Why Authentic Communication Builds Better Relationships

It’s easier to be yourself, and that’s what builds real trust.

On this episode of Get Ready Before Life Happens, I spoke with Derek Pollard, founder of Constellar Creative, about why authentic communication is the foundation of strong relationships.

We explored how finding your voice, staying curious, and focusing on small human moments can help you build trust and communicate more effectively in a digital world.

Key takeaways 

🔹 Authentic communication builds trust through clarity, consistency, and relatability.

🔹 Your voice develops by saying what you mean and standing behind it.

🔹 Understanding context and nuance helps your message connect.

🔹 Small acts of kindness and gratitude strengthen relationships.

🔹 Strong connections come from knowing people, not just sharing information.

🔹 Practicing your voice creates confidence and better communication over time.

🔹 Carefully curate your network. 

🧠 Tony’s Take

Better relationships start with better communication. When you show up as yourself, speak with clarity, and focus on real connection, you build trust that lasts. Financial readiness is built on strong relationships, and those relationships begin with authentic conversations.

Connect with Derek Pollard, PhD:

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/derekpollard-phd/
• Constellar Creative Website: https://constellarcreative.com

Bio: 

Dr. Derek Pollard has spent thirty years editing New York Times bestselling authors and Guggenheim Fellows, helping them sound unmistakably like themselves. He founded Constellar Creative, featured on the Kitces Advisor Services Map, to do the same for financial advisors.

☕ Support the Get Ready Movement.

If these conversations help you think differently about money or prepare for life’s what-ifs, your support helps expand financial readiness education and keep this work accessible.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Why do some people feel instantly trustworthy while others with the same credentials don't? Welcome to Get Ready Before Life Happens. I'm pleased to be joined today by Derek Pollard. Derek, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Well, it's great to be here, Tony. Thanks for the invite.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Yeah, well, excited to have you on. I love uh your 10 minute marketing minute, which I just mingled, but I know people out there know what I'm talking about, and there'll be a link to it in the show notes. So, Derek, let's jump in. What is your origin story and how did it lead you to helping people find their authentic voice?

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Well, this could become an entire series of podcasts.

unknown 0:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Um I I've lived and worked all over the United States. I've moved every two to four years since I was a baby. So I've had a chance to really get to know the the breadth and the depth of this extraordinary country. And I'm really grateful for that because it's given me a window into what it's like to be in a particular place, um, not just as a traveler, not just as a conference attendee, but uh, you know, to really get to know what it's like to live somewhere specific and what the pace of life is, and even what the language is like. You know, I mean, for somebody who works with advisors on their messaging, these are little things, but to know the difference between hot pot and casserole, for instance, or to have uh an understanding of when you walk into the Coney Island restaurant, which style are you supposed to order? Those little nuances can make all the difference. And so I I've had that great good fortune over the course of my career to move around. Uh the other part of it is uh I come to advisor marketing from a somewhat different background. I've spent the majority of my career in editing and publishing and in education. So I've worked with New York Times bestselling authors, I've worked with Guggenheim fellows refining what they're doing on the page on the screen. It's been an incredible experience. And working in education, I mean, I've had a chance to help thousands of writers discover their voice and begin to use it in ways that they hadn't thought they were capable of using. And so being able to develop those processes and be around for so many aha moments has really been extraordinary. And that's what I wind up bringing to the work I do with advisors at Consular Creative.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

That's awesome. So, you know, I mean, as you talk about is being able to use your voice is definitely something that I think we don't talk about enough. So, you know, before we jump into that, let's back up for a minute. What is an authentic voice?

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Oh, goodness. I mean, we were talking about before we we started recording here, um, uh the ways in which buzzwords can kind of get in the way. And unfortunately, authenticity seems to be one of those buzzwords, right? Uh, we hear it all the time. The danger there is it begins to lose its meaning, but it's too important for us to get caught up in in the buzz, right? I would say the same thing for behavioral finance. Authenticity is is you being you in the way only you can be. And in a relationship economy like the one we're finding ourselves in, where trust, credibility, and relatability are so important, being able to be you without getting in your own way is absolutely integral. And one of the things that I find quite often is that that disconnect that happens when advisors think that they have to quote unquote do marketing is when they get away from all of the relationships that they built with clients, all of those calls, all of those testimonials they may or may not be collecting, all of the reasons behind the referrals. The minute you start thinking you've got to do something different than that when it comes to your marketing or your messaging, of course it's gonna seem artificial. It's gonna seem like something you've got to do or perform. But when we're talking about authenticity, what we're really talking about is you just having those client calls out loud so that the people who don't know you yet have an opportunity to get to know that person.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

I I I love that is being authentic allows people to get to know you. And I think, you know, that that is so important that we lose that. Uh, that people aren't really connecting with us because we're playing this role quite often, you know, even the imposter syndrome. It's hard to have imposter syndrome when you're playing yourself. And you're the best person to play yourself. And I think that also differentiates it because then you're finding clients or colleagues or whatever, people to work with, collaborators that are like you because you are yourself rather than somebody else. And I think that can lead to a lot of discomfort in relationships, is because you're constantly trying to be that person.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Oh, that I mean, that's true personally and professionally, right? Um, and that brings up another point about authenticity. I think there's also a fear that it requires you to expose yourself in ways that you may be uncomfortable with or may not seem suitable for your ideal client. And that's not true at all. We're not talking about oversharing, right? We're not talking about you delving into areas publicly that you may not be comfortable with. It's just if your LinkedIn profile photo, for instance, shows you clean shaven, in a suit, you got your watch, everything's glossed up, right? And the person who meets you on a discovery call encounters somebody who has a beard and is wearing a golf shirt, right? And has a more laid back, relatable vibe, right? Another one of those buzzwords. But if that's the person that your prospective client is going to meet, that's the person that you want to be showing up as on your website, on your social media profiles, in the videos that you're recording. You want to be the person you are, and you want to trust, just like you said, Tony, and I think this is such an important point. You want to trust that the people that you're attracting are already right fit clients for you. And that means your discovery calls, just like with effective messaging, go from, hey, tell me a bit about what you do, you know, where you're coming from, to wow, I've been following your content, your LinkedIn posts are fantastic. I've been subscribed to your newsletter for the past six months, and I'm really interested in taking the next step with you.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yeah, well, and I think that goes into another area is whether, you know, we're talking as financial advisors, and for people who aren't financial advisors, you know, when you're looking to make business connections or any type of connection, is to show an interest in the other person. So what you're talking about is it's easier to work with people that you're interested in anyway. So, you know, like you said, is you can comment on other people's LinkedIn posts, find people that you're you find interesting, you know, because they're probably going to find you interesting as well because you're sharing the same interests. Uh so I think that's really valuable advice. So one of the things you know we talk about is saying what you mean. So, why is saying what you mean the way you mean to say it, harder than it sounds?

SPEAKER_02 8:30

Well, let's take a couple of examples. Want to talk politics, Tony?

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Uh, we better not talk too much politics.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

And there we go, right? In that context, particularly now, it's always been true, right? Those are either conversations we tend to have in really loud voices, or just like what we saw, they tend to be conversations we tiptoe around until we feel like we're speaking with somebody we can trust, right? The same thing would be true, and this is this is absolutely the case for financial advisors. You're the person who's having conversations with your clients that they're uncomfortable having with practically everyone else in their life, which is an extraordinary opportunity for you. And from my perspective, a great gift. It's one of the reasons I love working in financial services. The work advisors do is absolutely not just critical in terms of establishing the financial independence, but in terms of allowing people to really become more informed and make better decisions, right? And I think that that's very, very important for us to keep in mind. The challenge, of course, is how do you wind up saying what you actually mean to say without alienating people, without painting yourself into a corner? And I think that that's both a balancing act in the same way you don't want to overshare in terms of authenticity of being yourself, but you want to be comfortable enough to stake a claim, right? You don't want to let that sense of, well, we can't really talk about this unless you know the the door's closed and we're not recording. You want to be able to get to a point where you know where that line is, both for yourself and for your uh prospective clients. Where are you comfortable? You had mentioned earlier, engaging with other people, right? What are your interests, as you were saying? You know, like are you really interested in John Coltrane? Do you love reading the the work of James Baldwin? Have you been listening to the the uh audiobook of Jaco Pistorius's biography? What are your interests? Weave those in, gives you the opportunity to open those doors to having the deeper conversations that are really going to establish the trust that you're looking for and that you need in your business, regardless of what industry you're in.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

I love that. Um, although a shout out to John Coltrane and his famous album, Big Steps.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

Oh, here, here. Goodness gracious, that's on heavy rotation here at the Consulate Creative Office.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

One of my favorites, so for everybody out there, you know, John Coltrane. So that's our recommendation for their hot take. So uh but I I think you know what you're talking about is weaving in their interest does help people gain trust. Is a lot of us do it instinctually, and for some of us, it's a little bit harder to do that. But you know, it it does require a level of vulnerability, but also I found that when you're vulnerable to a certain degree, sometimes you don't want, you know, it's easy to cross the line and oversharing, is then when you are vulnerable to a certain point, people do get to know you, they do connect with you as a human. And I think that's so important, you know, because we're we were talking pre-show a little bit about AI. So, you know, how does that human connection, how is that going to help planners, educators, advocates with AI is making that human connection and building that trust.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

Well, whether you're meeting virtually or in person, in order to get a buy, you've got to create buy-in. And that has to happen on a human level. Um there's so much that AI allows us to automate and and create more time. But that's it's not just a question of efficiency, right? It's a question of what do you do with that time. And I I think one of the things that you're suggesting, Tony, and and I couldn't be more on board with this, is it gives you the opportunity to reach out more to take those steps. Send a card, right? Schedule a call that has nothing to do with the planning that you're working with. Catch up with somebody, you know, drop them a text message or or give them a call and see how they're doing. You know, uh just those little touches that we seem to have forgotten. Interestingly enough, I was just talking to my mom last night about this. About the what seems to be which is almost it almost it defies uh the imagination for those of us who grew up doing this and and understanding and knowing that there's a the thank you card, right? And just the act of thanking someone for a gift no longer seems to be a standard operating procedure, right? It doesn't seem to be one of those things that's being handed down. And so you think about the consequences of this, right? For somebody who has that expectation, what signal are you sending if you don't meet that expectation? Right? It means you have to become even more aware of who you're working with and ask them questions that may seem completely obvious but require an answer. If you're working with clients who expect a thank you card, particularly after a gift, and you don't do that, you may have just cost yourself business. Right. And so getting to know the people you're working with, what their expectations are, so you can meet them and exceed them and ask those questions. Right. I think that's one of the places where our vulnerability also gets in the way is you know, we we hesitate to ask the questions that seem like they already have answers. But my experience certainly as an educator is the minute you start asking those questions, everybody else loosens up and starts asking them too. And so I would always frame it as hey, I'm the guy who's more than happy to stand up here or sit next to you and ask all the embarrassing questions so we can get the answers we need. And it's amazing what a difference that makes.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Yeah, well, I think that's so important. I mean, that's really the main thrust of the show is to help people ask better questions so they get the information they need, is because if you're not asking questions, you're really not learning. And as you point out, is when you're thinking of a question, you're not the only one who asks that question. Yeah. You know, everybody, you maybe not everybody else, but a lot of people are going to have that same question. And as educators, we know that for a fact, but somebody's out there thinking it. Um, and I think you also said something that I want to uh really emphasize is the power of saying thank you is in our digital age, I've noticed that people don't say thank you very much, you know, and have an email communication, you know, it's just sending that return email to say, hey, thank you. I appreciate what you've done. Or, you know, wrapping up a LinkedIn message chain or, you know, WhatsApp, whatever, is that there's a lot of power to just saying thank you. And it's, you know, it's seeing somebody, it's appreciating them. Um, I think that is very powerful. And we're talking about, you know, here we're talking a little bit about client acquisition. But, you know, what you said is that you want to say thank you to your clients and you show that you appreciate them is because that is something clients do notice. And it's a really easy way to lose clients is by not showing appreciation to them.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

So oh, absolutely true. And, you know, really with the the cost of new client client acquisition, right? Uh both in terms of time and expense, one of the best things that you can do for your firm or your business is retain the clients you have, nurture those relationships and not in a performative way, right? Not like, hey, here's me being grateful. I really appreciate you, but sincerely demonstrating, showing your appreciation for the people you have the great good fortune to work with. That goes such a long way. And, you know, again, depending on your industry, but this is certainly true for financial advisors, you're you're often looking for those generational clients. What an outstanding way for you to build that trust, that relatability, right? Knowing that that you're going to be there, not just when the markets are crashing, not just when you know the indicators suggest that you need, but as I said before, taking that extra step, you know, getting to know these people. And Tony, you said this so well, as people, as the people they are, the people you get to help, right? Not just the clients, not just the prospects, right? Even the language we use quite often creates these little barriers. And it's a wonderful way for you again to differentiate yourself and show up in those meaningful ways that people remember.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

I love that. Differentiate yourself and show up in meaningful ways. And I think, you know, what you're what we're talking about is getting to know people as actual people is the top producers, wealth management advisors, attorneys. You know, everybody that I've ever met who's successful are people people. You know, they're known as the rainmakers or whatever other name you have, but they're the ones who are able to actually talk to people and have a conversation. It doesn't mean that you have to be an extrovert. All you have to do is just recognize the other person as a person and have a conversation with them. And it's something that's come up is, you know, I have a lot of women on this podcast, and we talk a lot about female financial planners, and we talk a lot about how do you talk to a woman? And the answer pretty much is like we just talk to her. You know, it's a little more complex than that, but it's, you know, it is you see them, you talk to them. And that's something that we often miss. And, you know, as we talk about advisor relationships, is seeing both uh people and a couple. But the other thing that you mentioned is generational clients, is that means including the kids in conversations. You can't expect the kids to say as clients of your firm if you don't have a relationship with them. And uh, you know, I I don't know. What how do you talk to advisors about that, Derek? Is that part of what you talk about?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Well, uh, you know, again, yeah, in terms of of marketing and and messaging, um it it's it's an integral part of the process. You know, I I don't know too many advisors who are like, yeah, I'm just gonna stick with the clients I have. That's generally not what I hear. Um and so you again, you need to be thinking, you know, I none of what we're talking about is meant to seem daunting. It's not like you're gonna have to go through training courses day after day after day. It's just rekindle that sense of curiosity you have. And Tony, I I think that example, you know, next time you're standing online, read the room. You know, I don't hesitate to offer a kind word to the person behind the counter who's you know, readying your order or getting your coffee ready. Uh a quick thank you makes all the world a difference, you know. And some people are going to be receptive, some people aren't. Some people are having a day, right? I mean, that's part of it too. All of us have had that experience. But making that extra effort and just realizing that so often, again, particularly when you're out in the world, right? Not in this little box we live in so often, but when you're out in the world, you have so many opportunities to make those connections. And uh you had used the word before, and it's a word I can't draw a bold enough line under. Those kindnesses, those little moments, whether you're ever gonna see that person again, what a shining moment in your day and theirs when you can exchange that energy of kindness. And uh you know, again, it it doesn't cost you much to say, Hey, I I really appreciate that. Or wow. And again, you said this too, and this is very important. I don't want to in any way overlook this or make it seem less important than it is. You have to be respectful in your communications. You have to understand what's appropriate and what isn't. But those little kindnesses, a compliment, a thank you, a moment of gratitude, helping somebody. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I see people and don't see people helping one another in the subway, right? Out of towners trying to get around. I almost walked past a guy myself a couple of weeks ago and I stopped myself. He was clearly looking for an entrance to a particular train. And I walked right by, he tried to get my attention and I stopped. I paused and I went back because I've been that guy before. Right? I've been that guy in a different country, a different state, a different city. Not quite knowing how to get from point A to point B. I went back and I was like, hey, look, I let's go. Just follow me, I'll take you to the train. It's a wonderful thing. It's not enough people know that happens in New York City all the time, every day. It's one of the reasons I love being here. But that can just change not just somebody's day, but that can change their outlook. And that has ripple effects, right? And those are when whenever you're putting positive energy out into the world, that that comes around.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Well, and I was gonna say, and it probably made your day that much better as well.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Felt good, right? It felt good. And every time you feel good, you do what you do that much better, right? And those are the those are the little wins that add up to the big successes. This too is very hard. We're talking about authenticity, we're talking about marketing, we're talking about showing up for other people. That can get really fatiguing when you're seeing everybody's end results, you're seeing the big wins, but you're not seeing all the little steps it took to get there. That's really important too. The more of those steps you can show, the more of that story you can share. Again, the more opportunity you have for people to start not just following, but following along. That's a totally different ball ball game.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Yeah. Well, that just always brings me back to Michael Jordan and how he talks about, you know, like he goes, I had to take all these shots where I missed in order to hit the game winning shots. I had to work so many hours in the gym to be able to do what I did. And it's like, you know, you look at it and you say, Wow, he's Michael Jordan. And then you when you really get to know his history, is it's pretty phenomenal how hard he worked. You know, I mean, he's was probably the hardest working guy ever in the you know, in the history of basketball.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

It you know, Tony, and and let's just pause at that for a second, too. That's Michael Jordan, right? Like that guy didn't need to do all of that stuff. He was given gifts that are the envy of of so many people the world over. But he kept working and refining. And I think that's one of the things that also we can lose sight of when we're talking about success, when we're talking about what it's like to be on social, to show up in your marketing, to excel at what you do. Even the very best, right? Even a John Coltrane or a Jaco Pistorius, they got there because they just never stopped. They never stopped being curious, they never stopped putting in the reps, they never stopped pushing themselves to get better. Now, I'm never gonna be Michael Jordan, I'm never gonna be June Jordan, I'm never gonna be uh Artel Rambeau, but I can become the best version of me so that I can help more people become the best versions of themselves. And I'm gonna keep pushing. That has nothing to do with the noise around me, it has nothing to do with all those endpoint successes that we see. It's me just knowing I can get better at at this every day. And I I I'm gonna I'm gonna continue to strive to do that.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Well, and I think that gets back to where we started is that you you aren't gonna be Michael Jordan. I'm so I'm sorry, Derek, to break it to you over a podcast. So hot take here. But you you are gonna be able to be the best Derek Pollard. And that gets back to the authenticity, is because none of us are gonna be Michael Jordan. Sorry, everybody out there watching and listening. I I hate to disappoint you. Maybe maybe there's an 18-year-old kid out there listening who's gonna be Michael Jordan. So you, yeah, go for it. But for the rest of us, we can only be the best versions of ourselves. And it's much easier to be yourself. Um, it just gives you a sense of relaxation, a sense of peace. Um, I think because I'm older, I've learned that. But when you talk to people who are older, that's what they say is that you stop feeling the need to be somebody else for everybody else. And that life does become more peaceful in certain ways because of that.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Well, and and it allows you to to know who you are. It allows you to to know what how you really function at your best, right? What do I need to show up to be the person who helps advisors and firms show up as themselves? You know, what how much how much energy do I need? How much charge in the battery do I need to be able to do that work? Right. And I I don't make the mistake of measuring success against other people's benchmarks, right? And that's a big, big part of this too. It's one of the reasons that I I hear uh fatigue and agita from advisors and fellow marketers, is that it's so easy to compare ourselves to other people. And as I said, to compare our own journey to theirs, even though we're miles apart, years apart, decades apart, that's it, it does no one any good to hold yourself to those standards. Know where you're at in your journey. I'm not saying shut the rest of the world out. That does no one any good either. But know where you are in your journey and know what your particular benchmarks are, right? I mean, I have this conversation with advisors all the time. We talk about metrics in social media, right? How many impressions does this post get? If we go back 30 years, right, for some of us, that's a blink of an eye. For some of us, it's half a lifetime, right? But 30 years ago, if I said to you, hey, every day I can get you in front of 250 people, and I can guarantee that to you, you would have followed me to the ends of the earth if I had said to you, now we look at that number in the context of a social media post, and let's say we have approximately 2,500 followers, so we're hitting that 10% threshold that actually indicates that's a successful post. We're thinking 250 people, that's nothing. Well, if you've got a carefully curated network and those 250 people are centers of influence, they're potential strategic partners, they're prospective clients of yours. Well, I'll take that every day. Right? You're creating a connection there. You're not just becoming a content creator, right? And so it's very, very important to also consider context, how important that is for us. I'm still trying to get over I'm not gonna be Michael Jordan, though. That's that's gonna be that's that's tough for me, Tony. That was tough to hear.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

You're never gonna come on the podcast again. I'm not taking your calls anymore. Um, I I do want to point out before we start to wrap up, what you said about curating your network. And I know that was something we were gonna talk more about, but uh, you know, but since you brought it up, is you know, just to emphasize that, I think that's something that we tend to forget is curating our network is, you know, we would do that organically when we'd all go to meetings in person. And you'd only get together for lunch with your coffee with people that you know there there was a connection with or a relationship with, but now, you know, you get all these LinkedIn connection requests, all of us, you know, and all these people. And it's like, you know, consider like whether there's a mutually beneficial relationship. There's nothing wrong with that because you're investing your time in your connections. So, and as you said, is like put the numbers in perspective is like, what is a realistic following? Because I was, you know, so I was talking to my son about the number of listeners I have for the podcast. And I'm like, yeah, I don't feel like it's that many people. And he goes, well, think about it this way. And I was really surprised because my son is 20 years old. He goes, think about if all those people got together in a room, he goes, would you be happy for a talk? And they go, Yeah, that would be incredible. And, you know, so that puts in perspective. So when you say if you put a post out and 250 people see it and engage with it, 250 people in a room is a lot. And, you know, so that context of what you're saying is super important for people. So I just really appreciate you saying that because I think that is a really important point for us to think about when we're looking at somebody, because there are those people who have 10,000 followers on LinkedIn or social media, but are they the right followers, as you said?

SPEAKER_02 32:34

It's such an important consideration, right? And and like you said, uh wise words from your son. So hats off to him. Um, the other part of it is how does that align with your growth goals? Right. I let's just say 10% of that 250, can you onboard 25 new clients? Is that a realistic goal for you? Is that what you're aiming for? Do you have the capacity? You know, it feels like it's become a popularity contest in so many regards. And I think we we feel so much pressure to play the game in that way. But Tony, like you said, the minute we take that pressure off, and that's true for every point that we've made here, whether it's authenticity, uh showing up as yourself, being clear with yourself about what your goals are, being kind, right, taking that extra moment to to make a positive impression. All of that taken together has to do with what what getting back to a concept we come back to in in marketing all the time. What's really at stake? What is underneath all of that? What what are you trying to accomplish? Getting clarity there, it just takes so much of the pressure off. And when the pressure is off, you get to be yourself, right? And that's that's what the world needs. It needs every person to be themselves.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

Yeah, I love that. The world needs everybody to be themselves. Because we all fill a role. Um sorry, I'm I'm trying to make a note and I'm not getting the note down for what you just said. Good news is we have the recording, right? Exactly, exactly. So, Derek, to wrap up, I have what it's called the get ready hot take trio. These are three quick questions that I ask all my guests. I'm gonna tailor them a little bit for you. So, what is one myth you're trying to break about authenticity?

SPEAKER_02 34:38

We touched on it earlier that it requires you to expose yourself in ways you're uncomfortable with. Um, that's not what we're talking about. This is not you uh going out and and bearing every truth and every regret. Uh in PS, I I don't trust anyone who says they live with no regrets in their lives. Um I think that that's that stops a lot of people from embracing who they are uh out loud. And so I want to make sure, as we were saying, that that people don't feel like that's what we're talking about, that they have to go out and be uncomfortable. And just to give you a practical example, you know, if if you're like, look, being in front of a camera is not my thing, but we hear so much pressure, right? People, excuse me, feel like they're under so much pressure to be showing up on video. That's not you. It doesn't have to be. It's just what do we do in place of that that allows you to show up for people to be able to get to know you in the way that video allows them to get to know you, right? That's what we're talking about when we're talking about authenticity. Know yourself and know what your strengths are and improve. Continue to be curious and continue to push yourself to get better and better at being you.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Yeah. Yeah, I I I love that. And I I think that's so important is you know, we do feel pressure to show up in certain ways. But if it's not what you're comfortable at, it's gonna come through. You're gonna hate it, it's gonna be a slog. Well, there are other ways you can do it that are gonna be really easy for you because it fits your style.

unknown 36:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Um, so Derek, let's get out the time machine for a minute. If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now about authenticity and showing up as yourself, what advice would you give your younger self?

SPEAKER_02 36:22

U My late father would put it to me like this when we had this conversation. And it it never quite took for me, only because it wasn't realistic. He would ask, what if money wasn't an option? What would you do if money was well for me, money always was an option, uh, you know, it it it was a factor in all of that. So I couldn't answer honestly. But what he was actually asking me was this what would you do if you had the opportunity to pursue that with all of your focus? And that would be the question that I would ask myself as a younger man. And that would be the advice that I would give myself is go after it. Just go after it. Like you said, practice the shots. Put yourself on every position on the court until you can hit the shot you're gonna need to hit as the buzzer is about to go. Practice right and pursue it. Go after what you know you want to do. We talk so much about luck playing a part in so much of this. And here's the the the truth, and this is really hard in such a quantifiable industry as financial services, you can't plan for luck. But what you can do is you can create opportunities for luck to find you, and you can be prepared when it does, and that makes a world of difference.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Yeah, what is that quote? Is preparation is where luck meets opportunity? I think John Wynn said that. Um so is a pretty decent basketball coach. So he got a few wins. So, Derek, to wrap up, what is your number one tip to change the way we think about being authentic?

SPEAKER_02 38:19

Give it a whirl. Try it out, you know, and and again, uh sometimes in the early going, if it's not something that's a default for you, if you're not the person. And I'll be very honest, right? I'm I'm not really that person. I'm not somebody who would think to myself, oh yeah, I walk into a room and I just start chatting people up. That's really not me, except it kind of is. I'm finding as I actually look at myself, I'm I I kind of am that guy, or at least I'm that guy in certain situations on certain days when I feel most relaxed, when I feel most myself, I don't feel those barriers, right? I'm able to just show up and start a conversation. I'm I'm able to talk to somebody who's waiting online with me, right? I'm able to strike up a conversation with somebody who's having a bad day, and it's clear they're having a bad day, and do it in a way that they're not just like, shoot, shut up, right? I think that's the thing. Just give it a whirl, see how it fits you and and how it's it how you do it best, and then just do the thing that builds success for you, practice it, start to do it more often, right? And then it becomes a default. And once it's a default, you don't have to think about it anymore, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Yeah, I love that practice. You know, is it is that so often overlooked is is we do look at somebody else's success and go, wow, you know, and we don't look at the hours and hours of practice that everybody puts into their craft, no matter what your craft is, the people at the top of the craft have put in the hours. There's no easy way to do it.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Yeah, it's absolutely true. And the thing is, the the more pleasurable you can make the practice, right? I would imagine Jordan had any number of scenarios running through his head when he was on the court practicing with nobody else watching, he had that story he would tell himself. Get that story, listen to that voice in your thoughts. And so that you're you're thinking you're putting yourself in that position. Right? And then, like I said, it it becomes something you don't think about. You just offer the word of kindness. You stop when somebody clearly needs help and you help when you can. Right? You do the you follow up with clients in ways that they expect and that exceed their expectation. You don't even think about it, you just do it. That's the best version of you. And so you just want to practice that. Kind of seems odd, right? In a lot of ways. Practice being yourself, but to become your best self, that's what you need to be doing.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

I love that. And that's an excellent place to close. So, Derek, where can people learn more about you and your work?

SPEAKER_02 41:22

Uh, you can always find me on LinkedIn. Uh, I seem to live there. Um, so please uh don't hesitate to send me a DM. Uh, I'm happy to connect. I'd love to hear about what you're working on. Uh, if you need help with something in terms of messaging, marketing, strategy, uh, just get in touch with me and let me know. Um, you can also reach out via the constellar creative website, uh, and that has my email address on it as well. So whatever you're most comfortable with, whatever's easiest for you, uh just get in touch, let me know.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Yeah, and I'll give a shout out to your LinkedIn show, 10 minute marketing makeover. It's a you have some great guests, great tips. So thanks.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

I really appreciate that. Well, we'll have you on at some point, Tony. I'm looking forward to that.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

I I'd love that. I'd be honored. So thank you, Derek, for joining us on Get Ready Before Life Happens.

SPEAKER_02 42:13

Thanks again for the invitation, and uh I really appreciate it. What a wonderful conversation.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

Yeah, this is fantastic. And thank you, everyone, as always, for tuning in to this episode of Get Ready Before Life Happens. If you learned something today to change the way you think about authenticity and showing up as yourself, please be sure to subscribe and to share with a friend. You can also go to my website at Tony Stewart.com to join the get ready movement and receive my newsletter. And if you want to support the work that I'm doing, you can go to buymeacoffee.com/slash Tony Stewart and uh donate to this podcast and help support my work with financial readiness. Because when life happens, the way you think about money matters.