Living an Intentionally Full and Authentic Life with Darrin Johnson

Can I be real with you for a moment? I mean, you listen to the podcast so I already know you’re a real one.

OK, here I go: I'd rather have someone disappointed, upset, or disliking me for being 100% true to myself, than being a mere carbon copy of who they think I should be.

And that’s a special kind of peace that I wish for you, too.

In this episode that originally aired on the "I Dare You" podcast with Darrin Johnson, I spill the tea on how I was able to adopt this mindset. You’ll also get a (loving) kick in the pants that’ll inspire you to live a more authentic and purpose-driven life.

Click play to hear all of this and…

(00:00:01) The path that led me here to this moment.

(00:04:13) The exact moment of realization I had about living a purposeful life.

(00:08:15) The importance of owning your own decisions.

(00:13:20) What you must do to identify your purpose and forge your own path.

(00:17:12) Finding inspiration and recognizing envy as signals, taking action to explore and align with one's purpose.

(00:19:19) How your purpose can change with actions and experiences.

(00:20:09) What I encourage YOU to do to protect your energy (I’m the Queen of this).

(00:27:09) What I believe to be a HUGE trust-builder.

(00:30:31) My personal approach to creating content.

(00:34:15) Jasmine shares her perspective on using social media as a tool for business and time allocation.

(00:40:19) What to do when you’re experiencing comparison and how it shows up in these THREE ways.

(00:45:07) What I (double-dog) dare you to do.

For full show notes, visit: jasminestar.com/podcast/episode420

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Transcript

Whitney Carmichael (00:00:01) - It's a. Do you have the courage to go all in on something, even when it feels uncomfortable and uncertain? Hey there, I'm Whitney, content director for Jasmine star and social curator in this episode that originally aired on the I Dare You podcast, Jasmine walks through the challenges and contributions that led to where she is today. And let me tell you, even if you've heard her story before, listen in. I promise you'll feel inspired and ready to take action after this episode.

Darrin Johnson (00:00:44) - Welcome to the I Dare You podcast. I can't wait to get to know Jazmin Starr a little bit more. I've been following her for years, and I've been inviting her or pursuing her to be in the podcast for some time. She is here. I cannot believe it. Jasmine, welcome to the podcast. It's really good having you here.

Jasmine Star (00:01:01) - You know what I believe in perfect timing and now is that moment. Thank you for the honor and privilege of this great conversation. I appreciate you.

Darrin Johnson (00:01:07) - I'm looking forward to it.

Darrin Johnson (00:01:08) - So, Jasmine, many people know who you are. You have a massive following. You've touched thousands of lives all around the world with your philosophy and your approach and your coaching and your perspective. For those who don't know, take us back. How did you land in your current vocation? I can't wait.

Jasmine Star (00:01:24) - So I'm going to give the nutshell version. And as the conversation progresses, I think we can tap at different areas to what you think is going to best serve listeners. And so the main takeaway, it's like, I always like to start like those film noir. I like to start with the end at the beginning. Right. So where I am right now, I want everybody to listen and be able to find themselves somewhere in the story because the conversation is not about me. Darren and it's not even about you, even though you're amazing podcast host, it's about the person who's listening. If we don't serve them, if we don't compel them, if we don't incite them to change motivation or inspiration, well, this this conversation doesn't do much for them.

Jasmine Star (00:01:58) - And so I want to start there is my goal is to simply share a story of somebody who was unqualified, unfunded, unconnected and uneducated. So for all intents and purposes, I should not have started a business. And yet here I am. So I dropped out of law school and my mom had a relapse with brain cancer. And it was at that time that I started realizing that life is short. And what did I actually want to do if I had all the money, all the time and all the resources in the world, what would I actually do? And the answer to that question was to become a photographer. And when I told my husband, who I just married at that time, what I wanted to do and who I want it to be, he said, okay, but you don't have a camera. And I looked at it across my mind. I was like, I know I don't have a camera, but I think if I got it, I could do something with it.

Jasmine Star (00:02:42) - And it's with that boldness and stupidity and audacity and courage that I have faced every single iteration of my career. So yes, I started off as a photographer, and then I started teaching other photographers how to grow businesses, and then I started creating ways to teach other creative entrepreneurs and how to start a business. And then I started creating digital assets, and then I started creating content. And then I was being paid to create content for other companies that would create compelling stories. And then I was invited to consult with these companies on how they could pursue marketing and branding. And then I realized I didn't want to have an agency. So then I started creating digital courses, which created another revenue stream for me and opened my eyes to how big the difference was between creating an online business and a business online. Those are two very different things. And so then thereafter, I created a membership for ongoing education and motivation and how to build a brand and marketing and social media. And in 2020, knowing nothing about development, knowing nothing about code, knowing nothing about what it means to actually grow a tech department decided to create a SaaS offering, which is Social Curator.

Jasmine Star (00:03:44) - We are our own tech platform, and we are integrated with every social platform to empower business owners to market their business and build a brand online. And so that's the nutshell version. And anywhere along that process, people will be like, that was a lot. And I'm like, it is. But I think life is short and so how much can we get in and how long can we be uncomfortable. It's going to be the goal how I want to play the game.

Darrin Johnson (00:04:04) - That's thank you for that and a lot of bold moves. I mean why are you doing what you're doing? You could do a lot and you have done a lot. But why are you doing this?

Jasmine Star (00:04:13) - I think, you know, for so long I lived a much quieter life with a much quieter perspective. And I didn't see any issue with living in the shadows. I am an introvert. I grew up wildly overweight. I'm the daughter of an immigrant. I was homeschooled until high school. I was always and still wildly remain a wallflower.

Jasmine Star (00:04:34) - And then all of a sudden I realized that after watching my mom go through the battle that she went through, and after her second brain surgery, it was New Year's Eve, and the doctors did not give her a good prognosis. What she spent most of her time doing was talking about the things that she had not done with her life, not the things she had done. And I thought to myself, I was 25 years old and she was 50, and I thought, if I die in 25 years, what do I want to say? I have at least tried. And then all of a sudden, through the process of trying something and failing, you know what I used to call it? Failures. I now truly believe there are lessons. And that's not like the Disney hallmark version of what I should actually be calling. I literally will look back at my life and think that my lowest point, my biggest quote unquote failure was actually the greatest lesson to teach me everything I needed to do later on in my career.

Jasmine Star (00:05:22) - So I believe that through and through and to to be able to make those decisions, to embrace that you will never be successful 100% of the time. And quite often, it's 199% of the failures that will lead you to your 100% success. And so I started embracing those things. And all of a sudden, by doing that, I started realizing that I was living a wildly purposeful life. And it was as if my world went. Black and white to Technicolor, and then all of a sudden, on the other side of Oz, I come back to the gray land of like, Oklahoma. And I'm like, there's something different and there is something better. And could we not just be a little bit uncomfortable to see how much of a change that we can create in our lives, how much more of a purpose, how we can leave this, our families, our legacy, this world better than how we found it? And so now I'm just this crazy Latino who's shouting from the rooftops like, can you make a 1% change for two weeks difference? If we could do that, then man, we have lived a great life.

Darrin Johnson (00:06:15) - That is a great perspective for sure. And, you know, you talked about, by the way, you are so of what I would call more vulnerable and very candid about some of those learnings you've had in life. What was your lowest point that really taught you the most, looking back on it, that's led you to this point?

Jasmine Star (00:06:31) - You know, I think that this podcast isn't long enough for that. You know, I mean, because what happens, what happens is, I think as humans were naturally hardwired to feel the softest part of the bruise, the most recent bruise we got. Right. So if I were to talk about early things in my career, if I were to go back to 2008 when I felt like, oh, this is the biggest thing, this is the worst failure. This is. And so if you were to ask me right now, I would literally go back to, well, there was a couple things that happened in 2023, as it's like the most recent, you know, and.

Darrin Johnson (00:06:59) - I got a few.

Jasmine Star (00:07:00) - Of course, of course. And we all do and we all do. So I don't think that one is greater than the other. But what I do think is that success leaves clues and proof stacks upon itself. And what I can only say is after every devastating stomach punch, after every time you've been just on your back, staring at the stars, being like, I can't get any lower than this is the ability to get back up and the ability to say, I choose this again. The ability to get back into the ring and say I am against an opponent that is wildly bigger, stronger, better funded. I mean, this is a Rocky Balboa story, and the reason why we love Rocky is because he didn't give up, right? He had all the odds stacked against him. The game was technically unfair, and yet he won. And so if that story compels to us and it's so beautiful and we root for him deeply and desirably, why would we not do that for ourselves when we are the own rocky of our story? And so when you talk about like the worst thing and I'm like, I think it's less it's the situation and more making the decision after every single one of those situations, the one that we're like, this is it.

Jasmine Star (00:08:08) - This is the final thing. This is the thing that took me out. And now we sit here and it didn't. Okay, then that's going to be the lesson that we walk away with. Yeah.

Darrin Johnson (00:08:15) - Great. You know, I was just just minutes ago I was on the phone with a leader. She's an entrepreneur and she's an amazing leader. Jasmine, if you met her, I mean, just she's doing all the right things, and yet she just got done with a she has a bruise, a recent setback, and she's struggling to get back up and doesn't know if she wants to get back up. And so I was doing my best to coach her through that. And truly I mean, we help people help themselves. So we'll see where she goes with this. But I'd love for your take. You work with so many entrepreneurs, what do you find gets in people's way from taking that as a learning and getting back up and getting back into the fight? What do you see?

Jasmine Star (00:08:55) - Well, if I have to convince somebody of something I've already lost.

Jasmine Star (00:09:02) - So I simply say, whatever you choose. Is this setback? This bruise? What? I don't want you to say it was they them that. Because what happens is, when we point at other things, we allow those other things to be in control and contain power over our lives. And anytime something, someone, an event, a circumstance, a situation has power over you, then the word that you become embodied is powerless. And when you are powerless, you are so much more inclined to falling into the footsteps of feeling like a victim that it was unjust and it was unfair. And while all of those things are true, and while I'm so desperately sorry that this situation happened to her or anyone listening, I am truly sorry for it. I wish it didn't happen, but it did. And so in order for us to regain our power, we must say I am choosing not to get back in the ring. I am choosing not to continue building my business and that is okay. You remain powerful in that decision, but you cannot say I'm not sure what I want to do and then stay in that state, because what happens is resentment begins to foam.

Jasmine Star (00:10:19) - And then we say, if that deal had just closed, if that client hadn't said that one thing, if that business loan had gone through, if I just stood in investors and they saw my VC capital, if then, then we remain powerless to remain powerful and simply say, I don't want to get back in the ring and I'm going to find the next best thing for me. So in that case, if she decides to get back in the ring, well, let's have a conversation. Let's talk about the tools that you need to get back up and get hit in the gut again. But to me, my biggest takeaway in any one of these situations is to own your decision so that you maintain your power when you're powerful. Whatever you do next, you're going to be better suited for.

Darrin Johnson (00:10:51) - Yeah. You know, that's that's a wonderful reminder because you can't want it more than someone else. Absolutely and.

Jasmine Star (00:10:57) - Absolutely.

Darrin Johnson (00:10:58) - So tell me more. What have you seen on that? Because I see it as a pitfall for so many leaders.

Jasmine Star (00:11:02) - You know, I think that if I am not empowering somebody in my community, a client, if I sit on an advisory board, on my team, in my family, if I am not empowering them or they don't feel like they're living to their best, then it is my objective not to say I really see this for you. You got it. I need to ask them what is it you feel called to do? Where are you feeling your highest self? Because if I can facilitate or help them get to there and then they see a small result, then what my objective is as a coach, as a family member of a friend, is a team leader, is to stack proof even if the proof is small. So let's take this down in a very granular, simple example. If somebody wants to make a change in their life, they want to have a better relationship. They want to make more money. They want to make better decisions. Then we can start off with something as small to build the ability to stack proof that you're capable of making changes when you say you're going to and follow through with them.

Jasmine Star (00:11:57) - And it could be as simple as, I'm going to wake up ten minutes earlier, then I want to every single day for 30 days. And most people say, well, that's silly, and then goes back to the I'm going to make my bed every day. You making your bed every day does not set you on the path to becoming a millionaire. Not at all. It is the act that you can follow through on something you say you're going to do. And so waking up early or making your bed, or choosing a better thing to eat for lunch every day, these small things stack proof. And the more proof that you stack, the bigger decisions you make along the way. And it is just small micro decisions that you make that ultimately lead to big, grand decisions that lead you to greater success. And so my goal always is to go back and say, well, what is it that is going to get you to start stacking proof again? And then over time we get to stack proof, get them what they realize what they want, stack more proof, get the bigger results.

Darrin Johnson (00:12:44) - Very good. You know, I love your podcast, by the way.

Jasmine Star (00:12:47) - Thank you.

Darrin Johnson (00:12:48) - Thank you. Great podcast. I was listening to one of your recent episodes, believe was November 28th, and the topic was showing up bigger in life. And one of the things you talked about right away was how we are. Some of us are living a life not that we want, but it's a life that someone else has designed for us or thinks that we should have. And you encourage us to really look at our purpose and our passion. And why was that the lead, the lead point of that? So if I want to play bigger, but I'm living a life of someone else thinks that I should live. Tell me a little bit more about that.

Jasmine Star (00:13:20) - Well, it takes different forms. So sometimes we have people in our lives or even things, ideas that make us feel we should live one way or we should be making certain decisions. And sometimes it's very blatant. You can have a very strong partner who has opinions about you should do a life partner, a business partner, a parent, a child who is telling you these things, and then you think that that's who you should become because they see something in you that maybe, perhaps you don't see yourself.

Jasmine Star (00:13:43) - Or sometimes it takes the form of the should I should be doing this. I feel responsible in this way. And what happens is, if we don't start living true to ourselves, then we can't be a living manifestation for what is possible for those around us. So even if we have a strong partner, parent, child, person, friend who sees something if it is not. In our truest self, we will always feel less than or never be able to make that mark up. But if we first define who is it that I want to be, what do I want to do? And then we follow through those things that people around us begin to say when he, when she, when they say that they do that and they become that. You must show people who you truly are and who you can be on your own before they start telling you who they think you should be. And the more we listen to others, the less we step into who we should truly be. Like, what is our true power? Who are we purposefully intended to be? How do we step up to our greatest strengths? Well, first we must identify it for ourselves before we let anybody else do that for us.

Darrin Johnson (00:14:46) - You know, I like how you use the word power and your definition of power. At least I think I know what you mean by power. But power is not a negative term. It can be used in a negative way, but it feels like the way you use power is more about something that stepping into who you truly are and don't give it up. Don't ever give up your power. Tell me more about what do you mean by owning your power?

Jasmine Star (00:15:08) - There is this beautiful strength and confidence. And I don't know, Darren, have you ever met someone and you know that they are 100% unabashedly themselves, regardless if they're your cup of tea? It doesn't mean that somebody being themself appeals to everybody. In fact, they might be polarizing. They might not be your cup of tea. But there is this way and beauty of being able to see somebody who says, I'm okay with me and the energy that that emits from other people. If you were to walk into a room. Now, here's the thing, Darren.

Jasmine Star (00:15:40) - When I walk into a room, I want people to like me. I don't care if they do. I want to add value. I don't care if they want to hear it from me. More than anything, a person values another human being that they can trust. So when I walk into a room, I want you to trust me more than I want you to like me. And how then, do you trust me in the fastest way, when I am 100% who I am? Because then you could start cataloging. This is what humans do. We look at other humans and we size each other up. We first determine, are we safe with this person? What are the intentions of this person? What is the view of this person? So we go all through this so quickly as humans. And so my goal is let's just let me just cut the smoke and mirrors. This is who I am. You're going to determine how much you trust me. All I need is 1% because what do I do? I stack, I stack proof that if you trust me, that 1%.

Jasmine Star (00:16:29) - Okay, let's try it on the 2% and then that 2%, let's get it to 4% the person. Let's get to 8%. All I'm trying to do is be 100% me. Because that is powerful, because it allows people to distill who you are, the value you add, your perspective on the world and how you fit into their lives. And I think when I talk about power, it's being 100% you and being okay with that in standing in your purpose. That is powerful. We see it in others. Why do we not give ourselves the permission to possess it ourselves? Yeah.

Darrin Johnson (00:16:55) - Profound question. Why don't we give ourselves permission? You talk about standing in your purpose for someone who's listening, who may be drifting a little bit in life and not quite sure what next steps to take, especially as we go into this new year. How does someone really step into their purpose? Give us a couple of action steps.

Jasmine Star (00:17:12) - So, I mean, I want to be I want to be very careful because the last thing I want somebody listening to believe is that I wake up and I'm like, sing, I got my purpose.

Jasmine Star (00:17:23) - I know my purpose. And what I can share, Darren, is that people find their purpose by way of action. You will never wake up and know your purpose out of the blue. So first preliminary steps. If you're desperately searching for the thing that's going to let you up or what you believe your purpose is. Is by first looking at one of two people, people who inspire you. You look at them. You love the way that they live their life or their career, or how they vacation, or what they're doing with charitable organizations, or how they make investments. You're inspired by them. But also equally as important is to look at people who you are envious of, because envy is a signal that they are doing something. Deep down, you think you know you can do or should be doing, and you're not. So case in point, I don't look at LeBron James and feel envious. I admire my goodness, what talented basketball player and businessman and family man. But envy comes from me believing that I can actually be an NBA player, that I can actually possess the same thing he does.

Jasmine Star (00:18:28) - Now. I might look at somebody else, like, maybe I look at you and your podcast and I get a little envious that, wow, here he is, a coach of other entrepreneurs with a successful podcast. A family man can look out his window and see beautiful snow in Idaho, right? I might look at that, but there's something about what it is you're doing that I believe I can or should be doing it. I'm not letting myself. So when at first you're kind of like a little bit lost, make a list of people who inspire you. Make a little bit. Make a list of people who are you might be envious of. Okay, just state it for what it is and then find out what exactly about them inspires you and makes you envious. And then you ask yourself, what things could I do? AKA what actions could I take to see if how they actually are pairs up with what I want to do? You know, only one of two things happen. You either really, really like what it is they do.

Jasmine Star (00:19:19) - I might really I might see what it is you do. I might start a podcast. I might start consulting with other entrepreneurs. And in the middle of it I might say, oh, it's not exactly what I wanted, no problem. But now you're one step closer to figuring out the next thing, or you really like it. Now you know what to double down on. And the more you do the things that light you up, the more clear you become on your purpose. So we started this conversation and I just said, you know, I just love telling people that life is short and could we not make a 1% change to get A2X difference? I'm saying that 15 years now. Was that my purpose when I first picked up a camera? Was that my first? Was that my purpose when I first started consulting with businesses? Absolutely not. Your purpose changes with you, but the more work and actions you take, the clear you become on what your purpose is in that moment.

Darrin Johnson (00:20:05) - So defining your purpose, what I'm hearing is it is just a continual process.

Darrin Johnson (00:20:09) - It's not an event, it's just something that you're always you were a work in progress and owning that and being okay with that.

Jasmine Star (00:20:15) - Absolutely.

Darrin Johnson (00:20:17) - You know,, this episode about play bigger in life and really, really some great thoughts. One thing I did not see coming, though, is you made the you made a really strong point about being able to say no, you call yourself the Queen of no. You're not the queen of anything except for you're the queen of of no., I'll speak for myself. And many people listening know it is so tough. So I want to play bigger coming up in this next year. But I really want to start saying yes to things. Jasmine. I mean, it's all about saying yes to opportunities, and now you're telling me to say no, help me out.

Jasmine Star (00:20:51) - So yes, I am the queen of Novell. And,, the reason I got to this point now,, probably the caveat I should have added to that episode is there was a time in my life, in my career where I was saying yes.

Jasmine Star (00:21:03) - I was saying yes to everything because I was still trying to figure out my purpose, my career, what I was doing. And then all of a sudden I started realizing that I was overextended. Yeah. And my good friend Rory Vaden says, when you have diluted focus, you get diluted results. And so I got to a point in my career, a year for year five, where I was not getting the same results because I kept on adding different revenue streams, different projects to my business. And so all of a sudden I realized that saying yes was good up into a certain point, that I needed to say no to other things that were going to distract me on what was actually working in my business, even though I wanted it, and even though it was a revenue stream, there were times where I said no because I needed to have more space to double down on what I felt could grow or scale. And so at this point in my career, the fortuitous, amazing, luxurious position for me to say I have opportunities come to me now that I would have given my right arm for seven years ago, but they're not in alignment.

Jasmine Star (00:22:03) - And so saying no leaves me the biggest opportunity to say yes when I know it will move me forward. And not one way. I'm talking about taking two x leap forwards. And if I don't think that that opportunity is in alignment, I will say no. And so far, so far, saying no and saying yes has come at such a great distinction that I am learning to trust my intuition a lot more. Because when I say yes, those yeses have had the biggest, most transformative, greatest results in my career. So what do we do? We stack proof. Let me trust that if I say no and it doesn't mean. Makes sense that I am saying no to this. That when I find the next opportunity to say yes to and it comes to fruition in the way that I anticipated, I'm going to start trusting my intuition a lot more.

Darrin Johnson (00:22:52) - You know,, thank you for that. And the the art of saying no, I one of my one of the things I'm trying here and I think I'm not alone in this, I just let me back up on this, you know, the art of saying no to be able to practice saying no because there's such guilt in saying no, though, Jasmine, when I say no to something, I'm letting someone down.

Darrin Johnson (00:23:11) - And so if I really want to practice this, how do I say no the right way? That allows me to still have my power and not feel guilty or shame? Where would I go?

Jasmine Star (00:23:22) - So this goes back. This goes back to,, what I mentioned earlier. When somebody can trust you, you're know, becomes not about them but about you. And so I would rather somebody be disappointed. Upset not like me for 100% of my truth. Then being a carbon copy of who they think I should be and respond in the way that they think is favorable. Because at the end of the day, if I feel so obliged or so guilty that I say yes, and I don't show up 100%, I am doing both of us a disservice. And so while I will would say perhaps no, I simply just speak my truth, and my truth could be a million things. Right now I am straddling the line between entrepreneurship and motherhood. So if anything straddles the life, anything compromises the time that I had set aside with my husband or my daughter.

Jasmine Star (00:24:13) - It's a no. And if somebody would like to be upset about that, I completely understand. But it doesn't matter to me because my priority list is my family above a podcast interview, a press interview, or an investment opportunity. That is a decision that I made. There are also other ways that I have found to be really great solutions to open doors for other people. So can we create a win win win? So case in, for example, if I was invited to speak at an event and I'm only doing paid speaking events at this point in my career, but for so long in my career, over a decade, I would speak for free. I felt like it was a great opportunity for me to sharpen my teeth and expand my brand. But now that I have enough experience and street credibility, I'm now charging for my time. Now there are events that come my way and they really do express the value. Like we would love to see a Latina founder bootstrapped. We would love to have somebody speak around these things.

Jasmine Star (00:24:56) - And while I love it, what I will do is like, I'm so sorry if it's not a paid event. Unfortunately I am unavailable. But here is a list of other underrepresented speakers who might be better in alignment. Now, that is not to say that they shouldn't pay those other speakers, but for a decade I spoke for free. And so I know that there are other people who are underrepresented who would probably speak for free. So then it's like a no. But here's a really great solution along that. So it's 100% speaking my truth and then offering alternatives thereafter. That is always the best thing that has come out to be in version.

Darrin Johnson (00:25:25) - But here's a framework that I'm trying. See if you agree with this or give me some coaching. So, so I'm going to say no either 1 or 3 things. No or no, not right now or no. Never. As long as in each one. I'm explaining the why behind and being really clear about why that is the case. Now, would you are you okay with that or what? Would you have me adjust?

Jasmine Star (00:25:50) - I would keep the first two.

Jasmine Star (00:25:51) - I would never say never.

Darrin Johnson (00:25:53) - Never say never. I would never say never.

Jasmine Star (00:25:55) - Because, you know, what happens is let's just put this in a situation that I am pitched for an investment in. If I say no never, I would never get into investing in,, breeding cows because I'm a vegetarian. If I say never, if this company decides in the future to pivot and offer a plant based meat option, I've closed myself off the table. So I would say, no, it's not a fit right now. But as things iterate and change, it leaves me open to those opportunities.

Darrin Johnson (00:26:24) - So good. So for me, a challenge to all of us and I'll take it as well, is let's practice the art of saying, no, she's the queen of no. I think there's room for more queens and kings out there. Is that okay?

Jasmine Star (00:26:35) - Clearly, absolutely.

Darrin Johnson (00:26:38) - Hey, I'm in corporate America and I've been there for 30 years and I'm proud of that. And here's the thing, though.

Darrin Johnson (00:26:44) - One of the lessons in leadership, Jasmine, is don't ever, ever, ever show vulnerability. Don't you know, because that gives up your power. Exposing what you're vulnerable at. You just never do that. And yet, in your podcast, I listened to you talk about how to play bigger. You are loud and proud, saying, step into that about being more vulnerable. So tell me more about that. Why do you think that's such a big play?

Jasmine Star (00:27:09) - Well, I would like to speak to that specifically in like the corporate setting, because the more specific we can get around a situation, the more tactical advice then becomes. And so in a corporate setting, what we would like to believe is that people don't sense from human to human, our insecurities or fear or doubt, or when we know we're in over our head, like I was in corporate America for years, and I knew when my manager was freaking out, I knew when we were not going to hit our projections. I knew when a district manager was coming over to do reviews and it was not going to be good.

Jasmine Star (00:27:48) - And so you look at the facts and then what happens is you want to be this. Like valiant warrior, like everybody wants to be George Washington on the Potomac. But there had to have been times where he looked at his soldiers and said, it is cold and we don't have shoes and we haven't eaten. He's being vulnerable by stating the frickin truth, right? You know, it's not. He's just saying, like, I'm sucking my thumb in our tents at night. Like he's just saying there is truth in stating the facts. Because if you want people to trust you, let's all make sure that we see this the same way that our projections for the year, it looks like we're going to miss the mark. I'm worried we're not going to hit our bonuses. So if we just structure it as we are all sharing the same set of facts and we're all looking at things the same way, and then you could say, truth be told, I anticipated this year to be looking different. So I have the last quarter to see how much we can make a difference.

Jasmine Star (00:28:43) - So I am turning to you saying, I believe that you, Stephanie, are smarter and stronger in this area. And Thomas, I'm going to need you to play different and I'm going to need you to show it differently so that this department shows up differently. Because as your leader, I need to go to my superiors and let them know that even though we missed it, here's what we did in quarter four, and we're going to carry this momentum into quarter one. Can I get everybody on the same page about that? That is being vulnerable by speaking your truth? And I think that sometimes what happens is that as leaders, we want to like paint a different picture than the rest of the team knows as facts. And then you build mistrust or like, are you really that out of tune, brother, that you're not seeing it for what it is? Vulnerability is sharing the same set of facts, letting people know where you've missed the mark and where everybody needs to change, and then reset the goal to say, we're in this together.

Jasmine Star (00:29:30) - I think that changes the dynamic of a work team relationship.

Darrin Johnson (00:29:33) - I that's a great point, because you're right for a leader to be able to state the facts, state the truth, and then and then paint the picture and the vision of how we are going to rally, we are going to be moving forward, and how can we then be part of this solution? That's where real leadership comes in, as opposed to trying to hide it and pretending no one knows, or practicing behaviors that are just not helpful. This is the opportunity for real leaders, so I appreciate you bringing that up. That's exactly right.

Jasmine Star (00:30:03) - Thank you. Thank you.

Darrin Johnson (00:30:04) - All right. So now let's talk a little bit about social media. Good grief Jasmine you've got social media dialed in and I follow you on Instagram. And one thing that I noticed about your content is that it's always providing value. And it's very intentional. And the look in the field. And where did you learn the craft of how to create great content on social media? How do you get there?

Jasmine Star (00:30:31) - I want to answer that question, but if I can, I want to unpack something that you had mentioned a little earlier.

Jasmine Star (00:30:36) - You had said that I either like I have social media down pat, or I get social media or you got social media. And I want to be very clear that. Are you familiar at all with the movie of the book series Hunger Games? I am. Okay, so there is the game maker, right? So snow creates a game that is always changing and never anticipatory and that is social media. The algorithm is snow, and the intention of the game is to always change the game. So you never know the rules of the game because if you knew the rules, they would then be abused. And this is what happened with Myspace. Myspace set a set of rules didn't change, and then the platform went null and void because people got it. It was no longer interesting. And part of the human psyche is that things that are complicated or ever changing keep our attention longer. So every social platform is intended to not make it look or feel the same, so that you're constantly engaged. And to some people you hear, they hear that and they're like, oh, I'll never catch up and it'll always be awful.

Jasmine Star (00:31:40) - And then the other half of people are saying, well, for the people who decide to stop the race, I'm going to keep on moving with the race and trying to stay iterative of the game so that I have a chance at crossing a finish line, however you deem that finish line. And so when you say, oh, you got it, and I'm like, no, no, I am simply a person who decided to say with every change and in every iteration, with every algorithm change, with every index re matching of like our reels more important than carousels or stories. Now, should I go live? Right. What is happening now that they take away guides like there's so much that changes with it? All I'm dedicated to doing is saying, okay, what are the rules today? How shall I play? And I think that's the perspective that I want people to go into. There's no such thing as mastery with a game that doesn't have a set set of rules.

Darrin Johnson (00:32:22) - So then how do you approach it then? How do you look at social media? Is someone telling you what the algorithms are? Are you testing and learning and testing and learning? And that goes.

Jasmine Star (00:32:30) - Back down to, well, how did you then create? How did you learn how to create content? By putting in the reps, by just doing, taking a step back, asking myself what is performing well, what is not performing well, and then simply saying, can I repeat what is performed well? And then I ask myself, can I repeat that again? And I. Think that statistically, statistically, all of us are going to have if we decided to post a 100 post, statistically, we're going to have, I don't know, about 2 or 3% of posts that do really well, surprisingly well. Like, oh, that was crazy. And so if we know that that's the percentage, then my goal is to simply put more inventory into the algorithm so that my 2 or 3% is greater than your 2 or 3%. Not by merit, but by volume. And the way that you can increase that powerful percentage is by putting more, learning more, iterating more, and then trying to reproduce content that has worked well.

Jasmine Star (00:33:32) - And so by volume, you get to see, oh, I'm seeing a trend between this type of content. Let me try it again. If you get the same results, do it again, do it again, and then do it again until the algorithm changes or a new feature is added. And then you can implement and deploy against those new strategies. But there is no magic box. There is no secret. It is just that. Darren.

Darrin Johnson (00:33:50) - So and you look at your day Jasmine how much. And again this is not a fair question. I know there's not a definite answer, but as you look at your time, making sure your time is aligned with your values and what their priorities are for your life and for your business, where does social media come in? I'm really wondering how much time creative effort do you put into social media as as your own business wanting to help others? How much?

Jasmine Star (00:34:15) - , so then this goes back to to vulnerability, right? Are we talking about the same set of facts you said? How much time do you put in your personal life for social media like we're on it? And I was like 0.5% in my personal life.

Darrin Johnson (00:34:26) - Personal life. Okay.

Jasmine Star (00:34:27) - Yeah. Like it's if I didn't have a business, I don't think I would be on social media. I genuinely. Oh yeah. No, no, no, not at all. For me, I look at social media as an avenue to achieve my dreams. And if tomorrow, Darren, every social platform went away and they said that like whistling with whales was how you grow your business. Like I would start being like I am part orca. I would figure it out. So social media is just the tool and the mechanism. I'm not even so much like a fan or an advocate of it. I am just using the free tools available to me and every other human being with an internet connection or a mobile device. I'm using the same tool. And so from a business perspective, it's very important. Yeah, never before in human history am. I am the daughter of an immigrant. I am a Latina, and traditionally my parents and my grandparents and their parents never had the ability to play the game.

Jasmine Star (00:35:25) - What is the game? The game at getting ahead of whatever your predisposed lot in life was? And so then in my lifetime, something comes along that disrupts humans, the world, and that is called the internet and the internet democratizes everything. News, information, education, accessibility, platforms. It's no longer a group, a small subset of people who do not represent the entirety of the world making decisions on what is cool, what is popular, what should be watched, what the news should be, and then all of a sudden, a microcosm of the internet comes along called social media. That then gives everybody an equal voice, which is scary and beautiful, amazing, probable, disconcerting. And so I just look at this and say, I can look at a shovel in front of me and say, this shovel is too heavy. I don't like it. It gives me blisters, or I can take up the shovel that is heavy. I don't like it and gives me blisters and at least try to mine for gold.

Jasmine Star (00:36:27) - And that is how I look at social media in terms of my business. So if we got really tactical and strategic about it, I spend one day a month batching my content. Yeah, I do, because, you know, when we contact such as business owners in the corporate world or in the entrepreneurial world, we're wearing so many hats and there's so much time in that it's the context switching of, well, right now I am doing a product management meeting, and then I'm going to be doing a one on one consult with my team member. And then I got to do vision casting, and then I got to write some content for the newsletter. And then I got to get my monthly or quarterly report for the team. And then I got to meet with my mentor, and it's like trying to come up with a piece of content right there, and then it's like your brain is just diffused. And so if I come through once a month and I'm like, okay, this is the content that we are creating, then I am looking at just that days.

Jasmine Star (00:37:11) - Okay, here's the timeline. I need to start creating outlines. I need to start thinking what I want to talk about. What are the trends that I'm seeing, what am I going to say? And on that day I have no meetings. I'm not doing anything but content. And then once that content is there, then we start streamlining it and planning it out. And then there are things like this, like where we have podcasts. And so this is supplemental content that would then get edited, but it's not a part of a predisposed plan of what we're going to do. So it's segmenting when I'm creating the content. And then every day I allocate around 15 20 minutes to post the content. It might be pre-scheduled, I might be doing it in real time. And during that same 20 minutes I'm going through, I'm responding to DMs. I am responding to comments. And then right before this. Conversation. I logged on five minutes early because I thought, well, if Darren is on five minutes early, we'll like chat a little bit.

Jasmine Star (00:37:56) - We'll get started a little bit early. But you started right on the dot, which I really appreciate. But in those five minutes I didn't dilly dally. I brought out my phone. I started responding to DMs. Within five minutes I got through about 13 DMs. Am I going to get through all of my DMs? I don't know, you know, I try my best, but I do whatever I can in maximizing that time. So I would say on any given day, I'm spending about an hour to an hour and a half on social. And again, I am doing this. And I don't think I don't think that this is a mandate, but I do think it is beneficial for me as a CEO, because when I'm in my direct messages and when I'm responding to comments, I'm really using that as R&D. I get to figure out the language that people are using. I could see what's resonating with people. I get to say, wait, can I connect the dots and create an offer where I can monetize the things that I'm learning within people, giving me direct feedback so I don't look at it as like, oh, I want to be popular.

Jasmine Star (00:38:40) - I look at this, I want to be profitable. So how then do I create products and services that serve people right where they are by using their own language, by using their own request, by me being able to distill what it is they're saying and offer something that I think is a distillation of everything I've learned and served it up to them in the way that they want.

Darrin Johnson (00:38:54) - Very good, very good. And you're telling me I missed out on chatting with you for five minutes before the podcast?

Jasmine Star (00:39:00) - Darren, your loss, your loss, but somebody else's direct message gain, you know.

Darrin Johnson (00:39:04) - And there's no way you're you're an introvert. You're not an introvert. There's no.

Jasmine Star (00:39:07) - Way. Oh,, you know, I'm a I'm a code red. I am, like, expert level introvert. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm rocking it at 12.7. But here's the thing, Darren. Here's the thing. I'm an outgoing introvert, which means I do nobody any favors by showing up to your podcast with me, making sure that I'm comfortable if I keep myself a priority, if I keep my comfort a priority, I am not serving the people who are spending their time listening to you and me have this conversation right.

Jasmine Star (00:39:36) - My goal is to get you to trust me and the way that I trust in the way that I build trust is by being 100% myself, by maximizing the time that we have, by sharing a message and sharing a story in a clear, palpable, real way. And after this call, guess what, Darren? I am not going to talk to anybody for hours. That is what I do brother. I protect my energy. I show up in the way that I need to show up to empower others, and then I protect myself thereafter.

Darrin Johnson (00:40:00) - I like it well, Jasmine,, let me back up on this. I just, you know, I could talk to you for five. I got so many questions. I'm not going to do it, though, so that maybe that'd be phase two, you know, another year or two. Jasmine., what you don't know is that this podcast, I have podcast envy because I'm looking. Yeah, we talked about it right before we start broadcast.

Darrin Johnson (00:40:19) - I want that microphone. I see your stand. I mean, social comparison is everywhere, and I'm doing it right now. But give us just a just a quick advice on as you're on social media or maybe not just in life. We just look around us and we see everyone else having more success than we are having, gets in our head and our mindset. How do you avoid social comparison?

Jasmine Star (00:40:38) - Oh, before I do that, Darren, my podcast, Mike stand is, 1395 from Amazon.

Darrin Johnson (00:40:47) - It is not.

Jasmine Star (00:40:48) - It. It is.

Darrin Johnson (00:40:49) - It's $300.

Jasmine Star (00:40:50) - No no no no. Well this this this this thing right here, the podcast stand is 1395 like $13.95. And there is a a ripped out piece of cardboard box because it doesn't exactly clamp on my desk. And so what you don't see is this wrapped up cardboard to make sure it's clamping down correctly.

Darrin Johnson (00:41:09) - Don't ruin it for me Jasmine.

Jasmine Star (00:41:10) - My my my mic is a heel. And brother, you got a heel too. I think I got the slightly nicer version, but I'm talking about $100 difference.

Jasmine Star (00:41:17) - And if my back of the napkin math calculations, I'm sure you could probably upgrade a little bit 100. So we're talking about $100 envy. That looks like $1,000 difference. And it's not. So when it comes to comparison we got to be doing facts with facts. You did was you make up a story about what it looks like, how different it is for you, when in all in actuality we're talking about $113 difference.

Darrin Johnson (00:41:36) - Right?

Jasmine Star (00:41:37) - And that's not much of a difference, brother.

Darrin Johnson (00:41:38) - Well said, well said.

Darrin Johnson (00:41:40) - Okay, I'll let it go.

Jasmine Star (00:41:41) - But let's actually get into but let's actually get into a three part comparison framework in the last the last bit. This is where we're going to close things. So comparison takes the form. Normally what I've seen by coaching tens of thousands of people is that comparison takes three forms mental, emotional and physical. Mental. I am not they them or that I'm too old. I'm too young, I'm too black, I'm too white, I'm too young, I'm too old.

Jasmine Star (00:42:06) - My nose is too big. My nose is too small I'm too tall, I'm too short. So because I am not them, I cannot do what it is that I do. And who am I to be saying these things? And I am here to tell you that there is somebody in the world who needs to hear it from you in your specific way. Not everybody wants the same information from a celebrity, somebody with a tiny waist, a fancy car, a private jet. That somebody in your footsteps just three feet behind you wants to know how you are doing it with where you are right now. And if you don't share that you're robbing God, the universe and them of the message you've been put here to share, then the second part is emotional. Now, I know people don't wake up in the morning and they say, you know what? I'm not enough today. No, no, no. But this comparison of not enoughness often takes the form of that dream. It's just a little.

Jasmine Star (00:42:51) - Too big for me. I actually secretly low key, don't think that I can actually do it. I want it, but I don't think I can actually do that. And so if you choose to believe that that choice is then yours. But I come to believe that you would not be given that dream if you didn't have it in you to succeed. The question is whether or not you will be successful. The question is whether or not you will go through the dark valleys and the dark days and the cold nights of you getting punched in the gut and then getting to get back up again. If you have the idea, if you have the dream, you have the capacity. You just have to trust yourself that you have the ability to get back up again and continue pursuing it. Now the third form of comparison is physical. I don't have that zip code. I am not vacationing there. My kids are not that perfect. There's a pile of laundry and I just burnt dinner. Like, I don't mean physically as a person cannot do what those other people do.

Jasmine Star (00:43:39) - I don't have that house and I don't have that car. And I am here to remind people that there is somebody with less who is doing more. And if somebody in the African slums can go viral and create content and put up a song on SoundCloud and find a way to move their family from the slums into a different area of South Africa, if there is somebody in the Andean jungle who can create music with old pieces of plastic and put it out, if there is somebody in a dark, tiny hotel room or a motel room without very much money and can turn on a camera and simply talk about the mindset it's going to take for them to get from where they are to where they want to be. If somebody can do that, then you could do a little bit more, and I have no doubt about that. But it's a choice. You either choose to compare the emotional, the physical or the mental. That choice is yours. But again, if you make the choice to compare. Own it.

Jasmine Star (00:44:30) - Own it, and say, I am choosing to compare and I'm choosing to succumb to the power of comparison. Or you say, I'm going to choose not to compare. And I'm going to say that in this moment I am enough, and I will try my best, and I will do what I can with what I have.

Darrin Johnson (00:44:43) - Love a jasmine mic drop and right back to power again, I love it. So Jasmine, what is the best way to follow you and all the cool things you're up to? Where should we.

Darrin Johnson (00:44:51) - Go?

Jasmine Star (00:44:51) - Thank you Darren. You can find me at Jasmine Dotcom and on Jasmine Star on all social platforms.

Darrin Johnson (00:44:57) - The jasmine at the end of each podcast, ask my guest what is your I dare you challenge for all of us? I can't wait for this. You would dare us to do what? To live a better life.

Jasmine Star (00:45:07) - I dare you to live as if your dream has already happened. Who are you? What decisions did you make to get there? What thoughts did you choose to believe and how did you show up to get that level of success? If you believe that that has already happened, you start making those decisions now and you start behaving that way right now.

Darrin Johnson (00:45:26) - It's a great challenge. Great challenge. Jasmine, I didn't tell you this. I should have, you know, when I first started the podcast about two years ago now, the,, I looked at my initial list. You were one of the first five people I invited to join me on the podcast, and you said no, but gave me a reason why your team did. But it it means a lot to me that you said yes, especially because we talked about you're the queen of no. So the fact that you said yes means a lot and you were just fantastic. I'm going to go by that stand on Amazon. You have you've given us so much to think about, and it has just been a real treat to get to know you. Thanks for being on the podcast, Jasmine Darren.

Jasmine Star (00:46:01) - Thank you. You blessed me.

Darrin Johnson (00:46:02) - Thank you.

Whitney Carmichael (00:46:04) - Welcome back. I hope you're feeling inspired. I know I am, and remember 99% of your failures lead to that 1% success. You got this.