Welcome to the [inaudible] ,
Speaker 2the star show where we talked about life business and all the beautifully messy stuff on the in between friends ever an incredible treat for you in this episode. My guest today is Susie Moore. Now hang on about to just give you a whole litany of why she's completely legit, but I have to say first and foremost, she's a friend. She also happens to be a former Silicon Valley sales director, turned life coach and advice columnists. She's real fancy. All her work has been featured in the today show, Oprah business insider having to impose Forbes times Marie-Claire and she's also the resident life coach, columnist for the greatest. Okay. She's legit now, I'm sure as if that wasn't enough. Her first book, what if it doesn't work out, was named by entrepreneur as one of the eight business books entrepreneurs must read to dominate their industry. So basically what I'm saying is Susie is a gangster and in addition to being a total gangster, I'm lucky to call her a friend and I can't wait to introduce her to you. In this interview. We dive into why it's wait for it. Why it's totally okay if people don't like you. And how to live a life where you don't need no permission. Bobo. Okay. I know you're going to love this interview. So let's do this. Here's my jet with Susie Moore . Susie , thank you so much for being here. I could not be more excited about this conversation. Like we're going to start with a bang. We're going to start with getting approval. You know, it's just like the podcast of all things. It's like let's just get to it. No beating around the Bush. Like you've spent time writing a book that I think is so timely and so necessary . And here's one thing that I have to be very clear for people who are listening. Susie and I go back, we've met each other. We, I don't bring people on the podcast who's not like somebody I know and have a friend I want to have a real conversation with. But when you're a friend you have to brag about your friends. So she wrote a book called stop checking your likes, which , um , hello, we could talk about this for days. And it's all about the side effects of seeking external approval. So is there anything besides social media that you think really has caused us to look for outside validation to determine our self worth? Or do you really think social media is the culprit?
Speaker 3It's such a good question. And it's funny because I think we're very quick to blame social media, right? We're like, that wasn't a problem before social media came along, but this is a universal issue. You know, comparison's been around as long as human beings have. It's just, it's so much more public now. There's this very public, modern measurement of how well you're doing, how good you look, how well you're parenting. Are you saying the right thing? Eating the right thing. So this is nothing new. Just the forum has changed and it's become far bigger. So I feel that, you know , it's very natural for us to feel afraid, afraid to post, you know, feel like we're behind, feel like we're losing because we get this window into other people's lives without understanding that it's just, it's simply not the full picture.
Speaker 2So what do you think it's, what do you think social media has done to make it feel bigger? Like from your perspective?
Speaker 3Yeah, well essentially it's 24 seven access to what other people are doing or at the time we can plug in. I mean, when you think about it, if you're waiting in an elevator waiting for an elevator, you have a second. Even on a conference call, if somebody is talking too long, we're just always scrolling. It's this scroll hole. It's this constant default mode, muscle memory that we have. And so what's easier than just, you know, checking your phone, checking your likes. It's, it's so easy. It's , it's, you know, often expected. We're expected to always be responding and reacting to other people's posts too. So I just think that the, the access and the fact that this is just kind of how well know how our lives have become, but the average American being on their phone, on social media specifically for what, two hours a day. Now that's, there's a lot you could be doing in two hours a day. Jasmine, as you know, and when you have a life change often like, you know, becoming a mom, you , I think often these life changes help us.
Speaker 2Okay, so I love this. Now I should probably back up and let people know that I intercept like our paths intersected in. I knew you as basically like the pichit queen. Like you empower people to really get a message out and you talk about press and you talk about publicity, but it's really positioned you in a really unique perspective to see both sides of the perspective, what it means to be frontward facing, pushing your business on the outside, and then what it means to not see unattached to the approval. And from your perspective of where we are now, can you share us your origin story? Like, how did we, how did we get here? Because then it'll give us insight into why the book is so pertinent and a passion project of yours.
Speaker 3Yes, absolutely. So I started out, you know , my business as a life coach a few years ago and I wanted to have people find me. I knew that that was going to be an easier way than hustling, you know, always going to spending to attract people. And once I understood the power of the media, how huge it is, how the media wants regular voices, just like you know, yours in mind . I started just using it again and again and again. And the way that I knew that I could attract the right people to meet would be to be telling my stories. And so I wrote about my dad dying when I was young, about being married to an addict, being divorced when I was young, growing up on welfare, I was just share it , just sharing truths about myself and then my opinion and my interpretation of those stories as an adult who has power and responsibility of my life. And it was funny because the more I put content out there, I got a lot of support. But then I also got a lot of hate, like if you're a woman who's happily divorced, then a lot of people don't like that. That's one example. And I would get, there's actually a page in my book where actually just list some of the insults I've been given. I mean, I don't want to say anything to meet on your lovely for ,
Speaker 2I mean, no, I mean if we talk about, here's the thing though, if we talk about not getting likes, if we're not looking for approval, Susie , say your truth, girls say your truth and seal the deal . Absolutely. And then we can bleep it out if we don't like it. So there you go. BU UBU UBU
Speaker 3fantastic. So , uh , someone said that I look like a man. Somebody said that I'm a gold digging whore . So one says that my husband's a pussy . Um , but also what other gems are in their Jasmine ? Like what else can I say? I don't get any context. I just share like the comments that I've received when people like they don't know you, they don't even read your story, they just often see your headline. And it's funny cause in the beginning I was like, I'm doing something wrong. I'm not, you know , I'm explaining myself clearly or maybe I'm just putting myself out there and that scene and not wise of me, but you know, and she literally, I've realized that the thing that I needed to stop doing wasn't sharing the stuff that I know to be true. It was the , my thinking around the spawn , like the responses that I was getting and even though it's a minority, it still does hurt. Uh , but I've just learned, so like it's, it's become such a practice of mine to , um, to put everything into perspective for me to understand that nothing is about me despite what anyone says, good or bad. We're all just confirming our own biases all the time. And all I can do is just follow my path and do what feels intuitively right for me. And I can't change my behavior based on feedback.
Speaker 2Okay. So can we tap here for one second? I want to discuss the mindset shift because when you were receiving the negative is , so here's the truth, that you're getting negative feedback then, and you're still getting it today. So what happened to the mindset? Like what was the Susie's mindset of you're like, I must be doing something wrong to the mindset now that you're an empowered author, teaching people to remain unattached.
Speaker 3[inaudible] well, I thought to myself, if, if this weren't me right, if it was somebody else. So for example, when I wrote that being divorced , uh, I had , uh , you know, people write to me saying, I'm, I'm married to an addict. You know, I don't know if he's going to change. And I mean, look, I , I'm no one's , I don't give advice because, you know, it's not my decision what people do, but I can just share what, what's been true for me and some things that I believe to be true. And so it's incredible like the power that we have, if we're willing to be, if, if we have the courage to, to keep going. And Jasmine, this is what real confidence is. I think we really understand, you know, misunderstand it. We think that confidence is, you know, being really extroverted and a really great, you know, chatty dinner party guest , you've dominates a conversation with someone who's always winning with all the likes . But real confidence is being able to experience negative emotion holding your body and keep going.
Speaker 2Okay, wait, no, no, no. We need to repeat that. We need, cause that's, so tell me, tell me again, repeat that exact thing.
Speaker 3Yeah . So w probably the, your opinion of confidence or just how you just naturally think of it. The images that come to mind of a confident person that often just off, they're not accurate conflict . A confident person is simply willing to be themselves. Do the things that feel right to them. Even though some negative feedback or criticism will happen, being okay with it and knowing that the negative emotions you experience are temporary. They will pass and moving forward. In your truth anyway.
Speaker 2So a confident person can sit with negative emotions and have it not affect them. Yes .
Speaker 3What do you tell them? Get them rolling and get them. You know, you're changing everything up but being like, you know, okay, well this is uncomfortable. I admit that I'm human. It doesn't feel good to be criticized, but you know, I'm just going to hold this. It's , it's, it's how I feel. I'll bounce back. And that's one thing that I think only experience teaches you. Like the bounce back rate is kind of up to you. Like how long you're going to be there.
Speaker 2Okay. So speaking of the bounce back rate, I have to say one of my favorite chapters in the book is titled no one else knows what they're doing either. Um , yes. And amen. And I think that to entrepreneurs who are listening, this fact is like really come like comforting because you can think like people like Oprah, Ellen, Beyonce, like they totally have their lives together and then here we are on the struggle bus. Like they don't know what we go through. Now you had a really great exercise to combat this, so I would love for you to talk about the hero inventory.
Speaker 3[inaudible] . Yes. So I think w when it comes to, you know, nobody knows what they're doing. I bet if you have any successful friends or if you read any autobiographies, you understand that we're all just like kind of doing our best with that confidence. Right? And knowing that, Oh, if I fail, if I mess up, it's okay, it's going to be uncomfortable. But what's, you know, what's the most important thing here? It's the , you know, keeping going as, as you, as who you are. And one thing that, you know, I think we feel and what we know , what we get wrong is we think that the people who we look up to and the people who succeed is they know something. We don't, they're smarter than us. They have access to stuff that we don't have access to and they're simply more special or allowed or entitled to have these wins. And it's just not trivial . As we know, Jasmine, as a successful woman, there are a lot of failures that you've had a lot of times that you know , things haven't gone your way. I'm sure you've had a lot of disappointments. I'm sure that there ,
Speaker 2Oh yes, of course. I'm like, I do it . Yeah. Do I just jump in? Because I was like, where like I could literally have a laundry list of, of those things and I, and just a co-sign before we actually get into the hero story . It's when I resisted admitting the discomfort and when I resisted admitting the truth and when I tried hiding something, I didn't want to talk about it on earth in really ugly ways and like revealed like the fishers and my foundation. And there's so empowering to completely own a mistake, own a failure, and really step into the lessons that was learned. I people, people appreciate that and it's just such, such a real thing. So thank you for speaking up for that. And I'm just like, yo, learn from mistakes. Okay. So we tell ourselves that these other people have things and have access in a way that we don't. What, how are we combating this?
Speaker 3But what we need to understand is that, you know, first of all, we grossly overestimate everybody else. I swear we're all doing this with at least one or two people in our lives when we don't know their story. Like we don't know. You might see somebody and be like, she has it all together. You don't know if she speaks to her parents, if she's struggling with credit card debt, if she's having fertility issues, if she, if it helped with someone that she loves is really sick, like we don't know anything like, like the perspective, I mean we see what five or 10% of someone's real life online or really anyway , even if even if you see someone in real life and you just don't spend that much time with them or know them intimately, there's very little that we understand. And so sometimes it shocks people when I say, Oh, I'm rejected all the time. Like so right now I'm in of course in like the commercial mode I'm pitching, I'm getting a lot of silence and a lot of rejections and I'm very open about it. And people are so surprised. They're like, what? Why would you get rejected? You, you know, you, you've been here and there and it should be easy for you. And uh , I just, I don't think it should be easy for me or easy for anybody, right? With it's a level playing field out there. We all just get to be part of the game , right. Part of the process and be making a contributions. But my , uh , in my experience, the reason I do have wins is because for every women there's probably like 20 non wins that no one sees cause they never came to fruition. But I tried,
Speaker 2Oh I love that ratio. I love like for every 20 non wins I finally get a win. And so often people quit or stop after the first or second, you know, declination, they stop after somebody says no and they never give themselves the opportunity to get 20 nos or a hundred nos . And I want to go back to something that you had said is that oftentimes people have like an opinion about the five or 10% that they know. And I have always maintained that people will have a hundred percent opinion about the one person of my life that I show it on social media. And I just have decided that like if you want to have an opinion, it'd be extraordinarily negative. Well, there's 99% of me you know nothing about. And to the, you know, small group of people who my life truly matters to and truly knows. Like those are the people whose opinions matter to the most. So thank you for speaking up in that regard. So
Speaker 3I would love to ask you too , Jasmine if I may, because, so if somebody says to me, Oh, you never get criticism or I never get, you know, a rejection , I just think there must be brand new to whatever is it that doing? Because
Speaker 2Oh , I'm going to, I'm actually going to say something that's more offensive. I'm going to say something. Yeah, totally. I mean, that's what this punk is , is about. Um, not only do I think you're new because if you're not new, you're probably not very good at what you do. Like, if you're not getting criticized, you're not speaking up enough, you're not making a bold enough statement. The world is tired of vanilla. They want your special, unique blend of ice cream and your unique one device cream is not going to be for everybody. So for everybody who says, I hate, you know, I hate the flavor butter, peaker Rican, fine, that's , you're not going to be like my person. But for the people who really enjoy the flavor, they are the first in line. They drive farther. They attest to you, they become a small little tiny tribe of people. And I have firmly believed that your life, your business, your ethic like who you are will go farther with 10 people who genuinely believe in your message and then trying to get 10,000 people to be like really interested in what it is like you care about them. They're the people that are gonna take you to the next level.
Speaker 3I completely agree and I feel like this is where we need to trust our intuition. Wouldn't you agree like Jasmine? Because we can take a little piece of everyone who we like we admire and we can mold ourselves. I think we do this a lot unconsciously. And I mean it starts very early with our parents, right? It's, you know, what their beliefs are .
Speaker 2And that's the first chapter of your book. You start with parents, you start with parents. And I thought it was a great place to start. So let's talk there a little bit.
Speaker 3Yeah. So my first chapter is called your parents F you up. Go for it anyway. Right. And it's not like your parents are bad. I mean they had parents too. It didn't start with them. Whatever it is that we're learning, but no parent or humanist. Perfect. And I mean, I inherited some beliefs that weren't helpful for me. The higher to question, right? Which happens when you do the work. And you know, one belief I had from my mum was that rich people are crooks, right? Because we had nothing, you know, and the one rich lady we knew, she was my dad's mistress and she was like the evil, evil person in the world for us. And so she's like see money, that's what money does. And I'm like, Hmm. Cause I was always around my dad's drug dealing friends and a lot of them didn't have any money. And I'm like that crux to like poor people can be trips to even like as a teenager I could interpret that information, you know? But that was a belief that I think, you know, in our family some people still have it and so it's, I strapped as one thing that you do in your life. Like wherever you're at, it's never too late to just question some of the beliefs that just seem like fact to you because very little is fact. I think actually everything is an interpretation. Like everything is a perspective and sometimes you believe to help you and that's great. But in a lot of cases like there's probably at least one or two that we hold on to unknowingly. Like this is how someone should behave if or good people don't do that. Or it's always a mistake if, and this is something that if you ever work with a coach or do a lot of it in the work, you've realized where your limitations are and you kind of see what's not working.
Speaker 2Okay. So, so I have to stop here cause I have a question. So people who are listening, I'd love to do an exercise. I love when we do something active on the podcast. So the exercise could be what is something that you have held as a commonly held belief that if you were to take a step back, you think to yourself, is that true? And if it is actually, so let's just start there. So you say Jasmine pick a commonly held belief and then what is the work after that for me to determine like what exercise, what steps do I do to actually challenge that as a belief?
Speaker 3Oh yeah. It's such
Speaker 2a good question. So I would see what else , what other area of your life are you not quite satisfied? Right. There's , we always have typically at least one to two areas where we're not feeling failed or we feel like we know this area could be better. So for example, I mean let's just say you know, relationships and you're like , um , okay, well men can't be trusted, right? Maybe that's a belief that you inherited future . Your parents are divorced and it's something that you just, either you hold in your body. So if possible it's like, okay, where did that thought come from? Right? How and how long have I been believing it? Give yourself some self-compassion here, right? It's not like, well I know it and I've got to fix it. I've been wrong and I've been messing myself up. It's like, you know what the best, not probably self compassion. And so if you can like question your belief, not charge it right, but just say cake , what is it? You're having some curiosity around it and then see the area that they are not quite happy with questioning what thoughts you might have around it. Sometimes you can just say, what do I believe about relationships on the top of your journal? And then just write it down. I did this with somebody once and she was like, relationships are financial risk , opportunity to be hurt , opportunity for abandonment. And she didn't know that those, those were her feelings until she'd like kind of did this exercise. Oh, so let, let's do this real quick. Let's do this exercise for business owners like , like [inaudible] since majority of this audience, like one, I'm like a huge proponent of building your business, leveraging the power of social media. And I also want to tether it with the belief that you and I are a 100% on the same page when it comes to stop checking your legs. Like I've been saying that since the beginning. So that's good. So if we were to contextualize this, like what are the beliefs I have around starting my business, that's what I want people to write down on a piece of paper. And I want you to truly understand the underlying emotions. It's risky. You do it alone, you failed before or absolutely. Absolutely. So once people look at the emotions or thoughts that they have associated with this commonly held belief of starting your business, you as a life coach, what then would be the next step?
Speaker 3You start looking for evidence on the contrary. So if someone says you're starting a business is risky, right? Okay, let's start with that. Okay. Is that a fact or is it a fact that's something a business is risky? Is it a fact that having a job is risky, like a regular job? Like is that risky? Do you know anybody who has a business way where they feel quite quite steady in their business? Right. Their examples will are all around us, but we are so, but we find evidence our brains will find evidence to support other Leafs anywhere. So for like finding, you know, starting a business is risky. Well we'll see those statistics will pop out at us or chewed into the conversations. You know, where things aren't going well for somebody. I mean, we're always looking for evidence to almost reject ourselves before the world can reject us. Like we just looking for evidence, like just support our beliefs . It's how our brain works in terms of just, you know, the circuitry, we just, we want loops and repeat like repeat behavior people. It's so this texts and work with it takes some courage and not everybody's willing to do this. What want , find evidence to the contrary. And then, Oh yes.
Speaker 2I mean I just, I feel like that was really deep and I wanted to pause there because we look for evidence to reject ourselves. And I think I would take it one step further is like people say , no, no Jasmine, I'm not rejecting myself. I'm gonna modify and say we look for evidence to reject our dreams and to reject our ambitions because you want to talk yourself out of it so that you don't give yourself the chance to quote unquote fail. But like, like Susie had mentioned is like if the exercise is to list all the thoughts and ideas that are associated with starting a business and then you were to find evidence otherwise that you do know successful entrepreneurs or you know, the fact that you could, there is somebody else in the world doing what you are doing and they're doing it and it's lucrative and they're successful and they're happy that if then you started mapping your belief to that, how then would that change your perspective? Like how then would you find evidence not to, you know , shortchange your dream but to actually build upon it. So I wanted to pause there and let that gravity sit in. So Susie , thank you for that. Now we've gone through the stories we tell ourselves, we found evidence, we're giving our chance to not shortchange our dreams. Then what? Like what's the practical step?
Speaker 3This takes some courage, right? So , um , understanding that your beliefs are just thoughts that have been on loop for a very long time, and just the way that, the way the beliefs are created, they're destroyed the same way, right through the mind. So this is something that I like to do. Again, it takes courage, but it's flipping the cause and effects on traditional psychology, there's a cause and effect. So, you know, my husband doesn't want me to start a business, which is why I can't a business, right? So there's , you know , problem and then, you know, a limitation. And so I th the question is, can we flip it for a second? Can we have the courage to flip that? So instead of saying, my husband doesn't want me to start a business, so I can't say I don't have the courage right now to start a business, so I'm going to blame my husband.
Speaker 2Oh , uh , Oh
Speaker 3yeah. And it's, it's confrontational sometimes, right? But if you're willing to ask yourself that question, any excuses, even a good excuse is an excuse. Yeah .
Speaker 2So what if somebody says, okay, so help me flip this. Like I want to just those things , like if somebody says I don't have money to start my business.
Speaker 3Hmm , well you don't want to start your business or you haven't got the courage right now is to you all . It's proving true for you that you have no money. Right. Well the money that you have, you're not your not, you won't give access to for your business because it's not safety to do that. So let's have that sweet little excuse which people understand and they won't judge you because you know, if you haven't got money then people can't be mean about that. So it's like, okay, you don't want to start your business yet or you don't feel ready yet. So we're going to keep saying you don't have any money. Is that effect ?
Speaker 2Oh no, it's a crutch. Oh you are. I mean the word is coming out. Like here's the thing , Susie , we've put it a line in the sand and like half the people listening love us and half the people listening are just up in arms. Like you don't understand my situation. You know this. Like I have said, like I would never make a big bold sweeping statement if I had never been in the exact same situation. Like not having money is the same situation, but how two different people look at that same situation defines who actually goes out and does. I think that they want to do. So thank you for , for just breaking that down. Thank you. Okay .
Speaker 3It may also just share one more thing too on this . If there's a cause and effect and you know, sometimes it can feel really real, like I don't have the money on my husband doesn't want me to, then that would then be true for everybody. Right. If that were a fact that anybody who hasn't had money or [inaudible] spouse, then that would have to be true for them. So it's you, like you said , the freedom is, it's where the confrontational feelings, you know, start. But this is where your freedom is like it is your like this is a wonderful Jasmine , like you have so much control over your life, not over everything. Especially, you didn't look at the time right now, but I haven't seen my quarantine, you know, apartment. I put so much control over what I do at this time right now. Absolutely powerful in here.
Speaker 2Oh, so yes. Be careful of a woman who's locked in in a , uh , an apartment with the internet. She might just change the world. Um , you literally, you literally can. And speaking of doing any everything and anything you've been successful in multiple iterations of your life. And we talked a little bit about your origin story. We've talked about the pivots you've made, we've talked about the reinvention of yourself and like on the outside, I'm just saying as a friend it looks pretty flawless. I know everything, you know, I know, I know, we know how it goes. I know that like everything looks shiny on social media, but like talk to me about like what did you have like a lightning bolt moment or was it like a slow roll to like writing the book? Like it seems like a big sweeping statement. Like stop checking your lights, likes, that's a very big culturally relevant title. And like a big sweeping statement. That's the antithesis of what a lot of people are doing. How did the idea for the book come up?
Speaker 3I think that, you know, walking as a coach, helping people in various areas of their lives for years now and also having read so much self help. Like Jasmine, I've read some , I've written about this, you know I wrote 700 500 self help books. Here's what I know. Like here's what I learned, but good lessons to stills . I feel like I've invested a lot in understanding what is holding people, what holds people back and what allows some people to not be held back. And again, so much of this is just, you know , our own responsibility. But I felt like, you know, one thing that I realized, which just became more and more, we'll call it and then almost funny, right? You know, that's something, it's like just, it's so true and it's , but it's so unconscious. You're kind of like almost have to laugh. I realized that whenever there's a failure, a perceived failure, whatever, that may be, like a relationship, often starting a business is such a big one. And it's not the failure that kills us, right? As human beings, we are resilient. It's proven historically what we can, like, what we can enjoy . But the failure, you know, we can withstand that. But what scares us the most is what other people are going to say about that failure. Yes. You know, it's like if I lost all of my money, I'd be okay. You know, within me. I know that I could create again. But then I'd be like, Oh my gosh, everyone be like, Oh my God. She was always fake. She was always up to, you know, she, she never had any talent that like , it's the things that like the , uh , the expectation of how we're going to be judged that keeps us like, that keeps us hidden, keeps us safe, keeps us really not moving forward. And I feel as if, if you can lose some of the fear of external influences and understand too , that no one's paying attention to you , Jasmine, right? Like everyone's just trying to like pay the visa bill, not ban the chicken, like make it through the week, right? Like we're all just doing our best. No one's sitting there focusing on you when you are launching your numbers and your books. Like everyone's just busy doing them. Right? Then you'll kind of building up this whole story in your head about a number on something that isn't happening. And then number two, you're like, you're printing this prison around yourself when you're completely free to be doing all the things and all the things it no matter the outcome, negative being a confident person, you'll survive it. So it's like we're coming up with all these stories and reasons to not move forward. And it's like we're standing in this, in this place of massive opportunity, like to be alive right now. So it's kind of the , the, the limitations we give ourselves, just these perspectives . It's this illusion of, you know, things being scary. I just, I really wanted to debunk a lot of that.
Speaker 2Yeah . I love it. And when I think about this and I just love your voice and you love your perspective and I love how you're distilling a lot of like big ideas and you , you're basically distilling 500 plus books into like one book. So oftentimes when I coach business owners we think about like their dream customer, we build out who this person is, what are their struggles and all of these things. Like as you're writing the book, did you have a person you were writing it for? Like who was this person and what was he or she going through and what every time that you like you had to sit in front of your keyboard and the days were long and you didn't want to write and the date, you know the at least sat in traffic and like nothing's going well and you burnt the chicken. Like who is that person? Like who you're saying like you're my person. Who is that person?
Speaker 3I love this question because you're the master at this. Like I've, I've heard you speak about it and my gosh, I love it. I remember when I heard you speak in LA once I had, I left with all these notes like, Oh my gosh, yes, like I'm listening to you. Um , I feel that with me, with my stories, cause I tend to open each chapter with a story. I was thinking about someone who, who might have experienced shame or embarrassment or rejection, those kinds of ugly feelings that we love to skip over or hide away or pretend that we don't have. And think about the people who rather than one person, just knowing that whatever you've gone through, you're not the first person who's through it. And you certainly won't be the last. But kind of understanding that I'm going to say I'm speaking to somebody who's going to go through something like this or who's get hurt, but who's all Hill , who won't let themselves go through something like this because they're too scared or something like this will. So I want to be the example of, you know, being the person who has failed a lot, made a lot of mistakes, has a lot of shame or had a lot of shame around my a chartered but still being okay and kind of having like a sense of humor about it too,
Speaker 2which is very English, which is very like upper lips . But you look very, very humorous. Yes.
Speaker 3Well I feel like, I mean at the end of it all I'll be taking it all a bit too seriously. I mean there are some things that are serious, yes may require attention, but I don't know most things. Most things, I don't know . I think we could be a bit lighter about, and I say in the book, you know, at some point, but you know, we're all told like, you know, hustle, grind, do you know , what do your eyes bleed ? Get to, what's your, we have a nine to five what's your five to nine? Like I get it and look, I'm a hard worker , I'm into it. But I also feel that when we have all these stresses and expectations that we've really cut ourselves off my creativity and we don't allow things, good things to flow to us. And I think that sometimes if you look back at your life, look , we'll have a history with the universe. You know, some of the best things that have happened to us have come to us.
Speaker 2Oh , so this, this book is really about empowering people to talk and deal and address and face on very, very common emotions, shame, embarrassment, doubt, which I think is great now for somebody who's a headline reader and they just read the title of your book and you see on the inner that somebody says, Oh that Susie Moore girl, she just doesn't like social media. She thinks social media is bad. What, how would you respond to that?
Speaker 3Oh, I love, so, I mean, I love social media just like anybody else. I feel like it's really helpful. I feel like I'm so grateful to be alive at this time, to have all these tools that are free and available. But I think that there's a distinction, right? I mean, as you always speak so eloquently about, like there's the creative part, right? There's the, the you that comes out. And I mean everyone, I've been asked a lot about, you know, Instagram changing their likes, et cetera. And I think it's, I mean, I don't even really have a firm view on it because I don't really care. But I think, you know, it's the most important thing is to share what feels real to you and to do that and to do that, you know, knowing, but not everyone's going to agree with you in that school. Um, so that part is great, right? But we just give so much emphasis to part two, which is like a bit response, right? Like do people like it? People like me, do I look cute ? Like what does everybody saying? So I think, you know, part one like sharing and being useful and making this contribution. Let's do , see contribution is wonderful, but it's when it's overshadowed by part two and then dictated to by part two where we completely then just abdicate ourselves. We're just out there to please others, wherever it kind of missing not just the point of social media but just also our entire life.
Speaker 2Mm . So , um, when I think about the people who are going to read this book and when I think about the things that they'll say in the , what the walkway from is like for somebody who's on the precipice of , maybe this is the book for me, maybe it's not for the book. Me, for somebody who, who is desperate, like Susie , I don't know how to not desire people's approval. Like what, what do you, what are , what do you say to that person? How does a person who's desperate and dire desperation of getting approval, how, what would you tell them? You ha you're going down an elevator. You're on like a quick subway ride. I know you're not in New York anymore. You're in beautiful Miami, but I'm on the subway with you and I'm my next stop. Like how do you help me not be attached to the approval?
Speaker 3[inaudible] first of all, I would say that probably you'll never be completely free. Right? We're all again human. And unless you're maybe echo Lee who's lost his ego, he says we're all going to be in this, this, you know, kind of game where it's nice to get good feedback and it says my city wanted and approved off. Um , but the one thing about I will say, which I think is probably like the foundation of this book and just the foundation of truth, is the fact that your worthiness, like as a human is fixed, it's undeletable and there's nothing that you can do about it. There's nothing you can do about that. And no matter how many mistakes you make, no matter how much you feel like mess up your life or you're doing it wrong. I mean, one example that I give, which I think just makes it clear, it's like, just say Jasmine, you know, you're out with your friends, you're hiking somewhere like a bunch of you and you get lost right then leaves you, are they going to be like, yeah, but is she there ? Refied should we get a rescue team? Is there like , is she the blue check ? Does she do a taxes pro ? Like, you know , there will be a rescue team for you, right? Because you know, on one level we see things clearly, but it's everything else we're telling ourselves internally and struggling with that isn't true. Right? These, these kind of fiction statements we had about ourselves. So I would say regardless of your likes, regardless of, you know, people liking you or not liking you, and that's all, again, very temporary. You can't predict it. And knowing that like the core of this, like the law, the truth that this permanent unshakeable foundation is that your life, your why , the , and there's nothing you could do about it . Like if there's a hundred on the bill on the street and it's brand new, cute my , send me a Chris bill. But if it was like, you know, stomped on in the wash, whatever it is, it's still worth the exact same. And so I think that once you understand that even a little bit more, you find this steadiness that isn't only completely just relaxing. You can give you this euphoria almost. But ironically, you then start attracting a lot of people and opportunities to you because you don't need them. Like you're just in this place of knowing who you are.
Speaker 2Oh , okay. So there's just like a lot to unpack here . And I'm sitting here with my brow furrowed and I'm just like, I need to like press apart my , my brows . I need to like literally need to peel back my forehead. Um , because there's so much here. It's like our worthiness you had said was undeletable and I felt like it was such a nice word to use specifically as we close the conversation. But it's undeletable and I would say it's, and you cannot add a filter and you cannot add a GIF. Like your worth is the same as mine, yours, hers, and his, and you had said the , the analogy of the a hundred dollar bill, some people really only want a crumbled a hundred dollar bill. And for those people who love the softness of it and the brokenness of it and the crest is of it, and the stories that it tells and the places it's been and the hands that it's touched, that a hundred dollar bill means more to them. It's not worth any more to them. Thank you for driving that home. You are just a brilliant source of radiant light and your book is going to smash and it is a gift. So thank you for writing it to thousands and hundreds of thousands of people who will read it. How can they find your book ? You can get it on stop checking your like stock Stockholm for a special bonus to pull the end of April and it's also everywhere. Books us all because you're fancy like that. Of course it's everywhere. Books are sold. Stop checking your likes by Susie Moore and how can we find you on social and you will be unattached to whether or not we like your posts. I'm just at Suzy dot ball . That's it. You are a gem. Thank you friend for being here. I appreciate you. Thank you Jasmine, or right back at you. Isn't Susie just the sweetest, smartest, most fun kind? Okay. I'm going to stop because this is getting awkward with my love affair with this woman. She is a fantastic friend and a sweet soul. You can grab Susie's book, stop checking your likes, shake off the need for approval, and live an incredible life wherever books are sold, and it would mean the world to me. If you share this episode on your Instagram story, to let us know what you thought of the interview. You all know Instagram stories . I'm a love language. I love them almost as much as I love connecting with you. Thank you for listening to the Jasmine star show, and I hope to see you back here.
Speaker 1[inaudible] .