Jasmine Star 00:00:00  Welcome to the Jazmin Starr Show where just before we press record, I screamed. I am so awkward and I couldn't be more excited to have Nick gray. Now, here's the thing. You all know that when I bring people on the show, I really like to have personal relationships before them. Nick doesn't know this, but he's been my pretend internet friend for a very long time. I've been sending him DMs. I don't slip into his DMs. I'm literally bulging right in and be like, I got opinions on opinions. I just the way that he is curating his content has resonated deeply with me because as you all know, I'm a very high introvert and what Nick does seems alien esque to me. He is very social. He wrote a book about a cocktail. We're going to get into that in a second. But this is not about the book and this is not about cocktail hours. This is about creating human to human connection that not just empowers you to develop in your personal growth journey, but also as an entrepreneur.

Jasmine Star 00:00:50  I couldn't be more excited to welcome this show. Nick Gray, thank you for being here.

Nick Gray 00:00:53  Thanks for having me. Do people ever listen to you say, I'm an introvert and you're saying it loud and proud. And from your chest?

Jasmine Star 00:01:00  Yes. Like a gorilla. I'll beat it. Yes.

Nick Gray 00:01:03  And do they ever say, wait.

Jasmine Star 00:01:05  What, 12 times out of ten? How?

Nick Gray 00:01:06  Right. Yeah. And I think that because I'm learning about introverts that they can do great one on one and they can get energy from that, but in a room they don't. And if it's an introvert who's watching this, please leave a note in the comments and let me know if I'm understanding that. Right. But it's that you get the energy from the one on one, or even is this draining for you? Or are you.

Jasmine Star 00:01:30  After you and me? No, no, this is the one and one I do very well with. And then also even in large groups, if if we are all focused on one particular thing and nobody's like jockeying for attention, I could be in a room with very other people.

Jasmine Star 00:01:42  We're all siloed and we're focusing on something. I feel good in that, but it is a big mixing of people and having to interject myself into a conversation because I won't. And so I have a tendency to stay against the wall by the fried foods. Yeah, yeah, me. And like French fries and nachos. Those terrible French.

Nick Gray 00:01:57  Fries. You're not from Texas or you're visiting.

Jasmine Star 00:01:59  I'm visiting. I'm from. Have you.

Nick Gray 00:02:01  Had pizza? So I'm in Texas, we're here in Austin, and we have a hamburger chain that's kind of like you're in and out. Okay, that's called pizza.

Jasmine Star 00:02:09  I just want to say that's a big statement, brother. When you say it's kind of like, in and out, like I'm a fireman. This is the thing about Texans. You guys live and die by your borders. Everything is not bigger. It's better in Texas. I don't know why.

Nick Gray 00:02:22  People like In and Out so much. Maybe I've just had bad experiences, but French fries taste like cardboard.

Jasmine Star 00:02:26  Okay. One offensive. You just. You did. You did your French fries wrong.

Nick Gray 00:02:30  That's what brought you French fries.

Jasmine Star 00:02:32  well, here's the thing. my my husband, carnivore that he is. We're gonna go. I can I can hear him salivating off camera. Oh, good. I make a lettuce.

Nick Gray 00:02:40  Wrap burger there, too.

Jasmine Star 00:02:41  Well, I'm a vegetarian. I'm no fine. So I talk a big game, I talk, I live and die by In-N-Out just because I'm like California and I'm just like, listen, you do Texas and we do California. And so I'll live and die by a burger. I haven't eaten since I was ten. So, but on that note, people do look at me, and they find it very hard to believe that I am an introvert. I'm an outgoing introvert, and I understand that if I firmly believe and I do, that impossible things are possible, like I don't believe I would have been given a vision or a desire to accomplish something if I didn't deep down believe somehow, if I can find a way, we're going to make it work.

Jasmine Star 00:03:15  And so in order for me to do those things and step into that, I have to become a version of myself that doesn't come natural. And you do that in a professional capacity. And so when I explained to people that I'm an outgoing introvert, I'm here to do a job and I'm here to serve well. But generally, I am not the kind of person who's, like, excited to go to an event. I'm Queen Irish, Exeter. I'm the broadest Irish girl you'll ever meet.

Nick Gray 00:03:37  Irish. I'm very proactive.

Jasmine Star 00:03:39  I left a comment on one of your recent posts because, and I even send it to my husband because I was at a conference and they invited a small group of people to air quotes exclusive party hosted by exclusive partners. And it was great. And then I just snuck out the back door and my husband said that was really rude. He's like, you can't do that. And I said, it's hard. It's hard for me to say goodbye to a lot of people. And so when I saw your post, I literally sent it to him on a DM and I said, Nick said, it's fine, right?

Nick Gray 00:04:04  So you can do it.

Jasmine Star 00:04:04  And you're like the king of parties. So if the king of party says it's fine.

Nick Gray 00:04:07  Because I think the Irish accent is okay, because I don't want to bring down the energy when I leave, I don't want to draw attention.

Jasmine Star 00:04:14  Oh well, I know I don't bring down the energy when I leave like that. Seems like I'm like, I don't want to say goodbye because I don't want to bring down the energy.

Nick Gray 00:04:21  But you know what it is. You know, it's like nobody wants to be the first to leave a party. Yeah. Nobody wants to break the seal of like, oh, this is over now. And so I don't want to draw attention to that fact that the party might be over or that it might be time to leave. And so I prefer just to sneak away. I don't like to say goodbye. Okay. Just kind of this is fascinating.

Jasmine Star 00:04:42  So for every entrepreneur who goes to a networking event, a party or a conference, Nick gray gave his stamp of approval, we can leave because one thing that you said, You're like, oh, I don't want to signal.

Jasmine Star 00:04:53  Like, I don't want to be the first person to leave. For introverts, we're all begging for it. Like, I want to be the first to leave. Yes, please. Somebody like, please, somebody who's much braver than I. Please somebody leave me be like, oh yeah, definitely time. We gotta go, gotta go, it's.

Nick Gray 00:05:05  Time to go. That's why I really recommend people to have a start time and an end time for their events, because I think that it helps the introverts to give an excuse. And I tell people, you need to make a formal end to your event and just say, thank you so much for coming if you want to hang out. But I know a lot of you have to leave because, you know, tomorrow's a school night or whatever, and so giving people the permission to go I think is a really nice excuse.

Jasmine Star 00:05:29  I love.

Nick Gray 00:05:29  This. Yeah. So, wait, we were talking about you hosting your mastermind, which, by the way, your masterminds coming up.

Nick Gray 00:05:35  It is, which is fantastic. Can you give a shout out for it? What's going to go on?

Jasmine Star 00:05:38  Yeah, by the time by the time this episode drops, we will have closed enrollment. So I like talking about this before, you know, with great anticipation. However, let me.

Nick Gray 00:05:47  Sign up for the next one. Absolutely.

Jasmine Star 00:05:48  Get on out. Get on that wait list. Okay, let's pause for a second, because what I want to do is I want to craft a framework for the conversation. I invited Nick, not a value to me. Although, let's be real, I'm feeling kind of cool. I'm sitting with the man, the myth, the legend, and I also want to be invited to his future parties. Not so subtle. Flex. Okay, so I'm just self inviting myself three parts of this framework because if you're watching and listening, what I want you to do is I want you to look at the origin story of an entrepreneur and how he's leveraged his skill sets to build and sell businesses.

Jasmine Star 00:06:18  Then I want to talk about what he's doing now in his iteration, and how other entrepreneurs are bringing him into the fold, leveraging his skill set. And then I want to talk about ways that you can leverage in-person events in your business. So that is the greatest value add and why I'm bringing somebody as brilliant as Nick. So hold on to your hats. Buckle your seatbelts. We're in Texas.

Nick Gray 00:06:36  I always feel hard with those intros because I was like, these people have never heard of me. And like, what are they going to know? Do you like my framework though? I love your create. The framework is awesome. Okay, good. It really sets me up. And to the extent that we can help people, yes, think about their own businesses or hosting events. Yes. Or sharing or whatever we want. Absolutely.

Jasmine Star 00:06:57  Okay, so let's break this down. I usually say I'm in an elevator with you and we're going down four floors. And I ask you, what do you do? What do you tell me? Oh, I know I started hard in the beginning.

Jasmine Star 00:07:06  We got to.

Nick Gray 00:07:07  Let me think about this. I want to have a good answer.

Jasmine Star 00:07:09  Okay, then, as you're thinking about that, as you think about that, let's go back even more, because prior to us turning on the cameras, you were talking about a business that you had built. Doing very well. 50 employees. Can we talk about your entrepreneur journey there?

Nick Gray 00:07:22  The funny thing is I used to get this question, what do you do in an Uber or riding down elevator or something. And my business was I literally was a renegade museum tour guide. That was my job. That was my job title. That word is not like it's not like blowing up what I was. I really was like an illegal museum tour guide. And that was very hard for me to say because of the following reason. You can imagine I get a lot of questions. Yes. And so, for example, I went on a date with a woman who's a therapist, and she said, sometimes I won't say that I'm a therapist because everybody will like trauma dump on me.

Nick Gray 00:08:00  Or they'll say things like, oh, I need a therapist. And instead she's like, I'll say I'm an accountant or something. And so same thing. When I had my museum tour company, I would say to people, you know, instead, if I didn't want to get into the conversation, I'd be like, oh, I work in marketing or something like that, because everybody wants to know what is a renegade museum tour guide and what it was. I'll tell you exactly what it was because I haven't said it in a while, so I'll say it. I led illegal tours at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, and then later at many other museums across the country that were filled with the juicy gossip and the back stories about the art, how much paintings cost, how they were acquired, the love stories of the painters and their subjects, and all those great things. And we weren't sanctioned officially by the museum. We came in as tour guides, like a foreign language tour group or a college professor or something like that.

Nick Gray 00:08:52  And we would lead these tours of all the secrets of the museum. And so I started to be the tour guide. I led these tours for many years for fun as a hobby, and then I built a business out of it that grew to all these other museums. And then the funny thing is, museums would actually hire us to train their staff on how to give better tours. So that was fun. That was like the whole part of my life.

Jasmine Star 00:09:12  And then how many years did you have that business? And then what happened with that business?

Nick Gray 00:09:14  I did it for two years as a hobby, and then I started and ran it as a business for about seven years. I sold it in 2019. Amazing. That was cool. Amazing. Okay.

Jasmine Star 00:09:23  And so when we look at these tours, how did you start? Because I feel like I really want as we get to the third part of the framework, which is for people to host their own events, a lot of this is like, well, how do we get word out? So when you started and it was a hobby, did people just spread your name? And then that's how you grew the business at the met?

Nick Gray 00:09:41  Yes.

Nick Gray 00:09:42  Yeah. We'll talk about how to get the word out for people doing events, because I have a lot of thoughts and there's different ways to do that. But I guess the mindset is similar in that I got to be really good at it. And I practiced on my friends. Okay. And so that will apply if we're setting up a framework for hosting events later. That, for example, for your mastermind, if your mastermind is going to be the first cocktail party that you've hosted at your house.

Jasmine Star 00:10:07  Okay, wait, wait, I got we got I got it. Okay, we lilypad because I got to stop here because Nick and I were talking off camera and he said, oh, are people coming to your house? I said, yes, people are coming to my house on the first night for like a cocktail hour, get together, cast a vision. And he says, oh, people are coming to your house. And then that made me stutter step, because my husband and I have been talking about, are we going to bring people into the house? Because I feel half and half about it.

Jasmine Star 00:10:31  I'm very private, and bringing people into my home is a big step. So when you said, oh, you're bringing people in your house, I was like, okay, we need to get this on camera because I want you to work through like the mindset that I need to have and be very confident in the decision that I'm making. It's a.

Nick Gray 00:10:44  Great decision. It's a great decision. I'm excited for your decision. But my tweak would be to say to, you know, just host a simple gathering before this so that. So two. Two. Yeah.

Jasmine Star 00:10:57  Oh, Lord. I'm already sweating. I'm already sweating. I'm spitting, I'm spitting. Okay.

Nick Gray 00:11:01  Yeah, yeah. But it's similar that if you could imagine. Do you remember, like, your first dates with your husband.

Jasmine Star 00:11:08  Oh do I.

Nick Gray 00:11:08  Yes you do.

Jasmine Star 00:11:09  Oh. Like the back of my hand.

Nick Gray 00:11:11  Well, maybe you were super comfortable on the dates, but I've heard of people who will hang out with friends before their dates.

Nick Gray 00:11:17  Okay. That's good. They're not, like, just at home. Kind of like trapped in their heads. Yes. And similarly, I would say that for this mastermind event, I hear from a lot of people, oh my God, I want to read your book because I'm hosting a launch party, I'm hosting mastermind, I'm doing this and I say, that's great. But like, let's not start with the top shelf. Oh my God. Let's start with like a practice. So you're not so stressed. So you can just like run through some things.

Jasmine Star 00:11:40  Can I had another layer.

Nick Gray 00:11:41  Yes.

Jasmine Star 00:11:41  Because I feel very convicted. I'm going to say something that's like really embarrassing. And I never thought I was going to say it out loud. Good. So we hosted a Christmas party for our team members. Oh, good. And so we've gotten together with team members and we've taken us out to dinner. And it's always been so much fun. Okay. And so for Christmas, instead of going out, I wanted to invite people into our home.

Jasmine Star 00:11:59  And a lot of people, we have a virtual team. So a lot of people flew in to Newport Beach. I was so excited. It was December of 2022, 2023. We're 24. Yeah, 2023. I'm so excited. I rent a circle table so we could all sit at a table, I rent chairs, I rent plates, I get a private chef I go through and I like specifically choose bottles of wine. I lay out my outfit. I am like the girl that's ready to go to Disneyland when she's five or prom with my boyfriend now. Husband. I was excited, ready for this thing, and I think by the time people arrived, I freaking crumbled. Oh really? Yeah, I think I just definitely crumbled. I felt so and this is my team. This is people. I would literally jump in a bus in front of them like the other rider dies. Yeah, these are people who I am myself with. And yet when we got into the room, I felt so awkward.

Jasmine Star 00:12:46  I just don't know what it was. I felt like in the middle of dinner, I just was like, oh, sweet baby Jesus in a manger. Like, take me away from this table, right? What was wrong with me? I don't know. And when you talk about like I'm talking, I'm using so many words and I'm monopolizing this beautiful, amazing podcast conversation and I'm having this full on like.

Nick Gray 00:13:02  No, you're doing great.

Jasmine Star 00:13:03  Do you feel like a priest?

Nick Gray 00:13:04  This is normal. Oh, God, that feeling that you had, that's a normal feeling. Okay. And so I think a lot of people wait, now I want to know, what was your wedding like?

Jasmine Star 00:13:15  Oh, it was.

Nick Gray 00:13:16  Were you stressed?

Jasmine Star 00:13:16  Was it? No, because it was just our immediate families.

Nick Gray 00:13:20  Got it. Smart. Smart. Wow. That's funny, isn't that? And did you have a wedding planner? No. Great. It was a small group. Oh, yeah. Okay, cool.

Nick Gray 00:13:27  Oh, yeah. For a lot of people, you know, the biggest party or event that they'll ever host in the whole lives is a wedding. Yes. And so it's so funny that with weddings for a period of time, people have to become event planners and hosts and I have to fully. It's like if you're buying a business for a few weeks or months, you have to become an investment banker and you have to, like, know all these details and you just everything matters. Everything matters. And you have to like, get like an MBA in like a very small period of time. Whether you're buying a business or selling your business, you have to get very sharp. And for events, I think. All right, so here's my thing. I would rather someone leave one of my parties hungry rather than bored. Okay, so yeah, so I would rather focus on the guests and the conversations than the food. Okay. And so part of my framework and my formula really is like don't do dinner parties because dinner and sitting down is kind of the Kryptonite to a successful gathering.

Nick Gray 00:14:26  Now you can still do it. You can still do it. Okay. But what I suggest is that my Party is more like a lightweight thing. It's like the minimum viable party that you could possibly host, okay, with the most basic supplies and structure to focus instead on the people and the conversations. When you had your team over, how many people was it? Do you remember?

Jasmine Star 00:14:49  I think it was.

Nick Gray 00:14:49  11, 11 people. And you had one circle, one huge table for that, and you probably just spent so much time thinking about all the details. Oh, yeah. Instead of thinking about the people and the guests and what their experience was like 100% the conversations, right? Instead we're like, make sure the Chargers are out. And like, I need to have the right plates and the silverware and the catering. And I bought light up.

Jasmine Star 00:15:12  Like solo light up lights to go around the wreath with like 12 Christmas trees in the center. Like it was like, I'm like, if this is not Pinterest able.

Jasmine Star 00:15:20  Yes. I'm not about it. Yes. And I spent all this attention on the front end. Yeah, that I didn't put any attention to actual. How does this actually work?

Nick Gray 00:15:28  Yeah. Well, I'm very excited for your mastermind because you're going to come to this knowing all these new things that you learned, okay? And thankfully you're doing it as cocktail hour, right? It's cocktails with if I was.

Jasmine Star 00:15:39  Going to do a dinner, it's canceled. Now.

Nick Gray 00:15:41  The dinner like ActionAid, ActionAid. You could do past steps. I mean, we can do the past steps, but I just think that sitting down is very problematic. I agree, and it's a buzzkill. I agree because I'll give you another sizzle one. Have you ever been invited to a dinner and you're kind of like, who's going to be there? Of course. And you're like, what's the situation at this dinner? You know, like, is this a science eating? One thing that happened? I went to this really fancy conference and was it.

Jasmine Star 00:16:10  A conference in Canada?

Nick Gray 00:16:11  It was not that conference, but okay. But this could apply to that as well. Although at that one we had like assigned seating. But at this conference that I went to, we all went through like a buffet line for lunch. And for some reason or another, because you're in this long line, you start talking to somebody. Yes. And I realized in that line I was like, oh my God, this is who I'm sitting next to. It is because otherwise it'd be like, well, great to see you. I don't want to sit with you anymore. Right. And so some of it I do think about, like who were seated by and stuff anyhow. For the mastermind, I would just say just to keep it simple. And what I really want to challenge you to do is what's the date of it? When does it start for this third October 3rd. You have plenty of time to host a test, one for your friends and neighbors who you maybe haven't seen in a while.

Nick Gray 00:17:02  And I would say do it for a one hour happy hour, because I think that would be maybe a challenge for you and kind of doable. I think you hate this idea.

Jasmine Star 00:17:12  No, I'm just immediately go into logistics. We hosted our neighbors one Christmas, so we make homemade tamales. Do you know?

Nick Gray 00:17:18  Of course. What do you think? I mean, I know.

Jasmine Star 00:17:20  I know, I know your world traveler. I know, but, you know, I was just like, people are just like, what is this foreign thing? Like President Carter ate a tomato with, like, eating through the corn. Yeah, he ate the husk.

Nick Gray 00:17:29  Oh, wait. I had a funny thing yesterday. Some guy came up to me to speak Spanish, or he was saying something. I was like, I'm just espanol because I can speak, you know, like this, much like restaurant Spanish. And I said something because I was trying to help him, to make him feel welcome. And he heard me say the minimal phrase, and he said, oh, I.

Nick Gray 00:17:50  And boom, boom, he starts going in Spanish. I was like, okay, poquito esto. And he just laughed and he was like, no. And I think maybe that happens to the Spanish speakers. We're like, Americans would be like, I'm a ceremonial. And he I could just see him just like, you know, speak Spanish. It's like back to Google Translate.

Jasmine Star 00:18:12  Okay. So I feel very comfortable. So I was about to speak to you in Spanish, but I'll refrain now. All right. So we hosted him in still to this day. Why does it like why does it eat at me? I'm telling you, I wake up in the middle of night and I think about this. Okay?

Nick Gray 00:18:24  Tell me.

Jasmine Star 00:18:24  I had cocktail glasses, wine glasses, water glasses, plates. Why did I have silver plastic cutlery? Uhhuh. I have not hosted my neighbors over again because of the silver plastic. I want to.

Nick Gray 00:18:40  Kick.

Jasmine Star 00:18:41  Myself, I think. I think because my neighbors notice those things.

Jasmine Star 00:18:44  They're the people who bring in the rental companies, and they have, like, you know, they would bring out, like, elephants and llamas for their kids party. And I'm out here, plastic cutlery, like the cavities. My mouth hurt. When I think about the silver plastic cutlery, I.

Nick Gray 00:18:56  Don't think that self matters. I think if you host a really good gathering, we need to get away from the idea of thinking that those things matter. And it's what's holding more people back from hosting more. I think the reality is that there's a loneliness epidemic happening, and we're so digitally saturated and sort of shut ins at times. At least I am that what we need is just more gatherings and that it's what I said. I'd rather somebody leave one of my parties hungry rather than bored. Because my friends are adults, they can feed themselves, but generally what they can't do is meet new people and create those new introductions and conversations. Or they can, but it just won't come as natural.

Nick Gray 00:19:34  So true. As opposed to if we're the host and we can bring people together. And so what I really love to see people do is to mix their different buckets. And so my guess is in Newport Beach, maybe you hosted your neighbors or whatever and, you know, a couple neighbors, but they see each other all the time. And what's more interesting is if you could invite like a handful of neighbors or a handful of, like, your creative friends, a handful of your entrepreneur friends, maybe some of your husband's friends like different buckets of your life. And if you tell them the Y say, look, the reason why I'm doing this is like I've met a bunch of really interesting people in Newport Beach, but I think you all don't know each other and I want to create a better local community. And so just come over for an hour. We're going to have like Trader Joe's wine. It's not going to be fancy. And when you set the expectation that it's about the people, not about the cutlery.

Nick Gray 00:20:26  I think that you set yourself up for more success, because what people don't like is surprises at events. And maybe you would agree with this or not, but I've found that generally introverts or people with social anxiety appreciate the least amount of surprises. Yes. And so to the extent that you can know a rough agenda, perhaps some of the people that are going to be there, what time it starts, what time it ends, what to expect for food. Food is another example that if you don't tell them that they will not be food, then nobody likes to show up and be surprised and hungry. But if you tell them in advance, no dinner will be served. Simple snacks only. And it's from this time to this time. Then people are adults. They can plan their meals around this. Okay, but the old idea, especially in certain cultures of hosting, was that you have to feed them.

Jasmine Star 00:21:11  I mean, you're talking to a Latina, right? Like we don't leave our house without copious amounts of, like, butter containers, empty mayo containers, like, all filled with salsa, beans, rice.

Jasmine Star 00:21:21  If you go to my husband's grandmother's house and you are not leaving with £18 of bundles, it like she did it wrong. So somebody coming to my house, like the first thing my husband does, you come to my house, you're going to eat a meal, and it's going to be delicious. And so I think I need to, like, back myself out from the cultural expectation that a home is for hosting dinner. Yeah, okay.

Nick Gray 00:21:40  And life changes as well. You know, a hundred years ago, people didn't have air conditioning. And now we have new things and new ways to think about stuff there. And so the idea that things have to be done in a certain way, I think really holds people back. And we saw over the last five years that we lost so many hosts. You know, I can't tell you how many people I talked to that said, oh, before Covid, we used to host a Christmas party every single year, or oh my gosh, before Covid, we would host a 4th of July party every single year.

Nick Gray 00:22:09  And I say, oh, what happened? Well, once you break that chain, then they stop and it's hard for them to get started. So a lot of my work goes and just helping people host their first event again and building up the confidence. I'm kind of like a party therapist sometimes to people, I'll keep you.

Jasmine Star 00:22:25  In business.

Nick Gray 00:22:26  I can't wait.

Jasmine Star 00:22:26  Okay, so if you are watching and listening, you're tracking to. The first part of the framework was the origin story of Nick starting a business, building a team, practicing with friends, selling the business. And then what we're now talking about is like the value of hosting an event for yourself, but strategically through the lens of business. And Nick is generously talking and consulting. I said, can we workshop like my issues? Can we have like a party therapy session on the podcast? And he said, yes. And so right now what's happening is he's giving me advice on practicing before I host for the first time. Now look at this through the lens of an entrepreneur.

Jasmine Star 00:23:04  If you are a realtor, if you have a nail salon, if you are a tax accountant, if you are a photographer. All of us have the ability to bring people in from the community and foster it from a professional circle or even from a client circle. And so when Nick is telling me to practice with my friends and family, Nick is telling you to practice with your friends and family. So I heard a few key takeaways. Set a distinct time.

Nick Gray 00:23:27  Start time and an end time.

Jasmine Star 00:23:28  Start time and end time to be very specific around letting them know what will be included, and then to manage expectations and then telling them the why. Yeah. Am I missing anything from my first practice when, yeah.

Nick Gray 00:23:41  There's a lot more stuff that you said.

Jasmine Star 00:23:42  To me. Okay, so this is where I had a little bit of a panic attack. You said mix circles. Yes.

Nick Gray 00:23:46  I like this idea. You don't.

Jasmine Star 00:23:47  Like them? Listen, I would love to live the Olympic life.

Jasmine Star 00:23:50  I would love five intersecting rings of beautiful ness. I've never, you know, I've never mixed my circles.

Nick Gray 00:23:58  Why is that?

Jasmine Star 00:23:58  I don't know, yeah, I don't know.

Nick Gray 00:24:01  Now, I'm afraid you don't think that like each other? No, I.

Jasmine Star 00:24:03  Definitely think they'll like each other. Yeah I do, it's all so different.

Nick Gray 00:24:07  It's different. You think it's different? Well, the.

Jasmine Star 00:24:09  The groups of people are so.

Nick Gray 00:24:11  Different, but I'm just going to go on a whim here. Are you and your husband exactly the same? No, no.

Jasmine Star 00:24:18  We're literally. That's the reason why I really like him. We're nothing.

Nick Gray 00:24:21  Alike. Interesting to say. What if it was like that with our friends? I wonder? It's so funny because sometimes I'll host these parties and I'll see people like hitting it off. I'd be like, you were talking to him all night. Like what? Really? Yes. I love that guy. I was like, I would never have guessed. Okay.

Nick Gray 00:24:43  All right, that's good. So you mentioned two neat avatars when you were saying for your viewers. One was folks who work in real estate and one is just someone who has a nail salon. Both of those people really can and should be using gatherings to grow their business. And by the way, the results are not immediate. From hosting events, you may not immediately sell a house or get a new listing the day after you host a party you may not host at your nail salon. Sort of a happy hour and immediately get ten new clients sold. But you build this network of loose connections that is so insanely powerful that you can become seen as a connector within your local community. And it's so powerful because imagine somebody watching this in little Rock, Arkansas, and they have a nail salon, or they have a small business or a restaurant or something. When you can bring these different buckets of people together, you start to be seen as a connector. And they say, oh my God. Judy hosts these awesome happy hours every quarter at her shop.

Nick Gray 00:25:45  You totally have to come. You start getting introduced as this person. There's a woman I worked with in new Jersey when I was launching my book as a test, and she had a small business. She had two kids and she didn't want to host, you know, she didn't want to bring people into her home. She thought she had to do it at a restaurant or at a bar. And frankly, she felt like her house wasn't big enough because she put this image online of her as a successful business owner. And the reality was at the time, she was in a different sort of living situation, and she really didn't want to host, and she had to talk with her a lot and say like the power and the reason and really let her know that people aren't going to judge her and that this was the right move. And so she ultimately did it. And she said, you know what? She said? People actually respected me more for bringing them into my world. And nobody's going to show up to your house when you're like, hosting.

Nick Gray 00:26:42  That's right. And look around and turn up their nose and be like, you guys, this place sucks. Let's go to another house. Nobody's going to say that, right? She said, what I learned was that they actually respected me more for bringing them in, and they started to see me as a leader. And I talked to her a few months afterwards, and she says, now she goes out to grocery store, she gets recognized, she goes to PTA meetings at school. She has friends she says hello to. And it was all just because she started to host this monthly wine Wednesday. That was a very simple way to get people together. Low stakes, no dinner. Just super casual light snacks. Maybe that a charcuterie board or whatever. But she said that. Why? She said, look, there's so many amazing people in town. I'm meeting all these various people. Let's all just get together and say hello. Pop in for 30 minutes whenever you want to. But I'm hosting it at this day and time, and I think that everybody that's watching this can become that person in your local community.

Nick Gray 00:27:36  All you have to do is host a really simple gathering. The ideal thing is that you would start to host this every quarter. Okay, that's kind of the right cadence in my opinion. Okay. Certain people have read my book and they go crazy. They host every month. Some people are like every, you know, three weeks or something, but once a quarter should be the cadence that you should be doing. Because what I want your listeners to think is that they should be going through life collecting the interesting people that they meet, and they need a funnel to drop them into, because I imagine that someone very busy like yourself and maybe some of these listeners, you meet people and you say, oh, we should go on a double date sometime. Oh my gosh, we should totally go out to dinner. Stop.

Jasmine Star 00:28:18  Are you recording.

Nick Gray 00:28:19  Me? Right. We should totally do this. Let's go out. Oh my gosh. Put it on the calendar. Let's put on the calendar. Okay, I'll follow up.

Nick Gray 00:28:25  And then nobody follows up or whatever. And it's hard. It's hard to schedule. We're busy and things like that I know, but if you hosted this it's kind of a sweep. It's a catchall. It is that you get to invite people.

Jasmine Star 00:28:36  I'm sold. This is the first thing that I've said. And I was just like, oh, wait, are you talking about time maximization right now?

Nick Gray 00:28:41  Oh what's that?

Jasmine Star 00:28:41  Well, if you were to do for independent dinners and each dinner is two hours, that's eight hours. But I can have a two hour event for those eight people. And I'm like, now we're talking baby. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Nick Gray 00:28:54  Exactly. But instead of a dinner we're going to do. That's right. Because and once again, I want to just drive this in. Dinners caused people a lot of stress and anxiety. Word. And there is catering. There's silverware, there's cutlery, there's dietary requirements. There's all these other things. Yes, you can get away with not doing dinner as long as you tell people in advance.

Nick Gray 00:29:13  Okay. And by the way, it's not that it's no food. We'll still have very simple snacks. Yeah, but it's not dinner, right? I want to know the best.

Jasmine Star 00:29:21  Thing about Mexican food. Yes, it's on par with charcuterie if the expectations are there. Because I can make a mean whac-a-mole. Good. Okay. My husband makes a mean salsa acceptable.

Nick Gray 00:29:32  Great.

Jasmine Star 00:29:32  We have.

Nick Gray 00:29:33  Chips.

Jasmine Star 00:29:33  Yes, we have a carafe of margaritas, self-serve, and then maybe like a Spanish wine.

Nick Gray 00:29:38  Great. Okay. I love the idea of you guys doing, like, you know, margaritas and some, some, some theme or something. It doesn't have to be like alliteration. Something like money.

Jasmine Star 00:29:50  Margaritas, money.

Nick Gray 00:29:51  Margaritas, manifestation. Right now, here is a manifestation. I like my manifestation.

Jasmine Star 00:29:56  That would not be my genre, but I'd be like, I don't know, I just I went with the M's, I just went with the M's. Okay.

Nick Gray 00:30:01  Sometimes I tell people though, just to call it something like New Friends, Happy Hour.

Nick Gray 00:30:06  And the idea is that the purpose is really you tell people, look, there's going to be name tags. I'm gonna lead some rounds of intros on my tags. Yes. We'll talk.

Jasmine Star 00:30:14  I know we aren't talking about name tags. I'm telling you, Nick, I've been following your work for a while, and I'm very creepy. I can probably finish your sentences.

Nick Gray 00:30:19  I'm big. Are you afraid I'm big on the name tags? I love name tags. I'm very pro name tags for a lot of reasons, but one of which is I'm bad with names myself. Okay. And the other thing is, it just makes it less awkward. Yes. And it's like just easier. Plus, we also have to think about being inclusive for somebody bringing their spouse or significant other who's frankly going into a room where they know nobody. They've got dragged along to this event sometimes, and even if there's 1 or 2 people in the room. But the last reason I like name tags is that when we mix our different buckets of people, we show that this isn't a click party where it's not like these established groups.

Nick Gray 00:30:56  I like that right now.

Jasmine Star 00:30:57  What happens? Okay, so I'm already thinking for my practice run if I bring a mixed group of people, I could see like the segments, like the Olympic rings are going to stay in their own pockets. What do we do to start mixing them after the name tags?

Nick Gray 00:31:11  We'll do.

Nick Gray 00:31:12  Two.

Nick Gray 00:31:13  Rounds of intros, potentially splitting people up into small groups to break up those groups. And so one of the little secrets I like to do is I do these name tags that you can buy online on Amazon. We'll link in the show notes that have six different colors on them. And so I will say the why what people don't like is to be surprised, to show up to what they think is just a neighborhood gathering, and suddenly you're leading like, team building activities, right? And so you'll tell them in the invitation when they sign up in RSVP, which that's another thing you have to collect RSVP. You can't just say this. Whatever we have to do, we have to collect RSVP, okay, for reasons.

Nick Gray 00:31:51  But they'll see on there that you'll say, hey, I'll lead a few rounds of intros because I'm in Newport Beach, you're in Newport Beach. We want to meet and mix and mingle. And so I'll do these quick activities to help you meet guaranteed 5 or 10 new people as I can make a best friend out of those. But like, maybe I'll meet somebody that you want to go out for coffee for. And when you tell people your why of why you're doing things, I think that that helps.

Jasmine Star 00:32:13  Okay, I'm a big believer. Yeah.

Nick Gray 00:32:15  Okay. So we'll do that and we'll split the room up by doing those rounds of intros. That'll get them out of those.

Jasmine Star 00:32:22  So this is not a wide room intro. You put them in clusters intro into clusters.

Nick Gray 00:32:26  It's a little bit different than what my book says. The book says to do a whole room intro, which I still do believe in. But increasingly, as I've talked to hundreds and hundreds of my readers, I am putting people into more small groups at the beginning.

Nick Gray 00:32:40  Okay, so one of the things that I like to do, and I think you should do this at your mastermind when they meet up in person, is to put them into groups of three, okay? And say, hey, look, you guys have all really amazing life stories. Form groups of three, ideally with somebody that you don't know. And I'm going to ask you to share your life story in about two minutes. And you can talk about that personally, romantically, professionally, whatever way you want to. But just sharing these small groups, kind of who you are in two minutes and two minutes is a long time. Yeah. And those small groups I've found really give people a little bit of confidence that they've met somebody. They they have an ally now at your party. They're in this group. That whole activity takes about seven minutes for all three of those people to go. And now they've formed these new connections. They have like a safe space. And then I'll put them into another small group later, and then we'll break, and then we'll do a whole group where they just get to say their name, what they do, and some sort of unique type of question.

Nick Gray 00:33:39  But doing those things at the party is so helpful to break up the room and to just remind people that as we get older, it's harder to meet more people and we become more creatures of habit. And yet we need these new relationships now more than ever, whether it's personally or professionally through a networking lens. This makes total sense and it makes total sense. But if you don't want to do that, if that's cringe to you, you're like, networking. I don't want to host that. Then just know that studies show massively the health benefits to having more friends and acquaintances. And we find that the best opportunities, whether it's new houses, neighbors, finding help or whatever, come from not our best friends, but that network of loose connections.

Jasmine Star 00:34:22  I love this. Now talk to me about your connections in business. Have you been able like and I don't know the answer to this question, so it's not a lead in. And so if it doesn't go anywhere, does it go anywhere? But have your relationships based on these networks blossomed or burgeoned into business opportunities leveraging it? How you monetizing these networking relationships? Talk to me about that.

Nick Gray 00:34:39  I launched my last business, the Museum Company, because I was hosting so many events and I had such a network of people that people trusted me and they they knew me. I had what was called a warm list. Yes. And so I hear from a lot of people, oh my gosh, I have a new app idea that I want to launch. Oh my gosh, I have a new nail salon or I'm launching a business. I want to read your book to host a launch party for this thing. I say, awesome, fantastic. You're going to do great. When was the last time that you hosted something? And they're like, oh, well, I don't really host right now, but like, this is my thing. And I'm like, bro, you don't have a warm list. Nobody knows you so good. You don't have like folks who trust you. Right? And so by hosting this, you stay top of mind. And these days with social media, with all these different things, we really want to use just casual events to stay top of mind and have people be aware of us.

Nick Gray 00:35:31  Anyhow. So the specific stuff for me, I've gotten my very first speaking gig came from one of these events that I hosted. Somebody came, they saw me, they heard about my business, I got invited to speak, and then that completely changed my life. I got a Ted talk. I went on the speaker circuit. I've gotten huge client deals. I've gotten book opportunities. I got to be friends with Sam Parr. All these things, all these people that I've met have come through the events that I've hosted because it's such an easy way for them to get to know me.

Jasmine Star 00:35:59  Interesting. Okay, so speaking of Sam, he said, last year for your birthday, you took everybody to a water park. Yes, but it was in the morning. Yes. Talk to me about that. How did you select your guest list? What was the intention? We're talking about your birthday. Yes. Okay.

Nick Gray 00:36:14  So I like to do fun stuff every year for my birthday. By the way, I feel strongly about this.

Nick Gray 00:36:19  You should only host your birthday party on the day of your actual birthday. Okay? Some people are going to hate this idea, but I feel very strongly about it. Oh, spicy take. I think you should only host your birthday party on the day of your actual birthday, because that's your day to do stuff. And my birthday, I think, fell on like a Wednesday or something. And I said, this is my birthday. I gave people notice. I said, this is what I want to do. If you do not want to come, you don't have to. But I'm celebrating it on my day. And I think that on your actual birthday, you get to ask your friends to do whatever you want.

Jasmine Star 00:36:54  Okay, so now can I ask a personal question? Yeah. How many people did you invite and how many people showed up I invited.

Nick Gray 00:36:59  I'm very good at inviting through a double opt in intro.

Jasmine Star 00:37:03  Oh, I have a question. I was I'd like for you to explain your double opt in intro, because I thought it was really great.

Nick Gray 00:37:08  Yeah, I will ask people. I'll say something. So let's say, for example, that someone watching this has a small business and they're thinking of hosting a happy hour the way that they would do the double opt intro would they would reach out to somebody and say, hey, I'm hosting a happy hour in three weeks on Thursday, October 12th from 7 to 9 p.m.. I'm inviting a lot of interesting people. I think it's going to be really fun. Can I send you the info? That phrase can I send you the info? Not saying will you come? Absolutely. It's not saying, you know, can I guarantee you'll be there? It's good. Can I send you the info? And they check, you know, and they say, oh yeah, please, please send me the info. And then if they're interested then they can sign up in RSVP and say, yes, I'm coming. But that double opt in intro is really important. I do it for all my events. And what do you think it psychologically conveys?

Jasmine Star 00:37:57  Like you're my party therapist.

Jasmine Star 00:37:58  What is it psychologically conveying to the person of can I like the permission to send the invite? Does it increase the likelihood of them saying yes or what? What is?

Nick Gray 00:38:05  I think it increases the attendance rate because you are not mass blasting out and you're not having people. I got it, do it. It helps protect you because maybe you invite somebody and you're worried that they're going to reject you based on what the event is or something else, when instead they're like, oh yeah, thanks for the date and time like that just doesn't work for me. I can't, but thank you so much. I'd love to come to the next one. You know, the beauty about inviting people to things is that it's a little gift that you get to give people. Maybe you've seen this with your podcast, that even inviting somebody to be a guest on the podcast, they're very thankful for that. And we find the same thing with podcasts that we do with events that just by inviting someone to come to one of your parties.

Nick Gray 00:38:51  It's kind of the reciprocity principle. They feel like they owe you something of sorts. And so you get to give the gift of an invite to come to one of your gatherings, whether it's a happy hour or a birthday party or mastermind. Anyhow, so I do the double opt in intro, and I asked them first if I can send them more info, and then I'll send them the details. And because of that I have over like a 95% attendance rate. Plus, I also send a lot of reminder messages to keep it top of mind. And so I have a really good for my birthday. It was like 100% because it's such a weird event that like, this was like a very big thing. Well, it's such.

Jasmine Star 00:39:26  A weird event, but you're an Austin, so it's like, you know, it's prime. I was like perfect, like perfect. Okay, let's loop back as we get into the third part of the conversation. If you've had a little bit of time to think about that.

Jasmine Star 00:39:37  We have four floors and we're going down the elevator. Yes. What do you say you do now?

Nick Gray 00:39:42  I host events, I help people host events and make friends and meet new people, build their network in like a non slimy way. And I spend a lot of time doing that and thinking about how to encourage more in-person gatherings, and whether that's with conferences or masterminds or just like my book with simple happy hours that people host at their home. But I'm really passionate about that. It's like my favorite thing, my favorite thing is to talk. I actually print my phone number inside my book, and I tell people to call me, and I get to get phone calls from people because I'm a psycho and I answer random numbers all the time.

Jasmine Star 00:40:16  We could not be more different.

Nick Gray 00:40:18  You don't do that.

Jasmine Star 00:40:19  You don't answer the call. No, no, no.

Nick Gray 00:40:21  I love random phone calls. And so I love to talk to those people and spend time on that. Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful.

Jasmine Star 00:40:27  Okay, so on the podcast we focus on the business of the business. So what is the business of your business? I see on Instagram that you live a very rich life. Yeah. And so I wonder what are your revenue streams?

Nick Gray 00:40:40  I'm very lucky these days. I don't have to worry about money anymore. And that's because I started some businesses in the past, and that if someone's watching this thinking like, wow, what? What would I do? Like what is life after the exit? Like, I guess I'm living life after the exit. I rent out water parks. I talk about parties all day, I hang out with you. And so that's what my life is like now. And I get to just work on the things that I'm excited about. I make a little bit of money from the book, from each book that I sell, I think I make $5. I probably sold 20,000 copies. I get hired by certain.

Jasmine Star 00:41:12  Can we talk about that? Yeah. I mean, here's the thing.

Jasmine Star 00:41:15  On the podcast, I ask questions and I have zero attachment to the answer. Right. Okay. So you went to an event hosted by Andrew Wilkinson. Oh, yeah. And so I was so fascinated because, you know, it's like I look at the business world very much like a sport. And so you get to see like, oh, there's like the Northwest Championship and like, oh, the Canadian Conference. And I'm looking like conference. How funny. Kind of like conference like sports and then conference like business conference. Look at me, look at me. That's good. So I heard that you were or I saw on social media because I stalk you. You were at the event and you were, I think, I believe from what I was able to plot and deduce, you were hired as a facilitator for these, like mixers, and you were intentionally mixing people at the conference. Yeah. Okay. Explain that.

Nick Gray 00:41:58  Oh, and being the master of ceremonies and helping to run the conference, a lot of people.

Nick Gray 00:42:03  This is so niche. So I don't know if this is helpful to folks that are listening, but I'll share. A lot of people will start a conference or a mastermind or an event and become and do it themselves the first year. And it's great and they love it, but it's also very hard. Yes, and a little stressful. And you don't really get to enjoy it. Yes. And they don't want to be the person that is front and center. They want to be involved, but they also want to enjoy it a little bit. And so usually I'll get looped in second or third year when they're doing it again, saying, hey, we just want a little bit of help from the front. So cool to do that. And in certain audiences. I know the host and the audience, and I can read what the room wants, just like a lot of your listeners probably can feel the vibes. Yes, and I have a unique skill set because I've hosted literally thousands of events to do things spontaneously and sort of on the fly.

Nick Gray 00:42:56  And so one example, because I did feel like I was in my zone of genius for that event, was on the second day. I knew that we had so many incredible people in the audience, and I completely redesigned the schedule for about a three hour chunk of time in the fly in real time. And that was so much fun for me, and I think it was exactly what the room needed, and it was a hugely successful event. It's very niche. I don't do a lot of these. I'll do a couple per year. The next one is with a real estate group called Biggerpockets and that one's going to be huge. There'll be 2000 people at that. So that's very different, right? Wow. But it'll still be fun. So I've done that for Andrew, for Cody Sanchez. I helped Sam Parr when he did my first million and they had a live event. Yeah. To help in with that. Something funny, by the way, is one of my favorite things to do for my famous or sort of successful friends is when they're speaking at a conference.

Nick Gray 00:43:44  I like to be their body man, and that means that someone like Cody Sanchez or Sam Parr, when they're at a very big event, a lot of people want to talk to them, and they're so nice that if you leave it up to them, they will talk to every single person. And yet, like Sam, Sam will go home completely drained, saying, I never want to do that again. I can't, I'm just I'm drained. And so I will actually walk Sam to the bathroom, for example, and not let him talk to anybody and just say like, nope, we're going, follow me. I'm sorry Sam can't talk. Sam can't talk like, I gotta get him here. I gotta get him back. This probably is.

Jasmine Star 00:44:19  This is like Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner sort of like that. It's sort of like the body, I mean. Absolutely. Okay, so when you talk about building these connections with your friends, you also have a very unique ability of building connections with people online.

Jasmine Star 00:44:33  You get people very, very interested in not just you, but your story and your journey. And I can really just speak for myself. But I think that looking at the engagement and the way that people are talking back to you, are you open to talking about Tokyo? The Tokyo experiment.

Nick Gray 00:44:47  I did have I had a unique experiment. I don't want to talk too much about it, but I, I shared a lot about it. I posted online that I was going on a blind date, and that I wanted to go on a blind date, and then it kind of went viral. Was one of the most viral things I've ever done as a child.

Jasmine Star 00:45:00  And so when people become very invested in you and you always seem like a very open person, is there any. I guess I'm trying to get into your head as a private person who puts out very little on the internet, and it feels like you put out a lot. Yeah, like saying you're going to go, you want to go on a blind date in Tokyo? Yeah.

Jasmine Star 00:45:20  And then you open. You literally kept a diary, right, of meeting this person and the adventures that you went on. And so people are like, I sent you DMs like, all the time. I'm like, this is better than Netflix, right? Right. And you're very.

Nick Gray 00:45:32  Much you're.

Jasmine Star 00:45:32  Very palpable. Writer like. Your copy is very tight.

Nick Gray 00:45:35  I've been working on.

Jasmine Star 00:45:36  That and very like. It's emotional without wordy. And so do you find that people get very vested and connected to you, and then do you put up any boundaries? Is there any line that you feel is there like there's like a line that happens because you appear as an extrovert?

Nick Gray 00:45:49  Are you? I think I'm an observer. Even at my own parties, I will sneak away to my bedroom and scroll on social media. Okay? Like it's like, close the door and.

Jasmine Star 00:45:56  Okay, okay.

Nick Gray 00:45:58  What can I say about that? Number one, for your listeners, the most the best book I ever read about storytelling was this book called Story Worthy by this guy named Matthew Dicks.

Nick Gray 00:46:09  Okay. And Matthew Dicks really got me to write in real time as opposed to being like, hey everyone, I went to a party last night and I did that. This is.

Jasmine Star 00:46:23  So good.

Nick Gray 00:46:24  Versus.

Jasmine Star 00:46:25  This is so good.

Nick Gray 00:46:25  The style that he would say is to write. I know it might sound cringe if you've never heard this idea before, but you're writing as if it's live, right? You're like, I'm walking inside and my heart is racing, right? And that was such a big shift for me to start to write in that way. And it felt very unnatural at first. Oh, that's. But I did like his books. His books. Very good. His books.

Jasmine Star 00:46:46  That's I didn't. It's 100% right. That's 100% because you brought us with you. Yeah, yeah. And I think that watching your work, you've carried that voice in different instances. That's beautiful.

Nick Gray 00:46:58  Do you see the one I did about Lucy recently? I'm going to post. Oh, wait wait wait.

Jasmine Star 00:47:02  No wait wait wait wait.

Jasmine Star 00:47:03  She was a waitress. Was that the waitress one?

Nick Gray 00:47:06  That was Draya. And that one did funny. Lucy, I just talked to you. She's this woman who started a company that helps creators to monetize their audience. And she's hugely successful in all this. And yet she has a very interesting dating life. And so I know that what is the internet want? They want the juicy.

Jasmine Star 00:47:24  Oh, they want the juicy.

Nick Gray 00:47:25  They want the hook. Right. So before I could talk about her business, I had to talk about her daily life because I was like, what's the hook? What's the hook that folks are going to care about? And so much of content creation, I spend a lot of time. So in that for floor, what do you do thing? My work is speaking about my book and helping people host, but I spend a stupid amount of time trying to become a better storyteller and telling stories online in a new way. And a lot of people do.

Nick Gray 00:47:52  Maybe they're like you. They're like, I don't want to share online. That's a little bit weird or that's cringe. And it has been a balancing act for me to figure out the stuff, and I've made plenty of mistakes, and you have to be willing to get some negative comments that I think a lot of people are not willing to do. But you really just have to know that if you're going to have tens or hundreds of thousands of people read your stuff, you're not writing for everybody. And in fact, that'll be bad, bad content, right? I think the appropriate you want about 70 or 80% of people to like it. One funny thing was when I led my museum tour company. We actually would hire these actors to test different things on the tour to make it more fun than a boring museum tour, and one of the modules that we played with was hiring actors to heckle the tour guides, and then to get into a dialogue and to cause a little bit of a scene. And one of the hard things was that, like 60% of the audience would fill out surveys afterwards, and they loved where we took that thing.

Nick Gray 00:48:57  40% of them were mortified, and they had such a negative reaction that it like they hated the tour and they they really felt bad. And for a live experience, you don't want that, right? You don't want 40% of your audience to hate it and like, want to leave when they're paying for it. But for online content, you kind of do. You never want to ask, for example, a survey question that would be let me think of like an easy one Should flag burning be punishable by the death penalty or something, right? Something where the majority of people are all going to agree with the answer. You're actually the perfect question that you want to ask your audience is where it's about a 5050 split, right? And so those questions and writing that type of content that can be a little bit of polarizing, I think can be interesting. Anyhow, what your question was about was me sharing online, and if I have any of those type of boundaries, I could say that with. Yeah, it is a little weird because I can talk to the internet as if it's a close friend, and then it is a little bit weird.

Nick Gray 00:50:04  You and I have chatted before, so I don't mind these questions, but it is a little bit weird if somebody who knows nothing and I set myself up for this, it's not their fault at all.

Jasmine Star 00:50:14  That's right, that's right.

Nick Gray 00:50:15  Somebody who reads all my stuff and asked me a really personal. That's right. Personal.

Jasmine Star 00:50:20  That's why I used to. I mean, I'm, you know, web two content forward businesswoman and I shared a lot of my I share so much of my personal life. And then I realized on the internet, you share it and you never get it back. And people remember stuff and people who follow, they really follow. And people start connecting the dots. And I think that over the years I've really pulled back. But I miss the deeper connections that I had with people. And so I'm really trying to find what is the balance for me. I know it looks different for everybody. So I just thought, do you have because I feel deeply connected to you and you, we don't know each other, but I'm like, well, I mean outside, okay.

Jasmine Star 00:50:58  But let's be real. Outside of a few DMs like, what does that actually look like? Right? And so where is your line?

Nick Gray 00:51:05  I don't think I have, you know, I want to create those connections. These are what we're talking about is the idea of a parasocial relationship. And these things have existed as long as there have been celebrities. And so this stuff is not new to have these relationships. I read a book about this, about a woman who was crazy famous in the 1970s, and she shared a story where she went into an elevator and people talked about her as if she couldn't hear them saying things like, oh my gosh, she's way shorter in person or like what? And she was like, I can hear you guys.

Jasmine Star 00:51:38  They were talking about her as if they had viewed her from like a distance or on a screen or a stop.

Nick Gray 00:51:44  It's so weird, these things.

Nick Gray 00:51:45  Anyhow, these are problems of privilege. And we as creators and people who share our lives online, we ask for those things and they are for us to deal with.

Nick Gray 00:51:55  I don't have any. I love folks who come up and talk to me and say that they are a fan. And yet, imagine I went through some sort of trauma with, let's say that I had a dog and I lost a dog in a very hard way, and I shared about that. It would be a little bit weird if somebody that I didn't know at all came up and was like, like, put their arm on me. I was like, how are you doing since you lost your dog? You know, like, that's hard to just, like, drop into that right away with the stranger sometimes.

Jasmine Star 00:52:23  And what I realized that exact example was my dog became very much part of, like, my origin story as I began my photography career. And wait, did you.

Nick Gray 00:52:32  Lose your dog?

Jasmine Star 00:52:32  I lost my dog.

Nick Gray 00:52:33  I am so.

Jasmine Star 00:52:34  Sorry. No no no no no no. This is I.

Jasmine Star 00:52:35  Lost him a few years ago. Okay? But since people had been following the journey, two years later, they come back and they start talking like.

Jasmine Star 00:52:43  Oh, and when. When you lost polo. And I realized I was just like, oh, yeah, they've been a part of that. They've been a part of that. And so all of the all of that to say all of that to say, I feel very, very fortunate. I feel very blessed that you allowed yourself to be open and coming in on the podcast that you shared so generously of the things that you know and have learned. And I think that I don't want to overstep, but I'm like, don't make a commitment that you can't keep. But I believe that my commitment is to for the betterment of my mastermind to host an event before a practice party, a practice party. Good, great.

Nick Gray 00:53:17  Yeah. Good good, good.

Nick Gray 00:53:18  I think anybody listening to this can benefit from hosting some sort of gathering. And even your first one should be like a practice party. Okay, and think about it.

Nick Gray 00:53:28  Should I vlog.

Nick Gray 00:53:29  Here, neighbors? You could.

Nick Gray 00:53:30  Vlog it. Whatever you think.

Jasmine Star 00:53:31  That puts too much pressure.

Nick Gray 00:53:32  You can do whatever you want to do. If it doesn't feel like.

Jasmine Star 00:53:35  It's, well, you're my therapist. I know therapists aren't supposed to give advice, but I always I tell my therapist, okay, this is not you giving advice, but what would you do in this situation?

Nick Gray 00:53:42  Well, I asked your team. I was like, what should I wear to this interview today? And they said, you can wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Yeah. And so I would say the same thing about the vlogging if you feel comfortable and if that's exciting for you okay. And if you want to do that then do a vlog, have fun with it. Just let people know in advance that you're going to be doing a vlog.

Jasmine Star 00:54:00  If you are nothing, you are consistent. Yeah, like drive home.

Nick Gray 00:54:04  You gotta let them know. Great.

Jasmine Star 00:54:05  Okay, so people want to know more about you. Where are they going? How do they follow the journey and where do they find the book?

Nick Gray 00:54:10  The best thing that I have that I would love to give anybody, is a checklist of what they can do before they host an event.

Nick Gray 00:54:16  And there's like 19 things, very simple things, by the way, like do you know this one? You need to remove your body towels from the bathroom before you invite people over because it's so good.

Nick Gray 00:54:27  Yeah.

Nick Gray 00:54:27  It's like little things like that. And then something else. Does this ever happen? This might happen in your house. Nobody knows where the trash cans are. They know they're they're hidden away in these beautifully modern discreet. And it's so funny because you know where it is. Of course you know where the trash can is. It's your house. You live there, but somebody who comes to your house has no clue when they're opening a thousand different drawers and they're looking for the trash can. Just label your trash can boom. Or put a hand out or something.

Jasmine Star 00:54:53  So there's a checklist.

Nick Gray 00:54:54  They can find it. My website is Nick gray Dot net, and the name of my book is The Two Hour Cocktail Party. I recorded the audiobook myself, which you can find online. And yeah, I'd love to help anybody who wants to host.

Nick Gray 00:55:06  And they.

Jasmine Star 00:55:06  Can get that 19 point checklist at Nick gray net a Nick.

Nick Gray 00:55:09  Red dot net, or Nick Gray News.com or something like that.

Nick Gray 00:55:11  I'm on all the social and.

Jasmine Star 00:55:12  On social because I really want people to see your copy. Yes. Beautiful.

Nick Gray 00:55:15  Please, please check it out. I'm on all the social medias at Nick gray News and Ike Gray news. News.

Jasmine Star 00:55:22  Ladies and gentlemen, I brought Nick in because I believe firmly that he is been guiding me unknowingly to step out of my shell and to build networks and to build real relationships with people. I was so excited that Nick decided and agreed to come on the show and therapy's me. I hope that what you found here is not just a story of parties. It's not just a story of what you can do for your business. And it's not a story of networking. It is really about transforming human connection. And if we could do that by way of our business, who are we not to step into it? So this is me making the commitment and also asking for a double opt in.

Jasmine Star 00:55:54  Can I follow up with you in the future? Maybe part two?

Nick Gray 00:55:56  Okay, I can't.

Jasmine Star 00:55:57  Wait, he agreed. He's going to maybe come back on the show at some point in the future. We got the double option, but then I'm going to send the invite to make sure that he knows what to expect, what to wear, and whether or not I'll be including food and drink. Thank you so much for listening to The Jasmine Star Show. It is an honor and it is a privilege.