The Power of Being Slow to Speak & Quick to Listen | Is This Thing On?

Are your words rushing ahead of your wisdom? In week two of our Is This Thing On? series, Pastor Danny Cantelmi tackles the critical counterpart to the power of speaking blessing: the discipline of how we listen. Drawing on the ancient wisdom of James, Danny challenges our fast-paced, quick-to-respond culture by examining what it truly means to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger." This message is a vital gut-check for our relationships, marriages, and daily interactions, revealing how uncontrolled words and the subtle poison of pride can undermine the very lives we’re trying to build.

Key Points & Scripture References
The Weight of Our Words: Building on last week's message, we have the immense responsibility and invitation to participate in God's harvest by using our words to bless and build up others. Our words are not passive; they have exponential, active power.

The Discipline of Listening: James 1:19-20 urges believers to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. True listening is an active, engaged posture—not a passive waiting for your turn to talk or a defensive stance.

Pride vs. Humility: Being quick to listen cultivates humility, which invites God's grace into our lives (James 4:6). Conversely, pride—whether in the form of arrogance ("I'm better than you") or isolation ("I don't need you")—is the enemy of authentic listening and relationship.

The Danger of the Quick Reply: In a world of instant communication, our uncontrolled speech often leads to uncontrolled anger. A failure to listen deeply can result in misrepresentation, hurt feelings, and relational breakdown (Proverbs 13:10, 17:27).

The Ultimate Listener: Jesus modeled perfect humility by submitting to the Father, even to the point of death on a cross (Philippians 2:6-13). When we struggle with pride or uncontrolled speech, we look to Christ, who empowers us to walk in humility and grace.

Call to Action
How are you doing with the "quick to listen" command? This week, take a moment to ask a trusted friend or spouse for an honest assessment of your listening skills. Practice the discipline of slowing down your responses, avoiding defensive "quick replies," and intentionally validating the feelings of those around you. If you realize your words have caused damage, don’t wait—take the humble step of apologizing and seeking reconciliation today.

Join us Sundays at 8:30am or 10:30am. Find out more at RadiantVisalia.com.

Transcript

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Well, good morning. It's good to see you all. Hey, last week uh Travis kicked off a new series that we're gonna be um going through this summer, and it's centered around understanding the weight, the gravity that our words have. And uh he brought some challenges to us to use our words as blessing over people's lives, and I think we practiced it as well. Um, and the other thing that he'd mentioned was that we're in this moment where it seems like God's doing something, he's bringing a harvest that we get to participate in. People are asking questions, they're curious, they're leaning into who God is and what he has for them that's different than what they've tested in life and found wanting. And this is an opportunity for us to jump in and participate in what God's doing and be a part of just experiencing the harvest of people coming into the kingdom of God. And you and I have an opportunity to be a part of that. And part of the role that our words play, I believe, is part of that harvest is to open our mouths and speak blessing and not cursing and speak what we see in someone. Prophesy and give them words of knowledge that God might be speaking to us for them on their behalf. And some of the last words that Jesus spoke before he went to heaven was this that he says, When the spirit comes, when you receive the spirit, you'll receive power to be my witness. So that means you and I have uh an invitation to be a part of that. In time harvest. So this morning I want to pick up on part two of that. Um, but I want to look at a little bit of a different aspect of words. I I know in my life, uh Colleen and I just um celebrated 32 years of marriage a couple weeks ago. And I'm doing the math in my mind and I'm like, oh man, I we might be halfway. But I I've I've experienced in 32 years of marriage that um sometimes my words can be spoken too quickly. Maybe my words are too many, and actually they get in the way of health and relationships. Sometimes I get preoccupied about what I'm going to say, and it actually bulldozes over what she has to say. Or maybe it's my coworker that I'm having a conversation with, and I don't necessarily agree with what he's saying, and I have quick opinions and I don't listen. So I want to be clear this morning that I'm not saying that we shouldn't open our mouth. But what I am saying is I believe that there's a level of wisdom and discernment that we can use when we do open our mouths. Jesus was a master at this, and he's our example. And in uh the gospels, there's countless moments where his words were few. He was a master at this, and he actually created space for others to voice what they were feeling and sensing, and that created just this image of what was going on inside that he could minister and speak to. So I want to propose this morning that maybe it's not only our words that impact people around us, but potentially it could be the way we listen before we speak. And I want to go to a passage of scripture that's really familiar with most of us, and it's found in James chapter 1, verses 19 and 20. If you have a Bible, you can turn there. It'll also be on the screen. Um, there's also some Bibles in front of you underneath the chairs, and if you don't have a Bible, please leave with one today. We'd love to give you a Bible on the way out. And here's a here's a bit of an encouragement from James. He says, My dear brothers and sisters, understand this that everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. For human anger doesn't accomplish God's righteousness. I just want us to sit in this encouragement for just a moment and consider what James' words are saying, that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to get angry. How's that going for you? If we could take a self-assessment, where would you chart yourself in these areas of being quick to listen and slow to speak and ultimately slow to get angry? Better yet, ask a friend or a spouse. They'll be really honest. But I think if we all were honest, these areas of our life are completely challenging all the time. Because there's a lot to listen to, and there's a lot going on in our heads and our minds, and there's a lot of things that we need to say and feel compelled to share. So this becomes a discipline that James is encouraging us with. So there's three things I just want to briefly touch on out of this passage. And the first one is simply this: that we need to be quick to listen. And there's a couple things about this statement because it's a loaded one. And oftentimes I know that when we think about listening, we think about it being a passive behavior. We're passively just receiving something. It's somewhat unengaging. But the power of quick listening is that it actually leads us to right action, right behavior, rather than doing something that we would regret. It's not a passive act to listen, it's actually an active behavior. Our word in English for acoustic actually comes from the Greek word here that we find that's used for the word listening in James 1. This word implies movement, like sound waves being generated from one source and moving through space and being received by another source. There's movement going on when we're listening. The listening he's referring to here is this idea of being involved in dialogue and actively receiving something and leaning into what's being said. And this is really ancient wisdom that James is writing about. And in fact, um the book of James, his letter was written before any of the letters of Paul. And in fact, potentially, um, James may have not even heard the teachings of Paul at this point. So his letter was written based upon uh the teachings of the Old Testament, the wisdom of the Old Testament, and Judaism, and even his personal encounter with his half-brother Jesus. And why I bring this up is because uh wisdom from the Old Testament is loaded with descriptions of this two-dimensional aspect of listening. In fact, uh most of these ancient passages, if you look, there's a dimension of us leaning in and receiving, and then there's also a second dimension of us doing something with what we're hearing. And that's the challenge, right? Because sometimes it can be hard to hear something and then hard to act on something that might be really difficult to digest. I know that's the case in relationships, right? Sometimes we have people that speak things into us that we receive and we want to reject them. We don't want to receive them and be changed by them. So we see this dual dimension of listening in wisdom books. And here's a few passages just to kind of whet our appetite of what James might be leaning into that that led to his writings. In Proverbs 5, 12 through 13, it says, And you will say how I hated instruction, and my heart rejected correction. I did not obey my teachers, and I did not listen to my instructors. Proverbs 13, 10 says that through overconfidence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel. Proverbs 18, 2 says, A fool does not delight in understanding, but only wants to show off his opinions. Ben Sur, which is a Jewish scribe and sage around 180 BC, said this, and this seems very similar to what James wrote. Be quick to hear and be deliberate in answering. If you have understanding, answer your neighbor, but if not, put your hand over your mouth. Glory and dishonor comes from speaking. A man's tongue is his downfall. So the ancient wisdom has this interplay of us paying close attention to what we're hearing and then picking up on how we can act on it. Another thing about being quick to listen is it's powerful because it actually builds and develops humility in our life. And we're gonna learn here that what humility does is it releases God's grace into our life. How many of us need more of God's grace in our lives? So the act of listening, receiving, and acting assumes that we don't know everything. Just by nature of receiving something from someone implies that we're learning. We're a learner. How well do you know the people that are around you? Maybe even in your own household. Have you leaned in and listened to them? Or are your words many? I remember uh this was something I I learned in the office uh years ago before I started serving here at Radiant Church. And I had a team of consultants that I worked with, and we were all um consultants in different subject areas. Mine was science, and my partner was math, and um we worked on all kinds of contracts and projects, and I'll just um refer to him as Jay. And and Jay was um, man, he was intense and really a difficult guy to get to know initially. And as I was driving across the state into these different meetings with him, we got in all kinds of conversations, and I realized really quick that we were operating from completely different worldviews. And the things that he was saying and putting down, I was actually kind of offended by. I was like, wait a second, it's not true. And I remember God just kind of like abruptly, like, like, be quiet, Danny. I know you've got opinions and I know there's things to say, but just be quiet and listen. And as I was practicing that listening, um, I remember that um man, it was I I learned so much. And I suddenly realized that his opinions were actually coming from severe church hurt and pain over the years with his family, and that he just hadn't had an opportunity for God to deal with and heal that pain, and he was operate operating from a place of of just woundedness. And had I not stopped and listened, I would have totally missed that point. And it was funny, as I was writing this uh uh story this week, um, who texted me but Jay? He's like, hey, how about a hike this week? And I thought, thanks, Lord, that's great. Yes, let's do it. There's there's more to be listened to this week. So, quick to listen is powerful because we develop humility in our lives, that we take the place of a learner, that we lean in and learn about the people that God puts in our relational sphere. James writes about the power of humility later on in his letter in chapter four, and he writes this but he gives grace to the humble. Therefore, he says, God resists the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. Therefore, submit to God, resist the devil, and he'll flee from you. See, the opposite of humility is pride, and I would say that oftentimes that's the very thing that prevents us from being quick to listen. Is this pride that we have inside. And it's interesting, scripture really highlights two kinds of pride, and I bring this up because this is something that we all deal with, and and I know that um in this moment of time we'll probably gravitate towards one or the other. So um there's a pride that is like an internal attitude. It's internal. We carry it inside of us, and it's just it's like a false sense of being self-important. It's taking ourselves too serious and taking ourselves and putting our our lives in a position of importance that um we just really shouldn't be in. It swells us up and it creates superiority, conceit that puffs us up with arrogance. It's sometimes displayed as a desire to always be right or maybe be better than others. It's a constant need for being the center of attention and applause. A drive for continually needing and wanting more. This kind of pride says, I want more than you. C.S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity has this quote, and he says this that pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich or clever or good looking, but they're not. They're proud of being richer or cleverer or better looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich or clever or good looking, there would be nothing to be proud of. So there's this deep kind of pride that some of us might carry that secretly we we want to actually be better than others. Or look smarter or look wealthier or more put together. I know as a men, as men, um, man, that hits home. No one wants to look weak or inferior. And then there's this second pride, this second type of pride, and it's an external action to secure our own independence. And without the need of others uh for help, we push them away and we secure our own independence. It can be an insolent, kind of rude disrespect, sometimes displayed as being self-serving or rebellious. This type of pride says, I want to be left alone, and I really don't need you. And it's actually this kind of pride that is connected to what James is putting down in chapter four. It's this independent, self-serving pride that gets in the way of us receiving and listening quickly. And if we go back in James 4 to verse 4, it says, You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hostility towards God? So whoever wants to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. And James describes this pride as adulterous and hostile towards God. We're pushing him away and we're surrounding ourselves with a protective layer that pushes people out. And as a result, we're really slow to hear, slow to listen. And I want us to approach this with caution because this kind of pride can be actually really subtle, and it can show up in relationships as like being passive-aggressive, just kind of pushing someone away and not giving them space and a place in your life. And it's interesting that the Greek uh word here for this kind of pride is called hibris, and hibris is found only in two places in the New Testament. And one of those places is Acts 10, and I want to go there because it's fascinating about uh how Paul uses this or how um Luke uses this to describe Paul's life. And in um Acts 27, verse 10, we we pick up on the story of Paul, and um, if you're not familiar with what's going on here, this is what's happening. Um, Paul is actually imprisoned by the Romans because he was preaching the gospel and he caused a riot and he was uh imprisoned, and he appealed to Caesar. So rather than staying in Caesarea and being um judged with the local local uh leaders, he's he appealed to Caesar and he wanted to go to Rome and appeal to Caesar as a Roman citizen. So by law they had to do that. So they pulled Paul into a ship, and he was on this ship for a long period of time, going from Caesarea to Rome, Italy. And during that trip, they hit really difficult weather. It was a horrible storm. Too late to travel, but they thought they could maybe make the window of travel and make it before the storm blew in. And this is what Paul said in Acts 27, 10. He says, Men, I can see that this voyage is headed towards disaster, hybris, pride. It's the same word. This voyage is headed towards disaster and heavy loss, not only of cargo, but the ship, um, will go down, but also our lives are at stake. But the centurion paid attention to the captain and the owner of the ship rather than even paying attention to what Paul said. And here's the fascinating thing here is that um there's a warning, I believe, in this. And and he Paul says that there's a disaster coming, and it's the same pride that we find in our lives. And Paul's saying that if we keep the same course and travel, we're gonna hit disaster in our lives and we're gonna lose cargo, but we're also gonna lose our lives as well. So as we practice active listening, being quick to listen, I just want to say that what we're actually doing is we're avoiding disaster. How many of us have been victim to disasters that our lack of listening has caused? So practicing quick listening teaches us to be humble, it releases grace, and it protects us from disaster. Finally, being quick to listen is powerful because it can really be an act of healing around us. Your act of listening can be healing to someone else. This past week, um, the Allender Center posted an article that was just an update with the work that they're doing. And if you're not familiar with the Allender Center, it's a Christian ministry based out of Seattle, and their main work is equipping leaders to build healthy communities that um people can experience healing and restoration in. And uh in this article, they write, uh, we live in a strange moment. We're more connected than ever, yet many of us feel increasingly isolated. We consume endless information, we listen to podcasts, watch videos, scroll social media, learn from countless experts and teachers, but information isn't the same as transformation. Many of us are carrying questions and wounds and patterns and desires that can't be addressed through information alone. Healing often requires something more. It requires what they call a passionate witness. That means that there's a place where we can bring our stories out of isolation and into the presence of others. Who can listen and care? In 2022, the National Library of Medicine published a research report that said this that feeling truly listened to, deep non-judgmental listening, is a fundamental component of healing. It reduces stress by unburdening emotions, and it also builds our cognitive resilience. That's a secular study that has incredible connection to what we're learning about in James here. And the point is this that as we extend listening, we extend the opportunity for people to be healed. And I just want to say that if you're here this morning, don't sit in isolation. There's things uh in our church community that are available to you. One of those is our peer counseling ministry, and we have an amazing team of just volunteers that are great listeners. They have one ear towards you and another towards God where they want to give you some space to experience healing. So, one of the most powerful ways that we can participate in the harvest moment that we're in is by actually closing our mouths and listening, getting to know the people around us, the needs that are around us, and also the things that are going on in people's lives that we can begin to pray about. And I would say here's the good point. We don't have to be Bible experts to be great listeners. We don't have to have all the answers, and we can just simply be present with someone and carry what they're carrying and pray for them. So Paul encourages us to be quick to listen, but then he says we need to be slow to speak. So the second encouragement is that we would be slow to speak. And this definitely doesn't mean that we talk slow. What he actually means here is that the power comes by slowing down our words and being intentional, intentional. And we consider our motives that are in our heart and the way our words might impact before we let them go out of our mouth. And I know that again, we've all experienced words. It's almost like that slow frame image in the Matrix, where it's it's slow. Our words are going out, and it's like, oh man, I wish I could grab them. Because I know how they're gonna land. And in Psalms 15, we're warned that our slanderous words actually prevent us from walking in righteousness, in right standing with God. Look here in Psalms 15, it says, Lord, who can dwell in your tent, in your presence? Who can live on your holy mountain? The one who lives blameless, practices righteousness, and acknowledges the truth in his heart, who does not slander with his tongue, who doesn't harm his friend or discredit his neighbor. The word slander there literally means to go for a walk. How many times have we released our words and they've gone for a walk for us? And we haven't gotten them back. So the warning is that we need to be slow to speak. Again, being intentional about what we say and how our words might land. And one way we can do this is by simply just inviting God into our conversations in real time, asking Him for wisdom and discernment, asking Him for help to see things properly, maybe even through our own emotions. And here's some questions. If you want to take pictures of these, I would suggest that. You can kind of look at them afterwards. But here's some questions that we could actually ask ourselves before we speak. Why am I feeling this impulse to respond quickly? Am I doing this out of self-defense? Do I feel defensive? Am I afraid that I'm being misunderstood? Am I angry because someone appears to have uh misrepresented me? Am I inclined to snap back quickly because I believe that others will be impressed at how fast I can think and process? Do I feel hurt by what someone else has done to me or said about me? Do I fear that my reputation has been slighted or undermined? Am I speaking quick because I want people to like me? You get the point. These questions kind of judge the intention of our heart. And we can invite God to come into our conversations before we speak words out of our mouth. Or better yet, we can actually pray for the person that we're talking to. Do I fully understand the position this person has taken? Should I first ask them to tell me again? Maybe in different words, what they mean? Have I assumed that they mean something they never intended? Have I taken into account their own past? And especially the pain and abuse they have endured that explains why they said or did what they said or did? Did they say what they did because they misunderstood what I shared? If so, before I respond to them, do I need to back up and explain myself more clearly? So these prompts that we can begin to pray into and consider help us weigh our words before we speak them out. And I just want to mention here before we continue that just practically, um, man, words are so nuanced. I mean, I find myself all the time, especially text messages, reading something into it that's not even there. But that happens face to face as well. So it's important that as we are slow to speak, that we consider our motivations, our intentions, but we also make space for the person that we're speaking to. And finally, James says that as we are quick to listen and slow to speak, we will most likely be more inclined to be slow to anger. And I believe that these um this progression is not by mistake. I do believe that as we listen and we weigh our words, we're gonna be less likely to jump to conclusions and get angry. Proverbs 17, 27 says, He who has knowledge spares his words, but a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. There's this connection between our temperament and our words. The quick-tempered is a person who's likely to speak without carefully considering what they're gonna say. And uncontrolled speech leads to uncontrolled anger. How often do we find ourselves increasing in anger as a conversation goes on, only to explode because we haven't paused and listened and weighed our words. So I believe that as we practice these things, we're gonna also get more control of our emotions. And I just want to say that, you know, um, man, this is so important in our relationships. To bridle our anger. And um Ephesians 4, 26 and 27 says that we shouldn't be angry if it leads to sin. Be angry, but don't sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give opportunity for the devil. And I just want to say that I'm not saying that anger is a sin, but what we do with it can lead to sin. And that really impacts the way our relationships are with the way we we talk to one another. So James ends here by stating that human anger doesn't accomplish the righteousness of God in our lives. And I know that we can look at these things that James is encouraging us to live out, and we can say, Man, I've tried to work on those things, or I consistently fail. My anger gets in the way, or I'm just not picking up what's being communicated to me, and I make assumptions and I say the wrong things that are hurtful. Man, I've tried these things, but deep down inside I I know that, man, I'm really struggling with these things. And I would say that there's only one person that's actually mastered these things, and that's the person of Jesus. And as we close this morning, I want to just uh invite our worship team up, and we're gonna prepare our hearts to respond. And I just want to remind us that Jesus was a man that was secured in his father's love, but he was also empowered by the Spirit of God. And we have access to both those things. We have access to the love of the Father today, but we have also access to the Spirit of God that lives inside of us. So the starting place of getting in control of this area of our life is to be honest about who we are, that we're not enough. And we need to be honest about who Jesus is, that he's the one that's more than enough. And that we can take on his example as a humble servant. Embrace the grace that he gives and walk this out one day at a time. And I want to just mention this morning that as we come to the table to receive communion this morning, that it says every time that we do this, we remember the work of Christ that was done on our behalf. That we're not enough, but He is. And as we come to the table this morning, I would love for us just to come in humility, saying, Lord, I need grace in this area. That I would be quick to listen and slow to speak, slow to be angry, that I would steward the relationships that God has given me in my life and to honor them in that way. So as we come to the table, Christ is the example that we run to every time. And there's gonna be people up here that are gonna be prepared to pray for you. And I just want to encourage you that this is a great moment to unload something and leave with some new freedom in this area. As we prepare to respond, I just want to read a final passage out of Philippians 2. He, Jesus, humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross. For this reason, God highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name. So that the name of Jesus every knee would bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and the glory of God the Father. Therefore, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, so now, not only in my presence, but even more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you both to will and to work according to his good pleasure.