18. "God's Vision, Not Mine" with Val and Four of her Kids. Plus, Set Your Path for the Six Areas of Intentional Motherhood, Episode 18.

In this episode, Val asks her four youngest kids - Josh, Andrew, Abby, and Emma a question about choosing God's way over their way.  Then Val shares her 2020 goals for the six main areas of intentional motherhood and she encourages you to do the same.
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Resources Mentioned:
Val's Book: Wearing All Your Hats without Wearing Out: Finding Focus for Your Family to be the Masterpiece God Intended       Ebook Click here

Episode 18, God's Ways Over Our Ways:
On my more tiring and hectic days of motherhood, I have described my day to my husband Rich, and said that I feel like a pinball being bounced from obstacle to problem to squabble between kids. Motherhood - I know it's not one giant pinball game, though it feels like it sometimes. While we're definitely going to have days like that, no matter how well-planned we might be, at the same time we don't want our mothering to only be reacting and bouncing from one issue to the next. Intentional motherhood means that we've got a long-term vision. We know where we're striving toward. We can see our goal in our mind, and we've set our feet on a particular path that leads to a particular place.

But, here's the thing, I don't want to be heading toward my own goals and agenda. I don't want my vision to have come from me. I want to be heading towards GOD's vision for my family. I believe that His ways are 

1. better than my ways 

2. bigger than I could have imagined

3. more blessed than my own ways could have been

Isaiah 55:8 Says,

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Second Corinthians 5:17 says"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here." Today we're talking about getting God's vision, taking on His goals for your family's growth. This year I'm going to share my goals for each of the six rooms of the intentional mom's home. You're going to hear from my four youngest kids today- that includes one you haven't met yet, my son, Josh. Are you ready to stretch in this new year, to move a bit out of your comfort zone t oward God's specific purpose and design for your unique, one of a kind, masterpiece family? Let's do it today on Practically Speaking Mom, the podcast for an intentional mom to build a strong family. Sometimes on my more tiring and hectic days of motherhood I have described to my husband Rich my day as a pinball- like I'm a pinball being bounced from obstacle to problem to squabble between kids, the character issues. Motherhood- I know it's not one giant p inball game, though it feels like it sometimes. But while we're definitely go ing t o h ave days like that, no matter how well planned we mi ght b e, at the same time we don't want our mothering to only be reacting and bouncing from one issue to the next. Being an intentional mom means that we aren't just rushing from one fire to the next fire to put them out, but intentional motherhood means that we've got a long-term vision. We know where we're striving toward. We can see our goal in our mind and we've set our feet on a particular path that leads to a particular place. But here's the thing. I don't want to be heading toward my own goals and agenda. I don't want my vision to have come from me. I want to be heading towards God's vision for my family. I believe that His ways are better than my ways. They're often bigger than I could have imagined them being, and they are for sure more blessed than my own ways could have been. Isaiah 43:18 and 19 says"Forget the former things, don't dwell on the past. I am doing a new thing; now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." That's God saying that God wants to do that in your life and in my life, in our families. So we want His plan, His way. It's better than ours. It's often bigger than ours and it's definitely more blessed than ours. Now, as I've said in my book Wearing All Your Hats Without Wearing Out, what I said was motherhood is like tending a garden. We must take the time to provide what our growing plants need to thrive; such as, you know, plants need sunlight and water and nutrients and shelter and some weed pulling. To know the strength of our family will, in many ways,(swallow a little here) will in many ways reflect the intentionality with which we allowed God to work through us to tend the garden of our family. The Bible says that while people may plant a seed and give it water, only God can really make it grow. Today's episode is about recognizing that we want God's vision for our family. As we begin this new year, we want God's vision and direction as we set some intentional goals in the six areas of the intentional mom's home. It's a new year and it's a perfect opportunity for new beginnings. So let's look, just a quick refresher of what are the six rooms of the intentional mom's home. It's kind of the theme of my ministry. If you get on my website, PracticallySpeakingMom.com, you're going to see the six rooms there. You can click on each one and there'll be different blog posts or podcasts about the different issues within that room. So each room represents a different aspect of the intentional mom's home. The first most important is the front porch, which represents your personal relationship with God. So that's a goal area we want to set at the beginning of this year. And the second room is the marriage suite. This is all matters related to marriage. What kind of goals can we have here this year? What's the heart of God? The vision of God regarding, in most cases my, uh, you know, if, if you're married then of course related to that marriage. But also if you are not married or you're no longer married to your child's other parent, then you want to be seeking God's vision and goals for how that looks, too. How is that person's existence affecting your kids and what role can you play in making things more healthy for your kids regarding that. So that would be a side area that maybe you want to look at. The family room is the next room of the intentional m om's home. This is parenting issues, family relationships, both the parent-to-child relationship and between siblings' relationships. Kitchen is the next room; that is all about healthy ma ma. And I know I' ve g ot a lot of goals there this year. Um, I'm on a journey, a step-by-step path to getting more healthy. And so the kitchen is about healthy mom, healthy meals, healthy family. And then you've got the laundry room. That room is all about household management, such as chores, organization, budget, that kind of stuff. And then the final room of the six rooms of th e i ntentional mom's home is the school room. And this is, u m, y our perspective, yo u're o verseeing of your child's education success. We'll dive into that a little bit more in this episode today too. So as intentional moms, we don't want to squander the newness of a year, the newness of a decade, in this case, to begin a fresh start, a new vision for the strength of your family, and a new level of intentionality for your life.

: 6:53

So mom, I've got a question for you, and it's not meant to bring guilt, but it's meant to inspire you to ponder for just a minute. So here's my question: How much time have you spent at the beginning of this new year in prayer seeking God's direction for what the new year should look like for your family? Have you prayed for his guidance and His direction? Have you prayed for Him to show you His vision for your family for this next step? If there's anything I've learned in life, it's that I don't want my vision for my family's future. My vision is skewed. My motives are often selfish and my imagination of what could be is often way too small. I want new vision, but I want it to be God's vision. New vision is setting our face squarely in the direction of where we want to be headed. It gives us new hope and new motivation. It's like it's new gusto for mucking through the mundane while heading toward the exceptional to get to the beautiful. Now, don't mistake the fact that the mundane can be beautiful when we're walking step by step with God. Now, if we're constructive with that vision and hope and, and we map out a game plan for getting there, then if you combine the vision and the hope and the plan that is very motivating to get us to move out of our comfort zone, to grow and do some hard things and to depend on God and grow some more.

Speaker 1: 8:37

If our vision and plan is solid enough, then we keep on going. Isn't that what being an intentional mom is? It's planned persevering because it's worth it and the difficult things give us opportunity for dependence on God. The deeper living, uh, comes the more we depend on him. Now, that deeper living doesn't come to those who only ping from one issue to the next issue, to only do that. Of course that's g oing t o happen from day to day and, and I'm not here to make you think that I believe that motherhood can be some perfect venture step-by-step. It's not. It's g oing t o have a lot of unexpecteds and all of those kinds of things. But we definitely want to be grounded in God's specific vision for our family. He is the divine Way Maker. He's the great vision caster, truly the master artist of our family, if we allow Him to be.

: 9:40

Okay, enough with the perspective, I want to look at the six areas for a quick minute. I'm going to share what my goals are in this area, in each area this year. But before I do that, I just have to tell you that I was working on this episode and so I went to my three youngest kids and I was like"guys, help me think of some fresh verses. I have some verses in my mind, but they're probably ones that the moms are always hearing. A nd what comes to your mind when you hear the concept of that God's ways are better than our ways, often bigger than our ways and definitely more blessed than our ways. What comes to your mind? Both a Bible verses and thoughts?" So I was taking notes on what they were saying back to me and then I just decided,"you know what? They're g oing t o say this better than I could." So we're going to take a break from you hearing me for a minute and you're going to hear from my three youngest kids; and then I'll introduce you to my next son also. So he's the very middle- three older than him, three younger than him, the very middle- Josh, you have not met yet, but you're going to meet him today because he's home for Christmas break. And he also then is going to share his answer to that question. So we're going to do that for a few minutes and then we'll come back and I'll share my goals this year for the six rooms of the intentional mom's home. So first I've got on here Abby, and she's going to share some of her thoughts.

Speaker 2: 11:15

So the immediate verse that came to mind was Jeremiah 29:11 which says,"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you." He doesn't always make known His plans, but we always know that they are better than what we expected and therefore are good. He doesn't ever want to hurt us. And my favorite example of this is when he's giving the rules, uh, well, when he's giving laws to the people of Israel in the old Testament, he gives them rules that they don't understand why, but they're always better for them than they expected, like washing their hands before a meal was so that they didn't get sick. And they didn't understand why this was helpful for them. But it was discovered centuries later that it was the best plan and we still do it today. Another verse that I like is Psalm 139:16-18"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book, before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts God, how vast is the sum of them. Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." I especially li ked t he part that says"all the days ordained for me were written in Your book." God has a perfect plan, and I don't want to go with my plan because it w i ll b e full of mistakes and selfishness, and God always has our best at His heart. That is something that I' ve r eally struggled with recently is struggling with um," does God want the best for me?" And I came to learn that God's love is patient and His love is real and His love is kind, and all the things described in f irst Corinthians 13 is God's love. That is who Go d i s; that is the at tributes, those are the attributes of God and God always wants the best for us.

Speaker 1: 13:11

That's a good reminder, Abby, that we can count on His ways above our ways because His love is perfect. And so thank you for that reminder.

Speaker 2: 13:23

Hi, this is Emma, and Mom asked us three kids, um,"what Bible verses come to mind when you're thinking of something that says that God's plans are better than ours and are more blessed," and yeah. So the first one that comes to my mind is 2 Peter 1:3. It says,"God's power has given us everything we need to lead a godly life." And so that says two things, that God wants us to lead a godly life, but also He gives us everything we need to do that.

Speaker 1: 14:08

I've got my son Andrew here, and he's going to tell us what came to mind when I asked him about the concept that God's ways are better and bigger and more blessed than ours, so we want God's plans for our days as we set goals, not our own personal goals from, from our thoughts and minds. But how do we, should we, have the heart of God and how can we have the heart of God and what are his thoughts, God's thoughts on the plans for our life? And so here's Andrew.

Speaker 4: 14:43

Hello. So I'm Andrew Harrison, the youngest son of Val, and so the first verse that came to my mind, o r o ne of the first verses that came to my mind was Romans 12:2,"do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then y ou w ill be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing, and perfect will." So the last part of that verse is really what I was thinking was standing out in regards to m om's topic or V al's topic. U m, it was God's perfect, pleasing and perfect will. U h, will be able to test and approve, u h, G od's will, what God's will is, u h, w hen we are transformed by the renewing of our mind, when we don't, when we aren't living according to the world, w hen, when we are transformed. Whatever the Holy spirit through Paul was thinking, u m, o r what the message He was trying to send through Paul about being transformed, that way of living, proves, u m, t ests and approves the good, pleasing and perfect will of God, which, u m, G od's will is perfect. His way is well pleasing. Um, H is way is good, which Val ha s a lready talked about.

Speaker 1: 16:01

So I have here my fourth oldest child, which is also my middle son, Josh. He is a junior at Oral Roberts University and he is home for Christmas break. So this was the perfect time to introduce you all to him. And so I went to him, um, a few minutes ago and said,"Hey, this is the question I've been talking to the other kids about this morning and I'd like to know your thoughts. The question is, you know; God's ways are- we know that they're bigger and better and more blessed than our ways, but how do we do that? What does that look like in real life as humans. What scripture is out there that reinforces it?" And Josh, what are your thoughts on that topic?

Speaker 5: 16:48

Yeah, so one of the first scripture that comes to my mind is Isaiah 55:8-9, which says,"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways' declares the Lord.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" Um, another one would be Proverbs 16:3 which says,"Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." Um, and that has really been a big verse for me this semester. I think really a big focus for me has been stepping into the person that God has called me to be, stepping out of the person that I'm not in order to step into the person that God has called me to be. And that really happens through committing to the Lord whatever you do, and then your plans really do start to succeed and that- that can like a lot of different things. For me, like my friendships; when I commit my friendships to the Lord, all of a sudden the friendships that I had weren't good enough. And I could see God was calling me to better friendships. Even my plans, my academic goals, my career goals, and my interests, all of that through committing it to the Lord, you really, for me at least, I really started to find what I was really passionate about. Like when I, when I started to commit everything to the Lord, all of a sudden my plans start to change and my dreams kind of start to change. And it's not so much that I'm just sacrificing everything I want to do and just doing completely the opposite, but it really is, God kind of starts to show me the person that I was meant to be and the plans that I was meant to have. So yeah, I really, that for me is when I really start to step into the person that I feel like God is calling me to be. And that's when I feel the most myself. And that's when I am probably the most free from anxiety or from comparison because I, because I have that relationship with God and because he's directing my paths, I'm not seeking after those things that really don't matter in the long run.

Speaker 1: 19:14

Now I want to just tell you what my goals are this year and let you know I'm praying for you as you pray and meditate on what God's will might be for your family this year- what kind of goals you should set.

: 19:31

So the first goal, front porch, my walk with God. So I'm really wanting to focus on renewing my mind more. I'm spending this week evaluating what are some daily things I do with my mind that I could switch to, um, to focus more on God in those times. What distractions could I eliminate to make room for my time getting my mind and focus aligned with God's. So that's my goal this year for the front porch is to just learn more and more how to align more with God's vision and God's perspective by eliminating some, some wasted mind time. You know, I don't know about you but I could definitely scroll less, um, through some social media and there's a few other things too of how I can make some improvements and um, having more time with God.

Speaker 1: 20:30

Okay. The next area master suite. My husband and I have been talking about this and we want more time together in prayer. So that's one thing that we want to increase and we also want to renew our value of couch time; and couch time is a perspective that we learned a long, long time ago from a company called Growing Families International. And um, the concept of couch time is whatever part of the day where you guys are together, where you sit down together and you reflect on catching each other up on what your day has been like and what things are coming up. It's sort of like a little, super short business meeting to get you both on the same page. And it's a time that the kids can honor the fact that this is couch time and let's not interrupt mom and dad for a few minutes. Let them get on the same page, and be sure that they're partnering, partnering through the stuff of life. So we want to make that a priority again for us.

: 21:37

Okay. Family room. This room represents all things related to um, parenting our kids and a relationship with our kids or between siblings, that kind of thing. A couple of weeks ago, the podcast was about raising a Luke 2:52 kid. Jesus grew in wisdom, stature, favor with God, favor with man. That is the Bible verse Luke 2:52. So that represents four areas of our kids' life of growth that should be happening. So that's a goal that I set twice a year in those four areas. Wisdom or knowledge, health, relationships with people, relationships with God, character development, those kinds of things. So that is something I'm already, you know, working on every six months is a new goal there.

Speaker 1: 22:22

Listen to my podcast, raising a Luke 2:52 kid or read my blog post on that if you want more info about that for setting goals. But I f ound something this week that I thought i t was pretty interesting. Matthew 22:37 says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. And that verse like completely aligns with Luke 2:52 that Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and favor with God and favor with man. So, so cool that, you know, God just has so many things, so many little themes and lessons that he reiterates over and over again throughout scripture. And it's fun to discover those. So that was exciting for me to discover that connection and that restating of his theme. One of my goals this year regarding the family room o r regarding relationship with kids is(so listen carefully to this one mom s, c au se I feel like this is really big deal) my goal is maintaining the right to have influence in my kid's he art. We're parents; God made us the parents of our kids. So yeah, we've been given that title. But do you realize we can lose the right to have influence? I need to treasure and be careful with that relationship enough to honor it, to be sure that I'm handling them in a way that will allow me to maintain my influence over them. The older they get, the less that influence happens because of obligation that whe re th eir parents. Pretty soon you get to a place in life, they get to an age in life where that obligation is no longer an obligation. It's just going to happen if we have been respectable parents and sometimes we need to restore at times when we haven't. So this is my focus this year, one of my goals, maintaining the right to have influence in my kid's li fe. And the other goal that I have for them this year is that I want to grow their view of God. The better that they understand who God is, the better they'll understand who they are and therefore what their role in life is. And boy, do kids ever need that in today's society. They need to know why they were created, who they were designed to be and become. Those are my two big goals this year for my kids. I want to maintain the right to have influence and I want to help grow their view of God.

: 25:02

Kitchen goal. So that is related to health, right? So health of your family, from what goes in their mouths and their minds, both physical and emotional health. My goal, one of them this year, I have a whole bunch of health goals this year and as I have the last few years, but hourly exercise is one of my goals.

Speaker 1: 25:26

Honestly, I would be honored to have your prayers for my health this year. We have some family genes that are not great regarding health and I want to do everything I can and I need God's direction to the right doctor that will work with health and not just medication alone. And I need God's strength to choose well in my daily choices throughout the day. You all know how hard it is to eat right while feeding your family, trying to find that complicated balance between healthy and still leaving some fun in their world of food. So that's where I'm at with my kitchen goals.

: 26:06

Laundry room. That represents organization, all things household management. So when you are getting your goal for this room of intentional mom's home, you want to ask yourself"what lack of a system is holding us back the most or impeding our life the most right now?" Pinpoint the thing that keeps being an obstacle and being a problem. So in my home I'm going to tighten up our budget. That is one of my big goals, uh, at the beginning of this year is to tighten up budget, really get it fine tuned and, and figured out because I don't want to squander the, the money that God has entrusted to us. I need to stretch it. And that doesn't happen by just, you know, letting life happen. I need a plan just like all the other aspects of our life as moms being intentional. I want to be more intentional with our budget. I also have a ministry. So that is another aspect that I look at here is I'm in my Practically Speaking Mom ministry. What would be something that is, you know, a stumbling block the most? What is the, you know; I need to zero in on that thing that is the biggest stumbling block. And so my prayer is that as I do this ministry to encourage moms and to strengthen families, I want to do God's agenda with it. The world has lots of great formulas for success and I can glean some ideas from that because I truly want to reach more moms and more families, um, with God's truth for their family. But I want to do it with His ways and, and in His timing. And I don't want to give too much in my family time to it. I just want to only do exactly what God wants. So, um, that's something I'm focusing on with my business. Okay. The last room of the intentional mom's home is the school room."So what improvements," here's the question to ask yourself,"what improvements do I need to make about my kids' education this year?" Now with education, it's easy to get focused on specific obstacle areas. Like maybe they're getting a poor grade in some subject and just working to put out some particular fire, and then rushing to the next one regarding your child's education. Because of course it's complex and multifaceted and has so many different factors to it, and so you may just feel like you're, you know, inundated with issues. But, and those matter as, as we as parents are the ones who should be focused on their weak areas and all of those kinds of things. But as you evaluate for the purpose of setting growth goals in their education this year, be sure that you're keeping a big picture view, remaining aware of the long-term ultimate goals with your child's education. I want my child growing in wisdom, not just knowledge. Wisdom is applying knowledge in the most effective way. Now my goal is, for my kids' education, is about them growing wiser, not just smarter.

Speaker 1: 29:20

I want them to succeed in higher education, of course, but most of all, I want them to succeed in life. Are they becoming who God designed them to be? Are they in a growing relationship with Him? Do they have a healthy perspective of Him? How is their character such as their work ethic, their integrity, their commitment to truth, their ability to dig for truth, all of those things. All those character issues play a huge role in their success in education. I don't want facts just handed to them. I want to equip them with the skills to study and research and ask questions and discover God. God created us to be discoverers and inventors and problem solvers and, and world changers, not just memory banks of certain facts, but being able to apply those facts and search for more of them. To me, that's the main point of childhood education is preparation for a full-of-life life, an abundant life that God designed for them. The years of education should be about learning how to pursue truth, identify truth from lies, have a love of learning and discovery, the ability to overcome obstacles and identify root problems and set goals. These are the types of things I want to evaluate when I'm determining what God-sized visionary goal I want to have about my child's education this year. Now for one of my daughters, my goal with her education this year is regarding, um, helping her not turn academic obstacles into anxiety. I want her to recognize that she does this and help her to identify a game plan for changing that response to academic challenges. So, uh, that's one of my education goals this year. Now here's what I know. Number one: God already has plans for me and my family. Two: His plans are better than my plans. They're bigger than my plans and they're more blessed than my plans. And three: I want to learn more and more how to set aside my perspectives and take on God's plan instead of mine. I want to get on board with the steps of his plan instead of my agenda instead of my distractions. To do that, I have to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I'll leave you with this passage from Colassians 3:9-15. It's a great beginning-of-the-year prayer and affirmation to share with your family as you intentionally set your minds on God's vision for your strong family. Colossians 3:9-15"Since you've taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator..." Uh, let's continue on with verse 12"Therefore, as God's chosen people, Holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord forgave you, and over all these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Since as members of one body, you were called to peace and be thankful." I'm praying for you today and I'll see you here next week on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, the place for an intentional mom to build a strong family.

Speaker 6: 33:11

You can find today's show notes and transcript at PracticallySpeakingMom.com. There you'll find V al's blog, books and the six rooms of the intentional mom's home. If you found this podcast to be helpful, we would be honored if you would subscribe to the podcast. Follow her blog and join in the Practically Speaking Mom's online community through Instagram and Facebook@PracticallySpeakingMom. V al is looking forward to spending time with you again next week right here on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, the place for an intentional mom to build a strong family.