Why You’re Stuck (And the Science to Move Forward)

→ Get Shade’s Book https://www.shadezahrai.com/bigtrust ←

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What if your self-doubt wasn’t a flaw—but a clue?

In this powerful episode, behavioral strategist and award-winning leadership expert Shadé Zahrai shares the 3 psychological traps that sabotage success—and how to break free.

This conversation blends research, real talk, and practical tools to help you stop overthinking and start moving forward—confidently.

Click >>PLAY<< to hear all of this and:

[00:02] Shade shares how success, fulfillment, and growth are often blocked not by skill—but by psychology.

[03:45] Discover the three common patterns that hold high performers back: Failure to Launch, Treading Water, and Destination Obsession.

[07:10] Unpacking the cycle of achievement addiction—why reaching goals doesn't always bring satisfaction, and what to do instead.

[10:30] Learn the transformative habit that helps reclaim presence, celebrate progress, and stop chasing the next goal without rest.

[18:45] Why waiting to "feel ready" is a trap—and how to take meaningful action even when self-doubt is loud.

[24:20] Shade explains how to stop tying self-worth to productivity or accolades—and how that shift unlocks long-term success.

Listen to Related Episodes:

• How to Break Free from Analysis Paralysis and Start Taking Action When You're Feeling Stuck
• The 4 Things My Brain Did to Keep Me Stuck - and How I Overcame Them
• How to Reach Your Fullest Potential (in Life and Business)

Connect With Shadé Zahrai:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shadezahrai/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drshadezahrai/
• Website: https://www.shadezahrai.com/

For full show notes, visit jasminestar.com/podcast/episode611

Transcript

Jasmine Star 00:00:01  What if we had a psychological framework that could predict your success, performance, your satisfaction with work? Better yet? What if we could use a psychological framework to predict how much money you could possibly make? Yes. That is what we're going to do today at the Jasmine Star Show. Thank you so much for being here. And I have to say that this conversation has been, I believe, two and a half years in the making. So much so that years ago, I looked across from our guest today and I said, one day, when your book is done, we're going to have a conversation. And y'all know I do not bring people on the podcast to talk about books. Today, we're having a conversation around her life's work and talking about how you're going to uplevel what it is you're doing professionally, how you're going to step into the unknown and do it gracefully. You're going to step into the unknown and trust yourself not on positive thinking, but on concrete psychological frameworks that we're going to do, use and apply.

Jasmine Star 00:00:57  Welcome to the Jasmine Star show.

Shade Zahrai 00:00:58  Doctor Shadi thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

Jasmine Star 00:01:01  I am so happy we're here. Okay, so there is so much that I want to unpack and I will get into our origin story, but I like to begin the shows. Why? Immediately talking about why somebody would want to listen. Now what are we going to be discussing that somebody can look at and say, this is the show for me.

Shade Zahrai 00:01:19  So I would say that everything that you want, your desire to improve your business, to grow in your career, to improve your relationships, to make more money, everything that you want sits at the end of your self-doubt, meaning you have to be willing to take that step. So we're going to be looking at what does the science say about how to take the step. We know the self-doubt exists. We know the imperfections. The insecurities exist. You don't have to eliminate them, which is incredibly empowering. But we can turn to the science to determine what do we need to bridge that gap, take that step and get closer to where we want to be in our lives and careers.

Jasmine Star 00:01:55  So our paths first crossed. We're going to get to that in a second. But one of the things that had a transformative effect on me personally, but also professionally, was when we were talking about things that sabotage our success. So before we actually get to bringing somebody the edge of, like, when are we going to be able to step into it? What do we do on the front end? That sabotage is what is stopping us. Specifically audience entrepreneurs, people who want to go after and get something. What do we actually do subconsciously to sabotage our own success?

Shade Zahrai 00:02:23  We found there are generally three habits that people fall into, or three traps people fall into. We call them the mind pits because if you visualize a pit, you're walking along, you fall into it, and then you can't see your way out. And then what happens is you end up engaging in behaviors that only dig you deeper. You think they're helping you, but they're sabotaging you. And we determine these because no matter who we were speaking to, whether they were the leaders in the companies, the entrepreneurs, the creatives, the side hustlers, anyone who was held back for any reason, we found that it came down to one of these three patterns.

Shade Zahrai 00:02:56  So the very first pattern is for anyone who feels like they've got the amazing idea, they've got the goal, they know where they want to go and they're excited by that, but they just can't take that first step. So they're planning and preparing and getting stuck in the doing without actually moving anywhere. We call this failure to launch. So you're doing everything you can to kind of keep yourself back, because there's this innate fear that maybe you won't be able to do it because of all that overthinking and not moving. You're magnifying all the possible things that could go wrong. The what if I fail? What if I can't? What if they judge me? What if they criticize me? What will they think? We're magnifying risks and then we don't take the action. So you're failing to move forward. That's the.

Jasmine Star 00:03:43  First. The first one. So is this for people who are like, let me just learn one more thing. Yes. Let me just practice a little bit more. So they're using things to get in the way of actually launching of doing.

Shade Zahrai 00:03:54  And these are like distractions. It's almost a form of procrastination. So perfectionism is a form of procrastination. Not only that, waiting for that feeling of when I'm ready, then I'll do it. Or when I feel confident, then I'll do it. This keeps people stuck, and in my view, it is a form of procrastination because there is a fear keeping people back so they distract themselves with learning more. The other thing that happens when you're in this pit is you find that the more you learn, the more you realize how little you actually know, and then you feel like you need to keep learning more until you're ready. But again, that is just a form of distraction. Yes, it's just the way the mind is wired. In fact, it's a good thing if you're learning and then you realize there's more to learn. It's a form of intellectual humility. You don't want to think you know it all. You want to acknowledge there's so much more for me to learn. But when we hold ourselves back, we're doing ourselves a disservice.

Shade Zahrai 00:04:44  And everybody we could be helping through our business a disservice because that is what business is. You have something that you're able to provide to somebody to help them in some way. Help them save money, save time, get fitter, improve their lives. Every business will fall down into one of these categories. And so by not taking the action, you are preventing your message from getting out there, your product getting out there, your service getting out there because you're afraid.

Jasmine Star 00:05:09  So that was my number one. What are we calling my number one.

Shade Zahrai 00:05:12  Number one is called Failure to Launch.

Jasmine Star 00:05:14  Beautiful. My pit number.

Shade Zahrai 00:05:15  Two. Mine pit number two. So I have a little story that goes with this one. So I remember when I was in physical education in grade nine, one of the first things we had to do was we went to the local pool and we had to bring sneakers and a hoodie and tracksuit pants and jump into the water wearing all of our clothes. So it's designed to weigh us down, and we had to keep our head above water for 60s without moving.

Shade Zahrai 00:05:38  And this is called treading water. And the reason why you do that is firstly to test your physical fitness, but also if you happen to fall into the water fully dressed, you need to be able to survive so that you don't drown. So there was a function for it. But this idea of treading water, it's exhausting to be paddling on the spot for 60s. You're not moving anywhere, but you're exerting a heck of a lot of effort. And so we call this bit treading water. Because what's happening? These are people who get started on something, and then they kind of get bored, and then they move to the next thing, and then they kind of get bored and they move to the next thing. So they're doing a lot of things, exerting a lot of effort, but never seeing things through, which means they're not actually progressing. These are the kinds of people who go, oh, I just finished a book. Fantastic. What's the next book? Or they don't even finish the book.

Shade Zahrai 00:06:25  They get to the end of the first chapter, and then they go and buy the next one and then start that one. So if you have a whole bunch of unfinished books in your house, this might be you, or you're halfway through one podcast, and then you immediately jump to another one, and then you jump to it, or you've got a whole bunch of online courses that you bought, and maybe watch the intro and then never continued. It's that shiny object syndrome. Start the thing. Don't finish the thing. You're busy and tired, but you're not making the meaningful movements that you need to to move to where you want to go.

Jasmine Star 00:06:55  And this is self-doubt. Self-doubt is failure to launch. I'm going to learn more. I'm going to do more. I'm going to wait until I know enough self-doubt is showing up, as in the next thing, and then the next thing and the next thing, and then the third form of self-doubt.

Shade Zahrai 00:07:09  This is an interesting one that people often don't associate with self-doubt.

Shade Zahrai 00:07:13  It's where so we call it destination obsession, where quite literally, you're obsessed with reaching destinations, meaning you set a goal, you achieve that goal. You expect yourself to feel like you finally made it because you're there. You might feel happy for a little while, and then you immediately wonder why it doesn't feel the way that you thought it would. Why you still don't feel like you're enough. And then you set the next goal, a bigger goal. And then the cycle continues. And really, this is driven by a sense of not feeling like you're enough as you are, and feeling like you need to continually prove your value and your worth through achievement. And it's called the arrival fallacy. A lot of researchers refer to it as the arrival fallacy, where you think once you arrive, everything will work out. The success will come. That feeling will arrive. No, it never does. And so again, it's just this constant treadmill of achievement. It's called the hedonic treadmill, where run. And it's often associated with material success.

Shade Zahrai 00:08:11  When I get there, when I make the money, when I get that accolade, that recognition, that award external, then I will get that feeling. But it never comes. And so you're constantly seeking on this hedonistic path, the next thing, the next thing, and you never get there. Anyone who feels guilty when they stop working are probably in destination obsession. Anyone who, again, has a track record of amazing achievement, an online profile, or maybe awards or maybe done amazing things and yet you don't allow that to sink in. You just shift and think, oh, nothing. That was nothing, and you move your side to the next thing. You're in this pit, and the reason why it links to self-doubt is that fundamentally, when we look at the literature, when we've looked at all of the people that we've spoken to and interviewed, it's driven by not accepting yourself as you are. When you don't accept yourself, you outsource your worth. And sometimes that outsourcing is two achievements.

Shade Zahrai 00:09:08  I am my achievement. I am my job. But then you never feel whole in who you are. And some people say, oh, but that drives me. Some highly, highly successful people will say, I've achieved my success because of that. And then we say, yes, but are you happy? They're not happy. They're still seeking it. And then they spend their entire lives seeking that feeling of roughness and fulfillment, and they never get there. And so what kind of a life is that? I mean, it comes down to how you define success. Of course, there's probably some material element to it, but you need to be enjoying what it's like on the journey and when you get there. Otherwise, what is the point?

Jasmine Star 00:09:45  Ladies and gentlemen, in entrepreneurs. The doctor shuddered today. And this is why this is the conversation that I had with you two and a half years ago. And it was at that point where I clearly identified prior to the conversation, I wouldn't have said, oh, I struggle with self-doubt.

Jasmine Star 00:10:01  And then when you describe the destination obsessed person, I was like, you don't know me. You have no idea. Did you did you read? Did you read my diary? Like, you need to stop. And one of the things that you had suggested for somebody, and I think a lot of the people who are watching and listening, it's when I'm there and then the minute you get really close, you're like, did I really mean six? I meant nine, let's flip it. Let's go. And so one of the things that you had said, which be has become an antidote for me, has been to say when at any given point in time of the year, am I going to take some time off?

Shade Zahrai 00:10:30  Yes.

Jasmine Star 00:10:31  Just to reflect. I don't have to. I don't have to say I'm so great. Look at my accomplishments. It is just to say you have accomplished things you have set out to do, and I will tell you, I take a quarterly break and that is what my husband and my business partner do.

Jasmine Star 00:10:46  And I will tell you, it has had the most profound experience because of what's allowing us to do is to be very present to the journey. One of the things you just said is if you're not happy, why are you doing it? Yes, and I hated admitting. Am I happy? Am I happy doing this? And so what has resulted is nothing about the situation has changed. The amount of work, our level of pursuit, our desire for excellence. But what it has done is that this is really, really good. And if we can't accept that this is a really, really good, no amount of anything else will ever help us appreciate that. So the fact that we're here now, people are looking and they're saying, oh, this woman bright, put together, articulate, she must not struggle with self-doubt. And I have a little insight knowing that we all do. And part of the reason your work is so personal is because of what you've come through. Which one of the three types of self-doubt do you most struggle with, or what you work through? And then how is that interspersed with your story? How did you get here? How is this book in the world, and how do you have millions and millions of followers around the world that you are helping traverse, trusting themselves and going after big things?

Shade Zahrai 00:11:54  So my journey and funny enough, it's I've only realized this and I shared it with Jasmin recently.

Shade Zahrai 00:12:00  I've only realized this through the process of sharing big trust with people and sharing the framework I've actually uncovered, where I think a lot of my self-doubt stems from. And so if I take everybody back to when I'm 3 or 4 years old, I would go every Friday night, we'd have family dinner at my grandparents house, and my grandpa would make kebab. And it was this beautiful thing and we looked forward to it. And then after dinner, my family would chant Shah their backyard Bahasa, which is in Farsi. It literally translates to Shah hasta dance for us. And it wasn't a bad thing at all. It wasn't a sinister thing. It's like, hey, this kid enjoys the spotlight. Let's give her the opportunity to dance. They'd put on music and I danced and I loved it. They loved it. It was beautiful. Now, fast forward a couple of years and I'm doing this every week, and I'm suddenly a lot more conscious about my body and about how I'm coming across. And I suddenly don't like the spotlight anymore, even if it's my family's.

Shade Zahrai 00:12:51  Yet I had created an expectation where I would always do it, and I never stopped to say to them, actually, I don't feel like doing that anymore. I just kept doing it because I felt like my role in that family was to entertain and make people happy. And so I just internalized this belief that that is my role, even if I don't feel like it, even if I'm uncomfortable, other people must be put first. And if it makes them happy, I will do it now. Bless my family. If they only knew that that experience was creating a lifelong scar that I would carry. They would be mortified. But this is how it all works, right? They didn't know. And then I've internalized this thing. And so I have, for a very long time felt the need to be approved of by other people. And so when I was young, it was always making sure everyone else is okay, making sure everyone's happy, changing my perspectives to better suit what they expect of me and my entire career has been really built on that.

Shade Zahrai 00:13:45  I went and studied law because I got really great grades, and then I had a lot of pressure to go and use the grades. So of course I wanted to make people happy and the choice was medicine, law, engineering. Thank goodness I didn't pick the other two. At least I picked law. So I learned some good skills, but not for me. But I did it because it made people happy. And then fast forward after the law legal industry, I thought I need something else. So I went into banking and finance, which is such an odd choice for me. But again, it seemed to make other people happy. That's a great use of, you know, that's a great career. Go. So in any case, all that to say that I have very much been driven by this lack of self-acceptance, feeling like I need other people to be happy with me. And I will acknowledge right now, I've spent the last five years doing a dissertation, doing PhD research. I've worked with fortune 500 leaders, C-suite executives, thousands of people around the world.

Shade Zahrai 00:14:34  I know all of this intellectually, and I'm still dealing with every day. but I can honestly say that the principles that I've come across that I've put in big trust, because also I know that they're not just my ideas. These are based on really solid research, over 100 studies, meta analyses over the last 50 years. I know they work, and I'm actively putting them in place in my life. And if I look at where I was ten years ago versus where I am today, it blows my mind just how much a life can change. When you genuinely start to understand what self trust means, and it doesn't mean feeling confident. In fact, I will. In a moment I'll share with you jasmyne, the biggest mistake people make about confidence. But it's not about feeling confident. It's not about feeling ready. It's not about having certainty. It's just trusting in yourself that you have what it takes. And even if you don't, you will be okay. You can still learn and pivot and iterate and then try again.

Shade Zahrai 00:15:33  And that is incredibly powerful and powerful. I meant to say empowering and powerful. Empowering. Let's call you.

Jasmine Star 00:15:40  Let's. Do you trust yourself with that word? I do, because I co-sign. I trust you to.

Shade Zahrai 00:15:44  Impactful.

Jasmine Star 00:15:45  Title of this episode and.

Shade Zahrai 00:15:46  Powerful.

Jasmine Star 00:15:47  With Doctor Shady. Okay, so, can I have a quick point of clarification when you had said, is there a difference between wanting to do something for other people and not voice it versus being a people pleaser, or are they wanting the same?

Shade Zahrai 00:15:58  No, absolutely. I'm glad you raised this. Okay, so when we reached out to our audience and we asked them, what does it mean to be agreeable? So agreeableness is one of the big Five personality traits. And we ask them, what do you think it means? And they said things like wanting other people to be happy, doing things in service of other people, being kind, being caring, being collaborative. That's positive. That's great. Then we asked, what about being a people pleaser? And we got all of that.

Shade Zahrai 00:16:24  But then we got its sinister dark side, which is prioritizing the needs of everybody else over your own to the point that you sacrifice your wants, needs and desires, pushing yourself to emotional exhaustion because you're seeking the approval of other people, changing who you are because you think their approval is more important than your own approval of yourself. Saying yes when you actually mean no. Not speaking your mind. Not sharing an idea in a meeting because you're afraid someone might be offended. And suddenly we start to see what people pleasing is. So it's agreeableness on steroids. Agreeableness in itself is a beautiful thing. I think the world would be a much better place if people were more kind and collaborative and open to each other. But when that flips over, and to me, the biggest indicator is what happens to you when someone disapproves. How do you feel? And if someone's disapproval, someone saying no to you, someone not liking you? Someone demonstrating that they fundamentally disagree with who you are? How does that make you feel? If it becomes an automatic trigger and you feel a compulsive need to win back their approval? That's how you know that it has moved into people pleasing territory, and you're not doing it because you want to.

Shade Zahrai 00:17:37  You're doing it because you feel like you have to. Because if they don't approve of me, I can't approve of myself. You outsource your worth to other people.

Jasmine Star 00:17:46  So there's people who are listening, and the narrative might be, I've put other people taking care of partners or children or even other people in their life. What do they do when they realize that they just went through your test? Your litmus test? Like, I might be a people pleaser. How does one get over it? Because we're here. We are talking about stepping into the next version or next level of their life, learning how to trust themselves. But what do they do?

Shade Zahrai 00:18:10  It's tricky. It's very difficult when you've lived your entire life appeasing others because okay, I need to share with you an example. So for anyone listening, there are two glasses of water here, and I'm going to borrow Jasmine's glass of water and give a visual demonstration. So people watching will see it, and I'll describe it to the people listening.

Shade Zahrai 00:18:26  So we have two glasses of water. Imagine they're full to the brim. And I'm going to put them down because I'll probably spill them because I'm quite clumsy. So imagine they're full to the brim. Now. I also have a golf ball and I have a ping pong ball. Okay, okay, now I take the ping pong ball, which is quite light, and I place it on one of the glasses, which, remember, is full of water. What happens to that ping pong ball?

Jasmine Star 00:18:46  It will.

Shade Zahrai 00:18:47  Float. It floats. What happens to the water?

Jasmine Star 00:18:49  It maybe might be on the precipice, but not much will happen.

Shade Zahrai 00:18:53  Exactly. Not much happens to the water. Whereas if I take that golf ball, which is significantly heavier, and I place it on the other cup of water and I drop it, what happens to the golf ball?

Jasmine Star 00:19:03  Well, go to the bottom and then water will come out.

Shade Zahrai 00:19:05  Water will spill everywhere. This is a messy example. Thank goodness we're not actually demonstrating it.

Shade Zahrai 00:19:09  This is how we describe self-doubt and all of its facets, whether it's the people pleasing, the failure fear that you have, the perfectionism, not feeling like you're enough. Self-doubt is like the balls. What you want to see it as is, like the golf ball, not the golf ball. You want to see it like the ping pong ball. It is light. It is airy. You don't internalize it. You can acknowledge that it's there, but it doesn't become a part of you. So it's like the clouds. The clouds will come, but you know that behind the clouds is blue sky. And when the clouds leave, you can see it again. Whereas what happens to many of us. And if you are a people pleaser, this is what's happened to you. That golf ball, that heavy ball of doubt and insecurity and not enough ness has become internalized. Not only that, when it became internalized, we lost a piece of who we are. That excess water flows out. And even if I were to come and grab a spoon and take out that golf ball.

Shade Zahrai 00:20:04  So now there's no golf ball in that water. Has the water miraculously reappeared in the cup? It hasn't. So we've still lost a part of ourselves. And that is the challenge people face. When I finally feel like I can accept myself and I want to stop people pleasing. It's difficult for them because fundamentally they've given away a piece of who they are, and then it goes, they need to go through this process of determining who am I really, if not the person who people please isn't everyone is happy with. So there are a few things that we can encourage you to do if this resonates with you. The first one is if you people please, which is actually called society in the literature. And I should also mention that it very commonly stems from the earliest 5 to 7 years of our lives. If you were in an environment where you felt like you needed to perform to get approval from your parents, or emotional validation, or show them, hey, look at my amazing report card, or do the helpful thing.

Shade Zahrai 00:20:58  And then you acknowledge for being get acknowledged for being helpful. You start to internalize that my value is based on how helpful I am. Other people are happy. Not only that, this also happened. In my case, I had a sibling. Beautiful, incredible person now, but when he was young he was really challenging for my parents. I saw just how challenging he was all the way through to his high school years. And I saw that, and I saw the pain that he put my parents through. I didn't want to be that. And so I became the good kid who did everything right. Who never disagreed. Who said yes whenever I was asked. And again, that just kept repeating throughout my life. So if this resonates with you, what I encourage you to do is next time someone asks you to do something. Our compulsion is yes, even before we know what it is or how it's going to impact us, or how much time it's going to take, or whether it aligns with our values, we just say yes, of course, because it makes them happy.

Shade Zahrai 00:21:53  So what I encourage you is to use a technique called intentional delay. There was a study out of the university of I think it was Columbia University, and the researchers found that even a split second delay can help you make better decisions when the pressure is on. That's a split second delay. So what I encourage people to do, what I encourage our students to do is you create a much longer delay by saying, thank you for thinking of me. I would love to let me check with my calendar or check in my schedule, and I'll get back to you tonight, or I'll get back to you tomorrow. So you do three things. Positive. First response thank you for thinking of me, which allows you to appease that people pleasing nature that you have. The second one is you create the delay. I'm going to check with my calendar. I'll check with my husband, give me some time to think about it, and then you give them a deadline by which you'll get back to them. And this is great.

Shade Zahrai 00:22:45  They're going to feel very happy. You're going to feel happy because you're not immediately declining. And then you obviously you check is this aligned with what I want? But then there's a second step because then people say, how do I know if I want to do this or not? How do I figure it out if I've always done it for other people? And that's what I think makes me happy. So this is where we get to what we call your criteria, your internal criteria. When we're saying no to other people, we feel like we're being selfish and we just focus on the fact that I have said no, oh my gosh, I'm a terrible person. I'm a terrible friend, I'm a terrible daughter or a mother or whatever that is. If you have an internal criteria, a deeper yes when you're saying no to somebody else, you're saying yes to that deeper? Yes. That you have burning inside. So what is an example of this? I am going to say no to helping my neighbor prepare for her son's birthday dinner.

Shade Zahrai 00:23:38  For a deeper yes. For me to be here with my own daughter. To read her a story because I'm prioritizing family. I'm going to say no to being part of that event that is unpaid again, to help out my friend, because I'm saying yes to me, building my own brand where I want to start charging for my value. You don't communicate that with anybody. That's your own deeper. Yes. But when you have that, it becomes something bigger than just a selfish decision in the moment. So that's really valuable for people who are people pleasers. The second thing to acknowledge is that not everyone is going to like you. This is the hardest part to acknowledge, actually. Not everyone is going to like you, and you have to be okay with that. And the only way to be okay with that is if you like yourself anyway. If you like yourself anyway what other people think matters less. and it's extremely easy to say and very hard to implement. But that's why building up that sense of acceptance within ourselves.

Shade Zahrai 00:24:33  And we know that self-acceptance is a habit. It is the result of habitual ways of thinking and habitual behaviors that allow us to feel a greater sense of hey, I'm okay as I am, I accept myself. That doesn't mean I don't still need to learn and grow and develop myself, but I'm being compassionate on that journey because I owe it to myself. And that is, again, a really powerful place to start.

Jasmine Star 00:24:56  I'm picking up what you put down, but somebody is like, accept myself. Like here again, I'm sure it's very complex. And there's another golf ball ping pong analogy here and I'm like, oh my gosh, is there anything a step? So on the show. My goal every single time is can one person do one thing to make a change? Yeah. And so if we got them to this point where they're doing a deep dive diagnostic of people pleasing tendencies, if putting other people before themselves, which is inadvertently keeping them from stepping into the next version of themselves. But then they ask themselves, do I accept myself? And if the question is, I am not sure.

Jasmine Star 00:25:30  Or flat out no. What do they do?

Shade Zahrai 00:25:33  So there's a few things when we look at the literature and they're unusual. I like to look at what does the evidence tell us as opposed to what did the person down the street do? That worked.

Jasmine Star 00:25:42  Thank you.

Shade Zahrai 00:25:42  Because I think everyone has a different experience and we need to be looking at actually what does the evidence say and not just one paper meta analysis. So let's look at ten papers, 20 papers, 100 papers.

Jasmine Star 00:25:51  Let's do some research. Yes. Okay.

Shade Zahrai 00:25:53  Alan, the other thing on research that I actually have never shared before. But people need to be aware there are pay for published studies, which means anyone off the street can pay to get their paper published. So even if someone says, research says don't always immediately believe it, you need to determine whether that is a reputable journal, whether it is peer reviewed, whether it has the kind of academic and scientific rigor for that person to be able to claim what it is they're claiming.

Jasmine Star 00:26:17  So thank you.

Shade Zahrai 00:26:18  Doctor.

Jasmine Star 00:26:19  Thank you doctor.

Shade Zahrai 00:26:20  Honestly, I didn't even know this before I did my Ph.D., I anything that I found that was published, I assumed all publications were equal. So all research is equal. And there are things that I said back there that I now realize, whoa, okay, that was not a reputable paper. That was not a reputable journal. I'm not going to refer to that again.

Jasmine Star 00:26:39  So so the meta analysis of finding ways to accept ourselves. Yes. What is the larger body of research show about that.

Shade Zahrai 00:26:47  Okay. So it's an unusual one okay. Get a hobby. What I know it's really odd and you'd think it would be something around cultivating compassion every morning or the positive affirmation. No, actually, a really pragmatic tip here is to go and get a hobby. Now, why? When we're engaged in a hobby, something that we enjoy, something that we do not because someone else expects us to, or because we need to be perfect, or because we're performing or setting a goal.

Shade Zahrai 00:27:12  We're just enjoying the messiness and the creativity of it. It has been proven to increase self-esteem, and self-esteem is the personality element that underscores self-acceptance. So there was a study that was done with, I think, 93,000 people in 16 different countries. It was a longitudinal study over a long period of time. This is fully global, so we know it's cross-culturally relevant. They found that people that had hobbies had higher levels of self-esteem. They accepted themselves more. They were more creative, they were more happy. And it can be anything. Joining a cooking class, some kind of dancing, some kind of music, painting, drama, pickleball. It can be a physical hobby as well. It can be anything. Because what you're doing is reminding yourself that when you're engaging in that hobby because you enjoy it, you're not less of a person. You don't need people's approval. And again, it reminds you that your life doesn't depend on other people being okay with you and your opinions and your views. It gives you something else to almost like a positive form of distraction from the negative thinking and the I, me, my constant focus that we have.

Shade Zahrai 00:28:22  So getting a hobby is the first thing that I would recommend. I experienced this myself when I entered the banking world. I had just come out of the legal industry where I had so much self-doubt. I was making myself physically sick. I was going to specialist after specialist. No one could diagnose it. They thought it was just intense lactose intolerance. But then I cut out lactose and I was still very sick. And then it was diagnosed as stress related, anxiety related.

Jasmine Star 00:28:45  So I left.

Shade Zahrai 00:28:46  Law, went into banking. Probably not the best career, come to think of it. And I genuinely thought that new environment, I can leave the self-doubt behind. That's not how it works. You do not leave self-doubt behind. It comes and it becomes amplified in every new environment that you're in. So suddenly, I'm now in this new space with new terms and new people, and it was looming so loud in my head. So what did I do? I went and started Latin dance classes, and Latin dance classes became an outlet for me.

Shade Zahrai 00:29:16  So when I had a really bad day at work, I was able to go and devote myself to learning a new spin pattern, or a new routine, or competing on a stage. And for me, that reminded me that my worth is not determined by how much people like me at work. My worth is my own, and I'm able to tap into that when I'm doing this other fun, creative thing. And then through that fun, creative thing, I started feeling a lot more confident about myself, which then I found translated back into the workplace. So there was this cross benefit that was happening. And then it just so happened that I became a national dance champion in Australia. We won three national titles. So, you know, there are some benefits that can come from from your, you know, your hobbies. So that yeah, the fun little side note is I also have a background in competitive and professional dancing.

Jasmine Star 00:30:05  What was the style of dance?

Shade Zahrai 00:30:06  It was salsa and bachata.

Jasmine Star 00:30:08  But just see, I knew you were my sister from another Mr..

Jasmine Star 00:30:12  I am telling you, I was like, okay, oh my gosh, I had no idea. Good on you. Thanks. Okay, so one of the things in the book, there was there was a part of the book where explained the story around the facial scar. Oh, and one of the notes that I wrote for me is we carry a mental blueprint of ourselves. So when you're talking about self-acceptance and when you're talking about getting a hobby that offers cross discipline and cross benefits to other things in your life, the mental blueprint that we take into that as well. I think that there was a nice party there.

Shade Zahrai 00:30:43  Okay, wonderful. I love this study.

Jasmine Star 00:30:45  I think.

Shade Zahrai 00:30:45  It's so.

Jasmine Star 00:30:45  Powerful. I read it and I was like, this is so good. And now I can't even think it. Yeah, it's the best example.

Shade Zahrai 00:30:50  It's almost the basis of everything that is in the book. And I'll explain why. And I actually need to touch on that confidence link as well. So okay.

Shade Zahrai 00:30:57  In the 1970s, a psychology researcher by the name of Robert Clark conducted a series of fascinating experiments. He was at UC Berkeley. What he did is he brought people together into the lab or into the university wherever they did their studies. And he split them into a number of groups. Now, the idea was that they were going to go and have conversations with strangers. But before he sent them into conversations with one of the groups, he drew a large, ugly scar on their face, spanning from there. You know the right side of their ear, all the way down to their mouth. He also let them have a look at themselves in a hand mirror so they could confirm, yes, I now have this disfigurement on my face. Then he sent everyone into conversations. Remember, there's a group that doesn't have a scar.

Jasmine Star 00:31:38  Now, after.

Shade Zahrai 00:31:38  The conversations, they.

Jasmine Star 00:31:40  Don't think you said that part. Oh, okay. Okay. So he divided the group.

Shade Zahrai 00:31:43  He divided the groups. And then with one group, he gave them a scar.

Shade Zahrai 00:31:47  There's no scar on the other groups. Okay, so he sends them into these conversations. They have their conversations with strangers.

Jasmine Star 00:31:53  Out in public.

Shade Zahrai 00:31:54  I think it was they were not necessarily in public. These strangers were still part of the experiment. Okay. And then brought them all back in. And the idea was that they had to report on how they felt. The conversations went. The group with the scar overwhelmingly reported that they felt that they were treated differently because they had the scar. They were judged. It was tense. It was cold. It was uncomfortable. The group without the scar didn't notice anything. They enjoyed the conversations. Now, that in itself is interesting, but that's not the point of the study. If I take you back to before the groups went in to have these conversations. The scarred participants, they were told, okay, we're going to apply some moisturizing cream to the scar so that it sets and doesn't crack. So that's what they did. But what they also did without telling the participants is remove the scar entirely.

Shade Zahrai 00:32:45  They had no scar when they were going into these conversations. And yet because they expected that they would be treated differently. That is what they experienced. And this is called expectation bias. We don't experience the world as it is. We experience the world as we expect it to be, as we expect it to respond to us. And this idea of these scars that we carry, this comes down to our self-image. How do we see ourselves? Because all of us are carrying scars throughout our lives. Some people are better at hiding them than others. Some people have just learned to push through. But we all have these scars, and whatever scars we have will keep showing up in every interaction, every meeting, every opportunity. We're deciding whether to take or not. Every piece of feedback or criticism will irritate these scars or reveal these scars, and then we want to hide them. So this idea of how you see yourself and the scars that you carry is really at the foundation of what big trust is about, because you will never rise above your opinion of yourself.

Shade Zahrai 00:33:52  You will never rise above your opinion of yourself. What do I mean by that? There is this concept developed by William Swan, and the idea is that it's called self verification. We are subconsciously driven to verify the belief that we have about ourselves in every single interaction, conversation, how we show up in the world. We want other people to see us, how we see ourselves. Even if that is as unworthy, unlovable, incapable. This is not something that we're consciously aware of either. This is something that is happening beneath the surface. These scars want to be seen. And so we will find ourselves repeating bad habits in relationships. We will find ourselves continually showing up in a way that sabotages us, so that a part of us can say, see, I told you, you're not worthy. See, you're not capable. And so we're living these lives, continually verifying the beliefs that we have. So imagine then, if we could fundamentally change that image that we have of ourselves. What if we could fundamentally upgrade how we see ourselves, understand the scars that we have, and heal them and change at a personality level who we are? Now you might say, oh, Chad, that's outlandish.

Shade Zahrai 00:35:09  You can't do that. And we have a lot of people who do say that this is just who I am, because they're trying to grip onto something, because that gives them a sense of control, and that for them is comforting. But again, that's because of self verification. We want to be verifying this view that we have of ourselves, because then we can feel like we have some degree of certainty, but there is no certainty in life. And so what my own studies have found is that you can fundamentally change your personality. It does stay the same. It's very stable throughout your lifespan unless you choose to intervene. So what does that mean? Unless you actively choose what you're focusing on and then implement proven strategies to actually change that personality trait?

Jasmine Star 00:35:52  Okay, me a story or an example?

Shade Zahrai 00:35:53  Okay. Well, the entirety of Big Trust is essentially this. But let me give you the example of okay, who's am I going to share? Let's share. I'll share. Russia's okay. Or Rashida as she likes to go by.

Shade Zahrai 00:36:05  So Rashida was a leader and she was she just started a new job. And as she was starting that new job, she came to me for help because she needed some guidance in terms of how do I navigate this new environment? How do I set up a team? You know, the usual things that people will often reach out to us for. And when she was introducing herself to me, she said, I'm a mother, I play pickleball, I love this, I love that I'm in this industry and I'm intense. But the way that she said intense really stood out to me. It wasn't a positive thing. Her face wrinkled when she said it, and so I said, tell me about that intense label, because there's something there. I can sense it. And so she shared with me that when she was leaving her last job, her boss said to her, Will, she will miss you. You can be intense, but will sure miss you. And so, you know, it's kind of a double handed compliment.

Shade Zahrai 00:36:56  And she internalized that. Rashida completely internalized that intense label, and then she shared, it's because when she was a child, she was part of a big Egyptian family, I think. She was the youngest of eight kids, and so she felt like she had to constantly earn people's attention by being loud and being out there and dancing on the tables, because it was a very big, busy family. But then she was constantly told that she is too much. Calm down, stop being so out there. So this idea of intense reminded her of what her siblings used to call her and how they used to tease her. And it'll come back. This is a result of the scar that had been created so early on that she had tried so hard to overcome and ignore, and it came back in a really key moment. So we had to work together because we had to determine how we were going to intervene here. And for this.

Jasmine Star 00:37:46  Essentially, how are we going to change your personality?

Shade Zahrai 00:37:49  Yeah. How are we fundamentally because it reflected a lack of self-acceptance, self-acceptance.

Shade Zahrai 00:37:53  When we look at the personality component, it's self-esteem, self-esteem. So how do you change self-esteem? Well, one way to do it is to start to change the labels that you've attached to yourself. And so her label was I'm intense. And when I asked her, how do you feel about intense? And she's like, it's bad. It's really bad. It gets in the way. People don't like it. So she was focusing on all the negatives of that, and I said, Rashida, tell me about how intensity helps you at work. She was saying, well, it allows me to do my job because I have a good attention to detail and this, that and the other. And I said, well, I don't see that as intensity. I see that as passion. And she stopped and she said, oh my gosh you are right. It's pure passion. I care about what I do so much. I care about doing the right thing, making the right decisions. Being the best leader for my team, of course it's passion.

Shade Zahrai 00:38:40  And she had this incredible eye opening moment where she recognized that her scar had been attached to her because of what other people were saying about her, and she'd never thought about redefining the scar and changing it into something that's actually a positive for what she was doing. So we had to go through a process of her continually reminding herself, it's not intensity, it's passion, it's not intensity, it's commitment. And every time she starts to feel I'm intense, know I'm passionate about this. She even started saying it out loud. So when she was feeling extremely what she would call intense in a meeting, she would say, thank you for bearing with me everyone. I'm really committed to getting this right. Or thank you for being in this meeting with me right now. I'm so passionate about finding the right approach as opposed to I'm feeling really intense right now, or intensity is whatever, you know, she would focus on that. And this process of continually rewriting that particular pathway in her brain. And it takes time.

Shade Zahrai 00:39:37  You have to acknowledge when you have that thought popping into your head, you have to acknowledge that you can catch it out and redirect it, and then you have to acknowledge that you need to do that many, many, many times for it to start to become a default. But the more you do it, the more that pathway becomes strengthened, and then eventually it becomes stronger than the old one. And because the brain is wired for neuroplasticity, we are wired to learn and grow and develop new things and new abilities, new ways of thinking. It just takes time and repetition.

Jasmine Star 00:40:09  So in my career, I kind of have a few pivots. But when I stepped into the world of creating content specifically online, I didn't know what the label I wore. I guess my scar. I introduced myself to a mentor who I just invested a lot of money to work with for a year, and I said, oh, just bear with me. I'm slow. And he stopped and he said, this is after us working almost a year together.

Jasmine Star 00:40:29  And he said, what did you say? I said, I'm just slow. And he said, I don't think at all. You were slow. He's like, I'm going to invite you to put a different label to it. I was like, why? Yeah, like I'm just slow. I don't care that I'm slow. And he's like, I actually think you did. He's like, can you go back to a time where you were told you were slow? And I was like, well, I didn't learn how to read until I was 11. I never learned my multiplication tables. And so I'm going back to my childhood by just saying I was slow. And he said entirely differently. But he's like, how about you not tell me something? You can't believe I'm a genius. Yeah, it's finding something bite sized that you might be able to say. And I said, I'm very process oriented. Yes, I can spot patterns. And he's like, great. That's his skill set that a lot of people don't have.

Jasmine Star 00:41:18  So because you're doing other things that most often people don't, you're saying it's slow, but what you're actually doing is going deeper, faster, deeper, but you're doing three x what normal people are doing. Yeah. And I will tell you something changed. I was like, I am not slow, I'm not slow. And so I believe that everything that you're saying right now is an experience that I have had. But now I'm looking through the lens of what other scars or aka what are the lies? Am I believing without even knowing that that's the case? So when somebody is listening right now and they're saying, okay, I am now learning how to redefine the labels that I'm putting on myself, and then our brain has neuroplasticity, and then I could choose to be conscious of the thoughts that I think and relabel them. From being intense to I am passionate, I am not slow. I am fixated with patterns and orientation and figuring things out. And then we talked about the things that are keeping us stuck.

Jasmine Star 00:42:08  Our self-doubt, failure to launch, treading water, destination obsessed. And then you went back, and then you had said, we will not be able to rise above our vision.

Shade Zahrai 00:42:18  Our opinion of ourselves.

Jasmine Star 00:42:19  Our opinion of ourselves. And so we're here at this point, and you've done so much research for this book, I can't help but think of one of the things that you wrote. Self-doubt isn't about what you can or can't do. It's about what you think you can do. And I read that line a few times over because I was just like, do I agree? And of course, am I going to disagree with the doctor? But I was like, it's just I can absolutely disagree with it, okay. I was like, wait a minute. Do I agree? Because there's some things I can't do. And then I thought to myself, it's because I think I, I can't, it's because I simply think I can't. So let's tap there. How does somebody say, well, I can't I can't start a business.

Jasmine Star 00:43:02  I can't grow $1 million business. I can't do this. Like, how do we get over those things if we just think, well, I can't.

Shade Zahrai 00:43:08  So this is a great distinction to make. There are genuinely going to be some things that we cannot do. Like, I will never be an Olympic gold medalist because I don't have the body. I don't have the physical endurance. It's too late. There are things, but that's not self-doubt then self-doubt. So if we look at it, self-doubt has two components the self and the doubt. Part. Okay, if you start with the doubt part, that's just uncertainty. Like, I doubt whether it's going to be raining today or whether we will have good weather. I doubt whether this will succeed when it turns inward. I doubt whether I have what it takes. I doubt whether I am worthy, whether I can do the thing as opposed to something that is objectively not possible. That is when it's self-doubt. So if someone is saying, I can't start the business, the best place to start is with self-inquiry.

Shade Zahrai 00:43:54  As to I was going to say just now, ask yourself why? But I avoid the question why? Let me tell you why. So, Jasmine, if I were to say to you. Why do you have that notebook on your lap? How do you feel in that moment when I've said, why do you. Why are you holding your pen like that?

Jasmine Star 00:44:08  I felt a little bit self-conscious.

Shade Zahrai 00:44:10  A little bit self-conscious. Like I'm trying to interrogate you or undermine you.

Jasmine Star 00:44:13  Or like I'm doing it wrong or it's atypical, not.

Shade Zahrai 00:44:15  Normal. I'm judging your decisions. Or the word y can throw us into the defensive. So a little tip for anyone listening, which isn't related to self-doubt but is related to relationships. Try and eliminate the word why it puts people on the defensive. Because when we were kids, we were never asked, why are you such a wonderful child? Why are you making us so happy? It was. Why haven't you cleaned your room? Why aren't you as good as your sister? Why this? Why didn't you eat your dinner? So it's always a negative.

Shade Zahrai 00:44:41  Whereas. And again with adults, when we ask our partner. Why did you do that? Why didn't you? It can trigger. Yes. So instead, use it. What? What are the reasons that you're telling yourself you can't do this? So it allows you not to get defensive. Like why? If I were to say to you, well, why can't you start the business? You might go into defense mode to try and justify and verify the belief that you have. Oh, because it's impossible. Or because of. But then when you say, what are the reasons I have found because you're not going into the defensive, which is where your threat centers are going. Oh, there's a threat here, which means less activation in your prefrontal region, more activation in your emotive and your threat detection centers. You're not able to think logically when you ask a what question. It triggers curiosity. And when you ask, what are the reasons that are leading you to think that way? You just tend to be able to access more of the ventromedial prefrontal region.

Shade Zahrai 00:45:34  You focus more on things you can control, and you generally make better decisions and have better thoughts. So I would ask somebody, if they say, I can't start the business, well, write down all the reasons that you believe are in your way of starting the business. Let's actually objectively review these. And what people typically find is that a lot of them are a result of scars. I'm not capable because I've never done it before. And if if I fail, then it's going to mean my mum will say, see, I told you so. Or if I try it and then it doesn't work out. My friend, who's always been better at me, is going to have another reason to point out that they're better than me. There's going to be something there. Unless objectively it's like, well, I can't start the business because in order to do that, I have to have expertise in X, and I genuinely don't have expertise at X, and I can go and try and get expertise in X, but it will take me seven years and actually I want to do that.

Shade Zahrai 00:46:24  You know, it allows you to be a lot more objective about things. And I highly encourage objectivity because self-doubt is not objective. It's subjective. It's entirely the result of perception and interpretation and the meaning that we apply to things, about things and about us. You know, when we think about failure, a lot of people they don't identify with, oh, I don't fear failure. But what they fear is other people seeing them fall. It's not the failure itself. It's the what will people think if I speak up in this meeting and I say the wrong thing? If I start that business and it doesn't go well, if I post on social media and no one likes it, what are people going to think about me? So they are making that failure, or that misstep, or that lack of whatever you're trying to achieve. They're turning it inwards and internalizing it like that heavy golf ball, as opposed to saying, that's okay, that can happen. I am still me. I can create separation.

Shade Zahrai 00:47:21  Now, if we go back to this example of the labels that we apply to ourselves, one of the things we need to be aware of is anything. I remember when I was studying, when I was doing my masters, my MBA, I went to get a coffee before class and I got stopped in my tracks by someone wearing a shirt. It was a black shirt and it had white letters and it just said, I am dot, dot, dot. These are two of the most powerful words because whatever comes after, it shapes your identity. And I took a photo of it and I remember I think I posted it on on social at the time. Because it's so true. As soon as we say I am something, I am intense, I am slow. We are internalizing it and making it mean something about who we are that also makes us believe it is fixed and unchangeable. This is just who I am and because of self verification, we will often seek out situations that reinforce it or tolerate behavior from other people because we secretly believe that about ourselves, which is so dangerous and damaging.

Shade Zahrai 00:48:22  So one thing that's really valuable for anyone listening is to acknowledge you are not your thoughts. You don't have to believe everything you think. You can start to observe your thoughts. What does that mean? That means next time you think, oh, I'm such a failure, I'm such a screw up, you pause and you rework that because you've just said I am right. You rewrite it and you say, okay, I'm noticing a thought that is telling me that I'm a failure. I'm noticing a thought that's telling me I'm going to mess this up. So you're not becoming the thought. You're noticing the thought which allows you to take the golf ball out, turn it into a ping pong ball, and put it on the top of the water. So you're seeing it up there. You don't have to accept it. Same thing applies to emotions. There is incredible research that looks at how. Firstly, once we label an emotion, it can help reduce the activity in the emotion centers in the brain just by labeling it.

Shade Zahrai 00:49:16  But then the next step is identifying from it. So instead of saying I'm stressed or I'm anxious, we are identifying with that emotion. I am what this encourages us to do. It's called cognitive diffusion. You're not fusing with the emotion, you're separating from it. You'd say, I am feeling stressed. I am noticing that I'm carrying anxiety right now. And remarkably, by doing this, you're re-engaging your prefrontal regions. You see, we see a decrease in activity in those emotion centers. It is so simple. And yet, research shows just how effective it is. And a big part of that is acknowledging that if we ever want to identify the scars and start to heal the scars, we have to acknowledge that even though it feels like those scars are who we are, they're not. They've been placed there, usually by other people, when we were too young to resist or know what to say in response. And so we just internalize them. But we don't have to be them. The first step is to catch out those thoughts.

Shade Zahrai 00:50:20  One other side, point to point. If you struggle with any kind of self-doubt, whether it's related to lack of acceptance, whether it's to do with what we call agency, which is the belief that I can't do the thing, I don't have the skills. Maybe it's related to believing that even if you try, nothing's going to work out for you. That's what we call a lack of autonomy. Regardless of what kind of self-doubt you're experiencing. Something that is extremely valuable to be aware of is that at any point in time, You can shift how you feel by shifting what you're focusing on. Attention is the greatest superpower that we have as humans, in my view. Because where your attention goes, that is what you pay attention to. That is what you notice. That is how you shift your state. I mean, the social media algorithms know it. And so we need to almost think of our life and our brains as like an algorithm creator. Whatever we believe or prime ourselves to think about, we will start to notice more of through selective attention, where the brain will filter out information that it thinks is important, or rather focus on what it thinks it's important, and then blur out everything else.

Shade Zahrai 00:51:26  It selectively attends to that. And then confirmation bias, where you seek out information that confirms whatever you believe and forget everything else. So the brain is wired to do this, so why don't we give our brain better inputs so that it can start to work in our favor? And one simple way. I had a situation recently where I had a really good friend of mine. Opt out from my life for no reason and didn't give me a reason. Said I need some space. I'll get back to you when I can, I promise. And then never got back to me. I know they were okay because I've checked in with other people, but me being the empathic, kind of considerate person that I am, I don't want to push it. I don't want to ask them why. What did I do? Could I have done anything better? The person has chosen to leave. I'm respecting that. That's really hard for me as a people pleaser because my mind started going on overdrive. What did I do? What did I say? Was I too much? Was I not enough, did I? And so I'm going back and overanalyzing all of these texts.

Shade Zahrai 00:52:22  I had to literally stop myself and say when that thought would come in, I'd say to myself, nope, not today, Chad, not today. And then I would shift my attention to something else, something more valuable. And it was funny the first few times I did it, because I would literally laugh because it felt like such an odd thing to say. But it worked. And now I don't have that thought that comes in anymore. I don't have that. You're not enough. This person left your life. I'm able to just move through that. So a big part of it. We often think again that we are our thoughts. We have to become beholden to whatever they tell us. Also our emotions. We just believe every emotion that comes, not realizing that we can reinterpret emotions. Let me tell you how. Jasmine, what's your favorite band? Do you have a favorite band or someone that you'd love to see in concert?

Jasmine Star 00:53:10  Can I have seen this person? Yeah. Oh, Bonnie.

Jasmine Star 00:53:12  There.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:13  Okay.

Jasmine Star 00:53:13  Bonnie there.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:14  Okay, so you're sitting in the front row seat in a VIP area, and you're about to see this person. Come on.

Jasmine Star 00:53:20  Stage. Okay. Say less.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:21  What are you feeling in your body?

Jasmine Star 00:53:22  I'm excited. Okay, I'm in.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:24  Terms of physiology, so not the emotion itself.

Jasmine Star 00:53:26  Okay? I don't know what. How does one feel excitement manifested in one's body? I'm a very logical thinker. You're looking at me like I intellectualize my emotions. Oh, my God, this is a whole different episode.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:36  You know what? There is actually a link between intelligence and overthinking. Intellectualizing and overthinking.

Jasmine Star 00:53:42  Well, we say say more.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:43  Okay, so if you tend to overthink a lot and be very aware of everything that could go wrong, it could be a reflection of a high level of intelligence because.

Jasmine Star 00:53:52  J.D., my husband, business partner, I'm freaking Einstein genius. I'm like, I'm genius.

Shade Zahrai 00:53:59  It's comforting because those who tend to have higher than average IQ tend to be more aware of risk and complexity.

Shade Zahrai 00:54:06  Good lord. And when you're more aware of risk and complexity, your mind is naturally going into all the what ifs, what ifs, what is. Yes, and then you naturally catastrophes. This could happen, that could happen.

Jasmine Star 00:54:15  And then have a plan for everything.

Shade Zahrai 00:54:16  You have a plan for everything.

Jasmine Star 00:54:17  Absolutely.

Shade Zahrai 00:54:17  What's different about you and most people are Jasmine is you have a plan for everything, and it doesn't prevent you from still taking action.

Jasmine Star 00:54:23  Because I have a plan.

Shade Zahrai 00:54:24  Because you have a plan. A lot of people will not get to the plan. They just magnify everything that could go wrong. Okay? And then it lowers their confidence, increases the overthinking, and then the cycle starts again. It's the we call it the intelligence anxiety spiral.

Jasmine Star 00:54:38  Oh, I love that title. Yeah I love that. And it just keeps going because I have intelligence. Anxiety. Yeah, I know it's a new term. It's like, you know, we can have.

Shade Zahrai 00:54:46  T-shirts printed.

Jasmine Star 00:54:47  Out. Yes.

Jasmine Star 00:54:48  What for? The letters? Yes.

Shade Zahrai 00:54:49  Deal. So if this happens to you, where you're getting stuck in this two things. The first step is to remind yourself, hey, my brain is just doing what an intelligent brain does. It's trying to protect me. Fantastic. It's working great. Okay, then the next step is. But I'm physically safe.

Jasmine Star 00:55:07  Yes.

Shade Zahrai 00:55:07  I don't need to listen to it. It's making me aware of these things so that I can prepare. I'm going to take action anyway. And that is powerful because again, you're re-engaging when you. Okay. So when you're in that moment where the brain is going wild and you're catastrophizing again, when we look at brain scans, it's because of overactivity in the risk centers. The threat detection centers, the emotion centers. Simply asking yourself a question or redirecting your thoughts. ReEngage is the front part.

Jasmine Star 00:55:35  Okay.

Shade Zahrai 00:55:35  And so when you're in that state saying to yourself, I'm physically safe, there's nothing here that could hurt me. Thank you.

Shade Zahrai 00:55:41  Brain. But what can I do about this? And then also, sometimes people can get stuck in. Why me? Why is this so hard for me? It's so easy for everyone else. Why does this always when we get stuck in that victim mentality, we victimize ourselves. A fantastic reframe that relates to a lack of autonomy. But a great reframe in that environment is, okay, I'm not going to go into why me? I'm going to go into what next? What next? So you acknowledge, yeah, things might be unfair, things might be hard. Maybe other people do have it easier than you do. But what are you doing next? What is your next step? Because if you do not take that next step, nothing changes. You get stuck in rumination and regret and blame and resentment. So okay, so that's one thing. Now the other thing that you touched on, which is what you do, you come up with all these other plans.

Jasmine Star 00:56:27  Yes.

Shade Zahrai 00:56:28  So a lot of people will say when it comes to things like manifestation and visualization, they say no where you want to go.

Shade Zahrai 00:56:34  Visualize that future version of you. Which is great because when you can visualize that and you can believe that you can get there. You're also changing your self-image. It's not limited to who you are right now. Yes, you're opening it up to also embody that. Hey, I can.

Jasmine Star 00:56:50  Be.

Shade Zahrai 00:56:50  That. That is something that I can become. But that's where people get stuck. They get. So what's the word? It's like this seductive feeling of, wow, that's going to be me. They've got the the vision board. They've got everything. They've, you know, got the positive affirmation every day. And they're wondering why that business success has not come. Why is that social media growth not coming? Why is that opportunity not coming. And it's because yes okay, great. You've got to know where you're going, but it's not going to magically come and knock at your door and be like, here you go. There's a missing step. You've got to be taking the steps to get there.

Shade Zahrai 00:57:23  But that's not all. What you did is you identified everything that could go wrong, and then you came up with a plan for all of it. This is called inversion thinking or a pre mortem in the project management world. So a lot of people don't want to anticipate what could go wrong because they think they might will it into existence or manifest it into existence. When we look at a lot of literature, especially in the goal implementation space, we find that that is actually a misguided approach. I mean, if you're extremely high on anxiety, maybe because it'll affect how you feel and that's when you want to be getting professional help. But if you're generally okay at managing things, you want to anticipate everything that could go wrong. But then the important second step that you must not forget, which is what you do plan. What will you do if it happens? What will you do if that terrible thing happens? And this does two things. It reminds you that no matter what happens, you can handle it.

Jasmine Star 00:58:21  You'll be okay.

Shade Zahrai 00:58:21  So it shrinks the fear to size. It also allows you to plan so that when the thing happens, you know exactly what you do. Because when the thing happens, I can guarantee you're not going to be feeling great. You're going to be feeling disappointed or overwhelmed or anxious or stressed. And we don't think very well in those scenarios. Daniel Goleman says out of control emotions can make smart people stupid.

Jasmine Star 00:58:43  Amen.

Shade Zahrai 00:58:44  Amen to that. And it's because of what's going on in the brain. We don't have access to the parts of our brain that are required for intelligent thinking front parts. So when you do the work beforehand, it means that you've been there. You know what to do. I want to tell you the story about Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps is an amazing, incredible swimmer, world champion. He used to do this. So his coach said he used to visualize constantly, but he didn't just visualize himself succeeding. He visualized himself in situations that were really bad. Everything unexpected that could happen in a race, his goggles snapping, getting a cramp in the middle of a race, slipping on the starting block.

Shade Zahrai 00:59:22  And then he visualized what he would do if those things happened. And he had it so deeply ingrained in his nervous system so that his viewers, if anything happens, I'm fine. Now, this paid off for him in a massive way in the 2008 Olympics. So he's in the finals of the 200 meter butterfly stroke. And almost as soon as he dives into the water, his goggles completely fill up. He cannot see anything. So he's 25m in to a 200 meter race. He cannot see a thing. But he said in an interview afterwards he said, I swam blind for 175m, won gold and broke a world record despite not being able to see why. Because he'd been there before in his mind. When it happened he didn't compare himself to other people. He didn't get overwhelmed. He didn't give up and quit. He had been there. So he had the agency, the self-efficacy to know what to do and to back himself. Isn't that incredible.

Jasmine Star 01:00:25  Let's go. Absolutely. Can I talk this? Could you actually.

Jasmine Star 01:00:28  Of course. Well, I will tell. Okay. Okay okay, okay. So here's the thing. There's nothing worse. We call them one uppers. Yeah. Use like. Oh, I want to vacation. I want.

Shade Zahrai 01:00:35  On.

Jasmine Star 01:00:35  Vacation. I want two.

Shade Zahrai 01:00:36  Weeks. Yeah. It's called conversational narcissism.

Jasmine Star 01:00:39  Oh, see, I don't want to be a podcast. Who's a conversational narcissist? No. It's okay. Like, oh, my gosh, you just labeled it. I'm like, that's 100% what I'm trying to avoid. But when the team and I, at the beginning of 2025 had identified a big new initiative, it was going to be a complete new ALM, a complete new subsidiary for the holding company. And I had every single one of our key stakeholders. Right. A pre mortem. I said this is new. We are literally starting something that we've never done before. So each of our heads of the departments, from marketing to customer success to client fulfillment to myself, I give everybody a week notice.

Jasmine Star 01:01:15  I said, please block some time on your calendar and I want you to list. It doesn't have to be florid. Give me a bullet point list of everything that can go wrong. And so we went around the meeting and everybody said this can go wrong. And the I thought in my mind I was like. And then I'm going to give this riveting. Roosevelt's, Eisenhower style. And it was pretty shocking because I thought being the overthinker that I am, I was like, I'm going to think about every possible scenario. I'm going to come prepared. And they were things that they saw that I didn't see. So everybody was almost in a stunned silence of, oh, wow. And yet we all decided to move forward. I said, do we count the cost? Because now that we know the monsters we can face. Are we are we in? And it wasn't as riveting as I anticipated. It was wildly sobering. And then it was like, dig in, let's go.

Shade Zahrai 01:02:11  Oh, brilliant.

Jasmine Star 01:02:12  And so when I think about that, I really do hope that our goggles don't feel with water in the next couple of months.

Shade Zahrai 01:02:17  I really hope, I hope so. Or hope not.

Jasmine Star 01:02:20  Oh, actually, maybe I do. Maybe I want to swim blind. Maybe I want to build world records. Maybe I want to win a gold I love. Maybe I got chills in my right arm. Okay, God, fill my goggles. Oh my gosh. Okay, now There's like, lightning coming down. No, no, no. But I want to say thank you for that because I'm giving research data, facts around things that are coming intuitively to me.

Shade Zahrai 01:02:39  Yeah. Amazing.

Jasmine Star 01:02:40  But one of the things that I loved at almost in the beginning part of the book, there was a quiz. Yes. And we're talking about emotions and we're talking about anxiety. And sometimes I can definitely put like a brick of anxiety or overwhelm on me. And I actually didn't even know that I was doing it until I took a stinkin quiz.

Jasmine Star 01:02:59  Wow. Okay, so I take this quiz. Okay, so here's the thing. Everybody knows I don't bring people on the podcast if I haven't read the book. So I read the book. I do the homework because your girl is studious. So I take this quiz. And then I said, Chad, can I send this quiz to people who are watching and listening? And you're like, yes, of course, the quiz is free. Desiree. Com big trust. So please take this quiz. It is free and I am telling you, I felt like okay one I have been consuming your content. I. I listen to all of your podcasts. We send social media messages back and forth like I'm in girl, I will slurp your content up with a silver spoon. I'm all in. I actually thought by doing this quiz and I'm like, I got it. I know I'm still going to do it. And there was one part of the quiz that revealed something to me that I actually had never acknowledged, or even would have accepted if I didn't see it in black and white.

Jasmine Star 01:03:51  Can we walk through the quiz as almost like a here's what you can expect from this book and like this nice slap across my face. Wake up girl. Of course.

Shade Zahrai 01:04:00  Okay, so firstly, I love that you did the quiz. Thank you. And I love that you obviously did it with sincerity which revealed something to you, which is fantastic. That's what we want. We want it to be revealing to us. Yes, the only thing about quizzes is you have to be. You have to have a level of self-awareness and honesty, and some people don't. It's called social desirability bias, where they are not even honest in their quizzes because they want to.

Jasmine Star 01:04:22  Social desirability.

Shade Zahrai 01:04:23  Yes, it relates to that idea of sociopathy and being a people pleaser. And It's fascinating. Oh, mom.

Jasmine Star 01:04:29  Yes. Okay.

Shade Zahrai 01:04:30  Okay. So, quiz. So essentially, let me run everybody through what the book is, what the quiz is, and then what you'll get from the quiz. Because it's free. It's totally free.

Shade Zahrai 01:04:38  You can do it on the website. This book is essentially a research backed guide to identify within yourself where self-doubt is holding you back, specifically by understanding your self-image. Now, how do you understand your self-image? By recognizing that there are four pillars that create your self-image. The first one is acceptance. Do you accept yourself for who you are? If you don't, you will take feedback personally. You will become self-critical. When things go bad, you will fear failure because what it means about you, you will seek the validation of others because if they accept you, you accept you and it just creates a whole lot of unnecessary stress in our lives and weight. The next one is agency. Do you believe that you can actually do the thing? Do you have the skills and abilities and resources? Can you learn how to do the thing? Because if you don't, you will forever feel like an imposter. You will keep comparing yourself to other people's skills and successes and feel like you're behind. You will continually wait to feel ready and then never take action.

Shade Zahrai 01:05:35  The third area is a very interesting one. This is where we call it autonomy, and it relates to what's called a locus of control, which means where do you place control in your life? Do you believe that you have control over some degree of what happens to you? Now, not everything. We know that not everything is within our control. But do you have what's called an internal locus where you focus on your thoughts, your decisions, your actions, your responses? Or do you have an external locus where you focus on everything you cannot control, like what they think, what they say, what the outcome will be? What the government is doing, what the weather is doing. Because if you only ever focus there, you will feel powerless. Do you know why? Because you are powerless. You cannot change those things. That's not to say that you can't join an advocacy group or try and fight for justice, but I'm talking about constantly focusing on those things. And if you have low autonomy because you don't feel personally powerful, you will complain, you will blame other people.

Shade Zahrai 01:06:34  You become resentful for other people's success, feeling like they have it easier than you do. And you also get stuck in revisiting old hurts and wounds. So anyone who will listen, you will tell them how difficult your life is, and you tend to repel people who can actually help you and attract people who reinforce what you're experiencing. Oh, that's so terrible. My life is hard to do. You want and you just create this echo chamber of negativity. It becomes very toxic. The fourth pillar is adaptability. This is the one that Jasmine found was one that she perhaps needs to focus on, or just revealing that it's not.

Jasmine Star 01:07:09  Just a.

Shade Zahrai 01:07:09  Weakness.

Jasmine Star 01:07:10  Yeah, it's it's really low.

Shade Zahrai 01:07:11  Yeah, it's really low. And this one. So in the context of self-doubt and self-image, adaptability is the belief or the perception that you can handle the emotions that come with self-doubt and your ability to manage and navigate and harness what you're feeling now. How you land across these four creates what's called a profile. And then when you map your profile, you will determine, oh wow.

Shade Zahrai 01:07:37  Okay, so this is really the weak spot. That's the strong point. And we have certain archetypes. So let me share with you a very common archetype, which is someone who is very low on acceptance. So they are people pleasers. They seek the validation of others. They're also very low on adaptability. So they have this undercurrent of anxiety, this undercurrent of cortisol. They never feel like they've done enough. Their work is their worth, and that cortisol is what fuels their achievement. And they think that when they get there, they'll stop feeling so anxious. But it doesn't happen that way. But what allows them to succeed is usually because they're very strong with agency and autonomy. So they believe that they have the skill and they focus on what they can control so they're able to get things done, set a goal, achieve it. But it's these other two that sometimes fuel each other. So that's a really common archetype that we see. So all that to say, the book is designed to help you determine where you're lacking.

Shade Zahrai 01:08:31  Shall we.

Jasmine Star 01:08:31  Talk about.

Shade Zahrai 01:08:31  Should.

Jasmine Star 01:08:31  I talk about my my quiz results? Yes. Because am I am I being the narcissist again? Oh, the conversational narcissist. Let's just talk about me. Hold on. No, this is great.

Shade Zahrai 01:08:40  You know what it is? You are contextualizing things for people.

Jasmine Star 01:08:42  I hope so. And I actually I actually have heard that from other people. It's like when I can put myself in this situation because people, many people have been listening for years. It's the they they understand the perspective and they apply to their own lives. Even if we are very different. Okay. So these are on a scale from 1 to 15. Yes, 15 being the most superpower superpower. Okay. So acceptance I am a level 12 out of 15. Okay. That is a hidden strength.

Shade Zahrai 01:09:06  Yes.

Jasmine Star 01:09:06  And my agency is also a 12.

Shade Zahrai 01:09:11  Oh okay.

Jasmine Star 01:09:13  My autonomy is a 15. Yes. Like that I wanted to get 15 across the board, but when I was taking the quiz I didn't know I want to win, I want to win.

Jasmine Star 01:09:21  And my adaptability is an eight eight. Okay.

Shade Zahrai 01:09:25  So what this is telling us. You have an incredible ability to focus on what is within your control. Yes. And take action even if things are uncertain. Yes. You again. You don't get stuck in complaining. You don't blame other people. You just ask yourself, what can I do?

Jasmine Star 01:09:38  That's right.

Shade Zahrai 01:09:38  You don't get stuck in. Why me? And you've had quite a background where it would be very easy for you to say. My life has been so much more difficult than other people's. It's unfair. But you have never fallen on that. You've used that to give you momentum to keep moving. So that's what my autonomy shows me. Your adaptability is eight, which means it is the biggest weak point for you right now, which means that that feeling of anxiety and that cortisol and that overwhelm. So it's interesting when you have high autonomy and low adaptability, you're compensating for that feeling of overwhelm by just continually moving. Next thing, next thing, what else can we do?

Jasmine Star 01:10:14  Oh, you.

Shade Zahrai 01:10:15  Don't know what actually can we?

Jasmine Star 01:10:16  You don't know me.

Shade Zahrai 01:10:17  So you almost try to alleviate that feeling by taking action, which means you feel guilty when you take a break, potentially. It takes a long time for you to quieten your mind, and in order to manage the quiet, you're like, what else can I do? What else can I control?

Jasmine Star 01:10:32  What can I do to quiet my mind? Exactly.

Shade Zahrai 01:10:34  Which in itself is not a bad thing. But often you're busying yourself. Next action. Next thing. Let's move here. 100% your. Okay, so your you were 12 on.

Jasmine Star 01:10:44  Acceptance and agent.

Shade Zahrai 01:10:45  Agency. Okay so their hidden strengths but they're at the cusp of the hidden strength which means they could be conditional. What that means if it's conditional, it's possible that certain environments and certain people may make you doubt your worthiness or may make you doubt your skill. Or you might feel a little bit like you don't deserve some of your success if you're around certain people or certain environments. But generally, on the whole, you're okay.

Shade Zahrai 01:11:13  You're able to just keep moving through.

Jasmine Star 01:11:15  I wanted 15 on those. That's okay. Okay.

Shade Zahrai 01:11:19  Yeah, yeah. No, no, I mean. And so the other thing to be really aware of is that anyone who gets 15 across the board is probably lying to themselves. Honestly, they probably are. Because we all carry things with us. And we're even when it comes to attachment styles, we're not going to go into a huge amount of detail there. But there was this belief that once you have, if you have a secure attachment style as a child, your life is set. You never doubt yourself. You have amazing relationships. You believe in your worth. No research shows that no one is 100% securely attached all the time as adults. It changes because we're multifaceted. We're humans. We absorb the emotions and the beliefs of other people. So that's very reassuring, I think. Yeah. Now, can we touch on your 15 for autonomy?

Jasmine Star 01:12:01  Yeah.

Shade Zahrai 01:12:02  So something that is very interesting. If anyone gets a 15, a 15 is the highest score you can get.

Shade Zahrai 01:12:07  We call that a superpower. What can happen. And we didn't have space to put this in the book. But we might offer it as a bit of like a bonus chapter is you can actually go too far with some of these attributes. So let's have a look. Someone who has extremely high acceptance. Suddenly they don't just accept themselves, they actually think they are of greater value than other people.

Jasmine Star 01:12:31  Oh, yeah. Oh, I get that. So they see it's like a shadow side of your superpower. Exactly. Oh, good.

Shade Zahrai 01:12:37  And so. And this can often come out under pressure. So suddenly I'm more important than all of you. My opinion is the one that we should go with.

Jasmine Star 01:12:44  What's the shadow side for autonomy. So 15 is autonomy. That's my superpower. What's the shadow side?

Shade Zahrai 01:12:49  Shadow side of autonomy, which relates to focusing on what you can control, is where you start personalizing. What does that mean? You start taking ownership for things that are actually outside of your control.

Shade Zahrai 01:13:00  So high autonomy means you take absolute ownership and responsibility for your life, your choices, your outcomes. The shadow side of that is you suddenly start blaming yourself for things that are completely not yours to carry. And does that.

Jasmine Star 01:13:16  Resonate? Yeah.

Shade Zahrai 01:13:17  It can be tough. Yeah. And that's why it's also really important for us to make sure that we have people in our lives that help us stay balanced, whether that's a significant other, a business partner, a trusted friend, a family member, just to help us keep an eye on those shadow sides because we might think we're doing everything right. And yet it can then become something that's going to push other people away or make us worse off.

Jasmine Star 01:13:43  So one of the things for adaptability, one of the questions you would asked in the subsequent questions in the sections was can I manage my emotions. And it's crazy because even earlier in this conversation I intellectualize a lot of my emotions. So when I read this can I manage my emotions. I was like how do I manage something I don't really have? And what I realized was that when I'm defaulting to, I'm just overwhelmed.

Jasmine Star 01:14:06  I'm just overwhelmed. Now, the difference between when somebody says, I'm overwhelmed, I don't take action. I will say I'm overwhelmed and I still take action. But I was repeating a narrative that that just wasn't serving me.

Shade Zahrai 01:14:16  Interesting.

Jasmine Star 01:14:17  I am overwhelmed versus this is this is overwhelming. Yes. And that switch for me and like literally I got it got the book weeks ago. And since then I even sent you like an Instagram direct message. And I was just like, this has profoundly changed how I am perceiving being overwhelmed. And the feelings of anxiety like feelings of anxiety from just this quiz I it was instead of the brick of anxiety is on my chest. I'm like, this is the brick of anxiety. I see the anxiety I am moving. I visualize moving the brick of anxiety to the side. The anxiety is here. It is not me. Yeah, and I am telling you, two and a half years ago when we met and we had this conversation around self-doubt, and you have one of the highest viewed Ted talks during the pandemic in 2021, multiple Ted talks, one of the highest, most, most viewed that changed my life.

Jasmine Star 01:15:04  And in two and a half years later, when this book has come out and reached the world, and I am taking this quiz and my life is changed yet again. I think it's a full circle moment for the conversation. It's a full circle moment for this friendship. Thank you for doing this work. Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for taking time. Yo, she's not even from the United States. And she's here in Newport.

Shade Zahrai 01:15:24  She's on an island, everybody. She lives on an island.

Jasmine Star 01:15:27  And she came here and I. Y'all take the quiz. Take the quiz. To deeply understand the four pillars. Talk to us about the four pillars. Once again, the four pillars. Once you understand these four pillars, then what?

Shade Zahrai 01:15:39  So once you understand these four pillars, I want to remind everybody. These are not just my ideas. This is validated in over 50 years worth of research. There's an important distinction, actually. I should mention when we look at the literature and the research, these are described as personality traits.

Shade Zahrai 01:15:53  It's actually a collection of four personality traits that is called your core self-evaluation, your self-image, how you fundamentally see yourself. It's based on self-esteem, self-efficacy, locus of control, emotional stability. Now, when we were describing it to people as personality traits, we would have people saying, well, that's just who I am. You can't change your personality. They would use it as a resistance point, as a defense can't change. So we realized we need to change how we're defining it and show people they can develop the habits associated with increasing those things. Because it's kind of hard when you think, how do I increase my self-esteem? Oh, it sounds really big and scary. No, it's all about understanding what habits help us get there. And so that's why we talk about self-acceptance as the habit that boosts your self-esteem. Agency is the habit that allows you to build that sense of self-efficacy. I can do this. Autonomy allows you to boost that habit of internal locus of control, and then adaptability allows you to elevate that emotional setpoint.

Shade Zahrai 01:16:52  Now, there is something else that I want to mention about the biggest mistake we make with confidence. So I've kind of primed you here, but imagine, Jasmine, that I'm meeting you on the street, and I were to ask you very quickly, what is the opposite of self-doubt? What would you say without any confidence? We find 90 to 95% of people will say the opposite of self-doubt. It's confidence. This is fundamentally incorrect, and it's leading so many people to stay stuck in cycles of self-doubt because we're waiting for a feeling of confidence. Firstly, confidence is not an emotion. So that in itself is something to be aware of. We're waiting to feel that sense of certainty that creates the confidence. Yet when we look at decades worth of research, the confidence doesn't come first. The confidence comes after you take the action. You have to do the thing. Take the step. Take that action to allow your brain to see a proof point or an evidence point of, hey, I can do this.

Shade Zahrai 01:17:49  What happens then is you increase a degree of skill and competence, which then boosts your self-efficacy, which is the belief that I can do this because I just did it. And that is what creates that feeling of confidence. And it also creates your momentum and your motivation and all these other great things. So if confidence is actually the result, what comes first?

Jasmine Star 01:18:09  Action!

Shade Zahrai 01:18:09  Action! And then what's before the action? Tell me it's self trust. It is actually believing and trusting deep down that I can do this I am worthy, I deserve this, I can handle the uncertainty and even if it doesn't work out I will be okay. I will learn, I will grow, I will try again. And so how do you develop that self trust? It comes down to your self-image which is these four things. If you can focus on just improving these four things in your life, your life will fundamentally change. Because remember the underlying principles that personality traits that underscore these have been shown in meta analyses to increase your earning potential.

Shade Zahrai 01:18:54  Basically, the amount of money that you're making boost your job performance, increase your career satisfaction, even your relationship satisfaction and how happy you are in your life. Just these four things. Imagine how life would change if you just knew how to improve these things. And that's essentially why I wrote Big Trust, and why I'm so dedicated to helping people get unstuck and trust themselves more, because it all comes down to self trust.

Jasmine Star 01:19:18  If you are looking for a manual, a guide, an inspirational and very, very practical, easy to read, it was so beautiful. The stories that she's used on the inside, the images that you like, drew or consulted.

Shade Zahrai 01:19:32  With on.

Jasmine Star 01:19:33  That. It's everything about this book. I can't speak highly enough. If you are looking for a manual guide to get unstuck, to learn how to trust yourself so that you then improve all aspects of your life. Com forward slash trust. Please take the quiz. Do this by the book. It will change so much about who you are.

Jasmine Star 01:19:52  I hope you have a fundamental shift. The way that I did multiple times in my life and in my career because of you. Thank you, I appreciate it. Thank you for being here y'all. Dot com. Thank you for watching and listening to the Jasmine Starship.