Join us for a delightfully candid and laughter-filled episode as I sit down with the one and only Susan Bratton to explore the wonderful world of pleasure, orgasms, and biohacking! Today, Susan fearlessly breaks down stigmas surrounding pleasure tools and invites us to embrace the joy of sexual wellness. From the latest gadgets to time-tested methods, Susan spills the beans on maximizing the joy of intimacy. And for those wondering about the secrets of maintaining a fulfilling sex life as we age, we've got you covered. Susan shares insights into sexual biohacking and offers practical tips for keeping the flame alive.
We're chatting:
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Join us for a delightfully candid and laughter-filled episode as I sit down with the one and only Susan Bratton to explore the wonderful world of pleasure, orgasms, and biohacking! Today, Susan fearlessly breaks down stigmas surrounding pleasure tools and invites us to embrace the joy of sexual wellness. From the latest gadgets to time-tested methods, Susan spills the beans on maximizing the joy of intimacy. And for those wondering about the secrets of maintaining a fulfilling sex life as we age, we've got you covered. Susan shares insights into sexual biohacking and offers practical tips for keeping the flame alive.
We're chatting:
📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
💌 Subscribe to the Sealed List Newsletter
💘 Let's be internet friends!!
Connect with Susan:
Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!
Music. Hello, hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Bedside Podcast. Listen, tis the motherfucking season. We are in the spirit of holiday. We are in the spirit of cheer, of joy, of orgasms. I am telling you, this week's episode is here to deliver. We're jumping right into things. Prepare thyselves. Bring out your notebooks. Bring out your notes app. Bring out a fucking pen and paper because Susan Bratton is here to talk to us all about, orgasms multi-orgasms reaching your orgasmic potential and Biohacking your sex life. I'm telling you Susan literally brought like a Mary Poppins bag filled with sexual devices tools toys. Infographics charts diagrams to our recording to share with all of you all of her tips and tricks. And we got so granular for all different types of anatomy on how to reach your orgasm and your pleasure potential. Also, what I loved about this conversation is we really broke down a lot of the stigmas around so many of these pleasure tools. I mean, listen, I'm not the first or last person to even have a stigma of my own, and I work and I podcast around sexual health and wellness. And still, it was so amazing to have her come on and really share so many details around all of the different tools we have access to for our own pleasure, for our own sexual biohacking purposes. Because listen, so much rhetoric, so much conversation happens around biohacking and optimization for our life and for our wellness, but so much of sexual wellness has been left out of the equation. And what I love is Susan came to the show today to really share all of these different modalities and options that we have to keep our sex life vivacious, thriving. And well and alive and here to stay for basically our lifetime, right? Like, we do not have to quote-unquote expire. We do not quote-unquote have to retire from our sexuality, which I feel like so much of annoyingly our culture has told many individuals, especially women, especially women who've hit menopause. So anyways, I am so excited for today's episode. There is so much jam-packed into this. Like I said, truly bring out your notebooks or honestly, you're going to want to listen to this like two times over. But I am so happy to have had Susan Bratton on today. Without further ado, please welcome her to the Bedside Podcast. Enjoy. Music. Well, Susan, welcome to the Bedside Podcast. I am thrilled to have you here today. You have been on like a lot of other podcasts of peers of mine and I've always been like Susan has got it. I need her on bedside. So I am so excited to have you here. You're just such a wealth of knowledge. So first and foremost, a very warm welcome. Happy to be in bed with you today, Tatiana. I love it. So, okay, you really touch such a breadth of topics in your work, but obviously so, so much of it is around sex, intimacy, dating, relationships. And I am most excited to really talk to you about pleasure potentials and orgasms specifically. Like guys, we're getting right into it today. So tell me a little bit about what a pleasure potential actually means, because I know a lot of people tuning in, a lot of listeners here, right? Like we have been kind of taught in our very primitive sex education a few. Tips and tricks about how to get off. But I think a lot of us stop there with our exploration, or we feel like we don't have permission, or we feel we have a lot of shame around it. So tell me more about pleasure potential, what it means, and how we can actually begin to expand it for ourselves. So the first thing that I want to tell you is that there are 20 kinds of orgasms the human body can have, and that's penis-owning and vulva-owning people across the gender spectrum. And the 20th one is wildcard. So they're... Because I'm always learning... So it's like 20 plus. Yes. I'm always learning new ways to have orgasmic pleasure. And I've been doing... I've been a sexpert for decades. It's my second career. I'm 62 and I'm having the best sex of my life. I'm massively multi-orgasmic. And 20 years ago, I almost got divorced from my husband because I didn't want to have sex with him anymore because I wasn't having orgasms from intercourse and I basically had sex with him for a dozen years and I never came and I just didn't want to do it anymore. And we were like, this is bullshit. Why don't we just learn how to do it? And we started going to sex workshops and I pretty quickly learned how to come from intercourse. Part of what I had to do was overcome some sexual trauma that I had sustained as a child And I worked with a therapist to move through that and let it go and find compassion and realize how it had impacted me and then come back into presence during my lovemaking with my partner. But it was really the sexual skills that we learned, and that was a combination of communication and technique. And so because I was able to do what I call cross the chasm or bridge the orgasm gap that Dr. Laurie Mintz talks about, which is how hard it is for women and how easy it is for to have an orgasm from intercourse. And though most people are in heterosexual monogamous relationships, and so it's a penis and vagina owner together kind of finding their way through things, What I found over the years is that there are so many people in long-term monogamous relationships who it's the guy and he says, my wife doesn't want to have sex anymore. And I'm like, because it's shitty for her, dude. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but she'd be begging you for sex if it was any good and it's not, she'd rather watch TV. So how do you make intercourse really good? How do you become an oral aficionado? How do you activate the body so that it can be first orgasmic and then massively multi-orgasmic? What tools and techniques work best and what is your possibility? And the thing that I like to do by starting off with these ideas of Orgasms are learned skills. Everyone can do them. Our human body is capable of doing it. And often all it takes is somebody like me, and I call myself an orgasmonaut. I like to get dressed up in a slutty silver space suit and go out to the far reaches of orgasmic human capacity and come back and be like, here's the map to the territory. I just had a new kind of and let me tell you how it goes. Let me tell you how to do it." Because it's just really, really important to understand that the only thing between you and massive multi-orgasmic bliss where you're coming for an hour and you just have to stop simply to get a drink of water and take a rest is just literally knowing the steps. And so many people, especially in the male world, penis-owning world, it's like, I'm good. I've got my one. My one, I come and I'm done kind of thing and it's good. But there's more and more guys now that are like, tell me about P-spot orgasms. Tell me about... They want to know, how can I become a multi-orgasmic man? Is that like a fast refractory period or what's an energy orgasm? What's a heartgasm? They're starting to want to know that, men of all ages. And how do I last longer? How do I have unlimited stamina? How do I have ejaculatory choice? What are the toys that are good for activating my neural pathways, my biggest sex organ, my brain? How do I do orgasmic cross-training? How do I have all 20 kinds of orgasms? Females are much more open to that because they become aware that, oh, okay, so I can have an orgasm when I play with my clitoris, but I can also have orgasms inside my vaginal cave, and I don't like to call it a canal because I think that sounds... You know, the vagina was named after a Latin word for sheath, and it's like the sword in the sheath. And so, when we think about it and we call it a canal, we're kind of thinking about the vagina as an inside-out penis. And I wanna remove that visual out of people's head and replace it with more of a balloon shape where there's... You know the balloons that you make a water balloon out of that are kind of small and they're kind of round and they have a little neck? That's more what a vagina looks like when it's deflated. It's a flat, closed pocket. And it has a dimple at the top where the pushes down into it. It has a neck at the entrance that opens into a cavern. And just like where the little end is of the balloon where you blow it up, it has a little sphincter muscle, a little round muscle that's called the entroidal sphincter. And so, I want people to get out of the mindset of of er-er-er-er-er-er being the only option because that certainly stimulates the neck and the sphincter, but it doesn't explore the cave. It's not moving in different ways like the way you would move a pool cue to the sides and the top and the bottom. We've got nerves on the sides, we've got the cervix and beyond the cervix, we've got the perineal sponge on the the G area on the top. We've got all this tissue in our womb that wants to be deeply pleasured. And if our partners are thinking it's just the old in and out, then they're basically just aggravating our introidal sphincter rather than stimulating the tissue beyond the vaginal lining, beyond the vaginal mucosal lining into our pelvic bowl. That's where we're really sending pleasure signals. A lot of women are like, well, I want a cervical orgasm. I'm like, that's great. The cervix is a very tender, lovely thing beyond the cervix. Don't even think about it as like, I want a vaginal orgasm, I want a cervical orgasm, I want a G-spot orgasm, I want a clitoral orgasm. Those are great. Those are locations to start with, but the labia are orgasmic. The outer labia, the mons is orgasmic, the clitoral shaft, the hood, the perineum, the foreshad, there's all, our entire vulva is, and vagina. So I like to call that whole thing with all the different erectile tissue systems, the yoni, which is a tantric word, Sanskrit word for the whole urogenital system, which is massively orgasmic, as are our breasts and nipples, as is our mouth, our lips, our throat, our tongue, So there's throat gasms, breast gasms, there's nipple gasms, there's core gasms, there's anal gasms. I mean, there's locations to touch. There are techniques, anything from very specific g-spot activation and female ejaculation to male multiple orgasm techniques to erotic hypnosis for orgasming verbally on command. I mean, these are the types of techniques there are for orgasm. And then there's these objects of desire that I've come to think about as the tools that you use for orgasmic cross-training. I love it too, because I like to work out. So I love the notion of cross-training where every time you're cross-training, you're actually making your whole orgasmic palate stronger. And I've done some research into all of the different ways to activate the yoni with tools of desire. And there are eight types of tools that work on the vulva, vaginal, yoni complex. and there are four for the male penis, testicle, scrotum, perineum, prostate complex. And so once you start telling people orgasms are learned skills, women have as much erectile tissue as men do. Women need to get a full boner themselves. His takes two to three minutes, yours takes 20 to 30 minutes. You can't have sex at the speed of the male body. You have to have slow down and have sex at the speed of the female body. Sex doesn't mean intercourse. Sex means all the things. Get rid of the notion of foreplay and sex because that's an old-school, patriarchal, religious paradigm that comes from sex is for procreation only, so the only thing that matters is sex. Ah, fuck no. Sex is play with my boobs, rub my feet, rub my belly, stick your tongue down my throat, let me suck on your cock. It's all the things. So... When people think about their orgasmic potential, you start with one thing and then you work on adding more and more and stimulating new areas. Because if you look at the work of Dr. Nan Wise, she is a neuroscientist that put women into fMRI machines and had their partners stimulate various areas of their body and found that the different areas light up different parts of the brain. And the brain being the biggest sex organ, the more things you've got lit up. When your brain looks like a sexual Christmas tree because you are activating all these different locations, you are coming so well, so long, and so hard. And I'll say one last thing about it. I'd like to get kind of like the whole thing out there. There is this notion of orgasm that came from kind of the 1960s Masters and Johnson study of orgasm, which was this idea of going up this climb, up this hill, you have the climax, you fall off, that's your refractory period. That's a very masculine, ejaculatory perspective, again, rooted in patriarchy, not in matriarchy. And I like matriarchal sex because when the woman is massively satisfied, so is her male partner if they're in that common pair bond. And so, the thing that I think is very important to understand, the last piece of it, is that essentially. You want to think about not just having an orgasm and you're done, like the one and done type of thing, which you want to do. And you don't even want to think about having multiple of those with rests between them, That's good. That's a good start. And you don't even want to think about having just, okay, I'm taking the moment of climax and I'm making it last longer. I'm beginning to ride the calm. I'm riding, I'm pulling time like I'm stretching taffy and I'm having this kind of extended orgasm. You want to go for the expanded orgasm, which is more like a quantum orgasm. It's where, if you think about our arousal ladder, you're going up the stairs. But each stair is getting more intensely pleasurable as you go up, and the tread of the stair is getting longer. Go up, more pleasurable and even longer, more pleasurable. So it's radiating out where you're coming and coming and coming and coming and coming and coming. And you can come until you get exhausted. And you can stay in that orgasmic place with a little sympathetic parasympathetic toggling, which is called peaking. And when you give yourself that little rest, you can climb the ladder to the next one and it can last even longer to the point where when you're making love and you're having intercourse, you're having oral or you're doing 69. You're actually just coming the whole fucking time. You're just coming the whole fucking time. And that is just a series of learned skills that are available to everyone. I love this because also I think so many people find themselves in the position of, and I can even classify myself in this position as well, being like, oh, well, you know, because I like finished once because we each have like an orgasm, we're good to go. It is done. And I love that you're breaking this down and being like, A, that's not the case. And B, don't blame yourself if you've never been like multi orgasmic or if you don't know the territory here, because this is a muscle to be trained. A lot of us are not given these tools or shown the way. None of us are. None of us are. So anyways, I just love this reframe that it feels like it's attainable for everybody. So, OK, now I'm like, tell me all of these steps, like how? I'm so curious, how does one get to this place of like, because I think a lot of people orgasm and then they're like, oh, I'm done. Or like, I can't possibly fathom so many people maybe even get sensitive. I know a lot of women are like, I'm really sensitive after I orgasm. So I need at least a little bit of some downtime before I get to the next one. So where do we begin if we're like, okay, you've got me, I'm ready, tell me the way? So there's a couple of things. That notion of a woman being like a one and done, that comes from her driving her system too hard and too fast to attain the orgasm. Remember I was mentioning peaking, the sympathetic parasympathetic nervous system, you need to toggle that so that you have the ability to keep coming. And there's a couple of different things I want to explain. So the first one I think is this notion of activating the entire vulval system. So I want to show you a couple of pictures. This is what's called the vulva, the face of the vagina. So it has the mons at the top, the outer labia, the inner labia, the clitoral hood, the clitoral glands, the opening or vestibule, the urethral exit, which is part of the G area, the vaginal opening or introidal sphincter, the foreshed at the bottom where the labia come together, and the perineum and the anus and rectum. And that's all activated. But if you peel off the layers, what's underneath are the three erectile tissue systems of the vulva, of the yoni, the vulva vagina. Essentially, there's the clitoral structure, which most people have seen by now the three-dimensional clitoral structure with the tip, the shaft, the arms or crora, the legs or vestibular bulbs. That's one. The second erectile tissue system is this fungi noodle, which is actually, people call it the G-spot, but it's not. It's a long tube of urethral sponge and the third is this perineal sponge underneath the vaginal opening. And so the whole vagina is actually surrounded by erectile tissue. So the very best thing that a female body can do is to activate all of those areas with the orgasmic cross-training. And if you go to orgasmiccrosstraining.com, I have all the tools there. Some of the tools are things like, I probably don't need to hold them all up, but here's one I wanted to show you. This is the wand that I like, the Vim from Fun Factory. It penetrates into the tissue. It's really good for outer stimulation and engorgement. But then there are rabbits like this Miss and Lady Bi that do a combination. They're really a cross-training tool where they go, I'm inside the vagina, they can tickle the cervix, they can tickle the G-spot, they fill the mechanoreceptors of the vaginal opening, they have the external piece that tickles the vulva and the clitoral shaft and glands. And so if you're clitorally-oriented toward orgasm. It helps you become vaginally oriented toward orgasm. If you feel more sensation in your vagina than your clitoris, it activates your clitoris because that's literally the definition of cross-training is getting the thing that's good that's working and bringing in the new thing that helps it get working. But there are a lot of other types of stimulators. There's the air stimulator, like the womanizer satisfier world. There's the liquors that are very, very popular for some women. That's their number one. There are G-spot tools, there are thrusters and pulsators, there are penis rings, there are all kinds of things. And so the more of these that you have in your pleasure chest. And so what I did was I broke it into the eight categories. And I was like, one by one, acquire each of these types of products, and then start activating that tissue. Because right now, you've got that one pathway and you're driving it so hard to get that one orgasm that you have to literally have a refractory period like a freaking dude, and you do not need to have that. It's more like lightening up and activating more and you'll begin to come. And then thinking about how from your mouth to your boobs to your yoni, that's a system that's all connected. And there's this notion of an everted orgasm versus an inverted orgasm. And so, an inverted orgasm is from the inside out. Basically, when you play with your boobs and your nipples and your mouth and your tongue and your lips in your throat, it starts the cascade of letdown of prolactin that gets all your juices flowing and starts inflating that erectile tissue in your vulva so that you start getting hard from the inside out. So when you use the wand on the outside while maybe you're making out and your partner's playing with your boobs and you've got the wand on your mons and your outer labia, you're getting inside-out and outside-in stimulation so that you can get that banana-sized piece of erectile tissue that's in all those nooks and crannies filling with blood so that the tissue expands. And when you touch it, you've got way more surface area sending way more signals to your brain. And so that whole idea of stimulating the different areas, playing with all the parts and really getting the time that it takes for our tissue to get engorged is. Three really fundamental things that most women aren't even thinking about right now. And certainly their male partners are because they get an erection in two minutes and they're ready to penetrate you. So we're getting penetrated too soon constantly. Constantly. Yeah. When guys are like, what's the one thing I need to know? And I'm like, okay, well, that's a low, low, low, low fucking bar. But the one thing is slow down, turn around, come back and get us and take your fucking time, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And I love the idea of like, I really like the analogy you paint of almost just lighting up all these parts, like you said, like a Christmas tree. And even, you know, I think so many people get familiar too with their one pathway to orgasm. Specifically, I'm going to speak heteronormatively here and women with individuals with vulvas, right? Like it can be a challenge. I know people have even written into the show being like, it has taken me a while to even figure out how to orgasm, let alone a multi orgasm. So, you know, it's like once you figure out your what gets you going, you'll stay on that path or direct in that path. And even I was just thinking I loved how you suggest buying different types of toys for different types of stimulation, because again, right, if we've many of us, if we've learned one way. You're like, oh, I'll just keep rebuying the same type of toy, but maybe like a different brand. Right. And then you're sitting there with like a hundred wands. But there's but there's so much more out there. Okay, so what I'm curious about, we've talked about kind of lighting up this entire zone for a lot of female focused anatomy, but you had mentioned male anatomy, and I cannot leave them out of the equation here. Definitely not, I've been waiting for you to ask. So let's look at pictures of the penis here. I wanna show you what it looks like inside because it's fascinating as well. We've got all the parts in different order as Emily Nagoski so beautifully said. And this is a nice, healthy penis with lots of veins. It's nice and hard. It's got plenty of blood flow. I pull off the skin like I did to the vulva, and this is what it looks like underneath. You've got a bladder, a prostate, a suspensory ligament, the testicles and scrotum, and then the penis and the penis 50% of it is outside the body 50% of it is inside the body and there's three spongy chambers. These are the same three spongy chambers that I explained we have in our vulva. We've got the clitoral urethral and perineal chambers and even the clitoral chamber has many different... Legs and arms and stocks and glans and all kinds of things to it is like a little starfish it's a little body is really what it's called and so the penis itself has these three chambers they fill up very quickly because they have hemodynamics the prostate which you get through the rectum so that the testicles the perineum the prostate and the penis the whole penis including the glands are all massively orgasmic and there are four types of toys that help men, and they're essentially everything from prostate massagers to strokers. There's the Manta, which is kind of a stock stroker, penis rings that have like perineal massagers that attach to the outside of the perineum that can also have a clitoral vibrator on the top that's really nice. The Atom from Hot Octopus is a really good one for that. So this helps men activate their prostate-to-penis connection. And the prostate is essentially analogous to the – not homologous, but analogous to the G-spot. And more and more men are open to butt stuff as they like to call it, which is great. And they're having expanded orgasmic experiences as well, which is super exciting. I love that. Yeah, and it's so interesting because I think, like you said. For so long, a lot of men wrote off more than just like penile exploration because it felt like, oh, this is gay or this is like queer and breaking the heteronormative. And I think it's so interesting because I've noticed that shift as well, which is so not true. It's so small-minded for us to even think that. And I just love the way that we've been broadening our horizons. I can't tell you how many men have even written into me being like, how do I even introduce this to my girlfriend? I want to tell her that I'm interested in exploring this. So do you also recommend any sort of like plugs to play with? Yeah. My two favorites are the Plex from Hot Octopus. And these are all at orgasmiccrosstraining.com. The Plex at Hot Octopus and the Vice 2 from Meneros. And one of the other things that I want to recommend is yoni massage and expanded orgasm practice for her and lingam massage for him. And one of the things I do with one of my boyfriends is he really likes to have the vice to inside him and give me the remote control while he's giving me a yoni massage. And when he does a particularly good job and gives me like a really nice orgasm from it. I press the button and give him a little zhoosh. And so it's so cute because he gets rewards for coming me well while he's rubbing my yawning. I just... I like that. I love this. I know. I like a little zhuzh. I like a little, oh, good boy, oh, good boy, vroom, you know? And he also really likes pegging. And I'm not that great in a harness with a strap on. It's not my best thing. I don't have a ton of practice with it. What I love is to have him get on top of me, missionary, you know, like he's cowboy style and he can slide down on it. And I can meet him and enjoy him managing the thrusting and make out with him and tell him how hot and sexy he is and things like that. And that has been what I've been doing lately that's been working really well for me. So one of the things that I think holds guys back from asking for either prostate massage or for pegging is that they're afraid to bring it up because the even know what to do. Yeah. And so if you said to her, you know, I'd like to try it, but I, you just wear the harness and I'll get on top of you, then you don't have to worry about hurting me or knowing what to do. And we can try it and have some experiences or I'll insert the plug and give you a massage and you just give me the judges and that could be really fun. And so these are some of the ways that you can kind of take the baby steps till you're, you know, walking around with your big dick energy, flapping your big strap on back and forth in your stripper shoes, which is where it's all going to be headed when you start to get your feet under you, literally. I love this. I love this. And yes, truly, I even always recommend, listen, if you're someone, if you're a male in a relationship with a vulva owner, if you want to be exploring this, I always say you can introduce it in such a sexy way. Get some plugs. Get two. Dress them up nice. Put them on the bed. like lay them down with lingerie like you both can explore it right like this play is something that everybody has access to and so I think it's like it could be even great to both begin together by wearing it. You know, seeing how it goes. But I also love your tips too of the reward system that's so sexy. So good. So good. Okay. Okay. So wait, tell me, I mean, all of us are dying to know. So you were in a, we're in a relationship. Are you still in a relationship with your husband at the time? Are you non-monogamous? We're not monogamous. Oh, I love this. Okay, great. So are you both in, you know, how to explain to me your dynamic? I love kind of hearing different people's versions of non-monogamy because it can look so different. We've had many people on the show talk about it, but I think it's so expansive to hear about how if you're open to it, to share your dynamic. Yeah, of course. I never want what I'm doing to make other people who aren't doing it feel badly. So what I just want to say is that I'm in the business of expanding my sexuality as an orgasminon, and it is my job and my joy to push the limits of what possibility is with pleasure and connection. In service to you being perfectly happy to be monogamous or in whatever construct you are. So I think it's just a presence to that. The second thing is that I've been married with my husband for 32 years, married for 30 years. We have a 26-year-old daughter who's fantastic. And we have been in an open relationship for close to two decades. So we've been open longer than we've closed. We have had many different versions of what that looked like. We've had girlfriends, boyfriends, other friends, lots of stuff. We have currently been negotiating and finding some difficulty with one of my husband's girlfriends. I've asked him not to be with her anymore, and it's been very, very difficult for him. And it's created a lot of heartbreak for all of us. And I just don't care for her. And I don't trust her. And it's been difficult and painful. And we're in it. And it's frigging painful. So it's not all, you know, bread and roses. And then I have also found myself in a bounty of man meat. I have currently my husband, my boyfriend of quite a few years now. My last boyfriend I was for nine years. And I broke up with him over lack of a values match. I am a progressive liberal, and my boyfriend got more and more conservative, and I didn't care for that. And my Yoni can't have sex with someone who's not a progressive liberal. She just can't do it. So I had to end that relationship, which is kind of a bummer because we didn't start out that way. So I have boyfriend and he's really a part of our family. He and my husband really, really get along super well and they love each other. And my daughter loves him and he loves my daughter and he's just like a part of our, it's holidays, it's everything, it's kitchen table Polly. And he has two other girlfriends who are fluid bonded to him. He doesn't live in my town, so I'm glad he has two other really great women who he loves as well. And then my other boyfriend, my second boyfriend, third man, he does not live close by, but he's someone that I've had a long-term relationship with. And we've become sexual for the first time in like 17 years of really loving each other. And that's been really nice too. And it's like, okay, wait, you're fucking three guys, you won't let your husband fuck the one that he wants to fuck?" And it's like, yeah, because my husband likes all my boyfriends and they're not trying to steal me away from my husband. And so, in Polly, our version of it, if everybody's not happy, and it's kind of a matriarchal Polly. I'm a very strong woman and I want to like everybody in my fluid bonded group and trust them all and they all need to bring me joy. And so, I'm open to him having other partners, but he's gotten really stuck on this one and it's been a difficult thing to navigate. We will get through it. We always get through it. I fight for my marriage. I mean, I am never letting my husband go. He is the wind beneath my wings, my world, my life partner, father of my dad, my baby, the co-owner of both of our businesses. I mean, it's just unfathomable to me for him to not be part of my life. So I weather the difficulties that falling in love with someone who is not completely appropriate. Brings. And I fucking hate it. And trying to be a grown-up and I'm trying to be fair, but I'm also trying to stand for my boundaries around things. And it is not easy. So right now, I have three guys in my life and I am taking full advantage of it. I have foursomes with them as much as we can get them all. When I can get them all in the room, I have sex with all of them at the same time. And they're all comfortable with each other. They're all primarily heterosexual. They have no issues being close to each other. They get along super well. It's a pure joy to experience that possibility. It's just how it's lining up for me right now and I am taking advantage of it. I love this for you, Susan. I'm like cheering you on. And I think you bring up such a great point where when it does come, of course, everybody has their own kind of principles around non-monogamy and what makes them comfortable in like a poly situation, but I really like how you're explaining, you know, like for us, it's really important that we have a trusted. You know, joyful, healthy dynamic with everybody involved. And if that is, you know, if they're, I don't want to, you know, I don't know the situation, but I think for lack of better terms, if it feels like there's someone who's a bad egg or is not meshing well, right, like calling that out and kind of keeping it right. It's almost being in a hyper communicative state of vetting that out. So thank you for sharing. I love to hear kind of all of the different options. And and like you mentioned to anybody listening who's like, oh, this that's not really for me. That's OK. I think it's just exciting to hear, right, like all the different possibilities. And again, just break the barriers of what so many of us have been taught, because, Pleasure Potential, this is like one of the other tools in the Pleasure Potential kit, is so vast and there's so many options. And I feel like what we're always trying to drive home on this show is options over answers. There's never just like one answer. It's just an array of options. So I love to hear it. The other thing I wanted to ask you about before you've got a jet is all about sexual biohacking. So you are like a master of sexual biohacking. And I think, you know, we've heard a lot of the terminology of biohacking, you know, like the Hubermans of the world, a lot of kind of the like, optimization, health gurus are speaking about biohacking, but you've got to tell me more about sexual biohacking. So I guess first, first and foremost, what is it? Yeah, what is it? Biohacking came out of the longevity and anti-aging world. And it was a way to roll back the clock on aging so you could live longer. And I think about how important are not just our health spend, having a longer health, living longer and living a more healthy old age is really what biohacking is about. Yes. And one of the best ways you can do that is to extend not just your health spend, but your sex span. So... Which is so important, not to cut you off, But it's so important because I think a lot of us have grown up with the messaging of like, well, by the time you hit a certain age, sex is off the table for you. Well, that comes from religious patriarchy. When sex is for procreation only, if you can no longer procreate, you no longer need to have sex. So women who went through menopause were quote-unquote done. And that's really when you hit menopause, you're just beginning to hit, you're just going into the very beginnings of your sexual prime. Most people who take good care of themselves, whose health is good, who aren't eating ultra processed food, but eating whole food, who aren't on a lot of pharmaceuticals, who get exercise and who sleep well, they do well. They don't have diabetes, they don't have heart disease, they don't have all of these problems, they've done well. So they have a likelihood of having an excellent sex span because they're in good shape. Your libido and your health are two sides of the same coin. Your libido is high, your health is good. And so as you move into your older years, your 60s and your 70s, when you have plenty of energy and you've got stamina and you've got balance and you've got strength, which is what you get when you work out, you are really good at sex positions, riding cock, doing all the stuff that we all love to do. And that's really fun because couples who have intimate connection three times a week or more, or even intimate connection with yourself in solo pleasuring, are people who look 10 years younger than their cohorts. And your external expression of youth mirrors your internal expression of youthful health. And it's one of the four quadrants of longevity. The other ones are grip strength, which is an indicator of overall strength, cognitive function, and balance. And so when you have intimate connection, you are lighting up your brain, you have a whole bunch of blood flow, you have a cascade of neurotransmitters, you have a cascade of hormones, you reboot your nervous system, you ground yourself. I mean, there's just so many benefits to having orgasmic pleasure. And it doesn't need to be penis and vagina. However, that leads me to the next thing, which is that you can reverse the atrophy of aging. We're familiar with the idea of sarcopenia, which is basically muscle wasting. It's basically you desiccate and you shrink. Well, your vulva gets more lax and wide open as estrogen dips and the tissue thins, you have labial laxity where basically you get like saggy lady ball looking things, and you start to have clitoral diminishment, which means that you can't achieve the orgasmic intensity that you used to and it takes you longer. So you want to reverse all of that. For men, they have penile atrophy and prostate problems. So they need to do prostate massage, they need to use a vacuum erection device or penis pump to bring blood flow into their penis, and a woman can use a vulva pump and clitoral pump to bring blood flow into her genital system. You start taking nitric oxide supplementation, citrulline is better for people over 40, so that you have the ability to keep the blood flowing into your pelvic bowl when your arousal ladder begins to climb. And then you can do other things. For example, Gaines wave and Femi wave are acoustic wave treatments that are not lasers and RF that burn the vaginal mucosal lining. Instead, what you're doing is you're sending these waves into the penile or vulval tissue and it's generating new tissue growth, which is reversing the atrophy, improving the vascularization, which allows the nerves to get to the edges of your body because when your vascular system, when your capillaries, veins, and arteries start shrinking back and getting stiff and brittle and can't bring the blood flow in, the nerves retract as well. So you'd feel less pleasure. So a lot of people are like, I just can't quite get there anymore. And so what the Gaines wave and femi wave acoustic wave treatments do is it stimulates all this new tissue growth. Then you can add on top the way biohackers think of things, they think about them as a stack of modalities that give a desired result. So youthful genitals, the next thing on the stack would be PRP exosomes or stem cells, which would help accelerate the healing. So ground zero is the penis and vulva pumps where you're bringing in your own blood supply. If you need more than that, then you're doing your Gaines waves or Femi waves. If you want more than that and you have the money for it, it's always like budget, intermediate, luxury. You'd add your stem cells, PRP, exosome combinations. And it is legal now in this country to harvest our own stem cells and culture them in a cell bank so we don't have to use non-endogenous, non-of-our-own-DNA cord-derived product. We can actually have our own product that we can have cultured and injected into or ivied into our bodies to regrow damaged stuff, including our genitals, our hair, our skin, our ACLs, our whatevers. And so these are the kinds of things, there's one other device that I wanna tell you about. And then one really easy trick that's like my simple straightforward sexual biohacking trick. So this is a vagina device. So FemiWave, you go for treatments. And what I like and prefer about FemiWave is that it does the whole vulva. It does all the labia, it does the clitoral structure, it does the incontinence reversal, it improves lubrication, it thickens the vaginal mucosal lining, it does all of that, but it's also $1,500. So that's not a lot of money when you're talking about getting rid of incontinence, not having painful sex, having better orgasms. I mean, that's money well spent. So I don't think it's that expensive, but not everyone can afford it. So there's a $398 device called this Vagina Device, which is only going to help with incontinence, lubrication, the tissue, and the glycogen, which is what the good bacteria eat, but that's a lot. It's not going to help with your clitoral tissue, but you can use the orgasmic cross-training on that and try to get that engorged. But this is red light therapy that goes up inside the vagina that uses warmth for collagenation and vibration for kegel toning and photobiomodulation, red light, for generating and stimulating the mitochondria, the batteries in the cells of your vaginal mucosal lining so that it's more resilient, more lubricated, and less... If you have painful sex, this really helps a lot. And I use this when I'm going to have intercourse with my husband because it gets me engorged inside. It's an everted vaginal engorgement where I can put a thruster or pulsator inside there or any kind of vibrator inside me, but it's not going to have this red light, this warmth, et cetera. And so this improves my vaginal orgasms considerably, which I love. And then the last but not least. Is it too much or are you good? No, no, this is incredible. Like I, I'm loving this. Okay, good. I have been looking for something like this forever. It is a lubricant system and it's by a company called Foria. And it's a protocol with three components and one of them I don't have in front of me because I used it last night. I had to come pilfer my demo because I'd used all mine. I got to get some more. I literally just emailed them before I came on your podcast. And I was like, Cindy, could you send me some more melts, please? I had to pilfer my demo last night. So essentially this awaken oil. So these are CBD based, vaginal, vulval, awakening serums and lubricants and melts. And if you go to pleasureprotocol.com, it's all there and I explain it. So I'll just give you the basics now, it's super simple. You put this awaken oil all over the vulva, mons, outer labia, inner labia, vestibule, clitoral tip, clitoral shaft, perineal area, on the vaginal sphincter, get it all in there. You just put a nice layer. That activates through botanics, and this is all organic, sustainably made, I mean, this is a company with a conscience. What it does is it starts that signal to the brain, activating the vulva-brain connection. Then you take one of the melts, which is a cocoa butter CBD lubricant, and put it in your vagina. Also, they have it for your rectum, they have booty melts, which are great for anal. At 62, I am loving anal sex. Oh my God, it's so fun. You know, it's like you just have to... I always say one thing about sex is you've got to keep trying things because the first time you try it, you may not like it. You got to kind of get your hands on it and get around it and work it a little bit until it starts to really pay off and it does. So they have booty melts and they have vagina melts. Love, love, love, love. It's hard to get lube up inside your vagina and up inside your butt. So the melts are brilliant and their sex oil is what you just spread it all over as much as you need it all over everything. And they have a breast oil that is wonderful for massage. And your endocannabinoid system in your body is a pleasure healing pathway. When you activate your own endocannabinoid system, you're kickstarting it with the hemp plant's phyto cannabinoid system. So the phyto cannabinoids that you layer on just start your own system going. So when we're talking about orgasmic activation, you want to start with the Awaken product and then add your sex oil on top so that you're really going to get that cross-training, so you're going to become multi-orgasmic much more easily. So this pleasure protocol is a nice system that I have honestly just been waiting for decades for something like this. And they are a really nice group. So I'd be happy to have some sent to you if you'd like to. Oh my gosh, yes. No, I love FOREA. I haven't tried out their, I've used their CBD. I don't think it's their Melt. I think it's their serum. I think it's a third step that you had mentioned. Is that like the overall serum or the sex oil? Yes, and we've had Kiana on on the podcast before but it's been a while and yeah I can totally advocate for all of their products as well. Phenomenal. And I feel like you're so right they're really part of that on the locking system that kind of truly like the name says like melts you into your intimacy so. I love this and I love all the different kind of modalities that you shared because again it made me think so much of how you know really we're taking a lot of these same systems these same protocols into so many other considerations around our health and well-being even our freaking skin care. For any of you who aren't watching the video this vaginal device that you just showed me with the red light I'm like oh my gosh this looks like a Dr. Dennis Gross like red light mask that. You know what I mean? And so it's just so interesting that I'm really, really excited to see where all of this heads, especially for the future of our health, because our sexuality is so important to our vitality and our life force. And I just love that you are here preaching all of this and really helping to open more doors around this because it's so freaking important. You mentioned something, and I think I had cut you off, but you said people who are having sex sex up to three times more a week, what was that stat that you wanted to share with us? If you have intimate relations, in the study, they say sex. But if you say sex to people, they think intercourse. And if an older woman is like, I got to have intercourse three times a week, fuck it, I'll just die younger. Because they're not having good sex, right? And so I just don't use the word sex because people default that to mean intercourse. Not that I don't love intercourse. I literally teach orgasmic intercourse, how to cum when you're getting fucked, when you're fucking, how to fuck. That's what I teach. And all those techniques are at orgasmicintercourse.com and they are all free. But it's sex or intimate relations three times a week or more makes you look 10 years younger than your peers. They call them the super young and they were like, why are these people looking so much younger than everyone else? And then they finally figured out it was that they were people who were sexually active. And so, standing for your sexuality, knowing it's a lifelong learning opportunity, knowing that sex gets better as you age is a big part of the encouragement to keep going. When you feel that you're in irons, when you feel like you're just stuck, or you feel like maybe there's something wrong with you, or your body's not doing what you want it to, or you're afraid to talk to your partner, or you don't have a partner, or whatever it might be, all these big kind of obstacles to intimacy, they're all overcomable. And you just have to know that what you're actually doing is taking better care of yourself than anyone who gives up their sex life, because you will run into obstacles and you just have to stay with them. And be willing to know there are solutions to everything, like all this biohacking stuff, reverses all the problems that keep people from having the intimacy that they even want to have. And so it's nice, thank you for the opportunity to talk about sexual biohacking and sexual regenerative therapies. I did want to say one thing, and that is that the vacuum erection devices, the penis pump that I recommend, and how to pump and the pumping protocol for. Reversing atrophy, but also for penis enlargement, is at pumpingguide.com. A lot of people are like, what was the pump? How do we do it? It's all at pumpingguide.com. Men, they want to have bigger penises. If they're five, they want to be six. If they're six, they want to be seven. It's just how guys are. They want a giant schlong. And they can have one if they use the right tool with the right protocol. And that's why I am the official queen of the penis pump, because I want guys not to feel bad about that. You know, we women do so much for our looks. And that's something that's very important to men. And so I really support thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of men in their pursuit for a more fabulous man cannon. I love this because also I feel like I've only ever seen like I've always wondered I'm like, what does the penis bump do does it actually work? And I'm just love to hear that you're love to see that you're here advocating for it guys I am cracking up because Susan has what I can only deem as a Mary Poppins bag of sexual. Devices and I am only so jealous that we're not in person together because I could not even imagine the bag you would have brought to the studio today would have been so amazing. But I'm loving that I'm seeing it here anyways. It's so good. Okay, so tell us. Well, I just wanted to show you a penis pump. This is what the pump that I recommend looks like and it's a two-cylinder system. So there's a range of cylinders, so many different sizes. look at all these sizes. So the most important thing is to get the right size for your penis and then as you grow it out of that one, you get the next size and then the next size because maximum gains and minimum time safely, is what a pump is all about and you have to know the protocol and you've got to get the right size and then you have to know how to use it exactly because other guys will write to me and they'll be like, I'm pumping every day and I don't see any gains. And I'm like, because the instructions say every other day, because you have to have recovery. Or I put it up to negative 10 and I got this really bad bruise. What did I do wrong? And I'm like, because you're supposed to start at a negative 2, you stretched your skin out. Guys, they just want to be like, I can take it. And it's like, no, you have to go slow to get the max gains, not fast. And there's also red light for the pumps themselves. So we use photobiomodulation on the, there's the red light. So it's a wrap around the pump and you can also put it right on your penis and right on your balls. So there's red light for the male member as well as the one I showed you for women, the vagina device. So that's exciting too. I mean, there's just a lot of really good, and then there's a traction device. And the traction device, if a guy is like, the pump I recommend gives you length and girth, but pumps generally improve girth faster than length. If you wanna accelerate length, you can also use a traction device. This is called Deep, the ultimate penile extender. And this actually makes your penis long. You can't wear it more than a half an hour at a time because it's doing cellular division. and so it's cellular biogenesis. So it's actually splitting your cells and growing the length of your penis, but you can't overdo it. You have to half an hour on and then half an hour off and then half an hour on if you want to do it again, but you can just wear it for a half an hour before your pump session. And often that's enough for most guys. So there's a lot of different things that are the stack, the biohacking stack. That goes beyond regenerative into enhancement. One of the things that I've done is I've had seven O-Shots to my clitoris. And I use the clitoral pump and the vulva pump because they keep my vulva and the vestibular bulbs of my clitoris nice and engorged and youthful. And my clitoris is meaty. I also rub testosterone on my clitoris and estrogen in my vagina. And so I've got a meaty clit. So it's got a lot of surface area. So it makes me come really well. So you don't have to worry that everything's going to go to hell in a handbasket because I got my little handbasket right here full of all of the solutions. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. I love it. We've also had, if anyone's listening, we've had Dr. Murashio on the Vagina Whisperer, who talks a little bit more about O-Shots. So if you're like, what is an O-Shot? I'll link the episode there because that is also just such an amazing, just again, I think his line of work is also very paralleled to sexual biohacking, which is so exciting. So anyways, Susan, you're welcome back anytime. This was such a treat. We covered a lot of ground, girl. We covered a lot of ground. Guys, everybody, this was like kind of a notebooks out, pens out situation. I hope you took feverish notes. Otherwise, have a listen back. I love it. Well, thank you so much. You do such a great job with your show. You have such a good personality. And I knew we were going to be kindred spirits the minute I started listening to some of your other episodes. So thank you so much for having me. I'd love to come back anytime. I know I have so much more. I mean, like, we could do a whole episode on Dirty Talk or Oral or... No one would want to ask for it in bed. I mean, there's just like... It's vast. It's vast, you guys. Please. Maybe, honestly, I know you said you're coming to LA in January. I'm like, let's book another episode. Let's give the people what they want. Oh my god, well, I love it. Thank you, thank you for joining us and we'll see you soon. You're around. Bye everybody. Thanks for tuning in. Music. Thank you for listening to the Bedside Podcast. I hope you loved this episode as much as we did making it. If you have any feedback, questions, or suggestions for future episodes, or if you just want to Don't hesitate to reach out to us at TheBedside on Instagram and TheBedside.co online. You can also find us at ByTheBedside on TikTok. To stay updated on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast on your preferred platform and if you found this episode valuable, I would so greatly appreciate if you could leave us a rating, a review, text it to a friend, share it to your Instagram stories. Let's get this message out there loud and clear. Until next time, thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you next week! Music.