Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
LA’s #1 avant-garde personal development program. I'm Emerson Dameron. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
Part pep talk, part brutal mirror, hosted by a witty and wounded romantic who means every word he doesn't believe.
Regularly scheduled episodes premiere on the first Wednesday of the month on KCHUNG Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
Power Moves in Life and Love: Let's Do the Liminal Limbo
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In today’s episode, we focus on personal empowerment and the art of dominance in various aspects of life, including relationships, emotional control, and navigating rejection. We explore how self-awareness and understanding create a foundation for success and satisfaction.
• Personal dominance as an essential life skill
• The role of self-awareness in empowerment
• Navigating rejection with resilience
• Ethical considerations of dominance in relationships
• The importance of empathy and clarity in interactions
Learn how to embrace your power and find fulfillment in your journey.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is LA's number-one avant-garde personal development program. New episodes premiere on KCHUNG Los Angeles on the first Wednesday of the month.
The writer, producer, host, and witty and wounded romantic hero is Emerson Dameron, who is wholly responsible for its content.
I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
Introduction to Personal Empowerment
Speaker 1K-Chung , los Angeles . Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes LA's number one avant-garde personal development program . 1630 AM kchungradioorg First Wednesdays of the month , after which it becomes the only good podcast . I've had a full life . I've been from the penthouse to the outhouse , I've been at the bottom and I've been on top top and I like being on top . It's better . It's where I want to be . I like to dominate , I like to feel my power . I like to make you feel my power for your own good . I like to fill you up and pump it and I like the view of the Hollywood sign that I get when I'm on top . It's the place I want to be . It's the place I belong .
Speaker 1Knowing how to be on top is an act of service . It's like EMT training Everybody wants to fall apart at some point and eventually somebody's going to want to fall apart when you're around and they're going to want you to step in and take control temporarily and if you're good at it , maybe for good . But regardless , even if you're a complete submissive , even if you're a pay pig , even if you eat scat for sexual pleasure or you're a cuckold or whatever the deal is , you should know how to be on top , just in case , there should come a time in a particular place , where somebody with a face that's suddenly full of panic and tears wants to fall apart and lose control and enjoy the luxury of losing control with somebody around who knows how to deal with it . You need to know how to dominate , if not that person , then at least that situation . You need to know how to be in control and how to be on top , and I'm going to tell you , because I'm not afraid of the competition . So we're going to start with the basic principles of how to be on top . First of all , know yourself . Know who you are . Know how to be selfish . Be good at being selfish so that you can be generously , genuinely generous , and be good at that too . You're not trying to people please . You please people by pleasing yourself , by being yourself , being who you are , in the process of becoming who you are . So know who you are .
Speaker 1If you don't take some time to figure that out , figure out what you love . What gets you going , what gets you off , what have you always loved ? What would you do for free if there was no status or remuneration attached to it ? What do you truly love to do ? What do you hate ? What disgusts you ? What sickens you ? What do you despise in humanity ? What will you not tolerate ? What drives you away ? Understand that and you understand a good deal about yourself . Who loves you ? Who hates you ? Who are your enemies ? What would you not wish on your worst enemy ? What would you wish on only your three or four worst enemies ? Know who you are . Establish yourself , define yourself and , having done that , feel free to change your mind as much as you want . You're the boss .
Speaker 1Another principle be self-contained . The party is wherever you are . You bring the value . You are the star . You are the prize .
Speaker 1You don't need any one particular other person to get the sex you want , to feel good about yourself , to feel loved and appreciated . Those are abundant resources available throughout the world . You just have to tune in and understand how much you truly deserve it , and then it'll start coming from within and then it'll pour in from without so much that you could barely keep track of it , barely handle it . Your dance card is suddenly full front and back , and you don't have to worry about limerence or anxious attachment or think that this person is special , because once you let go of the idea that this person is special , then you can appreciate them for who they really are A ridiculous animal Just like you , but maybe less in charge . So appreciate yourself . Be complete unto yourself and you will draw people to you and you will create the conditions that will make them beg you to get on top and we'll get into what those are momentarily .
Speaker 1But also be self-amused . Crack yourself up in ways that no one else is able to silently laugh at your own jokes on the inside . Don't laugh at other people's jokes unless they're funny . Don't do it to try to bond . Make them work for it . Make them actually amuse you . That's what they're for . Make them earn it .
Speaker 1Most people don't really have it like that and you laugh at them because you want them to like you . It doesn't really work . It just lowers you . You will know your own taste , having spent some time hashing that out . So amuse yourself . You're the only person who really knows what gets you off , what gets deep into the darkest alleys of your psyche , where the real fun times are . And having all of that together , it should be relatively easy for you to keep your power . That means always put yourself first . That is what people want . They want to know that you've got this on lock , that it's not up to them , that you're in charge of you and they don't have to worry about it , that you can understand them and get them under control so they don't become anyone else's problem , and then keep your power .
Speaker 1Do not give it away . People don't know what to do with it . Watch them , pay attention to how they behave . They act like they want to suffer , but they're not even good at suffering . They tell stories about themselves that don't make any sense and they don't even appreciate the da-da of that . They're just confused . They don't know what they're doing . They can't run their own lives . Don't expect them to run yours .
Speaker 1Don't give your power away . It is not cool , not acceptable . Don't put yourself in a position where you have to be rescued . Don't weaken yourself . Don't sabotage yourself . I would lay off the self-deprecating humor for a while , only when it's absolutely needed to make people feel at ease . If you really put them in their place , then you always want to make yourself relatable , but don't make a habit out of that .
Speaker 1Don't put yourself down . The world's going to challenge you as much as you need . You don't have to beat it to the punch . You're ready for this . Pump yourself up If anything . Go to the opposite extreme . See the world from the perspective of a delusional egomaniac . For a while , believe in yourself a little too hard . It's better to be high on yourself and wrong than it is to be down on yourself and right . So keep that in mind . Keep your power . Don't give it away . If you lose it . If you give it away , get it back .
Speaker 1Be willing to walk away from any relationship , any engagement , any job , any situation . Be ready to go at a moment's notice or after however long it takes to tie up any loose ends and leave on good terms . You don't need to burn bridges for no reason . Treat people with dignity and respect , but be willing to walk away . Be ready to walk away . Enjoy walking away .
Speaker 1When you walk away , when you're done , when you've had it , when you know that it's time to go . You also know that you're on your way to somewhere else . And don't be afraid to keep them a little off balance . If they're testing you , if they're pushing your buttons , let it be known . You don't have to just come out and say it , but make sure that they understand that you can leave whenever you want and you will always have that power and that privilege , because the world is yours , and there's a lot more out there where this came from . Nothing but options . The world is pure abundance , the world you live in from your perspective . So always be ready to walk away and stay cool under chaos .
Speaker 1Know how to get on the ledge of your highest intelligence . And I got bad news . Unless you're a fan of bad news , in which case it's good news Safety and calm is not coming back . We've got freedom and chaos . That's the law of the land going forward . We're in an age of discontinuity . All bets are off . People are not ready for what's already happened .
Speaker 1To be a grown-ass adult means adapting to that on an ongoing basis . That means improvisation , that means iteration , the gyvering , whatever it takes . And you have to be cool . When things aren't cool , maybe
Understanding the Confidence Factor
Speaker 1when things are hot , you have to be able to calm yourself down . You can't just wait for the situation to get better . You can't whine and complain until some superhero swoops in and rescues you . That's not going to happen . You've got to be the superhero . Fly up to the ledge of your highest intelligence . Survey the situation , see it for what it is , see the patterns , the component parts , understand it and know it and know what to do . Take control of what you can control . Know what you can control . Let go of the stuff that you can't control . Let that be what it is and work with that and accept it . People will want you to make their decisions for them and make their lives easier . And that's when we get a little bit more into what it's like to be on top . When you stay cool under chaos , people line up at your door to be domed , so be ready for that . Understand how that works .
Speaker 1This is love , I mean . This is management and friendship and being a parent , if that's something you want , or running any kind of organization or your friend group bowling league , whatever the hell it is . Life is an adventure in the port of call . Hell yeah , but we're talking about relationships and we're talking about dominance and love . Maybe it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all , but it's better to have loved and dominated the hell out of that person than it is to have lost . If you lose them , it's because they couldn't handle it .
Speaker 1Of course , relationships are about power . Power dynamics are sexy . Some people get that more than others . Some people get into it more than others . Relationships are polarized differently , but sexual polarity is an ancient principle . It has always been with us . It has always been present in some all things , except for the things where it isn't , and it is something you can use to your benefit . The typical understanding is that the masculine is on top , the feminine is on the bottom , and they like it that way . It's more complicated than that .
Speaker 1At this point we've kind of come full circle where there was the age of hot douchebags and girly girls , super macho men , weak women , and then we kind of flipped it where the women were running things and running circles around the men who were kind of floundering and either just complaining or people pleasing , wondering what they were supposed to do with themselves and hoping somebody could come in and fix it for them . And usually that was a woman . Usually she had a bunch of other things going on . She was still doing more than her share of the housework , still getting paid less for the same amount of work . She didn't want to run the guy's life . So that didn't really work either . And the first thing , that was extremely limiting . If you really wanted to explore yourself , you weren't going to be happy with just being a hot douchebag or just being a barbie girl , girly girl , spinning it all the way around didn't necessarily work either . Now we're trying to get to stage three , where we can transcend and include those things . So you want to be the best of the hot douchebag and the sensitive guy , the strong and sensitive man . If you're a woman , you want to have your feminine wiles on point and be able to be witchy and cast spells , and also be strong , be in control as needed .
Speaker 1Be a dom . A lot of the great doms are women . It's open season , but polarity is always in play . That's undeniable . It's always been that way , except for when it hasn't . Relationships are about power and you want to keep the power . People are waiting to be told what to do . That's a privilege for them . It's a responsibility for you . If you take that responsibility on yourself , which I encourage you to at least know how to do and be able to do with confidence don't keep them waiting . Make sure they're taken care of . This also requires respect and humanity and compassion and consent . Enthusiastic , informed consent is always key . Dominate those who deserve it .
Speaker 1Why would you want to be involved with somebody who doesn't want you , a person that doesn't have the right approach , the right taste ? They're not in your program . They're not ready for what you're doing . Don't get involved in that . Give them a wide berth . Find the people that long for you , that lust for you , that want to be domed almost to death , and then do it .
Speaker 1And when we talk about polarity , that also applies to comfort and friction . You want to make people comfortable with you so they feel safe going to dark , kinky places , they feel safe breaking down , they feel safe being vulnerable and feeling their own feelings , until no feeling is left unfelt and you create the container for that . Meanwhile , a little bit of friction is also important for lust , the push and pull , for the playfulness , for the adventure , the mystery , the fun . Don't be afraid to tease , push back , play a little rough . Somebody might get a little banged up . That's something that can happen .
Speaker 1If a rupture occurs , be ready to repair and be ready to do that with authority and understanding and knowledge of who you are and knowing what your responsibility is in this situation and owning all of your half , whatever your fraction of the responsibility is , which you should take a little bit more than you think is necessary , because most people underestimate it never comes all the way out to 100% , because everybody thinks theirs is a little less than 50% . So you take a little more . You take 60 , 69 . Nice , 69% , own that .
Speaker 1When you have practiced all of this and gotten good at it , it might take some trial and error at first to really find your own style of being on top , to get your balance , to not look down , to get in the habit of looking ahead , staying balanced and believing in yourself , which will become much easier as you get wins on the board or learn from your losses and just get experience and know yourself and know what you're good at , know what you need to work on . As all of that comes together , people line up at your door to be domed . Thank you , it is absolutely A-OK to date . If you don't want a relationship , clarity is required to do so ethically , which you do want to do . That's its own reward , not even a moral judgment here . You'll regret it if you treat people poorly . You can't do that if you want the world to be the kind of world you want to live in . However , it is totally acceptable to date casually .
Speaker 1Sex and love are different things . There's an overlap in the Venn diagram , but you can have sex without love and you can have different kinds of love , and you could absolutely have love without a committed , serious relationship . You don't have to share a Netflix account to share intimacy . In fact , I think the world would be better if we really opened up the idea of what intimacy can be . Here's what you want to do if you want to date outside of a relationship , or if you want to date if you want to date outside of a relationship , or if you want to date but you don't want a relationship .
Speaker 1Number one kill the shame . You're not a bad person . You're not a player . You're not a slut , unless you want to be , in which case you should be good at it and an ethical slut . There's a pervasive shame of these things . Society is geared toward monogamy and marriage , and that's changing . There are people that are committed to that who really would rather not be subconsciously , and it makes them mad when you break the taboo against doing the things that they don't want to . Let themselves have the freedom to know that they have the freedom to do so . You know , be prepared . Some people aren't going to like it , but you are not . That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you .
Speaker 1What you do want to do is be very clear on what you actually want . There is a wrong way to do things and that's doing things without thinking or feeling them through ahead of time . That makes it much more likely for confusion and miscommunication and hurt to result . So get really clear on what you want and why , and what you don't want and why not . There are plenty of reasons you might not want a relationship . You can go through them all . A lot of them are good . Some of them are Well . I mean , if you really do want a relationship , pretending you don't want a relationship is not going to get you there and a lot of people are going to be hurt . One of them is probably going to be you . So get really clear on what you actually want .
Speaker 1There's a whole process or self-inquiry that goes into this . Here are a few ideas , blank blank blank . When you've got that , communicate . Let yourself be known and be heard . Be proud of what you want . Put it up front .
Speaker 1For online dating , this is easy enough . You put it in your profile . A lot of people don't read the profiles , but that's really not your problem . Tinder is more geared toward casual dating . Field is one that's geared toward different configurations poly and kink lifestyle , etc . You've taken the trouble of thinking through what you want . You can give somebody else what they want . You are someone's fetish and there are people that are into the same things that you are . If you communicate , if you let it be known , there's not much long-term reward from tricking people into liking you and , although it may require some patience and there may be some disappointment and people you're not aligned with , so you're not going to hit it off . If you lead with what you know , you are more likely to get it . Plus , if you're honest , the world is your memory . You don't have to keep doubling down on your own lies or keep track of your own BS . It makes things a lot easier and it opens up your energy channels .
Speaker 1For real intimacy , which you can have with somebody that you're not in a relationship with , happens all the time . Don't make it weird . This is one reason you want to get clear on what you want ahead of time , because if you start changing your mind , or if you really want something that you're not letting your partner know that you want , or if there's something you want that you don't know that you want , it gets weird . You send mixed signals Words say one thing and your actions say another , or you wishy-washy and flip back and forth and that's something you want to do under the right circumstances with the right people . If there's that kind of openness there , getting easier for people to talk about this stuff , but it might seem presumptuous . You might be scaring people away much in the same way that somebody might scare you away by demanding lifelong exclusive monogamy on the first date .
Speaker 1Life , future trip . Let's enjoy the moment . When you get into the moment and get mindful , you'll be better at this . Plus , you'll get better with experience , and also mindfulness and experience feed into each other . You'll be very present for your experiences , which is also great for intimacy and saves you the trouble of making it weird . The guy my friend mentioned , who she had a great couple of dates with and then , while she was giving him a blowjob , he said I'm not really looking for a relationship right now . Read the room .
Speaker 1Timing is everything and you can learn it through experience , trial and perhaps some error . Have a sense of humor about it , because know that it's going to be weird anyway , even if it doesn't involve a relationship . Sex involves people , dating involves people . People can have fun together and they're always going to make things weird . So understand that the situation on the ground is subject to change . There will always be things that aren't communicated with crystal clarity . Anyone who's 100% honest is probably going to be thrown in jail or shot . We don't always know what's going on in our hearts and that can change , so you know that things are going to get weird anyway .
Speaker 1Be open to that . Be like water . Pay attention . Learn to take care of the people around you . To be casual is not to be callous . You have a greater obligation to treat people the way that they ought to be treated , the way that you want to be . Adapt to what happens . Learn and grow from your experiences . Learn about yourself . Pay attention as your needs evolve . Communicate .
Speaker 1Real intimacy involves that kind of vulnerability and strength , honesty , deep down communication . Have the chance to learn through dating who you are . The real reason to do it is we are who we are in relation to others . To see yourself through the eyes of another , perhaps multiple others , gives you different perspectives . Take in the entire kaleidoscopic panorama . Being who you are , you can be your beauty and potential .
Speaker 1Don't waste that opportunity . Stick with it . Stay in the moment , even if it gets weird . You got this . It's not confidence that's sexy so much as the ability to hang in there when things get weird , if you're just naturally don't care . I mean , it's better than being manipulative and wishy-washy and it's sequoias but it's not really as good as having your emotions serve you rather than master you , etc . Etc .
Speaker 1And being like water rolling with the change and things are changing . Relationship configurations are changing . There's more cheating , more divorce . People are realizing that to make promises they don't intend to keep doesn't necessarily serve them in the long run . It's better to cause a little bit of frustration now than a whole lot of pain down the line by betraying people because you haven't been true to yourself . It's perfectly okay to date if you don't want a relationship . You can do whatever you want , as long as everything is above board and everyone is on board . It's okay to be non-monogamous as long as everyone's on the same page . It's okay to change your mind as long as that's well communicated Communicate .
Speaker 1So many things are just based on assumptions and so much of our disappointment is about expectations that we never bothered to tell anyone about . Nevertheless , we get mad when they let us down . These people aren't our parents . We got to do the work here , be a grown-up and date without getting into a relationship . A lot of reasons you might not want one , it's all good . Keep it real . Keep it 100 . Thank you . Anybody's told you life is not a game . There are no winners and losers . They're lying . Those people are lying to you . They want you to keep losing
The Importance of Knowing Yourself
Speaker 1. I want you to start winning .
Speaker 1One reason it's hard to make friends as an adult is you probably already have too many Psychic vampires , bullies , posing as friends . You know the type Screw up , screw the crew up . You're going to start firing people . I'll show you how to do that . It's not enough to end the friendship . Win the friendship breakup . Consolidate your power . Make it hurt .
Speaker 1Here's how . First of all , it's all about mindset . You are better than that . You've been to places they'll never go . You understand things they'll never know . Most people are hypnotized . They've , within a walking daze , repeat thrice recycled ideas they got at a discount from somebody who's highly incentivized to propagate those ideas . Do they benefit ? Do they know ? Do they even know ? Don't think . Just repeat Same stock phrases , catch phrases . They stole from you . They steal your material when you're not around . They don't steal like artists , because they're not . They're hacks . You're better than them . You have value and values . Never forget that .
Speaker 1It's easy to infringe heads of people who don't deserve to be your friend . If you believe it , it's true Because you got it like that . Have boundaries . Set them and defend them . Make them somewhat arbitrary . Have a sub-zero tolerance list . Things that will get people kicked out of the party Could be seemingly innocuous . Party fouls A faux pas . Their intentions might be good Intentions don't matter . Results matter .
Speaker 1The result of crossing you is losing your confidence in friendship . Friendship is an investment . Don't back a loser . You make the rules . Winners write history . Make your sub-zero tolerance list . Make it long , shockingly arbitrary . This life right here is all you get . Rule your fiefdom with an iron fist .
Speaker 1People like that , they need it . People want to be told what to do . People are waiting to be told what to do . Don't keep them waiting . If they're not showing you proper respect and fealty , they're going to walk the plank because it's Rankin-Yank time .
Speaker 1Jack Welch , the longtime CEO of General Electric , pioneered the rank and yank practice . He doesn't like it when you call it that . That's neither here nor there . He's a black-hearted bastard . But good ideas come from everywhere and once a year you should rank order all of your friends best to worst , strongest to weakest . Whatever your value system dictates , you make your own values . God is dead . We murdered him . Now you make the rules .
Speaker 1The bottom 10% get fired . They're going to be shocked . They will think you are cruel . They might be right , but you are doing them a favor . You're giving them the opportunity to go find a friendship that they might be good at , or they might bring something to the table . The world's full of pathetic losers they will not want for company .
Speaker 1Move first , initiate the breakup . Always , don't be caught off guard . Don't get cold-cocked , Don't get blindsided , don't get hurt . Protect your heart . Use meditation to control your mind , your emotions , and heighten your awareness so that you throw the first punch and then you keep kicking until they stop moving . If they hit the ground , it's all over . They're going to hit the ground right away because they're not going to see this coming . Getting fired is your friend . So it's important to be not just aware but suspicious . Keep your game face on . Keep the swivel head in action . Always look for signs of disloyalty and betrayal . Don't be caught off guard If you have any reason to suspect that somebody is going to turn on you , and they will .
Speaker 1People will hurt you just because they can't . They resent your greatness , your freedom , your power . They're going to test you , but you got to make an example of somebody . If they look at you the wrong way , be ready to strike . The first thing you want to do is ignore them , cut off their attention . Give them the gift of missing you . Let them know what it feels like to fall out of your favor . Let them experience life outside of your good graces . Let them see what happens when they have to fend for themselves . Maybe they'll like it , maybe they'll be okay with it , maybe the friendship will die a natural death . If you let it do that , what's probably going to happen is they're going to fall completely in love with you . However they fall in love , that's going to happen . They're going to show you a lot of affection . It's going to be disgusting , nauseating . You can handle it . You got the power and now you've got more of it because you were able to ignore them for longer than was comfortable .
Speaker 1Being comfortable with silence is a superpower , especially if it's wildly uncomfortable for the person you're defenestrating . Silence is gold . Let them beg for your attention . Let them know how valuable they are . Let them know what they're losing . Drop the axe , cut them off . Make it quick . No prior notice , don't complain , don't explain , let them off . Make it quick . No prior notice . Don't complain , don't explain . Let them ruminate on it forever . They're smart enough to figure out what they did wrong . They just can't handle that responsibility . You'll really see them twist in the wind . You'll be proud of yourself and glad you did what you did . You'll feel 50 pounds lighter when you cut them off , when you 86 them , when they are done smoked .
Speaker 123 skidoo use language . They understand that could be weird , cryptic , aggressive . It's especially fun to dump people using inside jokes they both used to enjoy together and do it through the proper channels . Some people are going to be hurt and deeply confused if they are cut off by text message . It's easier to hurt some people in person . Telephony is underrated . You can break someone's heart and break them open over the phone . Power of your voice , tonality , is everything .
Speaker 1If you decide to forgive , do so strategically . Make sure that letting go of your fatwa , of the black spot , the burn notice that you issued to this person , benefits you in a specific way . If you bring them back in , maintain the upper hand , keep an eye on them . They're in a tray again . They can't be trusted . They can be leveraged .
Speaker 1When you got into this friendship . You were not exercising best judgment . You were not acting from enlightened self-interest . You brought in someone who diminished you . Their disrespect , the way they destabilized you , made you doubt yourself . The trust issues that they gave you reverberate through your life to this day .
Speaker 1Don't make the same mistake . Be not just better than them . Be the bigger person . You know that you're better than them . Keep your cool . Be dispassionate . Be compassionate . Be the grown-up . Kick them out like you're reluctantly punishing a disobedient child . They'll know that you're right . They won't even question it . You're the authority . Act like it To the winners .
Speaker 1Go the spoils . If your friends are spoiled , teach them a lesson . Show them what life is about . Rock solid confidence and authority . You've got this . You're already better than them . Have a more interesting life than they do . Get on your mission . Make things happen . Make new , better friends . You are the people you associate with . Associate with movers , people who do things .
Speaker 1You don't have to be an optimist , necessarily , but go where the action is . Play . Ain't it Awful ? When you're in the nursing home ? You probably won't want to . You'll have lived a full , fascinating life . Have great sex , travel , make money . Use it to make things interesting . Play elaborate pranks on people Psychedelically surreal , weird mindfuck hoaxes . Mess with people . Make their lives interesting . Cultivate your power . Be present , be passionate . Have a life that is too full , too interesting . It's going too fast , too high a velocity for that person to stay on board . Kick them out . It's going to be fun to watch . After you kick them out , you get to decide what happens next . Set expectations . Winners make the rules and winners make history . They can be sore , they probably will be so .
Speaker 1One of the things that happens when you get canned by someone who's superior to you , just objectively , that's not what matters . You make the rules . Rule your fiefdom . There's no crying in U-Ball Except you can , because it's your party . You can become what they dislike . Do everything that you couldn't do with that person because they hated it . Go to movies alone , move to a city that they hate , because they don't know what they're talking about . They just like jumping to conclusions . They like to think they have good taste . They don't know what they're missing . People with narrow tastes don't know what they're missing . Go broad , do all the things that they don't like . Narrow tastes at what they're missing . Go broad , do all the things that they don't like . Do anything that you would have been ashamed to tell them that you like . Get the things you want that they don't want you to want , and rub it in their faces .
Speaker 1The world is fun when you're a winner . God smiles and winners win and laughs and losers lose . Don't laugh . Don't laugh at your own jokes . They should be laughing to try to regain the affinity that they screwed up with you . They'll be giving you courtesy laughter when your jokes aren't funny . Mess with them . Test them , ask them if they pretend to know more than they do . Get them to back it up . If they try to stay in your orbit , disallow that or you can let them do it and make it miserable for them .
Speaker 1The world is yours If you take it . The world is disobedient , puppy . Train it , make it your bitch , watch it grow up . When it's time , kick it out . You're giving it the gift of freedom . Pain is ignorance , leaving the body . Maybe they'll shape up . Maybe they'll treat people better . Maybe they'll take your teaching , your philosophy . Spread it through the world . They don't really matter . You're done , you don't care . It's never a good idea to care . If you care , stop that , get over it . Care about people who are good investments . Help them , help themselves . At some point they can take it from there , otherwise they're parasitic losers . You don't have time for that . It sounds crass , but that's how it is . It's the way the world works . You know this , thank you .
Speaker 1Romantic rejection can hurt , it can sting . You put yourself out there and you risked rejection and you did in fact get rejected . And it's disappointing . It hurts a little bit . It's okay to acknowledge that . That's a feeling and although all feelings are correct , yours and everyone else's feelings last for about 90 seconds if you let them pass , unless you latch onto them and start telling yourself stories about them . We're going to do that anyway . We humans are storytelling , pattern matching machines and boy , boy , do we love to suffer ? But you can mitigate some of your suffering by being more deliberate in the stories that you tell yourself about yourself and things that happen to you , like getting blown out .
Speaker 1So let's reframe rejection . First of all , don't take it personally . This happens to everyone . If you put yourself out there , you will get rejected . You're not everyone's type , but you are someone's . Rule 34 is evidence of that , and this person doesn't really know . You Got a very superficial view of you based on a fleeting interaction . A lot of it was just assumptions that she makes and you don't know what her fanny issues are , what her perverted kinks are . We're all just arguing with versions of ourselves and she doesn't know you . So how could you take it personally ? That happened to someone else . No one cares about you Really . What have you done ? Who are you ? Are you on Wikipedia , imdb ? I've never heard of you . Don't get high on yourself . I don't think it's about you . Nobody cares . They care about themselves and how you make them feel . And you're trying to make this person feel good and it didn't work out and that's fine .
Speaker 1The most important thing is to respect boundaries . If you have any problem with that , if you get angry and you're rejected and you act out , persist after you've been blown out or make it weird . If it's a friend friend situation you wanted to do something else with , and that's not reciprocal get help . You're a danger to others and yourself . That's not okay . We're all about boundaries here and you don't want somebody that doesn't want you . Trust me , it's better to be wanted . There are issues that you can solve if you take them seriously and get some help . Otherwise , set your own boundaries . This person has boundaries enough to let you know they're not feeling it . Maybe you can take a cue from that and work on your own boundaries .
Speaker 1What do you really want ? Go for that and protect your heart . Don't put people on pedestals . Nobody belongs there . They don't deserve it . They'll resent you for it . They'll don't like to be taken more seriously than they know they deserve .
Speaker 1Figure out who you are , what you want , get a little bit selfish . People respect that . It lets them know who you are and trust you . That's part of number three building resilience . Every experience is a day in the laboratory . You're getting out there , you're testing your assumptions , taking contrary action , finding contrary evidence to the ones that aren't helping . That's hard work and your experience will turn into wisdom and you'll process it into wisdom and you will get better problems . If you have 99 problems , go for 100 . 101 , that Depeche Mode . May we all have better problems . May we all switch out our current problems for better ones , more deserving of our grit and tenacity and character We've developed by taking risks and not succeeding every time , but learning more from the failures , from the pain . That's what really is memorable and makes an impression .
Speaker 1Focus on attunement , compassion and connection . Life is lived in connection to others . Relationships are what it's all about . You're not a rock or an island . If you think you are , you've got a big surprise coming . You're on your deathbed , spending time with people who get you , people who love you , people on the same wavelength people . You don't have to explain yourself to people who will help you move , help you out when you need it , or scrub your baseboards or engage in demeaning acts mowing your lawn butt naked , for instance , just for your amusement . Build those relationships and even for strangers . Get in the process of getting in someone else's experience . Attuning yourself really caring about other people . That's attuning yourself , really caring about other people . That's how they'll end up caring about you , because they care about themselves . Already you care about them . You'll leg up Work on your connection . Get attuned , get compassionate , really connect with people . Casual sex is a good opportunity to do that with a lot of different people .
Speaker 1Quite a scopic sense of connection and you can lose yourself . You discover the truth and the Buddhist concept of no self and then you can practice self-care , which seems paradoxical , but it'll make sense when you practice the best form of self-care , which is smoking the venom of Bufo Alvarez , the Colorado River Toad , a drug known as 5-MeO-DMT no connection to DMT . It's confusing . It is a little bit confusing . It's a psychedelic baseball bat to the head and when you smoke it you will not exist . There's not really hallucinations or anything like that , because there's no you to be having that experience . It is out . There's a driver's license with somebody else's name and picture on it . No , dripping ineffable in the infinite . There's not a whole lot more to say about it beyond that , because it's buck wild . You don't exist . That's the solution for everything . You have to be careful where you go . This stuff is illegal . I'm not going to encourage you to do it . It certainly worked for me .
Speaker 1A lot of dangerous scammy practitioners . Some of them are hilarious , wacky characters . You get a little taste of going completely insane Dissociating , not existing . Who wouldn't want that ? The toads are in danger . So if you smoke the venom , give some love back to the toads . At least support them against the poachers . You can send them artillery guns . I don't know if they know how to use those , but it's better than nothing .
Speaker 1Once you get rid of yourself , you'll find yourself putting the G in generosity , getting truly generous Because you can't be greedy . There's nobody there to have your fans Be acquisitive . You will be inquisitive because you will lose your sense of separateness and truly be together . You will not come all the way back . Sorry , if you were hoping for that . You'll remember what it's like to check out of yourself . If you do come back more than you wanted to , who wants to be you , you can do it again . It's the universal cure-all for any problems that you have . It mixes well with other things . I've never tried it with some of the PCP or anything like that , but I imagine that would be a wild adventure .
Speaker 1Go on Mr Toad's wild ride and hear the music that the toads are playing for us . They sleep like what 10 months out of the year . They know what's up . Wisdom of the toad will guide you . Ride the toad . Know what that's about . Shift your focus to your mission .
Speaker 1Find something to do . Doesn't even matter what it is , just pick something Particularly good is something that needs to be done , something that helps people , something that no one else is doing . See if you can find something like that . Otherwise , get good at jerking off . Be Henry Miller . Find something to do . Whatever it is , someone is into it , you're someone's type and whatever you're doing , if you get really good at it , you get to be the best .
Speaker 1If you're a leader and mentor for others , people will line up around the block to fuck you . You won't have time to fuck all of them . You will still get rejected sometimes because it happens to everyone , but you'll be okay with it because you'll have a higher zoomed out perspective on all this stuff . The social connection is really important and it hurts to get rejected because you know you feel like you're being cast out , abandoned , not taken seriously . But that's not as big a problem if you celebrate your friendships and have a social life and have people who get you and expect nothing in return and can take a beating if that's necessary . Stuffed animals are great . We're stuffed animal-like people .
Speaker 1Ask yourself what can I learn from this ? Always inquire , always be improving , always be learning . Getting smarter , tougher , better than other people that's the ultimate goal . As long as you're a discreet entity , as long as you're not fully gone on the toad , you should be better than other people . That's the ultimate goal . As long as you're a discreet entity , as long as you're not fully gone on the toad , you should be better than other people . That's the people around you . If you're the smartest person in the room , make sure everyone knows that . Also , ask yourself what's funny about this . There's certainly something about any rejection that would be funny if it happened to someone else . And again , that's the good thing about losing yourself with 5-in-0 DMT . Think about it that way . Ask yourself , how am I the asshole in this ? Because that will make you somebody that people enjoy laughing at .
Speaker 1And then do a live storytelling show . Do the Moth not the Valentine's Day edition , because everyone does that . Everyone has a story . It's generally about heartbreak . Get really creative . What other elements were in play ? Did this story involve a road trip , chocolate and peanut butter in the same jar , or pillowcases in some way ? Then you can tell a story about that . The romantic rejection is being MacGuffin and drives the plot .
Speaker 1Always be redefining everything . Reframing , redefining , recontextualizing , redefine success . What does success mean to you ? Is it about achieving something ? Is it about accomplishing something that's ultimately out of your control ? Or is it mainly about showing up and acting like you believe in yourself , even if you don't doing the things you have to do , even if you don't want to , keeping your promises to yourself , so you can build trust in yourself and integrity . People want to blow you . If you have that . That's how it works . That's when you empower yourself with self-acceptance , authenticity , being true to yourself , being who you are , so we know who you are and we can trust you and self-love being the best lover you've ever had . Practice mindful masturbation . Get yourself off better than anyone else ever could , do yoga until you can blow yourself and then keep all of that for yourself and lord that over other people .
Speaker 1Be kind to yourself and become stronger through rejection . Become inconquerable . Be so kind to yourself that you really are the best and nobody can really fuck with you . There's somebody out there that can and still get rejected , because everyone does Challenge the myths of rejection . Sexual rejection is not a referendum on you . Again , it has nothing to do with you . People don't know you . Nothing has anything to do with you , nothing matters . You don't exist . There's more than one person that you're compatible with . There are 12 million people in Metro Los Angeles alone . You're somebody's type and there are a lot of people with no standards . Everything you believe is wrong , so be wrong about the right things . Believe that you get stronger through rejection and that it's actually a good thing , and that will become true for you .
Speaker 1Focus on the journey . It's all about people you meet , the stories you have
Dominance as an Act of Service
Speaker 1to tell how you feel about yourself , how you grow , how you make up stories to make you feel like there's some narrative and continuity and meaning in life , even though there isn't . That's what really matters . So embrace that . Know that anyone who rejects you is stupid and missing out on the most explosive orgasms of their life . Learn to make women cum . That's the last thing . If you can really make her cum , things will start coming into alignment for you , because that's like casting a magic spell . I've been to the Grand Canyon . I've given women cascading orgasms and the Grand Canyon is a ditch compared to that . So that's something you could focus on and it'll take your mind off of things and it'll take her mind off of things . You won't have minds anymore . It's almost like smoking 5-MeO DMT . That's the thing that I would combine it with . Those things would go really well together , like chocolate and peanut butter . Let's try it . K-chung , los Angeles 1630 AM . Kchungradioorg on the World Wide Web .
Speaker 1This is Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes , la's number one avant-garde personal development program , home of Ask a Sadist , proudly sponsored by the First Church of the Satanic Buddha , birthplace and habitat of bite-sized erotic thrillers . My name is emerson dameron . I'm the writer , producer , host . Everything . I love you personally . Levity saves lives .
Ride the Lightning
Speaker 1I'm Emerson Dameron . I'm an avant-garde motivational speaker from Los Angeles , and the song that saved my life is Ride the Lightning by Metallica , and the lyrics go like this Guilty as charged , but damn it , it ain't right .
Speaker 1There's someone else controlling me . Death in the air , strapped in the electric chair . This can't be happening to me . Who made you God to say I'll take your life from you ? Flash before my eyes . Now it's time to die . Burning in my brain , I can feel the flame . Wait for the sign to flick the switch of death . It's the beginning of the end . Sweat , chilling , cold . As I watch death unfold , consciousness , my only friend . My fingers grip with fear . What am I doing here ? Someone help me . Oh , please , god , help me . They're trying to take it all away . I don't want to die . Time moving slow , the minutes seem like hours , the final curtain All I see . How true is this ? Just get it over with . If this is true , just let it be Awakened by horrid scream . Freed from this frightening dream .
Speaker 1When I was a boy , I was a student of the world . I was interested in all sorts of things . If I wasn't supposed to be interested in it , I was interested in it . That's a blunt heuristic , but it worked for a dreamy , introverted young man . My big three fascinations were music , drugs and death , in that order . Music was exciting in the 80s . It was the time of the satanic panic which really did ruin a lot of people's lives . Tipper Gore made heavy metal and rap music in the 80s a lot more interesting than they would have been otherwise . My favorite band was the Beatles . I also liked Pink Floyd . I liked anything psychedelic . The more otherworldly it was , the more I was into it , because I was not a fan of this world . I wanted to get on the Magical Mystery Tour and never come back .
Speaker 1We had something called the DARE program Drug Abuse Resistance Education which was a hungover cop who came into elementary school classrooms and described to us in some detail all of the street drugs that were available , the slang names that you could use to buy them , the subjective effects , and my reaction was oh so that's what the Beatles were talking about and I'm going to do all of them . I stopped believing in God kind of early , realized Santa was bullshit , and then the dominoes fell down and I was determined to make the most of this life . I sensed that this is all we get and that it was my responsibility . To get as fucked up as possible in this life meant I needed to do all the drugs . My relationship with death initially was more flip . It never occurred to me that it would happen to me . For me it was a narrative device . It was a MacGuffin in my favorite TV show , which was the black and white original Perry Mason with Raymond Burr , and it was something I used in my own stories that I made up . I was constantly killing off my stuffed animals and then resurrecting them with different personalities .
Speaker 1I think everything should be term limited . I think characters should rotate out friends , relationships , pretty much everything . There should be a set amount of time and then it should either be termed out or re-evaluated and possibly phased out . That's the only way you change and grow , and death was useful for that . I had the mind of a soap opera writer . I should have gone for that . I wanted to be president . I was pretty sure I could get elected on .
Speaker 1The novelty of being a nine-year-old Never got around to trying , couldn't raise enough money , wasn't popular at all . There were three incidents that had a long-term effect on me . There was a senator in my home state named John Porter East , a Republican , who was facing public disgrace . A bunch of scandals were catching up with him . He was going down and so he went into his garage and using carbon monoxide he killed himself . And I asked my dad to explain what that was about and that was my introduction to the concept of suicide and I remember thinking oh so that's something you could just do .
Speaker 1My dad was a public defender . He had a client named Doug Olson who had a big porn stash which was Derrick Gurr in the 80s . He was also a cocaine addict part of the 80s gestalt as well . I never really saw how that worked with the porn stash , but I guess he was good enough at doing coke to get it around the mustache , but not good enough that he didn't end up murdering someone because of it . He'd been convicted . He was waiting to find out if he was going to get the death penalty , which in North Carolina was lethal injection . They had phased out the electric chair or life in prison .
Speaker 1And one Sunday afternoon I guess my dad couldn't get rid of me , so he took me into the county jail to meet Doug Olson . He's probably the sweetest , most naturally exuberant , friendliest , most bubbly person I think I've ever met . He was so happy to be in the same room with a kid . I guess it didn't occur to me that that's not something he was able to do under his current circumstances . I remember he loved me and it was hard not to reciprocate Charming bastard so much that I didn't care what he'd done . I kind of thought murderers were cool for a while . After that he very much wanted to get life in prison . He did not want to be executed and even at the time I remember thinking like what's , why do you want to spend 40 years in prison ? Why not just get it over with ?
Speaker 1This was also around the time I got into heavy metal , which took a while because , honestly , I was kind of scared of it . There was a lot of anti-metal sentiment in the air , but I was very , very curious . Metallica in particular , because it was such a fucking ridiculous name . I knew it had to be good and I finally got a chance to furtively listen to Metallica's 1984 masterpiece Ride the Lightning on cassette 1984 , arguably the best year for popular music . I'm not sure what kind of hell carnival I was expecting , but I was floored . I was blown away by the symphonic complexity of this thing . The untrammeled aggression , the wounded humanity . This was not otherworldly , this was of this world and it was pissed about it and it had something to say Angry , cathartic , purgative . I was totally fascinated and am to this day . Every time I listen to that album , which I've done hundreds of times . It still has surprises .
Speaker 1The topic of death does come up , and suicide in particular . There's a song called Fade to Black . That's from the point of view of a character who's contemplating ending his life . He's very depressed , he's given up on himself . Fade to Black was certainly a contemplation of suicide . And there was another track , the title song , ride the Lightning , the churning , captivating motherfucker of all stompers , capturing the rage and terror of a character who's been wrongly sentenced to die in the electric chair , which is what Ride the Lightning means . In this context there's a phrase on loan from Stephen King and he does not want to die . He's strapped in , it's hopeless , he's fucked , but he's going to fight back with all of the indignation and extreme individualism and the rage of someone who's been betrayed by anything and everything that he ever believed in , who is screaming for his life and living off of pure anger and survival instinct and a deep love for himself is the kind of thing that you don't know what's going to happen . When you get to the point where you're almost ready to die but it will often come up You'll find a reservoir of the will to passion , to power , whatever it is , that's more powerful and profound than the death drive that can no longer be kept down . You will discover that if you scratch a cynic you get a looted romantic and the cynic can lock the romantic in the basement . But the romantic is stronger and smarter and meaner and it's gonna get out , and that can happen sometimes when you're looking down the barrel of death , which I've done many times on purpose .
Speaker 1By the time I got into this record , I was already becoming a conspicuously morbid young man . I was not making friends . My teachers alerted my mom to the fact that I wasn't mixing in socially and she took that as a referendum on her parenting . It was not flattering . So I was put into counseling and I ended up on tons of antidepressant medications , including like seriously like six or seven at a time Handfuls , some of which are no longer prescribed to teenage boys . One was Paxil , which turned out to be associated with incidents of extreme violent behavior . Those are not the drugs that I wanted . They made me bloated . I looked like a Ziploc bag full of water . They made me impotent , which kind of didn't matter .
Speaker 1Sex had rocketed to number one on my list of interests and it was pretty clear that I was never going to have any , and I was really angry . It was either one thing or the clear that I was never going to have any and I was really angry . It was either one thing or the other . I was constantly oscillating between fading to black and riding the lightning in a different sense , raising my arms to the sky and channeling the energy of the cosmos , letting it run through my nervous system , charging myself up with something so powerful that all I could do was get out of its way . And get out of my own way and let it charge me up . Ride the lightning that I bought the ticket for .
Speaker 1On the other hand , I've always found suicide really compelling . In theory , for most of my life I felt like a lot of things were out of my control . My friendships have been rocky , I've pinballed all over the country . I've dealt with serious depression , substance abuse issues . Having the option C of suicide in my back pocket gave me a sense of agency . I always had the option of just wiping myself off the ontological chalkboard , just wiping it all out in one go . It was all or nothing . I couldn't keep the good stuff and get rid of the bad stuff , but if I was overwhelmed by the bad stuff I could get rid of all of it , and once the suicide door opened for me , it never really closed . I've come pretty close to the edge of fading to black .
Speaker 1Suicide is one of the many things that I've never succeeded at , but there was one time when I made an attempt which was , I thought , pretty half-assed , but I guess it was more whole-assed than I thought , because I went into a fugue state and I hallucinated a digital clock or timer counting down from 60 seconds . I knew that when it got to zero , I was 23 skidoo . I was out of there . I had achieved the goal that I'd toyed with so many times . I was going out . My problems were about to be over .
Speaker 1My first thought was just let this happen . You wanted this for so long . You're in so much pain . You don't have the coping resources to get out of this . This is the way . This is what is supposed to be happening right now . Just relax , fade to black .
Speaker 1And then I started getting auditory hallucinations . I started hearing voicemail messages from my brother , from teachers of mine , my therapist , some of my mentors who I guess , knew that something was wrong and were calling anxiously looking for answers , hoping everything was okay . But you could also kind of hear that they were accepting the fact that it was too late , that the Emerson-Dameron experiment had come to a disappointing conclusion and I was leaving them to clean up the mess . And I realized that as long as I was realizing this and I had the option of stopping it , I had to do that . I could ride the lightning into death or I could ride it back into this world , and so I called 911 . I don't recommend this . If you have other options , I'm convinced that this is it . This is all we get as long as I'm here . I have to make the most of it . I don't want to die wondering , and that's what would have happened there .
Speaker 1It's inaccurate to say that the narrator of the song Ride the Lightning fights all the way to the end . In the last verse you can hear him accepting that he's fucked . He's not going to break out of this , he's not going to break the straps and get out of old , sparky electric chair and then bust his way out of prison like the Kool-Aid pitcher . He's going to die and presumably that's what happened . Doug Olson got life in prison . I saw him one more time after he got that news and just remember the absolute exuberant joy in his eyes from getting that piece of information that he was going to spend the rest of his life in a box , that he he was gonna spend the rest of his life in a box , that he was gonna spend the rest of his life .
Speaker 1I still think about suicide all the time . My brain is constantly trying to kill me . It's like in the Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers , where he gets his assistant to ambush him and try to assassinate him to keep him on his toes . My brain is always trying to fuck with me in that way . All organisms move toward pleasure as long as they know what they're doing . Flowers grow toward the light and right now , when I ride the light , it takes me in the same direction . I'm not ready to go yet . There are still drugs that I have not yet done . Thank you .
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