[9 min] Embracing Feedback to Grow Personally and Professionally

If there was one discussion that could transform the way you view criticism and critiques, this is it.

Because here’s the deal: feedback is a GIFT.

It's a chance to learn, grow, and become the best version of yourself and create the best possible business.

Yes. It might be uncomfortable at times. But not nearly as uncomfortable as wasting time, energy, and money doing things that don’t work or could’ve been done better/faster/smarter.

This is exactly why, in this episode, you’ll hear strategies for accepting, processing, applying and—better yet—embracing feedback so that you can experience the massive growth and success you so truly deserve.

Click play to hear all of this and…

(00:00:15) Getting better at this ONE thing can have the biggest impact on growth and relationships.

(00:01:18) What it means to notice patterns and challenges in relationships, including handling resentment and misalignment.

(00:01:43) The process of recognizing differences and making the decision to end relationships.

(00:03:49) Strategies for processing feedback effectively.

(00:04:39) The value of negative feedback and how you can start appreciating and acting on constructive criticism.

(00:08:31) The process of turning feedback into actionable steps for improvement.

For full show notes, visit: https://jasminestar.com/podcast/episode426

Transcript

(00:00:01) - It's a. She.

Whitney Carmichael (00:00:15) - How do you feel when giving and receiving feedback? Hey Whitney here, content director for Jasmine Star and Social curator. And in this short, value packed episode, you'll learn exactly how both Sam Parr and Jasmine feel about negative feedback. But more importantly, you'll learn how they use it to grow. Enjoy this episode!

Jasmine Star (00:00:38) - In service of people who are listening. I can distinctly feel like strongly that there's somebody who's listening to the podcast and they love their life partner. There's somebody who's listening to the podcast, and they really love their co-founder, but they know that if they were to have these, we're setting terms and the cost of the terms, there's going to be misalignment. And so what I don't want to do is assume that everybody's at the point of, oh, I'm having this conversation before I'm married or I'm having this conversation before I agree to co-found a business. When you are in the middle of and you've had relationships with co-founders, where you realize that there was misalignment, like, what are the patterns, what are the conversations, what kind of changes are you making? Like what is happening in that messy middle?

Sam Parr (00:01:18) - Resentment.

Sam Parr (00:01:19) - So usually resentments like the worst thing to have to wear. It's like you're holding me back. So like with Joe and Jordan, we have a CEO, Jordan. Like, it feels like we egg each other on in a really healthy way. And so that feels good. Resentment is the opposite of that, where it's like, you're not pushing me forward, you're holding me back. And so resentments real. that sucks. And that is real, I think.

Jasmine Star (00:01:41) - Have you ever had a break from a co-founder?

Sam Parr (00:01:43) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the roommate matching thing. He's a wonderful person. Just like I remember the distinct thing. I was like, which band do you want this company to be like? And he named, like, some small, like, No name indie band. And I was like, I want to be Lady Gaga. I was like, like, I want to, like, I'm trying to take over the world, bro. I'm not trying to, like, play it a little small club in a van, like, I want to fly private and, like, meet Obama.

Sam Parr (00:02:06) - I don't want to, like, do it, you know what I'm saying? Like, I want like, I want someone to, like, put the poster on the wall because I came to their hotel, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I want that. Good.

Jasmine Star (00:02:17) - So then what happens? Like when you realize that you guys want to be two different bands.

Sam Parr (00:02:22) - You got to cut? I think you you you end it like you end it. Which sucks, but I think you have to do that.

Jasmine Star (00:02:28) - Okay. So as we talk about this there's a difference between I know I need to end it versus I'm not sure I need to end it. So when you're not sure if you need to end it there it comes like this idea of hearing feedback. And so I did go back to 2014 of the anti NBA blog post.

Sam Parr (00:02:48) - Keep in mind the things that you're citing. The weird thing about being like, I'm not like exactly a public figure, but like writing in public is.

Sam Parr (00:02:56) - So in 2014 I was 24. So what I always tell people when they read my old stuff, I go, I still believe a lot of it, but you have to understand I'm evolving. So I hope what you're about to say, it will look stupid.

Jasmine Star (00:03:07) - Well, what I will say though, is from the 2017 blog post. The caveat was that you had said the risk was assessed differently than food and a roof over my head to social equity and respect from people you really love and respect. Okay, different, but I actually strongly feel like based on what I know, I feel like we're still going to be hitting like a 95%. I put my stamp of approval on this one. So research quote research shows that negative feedback helps us learn and grow more quickly than positive feedback. However, negative feedback only works if you're in the right mindset. Otherwise it could be catastrophic. You must make it about the thing you did and not about you. You have to be really secure and feel good about yourself if you're getting critiqued, if all you're getting is critiqued.

Jasmine Star (00:03:49) - So really, the key to build up your self-esteem muscles is by showing them that you are okay when things go wrong, and that feedback is about what you're doing and not who you are. Decouple performance from self esteem. So you had said how you like to get feedback. And so.

Sam Parr (00:04:07) - I still do.

Jasmine Star (00:04:08) - That. Talk to me and talk to me. So so this is why I'm like I still strongly feel based on what I've heard, that that's what you like. And so here we are. We're talking about what you've done to pivot. You've talked about, you know, co-founder relationships that aren't working well. What you learned applied it to this new working relationship. But as you grow with Joe and Jordan and the whole team, you're bound to get negative feedback. But you're not like, I'm going to ruin, you know, throw this relationship away. How are you prepared for that? And how vital is it to keep going? Like we have to get negative feedback. How do we prepare ourselves to hear it from our team?

Sam Parr (00:04:39) - Negative feedback is the best stuff.

Sam Parr (00:04:41) - So like usually when I get negative feedback, I try to compliment the person and I say, I'm so thankful that you told me that. So I'll give you a very specific example. Yesterday for a while I told Jordan, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow. And then when we got like 5000 applications, I was like, F this man, don't grow that fast. We can't ruin this. But I said that in front of a bunch of people. He goes, can I talk to you privately? So yeah, sure. He goes, pick a pick a side. Either tell us to grow or tell us not to grow. But you can't say that in front of everyone because you're going to make me look stupid if I'm giving orders. And I was like, you're totally right. You're 100% right. I'm so appreciative that you called me out on that. So another example, like with the pod, like here's like really more specific examples. Like sometimes people will like make fun of the way I look and I'm like, oh, you're right, I'm fat.

Sam Parr (00:05:28) - I should like, lose weight. Like I'm chubby. Like when I used to be a little chubbier. And then now that I'm, like, very comfortable with my body, people will make fun of me. I'm like, oh yeah. But that's like. I'm fine, I'm great. So, like, I pick a choose kind of who it is that I listen to. But sometimes I try to like, listen to the feedback and I say, are they right or wrong? And I really reflect on it. And if I think they're right, then I actually try to like, listen to it and act on it. But sometimes it's like like I don't care. Like, for example, on my podcast, when they say, like, this guy's a tech bro. I'm like, well, am I like, bro? I'm like, I don't think I am. I think I look like it, but I don't think I am. So I'm just gonna like, ignore that. that's that, that's bad feedback or this person just projecting because of the way I look or if they say, like the audio production sucks, I'm like, yeah, I know it sucks, but like, I don't care.

Sam Parr (00:06:11) - I'm focusing on the content right now. I'll get to it later. I'm not listening to that. So like, I pick and choose like what I listen to, but usually what I do is I create a Google form and I ask people two questions like, what do you think I'm doing well at? Where do I suck? And I don't even read the, well, thing, like, I don't care, that's just a red herring. I just want to like, distract them. And then another good question is like, what am I out of ten for these specific things? And usually everyone's going to say like a 7 or 8 and you'd be like, all right, great, how do I get to become a ten? And then that's when they tell you like where your weakness is. And so I do that a lot.

Jasmine Star (00:06:42) - I have a personal example. Yeah. Let's hear it. Okay. That was me leading you into the say. More like I was saying. I said.

Sam Parr (00:06:47) - Let's hear it.

Jasmine Star (00:06:51) - okay. So I don't know how the conversation began, but I sent you a message on it in Hampton, and I was like, where all the girls at? I don't know where we got that, and I was uncomfortable saying that because it almost made me feel like I couldn't hold my own in the community. But I was just asking.

Sam Parr (00:07:11) - But did you think that I was uncomfortable receiving that I was zero?

Jasmine Star (00:07:14) - No, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, but and that's why I wanted to bring the story up was because instead of you asking more questions, you immediately owned it and said, got any ideas? And I think.

Sam Parr (00:07:26) - I said, I think I said, you're right. This is embarrassing.

Jasmine Star (00:07:31) - Why was I going to say that? I wasn't going to be like, yeah, you said you were really embarrassed. No, I mean.

Sam Parr (00:07:36) - Yeah, I was I was like, you're right. This is this is stupid. Like, this is a total failure.

Sam Parr (00:07:41) - You're totally right. And sometimes I'll ask people for ideas. I don't think the earnest should be on you to tell me how to do my job, but I do, like, look for feedback. But, yeah, it's embarrassing. there's no doubt.

Jasmine Star (00:07:52) - I want to talk about what I. What I really wanted to focus on was, number one, there's a difference between receiving feedback and taking it as criticism or a critique. A criticism is just saying what you're doing wrong. A critique is like, maybe we could try different approaches, which you were so willing and able to listen to. But it didn't stop there because you set up a meeting for me to meet with this guy named Jordan, who I didn't know at the time, was in the process of becoming the CEO of Hampton. So what you essentially said was, I hear it, we're going to start acting on it, but we're going to make it more of an official thing and to be able to talk to the CEO of this amazing big organization and have him listen in here and ask for ideas.

Jasmine Star (00:08:31) - I did not feel like I was asked to fix a problem. I was asked to add color and insight to how it might be approached, and so I wanted to take that as a takeaway for listeners because I to pick and choose the feedback and criticism that I receive from the stuff I pull out. So in the context of as we pivot, we're going to be starting new things. And in the process of starting new things, there are a bunch of unanswered questions and a litany of ways to get better. Now, the bar what I have learned going through this experience. It's not enough to say I hear you, and it's not enough to say like, I will change. It's I want you to see actions that we're taking on the back end of that. So I wanted to highlight that as a main key takeaway.

Whitney Carmichael (00:09:11) - Wow, that was fast. I hope you start embracing the feedback that is true even when it's not what you expected, because you deserve growth. See you in a few days.

Whitney Carmichael (00:09:24) - But.