Jasmine Star (00:00:13) - Welcome to the Jasmine Star Show, where we talk about life, business and also getting seen. Today. I am so excited to be joined by my very sweet, amazing, talented, brilliant, hustling, humble friend Jen Gottlieb. I'm just going to call it what it is like a major future bestselling author. I mean, you're killing it. I'm so happy you're here. And I know that this conversation is intended for somebody special to hear it. And so thank you for being here all the way from New York, buddy. I already have goosebumps and we haven't even said anything.

Jen Gottlieb (00:00:44) - Yet like it's there. So.

Jasmine Star (00:00:46) - Because because when Jen walked in, I said I want to be a canister of hype. Like I couldn't be more excited. Not just for you as a friend, not just because there's a book. And I don't want this podcast to be like, buy a book. But although like by the book, this is more like this message needs to get out.

Jasmine Star (00:01:01) - And this is for people who have something they need to get out in the world. Yes, they need people to see it. And then we become arbiters of who can. And it's not based on skill, no fame, notoriety. We have a tendency to stop ourselves 100%.

Jen Gottlieb (00:01:17) - So I have so many conversations with people that aren't being seen and they're hiding, and they make the excuse of, oh, I don't really know how, I don't know what to say, or I don't have the perfect camera equipment, or I'll do it tomorrow and maybe I have the best idea ever. You're not not being seen because you don't know how to do it. We can follow people like you and learn how to do it. We can follow anyone on the internet and see exactly how to do it. You're not being seen because of all the stuff that we all deal with as human beings on a regular basis, which is mostly fear, fear of judgment, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of fear of what your cousin is going to think of you on the internet, right? We have all of these fears, and we allow those fears to keep us from sharing the gifts that we have with the person that needs that gift.

Jen Gottlieb (00:01:58) - And I wanted to share this with you on the show. Before we were friends, you know, I followed you back in the day when you were building your social media and you were more of a photographer back in the day, like old school Jasmine, and because you were seen and visible, because you put yourself out there and you decided to start before you were ready and just start sharing your photos and sharing your strategy for social media. I learned so much from you, and I believe that I would not be where I'm at today if it wasn't for you and a lot of other people that made themselves seem. But you specifically, I remember finding you and learning from your content and taking notes and being like, okay, this is what to do. So thank God. Could you imagine if you were like, mm, no, I'm going to do it tomorrow. I don't want to put myself out there because I'm scared of what people will think. So we just want to kick this off. If you're listening to this, this is for you.

Jen Gottlieb (00:02:43) - If you are sitting there and you're like, yes, I know that I have this thing that can help people, but I'm holding myself back because of whatever your fear is, insert it. Maybe you don't even know what that fear is. Maybe it's just like you're hesitating and you need to figure that out. And we can help you today understand that if you have a service or a story or a product that can help people, it's your responsibility to allow them to find you. Otherwise they're going to go follow someone else that's not as good as you. And I'm so grateful that, like you made yourself seen because not only did I build a lot of the stuff that I built because of that, but I also got an amazing new friend, so you never know.

Jasmine Star (00:03:15) - Ladies and gentlemen, Jen freaking Gottlieb. We're hitting this conversation with, like, Rocky Glass, right? There's no warm up with us.

Jen Gottlieb (00:03:22) - No, we don't warm up. We are literally never do. We never.

Jasmine Star (00:03:25) - Do. And I'm like, wow, everybody prepare our hearts.

Jasmine Star (00:03:27) - Because, like, we sat down and within 30s, you're like, it's fear. I was like, oh, this is where we're starting. Yes we are, we are starting there on the front end of the conversation and just calling it out like, let's just not make it about what it's not, because talk to me. What do people use instead of fear? Like what is the word that we use instead of the word fear?

Jen Gottlieb (00:03:45) - All right. Well, I'll talk to you about my symptoms of fear there in the book, I have symptoms of fear because we initially think about fear. Many of us like fear, like anxiety, panic. I've had all those things, right? That's the fear that we think we feel maybe like something's chasing us or whatever. Or scary movie. As entrepreneurs, often we feel the symptoms of fear, the way that fear shows up in like a really sneaky way. And it doesn't really necessarily feel like fear. And we make all of these excuses as to why it's not fear, like perfectionism, like FOMO, like fear of missed opportunity, like you're scrolling social media and you see somebody that's maybe doing what you really want to do, and they're becoming successful at that.

Jen Gottlieb (00:04:16) - And you start to just think, and you're like, that should be me, all right, that's not me. So you know what? I can't do it. They've already done it and I would never do it that perfectly. And I'm going to do this post. Oh, it's not that good enough. So I'm just not going to do it. Or analysis paralysis. There are so many ways, I don't know how I'm going to wait. And I'm going to think about, yes, what I should do before I do it. And all of those symptoms FOMO, comparison, analysis, paralysis, disease to please is another one. Maybe thinking about I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by me being seen in shining, so I'm just going to be small, right? I'm going to hold myself back because I don't want to be braggy. I don't want to be showy. And so I'm just going to please everybody and be small. And I think a lot of us have that too. And then pretend practicality.

Jen Gottlieb (00:04:58) - Maybe not going for your dream because somebody told you it was not practical or wasn't reasonable, and then you start to talk yourself out of doing the thing that you know you want to do. Because I want to be reasonable. It's not the practical thing to do. So let's just be reasonable and practical. And often that just crushes. Mary. Extraordinary and practical. I don't really think that they go together very well. So fear shows up often as those symptoms. And I have found that whenever I'm experiencing them, because I do on the regular today, I did in a big way. This whole way.

Jasmine Star (00:05:26) - No, you have to share. I mean, there's no humility on the show. There's no false humility because it's like, and I don't think that there is such a thing as a brag. There are facts. And today was a big moment. Like when you walked in, I think, did we squeal like we were like squeal cousins? And I was like, I need to know everything.

Jasmine Star (00:05:40) - So talk to me about a real life. Like, let's make it real, because people look at you and then they see this really beautiful, amazing book you wrote, and they're like, she doesn't go through this. And you're like, no, no, no, I'm actually experiencing it today. So what was the thing today?

Jen Gottlieb (00:05:50) - Oh, I'm experiencing it in general as a whole with a book launch, of course. So this is like so meta because I'm actually reading my own book.

Jasmine Star (00:05:58) - To.

Jen Gottlieb (00:05:58) - Learn the tools that I need right now to be seen on this level, because this is a whole nother level. Yes. But today, first of all, your podcast is a big moment for me to grow.

Jasmine Star (00:06:06) - Let's get that, honey, get to the meat. Okay? You're just you're so nice. You're so nice. I'm getting there.

Jen Gottlieb (00:06:10) - I want to, like, lead them in. All right, so my whole personal development story, like I am a student of this stuff. Yes you are.

Jen Gottlieb (00:06:17) - I am a student. I genuinely like was the person at the event watching the speakers on the stage. And Ed Mylett was one of the very first speakers that I ever saw speak. I was in tears. I saw him speak and I was like, whoa, I want to do that one day. Listen to all of his content really consumed it, really followed this person and would sometimes envision what it would be like if maybe I could be on his podcast. And I did it today. Today. And let me tell you how scared I was walking into that building. However, I had done so much like preparation for this in the way of not necessarily practicing my talking points, but like subconsciously practicing, really visualizing. While I would listen to his podcast like what I would say if I would be on it one day and like while I'd be walking down the street in New York listening to him and my like, oh, I would say it this way, or maybe on my Instagram lives where I do when I practice, like telling my stories, like envisioning.

Jen Gottlieb (00:07:06) - Maybe I'm talking to someone like Ed or Jasmine or Lori or Lindsay, some of these big shows that I want to be on, and I've been subconsciously preparing myself for this moment. So I knew that when I walked in there, yes, I was scared. I had imposter syndrome in a big way. Am I really worthy of doing this? For sure, it was all there you guys and it's continues to be there. I don't really feel like it ever goes away. You just get better at doing it with it there anyway. So I said, okay, if you're shut up. I've practiced this a zillion times, I've replayed this a zillion times in my mind, and I was like, okay, God, speak to me. And through me. I just let go. And I walked in and my subconscious knew what to do because I put in the reps. So I will never sit here and tell you that if you just visualize something, you can magically make it appear right. But I do believe that the more that you reprogram your subconscious and reprogram your limiting beliefs to believe that something's possible for you by experiencing it and feeling it and practicing it, doing the reps, practicing your content, being in it, taking consistent action even though you're afraid your subconscious reminds you of that and remembers that.

Jen Gottlieb (00:08:05) - And you can then take action with less fear or just be in charge of your make inferior. When you go into really difficult situations like that with imposter syndrome or perfectionist or comparison or any of the symptoms of fear.

Jasmine Star (00:08:16) - So somebody once told me that success leaves clues. So here you are at this point, and there's going to be many more amazing big moments. But what were the clues that were leading you to this moment? Why did you have to say what you had to say? Like, why did this book need to come from you and through you? What in the past had said, this is your moment, this is your you've been seeing grow. We can get into your origin story and I think that we should. But before we do that, what were the success clues that led you to this point? That said, this is your moment now?

Jen Gottlieb (00:08:45) - The introduction of the book is a really interesting story. So this doesn't go that far back and we'll go to the origin story. But this actually is a crazy, weird story that happened not too long ago.

Jen Gottlieb (00:08:54) - Chris and I were your husband. My husband Chris.

Jasmine Star (00:08:57) - Hi, Chris.

Jen Gottlieb (00:08:58) - We were going for a walk one day in the West Village because I didn't feel right. It was a couple of years ago and I kind of felt stuck, like I wasn't having the momentum that I wanted to have and I didn't understand why. And we usually go for walks when that happens and we're walking and we walk past this like psychic in the West Village, like this little like office with like the like. And I've never had a psychic reading in my life because I'm scared of them. Okay? I'm scared that they're going to tell me something that I don't want to hear and I'm going to subconsciously, like, manifest it or worry about it and like, you know, so Chris is like, I dare you to get a reading. Just do it. And I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm not doing this. He's like, come on, just do it. It'll be fun. So I was like, fine one time.

Jen Gottlieb (00:09:33) - So I go into this psychic and I sit down. She knows nothing about me. She starts to pull out these tarot cards and she looks at me and she goes, you're going to be very successful on a global scale. But what's coming to me is that you need to be seen. Shut up. There was no book yet. There was no nothing. Okay. She goes, you need to be seen. I go, you're crazy. I'm so seen. I have a course called the B Scene Accelerator. Like, remember, I.

Jasmine Star (00:09:55) - Have a PR.

Jen Gottlieb (00:09:56) - Agency. I teach people how to be seen. That is not right. Maybe that's what you're feeling. She's like, oh, no, you are not being seen. Be seen is what's coming to me be seen, be seen. And she kept saying it and I'm like, okay. And I leave. And that night I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning and it came. Hold on.

Jasmine Star (00:10:12) - I need to know the story.

Jasmine Star (00:10:13) - I'm a storyteller. Yes. So you leave? Yes, but Chris is waiting for you.

Jen Gottlieb (00:10:17) - No, he was with me in the room.

Jasmine Star (00:10:19) - Okay? He. Okay. So then you leave. Yes. This stranger, this psychic who you don't know and met and just stumbled upon in the middle of the street, and you walk out on a New York street? Yes. And what happens then? Prior to you, I can't sleep at night.

Jen Gottlieb (00:10:33) - Yeah. We continue walking. I'm sitting there listening to this in my head over and over again, and I've turned to Chris and I'm like, can you believe that? Like I'm so seen? And he's like, yeah, I don't know. It was like a non-event in that moment. Okay. I kind of just put it in my back pocket. Okay. But usually things like that pop up for me at 3:00 in the morning. Okay, I'll put it away. And then for some reason, it's like 3:00 in the morning, I'm tossing and turning and I'm like, she was so right.

Jen Gottlieb (00:10:59) - Because at that point in my life, in my business, yes, I had followers. I was doing this business, I was teaching people how to be seen, but there was a wall up and there were stories that I wasn't telling. I was not doing video at that time. I was posting really filtered, beautiful images with very perfect things for the world to see me in my highlight reel that I wanted them to see me as. And I realized that there was a huge disconnect, and there was a level that I was not stepping into in the way of being seen. And so I woke up that morning and I turned to Chris and I said, I'm writing a book. And I'm like, I'm writing a book because I need to be seen. And the act of writing a book will force me to be seen on a level I've never been before in my life. And so I immediately just I was like, hold me accountable, don't let me off the hook. And I took action.

Jen Gottlieb (00:11:47) - I wrote a shitty introduction. It's not the introduction of the book. I but you just took action. Took action.

Jasmine Star (00:11:52) - You just said, there's no attachments here. I'm just going to write it because it's the action.

Jen Gottlieb (00:11:57) - Yeah, it was the action. It was not the intro. And I even went right to my computer and to hold myself accountable even more, I bought a domain for a title that's not the title of the book that I thought it was going to be for like $3,000, and I put it on my credit card. I'm like, there you go now my back's against the wall. Now I own this, and I immediately started to take messy action. And by the end of the week, I had already had an outline. That's not the outline of the book. Now, I want to double down on this now because people are waiting for you until they have it perfect.

Jasmine Star (00:12:23) - Good for you in.

Jen Gottlieb (00:12:24) - Order to get it out into the world. It was not even close to what it is now.

Jen Gottlieb (00:12:27) - It didn't have the name be seen either, and this is an important part of the story. Had a different name. I sold the proposal with this book, with a completely different name that I didn't really like, and I had a meeting with some of our friends Amy Porterfield, Gabby Bernstein, Marie Forleo, and we're sitting at Soho House doing like this book launch meeting and the name of my book that I sold my proposal to, to hey, House was a different name. And Gaby said to me, she's like, that's not the name of your book. I'm like, I know, but it has to be because, you know, I'm screwed. I sold the proposal. Like, this is the name that they love this. She's like, Jen, what do you help people do? And I'm like, I help people be seen. And she's like, that's the name of her book. And then all of a sudden I think of this psychic and the beacon thing. And then I look back and I'm starting to connect the dots.

Jen Gottlieb (00:13:10) - And this entire year of writing this book, I'm producing an absurd amount of content, and I'm putting myself out there and I'm doing my Instagram live with no makeup on every single day, and I'm being seen on another level. And everything in the book is around teaching people how to be seen. I'm like, Holy crap, it all makes sense. This is the journey. This is the book. It's for this person. That was me throughout this process, the psychic was right.

Jasmine Star (00:13:32) - Okay, so there's a couple of things here. I want to go back to what was happening when you decided to change the name of the book. No, no, no, I want to go before that. Okay. You had the outline. You wrote an introduction that did not end up being the introduction, and you knew it probably wasn't your strongest piece of writing. And then you create an outline for a book that that is not the outline. And to the person who is with their terrible first draft and the person who's like straddling the line between an outline that may or may not be that outline, what are you saying to yourself? Like, how are you getting to the next step of giving yourself the permission to be like, this is an outline.

Jasmine Star (00:14:07) - It's not a waste of time. It's a thing. Like, what are you actually telling yourself in those moments?

Jen Gottlieb (00:14:10) - I'm telling myself in those moments, better done them perfect, better done them perfect. I'm just repeating that because I knew that if I waited to be exactly what I thought it would be, then it would never get into existence. I knew that I needed I wanted to have a traditional book deal, so I knew that I needed to do whatever I needed to do to get an amazing agent and get that book deal. And I was like, once I get it and I will figure this out, but let's just write something. And I think that people are very scared. Let's talk about being seen in general to put out content or put their stuff out there because they think that it's not ready or it's not fully formed. You don't create fully formed content without trying. First, everything I've ever created started off really bad. Everything. And I got clear on it by doing, not by sitting around and thinking about it and making sure it was perfect in my head before I delivered it, I tried not that good.

Jen Gottlieb (00:14:54) - Try it again a little better, try it again. Got the feedback of the people who were listening, what they liked, what they didn't. I saw what worked. I saw what didn't. I messed up, I failed, I won a little, took all of those pieces of the sandwich, put it together. And that is how clarity forms by action, not by thinking about it and not by hesitating and not by stopping, but by doing. And that is so unbelievably scary. But it's the secret to being seen.

Jasmine Star (00:15:15) - Okay, so there's one thing I want to tap on before I get into the next thing you had said. I tried something and it wasn't very good. I tried something and it got a little bit better. And then I tried something and I got feedback and I want to point out point blank, you will never get feedback without going through the suck of doing something again and again before you can present it to somebody else, because I think that people say, if I just had a mentor, if I just had somebody look at it, if I just had somebody help me outline, you will never get to the person who can make your work better.

Jasmine Star (00:15:43) - You will never get the attention of somebody who wants to help you without having done the work before. So you are a living testament of that. After Gabrielle tells you, hey, that's not the name of your book, and you're like, sorry, this is what I pitched and sold you, then say, I'm going to go back to her house. And what does that look like? Like, I want to know the tea. Yeah.

Jen Gottlieb (00:15:59) - Let's go. Yeah. This is the tea because nobody knows this.

Jasmine Star (00:16:01) - And this is very difficult though. Like, I think that sometimes we don't stick up for the things that we know are true. So what is going through your head? I was so scared. Yeah.

Jen Gottlieb (00:16:08) - I did not think that they would be okay with it, but I knew in my heart, you know, when you're like, I was like, this has to happen. It clicked. So much so in my heart. And when I thought about talking about my book being called Be Seen, I was just excited.

Jen Gottlieb (00:16:21) - And even with the cover, like the cover was different before and I wasn't excited to show it to people. So I knew that it wasn't the cover. I wasn't excited to tell people the name of my book, so I knew it wasn't the right name. When I figured out the name be seen, I wanted to tell everybody in their mom that my book was called Be Seen, and I prayed and prayed and prayed that hey House would be okay with this. And I wrote this whole email. It was immediate because I take immediate action. I'm fast action taker and I was just like, the book has to be called Be Seen. This is how it's going to work. Like, I don't know when you're fully when you're totally committed to something, people can sense that and they understand that and they know that. And I believe that they brought me on, not necessarily because of the book that I was going to write, but because of me. And I knew that. So I said, this is what it has to be.

Jen Gottlieb (00:17:05) - And they were amazing. And they said, okay. And it helped that. Gabby Bernstein said that it should be the name. And she's also a New York Times bestselling author. So they were like, okay, well, Gabby agrees and things I'm like, yep, okay. She does.

Jasmine Star (00:17:18) - Okay. So the skill set. So success leaves clues. Yeah, it wasn't Gabby. And we know that. Yeah. Okay. What empowered you to actually say I know that this is the right decision. What tools or skill sets somebody listening right now and says I want to be able to defend something I know to be true. What are the skill sets that they're using? Because I think that small little things build up to courageous decisions. Yeah, but it's a muscle that you have somehow flexed what was like a couple of things that you've done to say, I'm okay being courageous and asking for what I want.

Jen Gottlieb (00:17:51) - Courage is built by sticking with the commitments you make with yourself consistently. So I had a lot of practice leading up to that, to sticking to commitments with myself.

Jen Gottlieb (00:17:59) - I am just religious on that, because I know that when I make a promise to myself, or I say something to myself that I'm going to do something like I'm committed to it and I don't do it. I'm telling my subconscious that I don't trust myself to follow through. So I'm actually removing my confidence in my courage. So leading up to that, I'm not going to tell you that it was a skill set or a tool that I used and immediately like was like, poof, you are now the person that can tell, hey House, that you need to change the title of the book, that they gave you a lot of money for. No, it was a lot over time that led me to become that person that could actually have the courage to do that, because if you would have asked me five years ago if I would have had the courage to do that, hell to the know, it was consistently sticking with the commitments I made with myself, consistently putting myself in hard decision making processes, and consistently forcing myself to take action before I was ready and consistently doing scary things and putting myself in the face of fear and just doing it anyway.

Jen Gottlieb (00:18:49) - That led me to the point where I had developed the courage and the confidence and the belief in myself where I could do that. But it wasn't overnight. It was consistently doing, doing even though I was afraid. And you guys like, if you don't feel like you have courage, it's a double edged sword because it takes taking action to build courage and confidence. In the book, I talk about the confidence continuum. You got to take action scared in order to get the win, to create more confidence to do it next time. Because that win gives you a little bit of momentum. However, you got to have courage to take that first action step, and that first action step is so scary. And the way that I do that is I have conversations with fear all the time, and I envision myself. I don't even envision I actually do it because I'm a crazy New Yorker, and I'll walk down the street talking to myself all the time, but I will put fear next to me and I will be like, what symptom is it? Is it fear of judgment? Is it perfectionism? Is it comparison? Is it fear of like them not liking me or wanting me? What is it? Okay.

Jen Gottlieb (00:19:44) - Fear, I see you, I get it. I know what you're trying to do right now. I know that you're just trying to keep me safe because this is scary. But guess what? I'm in control. You can come with. And in Elizabeth Gilbert's book Big Magic, she puts fear in the passenger seat of the car. She talks about that going on a road trip with fear. So I will envision that I'm in a car, and I will put fear in the passenger seat of the car, and I will put my arm around it and I'll say, you're going to shut up, and I'm going to drive, and we're going to go together. And I do things feeling so scared. But every time I do and I get to the other side and I get to my bed that night because we always make it to the bed, we always do tonight we're going to make it to our bed. We did something scary today. No matter what happens during the day, you always make it to your bed and I say, you did it, Jenny.

Jen Gottlieb (00:20:24) - Every time I do that, I become a more courageous person because that discomfort is so temporary. But the growth that happens when you get in your bed or like you take a bow at the end or the camera turns off and you're like, I did it. That is permanent. And consistently having that continuum, that cycle is what gives you courage to be able to make big decisions like that and stand up for yourself like that.

Jasmine Star (00:20:44) - So we see a lot happening in your life. We see you stepping in and doing things, and we see you flexing muscles that have ultimately brought you to this point. And if you were to think of somebody who's listening right now and they see a version of you, if you were to go back, you had said five years ago, I couldn't do what I did today. Could you go back to yourself maybe four years ago? And what did one of those early like decisions, what was something that you did to kind of prep yourself for these bigger decisions so that we go back and we meet ourselves then and express appreciation for the decision you made? Yeah.

Jen Gottlieb (00:21:14) - I'll tell you one that I don't often talk about on podcasts. When Chris and I first started building our company, it first started becoming successful. We talked about joining masterminds and.

Jasmine Star (00:21:22) - Oh, I love.

Jen Gottlieb (00:21:23) - This story. I know you.

Jasmine Star (00:21:24) - Do. I love this story.

Jen Gottlieb (00:21:25) - Yeah, it's a good one because it was very scary decision that paid off in a very big way in so many areas of my life. Okay. Let's go. So there was this mastermind that I got invited to join that cost $100,000 to be part of. And you better believe that. I did not think for one second that I was worthy of being in a room with other people that could pay $100,000 to be part of a group like that. I also didn't believe that I was worthy of my company, investing that much money in me and my ability to make things happen from that. So I got on the call with this guy that was like inviting me into this. I guess it was a sales conversation, but he was actually, you know, he was like inviting me into this, and I am going to throw up.

Jen Gottlieb (00:22:04) - And I knew that Chris wanted me to do it. I knew that he saw it for me, but I was pulling back in so many ways. I was fear was negotiating with me. You know, when fear negotiates with you, yes, you could do it next year. Do it next year. You'll be so much more ready next year, like you'll be a different version of yourself. Next year you'll be able to fit in the room. I just oh, you can't make that date. Oh, look at the calendar. That's going to people. Your brain does that to you too. And I sat for a minute and I thought to myself, I am in this journey of doing things that are uncomfortable and scary, and putting myself in this room is going to be probably the most uncomfortable thing that I can do, and that's exactly why I need to do it. I have no idea how I was able to talk myself through that like that at that time in my life, but I was.

Jen Gottlieb (00:22:45) - And so I said, yes. And I show up to this mastermind with all of these people that have sold their company for hundreds of millions of dollars or whatever, very successful people, mostly men. I was one of like 4 or 5 women in the room and. I was like, I don't belong here. And I remember sitting at the dinner for the first night. They have us all stand up and say our name and like, introduce ourselves. I'd never spoken in front of a room like that before in my life. At that time. I stood up and I was like, I'm Jen. There's a video of it. It was so.

Jasmine Star (00:23:13) - Bad. I was like.

Jen Gottlieb (00:23:14) - Hi! I was so scared. However, I made a commitment to myself and I had $100,000 riding on that commitment. So it forced me to consistently show up. And I sat in the front row every time I went. And I made friends with people that I was petrified to talk to, and I forced myself to sit at tables with people that I didn't sit with the day before, and I forced myself to network and mastermind with them in between the events, and I forced myself to show up.

Jen Gottlieb (00:23:40) - Maybe the money did have something to do with it, because it was holding me accountable in a big way, but also it was me proving to myself what I was capable of. And every time I went, I got more confident every time. And then by like the fourth mastermind, I was like, I belong in this room. Yes, I belong in this room. But it didn't happen from me waiting until I was ready. It happened by not being ready and doing it anyway. And then because of that mastermind, so many opportunities. My whole speaking career was born out of that mastermind because of the people that noticed me there and put me on their stages. So that was a big risk. And if I would have listened to the negotiating that fear was trying to do with me at that time, and I'll do it next month, I'll do it next year, then I probably would not be in this position that I'm in today. And it was painful and it was scary, but I'm so grateful that I did it because we get this life one time and I don't want to be looking back later on saying, I should have, I could have, I would have, but I didn't because I was afraid.

Jasmine Star (00:24:34) - As you share that, I want to talk about a different perspective, my own I want to hear. So I want to say thank you for being one of the four women in that room, because you lived out a commitment of being seen. So you were doing this mastermind before any sort of book promotion had started, or even I had not even known at the time that you were doing the book. Right. And so you were embodying this idea of being seen and you were documenting your journey. And so I distinctly remember this one story that you had said, being a part of this mastermind, this type, this level of mastermind is the vast majority of the people in this mastermind are working out before we actually start our day. And so then you shared with your audience three tips that you've noticed that this level of entrepreneur is playing at. And then you would go and you would sit and they'd have like these really like big music artists and nice food and fancy and like cars that are just like names I don't even know.

Jasmine Star (00:25:25) - And you're sharing the journey but not look at me, but look what can be done. And I want to say thank you for that, because you were walking through that and then showing other people what it means to be in that room. Second thing, there was a vacation. I want to say South America, Mexico. I'm not sure. You and Chris, there was a picture of you on your laptop saying, I'm writing this book for people who've been on this journey, and you are then being seen in a way that's not as glamorized as former versions of yourself, and yet bringing people on the journey so different stages of what you've been doing. And I just want to say from the outside that your work validates you coming on and embodying this message. This book is going to impact so many people's lives. So we started off the conversation with fear, and then we talked about things that we allow to get in our way, and we talked about these things that identify the symptoms, the symptoms, the symptoms.

Jasmine Star (00:26:19) - And then we talked about making courageous decisions and talking about the muscles that we have to flex to get to that point. And then this is where somebody who says, I can flex these muscles, and one day I will go from making a decision and then keeping myself in a line to being able to advocate for myself when somebody else in power has negotiated with me, and I can advocate and I'm feeling this, and then boom, something here happens once we get to this point, what have you seen talk to us about what happens in the book is that this is the pattern of we get to this self-belief, but what is the final linchpin to get somebody actually going from I believe I can do it. And then something rears its head. Is it fear? Does it take a different form? Is it talking yourself down? What is this thing that a lot of people have to get past? It's great. We've got through the first half of your book. I'm feeling it. It's great. And then there's something that happens to people.

Jasmine Star (00:27:03) - What is this pattern that you see with people who stop themselves from fully sharing their message? Well, it's self.

Jen Gottlieb (00:27:08) - Sabotage happens and it's happened to me so many different times in my career. Have you read the book The Big Leap? Yes yes yes yes. Okay. So the upper.

Jasmine Star (00:27:16) - Limit, but hold on. We need to talk first and foremost about the cover of the book, because there is a goldfish in a bowl that's trying to get out. I just looked at it. There's just no way I'm reading this book. Like this book? No. And then it's one of the top, top five best books that I read in my career as I was an entrepreneur. I know, I.

Jen Gottlieb (00:27:31) - Know, it's not a.

Jasmine Star (00:27:32) - Pretty cover.

Jen Gottlieb (00:27:33) - But everyone. The big leap if you self-sabotage, we all do it. Yes, at all levels. And I bet you all continue to do it again and again and again. But now, at least if you're aware of it, yes, you can know how to.

Jen Gottlieb (00:27:42) - Oh, I acknowledge it. I'm doing it. Let's move through it. But we all have this thermostat set where as successful as we think we can become until it becomes a little scary or uncomfortable, right? Oh crap. This level is just. I don't know what this level is like. This is scary. I'm going to subconsciously bring myself back down to a place where I feel a little bit more. Comfortable with the chaos, or with the hoping and dreaming and praying that maybe it'll happen, but we subconsciously do all like even in a relationship. Sometimes if the relationship is too good, sometimes the person one of the people will come in and start a fight because they're scared that it's getting too good and the other person will leave them. It's so common. It happened to me, and the way that I can deal with it now is by looking back and connecting the dots backwards in my life, and remembering when I've self sabotaged myself in the past and how I've moved through it. But I used to be an actress.

Jen Gottlieb (00:28:25) - Many of these listeners probably don't have no idea what my life was before this, but I was on the Broadway national tour of The Wedding Singer, the Adam Sandler movie The Wedding Singer, and it was my dream role I literally manifested. It's all in the book. I manifested this role by visualizing and getting rejected a zillion times, but continuously going for it. And I got this part, and I was playing this dream role all around the country, and I was like, oh my God, I know how to create anything that I want. I can do this. I moved home after the show was over, and I got booked on this TV show about heavy metal music on VH1, and all of a sudden, because I was an actress. So I was like, yay! I got a job! Amazing. This is great. I'm going to pretend to be this heavy metal girl. Little did I know, five years later I was completely pretending to be somebody that I wasn't and I have forgotten who I really was.

Jen Gottlieb (00:29:08) - If you looked at me at that time, Jasmine, I had, like, platinum blonde hair and like, all the metal shirts. I don't like heavy metal music. I didn't know anything about heavy metal music. Jasmine. I was like, the rock stars would come into the dressing rooms and we would interview them, and I would have to Google them before and be like, oh yeah, I totally loved your song. So I was living this lie and I felt myself slowly but surely sabotage everything that was happening to me. Even though I had that success with Wedding Singer, I allowed myself to get to a point where it was just too scary, too big. I built this lie, built this brand, and it felt completely out of alignment. And then everything imploded. And I believe that I subconsciously did that on purpose, to get myself to a place where I forced myself to start over, and that might have been self sabotage in a really powerful way, actually, where I was secretly helping myself and didn't realize it.

Jen Gottlieb (00:29:58) - So I don't know if I was sabotaging my success. I think I was actually sabotaging it to build myself back up. However, that show going away, getting dumped by the guy that I was dating, losing everything all in one fell swoop, it's all in. The book brought me to a point where I was basically like on my knees, like in an apartment with six other actors, with a window that faced a wall, and not having a job and not having a relationship and having to start over. And that forced me to actually look at myself and say, who the hell are you? And who do you want to be seen as? And I wish that I could tell you that at that moment I was like a phoenix rising from the ashes. And I was like, yes, I'm going to personal development myself out of this, and it's going to be amazing, and I'm going to be this entrepreneur. No, it got a lot worse at that moment. And this is a crazy full circle story that I think you're going to enjoy.

Jen Gottlieb (00:30:41) - So I really spiraled at that time, and I was really in a bad place, and my mom had to come into the city and like, take care of me. My mom is really into personal development, and I wasn't at the time, but she's like, really? Like, my mom's a Reiki master. So she's like really into it. And she comes into the city and she gives me this book and it's called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Oh, it's a book full of affirmations written by this woman, Louise Hay. And my mom is so smart. She knew I wasn't going to read the book because I was like, whatever, mom, get this book away. You know, like, I don't want a personal development book. Go. She photocopied one of the affirmations and put it inside the book. And on the back of the photocopy she wrote, Jenny, I hope you find yourself again. And I looked at this affirmation and I'm like, okay, I'm not going to read this book, but I will put this stupid affirmation on my refrigerator and I'll just read it every day.

Jen Gottlieb (00:31:27) - That's all I'm going to do. I'm going to make this one commitment to myself, and I will read this thing every day. Let's see if it works. And I read this affirmation by Louise Hay every day before I left the house. And I don't know if it was the actual affirmation or if it was the act of sticking with one commitment that I made with myself every day. But slowly but surely, I started to get myself to the floor of Barnes and Noble and read all of these books and start to expand and start to build my business and my fitness business, and start to eventually find the love of my life and build the company that we built today. And it was all I really feel like the kick start of it was this moment of starting to read this affirmation. Skip to now. A year ago, when I was pitching my book to publishers, we were getting a lot of no's. Actually. We were getting rejected by quite a few people, were just not getting it. And the last meeting that we had on the calendar with the publisher, me and my agent was, hey, House and I get on the call with this team.

Jen Gottlieb (00:32:20) - Hey, House is Louise Hay's publishing company. Yep. And all of a sudden, this story of this affirmation and this book comes back to me, and I start telling them the story, and everyone's crying, and I'm like, oh my God, you really can't connect the dots looking forward. Like I had absolutely no idea in that moment how pivotal that was. But hey, House was supposed to bring this book into the world, right? I truly believe that. And it really all is part of the journey.

Jasmine Star (00:32:46) - So there will be somebody, it will look different, but there will be somebody who will photocopy, screenshot, share text, print out something from your book. And it will help somebody. For somebody who is wanting to be seen and maybe they don't have access, or maybe they're on the fence of like looking and finding more about you book. What's something that you would say? Why do they need to be seen?

Jen Gottlieb (00:33:12) - So if you're listening to this right now and you are feeling something and you've been here the whole time and you still have your earbuds in and you're still listening, and you are feeling in your heart that you have something that can help people and you are holding yourself back.

Jen Gottlieb (00:33:25) - You have a service, you have a story. You have a product that can help another human being. It's actually your responsibility to be seen. Because every day that goes by that you're not those people that desperately need your help or like old meme that was following you or following all of the people like Ed my life that I used to follow. They're going to go follow someone else that might not be as good as you, and might not care as much as you, simply because you're too scared of what other people think to put yourself out there. So not being seen if you have gifts that can help other people is actually kind of selfish. And I like to think about the end of my life sometimes. And I think about like 100 year old Jen on my deathbed. And I want to be able to lay there and be like, wow, you did it. I don't want to lay there and think I didn't live my life to my fullest potential, and I didn't showcase my gifts, and I didn't help enough people simply because I was afraid of judgment or afraid of what other people will think.

Jen Gottlieb (00:34:19) - Because all of those people that we are afraid of what they're going to think about you, they don't really care that much. They're too wrapped up in their own life. They don't care. And the people that do care, well, those people are going to love you no matter what.

Jasmine Star (00:34:33) - I think I was like a testament this morning like, you have your get ready with me mornings. And this morning I logged in to your get ready with me. You did, I did, I did, I did I even dropped some comments too. I was there and I was watching how people poured into you and they had said, this is.

Jen Gottlieb (00:34:49) - The best place.

Jasmine Star (00:34:51) - To be in the world. And this, my friend, is you doing your makeup in a hotel room or bathroom or I don't know where you were. And I think to myself that people care about you because you genuinely care about them. And the idea of getting seen from my perspective and what I've seen of what you do and how you powerfully right, is not for more attention on you, but more attention on how you could serve.

Jasmine Star (00:35:13) - And I want to say thank you for being here. There was people who needed to hear this, and you so generously made that flight from New York to LA, and then realized that Newport Beach during traffic is two hours away and you're like, I'm flying down to Jasmine, like not flying. You're sitting in traffic, you're crawling to my house to share this message so generously. And I want to say thank you. Congrats on writing an incredible book. Congrats on sharing a message. Congrats on showing up, congrats on being seen and empowering others to be seen too. For those of you who would like more information on Be Seen all major retailers. But we want to support small businesses, small mom and pop shops. If you're there, like hook it Up and if you're of the digital inkling, we can get them on. All retailers be seen. Jen, how can people further connect with you and your story? And being online?

Jen Gottlieb (00:35:59) - The greatest place to be is Instagram. I'm there, I'm in the DMs, just go there.

Jen Gottlieb (00:36:03) - It's so simple. Everything is there at Jen underscore Gottlieb. Thank you for.

Jasmine Star (00:36:06) - Listening to The Jasmine Star Show. It is an honor and a privilege. And Jen and I cannot wait to see how you are being seen. So one action item after you listen to this podcast is take take a picture. Where are you listening? What are you doing? And we triple dog dare you to take a selfie, take a sweaty selfie, take a cooking selfie. Take a dog walk in selfie, take a selfie with the baby and tag Jen. Underscore Gottlieb so that she can see you start on your journey of being seen. Thank you for listening to The Jasmine Star Show. I'll be.