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in business and friendship actually mix. Find out on today's episode of Serve No Master. Today's episode is brought to you by Social Pilot. Automate all of your social media presence from a single, easy to use dashboard to find out how much time you can save with a simple tool. Had to serve. No master dot com Backslash Social Pilot Are you tired of dealing with your boss? Do you feel underpaid and underappreciated? If you want to make it online, choir your boss and start living your retirement dreams now then you've come to the right place. Welcome to serve no master podcast where you'll learn how to open new revenue streams and make money while you sleep. Presented live from a tropical island in the South Pacific by best selling author Jonathan Green. Now here's your host. I am on a Saturday morning. I wake up to find my apartment empty. I look around. My first thought is that something horrible's happened. We've been robbed. And then I realized that all my stuff is still there. But my roommate stuff is missing. I look in his room, everything's gone and look in the kitchen. Half the stuff is gone in the middle of the night. Like a thief. He snuck out in the middle of our lease and I couldn't believe it. I was blindsided, not gonna lie. It really hurt my feelings. They didn't understand what happened. Eventually I reached out to him to find out the story. And I discovered that incompatible mindsets What pushed us away? This was shortly after I'd lost my job, who had from working in university toe working for myself. I was putting in huge hours at home, working harder than you could ever imagine trying to build something, try to make the rent every month, trying to support myself and take care of my financial obligations. It was a very difficult time for me. I was working 12 14 hours every day, at least staying up all night, drinking red bulls, doing whatever it takes to succeed and get to the next level. My goal was not to replace my previous income. My goal was to make huge amounts of money. I no longer wanted to make just enough to get by. I wanted to make travel money live on a tropical island. Money make my dreams come true. money. At the time he was working an I t. For a moderately sized corporation. I had a pretty good job who's doing all right. But we had two different aspirations. My aspirations were to be successful like I am now, and I'm not satisfied. My current level success. I actually want to get beyond where I am right now. I want to continue to grow, and I'm very excited to keep moving my business forward. He decided to go back to school for two years to study. I t. He went back to a technical school that promised him after two years of training if they paid, if you pay them a lot of money for tuition, went through all of their courses, he could go out into the world and get a job. Exactly when he had right now, he wanted to go back to school in order to get a job, making what he was already making, doing the exact same thing, working in the same department for a similar company. When we're dealing with friends, we often discover that we have incompatible philosophies, incompatible goals, incompatible destinations. Ah, lot of friends from my life have kind of drifted away because they didn't want the same things. They didn't have the same drive. They don't have the same goals and we ended up in two different places. It's tough. I'm gonna share with you some of those stories in a moment. We want to start with a simple question. Do your friends want what's best for you when you're deciding how to share information? How much time to invest or someone? This is a really important question. A lot of people that we consider friends don't actually care about us. They would never do anything to help us. You really find out who your friends are when you need something from them. Most of your friends like spending time with you. They like talking to you. They like who you are right now, and if you decide to evolve, change, move forward in someone in your life, they'll do everything they can to stop that from happening. It's unfortunate, but it's true there are great friends who want the best for you and will encourage you no matter what and have a lot of friends like that now. But there's also a lot of people that they're your friend, but they don't want to change when you say to them. Oh, you say to your best friend I'd love to hang out tonight. I'd love to go out and watch a movie with you, but I have to finish this blockbuster. Have to finish this project I'm working on. That's the moment you find out who your true friends are because most of your friends will become selfish of that little girl. You could work on that any time. Why don't you think about me? Let's spend time together. Our time is precious. That it did it, did it did that everything they're saying is really built on narcissism. They care about themselves. That's how most people are. This is not unique. That doesn't make them terrible people. This is just true. You care about yourself. You care about your family's. You're trying to make more money. You're trying to build a business to take care of yourself, not to take care of other people. Most of your friends will hold you down When you try to succeed. They'll say, Don't work on that. Spent time with me. Why do you want to do that? Do you think you're better than me. We'll do all these things that hold you back because we like stability. We don't like when things change. This is very normal. This is normal human behavior. This is why, when you first start out building a blogger first start with the podcast. Sometimes it helps not to tell your friends. Sometimes it's easier to build your rhythm, have a little bit of success and then share what you're doing with people. And they don't have the opportunity to knock you down her ear feelings or to slow you down or to trip up your emotions and your self confidence in your belief. Often times and I've talked about this in some previous episodes, right when someone is about to make money from a project, that's when their friends will hold them back. They build the website. They do everything. All they have to do is start sharing with the world and getting some traffic by telling other people other website and they don't do it because they're friends. They don't bother. Don't bother posting an ad. No bother sharing that information. You won't make any money. It's that critical moment where you put in 90% of the work. That's where so often our friend's gonna hold us back. And these are the exact same friends that as soon as you achieve success, have their friend hands out. As soon as you make a bit of money, they'll ask you for money. You ask you for a job. And I learned this the hard way. I made some horrible mistakes that cost me tens of thousands of dollars and a lot of friendships. Most of my friends have horrible dead end jobs and careers going nowhere. What? I started to make a lot of money 10 2030 times more than my friends were making. I began to offer them jobs and say, I need Thio. Replicate myself. I want to expand my business. Will you do this? Will you take over this part of my business? Will you help me in this way? My friends Then come live with me and come near me. Work with me and all they do all day long has watched me and sail. Jonathan's not working as hard as me. Why should he get all the money when I'm doing all the work? Most of the time they're work isn't joining any money yet. They're still living off the money that I'm making from my work, but they don't see that. And you hit these walls and her a lot of friendship, kind of having to fire on my friends, very traumatizing for me. I learned my lesson that I don't mix business and friendship. I've rebuilt my businesses to new directions and have several full time employees. Now none of them are my friends. I will never form any type of friendship with them because it causes problems for both of us. When you're friends with your boss, it changes the relationship for the employees even more than for the boss. It allows jealous and emotion to invade the relationship, and eventually the employees ends up destroying themselves. This is what I discovered. It was very painful for me. It happened 45 times in a row. I learned my lesson destroyed some friendships because people they don't have the drive. It's not lack of opportunity that keeps your friends from success. It's lack of implementations, lack of desire. Every single person I've ever met has had amazing opportunities in front of them, and they've chosen whether or not to take advantage them or let them go. It happens. Some people reject amazing opportunities, even if you offer your friend an amazing job in a great opportunity, you'll discover exactly what I'm talking about, and it will be painful. Don't give your friends jobs. I know some people do it and they achieve success. One in every 10,000 times it happens, it works out. That's true. It's very rare. It's the exception, and it's tough. And it's an interesting dichotomy that your friends who won't help you when you need help want your help when they need it. Be prepared to deal with these situations. You want to start by looking to the future. Look at the people around you and decide how much they're going to help you. Some friends and family will support your business. Some won't. Some will do everything they can to keep you from spending time working on our project, and some will be very supportive. Look at your friends and see which ones are on that page. Begin invest time with people that invest the right emotions and you make you feel good about what you're trying to do support. You want you to become successful, believing you those people that love you the most, looking towards the future. Look towards where you want to go. You can surround yourself with people that will make you great sums of money. A few episodes ago, I talked about the secret to doubling, tripling your income simply by joining groups of people that make more money than you and then taking the jobs. They don't want any more taking their Castoffs. Some of those cast stops are worth thousands or tens of $1000 about. They're pretty nice cast offs. They're throwing gold off the table instead of scraps. The way you get into those situations is my look to the future and surrounding yourself with people that are where you wanna go rather than where you are. When you're in a group, you will average out. I always want to be the least successful person in the group. I spend the most high with when I'm surrounded by people that are better than me. They pull me up right now where I live. Most of my friends are online. If I spend time with all of the other authors, on my island. They would pull me down into the dirt there. You know, 10 or 20 other people around here that call themselves authors, and some of them have published a book most them haven't. But on average, the best of them is making, like $50 a month from writing. If I spend time with them, they'll pull down my success to their level. They aren't trying to become really finding successful. They really like surfer guys who answer for gals who ride a little bit on the side. That's not my social circle. That's not the people I spent a lot of time with. I don't invest myself in a group that's behind me. I do a lot of coaching, spent a lot of time recording podcasts. If you have any idea how much I was sweating right now, it's so hot. I live somewhere tropical, the air conditioners off, everything's unplug, and I'm sweating like crazy. But it's important to me to share teaching with you. My downhill, my share, if you behind me, that occurs through my blog's in my books through my courses, too. This I needed so circle of people that were successful to me. I have a circle of people that I connect with, a line that I talked about sky through different chat groups, people that I talked to at least two or 34 times a week, all the time people I work with who are all more successful than me. That's why invest a lot of time and so they pull me up, look into the future, surround yourself with people that are doing what you wanted. Thio, if you wanna be a blogger like we talked about yesterday's episode, if you want to be if you want to make money writing a block, you wanna have a successful blogged. Surround yourself with people that have logs that make money. If you dress, surround yourself with bloggers. You might surround yourself. People have really great blocks to make no money. Make sure the people you invest time with our where you want to go to their at your destination. This does not mean throw your friends away. What you have is your parking lot, and this is where you put friends that you're not investing a lot of time in right now. And Episode two We had amazing interview with my friend Jim was very successful right now. He's made millions and millions to Facebook advertising, and now he runs his own little shark tank. He just invests in other companies and buys other companies. That's all he does with the money he made from the business he built via Facebook. If you have listened Episode two, it's amazing. Me and Jim haven't spoken for three or four years. Until that interview, He was in my parking lot and I was in his. We didn't invest any time in each other because we're in two different directions were doing different things. But it doesn't mean the friendships over parking lot is not end of a friendship. I spent most of my time with my kids with my family doing those things. That doesn't mean people I used to hang out with all my single bodies aren't my friends anymore. It simply means my priorities have changed a little bit. But when I have time, yeah, I do reach out to people the parking lot, and it's okay to have a large parking lot. I'm in a lot of people's parking lot that I know if I need them. Our reach out. We could rebuild that friendship or reconnect. Some of your friends need to go in the parking lot for a little while. You need a little bit of time away from them, The people of your party, with all the time we hang out with all the time some have seen to decrease that amount of time because you need that time to invest in your new business. If you tried to show your friends you're doing, get them excited, get them. Listen, this podcast. Get them, read the same books, get them hanging out on my block. A lot of them will reject it. You'll discover that not everyone you're friends with want to do the same things you some will embrace. And that's awesome. Thank you for bringing me new fans. And if you're one of those friends, thank you for joining me today. When you have those friends who have no interest in moving forward, don't want to put in the effort. Don't care to do it. It feels like I fell in your part, but it's not. You only had the ability to show people the door. You can't make them walk through it For a long time I worked in private coaching in a lot of areas, and I would meet people that wanted what I had. They want things that existed in my life, and I discovered that just because I meet someone socially just cause I meet someone here on my island who wants to write a publish a book, it has a great story. It doesn't mean they actually want what I have to offer. If I gave him my entire course for free. If I gave tens of thousands of dollars of private coaching for free, those people would never achieve anything. They haven't made the decision to walk through the door. When you offer someone something, it has no value compared to someone who paid for the same thing. Your friends are in charge of their own destinies as much as you want to do everything you can to bring them. You'll see this happens a lot to musical celebrities, movie star's sports stars. They try to take care of Abby, and their families have no aspirations. They make no effort to improve their own lives there, just hanging off someone's coattails. It's very difficult to be that one person bringing everyone up. Loyalty is a two way street. You could be very loyal to your friends before your eyes. They're not as loyal to you, and this is a tough lesson. But it's true. Well, your friends help you in the way you help them. What? Your friends let you sleep on their couch. If you lose your house or your friend's loan, you money. If you need to make rent or don't have food to feed your kids, will they help you out if someone starts a fight with you? When you're out in a bar and a restaurant, someone goes, gets drunk and crazy and attacks you. These are important questions. A lot of people have different interpretations of loyalty. This is something I discovered when I was younger. It was very painful for me. I went on a road trip with a friend. I just read this article to the best test to see if someone's really loyal. Go on a road trip and when it's your turn to drive, see if they stay away, could go to sleep. And this friend, he fell asleep. When was my turn to drive. If you've ever been a long road trip. You know that if the person next to his sleeping it's much, much harder to stay awake, they make it harder for you. This friend, he slept on the way back. Six months later, our friendship was over, and it turned out he'd ended friendships with most people that knew him. He was one of those people that just wasn't very good at being friends. That little test was accurate. That little world test proved Who was the person? I thought. I really like this guy. That loyalty test. It's probably wrong. Turns out the test was right and I learned something. Before you give to people, make sure there wouldn't give you back the same love. Now there are people who are super loyal. There are plenty of great people out there. Just be aware that most people's interpretation ability is not the same as yours. As a guy. When I was younger, I used to say to someone, If I get attacked, someone starts a fight with me in the bar, will you back me up? Most people will say yes, but some people will say, you know, some guys are like no I'm not that kind of guy, and that's very telling. I learned a lot by ask people that type of question. We usually don't ask people serious questions. Hey, if I lost my job, can I stay with you? Well, let me and the kids stay in your garage for a couple weeks till I can get a new job. If I really get in trouble. If I get falsely accused of a crime when you visit me when I go to jail asked these questions before they happened before you think someone is owed all of this loyalty, find out if they're actually loyal back to you. People say I support you. I'm your friend. I'm there for you. 100%. Okay, I'm starting a new business. I'm gonna have to work every night. We can't hang out as much What? I thought we were friends. You find out that it's very easy to say you support someone, but when the rubber meets the road, they don't support you. And then at the end of the cycle, when you finally hit that success, they want you to give them a hand out, give them a job, give them money, help them. And it's very difficult preparing to deal with friends. Now, I know that this feels like a little bit of down episode. I'm protecting you from the future so that what happens you don't get a kick in the teeth. I went through a lot of pain. I don't want that to happen to you. You're also gonna have some friendships that the parking lots not enough. Some friendships are dead. And friendships. There are certain people that will actively hurt your business. For example, I used to speak it a lot of conferences, and I think I might go out, fly back to America one or two times in the next year and speak conferences again because I do enjoy meeting people like you. And don't worry, I'll email you let you know if I'm to be anywhere. Think I'm gonna be in San Francisco next January, February something around that time, and I'll let you know so we can meet face to face and hang out if you're gonna be there. Promise you. But I brought people to events who are dead ends. They will get really drunk and embarrass me. They will say inappropriate things. They will hurt business deals. They're just acting very inappropriately. And these air social dead ends these air people that you can't allow into your new life if you start going thio events. If you start going to a local meet up or a different mastermind or group in your area where everyone's making three times as much money as you and you bring a friend with you who doesn't care about that or who hates rich people, has a negative mindset, gets really drunk, embarrasses everyone, acts like a jerk. They will ruin your chances. Because ever that group will tie you together, say all you brought this person therefore, anything that they do wrong, it's your fault. Guilt by association can kill your business. It could really hurt you As you move forward in life. Your priorities change. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was meet women I want to do is find someone amazing. I'm older now and I'm in a relationship. That desire is gone for me. Why would I wanna hang out with guys that want to go and talk to women in a bar? To me, that sounds so boring. something that used to be exciting. Sounds boring, because as we grow as we develop, we change. All I wanted to do was build a business and work certain hours when I was first starting out. That's changed now. I'm in a different place, financially different place, emotionally, a different place with my family. My perspective about money, about everything has changed. Now the things I think about are protecting my Children for the future. That's where most of my financial priorities lie. I think about setting of life insurance, setting up trusts, setting up those dispersement, sitting up banking in the right country to protect them. Those are the things I think about. My priorities have changed and it's completely normal. Your priorities will change as well as you move forward. It's okay to put friends in the parking lot as your priorities change as you're moving into different directions, you don't need to terminate friendships. Even with the dead and friends. You don't actually have to terminate the friendships. You just never let them meet other parts of your life. You isolate them. You only spend time with them one on one where no one knows you. It's Not that you're better than them. It's that they will hurt you. And you have to protect your family, your kids, your financial future. First it's more important. This is some heavy decisions. The truth is, most of your friends will be fine. Most of your friends won't cause you problems once they see the path you're on. Once you have two or three months of success, or once you explain what you want, they'll be fine. I'm just preparing you for these painful eventualities so they don't happen to you. It's very hard when one of your friends gets upset about something and you were prepared for. You don't know what to do. Now that we've covered this painful stuff a little bit about doing a friendship, we could get back tomorrow to talk about writing fast and how you can make really big money riding and some of the techniques I use in some really exciting stuff. Don't worry. Tomorrow we're gonna be back with something very, very exciting. Now, you know exactly how to deal with your friends as you build your business as you become successful and as you achieve something truly amazing Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Serve No Master. Make sure you subscribe, so you never miss another episode. We'll be back tomorrow with more tips and tactics on how to escape the rat race. Head over to serve no master dot com forward slash podcasts Now for your chance to win a free coffee of Jonathan's best seller, serve no master. All you have to do is leave a five star review of this podcast. See you tomorrow. You just listen to another amazing episode of the serve. No master podcast. Make sure to subscribe, and we're back tomorrow with another amazing episode.