#6 - Meaning of Life

I discuss my experience with reading Viktor E. Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." 

Transcript

Juan Alcala (00:01.72)
Hello and welcome to the podcast. If this is your first time listening, please follow me on Spotify, the podcast app devices, or YouTube, @realjuanalcala. If you find the content interesting, leave a rating or comment. You can also follow me on Instagram on my official page at reasonable with Juanalcala. That is Reasonable with Juan Alcala.

Juan Alcala (00:27.126)
I've been busy. I've been busy with school. I've been trying to accomplish my goal, which is to get good grades with my final exams and I succeeded guys. So bear with me here. I'm still trying to accomplish some of my goals in life, which is to get a bachelor's degree. And I, another goal of mine is obviously this podcast that I've been

attempting to keep consistent of, but I haven't been at my best. But I think that over time things are starting to sort itself out. And thank you to all the people that have listened to it so far, that have found some value in listening to me talk about strange and abnormal topics or even if...

It's not abnormal and strange in the way I describe it. I hope that it's a insightful hour with me. So yeah, like this has been a very interesting journey here. What I've been thinking about has been ranging from positivity to negativity and everything in between. Lately, I've started reading this book and I finished it yesterday called Victor

It's called Man's Search for Meaning and it's by Victor E. Frankel. I'll just read the back cover. It says, Man's Search for Meaning has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life and Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. In the decades since its first publication, it has become one of the most influential books in America.

It continues to inspire us all to find significance in the very act of living.

Juan Alcala (02:26.573)
This book is a very tough, it's a tough read, especially when you, if you're squeamish about the details of people's starvation, people's mistreatment, and all the psychological implications that brings on to people. And, but really what I found meaning in this book has been that in spite of people suffering,

on the concentration camps that people are still able to find.

optimism still be able to survive through the tough conditions of of the concentration camps It's left me Very Grateful that I don't have to experience the the horrors or of you know, the concentration camps or any people anybody that I know personally It would be free is free from that I've

Struggled with meaning of life questions in the past. What is the purpose of my life? What is the purpose of of all this of reality of? Society and where do I fit in it and and This book has made me Has given me more Confidence that I am in the right trajectory to find who I am and how I fit in this world

in terms of like, I have an innate sense of optimism to

Juan Alcala (04:07.777)
to see through the pains and the sufferings of my everyday existence. Whether if it's existential or if it's even practical, for me, I've always found the most pain in my existential dread of like, maybe what I'm doing doesn't have any point and it's all going to be worthless. And those types of thoughts.

is not good to the mind because then you start to question. You continue questioning and maybe you won't find sufficient answers to that. You know, I'm lucky to be alive, to be able to be there for my girlfriend or be able to be there for my brother, my mother, my father, and to talk to them, to just to spend time with them is a blessing.

It's a blessing and the work that I do every day on myself is also something that keeps me going in spite of my tendency to be negative or to be angry or to be sad. In spite of all my emotions, I can still have control over my reaction towards a

situations in my life.

Juan Alcala (05:41.971)
I f-

Juan Alcala (05:45.517)
I'm believing through a time in which...

you have highly successful people and then you have people on the other side of that spectrum and being in the middle of of that socially is is draining is draining in the sense of like people either expect that you're going to be a highly successful person or you're going to be on the opposite of it end of it and everybody in the middle is left to think like

I have to be highly successful or can't be content with my life and I can't really be satisfied with what I have right now. And I am content with living a life that isn't highly successful, that isn't, you know...

It's not full of,

accomplished goals of failures. I'm not afraid of that. What I'm afraid is that I will be not that I won't be strong enough to overcome the various difficulties in my life. In this book, Man Search for Meaning, Frank L had that same fear that he won't be strong enough to overcome the concentration, the horrors of the concentration camp.

Juan Alcala (07:13.869)
Although at different levels me and Frank L you know two different types of people he was very he was already like a Successful person before this writing of this book as he would be a psychiatrist and help mentally ill people and And he continued to do that even after the war ended and he was liberated from the camp he he was already thinking of

Meaning of life before he was sent to the concentration camp but in those conditions you truly get a sense you truly get to test those theories out and Usually as a philosopher You don't get to test your ideas out really in the world But rather just have like some type of mental Vision Hypothetical situations going on in your mind

while your physical everyday existence is different. You can be disconnected from reality in the sense of like what is even the...

like the right answer or the right question to ask, you know, and in everyday life, we have certain habits and certain ways of overcoming every day to day, either boredom or suffering on the other end of it. And

Juan Alcala (08:40.405)
I generally think that I have to be careful with my words, especially when it comes to talking about the meaning of life, because this is a very sensitive topic to people, especially dealing with depression and anxiety, especially dealing with death, the death of loved one and chronic illness. It is very tragic that this exists in our lives.

And I am very fortunate to not have a disease that is hindering my existence every day, that I don't have chronic pain, that I don't suffer from an intense psychological condition. Overall, I can be very content with the person that I am at the moment. And that's a blessing. That's a blessing. And...

I can't explain the reasoning behind me wanting to read this book first, other than that I wanted to read all the books behind me on the shelf right here. If you're watching the video, I'm pointing to it, but if you're just listening, I'm pointing to my bookshelf. have all these books that I bought that I never really had the chance to sit down and to read from beginning.

to end and now during the summer I have this opportunity to to mature and find information and to grow with these various authors. Right now.

Juan Alcala (10:30.123)
I was having difficulty explaining myself in terms of what I felt with this book, but I had many attempts before this recording. But I had difficulty this week with my emotions, specifically anger, because the subject, the topic of man-searched remaining makes me angry. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me sad.

because how can other human beings subjugate people to these horrors, to these harsh, inhumane conditions? And it's terrible. It's a terrible thing to read about. But what I am happy about is that

Juan Alcala (11:24.789)
other people.

continue to remember these monstros- you know, monstrous acts and that we can steer society away, humanity away from these horrors again.

But,

It's just not as relevant to everyday culture.

Juan Alcala (11:51.542)
anymore especially for the new kids growing up in this world that have grown up with the internet have grown up with different types of entertainment culture has evolved past talking about the the Nazis and concentration camps but it's really just well that's just my perspective in my opinion

Obviously people can say that I'm wrong, but I think that it has in some ways, you and

I think it's important to go back into the history books and go back into reading about people's experiences because right now our lives are too easy. Our lives in America are too easy in terms of like being able to survive and have food on the table.

It's too easy in the sense of like we have all this access to information online. We have all this technology to be utilized as tools in front of us that it's possible to meet that is not a highly intelligent person to make this podcast and to share ideas through this medium. And I just think that there are so many blessings in front of us.

that people take it for granted. We have gotten used to what we have at our disposal and we have to really wake up to realize that all of this is potential for humanity all to grow but at the same time we have to be careful that other human beings don't use this type of technology to

Juan Alcala (13:51.928)
Do monstrous acts like the concentration camps and spread fear, hate amongst the population?

But when you look at throughout history, think right now is the best time to live in because we are.

We are in the middle of a revolution, an AI revolution, in the middle of a technological advancement that has never been seen on this planet before. And we are here to experience it all.

Juan Alcala (14:30.101)
you know, but with all this newfound power.

humanity will start to see that it has to continue to ask philosophical answer philosophical questions that people have previously answered but can we do it as a culture can we do it as a Society can we do it together? Can we grow together? Can our gender can generation Z grow up together? Past the immaturities of the early internet

Juan Alcala (15:03.625)
or are we stuck to these doom scrolling sessions that we spend time on during our waking hours. I am optimistic though. think my generation and other generations that grew up with the internet

Some people will find true meaning in spreading positivity onto the world instead of fear and hate.

but going back to the book.

Juan Alcala (15:37.293)
kind of detailing what made me so enraged.

What made me so mad was the fact that

Juan Alcala (15:50.264)
People that have no connection to you, hate you so much. They want to kill not just you, but your whole family and everybody that are in the same bracket as you, Jewish people.

Makes me sick.

Juan Alcala (16:14.487)
But this hate is tied to a much more deeper philosophical, psychological...

state of the mind.

Because it is true that if this happened in Germany in the 1930s, 40s, is it possible that it can happen in the future in a different form? mean, has it even been a hundred years since the camps have been liberated? There's been the recordings of survivors, SS soldiers talking about their experiences in World War II.

and specifically their experiences in the concentration camps as soldiers or as prisoners.

I think it's very hard to deny evil. I think it's very hard to deny evil acts where there's so much evidence. There's so much evidence that evil exists and it is present with us by human freedom, by human.

Juan Alcala (17:27.597)
The torture.

that we can manifest onto each other is pretty tragic.

But what keeps me optimistic is Victor Frank Hill's perspective. know, many people that were going into the concentration camps probably weren't as spiritual or as aware of who they are inside until they got to the concentration camps. And there was some sense of a...

of discovery amongst the prisoners of the concentration camp.

Juan Alcala (18:16.363)
that there are...

a moments in life where you can appreciate the beauty, the natural beauty of the world. Like he talks about how one evening after a long day's work and they barely got fed. They were looking like skeletons walking around.

there he described a beautiful sky with all the different colors in it purples the reds pinks

Juan Alcala (18:52.053)
And one inmate said, look how beautiful that is. And their suffering and their pain that human beings can still look at something and at least have the still the hope and I guess to

the belief that something is still beautiful, that there exists beauty in this world as a good indicator that there is something above our physical reality, above everything. And it kind of allures to what Plato thought of...

of this idea of like there is a spiritual realm above our physical realm that ideas come from this otherworldly dimension onto our physical world and manifest itself here through humanity, through humans it manifests itself

and we are the vehicle of these ideas.

I think I heard once that it's not people that have ideas, but ideas that have people. And there are certain ideas that grip people to doing certain actions. It's whatever is in their mind. And in truly this life is a game of the mind. is a battle with yourself.

Juan Alcala (20:29.835)
battle with ourselves.

Juan Alcala (20:34.285)
Because truly we can decide whether or not we can give in to our human instincts to act in certain ways or to still be dignified and have a reasonable approach to life and have values to guide us in the right direction and virtues to guide us in the right direction.

Juan Alcala (21:06.963)
So much of my time of brooding has been of the past. Like, the past. My past sucked. My past was not good growing up. And I have this pain in me. This pain that manifests itself through ideas. I mean, through memory, really. But I...

Juan Alcala (21:35.487)
I can focus to think about the past, or can focus on the future. This is what some inmates did in the concentration camps. Instead of thinking about all of the horrible things that happened to them in the past,

they can focus on the future. And even in the present moment, this very moment here where you're sitting down listening to me talk on the podcast, it's...

Juan Alcala (22:08.095)
Either you're feeling some sort of way about what I'm saying here, sad, mad, whatever emotion, but my goal isn't for you to be left confused or to be.

Juan Alcala (22:24.833)
Just angry.

It's to find meaning in what I'm saying. And what I'm saying is that we don't have to be angry.

Juan Alcala (22:41.407)
What do we get from Minger?

If anything, anger is something that stops us from thinking. Thinking reasonably. It's madness. Anger is madness. And anger... Anger for me is...

Juan Alcala (23:06.647)
being so angry that everything that somebody else does is annoying, frustrating, anger is

physical action to destroy oneself, to destroy other people. Anger is like a fire. Once it starts, it's hard to, once it starts, it's hard for it to come down to extinguish itself. And it takes time. It takes time. But to only focus on what you're angry about is not.

is now healthy. You have to have different avenues of expressing this anger in different ways. Or let it fester in your mind and see what happens. I for one think that anger is just one step towards finding a higher purpose.

You can become apathetic, not care about anything anymore. Especially if you've gone through major trauma and major suffering. What is even the point of this? There is no meaning behind my suffering. Nobody came to save me and no one is going to come to save me. All the religions, religious efforts have been useless to me and

The only thing that I have is my anger that I hold onto because I know without it I would be empty. But no, they are, it is possible to find peace in this life. There's possibilities to find love in this life. And that is the greatest discovery of humans, is love.

Juan Alcala (25:06.477)
for me, love is.

being in the presence with yourself and truly just...

Juan Alcala (25:21.409)
completely letting go of.

of all these negative tendencies and all the pressure and all the stress and all the worry all of it comes from a lack of love

Obviously just talking about love or hearing someone talk about love is not enough it takes it takes time You know and it's easier said than done what if there is anything what if there isn't any thing to love?

And maybe there are people that hate us, even if we love ourselves, there are people that hate us just for being ourselves.

Juan Alcala (26:11.861)
I think.

Juan Alcala (26:15.359)
I believe that their answers lie with what Victor Frank Hill thought of too, in terms of like, what are the answers towards suffering and madness, sadness, and all these various emotions that people felt. I think apathy,

numbs the brain as a defense mechanism towards all the suffering that one can, that people went through. And even in today's world with so much broadcasted onto social media, you see people becoming more apathetic. This postmodern culture

People laugh at even the...

the worst things, you know, but I think that just shows you that humanity utilizes, it utilizes humor as in a dark way to overcome its suffering. And that's perfectly fine, I think. I think that's a good way of overcoming such horrible experiences.

my humorous person? Definitely not. I would think that I have a good sense of humor, but it's not fully developed yet. And for whatever reason, I am very socially awkward when it comes to humor, but I tend to lean on towards

Juan Alcala (28:04.683)
that the humor is good and it's a great quality to have is to humor. To take everything too seriously is not good either for the mind. I think when you've had so much bad and horrible things happen to you, you want people around you to make you feel like you're so human.

Don't go and face these things with no feeling. There is some feeling to be felt. Something has to come from these experiences or else they'll be meaningless. And one point of view that Franco talks about is that because there is suffering in the world and it's unavoidable, one has the decision to have a...

suffering have meaning or not.

Like if someone dies.

before their time and unexpectedly, know, what can be sad about that?

Juan Alcala (29:18.421)
Psychologically, you're just thinking that was meaningless. This person had so much time ahead of them.

and the world wouldn't have... the world would be better if that person didn't pass away so early. Now imagine if you passed away early. What would other people say about you? Would they say the same thing? One could only hope that someone would say the same thing about you.

but I think that.

Generally people do miss each other generally people Want other people to be strong strong and To have a new sense of purpose After such tragedy happens and not just to stay the same but to evolve if I were to pass away I would want the people around me to be stronger to have more wisdom to have more love for each other

I wouldn't want them to not continue with their goals and to continue with their lives But to continue evolving to continue growing And that's That's what I expected myself as well if someone dies unexpectedly in my life that was before their time The only way I Not the only way but one of the ways that Victor Franco has said has taught me through

Juan Alcala (30:52.589)
man's search for meaning is to take suffering and see the meaning behind it. Try to find meaning in it. But not just suffer. Go out of your way to suffer because you want more meaning in your life. That's not good either. In fact,

There's a word for it. I think it's called the masochistic. Masochistic.

Juan Alcala (31:33.159)
Person drives. no, that's him. What is it called a masochist? that's more like a person who drives Sexual gratification from their own pain and suffering. I don't think it's that I think there's another word for it who What is it called?

Juan Alcala (31:54.574)
for when someone enjoys.

Enjoy his paint.

Juan Alcala (32:07.917)
Masochist I guess it is that but It says here when someone derives pleasure from experiencing pain they are called a masochist masochism is the opposite of sadism, which is someone derives pleasure from inflicting pain on others I think people There are people that that are a masochist and they like the pain that the suffering they like to suffer in their own lives, but generally people don't Can't be that can't be sustainable

Because too much pain and suffering in life is not a life at all. You have to have the good. There has to be good in life too. To be able to enjoy it. To be able to find pleasures in the small things and pursuit of higher pleasures and fulfillment in life.

Juan Alcala (33:00.929)
But yeah, I am not totally convinced that suffering needs to exist in order for one person to find meaning, but you can't have meaning without suffering, if that makes sense.

Suffering is inevitable in life, whether it's from pain, like I've said before, or from someone dying.

And then it comes in different formats as well. So I.

Juan Alcala (33:37.161)
One of the things that I've been thinking about for this podcast has been to have different episodes and about certain emotions. And this one has been about.

Juan Alcala (33:51.234)
not too sure what I want this one to be about or the title to be called. Obviously, when I talk about concentration camps, it me feel angry. So anger. So I guess I'll call this one anger. But besides from anger, I want to kind of move away from this just because I

I that some people get the gist of what I'm saying. But what is there to be happy about currently for myself? Well, lately, like I said, I finished school a little bit. I've been pretty good at,

Sticking with my academic routines and completing those academic repeat routines have been extremely rewarding, especially in the final stretch of it. And I have a tendency to become, to revert to old habits when I accomplish something, especially when it comes to academics.

because I don't have a time limit or deadline to complete goals anymore. That is arbitrary now to me because I can make the deadline now. how long is it going to take me to finish a book or to finish a podcast or to talk to someone or to complete chores? Like all of this is arbitrary now, but I want to have more structure in my life, add more structure to it because I want to complete

the books behind me. I want to finish all of those and to make a time frame for that is difficult. know, I will aim high. At least finish like five books before the summer ends and I already finished one so four more to go. And I see myself like a

Juan Alcala (35:57.336)
like a worker bee always moving and buzzing around. And so I've been like going through the motions with a sense of purpose. And this sense of purpose is to become wiser, become more educated. The trouble that I'm having at the moment is like, what is the meaning of becoming more wise and becoming a more educated person? What is that for?

and selfishly the answer that I get is well because I want to become a better person. Well okay you want to become a better person right? How is ethics and morality tied with being smart?

Juan Alcala (36:45.494)
are having knowledge.

You know, it could be even worse when you know you have.

You know what is good and what is bad, but you decide not to. Is that not worse? Would you rather be ignorant and decide like, no, I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. know, some criminals will say that. Claim ignorance. But ignorance is not a defense. You can't...

You can't justify your criminal acts with

ignorance and even for a person like me that is not committing crimes but looking at what it means to live a life full of purpose and meaning.

Juan Alcala (37:46.698)
Yeah, I can know what that is, but if I don't follow through with that, then really isn't a meaningful and purposeful life. Or am I just going in circles and chasing my own tail here like a dog or like a snake devouring itself.

Juan Alcala (38:06.541)
but i try to stay humble i try to stay humble because i know that i don't have all the answers and i'm i'm a hundred percent sure that

Juan Alcala (38:16.833)
there's a lot more to know and to learn.

that I'm not aware of. And that's okay. Especially when it comes to managing emotions. Psychologically, I'm doing much better with it. But philosophically, philosophically, I struggle to answer it in a way that other people can also adapt it into their everyday lives.

I'm not a person that likes to give advice.

Juan Alcala (38:53.681)
I think people, I think what I like to do is talk about the principles more and then allow and let people, I like to let people decide for themselves, but the principles of life should be that people.

Should have a meaning on their lives What is that drive because without a meaning on life and you're just wandering aimlessly you can't up anywhere You can do you can become addicted to alcohol. You can become addicted to drugs without a clear purpose in a drive you are Wherever the you go wherever the wind blows And what kind of life is that I don't understand it, it doesn't need understanding

Just put it simply that.

There is enough people in this world to do everything. To do all the wrong and to do everything good and all everything in between, people have done it all. And our lives are very finite. And that finality...

That period at the end of the sentence, the credits at the end of the movie is coming for all of us. What are you going to do about

Juan Alcala (40:19.351)
You know, and sometimes that date at death is very close, closer than people think because death is unexpected, right? Unless like in the Victor Frankl's book, he describes the concentration camps as death is always all around you and you don't know when you're going to die. Because it could be tomorrow, it could be today. You can get sick, get hurt.

There's no use for you anymore and they will put you in the gas chamber. Kill you.

Juan Alcala (40:59.319)
But death is present in all of our lives. And my hope is that.

I can produce something of meaning in this life and if I find meaning in giving other people meaning then that's meaningful. I know that sounds like a paradox and it is one. It's like, you find meaning just by talking about meaning? Well yeah, it's fun to contemplate this for me. Other people see this as a boring chore. I see it as like...

an interesting topic to talk about. But let me know what you think about this episode. know it's been... for me it feels very personal in terms of like...

And this podcast is very personal since I'm like the only one talking in. I don't have someone to interview or to bounce ideas off.

Juan Alcala (42:03.711)
Now I'm just left to explore the void of this thread that I'm weaving onto this podcast, onto this audio, onto this microphone.

Juan Alcala (42:22.485)
My point is always the same, it's that.

Juan Alcala (42:28.001)
There are suffering all around us and people suffer in silence sometimes and don't speak up on too because they don't want to burden other people with their with their pains because they see that their pains are that some pains are unnecessary and when I mean unnecessary it's really just the the agony of talking about this pain I

Juan Alcala (43:02.167)
this agony that I describe it feels like it's a it's a present thing for people that have already achieved some level of mediocre success but haven't achieved success to the point where that reflects monetarily you know money wise or it shows itself socially because people and I talked about this last podcast episode

have a general trajectory upwards in fulfillment in life. And once our basic needs are met, there are certain needs and wants that a human wants to accomplish. It could be socially, it could be career-wise, and it could be so many other things. But

I don't know. For me this podcast is...

asking questions, keeping them open and at a later time expand upon them and going back to listen to these and make my case stronger. But just being aware of certain aspects of life for me is good and it's generally and it's fantastic way of like exploring various topics that one can think about and come up with answers.

And then at some point in my life, maybe I would be justified in giving advice to people, especially people that are older than me or younger than me. just giving advice period. but if I wanted to give advice,

Juan Alcala (44:52.885)
I can do it now. But I don't want to because I know that

It giving advice isn't as simple as like giving people answers to their lives. I like I have said before, I want people to find the principles of life. That there are certain principles and you find them, then you can find your own answers. But this journey of life, you know, existentially you can make the case that there isn't any meaning.

just whatever meaning that you make from it, what you produce from it, what meaning, like what is point of this? Well, that's for you to decide. It's not in my, I'm not in the position to really give people advice on what gives them meaning.

and that sucks because philosophically we would want some type of logical

structure to find that meaning?

Juan Alcala (46:02.123)
And when I started school, I, or one of the chapters that we read from school.

Is it meaning of life? And what are some things that bring meaning into life?

Juan Alcala (46:19.841)
That's for you to decide, like I said. But the, an idea that I came across and I'm not sure from which author it was from, but man, I don't want to butcher it. It's too bad. But hopefully I can remember that person's name. But what I'm trying to say is meaning usually comes from doing something meaningful. And that's pretty obvious. What if I just...

went outside and stacked some rocks onto each other on the top, on the top, on the top. I kept stacking them and I make stacks of rocks every day. Would that be meaningful? Would that produce some meaning? Well, maybe to me, look at these rocks. find pleasure in, you know, might find enjoyment in stacking rocks, but it's not really meaningful to in the grand scheme of things, right?

and what is meaningful or like

Juan Alcala (47:20.065)
being there for other people, easing suffering in some way, serving other people.

and you find meaning in following your passions. You find meaning in helping other people find their passions. And for me, I find meaning in that. Finding meaning in that. But I find meaning in meaningful tasks. And that's why I decided to work with children that have autism.

because I know that there is a need for people to support this community and to help families that need this support system of even if I am just an RBT, not a high A.

Juan Alcala (48:18.261)
level BCBA, that I can still provide some sort of help in the very little...

part of my life and part of society.

and not just be there, but to also provide some enjoyment.

That breaks me meaning because it is meaningful.

You know, like I said, I'm not just like I had some jobs that weren't meaningful at all. Like I used to work at a and maybe you can make the argument and sure you make the argument, but I used to produce credit cards on a manufacturing line. I mean, well, not specifically credit cards are going to be used for different things, but it was just basically plastic cards and numbers on it and people can access their bank accounts with it. And I did that for about

Juan Alcala (49:15.937)
two years until I decided that it would be better if I did another job that I found at least more pay. But I did the job for two years and I didn't find any meaning in it. Because I always thought in my mind, well one day all of this is not going to be functional. Then everything is going towards being digital anyways.

I just thought ultimately that it wouldn't be a productive thing to master. And so I had that attitude throughout my whole entire span and that job. But I do regret not treating other people with some sort of respect and treating people with kindness. Was I an asshole to everybody? No.

But I have my moments of being moody and being just out of sorts. But this job took advantage a lot of people's kindness. I think that people that wanted to do overtime, they got their wish. And there were often nights where I would be by myself working on machines that would break all the time. And people didn't have any answers to how to fix it.

just kind of suffer. And so I was suffering at this job, at a job that I didn't care about, at a job where I had to spend more time in doing work, work and I, I hated it. I hated it. I hated every second of it. But what got me through it was the meaning of like, okay, one day I won't be here. One day I will.

doing something else that I do find enjoyment in and I will be okay and I found my opportunity to go back to school and I did I took advantage of that and through going back to school I after going I think I had a like 1.0 GPA like almost failing out of community college and losing the opportunity forever I decided to go back and to

Juan Alcala (51:45.663)
make my desire and make my dreams come true.

But even after graduating, have felt this type of apathy in me. This enraged person still exists in me that I didn't find fulfillment in completing my school. And I had a feeling that other people didn't care about it either. And so that added onto my discontentment and ultimately led to some depression.

because well, like I suffered for a long time at a job and then like I went back to school because I thought I was going to help and then it didn't help ultimately. So why am I back at school? Why am I doing this podcast? Well, let's see where this experiment goes to. That's my mindset. This curiosity and

Willingness to put myself out there and this courage I guess and then this courage or you know, it could be full of Foolishness in the future where I would regret and what I produced here for you guys, but the only regret would be not doing it at all and that's what I care with me because I I Had a podcast when I worked at that job that 12-hour shift job

Juan Alcala (53:15.364)
and I'm so, I'm so relieved that I don't work there anymore.

It was torture. It was horrible. I remember nights just being completely frustrated and not being able to do anything about it, about machines breaking, about...

Coworkers not helping

But what I find enjoyment and passion in that job was that I had the responsibility as a worker to produce, because I wasn't making credit cards specifically, but I was making like these paper informations, I guess it's like how to access the card or whatever. And it goes inside of an envelope with these cards. And so if these papers inserts cannot

If they're not present in the envelope, then the whole operation kind of slows down. So having that responsibility to make these inserts was so important to me and important to the company because I knew that my efforts would be at least someone was going to be happy with having them there rather than not having them there. And that's what got me through some tough days.

Juan Alcala (54:40.929)
And it was that suffering that allowed me to realize that.

just because.

Juan Alcala (54:51.347)
I'm suffering and being angry at this job doesn't mean I can't direct that anger in a productive way. And even now.

Juan Alcala (55:03.519)
I know that just because I accomplish things in my life isn't going to make me feel fulfilled or even make me a better person. But yeah, so I guess I'll start wrapping this up. This has been reasonable with Juan Arcada. Thank you for people to supporting for thank you for the people supporting me and hearing me out and ramble on about various

topics that I'm interested at the moment but please like, please subscribe, please let me know how I'm doing. I want to get better at this and it's something that I find passionate and pride in doing. So yeah, thank you for listening everyone and check out this episode on podcast, on Apple podcast, on Spotify.

on YouTube, follow my Instagram page. I'm thinking of producing clips so you can enjoy the content of this episode without having to listen to the whole thing. Forever grateful for those people that do find the whole episode enjoyable. And if you don't, that's okay too. There's a little bit of everything for everybody.

on this show. So thank you and have a great week everyone. I love you. Love yourself. Respect yourself. You got this.