Jasmine Star 00:00:00  Welcome to the Jasmine Star Show, a place where we talk about life, business and building in the messy middle. You know, on the show, I am bringing people along on the building journey and it's not always easy. But when you get encouragement, it feels easier in the process. So I have to tell you that two of the most popular episodes, hands down, that I've received the most feedback about, has been episodes that were loosely calling laying bricks at the end of quarter one. In 2024, I did a recap of what I did that quarter to build in the future, to build for the future, and the feedback we got was so great. But I was like, you know, maybe it was like a one hit wonder. So I decided to drop part two, which was at the end of quarter two, what I had done that quarter to build for the future. And I asked people in the episode if this is resonating because it feels very open. It feels very raw to be talking and bringing people on the inside of the build.

Jasmine Star 00:00:59  And so many DMs, LinkedIn messages, emails about those podcast. People said, we like knowing about the messy middle. We like seeing how you're building not for present results, but for future success. And, you know, I started having conversations with my husband and business partner, and I started saying, what if I was a little bit more courageous and brought people even closer? What would it look like to get an inside look and sneak peek? So what I'm going to do is I'm going to link to those two episodes in the show notes. So if you haven't heard them, you can definitely go out and check them out. Get out the nitty gritty. Another really popular episode this year by a long shot was with my mentor. Her name is Susan Sirota, and I brought on the podcast and we interviewed and people had a lot of great feedback. And one of the things I will say about that podcast is like, I'm very proud of it. Yes, I think that Susan showed up as her real self and I showed up as my real self.

Jasmine Star 00:01:56  But there was something about having a polished interview that yes, it was real, but it was polished. And so I decided to share a recent conversation that I had with Susan. Now, I meet with Susan once a week and I didn't ever know, but I had been recording these calls on zoom, and I had a recent conversation with her, and she just went on one, like dealt it to me straight, straight, no shooter. That was how she was speaking to me and what I said. Jokingly, I said, oh my gosh, this sounds like a podcast, this should be a podcast. And then, unbeknownst to me, I was recording that call. I mean, not unbeknownst to me. It's not like I didn't know it was recording. It was just a default setting. That's what I should say. It was a default setting on zoom. And so at the end of the call, I got an email that said, your recording from zoom is ready. And I thought to myself, oh my gosh, are you willing to share a part of your coaching session when you didn't know it was going to be a podcast on the podcast? So I thought about it, and then I realized that yes, I did and yes I do.

Jasmine Star 00:03:01  And that is what this episode is all about today. It's getting closer to the messy middle. Why I want to document. I just don't want to create. When I had a conversation with Susan, I was creating a podcast when I was having a real life coaching session that was ugly and uncomfortable as all get out That was documenting. And so when we meet on zoom, it was recording the audio. And I want to show what most days as a business owner looks like, and specifically what it looks like to have a conversation with my mentor. Now, a little bit of a frame up for what you're going to jump into right about now is that week I had met with her and I was going to be meeting with Gary Vaynerchuk. I'm a part of a leadership accelerator offered through Viv, and Viv is under his company, Vayner X. Now I'm going to share a lot of the details in the call with her setting her up for the call, but what I need to say is that week was a really crazy week for me.

Jasmine Star 00:04:00  I was meeting with Gary, somebody who I deeply respect, and I was very excited, and his team reached out and they asked if they could record the call. And I was very honored. I was very excited and at the same time, I worried. Is the dynamic of us recording the call going to change how I show up in the call? Because I've always realized that my greatest weakness is to show that I'm very professional. If you're at all familiar with Enneagram, I'm an Enneagram three wing four, and the exact description of an Enneagram three wing four is called wait for it the Professional until my default setting is to show up that way. But oftentimes when I show up in that way, I don't actually make myself open to hear what I need to hear. Like, I am so wanting to do it right that I don't show up as my raw, ugly, perforated. I don't have it all together and I'm not quite sure I ever will. Self. And when I show up like that, I'm in a complete state of listening and receiving.

Jasmine Star 00:05:03  And that was the goal with this particular conversation with Gary, and that was to show up 100% as me. And so I met with her, and I was talking to her about the happenstance meeting of myself and somebody else that morning. I'm going to get to that in the story in a second. And so this is me bring you in, while at the same time admitting and offering that it is really awkward to share this as close to the epicenter of the build as I am. So deal carefully. Oh sweet, brilliant souls that you are because it's not easy to share. But I am sharing it because there's a future version of me that will be proud that I did. And there is a future version of me who looks back and says, I'm so happy that you created that because somebody else on their journey is going to find it and it's going to help them. And so I am currently creating the content that I wish I had today. I hope you enjoy. This Wednesday I'm meeting Gary.

Jasmine Star 00:06:07  They asked to film it. I said yes and I started noticing, checking in what is coming up for me. And all I really wanted was this ability. When I'm not having to be on camera, that I've realized that I can just be me. And when I'm on camera, I am a version of me and real me. But I all know that I have a very professional armor, and it's an armor of confidence. And my concern was like, now I know his cameras are going to be there. I'm going to show up and be confident. When I do that, I energetically block the thing I'm positive here. So then they do this executive coaching. So Vayner has a team of three psychologists fully employed through Vayner for their team members. So executive psychology performance okay. Well part of vibe is that you meet with this person. It's optional. I didn't know it was optional until today. I was just like every other week I'm meeting with her for 30 minutes. It's been great. I freaking love her.

Jasmine Star 00:06:57  She's a black woman. Is she just like me? Rhodes. Oh, man. Oh, she just like, she just gets to it. And so a lot of the stuff that we do, we're working through this. And then it kind of like sits with me and then I'll send her an email. I was like, hey, I thought about this thing that you had said and just kind of connecting the dots. So then today, every morning I get up, I journal, just work a couple minutes, I pray, I meditate, I just come and just find my vibe. And I keep this 365 day journal. And so I kept it since 2019 and today, July 15th, I saw 2019 2020. When he won, I missed 2223 and then 24. It was like I wrote the same entry every year to the date. It's like, here we are again trying to push through. I'm expanding the team. I'm leading the team. Should I be doing this with the team or? We have truly found product market fit and it seems the churn is still at 6%.

Jasmine Star 00:07:51  It was like Groundhog's Day and I thought to myself, so today's journal was, how do you know when to quit? How do you know when to pivot? How do you begin to start seeing patterns and stop them? When do you know that you're on the right track? I'm just writing when they know you're on the right track or the wrong. When do you have the courage and build the wherewithal to say, like, I think I've done everything I could without it happening to you? And so then I started journaling. I was like, the thing that I build into this next phase. I actually have to look back and say, what did I learn? And the success that we met was very rare. Like there was a point where we were doing 5 million in revenue just from social care. What kind of business are we running here? And so I said, right, which version of me, what we've been proven is that we're really good at breaking walls. But in the future, can we open a door? Like, is there a possibility of building at scale and having it be inviting? Like, could we do it differently? And so then I'm just getting it out and like, what is the lesson that you have to learn here? Because you can't end up here in five years again and be like, why didn't I try thinking about doing it a different way? Like, you can't do that anymore.

Jasmine Star 00:09:06  So then having this call with Doctor Sasha and she's like, how are you feeling about the call with Gary? And I told her, I know the question I'm going to ask. And I said, what comes up for me is like, I just walked you through. And she asked me two questions. And I think it's important because I just want to catalog with you because I ended up sharing with the team and it was meant really, really, really well. And the question is, she wanted me to ask was, number one, what's at stake? Number two, what's the worst thing that can happen? And what I said was, well, what was at stake was what came up for me was a lot of embarrassment. Like I say, I'm going to like, shoot my shot. And then I miss and I'm like, that's an ego. And I actually don't care. Yeah, actually don't care if I say that I'm going to build a holding company and then I don't. In fact, if anything, it would cause more resonance with the people I'm speaking to because not everybody hits everything that they set out to do.

Jasmine Star 00:09:54  And what's the worst thing that could happen? And this is where I realized my truth actually spoke. And it's not about ego. And it wasn't about, well, what are people going to think? Because I actually truly at the end of Kourtney do not care. I realized that my greatest fear in speaking to Gary was that the worst thing that could happen would not be. He thinks I'm terrible and I suck and I can't do it. And it wouldn't be. He thinks some amazing and things I can do and it's going to be a success. It's realizing that the lessons he's learned, and he tells me the cost of it is that I realize I don't know if I want to build that, and that is what deeply scares me, because then I have to admit, going back to square one and asking myself, what do you want to build?

Susan Sierota 00:10:45  That's pretty powerful.

Jasmine Star 00:10:46  And it feels good because I've identified it. Yeah, and then I accept the terms of it.

Susan Sierota 00:10:52  Awesome. And that's one of those things that if you give it air, it loses all its power.

Susan Sierota 00:10:58  Yep. So I'm so proud of you for giving that air. Thank you.

Jasmine Star 00:11:03  And you know, I think this is me also telling people who like this matters. Like what? This decision like it matters. And I have to be able to tell you on the front end of whatever happens that my my fear and my concern is maybe saying, I don't know if I want to build that because I don't know what I don't know. But what I realized the social curator is I didn't know what I was building. And with each iteration and trying it, it kept on being like, well, what is it? And now I'm in power of saying, that's what I want to build, and I understand the cost of it, and then saying, I want to build it or I don't. And I feel like that energetically is a place I've never been before in business. And so, you know, I think I'm worried. I think I'm worried about saying, I don't know if I want to build it, but I won't know until.

Jasmine Star 00:11:55  Yeah.

Susan Sierota 00:11:55  And I think even when there is important and not letting it change your behavior from doing what's right to get you what you want is important. And well, also just looking at who we are as humans, it's so interesting because we have to touch the stuff we really do, right? And think about it. I built a hardware company. People told me how hard hardware is. Hard? I can do it. Venture back companies. You do realize what you're getting into? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do it. It's investors who? The number one thing they don't invest in is the space that they built a company because they know all the hard. Right. And so investors go elsewhere. But no one could have told them that period. And so, yes, there is this thing of knowing the cost of it, and there is something pretty powerful of saying, yeah, if I know what cost, I can choose not to pay. But I will tell you, you won't believe the cost is true for you.

Susan Sierota 00:12:54  You'll believe the cost was true for that. Oh, so it's not going to happen that way.

Jasmine Star 00:13:00  I accept that, I accept that I want to be able to say that I foolishly thought I knew I was getting into. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. I get it, but do I have the courage to hear it? And if it's not resonant, and if I cannot believe that I could be the outlier or be the thing in it, do I have the courage to say I stopped that now, and I go back and like, what else? How else? Who do I need to be?

Susan Sierota 00:13:29  How do I love to put Meredith on your head with that? Because I agree with you. I think that if this breakthrough has you asking different questions of what you want, that's powerful. My thought here is I don't think you're going to get it from anyone else. I think that that is then the cop out of okay, he didn't tell me what I don't want to hear.

Jasmine Star 00:13:50  Oh, actually, Doctor Natasha freaking called me out on the same thing, and I said, oh, I want to be very clear here.

Jasmine Star 00:13:56  I am not asking for Gary to be my indicator. I'm asking Gary to give me an indication.

Susan Sierota 00:14:03  I haven't even taking it past that, though. I hear what you're saying.

Jasmine Star 00:14:06  Okay.

Susan Sierota 00:14:07  And I'm saying, though, in reality there is nothing Garry can say that you won't want to touch the hot stove yourself. What I am saying is this is opening up. A bigger question is can you give yourself permission to look at your decision of what you're building, knowing you don't have a backup right now and say, man, I think I want to do something else. This is not resonating with me. That's the question that you're not really asking, because there's nothing that's going to happen in the call that will spur that. But should you look at it and say, I'm going to check in, I've learned a lot more than you're saying. It's much more of a grind. I do want to go through doors, but chances are I'm just going to have to keep hitting my head against the wall because I just earned my right to bigger problems every single time I'm successful, and every single time I've built something, I've done something harder and done something harder.

Susan Sierota 00:14:57  And so am I. Acknowledging to myself that this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Yeah, and this big and audacious. Absolutely. Do you all really want to go after big and audacious? And are you willing to get burned because you're going to have to stove a lot of times to get there? And that's fair to ask yourself. And I think you should, and I think you should give yourself that permission. And that's not going to change no matter what happens in the garage. Call.

Jasmine Star 00:15:19  You're so.

Susan Sierota 00:15:19  Good. I'm listening to.

Jasmine Star 00:15:21  You talk and I'm like, oh my God, this is a podcast. Like, I need to clip this trash out because it's fun.

Susan Sierota 00:15:28  Bro. Dang. So but I'd love that you're asking the real question. I think that is the real question.

Jasmine Star 00:15:35  Repeat back my real question.

Susan Sierota 00:15:38  Knowing how big an audacious and challenging this octopus is going to be. Are you building it because you really want to and you'll pay the price? Are you building it because you don't have a backup? You don't have an alternative?

Jasmine Star 00:15:50  I have an answer, but I think I'm, you know, if I'm to become a different person to build the next thing, I mustn't answer the way that I'm accustomed to answering.

Jasmine Star 00:16:02  It's a being a lot more thoughtful around my response, because I do hail from the land of, you know, Gladiator and Braveheart. I'll, you know, die on my knees before I bow to you type thing. And I just need to be like, I could still make the same decision. But I don't need to associate emotion, I need to associate thoughtfulness and like a deep respect to the game.

Susan Sierota 00:16:28  I think that's great. I will leave you with a thought on that is as you think about who you are. There's things about us that are so intersection of who you are and what you want. There isn't a world where what you're going to build isn't going to end up being big and audacious and scary and risky. You're not the type to go say, I'm going to open up a cafe because I know how to do it, and it can bring you this far. and so you might not know 100% what the price is because you haven't touched the stove. And you might be saying, I don't have an alternative.

Susan Sierota 00:17:02  And this is the vision. So am I just building because I don't have this? What's mixed up in there is just knowing who you are and what you want right now, at this stage of your life is you want ten years to build audacious to get to audacious being built, let's say, not to build it. But see, that's what you've said you want. And so if it's not this audacious, the heart and the grind is going to be there just the same, because you've defined that that's who you are for a time period. So just as you think about it, something to think on.

Jasmine Star 00:17:35  Basically, I hear you say pick your audacity. Yeah. Seriously?

Susan Sierota 00:17:39  Okay, it's not this. It's another one. But he means it. And be there and that you're going to get burnt. So it is.

Jasmine Star 00:17:48  thank you for acknowledging my desire to touch the hot stove. And thank you for holding space. And thank you for believing. And then thank you just for reminding me that I'm going to build something audacious, even if it's this thing or something else.

Susan Sierota 00:18:02  Totally. I love.

Jasmine Star 00:18:04  It. I don't know about you, but I am in love with my mentor, Susan. I told her, hey, you're just basically stuck with me for the rest of my life. Even if I don't stay in business 40 years from now, you still got me too bad. Hook, line and sinker. She talks my language And she talks and deals it straight, no chaser. We started off this show letting you in. And one of the things that Susan had said is. Jasmine, you have to touch the stove for yourself to know if it's hot. No truer words have been said about me, and there's a good chance if you made it to this point in the podcast, you feel the same way. In fact, it's what many entrepreneurs think, do and how we behave. We need to believe that we are the exception. We have the capacity. We have to believe that we can make the immutable decision to put our hand on the stove. And for the lucky and the brave of us, we might get burned.

Jasmine Star 00:19:08  And then we build up the courage and the resistance and the resilience to continue doing it again and again, until one day we realize that maybe the stove isn't as hot as we once imagined. At least that's the goal. Thank you for watching and listening to the Jasmine Star Show. Please, if you were a part of this journey, shoot me a DM, let me know I'm not alone and let me know that you are also building. What an honor and a privilege to be on this journey with you.