Jasmine Star (00:00:14) - Welcome back to The Jasmine Star Show, a place where we get to talk about business, in marketing, in mindset, in today, a topic very near and dear to my heart because somebody opened my eyes and actually forced me to have a conversation about worthiness, what it means to be worthy. Now, I know not a topic I normally talk about because I just kind of keep it in my little Pandora box of my soul. And I had the luxury and the honor and the privilege to hang out in Tennessee with today's guest. And I sat in a room with her, and I heard her speak so passionately about her life's work and her life's purpose. And I saw a future version of myself accepting and stepping into the person I want to be. So without any further ado, Jamie Kern Lima, welcome to the Jasmine Star show. Jasmine, thank.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:01:02) - You so much for having me. I am so fired up. I'm so excited the way you just describe that little Pandora's box in your soul.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:01:10) - Every single person listening with big business dreams, with ideas, with like entrepreneurial spirit, with big dreams on their heart. Every single one of us has that Pandora's box. And am I worthy of my business goals and dreams? Am I worthy of healthy relationship? Am I worthy of soaring the levels of my successes? And a lot of us don't realize, and I believe I'm so passionate, I'm going to get fired up right off the top that that Pandora's box you so beautifully described. That is where the key is to all of it. Because like, oh, you want to double your success, okay? Double your self-worth. Like you want to double your network and double your self-worth because your self-worth is your ceiling, your self-worth is your ceiling. And it is very different from self-confidence, which is important. It's very different from growing and contributing. It's very different from all these other things. And I just feel like for so long I did not understand the difference between self-worth and self-confidence. I thought I needed more self-confidence.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:02:11) - What I really needed was more self-worth, because when we do not believe we are worthy of something, it will not happen. We'll hit a ceiling or we'll go for it and sabotage it along the way, or the best cases will go for it and get it and still feel like it's not enough, still feel like we're not enough. So our self-worth is our ceiling. It is why I wrote worthy. I am fired up today. Excited to be here with you. So honored for that one person. Just listening to you and me right now who's like Jasmine just mentioned her Pandora's box and her soul. I have that too. And I'm telling you right now, that is the key to business to to everything, right? You want to double your success, double your self-worth.

Jasmine Star (00:02:54) - So if you see me in my eyes, um, are looking down. I take notes. Jamie. It's how I learn and how I disseminate. So please know for people who are listening and or watching, I write down the things my friends say and a moleskine journal.

Jasmine Star (00:03:09) - I have 2023 my journal here, and then I have 2024 journal here. And in the 2023 journal, I was writing down what you were talking about. Now, I want to be very clear. I'm giving people like a front row seat to what it feels like to be in a room with very brilliant people, and we weren't talking about the context of the book. We were talking about this idea of the the business of a book. And yet when Jamie was talking about the book, I kept on asking myself questions. What does worthiness disguise itself as? What do I get confused with? Because prior prior to us sitting in that room, I didn't think I'm like, I didn't think I struggled with worthiness. And so talk to me about your distillation between people who are like, I don't wake up and think I'm not worthy, but what does worthiness disguise itself as? Because you would said. I used to think it was self-confidence. Can we tap here? Because I really want to bring people into that side of the conversation.

Jasmine Star (00:04:03) - Yes.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:04:04) - And, you know, so powerful and and by the way, for the person listening who is like, I'm crushing it on the outside, everyone thinks I've got it all. I don't know that I have a worthiness thing. Uh, right now, 80%, 80% of women do not believe they're enough. 75% of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. It is a thing. And sometimes, Jasmine, to use your beautiful analogy, like it's in a Pandora's box. Deep inside we think it's not messing with anything, but when it is there, when it is there. So here's how it looks like in our lives, and here's how it disguises itself as. And this one distinction has changed everything from my life. Because here's the deal. Let me just position this by saying, right now, as we are talking live, I am more ambitious than I have ever been in my entire life, and I also feel more enough than I ever have. And what I did not realize, though, most of my life, and I think for anybody who is an achiever, who's listening to you, me, right now, I believe the lie that if I achieve enough, then off.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:05:13) - Finally feel enough, then I'll finally be enough. And in the pursuit of achievement of things, I believe it's an important part of life because we are so often building self-confidence in the pursuit or building we're growing. We're often contributing to something greater than ourselves. But in the pursuit of all those things, which is very important to part of our lives, none of that actually builds self-worth, which is really, really different. And so I want to distinguish the two. And then I'm going to answer that question of like, how does it disguise itself? How does it show up? Because for the person listening right now, if this is the one thing you take away from the episode, I'm telling you right now, for me, this has been life changing. So our self-confidence, which is so important in our lives, it is an internal trait, but it is based so much on the external. It's how we assess our skills and abilities. It's our willingness to try and go for it. It's how much of the world's definition of success we think we have.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:06:08) - It's how we feel. We stack up and measure and compare to others, and it fluctuates and it's fragile. And, you know, studies show when the athlete wins, they're 30% more confident, right? It fluctuates. It's fragile. When we for a lot of us think, uh oh, you know, we're often raised and maybe I can ask this question to the one person just who is with you and me right now. If you imagine a big goal or dream that you've had your whole life and you thought, when I finally get that thing, then I'm gonna feel a shit made in the shade. I'm gonna feel happy and fulfilled. And for some people, it's when my business hits this number. Or when I get this job title or, you know, when I get this many followers online, or when I get married, or when I get the six pack abs, or when I get the dream car, right. We have these, and then we arrive at that thing. And for some of us, we work decades to get that thing or years or months, and we arrive at that thing thinking, I'm going to finally feel unfulfilled and happy and enough.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:07:09) - And for a lot of us, we get at that thing and we're happy for a minute. And before we know it, we're back to feeling like something's missing. Like it's not enough. Like we're not enough. And so our answer is, oh, I've just got to work harder. I just gotta hustle and go to the next level, the next level. And it becomes this perpetual cycle to nowhere. Because in the pursuit of all those things, we're building a lot of confidence, which is important. And we're building, you know, we're we're growing, we're contributing. Those are all important. But none of those things actually builds self-worth, which is different. Self-worth is the deep internal knowing that you are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are, not as your past mistakes or failures or regrets, not as the amount of success the world tells you you have, but exactly innately as who you are. And our self-confidence is almost like the house we're building, with the rooms and the art and all the things.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:08:07) - But our self-worth is the foundation beneath the house, and our house will only ever be a stable and secure as that foundation beneath it. And a lot of people say, well, wait a minute, I'm super ambitious. If I believe I'm enough, am I going to lose my edge? Am I going to lose my ambition? It's like, oh no, actually, it's the opposite. When you raise your ceiling of self-worth because your self-worth is your ceiling and you learn to believe you're enough, you actually become more ambitious and more fearless because you know, oh, even if I go for the thing and I fall flat on my face, I. It might shake my confidence for a minute, but it cannot touch my self-worth. And so, you know, here's the thing for to to answer your question on what is it come disguised as right. Because for you know, for me, most of my entire life I thought self-confidence and self-worth are the same thing. And by the way, who cares? What's the difference? Well, oh, it's a big freaking deal because I was in that achiever trap forever of thinking if I achieve enough, I'm going to feel enough and arriving at it and not feeling fulfilled, not enjoying my life, not feeling like I was enough in the process, and still sabotaging other stuff in my life.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:09:26) - Okay, because here's the thing. When you are one of the 80 plus percent, uh, who do not believe you're enough, you might crush it in one area, but you sabotage another area like underneath it. All right. Here. So? So. And I can share a story with you in a second, but let me share how it like. Really? I'm so fired up, Jasmine. And I love you so much. That's why I'm like. I'm, like, jumping out of my.

Jasmine Star (00:09:48) - Chair like Jimmy. Okay, so as a side note, I want I'm going to be talking to Jamie in a slightly different way, but I need her to say this because if I am putting myself in the listeners shoes, I feel simultaneously wildly drawn to this powerful unicorn of a of a creature. It says, if I could just have 1% of what that woman has embodied and bottled. And then there is another person or another side of the same person who says, I will never have that.

Jasmine Star (00:10:18) - I'm going to be sharing a couple of things professionally and personally that I know about Jamie. That's going to help you radically change the way that you see this woman, because she's not just talking the talk, she's walking the walk. So I wanted to pause there. And worthiness looks like a deep internal knowing that you are deserving just who you are, just you in this moment. And worthiness looks like a foundation of belief. And regardless of how ambitious you are, you could raise the ceiling of your worthiness and your ambitions can grow alongside them. And then you are pivoting just a bit to talk about what it disguises itself as.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:10:56) - Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I love that you shared that Jasmine. And maybe someone is thinking, oh, wow, that girl built $1 billion business. Like, I can.

Jasmine Star (00:11:06) - Have my thunder. You wait wait wait wait. Hold on y'all, there are people who just listen to this. And she just casually went over that. I have to tell you, she is a co-founder of cosmetics, a company.

Jasmine Star (00:11:15) - She started in her living room and sold to L'Oreal for $1.2 billion. So when you hear her talk about when I get there, it will be enough. I don't know if everybody knows the story that for all intents and purposes, she reached multiple platitudes and levels of enoughness and then it wasn't enough. So if there's a person who could sit here and say that there was the one person of the 1% or the 1% who was on this earth, who could do what she has just done, and then talk about the worthiness needed in each one of those levels. We're talking to this person. So for the person who pushed the end zone line and push the marathon winning line, and for people who redefined what enough was like, please, we're talking to a person who went through it on multiple levels. And so if there is a person who could talk about raising the ceiling to ambition, but also talk about understanding that she got to a point where she realized something needs to change. I want something more before we get to that part.

Jasmine Star (00:12:10) - The disguising. Yeah.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:12:12) - And I thank you for sharing that. My hope and prayer for the person listening to me right now to is that they come out of this conversation way more fired up and ambitious than they've ever been.

Jasmine Star (00:12:22) - Amen.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:12:23) - Also with tools on how to freaking enjoy it every step of the way and believe they are enough every step of the way. Because when you do not believe you are enough, it is a lie, right? And and you know, I my first book believe it was like my story of learning to believe in myself. But worthy is the playbook on how do you believe in you? And it's packed with 20 tools on not just what do you need to learn? It's like, oh no, what do you need to unlearn? Because worthiness is a journey of we are all exactly what you just said. Every single one of us is fully worthy exactly as we are. I do not care what you have done in your past, your past mistakes, the shame you're carrying, the things that you think you got wrong, the number of times you failed or fell flat on your face.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:13:05) - I do not care. You are fully worthy exactly as you are. And this is a journey about unlearning those lies that lead to self-doubt, right? And reigniting the truths that wake up worthiness. And so that's sort of how I wrote the book. Worthy was all of these lies that I have believed, that have led me to be doubting myself out of my destiny in certain areas in my life, and even in moments when I was achieving what the world said, look like all of it, right? Selling the business for $1 billion, the Forbes list, all those things. I was still sabotaging friendships I didn't believe I was worthy of having. We our self-worth becomes our ceiling. We will sabotage things we don't think we're worthy of. Here. Here's the three big disguises. The way that this shows up for someone listening going, oh gosh, I thought, I need more self-confidence, which we all do our whole lives. It's so important. But a lot of us, we think we need more self-confidence.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:13:57) - What we actually need is more self-worth. And then it's different. Here's a three disguises that it often shows up as. So when we have really, really, really low self-worth, uh, it can look like. And by the way, let me just say this one more time, you can be crushing it into the outside world, in your business or in, you know, your health and fitness goals, or in, you know, your the popularity and depth of your friendships. You could be crushing it in certain areas, but underneath it all, you're struggling with self-worth. Here's what that often looks like, and it gets disguised right. It's easy to disguise stuff when we have stuff all around us. It looks like we got it all together. When you have low self-worth, it often looks like you are stuck and you don't know why. And it may. That might mean you know you have a book inside of you to write, but you don't know why you haven't written it, or you are working in a business, but you know you were born to run one and you don't know why you're not taking the leap.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:14:51) - Or you want a partner in your life, but you're like not getting on the dating app, or you're not going and socializing at church or somewhere else during the week. And we tell ourselves, you know, stories like, oh, I just need to get more experience or build more skill sets. And that might be true. But often, often the real reason we're stuck with something is because deep down inside, underneath it all, we do not believe we are worthy of the thing. And I talk about this in the book, worthy about how we do not soar to the levels of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe are worthy of, and so low self-worth often will disguise itself as we're stuck and we tell ourselves it's for all these other reasons. If you have low to medium self-worth the second big way, it'll disguise itself. And maybe this is you listening right now and you're like, oh, I thought I needed more skill set, more confidence.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:15:50) - But actually, I don't think I'm worthy of this level in my business. And here's what that looks like. If low to medium self-worth, that looks like we'll go for the thing, we'll put ourselves out there, will launch the business. But we hit a ceiling and we think, oh, I really want a six figure business, but we're at a ceiling at four figures or five figures. We don't know why it looks like it looks like we hit a ceiling, or we go for the thing and we sabotage it along the way. Right? So we write the manuscript to our book, but we don't send it. We scroll Instagram for eight hours a day instead, or we meet a potential partner and they're amazing. But then we decide for some reason we're just not attracted to them, and we put them in the friend zone. We will sabotage things that deep down inside, we don't believe we're worthy of. Or here's the most common, especially for a high achievers, is we'll go for the thing, then we'll actually crush it.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:16:46) - We'll actually get that thing we're going for, will arrive at the goal, we'll hit that number, we'll get that job title. We'll get the, you know, all the marriage, the kids, whatever those big things are. But then we arrive there perpetually unfulfilled, feeling like something's missing, feeling like it's not enough and like we're not enough. And that is what low self-worth will do. It will lie to us all day long. And it is. It is just truly the one thing that changes everything. And and Jasmine, you know, this story, but, uh, a lot of people don't know the story. You know, I, um, I'm launching my show for the first time ever, The Jamie Lima Show. Oprah is my first guest on the show.

Jasmine Star (00:17:29) - You're starting small, Jamie. I mean, you really need to aim higher like you just do.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:17:33) - Well, here's what's wild is it almost did not happen. I almost doubted myself out of my own destiny. And I have so many times I have doubted myself out of my own destiny.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:17:46) - And my question for, you know, the person sharing this with you and me right now, listening to us live, watching us live with you and me right now is what are you doubting yourself out of right now? That should be part of your destiny. Because what a lot of people don't know is like, okay, I was a little girl watching Oprah in my living room. I dreamed of meeting her. I prayed and dare to believe that my one day happen, which made no sense for a girl being raised a suburb of Washington state and you know, doesn't know anyone who knows anyone, you know. And but I just I just had that feeling that knowing, uh, and then my whole career was shaped around can, you know, I would watch her growing up alone in my living room a lot, watch her interview other people. And I was like, one day I'm going to share other people's stories with the world. Like, it's why I got into television. I just thought my whole career, that's what I would do.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:18:37) - And that was my hero growing up. And so fast forward, I'm 39 years old and through the most wildest of things. I got this opportunity to meet her, and I met her and after that wrote her this big old email because I regretted everything I didn't say in that meeting. And long story short, I ended up out of a 1 in 1,000,000,000 and a 1 in 1,000,000,000 and 1 in 1,000,000,000. It had to be divinely orchestrated thing. Uh, she invited me to lunch at her house. And so imagine this, right, Jasmine, you know the story. But my whole life, this is what I dreamed of. And at this moment that I go to Oprah's house for a three hour lunch, I am very confident. Okay? And this is what I want everyone to take away from this. I was very self-confident, but I did not have high self-worth. So and I did not yet know the difference. And I was, you know, crushing it in business and in all the.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:19:32) - Things. I go to her house. We have a three hour lunch. It went so great. And at the end of it, she hands me her cell phone number and she says, you can call me anytime. Call me anytime. And from that day forward I did not call her for four years. For four years. And this is what self-worth will do. I in that four year window, I told myself stories like, oh, I just need the right thing to say. Then I'm going to call her or I'm going to prove like everyone wants something from her. I'm going to prove to her I do not need nothing. Like I told myself these stories until four years later, I realized the real reason I did not call her is because deep down inside, I didn't believe I was worthy of being her friend. And our self-worth is our ceiling. And in this case, I sabotage something because I didn't. Even though I had a lot of self-confidence, I just didn't have a lot of self-worth.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:20:30) - And they're very different. And that was the day I picked up the phone and called her. That was the day I became obsessed with studying self-worth. That was only three years ago, only three years ago. And when I sit here right now, and this is not about me, this is about the one person listening to you and me right now, because I sit here and I go, oh, wow, okay, my first episode of The Jamie Kalima Show is a three hour interview with Oprah. But guess what? It almost didn't happen because they almost I.

Jasmine Star (00:21:01) - Almost did not.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:21:02) - Call. I didn't call her for four years. And the number of things in my life that self-doubt has cost me, I'm sick of it. And it's why I wrote worthy. It's for anyone who has some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill. Who's sitting here with you and me right now going, okay, what? What have I also doubted myself out of? And what could be possible in my business in, in, in all areas of my life if I learn to believe I'm truly worthy of it.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:21:34) - That is the.

Jasmine Star (00:21:34) - Thing. Okay, okay. Wait. So we have two. We have two minutes. We have two minutes together and somebody who's listening, Jamie said, doubting myself out of my destiny. My question to you and the question that Jamie has for you is what are you doubting yourself out of right now? I want you to pause the video, pause the podcast and ask yourself, what am I doubting myself out in Jamie? I know in the book there's 20 tools. Can you give us two tools that the person, once they've identified what they are doubting themselves about, what are two things they can do? A quick win and then follow up with you and all that other stuff. What can we.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:22:07) - Do? Oh my gosh. Well, there's a whole other book that is now just a chapter in this book, because I didn't want to wait two and a half years for it to come out. And this applies to every entrepreneur, every person, their business. It is a chapter is chapter two.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:22:20) - It's called when you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life. And I go through how to reveal your current definition of rejection and failure in your life right now, how to redefine it, how to revisit past rejections and failures that are actually taking root in your self-worth because you're letting them believe that you're a failure or you're everything. And how to completely transform your relationship with rejection. You know, in the journey of building and cosmetics, there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of no's, rejections, setbacks, and I had to learn this tool in order to become literally fearless. I got a lot of other issues in my life, Jasmine, as you know, but fear of rejection and failure is not one of them. It's not one of them. And for every entrepreneur, a person putting their art or their ideas or their offerings or their services or their soul out there in the world, who you have got to be so good at completely changing your relationship with rejection and failure in order to not doubt yourself out of your own destiny.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:23:32) - So that is a big one. And the other, oh my gosh, there's so many. There's over 20 here I want to go off on I.

Jasmine Star (00:23:37) - Know no, no, no. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. That was enough of a juicy teaser because I want people to join me in reading the book. I know that Jamie didn't write the book for me, but I'm just going to pretend that she did, because after that conversation, I knew deep down that I was the number thing, number three thing, that the disguise came in. It's like, we'll get the goal. And then we perpetually feel unfulfilled. And I thought to myself, that's your problem. It's what is enough capital E? What is enough? And so Jamie has been a good friend, a confidant, and somebody who's just been pushing me to change. So as you're listening now, Jamie, where do people go? Like, let's talk about supporting small, small bookstores. If you are local to a small bookstore, let's support those mom and pop bookstores.

Jasmine Star (00:24:16) - And if you are not, no problem. Amazon, Barnes and Noble target all the major retailers are carrying worthy. And then Jamie, where do people go to continue on this journey and watch you on your show and you continue to change the world? Yeah.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:24:30) - Thank you so much. Uh, yeah. Worthy book. Com. We'll link you to all the independent bookstores, all the places out there. Um, yeah, lots of fun stuff on there as well. You know, I'm donating 100% of the proceeds from the book. And so this is just like, yeah, I sell nothing on my site. It just all just like, we're all in this together. Yeah. My purpose. And, um. And then Jamie. a.com/show is where you can go to The Jamie Show, Jamie Lee show, which I'm so excited about. And just so, um, I'm so fired up and yeah, I'm just. And thank you to you, I am Jasmine. I want to show you this part in this in the very back of the book that I just imagine every girl, every woman, every business owner, every entrepreneur, my hope and prayer is when they read worthy that that when they're done.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:25:16) - When they're done. I did this library card, old school in the back for them to literally put another woman's name and pass your book along to her like another woman who, you know, you know, if she learned to believe she was worthy. Like, I just imagine the businesses taken to the next level. I imagine the unhealthy relationships and friendships that end, like the ideas that will be shared with women who believe they're worthy. So I'm excited. So thank you so much. Jasmine.

Jasmine Star (00:25:47) - You who's you who's the colors of the cover of your book? You lose unicorn like I love you, I appreciate you, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I can't wait to read, enjoy and support the book. And I only invite people on the show who's book I am actively reading, so be prepared. I'm going to be spamming Instagram for Jamie, I love you. I appreciate you worthy ABC.com Jamie Kalima. Watch that show y'all. Thank you Jamie, I appreciate you.

Jamie Kern Lima (00:26:10) - Thank you, I love you.