Finding Peace in a Hectic Schedule with Arlene Cohen Miller

In this episode of the Raising Wild Hearts podcast Arlene Cohen Miller is here to explore the challenges overwhelm and how to turn your inner critic into your inner coach. We're discussing grounding techniques, the power of breath and gratitude, and how to transform perceived failures into growth opportunities.

 👉Connect with Arlene and Learn More About Her Work Here. 

Arlene's Book Recommendation: Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Keywords
overwhelm, inner critic, self-care, grounding, breath work, gratitude, parenting, personal growth, failure, wisdom, grandparenting, heart, soul, cleansing fear, emotional healing, love, spiritual growth, personal development, self-acceptance, transformation

Chapters
00:00 Navigating Overwhelm and Inner Critic
03:04 Parenting the Inner Child
06:04 Grounding Techniques for Busy Lives
09:12 The Power of Breath and Gratitude
12:12 Transforming Perceived Failures into Growth
14:50 The Journey of Parenting and Personal Growth
17:55 Lessons from Life Experiences
21:05 The Role of Wisdom in Parenting
26:40 Navigating Grandparenting and Support
27:36 The Connection Between Heart and Soul
28:16 Understanding the Soul's Journey
31:00 Cleansing Fear and Embracing Love
32:58 Processing Fear and Its Origins
36:42 Transforming Emotions into Love
41:14 Finding Your Soul's Path
44:19 Connecting with Arlene's Work

📚Grab the book recommendations from all the guests on the Raising Wild Hearts Podcast Here! 📚

Transcript

Ryann Watkin // RWH (00:01.544)
Hi Arlene, welcome to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast.

Arlene Cohen Miller (00:05.48)
Thank you.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (00:07.134)
I'm so excited that you're here.

And you know, it's interesting. I think this is just a perfect segue into this conversation that I want to have with you because I was running a few minutes late today. There have been, you know, this week many different and wonderful professional opportunities that I'm coming across and lots of opportunities for growth and learning. And it's all very new and it's exciting. And I caught myself today and yesterday feeling this

what I think you like to call inner critic and going, this is very overwhelming. How will I do this? I don't know if I'm good enough to do this or, you know, if I got this right and how can I be this and how can I be that? And my inner voice was really kind of beating myself up. And so what I did on my drive home last night and then I loved to hear your take on it is I kind of emoted like I cried a little, not because I was sad, but just because I was really overwhelmed. And then I did some tapping. I did

some breathing and I walked into the door and saw my family and like continued the rest of my evening. And so I'm so, so curious what you would tell someone listening who is like, I'm just so overwhelmed. I've got so many balls in the air, the work, the play, the life, the family, the husband, the kids, the dog, you know, the dog needs to be walked. What would you tell someone listening who's juggling all those things?

Arlene Cohen Miller (01:36.782)
Well, I'm past the age of having kids at home. have grandkids, but I still I get it because I have

a lot of plates spinning, a lot of balls in the air. And I know exactly how it feels all the time. And so the inner critic is like, I view the inner critic is like our personality or human. And we're like a beautiful soul embodying this body. So we're the parent. And so what we need to do is parent the inner critic, which is really, it can be like the bits inside of ourselves that are like children or teenagers or adults that are younger than us.

that had either engaged in behavior that we didn't approve of, so we pushed them away, or we had moments in time where we didn't feel loved and supported and nurtured and that got frozen in time and we weren't there for them. And so one of the ways that we, in those situations that I like to do, I mean, there's many ways we can do it. It's happening and a lot of people do that and that works for you, that's fantastic. But it's still important to deal with the underlying.

issue. The tappet can help temporarily to bring you back to a state of home, stations more aligned to love and centered in your hearts and that's fantastic. But the underlying concern, the underlying thing that you're experiencing is still going to be bubbling under the surface, ready to pop up any time unless we actually deal with what's underneath, what's going on inside of ourselves. So one way, and there are many ways, is just to turn around because

We know how to champion, to love, to nurture, to support other people. But we've been told that it's selfish and it's wrong to turn around and give that to ourselves. And that's a pile of horse manure. That's just not true. So all we really have to do is start practicing. It might be really, feel really uncomfortable at first. Turn around, how old are you? How old is this bit of Arlene? How old is this bit of you? And love them. know, apologize for not being there.

Arlene Cohen Miller (03:32.206)
and let them know that you're sorry. Let me know that I do this for myself. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You know, I forgot about you. I told you I was gonna be there for you. I haven't been. I'm really sorry I'm here now. And what you're trying to do is not your job. Your job is just to go along for the ride in the backseat, make sure that I don't walk in front of a car or remind me of certain things. But it's my job to do what you feel overwhelmed about.

And yeah, there are a lot of balls in the air, a lot of plates spinning, and it does feel tense, but it's not your job. My job is to care for you, and my job is also to step forward and to take care of the top priority in the moment. And then we just love those bits of ourselves so they know that we are there. And then they can heal, and either we can just let that energy go, or they can be integrated into our heart, whichever is best. And we don't really have to control that.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (04:14.398)
Yeah.

Arlene Cohen Miller (04:27.724)
We can just let our higher self, you know, begin to take care of that.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (04:31.902)
Yeah.

You know what I thought when you were talking? thought back to what age was that part who was feeling really overwhelmed with all these transitions? And my first thought was she was kind of a little kid, like seven, eight. But then I really kind of, and I don't know if this was me analyzing it, I really landed on this kind of prepubescent, this tween girl, this girl who's starting to get a little angsty and is kind of bucking the system and kind of pushing back.

she's a little scrappy, she's trying to kind of individuate, and she's a little like, she's a little sassy, you know, that girl. And I think that she was saying like, hey, I need support, like mind, body, soul support. I need to feel like really holistically healthy, grounded here, like no matter what I'm doing. Like, so if I'm having a busy day, I can still

take a 30 second pause. I can still, you know, take care of myself in the morning and do like the journaling and the whatever and I think that's what she needed. I've never quite heard it put that way that like the parent is the soul and then I'm picturing this inner child, this critic as like

this sometimes angsty kid who's like having a tantrum on the floor trying to get their needs met. Is that an accurate assessment?

Arlene Cohen Miller (06:04.643)
Yeah, and you don't want to be too heavy about it. You sometimes I don't get an age. I just get a feeling and I just turn around and do my best just to love myself.

I just find that sometimes for people, if we actually can feel the age and what's going on, it can be helpful with giving the love. But I think what you're talking about is that even though we have very, very busy lives, we still have moments during the day when we quote, could not scroll on social media, could not do things that could make time for that self-care, self-love. And I mean, for me, I have a yoga practice and that's like...

the best way I can nurture myself. Some of my friends love to garden or cook or journal or tap or whatever you're talking about. Or sometimes it's just like if the weather feels decent, I just go out in nature, you know, and I just really appreciate her because nature is so nurturing and grounding and we need to get away from all that EMF radiation and we need to give ourselves a chance to ground and chill out. And when I'm out in nature, I know this sounds silly. I do it a little bit differently, but the way

I explain it to people in like layman's terms if I pretend I'm a tree. I really feel the energy of the sun coming through, roots of light anchoring to the heart of the earth. I connect with Gaia, the being that embodies the earth. I love her. I allow her to love me. She loves us unconditionally. We're her children. And I, that helps me to just remind myself that we are never ever alone. And we have all sorts of resources on the inner and the outer to help us bring

ourselves back to that place of balance and harmony, no matter how crazy things are.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (07:43.871)
Yeah, I was on a podcast as a guest recently and we were talking about moving through and past fear and one of the things I said Not even close to as eloquently as you Arlene was I said just find a piece of grass or find a piece of earth and just like put your feet on it and then I said You know what just lay down on it like just and but I love that visualization of the tree that's something for me personally that

as I've become more embodied and as I've really like invited my soul to like be here now in this experience because for many years it wasn't. It was kind of like halfway, you know, back up. Like I never really got that grounded experience as a kid. And so I find that picturing my roots going all the way down into earth is really soothing and calming for me. It's safe to be here now.

What are your thoughts on that?

Arlene Cohen Miller (08:44.61)
Right. Absolutely. sometimes I'll just ask Gaia, you know, me to ground my heart, this energy into your heart, because, you know, when she finds someone who's willing to connect with her and be grateful for her and allow her to love us unconditionally, which is there's not a lot of unconditional love on this planet. Most people don't even understand what that is to love with having absolutely no expectation of getting anything back in return. And that's how she loves us.

And you also are right with nature. what I love to do, because I don't want ants crawling on my body or gloves or anything, I'll put like a cotton towel down under like a tree in the summer and I will lie on the grass and I will close my eyes. And it's just so grounding and so nurturing. And yeah. And another thing I do is I love, bought those grounding. like, they're not sheets, but you attach them to your bed. And so when you're sleeping at night,

you're actually happening to ground yourself into the planet.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (09:44.287)
Yeah, I love that. I've heard of those sheets. have not...

I have not bought those yet, but because I've kind of heard like mixed reviews. But yes, I think grounding is so important. And it's something that's like, interestingly, we kind of take for granted. You know, like we learn about gravity, you know, as a kid, and we learn this kind of like scientific process of like how we're, you know, standing on this spinning ball in the middle of this cosmic ever expanding universe. But you don't really take time to think about it. And so one of my intentions always is like grounding, grounding, grounding. And I like to have that kind of

of software running in the background because it is really soothing. So what on this hectic day, I mean we already kind of jumped off with the hectic day, when we're on autopilot and we're kind of not.

You know, we're kind of in our mind and we're not really in our body. And let's say we don't have an option to go, you know, take off and be in nature. Like we've got responsibilities. We're going from here to there, from the carpool to the meeting to the this and the that. You know, we have days like that sometimes, right? What would you say to somebody who's like got their calendar kind of filled with those days? Is there an intentionality to block off the calendar? Like what if we can't block off the calendar on those days where we're going, going,

What's a helpful solution for somebody to stay present so that they don't feel as they're on autopilot?

Arlene Cohen Miller (11:16.002)
Well, breath work really brings you back. Meaning you have to breathe everywhere. Are you gonna die? So I always share, like there's so many different kinds of breath work. But if you're in that situation, one that takes you from fight or flight to rest and relax mode, the simplest one that I know is that I always share is just breathe in through your nose. You breathe out through your nose. And the out breath is longer than the in breath. Full stop.

You just keep on breathing like that, you know, as you're driving the car, as you're listening to someone speak, you know, and maybe someone's going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah on the phone or you're in some sort of meeting and you know, you can just sit there and breathe like that. You know, no one can even notice, is anyone's anyway, everyone's pretty much, not everybody. Most people are pretty self-absorbed within themselves. You get an occasional person that's awake and aware and just like, see you and you see them and it's a different experience.

And it's really lovely, but oftentimes, that's one of the easiest things to do. And we can visualize those roots of light anywhere. And we can, if we notice our mind is all over the place, we can just come back into our hearts and like, what's one thing that I can be grateful for now? Don't go into the head about it, but you're in some situation, you're doing something. What can I be grateful for in this moment? Well, I have some really nice clothes on that are really soft and they're really comfortable or

I'm a more awesome people that I really enjoy their company. It can be anything, but just find something to be grateful for and feel it. And if you're in such an exacerbated state, choose it. I know that I'm not, I don't feel at the moment, I choose gratitude, I choose gratitude, I choose gratitude. And that's sometimes the best that we can do in the moment. And it's important not to beat ourselves up.

and make ourselves wrong because we're not feeling exactly how we're supposed to be feeling. Because anything that happens, just, it can be a mistake. It's an opportunity to learn and grow, but it's not something to beat ourselves up because then we're just going to drag ourselves down further. So it's important to, know, gratitude's a really high vibration as is self-acceptance, as is patience.

Arlene Cohen Miller (13:33.646)
You know, all those kind sacred qualities we can feel into to the best of our ability and do our best to be that now.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (13:42.463)
Yeah.

As you were talking, I did some of those breaths that you suggested, and I did come into the moment even more. You know, one of my routines before I record these shows is to really pray that these words land in people's hearts and that it's exactly what they need to hear on any given day. And even throughout the conversations, it is like very important to come back to that. And I felt that tremendous sense of

gratitude as you said the word, feeling into my heart and like letting that expand out to everybody listening right now because I think that even just like a really small moment throughout the day to bring yourself back to like your center is.

a way for us to just really get in the habit of presence. And I say it all the time, there's 86,000 seconds in a day. Like, we have almost 86,000 opportunities to come back to that high vibrational love, gratitude.

belonging, know, all of that. So I love the way you talk about that. I want to talk about failure. And I want to talk about, and I might even call it perceived failure, because I think that failure is an opportunity to grow. I think failure is a beautiful thing that we can learn from. And so let's talk about your take on failure. You say mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (15:20.81)
you believe that we can visualize and feel different to create a different result the next time around. So let's say somebody listening yelled at their kid this morning because they got really frustrated or picked a fight with their partner. I feel like those are two pretty common universal things. And then they walk away and perhaps start to feel a little guilt, a little shame, a little sadness, a little regret. So how do we turn those, transmute those?

into the learning and the growth to take it a step further to do better next time.

Arlene Cohen Miller (15:57.67)
Yeah, that's a great thing because if we go into that guilt shame and then we start beating ourselves up, know, then we might overcompensate and then we might end up going into a cycle of things. what we can do in the moment is just take a moment for ourselves, you know, if we have it or just let people know that we're going to deal with it later, is that really feeling to if I had to do over for this or similar situation and I was calm, I was centered, I was grounded, I was in my heart and I was being my best self.

How would I have handled the situation and really feel and visualize it? And so what we're doing is we're laying a foundation for a different way of handling it the next time when we're back to that calm centered space. Just get there when we can. We can do the breath work. Maybe we have to say, okay, I really need to visualize and feel this differently. I'm in the middle of five things. I don't have that time right now. And we can put it on the table, put it up on the shelf. In the meantime,

you know, if we're in the right space in that our partner is there, our child is there, we can say, we can actually do come back and say, look, you know, I was in a, it's for the kids, you know, I'm really sorry. You know, mom was, or mommy depends on how old the kid was. I was in, I was having a lot of stress and I took it out on you and I'm really sorry. And what I would really like to say is whatever it is, you know, that this kind of behavior is not okay. This kind of behavior is.

I'd like to do it if I'd like to try to do it differently next time whatever works for you in the moment depending on the age of the kid to let them know as a parent hey we make mistakes and we're not perfect and with our partner we can do the same thing I'm really sorry I was in a bad place I was really pissed off about something else and I took it out on you and that's not okay and I'm going to be working on myself so I don't repeat that again because I really feel bad about it but I just want you to know that you know

I'm really sorry and I'm going to ponder it and you know, maybe if you want to stop at that or I'll just work with it within myself. Some partners told me here all the blah, blah, blah and some do, but it's really important to make amends and important to visualize how we can do things differently next time. we have a foundation for the new.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (18:14.248)
For sure. And I love that you're like essentially programming. There's an opportunity to program your brain and kind of strengthen those neural pathways, which I'm imagining is happening behind the scenes, to actually cement a feeling experience with a lived experience so that those two connect easier next time. And I can say from practice and lots of repair with the ones

my family that it actually does get.

I'm not going to say easier, like more automatic. Like it just becomes almost who you are. Like my yoga teacher says, like, when you have a morning practice, when you have a daily spiritual devotional practice, it becomes who you are. It's not what you do. It's about becoming the person who gets up to meditate. And it's your identity. And not like in an egoic, like, I'm so spiritual way, in just a like, this is what I

Arlene Cohen Miller (19:04.867)
Right.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (19:20.064)
becomes automatic and I like to think of repairing with your family in that way too.

Arlene Cohen Miller (19:26.062)
Yeah, and because, know, I, when my son was younger, read all sorts of, you know, self-help, you know, I'd try one of the things and he'd just do something and it was just like, throw that one out the window. You just really have to be guided. We just have to be guided by our hearts and just acknowledge, you know, that, you know, we did the best we can. And, you know, even if they are angry about us for certain things, or maybe we've held on for certain things that our parents did, you know, we can begin to let them go.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (19:37.266)
Hopefully that happens too.

Arlene Cohen Miller (19:55.034)
And, you know, and as a role model for our kids, hey, I'm not, I'm not a perfect, I'm a work in progress, just like you, I'm doing the best I can. If I make a mistake, I'll apologize and we can see how we can do it differently next time. You know, and sometimes, you know, sometimes what I do or say is not going to be what you want to hear, but I'm just doing the best I can. What I think is best for you in the moment or however you want to work it, but it's important, you know, to, I just get away from that model that

I'm right and you're wrong because that's just not helpful. It doesn't help to raise strong, independent kids that can have amazing lives too, or it doesn't endear ourselves to our significant other if we have to be right and we can't see the other person's point of view and come to some sort of understanding.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (20:47.422)
Yeah, for sure. You are a grandmother now. How many grand babies do you have?

Arlene Cohen Miller (20:53.006)
I have three, none of them are babies. One's 15, one is 12, and one is, she'll be 10 really shortly. So I don't have many babies anymore.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (21:05.832)
Yeah, those ages don't like to be called babies, and they're certainly not babies. Right, for sure. Same. Same. I've got a 10-year-old, an 8-year-old, and a 3-year-old. And you say that now you help moms and parents, really. You know, just.

Arlene Cohen Miller (21:10.03)
No, I would never do that.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (21:25.264)
these are my words, become better versions of themselves so that they can pass that down to their kids. That's how I interpreted it. And that's like the through line of this entire podcast. Like when we grow as parents, as women, as men, as souls, we leave the world better than we found it for the next generation. And it's the entire reason that I'm sitting here talking to you right now. You know, it's the mission, it's the why. So where did that mission for

Arlene Cohen Miller (21:46.414)
I don't know, I think I was partly born with it and partly was sort of thrown into it a little bit when I got, I've been married and divorced twice, so I don't know if I'm a relationship expert, but I just think it's a part of

Ryann Watkin // RWH (21:55.168)
you come from.

Arlene Cohen Miller (22:16.394)
actually, you know, it's just part of me evolving and growing. And when I got divorced the first time my son was three, I don't know if it was a part of what was going to happen or triggered by him not being able to express what was going on, but he developed really severe, very marked ADHD. And so I just went on a journey, you know, how, you know, I learned sort of all kinds of healing modalities. How can I help him more holistically? You know, what can I do for him? And it was a real,

a huge learning experience on so many levels because at one point I really became attached to him succeeding and didn't step back and allow him to fail, which is so important. And then I finally learned how to do that when a mentor of mine said, you know, Arlene, this is really arrogant. You need to let your son go. You need not to step in for him. He needs to know how to fail and what to do when that happens and how to pick himself back up again. And so I sort of had

learning on the job. And I'm a retired attorney. I'm still licensed to practice in Colorado, but I started my own law firm when I was 29. I was going, my husband and I at the time decided, well, I asked him, said, yes, I'd like to be pregnant now. And I then I found out like a week or so later that I was already pregnant, even though I was on birth control. And so we had moved state, you know, to different places in United States. So all of our families were in Kentucky and we were in Ohio.

All of my law school peers were in another state and I had no tribe. And I had to grow one and build one on my own. So I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to be single and a married and a divorced working parent. And I've basically always had primary care, even though my ex and I had shared custody. He really wasn't that interested. So.

Yeah, I've had a lot of life experiences that is, so I'm not just bringing some sort of philosophical, you need to do that, this or that knowing on the table. I've gone through what it feels like when your child leaves the nest and then comes back for a while and then goes again and you go through the experience all over again. So I've had a lot of experience. Plus I've studied a lot in a way that is really

Arlene Cohen Miller (24:40.524)
a heart activating, a heart knowing experience, and it's not a book experience. So it's my pleasure to pass it on. And I sort of expanded out, I just don't work with women anymore. I work with IT professionals, a lot of which are women, because gosh, they're professionals, like one of the most stressed out professions right now in the country. So I don't know, that's a long answer to a very short question.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (25:06.27)
That's great. It's helpful to get the context of somebody's journey. from where I'm sitting, I do believe that those challenges, the divorce, the son with the ADHD, those are the things that push us or shove us into a calling because it becomes really purposeful. It becomes really meaningful. And I think to learn something, to go through something, and to not share that,

with others is, I don't know if I want to use the word selfish, but it's withholding this wisdom from others. And I think we all need as much wisdom as we can get right now. So I think it's great. And I'm curious if you give your son parenting advice, and if so, if he follows that.

Arlene Cohen Miller (25:41.55)
Well, what I've learned with my son is that I love him dearly. He's 38 years old. He's all grown up. He has a son of his own and my grandson is on the autism spectrum.

So he's learning firsthand what it's like to raise a son that's had some disabilities. And it's not easy. since we're just so much alike, we're such strong mirrors for each other, my mode of operation that I've come to with him is that I respect him as a father. He's married. And he's on second marriage. And his wife and her family are wonderful.

If he asks me for advice, I'll give it to him. But he, you know, he's working really hard and investigating all sorts of things and doing wonderful things with my grandson. So even if I would do things differently, I don't give him advice unless he asks for it because, know, this is his journey. And I sort of feel that my job, which is a wonderful job to be in, is not to raise my grandson, but to love him and to enjoy spending time with them and

and go to his activities and support him in that way. And so I feel that at this point, I need to be asked. I'm not in that parenting role anymore. And I can model whatever behavior I'm holding in my heart without saying anything, without pushing it on anybody whatsoever. And I think that that's part of our job, our quote job, or what we can do to give back as well.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (27:36.351)
Beautiful.

Let's talk a little bit about the soul. I believe that the heart is the seat of the soul. You said earlier when we're guided by our hearts and I feel really strongly and I believe there's even like scientific now evidence that the heart has a really really strong electromagnetic field and so I believe that the heart and the soul are related and I'm curious your take on that and

Arlene Cohen Miller (27:40.142)
you

Ryann Watkin // RWH (28:07.316)
also to expand on that even more, like what is the soul and how do we get in touch with ours?

Arlene Cohen Miller (28:16.721)
Well, that's a lot of big questions. I guess what I feel like is that, you know, we are gifted these bodies, know, Gaia helped to build these bodies as made of everything that the earth is made of. And as we make our bodies ready for spirit, know, less fear, more love, more and more of the energy of the soul.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (28:18.888)
Yes.

Arlene Cohen Miller (28:39.948)
the greater aspect of us, excuse me, can descend. Let me take some water here now. have a little bit of, it's really dry here in Colorado. You have the opposite weather that we do. Anyway, the more we cleanse ourselves, the more we let go of fear, you know, I sort of view the body's like, if the body was like a pipe, you know, all that fear, doubt and disbelief, all that energy's like,

Ryann Watkin // RWH (28:46.846)
sure.

Yes, yeah, I'm in Florida. We've got it. nice and muggy, much here. total.

Arlene Cohen Miller (29:09.186)
on the inside of the pipe. And as we cleanse and clear that and let that go, more of that go and fill ourselves with more love, the soul can descend more and more into all the bits, all the cells of our bodies. Sorry. And so, you have the heart chakra. Excuse me. Hopefully you have editing. So the heart chakra.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (29:33.992)
Take your time.

Arlene Cohen Miller (29:37.676)
you know, as that opens up, yes, it's going to be a beautiful repository for the soul to help to ground in our bodies. But eventually the soul is going to embody everything within us and ground into the heart of the planet with us. And it's just a greater aspect of us. Without the soul here, we're just a personality, know, which is temporal and is going to guide the soul. You know, we're a small part of a much greater being.

And the more we let go and release fear, doubt, disbelief, judgment, all aspects of fear, and allow ourselves to be flooded with more love, the more we're safe host for spirit, and the more it's going to descend in our bodies and ground in anchor, and we're going to be operating from that space. So that's how I experienced it. And I'm not going to negate anyone else's experience or say that I'm right or wrong, but you asked me how I viewed it and how I experienced it.

And for me, it's a process. There's like no getting there. We're all works in progress. So if we're evolving and growing and becoming more enlivened and loving with light and love, or however you want to talk about our spirit or source of the universe, God, there's different things for different people. It's really all that divine energy. The more we're going to be safe hosts, the more it's going to actually happen.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (30:59.902)
Yeah.

Arlene Cohen Miller (31:00.046)
I don't know if we can really force it. We can say, I'm open to that. But as spirit descends, as that energy floods our bodies, it's going to highlight all the fear in us that needs to be loved and let go. And so we have to be ready for that challenge as well and not think that there's something wrong with us.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (31:19.39)
I have an interesting relationship with fear because I think, no not I think, I feel I was

fearful at a really young age due to the circumstances that I was born into. was born into an abusive marriage and everything was just a little unsure, you know, and it was it was also at times very abusive from what I've heard. And so I have this sense that as a baby this that I had to process this like fear, but I actually just kind of carried it with me like in a big suitcase on my back until it kind of came up to the

which also happened to coincide with the birth of my first child about a decade ago.

Arlene Cohen Miller (32:03.174)
you

Ryann Watkin // RWH (32:06.238)
And so all of a sudden, or what seemed like all of the sudden, it's never that, I just started to get so fearful and it kind of manifested in what a practitioner would call a panic attack. And I just felt so freaking scared, sometimes scared to walk outside. And it wasn't logical. It was just a primal fear.

And so when you say, like, cleanse the fear, I'm like, yes, like, I get it. So I have a two-part question. How do, and I've kind of figured out some stuff behind the scenes, but I'd love to hear your take. How do you cleanse the fear? And then also, as a second part to that, for someone who's listening and is like, no, I'm not really scared ever. I don't think I have fear. Do you think that, yes, they do have fear? And how would that person cleanse their fear as well?

Arlene Cohen Miller (32:58.926)
Well

You know, we come into this life with a game plan about how we're going to, you what we need to let go of and what we'd like to have more of in our lives. you know, oftentimes if we're coming in a little bit brighter than the normal person, sometimes there's energies that want to snuff us down and put us in difficult situations when we're growing up. And so what happened, you know, it could have been any reason, but maybe the birth of your child triggered that.

because it took you back to where you were before. And I've had that kind of terrorist stuff happen to me before, before I had the skills and the tools. And it was really difficult, because it was that primal fear. And sometimes when we have that kind of thing happen, I just really want to share with your audience, sometimes we need extra help. did. Back when all that happened, there weren't really coaches, and I had some counselors and...

Ryann Watkin // RWH (33:50.28)
Yep, me too.

Arlene Cohen Miller (33:56.248)
people that could really help walk me through that because I didn't have the tools and it was beyond, you know, just working with breath worker or anything like that. It was just really primal. What I work with now is that one of the things I work with is feeling is healing. And so what is important to do is just like, you know, we hold this big, I like a beautiful golden bubble of protection around me. I flood my body with light and love.

And I'm holding a huge space that's bigger than this fear so that can allow this fear to move through me and replace it with more light and more love. Because what I did for years is I pushed all those feelings away. It went to my body, it went to my auric field. Of course, that can cause disease, it can cause all sorts of bad things. Luckily, I woke up early enough to be able to start working with this, but it's important to feel those feelings, but not take a deep dive into them.

We only have to feel things for a second and then let it go and then replace it with more light, more love or whatever like sacred quality we can feel into like gratitude or self acceptance or kindness or patience or tolerance, whatever qualities work for us. We can bring that energy in, but as we let that fear go, we can, it's important to fill ourselves up with love where that fear once was or it's gonna come back and read.

you know, just re inhabit ourselves. And what I work with also is the universal violet flame, which is an aspect of God or source and it transmutes and transforms here into love. So I'll just feel this column of violet flames flooding to my body into the heart of the planet. And I just ask that anything I'm letting go of this not about love be transmitted and transformed into love for Gaia so that it's usable energy for her. And I'm being a service.

to the planet, to her, because she's doing it hard, because all of our judgment of humanity is weighing her down. That's a lot. So I want to help her as much as I possibly can. So in a nutshell, I mean, I think you really have to have that experience. I do teach spiritual classes every week online and in person in Boulder, Colorado, that you have, it's important to have a way to feel those feelings without diving into them.

Arlene Cohen Miller (36:17.588)
let them go, I let it go so it becomes usable energy for the planet and then make sure we're flooding ourselves with more love. We can do it by just feeling what we're grateful for or calling in those sacred qualities like, you know, self-acceptance, calm assurance, peace, whatever works for us so that we're making sure that that fear cannot come back in and re-inhabit those cells of our body.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (36:42.27)
Yeah, love it. So in this case, we're talking about fear. I'm imagining it's universal for any of the feelings, like if it's shame that someone's dealing with or sadness or any of those. That would be the same process?

Arlene Cohen Miller (36:56.58)
Yeah, because there's really only two ways to feel and it's going to go into one camp or the other. It's either on that higher vibration of unconditional love, which is love given freely without expectation of return or it's fear because even conditional love is actually fear. Conditional love is I will love you provided you do X, Y and Z for me. That's not really love. That's like if I don't, if you, if I don't think you're making me happy boxes.

I'm not going to love you or you're not going love me and that's really fear. And so all those things you just named are just all aspects of fear. And so it doesn't really matter what form or shape it comes into with us. We need to feel it, not dive into it, be grateful for it, let it go and bring in other sacred qualities or other feelings of love to flood those spaces. And we can call it forth because it's a free will universe and we need to ask.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (37:47.395)
I love that and it's helpful that you're reminding us Arlene to not dive into it because I think what you mean by not dive into it is like We don't need to analyze it. We don't need to pinpoint what happened in the past. We don't need to name it We don't need to like why and and go into our brains and start to make a brain dump and map of how this could have happened and What it might be and all that because I do that. I'm like so flipping analytical I'm so

in my brain. I was always told as a kid that I was smart and I was you know there was like this smart thing happening in my family and with me and so for so many years like I identified with that and now I'm much more aware much more conscious but I still find myself like being so in my brain. So is that what you mean by like don't dive into it?

Arlene Cohen Miller (38:41.734)
Yeah, and you know, we're just taught that way and it's kind of like genetically passed on to us. So we really have to make an effort and be kind to ourselves. There's nothing wrong with the left brain. was a right brain, was right brains more intellectual one at all. You know, it organizes, we can be organized, we can be efficient. can have

you know, really helpless in our lives. It's just not, it's just not where we want to live because all those things you talked about are going to work. If you're working with the law of attraction, you understand that what we focus on is what we get more of in our lives. So what's happening is, is that we're focusing on all the stuff we don't want. And we're telling the universe, we want more situations, more things to happen in our life. So that we're experiencing that again, until we really learn it. So we're just perpetuating the cycle that we don't want to experience.

And I guess what I also mean is also an emotional thing. It's like people think that we really have to dive into our feelings and feel it really deeply and it has to be horrible or wonderful. You know, we're talking about good feelings too, you know, because sometimes beneath the surface of really lovely feelings, quote unquote, there can be a layer of fear. So it's just feel all of our feelings. And so we just all we have to do is feel it for a moment and like,

Be grateful for it being that kind of aligned and centered space, aligned to love centered in our hearts. Just let it go. And then just allow the light and love of source. Allow the gratitude or whatever qualities of love you can feel in the moment. Sink in and flood our bodies and we can visualize and feel it. So I hope that answers your question.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (40:17.116)
thousand percent that is very helpful yes yes yes so this is yes

Arlene Cohen Miller (40:21.902)
And just one other thing, because I'm, you know, I'm very much the active right brain of being an attorney and learning over time how to balance it out. But I am a work in progress. We are all works in progress. So as we're doing this, yes, we're going to make a mistake. Yes, we're going to need to learn from it. But it's important to be kind to ourselves in the process and not expect immediate perfection because we heard it on some podcasts and now we're going to do it. And it's quote, not working. You know, it's like learning to ride a bicycle or whatever.

It takes time and practice.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (40:53.406)
Yeah, love that. Thank you for adding that caveat in. And that's very helpful for me personally, and I know it's helpful for so many people listening. So I have one question, and then we'll start to wrap up. And then I'll ask you the three questions I ask everybody at the end of the interview, kind of like rapid fire style. And I'm curious...

How do we know our soul is on the right path? I don't know why that question came up for me when preparing for this, but I feel the need to ask it.

Arlene Cohen Miller (41:24.43)
I think first of all, we don't want to make it a head case or a heart case. I'm very, I think we might get a heart case. And you mentioned something, I'm very much in alignment with that. I just see it a different way. I feel like.

instead of like searching for purpose and all that kind of stuff and what's my purpose. If there's more love on the planet when I die than when I was born, it's a good life. And so maybe there is a purpose that we came in for in this life that the soul wants to ground and activate or whatever. And sometimes we listen to that and sometimes we push it away when ideas come to us. But there's always more opportunities so we don't want to beat ourselves up.

We missed one. We just, it's like, you what would love do now? How can I best serve? And sort of ask ourselves that question and just be in the moment with it and don't expect there to be a five year plan or even a one year plan. It's like I'm standing on top of a cliff. looks like if I step, I'm going to go into the abyss. I'm just going to take a step. Spirit's going to get behind me. going to hold me. She's going to hold me up. He's going to hold me up. And then I'm going to feel into how that moment feels. And then I can make another step.

And if I do it like that, then I'm not putting all this pressure on myself to get it right now. Because there's always a flowing thing and things are always changing, evolving and growing.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (42:51.934)
That's so helpful and I know from me

what that's been like is following the breadcrumbs. Like it's not an overnight thing. It was following the breadcrumbs of what makes me feel so alive. What makes me feel so grounded? What makes me feel so loving and just really like tuning into those really subtle nuances day in and day out and then do

like because we have to do like we're not human doings we're human beings but we still have to do you know and so doing those things with intention of course that bring us more of those like blissful feelings and for me that's what it's been and that's like with the podcast and a number of other things in my life so I think for somebody listening like put a pin in this that you just take those baby steps you just follow those little breadcrumbs you're gonna get off the path

and then you're gonna get back on. You're gonna be, you know, lost in the woods and then you're gonna find the yellow brick road. You're gonna know all the things and so I think that's such a beautiful way to put it, Arlene. I know that everybody is going to want to connect with you and follow you and see the beautiful work you're doing in the world and hear about the classes that you're teaching. So where can we find out more about your work?

Arlene Cohen Miller (44:19.854)
So you can come to my website, which is Jewel Consultancy, J-E-W-E-L, consultancy.com. You can Google my name, Arlene Cohen Miller, and everything will come up. The only thing that doesn't come up is my meetup group. I do teach like a kind of spiritual personal development class where we go into depth and a lot of the stuff that I've shared. Once a week on Tuesdays at, what time is it? It's 6.30 p.m.

Mountain time which is 830 p.m. Eastern time and so on my website. There's all everything that I do And you're also welcome to text me. That's it. We get a hold of me because I get so many emails I don't know what your lives are like, but it's seven two. nine three six two six three four Just mention, you know raising hearts So I'll know that it's a podcast that I was on because I also some really weird text as well And I will respond to you

And so that's how you can get a hold of me.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (45:18.91)
Thank you so much. All right, we're going to wrap up now with the three rapid fire questions I ask everybody at the end of the interview. The first one is what's bringing you joy today.

Arlene Cohen Miller (45:29.358)
I guess what's bringing me joy today is I just moved and I'm sitting in a room that I just fixed up with artwork and crystals and things that make me happy. And I'm just so grateful to be in this new space. And so I'm appreciating that in this moment.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (45:50.006)
I love that feeling of like a fresh space, like a fresh nest. Love it. And then what if anything are you reading right now?

Arlene Cohen Miller (45:59.886)
Well, I'm picked, I have a book right here. I'm going to reread it because it's Illusions, the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. I've read this before, but I just felt to pick it up and read it again. Richard Bach is an amazing writer, and his books are really cool and they're really easy to read, you know, because we have very, very busy lives. And sometimes it's like the last thing I feel like we'll have time for is to pick up a book.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (46:01.215)
What?

Arlene Cohen Miller (46:28.354)
But I just, was calling to me from my bookshelf a couple of days ago and I started reading it again. And I just really recommend anything that he's written. He's amazing.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (46:38.363)
I will put that in the notes below. And then the last question I have for you Arlene is who or what has taught you the most?

Arlene Cohen Miller (46:47.47)
Arlene Cohen Miller (46:51.655)
Well, guess, you know, well, my father has been a big influence in my life. I don't know if he's taught me the most, but it feels like there's a lot of people and a lot of groups that I've been a part of that have been so great. my father just by modeling, you know, really showed me the way of, how to take care of myself, how to be an entrepreneur and at the same time, how to have a balanced, harmonious life because, you know, work's not everything and family's important.

And so, yeah, he really modeled that for me without saying a whole lot. My father was an in the end of a whole lot of words. But yeah, so I'll give kudos to my dad.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (47:31.87)
Thank you so much for this conversation. I so appreciate you.

Arlene Cohen Miller (47:36.578)
So thank you. It's been really wonderful to be here.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (47:39.812)
Awesome. All right, we are wrapped up. I'm just going to clip it off at the end, but that was fantastic.

Arlene Cohen Miller (47:47.104)
we're done recording? Okay, great.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (47:48.722)
We're done. Yes, I'm gonna get up and hit the stop button in a minute. I'm gonna clip this off the end so it won't be in there. And I finished with two minutes to go, so yay. And I'm sorry again that I was late, Arlene. Yeah.

Arlene Cohen Miller (47:54.578)
Okay, great. Okay, great. Oh, that's okay. I just, usually I don't care, but I just was concerned and I'm gonna cut it off now because I have two minutes to get on the other call, take a bathroom break and be ready for the next hour. So thank you so much. It was really a pleasure.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (48:09.148)
sounds great. It was so nice to meet you.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (48:16.412)
You're welcome. It was a pleasure. I will update your Lincoln pod match when your episode airs. I think it's four or five weeks, but I'll keep you posted on there.

Arlene Cohen Miller (48:24.672)
Right now market market complete later on after after I finish the next thing and go to yoga. I'll come back and finish that later today for you.

Ryann Watkin // RWH (48:32.594)
Same, sounds great, enjoy your yoga class too. All right, bye.

Arlene Cohen Miller (48:35.232)
OK, bye bye.