41: Simple Coaching Tips

Coaching your employees is something that does not come naturally for many manager. Learn some quick and easy tips you can apply now to greatly improve your coaching skills to enhance others performance.

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Misha Rouser Show. I'm Misha, an organizational psychologist, and I'll be taking you down a path towards achieving professional success while still having fun. For over a decade, I have been guiding individuals and organizations through professional transitions. The goal is to help you, your business or organization create a successful, engaging atmosphere without sacrificing a positive culture. So let's get started. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Misha Rouser Show, and thank you so much for listening. And we are here in wonderful Seattle, and again, this show is all about leadership and professional development. Everything you need to know to be more confident and competent in your professional development and your leadership skills. And so we go over all kinds of different things from emotional intelligence, negotiations, communications. And today we are going to be talking about coaching skills. And what I mean by that is a lot of times when I'm out there and working with people and stuff, and you know, I'm trying to tell them, oh, you need to give more feedback to your employees, you need to work with them more, and you need to give them some coaching. And they just kind of look at me sometimes with that blank look, like, uh, how do I do this? I am an engineer and I got promoted. I'm not sure. Come on, coach, put me in. Put me in, coach.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

How do we do it? Where do we go from here?

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Exactly. And you know, and it's they just feel so overwhelmed by this whole idea of coaching and mentoring others. So we're gonna go through some of the good tips and quick tips on okay, it's not that scary of a thing to do, especially if you have some tools. Um but yeah, so we're gonna dive into that one today. Benny, you just look so excited about this. I'm looking forward to the conversation.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

I wanna I wanna learn. Learn. I want to learn. I'm always gonna be learning.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

All right. Okay, so a couple things first before I dive into that. Some logistics is please remember that you can find all of these shows as a podcast, and you can find those on Stitchers and iTunes or on my website, which is misharouser.com, and that's spell M S and Mary, obviously. E-I-S-H-A-Roser, R-O-U-S-E-R dot com. And you can find some show transcripts there and some other resources. And also remember, if you have any questions for me, um you are welcome to reach out to me by via my website as well. So do use us use that as a resource. And also if you are listening to the podcast, it would be fabulous if you rated them. As you know, that is the best way for these podcasts to get in front of the attention of others who may be looking for the same type of information. So do please um take the time to do that, even if it's just clicking on those lovely little stars. Okay, well, let's go ahead and jump into the whole coaching thing then. And again, when I'm talking about coaching, what I'm talking about is how can we engage others and how can we help others become leaders themselves. Again, we don't want to be babysitters when we step into any type of managerial role, um, any type of executive role. What we want to be doing, as we talk about a lot, Adam Danovsky in your group, is leadership is is enabling others to act. Okay, so we're giving other people the opportunity to take action. And so we're facilitating the output of other people. And that is our job, is to help them to be able to do what they need to do to be leaders. And so how do we do that in a coaching sense? And one of the things that we could be thinking about then when we are coaching someone is to not always think about that we have to have all the answers. As counterintuitive as that may seem, you really do not have to have all the answers. In fact, even if you have the answers, sometimes and a lot of times I should say, it's better for others to be able to come up with their own answers, to help them. And so, in other words, coaching, a lot of times what coaching is, is helping others to be able to be more independent, to be able to make decisions, to kind of wean themselves from you having to have all the decisions and having to make all the calls. And again, we've been talking a lot in a lot of these shows about millennials, and millennials have been um a a lot of what we've been doing with millennials as we've been raising them is providing to to them the blueprint, the the the answers, you know, all you need to do is this is it, and then we set them on their way. And it's so as a new leader and manager, we want to kind of take away from that and give them more independence. Um so again, when we're thinking about that, we're not having to give all the answers. So that's a lot of an aspect of coaching. So one way to help when um when people are needing coach is to what I call the five whys, is to keep asking them why. And you know, you you can just keep actually physically asking them why, but it's more mentally in your mind and asking them more questions and digging in a little bit deeper five more times. Um an example of that could be if somebody comes in and you know is saying, okay, you know, they're they're overwhelmed, they have too much work, they are saying, I just, you know, I I need to, I can't keep doing this, blah, blah, blah, and I need your help to, you know, lighten my load. Well, sometimes maybe what you're thinking there is they're just having a really hard time learning how to delegate. And so instead of telling them that, sometimes it helps to just dig in a little bit deeper using those five whys. Well, why are you feeling overwhelmed? Well, my workload is way too much for me to be doing. Um, you know, and maybe asking another question, is there something you could be doing there to help offset some of that work? Well, I'm trying to do all of it, and I'm trying to work on the weekends, and da-da-da, but it's just not enough time. And you could ask them again, well, is there something else you could be doing other than working on the weekends? You know, and sometimes you do need to tell them. It's like, what if you asked other people? And that is a why too. It's kind of like, well, why not ask other people to help? And so helping them dig through why they are reluctant to possibly to help, what could else be going on, what can, if they do make that decision, what could some unintended consequences be? Helping them to sort through and talk through whatever it is that's on their mind can be really helpful. And so that's one aspect of coaching. See, it's not too scary. It's just getting more curious about what else can you do? Why? Why are you doing that? What are the results of that? Um, another aspect that this five Y's can be really helpful is um sometimes too, if you have somebody coming in part of, you know, into your office and they just need to vent, then this is a great opportunity to to understand um that again, you need to go into coaching mode. When you have somebody in there that are really upset, a lot of times our human nature is to want to jump in and solve their problem for them. We can't help not wanting to do that. That's just the way we're wired. We are wired to solve problems. Coaching is then, you know, trying to stop trying to solve their problems. So especially if they come in and they're just needing to vent, um, that is a great opportunity and it's something that is really something you need to be comfortable with if you aren't already. Because when they're having to vent, usually and they're coming to you, it's usually because they have nobody else to go to. And they're trusting you by, you know, for being their manager, their their supervisor, their executive, whatever, that they trust that they can they can talk this through with you, that you are a um um somebody that they can trust, that they can confide in. And they don't necessarily need you to solve the problem. They just need to vent. If you're not sure, if sometimes you're like, okay, they come in the really upset and you're not sure, do I need to jump in and just give you answers, or do you need to vent? Is sometimes you even ask some questions up front and say, It sounds like you really need somebody to listen to you right now. Is is that is that the case? And they could say, Yes, I could I would really appreciate having somebody listen to me. That doesn't mean answering their questions, or I mean answer or solving their problems. So, um, and in fact, uh, here's a couple little tricks on that one that I've heard of a couple of my clients that what they do is one gentleman, I I thought this was classic. He does, he just, he's not, he he literally was an engineer and he got promoted to be manager, and we were talking about this whole venting thing, and he's and he deals with he he was saying a lot of emotion on on his team and so forth. And he says he can tell now that when they come in and they just need to vent, and there's maybe tears involved, and he's like, Oh, it's so horrible. I have to hold his face and I'm gonna cry and I don't know what to do. What he said works great. He keeps next to his office and right next to where he sits, a little refrigerator, and he has Cokes in there. And as soon as he sees somebody come in and ready to go, he'll get out a Coke for them. He'll put it in front of them and he'll get his Coke out, and he just sips on his Coke and listens to them. And I'm like, that is great. Um, it was actually funny because then he he he teases about it was a Coke moment. You know, I had to give her a can of Coke. And but the other thing that's nice about that too is that the can of Coke, by the time it also serves as a time indicator that by the time he's done drinking his Coke, it's kind of like, okay, we've vented long enough. Uh so anyway, that was kind of a nice way to do that. I had another colleague um share a similar thing that she does when she can tell somebody really just needs to vent, even if they haven't come came to her, is she will invite them out to get a coffee. And this they were working down in San Jose and there was a coffee shop just down the street. Now they wouldn't go drink the coffee there, but what she found is by the time we go, you know, go down the elevator, walk over there, we're able to talk this whole time, order our coffee, and walk back. That's usually about 20 minutes, perfect time again, so that they convince, they know they're in a safe environment, nobody's gonna hear them, they can talk through it, and she knows it'll only take 20 minutes, and then she's back in there. Okay, so those are a couple of tips of things that we could be thinking about around coaching. And again, see, this isn't that scary. This is pretty good. You can do this. All right, we're gonna take a quick break here, real quick, and then when we come back, I'm gonna give you some more tips and tools. So, again, you're listening to the Misha Rouser show, and we will be right back after this break.

SPEAKER_04 10:34

So, effective leadership isn't something that just happens. It takes time and effort. Mieta Rouser, master coach, organizational psychologist, and successful entrepreneur, has developed a concentrated series of courses to help you become your best as a leader and professional. Explore your leadership style, become a communications master, and learn to plan strategically in order to make better decisions. You'll learn emotional intelligence, team building, change management, and other skills for personal success, such as conflict resolution. There's a great leader inside you to be unlocked. Make the commitment to become a well-rounded, intelligent leader. Show the world around you that you're ready to lead. Log on to mecharouser.com. That's meetchauser.com to learn more. It's the Leadership Development Series. Your first step toward professional excellence begins at MechaRouser.com.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Hello, my name is Marie Manucherry. I'm an energy intuitive author and host of where energy and medicine meet. During the show, I answer callers' questions, intuitively, of course, and provide invaluable guidance. I also interview others who I believe are on the leading edge of thought. Tune in on Thursday mornings at 9 a.m. Pacific time on 11.50 a.m. in Seattle, or live wherever you are at energyintuitive.com.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Dynamic careers and organizations require dynamic thinking. Success is measured in terms of positive, productive, meaningful workplaces. Misha Rauser, master coach, organizational psychologist, and successful entrepreneur has helped thousands become more confident in their leadership and professional ability. Misha's years of research and private practice have given her the tools to help your organization improve performance. Log on now to learn more about coaching, consulting or training with NietzscheRoiser at MishaRouser.com. That's M-E-I-S-H-K-R-O-U-S-R.com.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

1150 K Kn W dot com. Alternative talk, 1150 AM.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Welcome back to the Misha Rouser Show. And again, today we are talking about coaching skills. So helping to build your leadership abilities and talking about coaching. And again, for those of you who are not really comfortable with this idea of coaching, uh, then again, I'm giving you some tools to make it simple and easy. And by the way, too, okay, in case there's somebody out there who does not believe in this coaching stuff, and I know there's a few of you, I get that occasionally too. It's like, you know, people are hired to do their job, and why do they need me coaching them? They should just know how to do it. I tell them what to do, they do it, and there we go. That's the that's the extent of coaching. Yeah, okay. Maybe, but then people might not really enjoy their job working with you. And so what we're trying to do too is get to the place where we are making, you know, we're facilitating the output of others, we're helping others to become leaders, we're helping them to enjoy what they're doing, engage, have a great culture. In other words, we're creating workplaces of meaning and fun as well. And so coaching is part of what your job is as a manager and a supervisor, but it doesn't have to be hard, it doesn't have to be scary, it doesn't have to be all touchy-feely. Okay, but so today's show, what are some tools on how to do that? Okay, so a couple of things that we had talked about in the first part of the show was again that people are coming to you because they also need to trust you and they want to feel like this is a safe environment. And so keep in mind then that's part of what your role is, is to help them feel safe and to help them feel like that they can confine in you. Now that's harder for some people, especially if you're newer, especially if you're there's some controversy around it, if maybe something has happened and you've lost credibility and you're rebuilding that, um, then you want to be thinking about those things and what do you need to do to rebuild that credibility? And and or it would build it from the very beginning. Um so let's say, for example, that you have someone that you know really can thrive and can step in and be so much more in their role, except that the the thing that you're feeling is they have some hesitance for some reason. And and maybe, you know, it could be anything. Maybe they just don't want to step into that kind of a role, maybe they're happy doing what they're doing, but you need them to step into that role. And so you know that you can maybe, you're hoping that maybe you can help coach them into that. But let's say maybe you haven't started that relationship yet. It would be kind of odd to have them just come into your office and say, Okay, I'm gonna start coaching you on this one thing, and we're gonna move forward there. Um so another trick and tip that you might want to think about is that coaching doesn't have to be this formal thing. Um, I have one colleague that one of the things that he did was he had uh an employee that he was relatively new with working with, who seemed um really kind of quiet, kept to himself, but he did want to start coaching him because he felt like he could be doing so so much more and he could he had so much more potential. And so one of the things that he started doing is he noticed that this particular colleague liked to go walk during lunch. And so he asked him one day, he's like, you know, I need to get more in shape and stuff, do you mind if I um if I walk with you maybe this afternoon? And uh they, you know, and so they you know, they took a little half-hour walk and just, you know, walked and talked about stuff and just to get into know each other. And then they they started to make that more of a routine where he would walk with him maybe two or three days a week. And what happened then is over you know, after a couple of weeks of doing this, and they were able to kind of feel a little more of that connection, and that's when he slowly started, you know, going into, you know, so John, would r I see so much potential in you of how you could be stepping up and you know, and started to move into that kind of quote unquote coaching conversation. But he first was able to establish that safe environment. So that's another thing to be thinking about is what is a way that maybe you can connect with somebody on your team that you want to start coaching without this having to be some formal process. Um I had another colleague that was uh I was sharing this with her, and she was saying, yeah, I do I do that actually. Um I walk stairs, and sometimes people know I'll just, you know, hey, you want to come walk upstairs with me? And that's been the cue over time that we're also, hey, we're gonna be talking about things, and I have some ideas I want to share with you or whatever. Um Steve Jobs did that a lot. A lot of his stuff was w around walking too. Walking is is kind of nice, especially when you're kind of new to this coaching thing, um, because you don't have to look at each other. You're not like having to sit across the desk from each other. You you kind of have this space around you, and especially when you get out in nature, you don't feel so confined, that it makes it so much easier to be able to do some coaching, especially if it's something sensitive that you're having to talk them through. So there's some other things to be thinking about when you're um having to do some of that coaching and and some other tools to use. Then another thing you might want to do, then you know, so now we've talked about okay, how do you approach this? How do you work through it? Um, how do you keep back from keep back from you know providing all the answers? Um now there are times definitely when you they are looking for, you know, solutions. I mean, I am looking for some help. You have been here long enough. Um sometimes then if you're not sure if you should go there or not, just ask them. Just say, you know, do you need, you know, how could I best serve you? It would be better for me to be, you know, a thought partner with you to help you tease through your idea. Um, or would you like to hear what I've done? And sometimes just asking them and being straight to the point is so much easier than guessing, you know, should I solve be solving their problem? I know exactly what they need to do, but I don't want to say anything. Just ask them. With and the same idea too is sometimes when you are going and you're doing this coaching, that there is a point where you do need to step in as manager, supervisor, whatever. Um, let's say you're coaching somebody around, they're having, they they've been having some issues with maybe something simple showing up on time. Um, and you're talking with them and kind of trying to coach them through about, you know, accountability, about responsibility, and all of that. There's still an element though where you at a time where you have to, I call it taking off your hats, where you're taking off your coaching hat and you're putting on your manager hat and you're saying, again, you know, just want to be clear though, I need you here on time every day at eight o'clock. And if you are not able to do that, I am gonna have to write you up. You know, so there is an element where you do have to switch roles, and I'll call it like switching hats. And sometimes I'll eat, you know, I tell my clients, even tell them you're switching hats right now. Okay, I'm switching my hats and I'm putting on my manager hat. You know, I'm switching hats and I'm putting on my friend hat, you know, to just to kind of help them understand where you're coming from. That can be really helpful too. So part of it is just this being transparent and authentic and sharing with them. This is what you're where you're at and what you're thinking. All right. So those are some other tips for it, how we have some tools. I've got a couple tools, and I think I might have shared one of these tools before on one of my other shows, but I'm not sure. But it's such a wonderful tool. If I had, we're sharing it again. Um, this one is a great one for coaching, especially if you're trying to help mentor somebody and help them learn something, or you're trying to just help the understanding, you know, I've been there, I understand that we all make mistakes, that type of thing. And so the tool is called feel, felt, and found. And so you start it with feel, you know, I understand how you feel, um, felt, I felt it before. So this is a kind of thing where you're establishing some connection with them and you're showing some empathy or sympathy, and then you're moving into, okay, and this is what I found has helped. So an example of something like that could be um, let's say you see one of your um one of your call or employees, and let's say they're in customer service, and you overheard them on the phone with somebody with a client, and they weren't you could tell that the client was just berating them. And they weren't saying anything back, and they were just like, mm-hmm, uh-huh, uh-huh. And never really handled the call very well at all. And the client hung up angry, calls you, and says, Hey, what's going on? And so it's how you and you realize this is a great coaching opportunity to help this person understand how to step more into conflict. So, in that kind of case, a feel felt and found is wonderful. So, you know, when you have a conversation with them and you know, so you can start with always pointing out the facts, by the way. You never want to point out any um personal behavior because this isn't about them, it's just about, it's not a personal attack, it's just a behavior that maybe they're using that is not effective in this situation. So this is not a personal thing. So when you point it out, you could say, hey, you know, um, Paul, I noticed uh I d when you were on the phone earlier that um you were trying to handle Mr. Wells and he was still really upset. And you it sounds like you were having a little bit of a struggle of how to deal with him, especially because he was very upset. Okay, so you're kind of outlining the behaviors. You're not saying, you know, Paul, you really sucked at that. You're trying to just this is the behavior I saw. Then you can go into and felt, you know, I know how it feels, Paul. I have I cringe when I have a somebody who's so upset, especially if it's legitimate, it's so hard to hold the space for them and to deal with that. Here's what I have found has helped me with doing that. And so feel fountain found. Great, great technique for and in so many different ways, but especially for coaching and for giving feedback. It's a wonderful one. Now on this one, make sure you watch it though, because it can backfire on you. You do need to understand the differences between sympathy and empathy. Empathy is where you have been in those shoes before. I have been on the receiving end of a client who's really upset and is just tearing me apart over the phone. I have been there. Where sympathy is I haven't quite been there, but I can imagine what it must feel like. You know, I could just, I'm trying to understand what it must feel like. So when you use feel, felt and found, you really got to watch. I understand how that feels, and I have felt that before. You got to make sure that you're using the right words. And if you haven't actually been in their shoes, then I could just imagine what how frustrating you must be right now with that, using those types of words. Okay, so really distinguish between um empathy and sympathy and know if it's how how you're gonna respond back to them. Is it how you felt, how they felt, you're trying to understand. All right. And that one too, if you haven't found the answers and you're not sure exactly what can happen, then um it's totally fine to say, you know, Bob has found a great way to be able to, you know, deal with this or to be able to, you know, work with those kinds of customers. Maybe you might want to get with him to see what he's found that can help. Okay, so a couple different ways that you can use that tool. All right. And then another one is so r when you're doing coaching, and the last part of this that I really want you to be paying attention to is your job is to hold the space for them. You know, so you're trying to suspend judgment. You're trying to really genuinely understand and empathize with them or sympathize, what's going on with them? Why are they acting the way they're doing? Why are they upset? Why are they needing to vent? Why are they needing their your help? Um, why are they not able to do what you're asking them to do? And what are some ways that you can help navigate through that? And so to do that, you really gotta suspend your judgments. You gotta watch your assumptions you're making, you gotta watch your judgments you're making. And when I mean judgments, it could be anything like you know, saying that, oh God, this is Sally. She just so doesn't get it. She so is clueless about blah, blah, blah. Well, just having that judgment in your head, she's gonna feel that judgment. She's gonna feel you having those, you know, that frustration with her. So you really, really, really got to watch yourself. The other thing you really want to watch too is you want to keep staying engaged with them. For example, like if they are ranting on and they're they're just venting, really try to stay engaged with them. Great way to do that is active listening skills. Try to, you know, smile at them, you know, nodding, reiterate what you're hearing, maybe tell them, you know, re-restate, oh, wow, it sounds like really frustrating. Um, maybe restate, wow, it sounds like what you're frustrated about is this, this, and this. Restating what they're saying, that can really help you stay engaged instead of letting your mind wander, because they can tell also when you're no longer engaged with them. And that's going to kill your credibility and trustworthiness as well. So think about some of those other things. Hopefully, all of these have made you feel a little more comfortable about the around this whole coaching thing and mentoring and how you're supposed to be doing that, and takes the scariness away from it. And remember, too, if you have any questions on this, please reach out to me. You can do so by my via my website. Otherwise, enjoy this. I hope it was helpful for you. Thank you so much for listening to the Misha Rouser Show, coaching you towards success. Have a great day.

SPEAKER_04 25:52

Thank you for listening to the Misha Rouser Show on Alternative Talk 1150. Join Misha every week, Tuesdays, 9 30 to 10 a.m., as she takes you down a path toward achieving professional success while still having fun. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your colleagues. Misha helps people and organizations be successful, all while staying on a positive path. Tune in next week for the Misha Rouser Show.