S5E6 Boundaries Around Holidays and Gatherings

 Welcome to this episode of Alopecia Life. The time for gatherings is here. Holidays, work parties, get-togethers with friends and family that "should" be fun. But...sometimes these gatherings turn into colossal upsets due to well-meaning or misguided family and  friends. Of course, there does tend to be one total ass-hat who likes to take up space too. The early days of being diagnosed can be increasingly difficult with all of these events that we're expected to attend. 

Over the years, I've heard from others living with alopecia that they don't feel supported, and that holiday meals are overtaken with conversation about their hair loss, re-growth, what they are choosing to wear on their heads, and the new treatment options that are available. 

For those who are listening and are looking for ways to support us...here are a few do's and don't's. 

Don't - Touch our head unless you've been given permission. Don't stroke our wig, ask us to be free and take our hat or scarf off, and definitely NEVER lick our heads in a drunken gesture of affection. Yes, that has happened to me. Not cool. 

Do - Ask us how our life is outside of our hair loss. We are so much more than our hair. Smile at us, include us in conversation about food, sports, television shows, and the things that interest us. Don't be weird.

For those of us who are on the receiving end of comments from colleagues, and family members who just don't quite get it yet, establish some boundaries. Not everybody is out to get us, as we know, but sometimes it feels like that. Determine whether it's time to educate, give them the bird, or just walk away and take time to yourself in a safe place or with a safe person. My hope is that you have a safe person who has your back. If you know there's always that auntie who just can't keep her comments to herself, roleplay with your safe person to come up with a response that feels right. Education can be taken on by family or a trusted friend too, and sometimes that may look like them taking that challenging person aside and telling them that google exists for a reason, and go look it up to get educated, point them to some helpful resources, or just tell them to shut the hell up. 

However you choose to spend your holidays, know that your boundaries can be set and expanded on. You are not alone. Take your safe person, have some quick answers, and enjoy the season. I'd love to hear your good and bad holiday stories of things that have been said or done. Let's connect over all of these things over on the FB Alopecia Life group page, on Instagram or through reaching out to me in person. 

If you're looking for resources to point family to, I have a FREE Alopecia 101 course that maps it all out for them. I've put that link here in the show notes. https://www.alopecialife.com/alopecia-areata-online-course/