WEBVTT 00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:12.480 This podcast is brought to you by Grand Parkway Baptist Church, helping people to know, enjoy, and glorify God. 00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:18.000 For more information about Grand Parkway, visit Grandparkway.org. 00:00:19.600 --> 00:00:23.280 Mike and Elaine Rice, and we have been married 48 years. 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:26.079 And we dated five years before that. 00:00:26.399 --> 00:00:28.160 So we've known each other a while. 00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:47.520 Probably the thing that surprised me the most is that I really didn't realize how much selflessness and sacrificial love was involved in a marriage. 00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:55.200 I knew that I was called to represent Christ in our marriage, but I didn't really know how to do that. 00:00:55.280 --> 00:01:00.799 And I kind of began by loving him like the way I wanted to be loved. 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:11.599 And I know that the Bible, I soon learned that the Bible said that husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands. 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:14.879 And so I had to really learn how to do that. 00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:30.640 You know, there's a lot of practical things that you don't you don't realize. 00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:37.599 I grew up with two brothers, and then uh within a mile of my house, I had three other boy cousins. 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:43.599 So I was used used to the way uh boys did things, boys saw things. 00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:49.359 Uh then sitting down with Elaine and going like, oh, you want me to a lot of words here. 00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:53.280 For me, it was just like, just get it done. 00:01:53.359 --> 00:01:54.719 Let's let's do it. 00:01:54.959 --> 00:02:10.319 So to to understand the differences as we went along, uh that um, you know, a lot of the being a being a football coach, a lot of the decisions I've made in my my lifetime were in 25 seconds or less. 00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:10.800 Okay. 00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:16.639 And so I was used to um just getting solutions right away. 00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:21.280 And she wanted to talk about talk about it more than that. 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:24.159 And so that was that was something getting used to. 00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:30.879 The other thing getting used to is to know that um you're responsible for the family as as a leader. 00:02:32.159 --> 00:02:33.520 Marriage is hard. 00:02:33.759 --> 00:02:44.159 Whether you've been married um five minutes or or almost 50 years, it's something that um is intentional that you have to do. 00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:48.080 And I think one of the keys is is loving sacrificially. 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:50.560 All right, good morning, everybody. 00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:51.599 My name is Brent. 00:02:51.680 --> 00:02:55.680 I'm the teaching pastor here, and I'm gonna be preaching this morning. 00:02:55.840 --> 00:03:02.560 Um, we're in it we're in a series, Song of Solomon, and it's it's a little bit, it's probably more a PG 13 series than a G series. 00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:07.520 So if you have any kids that you don't want to be a part of that, I would encourage you, take advantage of our child care. 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.319 I will say this week's probably more PG than PG 13. 00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:12.639 It's not it's not quite as much as last week. 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:16.159 So um, yeah, you just got to see Mike and Elaine. 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:20.800 Love hearing their story and just a lot of wisdom you guys can hopefully pull from that. 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:23.759 Um, let's pray and we'll get started, okay? 00:03:24.080 --> 00:03:26.879 Lord Jesus, um thank you. 00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:27.759 Thank you for this book. 00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:30.080 Thank you that we get to dig into it and study it. 00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:43.039 Thank you that this is a topic that you haven't let uncovered, that you have words that you want to say, you have you have uh thoughts and truths that you want to communicate to us about our marriages and our romantic relationships and our friendships, Lord. 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:49.039 And this morning, Lord, as we're going through this book, I pray you'd help us to just get every drop of truth out of it that we can. 00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:50.879 We want to learn from you, Jesus. 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:54.080 So come and encourage us where we need encourage, challenge us where we need challenge. 00:03:54.159 --> 00:03:55.120 We're here to hear from you. 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:56.560 In your name I pray. 00:03:56.879 --> 00:03:57.520 Amen. 00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:03.919 Okay, so if you remember from two weeks ago, I think this is written by a simple country couple. 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:07.599 I think it's written in protest of King Solomon's lifestyle at this time. 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:17.279 If you saw, I think it's in chapter 7 or it's in chapter 6, it says he's got 60 wives and 80 concubines at this time, and that's eventually gonna increase to 700 and 300. 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:27.040 So Solomon ends up having a lot of wives, and I think this was written in protest of that, kind of warning him, Solomon, the path that you're going on, it's not gonna end well for you. 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:32.240 So, with that being said, let's start at verse uh chapter one, verse four. 00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:34.079 I think they're married the whole time. 00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:38.800 I think this whole book is about their their mutually exclusive love relationship. 00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:42.399 So one four, and we're gonna go to verse 17 this morning. 00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:46.160 We will exalt and rejoice in you, will extol your love more than wine. 00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:47.759 Rightly do they love you. 00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:52.959 I'm very dark but lovely, old daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kadar, like the curtains of Solomon. 00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:56.959 Don't gaze at me because I'm dark, because the sun has looked upon me. 00:04:57.120 --> 00:04:58.800 My mother's sons were angry with me. 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:02.399 They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. 00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:12.240 Tell me you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon, for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions? 00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:18.879 If you do not know, O most beautiful among women, follow in the tracks of the flock and pasture your young goats besides the shepherd's tents. 00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:26.000 I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots, your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. 00:05:26.160 --> 00:05:28.879 We will make for you ornaments of gold studded with silver. 00:05:29.040 --> 00:05:32.160 While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance. 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:39.279 My beloved is to me a satchet of myrrh that lies between between my breasts, my beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi. 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:41.120 Behold, you're beautiful, my love. 00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:43.600 Behold, you are beautiful, your eyes are doves. 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:46.639 Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:51.759 Our couch is green, the beams of our house are cedar, our rafters are pine. 00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:54.800 All right, that is God's word for us this morning. 00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:59.920 So last two weeks ago, we left off at half of uh verse four, right? 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:02.879 And so now let's let's pick it up there in the second half. 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:06.800 She's stopped speaking, and her friends are now speaking into things. 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:11.519 And they're saying, We'll exalt and rejoice in you, we'll extol your love more than wine. 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:12.639 Rightly do they love you. 00:06:12.720 --> 00:06:16.319 And I talked about this a little bit two weeks ago, but I want to talk about it a little more. 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:19.839 Um, you need people speaking into your relationships. 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:27.759 As singles, you need your parents, you need your friends speaking into it, and their opinions and the truths that they share with you should carry weight for you. 00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:31.439 But also when you're married, you still need people speaking into your life. 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:35.759 You and your wife and Jesus, or you and your spouse and Jesus, that's not enough. 00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:38.639 Like that's not gonna make for a healthy relationship. 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:41.759 You need others involved as well. 00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:56.560 My wife and I, we we have a friend, and um, she started dating uh this guy, and she's dating him, and um, as she's dating him, she also has a father, and her father is a he's he's not a believer, and he's kind of a hard-living man. 00:06:56.720 --> 00:07:01.120 He was a trucker, and kind of everything that you think of when you think of a trucker, that was him. 00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:05.199 He he wasn't a believer, and he was just kind of a tough old dude. 00:07:05.439 --> 00:07:12.560 And so she starts dating this guy, and and her dad kind of very quickly sees, like, I this he's he's not a good guy. 00:07:12.639 --> 00:07:17.199 And he went and told her, he said, Listen, you should not be dating him, and you certainly should not marry him. 00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:20.000 Do not marry him, he's not a good guy. 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:24.079 And she didn't listen to her dad, and she married him anyhow. 00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:27.199 A few years later, they ended up divorced. 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:31.360 And today, if you talk to her, she would say, I should have listened to my dad. 00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:47.120 And what you'll find sometimes is sometimes uh guys that aren't necessarily good guys, they're kind of guys that are a little bit bad, will see things in other guys, they'll see the bad in other guys because they have it in themselves, and they'll know that like that's not actually the kind of guy you want to marry. 00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:52.000 Because they're still your dad and they still love you, God will still speak through them. 00:07:52.319 --> 00:08:00.000 So God has sovereignly placed your parents and your friends in your life, and and even non-Christian ones can share wisdom with you. 00:08:00.160 --> 00:08:07.040 You still need to listen to them, they still might have advice that might be right on, even though their life is not right on, right? 00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:11.360 So, married people, we need this for singles. 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:14.079 I think I just illustrated that, but I think also we need this in our lives. 00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:16.319 We need people that are still regularly speaking into our life. 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:21.839 And I have some questions up here because I think these are the kind of questions that you need to be asking. 00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:25.040 You need somebody in your life asking you this kind of question. 00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:28.160 If you were gonna fall, what would cause it? 00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:30.959 What's your greatest area of weakness? 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:32.799 And can I keep you accountable on that? 00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:37.440 It's a rather intense question, but uh you need somebody asking you that regularly. 00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:42.320 Another one would be um, how is your sex life with your spouse? 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:43.279 Is it healthy? 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:44.879 How about your thought life? 00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:46.559 Or are you looking at porn? 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:52.639 Do you have any relationships outside of this, like with the opposite sex, that they've they've they're getting a little bit too close? 00:08:52.960 --> 00:09:00.879 Again, this is getting probably more personal, but again, you need people that are asking you these questions and keeping you on track. 00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:02.960 The next set of questions. 00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:08.080 Are you loving your wife and laying down your life for her daily as Christ loved the church? 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:11.840 Wife, are you choosing to love and respect your husband as the Bible tells us to? 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:16.720 Is there any area where you're not loving or respecting her or him as you should? 00:09:17.039 --> 00:09:20.320 And then the final set of questions, this has to do with discipling your children. 00:09:20.799 --> 00:09:21.840 Are you discipling them? 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:23.600 Do your kids know and understand the gospel? 00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:27.840 And I think the most important one here is do they see the gospel lived out before them daily? 00:09:27.919 --> 00:09:31.919 Is this just who you are and it's just flowing out of your heart? 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:35.679 Do you have a plan for a way that you're gonna disciple your wife and kids? 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:45.600 And I know these questions are a little bit, they're kind of in your face, but if we could go to Proverbs, I'll tell you why I think you need somebody asking you questions like this. 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:49.120 If you go to Proverbs chapter five, and let's read verses seven through fourteen. 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:51.600 It says, Now, O sons, listen to me. 00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:58.720 And in the context here is this is a this is a son who's thinking about having a relationship outside the context of marriage. 00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:11.759 Listen to me, don't depart from the words of my mouth, keep your way far from her, don't go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your ears to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. 00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:14.000 At the end of your life you groan. 00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:17.919 When your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, Listen to this part. 00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:22.879 How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof. 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:26.879 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or inclined my ear to instructors. 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:30.960 I'm at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. 00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:34.000 The brink of utter ruin. 00:10:34.320 --> 00:10:40.879 If you don't have people speaking into your life, this is where you will eventually end up. 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:43.840 And what I'm talking about is being teachable. 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:47.120 And so if you're single and you're taking notes, what are you looking for in a future spouse? 00:10:47.279 --> 00:10:50.000 Two weeks ago, I think number one thing you're looking for is godly character. 00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:51.600 That's the number one thing you need to look for. 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:54.879 But number two under that would be are they teachable? 00:10:55.120 --> 00:11:02.720 Are they somebody that you can go to them and you can bring something to them and they're they're gonna receive it from you and not just from you, but you know, will they receive it from others? 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:06.799 This is something that you should be observing, it's something that you should be looking for. 00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:09.919 Um you you want to know, are they teachable? 00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:14.879 And I think some of you you hear these questions, you're like, I don't want somebody asking me that. 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:16.080 That's way too personal. 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:21.840 But if I could just kind of flip the question on you, can you afford not to have this in your life? 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:24.720 Can you afford not to have this in your life? 00:11:25.039 --> 00:11:34.960 Is are you really willing to pay the cost of each and every one of your relationships possibly being ruined because you had no one asking you how you were really doing? 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:39.200 Is there anyone in your life that truly knows you? 00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:45.919 And this is where I'm gonna insert a little advertisement for our discipleship groups because that's what our discipleship groups in the church are for. 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:51.200 This is a place where you're to have someone who knows you well and is asking you these kinds of questions. 00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:55.279 If you want to be in a discipleship group, talk to Travis, get online, sign up. 00:11:55.519 --> 00:12:01.279 It doesn't have to be a discipleship group, but you need someone in your life that's asking you this kind of stuff. 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:02.240 Do you have it? 00:12:02.480 --> 00:12:04.399 If you have it, you're gonna begin to grow. 00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:07.440 If you don't, I'm I'm a little bit worried for you. 00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:08.960 Verses five and six. 00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:13.679 I am very dark but lovely, old daughters of Jerusalem, like the Kents of Qadar, like the curtains of Solomon. 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:16.720 Don't gaze at me because I'm dark, because the sun has looked upon me. 00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:18.399 My mother's sons were angry with me. 00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:22.159 They made me the keeper of vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:26.799 So she's saying she's dark, but she's lovely. 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:31.759 And then she's saying, like the tents of Qadar, these tents of Qadar, they were, they made them with black goats' hair. 00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:33.679 So she's again saying she's dark. 00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:43.039 But uh then she says, like the curtains of Solomon, that's all that's saying she's lovely, because the curtains of Solomon they would have been the nicest, most ornate curtains in the world, because he was he was the king at the time. 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:47.360 So she's again saying I'm dark but lovely, just using more flowery language. 00:12:47.600 --> 00:12:52.879 Um what this means is that she spent time out in the fields taking care of the vineyards. 00:12:52.960 --> 00:12:59.200 I mean, she says here it's because her brothers were angry at her and they made her go out and do that, but what it what it's expressing to us is that this lady was a hard worker. 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:06.399 You know, at that time, being dark wasn't uh, you know, in our culture, if you if you're tan, we think that's that's more attractive, right? 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:08.000 But in their culture, that wasn't what they thought. 00:13:08.159 --> 00:13:14.799 If you had to go out and work in a field, that meant you you you were probably of like the lower stratus uh economically. 00:13:14.960 --> 00:13:21.200 And people who were wealthy, they just stayed inside and drank nice drinks and ate nice food, and they didn't have to go out and get sun on them. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:25.120 And so it wasn't something that was thought of highly in this time. 00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:30.000 And um, whether or not you think tanning is beautiful or not, is still very culturally connected. 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.759 When I lived in Taiwan, it rained, it rained more in Taiwan. 00:13:33.840 --> 00:13:36.159 We had more rain than you get in Seattle. 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:38.799 But you know when people use their umbrellas the most? 00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:40.960 Not when it rained, when the sun was out. 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:49.039 They would walk around with umbrellas when the sun was out because they didn't want their skin to get dark, because they thought in Taiwan, the lighter I am, the more beautiful I am. 00:13:49.279 --> 00:13:51.360 Completely different than our culture. 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:53.120 And so that was their culture. 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:55.120 It was more like the Taiwanese culture. 00:13:55.360 --> 00:13:58.559 And so the first thing that we can pull from this is this lady was a hard worker. 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:01.039 She was not lazy, she was somebody who was willing to work hard. 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:04.320 So, singles, if you're taking notes, here's I wouldn't make this point three. 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:07.120 I don't think it's quite that important, but it should be up there. 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:09.600 You don't want to marry a lazy person. 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:12.720 And again, let's go to Proverbs and let's let's see why. 00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:16.480 In Proverbs, in Proverbs is just Proverbs just kind of cuts right to the chase. 00:14:16.559 --> 00:14:17.279 It's very direct. 00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:19.039 That's why I kind of enjoy it. 00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:22.080 Uh, chapter 20, Proverbs chapter 20, verse 13. 00:14:22.639 --> 00:14:25.440 It says, Love not sleep lest you come to poverty. 00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:27.440 Open your eyes and you'll have plenty of bread. 00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:30.639 So it's basically saying if you're lazy, you're gonna be poor. 00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:35.919 In uh chapter six, similar kind of language, it's gonna say about laziness. 00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:38.799 Chapter six, verses ten and eleven. 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:48.879 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man. 00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:54.799 So I think this is what it's saying for you as singles, especially for women. 00:14:54.960 --> 00:15:01.840 If if you're dating a guy who's lazy and you end up marrying him, you just need to be prepared that you're probably gonna be poor for most of your life. 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:03.519 That that's what Proverbs is expressed. 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:06.159 And I know you think that's a little bit cheesy, and that might not. 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:07.600 That that's pretty true. 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:09.759 That in most cases, that's what's gonna happen. 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:11.840 And I'm not saying that everybody that's poor is lazy. 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:13.840 There's a lot of factors that factor into that. 00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:17.679 I know people that they're they're poor, and it's not because they're lazy, they work very hard. 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:22.480 But if you're lazy, there's a good chance you will be poor, okay? 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:26.240 And so I would, I would just, that's something you need to be looking for when you're dating. 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:34.799 I think you can think it's cool to be lazy when you're dating, but it's not gonna be cool when you're married and you're the one doing the dishes and cooking and taking care of the kids and they're just sitting on the recliner. 00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:36.159 You're not gonna find it attractive. 00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:39.200 Resentment will begin to build in your heart against them. 00:15:39.679 --> 00:15:44.320 For married people, we just kind of gotta ask ourselves, is this us? 00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:48.480 Am I a lazy person or am I a hard worker? 00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:49.600 Like, what would my spouse say? 00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:51.679 What would my friends say about me? 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:55.679 Again, Song of Solomon's, it's incredibly practical. 00:15:56.000 --> 00:16:07.360 I uh I know a guy, he works a full-time job, he comes home, he cooks the food, he cleans up the dishes, he's the one that cleans the house. 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:13.679 His wife does not have a job, there are no kids in the home anymore, I don't know what she does. 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:17.600 And I can tell you that for him, that that is a burden for him. 00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:19.840 I mean, that that is that's not easy for him. 00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:22.639 I'm sure some resentment is building up in his heart. 00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:24.559 And I could flip it and I could show you the other way. 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:33.279 I mean, there's some guys that are just barely hanging on to a job, they come home, they sit in a recliner all evening, they don't engage with their wife, they don't engage with their kids, and they're just they're just lazy. 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:35.519 And that's not gonna work. 00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:40.000 If you want your marriage to thrive, um you can't fix it on your own. 00:16:40.080 --> 00:16:41.600 You've got to say, God, come and help me. 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:43.759 I I I'm noticing I have some laziness in my life. 00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:46.320 Would you come and would you begin to change me? 00:16:46.399 --> 00:16:48.000 I need to find somebody to keep me accountable. 00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:50.080 I need you to come and change my heart, God. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:52.080 Come and make me a hard worker. 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:54.240 I want to provide for my family. 00:16:54.879 --> 00:16:58.240 And if you're single and you're dating somebody that's lazy, I'd encourage you to break up with them. 00:16:58.320 --> 00:16:59.679 That would be my advice to you. 00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:04.400 Um really, you it will go, you'll have a better life. 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:06.000 One, six. 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:12.640 So this five and six, really, what you see coming out in this woman is her insecurity. 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:13.359 Do you see that? 00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:20.319 Like, she feels a little bit insecure about how dark she is and and how hard she's worked, and you know, she feels like I don't have time to take care of my own vineyard. 00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:24.240 Like, I don't look as good as I I could because I haven't had time to care for myself. 00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:34.480 And you know, I heard somebody say once that if you're treating your wife well, she'll just kind of she'll naturally look more and more beautiful over time. 00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:37.200 And I think that I found that to be true in my life. 00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:43.920 When when when a husband treats his wife well, over time, she'll just kind of naturally become more and more beautiful. 00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:50.240 And the reason is you're gonna see in a couple verses here, this guy he he starts to encourage her right in that area of need. 00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:53.279 He starts telling her, No, you you are beautiful, you're you're gorgeous. 00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:54.799 This is this is just who you are. 00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:57.279 So I don't have some study to prove this, but I've seen it true. 00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:09.759 Like I've seen men who love their wives well, their wife just naturally becomes more beautiful over time because she starts to her insecurities start to decrease and she starts to believe that she really is a daughter of the king and that she is beautiful, right? 00:18:10.559 --> 00:18:24.400 So here's the thing if you want this to happen in your marriage, I think it's gonna require that you actually be honest with your wife about how she looks. 00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:27.119 So if you're married, this has happened to you. 00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:31.920 Your wife has come to you and she has said, How do I look in this dress? 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:32.400 Right? 00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:34.000 Like most of you, that's happened. 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:40.960 And in that moment, most men, a little bit of fear comes up in our heart, and we start to feel like, how do I answer this? 00:18:41.119 --> 00:18:42.720 Because um, I need to answer the right way. 00:18:42.799 --> 00:18:44.319 Is she having a good day or a bad day? 00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:45.519 How is this? 00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:49.920 I need to, I need to get this right because I have the power of life and death in my words here, right? 00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:52.000 Like that's we we feel that. 00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:56.799 And I've had some guys tell me, you know what, just lie and tell her she's good looking. 00:18:56.880 --> 00:19:00.319 It doesn't like that, that's like you just avoid it, and that's probably the best thing. 00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:08.160 But what I've found is if if if I'm not honest with my wife, my wife knows me well enough that she knows I'm not being honest with her, right? 00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:09.279 Like she just knows me too well. 00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:10.160 I can't get away with that. 00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:12.880 Like I've I've been married to her too long and she'll pick up on it. 00:19:13.119 --> 00:19:21.519 So I have learned that I just have to get creative and I have to answer her in a way that it still speaks life into her, but it speaks the truth, right? 00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:23.839 And so if she asks me, you know, what do you think of this dress? 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:24.960 How do I look in it? 00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:32.240 I will say something like, you know, you're you're a very attractive woman, but I don't think that dress is really bringing out your true beauty, right? 00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:42.960 And so you say, and and I think when I say that, my wife's she's at a point where she's she's okay with that, and she gets what I'm saying, or I'm saying, you know, the dress you were wearing two days ago, you looked amazing in that one. 00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:54.000 This one's just not quite doing it quite as well, you know, and and I let her know, like maybe another dress would be better, but in a way that's not offensive, and she still knows that I'm very attracted to her. 00:19:54.240 --> 00:20:05.599 Because um, because the thing is, if your wife comes out in sweatpants and a t-shirt and her hair is a mess, and you say you look great and you're about to go to a fancy banquet, that's not gonna go well, right? 00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:09.039 Like you've you've gotta be honest and say, you know, like we're about to go to a fancy banquet. 00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:11.119 Maybe, maybe you could get a nicer dress on. 00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:13.440 The sweatpants and t-shirt aren't gonna work tonight. 00:20:13.599 --> 00:20:21.119 Um, and I know wives are usually more clued into that kind of stuff than men are, but but what I'm saying is you need to be creative. 00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:25.200 Like when you were dating your spouse, you guys were incredibly creative. 00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:26.480 Both of you were incredibly creative. 00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:31.920 You'd send these long texts, you'd write incredible emails about how beautiful and wonderful they were. 00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:37.680 You some of you even wrote it down and you'd send them, you'd burn the edges of the paper and all this kind of stuff. 00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:39.519 I had a friend who used to always be burning the edges. 00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:42.000 That was like his secret, and he thought he was, yeah. 00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:45.359 My thing is that this is in you. 00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:48.240 You have the ability to be creative with your spouse, right? 00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:52.640 You used to do it, but I think what happens to us with men, I know a lot of you are hunters. 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:55.279 And I think, you know, when you go hunting, you get all dressed up. 00:20:55.440 --> 00:21:08.079 If you're going to get deer, you put the deer pee on you, you get the duck call, and you go out if you're hunting for ducks and you go out there and you start blowing the duck call and you do all the stuff that you got to do to bag that deer or bag that duck, and then you get home and you're done. 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:08.720 We got it. 00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:10.160 We bagged it, good to go. 00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:12.240 And and you've kind of treated your marriage that way. 00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:17.519 You know, you've said, you know, I was dating you and I've I've caught you, and it's kind of like now what? 00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:20.240 And and that's not how marriage is to work. 00:21:20.319 --> 00:21:24.960 Like dating was just to be the beginning, and you were to continue that throughout your marriage. 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:30.960 Like you were to continue to be creative, continue to use your words to build your spouse up. 00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:44.799 Um and you know, you another thing that guys will do is we will tend to be very creative with our words and very encouraging of how they look on days when we would like some intimacy with our spouse. 00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:46.799 And our spouses see right through that. 00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:48.400 I've talked, I talked to my wife about this last night. 00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:49.680 She was like, Yep, we see right through that. 00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:50.720 We know what you're doing. 00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:57.279 And so, like, this can't just be something that you do every once in a while to try to encourage your spouse in that way. 00:21:57.599 --> 00:21:59.200 It needs to be just who you are. 00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:05.039 Like, you To regularly be encouraging your spouse and speaking life into them. 00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:09.839 But this issue of insecurity, it's something that every one of us struggles with. 00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:14.640 You know, maybe tomorrow you have a uh a presentation that you need to do at work. 00:22:14.799 --> 00:22:19.359 And I'll bet if you have a presentation tomorrow and you're a guy, I'll bet you feel insecure about that. 00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:22.880 Or a girl, you probably feel, I don't know if I'm good enough, how's this gonna happen? 00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:24.960 Like you just feel insecure about it. 00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:37.519 I've heard many stories of NBA players that before the game, in the locker room, they throw up every single game because they feel insecure about their ability to go out and play basketball. 00:22:37.839 --> 00:22:45.920 Um, with women, I think you you know, you're on Instagram and Facebook and you're seeing your friends and their vacations are going on, and you're like, I don't know if I'm a good mom at all. 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:46.960 These people look amazing. 00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:50.400 Listen, you know that on Instagram and Facebook, that's not how their life actually is. 00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.599 It's just a snapshot. 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:54.079 You know that their vacation is just as crazy as yours is. 00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:56.319 Like there's kids in the back, young, are we there yet? 00:22:56.480 --> 00:22:58.000 Some kid throws up halfway through. 00:22:58.079 --> 00:23:00.799 That happened to them, they just didn't show it in the pictures. 00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:06.079 But we get insecure about this stuff and we start that, you know, am I doing well enough? 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:12.559 Um I think as well, women, I think we can, you can, and this happens with men too, you can be insecure about your friendships. 00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:19.920 You can want to be accepted and loved, and you want people to understand you, and sometimes you just feel like you don't fit in and you start to feel insecure. 00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:25.680 And you know, we can encourage one another in that, but the problem is when you get insecure, you start to look at yourself. 00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:32.000 And you're looking here and you're just seeing all your faults, all the things that are wrong with you, and you're not looking at the right place. 00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:35.200 The way, the place that we're to get our value and worth is from Jesus. 00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:38.960 Like we're to look to him, and that's to be where we get our value and worth. 00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:45.279 And what Jesus says is it doesn't matter whether you do good on that presentation tomorrow or not, I'm still gonna love you. 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:50.079 It doesn't matter if you lost your temper with your kids today or not, I still love you. 00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:56.079 It doesn't matter if you had a great vacation or a terrible one, my love is still the same towards you. 00:23:56.319 --> 00:23:58.559 Let's look at Romans chapter 8. 00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:06.559 And I I think this passage would be if you want a verse, some of you are new believers and you're like, I don't even know how to pray, I don't know what to begin to pray for. 00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:10.000 This is something you should pray over your spouse and pray over your friends. 00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:16.160 835, 835, Romans 8.35, it says, Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? 00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:26.160 Shall tribulation or distress, nor persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword, as it is written, for your sake, we're being killed all day long, and we're regarded as sheep to be slaughtered. 00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:29.599 No, in all of these things we're more than conquerors through him who loved us. 00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:41.759 For I'm sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. 00:24:42.160 --> 00:24:49.039 Do you realize that when Jesus went to the cross, he took your insecurities with him to the cross, and they were killed there at the cross? 00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:58.480 And when he rose again, he rose again, and and it like if if you allow it to happen, those insecurities, they they can fall off of you, just like they fell off of him. 00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:03.440 Because, you know, before the cross, we had to look at ourselves and how we are doing, and did we measure up? 00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:07.200 And every time we looked, we're like, yeah, compared to Jesus, I don't measure up at all. 00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:22.960 But then we realized if if we've repented of our tent sins and we've turned to Jesus, he now has come as a perfect sacrifice and said, This, this, my righteousness is now imparted to you, and you don't have to be insecure anymore. 00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:28.400 Because if you look to me, well, you're a wonderful son or daughter of the most high God. 00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:31.359 That you you can't get a better place in the kingdom than that. 00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:34.559 And there's no reason for you to be insecure anymore, right? 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:38.240 Verses seven and eight. 00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:43.920 Says, Tell me you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon. 00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:47.759 For why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions? 00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:55.759 If you do not know, O Most Beautiful among women, follow in the tracks of the flock and pasture your young goats beside the shepherds' tents. 00:25:56.000 --> 00:26:03.920 What I think's happening here is she's kind of flirting with him a little bit and kind of saying, Hey, you know, I'd I'd like to come and visit you at work, but I'm not, I'm not sure if I can or not. 00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:05.599 Am I gonna be welcome there or not? 00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:09.599 And she says she doesn't want to be like a veiled, like one who veils herself. 00:26:09.839 --> 00:26:13.599 One who veiled themselves in that time in that culture was a prostitute. 00:26:13.680 --> 00:26:16.960 And she didn't want people to misunderstand their relationship. 00:26:17.119 --> 00:26:19.039 She wanted people to know I'm your wife. 00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:22.640 She didn't want people to think like I'm a I'm a woman of the night, right? 00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:26.000 And so she's saying, she's kind of setting a boundary, really. 00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:29.359 Like earlier in verses five and six, we see she knows who she is in Christ. 00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:32.400 She knows that she's she's dark, but she also knows that she's lovely. 00:26:32.559 --> 00:26:42.480 And so what she's saying is, I know who I am in Christ, and and I don't want any impropriety for people to think there's anything shady going on with us. 00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:45.599 I want them to know that we're walking in the light and walking in truth. 00:26:45.839 --> 00:26:47.440 And and look how he answers. 00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:55.039 He said, if you don't know, oh most beautiful among women, follow in the tracks of the flock and past your young goats beside the shepherd's tents. 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:56.000 His answer is great. 00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:57.759 He's saying, Listen, don't be shy. 00:26:57.920 --> 00:26:58.640 It's fine. 00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:01.359 I will, I would love for you to come, come and visit me at work. 00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:02.400 I'm proud that you're my wife. 00:27:02.480 --> 00:27:03.680 Let's keep this thing out in the open. 00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:04.640 We don't need to hide this. 00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:07.279 I want everybody to know that you're my wife. 00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:14.480 And and so, what I think you see her doing here is she is she's having a healthy boundary. 00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:19.680 She's saying, you know, I'm not gonna come and and kind of sneak around, but I want to do this publicly. 00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:22.559 That that's my boundary because I know what I'm worth. 00:27:22.799 --> 00:27:29.759 If you look at Psalm 139, and this is this is for all of us, this is what God says about all of our worth. 00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:31.039 It says, You form me. 00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:34.319 139, 13 and 14, it says, You form me in my inward parts. 00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:36.880 You knitted me together in my mother's womb. 00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:40.319 I praise you, for I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. 00:27:40.480 --> 00:27:43.519 Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well. 00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:45.680 And that's true for each and every one of us. 00:27:45.759 --> 00:27:50.000 We were all formed together in our mother's womb by God, and we're all fearfully and wonderfully made. 00:27:50.079 --> 00:27:55.839 This is something that for me, uh, my daughter, almost every night when I pray with her before she goes to bed, I pray this over her. 00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:02.480 I pray, uh you're fearfully and wonderfully made because I want this truth to just go deep into my daughter's soul. 00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:03.519 So this is another thing. 00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:05.599 I'd encourage you, pray this for your spouse. 00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:08.720 But what this lady's doing is she's having healthy boundaries. 00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:10.960 So, what do healthy boundaries look like in marriage? 00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:13.200 Boundaries are a little tough because it can be hard to enact. 00:28:13.519 --> 00:28:16.480 You need real wisdom in how you uh how you walk them out. 00:28:16.559 --> 00:28:28.640 So I'll I'll just give you some examples and I will say ahead of time with my examples, there are a lot of different cultures represented in this church, and in different cultures, marriage works out, it just works differently, right? 00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:36.960 And so these are some cultural examples that for some of you may not translate well, and maybe another one will later in the sermon series, okay? 00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:42.880 So maybe you're a lady, and maybe what you enjoy is something you get joy from, is you enjoy cooking meals for your family. 00:28:43.039 --> 00:28:49.759 And so you cook a healthy, wonderful meal for your family every night and they eat it, and you just enjoy watching them eat it, enjoy the conversation around the table. 00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:54.240 But what you don't like is you don't like cleaning up afterwards and you don't like doing dishes. 00:28:54.400 --> 00:29:01.279 But what your family's been doing to you is when they finish eating, they just go in and watch TV and wrestle and they just leave you to clean everything up. 00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:04.000 And there's some resentment starting to build up in your heart. 00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:12.240 And so maybe having a healthy boundary looks like you tomorrow night at dinner saying, Listen, I've cooked another wonderful meal for you, and this brings me joy to do this. 00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:18.160 But you need to understand, I'm not gonna cook a meal tomorrow night if you guys don't clean up afterwards. 00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:20.160 Because I'm starting to feel some resentment in my heart. 00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:24.480 I'm starting to feel a little bit used, and I wouldn't feel that way if you guys would just clean up afterwards. 00:29:24.559 --> 00:29:30.000 So if you guys clean up afterwards, I'm happy to keep cooking, but if you're not willing to do that, then you guys are gonna have to fend for yourselves tomorrow night. 00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:32.720 That would be a healthy boundary that you can maybe enact. 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:41.359 Maybe if you're a guy and maybe you've you've just been married a short time, you don't have any kids yet, and you're both working, and maybe you've realized that your spouse, she's just working too many hours. 00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:47.440 Like maybe she's working like 70 hours a week and you barely see her, and you realize that your relationship is starting to fray. 00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:51.200 And maybe it just looks like you sitting down with her and saying, listen, this isn't, it's not working. 00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:52.640