Jasmine Star (00:00:00) -  Welcome back to The Jasmine Star Show, a place where you talk about business mindset and today, self-trust. Now prepare your hearts. Because I truly believe that self-trust is the key to making confident decisions and developing the ability to get back up again and again, which are two things that we have to do as business owners and leaders. But before I do that, I want to read a few words for an amazing friend who listens to the show. Raina Schultz from Sprinkle Me Sugar left a five star review on the show that said the perfect medley of business advice coaching, and it feels a lot like going to church and working out with your favorite peloton instructor. Yes, I listened to three years worth of this podcast, and every time I finish an episode, I will be listening again because they're also packed with value. Raina, thank you for listening and leaving a review. I have always wanted to be a pretend Robin Artisan or Emma Lovewell for peloton. Okay. Thank you. Let's get back to self-trust.

Jasmine Star (00:00:53) -  No, I wouldn't say that I'm a natural self trustor. In fact, I have never trusted myself because I always believed I needed to have proof that I could be trusted. I needed diplomas, I needed letters after my name, I needed certifications. Then I would be able to trust myself. But I'm going to cut it too straight. Trusting yourself only comes from within. It can and it should be developed now. I wish I knew how to develop my self trust when I started my business. Or you know, let's just be real. Even as recently as five years ago. So I started trusting myself with small things by listening to intuition. But I'm going to go back and I'm going to focus on small things. If I got to like an inclination, like there was one time I remember walking into the garage and I'm like, hey, you should grab your house keys now. I drive into my garage and I have an automated lock in my garage that lets me in my house. I don't need my house key, but for some reason I was like, your intuition is telling you to get the house keys when you don't normally need them.

Jasmine Star (00:01:48) -  What did I do? I listened to it and I grabbed the house keys randomly. That day Jade's car had some car issues. I went to go pick him up and he took an Uber and needed what the house keys to get back in. Wow. I ran into somebody at a conference and then I set a reminder for like three weeks later to follow up with that person. Why? I was just listening. I was just learning to trust. I had a little voice that just said, you're going to forget to follow up, so make sure you set a reminder. So I set a reminder on my calendar, a Google reminder. And it was just like follow up with this person. And so I followed with that person. And then he hit me back and was like, I cannot believe you remember this. I need to introduce you to this one person who I just had a conversation with that opened up you guys a massive door for me. What did I do? I was listening to the small inclinations, small ways of learning how to trust myself.

Jasmine Star (00:02:31) -  I'll never forget I was driving and I was leaving the house and something told me because in our garage we have a lot of storage units and it reminded me like to get a blanket. And I was like, why do you need to get them like it? And I just said, trust yourself with a small thing. I grabbed myself a blink and then, unbeknownst to me, JD texted me, said, hey, Luna and I are at the park, come and hang out with us. Let's have a picnic. I had a blanket in the back of my car and we just got Uber Eats and we sat on a blanket. I. I wouldn't normally have a blanket, so what was I learning to do? I was trusting myself with the small things. Now, the minute I started trusting myself, these really insignificant things that I realized, oh wow, it made a difference. I started trusting my intuition with big things. Big things. Like I was hiring a business coach before I felt ready for a business coach.

Jasmine Star (00:03:14) -  And then what happened in the process of it? I expanded in a group, and I was so ready for when I was ready for my business coach. We just hit the ground running. Now. I was listening to intuition for big things like hiring team members. Before I was ready. I was listening to my intuition. Like what I'm currently doing now is I'm listening to intuition for recruiting and courting future team members, because that's what my intuition that's like my gut like, that's like, I've been in the business game long enough for me to know, hey, something's telling you something. So if you want to build your self-trust muscle, then this show is for you. So in this episode, we're going to be going over the validation trap what self-trust consists of and then how to get out of it and building self-trust. Self-trust is so imperative to business. I need you to understand that as a leader, as you're building, it is not easy to trust yourself. But it is so important and it is a muscle that you build.

Jasmine Star (00:04:09) -  So let's get into it. And we're going to start with the validation trap. Now there are many, many ways that entrepreneurs seek validation. All social media likes, awards, customer reviews, article mentions, video views like you guys like the list goes on and on. And there's no denying, oh man, it feels really good to get positive reinforcement, especially when you know you're your own business owner so you don't have a boss that gives you praises and raises. And the truth is that as humans were hardwired to love recognition, and a lot of the times, that recognition is a sign that you're on the right track. And that recognition, well, it shows us what is working and what isn't working, but this is where it can become a problem. External validation and motivation are out of your control. I'm gonna say that again. Validation and motivation are out of your. Control now, but there are things that we can control to build self trust. We must remember that momentum and direction come from within us, not from fluctuating opinions of others or like metrics of others.

Jasmine Star (00:05:13) -  Okay, so if we know that there are things outside of our control like validation, why would I ever seek it? I can't control it. Now if I know that there are things that are coming from me like momentum and direction, I need to focus on that. So what do we do? How do we get out of needing validation? How do we step out of something we can't control? We step into self-trust. We step into what we can control. But what exactly is self-trust? Self-trust is the unshakeable belief in your own abilities, decisions, and your own instincts. It's having the confidence in your judgment and staying true to your vision, even in the face of external doubts or in certain disease. And in business. I believe self-trust is necessary for making big decisions for making those like, oh, I'm gonna make a calculated risk. I believe that self-trust helps you stay resilient through challenges. Now, a good example of unshakable self-trust. Now, I'm going to go in here in a second and be like, girl, how are you working all of this together? Trust me on this one.

Jasmine Star (00:06:13) -  I'm going to go back to 2020. And everyone's like, no, we don't want to go back to 2020. Me either. And neither does Simone Biles. Simone Biles was at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. Now, if you don't know who Simone Biles is, she's an incredible gymnast and she has an incredible story. And she pretty much defies the law of gravity. Now, I should probably take a little bit of a side note here. I live for the Summer Olympics. Like I am the kind of person. Oh, gymnastics, you know, what is this sport where it's kind of like gymnastics, but instead they use, like, fluttering, twirling wands of fabric, and they have the ball. I mean, you guys, I even watch things like archery. I am an Olympian in my soul. Like, if there was a gold medal to watch the Olympics, I would be the Michael Phelps of watching the Olympics. Here's the deal I like take deep pride in our country. Like I watch like the medal count.

Jasmine Star (00:07:02) -  I was like, America, we're at it again. The most goals. This is what we do. Okay. Anyway, I just had to give you a side note why I was so fixated and why I really focused on this story. Because this story is a little bit different than a traditional Olympian story, and it focuses on self-trust. And I'm a little bit older business, so stick with me. At the 2020 Olympics. Like you can imagine, Simone Biles was carrying the weight of immense expectations. She was a leader on the gymnastics team, but she began to experience what she calls the twisties. Now, the twisties are like a disorienting, like sensation that affects spatial awareness, and it affects spatial awareness when she's mid-air. Now, I'm not an Olympic gymnast, obviously, but I'm pretty positive that gymnastics requires a high level of confidence and control when you're in the air. So having the twisties during competition like that could end not badly, but terribly. It could end disastrously. Now, Simone made a very courageous decision that prioritized her mental health and her well-being.

Jasmine Star (00:08:03) -  She did something really unexpected. She withdrew from the individual all around competition. Everybody was shocked and people were so disappointed. I mean, let's be real, she was probably disappointed too. But she demonstrated incredible self-trust by doing this because despite the pressure to compete and she you guys all like a Twitter ate her alive, social media ate her alive. She's like, she's weak. She's an attention grabber. What is she doing this for? It's the Olympics. A true athlete pushes through. I was watching this all of go down and the immense amount of criticism that she faced. But what did she do? She listened to her mind and her body. She didn't listen to the fans. She didn't listen to the coaches. She knows the social media. She didn't listen to her teammates. That's hard, you guys. That's so hard. She listened to herself and she trusted herself. She showed the world that true strength lies, encouraged to make difficult decisions and stand up for what you need. So what many at the time might have seen like, oh, that's a sign of weakness.

Jasmine Star (00:09:00) -  It was actually a very powerful display of self-awareness and self-trust. Now, I think that this is a story and an example of how self-trust can empower you to make difficult choices that prioritize you, not the opinion of others. Now, I want to bring this back into business. So this is where it intersects with business. There have been so many times when I needed to trust myself when it came to make huge decisions in my business, and there was a lot of opinions. Opinions from family members, opinions from my business partner, opinions from my team members, opinions from people on social media, opinions from people in other like peer led groups. And they all had opinions. And I had to say, I'm going to listen to myself right now. Now I want to share two personal examples of trusting myself, both focusing on what should have been massive, very high figure six figure months for us now. The first was the decision in 2022 to cancel a launch just a few days into the promotion, and we pulled a tech feature that took us about ten months to produce.

Jasmine Star (00:10:01) -  Okay, so a week before we started the launch, I journaled my thoughts. I just came across this journal two I journaled my thoughts about the status of the launch and I was like, man, I started admitting that I wish we could have tested it at scale before releasing the feature to the public during a promotion. Okay, I did not listen to my gut, and instead I told myself a false story that oh man, we have to move fast and iterate on things and this is the way that we grow fast, and that's how we get results faster and as fast as fast. Now I made a decision on hope, not on trust. Now, if I'm being honest, I could sit here and beat myself up and I can, you know, not admit that it was a mistake. But once the early data showed that the feature, it just lacked clarity and it clearly lacked adoption. I ended the launch immediately. I admitted my mistake to the team and I said, y'all like, you got to work with me.

Jasmine Star (00:10:52) -  We got to quickly pivot the promotion to salvage what we can in a short amount of time. So now let's flash forward to 2023, when I launched my very first mastermind and I worked with 15 incredible entrepreneurs. It was a six month program. But when we ended in September 2023, I decided, I'm not going to renew the program even though members wanted to renew. And even though we had a waitlist of people that were interested in it, I said, I'm not going to do that. At the time, it didn't make sense. Like, oh, wait, you're not going to pursue like this massively powerful revenue stream and you got people result in you. Now you're not going to do that. But I felt like I needed to create a program that would ultimately help people in the mastermind get even bigger results. So we postponed the launch of the second mastermind. And then in March 2024, we debuted an advanced course called Your Biggest Launch Ever, a complete step by step education guide about launching your offer.

Jasmine Star (00:11:49) -  And now, when I open the mastermind again, I will have created every resource for mastermind members to effectively launch. What does this mean? Well, now we can focus all of their efforts in scaling, their branding and their marketing. As a side note, if you want to join the mastermind waitlist, we are focusing on high six and seven figure business owners. You could find the waitlist for the mastermind at Jasmine's dot com forward slash mastermind, and I'm going to link it in the show notes. But the purpose of these stories was to juxtapose. I'm going to pause. 2022. I did not listen to my gut when my gut was talking to me. That is a shame. But you want to know what have been more of a shame? Not listening to my gut in 2023. So I'm not going to bemoan or belabor the fact that I made a bad call in 2022. I tried my best. It was a bad call. I own it. I learned so that in 2023, you listen to your gut again and that self-trust is saying, I know it doesn't make sense, but I need to do this.

Jasmine Star (00:12:48) -  And I've built that by having these anchors of small successes stacking on each other based on self-trust. So I'm learning to trust myself. I'm learning to admit when I'm wrong and trust that my team is empowered to do the same thing. I'm learning to trust the decisions I make when a much bigger purpose is in mind. So how how do you build and develop your self trust? We're going to get right into a quick framework in just a minute, but I first want to share something that I'm calling the Self-trust Triangle. So before we get into the framework I'm calling it a triangle because the self-trust has three components the inner foundation, decision making and then resilience. So let's talk about it. The first side of the triangle is your inner foundation. And this consists of your values your vision and your mission. Like when you think about this, it's who you want to become. What do you want to be known for. And this sets you up to make confident decisions. So why is this important? When you feel grounded in who you are and what you stand for, you can trust yourself to make choices aligned with your values and your vision.

Jasmine Star (00:13:54) -  Okay, so let's move into an example. So picture a business owner who's thinking about leaving their stable job to pursue their business full time. If they trust themselves and have a strong inner foundation, they'll assess the situation based on their values, their skills, the vision they have for their life. And they will very much likely weigh the potential risks and rewards, financial risks, emotional risk, intellectual risks. Knowing that their decision aligns with their authentic self and who they want to become. Now, on the other hand, if that business owner lacks self trust and they have a shaky inner foundation, you want to know what's going to happen. Oh, you know what's going to happen. They're going to feel overwhelmed. They have self-doubt and uncertainty, and they go back and forth and they're going they're going to second guess their abilities. And then they fear, oh, I'm going to make the wrong choice. So what does that lead to? Not making a choice in decision avoidance. Without this confidence in themselves, they'll most likely cling to what's safe and what's familiar in their current job, even if it means sacrificing their dreams and not living to their fullest potential.

Jasmine Star (00:14:50) -  So what can you do to build your inner foundation? Take some time, right? Revisit. Rewrite your vision, your mission. I want you to get so clear on where you're going and what you stand for. And I literally say this eating my own dog food in May of 2024, not that long ago, at a moment's notice, I checked into a place called sensei. It is a mind body holistic center of figuring out like the core. It's about healing. It's about feeling safe. It's about having the ability to create space for what you want to create. I wrote who am I for? I wrote what am I about? I literally wrote why am I called to do this work? It's hard knowing I am not for everybody, but I have accepted this fact that I am not for everybody. And it's a part of this fact that it's now part of my foundation. It's who I am. Now let's get into the second component of the Self-trust Triangle, which is right here. This right here is decision making.

Jasmine Star (00:15:57) -  This is where you put your inner clarity and confidence into action. And making good decisions requires I know everyone's like, oh, don't tell me this. No, no, no. Good decision requires a mix of gut feeling, thoughtful analysis, and courage. When you trust yourself, decisions become easier. You lean into your intuition and experience, knowing you've got what it takes to handle whatever comes your way. And even when things don't match what you hoped would happen, you can categorize it as an experience. I had an experience that wasn't what I expected. I didn't have a loss. But when doubt creeps in and you don't yet have that self-trust, decision making just gets harder. And then what do you do again? Here we go again. We second guess yourself. You worry about making mistakes. You seek external validation. You might even avoid making the choice altogether. For example, let's say that you're considering expanding your business into a new market when you trust yourself. Okay, you say, I'm going to objectively weigh the pros and cons.

Jasmine Star (00:16:55) -  I'm going to listen to my instincts. I'm going to take decisive action. You're confident in your ability to adapt and succeed, even in unfamiliar territory. However, if doubt clouds your judgment, you might hesitate. You might not even like. I'm not going to take any risk at all. You might agonize over possible outcomes instead of what's possible, and then what happens here will. The result is. You miss out on a huge opportunity to grow your business and your revenue. So what can you do to make better decisions? Well, after you've worked on your foundations, start making small decisions based on your values, your goals, and your vision. This is a great way to begin building confidence. When you stack enough proof with making small decisions based on experience and intuition, you're confident to test making a bigger decision using the same skills. The way you're making decisions based on where you want to go. Not out of fear. Now it's time for real talk. I recently consulted with a client who built a seven figure business, and he took a lot of pride in having a really small team.

Jasmine Star (00:18:02) -  But at the same time, he was frustrated because his team kept on telling him, like, man, we're burnt out. And then they started slowly missing deadlines. Now, deep down, he knew he needed to hire more people, but he kind of like he went back and forth. He vacillated. He wasn't never really fully committing to hiring and the hiring process and recruiting. And I told him, dude, you need to make a clear decision to hire, say yes or no, make a clear decision, and then make a clear decision what roles you need to hire for. Then you need to make a clear decision, the order of importance for the roles that you're hiring. But he just couldn't commit to it. And then, unfortunately, two key team members from his team ended up leaving to another company. Now, if he had just trusted his experience and he trusted his intuition, his intention was like, oh, I need to prioritize hiring. If he just trusted that, I think he could have avoided learning this lesson.

Jasmine Star (00:18:50) -  So right now, can you think of a decision that you've been avoiding in this moment? Can you simply make the decision? It doesn't have to be a decision you like or dislike. It just I just need to make a decision. And then can you draw a line in the sand and commit to yourself and to your team? This is the decision I made. It is now time to stack that proof. So now we're going to talk about the third side of the triangle. Remember we have these two sides and that third side the bottom. That's resilience. This is the foundation of the self-trust triangle. It supports everything else. And I believe it's a non-negotiable. Resilience is simply your ability to get back up again and again. And you develop resilience by constantly keeping promises to yourself and showing up for yourself, especially especially when things get hard. I want you to think about it this way every time you face a setback or challenge in your business, getting back up resilience is what gives you the strength to keep going.

Jasmine Star (00:19:47) -  It literally feeds you into the next thing. And resilience is not something you're born with. You can develop it over time. It's like a muscle that you're constantly working out, and each time you use it, it gets stronger. So for example, let's say you launch a new product and then it doesn't go as planned. Instead of giving up and saying, oh, well, it just wasn't meant to be, it's not for me. Why not take a step back, analyze what went wrong, and then use that knowledge to make improvements? You're now on the result of that. It not going out. You expected you're now in a better position to try again. You can make the product or the offer even better.

Jasmine Star (00:20:23) -  This is what pushes you.

Jasmine Star (00:20:24) -  To learn from experience and try again. And every time you overcome that hurdle or limitation, you're adding another piece of evidence that you can trust yourself to do what you say you're going to do, and you can make good decisions. Back in March, I hosted a live course experience.

Jasmine Star (00:20:41) -  It was called Your Biggest Launch Ever, and it was an eight week program, and I taught the content and hundreds of people were launching their products or services and their offer, and some people had mind blowing results, others missed their goals, and others had things that went awry that were just things that were out of their control, like an ads account getting suspended or having a new email service provider not send her email funnel. And guess what? My response was always the same. It was the same for when you had a killer launch. It was the same when your launch killed you and it was the same when dang, nothing worked. It was the same. My response was, this is great, and now we analyze what worked, what needs to change, how do we get better? The results was never the focus. It's what we're learning to optimize for in the future. Always good, bad, sideways, always were optimizing in the future. And I want to take a minute to have a little.

Jasmine Star (00:21:40) -  Side note resilience isn't just about bouncing back from failure. It's also about showing up for yourself every day when you don't feel like it. It's about sticking to your goals. It's about taking care of yourself. It's about staying true to your vision no matter what. And so when we talk about wrapping up this three part triangle, I want you to remember that resilience is going to be the key to build your confidence. The only way you get confident is by stacking proof. But the way that you stack proof is showing up again and again and again. That is what empowers you to keep going even when things are unbearably hard. Okay, so now that we know what the self triangle consists of, I want to dive into a three part framework of developing self trust. Now that you have the here we go, I want to I see you on the street. I want you to hold up a little triangle because now we're going to get into self-trust. The first step is to get really clear on what you want and how you plan to achieve it.

Jasmine Star (00:22:33) -  That's it. What do you want? How are you going to do it now? Doing this will help you find new ways to measure your success that are internal only coming from you. So instead of comparing your chapter one to somebody else's chapter ten, you're going to be tracking your progress against your own goals and focus on what you can control internally. The next step to the self Trust framework is to become your own dang cheerleader. That's it. Bring out some pompoms. Shout yourself up. Become your own hype person. We have the tendency to downplay our own wins. Maybe something seems small to us now, like oh, compared to the person on the internet who's buying a new $18 million home, or in another milestone and there goes another Ferrari. Okay, but in reality, ourselves. Three years ago, could we compare ourselves to who we are today to one year ago to six months ago? Like there is a version of you not too long ago that would have killed to have the wins that you are having right now in this moment.

Jasmine Star (00:23:28) -  Let us not forget that. So take the time to acknowledge and celebrate them. Did you finally launch that new product? Did you hit a subscriber goal? Did you overcome a difficult technical challenge? These are all wins, big and small. Celebrating your wins reinforces your capabilities and builds your confidence in your own judgment. I didn't develop this habit until I was in a mastermind, where the host would start every event the same way he set a timer for 40 minutes where we would do nothing else but journal our quarterly wins. 40 minutes is a long time, long time, and it never failed all of us. We would end up with pages and pages of wins. Now, these might have seemed small or insignificant at the time that they happen, but then when you look back at them three months later, you're like, oh my God. It allows us to see how a simple conversation, a connection, a podcast, interview or direct message created a domino effect of big wins. So step one of the Self-trust framework was to get really clear on what you want and how you plan to achieve it.

Jasmine Star (00:24:30) -  Step two is to become your own cheerleader, and the third and final step is to develop an experimental mindset. Don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things, but you have to do it with an attachment, with the mindset of being. It's a test and it is only a test. Experimenting and testing allows you to learn from your experiences and the outcome. It doesn't matter. You're learning from the experience. So why is this important? Building self-trust. You'll build confidence in your ability to overcome challenges, and then you get to adapt to what's needed. And you learn to rely on your own judgment and adaptability to guide you into the unknown. So right now we are working on lead generation for seven figure business owners. So I'm currently sitting with the team, and we're talking about the variety of ways that we're going to start building and expanding. Now we're not doing this like. Jeez. Golly gee willikers, I hope that we start attracting seven and eight figure business owners know we're building out a strategy to do it, and part of that strategy is we're just testing.

Jasmine Star (00:25:32) -  We actually have no idea which of our ideas is going to kill, which one is going to actually be the thing that moves the needle. So we're all testing. And so we started planning these in early May of 2024, and we started dropping them in June 2024. And we have an event, you know, in July 2024. And we're doing these things. And so the team had said, okay, so based on this, how is it going to play into this? I'm just going to call X part of our strategy. And I looked across on our team, like during the zoom meeting when I was meeting with the content team, and I said, oh, I should have said this sooner, but I am here to tell you that what we're building in May of 2024 is to help us expand into an offer for October of 2025 at the soonest. And I started laughing because I'm a total like butthole when the law looks so dejected. I was like, why are we sad? This is the game that we don't? You think that we're just going to come up with this grand strategy, and then we're going to have like 100,007 figure business owners who are just like, oh, take my credit card.

Jasmine Star (00:26:42) -  Know building a brand takes time, and it's built on a bunch of knock your teeth out tests. That's it. If you are not in the ring getting your teeth knocked out by test, you will never be in the ring for the knockout that just came to me too. Dang. Okay, let's review for what we went over. When it comes to self trust, we started talking about the validation trap in how self trust is crucial to confident decisions. Then we went over the Self Trust triangle which includes three parts the inner foundation, decision making and resilience. We discussed how your inner foundation sets the stage for decision making and resilience by grounding your values and your vision. And then, as if that wasn't enough, we went over decision making and how trusting your self empowers you to make choices aligned with your intuition and experience. And then we went over resilience, which is the foundation of the self-trust triangle. We talked about building self trust and keeping promises to yourself and pushing through those challenges. And then finally we covered a three part framework for developing.

Jasmine Star (00:27:48) -  Yes. You want to know how to trust yourself? Here you go. Clarify your goals, cheer yourself on and try new things with an experimental mindset. I want to personally thank you for listening to The Jasmine Star Show. When you leave a review, it means the world to us. When you tag me on stories, when you share how you are sharing this podcast, I love to see what you're doing. I love to see where you're at. Let me just. I'm a grade-A expert level creeper. If you can leave a review and share that podcast episode, you'd just be down. Brownie points. Bonus points. Let's go double gold stars. Thank you for watching and listening to the Jasmine Star Show.