I ain't ready for that. 00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:42.960 The gospel doesn't give you that freedom. 00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:44.480 So when can I call you? 00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:47.200 You can call them anytime you want, but I ain't gonna answer. 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:48.000 All right. 00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:49.680 You don't know who you're talking to. 00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:51.119 I'll call you every day. 00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:56.160 I'll call you on your cell phone, I'll call you at work, I'll come down there with a bullhorn. 00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:58.640 Attention, is Daniel here? 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:01.519 Dude, this is not helpful. 00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:05.039