Jasmine Star (00:00:00) - Did you literally start my podcast ten minutes late because you played tennis this morning? You're like, Oh, I think I might have a tech issue girl. You're posting on stories that a nine year old beat you at tennis and you're going to come up to my podcast and be like, First of all, first of all, first of all, I woke up at 430 and set up all my lighting, my rig. I did everything so that I could play tennis because I had a date with a nine year old. I had a date from last week. I couldn't bail on a nine year old. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So let's make sure that we're prioritizing the nine year old instead of your twin sister who is literally hosting you as like a come up shout out, Let's go. Because I am so proud of this book that you read. But now we've got to act all professional because, like, seriously, Bianca, we're so late. We have to be like Rumpelstiltskin and create some gold out of this drawer.

Bianca Othloff (00:00:42) - You want to know something I listen to? This podcast is called The Jasmine Star Show, and she tells us that we maximize our time by waking up early and getting stuff done. So that's what we're here. We're going to. You really are you really are you really juking me right now before. Okay. No, we need a I need a sage. This energy. No, I got to start. Oh, we got to act all professional now. Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. Okay. Welcome to the Jasmine Star Show, a place where we talk about life, business. And today we're going to get an extra dose of grit. And today's podcast, Guest marks officially the most recurring podcast guest. You might as well be a co-host. Bianca what is old Have? My twin sister is here and I couldn't be more excited for this conversation. Bianca Welcome back. I am so excited. Jesse This is I'm the most returned guest and not by popular demand, but because you're my sister and you love me by nepotism.

Jasmine Star (00:01:42) - Yeah, basically a nepo sister. Yeah. Love it. I'll take it. I will take any invitation to the podcast that I listen to weekly. By the way, I love your invitation to any party at any time because that's how you roll. Like you are literally the life of the party. So this is an opportunity to be the life of the party. Speaking of parties, we are going to be celebrating a party for you. And I got an invitation. It was a Google invite because that's how you roll. And this Google invite was like a boring book party. So for those for those familiar. Yes. For those who don't know, Boricua is like a term of affection for someone who is Puerto Rican. And so we are having a Puerto Rican party because I wrote another book. You wrote another like we should just say another like you are a bona fide writer writing your third book. But I want to backtrack a little bit because people are going to turn off and be like, oh, no, no, no, we don't want to hear a book podcast.

Jasmine Star (00:02:33) - Well, good thing you're going to hear Bianca on a billion other podcast talking about the book. But what I want to focus on today is truly the lessons that we grew up together that have manifested in a book. So you guys are going to get information and stories here that really typify and embody the journey that we have both been on. And here's a crazy thing, is that I had a podcast conversation with a gentleman by the name of Rory Vaden, and we were talking about like these root origin stories. We were talking about what makes us unique. And he asked three questions. If you're sitting here and you're wondering what would ever make me unique, I have a boring story. I didn't really come from much. Whatever the case may be, you might have told yourself a story that you yourself cannot be unique. But he had asked three main questions What challenges did you overcome? What tragedies did you endure and successfully achieve, and what setbacks were you able to move back forward? And on this very podcast, he walked me through those three questions and immediately after that podcast episode, I stripped the audio, I sent it to my twin sister, and I was like, Bianca, you have to hear this conversation because, girl, you done wrote the book.

Jasmine Star (00:03:45) - And how were our stories so similar? Well, we're twins and we had a lot, if not very, very identical upbringings. And so if there is anybody, the word that I came up with through this branding exercise and what made me unique was resilience. And lo and behold, my sister wrote a whole book on grit and grit. I feel like it's like a little bit of the hood way of talking about resilience. And so, Bianca, why did you write this book? Let me start with a why, but I also just feel like I have to just take a moment. And as an avid podcast listener, just say thank you for all your content that you put out constantly. For those that don't know, having a podcast, maintaining a podcast and keeping a podcast going is a lot of work. You don't get paid a dime to create resources for people. It's an inspiration to me and I'm not saying this as your twin, I'm saying this as somebody who just wants to get better, because when you know better, you do better.

Bianca Othloff (00:04:35) - And thank you for this podcast and thank you for having me on the podcast. Honestly, the why came out of what I didn't know was going to be a playbook or a manual for my own life. So I had a conversation with a woman and she was going through a divorce and I looked at her across a coffee table and we were at coffee and I looked at her across the table and she just said very candid and honest things about the station and season for life. She was talking about like, I want to go to bed and I don't want to wake up. I feel like everything that I have built is like crumbling before me and the life that I dreamed of. I'm mourning that I'm alive and yet living through the death of my marriage. And I was listening to her and I was taking everything. And then she looked across the table from me. She said, Well, you don't get it because you were just born with resilience. And it took me back because I never really thought myself as a resilient person.

Jasmine Star (00:05:31) - Maybe looking back at my life, I could see, Oh yeah, there's these moments where I chose to get back up because we'll talk about that in a second. But it's a decision. But she knows, like our background, she knows our past. And if I refer to our for our the podcast listeners is because you had very identical lives. Mean we're fraternal twins living identical lives. So if I say ah, that's what I'm talking about. But she knows a lot about our story in our past, in our life, being illiterate, being overweight, being raised where we were raised, mean she knew all that. And so she had associated this gritty, resilient, persevering spirit to maybe those that live in poverty. And so what I really wanted to do is draw the line and cut the line of demarcation, that juxtaposition between like privilege and poverty as if those who had a hard life are naturally gritty and resilient. Those that survive are naturally born this way. And when realized I want those deep dive of reading so many books about resilience, about grit, about perseverance, about endurance and realizing, Oh, no, no, no, no, we choose this, we choose.

Jasmine Star (00:06:27) - There's, there's actual practical things that we can do in our mind, in our heart, in our body, in our soul, that allow us to build a life of resilience, practical handles and like. So honestly, Jaz, I went out to write a book that I wish I had ten years ago, and here we are. But the funny thing is, is I think people think like if you've achieved this status of resilience, if you give enough gritty measures, then boom, you are granted the crown of resilience. And now you can say resilient person when the truth is, is resilience is a choice that we get to determine every single day of our lives. And it's something we have to constantly come back. And so now I'm in a season in my life where I'm reevaluating and holding on to the things that I have studied, written, researched and know to apply them to my life. Even today as a business owner, as a church leader, you know, as somebody who has lots of hopes, dreams and aspirations, I'm choosing to get back up.

Jasmine Star (00:07:18) - Okay. So I'll push back a little bit on that because I have to tell you all. Back in high school. My sister and I know we were homeschooled, so going to school was like this new thing and then playing sports like on a team in a collegiate setting. Do you say collegiate, collegiate or that is college collegiate? Yeah, homeschool. Homeschool. Look at us like anyway, we were playing sports in a public school and that was something we had never experienced. And so our freshman year we had just said, Well, we're going to run track. Why two short brown girls are like, Yeah, we should just run. Track is funny. I had more likelihood of like winning a sprint. I actually had more like I could shoot a shot put farther and faster than I could actually run a sprint. So what put us in this mind to say like, Oh, we're going to run track? Now here's the difference between you and I. I immediately assess the situation and I know the odds of me actively being like a participant in a track meet as a competitor was like, I don't know, 0.5 out of ten.

Bianca Othloff (00:08:15) - So I'm like, I'm going to join the track team and I'm going to rake the pit, which means like, which people were doing the long jump or the triple jump. I was just raking the pit. I was part of the team, but like I wasn't doing much. Why do you out of nowhere at the time, you're like a solid five two and you're like, I'm going to pick up running hurdles. Okay? So never mind the fact that my sister just decides stuff like she's just going to be like, Oh, you want to know what the hurdles? Almost as tall as me. I'm going to decide to jump it in the it was like the 800 or the 400, the 300 hurdles, 300 meter hurdles, 300 meter hurdles. The girl has even jumped over puddles in her whole life and she's like, I'm going to jump hurdles. And so take us back to the track meet where our coach Julia is watching you on the starting line. Now, here's the thing. It's like an opener.

Jasmine Star (00:09:02) - So there's like a season opener. So there's a ton of people. I think it's like on a Saturday, right? Because like, we were there early. Okay. Take us back to that story because I want to press back and be like, Oh, I wasn't born resilient, but we are born with different options. So talk to us about the option that you had at the finish line because, girl, this story, it's like we continuously, years later will send back memes. I'm like I'm having a Bianca and hurdles day so take it away. Okay. So think what is also an important thing to note is the five two girl that shouldn't be jumping over aluminum obstacles called hurdles was also the person that was nominated as captain of the track team. So yeah, talk about the least qualified doing the most. It's like story of our lives. Like you ain't got no reason to be track Captain. And then there you were like, okay, okay. So Jazzy, you have the details, correct.

Jasmine Star (00:09:48) - So it is a seasonal invitational, meaning that all the schools in our county were gathered on this one day to compete against each other, almost like to size each other up before the season started. And I was in the first heat, the first race of the entire day. It's a cold, misty morning and I'm in the starting block. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. We have to tell people like in Southern California, when you were having like a season opener, you're bringing in local schools. So these local schools are like Lynwood, Long Beach, Mayfair, Compton, like we're talking about like schools with like people who are like, oh, yeah, we're a part time training for the Olympics. Okay, Exactly. Exactly. So that's all who's here. Okay, so if you're willing for these details, I'm going to include these details. I was seeing Twitch between these two competitive sisters. They were in two different grades, but one was named Francesca and the other one was named Aisha.

Bianca Othloff (00:10:35) - And I don't know what possessed me A52 Mexican, to think that I could actually compete and hang and win these seven five sisters of Goliath, you know, running the 300 meter hurdles. But, you know, Mama always told us we are more than conquerors and we can do all things through Christ. I mean, this is what you have, like when your mom loves you, when you have when you have like, an ultra conservative homeschool mom, like, what do you want to do? Go and do it. You're going to do it. So you totally thought you were going to be finished And Asia? Oh, I absolutely did. So the gun goes off and I take off. I'm following all of Coach Julia's instructions. I am staying in my lane. I'm focused. I clear hurdle one, I clear hurdle two. And on the left side of me I see Francia gain. And I did the fatal flaw that Coach Julia said never to do. Never look to the left, never look to the right.

Bianca Othloff (00:11:24) - Keep your eyes focused on your race. Now that's a whole other sermon and a whole other podcast for another day, because every business owner out there needs to not look at what he and she and them are doing about their business. They need to keep their eyes focused on their business. Maybe love somebody. We're going to take people. Church That's not even the point of the story. I did not listen to the months of training with Coach Julia, and what happened is that it threw off my approach to the third hurdle. If you know anything about hurdling your cadence, your velocity, your skill, get to the story, girl. Get to the story. Honey, I fell. I fell after Hurdle four. I got back up undeterred and I said I could still place. I fell over Hurdle five fell over. Hurdle six fell over hurdle seven. I mean it's at the point where I'm sure people have seen these like memes on Instagram with this girl that just continually falls over every hurdle. Yeah, I inspired that.

Bianca Othloff (00:12:10) - Okay. I'm the president of the Falling Over the Hurdle Club when I got to the 10th. Hold on, hold on. Now from a different perspective, I'm raking the pit at the track meet and I am looking across the field and all. I see is somebody like it's not like those funny people who try to keep their pride intact. It's like Bianca ran like she was going to clear the hurdle after missing hurdle three, four, five. And I'm watching my sister. My mouth is on the sand in the pit. I'm holding this rake. And all I'm saying is like, Oh, God, no, not again. Oh, God. Oh, God, no, no, not again. I am literally willing my sister get off the track. Just stop right now and then. So here's the thing. My perspective is I'm seeing you run and then all of the bleachers behind you. I'm seeing everybody's reaction. And it's painful. People like, no, no, no, girl, stop, girl, stop.

Bianca Othloff  (00:13:03) - Okay, So that's my goal. So I get to the 10th hurdle. I'm exhausted, My shins are bloody, my knees are bruised. Like, I'm mortified. I get to the 10th hurdle and I pick my left leg up over the hurdle. Then I fling my right leg up over the hurdle and I limp across the finish line. Jesse wanted to die. I absolutely wanted to die because, you know, you're 17 years old and everyone's looking at you and there's like this one rogue clapper that's like, Good. Oh, it was a pity. Clap, bro. You got the pity clap. Oh, yeah, you did. So they put me in a gurney, I guess a gurney took me to the first aid station. Coach Julia. I see her in the distance, like sprinting over to me. And, you know, they're tending to my cuts and my knees, my bruises. And she looked at me and she said, I'm so proud of you. You ran your race and you didn't quit.

Bianca Othloff (00:13:50) - And when I tell this story, I usually stop there because it sounds very heroic, like, yes, I'm a person of resilience. This is amazing. But what I am now owning up to and confessing in this moment is that when she looked at me and she said, I'm so proud of you, you didn't quit. I stopped crying. And I looked at her and I said, wait a minute, I could have quit. You're telling me I could have quit? And it made me think that if we don't know that quitting is an option, quitting is never an option. In my mind, I had no other option than to move forward and think that we're living in a culture, in a society of privilege where we can just tap, quit, we can throw in the towel, we can peace out, we can say, sign the papers, I'm done. We can walk away with ease. But what if we tell ourselves another narrative? What if we tell ourselves Quitting is not an option? If quitting is not an option, what if? What if we tell ourselves winners never quit and quitters never win? What if we tell ourselves if I just put one more foot in front of the other, I will finish.

Jasmine Star (00:14:43) - And finishing is success. I think as a business owner and as a person of faith, I look at my life and we think success is the million dollars. Success is the business deal. Success is fill in the blank. No success is I'm going to finish because the output is our that's what we're responsible for. Or excuse me, the input is what we're responsible for, but the output that's determined by so many other things. So I can only control what I can control and I will go over every hurdle and fall over every hurdle. But literally I will get back up and it will finish my race. And I want to tell people there's another option. You don't have to quit because quitting is not an option if quitting is not an option. Okay. So when you looked at coach and you said like, I can quit, well, now, you know, in life you can quit. So I'm kind of a believer in I don't know, it's probably the antithesis of like what you believe, but I believe that it's okay to stop.

Bianca Othloff (00:15:41) - Oh, so do I. In fact, I have a win win. Oh, what a great segue, Jasmine. I don't want to brag, but I do have a podcast and so I know how to ask these leading questions. So it bears repeating. I wrote a book, so a lot of these answers might feel a little bit like packaged and didactic, but I want us to have honest and real conversations. There's a disclaimer at the beginning of the book. It's a line from Kenny Rogers. He's a country music artist. For those that don't know, okay, he'll hold on. A lot of a lot of my folks know country music. You and I always have like these like two disclaimers. We're like, we only like we grew up, you know, like quoting the Beatles, like as it was like the or the Bible, right? Yeah. Beatles or the Bible. That was. That's our only that was it. So you're like, Kenny Rogers is this country. He's like, Yeah, he's kind of like leader of the Hall of Fame.

Bianca Othloff (00:16:25) - But anyway, okay. Kenny Rogers So Kenny Rogers has his infamous line. You have to know when to hold them and know when to hold them. Now, I didn't write a book on when to walk away. I wrote a book on how to not to quit. So there's this disclaimer. And I also give like reasons when we should quit, you know? And we have to also note that if there's abuse in a situation, if the season has ended, if a contract has been broken, there's legitimate reasons to walk away. I just want us to make sure that we look at all the options before we walk away. So not only do I have a disclaimer in the beginning, I actually have I wrote a section in the appendix about the five questions to ask when we should walk away. Honestly, that's my favorite part of the entire book. The appendix has kind of like all the things that ended up on the cutting room floor that I wish were in the book, but it didn't really fit because he can't write a book on grit, don't quit, and then have like, what? Wait, this is how you quit? So I do list five important questions that we need to ask when we're wrestling with.

Bianca Othloff (00:17:17) - Is the season done? Have I looked at all the options? And I'm just making an excuse because it's hard. Is this relationship, is this business, is this contract harming to myself or to others? And one of my favorite questions to ask is, am I released? And this one feels nebulous at best. And so this is the one that I want to talk about. I mean, if you want to go here, one of my favorite questions when people say I want to quit or I'm done or I want to walk away, is this idea of release Now, it's an esoteric term, if you will. It's a nebulous term, but like it's this feeling you have to be in touch with your heart, your mind, your body and your soul. I do believe that we have this inner knowing of understanding. Okay, when is it done? When am I done and when is this done? Not is it hard, not is it costly? Not is it am I tired? Am I done? Have I done everything that I could possibly do at this business, at this relationship, in this contract, in this school? Have I done everything? And I released.

Bianca Othloff (00:18:17) - So I worked for an anti-human trafficking organization for six and a half years. The work is not easy. It is dark. It is heavy. It is stories of trauma. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Like, hold on. I want to, like, pause here and like, really color from my perspective, the work that you were doing when you said it's hard and it's heavy and I'm like, no friends. Like my sister was flying to Greece and meeting with young women who had been trafficked. And not just the fact that this organization moved them from human trafficking. It's everything that happens after getting away from an abuser is like step one of a thousand. And navigating these stories and the healing process and the whole reprogramming of one's mind. That's what this organization was doing. But Bianca many times was on the ground level facilitating these women as they move into shelters and homes and hearing their stories. And so she was working for six and a half years in this whole ecosystem and sub ecosystems of this.

Bianca Othloff (00:19:14) - So it was extraordinarily long. It was extraordinarily heavy, It was very powerful. It was very moving. It was life changing. So I kind of wanted to pause there and like color that a little bit more. No, that's great. Think. Yeah, think that's great. So when you're dealing with these hard and dark and heavy topics and the work that we were doing, there's always a cost that I think we underestimate when we start a business, when we move towards a dream, we go to school for whatever. There's always a cost associated with that. So we love the big picture, but we have to count the cost. What is this going to cost me? And there were so many times when I was working for a 21 again global anti-human trafficking organization where I had moments where I said at my desk and I literally said the words out loud and in my head, I can't do this anymore. I would go to the bathroom stall and I would just weep over the darkness. And the heaviness of seeing something called Stockholm syndrome were victims became we were rescued out and they went back to their traffickers because they could not envision another life of freedom.

Bianca Othloff (00:20:15) - I mean, this is some heavy stuff. And I my role was chief storyteller. So a lot of what I did was external internal communication as far as like marketing and social media and so telling the story and hearing so many of the stories of our survivors, it was so overwhelming. There were so many times where I said, I can't do this anymore. I just I'm done. I can't do this anymore. It's in those moments where you say, Is this hard or am I called? Because if I'm called, I have to deal with the hard. I mean, think of this in like Jasmine. You're a parent. Parenting is incredibly hard. But you can't walk away. You can't tap the button and say, okay, I'm done. Mean you can. You can. But the cost of that is so damaging. And I think sometimes we walk away from relationships where we walk away from jobs, we walk away from communities of faith because we're like, they irritated me. That was hard.

Bianca Othloff (00:21:03) - That was mean. Oh, that manager told me I was late all the time. They don't understand that. I just can't function without coffee. We're making so many excuses rather than just choosing the hard because I'm called choosing the hard because it's worth it. Choosing the hard because the dream is going to keep me up at night and give me nightmares if I stop now. It's those moments that I want to tap into because there will be moments where you say, I can't do this. I want to quit. Jasmine. Jasmine People look at you and see a successful entrepreneur, a successful businesswoman, a successful coach, helping other people achieve their dreams and walk into successful businesses. Have you had moments in the last 30 days where you said, I want to give up, I want to quit? Yeah. Like. I don't know. I'm at a weird, funky place in my life, in business. And it's just like in the last 30 days. How many times have you wanted to quit? About 29.

Jasmine Star (00:21:56) - That's just the truth. And like this morning, the whole mantra was like, one step at a time, one step at a time. And I know. And when you walk through those questions of when is it time for you to quit? Like at the end of it, I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting. I'm going to win. So I'm not quitting. If you know that, you know you're going to win. I believe I'm going to win. I believe it with all my heart. So if I hold on to this belief and this idea of winning, you can't win the game of business. You can't win the game of health. You can't win the game of marriage. So winning as defined by me and winning as defined by you, I have defined my version of winning. I believe that that is mine. If I believe that that is mine, if I believe that I've been called to start a business, and even if the business doesn't look the way that I anticipate, I'm going to win.

Jasmine Star (00:22:39) - But like every day when you said, is it hard? Yes, it's hard. Like, have I given it my all? No, I haven't. Just answering those two questions at any time to quit, honey, it ain't time to quit. So I feel like we're just having a real conversation. I loved the book because you're just normalizing conversations that are actually pretty normal with us and really foreign to other people. Let's talk about the days that we want to quit. Like just say it out loud. Today's the day I wanted to quit and I did it. And so I want to go back to this exact when you said 29 days of wanting, you know, 29 or 30 days, you're like, I want to give up. This is a lot. I want to hone in. And if anyone hold on to one thing in this moment, it's this. Your choice to continue forward because resilience is a choice. Grit is a choice. And I think that sometimes we think that it's not like we don't have agency.

Bianca Othloff (00:23:30) - This is the cards that have been dealt to us in life. They have been dealt to you. Come on. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Whatever cards are dealt to, you you know, everyone's familiar with the expression. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or out here in Orange County, make a lemon twist martini. But anyway. Go. Okay. Okay. Yeah, but I wanted to start asking questions. Hey, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then plant the seeds because you're trying to look for every other way and every other opportunity, not just for you, but for the next generation. Because you might not reap the harvest of the seeds that you planted, but the next generation will. So, Jasmine, we have the same dad. I look at our father and no one has typified resilience and grit more than this man. And his sacrifices allowed us to live the life that we live. And your sacrifices are going to live. Allow Luna to live the life that she's going to live.

Bianca Othloff (00:24:18) - What we need to realize is that our resilience is just for us. Our choice to persevere in business isn't just for us. Our choice to continue on and get higher education or stay in this relationship or restore a relationship, whatever it is, whatever your resilience is that's needed, it's a choice. And this choice isn't just for me. It's for future generations that will walk in my wake. We are paving paths for the next generation to walk on. And so I'm like, This isn't just a selfish decision. This is a decision where I'm choosing to be resilient. And listen, listen, listen. Jasmine, you can attest to this. There will always be resistance. Do the things that you're called to do. And so if you're facing resistance, that's not a sign that you don't move forward. That's a sign that you keep on going. You keep on going. Every time that there's resistance, it has to be met with equal or more resilience. I see that in your life in the same way that you looked at me running and falling over every hurdle and getting back up jazz, whether you realize it or not, every person that listens to this podcast or follows you online or in your mastermind or as part of social curator, they're looking at you being very honest with your life and you're very vulnerable all night.

Bianca Othloff (00:25:22) - They're looking at you and saying, If she's getting back up, I can get back up to you. That's what people say when they look at every single person that's listening on this podcast. Every adversity that you've overcome, every hurdle that you've fallen over, every failed business plan, every horrible business pitch in the boardroom, in the C-suite, you're looking at people and you're like, I feel like a frickin idiot. That's not the thing that makes you resilient. The thing that makes you resilient is getting back in the boardroom. It's getting back into parenting. It's getting back into this friendship. It's getting back into this business and saying that may have knocked me down, but it did not knock me out. I have to get back up. That is resilient. And all of us rich, poor, white, black, Asian, Haitian, Eurasian, Croatian, skinny, fluffy, educated, uneducated. We all have the ability to get back up. That's what I want people to hold on to. And so if we backtrack a little bit, yesterday I went to mom and Dad's house like a little bit unexpectedly had dinner.

Bianca Othloff (00:26:20) - Wait, where was my invite? You didn't invite me, but carry on. Carry didn't invite you because you out here being a published author, having a photo shoot for your headshot, like, come on. That's true. If you come at me, you better be holding receipt. Here's the thing about this podcast. I will call it as it is. So no invitation extended because you are out being here like MVP of Orange County. So at dinner yesterday we were having a conversation around Dad and we were talking about the relationship that he had with his grandmother and it was it wasn't good. It was a little bit sad. And so hearing dad talk about the relationship that he had with his grandmother and he admits he actually doesn't know how to be a grandparent because it wasn't exhibited with his. Grandma. And then he didn't really experience a relationship with his mom and his kids. And so he's learning this. And he also had to learn how to be a parent. And he also had to learn how to be an American citizen.

Jasmine Star (00:27:14) - And he also had to learn how to become a pastor of a church. And so with all of these things that we've seen in Dad, like life didn't hand him like a basket of lemons. It just basically handed him an orchard of like, you got to find a way to make it work. And when you talk about like, how we're planting seeds for the trees, one thing that I did yesterday, it just came so strongly. I just told Dad like, thank you for not giving up. And it caught him off guard because we were just talking about life. And I had said, thank you for not giving up. And it hit so deeply because Dad decided that he was going to become the person who didn't complain about the lemons. He was going to become the person to plant the tree. And we get to stand in that. Like you get to write a book and we both get to have podcasts around like owning it, like normalizing it like it is. Okay for us to talk about failure.

Bianca Othloff (00:28:02) - It's okay for us to like, man, take the hits and we publicly take the hits and then people have the opportunity to see us get up. And then what does that then do? It empowers them to plant their own dang trees. So. That's right. Love the analogy. And as we talk about this, like somebody is listening and they're like, okay, if I decide if I decide to fling my left leg over the hurdle and drag my bloody right leg over this hurdle, what is the first thing I do after I make a decision? Okay, I got one more day in me. What do you say they do? I don't want to give some packaged answers. So this is what I have seen people of resilience do. And this is like a daily practice for me is gratitude. Before there's any action plan, before there's anything, it's like, thank you that I was able to get back up. Have a gratitude practice. Actually, Jasmine, you know Melanie. She's been our friend since we were 13 years old.

Bianca Othloff (00:28:58) - We're still, like, all very, very close. But Melanie and I have a grateful eight, and every single morning, we send eight things to each other that we're grateful for. Sometimes it's, you know, wonderful big things. Like, I've finished a book and sometimes it's like I was able to deep breathe today and I'm grateful for oxygen. But think the simple practice of gratitude helps recalibrate any sort of failure that I feel or any sort of exhaustion that I feel or even doubt. I'm grateful that I've made it this far, and I have not come this far to stop right here. I have come this far as a marker, as a place of remembrance that, like, there's so much more in need. So I would encourage anyone that just feels like, Golly, I barely finished this race. I'm exhausted, I'm bloody, I'm bruised, I feel beaten up. Let's be grateful because you're still here. Everything that you thought was going to take you out, guess what? You're still here.

Jasmine Star (00:29:52) - You're still here. And if you're still here, that gives you one more opportunity to do what you believe that you're called to do. Um, I agree. Yes. And amen. So let's go back to where we started the conversation, because I think we will be able to toast to all of this with arroz con abuela Chu, let us pastel tones. Okay. So we are going to be celebrating with food and we're going to be celebrating with remembrance. And I think that sometimes people are like, okay, gratitude. That's cool, that's cool, that's cool. But like, could you not like, I want to uplevel talk about this is like the twin game. You're like, make a gratitude list. And then I come in, I'm like, Yeah, but make a gratitude list about your biggest failures and what you learned. Like how do we how do we That's the challenge, right? So it's like if you want to do a grateful eight today, right? How about you leave seven for things that you're grateful for and then leave one to actually say that one really hurt just doesn't.

Bianca Othloff (00:30:49) - This is so fun. Let's make this a challenge on social media. Say less. Yes. Okay. This is the assignment. This is the assignment. Okay. So this is called the Grateful eight. And your eighth one has to be something that has hurt you or cost you something, something you feel like maybe air quotes failed at. Because Jasmine and I don't believe in failure. We believe in falling forward. Honey, fall for baby fall. Right. Failure is just a learning lesson to get you better, baby. Right? So seven legit things that you're, like, super excited for. But that thing is like, wow, this was really costly. This hurt me. I might have felt like a failure, but this is the lesson I learned. And who doesn't love a good but Jasmine, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Come on, who doesn't love a butt? So this is number eight is this bad thing happened. But this is what I learned. Hashtag grateful.

Jasmine Star (00:31:35) - Okay, well, no, don't don't hashtag grateful. That has like 18 billion entries. What you should do is like help me marketing top of that mentioned Jasmine sa like even better. Even better. Hashtag grit don't quit. Okay, great. Oh my god, look at you. Have you not been like. Like brushing up on some marketing lessons? Well, I listen to this podcast called Jasmine strongest. Okay, okay, okay. But actually I'm just going to be very honest. This is a big ask for podcast listeners like I have been asking for years for people to leave reviews and people you know, some people do, some people don't. I love when people tag me in stories because then I get to see how they're doing the podcast. But taking a photo of where you listen to the podcast is really different than taking the action to list out eight things you're grateful for. And so instead of my temptation right now is like, let's make this three, like let's make this three things array before.

Jasmine Star (00:32:28) - And then I was like, No, no, no, it's eight, it's eight. Because we're training ourselves how to do hard things so that they become easy so that today's max out bench press is tomorrow's warm up, right? Like 1% better, 1% better, baby. That's right. So it's eight things you're grateful for leave space for one. Because at the same time, when you talk about your failures publicly, it gives other people the permission to sit in the tree in the shade of your lemon tree. So let's go out and do that. We want to celebrate you tag at Bianca Althoff at Jasmine Star. If you're feeling extra blessed, hashtag grit Don't Quit, which is the name of Bianca's book to be published and bought everywhere. Let's go support your small bookstores, if at all possible. But if you're in a pinch and you would like to join this journey, if you would like to find steps to grit, not quitting, to finding deep, profound resilience, having a framework to getting up again and again and again and making those decisions.

Jasmine Star (00:33:27) - And then if you're feeling at it, reading the appendix at the end of actually doing a deep dive of if it is your time to let go of something, to make space for something else, that is also. So there for you, Bianca, how can people go deeper? Oh, speaking of food, when people pre-order the book and up to a week after they will get a seven series, it's actually a teaching course and a Bible study and the videos are separate. So maybe you're not a person of faith. No big deal. I give seven recipes with Chef Derek Brown from B Cellars in Napa, California, where we pick our favorite seven recipes that are somewhat quick but perfect to make for people around your table. Believe that life change happens around the table. Some of the best conversations and business ideas and dreams and hopes are created around the table with food, with family, with friends. And so that is a free bonus for anyone that pre-orders the book you can go to Bianca Ulta.com Backslash Grit Don't Quit and they could pre-order the book there as well.

Jasmine Star (00:34:21) - Get a bunch of freebies that I'm giving away for pre-orders. Okay, so just so that everybody's clear, this podcast, we focus on business owners. Some people are people of faith, some people are not. It is all good. But the book itself is Principles on Not Quitting and Principles on Building out Grit. The bonus is seven recipes with walkthrough videos. You all have to see this. Like honest to God, I know she's my twin sister and I don't actually like to cook. And my sister, she wants to cook for chefs. See, this is my sister. She went to this track meet thinking she could beat Francia and Asia. She went to Napa at B Cellars. Y'all, if you know anything about wine, if you know anything like B cellars and the way that they pair their wine and their food. It's not a restaurant. It is an experience. So my sister is like, okay, so I'm going to go to B Cellars and I'm going to cook with the chefs there.

Jasmine Star (00:35:10) - And I'm like, Are you kidding me? They're hand rolling their own pasta. So my sister just being my sister and like it is the chef version of Renisha and Aisha. And guess what? She actually held her own. These recipes are ridiculous. They literally look like they're shot for masterclass. I was like, girl, we hood. But like you come up we this is a this is the glow up. This is like you know we out here cooking in like a two bedroom house in La Quinta, California and next thing you know, you have B cellars with some fine dining chef. I mean, come on, He do it. Well, he do it. If you really want to go deep with grit and you want to learn how to become a better chef or up level or just have an experience of what it means to draw parallels between life and food and healing that food brings. Like, this is going to be a great thing. When I saw you drop this bonus, I was like, Well, good thing that I'm like getting the book for free, but good thing I also pre-ordered as well.

Jasmine Star (00:36:02) - But honest to God, like just like Hype Squad over here. It looks really good. I don't hype stuff that I don't actually like, think and love and believe in. So anyway, Bianca Ulta.com forward slash grit. Don't quit. Thank you. Thank you. See, like I started off this podcast strong and I'm out here, like, flattering. I have all my notes up, not even quoting them. I'm just looking at this. I love you. Thank you for the conversation. Thank you for inspiring people and for the one person who's listening right now, like gripping their steering wheel or in their kitchen or folding laundry or waiting. And they know that this podcast was the thing that they needed to choose one more day. What do you say to them right now? Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up. When life knocks you down, you got to get back up. Thank you for listening to the Jasmine Star Show. Bianca, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me.

Bianca Othloff (00:36:56) - It's not.