Imperfect Scenarios Podcast
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Trying to make perfect sense of imperfect scenarios!
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Imperfect Scenarios Podcast
Reflections on Virtues, Legacies, and the Impact of Fathers in Family Dynamics
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*LOST EPISODE season 1 Date: January 2, 2020*
Have you ever wondered which virtue might be overrated, or what you could come back as in another life? We sit down in our cozy, makeshift studio, embracing the thrill of an impromptu recording session filled with laughter and candid thoughts. As we shuffle through Poddex cards, we find ourselves in an engaging discussion about virtues, reincarnation, and the legacies of transformative figures like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Harriet Tubman. Our musings take us on a journey of self-reflection, making us question our own aspirations and the meaningful lives we wish to lead.
The conversation takes a poignant turn as we explore the sensitive topic of suicide, delving into the motivations and societal pressures that might drive such decisions. Balancing humor with depth, we even ponder our own preferred ways to bid farewell to this world. Who are your heroes? We take a reflective look at the difficulty of identifying personal heroes in today's fast-paced world, acknowledging the timeless influence of parents and how their guidance shapes our values and legacy.
Politics and family structures make their way into our dialogue, as we dissect the roles of absent fathers and the critical impact they have on communities, particularly in communities of color. We dive into the complexities of parenting and the importance of co-parenting, where personal anecdotes reveal the struggles and triumphs of fostering strong family principles. Whether discussing the nuances of dating expectations or the life lessons imparted by father figures, we celebrate the enduring impact of fathers in nurturing the self-esteem and perceptions of future generations. Join us as we unpack these topics with an honest and heartfelt lens, driven by our passion for nurturing healthier family dynamics and community growth.
Reincarnation and Personal Reflection
Speaker 1Thank you for watching . All right , we we back . Yeah , it's a little different . You uh , we laugh it because we're not in our normal studio . We actually sitting in a gmax uh living room right now recording welcome everybody in this bachelor pad you know , what I should have set up the camera because we could actually video this .
Speaker 3No , I don't want nobody else to see this . No , we should . We should do that next time we got to record we just made uh iheart radio , so we need to .
Speaker 1We got to be more professional , so we need to be more professional .
Speaker 3Um get my hair . Did that . We're gonna get your head my hair .
Speaker 1Did you know what we should ? We should do that , we should record and we come to our . We should get our hair did right , that's what I thought your hair did that right ?
Speaker 3that's what I thought .
Speaker 1No , but we know , but we're trying to be be raw . We want people to see how we really are .
Speaker 3Ain't nobody trying , to be no raw .
Speaker 1Yeah , we are , I like it .
Speaker 3Okay , I'm going to come raw then , no , no .
Speaker 1What's your raw mean ? What's your raw ? What do your raw consist ?
Speaker 4of .
Speaker 3I'm going to have my whole beat on , and then my hair did I ?
Speaker 2don't know . Y'all say , come right when I roll out of bed Out of control as always yeah , okay , Let me tell you .
Speaker 1I got these cards . It's called Poddex . I don't want to give them no promotion , but they're supposed to be good . Now each card has a different I guess a different question on it . It's to start off any podcast . So what I'm going to do , I'm going to shuffle them up . I'm going to have , let's see . You know , I'm trying to do the sound different because I want you all to hear me shuffling them . I don't know if you guys can hear that on the mic .
Speaker 2Yeah , I don't hear .
Speaker 1I'm going to get everybody to pick one . Do we need to close our eyes ?
Speaker 5I'm gonna get everybody to pick one . We need to close our eyes you could .
Speaker 1If you want to , alright Ness , just alright . Everybody's picking a card , so I'll let can we look at it ? Yeah , look at it alright , so I'll let you go first , since you're talking , ask the question on a card and we gotta answer it what do you consider the most overrated virtue ? Oh wow , oh , jay , you go pass no .
Speaker 5I don't have an answer . I have to think about that oh , here you go .
Speaker 1Where's your little sound ? Effect the most overrated .
Speaker 2Okay , I'll go and come back but you gotta come back to them though if you were to die and come back as a person or thing , what do you think it would be ? Wow that's hard too damn I like it though , because I mean five things came to mind . Right , at least you know two people in five things , but I'll just do the people well , can we answer , because I got a couple answers .
Speaker 1Can we do that ?
Speaker 3okay , you could just shoot the people in the things go ahead no , no , I just do the thing .
Speaker 2So I would say dr martin luther king and but he gets shot .
Speaker 2No , that's not funny , but I'm just saying you get to you alter , you get to alter your fate , like I hope that's part of this whole thing . But anyway , this man was transformative . I really wish to experience something like that , to have that kind of effect on so many people , regardless of your race , regardless of your religion . He was just a transformative leader and we need more people like that . So if I was to reincarnate , that's what I want to be I feel like I gotta top that now .
Speaker 1Maybe I say michael banks , I don't , I don't know no I don't know , I wouldn't , I wouldn't say that you know why I would come back . You didn't ?
Speaker 2let him finish . You had more . Oh , you had more . I'm sorry , no , no , no , let's , let's . We're gonna start with the person on that one , yeah um , I guess I'll go next .
Speaker 1I I was . I was thinking more of a thing . I would . I would come back as like a turtle or something I did .
Speaker 1I was like a dick you know I'm thinking of living long , like the turtles could live like 100 , 150 years , 200 years . They swim around . Honestly , nobody really messes with a turtle if you , if you , if you're located in a place where they don't hunt you and eat you , you like . Pretty much that's what I'm thinking . I mean , you know I'd be running over by cars and stuff , yeah , but I won't leave the ocean .
Speaker 3What if someone ? Brings you out .
Speaker 4Okay , think about it Sea turtles are the ones that live .
Speaker 3So you want to be a sea turtle .
Speaker 2Yeah , I want to be turtle .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm gonna be a sea turtle . Don't you think that's a boring existence compared to what you have now ? But you're alive and you're not shot on a rooftop , on a balcony .
Speaker 2So my motto is it's not the length of time you live , it's the quality .
Speaker 1It's a quality okay , so then , and then you say that , and that's okay , all right . So you know what then ? And if you're like that , you know I'm saying this because I honestly was thinking this the other day I would be Harriet Tubman . I like that and if we're thinking about something that's changing like I think you know , I think she's one of the phenomenal people when it comes to history , especially black history . Sure , she's one of the one of the phenomenal people when it comes to history especially black history for sure this lady .
Speaker 1I mean , I just learned that she , when she hiked from all the way from what was it like Alabama to like something , it was like far . Whatever it was , it was like Austin it was whatever it was and she did . She made that trip several times , yeah , so you know to live through that time . Nothing could stop her right so unstoppable so I would be somebody like that if we were going talking about people . What about you ?
Speaker 4I don't know , I never really thought about that and a bunch of shallow answers . You're right , I know , you guys are nice .
Speaker 3I said turtle .
Speaker 1You guys looked at me like I was crazy . What the fuck is that ? That's worse than turtle , that's for sure .
Speaker 5The only thing I know about turtles is that they're very fertile . That's it , holla Fertile , fertile .
Speaker 1That's what I'm talking , See .
Speaker 4I knew I was on to something back as a rabbit , because you know you know , oh shit yeah , I'd like to be a rabbit a rabbit ?
Speaker 1okay , I can see that fuck like bunnies keeping it real .
Speaker 2Keeping it real like bunnies .
Speaker 1What about you ?
Speaker 3I think I would come back as one of my children . That's strange Because they I know that their caretaker is trying to give them the best life possible , like and they don't see a struggle , but they know how , what it is to hustle . Like I think that's the best of worst worlds , like a life like you're talking about . I mean , I get what you're saying , like martin's game , whatever , but like , just I'm not thinking that like , like I think that my kids live the best life I secretly like want to be them .
Speaker 4See , it's all about her right right it's her full circle about you excuse me , you asked me a question and I didn't ask you why you answered your question ?
Speaker 2why don't you just say you want to come back as you ?
Speaker 5I mean , yeah , you're right . You also said that if I said that , you guys would have said something to me .
Speaker 3That's not answering the question so I said my kids with the bag he said I would come back as myself . I think I live an amazing life . I would definitely come back as myself again , but since you guys would have made fun of me , I said my kids and I thought that you wouldn't make fun of them .
Speaker 5No , I'm just trying to figure out .
Speaker 2I'm making fun of all y'all , sorry .
Speaker 1So I'm making fun of all y'all . So you're just going to come back as your husband .
Speaker 3No , I don't want to be my husband , because he's the one that does all the hard stuff . I want to come back as my husband .
Speaker 4Myself .
Speaker 1Would you consider that shallow ? Is that shallow or no ?
Speaker 3That is so shallow I change history for some people , like my kids .
Speaker 2Keep it in the family , right . Keep it in the family , you guys are so judgmental I can't believe it .
Speaker 4I think it's delightful .
Speaker 3I thought it was a no judgment zone .
Speaker 4I'm not judging you . I like it .
Speaker 1AJ , read your card . Who do you want to be ?
Speaker 5I can't think of a person or a thing . The only thing that really , I guess , explains what I would want to be is some kind of transformative energy , I thought you were going to say transformer . No .
Speaker 3Who's that big yellow one ?
Speaker 5On multiple people , just like a positive energy , I would like to be , so you would come back as yourself .
Speaker 2Well , she's saying she's not a positive . I'm not saying she is .
Speaker 5I'm not saying no , I'm , I'm thinking like so , like now , people use like as positive energies they might . I'm thinking more like material , like a material like fossil or rock . You know they hold energy and they , you know people use them as positive energy or inspirational energy , and I'm thinking something like that .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's where my mind goes .
Speaker 5I love that .
Speaker 2I love that . That's different .
Speaker 5So , all right , I'm going to read my card now .
Speaker 3Like a Neiman Marcus credit card .
Speaker 5That all right , I'm gonna read my card like like a neiman marcus credit card . So my question is how would you like to die ? What ?
Speaker 1yeah , that's the real question how would you like to die ? And my answer is peacefully
Death, Heroes, and Legacy
Speaker 1. Wait , not at all . I just had a debate with somebody about suicide recently . Because you're not , you know , because some people you know how people jump off the bridge and they jump in front of cars . I'm like why do people try to kill yourself painfully ? Why can't you just go peacefully ? Yeah , I don't understand .
Speaker 4You go in the garage and roll the windows and let the carbon monoxide .
Speaker 1Oh my God , you thought that through . It sounded like you thought that through .
Speaker 4Let the carbon monoxide .
Speaker 3Well , you go peacefully , you fall asleep and Right , but I don't want to be a part of this conversation at all , in case the investigators come and ask me later what happened . What the fuck do you mean talking about the garage and putting the I mean you plan on killing ?
Speaker 5someone in that way . People who contemplate suicide have some kind of like self . They want to self injure like that , like they want . They don't want it to be peaceful . I think if you were peaceful and you didn't have turmoil on the inside , you wouldn't want to kill yourself well , yeah , but no , but you get those people that want to jump off the bridges .
Speaker 1I'm talking about like painful things jump off bridges , jump in front of a train , get mangled and then you got the people that want to take pills and go to sleep .
Speaker 3Maybe that's that's me , if I'm attention like that they're seeking that they didn't have , right , like because you know that if you jump in front of a train that you're gonna your name is gonna be on the newspaper right as being killed by the train . Like maybe that's some type of attention seeking behavior . I'm not saying that I know that for a , but I'm saying maybe that's a possibility , because people who die peacefully , like in their home , nobody talks about them , right ? Nobody writes about them .
Speaker 3So you're saying it's more like a statement no , I'm saying maybe like right , you know , for those people who decide they want to like end their life in a tragic way like they know that they might not at all . Well , I mean , if I had that , if I had that option you're right , a peaceful pills I would take pills , that's .
Speaker 4That's the only way I would commit , not committing suicide , I guess it's just dying .
Speaker 1It's dying oh , so why ? Okay why would you Okay , peaceful . Yes , I like to like .
Speaker 4At an old age . Yeah , I want to be 125 and I just Gonna go to bed at night and just don't wake up .
Speaker 3I want to die having an orgasm .
Speaker 1No , I don't . I don't think . You know why I wouldn't .
Speaker 3Because they were like that's a thought .
Speaker 1Listen okay , why not ?
Speaker 3Thank you .
Speaker 1Why not ? No , but at the funeral . That's the funeral that everybody's going to talk about .
Speaker 5Did you hear , she got a frequently .
Speaker 4You remember ?
Speaker 5when .
Speaker 4Charles had died . Charles Suit .
Speaker 1Oh , you call it AIDS . You drop the AIDS . I'm about to edit that .
Speaker 4Who the hell knows who that is . No one knows who that is Well .
Speaker 5they're going to Google his ass now .
Speaker 3They're going to Google it now . He wasn't famous .
Speaker 2I'm going to bleep it out but go ahead .
Speaker 4But that happened to him .
Speaker 3He's like Charles Smith when he died remember that .
Speaker 1Did he really die that way ?
Speaker 4We all went to Thanksgiving dinner and then the next day Mommy got a phone call and said that he had passed , and mommy said how ? And Connie was like we were making love .
Speaker 1I guess that's the way to go .
Speaker 3Tell me that's not the most bomb ass way to go . Man , listen when you're on top and you're having an orgasm and you just go .
Speaker 1He made love to her like he never made love to her before . That's what he said . That's what she said . Then you just go .
Speaker 4He made love to her like he'd never done before .
Speaker 3And then she woke up the next morning . I don't care about the other way . I'm dying on top . That's it .
Speaker 5What .
Speaker 3You're going to have to figure out how to get me off .
Speaker 1But you don't think that's a failure .
Speaker 3I feel like it's a failure . You just pass out for the other person , no , the one that's still living . They can make it up somehow . The point is , you gotta go right .
Speaker 2So if you gotta go , you might as well go go out with a card and yeah , but I feel like I lost though you're such a loser exactly .
Speaker 3I don't want to be a loser exactly , exactly you're not thinking that's cool right now no , you know but you know who's the winner ?
Speaker 1The person that survived Like , oh I fucked the shit out of them .
Speaker 3I fucked them to death . It's a win-win for both people . If you're going to die , right , it's a win-win for both .
Speaker 1Right .
Speaker 2Oh , we're getting so bored .
Speaker 1Yeah , you guys are getting dark . All right , I got one . Who are your heroes in real life ? That's kind of corny . But who are your heroes in real life ? Don't say your kids .
Speaker 2Okay , you can say your kids .
Speaker 1Or yourself .
Speaker 3If you guys don't say I'm your hero , it's going to be a problem .
Speaker 1So who is your hero ?
Speaker 2Demeter , thank you .
Speaker 1Who is your hero , demeter ? Thank you all . Who is your hero ? Damn you guys you can't think of that . I don't have one . This world is so messed up right now , right it's really hard to have a hero these days like , really I'm trying to think who would be my hero they have to be alive , right they don't have to be . I guess right , they shouldn't have to be .
Speaker 5I would be my hero . They have to be alive , right ? They don't have to be , I guess , right they shouldn't have to be . I would probably say the most influential people to me that have been my heroes are my parents . They've taught me to be who I am . They have taught me my values , and they're pretty decent people Shout out .
Speaker 1Shout out . Well , I'm going to say Obama . I say Obama , he's to me . I mean , I'm not saying he was the best president , but I think his whole slogan with the hope and all that stuff , he really proved to minorities that they could be president .
Speaker 2That's just my thing .
Speaker 1He may not have been the best president . He may not have completed anything that we ever said , that they said he didn't do . Who cares ? I just know that a lot of black kids out there could believe that they could be
Political Views and Family Structures
Speaker 1president . Now what about you ? You ain't got no hero .
Speaker 2Y'all ain't got no heroes . I'm going to say Nelson Mandela .
Speaker 1That's a good one .
Speaker 6He's a cheater .
Speaker 2Well , I mean , so was martin luther king like yeah , all of y'all like can I finish ?
Speaker 1yeah , can you finish ?
Speaker 2no , but if you , if you really read his book and you know , understand his story , this man sacrificed everything , not even for himself or his family , but for mankind , literally mankind , but his nation , and they really put him through hell . I mean , could I survive in prison for upwards of three decades and come out and still have faith in humankind ? I mean , he did that and I don't know if I could do that . I really don't . I want to think I could , but I think that's a hero .
Speaker 1You getting too deep .
Speaker 5You deep as hell Mandela is because he's dressed up , he's had a camera , shit , right Shit .
Speaker 1Okay , All right Well let's get to the main topic then . Last week we were discussing I don't know how we got on the topic . We were talking about Democrats and Republicans . We were talking about black Republicans and black Democrats . What do y'all think about that ? I guess one of the things I was saying is and I think G-Mac and we both were saying that we like borderline Republicans .
Speaker 3Right .
Speaker 1Agreed Borderline Republicans ? Not , you know , if you think about , you know one of the key things that you know they believe in . You know you make your money , you keep your money , things of the , uh , key things that you know they believe in . You know you make your money , you keep your money , um , things of that nature , right , um , you would . You know the Democrats is more like you know they . Well , some people seem to believe that it's more of a handout type of thing . Yeah , but we I mean when I mean I'm talking about the brown people we are better off without the handouts . To me , I believe that it's like holding us back . I believe if we're going to succeed , we need to get out that mind frame that we need the government to help us out . What do you say , mac ?
Speaker 2You said it all perfectly . So here's my philosophy , because we kind of we kind of segued into this off of our discussion last week about , you know , tulsa and the Tulsa movement , black Wall Street . The reason why they thrived is because they needed to rely on each other . There was no handouts , as you say . The people had to rely on building , working and patronizing one another and they established a metropolis of success within our community and that showed me that if we really like , if our backs are against the wall and and the real thing is , you know , that whole , that whole argument between Frederick Douglass and and and Booker T Washington right Booker T Washington said pull yourself up by your bootstraps .
Speaker 2And Frederick Douglass and Booker T Washington . Booker T Washington said pull yourself up by your bootstraps . And Frederick Douglass said the government should intercede and help us . And that divide was a divide between , ultimately , how we end up being more Democratic-minded versus Republican-minded , and I think , ultimately , Booker T was right , even though when I was younger and the way they taught us he wasn't , but I believe it now . We need to be self-reliant and I think that's the principle behind , you know , black Republicans in general .
Speaker 1Right . And if you look at like the inner cities , you have you got like generations of welfare recipients . Generations , I mean we , I mean a secret , we work for the child protective services and you get these families that , um , you could speak to like , let's just say , um , the youngest , the teenager who's pregnant or just had a baby , and you asking her , like what are you going to do with your life ? And she's like , well , I'm , you know , I'm supposed to go down to welfare , I'm signing up for welfare . And that's like their first thought Like you're not thinking about no job , you're thinking about so now you have a great-grandmother in the house , because , you know , a great-grandmother is usually about 60 years old .
Speaker 3No , she's like 45 .
Speaker 140 , right ? So you got great-grandma , then you got grandma , and then you have your mom . Everybody's like you . It's a lot of people you know abuse it . They , they stay on , they get on and stay on it . It's temporary right , it's supposed to be temporary , absolutely right . I respect the people that get on in and get right back off just to get on their feet and I just think sometimes , um , like the republicans , kind of believe that if you , if you give it to them , they're not going to , they're not going to fight for it .
Speaker 3That's why I also think that when you look at and you think Republicans , you often think of black and white and that's not accurate , right Like you look at the number of people that aren't minorities like , who are Caucasian , that are on welfare , right Like . You know the white Jewish people right In Monmouth County and stuff like that . You know they were taking and abusing the welfare system like , and they got , you know , tried and in court and they were prosecuted for that . You , you people , automatically think when you think Republican , you think white and that's . Or you think welfare , you think black like . That's not accurate , I think more and that's . Or you think welfare , you think black like that's not accurate , I think more .
Speaker 3So it's now a socioeconomic fight of , you know , money versus like , whether it's like black or white , right like . So republicans now can be black like because we have the mindset where . We're working . You know we're doing what we have to do . We're conservative with our money , we're investing , we're working . You know we're doing what we have to do . We're conservative with our money , we're investing , we're doing all of those things that typically white people would do , right , so you also have a lot of white people in like the Midwest . You know , even like I was saying here in New Jersey , that are like welfare recipients . I think and they just statistic last year that the majority of people receiving welfare were not black .
Speaker 2Yeah , but that's misleading , right , Because you have to take a percentage of the population , right ? So if you look at it in raw numbers , there's so many more white people than black people that if you ever just measured number by number , you're going to always have more white people , but the percentage of black people versus the percentage of white people is much , much higher .
Speaker 3Much higher . It's definitely much higher , and that is surprising in in in relation to , like , the number of increasing black republicans there are right , because you do have , and like I think we were thinking about that too . Like you know , we all want to convert right , we all want to be like , yes , we're voting republican , but we're just not ready and we're definitely not ready , you know what I mean .
Speaker 3Like it's like you want to do a certain thing , but your , your following or your group is not ready for you to make that move yet . You know , so that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place , right . Like you know , certain people like you know , glenn , we were talking before you know like you know , certain people are more educated about investing . They're , you know , making more money on their returns and stuff like that , and that's just a different conversation . Some people don't even know what you know you're talking about when you're speaking . Those those things . Right , so it's you want to . You almost feel obligated to still be in this other group , because that's where the majority of everybody else that you know and you love and that you would be supporting is identity .
Speaker 2Identity politics that's what they call it .
Speaker 3So it's very , very , very , very difficult for us to try to identify as a black Republican in this current state of affairs .
Speaker 2But I'm going to address the elephant in the room right and I'm not a Republican , so I'm going to be really clear about that yeah right , but their principle right is something that our community , I think , has not embraced .
Speaker 2And that is the elephant in the room . Is the black father right ? So the black father has , you know and I'll say black , but person of color father has generally abandoned their families and their children at such a high rate till it forces those families into assistance and needing , you know needing help . And what we've got to do and what Republicans really do stand for is the family structure and that part . You know I'm not saying Democrats don't stand for that , but Republicans . It's a very , it's a sacred principle in that area and I think we've got to do a lot better at that in our community and that's one of the principles we need to embrace , because it's it's it's so lacking in our , in our families , and you could see it , you know that father's missing , you could see where that the family , you know , kind of goes into . You know , generally speaking , they , you know , end up on assistance or needing help in some sort of way in order to get by .
Speaker 3That's because you don't have that , that element , right , please ?
Speaker 1absolutely so . So so when you say that , um , I guess that , I guess what they call it the nuclear family nuclear nuclear family , explain . So explain that a little bit more about the father . What do you like ? What do you ?
Speaker 2yeah . So I mean for the most part , if you look at our community and what's happening is , you know we have a lot of young men that are creating children that aren't really supporting them thoroughly . Not supporting them , meaning , in my opinion , you should make sure that child gets everything they need through their education period and if that doesn't happen , what you're doing is you're creating this , you're a part of creating this cycle of of , you know , family and especially children , that that lack right and the one thing we we realize these days you can't lack as a child . You have to have a solid education . You have to be able to stand up on your own two feet by the time you get to your 20s and 30s , where you can really establish the same thing a family and really get get that moving .
The Impact of Absent Fathers
Speaker 2Once that cycle is broken in any any sense of the word , then you're about to have that particular wing just start to spiral out of control , and that's happening so frequently in our community so what do you ?
Speaker 1what do you think is the problem ? Why do you think there's so many absent fathers in um in the household ? Are you serious ? Yeah , I mean I'm kind of serious go well know , you have like .
Speaker 3If you look , it's like , what's the ratio now ? One to four . Like , for every one black man there's four women .
Speaker 2Oh , it's probably higher than that .
Speaker 3Maybe Right . So it's like you know you have incarceration , death , you know just the rate of , you know , children being born that are more women like you know what I mean Drugs , all of those things attribute that's affecting that community at a more frequent rate than anybody else . Right , like we're , you know , and it's for Latinos , you know , latinos and Hispanics as well Like it's , those communities are the ones that are being , like , the most affected by those particular issues .
Speaker 2Right , people of color , yep , people of color . And if you look at , if you look at it where you know , a lot of times we criticize the females who are coming down for welfare . They're coming for some kind of assistance and what we're not looking at is the , the father who's also created those children equally . So we're not , you know , we're not , you know , putting just as much onus on those fathers as we are , those mothers , and we look down on the mothers because here they are in this cycle of poverty , and the dads are out there In some cases they're not because they're either incarcerated or dead or in drugs or whatever , and that cycle really has to be broken .
Speaker 3But you know like what's things is . I was having a conversation with somebody and they were like we were talking about a friend of ours and they're like very successful , like , um , black male , and they're like approaching like maybe 35 years old and um , I was like you know , you know , as a woman , I'm like , you know , to really settle down , like you know , find a nice girl and , you know , have a family , all that . And my friend was like why would they do that ? Like right , like so this is a man , a black man at that , good looking guy , phenomenal career benefits , pension , 401k , whatever . He's got his choice that he could have five girls at one time . Why in the world would he settle down and pick one ?
Speaker 2yeah , yeah , I mean .
Speaker 3I mean , you don't know me and so and I'm just like , well , you know , because you have like a baby , you know , I'm all like jumping shit , like . And then the guy's like yo , like this is not , this is not happening , like he is not going to settle down , he's going to continue to like , do whatever . And it's because and the person pointed out it's because of this disparity , he has that option . Right , because there's one of him and there's at least five other people trying to get , oh yeah , to be , you know , with him because of the lack thereof .
Speaker 3but I was just like man because that had me sit back and think I'm like , damn , you're right , like that's crazy , like the , just the so what do you think is ?
Speaker 1do you think some of the problem is , is the women itself , this that's actually having these babies with these guys ?
Speaker 4yes , indeed , yeah , partly I , I believe so Right , no because there's plenty of women that sit here and rely on the man , and they shouldn't be relying on the man ?
Speaker 1What about the women that don't want to let the guy be a father ? That ?
Speaker 4too . Plenty of that . There's plenty of that also .
Speaker 1I'm going to play something for you guys . I want you guys to hear this . It made me think of it . Listen to this . This is crazy .
Speaker 2I'm trying to get it . I'm having some malfunction problems on the rise .
Speaker 1Not going . Let's see if I can get it working , but I've seen this on YouTube today . Here we go . Chris speak on it .
Speaker 6Listen , we're going to preface this message already because a lot of you are going to want to come on here and become bad of . Yes , we know that there are single mothers in the world who bear the weight of the world on their shoulders because of a deadbeat father . We get that . What I'm about to say is to a marginalized group of people . If this don't apply , let it fly . You don't have to comment on here and tell me that it goes both ways . That's a given . Again , this message is to a very select group of people who need to hear it . All right , some kids out here are fatherless because their mothers want to prove a point , and it's terrible . It's great .
Speaker 6Some women are complete demons to men and then want to call them a deadbeat . You got some men out here who genuinely love their children and they want to be around their children . They want to be there in their lives , supporting them whichever way that they can . But women some women want that way . If I can't have my way , I will make your life a living hell , and that's on everything . This is the mentality of some women and we gonna expose it . This is a queen , the queen talk . Picture yourself in a women's convention . Okay , we talking about this because this is going to strengthen us from within . You cannot go out here and try to control a man if it did not work out between you guys . If he's choosing not to marry you , okay , because technically , before you laid down , you probably should have secured the ring . But since things happen and if it didn't go as planned , it's okay .
Speaker 6Now a child is in the picture . So that means what ? We can't always have our way and our wants to come to fruition when you got a child . Listen , a child needs a mother to stand in the gap and be mature , to put their needs before hers . Some women will allow a child to face hell in their life , be apart from their father , because they want their way . Oh , if you ain't gonna marry me , honey , if I ain't gonna get no ring , I can rest assured you won't see your child another day in his life or her life . It's terrible and it creates grave effects for the child later on . But you're not thinking about that child , it's all about you . It's your world , big girl , ain't it ? That's terrible . You're selfish . This is a self-check moment . You can't do that . Some women on top of that .
Speaker 6Oh , you know that he got plans with somebody new , that he , with you , want to control a man and treat him like a child by using his child against him . Well , I know , I said 6 o'clock . I'm at the mom's to get my hair done . It'll be 730 . Oh well , I ain't going to be around there . I'm dropping him to my mom . If you want to go get him , you could go get him from my mom's house . It is my mama . If you want to go get him , you could go get him from his mom , from my mama house . It is what it is .
Speaker 6Yeah , you can't be nasty like that and then get on social media , do whatever and talk ill about somebody and better , yeah , you got an even more grave thing that a lot of women want to do . Oh , you don't want to give me no ring . You don't want to do what ? A baby ain't yours , he ain't yours , it is what it is . So what ? Okay , what ? That's petty , that's petty . I'm going to tell you straight up and down , because some people going to encourage you in that foolishness . Okay , if he wanted to be with you , he just should have . Well , if he feel like that , all of y'all bitter and negative together , that's terrible . You don't brought innocent people in your situation to carry out this manipulation . It's wrong .
Speaker 1So you see , so that was , that was my point to how you know , some certain women are not with the baby daddy , so now she makes , she makes it known that he's a . He's a Debbie . But the guy truly wants to be with his kid , but you know how the women like if you don . But the guy truly wants to be with his kid , but you know how the women are like if you don't
Parental Responsibility and Co-Parenting
Speaker 1want me , you don't want my kid .
Speaker 5I feel like the problem is that you have a lot of young people having kids out here and that mentality is super immature and super young , but also it shows the lack of emotional intelligence that somebody has . Children are not pawns . They don't come into the world as pawns , and I think that if you're engaging with somebody on a sexual level , a relationship level , whatever you choose that relationship to be , you know there should be a discussion of what happens , what does happen , because if you deal with somebody on that level , children are a consequence of that , you know , at times .
Speaker 3And so a discussion needs to occur and it needs to be a mature , intelligent discussion , emotional , like non-emotional , completely rational conversation , and then both people need to abide that would be in theory , that's great , like right , but you have , just like we were saying , like the generational situation with , like , grandmothers who are 45 years old , um , who aren't even talking to their kids about anything right , and let alone like having sex or how to protect yourself or healthy conversations in general . So you know , you can't expect for them to have that same conversation about you know , okay , so if we , you know , that's a conversation I would have with someone who I was laying with , right , like you know what I mean . Like in my mind , I'm not going to lay with someone who I know is not going to be around to be a father for my kids . You know what I'm saying . Like so , but that's , but that's because of the way I was raised , right , like that's . Also , you know , because of the people who support me and who I have had to educate me about certain things .
Speaker 1Right , those people who are victims of the system don't have that but you think this female at 21 is thinking you know , I'm not gonna say your age , but a woman of your age you think they're thinking . You think they're thinking the same thing because I think it's sometimes because yes , I do I do for some people .
Speaker 5Yes , I just I happen to know somebody personally who's going through a situation like this and this person has complete support in their life and people that are telling them you need to be rational . You can't make a man be a father . You can't pawn your kids off on him . If a man tells you from the beginning , I don't want this kid , that kind of gives you an indication of what his involvement is going to be right and 90 right and so then when he decides , or if he matures and then decides all right , I messed up .
Speaker 5I I need to be a father to this kid . You can't decide then it's going to be on your terms , you understand , because it's not fair to the children at the end it's not fair to the kids at the end of the day .
Speaker 2I agree with that . But here's the thing , and this has got to be a part two , and maybe three and four . So to me , a man in a community right , not just the individual relationships that we know about but a man has to stand up and be a man . And that means if your seed is out there and I know guys that have three , four , five kids and don't deal with them at all , don't , don't support them , and to me that is where the real fabric breaks down .
Speaker 2Yes , women do a lot of things and I agree with this . This is doing a lot of things , but to me that's the minority of what happens . The majority of what happens is these guys create children , right , whether they want to be with a woman or not . And the first thing you shouldn't create a child if you don't want to be with a woman . And I can speak from experience right , because I made that mistake when I was very young , but I recovered with my son . But if you have seeds out there , especially little girls and young men , they need that male presence , especially the one that created them Right , they need that male presence especially the one that created them .
Speaker 2Right , they need that and so whatever you need to do I don't care if that that sister is is horrible , like , whatever you need to do you need to find a way to build a bond with that child and support that child so we can turn this . That's part of what we need to do to turn our communities around and that's why I say it can't be see it can't be on a woman's terms , it has to be if anything it can be on a child's term if they're not willing to build a relationship but it can't be on a woman's term and the other thing that I was going to say is , unfortunately , for women .
Speaker 5We don't , we don't have that option to say I don't want to be involved with the kid , it comes out of us .
Speaker 2It is , it is attached to our body . You have no choice .
Speaker 5So we , we don't have that option . So you know a lot of the feelings that that women are acting like this for is because of that because they feel resentment , because the man can make the kid and the man can walk away walk away and they are . They have to be attached to this child .
Speaker 3They have no choice well , you know , like I've , you know , personally been in a situation with , you know , my daughter's father , like my ex-husband , where you know he decided he no longer wanted to be in a relationship and he , you know , we , we separated right , like , and we had this , this baby , right this one-year , and you know when she was coming to be two . Like , you know , when they start to realize like what's happening and like what you're saying and like behaviors and certain things like that , like he was the one who decided that he didn't want to be with me but he would call me and then try to talk to me like all kinds of ways , or like he would try to act different ways in front of her , and I think at that point it is sometimes in the best interest for that parent to decide at that time what's going to happen . Right , because it's not like I'm keeping you from your child , but your behavior is such as I have to make a decision for this child who isn't able to make their own . You know , eventually , you know you have to have the conversation . Like , hey , listen , the way that you're talking to me is not okay , right , like , I don't feel like my child's unsafe with you , but we have to communicate in order for you to even be able to like see this kid Right , like so something has to happen . And eventually it got better for me .
Speaker 3You know I can't say that for everybody , but for me me it definitely did get better , but I felt myself in a position where I never wanted to be that person who my daughter could ever say that I kept her from her father right .
Speaker 3However , on the alternate , like he was at one particular time very like loose with what he was saying and I'm like how , the fuck , you know , you were the one who , like left you know what I'm saying , like how are you taking this out on me ? So I almost it was like a protective like thing , right , because I was like okay , I don't want her to see this type of behavior or see , or for her to see someone talking to her mother , especially her father , like this , to have her internalize that and then , like you know , in turn like act out . So I think what you know , what you're saying , I totally agree with you , know your point , I think . But there's also a particular , like you know , a situation in which sometimes parents , like mothers in particular , have to use their judgment in the communication that their fathers have with their kids because of those type of situations I think
Parental Influence on Children's Perception
Speaker 3those .
Speaker 5That's a different kind of situation right , you know when , when you talk about someone's behavior , whether it be erratic or emotionally or mentally abusive , or verbally abusive , or you know , just something that's going to put your child , your female child , to see how you're . We see that often because of the way that they act . You know what I'm saying , so that's .
Speaker 3It's like damn , you know , know , and I took a lot of verbal like abuse , and I'm not saying that , you know , but for me I just felt like I took a lot and my daughter will never know that her dad acted this way . She thinks he walks on water . You know what I'm saying because I'm like you know what and if , if this is what she has to see later on in her life , she'll see it on her own and it won't be for me , um , again , from the way I , you know , I felt like the support system I had in the way I was raised , but I , I you know it was a very difficult .
Speaker 3it was difficult for me because , like it's , it's that line right , like you know , okay , so like , how are you going to like you this ? And then like , how are you gonna treat her ? Like in turn ? You know , so it's it's , you know it's tough , but I do think it's more often than not right like that . You have that situation because when people break up , they're not happy , right like they're very upset and they're very , like , resentful and at that point it should always be what's best for the child and it's never that .
Speaker 2It's , it's never that , and that's my point in saying that is that if everybody just thought you know what's best for my seed , what's what's best right if I have to take it on the chin a couple of times . If she says something wrong to me , if you know she's whatever , I don't have to be with her per se , but I need to take care of that you gotta have a strong personality for that .
Speaker 3Let me tell you something , because I rode through that and I'm telling you I'm a strong person , but that shit can break you . You know what I mean ? I get it . I totally get it .
Speaker 5The other thing in that situation that I think is really skewed is that as one parent , when you separate , you have to realize that you have no control over what is happening in the other parent's home . True .
Speaker 2That is true .
Speaker 5You have no control . You have to trust that that parent . You have no control .
Speaker 3You have to trust that that parent Listen when my daughter talks . She be like Mommy , I had Taco Bell for breakfast and I had pepperoni for lunch and I'm like I got it and you know , but it's like OK , but you know , and I'm freaking out , but she ate and she came back . She was straight . I mean , you know , you have to let it go Like right , like that's not how you would do in your house . This is what we do in our house here , but when you go there , I mean , and I can't say that's far from what's happening to her now . You know what I mean . However , you know that she's safe and the other person has the best interest out for that and a lot of this dynamic that is .
Speaker 5That is so difficult and leaving children fatherless is the control issue yeah because a lot of women want to control what's happening in their baby daddy's houses and the baby daddies want to control what's happening at their house and so they just keep their distance from each other , that's so sad , it's sad so .
Speaker 1So back to what you were saying .
Speaker 3We went like long-winded about that , so it's so . You should have been a symbol .
Speaker 5No , no , I like this no , it's good , it's good so I mean so .
Speaker 1So now we see , like , how these homes are is being like altered with the you know , the missing fathers and stuff like unfortunately . I mean fortunately I , I grew up with my father , so you know , I'm not . I don't like when I look at other people like I don't really understand , because I had a two-parent household so a man too , like it's a , you know it's .
Speaker 3Sometimes it's different . You see a lot of women and you can tell like that they don't have dads .
Speaker 2Yep , yep , it's very , very noticeable .
Speaker 1Wait , you talking about from the women ? You said the women didn't have dads .
Speaker 2Yeah , women can tell when a man didn't have a male in the household , a father figure in the household . They can generally tell . I've heard that before .
Speaker 1Really you could .
Speaker 3So can generally tell .
Speaker 5I've heard that before really you could . So so do I seem like a guy that had a male that grew up in the
Speaker 3household , I don't want to answer that . Yes , but you could also tell when women don't have men in the house . Right , it's a absolutely correct .
Speaker 2You know , I don't know . I never thought about it .
Speaker 3So that's my , that's my , you know . Let me tell you what my husband told me , right , and I was shouting him out . So before we started dating he'd be like what he was like . Oh my God , I knew your fucking dad spoiled you when you were little .
Speaker 3And I was like what do you mean , right ? So he was like yo . They'd be like oh my god , this is like the greatest fucking thing ever . And then I'd be like what the fuck do you mean ? We're going to Olive Garden . Let's go to the try house , you know , because that's my restaurant . He was like but you can tell the women who ? Because they just have very low standards .
Speaker 1Listen back in high school . Olive Garden was the shit .
Speaker 3Okay , but that's in high school how old are you ?
Speaker 4Olive Garden is still the shit right . I don't know what you're talking about . It's good for lunch . I'm planning , but if you're coming to , impress me , then you're not taking
Father's Influence on Self-Esteem
Speaker 4Speaker 1
me to Olive Garden .
Speaker 2Let me tell you something .
Speaker 1I call that a date what are you talking about ?
Speaker 4so what I'm talking to is like where are we going ? On our first date I was like Wendy's and he was like what he said let me stop playing . He said , let me get a biggie bag . I said , see , that's what I'm talking about right now . And we grew up with our fathers in our house .
Speaker 3Let's be clear I love our garden but I'm saying as far as like what ? Like you know that's what they thought was like , like the absolute best , like the time . We all know that our garden is is great , but you know that's what they thought was like the absolute best . Like the top , we all know that Olive Garden is great . But you know different . Like you know you go to Montclair . You find a nice Italian restaurant that's authentic food . Like that's different . It's like the levels of things .
Speaker 3You think that has something to do with just because your father grew up in the house , though no , I think that , like when you are exposed to more from a male early on and they teach you what to expect when you grow up how someone should treat you you see the way they treat your mother .
Speaker 1So if I take , so just because I take you to a more expensive restaurant , that means I'm no , I think it's like if you try to play me standard and take me to mcdonald's , I'm gonna .
Speaker 3It gives you a standard .
Speaker 5Yeah , I mean if you're dating somebody and at some point you like , I don't have to go to the chart house first date . However , for me , if you take me out on a first date , this is my rule and I always test the guys I pull out my wallet . You want to pay half and if he allows me to pay , anything now , that's different then , um , then that's it .
Speaker 1We're not so you're talking about two different things , but my expectation is that he's going to like .
Speaker 5You know that he's gonna do that and take that responsibility .
Speaker 1So I was taught that . I was taught that you pay for everything you do .
Speaker 2You know you hold , the door you hold the door for a woman .
Speaker 1You let the women get on the elevator first and then get off the elevator you do do that all the time because I was taught that but , what I'm saying . That's totally different .
Speaker 5Come on but I think , I think . But what she's saying is is having a father and a male figure gives you a standard right .
Speaker 5You understand what I mean okay , like and , and so my standard is that I I want to be , I don't have to be taken care of , but I want to feel like I'm not always having to take care of everything , or that you know . I want to feel that you can not always having to take care of everything , or that you know . I want to feel that you can provide Right . We talk a lot about expectations .
Speaker 3Right . So it's like you know . You see , like in my house I Right . So you see the way that your father he did , he you know he went to work , he paid bills , like you know you know different things he did , like for my mom . So I see that and I'm like like I kind of think that's how things are supposed to go right if you have , if you're somebody who you don't have , your dad , and then you see your mom hustling all the time or you see your mom on welfare , you think that's how things are supposed to go absolutely right so that's how you're going to enter and live your life and that's why we have that generational thing .
Speaker 3So you see the different ways that women think , right . So you see , you see me like . I have my dad , so I know certain things that my dad did , like and it's not to the extreme , of which you know , obviously , you know . You know my husband is extra like in which he does , but it's a certain standard . Like you know , there's certain things that are supposed to happen , right , and when you don't have a dad in the house , that doesn't happen . You also don't know that element of protection , right , you don't know the rules . Like you know , you see a lot of women who don't have dads in their homes and they're very promiscuous , right , you know . They don't have that one in there to say , hey , baby girl , look .
Speaker 1You're doing too much .
Speaker 2You're doing the most . Here's what a dad should for every household . He should give protection Right .
Speaker 2He should provide support . Here's the most beautiful commercial is that commercial where the young lady is going on her first date and the guy rings the doorbell and the dad opens the door . Right this little teenage girl going on her little first date . The dad opens the door and he's like this statuesque figure standing there . You know , you're about to take my baby girl out , you're going to talk to me first and we're going to talk about the ground rules and it's just a very polite conversation , but he's letting that young man know you're going to treat my baby girl with the utmost respect , respect , right or you're gonna have to deal with me .
Speaker 2Can you imagine if our young sisters had that kind of presence in their life ? Right that's just amazing and that's the . That's the change we can affect in our communities . It's just half the fathers , just just really stand up or even that support .
Speaker 3Like you know , even if your baby girl doesn't have like that whole like coming to the door type situation , at least you know she can come to you behind closed doors and be like dad , this is what's going on . Or like this is what's happening , like you know how should I deal with it , or like you know that it's coming . You can give advice . Just your presence there makes a difference . Right , you could always tell the people who just don't have their dads .
Speaker 1So what did your father teach you ? No , no , I'm not . I'm trying . I'm serious . What did you feel like ? What do you feel you learned from your father ? Like ?
Speaker 3I just felt , like you know , you have a person there who is the head of the house , who is a provider who you go to for advice , like , although the mom ran the house , essentially the dad was always there as that , that statue , like he was still the , the , the main one , what do you call like the right , all that right . So he was also like the lenient one . You know , if our mom was like , ah no , you're not doing that , he'd be like , all right , come on . You know there was a balance . You know what I mean . But most importantly , he was there like if I had a question about something .
Speaker 3Um , you know that I didn't feel comfortable with my mom going to . It was . You know I could go to him , like if I had a you know my more . So he was there for my brother . You know what I'm saying . Like my brother had him there . Like you know , they may not have seen eye to eye , but at least he had that support there . You know , to have that kind of structure , you know to kind of push him forward , you know , but for me he taught me not to settle Right . Like you know he was . Like you are going to be in a situation where people want to be you , he's like , and people are going to chase you and want to have you . Do not settle , and I never knew what that meant . He's like you're valuable . He's like you're amazing . He's like and you are worth more . You know , he just bigged me up all the time .
Speaker 3And I that's how I am . I feel that way , like , and I often you know it was so funny because you know , my , my husband , my dad was was having a conversation . I was listening to them . My dad was like you spoil her too much . And and my husband was like what the fuck are you talking about ? Like you started this shit like years ago . Like I'm just like trying to fill whatever shoes you've already built , but it's just mean and you know , it's just the way that . You know he just kind of bigged me up and it was like you're just the most , you're just amazing and you're just like he's like you know , anyone who has you is going to be lucky . I didn't know what he was saying at the time because obviously you know you're younger , but once you continue to say those things repeatedly , you start to believe them , right ?
Speaker 2the characteristic of self-esteem can never be underestimated in a man or a woman yes when it's in a woman . She has high self-esteem , yes , and she's secure . She's unstoppable .
Speaker 3Listen , I'm not the best looking person I'm not the smartest and all that , but you couldn't , you can't tell me nothing . You know I'm saying because and that's what was instilled in me , like just people kept repeating it . That's the way it's supposed to be .
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying , because and that's what was instilled in me , Like just people kept repeating it . That's
Lessons From Father Figures
Speaker 1the way it's supposed to be . You know what I mean , Jay . What do you feel ? Your father or two , Um ?
Speaker 3I think my dad taught me more like um don't more independence more you don't ever want to have to rely on a man for anything , so get it on your your own , and when the right man comes along , he's just gonna add to . That is more so what my dad taught me , that was my mom that was my mom .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I think um you know , that's , that's me , that's my life . I bought my house at 26 , I got a car , I got a job . You know , I did all of that , and so it's funny .
Speaker 5When I bought my house , my dad said , well , you probably not gonna really find a guy oh , and I was like well , why would you say that ?
Speaker 4He said because it's intimidating for a lot of men these days yeah .
Speaker 5He said you don't need anything , you have everything .
Speaker 3And he says you know , that's the best feeling girl .
Speaker 5Right , but men need to feel needed , and so if I come to the table , oh my gosh , anything right and it is . It has been difficult and it's , but they have instilled that in me at the same time . So I wish , I have to say I wish my parents gave me a little bit of that um , a little softening . I don't want to say that I'm like miss independent , like I don't need you . I'm not , that's not my personality , but I think that sometimes like a little bit of vulnerability .
Speaker 5It's okay to sometimes be vulnerable and I think that that it has is very difficult for me .
Speaker 3I don't I don't like it could also be the way they were brought up too right , like they are instilling in you what they don't want to happen to you that maybe have happened to them right , yeah , I don't , I don't like , I don't like being vulnerable and I don't like feeling like I need anybody for anything .
Speaker 1I got it . That's how I feel . What about you , Mac ? Did you learn anything ?
Speaker 2Well , you know , my dad was there , but he was you know my dad had other problems . So you know , I had to learn on my own . I literally had to learn a lot on my own , and it took me a lot longer than I should have , right , but as a result , what I've tried to do is learn from what I saw in some of my friends' mothers' characteristics .
Speaker 2I used to keep and stay with my best friend that lived next door to me . I used to stay in his house because his dad would be there and he'd have dinner with them and it was just like , wow , this is how it's supposed to feel .
Speaker 3And me and my brothers .
Speaker 2we didn't have that the whole time growing up , brothers , we didn't have that , you know the whole time growing up , but my dad , was a good man .
Speaker 2He just had other problems , right , couldn't get it all together . So my , my knowledge was accumulated over time . But once the light went off I'm like , oh yeah , this is the way it should be done , this is what I should be doing , this is the way I should execute a household , and you know that's worth its weight in gold when a person has knowledge , especially a man has knowledge of what his impact is on his his family , his community and what's around him . It's absolutely amazing .
Speaker 1So what about to fly ? What about ? What do you think , dad ?
Speaker 4Yeah , I was too young .
Speaker 1You didn't say I mean you was 16 when you passed no 14 .
Speaker 4I was you were older , 16 , when you passed no 14 , 14 I was , you were older . So I think you probably , I think you still , but even still , I think you still got more lessons and I probably , I probably would have started getting it probably right , right , 15 , 16 , but do you think ?
Speaker 3that his presence , just being there like for you , made a difference .
Speaker 4Oh yeah I mean , I look at people I've grown up with and same thing . I look at them who didn't have that father and I'm like it's like foreign to me . I'm like right what are you talking about ?
Speaker 1you're right , because he did . I started getting my lessons around . I think it was about 14 . I started getting my lessons . He wasn't like . He wasn't like one of her father , like I'm gonna sit you down and I'm gonna have a conversation with you and we're gonna talk , talk about stuff . He wasn't like that he does like indirect lessons , like , for instance , like the first week we moved to Linden I got jumped and I remember getting my ass beat by two guys and I'm just thinking to myself and it just happened . I think I hit the ground and I happened to look back and he was in the window just watching . No , seriously , this is a true story .
Speaker 3No , that's what black parents do , because my mom used to do that shit All the time too .
Speaker 1He was just sitting there watching and I kept thinking to myself Is my father scared of these guys , or he's just gonna sit there Until they kill me ? So they beat me , beat me , then they walk away . Then he said listen . He said now you , this is what he said , seriously . He said you learned the lesson . He said next time , don't let him get that close . You beat the shit out of him . And he I was just like huh that's right .
Speaker 2So that's just right .
Speaker 1So let me tell my kids , so he like he does this like indirect , uh lessons , like he never actually has a talk with you . He lets you , he put , he set you up to fail because you could learn from your mistakes . He does it . He did to me all like all through , all through life . He just set me up and like , okay , now you know , and I learned from it . Like you never do it again and that just that was his way . Do you think it ?
Speaker 3helped Like . Did you make those ?
Speaker 1mistakes again . No , after I learned from my mistakes I never made them again . So he taught me without saying it . He was more like I'm going to show you and he never let us get hurt , but he's like I'm going to show you . Like was a . If I could tell you some of the stories of the things we used to do . I used to put my brother and my sisters in a box and push them down the stairs .
Speaker 3He's right here , don't they make videos of that now ?
Speaker 1We used to do some weird stuff .
Speaker 3Short stuff like that . It was like 12 . And you let him do that to you .
Speaker 1He's like it's like lesson stuff . Like I think I shot him . I shot him with a BB before Shot me in the leg with a BB gun .
Speaker 4I was crying . He punched me in the nose .
Speaker 1Oh my God , I was bleeding . No I don't , I wasn't mean . You think I was . I wasn't being mean . I don't think we was mean , he wasn't being mean , he was being a big brother , I think we was doing stuff that's big brother shit .
Speaker 5Yeah , just do shit . As an older sibling , you do have to , like , torture them a little bit . I don't think I was tortured .
Speaker 1You just do shit and it just happens you be like oh shit right , I didn't ? You know , I ain't nobody want to mess with tanya and she's , and she's loving too . So you know you can't , you can't mess with her .
Speaker 4But I mean , we still used to mess with her , but not to the extent . Yeah , I ain't gonna punch her in the nose and stuff like that so I'm and so you know
The Role of Fathers in Families
Speaker 4.
Speaker 1So I guess the the story is that you know we need the fathers in , in , in place . I mean I just I just feel like the so many homes that's broken because the father's not there . Believe it or not , we fathers are strong . If you you look at a lot of these household , these single families , the father is strong . Whether you guys want to believe it or not , missing fathers is a thing like I believe that you know the women . They protect the women . They teach a teacher , like you said . They teach the woman how to um , value herself , um , I'm sure the mom could teach you that , but it's just a little different , it's a little different , it's a little different when it's coming from a little different , it's a little different coming from a man , because it's kind of like , like I don't know .
Speaker 1I look , I look at my teenage daughters and when my wife is telling them stuff , it's kind of like , yeah , you're our mom , you're telling us that . But when they hear from me , it's kind of like , oh , it's fact . Maybe it is fact because he's saying it too and he's not a female and he's saying it , you know .
Speaker 3I also like sort of listening to the stuff that my mom was teaching me when I had my own kids , right .
Speaker 1Like . That's when you're like , oh , like you know right .
Speaker 3So your daughters will probably look back and be like okay , mommy's right . Like you know what I mean . Like older in life I think dad is more so like when you're as a child and your teen years and stuff like that . But then when you get maybe it's like real life lessons no offense , but like when you get to have to do real life things and deal with like those major things . That's when your mom starts to come in and and weigh in a little bit more I think that , as a child , to a little girl , your father had .
Speaker 3You don't everything at all .
Speaker 5They walk on water , you'll see flaws in your mom , because you guys will butt heads you'll argue mom is always telling you something like you'll see all the flaws , but as a little girl to your father , your father is everything and and there's like nothing to compare to that . And as you get older you see all of your father's flaws and you're like , oh my gosh yeah , and you'll be like I told you , I told you , I told you , did I tell ? You his nasty ass underwear .
Speaker 1His nasty ass underwear . I told you his underwear was a B .
Speaker 3I see it . But you had to realize on your own right All trifles .
Speaker 1Remember your father used to tell you his underwear was brown .
Speaker 4I told you it was dirty .
Speaker 5I told you he was nasty . He told you he was nasty .
Speaker 2It's back to the principles . We went off a little bit and I really hope we do a part two on this , but the principle of you know and it's not Republicans , democrats no one has a lock on morality right , so it's not about that , but when you really espouse it as a part of what it means to be something .
Speaker 2that's what we need and we need to make a drastic change somehow in our community , whether it's the mother or the father , whoever . But think of that child and think of how we progress , that community , our community going forward .
Speaker 1Yeah , I guess we end on that then . Outro Music